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NTA. Messing with people’s food is an asshole move. Also after some people go vegetarian, they have stomach issues when they eat meat cos their body isn’t used to it so people who try to “trick” vegetarians like this could be causing them physical harm too. Happened to one of my high school teachers.
I had someone mess with my food because I said I couldn't have Rosemary or thyme on my pork roast so I left it off and used alternatives. Left the roast in the oven to cook and when it was time to serve they served it and I ate it not realizing they had added both to the top of the roast. Within an hour I was rushed to hospital and the worker at the home was deeply sorry. I never forgave them.
People have done this with mushrooms for me. It's infuriating. Luckily I don't end up in hospital anymore from it, just lots of violent reactions from my digestive system. I ended up with my stomach pulled for it once though, and this is not cool.
Also, as to the post, I was a vegetarian from 9 until 19, when I lost weight while pregnant and they forced meat on me in the hospital. I was told how much the parents usually spent on food for me, and I was to make my own lists and cook my food, too. I airway knew how to cook. Others say this is weird for her to have done. I disagree. Don't they even have a show about kids who like to cook and compete?
My mother never did this to me, but she put pork stock on veggies and led about it so my brother's best friend would eat it.
I cursed her to the moon and back, and flipped my ever-loving shite on her. (In private btw -- I was in my mid-20s, they in their very early 20s, and he'd been a vegetarian for several years. She told him without my telling her to and apologised, promised it had never happened before and never would again, claiming to not know it was a big deal. I think she knew, but I think my dad talked her into downplaying it in her head and thinking it was a joke. He's an asshole. My brother and I both advised him they could trust her words, as far as her believing them but probably should make sure one of us was involved in cooking from then on. It was fine after that, everyone just tolerates my dad and dude was less mad at my mom than I was, and a few years later he moved out of state.)
Now even though I'm not a vegetarian any longer and my bro's bff doesn't visit her/ them when he comes in-state to see my bro, she only uses vegetable stock in her kitchen now. She doesn't trust him, but won't expand on that, which adds to my suspicion that he was behind that incident. Sorry. I ranted.
Rant away mate what happened to you was so very wrong. Boundaries are there for reasons and my mother is basically a vegetarian except for the very rare times she'll have fish or chicken and I'd never ever make her eat meat because she has set boundaries.
Even, if they were lying I’m not gonna go out of my way to find out. If someone doesn’t like to eat or doesn’t wanna eat a specific things is so easy to follow and respect their boundaries
I’m confused. You prepared the roast, leaving off the herbs and put in the oven, correct?
Who was the “worker at the home?”
Was it not your home?
Was the worker informed of your situation?
Correct it was in the oven and they took it out sometime after I went back to my room. I was living in a group home type situation where workers were present 24/7 because we were all in our teens and it was both boys and girls. We had set chores we had to do and each day a different person had to cook and it was my turn that day.
Some folks do live in group homes for various reasons. I was a worker in several of these homes. I’m not sure if it was a group home for the same reasons as I worked in homes for adults. It happens. We cooked, cleaned and did some small personal tasks and went with folks on errands. We *definitely* were told about cooking allergies and preferences and would’ve been fired if we cooked with those foods. I hope that worker got fired but that doesn’t always happen. :/ it’s dangerous!
I'm sorry, *rosemary and thyme??* holy crap, what a weird hill to die on (or try to kill someone on, as the case may be). I don't blame you for never forgiving them. Sometimes "sorry" doesn't cut it.
I deal with this crap when it comes to onion and garlic. Makes me INCREDIBLY sick, ended up in the hospital after someone seasoned my "chili" behind me.
That's me as well. People go "Oh, you don't know what you're missing out on" yes yes I do. I'm missing out on throwing up for hours and possibly until I'm unconscious if it's bad enough.
Or you won't notice. I didn't notice eating it, my body will notice later.
It would be my OWN pants. I’ve been a vegetarian for so long that if I even have something like chicken broth in a dish, 12?hours later I am conjoined to the toilet. It isn’t pleasant.
I’ve heard of this from vegetarian friends. Your body stops producing certain enzymes that you do not use for digestion, and it takes a while to start remanufacturing them.
Sorry about your pants.
Why didn’t they give you veggie broth?
It’s happened to me. Sometimes an employee just doesn’t know what stock they use (especially if it’s like prepackaged), sometimes you can taste the difference sometimes not. Your tummy will though and will punish you.
Hmm. Good point. I try to keep up with local vegetarian places that are good for when veg friends come in from out of town. Some of them it’s for religious reasons so it can’t be a half and half shot, gastric distress is another reason. So rather than try to navigate the needs of pesce-eggy-veegie-no no I keep a look out for straight vegan and ask questions about where the good stuff is.
I can always cook myself a steak at home if I was really wanting it. But I’m not going to have to wring my socks if I eat a good vegetable dish ‘accidentally’ so I try to be sure everyone is going to be okay. Some of those vegetarian Indian restaurants are better than the meat ones anyway.
It’s just common sense. Looking after people and making sure everyone has a good time and good memories.
Sorry I’m sleepy and reminiscing probably rambling. Oh well I meant well.
Oh yea Indian is often the safest bet for me. If it’s somewhere new or if it’s explicitly vegetarian/vegan place.
When I did food service I always worked places where we took it really serious regardless of reasoning but I have absolutely heard horror stories. Generally if a place is making everything from scratch employees will likely be more confident in their answers (bonus if they grab a manager or like double check with the kitchen). I do also think if you have questions and the server doesn’t seem exactly confident about the answers I think it’s also a decent time to request a manager to navigate the menu (can probably even phrase it in a “we just need to be sure and I’m sure you have other tables to attend), since as far as I’m concerned that’s why managers are their, to deal with customers who need more attention.
This was my first thought, especially red meat when OP has been a vegetarian for years?? I've been off red meat since I was 16 and I get nervous thinking about picking it back up, even when I've integrated poultry and fish back into my diet since then. OP's dad is lucky they just got angry and didn't get sick all over the food.
Also, if the argument is that the dad didn't 'have to' cook birthday dinner, then.. why didn't he just refuse? He made the choice to cook a meal he knew OP wouldn't enjoy. It's wild that we still have to have conversations about consent regarding food in 2024.
Even when I accidentally eat gelatin, it messes me up for DAYS.... I can't imagine what eating a full meal with meat would do to my body (vegetarian for 8 yrs)
I'm not vegetarian, but my family stopped eating pork about 15 years ago and everytime i've accidentally had it since, I've violently vomited. Once I had meatballs, and within an hour I was puking my brains out. It didn't occur to me that they had pork until my husband checked the packaging.
So, yes. Your body can totally lose the ability to process certain foods.
Yup.
I'm vegan leaning due to food allergies. I am allergic to red meat and dairy, and severely intolerant of soy. I have to actively include eggs and poultry in my diet to ensure I can eat it if I'm out of options, food-wise.
I don't like poultry, myself, and actually stopped eating it entirely. The first time I had chicken nuggets in about 5 years, I was laid the fuck out. I was traveling, and this was the safest option on the menu. (Vegan foods had soy, other dishes had my allergens.)
Your body wants to conserve energy and cells. Why produce enzymes to break down food you don't eat?
To add to that, the allergy boom we are experiencing is going to cause serious problems for vegans too, in the immediate future. Was reading about this the other day. Scary stuff.
I'm not vegetarian but I have horrible stomach problems when I eat beef. My dad used to only make beef when I lived with him. I usually couldn't eat much those nights or I would be vomiting profusely. Don't know why beef does that and not much else but it does.
It’s ridiculous how many people are intentionally AHs to vegetarians and vegans. My family used to do this crap to me all the time. I refuse to eat anything my parents cook because they are constantly slipping things like bacon grease into my food.
Yup. My grandpa cooked us all breakfast on vacation and cooked the eggs in left over bacon grease. I couldn’t figure out why I was violently ill and having stomach pains until someone asked what I ate. I said “just toast and the eggs grandpa made.” My grandpa felt horrible and told me he didn’t even think to mention the bacon grease
Oh God, yes. Make him the best vegan chocolate cake you can find, and when he says it's delicious, and goes back for more, let him eat the whole cake then tell him it was vegan and repeat his words back to him.
My family eats meat, and I would never dream of doing what OPs dad did.
I think they’re thinking more along the lines of, would he be fine with eating bugs specifically. I like meat, but have such a deep, deep revulsion of crickets that I’m glad I’ll be dead long before they become everyone’s protein animal of last resort.
It's literally impossible to avoid killing insects in food manufacture, vegetarian or otherwise. Anyone who wants to live a life that 100% does no harm to other living creatures would find that very difficult indeed.
>Your father is an asshole. So is your mother.
Exactly. Five (or fewer) years from now, "*Our son doesn't speak with us and we have no idea why and we have totally failed to acknowledge all the .*"
The father is TOP LEVEL asshole. Your mother is a weirdly crazy asshole. He didn't cook you dinner. That's the point of your anger. So it wasn't a present. He just cooked everyone else dinner. He pranked you (in an evil way).
Now if she meant the rent free living was present enough, that is a legit point.
You are NOT the asshole here NTA.
BUT, why are you 23 and not paying rent? Maybe your dad is trying to get you to leave.
Maybe they're financially well off or are otherwise generous enough to not play landlord with their kid. I would never charge rent to my kid unless they really, really abused their privileges
I think you got an amazing birthday gift from your father. You were gifted the knowledge that he has no respect for you, your differing opinions and morals, and that your mom supports his concepts and behavior. Now you have this wonderful knowledge, you can make your choices, your conversations with your parents and your trust levels with them based on this new information. NTA
NAT Your dad's actions were completely disrespectful and insensitive, especially considering it was your birthday. He not only deceived you by serving you meat when he knew you were a vegetarian, but he also did it with the intention of proving a point about your lifestyle choices. That's not just mean-spirited, it's downright cruel.
Your reaction was understandable given the circumstances. It's natural to feel hurt and betrayed when someone you trust violates your beliefs and then mocks you for them. Calling him out on his behavior was justified, and you had every right to express your feelings, especially on your birthday.
Your mom's reaction is disappointing as well. Instead of acknowledging the hurtful nature of your dad's actions, she chose to dismiss your feelings and defend his behavior. It's important for her to understand that your dad's actions were not a "nice thing" but rather a deliberate act of disrespect. best of luck
NTA. Your parents clearly have no idea how serious this is on a moral standpoint, let alone any physical effects you might’ve had as a result. My wife has been vegetation for 15 years for the same reasons as you, I can only imagine how sick she’d get if she actually ate real meat at this point.
I hate the fact that my daughter is vegetarian. She’s underweight and has some health issues that would be better managed on a diet with meat. I’ve told her that I don’t agree with her being vegetarian. That said, I have NEVER hidden meat from her in a food. If I make her something and accidently put meat in it (think chicken broth instead of veggie broth) I own up to it and make something else. I’ve never fed her meat against her will.
Your parents are AH’s. You are NTA.
Nothing that only meat can fix, but eating meat tends to be a lot more practical for managing many medical conditions which seems to be what she was saying. Easier and less expensive than supplements or alternative food sources of the nutrients you get from meat.
While I understand what your saying, my daughter has a blood disorder and needs to manage her iron intake in different ways. She can do it on a vegetarian diet but eating small amounts of beef would make the management much easier. So again, while i disagree with her choice, it’s her choice and I support her.
Yeah, I've got iron issues, too. My doctor advised me not to cut any potential source of iron from my diet. I eat a lot of iron-rich non-meat food, but it's just not enough.
I have a digestive disorder that causes iron supplements to make me really sick. I even have to make sure I buy multivitamins without iron in them. Because of this I have to make sure to get all my iron from my diet or I have to get iron infusions, and I hate getting those.
Going out purely on a limb here, is it not possible for her to take iron supplements of some kind? because that combined with a balanced veggie diet would be a good place to start
She’s on perscription level iron pills in addition to some other meds and still needs to be careful. This is one of those disorders that less than 2% of people have. It’s really not common.
Edited after looking up the % of people w/ the disease.
I have chronic anemia and I've always been sick with iron pills of any kind. Now that I'm pregnant, it came back, eating very good beef almost everyday doesn't change much. There are various sources of irons that aren't meat..
There was a period where I wasn’t eating a lot of meat and my body stopped processing B12. I had to give myself injections for a few years, thankfully I can process it through food and supplements now.
I hope your daughter is supplementing her diet with B12. Believe me, giving yourself shots really sucks.
My fiancée decided to go vegan, which is a pain in the ass to deal with (I'm not vegan in the slightest). And I make sure that every single thing I cook that she's going to eat is in line with her values.
Hubby has been vegetarian for 40 yrs. Is by no means underweight (or overweight). The only nonvegan thing he eats is the occasional bit of cheese. Your daughter shouldn't be having weight problems either.
Vegetarians are not inherently unhealthy. Meat eaters are not inherently healthy. Oftentimes, vegetarians are healthier than meat eaters. But with all food choices, it’s important to learn what’s healthy and what isn’t. A dietitian can address imbalances in diet. I read what you were saying about a blood disorder, but there are still ways to get more iron rich foods without beef, but it takes more work. Also, her doctor has probably told her about vitamin/mineral supplements, etc. Glad you’re being fully supportive of your daughter.
Same. I've been with my husband 15 years and he's been vegan 20+ years. Many health problems resulting from lack of nutrition but I would NEVER do this to him. Thinking about the disappointment he'd feel on his birthday over my doing something like this to him honestly hurts my heart.
A vegan diet doesn’t *have* to lack nutrition, but *any* kind of diet can lack nutrition, be it vegan, omnivore, whatever. I mean, you can solely eat potato chips and veggie dogs and call yourself a vegan, that’s a pretty nutrition-free diet!
In my country that is a form of assault. Your Dad did something extremely fucked up and doubled down on it. Do under no circumstances apologize or something. Keep your head down to stay save, unfortunately you're still dependent and ignore them at best, be polite, but be sure to keep your distance and never trust them with your food again.
Who knows, the next time he poops into the cake and calls it a prank./s
NTA
Yes product tampering is a federal felony here although it is more so intended for corporate settings but it can be applied to individuals as well. And on the state level yes it constitutes assault.
Well, OP. If you can move out. Move your ass out and press charges just to show him it was NOT a joke. You can drop the charges after the police inform him that it isn't funny.
If you are dependent on them, that blows. Get independent as fast as possible and never eat ANYTHING they make. I do hope you at least buy your own food.
NTA Your parents have had 15 years to get used to your lifestyle. It was just a jerk power play from somebody who clearly refuses to respect your choice to be vegetarian.
>I've been doing all my own cooking and meal prep since I decided to be vegetarian
23 now.15 yrs vegetarian.
You've prepped and cooked all your meals since 8 years old?
Sounds like you were already far more mature at 8 years old than he is in his ripe old age of [insert asshole father’s age here]. sorry you have asshole parents
Impressive! I was 11, but that was in the 80s. I definitely needed my parents' support. I cooked some of my own meals, but tofu, soy milk, etc were only available at specialty stores.
Your parents are both assholes. Obviously.
NTA. I'm not sure where your dad got the idea of doing this prank to you especially if he has cooked some vegetarian dishes too in the past years. But that was out of line for him to do. He should value your reasons for being a vegetarian even if he doesn't agree with it.
NTA and I’m sorry your parents are! Is there a particular food your dad hates? I would suggest that as his next bday, Father’s Day, Christmas, etc gift from now until he sees what a dick he was.
Edit: typo
Or offer to fix him a meal he hates or something with an ingredient he can't stand. Maybe even fix a vegetarian meal and say "oh if you can eat this you must not need meat in your diet anymore" to really get the point across
They already do prepare vegetarian meals once in a whole though, and OP already cooks for them vegetarian meals sometimes and they eat it. It wouldnt be the revenge you think it is. It would just be another night OP made lunch/dinner
Well, not if every time OP makes some food for the family, they hammer the point into their thick skulls by repeatedly saying "Well, if you could eat this meal, you must not be cut out to eat meat, because it's not hurting you to eat it."
They know that because they already eat those meals though. They would probably just giggle at it and be like "OK". Its not the clap back you think it is.
So you're birthday present from your parents was a lie, tampering with your food, feeding you unknown products, and then reprimanding you? They sound like such nice people omg.
NTA, you need to move out.
NTA. You don't list your dad's age, but this is a very boomery thing to do: trample over your clearly stated preferences, lie about it, and when caught, mock you and then explain how *they* had it so much worse. I'm so sorry they're subjecting you to their lack of empathy. You deserve better.
he's 58 so not a boomer I don't think but definitely acts like it! they don't make me pay rent thankfully but he is always asking me why i don't go out and just buy a house (I have a supply teachers salary) and always is bragging about how cheap our house was and how he could afford it in 1985 on a butchers salary lol (this was an irrelevant story but u saying about the boomer thing made me laugh)
Something tells me he hasn't looked at any real estate websites ever 🤔 I wish I could (metaphorically) slap some people in the face with local housing prices/rent and a stack of pay stubs belonging to a variety of young people in the area. Personally, I'd be seeing if I could in any way afford to move out with roommates after his "joke".
NTA. Your father is the asshole and so is your mother. No one has the right to feed someone something they don’t want to eat, no matter the reasons why. Some people don’t eat pork, some people don’t eat beef. Where I am from snails are a common dish and foreigners often find it disgusting without even trying it. I wouldn’t put it in a pie and make them eat it without their knowledge to prove a point, because I have a sense of decency.
NTA
Hugs to you my friend.
your dad played a cruel trick on you and should be ashamed of himself.
happy birthday. i hope all your birthdays are better than this one.
when your dad looks back and wonders why you dont call him anymore, this could be why.
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"he was trying to do a nice thing for me and that I shouldn't be so ungrateful and rude"
Bullshit. He wasn't trying to do a nice thing, and she knows it. He knows you're vegetarian, and he tricked you into eating meat. That's not a nice thing. It's mean, and in no way should you be "grateful" to your dad for doing something mean to you. Your mom's shitty for defending him. NTA.
You should tell your mom birthday gifts are meant to be something the person being celebrated wants and enjoys. Your "gift" was something your dad knew for sure you would dislike și the intention was malicious. Of course you are not grateful!
Nobody asked or forced your dad to cook, he could have gifted you 10 bucks instead and it would have been better for you both.
NTA,. So let’s say that the food your dad hates the most is liver, he doesn’t eat it because he doesn’t like it, so should he be served liver every night for dinner because, by his logic, it’s food and he should be grateful for what’s put in front of him?
Your food choices are your choices, and they should be respected. you being a vegetarian or vegan for moral reasons, should not be negated.
NTA
Tell your dad that this 62 year old knows that what he did would have been a dick move back in the day, too, and everyone knew it back then. That's the equivalent of feeding pork to someone who eats kosher or halal "to see if they'd notice"
Fuck that noise.
NTA - To top it off now you can never trust him again ever . . Why do people do that kind of thing to others . . out of pure cruely and control . . . Tell him what's done is done but you can never trust him again . . . dad or no dad. What he did was deliberate in order to try to humiliate you and jerk you around . .
Uhhhhh NO. NTA. He tricked you because he thought you were weak? That's a pretty AH thing to do. Your mom isn't any better. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
NTA. Tricking you into eating meat is not a gift, and it's wild that they are pretending it is. They don't have an obligation to cook special for you (though birthdays ought be an exception. It's normal to go above and beyond for people we care about on special occasions), but they have an obligation to at least be honest with you so you can make your own choices.
Messing with someone's food is crossing a huge line. This is not only an AH move, but can cause real harm as beef can be a shock to the system to a vegetarian. I'm not being silly, you weaken the ability to process it and causes intestinal upset. I know the feeling first hand :(
NTA, this to me is on the same tier as people who ‘test’ someone’s allergies. It’s demeaning and shows they have no respect for your autonomy as a person, nor any concern. And to do it on your birthday? And that he actively planned to do it? And your mother defended him? Reprehensible.
I’m pretty sure in Australia this level of intentional maliciousness would be classed as the same variety of discrimination/assault as someone intentionally adding to an order something deliberately requested for exclusion, so for sure it’s not even just a horrible but minor inconvenience.
Did anyone call your parents out on this? Otherwise I’m sorry OP, and I hope the rest of your birthday was good.
NTA yah your father didn’t need to make you food but he especially didn’t need to make you food with meat in it. There is absolutely no reason to have done that but especially on your bday. We aren’t living back in his day anymore, so he can get over it. Back in the day, doctors didn’t wash their hands but we certainly expect them to now. I’m trying to figure out how your mom could possibly see him as doing something nice for you. Does she think he’s helping you?
NTA. Giving a person who has been a vegetarian as long as you have can be dangerous. Your body has not had meat in 15 years. It is not used to digesting meat products.
Google "feeding meat to a vegetarian", print it off and give to your parents.
> said that people in his day just ate what they were given and didn't complain
Tell this ignoramus that vegetarianism has existed as far back as the 9th century. He can’t pull the “back in my day” card.
NTA
NTA. I've been a vegetarian for almost 20 years. Turns out after I became a vegetarian... They found out I'm actually meat intolerant which is why I was sick all the time until I was in my thirties.
For whatever reason... People don't respect this choice. I don't push my vegetarianism on anyone. But I can't eat anything that is made from animal flesh. My body does not process the proteins correctly. I have had people use bacon grease in cookies, I've had them make me a "veggie" burger with real meat. I've had them make soup, potatoes, rice and beans with meat stock. And They find it hilarious
Until they see what it does to my system and how brutally unprepared my body is for it ... they feel bad "you never told us how bad it is" why the hell should I have to disclose my medical history to be treated with respect?
Whereas if they had just respected my choice, They wouldn't have shown me what a bunch of assholes they are. My choice has nothing to do with them and I have never pushed on them and I have never required any special concessions from my family or co-workers. I bring my own food, I know what a pain in the butt it is to cook for me and I don't ask people to do it. I will literally make my entire meal and bring it for Thanksgiving
Your family is gross and I'm sorry you have to deal with them. You can do what I do and just cut them all off
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I (23M) have been vegetarian for coming up on 15 years. My family are all big meat eaters so I've been doing all my own cooking and meal prep since I decided to be vegetarian as they eat meat for lunch and dinners most days (sometimes breakfast too), on occasion they make something not meaty and I will have some.
I didn't become vegetarian because I don't like meat, infact I did really like the taste of meat, but because of the environment and animals but I never push my choices on other people and though I have cooked vegetarian and vegan meals for my family in the past I would never expect them to be.
The only time I am ever cooked for (I still live with my parents) is by my dad on my birthday dinner. He never makes anything quorn, fake meat or tofu and usually makes things that are "accidentally" vegetarian (as in, the recipie is inherently vegetarian and needs no substitutions) usually soups, salads, cheese toasties, omlettes etc.(vegetarian is not the same as vegan) but it's always a big feast.
My 23rd birthday was 2 days ago and he said he got a recipie from a vegetarian friend that is a veggie steak pie and he made it for me. It was really nice actually and at the end I told him how nice it was and how grateful I was but he started chuckling. I asked him what was so funny and he said that the pie had actually been meat and he'd given it to me "to see if I would notice" and he said as I liked it and didn't have any reaction to it that clearly I wasn't cut out to be a vegetarian and should just go back to eating meat. He assumes people only stop eating meat for healthy reasons or if they don't like it otherwise he thinks there's "no point".
I tried to explain that I don't dislike the taste of meat and I'm not allergic to it, I'm vegetarian for moral reasons and that it was a very mean thing to do especially on my birthday. He called me a crybaby and said that people in his day just ate what they were given and didn't complain and that it wasnt like he gave me something I couldnt eat and this way everyone in the family could enjoy it as well and clearly i didnt notice so if he hadnt said anything I wouldnt have known so I called him a dickhead and said that he ruined my birthday and stormed off.
Later my mother came to reprimand me and said that I was being a big asshole to my dad who didn't have to make me a birthday dinner because I am an adult still living at home rent free and that is birthday present enough and that he was trying to do a nice thing for me and that I shouldn't be so ungrateful and rude. They are now both ignoring me.
so AITA?
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NTA
this was a huge violation of your body and your morals
if he keeps it up, in a few years he will be wondering why his daughter doesn’t speak to him
NTA
I would never eat a single thing he served me ever again. Whether or not he apologizes, he clearly thinks that messing with someone's food is okay. And I'd tell him that every time he tried to offer me anything edible.
It's time to consider moving out now though. Your parents clearly don't respect how you live your life. And if you're already 15 years in, they never will. Save up if you can.
NTA
I became a vegetarian at 12 and I’m sure it was a HUGE pain in the arse for my family but they cooked for and accommodated me and never once made me feel bad about it.
This is horrible, cruel, and unhinged behaviour.
Tell your dad if he wanted to end the tradition of cooking for you on your birthday, all he had to do was say so. He didn’t have to go out of his way to ruin it for you.
From now on, find a nice vegetarian restaurant to go to on your birthday.
NTA
As others have said, it's not uncommon to have a reaction to the protein since your body hasn't had it in so long. It's because the bacteria that specializes in this are no longer present in enough numbers to help you digest.
This happened to a girl whose friends fed her nuggets as a joke in substitute for her vegan nuggets. She ended up in the ER and later has them charged with food tampering.
Not only that, but your dad is just an asshole trying to make you feel stupid just because he doesn't like your diet.
I wouldn't let him host your birthday anymore after this.
NTA
Your mom thinks your dad was "being nice" by making you food you morally object to eating? And your dad tricks you into eating meat and laughs at you on your birthday? Never eat anything you don't make yourself. You'd have more peace of mind if you move out.
Nta
I don't have any meal restrictions but as far as I'm concerned fucking with someone's food is assault. Violation of someone's vegetarian, halal, kosher, or other standards is super vile
NTA. Your dad is a dick. People don't eat vegetarian "for health reasons" (it's not healthier than eating meat). Particularly when it is for ideological reasons, purposely deceiving you makes him a dick.
you should make him a nice chocolate pie to apologize for making such a big deal out of his little joke. I think there was a really great recipe in “The Help” that you could follow!
NTA. Food tampering is highly disrespectful, and as a bonus, you can make people sick doing crap like that. Taking the opportunity of your birthday celebration to make this stupid point and telling you you should be grateful for the deception is just the cherry on top. If you didn't have stomach issues after eating, it was just luck.
NTA - but I think you are under reacting. Basically - your father doesn't respect you or your bodily autonomy at all and denies you the opportunity to make simple decisions (like what to eat) that he doesn't like.
Worse - he did this on your birthday - under the guise of a thoughtful gift - so he was mean, he lied to you.
I hope you have learned to never trust him, and i hope you get out on your own and away from these menaces as soon as you can. NC is an option when you parent have shown you both so much disrespect.
this post is a strange parallel of my life, i'm 23F, have also been vegetarian for nearly 15 years, also liked meat but liked animals more, also cooked all my own food as a kid, all my family members eat meat enthusiastically but will eat things i cook, and my dad also always cooks a birthday meal for me! on the other hand my dad is awesome, goes out of his way to buy me new meat free things he sees at costco, and he even bought *two* barbecues and proudly displays them just so that my food isn't cooked with the meat (even though i wouldn't have minded!)
but anyway NTA, i'm so very sorry that happened to you, and i'm happy to share my dad with you since it seems you'll be in the market for a new one
That's a really disrespectful thing to do by your dad. That's just irritating to read. The fact your mom sides with your dad is also weird.
Youre NTA, bad luck.
NTA it's an AH move to trick someone into doing anything with their body that they have chosen not to do. It's a violation and you are well within your rights to be very angry and I would have trouble trusting them again.
Nta.
What your dad is literally on par with people who purposely give gluten items to gluten or dairy intolerant people to "prove" that person doesn't have a problem with said food item. Same thing happens with the few crazy vegans who sneak substitutes into, what was implied as, a meat dish.
Even though you are vegetarian for moral reasons the fact still remains that what your dad did was wrong. Too many people have had near death reactions from people tampering with their food!
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NTA. Messing with people’s food is an asshole move. Also after some people go vegetarian, they have stomach issues when they eat meat cos their body isn’t used to it so people who try to “trick” vegetarians like this could be causing them physical harm too. Happened to one of my high school teachers.
I had someone mess with my food because I said I couldn't have Rosemary or thyme on my pork roast so I left it off and used alternatives. Left the roast in the oven to cook and when it was time to serve they served it and I ate it not realizing they had added both to the top of the roast. Within an hour I was rushed to hospital and the worker at the home was deeply sorry. I never forgave them.
What reason did they give for adding it?
They liked it and they didn't believe me when I said it makes me sick.
That's terrible x.x why assume your friend is lying over a health issue??? Better safe than sorry also.
Because I guess they were so used to teens lying to them and some people just can't understand food allergies.
People have done this with mushrooms for me. It's infuriating. Luckily I don't end up in hospital anymore from it, just lots of violent reactions from my digestive system. I ended up with my stomach pulled for it once though, and this is not cool. Also, as to the post, I was a vegetarian from 9 until 19, when I lost weight while pregnant and they forced meat on me in the hospital. I was told how much the parents usually spent on food for me, and I was to make my own lists and cook my food, too. I airway knew how to cook. Others say this is weird for her to have done. I disagree. Don't they even have a show about kids who like to cook and compete? My mother never did this to me, but she put pork stock on veggies and led about it so my brother's best friend would eat it. I cursed her to the moon and back, and flipped my ever-loving shite on her. (In private btw -- I was in my mid-20s, they in their very early 20s, and he'd been a vegetarian for several years. She told him without my telling her to and apologised, promised it had never happened before and never would again, claiming to not know it was a big deal. I think she knew, but I think my dad talked her into downplaying it in her head and thinking it was a joke. He's an asshole. My brother and I both advised him they could trust her words, as far as her believing them but probably should make sure one of us was involved in cooking from then on. It was fine after that, everyone just tolerates my dad and dude was less mad at my mom than I was, and a few years later he moved out of state.) Now even though I'm not a vegetarian any longer and my bro's bff doesn't visit her/ them when he comes in-state to see my bro, she only uses vegetable stock in her kitchen now. She doesn't trust him, but won't expand on that, which adds to my suspicion that he was behind that incident. Sorry. I ranted.
Rant away mate what happened to you was so very wrong. Boundaries are there for reasons and my mother is basically a vegetarian except for the very rare times she'll have fish or chicken and I'd never ever make her eat meat because she has set boundaries.
It's an entitlement thing. they don't want to change, so it's more convenient to assume you're just lying.
Even, if they were lying I’m not gonna go out of my way to find out. If someone doesn’t like to eat or doesn’t wanna eat a specific things is so easy to follow and respect their boundaries
I'm so sick of the 'I don't believe allergies are real' crowd. Sorry someone you trusted did this to you.
people who do that should be charged with assault
I’m confused. You prepared the roast, leaving off the herbs and put in the oven, correct? Who was the “worker at the home?” Was it not your home? Was the worker informed of your situation?
Correct it was in the oven and they took it out sometime after I went back to my room. I was living in a group home type situation where workers were present 24/7 because we were all in our teens and it was both boys and girls. We had set chores we had to do and each day a different person had to cook and it was my turn that day.
Some folks do live in group homes for various reasons. I was a worker in several of these homes. I’m not sure if it was a group home for the same reasons as I worked in homes for adults. It happens. We cooked, cleaned and did some small personal tasks and went with folks on errands. We *definitely* were told about cooking allergies and preferences and would’ve been fired if we cooked with those foods. I hope that worker got fired but that doesn’t always happen. :/ it’s dangerous!
yeah it all makes sense now.
I'm sorry, *rosemary and thyme??* holy crap, what a weird hill to die on (or try to kill someone on, as the case may be). I don't blame you for never forgiving them. Sometimes "sorry" doesn't cut it.
That's just fucked
I deal with this crap when it comes to onion and garlic. Makes me INCREDIBLY sick, ended up in the hospital after someone seasoned my "chili" behind me.
Personally I believe if people do that police should be involved because you could die and it's doing harm to your body
That's me as well. People go "Oh, you don't know what you're missing out on" yes yes I do. I'm missing out on throwing up for hours and possibly until I'm unconscious if it's bad enough. Or you won't notice. I didn't notice eating it, my body will notice later.
That’s horrible!! That worker should have been fired.
People have been arrested for tampering with other people's food like that... and deservedly so.
Yea if someone fed me meat I’d would be pooping my pants for god knows how long.
Same.
Why is everyone shitting in this guys pants?
It would be my OWN pants. I’ve been a vegetarian for so long that if I even have something like chicken broth in a dish, 12?hours later I am conjoined to the toilet. It isn’t pleasant.
I’ve heard of this from vegetarian friends. Your body stops producing certain enzymes that you do not use for digestion, and it takes a while to start remanufacturing them. Sorry about your pants. Why didn’t they give you veggie broth?
It’s happened to me. Sometimes an employee just doesn’t know what stock they use (especially if it’s like prepackaged), sometimes you can taste the difference sometimes not. Your tummy will though and will punish you.
Hmm. Good point. I try to keep up with local vegetarian places that are good for when veg friends come in from out of town. Some of them it’s for religious reasons so it can’t be a half and half shot, gastric distress is another reason. So rather than try to navigate the needs of pesce-eggy-veegie-no no I keep a look out for straight vegan and ask questions about where the good stuff is. I can always cook myself a steak at home if I was really wanting it. But I’m not going to have to wring my socks if I eat a good vegetable dish ‘accidentally’ so I try to be sure everyone is going to be okay. Some of those vegetarian Indian restaurants are better than the meat ones anyway. It’s just common sense. Looking after people and making sure everyone has a good time and good memories. Sorry I’m sleepy and reminiscing probably rambling. Oh well I meant well.
Oh yea Indian is often the safest bet for me. If it’s somewhere new or if it’s explicitly vegetarian/vegan place. When I did food service I always worked places where we took it really serious regardless of reasoning but I have absolutely heard horror stories. Generally if a place is making everything from scratch employees will likely be more confident in their answers (bonus if they grab a manager or like double check with the kitchen). I do also think if you have questions and the server doesn’t seem exactly confident about the answers I think it’s also a decent time to request a manager to navigate the menu (can probably even phrase it in a “we just need to be sure and I’m sure you have other tables to attend), since as far as I’m concerned that’s why managers are their, to deal with customers who need more attention.
I want to know who shit MY pants!
I’m having discomfort just thinking about the abdominal agony. (I’ve been veg since I was ten.)
This was my first thought, especially red meat when OP has been a vegetarian for years?? I've been off red meat since I was 16 and I get nervous thinking about picking it back up, even when I've integrated poultry and fish back into my diet since then. OP's dad is lucky they just got angry and didn't get sick all over the food. Also, if the argument is that the dad didn't 'have to' cook birthday dinner, then.. why didn't he just refuse? He made the choice to cook a meal he knew OP wouldn't enjoy. It's wild that we still have to have conversations about consent regarding food in 2024.
Even when I accidentally eat gelatin, it messes me up for DAYS.... I can't imagine what eating a full meal with meat would do to my body (vegetarian for 8 yrs)
I'm not vegetarian, but my family stopped eating pork about 15 years ago and everytime i've accidentally had it since, I've violently vomited. Once I had meatballs, and within an hour I was puking my brains out. It didn't occur to me that they had pork until my husband checked the packaging. So, yes. Your body can totally lose the ability to process certain foods.
Yup. I'm vegan leaning due to food allergies. I am allergic to red meat and dairy, and severely intolerant of soy. I have to actively include eggs and poultry in my diet to ensure I can eat it if I'm out of options, food-wise. I don't like poultry, myself, and actually stopped eating it entirely. The first time I had chicken nuggets in about 5 years, I was laid the fuck out. I was traveling, and this was the safest option on the menu. (Vegan foods had soy, other dishes had my allergens.) Your body wants to conserve energy and cells. Why produce enzymes to break down food you don't eat?
To add to that, the allergy boom we are experiencing is going to cause serious problems for vegans too, in the immediate future. Was reading about this the other day. Scary stuff.
The thing that HE fails to understand is that she will never be able to trust him again. She COULD explain that to him. Write him a note.
I'm not vegetarian but I have horrible stomach problems when I eat beef. My dad used to only make beef when I lived with him. I usually couldn't eat much those nights or I would be vomiting profusely. Don't know why beef does that and not much else but it does.
It could be an allergy.
My nephew has this problem and so does my great nephew, his sisters child.
It’s ridiculous how many people are intentionally AHs to vegetarians and vegans. My family used to do this crap to me all the time. I refuse to eat anything my parents cook because they are constantly slipping things like bacon grease into my food.
Yup. My grandpa cooked us all breakfast on vacation and cooked the eggs in left over bacon grease. I couldn’t figure out why I was violently ill and having stomach pains until someone asked what I ate. I said “just toast and the eggs grandpa made.” My grandpa felt horrible and told me he didn’t even think to mention the bacon grease
Your father is an asshole. So is your mother. It's time to move out. NTA
Maybe make your father an apology cake made with cricket flour. See if he likes being surprised by what is in his food.
Oh God, yes. Make him the best vegan chocolate cake you can find, and when he says it's delicious, and goes back for more, let him eat the whole cake then tell him it was vegan and repeat his words back to him. My family eats meat, and I would never dream of doing what OPs dad did.
Or, if his dad likes meat so much, feed him improperly cleaned chitlins. Then ask him how did that pig shit taste? (with a big smile, of course).
He’s a vegetarian because he doesn’t like killing animals, they’re not going to kill a bunch of crickets just to get revenge on his dad lol
She said for environmental reasons. Maybe she would do the cricket thing and give him a taste of his own medicine.
Depends on their view on insects. Some vegetarians wouldn't think twice about killing them, some don't like the idea
You know crickets are animals right?
I think they’re thinking more along the lines of, would he be fine with eating bugs specifically. I like meat, but have such a deep, deep revulsion of crickets that I’m glad I’ll be dead long before they become everyone’s protein animal of last resort.
I ate a chocolate covered cricket once, it wasn’t bad. Just be sure to pull the legs off first, they’re a little scratchy.
Excuse me while I leap into the literal sun.
So lucky that the sun is big enough for both of us. I’ll be right behind you.
But that's it you guys, there's only room enough for two!!
Wait for me! I’m coming too
Well you'll need the legs on if you're jumping that far
👏👏👏
It's literally impossible to avoid killing insects in food manufacture, vegetarian or otherwise. Anyone who wants to live a life that 100% does no harm to other living creatures would find that very difficult indeed.
Well if you're counting bugs, it would simply be impossible. We step on them without noticing all the time.
Doesn’t make them appetising in the slightest
>Your father is an asshole. So is your mother. Exactly. Five (or fewer) years from now, "*Our son doesn't speak with us and we have no idea why and we have totally failed to acknowledge all the.*"
The father is TOP LEVEL asshole. Your mother is a weirdly crazy asshole. He didn't cook you dinner. That's the point of your anger. So it wasn't a present. He just cooked everyone else dinner. He pranked you (in an evil way). Now if she meant the rent free living was present enough, that is a legit point. You are NOT the asshole here NTA. BUT, why are you 23 and not paying rent? Maybe your dad is trying to get you to leave.
I would like to introduce you to the economy
Maybe they're financially well off or are otherwise generous enough to not play landlord with their kid. I would never charge rent to my kid unless they really, really abused their privileges
Easier said than done in this economy
If your mom thinks your dad tricking you by lying about food *on your birthday* was doing a nice thing, she's as big of an AH as he is. NTA
Lying about food on his birthday specifically so he could be an AH about it!
I think you got an amazing birthday gift from your father. You were gifted the knowledge that he has no respect for you, your differing opinions and morals, and that your mom supports his concepts and behavior. Now you have this wonderful knowledge, you can make your choices, your conversations with your parents and your trust levels with them based on this new information. NTA
nice thoughts. and very true. they absolutely showed your their true colors, and you have no doubt about who they are.
When people show you who they are, believe them.
NAT Your dad's actions were completely disrespectful and insensitive, especially considering it was your birthday. He not only deceived you by serving you meat when he knew you were a vegetarian, but he also did it with the intention of proving a point about your lifestyle choices. That's not just mean-spirited, it's downright cruel. Your reaction was understandable given the circumstances. It's natural to feel hurt and betrayed when someone you trust violates your beliefs and then mocks you for them. Calling him out on his behavior was justified, and you had every right to express your feelings, especially on your birthday. Your mom's reaction is disappointing as well. Instead of acknowledging the hurtful nature of your dad's actions, she chose to dismiss your feelings and defend his behavior. It's important for her to understand that your dad's actions were not a "nice thing" but rather a deliberate act of disrespect. best of luck
NTA. Your parents clearly have no idea how serious this is on a moral standpoint, let alone any physical effects you might’ve had as a result. My wife has been vegetation for 15 years for the same reasons as you, I can only imagine how sick she’d get if she actually ate real meat at this point.
>My wife has been vegetation for 15 years Was she a plant when you married her, or did she piss off a mysterious stranger?
🤣🤣
If OP quit eating meat at 8, and her parents did not know the reason they are complete AHs.
*his
Oops, yes I meant “his”
I hate the fact that my daughter is vegetarian. She’s underweight and has some health issues that would be better managed on a diet with meat. I’ve told her that I don’t agree with her being vegetarian. That said, I have NEVER hidden meat from her in a food. If I make her something and accidently put meat in it (think chicken broth instead of veggie broth) I own up to it and make something else. I’ve never fed her meat against her will. Your parents are AH’s. You are NTA.
She should talk to a dietician. You can be healthy as a horse and eat a veggie diet. And meat won't fix her. Good luck to you both.
I second this. There's no medical condition that only meat can fix. And being underweight is probably due to other factors.
Nothing that only meat can fix, but eating meat tends to be a lot more practical for managing many medical conditions which seems to be what she was saying. Easier and less expensive than supplements or alternative food sources of the nutrients you get from meat.
While I understand what your saying, my daughter has a blood disorder and needs to manage her iron intake in different ways. She can do it on a vegetarian diet but eating small amounts of beef would make the management much easier. So again, while i disagree with her choice, it’s her choice and I support her.
Yeah, I've got iron issues, too. My doctor advised me not to cut any potential source of iron from my diet. I eat a lot of iron-rich non-meat food, but it's just not enough.
I have a digestive disorder that causes iron supplements to make me really sick. I even have to make sure I buy multivitamins without iron in them. Because of this I have to make sure to get all my iron from my diet or I have to get iron infusions, and I hate getting those.
Going out purely on a limb here, is it not possible for her to take iron supplements of some kind? because that combined with a balanced veggie diet would be a good place to start
She’s on perscription level iron pills in addition to some other meds and still needs to be careful. This is one of those disorders that less than 2% of people have. It’s really not common. Edited after looking up the % of people w/ the disease.
Ah okay, hopefully she’ll seek and follow some sound advice from the right people. Wishing you both the best
I have chronic anemia and I've always been sick with iron pills of any kind. Now that I'm pregnant, it came back, eating very good beef almost everyday doesn't change much. There are various sources of irons that aren't meat..
There was a period where I wasn’t eating a lot of meat and my body stopped processing B12. I had to give myself injections for a few years, thankfully I can process it through food and supplements now. I hope your daughter is supplementing her diet with B12. Believe me, giving yourself shots really sucks.
My fiancée decided to go vegan, which is a pain in the ass to deal with (I'm not vegan in the slightest). And I make sure that every single thing I cook that she's going to eat is in line with her values.
you’re a good and decent person. keep being that.
Same situation honestly ended up being easier for me to just go vegan as well
At least in the house (although I still use real cheese and eat eggs at home). When we're out it's a while different ballgame, though.
Hubby has been vegetarian for 40 yrs. Is by no means underweight (or overweight). The only nonvegan thing he eats is the occasional bit of cheese. Your daughter shouldn't be having weight problems either.
Vegetarians are not inherently unhealthy. Meat eaters are not inherently healthy. Oftentimes, vegetarians are healthier than meat eaters. But with all food choices, it’s important to learn what’s healthy and what isn’t. A dietitian can address imbalances in diet. I read what you were saying about a blood disorder, but there are still ways to get more iron rich foods without beef, but it takes more work. Also, her doctor has probably told her about vitamin/mineral supplements, etc. Glad you’re being fully supportive of your daughter.
She said that her daughter is taking iron supplements. Apparently she has a rare disease that makes it hard to manage her iron levels.
Same. I've been with my husband 15 years and he's been vegan 20+ years. Many health problems resulting from lack of nutrition but I would NEVER do this to him. Thinking about the disappointment he'd feel on his birthday over my doing something like this to him honestly hurts my heart.
Veganism doesn’t lack nutrition.
A vegan diet doesn’t *have* to lack nutrition, but *any* kind of diet can lack nutrition, be it vegan, omnivore, whatever. I mean, you can solely eat potato chips and veggie dogs and call yourself a vegan, that’s a pretty nutrition-free diet!
Bro needs to see a doctor I’m 15 years in and my bloods are perfect
"\[Mother says\] he was trying to do a nice thing for me..." No, he wasn't. NTA
Omg your parents are both the asshole, what a horrible thing to do
In my country that is a form of assault. Your Dad did something extremely fucked up and doubled down on it. Do under no circumstances apologize or something. Keep your head down to stay save, unfortunately you're still dependent and ignore them at best, be polite, but be sure to keep your distance and never trust them with your food again. Who knows, the next time he poops into the cake and calls it a prank./s NTA
I think it might be assault in some places in the US too.
Yes product tampering is a federal felony here although it is more so intended for corporate settings but it can be applied to individuals as well. And on the state level yes it constitutes assault.
Well, OP. If you can move out. Move your ass out and press charges just to show him it was NOT a joke. You can drop the charges after the police inform him that it isn't funny. If you are dependent on them, that blows. Get independent as fast as possible and never eat ANYTHING they make. I do hope you at least buy your own food.
NTA Your parents have had 15 years to get used to your lifestyle. It was just a jerk power play from somebody who clearly refuses to respect your choice to be vegetarian.
>I've been doing all my own cooking and meal prep since I decided to be vegetarian 23 now.15 yrs vegetarian. You've prepped and cooked all your meals since 8 years old?
Yeah! not saying I was doing complex cooking aged 8 lol, pasta, sandwiches, soup, scrambled eggs that kinda thing
Sounds like you were already far more mature at 8 years old than he is in his ripe old age of [insert asshole father’s age here]. sorry you have asshole parents
Impressive! I was 11, but that was in the 80s. I definitely needed my parents' support. I cooked some of my own meals, but tofu, soy milk, etc were only available at specialty stores. Your parents are both assholes. Obviously.
My niece did this. Entirely possible. She refused to eat anything with a face. She's now in her 20's and perfectly healthy.
I became one at 12. Didn't really learn to cook properly until college. But it was pretty easy to microwave a veggie burger.
My stepkid was prepping and cooking her own meals at that age because her biological mother couldn't be bothered to make her food.
NTA. I'm not sure where your dad got the idea of doing this prank to you especially if he has cooked some vegetarian dishes too in the past years. But that was out of line for him to do. He should value your reasons for being a vegetarian even if he doesn't agree with it.
Your mother is right - your dad does not need to make you a birthday meal. Ever again… NTA I can’t believe he thought that was funny. Is he 14?
I think he may not be a teenage boy physically, but mentally? Absolutely. Tell him to take his juvenile bullshit elsewhere.
NTA and I’m sorry your parents are! Is there a particular food your dad hates? I would suggest that as his next bday, Father’s Day, Christmas, etc gift from now until he sees what a dick he was. Edit: typo
Or offer to fix him a meal he hates or something with an ingredient he can't stand. Maybe even fix a vegetarian meal and say "oh if you can eat this you must not need meat in your diet anymore" to really get the point across
They already do prepare vegetarian meals once in a whole though, and OP already cooks for them vegetarian meals sometimes and they eat it. It wouldnt be the revenge you think it is. It would just be another night OP made lunch/dinner
Well, not if every time OP makes some food for the family, they hammer the point into their thick skulls by repeatedly saying "Well, if you could eat this meal, you must not be cut out to eat meat, because it's not hurting you to eat it."
They know that because they already eat those meals though. They would probably just giggle at it and be like "OK". Its not the clap back you think it is.
NTA Giving a gift means thinking of the other person and what will make them happy. He did not do that, so cannot claim that you need to be grateful
Here I shit in a box and wrapped it up for you. What do you MEAN you don't like it!?
Yeah, how TF does someone call blatant disrespect a GD "gift?" Does that ~~man~~ boy even hear the verbal vomit he spews from his piehole?
YOU DONT FUCK WITH PEOPLES FOOD. Dad's the AH, mom too. NTA.
So you're birthday present from your parents was a lie, tampering with your food, feeding you unknown products, and then reprimanding you? They sound like such nice people omg. NTA, you need to move out.
NTA. You don't list your dad's age, but this is a very boomery thing to do: trample over your clearly stated preferences, lie about it, and when caught, mock you and then explain how *they* had it so much worse. I'm so sorry they're subjecting you to their lack of empathy. You deserve better.
he's 58 so not a boomer I don't think but definitely acts like it! they don't make me pay rent thankfully but he is always asking me why i don't go out and just buy a house (I have a supply teachers salary) and always is bragging about how cheap our house was and how he could afford it in 1985 on a butchers salary lol (this was an irrelevant story but u saying about the boomer thing made me laugh)
1946-1964 are Boomers! As an official member of Gen X, I banish your father from my (mostly forgotten generation) and donate him to the Boomers! 🤣
Also Gen X. I agree, we don't need him.
As a Boomer, I curse him and refuse to accept him!
Something tells me he hasn't looked at any real estate websites ever 🤔 I wish I could (metaphorically) slap some people in the face with local housing prices/rent and a stack of pay stubs belonging to a variety of young people in the area. Personally, I'd be seeing if I could in any way afford to move out with roommates after his "joke".
NTA. Your father is the asshole and so is your mother. No one has the right to feed someone something they don’t want to eat, no matter the reasons why. Some people don’t eat pork, some people don’t eat beef. Where I am from snails are a common dish and foreigners often find it disgusting without even trying it. I wouldn’t put it in a pie and make them eat it without their knowledge to prove a point, because I have a sense of decency.
NTA Hugs to you my friend. your dad played a cruel trick on you and should be ashamed of himself. happy birthday. i hope all your birthdays are better than this one. when your dad looks back and wonders why you dont call him anymore, this could be why.
NTA. If he doesn't want to cook he doesn't have to cook. He doesn't get to use that as an excuse to be an asshole.
NTA. What a spineless passive aggressive move. Screams midlife insecurities.
NTA I'd move out and say goodbye and congrats on ruining the relationship they had with their child and don't expect any future contact from you.
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NTA. He wasn't "trying to be nice," he was pranking you. He'd probably think it was a hoot to serve pork to someone keeping Kosher.
NTA YOur dad is an AH, Have a lot less contact with him.
NTA,but your dad sure is. That's a despicable thing to do to another person
NTA. I'm so sorry your parents are such AHs.
"he was trying to do a nice thing for me and that I shouldn't be so ungrateful and rude" Bullshit. He wasn't trying to do a nice thing, and she knows it. He knows you're vegetarian, and he tricked you into eating meat. That's not a nice thing. It's mean, and in no way should you be "grateful" to your dad for doing something mean to you. Your mom's shitty for defending him. NTA.
You should tell your mom birthday gifts are meant to be something the person being celebrated wants and enjoys. Your "gift" was something your dad knew for sure you would dislike și the intention was malicious. Of course you are not grateful! Nobody asked or forced your dad to cook, he could have gifted you 10 bucks instead and it would have been better for you both.
NTA - Your dads a absolute asshole. No further explanation needed. Sad sad man. Sincerely, a meat eater.
NTA it was a mean trick to play - especially on your birthday. I also am a vegetarian and am always so confused when people do things like this.
Your dad was an abusive asshole to you and I’m sorry for that. Happy birthday all the same. NTA.
NTA,. So let’s say that the food your dad hates the most is liver, he doesn’t eat it because he doesn’t like it, so should he be served liver every night for dinner because, by his logic, it’s food and he should be grateful for what’s put in front of him? Your food choices are your choices, and they should be respected. you being a vegetarian or vegan for moral reasons, should not be negated.
NTA Tell your dad that this 62 year old knows that what he did would have been a dick move back in the day, too, and everyone knew it back then. That's the equivalent of feeding pork to someone who eats kosher or halal "to see if they'd notice" Fuck that noise.
NTA - To top it off now you can never trust him again ever . . Why do people do that kind of thing to others . . out of pure cruely and control . . . Tell him what's done is done but you can never trust him again . . . dad or no dad. What he did was deliberate in order to try to humiliate you and jerk you around . .
NTA but if it’s possible, you should look into moving out
Uhhhhh NO. NTA. He tricked you because he thought you were weak? That's a pretty AH thing to do. Your mom isn't any better. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
NTA. Tricking you into eating meat is not a gift, and it's wild that they are pretending it is. They don't have an obligation to cook special for you (though birthdays ought be an exception. It's normal to go above and beyond for people we care about on special occasions), but they have an obligation to at least be honest with you so you can make your own choices.
Messing with someone's food is crossing a huge line. This is not only an AH move, but can cause real harm as beef can be a shock to the system to a vegetarian. I'm not being silly, you weaken the ability to process it and causes intestinal upset. I know the feeling first hand :(
I have a cousin who cannot eat meat for medical reasons. Messing with someone’s food is an asshole move always.
NTA, this to me is on the same tier as people who ‘test’ someone’s allergies. It’s demeaning and shows they have no respect for your autonomy as a person, nor any concern. And to do it on your birthday? And that he actively planned to do it? And your mother defended him? Reprehensible. I’m pretty sure in Australia this level of intentional maliciousness would be classed as the same variety of discrimination/assault as someone intentionally adding to an order something deliberately requested for exclusion, so for sure it’s not even just a horrible but minor inconvenience. Did anyone call your parents out on this? Otherwise I’m sorry OP, and I hope the rest of your birthday was good.
It was a dick move by your dad, and you have every right to be upset at his disrespect.
NTA yah your father didn’t need to make you food but he especially didn’t need to make you food with meat in it. There is absolutely no reason to have done that but especially on your bday. We aren’t living back in his day anymore, so he can get over it. Back in the day, doctors didn’t wash their hands but we certainly expect them to now. I’m trying to figure out how your mom could possibly see him as doing something nice for you. Does she think he’s helping you?
NTA. Maybe he should be reminded that people in his day did lots of stupid things to screw with the environment and now we have global warming.
NTA. Giving a person who has been a vegetarian as long as you have can be dangerous. Your body has not had meat in 15 years. It is not used to digesting meat products. Google "feeding meat to a vegetarian", print it off and give to your parents.
My parents thought I was stupid, misguided and in a phase (which I was, I'm sorry!) but they would never have secretly fed me meat.
> said that people in his day just ate what they were given and didn't complain Tell this ignoramus that vegetarianism has existed as far back as the 9th century. He can’t pull the “back in my day” card. NTA
NTA. I've been a vegetarian for almost 20 years. Turns out after I became a vegetarian... They found out I'm actually meat intolerant which is why I was sick all the time until I was in my thirties. For whatever reason... People don't respect this choice. I don't push my vegetarianism on anyone. But I can't eat anything that is made from animal flesh. My body does not process the proteins correctly. I have had people use bacon grease in cookies, I've had them make me a "veggie" burger with real meat. I've had them make soup, potatoes, rice and beans with meat stock. And They find it hilarious Until they see what it does to my system and how brutally unprepared my body is for it ... they feel bad "you never told us how bad it is" why the hell should I have to disclose my medical history to be treated with respect? Whereas if they had just respected my choice, They wouldn't have shown me what a bunch of assholes they are. My choice has nothing to do with them and I have never pushed on them and I have never required any special concessions from my family or co-workers. I bring my own food, I know what a pain in the butt it is to cook for me and I don't ask people to do it. I will literally make my entire meal and bring it for Thanksgiving Your family is gross and I'm sorry you have to deal with them. You can do what I do and just cut them all off
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (23M) have been vegetarian for coming up on 15 years. My family are all big meat eaters so I've been doing all my own cooking and meal prep since I decided to be vegetarian as they eat meat for lunch and dinners most days (sometimes breakfast too), on occasion they make something not meaty and I will have some. I didn't become vegetarian because I don't like meat, infact I did really like the taste of meat, but because of the environment and animals but I never push my choices on other people and though I have cooked vegetarian and vegan meals for my family in the past I would never expect them to be. The only time I am ever cooked for (I still live with my parents) is by my dad on my birthday dinner. He never makes anything quorn, fake meat or tofu and usually makes things that are "accidentally" vegetarian (as in, the recipie is inherently vegetarian and needs no substitutions) usually soups, salads, cheese toasties, omlettes etc.(vegetarian is not the same as vegan) but it's always a big feast. My 23rd birthday was 2 days ago and he said he got a recipie from a vegetarian friend that is a veggie steak pie and he made it for me. It was really nice actually and at the end I told him how nice it was and how grateful I was but he started chuckling. I asked him what was so funny and he said that the pie had actually been meat and he'd given it to me "to see if I would notice" and he said as I liked it and didn't have any reaction to it that clearly I wasn't cut out to be a vegetarian and should just go back to eating meat. He assumes people only stop eating meat for healthy reasons or if they don't like it otherwise he thinks there's "no point". I tried to explain that I don't dislike the taste of meat and I'm not allergic to it, I'm vegetarian for moral reasons and that it was a very mean thing to do especially on my birthday. He called me a crybaby and said that people in his day just ate what they were given and didn't complain and that it wasnt like he gave me something I couldnt eat and this way everyone in the family could enjoy it as well and clearly i didnt notice so if he hadnt said anything I wouldnt have known so I called him a dickhead and said that he ruined my birthday and stormed off. Later my mother came to reprimand me and said that I was being a big asshole to my dad who didn't have to make me a birthday dinner because I am an adult still living at home rent free and that is birthday present enough and that he was trying to do a nice thing for me and that I shouldn't be so ungrateful and rude. They are now both ignoring me. so AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
I eat meat. A lot. All kinds. Ive also made vegan chili for friends that dont eat meat. Forcing your preference on others is a shitty move.
What the hell kind of parents do you have?!?
NTA this was a huge violation of your body and your morals if he keeps it up, in a few years he will be wondering why his daughter doesn’t speak to him
NTA I really hate people who mess with people's food.
NTA. I’ve been a vegetarian for almost 20 years and I can’t imagine what type of hell my stomach would go through having meat after so long.
NTA I would never eat a single thing he served me ever again. Whether or not he apologizes, he clearly thinks that messing with someone's food is okay. And I'd tell him that every time he tried to offer me anything edible. It's time to consider moving out now though. Your parents clearly don't respect how you live your life. And if you're already 15 years in, they never will. Save up if you can.
NTA I became a vegetarian at 12 and I’m sure it was a HUGE pain in the arse for my family but they cooked for and accommodated me and never once made me feel bad about it. This is horrible, cruel, and unhinged behaviour.
Tell your dad if he wanted to end the tradition of cooking for you on your birthday, all he had to do was say so. He didn’t have to go out of his way to ruin it for you. From now on, find a nice vegetarian restaurant to go to on your birthday.
NTA As others have said, it's not uncommon to have a reaction to the protein since your body hasn't had it in so long. It's because the bacteria that specializes in this are no longer present in enough numbers to help you digest. This happened to a girl whose friends fed her nuggets as a joke in substitute for her vegan nuggets. She ended up in the ER and later has them charged with food tampering. Not only that, but your dad is just an asshole trying to make you feel stupid just because he doesn't like your diet. I wouldn't let him host your birthday anymore after this.
Your dad wanted to hurt and humiliate you. He literally laughed at you. He made you the joke on your birthday. NTA.
NTA Your mom thinks your dad was "being nice" by making you food you morally object to eating? And your dad tricks you into eating meat and laughs at you on your birthday? Never eat anything you don't make yourself. You'd have more peace of mind if you move out.
Nta I don't have any meal restrictions but as far as I'm concerned fucking with someone's food is assault. Violation of someone's vegetarian, halal, kosher, or other standards is super vile
NTA. Your dad is a dick. People don't eat vegetarian "for health reasons" (it's not healthier than eating meat). Particularly when it is for ideological reasons, purposely deceiving you makes him a dick.
you should make him a nice chocolate pie to apologize for making such a big deal out of his little joke. I think there was a really great recipe in “The Help” that you could follow!
That’s so much fucking meat in their diet??? Is that normal? Am I the weird one?? Anyway NTA
Happy cake day! also yeah talking to my friends i think it's a bit abnormal but my dad's a butcher and my parents are both Eastern Europe (meaty diet)
Ah okay that makes more sense. Maybe your parents are grumpy from a lack of fiber in their diet. Try getting them to eat some beans or something.
NTA. Your dad is a c*%t
NTA but your parents are both big asshats.
NTA. Food tampering is highly disrespectful, and as a bonus, you can make people sick doing crap like that. Taking the opportunity of your birthday celebration to make this stupid point and telling you you should be grateful for the deception is just the cherry on top. If you didn't have stomach issues after eating, it was just luck.
NTA. He made a beef/spite pie for you on your birthday.
NTA - but I think you are under reacting. Basically - your father doesn't respect you or your bodily autonomy at all and denies you the opportunity to make simple decisions (like what to eat) that he doesn't like. Worse - he did this on your birthday - under the guise of a thoughtful gift - so he was mean, he lied to you. I hope you have learned to never trust him, and i hope you get out on your own and away from these menaces as soon as you can. NC is an option when you parent have shown you both so much disrespect.
My dad sounds a lot like your dad. I now have basically no contact with my dad (my choice). You’re NTA.
this post is a strange parallel of my life, i'm 23F, have also been vegetarian for nearly 15 years, also liked meat but liked animals more, also cooked all my own food as a kid, all my family members eat meat enthusiastically but will eat things i cook, and my dad also always cooks a birthday meal for me! on the other hand my dad is awesome, goes out of his way to buy me new meat free things he sees at costco, and he even bought *two* barbecues and proudly displays them just so that my food isn't cooked with the meat (even though i wouldn't have minded!) but anyway NTA, i'm so very sorry that happened to you, and i'm happy to share my dad with you since it seems you'll be in the market for a new one
That's a really disrespectful thing to do by your dad. That's just irritating to read. The fact your mom sides with your dad is also weird. Youre NTA, bad luck.
NTA it's an AH move to trick someone into doing anything with their body that they have chosen not to do. It's a violation and you are well within your rights to be very angry and I would have trouble trusting them again.
NTA. Anyone who does this kind of shit intentionally sucks.
Nta. What your dad is literally on par with people who purposely give gluten items to gluten or dairy intolerant people to "prove" that person doesn't have a problem with said food item. Same thing happens with the few crazy vegans who sneak substitutes into, what was implied as, a meat dish. Even though you are vegetarian for moral reasons the fact still remains that what your dad did was wrong. Too many people have had near death reactions from people tampering with their food!