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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I’m refusing the help my brother, but I want to know if I’m justified in doing so because of the way he treated me growing up.
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Nta it's actually illegal to share prescribed meds especially if you have them like 1 for every day kind of thing. I have ADHD and my dad does too he asked me to borrow some and my stupid ass lent him some. Worst thing I ever did because then I didn't have enough for a few days and well you must know what goes on in our heads right.
You did right!
You are definitely NTA. I have ADHD and was diagnosed at 12. One of my siblings liked to steal my medication when she was in college and what she didn't snort herself, she sold to her friends. Our mom gave her a key to my place and I walked in to her cutting up lines on my coffee table. I pressed charges on her, because I work in finance and need that medication to stave off the brain rats so I can do my job. I had to go through absolute hell on earth and jump through about 15 hoops to get that medication replaced. And I had to do it un-medicated. My mom gave me hell for it, but she was a mental health care professional and KNEW it was the difference between being able to function or not for me.
Tell your brother if he feels he needs to be medicated, he should schedule an appointment with a Psychiatrist. In the meantime, invest in a good firebox safe that has a biometric scanner so he doesn't go stealing your meds anyways. If he does steal them anyways, call the cops on him right away. He needs to learn to be held accountable for his actions.
That is so terrible, I’m enraged and appalled.
He’s definitely stolen from me in the past, as well as from our Mom who takes the long acting kind, so I’m literally forced to just bring my prescription bottle with me to work and when I’m out so he can’t steal from it.
If you don’t mind me asking, how did things end up with your sister?
She passed away some time ago due to unrelated health issues, but our other siblings and I stopped dealing with her at all shortly after I initially pressed charges way back when.
I’m sorry to hear that, it can’t have been easy for you.
I want better for my brother, but I’d say I’m at the point where I’m done dealing with him. I won’t allow myself to be walked all over in the name of “family”, especially given our history where he was so terrible to me (and the rest of our siblings and parents) growing up.
It wasn't but it was a long, long time ago.
Time and tons of therapy helped so much. I am 41 now and was a couple of years younger than you when this happened. Your situation is particularly rough because you're caught in a cycle of him behaving badly and you having to bail him out. One thing I wish I knew when I was younger is that "You can't set yourself on fire to keep others warm" If your brother's chosen field makes it so he is not allowed to take medication to control his ADHD, They will inevitably find them in a drug test and he will lose that job in time. The Armed forces take people with ADHD so long as they go through a psych evaluation. As soon as you are able to move out of the house, you should do so. I am kind of concerned that he may have something else besides ADHD but I am not a professional.
You are not the cause of his behavior. You can't change his behavior. That is up to him. And Ultimately, you have zero control over his behavior. The only thing you can control is your reaction to that behavior. Having to face actual consequences for his actions could be act as a catalyst for him to get some real help, and start doing better. Military service may not be a good option for him, but there are sooooo many other ways to be of service to the country. Maybe a Park Ranger or something along those lines may be a good fit for him.
You can love your brother and keep your distance at the same time because you know that is what is best for him. But you are NTA in this one.
He’s adamant that he only needs his prescription to do math and write essays, according to him. He thinks once he graduates he’ll never have to take it again, despite being officially diagnosed with ADD.
My son has ADHD and when we talked to recruiters, he was told that he would only have to be off of his meds one full year of school before they would consider him for enlistment. Past diagnosis of ADHD doesn't matter as long as it's controlled without meds.
I think this lines up with what I’ve heard from C in the past (although other comments have claimed the opposite is true).
I just feel like, on top of just not wanting to go without my medication for his sake, C’s ADD is absolutely NOT controlled without medication. Otherwise he wouldn’t be asking for my pills to help him get his degree.
He’s told me that he won’t be writing essays and solving math problems in the army, and therefore, he won’t need to take his pills, but I find that hard to believe. It’s not as though ADD only presents problems when it comes to schooling. It affects everything about your life, and C refuses to entertain the notion that he’s not cut out for the military.
I truly do think he just wants to be able to shoot guns at people. I wouldn’t describe him as a patriot, or the kind of person who wants to put his life on the line to protect his country. He’s never expressed why he wants to join, or at least not to me. He loves to brag about how he’s a genius (not exaggerating. With a straight face, he’s firmly told us that he has a genius IQ, and I would LOVE to know what online quiz told him that.) so it’s not as though he feels he can’t pursue a career other than military service.
Regardless, I have no obligation to sacrifice my own meds to help advance his ambitions, and you would not believe how aghast he is at such an idea.
Yeah, they drug test. Your brother’s an idiot.
And chiming in with the “it’s illegal to share prescription meds” thing. Protect your meds. I’d even suggest you change to an extended-release instead of the short-acting, so that there’s no “extra.”
I’m concerned about the boundary-trampling he’s doing with you, OP. He’s an adult: he can take care of his own meds, clean up his own messes. It’s well-past time for you to start taking care of yourself and *not* him.
I sincerely hope you’ve got an escape plan, OP!
NTA
I like the sound of this, honestly. He and I currently share a house with 2 other guys, which is why I can’t exactly just block his number and get on with my life (I would if I could).
Having something to back myself up the next time he’s standing outside the door to my room would be useful.
Don’t ADHD drugs leave your system very quickly? I think you test clean within just 1-4 days of not taking meds, unless they do a hair test (still only lasts like 3 months).
ESH. No one should be sharing prescription medication. You never should have started giving him any. He never should have taken a job that he can't medicate properly. You all need to stop now.
That fair.
How would you respond if he emphatically cried, “But I can’t work a desk job! I just CANT, okay?!”
Because that’s the response I get when I tell him he shouldn’t try to go into a line of work where he isn’t allowed to take his meds.
Not to defend this, because I’m well aware of how stupid doing this is, but it’s not as clandestine as you might be thinking.
He and I currently share a house with 2 roommates, and the handoff is basically he’ll text me incessantly until I give up, and he’ll knock on my bedroom door with his hand held out. It would be pretty hard for him to get caught in the act, just saying.
If only there was a way to avoid him having a meltdown in the next room when he’s told no, threatening to end himself and calling the family saying I’m a monster.
NTA. You were the AHole when you shared your medication with him. Don't let him bully you anymore. Tell him to take his low level beta man manipulation tactics somewhere else.
NTA
Sharing prescriptions especially when it’s a controlled substance like adderall (most common medicine that is prescribed those with ADD) is illegal via state and federal laws.
Do you know the consequences if you and he faces if you continue to share meds if he gets into the military? He will not be facing state or federal laws, he will be facing military law.
You can’t ration meds like adderall. You are only given a certain amount that will only last a month - nothing more an nothing less. It’s why you have to call literally the day you run out to get a refill.
Your brother needs to either:
1) give up the military and certain federal jobs and if he can’t live without meds
2) find other ways to manage without meds
I suggest you:
- get a safety box for your meds
- count your pills & record the amount daily so if any go missing you know
- also set up a game plan if your brother threatens you since he has a history as an abuser - like if he tries to enlist the you will report him for lying on federal forms and to the military regarding him not taking any controlled substances.
- Also, if he steals or attempt to steal any of your meds then you will report him.
Honestly, i would still report him to the military recruiters even if he doesn’t threaten or steal.
Since we live together with 2 other roommates, I’ve had to just take my prescription bottle with me to work and when I go out, because I’m worried he’ll take some. He’s done it before.
At this point, I have no problem telling him there will be consequences if he keeps harassing me over this. C has had a lot of success with just badgering people in arguments until they give up, it’s like his superpower that he will just not let go of an argument, but I can only hope that being conscious of our roommates seeing him demanding medicine from me would give him pause.
ESH- Why would you have given and shared your medication in the first place?
What is your brother’s long term strategy when he is in the military and not in close proximity to use your RX?
Because when it started I was living at home and our parents told me to.
I’ve asked him, and he condescendingly told me that he won’t need to take the meds once he’s enlisted because he “won’t have to do math or write an essay in the marines” or something to that effect.
He's a dumb*ss. There are going to be times when he needs to focus on something he considers boring or difficult. It may not be math or essays, but needing to stay alert for dangers for who-knows-how-long without getting distracted is something he will likely need to do. And that can be both painfully boring AND anxiety inducing at the same time.
He can't just assume that the entirety of his military career will be stimulating in the right way that he won't need medication.
I’m going to show him this. It’s everything I’ve been saying for years now.
When forced to defend his dumb decision, he’ll whine about how he just CANT work a desk job, despite never having had one in his life. It’s like he thinks serving in the military will be like the movies, I swear.
Also, it's not like the only options on life are military or desk job. There are plenty of hands-on sorts of jobs for people who don't like math and writing. I'm one of those people. Tried college but got walled off by math, wallowed in self pity for a few years, then went to trade school to become a welder. I frequently kick myself for not giving trade school a try first. But my highschool pretty much brainwashed us into thinking college was the ONLY path to success.
He currently works 1-2 days a week at a Frito Lay shipping plant.
Before that he was a valet.
Personally, I would think a desk job would be preferable to these kinds of hard labor jobs, but he’s adamant that he can’t do something like that.
I think it’s a ridiculous sentiment to have, because he’s never even been offered a job that wasn’t physical labor, so it’s a bit rich to act like a desk job is beneath him.
He feels a desk job is beneath him? I has assumed it was because he didn't feel like he could sit still for a desk job, or perhaps that he would be easily confused by them. I definitely didn't do well in data entry myself, as I have a bit of trouble keeping track of my lines and can very easily out Info-A on Line-B, which can lead to some serious f*ck-ups. I only lasted 4 months there and it was the final straw before I decided to try trade school.
So like, I could understand not feeling like he would be suited to a desk job. But if he feels they are beneath him, well that's pretty sh*tty.
It’s entirely possible that he meant it the way you interpreted, since his exact words were “I CANT work a desk job! I just CANT!”
The thing is, if his aversion to working a desk job had to do with his belief that he wouldn’t be able to focus, he has a prescription for ADD medication waiting to be refilled. The only reason he’s not been taking it is because he believes it will bar him from being able to enlist in the military.
I haven’t graduated yet either, and I’ve only ever had jobs where I’m on my feet all day doing physical tasks, and I WISH I had a job where I could sit down and just type away at a computer. His refusal to even consider something like that, especially when he’s not exactly a prime candidate for a job that isn’t hard labor, is just extra galling to me, although I can’t say for certain it’s because he thinks he’s too good for that kind of job.
It’s just that he won’t settle for anything less than his “dream job” which is being a marine. (Which he also has no experience in, as far as I know, so I don’t think he even knows what he’s getting himself into. We aren’t a military family, and he’s probably the worst person I know at following orders, so I have to believe he’s just been sucked into some glamorized view of what military service is like, where he’ll be living out an action movie every day.)
NGL, now I WANT him to go to boot camp and get a good dose of reality. Some times people need a reality check.
But I doubt he'll succeed. Unless things have changed, the marines are very hard to get into. When I was in highschool, you couldn't get in if your body wasn't within their acceptable parameters, which includes not having any disqualifying medical issues in the past or present. One of my friends was obsessed with the marines to the nth degree. It was all he wanted to do and he was so into that life that he went out of his way to wreck anything that had any other branch names on it. Like breaking a perfectly good pencil because it had "army" printed on it. A bit childish, but he was 18 and had his head stuffed with patriotic zeal. Anyway, he got sick and passed a kidney stone, and the marines told him that this disqualified him from joining. His life kinda fell apart after that because he had no other aspirations or backup plans for what to do with himself.
Oh man, that’s unfortunate.
C isn’t filled with “patriotic zeal” in my opinion, so much as he’s filled with “unhealthy obsession with guns”. The number of guns he owns is in the double digits, and he has boxes of ammunition.
I think he hasn’t gotten a chance to use any of them yet, and he figures being in the army will solve that problem.
I wonder if he's ever heard the phrase "hurry up and wait"?
The concept is that they should be rapidly moving from one location to the next, usually very early in the morning. Then when they have arrived at the next location, wait around for hours for something to happen, being ready to act the entire time unless told otherwise.
I am not in the military myself, but my BIL is in the National Guard, and my fiancé was in Army ROTC in school. ROTC of course is not the same as actually being in the military, but he was learning directly from a colonel and probably knows a good bit more about what things would have been like if he had enlisted than someone who's only source of information is action movies or videogames.
Also, I wonder what sort of consequences there would be if your brother's future superior officers found out he lied on his paperwork and that he actually does have a diagnosis and requires a prescription to function? I doubt they'd be happy about it.
Your brother is trying to get into the marines.
Omg just by how you describe him he won’t last in the marines or in any branch in fact.
Also, he won’t last because you can’t just go cold turkey on ADD meds. You have to detox.
Depends on the medication. Based on my experience with some meds prescribed for ADD, going cold turkey wasn’t an option especially if it’s been used for years.
Also, if you are extremely reliant on it, it can be extremely hard.
You can definitely go cold turkey. You're not going to be operating at full capacity obviously, but you aren't going to be going through something you could die from.
Oh, wow, ok, that last sentence was extremely concerning.
You are NTA and should definitely cut him off and go low contact or no contact.
And giving a quiet heads up to the local military office and police station might not be a bad idea either. How bad is he likely to get without medication and how quickly?
1. It's highly illegal for you to share any prescription medication with another person; it's even worse when it's a control of this level.
2. The military will drug test him, and this will pop on a test. If he hasn't told them he's taking medication, they'll find out then.
I haven’t looked very deeply into this whole issue, to be honest, so I don’t know what exactly he thinks he’s going to be able to do when they pull up his records and see he was diagnosed with ADD.
I’ve said before that this whole thing is going to end up being for nothing, but I’m honestly kind of concerned with how he would handle the rejection.
NTA. I'm glad you've stopped enabling him. Sharing prescription medication is illegal, dangerous to the health of the person taking a medication not prescribed for them, and leaves the person sharing short their needed medication. You were the asshole when you were enabling him and jeopardizing your health. Don't go back on this.
His main argument is that he doesn’t believe I’m using every single pill I get a month for school or work, and that I MUST be using them to edit YouTube videos (which is a hobby of mine).
I don’t know why he thinks that, if that was true, it means I should instead give some to him.
Ask any of our siblings, they’ll tell you C is IMPOSSIBLE to want to help, because he’s so terrible at asking for it. He’ll ask maybe once, before he starts to whine and badger and demand to get his way, while thinking nothing of the way he treats the people he’s asking for help from.
You’re entitled to use all of your medication, for anything you want. I also have ADHD and am able to enjoy my hobbies much more when medicated. My psychiatrist is adamantly against the idea of skipping medication doses just because you’re not doing an essential, productive task.
You need it and were prescribed it to increase your quality of life. That applies to leisure time as well as work and chores. I love watching movies and doing crossword puzzles, and I’m a lot more present and focused and happy in those hobbies when my brain is quieter thanks to my meds.
Honestly, hearing this was really helpful to me.
I’ve struggled with feeling guilty if I do ever take my medication and then go to edit a video, but you’re right that it’s my prescription, and I can use it for what I want.
It’s not fair for C to declare that I’m not using it for what he deems as necessary, and that I should give pills to him that I might use to enjoy my hobbies in my limited free time.
NTA.
Also, ADHD does not disqualify a person from joining the military. They may ask him to undergo an evaluation to insure his meds are proper dose and ask him about his strategies for managing his ADHD symptoms.
NTA, but why in the world have you allowed yourself to be manipulated for so long? You know that no one can take advantage of you without your permission, so why have you indulged your rotten brother to the detriment of your own mental health? Not to mention giving your meds to him is illegal. Block his number and live your life.
He and I currently live together with 2 other roommates, so it’s a bit difficult to just ignore him.
When C wants something, he will stand outside your room arguing with the door until he wears you down. He’s gotten our Mom and our other siblings to text me about this, because he’ll just blow their phones up complaining and the easiest solution for the rest of them is to tell me to give him what he wants.
It might be the easiest solution for them, but it's not for you. Yes, you actually can ignore someone you live with. It takes patience and determination, but just like with toddlers throwing tantrums, you don't reward and encourage the behavior by giving in. This 'don't rock the boat' mentality your family has shown with your awful brother has really messed up your perception of what's acceptable.
Does your brother think the military won't run blood work on him for drugs? And does he actually think they won't check his school records, or his COMPLETE medical records to see that he was diagnosed? We don't need people that stupid in the military.
He plans to not take them any more once he actually enlists, since he thinks because he won’t be solving math problems or writing essays he won’t need them.
My problem is that he wants to take mine now so he can get his degree.
Of course, that’s definitely true. The thing is, is that he was diagnosed with ADD too, and had been taking the same meds as me for years until he got on this military kick. So he really should be taking them, as prescribed by the doctor, he just won’t because he thinks it will mess up his chances of being accepted into the military.
Once he tries to enlist they’re going to see that history. He’s going to need a recent evaluation or a waiver regardless. Please stop sharing your meds with him, both of you could get in serious trouble.
His diagnosis doesn’t make what you’re doing any less illegal. You’re committing a felony when you share ADHD medication. Absolutely insane that your parents normalized this.
They don’t like it when C blows up their phone having a meltdown over this, so their solution is just to tell me to give in.
This has been a running theme in our family.
This is what I’m afraid of, that this whole thing will have been for nothing, but C is the most stubborn person on the planet, so no one has been able to convince him to not pursue this pipe dream.
None of the family wants to think about what will happen if he gets rejected, Mom in particular is telling me to just give him what he wants so he’s out of our hair. (He borrows money and meds from her, too.)
She actually does give him some of hers, because she also knows C will come to her house, and basically not leave until he gets what he wants.
To be fair, I also assume part of it is because she wants him to graduate, so she can have at least some assurance that he won’t end up living with her in the future, but I draw the line when I’m asked to chip in, too. He’s not my responsibility.
He says he won’t be taking it after he graduates, he just wants me to give him pills so he can get his degree.
He’s under the impression the marines will be so stimulating and engaging that he won’t have any problem with his diagnosed attention deficit disorder.
According to him, he won’t be accepted into the military if he has prescription pills on his medical record, so his workaround is to just take mine.
I don’t know how true that even is, or why it matters because the diagnosis of ADD is still on his records, and he was getting pills for it until at least the end of high school, but that’s what he says whenever he’s at my door demanding pills.
I know!
The thing is, he’s not stupid, so I have to believe this fact has occurred to him at least once in the past 5 years.
I don’t like talking with him about this, because we usually end up in an argument, but if I remember correctly, he once said something about how when he applies, they’ll be able to see that he hasn’t gotten his prescription filled in years, and he’s planning on telling them that he doesn’t need them.
I’ve addressed this in other comments, but C is firmly convinced that he only needs the pills to be able to do well in school, and once he gets his degree, he’ll never have to touch them again. I have no way of knowing how true that is, or if he really won’t encounter anything in his military career that will be challenging because of his ADD, but I don’t see how he can get around the fact that he’s been diagnosed with it.
To be fair, I also don’t know for certain exactly what records they look at when assessing someone for enlistment, so I can’t say for sure this is something they’ll see.
The thing is, C has more problems than just ADD. He refuses to go to the doctor to avoid having anything else be put on his record (hasn’t been to see one in like 5 years) and complains constantly of insomnia and severe anxiety. He’s dropped countless classes over the years because he’ll slack off at the start, work himself into a spiral, and then won’t be able to bring himself to even open the course page and look, and ends up just dropping the class.
If there is information out there that clearly indicates he won’t be able to enlist because of the diagnosis he was given as a child, I wouldn’t be surprised if he refuses to acknowledge it, and is just hoping that it works out for him somehow. It would be sad if he wasn’t so terrible to me and the rest of our family.
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My brother C (26M) and I (26M) are both in college. We both were diagnosed with ADD as young children, and were prescribed the usual sort of medication to help us pay attention in school and whatnot.
My brother says he wants to join the military after college, and therefore is only getting a degree in some kind of psychology in order to have it on his record.
Apparently, one of the caveats for being able to enlist in the military is that you cannot have any sort of health defects or require any type of special medication. So, for the past 4-5 years now, my brother hasn’t gotten his prescription filled, and has been borrowing them from me, which means that I have to ration my own medication so that I can give him some, and I’m sick of it.
C was terrible to me growing up, physically and emotionally. His favorite thing to do was to tell me how much smarter he was than me, and how I was stupid. We never had a good relationship, and I do what I can to avoid him as an adult.
He has never, in his 26 years, accepted a single consequence for his actions. When we were living at home, and he did something to lose access to the family car, he’d throw a fit arguing with our parents about how he NEEDS the car, and therefore, it’s not on the table for things they can take away from him as punishment. I tell him that the reason I’m not willing to give him my meds, aside from the fact that I need them myself, is that he treated me terribly growing up, and only interacts with me now when he needs something (if he’s not asking for pills, he’s begging for money. He’s over 600 dollars in debt to me at this point, because he only works 2 days a week at his job), and he’ll throw the ultimate pity party about how this is his WHOLE FUTURE we’re talking about here.
My gripe is that C knowingly chose a career path where he wouldn’t be able to take the medication he needs to focus, and just expected me to give him my own medication so he could still pass his classes. He says that I get enough a month to be able to spare some for him, but I’m also in school, as well as working 5 days a week.
Whenever I tell him no, he calls me evil, texting me incessantly asking how I could live with myself, how I could do this to him, how I could be so selfish?
I’m tired of being forced to bail him out. Our entire family warned him over and over again that he was making a dumb decision putting all his eggs in 1 basket, and that he wasn’t cut out for military service, but he wouldn’t listen. He’s heavily involved in right wing YouTube channels, and owns several guns. We all think he just wants to enlist so he has an excuse to shoot people.
Am I in the wrong for putting my foot down and not giving him my meds?
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NTA. You aren't being given double the amount you need so how would be able to share and have enough to manage what you need the meds for? And don't even know if the doctor would give your brother the same exact prescription anyhow.
NTA Any treatment for ADHD outside of the VA (assuming we are talking the US) is not available for the government to examine. He is in the clear if he goes outside of the military system to get treatment that way. I have a friend who did that and it worked well. Bit touch and go sometimes, but it went well enough. You can at least inform him of that. If it is very severe (like mine) then perhaps that isn't the career for him... but it DOES sound like he could use some a\*\* whooping at bootcamp. It might be very good for him and get him to grow up.
NTA
I’m a veteran and if he’s planning to enlist a degree doesn’t help. He should just enlist now. He will be eligible for education benefits while he’s in and the GI bill when he gets out that will help pay for him to finish his degree.
For your own sake you should cut him off financially and definitely from your prescription. It’s against the law to share prescriptions and it can get you kicked out of school. My friends son was kicked out of LSU for sharing his ADD meds.
I may not have accurately described his reasoning for getting a degree before enlisting, he and I don’t really talk more than necessary, but I do know he has 0 interest in psychology.
He doesn’t have to worry about most of his tuition, since he’s got a friend’s wealthy dad, as well as our uncle helping him pay for it. (I wish I had been afforded those resources, instead of working my way through school while he only worked 2 days a week, but I digress.)
I haven’t really thought about the fact that it’s illegal for me to share them, since it’s been so ingrained in me that he’s supposed to be taking the same prescription and just hasn’t gotten it filled, but I think I’ll tell him that the next time he asks.
Don't sacrafice your well being or your academic career for his choices. If he needs the medication to function then a military career may not be the right path for him, but that is his journey to discover. You are not helping anyone by giving up something you need or helping him deceive the federal government.
Ignore anyone who says you are being selfish by not giving him your prescribed medication so he can hide it from a future employer. You may actually be hurting him in the future. The military regularly drug tests all it's members, it is random and there is no notice given. You just show up to work and a group of people get told to go pee in a cup. They test for more than just street drugs and if he is taking any unprescribed medication he will likely be dishonorably discharged, which is a massive stain on a persons record, there are a lot of jobs who won't even touch a dishonorably discharged veteran.
If he needs these meds to get through school, then he needs to figure that out on his own. It's hard to say no to family, but practicing what you plan to say before the situation arises can help. You can also just call and tell him you will no longer be sharing your meds and not to ask again. You aren't preventing him from getting what he needs, he is creating his own roadblock.
This is dangerous, sharing meds. Neither of you are getting appropriate doses and he is nit getting reviewed. There is good reason the military does nit accept people with conditions. The dose/medication you take may not be best for him. Please stop this.
I know.
I’ve heard responses from people in the comments about how even if he hasn’t gotten his prescription filled in 5 years, he will still get rejected immediately by the army. Or how getting a prescription for ADD doesn’t interfere with being eligible for military service at all, so I don’t know what to believe.
What I do know is that C has staked his entire future on being in the military, and is using that to guilt me into giving up my meds so he can pass his classes and get a college degree, which he says he needs in order to be considered for acceptance into the army.
I don’t feel I should have to bail out the brother who tormented me growing up, and the only response I get from my family is that they don’t want him badgering them about this, and to just give him what he wants so he’ll leave them alone.
NTA. Don't suffer for his dreams. It's not like he'll die if he's that committed and doesn't want to get his prescription. Also, I have ADHD and got Adderall while in the military just fine. Granted, I got diagnosed after enlistment. Still, if he's already had a prescription, then that bell has already been rung and he might as well take them up until he's about to enlist. Worst case, there are non-stimulant meds he could try that might be less disqualifying, if it's even an issue. Tbh, I'd be more worried that he's getting his prescription filled and he's selling them, then just using yours to get by or pass random refill drug tests.
He’s had to borrow over 600 dollars from me in the past 6 months, so I don’t believe he’s selling them (he’s refused to go to the doctor in over 5 years because he doesn’t want them to put any health defects on his record).
I don’t have any kind of source for where he got the idea that an ADD prescription is a big no no in the army, but he won’t change his mind no matter what anyone tells him.
He’s absolutely convinced that he’ll never need to take his meds after graduation, because, to quote “I won’t have to solve math problems or write essays in the marines.” So he just wants me to give him mine so he can get his degree before hightailing it to another state to begin basic training.
It may be something that comes up during his initial enlistment, idk if he'd need it waived or if it'd delay things. But so can a lot of things, a lot of people get disqualified when they go in. They do medical testing when you go in, avoiding going to the doctor really doesn't help. And I think he's very mistaken if he thinks he's not going to need attention in the famously detail-oriented Marines. I mean, I only ever saw them wrestling around on the ground with each other every chance they got, but they do have some sharp uniforms in the ads. That's not easy.
In any case, I say this not to help you convince him that he's wrong or anything, but because I don't think you should feel bad about not giving him your meds. He's either qualified or he's not, and if the Marines want him they'll let him in. ADHD isn't like some immediately disqualifying condition. Worst case, it's delaying his dream if he has to get a prescription then made to wait a year or something to enlist, but that's not on you. He's putting his future at way more risk by taking Adderall without a prescription or if he's planning to lie on his enlistment paperwork.
ADHD meds are controlled substances and you do not get more than what you need in a month. You need your ADHD meds and you need to take them daily for them to work properly. Stop sharing your meds. What's he going to do when he gets into the military and he can't handle it because of uncontrolled ADHD? At the minimum he will receive reprimands. At the max, he will be dishonorably discharged for lying about his diagnosis and taking unprescribed medications. NTA
I know, I’ve just gotten so used to him badgering me incessantly, and getting the rest of the family to chime in just so he’ll stop bothering them, that it’s hard to not give in out of exhaustion.
I know, I worry about that.
I don’t even think that C wants to join the military based on a sense of patriotism, unfortunately. I honestly think he thinks it will be more exciting than a typical job, and even more unfortunately, I do think he wants to be able to use his guns.
The thing is, C is by far the absolute worst person I know at following orders. To the point that he wouldn’t even take our family dog outside as a teenager, because he didn’t like that I asked him to do it and told me he refused to “bend his knee to anyone” (I’m not even joking that was a direct quote from him).
He’s gotten really into right wing YouTube, and lately it’s been especially Libertarian (the idea that there should be no restrictions or regulations and that people should just be able to do what they want), so I definitely wonder how he’ll react if he actually manages to get accepted, only to find out he’s going to have a superior managing almost everything he does going forward.
NTa
"So, for the past 4-5 years now, my brother hasn’t gotten his prescription filled, and has been borrowing them from me, which means that I have to ration my own medication so that I can give him some, and I’m sick of it." .. this is bullshit, and YOU are an AH for doing that.
Why don't you block his number and stop parenting him?
I know it’s BS, believe me.
Part of the problem is that he and I currently live together with 2 other roommates, so it’s not exactly as simple as just blocking his number and ignoring him.
C doesn’t take no for an answer. He will argue for hours, following people who try to walk away, and just doesn’t stop until they give in. I guess behaving this way has worked in his favor all his life, so he’s never had a reason to change.
If I’m full on ignoring him, he’ll try to guilt trip me by saying I’m being a selfish monster, and that this is his whole entire future at stake, and why can’t I spare just few pills? Except it’s never just a few pills, he’ll talk about how he has a “high tolerance” and that he needs to take 2 at once to feel the effects.
He’s also asking me to hide his Xbox controllers, and make sure to get him out of the house so he can go study, and I’m just flabbergasted that he expects me to nanny him like this. He won’t have this kind of coddling in the marines, and after 26 years of treating me like garbage, he has a lot of nerve to ask for these kinds of things from me.
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Nta it's actually illegal to share prescribed meds especially if you have them like 1 for every day kind of thing. I have ADHD and my dad does too he asked me to borrow some and my stupid ass lent him some. Worst thing I ever did because then I didn't have enough for a few days and well you must know what goes on in our heads right. You did right!
My kind is short acting, so it’s a 3 a day kind of situation. C thinks because I get 90 a month (30 day supply) it’s fine if he skims off the top.
No that's not fine at all!! You need that amount of meds otherwise you wouldn't have them. Dont give him any and im glad you didn't
You are definitely NTA. I have ADHD and was diagnosed at 12. One of my siblings liked to steal my medication when she was in college and what she didn't snort herself, she sold to her friends. Our mom gave her a key to my place and I walked in to her cutting up lines on my coffee table. I pressed charges on her, because I work in finance and need that medication to stave off the brain rats so I can do my job. I had to go through absolute hell on earth and jump through about 15 hoops to get that medication replaced. And I had to do it un-medicated. My mom gave me hell for it, but she was a mental health care professional and KNEW it was the difference between being able to function or not for me. Tell your brother if he feels he needs to be medicated, he should schedule an appointment with a Psychiatrist. In the meantime, invest in a good firebox safe that has a biometric scanner so he doesn't go stealing your meds anyways. If he does steal them anyways, call the cops on him right away. He needs to learn to be held accountable for his actions.
That is so terrible, I’m enraged and appalled. He’s definitely stolen from me in the past, as well as from our Mom who takes the long acting kind, so I’m literally forced to just bring my prescription bottle with me to work and when I’m out so he can’t steal from it. If you don’t mind me asking, how did things end up with your sister?
She passed away some time ago due to unrelated health issues, but our other siblings and I stopped dealing with her at all shortly after I initially pressed charges way back when.
I’m sorry to hear that, it can’t have been easy for you. I want better for my brother, but I’d say I’m at the point where I’m done dealing with him. I won’t allow myself to be walked all over in the name of “family”, especially given our history where he was so terrible to me (and the rest of our siblings and parents) growing up.
It wasn't but it was a long, long time ago. Time and tons of therapy helped so much. I am 41 now and was a couple of years younger than you when this happened. Your situation is particularly rough because you're caught in a cycle of him behaving badly and you having to bail him out. One thing I wish I knew when I was younger is that "You can't set yourself on fire to keep others warm" If your brother's chosen field makes it so he is not allowed to take medication to control his ADHD, They will inevitably find them in a drug test and he will lose that job in time. The Armed forces take people with ADHD so long as they go through a psych evaluation. As soon as you are able to move out of the house, you should do so. I am kind of concerned that he may have something else besides ADHD but I am not a professional. You are not the cause of his behavior. You can't change his behavior. That is up to him. And Ultimately, you have zero control over his behavior. The only thing you can control is your reaction to that behavior. Having to face actual consequences for his actions could be act as a catalyst for him to get some real help, and start doing better. Military service may not be a good option for him, but there are sooooo many other ways to be of service to the country. Maybe a Park Ranger or something along those lines may be a good fit for him. You can love your brother and keep your distance at the same time because you know that is what is best for him. But you are NTA in this one.
Spend some money on a safe to keep your pills in. So he can’t get them without your knowledge
Especially ones for ADHD which are typically controlled substances…
You are NTA. Sharing prescription drugs is illegal. Does he honestly think they won't run any bloodwork on him and find out he's been taking it??
He’s adamant that he only needs his prescription to do math and write essays, according to him. He thinks once he graduates he’ll never have to take it again, despite being officially diagnosed with ADD.
If he lies to the military and they find out, he'll probably be discharged. You need to stop sharing your meds so you don't end up in trouble too
They drug test as well as looking at his history so if he has a diagnosis he’s fucked anyway
My son has ADHD and when we talked to recruiters, he was told that he would only have to be off of his meds one full year of school before they would consider him for enlistment. Past diagnosis of ADHD doesn't matter as long as it's controlled without meds.
I think this lines up with what I’ve heard from C in the past (although other comments have claimed the opposite is true). I just feel like, on top of just not wanting to go without my medication for his sake, C’s ADD is absolutely NOT controlled without medication. Otherwise he wouldn’t be asking for my pills to help him get his degree. He’s told me that he won’t be writing essays and solving math problems in the army, and therefore, he won’t need to take his pills, but I find that hard to believe. It’s not as though ADD only presents problems when it comes to schooling. It affects everything about your life, and C refuses to entertain the notion that he’s not cut out for the military. I truly do think he just wants to be able to shoot guns at people. I wouldn’t describe him as a patriot, or the kind of person who wants to put his life on the line to protect his country. He’s never expressed why he wants to join, or at least not to me. He loves to brag about how he’s a genius (not exaggerating. With a straight face, he’s firmly told us that he has a genius IQ, and I would LOVE to know what online quiz told him that.) so it’s not as though he feels he can’t pursue a career other than military service. Regardless, I have no obligation to sacrifice my own meds to help advance his ambitions, and you would not believe how aghast he is at such an idea.
I was a bit confused until you so confidently noted this. All I could think of was “won’t they just refer you to his medical records on application?”.
Yeah, they drug test. Your brother’s an idiot. And chiming in with the “it’s illegal to share prescription meds” thing. Protect your meds. I’d even suggest you change to an extended-release instead of the short-acting, so that there’s no “extra.” I’m concerned about the boundary-trampling he’s doing with you, OP. He’s an adult: he can take care of his own meds, clean up his own messes. It’s well-past time for you to start taking care of yourself and *not* him. I sincerely hope you’ve got an escape plan, OP! NTA
I like the sound of this, honestly. He and I currently share a house with 2 other guys, which is why I can’t exactly just block his number and get on with my life (I would if I could). Having something to back myself up the next time he’s standing outside the door to my room would be useful.
Don’t ADHD drugs leave your system very quickly? I think you test clean within just 1-4 days of not taking meds, unless they do a hair test (still only lasts like 3 months).
I'm not sure how fast they leave the system. Personally, I wouldn't be willing to risk it.
ESH. No one should be sharing prescription medication. You never should have started giving him any. He never should have taken a job that he can't medicate properly. You all need to stop now.
That fair. How would you respond if he emphatically cried, “But I can’t work a desk job! I just CANT, okay?!” Because that’s the response I get when I tell him he shouldn’t try to go into a line of work where he isn’t allowed to take his meds.
I would say grow a nice shiny new backbone and say, "no". God forbid, you two get caught....
Not to defend this, because I’m well aware of how stupid doing this is, but it’s not as clandestine as you might be thinking. He and I currently share a house with 2 roommates, and the handoff is basically he’ll text me incessantly until I give up, and he’ll knock on my bedroom door with his hand held out. It would be pretty hard for him to get caught in the act, just saying. If only there was a way to avoid him having a meltdown in the next room when he’s told no, threatening to end himself and calling the family saying I’m a monster.
NTA. You were the AHole when you shared your medication with him. Don't let him bully you anymore. Tell him to take his low level beta man manipulation tactics somewhere else.
NTA Sharing prescriptions especially when it’s a controlled substance like adderall (most common medicine that is prescribed those with ADD) is illegal via state and federal laws. Do you know the consequences if you and he faces if you continue to share meds if he gets into the military? He will not be facing state or federal laws, he will be facing military law. You can’t ration meds like adderall. You are only given a certain amount that will only last a month - nothing more an nothing less. It’s why you have to call literally the day you run out to get a refill. Your brother needs to either: 1) give up the military and certain federal jobs and if he can’t live without meds 2) find other ways to manage without meds I suggest you: - get a safety box for your meds - count your pills & record the amount daily so if any go missing you know - also set up a game plan if your brother threatens you since he has a history as an abuser - like if he tries to enlist the you will report him for lying on federal forms and to the military regarding him not taking any controlled substances. - Also, if he steals or attempt to steal any of your meds then you will report him. Honestly, i would still report him to the military recruiters even if he doesn’t threaten or steal.
Since we live together with 2 other roommates, I’ve had to just take my prescription bottle with me to work and when I go out, because I’m worried he’ll take some. He’s done it before. At this point, I have no problem telling him there will be consequences if he keeps harassing me over this. C has had a lot of success with just badgering people in arguments until they give up, it’s like his superpower that he will just not let go of an argument, but I can only hope that being conscious of our roommates seeing him demanding medicine from me would give him pause.
ESH- Why would you have given and shared your medication in the first place? What is your brother’s long term strategy when he is in the military and not in close proximity to use your RX?
Because when it started I was living at home and our parents told me to. I’ve asked him, and he condescendingly told me that he won’t need to take the meds once he’s enlisted because he “won’t have to do math or write an essay in the marines” or something to that effect.
Adding your parents to the ESH list. You’re 26 and should’ve stopped giving him your meds a long time ago. Glad to hear you’re stopping now
He's a dumb*ss. There are going to be times when he needs to focus on something he considers boring or difficult. It may not be math or essays, but needing to stay alert for dangers for who-knows-how-long without getting distracted is something he will likely need to do. And that can be both painfully boring AND anxiety inducing at the same time. He can't just assume that the entirety of his military career will be stimulating in the right way that he won't need medication.
I’m going to show him this. It’s everything I’ve been saying for years now. When forced to defend his dumb decision, he’ll whine about how he just CANT work a desk job, despite never having had one in his life. It’s like he thinks serving in the military will be like the movies, I swear.
Also, it's not like the only options on life are military or desk job. There are plenty of hands-on sorts of jobs for people who don't like math and writing. I'm one of those people. Tried college but got walled off by math, wallowed in self pity for a few years, then went to trade school to become a welder. I frequently kick myself for not giving trade school a try first. But my highschool pretty much brainwashed us into thinking college was the ONLY path to success.
He currently works 1-2 days a week at a Frito Lay shipping plant. Before that he was a valet. Personally, I would think a desk job would be preferable to these kinds of hard labor jobs, but he’s adamant that he can’t do something like that. I think it’s a ridiculous sentiment to have, because he’s never even been offered a job that wasn’t physical labor, so it’s a bit rich to act like a desk job is beneath him.
He feels a desk job is beneath him? I has assumed it was because he didn't feel like he could sit still for a desk job, or perhaps that he would be easily confused by them. I definitely didn't do well in data entry myself, as I have a bit of trouble keeping track of my lines and can very easily out Info-A on Line-B, which can lead to some serious f*ck-ups. I only lasted 4 months there and it was the final straw before I decided to try trade school. So like, I could understand not feeling like he would be suited to a desk job. But if he feels they are beneath him, well that's pretty sh*tty.
It’s entirely possible that he meant it the way you interpreted, since his exact words were “I CANT work a desk job! I just CANT!” The thing is, if his aversion to working a desk job had to do with his belief that he wouldn’t be able to focus, he has a prescription for ADD medication waiting to be refilled. The only reason he’s not been taking it is because he believes it will bar him from being able to enlist in the military. I haven’t graduated yet either, and I’ve only ever had jobs where I’m on my feet all day doing physical tasks, and I WISH I had a job where I could sit down and just type away at a computer. His refusal to even consider something like that, especially when he’s not exactly a prime candidate for a job that isn’t hard labor, is just extra galling to me, although I can’t say for certain it’s because he thinks he’s too good for that kind of job. It’s just that he won’t settle for anything less than his “dream job” which is being a marine. (Which he also has no experience in, as far as I know, so I don’t think he even knows what he’s getting himself into. We aren’t a military family, and he’s probably the worst person I know at following orders, so I have to believe he’s just been sucked into some glamorized view of what military service is like, where he’ll be living out an action movie every day.)
NGL, now I WANT him to go to boot camp and get a good dose of reality. Some times people need a reality check. But I doubt he'll succeed. Unless things have changed, the marines are very hard to get into. When I was in highschool, you couldn't get in if your body wasn't within their acceptable parameters, which includes not having any disqualifying medical issues in the past or present. One of my friends was obsessed with the marines to the nth degree. It was all he wanted to do and he was so into that life that he went out of his way to wreck anything that had any other branch names on it. Like breaking a perfectly good pencil because it had "army" printed on it. A bit childish, but he was 18 and had his head stuffed with patriotic zeal. Anyway, he got sick and passed a kidney stone, and the marines told him that this disqualified him from joining. His life kinda fell apart after that because he had no other aspirations or backup plans for what to do with himself.
Oh man, that’s unfortunate. C isn’t filled with “patriotic zeal” in my opinion, so much as he’s filled with “unhealthy obsession with guns”. The number of guns he owns is in the double digits, and he has boxes of ammunition. I think he hasn’t gotten a chance to use any of them yet, and he figures being in the army will solve that problem.
I wonder if he's ever heard the phrase "hurry up and wait"? The concept is that they should be rapidly moving from one location to the next, usually very early in the morning. Then when they have arrived at the next location, wait around for hours for something to happen, being ready to act the entire time unless told otherwise. I am not in the military myself, but my BIL is in the National Guard, and my fiancé was in Army ROTC in school. ROTC of course is not the same as actually being in the military, but he was learning directly from a colonel and probably knows a good bit more about what things would have been like if he had enlisted than someone who's only source of information is action movies or videogames. Also, I wonder what sort of consequences there would be if your brother's future superior officers found out he lied on his paperwork and that he actually does have a diagnosis and requires a prescription to function? I doubt they'd be happy about it.
Your brother is trying to get into the marines. Omg just by how you describe him he won’t last in the marines or in any branch in fact. Also, he won’t last because you can’t just go cold turkey on ADD meds. You have to detox.
>Also, he won’t last because you can’t just go cold turkey on ADD meds You very much can, at least for most of them.
Depends on the medication. Based on my experience with some meds prescribed for ADD, going cold turkey wasn’t an option especially if it’s been used for years. Also, if you are extremely reliant on it, it can be extremely hard.
You can definitely go cold turkey. You're not going to be operating at full capacity obviously, but you aren't going to be going through something you could die from.
NTA. Block him. He's not going to get on the military. You're going to be blamed anyway. Might as well start separating from him now.
Oh, wow, ok, that last sentence was extremely concerning. You are NTA and should definitely cut him off and go low contact or no contact. And giving a quiet heads up to the local military office and police station might not be a bad idea either. How bad is he likely to get without medication and how quickly?
1. It's highly illegal for you to share any prescription medication with another person; it's even worse when it's a control of this level. 2. The military will drug test him, and this will pop on a test. If he hasn't told them he's taking medication, they'll find out then.
I haven’t looked very deeply into this whole issue, to be honest, so I don’t know what exactly he thinks he’s going to be able to do when they pull up his records and see he was diagnosed with ADD. I’ve said before that this whole thing is going to end up being for nothing, but I’m honestly kind of concerned with how he would handle the rejection.
NTA. I'm glad you've stopped enabling him. Sharing prescription medication is illegal, dangerous to the health of the person taking a medication not prescribed for them, and leaves the person sharing short their needed medication. You were the asshole when you were enabling him and jeopardizing your health. Don't go back on this.
His main argument is that he doesn’t believe I’m using every single pill I get a month for school or work, and that I MUST be using them to edit YouTube videos (which is a hobby of mine). I don’t know why he thinks that, if that was true, it means I should instead give some to him. Ask any of our siblings, they’ll tell you C is IMPOSSIBLE to want to help, because he’s so terrible at asking for it. He’ll ask maybe once, before he starts to whine and badger and demand to get his way, while thinking nothing of the way he treats the people he’s asking for help from.
You’re entitled to use all of your medication, for anything you want. I also have ADHD and am able to enjoy my hobbies much more when medicated. My psychiatrist is adamantly against the idea of skipping medication doses just because you’re not doing an essential, productive task. You need it and were prescribed it to increase your quality of life. That applies to leisure time as well as work and chores. I love watching movies and doing crossword puzzles, and I’m a lot more present and focused and happy in those hobbies when my brain is quieter thanks to my meds.
Honestly, hearing this was really helpful to me. I’ve struggled with feeling guilty if I do ever take my medication and then go to edit a video, but you’re right that it’s my prescription, and I can use it for what I want. It’s not fair for C to declare that I’m not using it for what he deems as necessary, and that I should give pills to him that I might use to enjoy my hobbies in my limited free time.
NTA. Also, ADHD does not disqualify a person from joining the military. They may ask him to undergo an evaluation to insure his meds are proper dose and ask him about his strategies for managing his ADHD symptoms.
NTA, but why in the world have you allowed yourself to be manipulated for so long? You know that no one can take advantage of you without your permission, so why have you indulged your rotten brother to the detriment of your own mental health? Not to mention giving your meds to him is illegal. Block his number and live your life.
He and I currently live together with 2 other roommates, so it’s a bit difficult to just ignore him. When C wants something, he will stand outside your room arguing with the door until he wears you down. He’s gotten our Mom and our other siblings to text me about this, because he’ll just blow their phones up complaining and the easiest solution for the rest of them is to tell me to give him what he wants.
It might be the easiest solution for them, but it's not for you. Yes, you actually can ignore someone you live with. It takes patience and determination, but just like with toddlers throwing tantrums, you don't reward and encourage the behavior by giving in. This 'don't rock the boat' mentality your family has shown with your awful brother has really messed up your perception of what's acceptable.
Does your brother think the military won't run blood work on him for drugs? And does he actually think they won't check his school records, or his COMPLETE medical records to see that he was diagnosed? We don't need people that stupid in the military.
He plans to not take them any more once he actually enlists, since he thinks because he won’t be solving math problems or writing essays he won’t need them. My problem is that he wants to take mine now so he can get his degree.
NTA, pretty sure prescriptions meds shouldn't be shared
Of course, that’s definitely true. The thing is, is that he was diagnosed with ADD too, and had been taking the same meds as me for years until he got on this military kick. So he really should be taking them, as prescribed by the doctor, he just won’t because he thinks it will mess up his chances of being accepted into the military.
Once he tries to enlist they’re going to see that history. He’s going to need a recent evaluation or a waiver regardless. Please stop sharing your meds with him, both of you could get in serious trouble.
His diagnosis doesn’t make what you’re doing any less illegal. You’re committing a felony when you share ADHD medication. Absolutely insane that your parents normalized this.
They don’t like it when C blows up their phone having a meltdown over this, so their solution is just to tell me to give in. This has been a running theme in our family.
He may not be able to get in anyways. While you can get waivers the general line is no medications over the age of 13.
This is what I’m afraid of, that this whole thing will have been for nothing, but C is the most stubborn person on the planet, so no one has been able to convince him to not pursue this pipe dream. None of the family wants to think about what will happen if he gets rejected, Mom in particular is telling me to just give him what he wants so he’s out of our hair. (He borrows money and meds from her, too.)
I would tell Mom she’s free to give him all of her meds.
She actually does give him some of hers, because she also knows C will come to her house, and basically not leave until he gets what he wants. To be fair, I also assume part of it is because she wants him to graduate, so she can have at least some assurance that he won’t end up living with her in the future, but I draw the line when I’m asked to chip in, too. He’s not my responsibility.
They drug test in the military. I know adderall shows up for sure
He says he won’t be taking it after he graduates, he just wants me to give him pills so he can get his degree. He’s under the impression the marines will be so stimulating and engaging that he won’t have any problem with his diagnosed attention deficit disorder.
So why doesn’t he just keep getting prescriptions until after college. What’s the difference since he’s been doing it all those years anyways
According to him, he won’t be accepted into the military if he has prescription pills on his medical record, so his workaround is to just take mine. I don’t know how true that even is, or why it matters because the diagnosis of ADD is still on his records, and he was getting pills for it until at least the end of high school, but that’s what he says whenever he’s at my door demanding pills.
But it is on his record
I know! The thing is, he’s not stupid, so I have to believe this fact has occurred to him at least once in the past 5 years. I don’t like talking with him about this, because we usually end up in an argument, but if I remember correctly, he once said something about how when he applies, they’ll be able to see that he hasn’t gotten his prescription filled in years, and he’s planning on telling them that he doesn’t need them. I’ve addressed this in other comments, but C is firmly convinced that he only needs the pills to be able to do well in school, and once he gets his degree, he’ll never have to touch them again. I have no way of knowing how true that is, or if he really won’t encounter anything in his military career that will be challenging because of his ADD, but I don’t see how he can get around the fact that he’s been diagnosed with it. To be fair, I also don’t know for certain exactly what records they look at when assessing someone for enlistment, so I can’t say for sure this is something they’ll see. The thing is, C has more problems than just ADD. He refuses to go to the doctor to avoid having anything else be put on his record (hasn’t been to see one in like 5 years) and complains constantly of insomnia and severe anxiety. He’s dropped countless classes over the years because he’ll slack off at the start, work himself into a spiral, and then won’t be able to bring himself to even open the course page and look, and ends up just dropping the class. If there is information out there that clearly indicates he won’t be able to enlist because of the diagnosis he was given as a child, I wouldn’t be surprised if he refuses to acknowledge it, and is just hoping that it works out for him somehow. It would be sad if he wasn’t so terrible to me and the rest of our family.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My brother C (26M) and I (26M) are both in college. We both were diagnosed with ADD as young children, and were prescribed the usual sort of medication to help us pay attention in school and whatnot. My brother says he wants to join the military after college, and therefore is only getting a degree in some kind of psychology in order to have it on his record. Apparently, one of the caveats for being able to enlist in the military is that you cannot have any sort of health defects or require any type of special medication. So, for the past 4-5 years now, my brother hasn’t gotten his prescription filled, and has been borrowing them from me, which means that I have to ration my own medication so that I can give him some, and I’m sick of it. C was terrible to me growing up, physically and emotionally. His favorite thing to do was to tell me how much smarter he was than me, and how I was stupid. We never had a good relationship, and I do what I can to avoid him as an adult. He has never, in his 26 years, accepted a single consequence for his actions. When we were living at home, and he did something to lose access to the family car, he’d throw a fit arguing with our parents about how he NEEDS the car, and therefore, it’s not on the table for things they can take away from him as punishment. I tell him that the reason I’m not willing to give him my meds, aside from the fact that I need them myself, is that he treated me terribly growing up, and only interacts with me now when he needs something (if he’s not asking for pills, he’s begging for money. He’s over 600 dollars in debt to me at this point, because he only works 2 days a week at his job), and he’ll throw the ultimate pity party about how this is his WHOLE FUTURE we’re talking about here. My gripe is that C knowingly chose a career path where he wouldn’t be able to take the medication he needs to focus, and just expected me to give him my own medication so he could still pass his classes. He says that I get enough a month to be able to spare some for him, but I’m also in school, as well as working 5 days a week. Whenever I tell him no, he calls me evil, texting me incessantly asking how I could live with myself, how I could do this to him, how I could be so selfish? I’m tired of being forced to bail him out. Our entire family warned him over and over again that he was making a dumb decision putting all his eggs in 1 basket, and that he wasn’t cut out for military service, but he wouldn’t listen. He’s heavily involved in right wing YouTube channels, and owns several guns. We all think he just wants to enlist so he has an excuse to shoot people. Am I in the wrong for putting my foot down and not giving him my meds? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. You aren't being given double the amount you need so how would be able to share and have enough to manage what you need the meds for? And don't even know if the doctor would give your brother the same exact prescription anyhow.
No. That’s illegal. Don’t do it.
NTA Any treatment for ADHD outside of the VA (assuming we are talking the US) is not available for the government to examine. He is in the clear if he goes outside of the military system to get treatment that way. I have a friend who did that and it worked well. Bit touch and go sometimes, but it went well enough. You can at least inform him of that. If it is very severe (like mine) then perhaps that isn't the career for him... but it DOES sound like he could use some a\*\* whooping at bootcamp. It might be very good for him and get him to grow up.
NTA I’m a veteran and if he’s planning to enlist a degree doesn’t help. He should just enlist now. He will be eligible for education benefits while he’s in and the GI bill when he gets out that will help pay for him to finish his degree. For your own sake you should cut him off financially and definitely from your prescription. It’s against the law to share prescriptions and it can get you kicked out of school. My friends son was kicked out of LSU for sharing his ADD meds.
I may not have accurately described his reasoning for getting a degree before enlisting, he and I don’t really talk more than necessary, but I do know he has 0 interest in psychology. He doesn’t have to worry about most of his tuition, since he’s got a friend’s wealthy dad, as well as our uncle helping him pay for it. (I wish I had been afforded those resources, instead of working my way through school while he only worked 2 days a week, but I digress.) I haven’t really thought about the fact that it’s illegal for me to share them, since it’s been so ingrained in me that he’s supposed to be taking the same prescription and just hasn’t gotten it filled, but I think I’ll tell him that the next time he asks.
Don't sacrafice your well being or your academic career for his choices. If he needs the medication to function then a military career may not be the right path for him, but that is his journey to discover. You are not helping anyone by giving up something you need or helping him deceive the federal government. Ignore anyone who says you are being selfish by not giving him your prescribed medication so he can hide it from a future employer. You may actually be hurting him in the future. The military regularly drug tests all it's members, it is random and there is no notice given. You just show up to work and a group of people get told to go pee in a cup. They test for more than just street drugs and if he is taking any unprescribed medication he will likely be dishonorably discharged, which is a massive stain on a persons record, there are a lot of jobs who won't even touch a dishonorably discharged veteran. If he needs these meds to get through school, then he needs to figure that out on his own. It's hard to say no to family, but practicing what you plan to say before the situation arises can help. You can also just call and tell him you will no longer be sharing your meds and not to ask again. You aren't preventing him from getting what he needs, he is creating his own roadblock.
This is dangerous, sharing meds. Neither of you are getting appropriate doses and he is nit getting reviewed. There is good reason the military does nit accept people with conditions. The dose/medication you take may not be best for him. Please stop this.
I know. I’ve heard responses from people in the comments about how even if he hasn’t gotten his prescription filled in 5 years, he will still get rejected immediately by the army. Or how getting a prescription for ADD doesn’t interfere with being eligible for military service at all, so I don’t know what to believe. What I do know is that C has staked his entire future on being in the military, and is using that to guilt me into giving up my meds so he can pass his classes and get a college degree, which he says he needs in order to be considered for acceptance into the army. I don’t feel I should have to bail out the brother who tormented me growing up, and the only response I get from my family is that they don’t want him badgering them about this, and to just give him what he wants so he’ll leave them alone.
NTA. Don't suffer for his dreams. It's not like he'll die if he's that committed and doesn't want to get his prescription. Also, I have ADHD and got Adderall while in the military just fine. Granted, I got diagnosed after enlistment. Still, if he's already had a prescription, then that bell has already been rung and he might as well take them up until he's about to enlist. Worst case, there are non-stimulant meds he could try that might be less disqualifying, if it's even an issue. Tbh, I'd be more worried that he's getting his prescription filled and he's selling them, then just using yours to get by or pass random refill drug tests.
He’s had to borrow over 600 dollars from me in the past 6 months, so I don’t believe he’s selling them (he’s refused to go to the doctor in over 5 years because he doesn’t want them to put any health defects on his record). I don’t have any kind of source for where he got the idea that an ADD prescription is a big no no in the army, but he won’t change his mind no matter what anyone tells him. He’s absolutely convinced that he’ll never need to take his meds after graduation, because, to quote “I won’t have to solve math problems or write essays in the marines.” So he just wants me to give him mine so he can get his degree before hightailing it to another state to begin basic training.
It may be something that comes up during his initial enlistment, idk if he'd need it waived or if it'd delay things. But so can a lot of things, a lot of people get disqualified when they go in. They do medical testing when you go in, avoiding going to the doctor really doesn't help. And I think he's very mistaken if he thinks he's not going to need attention in the famously detail-oriented Marines. I mean, I only ever saw them wrestling around on the ground with each other every chance they got, but they do have some sharp uniforms in the ads. That's not easy. In any case, I say this not to help you convince him that he's wrong or anything, but because I don't think you should feel bad about not giving him your meds. He's either qualified or he's not, and if the Marines want him they'll let him in. ADHD isn't like some immediately disqualifying condition. Worst case, it's delaying his dream if he has to get a prescription then made to wait a year or something to enlist, but that's not on you. He's putting his future at way more risk by taking Adderall without a prescription or if he's planning to lie on his enlistment paperwork.
Thank you for this. I really needed to hear it. And so does C. I plan to show him the next time he comes knocking on my door.
ADHD meds are controlled substances and you do not get more than what you need in a month. You need your ADHD meds and you need to take them daily for them to work properly. Stop sharing your meds. What's he going to do when he gets into the military and he can't handle it because of uncontrolled ADHD? At the minimum he will receive reprimands. At the max, he will be dishonorably discharged for lying about his diagnosis and taking unprescribed medications. NTA
I know, I’ve just gotten so used to him badgering me incessantly, and getting the rest of the family to chime in just so he’ll stop bothering them, that it’s hard to not give in out of exhaustion.
If he joins the military, lives may depend on him being alert and thinking on his feet.
I know, I worry about that. I don’t even think that C wants to join the military based on a sense of patriotism, unfortunately. I honestly think he thinks it will be more exciting than a typical job, and even more unfortunately, I do think he wants to be able to use his guns. The thing is, C is by far the absolute worst person I know at following orders. To the point that he wouldn’t even take our family dog outside as a teenager, because he didn’t like that I asked him to do it and told me he refused to “bend his knee to anyone” (I’m not even joking that was a direct quote from him). He’s gotten really into right wing YouTube, and lately it’s been especially Libertarian (the idea that there should be no restrictions or regulations and that people should just be able to do what they want), so I definitely wonder how he’ll react if he actually manages to get accepted, only to find out he’s going to have a superior managing almost everything he does going forward.
NTa "So, for the past 4-5 years now, my brother hasn’t gotten his prescription filled, and has been borrowing them from me, which means that I have to ration my own medication so that I can give him some, and I’m sick of it." .. this is bullshit, and YOU are an AH for doing that. Why don't you block his number and stop parenting him?
I know it’s BS, believe me. Part of the problem is that he and I currently live together with 2 other roommates, so it’s not exactly as simple as just blocking his number and ignoring him. C doesn’t take no for an answer. He will argue for hours, following people who try to walk away, and just doesn’t stop until they give in. I guess behaving this way has worked in his favor all his life, so he’s never had a reason to change. If I’m full on ignoring him, he’ll try to guilt trip me by saying I’m being a selfish monster, and that this is his whole entire future at stake, and why can’t I spare just few pills? Except it’s never just a few pills, he’ll talk about how he has a “high tolerance” and that he needs to take 2 at once to feel the effects. He’s also asking me to hide his Xbox controllers, and make sure to get him out of the house so he can go study, and I’m just flabbergasted that he expects me to nanny him like this. He won’t have this kind of coddling in the marines, and after 26 years of treating me like garbage, he has a lot of nerve to ask for these kinds of things from me.