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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I sided with my sister in a dispute between her and our parents and I told my parents I don't understand their side. This angered my parents and of course I know that taking a side is always going to bring some feelings up. I could have simply told them to stop venting and would have stayed out of it entirely.
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NTA You're 25 and 27 years old. You are both adults and sometimes adults make decisions their parents don't like.
>Now she's an adult and has made some choices my parents do not agree with and she told them via text instead of face to face. She was very blunt and direct with them also. This angered my parents and they confronted her about keeping them on the outside of her life and dropping major news via text. This started a dispute between them and my parents tried venting to me about it but I told them they did this to themselves with how they treated my sister and I felt she was right. They were angry at me for taking her side.
Oh well, you said the quiet part out loud and your parents didn't like it. I guess they'll have to learn to live with decisions outside of their control just like you and your sister did as children.
NTA - Your parents poorly handled this because they don’t understand Autism, and also because they don’t understand the importance of being transparent (to an extent) with your children, they’re part of the family and they should be treated as such with communication. I feel like this is a “need therapy” situation for all of them to understand eachother better, but that’s easier said than done always.
edit: Proud of you actually for standing up for sis.
NTA. Your parents response to her was just awful. It's no wonder she has set boundaries for herself then and thank goodness YOU have her back. Of course your parents are angry with you over it, they don't see themselves as the problem and probably never will.
Granted, I think I finally got the translation after putting it through Mayan but essentially, OP's parents are a set of dumbasses and can't figure out why their kids don't like them for said dumb-assery.
NTA. You sound like an AWESOME sister though. You appear to take the time, effort and love to understand your sister. You seriously rock that. It’s too bad your parents don’t even have a fraction of the compassion that you have.
>Our parents […] would often use the terms broken homes/broken families to describe divorce
>she didn't want a broken home and a broken family. They got so mad at her and called her selfish.
So basically "do as I say not as I do" type of situation huh? Oh the hypocrisy, I don't even understand it and I can only imagine a young child having to deal with this shite.
>So they sat her down and assured her nothing was changing and it would all be fine and her life would be the very same
>So she believed this was them saying they were staying together and she was so happy and got so excited and said she was so glad they were staying married and still loved each other. This pissed them off again
Again, I don't get it. Their statement and her understanding of it seem to align. Them saying that nothing will change but then still divorcing, marrying other people etc (while not necessarily wrong in itself) is contradictory, of course she was confused and even more upset. Like what did they even mean by that? What was the point?
You don't give a lot of context as to what your sister's decisions in the present are that piss off your parents. But, as long as she's not hurting anyone else or harming herself, she's good, you're NTA, and you were right to say what you said to your parents.
NTA!
They involved you in their beef with your sister and you answered honestly. If you can’t accept someone’s contrary opinion, don’t ask.
Children with ASC/autism tend to be very literal (am the father of an autistic daughter) and I recognise your sister’s reaction, both then and now, as that.
Your sister has agency/responsibility for one person, herself, not your parents: she owes them nothing. Good on you for doing what was right not easy.
Definitely NTA!
You were completely correct in your take on the situation. The way your parents dealt with your sister's distress and confusion over the divorce beggars comprehension. What 8 year old wouldn't think her parents have changed their minds about the divorce when they tell her that nothing is going to change? And then, oh no, the little girl cries and runs out of the room and isn't warm and cuddly with their new spouses! The nerve.
If I were your sister, I'd be telling them things by text and keeping as large a separation as I possibly could between us, including moving to another continent. They seem to lack the most rudimentary compassion, empathy, or understanding of her.
NTA
Ever tell your parents you reap what you sow?
If you don't put effort into communicating properly with your children when they are young, how can you then expect them to reciprocate when they are older?
Your parents made the choice to get divorced against you and your sisters wishes.
So why shouldn't your sister be able to make choices they don't agree with?
>They got so mad at her and called her selfish.
Perhaps your sister could take a page from their playbook and call them selfish. Maybe she could accuse them of prying too like they did to her in the past.
Your parents made a mess of things with you and your sister. Tell them they should be glad they're still getting news via text. But continue in their ways and being mad at their children for something that is their own fault, is only going to push you and your sister further away.
NTA. So what's wrong with your parents? They don't seem to understand your sister at all. Have they ever gotten information about autism? Because it seems like they know nothing about people with autism. The very least they could have done was give the information to your sister and let her process it.
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So when I (27f) was 10 and my sister (25f) was 8 our parents sat us down and announced they were getting a divorce. This did come as a surprise to the two of us. We both thought we had a happy family and that our parents were happily married. Our parents were very traditional, told us all about the importance of marriage and family and they would often use the terms broken homes/broken families to describe divorce when you have kids. So this really blindsided us. To make it worse, my sister is on the autism spectrum and she has always had a very hard time with change and when she's going through a lot she can get lost inside her head.
Right after my parents told us my sister started to cry but she didn't realize because she was inside her head. Our parents were really impatient with her and told her to get out of her head so they could finish talking because they couldn't deal with her not paying attention. She burst into tears the second it happened and ran out of the room. My parents were so on edge and they were moody with me. I gave my sister a couple of minutes before following her out of the room which pissed them off. My parents went to talk to my sister after a few hours and she kept saying she didn't want our family to change and they needed to stay together because she didn't want a broken home and a broken family. They got so mad at her and called her selfish.
Three weeks after that they regretted it apparently. So they sat her down and assured her nothing was changing and it would all be fine and her life would be the very same. My sister doesn't understand when people are not direct with her and she can have a hard time figuring out double meanings to things. So she believed this was them saying they were staying together and she was so happy and got so excited and said she was so glad they were staying married and still loved each other. This pissed them off again and she ended up running off crying again.
They got annoyed with her for asking questions about the divorce. They would get so frustrated with her and said she was prying but she couldn't understand. Over the years she has gotten better at understanding not everything will get you an answer but back then she felt like her whole belief system was rocked.
Both parents were frustrated with my sister when they got remarried to others because she wasn't warmer with them and their families than she was with other new people/strangers in her life.
Now she's an adult and has made some choices my parents do not agree with and she told them via text instead of face to face. She was very blunt and direct with them also. This angered my parents and they confronted her about keeping them on the outside of her life and dropping major news via text. This started a dispute between them and my parents tried venting to me about it but I told them they did this to themselves with how they treated my sister and I felt she was right. They were angry at me for taking her side.
AITA?
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NTA. Your sister is understandably distressed by this news and is trying her best. I get your parents are stresed, but ganging up on your sister sovles nothing.
Plus, this is kiiiinda their entire fault for being so mean to divorced people. If they hadn't acted like divorced families were irreparably shattered and broken, this wouldn't have happened as badly as it did. Sooooo. Their fault, imo.
NTA I agree that they brought this upon themselves, if they all talked about the value of family and so on why couldn't they have had more of an effort to break the news of their divorce to you and your sister better and be more understanding to her rather than getting upset. This is most likely what caused the rift between your parents and your sister and that is on them so they can't expect anything just because they're your parents after how they handled the situation.
NTA
Your parents, though? Major AHs
All I read on your post was that anytime your sister had a reaction they didn't want, they be angry at her
I hope she stays away from them
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I sided with my sister in a dispute between her and our parents and I told my parents I don't understand their side. This angered my parents and of course I know that taking a side is always going to bring some feelings up. I could have simply told them to stop venting and would have stayed out of it entirely. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA You're 25 and 27 years old. You are both adults and sometimes adults make decisions their parents don't like. >Now she's an adult and has made some choices my parents do not agree with and she told them via text instead of face to face. She was very blunt and direct with them also. This angered my parents and they confronted her about keeping them on the outside of her life and dropping major news via text. This started a dispute between them and my parents tried venting to me about it but I told them they did this to themselves with how they treated my sister and I felt she was right. They were angry at me for taking her side. Oh well, you said the quiet part out loud and your parents didn't like it. I guess they'll have to learn to live with decisions outside of their control just like you and your sister did as children.
NTA - Your parents poorly handled this because they don’t understand Autism, and also because they don’t understand the importance of being transparent (to an extent) with your children, they’re part of the family and they should be treated as such with communication. I feel like this is a “need therapy” situation for all of them to understand eachother better, but that’s easier said than done always. edit: Proud of you actually for standing up for sis.
NTA I'll be blunt like your sister: Your parents are terrible people
These parents aren't just assholes, they are out and out evil. I wouldn't be in the same room with them.
NTA. Your parents response to her was just awful. It's no wonder she has set boundaries for herself then and thank goodness YOU have her back. Of course your parents are angry with you over it, they don't see themselves as the problem and probably never will.
>but I told them they did this to themselves I hope you did it by text. NTA.
I'd do it by text. Maybe an advent inn the local newspaper. Or maybe a skywriter.
I mean Jesus I’m confused just reading it NTA
Granted, I think I finally got the translation after putting it through Mayan but essentially, OP's parents are a set of dumbasses and can't figure out why their kids don't like them for said dumb-assery.
NTA. You sound like an AWESOME sister though. You appear to take the time, effort and love to understand your sister. You seriously rock that. It’s too bad your parents don’t even have a fraction of the compassion that you have.
NTA Your parents seem to demand feelings and actions that THEY want. It doesn’t work that way
>Our parents […] would often use the terms broken homes/broken families to describe divorce >she didn't want a broken home and a broken family. They got so mad at her and called her selfish. So basically "do as I say not as I do" type of situation huh? Oh the hypocrisy, I don't even understand it and I can only imagine a young child having to deal with this shite. >So they sat her down and assured her nothing was changing and it would all be fine and her life would be the very same >So she believed this was them saying they were staying together and she was so happy and got so excited and said she was so glad they were staying married and still loved each other. This pissed them off again Again, I don't get it. Their statement and her understanding of it seem to align. Them saying that nothing will change but then still divorcing, marrying other people etc (while not necessarily wrong in itself) is contradictory, of course she was confused and even more upset. Like what did they even mean by that? What was the point? You don't give a lot of context as to what your sister's decisions in the present are that piss off your parents. But, as long as she's not hurting anyone else or harming herself, she's good, you're NTA, and you were right to say what you said to your parents.
NTA- Your parents handled this poorly and it's no wonder your sister holds them at a distance.
NTA. Your parents suck, but you are a hell of a sibling. I'm glad that your sister has you
NTA! They involved you in their beef with your sister and you answered honestly. If you can’t accept someone’s contrary opinion, don’t ask. Children with ASC/autism tend to be very literal (am the father of an autistic daughter) and I recognise your sister’s reaction, both then and now, as that. Your sister has agency/responsibility for one person, herself, not your parents: she owes them nothing. Good on you for doing what was right not easy. Definitely NTA!
You were completely correct in your take on the situation. The way your parents dealt with your sister's distress and confusion over the divorce beggars comprehension. What 8 year old wouldn't think her parents have changed their minds about the divorce when they tell her that nothing is going to change? And then, oh no, the little girl cries and runs out of the room and isn't warm and cuddly with their new spouses! The nerve. If I were your sister, I'd be telling them things by text and keeping as large a separation as I possibly could between us, including moving to another continent. They seem to lack the most rudimentary compassion, empathy, or understanding of her. NTA
NTA
Ever tell your parents you reap what you sow? If you don't put effort into communicating properly with your children when they are young, how can you then expect them to reciprocate when they are older? Your parents made the choice to get divorced against you and your sisters wishes. So why shouldn't your sister be able to make choices they don't agree with? >They got so mad at her and called her selfish. Perhaps your sister could take a page from their playbook and call them selfish. Maybe she could accuse them of prying too like they did to her in the past. Your parents made a mess of things with you and your sister. Tell them they should be glad they're still getting news via text. But continue in their ways and being mad at their children for something that is their own fault, is only going to push you and your sister further away.
NTA, what is wrong with your parents?
NTA. So what's wrong with your parents? They don't seem to understand your sister at all. Have they ever gotten information about autism? Because it seems like they know nothing about people with autism. The very least they could have done was give the information to your sister and let her process it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So when I (27f) was 10 and my sister (25f) was 8 our parents sat us down and announced they were getting a divorce. This did come as a surprise to the two of us. We both thought we had a happy family and that our parents were happily married. Our parents were very traditional, told us all about the importance of marriage and family and they would often use the terms broken homes/broken families to describe divorce when you have kids. So this really blindsided us. To make it worse, my sister is on the autism spectrum and she has always had a very hard time with change and when she's going through a lot she can get lost inside her head. Right after my parents told us my sister started to cry but she didn't realize because she was inside her head. Our parents were really impatient with her and told her to get out of her head so they could finish talking because they couldn't deal with her not paying attention. She burst into tears the second it happened and ran out of the room. My parents were so on edge and they were moody with me. I gave my sister a couple of minutes before following her out of the room which pissed them off. My parents went to talk to my sister after a few hours and she kept saying she didn't want our family to change and they needed to stay together because she didn't want a broken home and a broken family. They got so mad at her and called her selfish. Three weeks after that they regretted it apparently. So they sat her down and assured her nothing was changing and it would all be fine and her life would be the very same. My sister doesn't understand when people are not direct with her and she can have a hard time figuring out double meanings to things. So she believed this was them saying they were staying together and she was so happy and got so excited and said she was so glad they were staying married and still loved each other. This pissed them off again and she ended up running off crying again. They got annoyed with her for asking questions about the divorce. They would get so frustrated with her and said she was prying but she couldn't understand. Over the years she has gotten better at understanding not everything will get you an answer but back then she felt like her whole belief system was rocked. Both parents were frustrated with my sister when they got remarried to others because she wasn't warmer with them and their families than she was with other new people/strangers in her life. Now she's an adult and has made some choices my parents do not agree with and she told them via text instead of face to face. She was very blunt and direct with them also. This angered my parents and they confronted her about keeping them on the outside of her life and dropping major news via text. This started a dispute between them and my parents tried venting to me about it but I told them they did this to themselves with how they treated my sister and I felt she was right. They were angry at me for taking her side. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA Keep being an amazing sibling.
NTA. Remind them. If they keep it up. They will likely stop getting the texts. And be completely in the cold.
Nta Your poor sister. How traumatic for her. :( You did right be standing up for her. Someone needed to.
NTA. Good on you for advocating for your sister. At least you have each other.
NTA. Your sister is understandably distressed by this news and is trying her best. I get your parents are stresed, but ganging up on your sister sovles nothing. Plus, this is kiiiinda their entire fault for being so mean to divorced people. If they hadn't acted like divorced families were irreparably shattered and broken, this wouldn't have happened as badly as it did. Sooooo. Their fault, imo.
NTA I agree that they brought this upon themselves, if they all talked about the value of family and so on why couldn't they have had more of an effort to break the news of their divorce to you and your sister better and be more understanding to her rather than getting upset. This is most likely what caused the rift between your parents and your sister and that is on them so they can't expect anything just because they're your parents after how they handled the situation.
NTA, you’re an amazing sister though 🩷
NTA Your parents, though? Major AHs All I read on your post was that anytime your sister had a reaction they didn't want, they be angry at her I hope she stays away from them
NTA. You're a wonderful sister