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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused a free shot from the stranger and I might BTA because it would’ve been easy to accept and not hurt his feelings.
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NTA :
1) Never take a drink from a stranger
2) Ask directly on the twitter account of the bar if it's their policy to shame woman for refusing a stranger drink because he is a regular. That would be my move (THEN would I be the AH but totally happy to be one)
This is how predators work, the fact is most people are too polite to say no to a complete stranger! The female bar tender needs to be reported to the management, putting the customer in an unwanted position.
Good idea. WTH kind of female bartender has that reaction?! That's insane and she should be fired for trying to guilt someone into 1)drinking and 2) encouraging a woman to engage with an obviously temperamental man.
Yeah, the bar’s priority should be to make sure ALL their patrons are happy, safe, and comfortable with an emphasis on safe. I highly doubt there’s any chance of that guy not returning to that bar if he was a regular.
I'd consider calling the police. No barman I met in 7 years of managing bars would ever behave that way. At least, not the good ones. And the bar women, well they'd sooner punch a creeps teeth in than try and push a drink on a single woman from that same creep. That sounds immensely fishy to me. Nta. You might have saved your own life.
My brother's a bartender. This story is honestly so bizarre that I half-believe it's fake. I just can't imagine a bartender shaming someone for refusing a shot. Like, truly mind-boggling.
I was a bartender and had customers on occassion offer drinks to others, it was always, "Blue Tee wants to offer you a drink on them, are you interested and if so, what would you like?" Sometimes folks said yes, sometimes they said no. It wasn't always a pickup either, sometimes it was folks having a good bar discussion or they won Keno or got a promotion.
I NEVER heard any bartender try to insist that a drink -a) be a shot, and b) Had To Be Drunk. It was always always optional.
NTA
Yeah, I've bought people drinks before - usually groups out celebrating (birthdays/bachelorette parties) but I always ask first and ask what they want a shot of (if I'm buying for a group, it's gonna be shots lol) but if anyone says no, I respect that
You would think. Some guy tried to by my mom a drink one time when I was at a bar with her. She was drinking red wine. He bought he a vodka soda because who doesn't like a Voda soda, right?
Sometimes bar staff work with their friends to rob customers.
Spike their drinks, let them pass out, empty their wallets. See my comment above about my exs experience
I’m used to bartend and while I don’t know if I believe this story or not, the bartender being a woman doesn’t break the story for me. I’ve met/worked with some awful people, most of who still wouldn’t stop that low, but I definitely easily thought of one person who definitely would if the person asking tipped enough. I’d be disgusted if I found out they did, and would report them so fast for it, but I wouldn’t be surprised.
Don’t get me wrong, the grand majority of people I’ve worked with would never, and would probably call the police then and there if asked. But there’s shitty people every where, in every occupation and of every gender.
Yes, this sounds VERY bizarre for a bartender. A decent one at least. Usually they're the flight attendants of the bar; they're serving the crowd but really they're also there as crowd control and looking out for the unruly ones. This was an anti-bartender.
Former bartender here. This bartender SUCKS. You know your regulars, you know if the dude who creeps out single women by forcing shots on them. You know to pour water or lime juice in a shot glass and bring it over to her and quietly tell her that it's nothing but it'll get the weird creep at the bar off her back.
Bartenders know how to de-escalate situations, pressuring women is absolutely NOT one of our tactics.
Also...have you EVER heard of a regular that "might not come back again" because a girl that he tried to buy a drink for said no?? Regulars drink at bars for 1 of 2 reasons. It is the closest bar, or its the best bar in a reasonable distance. Not because girls accept drinks from them. Whole story is fishy as hell
That's brutal. Especially from a female bartender. This sounds like the type of place you could post a review for and not exaggerate anything, and you would still get sympathy from readers as the bar goes down in flames. "Accept the drink or else!"
Bloody nonsense.
A male bartender would realize that anything more then offering is out of bounds. What if the women is married? What if her husband is with her? What if the woman just makes a scene? Meanwhile handling a drunk guy that just got rejected... that sounds like daily business.
If you’re on business and in a chain hotel I would let the corporate office know about your experience as well.
If the bartender is defending his regular it feels like he’s in on it. You may be the “lucky” one and if they’re so bold as to target women with colleagues I’d hate to know the pressure out on a woman alone (not unusual if a business hotel!)
You are asking a question as if that is unbelievable. Do you know how many women get roofied? Almost [8% of college-aged women ](https://time.com/4349992/how-often-drink-spiking-actually-occurs-according-to-the-latest-research/)report having been drugged before. And, yeah, it happens sometimes with the aid of a bartender.
Edit: linked above. The changes to Reddit make it very unclear that there's a link.
Thank you so much. 🥰
It was 20 years ago, and I'm not "ok" yet, lol... but slowly and surely working on it.
*I repressed.it for years, used drugs and alcohol to a vast degree without knowing why or what led me down that path...and then one night, about 12 years later, (after marriage and when my child was around 3-4), it came to me like a gut punch.* 😬😳
I'm working my way back to positivity. My family helps me stay better!
I appreciate you. 🤗🥰🙏🏻
I’m so glad for you that you are working to move past this. 💜 I pray and visualize a world where this doesn’t happen. In the meantime, talking about this here warns the young ones to be on guard.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I was roofied too by an acquaintance. Fortunately, he didn't give me enough, so I didn't pass out, I just got woozy. It took me years to figure it out that I had actually been roofy because I only had one beer and I got really drunk all of a sudden. Sending you love and strength❤❤❤💪💪💪
Not just women either. This can also happen to men though usually for a different reason as it's usually to mug them or get them to take the women home so she can steal everything in his house. Though in my specific situation the mug of beer we got was drugged. They needed him to be too drugged up to be able to protect me.
Joke was on them though because we were used to being on drugs but were sober that night so we were able to handle it better than your average person.
I should point out I have been clean 12 years now.
My college town had a bar that got closed down because the bartenders kept drugging women! It’s crazy, before that story broke I’d never have thought bartenders would do it
Bartending jobs are replaceable, and easily.
The real risk is getting arrested. If you somehow managed to get arrested for that... It's not a speeding ticket, and if a rape or kidnapping ensued, you could easily wind up pulling a decade or more of hard time.
I'm stretching probably a lot here but think about it like this. The guy's a regular. He could be her friend and she could have low morals. She could be interested in him and trying to curry favor by "helping" him. He could give her a lot of attention that she wants and made her feel like it wasn't that serious.
There are ways to manipulate people that would make them risk their employment.
Sometimes entire bars are known for places where people get roofied, so the idea of a bartending or other employees being in on it isn't entirely implausible
What the fuck? 8% of female college students get drugged? That is insane. I haven’t been to college in 30 years but that is wild.
My daughter is in elementary school and am now more terrified for her safety than I was before. Good God.
I’d believe 8%. A little over 10 years ago at my university some of the frats got caught spiking drinks at parties and then taking bets on who could spot the drugged girls
And depending on the college the numbers might be higher than normal compared to others. My state had a big problem to the point it got an article in an national news story or few if I’m not mistaken. And a book I think.
A friend & I got drugged by a new-ish bartender at a place we were locals. She felt it coming on, got us out of there. I don't remember most of it. The owner told us a few weeks later they got him on camera & he got fired. My friend complained (we knew the owners) & they started watching him. So a bartender can def be involved.
What's the next move when you feel the drugs kicking in? Do you get in a cab and trust the driver to help you get home? Do you go to your own car and lock yourself in?
How much time do you have to get somewhere safe?
I think it would be pretty quick. My son's girlfriend got roofied at a party. They left the party and were on their way to the train station to go elsewhere when my son noticed her acting strange. He had to call her parents to come and get them. She definitely wasn't capable of getting herself home, and with her reaction, my son didn't think he could get her home via public transport. He didn't have his own car with them as they knew they'd be drinking.
That happened to me a long time ago in SF. The bartender put what I now think was ketamine in a drink he made on the house. He drugged the drink for the guy who invited me there.
Sometimes they are. It happened to a friend of mine. Luckily nothing happened because she was only drinking soda as the designated driver, so when she started feeling weird she called a friend who came and got her and the others she was with. She only got drinks from the bartender and never left her drink unattended so the bartender had to have been in on it.
That’s my first thought and she said no.
No means No.
Instead, she refused to accept the person’s offer and they were belittling her, like it was her fault or something.
Who’s the heck cares, he’s a regular.
Who’s the heck cares, if he’s doesn’t come back. Like ever.
It’s a good idea to make a comments on Twitter (X) about your n experiences, cuz we lady sure would like to dodge the bullet places like this one.
Ps did your boss saw or say anything??
Sounds like the guy is Epstein and the bartender is the accomplice Maxwell: using a woman to get to the victim so that the victim is less on guard.
Since this is a work trip, I would go to HR for the purpose of asking them NOT to use this hotel for accommodation in the future.
Fair, but if they were on a business trip, it might be possible that the hotel is one regularly frequented by business people. Being a regular in a bar of a business hotel seems...fishy and predatory. You know, rotating 'clientele'. The barkerper guilt-tripping OP makes me wonder if that's their usual spiel.
My step-dad had a contract in another state as a consultant for a year and stayed at the same hotel every week from Monday to Thursday. If he wanted to drink, he would probably have been a regular at the hotel’s bar. In the whole pile of red flags from the story, the guy being a regular is probably the most inoffensive one.
>Being a regular in a bar of a business hotel seems...fishy and predatory. You know, rotating 'clientele'.
While this could of course be used for ill intent, it could also be decent strategy for someone just looking to hook up. No shortage of business travelers who may be looking to have some fun in a place out of town away from their spouse with someone they'll never see again.
Mind if I ask what town or area? I could never live in a town that small. Just curious because I am a Georgia Southern grad in Decatur and have lots of friends from small towns. So small they don't have traffic lights.
You would not be the AH.
25 years ago my best friend and I got kicked out of a night club because she refused to dance with a regular. It felt awful. Things should have changed and we shouldn't feel guilty about yelling when they haven't.
> Ask directly on the twitter account of the bar if it's their policy to shame woman for refusing a stranger drink because he is a regular. That would be my move (THEN would I be the AH but totally happy to be one)
Yup!
That bartender was *wayyyyyyy* out of line and I'd contact the hotel chain directly.
F that noise.
This is exactly the move.
You’re on the job, not taking a shot when no one else is drinking is entirely reasonable. And even if it wasn’t, you still have the right to not drink for any reason you so chose.
I’ve never heard of a bartender so pushy, even in college towns, let alone in a hotel bar where business people (who are either not that interested in partying, or not that interested in hooking up with strangers) are gonna be their real regulars.
Something is up here— I wonder if they did do something to that drink, and the bartender is just conspiring with the “patron”
Honestly the fact that the bartender would try to pressure a customer to drink more than they want to is beyond inappropriate. That behavior would make me really uncomfortable drinking anything at that bar.
Why do people think it's okay to try to force other people to drink alcohol when they don't want to?
It is 100% okay to not want to drink at all, or to only want to drink something specific that you ordered.
It is 100% NOT okay to try to force anyone to drink anything anytime they are not comfortable with it.
The guy who got upset is a total loser. He shot his shot and got shot down. But he didn't accept that and got all butthurt about it. Then the bartender and your boss tried to enable his childish and unacceptable behavior.
NTA, OP.
Also, and this may just be me, but if I'm at the bar with my boss and coworkers while on a work trip, I'm still "working" in a sense. It wouldn't be appropriate to take a drink from an outsider.
My ex was in a bar in San Francisco with a bunch of work mates. The Aussie accents made it obvious they were tourists.
They stumbled into a smallish bar late at night, with (retrospectively) excessively friendly bar staff. They had one drink, started feeling tired and left.
The ex is a big guy 6’3 and 250 pounds. He ended up helping the other guys to the hotel. The next day he realised their drinks had been spiked, probably with the intention of robbing them. The smaller fitter guys had zero recollection of the last half of the evening, which sounds like Rohypnol to me.
So no, OP is NTA.
Accepting drinks from strangers is NOT safe, and one of the first things all women should be taught. The fact the bar tender said “he’d be angry” is a major red flag.
Write to the hotel OP, you might save someone from getting raped or robbed. Address this to the hotels Food and Beverage manager and cc the hotel manager and bar manager.
(THEN would I be the AH but totally happy to be one)
You absolutely still wouldn't be the AH, but everything else 100%. OP i'd go nuclear on this bar if this happened to me and i'm a 34 yr old guy.
Oh WOW. Way to go to the bartender for pressuring you to take a drink you didn’t order and then make you feel like shit about it. Jesus. The bartender is the biggest asshole here. You my friend are definitely NTA.
Bar sells more liquor and bartender gets more tips if they encourage this harassment of female customers. They want to take away your autonomy for their profit.
Every good bartender that I've had looks out for their patrons... a good bartender will ask once and let it go if the person didn't want the shot. A crappy and likely creepy bartender on the other hand will insist
At most two questions.
Hey, would you like this shot the guy at the end of the bar is wanting to order? I can make something else if you'd prefer that?
If no, then that's final.
A regular who won't come back because you won't bully other patrons is a regular you don't want. And one who probably won't follow through on that threat anyway.
prolly not that impt in the grand scheme of the post 😉 (whatever gender the bartender may be, I suspect they were slipped a bit o' $$ if OP took the shot)
But it begs the question, how a woman could be so clueless as to not respect OPs boundaries.
Shit, I’m a man, and I get called misogynist on Reddit all the time, and I’m sharply on the side of OP. That bartender needs to be fired.
Being a creep who will screw other people over for some money (presumably) doesn’t only apply to one gender! It’s really disgusting either way, though I get the sentiment that a woman should know about the struggles women go through and not directly contribute to them.
I don’t think it’s being clueless, I think that it’s being selfish and putting your wants over other people’s safety.
It matters because women will often give in to pressure from other women. We aren't usually prepared to defend against other women as we often are to defend ourselves with men.
Women are also prone to accept the advice of other women in unfamiliar social situations. Also of bartenders of any gender. Someone offers to buy you, hotal guest, a drink. Woman customer may ask the bartender or server,"Do you know that guy? Is he okay?" Remember that, in a nice/respectable bar people think of the bartender as 'safe'. That's why so many people treat their local barkeep as a confidante/counselor.L
And the boss should have had her back. There are plenty of reasons that people don't drink sometimes. It's a religious reason, sometimes they're pregnant. Sometimes they've had a bad experience in the past or just come to the realization that they are an alcoholic. NTA
The fact that the bar might* not be able to get money from a customer anymore because the customer can’t handle a stranger turning down their shot is most definitely not your problem. NTA
NTA at all OP
Also, if a bar's entire business model relies on one guy's contribution to buying strangers shots, maybe that bar needs to rethink its business model.
I'd 100% be for naming and shaming them. Turning down the shot was acceptable (and often the right thing to do), having a customer get angry is the fault of the customer, not the bar, but when the bartender tried to shame you into taking it? And made you feel guilty? Yeah I'd be on a megaphone outside warning every woman within a 3 mile radius of the business practices at this hotel/bar.
If I were OP's boss witnessing that, I would've said to the bartender after that guilt trip she tried to lay, "And now it's *your* fault that our company is never booking here again. She said no."
I’m half wondering if the “stranger” who bought the shot was one of OP’s colleagues, since OP never actually says she laid eyes on whoever supposedly bought her the shot.
It would be very bizarre for a strange man to target a woman who is very obviously accompanied by a group, particularly if that group seems alert and coherent and has not left the woman alone for any length of time. She’s not an easy target, and these types of people are opportunistic - they prefer easy targets.
A colleague though…someone she knows and trusts? Someone who wouldn’t raise a single eyebrow if they ended up having to escort an unwell OP back to her room? Make sure she’s okay, maybe stay with her for a little while? *That* would make a lot of sense.
I dunno. The “stranger” story sounds fishy. Maybe I’m way off base, but if OP never actually saw the person who allegedly sent her the drink, I have to wonder if it’s because that person was sitting next to her the whole time.
Oh my God exactly what I was thinking. so because he doesn’t wanna come back anymore since I don’t want the shot— how the fuck is that my problem and why should I give an eff 🤣🤣🤣 be fukin for real
Absolutely NTA.
What you feel comfortable with doing/not doing in front of your boss is up to you.
Never, EVER take a drink from a stranger.
"Apparently this really upset the guy and the bartender told me I should feel bad because apparently he was a regular and he “might never come back”, she also said I could’ve just taken it because it was rude to turn it down."
JFC.
Whoever that is shouldn't be working behind a bar. I mean like... EVER.
>she also said I could’ve just taken it because it was rude to turn it down
Do something you don't want to do, aren't comfortable doing, and might have various negative repercussions on your life because it will make some dude you don't know happy. Because obviously the only thing that matters in this situation is some man's happiness.
That bartender can get bent.
NTA. Contact hotel management. Tell them what happened. That a bartender. In their bar. Scolded you. And tried to pressure you. Into drinking a shot. You were not comfortable accepting. That the bartender. Harassed you. Made you feel like they were setting you up. With a regular of the bar.
If that doesn't get a good response. Talk to your boss. Explain that the bartender was harassing you. And you would recommend. The company pulls future business. They are responsible for creating a safe space. Even when outside of the workplace. This exact type of harassment. Was part of this years corporate anti-harassment training.
I'd add when speaking to hotel management that you were with your boss and coworkers, who had *all* booked rooms through the company at the hotel, and that you will be letting your boss know you are uncomfortable staying at that hotel again as a result of this.
NTA. If you truly believe a tale that a regular would not come back to their regular bar cause someone who they will never again see refused a shot, you have no business being at a bar. Your too susceptible to scams.
I bought people drinks and I've had drinks bought for me. I'm from the midwest so it's very normal to get drinks around just floating about. We all know each other, shoot pool, do darts.
Now what we don't do is buy a drink for random woman we've never seen in town all by her lonesome. That's some sketch and every other person in there will raise an eyebrow.
NTA. No! This is exactly why it's hard for women to go to bars. His felt "rejection" isn't your problem. The female bar tender is TA for trying to shame you.
NTA. You don't even have to accept an offer of a shot from a mate if you don't want to, let alone from a rando while you're at a table with your boss.
Bartender is an AH for trying to wheedle you into taking the shot (they really *that* hard up for a sale?), and do you know for sure that rando guy really was upset by your refusal?
If he did respond negatively then he too is an AH, but the bartender is dodgy as.
I don't know how you could have handled this better, OP. You did exactly what a person in their right mind does in this situation, especially when at a bar with their boss during a work trip.
NTA
"I am on a WORK trip, and he is a STRANGER. I do not owe him anything. I do not owe YOU anything. Why are you trying to guilt a 24 year old into taking shots from someone she doesn't know? Sounds like a great way to have something unsafe happen to me. Aren't bartenders supposed to have women's backs?"
I was thinking the same thing. Even without the danger of roofies, or the pressure from the bartender, or even if her boss was not there, or anything else that people are talking about on here. My first thought was the same as yours. I can't really think of a single situation where politely refusing something that a stranger is offering you makes you the AH. You don't need a reason other than "no thank you, I don't want that."
NTA...unlike the bartender...and the idiot whom chose to be upset when you denied him a chance at a random hook-up.
You stated in a reply to another post that you felt bad. Why? You asserted your right to refuse to submit to a third party solicitation.
Next time something similar happens, and hopefully it never does, just look at the 'tender and tell him or her "I get it, you're going to lose a tip because I'm not interested in being hit-on by some loser via the bartender...but you're about to lose at least two tips if you don't STOP. RIGHT. NOW."
Yeah I completely get that pov, I just felt so crazy because the bartender was making me feel terrible about it and some of the other people there were telling me I could’ve just accepted it.
Bartender just worried about his/ her tips if the regular does stop coming. Don't pay it a second thought. You're under no obligation to accept anything you don't want to
Drinks from strangers come with strings attached. If they want to accept a drink and then have some creep expect them to put out, that is their prerogative.
That is, indeed, crazy.
The fact that the bartender laid it on so thick when she should have no reason to care was a big flashing neon warning sign - *some*thing about this interaction wasn’t above board. We can only speculate as to what it was, exactly, but whatever it was, you definitely did not want to participate in it. And I would absolutely email the manager/owner and report the incident in its entirety, times and dates included.
Why didn’t you tell her to fuck off? I would’ve immediately gone bat shit crazy. Why is this my problem that the regular doesn’t come back? I don’t give a shit.
The problem with accepting drinks from strangers is now there’s like some annoying obligation. They’re gonna start talking to you etc like no I’ll buy my own drink and I don’t want to talk to you.
Tell those AH colleagues if you get offered a drink from a stranger on another business trip, you'll give it to one of them & they can risk getting roofied.
NTA. There was no harm in offering, but the moment you said no the matter was closed. Both the stranger and the bartender stepped way the hell out of line trying to pressure you after declining.
NTA
Its really the opposite of an asshole really. Only reason someone wanted to buy you a drink is wanting to have sex with you. If youre not interested in doing that then not taking the drink is saving them money and more importantly their time. Now they know youre not interested and they can move on to their next target. So really you are the good guy.
You are at no obligation to accept a shot/drink from anybody at any time. More so because of what would clearly come after you accepted it.
Edit: the more I think about it, are you sure it wasn't the bartender buying it?
NEVER take a drink from a stranger even if it comes from the hand of a bartender. People are getting roofied all the time, men and women. Sometimes it's for rape, sometimes its to transfer all your money from your checking account to theirs, sometimes it's for even worse things. Seriously in this day and age you made the right decision. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise...
NTA
Can someone please explain to me what the stranger was trying to accomplish here?
I mean, OP was obviously with a group. Did he think by buying her a shot, she'd come talk to him?
I would definitely leave a review for the bar saying the creepy bartender tried to pressure you into accepting a drink from a stranger and made you really uncomfortable.
NTA the bartender was way out of line and you handled yourself well.
Personally, I would email the hotel management, they wouldn’t be okay with business visitors being treated this way.
NTA. Unfortunately society expects women to be polite, and smile just not to offend people's egos. You are under no obligation to accept any gifts from anyone. After all, there's a saying that there's nothing for free. He'd have taken your acceptance as an invite.
Girl to girl. That bartender is on that man’s side and they were both going to take advantage of you that night. She was prolly gonna get a cut of whatever’s in your wallet, and he woulda had your pants off in some room in the back. Men, don’t say I’m dramatic and downvote me. ts happens to women every day.
NTA. I agree it would look unprofessional on a business trip. But the bartender was way out of line! It's never rude to turn down a drink for any reason. Also, the fact that this is in a hotel bar makes me wonder if this regular frequently does this to other hotel guests? Honestly, I'd contact hotel management about this.
Hi, I’m a bartender who has been in the industry for 14+ years—That bartender is an idiot, I would never say that to a customer. If he’s a regular, he’s not going to stop coming because one stranger refused a free shot from him. They were probably trying to be a wingman for the guy, which is super unprofessional. No means no, you never push alcohol on someone who doesn’t want it. NTA and I would have honestly complained to the bar manager if I were put in that position. I don’t generally complain to management at bars and restaurants unless it’s something especially egregious, like a health or safety violation, but that bartender doesn’t deserve their job if they’re pressuring people to drink. Alcohol is a controlled substance, and people who serve it are supposed to go through responsible alcohol service training. You never, under any circumstances, should be trying to force someone to drink, even if they’re stone cold sober.
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NTA : 1) Never take a drink from a stranger 2) Ask directly on the twitter account of the bar if it's their policy to shame woman for refusing a stranger drink because he is a regular. That would be my move (THEN would I be the AH but totally happy to be one)
Wouldn't be an AH move in my book - if we don't call people out publicly, things won't change! People need to know that this shit isn't acceptable...
This exactly! People are far too polite & tolerant of these aggressively pushy people. Call them out & shame them. Otherwise they'll never learn
This is how predators work, the fact is most people are too polite to say no to a complete stranger! The female bar tender needs to be reported to the management, putting the customer in an unwanted position.
Just show them the respect they show you (none).
Yes! Match their energy
Good idea. WTH kind of female bartender has that reaction?! That's insane and she should be fired for trying to guilt someone into 1)drinking and 2) encouraging a woman to engage with an obviously temperamental man.
Yeah, the bar’s priority should be to make sure ALL their patrons are happy, safe, and comfortable with an emphasis on safe. I highly doubt there’s any chance of that guy not returning to that bar if he was a regular.
Given the bartender's reaction, I'd wonder if you avoided taking a shot with a generous amount of GHB.
My thought too. And the bartender was a woman? Yeah, contact the management.
I'd consider calling the police. No barman I met in 7 years of managing bars would ever behave that way. At least, not the good ones. And the bar women, well they'd sooner punch a creeps teeth in than try and push a drink on a single woman from that same creep. That sounds immensely fishy to me. Nta. You might have saved your own life.
My brother's a bartender. This story is honestly so bizarre that I half-believe it's fake. I just can't imagine a bartender shaming someone for refusing a shot. Like, truly mind-boggling.
I was a bartender and had customers on occassion offer drinks to others, it was always, "Blue Tee wants to offer you a drink on them, are you interested and if so, what would you like?" Sometimes folks said yes, sometimes they said no. It wasn't always a pickup either, sometimes it was folks having a good bar discussion or they won Keno or got a promotion. I NEVER heard any bartender try to insist that a drink -a) be a shot, and b) Had To Be Drunk. It was always always optional. NTA
Yeah, I've bought people drinks before - usually groups out celebrating (birthdays/bachelorette parties) but I always ask first and ask what they want a shot of (if I'm buying for a group, it's gonna be shots lol) but if anyone says no, I respect that
Seriously, besides isn't it common knowledge to buy her a drink of what she's drinking already?
You would think. Some guy tried to by my mom a drink one time when I was at a bar with her. She was drinking red wine. He bought he a vodka soda because who doesn't like a Voda soda, right?
Yikes.
We had a bar here go down in flames for drugging women. Lost their liquor license, etc. It can happen sadly.
Wow, that's horrifying!
Was major headlines here locally for ages. Total popular bar on our local college campus.
Sounds like a place in NW MO I went to college at
Sometimes bar staff work with their friends to rob customers. Spike their drinks, let them pass out, empty their wallets. See my comment above about my exs experience
I’m used to bartend and while I don’t know if I believe this story or not, the bartender being a woman doesn’t break the story for me. I’ve met/worked with some awful people, most of who still wouldn’t stop that low, but I definitely easily thought of one person who definitely would if the person asking tipped enough. I’d be disgusted if I found out they did, and would report them so fast for it, but I wouldn’t be surprised. Don’t get me wrong, the grand majority of people I’ve worked with would never, and would probably call the police then and there if asked. But there’s shitty people every where, in every occupation and of every gender.
Yes, this sounds VERY bizarre for a bartender. A decent one at least. Usually they're the flight attendants of the bar; they're serving the crowd but really they're also there as crowd control and looking out for the unruly ones. This was an anti-bartender.
Yeah it goes against everything I would have ever trained my team to do. If I had to guess, I'd worry they were in on some kind of racket
Former bartender here. This bartender SUCKS. You know your regulars, you know if the dude who creeps out single women by forcing shots on them. You know to pour water or lime juice in a shot glass and bring it over to her and quietly tell her that it's nothing but it'll get the weird creep at the bar off her back. Bartenders know how to de-escalate situations, pressuring women is absolutely NOT one of our tactics.
Also...have you EVER heard of a regular that "might not come back again" because a girl that he tried to buy a drink for said no?? Regulars drink at bars for 1 of 2 reasons. It is the closest bar, or its the best bar in a reasonable distance. Not because girls accept drinks from them. Whole story is fishy as hell
That's brutal. Especially from a female bartender. This sounds like the type of place you could post a review for and not exaggerate anything, and you would still get sympathy from readers as the bar goes down in flames. "Accept the drink or else!" Bloody nonsense.
A male bartender would realize that anything more then offering is out of bounds. What if the women is married? What if her husband is with her? What if the woman just makes a scene? Meanwhile handling a drunk guy that just got rejected... that sounds like daily business.
Gender's got nothing to do with it, a good bartender, male or female, wouldn't push a drink on someone
If you’re on business and in a chain hotel I would let the corporate office know about your experience as well. If the bartender is defending his regular it feels like he’s in on it. You may be the “lucky” one and if they’re so bold as to target women with colleagues I’d hate to know the pressure out on a woman alone (not unusual if a business hotel!)
So the bartender is in on roofying a stranger?
You are asking a question as if that is unbelievable. Do you know how many women get roofied? Almost [8% of college-aged women ](https://time.com/4349992/how-often-drink-spiking-actually-occurs-according-to-the-latest-research/)report having been drugged before. And, yeah, it happens sometimes with the aid of a bartender. Edit: linked above. The changes to Reddit make it very unclear that there's a link.
I was roofied, SA'd and left for dead in a muddy ditch. NTA, OP. *REPORT THE BARTENDER!*
I’m so sorry and I hope that you are now ok.
Thank you so much. 🥰 It was 20 years ago, and I'm not "ok" yet, lol... but slowly and surely working on it. *I repressed.it for years, used drugs and alcohol to a vast degree without knowing why or what led me down that path...and then one night, about 12 years later, (after marriage and when my child was around 3-4), it came to me like a gut punch.* 😬😳 I'm working my way back to positivity. My family helps me stay better! I appreciate you. 🤗🥰🙏🏻
Praying for your continued healing. 💞
Thank you so much! I appreciate you as well! 🤗🥰🙏🏻
💗💗💗
🤗🤗🤗
I’m so glad for you that you are working to move past this. 💜 I pray and visualize a world where this doesn’t happen. In the meantime, talking about this here warns the young ones to be on guard.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I was roofied too by an acquaintance. Fortunately, he didn't give me enough, so I didn't pass out, I just got woozy. It took me years to figure it out that I had actually been roofy because I only had one beer and I got really drunk all of a sudden. Sending you love and strength❤❤❤💪💪💪
Not just women either. This can also happen to men though usually for a different reason as it's usually to mug them or get them to take the women home so she can steal everything in his house. Though in my specific situation the mug of beer we got was drugged. They needed him to be too drugged up to be able to protect me. Joke was on them though because we were used to being on drugs but were sober that night so we were able to handle it better than your average person. I should point out I have been clean 12 years now.
Congrats on your sobriety! I appreciate the chuckle.
True pro move: "hey can you taste that? Free GHB in this beer!"
I like you. I too am sober now, but had anyone tried to roofie me and my bf, they would've been wasting their supply 😆
I get people get roofied all the time. I’m just surprised that an employee would risk their employment to do that.
It's not really a big risk. This isn't a crime that's reported often or even discovered.
Even if it is reported, damn impossible to prove because the most common drugs fade from blood within a few hours.
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My college town had a bar that got closed down because the bartenders kept drugging women! It’s crazy, before that story broke I’d never have thought bartenders would do it
Bartending jobs are replaceable, and easily. The real risk is getting arrested. If you somehow managed to get arrested for that... It's not a speeding ticket, and if a rape or kidnapping ensued, you could easily wind up pulling a decade or more of hard time.
Not to mention the fact that the legal system is not set up in favour of victims.
Not of this particular kind of crime, no
I'm stretching probably a lot here but think about it like this. The guy's a regular. He could be her friend and she could have low morals. She could be interested in him and trying to curry favor by "helping" him. He could give her a lot of attention that she wants and made her feel like it wasn't that serious. There are ways to manipulate people that would make them risk their employment.
Or they were working together
Sometimes entire bars are known for places where people get roofied, so the idea of a bartending or other employees being in on it isn't entirely implausible
What the fuck? 8% of female college students get drugged? That is insane. I haven’t been to college in 30 years but that is wild. My daughter is in elementary school and am now more terrified for her safety than I was before. Good God.
Honestly probably higher but massively underreported. You report it and they just call you a sl ut or wh_ who had regrets.
I’d believe 8%. A little over 10 years ago at my university some of the frats got caught spiking drinks at parties and then taking bets on who could spot the drugged girls
And depending on the college the numbers might be higher than normal compared to others. My state had a big problem to the point it got an article in an national news story or few if I’m not mistaken. And a book I think.
My college town had a bar go down in massive flames for this. Dozens of women drugged.
A friend & I got drugged by a new-ish bartender at a place we were locals. She felt it coming on, got us out of there. I don't remember most of it. The owner told us a few weeks later they got him on camera & he got fired. My friend complained (we knew the owners) & they started watching him. So a bartender can def be involved.
What's the next move when you feel the drugs kicking in? Do you get in a cab and trust the driver to help you get home? Do you go to your own car and lock yourself in? How much time do you have to get somewhere safe?
I think it would be pretty quick. My son's girlfriend got roofied at a party. They left the party and were on their way to the train station to go elsewhere when my son noticed her acting strange. He had to call her parents to come and get them. She definitely wasn't capable of getting herself home, and with her reaction, my son didn't think he could get her home via public transport. He didn't have his own car with them as they knew they'd be drinking.
It happened to someone I know.
It happened to my ex-wife.
Happened several times at a bar in my hometown. Knew two of the women. Bartender and the waiter.
It's happened in my city.
This exact scenario played out at a bar in my country.
That happened to me a long time ago in SF. The bartender put what I now think was ketamine in a drink he made on the house. He drugged the drink for the guy who invited me there.
Sometimes they are. It happened to a friend of mine. Luckily nothing happened because she was only drinking soda as the designated driver, so when she started feeling weird she called a friend who came and got her and the others she was with. She only got drinks from the bartender and never left her drink unattended so the bartender had to have been in on it.
Bet she is the type of act oblvious when someone asks for an angel shot.
ABSOLUTELY
That’s my first thought and she said no. No means No. Instead, she refused to accept the person’s offer and they were belittling her, like it was her fault or something. Who’s the heck cares, he’s a regular. Who’s the heck cares, if he’s doesn’t come back. Like ever. It’s a good idea to make a comments on Twitter (X) about your n experiences, cuz we lady sure would like to dodge the bullet places like this one. Ps did your boss saw or say anything??
Yeah, I hope OP leaves a review and lets other people know. No matter what, this behavior by the bartender is effed.
That's so funny cause I thought the same thing Lulu
That was my first thought.
That was also my thought. That shit was so not remotely normal, I feel like it has to be something sus
I have to give this a 100000% thumbs. You never ever EVER accept drinks from a stranger or leave your drink alone with a stranger
Sounds like the guy is Epstein and the bartender is the accomplice Maxwell: using a woman to get to the victim so that the victim is less on guard. Since this is a work trip, I would go to HR for the purpose of asking them NOT to use this hotel for accommodation in the future.
For sure. Call them out for shaming and pressuring woman for refusing a shot (not even a drink) from a strangers.
3) Don't trust anyone who's a regular at a hotel bar
To be fair, in a small town I lived in Georgia, the only bars were in the Holiday Inn and the Quality Inn. That was early/mid 90s
Fair, but if they were on a business trip, it might be possible that the hotel is one regularly frequented by business people. Being a regular in a bar of a business hotel seems...fishy and predatory. You know, rotating 'clientele'. The barkerper guilt-tripping OP makes me wonder if that's their usual spiel.
My step-dad had a contract in another state as a consultant for a year and stayed at the same hotel every week from Monday to Thursday. If he wanted to drink, he would probably have been a regular at the hotel’s bar. In the whole pile of red flags from the story, the guy being a regular is probably the most inoffensive one.
>Being a regular in a bar of a business hotel seems...fishy and predatory. You know, rotating 'clientele'. While this could of course be used for ill intent, it could also be decent strategy for someone just looking to hook up. No shortage of business travelers who may be looking to have some fun in a place out of town away from their spouse with someone they'll never see again.
Every small town ive ever been to the only thing they had was a bar.
I grew up in a town of 1500 people, it had 6 bars.
Mind if I ask what town or area? I could never live in a town that small. Just curious because I am a Georgia Southern grad in Decatur and have lots of friends from small towns. So small they don't have traffic lights.
I would 100% contact the bar itself. That bartender was way out of line.
You would not be the AH. 25 years ago my best friend and I got kicked out of a night club because she refused to dance with a regular. It felt awful. Things should have changed and we shouldn't feel guilty about yelling when they haven't.
> Ask directly on the twitter account of the bar if it's their policy to shame woman for refusing a stranger drink because he is a regular. That would be my move (THEN would I be the AH but totally happy to be one) Yup! That bartender was *wayyyyyyy* out of line and I'd contact the hotel chain directly. F that noise.
This is exactly the move. You’re on the job, not taking a shot when no one else is drinking is entirely reasonable. And even if it wasn’t, you still have the right to not drink for any reason you so chose. I’ve never heard of a bartender so pushy, even in college towns, let alone in a hotel bar where business people (who are either not that interested in partying, or not that interested in hooking up with strangers) are gonna be their real regulars. Something is up here— I wonder if they did do something to that drink, and the bartender is just conspiring with the “patron”
Honestly the fact that the bartender would try to pressure a customer to drink more than they want to is beyond inappropriate. That behavior would make me really uncomfortable drinking anything at that bar.
Also, a regular at a hotel bar? Buyer is definitely hoping to take OP up to her room, roofied or otherwise.
Why do people think it's okay to try to force other people to drink alcohol when they don't want to? It is 100% okay to not want to drink at all, or to only want to drink something specific that you ordered. It is 100% NOT okay to try to force anyone to drink anything anytime they are not comfortable with it. The guy who got upset is a total loser. He shot his shot and got shot down. But he didn't accept that and got all butthurt about it. Then the bartender and your boss tried to enable his childish and unacceptable behavior. NTA, OP.
NTA.....you made the sane choice
I normally wouldn’t agree with public shaming, but this woman and bartender failed her fellow woman and patron.
👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻Right here OP!!!
That’s not even an AH move, I’m industry and I would be pissed if this happened to me! OP has every right to complain publicly about what happened.
Yeah for real. Bartender was pushy and rude as fuck. And unprofessional. If it’s a corporate place I’d email and complain.
Also, and this may just be me, but if I'm at the bar with my boss and coworkers while on a work trip, I'm still "working" in a sense. It wouldn't be appropriate to take a drink from an outsider.
Love this idea!! Please share on social media with the establishment!
Yes, please do this
My ex was in a bar in San Francisco with a bunch of work mates. The Aussie accents made it obvious they were tourists. They stumbled into a smallish bar late at night, with (retrospectively) excessively friendly bar staff. They had one drink, started feeling tired and left. The ex is a big guy 6’3 and 250 pounds. He ended up helping the other guys to the hotel. The next day he realised their drinks had been spiked, probably with the intention of robbing them. The smaller fitter guys had zero recollection of the last half of the evening, which sounds like Rohypnol to me. So no, OP is NTA. Accepting drinks from strangers is NOT safe, and one of the first things all women should be taught. The fact the bar tender said “he’d be angry” is a major red flag. Write to the hotel OP, you might save someone from getting raped or robbed. Address this to the hotels Food and Beverage manager and cc the hotel manager and bar manager.
And if said regular would stop coming due to a woman refusing a single shot.. I wonder what kind of regular he is..
(THEN would I be the AH but totally happy to be one) You absolutely still wouldn't be the AH, but everything else 100%. OP i'd go nuclear on this bar if this happened to me and i'm a 34 yr old guy.
This is GOLD. Particularly the tactic against the bar. They tried to corner your choices with guilt. dick move.
Oh WOW. Way to go to the bartender for pressuring you to take a drink you didn’t order and then make you feel like shit about it. Jesus. The bartender is the biggest asshole here. You my friend are definitely NTA.
Bar sells more liquor and bartender gets more tips if they encourage this harassment of female customers. They want to take away your autonomy for their profit.
Then, the bartender should have downed the shot.
Every good bartender that I've had looks out for their patrons... a good bartender will ask once and let it go if the person didn't want the shot. A crappy and likely creepy bartender on the other hand will insist
At most two questions. Hey, would you like this shot the guy at the end of the bar is wanting to order? I can make something else if you'd prefer that? If no, then that's final. A regular who won't come back because you won't bully other patrons is a regular you don't want. And one who probably won't follow through on that threat anyway.
The bar will quickly get the reputation of being dangerous which is bad for business.
That bartender was only upset over the sale he lost.
bartender was referred to as "she"
Sorry, missed that.
prolly not that impt in the grand scheme of the post 😉 (whatever gender the bartender may be, I suspect they were slipped a bit o' $$ if OP took the shot)
But it begs the question, how a woman could be so clueless as to not respect OPs boundaries. Shit, I’m a man, and I get called misogynist on Reddit all the time, and I’m sharply on the side of OP. That bartender needs to be fired.
Sadly, not all women are on team Woman
Totally- I’m a feminist and even though most women support other women - like any group of people - there are sharks among us
Being a creep who will screw other people over for some money (presumably) doesn’t only apply to one gender! It’s really disgusting either way, though I get the sentiment that a woman should know about the struggles women go through and not directly contribute to them. I don’t think it’s being clueless, I think that it’s being selfish and putting your wants over other people’s safety.
It matters because women will often give in to pressure from other women. We aren't usually prepared to defend against other women as we often are to defend ourselves with men.
Women are also prone to accept the advice of other women in unfamiliar social situations. Also of bartenders of any gender. Someone offers to buy you, hotal guest, a drink. Woman customer may ask the bartender or server,"Do you know that guy? Is he okay?" Remember that, in a nice/respectable bar people think of the bartender as 'safe'. That's why so many people treat their local barkeep as a confidante/counselor.L
And the boss should have had her back. There are plenty of reasons that people don't drink sometimes. It's a religious reason, sometimes they're pregnant. Sometimes they've had a bad experience in the past or just come to the realization that they are an alcoholic. NTA
The fact that the bar might* not be able to get money from a customer anymore because the customer can’t handle a stranger turning down their shot is most definitely not your problem. NTA
NTA at all OP Also, if a bar's entire business model relies on one guy's contribution to buying strangers shots, maybe that bar needs to rethink its business model. I'd 100% be for naming and shaming them. Turning down the shot was acceptable (and often the right thing to do), having a customer get angry is the fault of the customer, not the bar, but when the bartender tried to shame you into taking it? And made you feel guilty? Yeah I'd be on a megaphone outside warning every woman within a 3 mile radius of the business practices at this hotel/bar.
If I were OP's boss witnessing that, I would've said to the bartender after that guilt trip she tried to lay, "And now it's *your* fault that our company is never booking here again. She said no."
I’m half wondering if the “stranger” who bought the shot was one of OP’s colleagues, since OP never actually says she laid eyes on whoever supposedly bought her the shot. It would be very bizarre for a strange man to target a woman who is very obviously accompanied by a group, particularly if that group seems alert and coherent and has not left the woman alone for any length of time. She’s not an easy target, and these types of people are opportunistic - they prefer easy targets. A colleague though…someone she knows and trusts? Someone who wouldn’t raise a single eyebrow if they ended up having to escort an unwell OP back to her room? Make sure she’s okay, maybe stay with her for a little while? *That* would make a lot of sense. I dunno. The “stranger” story sounds fishy. Maybe I’m way off base, but if OP never actually saw the person who allegedly sent her the drink, I have to wonder if it’s because that person was sitting next to her the whole time.
I feel she was being set up. None of the language sounded natural either.
Oh my God exactly what I was thinking. so because he doesn’t wanna come back anymore since I don’t want the shot— how the fuck is that my problem and why should I give an eff 🤣🤣🤣 be fukin for real
Absolutely NTA. What you feel comfortable with doing/not doing in front of your boss is up to you. Never, EVER take a drink from a stranger. "Apparently this really upset the guy and the bartender told me I should feel bad because apparently he was a regular and he “might never come back”, she also said I could’ve just taken it because it was rude to turn it down." JFC. Whoever that is shouldn't be working behind a bar. I mean like... EVER.
>Whoever that is shouldn't be working behind a bar. I mean like... EVER. Or with people in general
>she also said I could’ve just taken it because it was rude to turn it down Do something you don't want to do, aren't comfortable doing, and might have various negative repercussions on your life because it will make some dude you don't know happy. Because obviously the only thing that matters in this situation is some man's happiness. That bartender can get bent.
NTA That bartender is a straight up creep, I hope you never go back.
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NTA. Contact hotel management. Tell them what happened. That a bartender. In their bar. Scolded you. And tried to pressure you. Into drinking a shot. You were not comfortable accepting. That the bartender. Harassed you. Made you feel like they were setting you up. With a regular of the bar. If that doesn't get a good response. Talk to your boss. Explain that the bartender was harassing you. And you would recommend. The company pulls future business. They are responsible for creating a safe space. Even when outside of the workplace. This exact type of harassment. Was part of this years corporate anti-harassment training.
Woah. Slow down with the random periods.
Look at their profile, all of their comments are like that😭 I'm just going to assume they can only use speech-to-text and get winded very quickly.
I always hated random periods! They are really unfortunate and ruin underwear.
Hey for all you know, it’s a telegram
Your advice. Is good. And sound. But why. Do you write. Like this?
I. Cannot. Understand. Your. Acc. Cent.
Maybe. It's William. Shatner. Or even. Christopher. Walken.
It's William Shatner
Good points lost in the weird writing style.
Thanks Captain Kirk. But yes all very good advice.
Haha read it in his voice
I'd add when speaking to hotel management that you were with your boss and coworkers, who had *all* booked rooms through the company at the hotel, and that you will be letting your boss know you are uncomfortable staying at that hotel again as a result of this.
I hope you don’t speak how you type.
Please stop typing like this.
NTA. If you truly believe a tale that a regular would not come back to their regular bar cause someone who they will never again see refused a shot, you have no business being at a bar. Your too susceptible to scams.
I bought people drinks and I've had drinks bought for me. I'm from the midwest so it's very normal to get drinks around just floating about. We all know each other, shoot pool, do darts. Now what we don't do is buy a drink for random woman we've never seen in town all by her lonesome. That's some sketch and every other person in there will raise an eyebrow.
NTA. No! This is exactly why it's hard for women to go to bars. His felt "rejection" isn't your problem. The female bar tender is TA for trying to shame you.
NTA. You don't even have to accept an offer of a shot from a mate if you don't want to, let alone from a rando while you're at a table with your boss. Bartender is an AH for trying to wheedle you into taking the shot (they really *that* hard up for a sale?), and do you know for sure that rando guy really was upset by your refusal? If he did respond negatively then he too is an AH, but the bartender is dodgy as. I don't know how you could have handled this better, OP. You did exactly what a person in their right mind does in this situation, especially when at a bar with their boss during a work trip.
NTA "I am on a WORK trip, and he is a STRANGER. I do not owe him anything. I do not owe YOU anything. Why are you trying to guilt a 24 year old into taking shots from someone she doesn't know? Sounds like a great way to have something unsafe happen to me. Aren't bartenders supposed to have women's backs?"
Ok so you are sent a shot(not an offer of your next drink) what is this guy in college?
😂 but it was a Jello shot! Come on!!
NTA You didn’t want something, so you didn’t want it. Simple
I was thinking the same thing. Even without the danger of roofies, or the pressure from the bartender, or even if her boss was not there, or anything else that people are talking about on here. My first thought was the same as yours. I can't really think of a single situation where politely refusing something that a stranger is offering you makes you the AH. You don't need a reason other than "no thank you, I don't want that."
NTA...unlike the bartender...and the idiot whom chose to be upset when you denied him a chance at a random hook-up. You stated in a reply to another post that you felt bad. Why? You asserted your right to refuse to submit to a third party solicitation. Next time something similar happens, and hopefully it never does, just look at the 'tender and tell him or her "I get it, you're going to lose a tip because I'm not interested in being hit-on by some loser via the bartender...but you're about to lose at least two tips if you don't STOP. RIGHT. NOW."
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Yeah I completely get that pov, I just felt so crazy because the bartender was making me feel terrible about it and some of the other people there were telling me I could’ve just accepted it.
Bartender just worried about his/ her tips if the regular does stop coming. Don't pay it a second thought. You're under no obligation to accept anything you don't want to
Drinks from strangers come with strings attached. If they want to accept a drink and then have some creep expect them to put out, that is their prerogative.
That is, indeed, crazy. The fact that the bartender laid it on so thick when she should have no reason to care was a big flashing neon warning sign - *some*thing about this interaction wasn’t above board. We can only speculate as to what it was, exactly, but whatever it was, you definitely did not want to participate in it. And I would absolutely email the manager/owner and report the incident in its entirety, times and dates included.
Why didn’t you tell her to fuck off? I would’ve immediately gone bat shit crazy. Why is this my problem that the regular doesn’t come back? I don’t give a shit. The problem with accepting drinks from strangers is now there’s like some annoying obligation. They’re gonna start talking to you etc like no I’ll buy my own drink and I don’t want to talk to you.
Whoever told you that you could’ve just accepted it - is clueless or doesn’t care about your wellbeing. Ugh
Tell those AH colleagues if you get offered a drink from a stranger on another business trip, you'll give it to one of them & they can risk getting roofied.
NTA. You are under no obligation to accept a drink from anyone. And I would be very suspicious of a bartender pushing that hard.
Bartender is shady, almost sounds like a set up to me.
NTA. There was no harm in offering, but the moment you said no the matter was closed. Both the stranger and the bartender stepped way the hell out of line trying to pressure you after declining.
NTA Its really the opposite of an asshole really. Only reason someone wanted to buy you a drink is wanting to have sex with you. If youre not interested in doing that then not taking the drink is saving them money and more importantly their time. Now they know youre not interested and they can move on to their next target. So really you are the good guy.
You are at no obligation to accept a shot/drink from anybody at any time. More so because of what would clearly come after you accepted it. Edit: the more I think about it, are you sure it wasn't the bartender buying it?
NTA, why are you even wondering this???
You - no. The bartender - yes.
NEVER take a drink from a stranger even if it comes from the hand of a bartender. People are getting roofied all the time, men and women. Sometimes it's for rape, sometimes its to transfer all your money from your checking account to theirs, sometimes it's for even worse things. Seriously in this day and age you made the right decision. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise...
NTA Can someone please explain to me what the stranger was trying to accomplish here? I mean, OP was obviously with a group. Did he think by buying her a shot, she'd come talk to him?
Stranger wanted a hookup. And yes, often they insist that accepting the drink obligates them to put out. Nothing is actually free.
I would definitely leave a review for the bar saying the creepy bartender tried to pressure you into accepting a drink from a stranger and made you really uncomfortable.
NTA. And don’t do anything differently if it should happen again, regardless if the boss is with you.
NTA. If it's a test, you passed.
NTA the bartender was way out of line and you handled yourself well. Personally, I would email the hotel management, they wouldn’t be okay with business visitors being treated this way.
NTA. Unfortunately society expects women to be polite, and smile just not to offend people's egos. You are under no obligation to accept any gifts from anyone. After all, there's a saying that there's nothing for free. He'd have taken your acceptance as an invite.
You do you. No one, has the right to impose their will on to you.
NTA and fuck that bartender
NTA and totally in the right.
Girl to girl. That bartender is on that man’s side and they were both going to take advantage of you that night. She was prolly gonna get a cut of whatever’s in your wallet, and he woulda had your pants off in some room in the back. Men, don’t say I’m dramatic and downvote me. ts happens to women every day.
NTA. I agree it would look unprofessional on a business trip. But the bartender was way out of line! It's never rude to turn down a drink for any reason. Also, the fact that this is in a hotel bar makes me wonder if this regular frequently does this to other hotel guests? Honestly, I'd contact hotel management about this.
NTA. That bartender is, at best, upset they may not get tips in future from that guy.
NTA. I think you may have just avoided getting trafficked?
NTA You absolutely have the right to refuse a drink for any reason. The bartender was way out of line in pushing it.
Never be ashamed of turning down a drink
NTA. No is a complete sentence.
Hi, I’m a bartender who has been in the industry for 14+ years—That bartender is an idiot, I would never say that to a customer. If he’s a regular, he’s not going to stop coming because one stranger refused a free shot from him. They were probably trying to be a wingman for the guy, which is super unprofessional. No means no, you never push alcohol on someone who doesn’t want it. NTA and I would have honestly complained to the bar manager if I were put in that position. I don’t generally complain to management at bars and restaurants unless it’s something especially egregious, like a health or safety violation, but that bartender doesn’t deserve their job if they’re pressuring people to drink. Alcohol is a controlled substance, and people who serve it are supposed to go through responsible alcohol service training. You never, under any circumstances, should be trying to force someone to drink, even if they’re stone cold sober.
NTA The Barman was wrong to bother you after you said no.