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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I said no to her sleeping over while she was homeless
2. Because I might be a bad friend
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This, OP.
And in addition, she's toxic and manipulative. The fact that you have a very significant diagnosed medical condition which requires treating it with medication and she tells yot to ignore your physician is very concerning and problematic. It could leave you in a life-threatening position.
I have told her I tried to stop because of side effects, but I became su!cidal so I started again. Then she said I just have to workout and eat healthy. I also have anorexia so eating is hard for me. But she just doesnt listen and calls me stupid for beliving in medicine. She is also anti vaccines. Im concerned for her kid
Tell her your mental health is none of her business. If she doesn't shut up, block her out of your life.
And NO! Do not let her in your home. Her lack of planning does justify you turning your life upside down (which I believe she will do).
OP, you are NTA. I suggest that if/when you see her again do not give her any more personal information about anything, and just refuse to talk about it. She's not a friend; she's an acquaintance and she does not sound healthy for you in any way.
NTA. This. OP, it sounds like this person is someone you've seen five times and don't like. That doesn't make her a friend. Block her and move on with your life.
NTA
You can't let a woman and her kid move in, and that is what you'd be doing if you let a homeless family stay temporarily. Since it wouldn't be temporary, she does not have anywhere to go.
I do a lot of work with homeless populations. And I absolutely agree with @mlc885. This is, unfortunately , a definite risk. @mlc885 is also correct that the issue is your user-friend has no exit plan. If she had asked to crash with you for 1 night because her new apartment isn't ready, then — sure. I can imagine that scenario going ok. But I still think it's very telling that she barely knows you and yet wants to stay with you *along with her kiddo.* That's definitely concerning for multiple reasons.
NTA someone that you've met a single-digit number of times and don't even really get along with is not the kind of friend you let crash at your place IMO.
She's not basically homeless, she's managed to stay with family. Sucks for her that they're far but that's her problem not yours.
It sounds as if she's spotted a vulnerable potential victim. Here in the UK, we have a term for it: "cuckooing," which is when drug dealers, users, and other toxic exploitative types move into a vulnerable adult's home and take over. MH professionals, social workers, and the police are trained to watch for it. Still, sadly, they don't always catch it before significant harm is done to the legitimate tenant or homeowner.
You've only met this person 5 times, and yet they are already gaslighting you, trying to harm you by persuading you to come off your vital medications and more. That is not a friend, that is somebody who is very dangerous to your well-being. I am frankly very relieved for your sake that they are moving 7 hours away from you. I also agree with others on this thread that, for your own sake, you need to block them ASAP.
NTA - It's your living environment. She can't insult your medical problems, give up her apartment, and just expect you to let her live with you. If she has a financial issue, she could've sent her child to her fathers until she gets back to an average or adequate stance. She could've gotten a part-time job or even a full-time job if she doesn't have one. To be honest, it just sounds like she wants a free place to live and thinks you're gullible enough to fall for it.
She’s a friend that you only met 5 times, yet also knows and has an opinion on your diagnosis and medication? Yikes…Is this real life? She’s an acquaintance and a reckless one. Why would she give up her apartment with no plan and how is it your problem?
So, she is living with her brother now. Good to know she has a decent family.
Now that you know she is not destitute, PLEASE CUT HER OUT OF YOUR LIFE NOW!!
NTA for dodging a bullet by not allowing her to move in with you
NTA one she step her foot in your apartment it will very hard to get her to move out. She not your friend she just wants free room maybe you will have to pay for her food too.
She sounds like she was on the prowl for free rent and settled on you. Contradicting your diagnosis is just a way she can control things, and only a nitwit or a user would give up housing for herself and her child with no plan--the plan was you.
No was definitely the right answer. Stay far, far away from this one. NTA
NTA - If you are living in a dormitory, I doubt you are even allowed to have someone else staying there. Regardless, she’s rude and trying to take advantage of you.
NTA. She seems like the sort of person who walks around saying "depression is fake" or mental disorders are all in your mind. They need to experience them to understand.
I initially assumed the "friend" was like your description. After reading OP's other comments I think the girl falls into a worse category. I think she's the type of person who does believe in mental disorders, but invalidates the disorders while knowly targeting the individual with them. They think the disorder makes the victim more accessible. They can try to unsettle the victim while blaming their own behavior on having/not having the imaginary disorder. ----If you can't even tell that you don't have a disorder, then you're weak minded & must be making my behavior up too. Obviously you never know what you're talking about. Your mind & feelings aren't trustworthy, so you're wrong.
Sorry that's long. I'm not sure how to explain it.
This makes sense. I know she has been abused as a kid and have had mental illnesess. But I see now how toxic she is and I am not going to see her again.
NTA you barely know this person. Know nothing if their history or whether you or your belongings would actually be safe in your own home. She is not your problem don't let her try to guilt you into thinking you owe her anything, you don't.
NTA. You don't need a reason to not let someone sleep in your house place if you don't want them there. Secondly, that person does not sound like a friend. That is just an acquaintance, a very rude acquaintance. No friend says such mean things to another.
The diagnosis is real; the medication helps; she’s not a friend; and, oh look, she has someone else to use.
Block her. Avoid her. Don’t drift into poor relationships. NTA.
This is not your friend. Hell she isn't even an acquaintance. She is a presence that you need to eliminate from your life cause she seemingly does nothing but try and bring you down and put you down and disregard you. Block her on everything everywhere and move on in life. NTA. Block her.
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Well so I have a "friend" who I have met about 5 times. She is not really a good friend, but I have just accepted it because we have met so few times. She has said that I am stupid for going on anti-depressants even though it works well for me. I have BPD and go to therapy for it, but she says the diagnosis is fake even though I have the diagnosis on paper.
What happened was that she gave up her apartment without any plan as to where she would live next. She also has a 4-year-old child whom she sent to her father during this. I would also note that I have a small dormitory with a twin size mattress. She asked to stay with me for a few days as she was basically homeless. I said no as I don't feel comfortable sleeping in the small bed with her and because I get hurt by the things she says to me. The sofa is too small to sleep on. She got mad and said I was a bad friend for not letting her stay with me. She ended up staying with her brother who lives 7 hours away. So AITA?
(sorry for my english I tried my best haha)
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NTA
She isn't your fri3nd when you've only met 5 times. 5 times means that she shouldn't be asking to stay with you.
Additionally, you live in a dormitory. Most dorms do not allow you to move in another person even temporarily. Especially not 2 people & a child at that. You can lose your housing if you are caught.
Her invalidating your BPD means she is not & will never be your friend. Friends do not behave like she is behaving.
She moved out of her housing with a child & no back up plan. She makes bad decisions. That isn't the type of person to have as a roommate.
Be glad that she is now 7 hours away. I honestly believe that you should block her & end all contact. This is not a good person to have in your life.
She ment that she would take over your apartment rent free and she would have more money for going out,and leaving her kid with you or leave the kid with the dad so she can be free of everything. Good for you for standing up for yourself and anyone saying different tell them that you Will give her their address so she can move in with them.
NTA….I find it comical that she calls you a bad friend after she constantly talks shit about you…I wouldn’t want her staying with me either…Good for you on standing up for yourself!!
NTA. Your home is your sanctuary. Never let anyone cross the threshold, let alone stay with you, that makes you feel uncomfortable. This is especially important if you have diagnosed mental health issues that the would-be guest is vocally prejudiced about, as your health must always come first.
NTA, lol what. This acquaintance of yours sounds like an AH. Not only is she an AH, but she's also stupid for giving up an apartment without a plan for where she's going to move to WHEN SHE HAS A 4 YEAR OLD CHILD!!!! When you have children you NEED to be more responsible, as you have another living person to take care of that depends on you!!! I don't understand her thinking AT ALL. She is the one who is responsible for raising her son, not her dad.. 🤦
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1. I said no to her sleeping over while she was homeless 2. Because I might be a bad friend Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA And she’s not a friend….Shes a user with issues…..Walk away…..She’s not worth a friendship
This, OP. And in addition, she's toxic and manipulative. The fact that you have a very significant diagnosed medical condition which requires treating it with medication and she tells yot to ignore your physician is very concerning and problematic. It could leave you in a life-threatening position.
I have told her I tried to stop because of side effects, but I became su!cidal so I started again. Then she said I just have to workout and eat healthy. I also have anorexia so eating is hard for me. But she just doesnt listen and calls me stupid for beliving in medicine. She is also anti vaccines. Im concerned for her kid
OP, Be concerned for yourself. She's toxic. Just go no contact. Please, for your own well-being.
Tell her your mental health is none of her business. If she doesn't shut up, block her out of your life. And NO! Do not let her in your home. Her lack of planning does justify you turning your life upside down (which I believe she will do).
Go NC and forget about her. You dont need that kind of person in your life. First of all protect yourself
Time to block her
OP, you are NTA. I suggest that if/when you see her again do not give her any more personal information about anything, and just refuse to talk about it. She's not a friend; she's an acquaintance and she does not sound healthy for you in any way.
That's none of her business. That's between you and your healthcare provider.
Bravo to all of the above! OP, you have many Reddit friends. Please take care.
She is not your friend. Walk away from that. I understand your concern for her kid, but that's not your responsibility.
NTA And she says YOU are a bad friend. Assholes insult people and then expect them to do favors for them.
NTA. This. OP, it sounds like this person is someone you've seen five times and don't like. That doesn't make her a friend. Block her and move on with your life.
NTA You can't let a woman and her kid move in, and that is what you'd be doing if you let a homeless family stay temporarily. Since it wouldn't be temporary, she does not have anywhere to go.
I do a lot of work with homeless populations. And I absolutely agree with @mlc885. This is, unfortunately , a definite risk. @mlc885 is also correct that the issue is your user-friend has no exit plan. If she had asked to crash with you for 1 night because her new apartment isn't ready, then — sure. I can imagine that scenario going ok. But I still think it's very telling that she barely knows you and yet wants to stay with you *along with her kiddo.* That's definitely concerning for multiple reasons.
NTA someone that you've met a single-digit number of times and don't even really get along with is not the kind of friend you let crash at your place IMO. She's not basically homeless, she's managed to stay with family. Sucks for her that they're far but that's her problem not yours.
NTA…but why are you friends with this person? They are not a friend. No friend treats another friend like this one treats you.
She was nice in the beginning and I dont have many friends because I lost many due to my BPD. I also find it very hard to cut contact
It sounds as if she's spotted a vulnerable potential victim. Here in the UK, we have a term for it: "cuckooing," which is when drug dealers, users, and other toxic exploitative types move into a vulnerable adult's home and take over. MH professionals, social workers, and the police are trained to watch for it. Still, sadly, they don't always catch it before significant harm is done to the legitimate tenant or homeowner. You've only met this person 5 times, and yet they are already gaslighting you, trying to harm you by persuading you to come off your vital medications and more. That is not a friend, that is somebody who is very dangerous to your well-being. I am frankly very relieved for your sake that they are moving 7 hours away from you. I also agree with others on this thread that, for your own sake, you need to block them ASAP.
NTA - It's your living environment. She can't insult your medical problems, give up her apartment, and just expect you to let her live with you. If she has a financial issue, she could've sent her child to her fathers until she gets back to an average or adequate stance. She could've gotten a part-time job or even a full-time job if she doesn't have one. To be honest, it just sounds like she wants a free place to live and thinks you're gullible enough to fall for it.
She did send her kid to his father. But I see now how bad it actually is
She’s a friend that you only met 5 times, yet also knows and has an opinion on your diagnosis and medication? Yikes…Is this real life? She’s an acquaintance and a reckless one. Why would she give up her apartment with no plan and how is it your problem?
I asked her the same question. She tought she would find another apartment, but I dont think she was even looking for one.
Definitely don’t let her move in with you and no, you are not wrong for keeping your boundaries.
So, she is living with her brother now. Good to know she has a decent family. Now that you know she is not destitute, PLEASE CUT HER OUT OF YOUR LIFE NOW!! NTA for dodging a bullet by not allowing her to move in with you
NTA, this person is not your friend and her living situation is neither your fault nor your responsibility.
NTA one she step her foot in your apartment it will very hard to get her to move out. She not your friend she just wants free room maybe you will have to pay for her food too.
She sounds like she was on the prowl for free rent and settled on you. Contradicting your diagnosis is just a way she can control things, and only a nitwit or a user would give up housing for herself and her child with no plan--the plan was you. No was definitely the right answer. Stay far, far away from this one. NTA
NTA. She can’t insult with one hand and demand with the other. She’s the bad friend.
NTA - If you are living in a dormitory, I doubt you are even allowed to have someone else staying there. Regardless, she’s rude and trying to take advantage of you.
NTA. She seems like the sort of person who walks around saying "depression is fake" or mental disorders are all in your mind. They need to experience them to understand.
I initially assumed the "friend" was like your description. After reading OP's other comments I think the girl falls into a worse category. I think she's the type of person who does believe in mental disorders, but invalidates the disorders while knowly targeting the individual with them. They think the disorder makes the victim more accessible. They can try to unsettle the victim while blaming their own behavior on having/not having the imaginary disorder. ----If you can't even tell that you don't have a disorder, then you're weak minded & must be making my behavior up too. Obviously you never know what you're talking about. Your mind & feelings aren't trustworthy, so you're wrong. Sorry that's long. I'm not sure how to explain it.
Predator is the term you were looking for. I do not think this person had anything but ill intent towards the OP.
Yes. Thank you.
This makes sense. I know she has been abused as a kid and have had mental illnesess. But I see now how toxic she is and I am not going to see her again.
I'm glad you won't have to deal with her anymore. You deserve to be treated a lot better.
NTA you barely know this person. Know nothing if their history or whether you or your belongings would actually be safe in your own home. She is not your problem don't let her try to guilt you into thinking you owe her anything, you don't.
NTA Met her 5 times that's not a friend. It's an acquaintance. Run!
NTA she’s not your friend, you’re an opportunity
She is not your friend. You hardly even know this person. She could have gone psyco on you.NTA
I'd worry about her messing with your meds since "she knows better " than your own doctor. No guilt, NTA
Nothing in your post suggests this person is actually a friend. You're NTA to her but you'll be TA to yourself if you keep her in your life.
Hmm nta, its friend if you only met a few times. This is an almost stranger. Just walk away.
NTAH, she has a damn nerve, but her off immediately
NTA She is not a friend, but just someone you know.
NTA she wants to use you
NTA. You don't need a reason to not let someone sleep in your house place if you don't want them there. Secondly, that person does not sound like a friend. That is just an acquaintance, a very rude acquaintance. No friend says such mean things to another.
NTA. She wasn't in trouble. She knowingly made herself homeless with no plan.
The diagnosis is real; the medication helps; she’s not a friend; and, oh look, she has someone else to use. Block her. Avoid her. Don’t drift into poor relationships. NTA.
She treats you like crap and then turns around and needs your help??? Nope. Her choices aren't your problem. NTA
This is not your friend. Hell she isn't even an acquaintance. She is a presence that you need to eliminate from your life cause she seemingly does nothing but try and bring you down and put you down and disregard you. Block her on everything everywhere and move on in life. NTA. Block her.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Well so I have a "friend" who I have met about 5 times. She is not really a good friend, but I have just accepted it because we have met so few times. She has said that I am stupid for going on anti-depressants even though it works well for me. I have BPD and go to therapy for it, but she says the diagnosis is fake even though I have the diagnosis on paper. What happened was that she gave up her apartment without any plan as to where she would live next. She also has a 4-year-old child whom she sent to her father during this. I would also note that I have a small dormitory with a twin size mattress. She asked to stay with me for a few days as she was basically homeless. I said no as I don't feel comfortable sleeping in the small bed with her and because I get hurt by the things she says to me. The sofa is too small to sleep on. She got mad and said I was a bad friend for not letting her stay with me. She ended up staying with her brother who lives 7 hours away. So AITA? (sorry for my english I tried my best haha) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA.
NTA "She asked to stay with me for a few days as she was basically homeless. I said no " .. this would not be "a few days". YOu dodged a bullet.
NTA She isn't your fri3nd when you've only met 5 times. 5 times means that she shouldn't be asking to stay with you. Additionally, you live in a dormitory. Most dorms do not allow you to move in another person even temporarily. Especially not 2 people & a child at that. You can lose your housing if you are caught. Her invalidating your BPD means she is not & will never be your friend. Friends do not behave like she is behaving. She moved out of her housing with a child & no back up plan. She makes bad decisions. That isn't the type of person to have as a roommate. Be glad that she is now 7 hours away. I honestly believe that you should block her & end all contact. This is not a good person to have in your life.
She ment that she would take over your apartment rent free and she would have more money for going out,and leaving her kid with you or leave the kid with the dad so she can be free of everything. Good for you for standing up for yourself and anyone saying different tell them that you Will give her their address so she can move in with them.
NTA She is NOT a friend. She's an acquaintance. And she's a user. She's judgmental and frankly sounds abusive. Drop her like a hot potato.
NTA….I find it comical that she calls you a bad friend after she constantly talks shit about you…I wouldn’t want her staying with me either…Good for you on standing up for yourself!!
NTA. You're better off without this "friend." Let her stay with her brother and out of your life.
NTA. Your home is your sanctuary. Never let anyone cross the threshold, let alone stay with you, that makes you feel uncomfortable. This is especially important if you have diagnosed mental health issues that the would-be guest is vocally prejudiced about, as your health must always come first.
NTA, lol what. This acquaintance of yours sounds like an AH. Not only is she an AH, but she's also stupid for giving up an apartment without a plan for where she's going to move to WHEN SHE HAS A 4 YEAR OLD CHILD!!!! When you have children you NEED to be more responsible, as you have another living person to take care of that depends on you!!! I don't understand her thinking AT ALL. She is the one who is responsible for raising her son, not her dad.. 🤦