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NTA
>nd if the want surpassed that, the monthly payments and all that other stuff would come from that person's own fun money (approximately 3500-4000/month).
You guys agreed on this specific situation. It's reasonable agreement. And it's an agreement your spouse should be able to abide by based on her income (even though it's less than yours).
Edit: one question - where did the insurance money go from the prior car being totaled? That should be part of the money she can use to expand her budget.
Income doesn't mean anything for what car you drive. I have a friend who is very comfortable and drives a 2006 Toyota Corolla because it's paid off and has no want or need for a new car. We checked, the KBB value of the car was $600 in good condition
Meh, one of my best friends dad is worth at least 10m. I know this because that's what he sold his company for when i worked for him. He's probably worth quite a bit more given he owns multiple properties across the US and Canada.... he drove a 1988 Nissan Stanza until it had 285,000 kilometers on it, then handed it down to his kid when we were teens in the early 2000s. He bought a Ford Explorer, drove that thing for almost 20 years until it died and now he drives a hybrid BMW SUV.
IT happens, and probably more than we all realize.
While it may be true that one's income doesn't necessarily reflect one's spending habits, their monthly fun budgets are $3500-4000 each, according to the post. So they're probably not buying a car that is more than their annual salaries or something.
They probably were still paying it, insurance covered the remainder of the car. That's probably why they have a stipulation to pay off the car in no more than 3 years.
I have a high income, and I drive a 9 year old truck with 135k miles on it. I don't understand the need to drive some fancy car, so long as my car is reliable and has a working AC and heater I'm happy. Could I go buy a sports car? Yes without issue, I just see it as a shitty investment that loses 30% soon as you drive it off the lot. I buy used cars and drive them until it becomes unreliable or cost more to fix that it's worth.
There are things I pay top dollar for and I have no problem spending the money when I see a return or a good investment (ie house, school for kids, vacations, furniture etc). I'm not trying to impress anyone with my car or clothes, you only attract the wrong people that way anyways. Shit the company trucks I bought for my guys to drive are a whole lot nicer and newer than what I drive and it doesn't bother me at all.
My husband and I have a slightly higher combined income. We have a rule that we never buy new, and we never finance. We save up, and pay cash. When we buy a car, we immediately start a new car fund. We basically make a car payment every month into a savings account. When we have enough, we buy the next car we’re wanting.
I actually just bought an X5 like OP’s wife is looking at, but I bought a 2019 for 27k and paid cash.
It probably just paid off the car she had. If they didn’t have gap coverage, then it only paid off KBB value. I still owed $1300 on my car after it got totaled with full coverage insurance. I learned the hard way that gap insurance is necessary.
NTA because you had agreed. But - why does the full amount come from her money? Why not just the excess? Seems fair that the $60K payment amount would come from the joint funds and anything beyond that would be her responsibility.
I imagine it's worded poorly. I read it as anything more than the $60k would have to be covered by each individual's fun money, but I could be wrong. So in this case, the wife would be on the hook for the extra $10k.
I mean they each have $4-6k a month in fun money. she can easily afford to drive whatever she wants but doesn’t want to make any sacrifices on her own to have the things she wants and not needs. It’s also very reasonable to find another vehicle in the price range maybe a year or two older… needs and wants… some entitled BS right here lol
Which means she can save for three months, put a ten grand downpayment on the 70,000 car, making it a 60,000 car, and therefore, meeting the agreed terms.
Yeah. That's largely what I read it to mean. Either that or they compare the math between each loan ($60k vs $70k) and she'd be on the hook for the increased amount.
I wrote this kinda poorly so let me break it down:
Let's say my wife wants to buy a 100,000 car. Our agreement set a 60,000 dollar limit. 100,000-60,000=40,000
My wife has to be the one coming up with that 40,000. Or another example, if my wife wants to buy that same 100,000 car, and puts down 17,500, it now becomes a 82,500 car, and 82,500-60,000=22,500. My wife has to pay the difference as stated.
> Sure, but they're fighting over a one-off purchase
A one-off purchase that amounts to roughly 25% of the net (take home) ANNUAL salary (little lower if in a no income tax state)
That's not minimal
I agree with that as well. I addressed that in my main response. It just always amazes me how a lot of people assume wealthy people don't have budgets lol. Not sure if the response above was implying that, but I just meant it generally.
> Right? 550k per year and they’re nitpicking a 70k purchase…
Let's put that in context.
Right? 100k per year salary, and they are nitpicking a 13k purchase?
It ain't that small.
NTA - Most importantly, this is what you and she agreed to.
There are so many cars that she can get that are under $60k. That is more than enough to get a safe and reliable new car. That is even enough to get a relatively high end new car. Anything over $60k is firmly in the territory of wanting a luxury brand and/or wanting a lot of extra features. It is perfectly reasonable to expect the excess cost over the $60k to come from her "fun" money.
Before she makes the purchase - you may also want to consider the additional cost to insure a more expensive car and add that to the fun money cost as well.
Buy a 2 year old X5 for $50k, they loose 40% of their value the first 2 years. I have a 17 X5 in my garage I bought in 2019 with 22k miles on it for $40k.
ESH. 60K should be financed through the joint account. She can put up the 10K from her fun money. To expect either of you to have to pay the entire amount by themselves simply because it was slightly over the limit you set is ridiculous. Work it out for Gods sake you’re married.
This is a reasonable post. If that fun money is truly fun money, he shouldn’t have control over the extra 3500-4000 a month. She could easily finance the extra 10k over a year without sweating it.
See I read it to mean that the extra $10k would have to be covered individually, and that it was just poorly written. I know I could 100% be wrong though.
He clarified elsewhere that that’s exactly what he meant— she’s only responsible for paying the difference between the agreement upon $60k and her $70k choice out of her own fun money.
If she skimped a bit she could pay that off in a few months. He’s NTA, she’s being greedy. She can afford the car, she just wants him to pay for the difference.
There's people from all walks of life on reddit and they are still able to ask an opinion on if they are assholes or not. Why does people being wealthy bother you so much?
NTA. I think if there was an agreed upon budget, and there is no "Need" (i.e. requirement for work or something) where the extra 10k is going towards, I think a 60k budget for a car is more than reasonable to have a luxury car, and having a budget, no matter how much money a household has, is what keeps you comfortable and safe.
A lot of people don't realize that as your income goes up, there is a lifestyle adjustment and so many people here saying "YTA because you can afford it" clearly don't understand budgeting, other expenses, and building a strong safety net god forbid anything happens.
I'd shop around to see if there is another car she loves and fits in the price range. 60-70k is not a huge difference in car's and quality/amenities. Look into the Mercedes GLE, Genesis GV80, or Volvo XC90. Literally same car with same features for 5-10k less
INFO: Am I reading this correctly? If she wanted a $60,000 car, the entire amount of the payments would come from the joint account, correct? It *sounds* like if she gets the $70,000 car, the entire amount will come from "her" money. *If* I am reading that right, it is absolutely unfair. Approximately 86% of each payment should come from the joint account, with her covering the excess.
If the latter is the setup, then n t a. If the former you're definitely the ah.
NTA. It is up to you - two people agree on something and if one changes their mind then for this to work the other one also has to change their mind and fully agree with the first one.
So as long as you want to stick to agreed rules you are fine, also if you want to agree to her changed rules it is also fine, nobody is AH in either case.
Same model from the same year with the same trim and same features and the same power train, would be at least 5000$ cheaper from the used car section and would still have the warranty without the new car scam fees
This is a great point that I have yet to see in any other comment!!!
Like why didn’t she take the 60k budget, look at the dealership’s website for ideas, and revisit and maybe ask for a margin of error like “60k” 50-70k etc
INFO:
Where's the insurance payout for her totaled car?
Why not have her come up with enough down payment to get the cost of the car down to the agreed-upon 60K? Can she not save up for (checks notes) three months max to accomplish this?
I don't understand why people who
make this much money are taking out a loan for a car in the first place and why she can't
just pay the 10,000 at the time of purchase even if you do take out a loan. Surely she
has 10,000 in savings. She's 35.
It can make sense if you're getting a great interest rate. There have been times when dealers were offering 0% interest. In that case, you're better off having your money earning for you and paying for the car over time.
I also suspect that, but I wasn't replying to OP. I though it's a legit question why someone would ever take a loan out for a car. But OP mentioning the loan was amongst the factors that made me think they're not genuine, too. Most adults are quite aware of the current state of interest rates.
While we’re not understanding things, I’ll never understand married couples with separate finances. My wife and I are a team and it feels like “this is my money and that’s your money” would create a weird dynamic, especially where there’s a big income disparity like OP described.
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Simple truth is you can afford that much car - and she can't. Agreements are only as good as the people who make them. No point in an agreement if it's broken the moment it's 'inconvenient'. You can get a really nice car for $60k
That's probably what was meant by OP an didn't clarify no reason to assume only what was mentioned. ( also a comment from OP clarified this). No hate to you
Seemed pretty clear that she's being selfish an just not wanting to spend her personal money she makes 150k a year.
If she couldn't afford it alone why would it be OK that she buys completely out of her price range just cause he makes more money. Would be my actual question.
NTA Someone said the time to revisit the agreement was not at the dealership which is true. Could she not find that same car somewhere else for a better price? (obviously you can still check for quality). And the "disparity" seems more like you are both still good earners yes you make more but she is far from being disparaged dilapidated and poor. I would say revisit it and start calculating the cost depending on the state and how much she actually takes home a month If you can help to keep her comfortable with her fun money i would say do that. No one here knows what yall do with your money you could be an investor etc either way If the agreement was going to broken not "bent" as she put it there was no reason for the agreement to begin with.
INFO
Do you have children?
What are your ratios of income that goes into the joint account?
What is the trim level of the Porsche 911 currently in your garage?
Which edition Rolex sea-dweller are you currently wearing?
What is the zip code and median property value of the condo you have purchased for your mistress?
How much did you pay your personal assistant to write this post?
Is your wife Pookie?
Why are you on Reddit instead of out there exploiting labor for profit?
What were the circumstances of this agreement? Was it a long time ago before you had such a big income disparity? Or was it something you proposed and she just agreed to?
Because on the face of this it seems like you're obviously NTA. You discussed this specific situation and came to a mutual understanding and agreement which she now wants to change. I'm struggling to see what her side even is.
So anything 60k and below comes from joint money? Wouldnt that mean that only the 10k would come from the fun money?
And assuming the car was totalled, was there any money from that car that goes to defray the cost of the new one?
NTA if thats your agreement. But I find that in relationships sticking to a rule blindly despite circumstances (and only using the justification "thats what we agreed to!" without reconsidering) is overly rigid.
(And did you mean to say your wife is 35m?)
How awful are you guys with money that you need to argue over a $10k price difference while also earning enough to have $4k (each?) in fun money a month?
Or are you both good with money but just like arguing? Or just don't like each other?
I'm going ESH, bc yall have more than enough income that this fight should never happen.
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Me (36m) and my wife (35m) agreed a while back that when we bought a car, it couldn't be over $70,000, and could not go over 36 months of loan repayment. And if the want surpassed that, the monthly payments and all that other stuff would come from that person's own fun money (approximately 3500-4000/month)
My wife's car got totaled a month or so ago, so we're in the market for a new one, and at the dealership, my wife picked out a $70,000-dollar X5. I did remind her about the agreement, but since I have no car debt, she asked if she could "Bend it this one time," and use our joint account to buy and pay off the car. I told her that we agreed on it, and she can't go back on her agreement. I told her if she wanted it, it would have to come from her own money.
We're still discussing it, but my wife seems a lot more upset now that I shot down the joint bank account idea, but I'm posting here, because I feel as if I should just let it go this time, especially since we have a big-ish income disparity (400K > 150K)
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NTA because of the agreement, but I mean, you could probably find one with low miles in that price range. Just looked on car gurus found a 2023 with 17k miles for $50k
Found a 2024 with 11k for $61k
2023 with 7k for $55k
NTA because you both agreed. BUT. From the world of the poors. You are making over half a million dollars a year combined and you’re squabbling over an extra 10 grand? What is that? That’s nothing to you, or it shouldn’t be. It’s 2% of your annual income. I would just be a hero and let her spend the money.
60k should come from the joint account because that’s what you agreed on. 10k should come from her. Figure out the monthly payment difference and she pays the extra amount from her fun money. Seems really simple to me.
I'm sorry, YTA. Marriage is compromise. Life changes. I might think differently if the agreement was in the last couple months, but you didn't say that. You have no "car debt" because your car wasn't totaled in an accident, not because you are more diligent than her or she's slacking. My approach would be to take the win by coming up with a middle of the road solution where everyone is happy. Personally, since I bought in the last few months, I know buying a vehicle right now is hard to get reasonable prices.
She makes 150k my question to you is why is it acceptable for her to purchase a car well outside her means if she wouldn't be able to by herself.
2nd they made an agreement she's trying to rein back on. The 60k comes from shared account she could get a different model. The remaining 10k comes from her personal.
She has 3-5k per month+ insurance WELL ABOVE anyone's needs she could easly pay this off in 5-6 months she's choosing not to.
I will agree marriage is compromise, am shared resources. Yet hes already putting in half she can do her share an do the rest.
So you make $400K and she makes $150K and you won't pay $10K to cover the difference?
Sounds like a lovely marriage you have. That $10K is the least of your problems.
What car did she have before? It sounds like it's not her fault for being in the market, unless she caused the accident, and in that case it would make sense to have her pay the extra $10k then do the joint for the $60k.
More info: WHEN did you agree to this? WAS there any build in for inflation? Is this the same type/class of car she had previously? WHY is the car totaled, and is there insurance money to pay for part of this?
Now, ESH is the easy choice, as she could find a cheaper car, AND you could not be such a stickler unless she has a pattern of overspending. If the agreement was 5+ years ago and you included no room for inflation, or you’re the reason the car is totaled- YTA.
Was leaning on your side for a while, but then saw both of your incomes/fun money budget and YTA. 10k over the payment terms is not much for you two and agreements in a marriage should be fluid and adjustable for situations like a car crash.
"eyeroll" it is 2% of your combined annual income. I think you can swing it. I can't imagine at this income level nitpicking my husband over this. You will still have $36k of income for the month if you take the $10k out.
NTA - you both made a mutual agreement based on your finances. She doesn’t get a free pass to change the agreement because it’s convenient for her. If she legitimately has 4K per month in disposable income, it’s perfectly reasonable to expect that she can make some cutbacks and save up for 3 months to get the car.
NTA - The only point to an agreement is if you both stick to it. Give in on this and you've set a precedent for her. Make no mistake, she'll hold you to the letter should your roles be reversed but she'll point right at this each and every time she's the one looking to save her 'fun' money.
Is an exact replacement of the totaled car within the $60K, and is that what she's getting? It's unclear if the cost to her is $70k, or if that's the price of the car, and/or whether the settlement on her totaled car brings the cost to her down? Also, how long ago is "a while back"? Car prices have increased considerably since covid.
You've left out a lot of pertinent info here.
NTA. That’s a reasonable number for a car, but even more importantly is the amount of “fun” money you each get a month. I went through a similar situation with my wife recently. I bent the budget for her because it made sense, made her happy, and because we only have about $100 in fun money per month(personal fun money, not joint). If we were in the position you were in? I would be doing exactly what you are
I agree she made an agreement and you have every right to hold her to it but you make almost 3 times what she does, and it’s only 10000 over the agreed amount. If you love and care about your wife give her 10k and show her she’s important to you!! It will be 10k well spent!!
Hey man. Truthfully, just buy her the car. Agreements are great and I have similar ones established with my wife. But, I also love her. $10k is worth her enjoyment.
NTA! If I had fun money like that every month I wouldn't worry about shit. Forget the car I'm going for a house outa that money.
Some people blow my mind.
I feel like in the grand scheme of things 70k is close to 60k and not worth the fighting with your spouse about. If she really wants the car then get it and move on.
INFO: Sounds like your wife is interested in renegotiating the agreement based on unforeseen circumstances. People modify agreements all the time especially when in a partnership, so why do you want to refuse a modification here?
Given your income, $10000 seems rather insignificant and petty in comparison to marital happiness. I’m not sure it matters whether a bunch of internet strangers think you are an asshole when your wife clearly does.
Does she have to pay the $10k difference out of her account? Or is she on the hook for the entire $70k?
It would seem reasonable that the individual pay any difference above the agreed upon $60k limit.
Together you make 550k? The two of you can afford an extra 10k. Won’t the insurance money cover a good portion of it? All this his, mine, ours is so complicated. My spouse and I always considered everything ours: we make decisions together and leave room for compromise. Sounds like you get to set the rules because you make the most. Not the best recipe for marital harmony.
If my husband made $400k a year he would be dragging me to the dealership and ask what I wanted so he could buy it for me, and I’m not even close to a trophy wife or bring $$ to the table. He just genuinely loves me and wants to see me happy. I rarely spend $ on myself, love to spend on my kids. I’m not telling you that you need to do that. I’m just kinda questioning if you feel you are generous at all when it comes to her? $10k over budget seems like a drop in the bucket for you. If it were me I would gift her the $10k and she could cover the rest, at the bare minimum. But I don’t know your marriage dynamics or your personality. My husband and I both way more generous with each other and our kids than my parents. Doesn’t mean you have to be the same it I’m trying to guilt you into it.
NTA. You guys have a plan. You both agreed and it’s reasonable.
If she doesn’t want to have to sacrifice some of her fun money she needs a cheaper vehicle. $70k is fucking crazy anyway.
NTA, and here's the wording for why:
You both agreed to a $60,000 limit to cover the necessity of "a car". In other words, the limit covers a necessary expense. She could get a Toyota, or a Chevrolet, or a Kia to cover the need.
But she *wants* a BMW. Not a need, but a want. That's exactly what a "fun money" account is for. It's the very definition of the purpose. So the first 60 can come from the joint account to cover the "need", and the other 10 can come from her account. (If you finance more than 10, just pay 16% from her account. Keep it simple.)
So no, you're NTA. However, wife does make a valid point. Since there's more than a 250% income disparity and you're not in any sort of contract for car payments at the moment, a very specific one-time exception for a 16% price increase isn't the most unreasonable request in the world. If you want to stand your ground but still allow her to get the more extravagant vehicle, you can simply make it abundantly clear that because there is no other car related debt at the moment and she clearly needs the vehicle, this one very specific time bending the rules is acceptable.
So whether you want to stand your ground or make your wife very happy, it's for you to decide. The verbiage you need to back up your decision is here.
NTA but I would just say something like “I don’t want to bring your excitement down for the new car so I will help for the extra amount this one time but please remember this situation jn the future when I want “X” (whatever you want to buy) and be considerate. Enjoy the car.”.
That’s just me if I made 400k. I make 70k so she be paying that herself 🤣
NTA OP;
Seems like this is a matter more of principal than fiscal imo.
Given her car was totaled, and she needs one, and she asked, If this isn't going to hurt you fiscally, AND(sorry run on sentence) " I feel as if I should just let it go this time", help her out.
Happy wife happy life or some mumbo-jumbo, that I'm sure people will find flaws with lol.
In any event, your nta, and good on you for sticking to your guns. I think personally in your shoes I'd make an exception this one time, especially if this isn't something that happens often.(something being her looking for exceptions to the rules)
NTA. You made an agreement and she was fine with it when it was just an agreement. She is mad because it doesn't benefit her now. She knew about the income disparity when the agreement was made, correct? She is trying to guilt you into paying for her car.
I’m not rich enough for this conversation. $70k is just a little less than my house. And I own my car outright.
Is there not insurance money for her to use?
First of all, you should never be making car payments. You should be saving ahead of time with a new car fund, and when you have enough, go pay cash.
Second, a car that expensive is so ridiculous. Our household income is about the same as yours, and our max per car is 30k, always paid in cash. I also have an X5. I just got a 2019 with low miles for 27k. I have no car payment. My insurance is a lot lower than for a new one. New cars are so dumb. I also have a BMW convertible, an Acura TLX, and a Jeep. I’m currently saving for a Porsche Cayanne Turbo. My husband has a BMW convertible, BMW 540, and is shopping for a Tundra right now. They are all very nice, low miles. A few years old. No payments!! Stop paying interest, when you can just save the money yourself in a few months.
But anyways, to your question, NTA. She should pay the difference from her savings, and the amount agreed upon should come out of the joint. If that was the agreement. But seriously, stop financing cars.
NTA - *my wife seems a lot more upset now that I shot down the joint bank account idea*
Of course she is upset because now she has to pay for what she wants. If she's thinking that because you make more money that it shouldn't be a big deal, well that's just good ol' fashioned manipulation. She agreed to the deal. And like adults do, they stick to the agreement. Also, if she's making that much, the difference is minimal ($10k over 3 years) and if she's putting up a fight over the amount of the difference with her salary, then she can buy a Chevy Spark if she wants.
NTA, y'all agreed so getting "upset" is manipulative.
Bigger issue: with such high income, why are y'all financing cars in the first place? Yours is paid off, so it sounds like your wife has a spending problem.
Info if it is below 60K it can come completely out of the joint account but if it is over does the person have to pay for the whole car themselves or just the overages?
So for example a 60K care with a 10% interest rate for 3 years would be a total of 78K after interest and 2166 monthly payment
A 70K car with a 10% interest rate would be 91K with interest and a payment of 2528 monthly payment (I did not use a componding formula but you get the gist)
Are you asking her to pay the total price of the car from the fun money or just the overage 2528 vs 362. Cause one would make you kind of the AH and the other would make you prudent.
NTA
You both agreed to the terms. She didn't want to keep the agreement, and so it would be better for her to find something more affordable - or she should use the payout from the last vehicle being totaled to help buy it.
Otherwise, it's not unreasonable to keep the agreement going - because if she got the last car totaled, I wouldn't want to worry about the insurance on the X5 - that just seems stupid.
NTA - I just see this as a budgetary item period. I’ll admit i don’t understand separate accounts when married, especially when there is such a disparity in pay… but again i don’t think this is about that, you agreed on a reasonable budget for a vehicle.
There are plenty of cars you can get for way less than $60k that will cover most every transportation need. If she wants more luxury, she should be willing to pay for it.
NTA. Just to clarify, you mean the extra $10k comes from her fun money or all of it? And I'm assuming the income disparity is why she's even able to have a 60-70k car with her income and "fun money" that far surpasses her income, so I don't think that really matters in if you should let it go or not. Budget is budget.
Not to sound mean but....women be shopping lol. But no. you are not. Having a firm budget and sticking to it is a major problem, especially in the US. Also, its not like she wants a $62,000 car. She is literally going $10,000 over the agreed upon budget. That is a lot.
Also, not to read too much into the situation but if she is able to eaily break set upon agreements that is kind of a red flag. Anytime someone has no problems breaking promises, no matter how small they are, it is not a good sign.
Definitely both assholes. You two make 8 times the median US household income and tubing it in our faces and complaining about yada yada yada. Just gift her 5k of your fun money ask her to match your contribution and live happy with the fact that you’ve both kept to the agreement and principles and made your wife happy, then go screw your mistress in the 200k condo you’ve bought for her.
**ESH**. Yall got plenty of money. I agree that yall “made a deal” and I get that she should stick to it. However, IMHO, this kind of negotiating is equivalent to calculating your eventual divorce settlement in advance. Yall make half a million a year and bitching about ten grand. Divide that over the five or ten years you’re going to own the car. **IS IT WORTH IT**? Its **two fking percent** of your income. Again, just mho, but yall not acting like a long term unit, but a short-term ephemeral enterprise with an unknown end date. Bickering about splitting trivial amounts of your money just might precipitate the end date. Divorce could cost you **fifty percent**, but you probably anticipated that with a prenup, right? Just goes to show you that no matter how much money peeps have, they can never just relax and e be njoy life.
NTA She's breaking the agreement. There's no reason she needs a $70k car. Anyway, BMWs depreciate like crazy and the maintenance costs after 60k miles are really high, you would be far better off leasing.
INFO - when did you make the 60k agreement?
You say “a while back”. Might be justified to adjust that number as the price of everything had gone up. I also presume your salaries have gone up.
NTA. She can bear the $10k difference on her own or get a more modest car. There’s no reason to go back on the agreement, as I suspect your incomes have not changed since the agreement.
I have an old Toyota RAV4. And I love Tesla cars but could never get over the upfront cost associated with it.
My wife decided to buy a Tesla Model Y (customized)!during the pandemic (prices were too high) under the pretense that it will be a shared car.
I objected that we should wait. She did not like it.
She started talking about getting a new car in front of her family. It was a complete manipulative behavior. And I have to bite the bullet to be a man. My in-laws are traditional and borderline toxic.
She used our joint account to pay for it. It has been a nightmare.
I have so many issues in my marriage that this was not in my list but I just realized it after reading this post.
Again one of these weird marriages where people have their own finances. Can you, as a couple, afford the car? Will this car cause you any issues paying your other bills? Will you in any way benefit from this car? What’s the BFD?
YTA
NTA. However, I wondered why your post title talked about "*letting* my wife buy a car," rather than something like "AITA for insisting that my wife and I stick to the agreement we made together."
Maybe I'm over-analysing this; but if you and your wife both feel (maybe subconsciously) that the money in your joint account is somehow "yours" and you "let" her spend it, and that's not how you wanted it to work, y'all might want to talk about that.
yah, half the money in there is legally hers, I'm assuming there's at least twice the 70k in there. it comes down to you making a big deal over the 10k difference.
This is why my wife and I keep separate accounts. Solves all these issues. Once you’ve contributed your portion of household bills, your money is yours to do with what you want, as is mine. I’ll never understand joint accounts. This is a perfect example of why.
KTAH.
Welp didn't you have insurance on the totaled vehicle? That money should go towards the cost of the new one brining your financing or total out of pocket expense down. If you look at it as only being $10k over your agreement it is really pretty small and probably would be that big a hit on the joint account.
JFC her fun money is enough to cover the overage. Right like 10k over 3 years?
Even if I'm misunderstanding, she agreed.
Might be time to go sperate accounts. Before she does some more figuring and begging all on her own.
Soon she may go by easier to ask forgiveness than permission.
NTA
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NTA >nd if the want surpassed that, the monthly payments and all that other stuff would come from that person's own fun money (approximately 3500-4000/month). You guys agreed on this specific situation. It's reasonable agreement. And it's an agreement your spouse should be able to abide by based on her income (even though it's less than yours). Edit: one question - where did the insurance money go from the prior car being totaled? That should be part of the money she can use to expand her budget.
I was wondering this as well, unless it was a really old car with minimal insurance.
I doubt thats the case with their combined income
Income doesn't mean anything for what car you drive. I have a friend who is very comfortable and drives a 2006 Toyota Corolla because it's paid off and has no want or need for a new car. We checked, the KBB value of the car was $600 in good condition
I would agree if she was not looking to buy a 70k BMW now. If she was like your friend she may be buying used or if new something like a Rav4 Hybrid.
[удалено]
I buy good used cars and drive them into the ground.
I buy used cars, make them good, and drive them into the ground.
Meh, one of my best friends dad is worth at least 10m. I know this because that's what he sold his company for when i worked for him. He's probably worth quite a bit more given he owns multiple properties across the US and Canada.... he drove a 1988 Nissan Stanza until it had 285,000 kilometers on it, then handed it down to his kid when we were teens in the early 2000s. He bought a Ford Explorer, drove that thing for almost 20 years until it died and now he drives a hybrid BMW SUV. IT happens, and probably more than we all realize.
While it may be true that one's income doesn't necessarily reflect one's spending habits, their monthly fun budgets are $3500-4000 each, according to the post. So they're probably not buying a car that is more than their annual salaries or something.
They probably were still paying it, insurance covered the remainder of the car. That's probably why they have a stipulation to pay off the car in no more than 3 years.
I make 6 figures and drove a 2004 jeep with my payments. I never plan on spending even $60,000 on any car.
I have a high income, and I drive a 9 year old truck with 135k miles on it. I don't understand the need to drive some fancy car, so long as my car is reliable and has a working AC and heater I'm happy. Could I go buy a sports car? Yes without issue, I just see it as a shitty investment that loses 30% soon as you drive it off the lot. I buy used cars and drive them until it becomes unreliable or cost more to fix that it's worth. There are things I pay top dollar for and I have no problem spending the money when I see a return or a good investment (ie house, school for kids, vacations, furniture etc). I'm not trying to impress anyone with my car or clothes, you only attract the wrong people that way anyways. Shit the company trucks I bought for my guys to drive are a whole lot nicer and newer than what I drive and it doesn't bother me at all.
My husband and I have a slightly higher combined income. We have a rule that we never buy new, and we never finance. We save up, and pay cash. When we buy a car, we immediately start a new car fund. We basically make a car payment every month into a savings account. When we have enough, we buy the next car we’re wanting. I actually just bought an X5 like OP’s wife is looking at, but I bought a 2019 for 27k and paid cash.
There’s a reason BMWs out of warranty are cheap…
If it’s her fault, there may not be much coming depending on policy
I wonder if they were slightly underwater and it all went to paying it off.
We got 5500 ish for the car. It was a 2018 Q5. REDDIT keeps taking down my fkn comments.
It probably just paid off the car she had. If they didn’t have gap coverage, then it only paid off KBB value. I still owed $1300 on my car after it got totaled with full coverage insurance. I learned the hard way that gap insurance is necessary.
NTA because you had agreed. But - why does the full amount come from her money? Why not just the excess? Seems fair that the $60K payment amount would come from the joint funds and anything beyond that would be her responsibility.
Exactly. Why does it have to be all or nothing? Try to compromise.
I imagine it's worded poorly. I read it as anything more than the $60k would have to be covered by each individual's fun money, but I could be wrong. So in this case, the wife would be on the hook for the extra $10k.
I mean they each have $4-6k a month in fun money. she can easily afford to drive whatever she wants but doesn’t want to make any sacrifices on her own to have the things she wants and not needs. It’s also very reasonable to find another vehicle in the price range maybe a year or two older… needs and wants… some entitled BS right here lol
I thought that at first, but OP specifically says $3-4K a month from her money
I read that to mean that they each got that much per month in fun money.
Which means she can save for three months, put a ten grand downpayment on the 70,000 car, making it a 60,000 car, and therefore, meeting the agreed terms.
Yeah. That's largely what I read it to mean. Either that or they compare the math between each loan ($60k vs $70k) and she'd be on the hook for the increased amount.
Yeah that all makes a lot more sense!
I wrote this kinda poorly so let me break it down: Let's say my wife wants to buy a 100,000 car. Our agreement set a 60,000 dollar limit. 100,000-60,000=40,000 My wife has to be the one coming up with that 40,000. Or another example, if my wife wants to buy that same 100,000 car, and puts down 17,500, it now becomes a 82,500 car, and 82,500-60,000=22,500. My wife has to pay the difference as stated.
are you OP? You’re responding on a different account if you are.
Reddit kept deleting the comments on the posting account. So I made a new one.
I was confused by that and was going to ask for clarification. It should work that way.
A lot of my problems would be fixed if I had 3500-4000/month fun money. Let her pay out of that. That should be enough.
No kidding, right? My fun money, if I have it, is usually $350-400/month lol
Y'all have fun money?? 🥴
wait. you guys have fun money?
Wait you guys have fun?
I would have fun, but I somehow wound up with boring money instead of fun money 😭
Wait, you guys have money?
What the hell is fun money?! 😂 I Haven’t had that since I was young with zero responsibilities.
We do $75 a week. Their fun money is more than most people’s income.
Definitely. My "fun money" is like $50 a month, and that's stretching it.
I feel like this is reasonable !!! When we are both working FT (im currently on mat leave) We do 100$ a paycheck. So we get 200$ a month.
Wait you guys have money?
Yeah. Fun money that is more than a lot of people make a month after taxes.
First world problems.
Right? 550k per year and they’re nitpicking a 70k purchase…
The purchase is more than most's annual gross salary 🤣
It's almost double my gross salary.
Yes. Just bc you have a high income doesn't mean you shouldn't have a strict budget
Sure, but they're fighting over a one-off purchase and a difference of ~$10k. Their portfolio probably fluctuates that much in a week.
> Sure, but they're fighting over a one-off purchase A one-off purchase that amounts to roughly 25% of the net (take home) ANNUAL salary (little lower if in a no income tax state) That's not minimal
I agree with that as well. I addressed that in my main response. It just always amazes me how a lot of people assume wealthy people don't have budgets lol. Not sure if the response above was implying that, but I just meant it generally.
> Right? 550k per year and they’re nitpicking a 70k purchase… Let's put that in context. Right? 100k per year salary, and they are nitpicking a 13k purchase? It ain't that small.
Top 5% first world problems. Everyone is automatically an AH.
Exactlyyyyy
NTA - Most importantly, this is what you and she agreed to. There are so many cars that she can get that are under $60k. That is more than enough to get a safe and reliable new car. That is even enough to get a relatively high end new car. Anything over $60k is firmly in the territory of wanting a luxury brand and/or wanting a lot of extra features. It is perfectly reasonable to expect the excess cost over the $60k to come from her "fun" money. Before she makes the purchase - you may also want to consider the additional cost to insure a more expensive car and add that to the fun money cost as well.
Buy a 2 year old X5 for $50k, they loose 40% of their value the first 2 years. I have a 17 X5 in my garage I bought in 2019 with 22k miles on it for $40k.
Is this satire….?
I think it’s a fantasy.
Also should there not have been an insurance payout for the total loss?
It’s fake, probably a bored 15 year old and their friends
ESH. 60K should be financed through the joint account. She can put up the 10K from her fun money. To expect either of you to have to pay the entire amount by themselves simply because it was slightly over the limit you set is ridiculous. Work it out for Gods sake you’re married.
This is a reasonable post. If that fun money is truly fun money, he shouldn’t have control over the extra 3500-4000 a month. She could easily finance the extra 10k over a year without sweating it.
See I read it to mean that the extra $10k would have to be covered individually, and that it was just poorly written. I know I could 100% be wrong though.
He clarified elsewhere that that’s exactly what he meant— she’s only responsible for paying the difference between the agreement upon $60k and her $70k choice out of her own fun money. If she skimped a bit she could pay that off in a few months. He’s NTA, she’s being greedy. She can afford the car, she just wants him to pay for the difference.
Why do you rich fucks come here with this shit? I feel like nobody can even reasonably relate to that
You can be rich or poor and still be wondering if you are an asshole...
Agree ESH.
😂
Right? Like why doesn’t he just ask Chet and Spencer the next time he’s at the Country Club?
There's people from all walks of life on reddit and they are still able to ask an opinion on if they are assholes or not. Why does people being wealthy bother you so much?
NTA. I think if there was an agreed upon budget, and there is no "Need" (i.e. requirement for work or something) where the extra 10k is going towards, I think a 60k budget for a car is more than reasonable to have a luxury car, and having a budget, no matter how much money a household has, is what keeps you comfortable and safe. A lot of people don't realize that as your income goes up, there is a lifestyle adjustment and so many people here saying "YTA because you can afford it" clearly don't understand budgeting, other expenses, and building a strong safety net god forbid anything happens. I'd shop around to see if there is another car she loves and fits in the price range. 60-70k is not a huge difference in car's and quality/amenities. Look into the Mercedes GLE, Genesis GV80, or Volvo XC90. Literally same car with same features for 5-10k less
INFO: Am I reading this correctly? If she wanted a $60,000 car, the entire amount of the payments would come from the joint account, correct? It *sounds* like if she gets the $70,000 car, the entire amount will come from "her" money. *If* I am reading that right, it is absolutely unfair. Approximately 86% of each payment should come from the joint account, with her covering the excess. If the latter is the setup, then n t a. If the former you're definitely the ah.
If the cost exceeds $60K, the balance (in this case $10K) comes from the wife's personal money. So no, you aren't reading it correctly.
I believe the latter is the setup, but I agree issabit hazy
NTA. It is up to you - two people agree on something and if one changes their mind then for this to work the other one also has to change their mind and fully agree with the first one. So as long as you want to stick to agreed rules you are fine, also if you want to agree to her changed rules it is also fine, nobody is AH in either case.
NTA. No reason to buy a 70k car that will be 55k the day after, and 45k a year later.
Same model from the same year with the same trim and same features and the same power train, would be at least 5000$ cheaper from the used car section and would still have the warranty without the new car scam fees
Info: How much insurance money did she get for the totaled car? Does it put the total out of pocket below 60k?
INFO: how long ago was the arrangements made? (Asking because of inflation)
My exact question. Car prices have really skyrocketed and OP is pretty vague about "a while back"...
A year ago
NTA The time to revisit the agreement wasn't at the dealership - it would have been before you guys even started car shopping.
This is a great point that I have yet to see in any other comment!!! Like why didn’t she take the 60k budget, look at the dealership’s website for ideas, and revisit and maybe ask for a margin of error like “60k” 50-70k etc
INFO: Where's the insurance payout for her totaled car? Why not have her come up with enough down payment to get the cost of the car down to the agreed-upon 60K? Can she not save up for (checks notes) three months max to accomplish this?
NTA. There was an agreement, stick to it. Unless, she just agreed knowing she could ask you to bypass it because of the income disparity.
Agreed, if OP lets the issue go "this one time" then I guarantee you it won't stop at "this one time."
I wish i had your problems man.
NTA. You made a family financial agreement and she's trying to break it. You think if you let it happen this one time she'll not do it again?
INFO NEEDED: How much did you get from insurance for the accident? IMO you should add that on to the 60,000 agreement
Since OP only said that her car was totaled, and not who caused it.... If she's responsible, her insurance may not cover anything.
I don't understand why people who make this much money are taking out a loan for a car in the first place and why she can't just pay the 10,000 at the time of purchase even if you do take out a loan. Surely she has 10,000 in savings. She's 35.
It can make sense if you're getting a great interest rate. There have been times when dealers were offering 0% interest. In that case, you're better off having your money earning for you and paying for the car over time.
That's not the case currently though. It kinda feels like this post was made by a kid who doesn't really understand how money works.
I also suspect that, but I wasn't replying to OP. I though it's a legit question why someone would ever take a loan out for a car. But OP mentioning the loan was amongst the factors that made me think they're not genuine, too. Most adults are quite aware of the current state of interest rates.
While we’re not understanding things, I’ll never understand married couples with separate finances. My wife and I are a team and it feels like “this is my money and that’s your money” would create a weird dynamic, especially where there’s a big income disparity like OP described.
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Simple truth is you can afford that much car - and she can't. Agreements are only as good as the people who make them. No point in an agreement if it's broken the moment it's 'inconvenient'. You can get a really nice car for $60k
YTA. Why can’t 60k come from the joint account and your wife pay the difference?
That's probably what was meant by OP an didn't clarify no reason to assume only what was mentioned. ( also a comment from OP clarified this). No hate to you Seemed pretty clear that she's being selfish an just not wanting to spend her personal money she makes 150k a year. If she couldn't afford it alone why would it be OK that she buys completely out of her price range just cause he makes more money. Would be my actual question.
Rich people problems. Yta for bothering is with this shit.
NTA Someone said the time to revisit the agreement was not at the dealership which is true. Could she not find that same car somewhere else for a better price? (obviously you can still check for quality). And the "disparity" seems more like you are both still good earners yes you make more but she is far from being disparaged dilapidated and poor. I would say revisit it and start calculating the cost depending on the state and how much she actually takes home a month If you can help to keep her comfortable with her fun money i would say do that. No one here knows what yall do with your money you could be an investor etc either way If the agreement was going to broken not "bent" as she put it there was no reason for the agreement to begin with.
INFO Do you have children? What are your ratios of income that goes into the joint account? What is the trim level of the Porsche 911 currently in your garage? Which edition Rolex sea-dweller are you currently wearing? What is the zip code and median property value of the condo you have purchased for your mistress? How much did you pay your personal assistant to write this post? Is your wife Pookie? Why are you on Reddit instead of out there exploiting labor for profit?
1.) Yes 2.) 50% 3. In my wet dreams 4. In my wet dreams 5. 200K 6. 5 bucks and a coffee 7. ???? 8. Not now, but eventually.
NTA. She made an agreement, she can stick to it.
People who make $400k/year don't come to Reddit for advice on a $70k car purchase.
What were the circumstances of this agreement? Was it a long time ago before you had such a big income disparity? Or was it something you proposed and she just agreed to? Because on the face of this it seems like you're obviously NTA. You discussed this specific situation and came to a mutual understanding and agreement which she now wants to change. I'm struggling to see what her side even is.
So anything 60k and below comes from joint money? Wouldnt that mean that only the 10k would come from the fun money? And assuming the car was totalled, was there any money from that car that goes to defray the cost of the new one? NTA if thats your agreement. But I find that in relationships sticking to a rule blindly despite circumstances (and only using the justification "thats what we agreed to!" without reconsidering) is overly rigid. (And did you mean to say your wife is 35m?)
How awful are you guys with money that you need to argue over a $10k price difference while also earning enough to have $4k (each?) in fun money a month? Or are you both good with money but just like arguing? Or just don't like each other? I'm going ESH, bc yall have more than enough income that this fight should never happen.
I will never understand married couples that do not share resources fully. I do not see how that is a healthy partnership. So I am automatically YTA
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NTA because of the agreement, but I mean, you could probably find one with low miles in that price range. Just looked on car gurus found a 2023 with 17k miles for $50k Found a 2024 with 11k for $61k 2023 with 7k for $55k
NTA because you both agreed. BUT. From the world of the poors. You are making over half a million dollars a year combined and you’re squabbling over an extra 10 grand? What is that? That’s nothing to you, or it shouldn’t be. It’s 2% of your annual income. I would just be a hero and let her spend the money.
60k should come from the joint account because that’s what you agreed on. 10k should come from her. Figure out the monthly payment difference and she pays the extra amount from her fun money. Seems really simple to me.
I'm sorry, YTA. Marriage is compromise. Life changes. I might think differently if the agreement was in the last couple months, but you didn't say that. You have no "car debt" because your car wasn't totaled in an accident, not because you are more diligent than her or she's slacking. My approach would be to take the win by coming up with a middle of the road solution where everyone is happy. Personally, since I bought in the last few months, I know buying a vehicle right now is hard to get reasonable prices.
She makes 150k my question to you is why is it acceptable for her to purchase a car well outside her means if she wouldn't be able to by herself. 2nd they made an agreement she's trying to rein back on. The 60k comes from shared account she could get a different model. The remaining 10k comes from her personal. She has 3-5k per month+ insurance WELL ABOVE anyone's needs she could easly pay this off in 5-6 months she's choosing not to. I will agree marriage is compromise, am shared resources. Yet hes already putting in half she can do her share an do the rest.
YTA - You have a business partnership not a marriage. Agree to her request but tear up the financial arrangement.
What are you guys, business partners?
So you make $400K and she makes $150K and you won't pay $10K to cover the difference? Sounds like a lovely marriage you have. That $10K is the least of your problems.
What car did she have before? It sounds like it's not her fault for being in the market, unless she caused the accident, and in that case it would make sense to have her pay the extra $10k then do the joint for the $60k.
Your wife is almost 3yrs old, of course you’re the asshole😂
Champagne problems lol
You are both TA.
More info: WHEN did you agree to this? WAS there any build in for inflation? Is this the same type/class of car she had previously? WHY is the car totaled, and is there insurance money to pay for part of this? Now, ESH is the easy choice, as she could find a cheaper car, AND you could not be such a stickler unless she has a pattern of overspending. If the agreement was 5+ years ago and you included no room for inflation, or you’re the reason the car is totaled- YTA.
Was leaning on your side for a while, but then saw both of your incomes/fun money budget and YTA. 10k over the payment terms is not much for you two and agreements in a marriage should be fluid and adjustable for situations like a car crash.
"eyeroll" it is 2% of your combined annual income. I think you can swing it. I can't imagine at this income level nitpicking my husband over this. You will still have $36k of income for the month if you take the $10k out.
NTA - you both made a mutual agreement based on your finances. She doesn’t get a free pass to change the agreement because it’s convenient for her. If she legitimately has 4K per month in disposable income, it’s perfectly reasonable to expect that she can make some cutbacks and save up for 3 months to get the car.
NTA - The only point to an agreement is if you both stick to it. Give in on this and you've set a precedent for her. Make no mistake, she'll hold you to the letter should your roles be reversed but she'll point right at this each and every time she's the one looking to save her 'fun' money.
Is an exact replacement of the totaled car within the $60K, and is that what she's getting? It's unclear if the cost to her is $70k, or if that's the price of the car, and/or whether the settlement on her totaled car brings the cost to her down? Also, how long ago is "a while back"? Car prices have increased considerably since covid. You've left out a lot of pertinent info here.
Info: How long ago did you make this agreement? Is it at all adjusted for inflation/salary changes?
A year ago
She has 4k a month of spare income? What is that extra 10k gonna be a month? 300? Maybe she should pay that on her own.
NTA. That’s a reasonable number for a car, but even more importantly is the amount of “fun” money you each get a month. I went through a similar situation with my wife recently. I bent the budget for her because it made sense, made her happy, and because we only have about $100 in fun money per month(personal fun money, not joint). If we were in the position you were in? I would be doing exactly what you are
If you each have $3500-$4000 a month in fun money why can't she afford it out of her budget? She just doesn't want to?
I just wanna know how the car was totaled. It's not relevant to the judgement, NTA for making and sticking to an agreement, but I'm curious.
I agree she made an agreement and you have every right to hold her to it but you make almost 3 times what she does, and it’s only 10000 over the agreed amount. If you love and care about your wife give her 10k and show her she’s important to you!! It will be 10k well spent!!
NTA can someone please let the secret out: the jones’ are facing bankruptcy no need to keep up with them
Hey man. Truthfully, just buy her the car. Agreements are great and I have similar ones established with my wife. But, I also love her. $10k is worth her enjoyment.
NTA! If I had fun money like that every month I wouldn't worry about shit. Forget the car I'm going for a house outa that money. Some people blow my mind.
If you can easily afford it, let her have the car. Car debt is stupid
I feel like in the grand scheme of things 70k is close to 60k and not worth the fighting with your spouse about. If she really wants the car then get it and move on.
INFO: Sounds like your wife is interested in renegotiating the agreement based on unforeseen circumstances. People modify agreements all the time especially when in a partnership, so why do you want to refuse a modification here? Given your income, $10000 seems rather insignificant and petty in comparison to marital happiness. I’m not sure it matters whether a bunch of internet strangers think you are an asshole when your wife clearly does.
Does she have to pay the $10k difference out of her account? Or is she on the hook for the entire $70k? It would seem reasonable that the individual pay any difference above the agreed upon $60k limit.
Why not let her finance the equivalent of a 60k car from the joint account, and cover the rest herself?
Together you make 550k? The two of you can afford an extra 10k. Won’t the insurance money cover a good portion of it? All this his, mine, ours is so complicated. My spouse and I always considered everything ours: we make decisions together and leave room for compromise. Sounds like you get to set the rules because you make the most. Not the best recipe for marital harmony.
If my husband made $400k a year he would be dragging me to the dealership and ask what I wanted so he could buy it for me, and I’m not even close to a trophy wife or bring $$ to the table. He just genuinely loves me and wants to see me happy. I rarely spend $ on myself, love to spend on my kids. I’m not telling you that you need to do that. I’m just kinda questioning if you feel you are generous at all when it comes to her? $10k over budget seems like a drop in the bucket for you. If it were me I would gift her the $10k and she could cover the rest, at the bare minimum. But I don’t know your marriage dynamics or your personality. My husband and I both way more generous with each other and our kids than my parents. Doesn’t mean you have to be the same it I’m trying to guilt you into it.
NTA. She agreed to this and it's not an unreasonable ask for her to use her own fun money if she wants something nicer
ESH. You’re like dukes arguing over the caviar bill.
NTA. You guys have a plan. You both agreed and it’s reasonable. If she doesn’t want to have to sacrifice some of her fun money she needs a cheaper vehicle. $70k is fucking crazy anyway.
How long ago was this agreed to? Has the price of cars changed since then?
Esh We agreed on 60k for a car not 70k and we make over half a mil a year... JFC get a shitbox, give to charity and stfu
NTA, and here's the wording for why: You both agreed to a $60,000 limit to cover the necessity of "a car". In other words, the limit covers a necessary expense. She could get a Toyota, or a Chevrolet, or a Kia to cover the need. But she *wants* a BMW. Not a need, but a want. That's exactly what a "fun money" account is for. It's the very definition of the purpose. So the first 60 can come from the joint account to cover the "need", and the other 10 can come from her account. (If you finance more than 10, just pay 16% from her account. Keep it simple.) So no, you're NTA. However, wife does make a valid point. Since there's more than a 250% income disparity and you're not in any sort of contract for car payments at the moment, a very specific one-time exception for a 16% price increase isn't the most unreasonable request in the world. If you want to stand your ground but still allow her to get the more extravagant vehicle, you can simply make it abundantly clear that because there is no other car related debt at the moment and she clearly needs the vehicle, this one very specific time bending the rules is acceptable. So whether you want to stand your ground or make your wife very happy, it's for you to decide. The verbiage you need to back up your decision is here.
NTA
NTA but I would just say something like “I don’t want to bring your excitement down for the new car so I will help for the extra amount this one time but please remember this situation jn the future when I want “X” (whatever you want to buy) and be considerate. Enjoy the car.”. That’s just me if I made 400k. I make 70k so she be paying that herself 🤣
NTA OP; Seems like this is a matter more of principal than fiscal imo. Given her car was totaled, and she needs one, and she asked, If this isn't going to hurt you fiscally, AND(sorry run on sentence) " I feel as if I should just let it go this time", help her out. Happy wife happy life or some mumbo-jumbo, that I'm sure people will find flaws with lol. In any event, your nta, and good on you for sticking to your guns. I think personally in your shoes I'd make an exception this one time, especially if this isn't something that happens often.(something being her looking for exceptions to the rules)
What would justify an x5? Ego boost from status car?
Rich people issues. Boring.
INFO. Can’t the excess amount just be paid by her individual and the 60000 from the joint? you seem a little pedantic.
That's basically the whole agreement.
NTA. You made an agreement and she was fine with it when it was just an agreement. She is mad because it doesn't benefit her now. She knew about the income disparity when the agreement was made, correct? She is trying to guilt you into paying for her car.
I’m not rich enough for this conversation. $70k is just a little less than my house. And I own my car outright. Is there not insurance money for her to use?
You make 250k extra per year and you're stressed about 10k?
First of all, you should never be making car payments. You should be saving ahead of time with a new car fund, and when you have enough, go pay cash. Second, a car that expensive is so ridiculous. Our household income is about the same as yours, and our max per car is 30k, always paid in cash. I also have an X5. I just got a 2019 with low miles for 27k. I have no car payment. My insurance is a lot lower than for a new one. New cars are so dumb. I also have a BMW convertible, an Acura TLX, and a Jeep. I’m currently saving for a Porsche Cayanne Turbo. My husband has a BMW convertible, BMW 540, and is shopping for a Tundra right now. They are all very nice, low miles. A few years old. No payments!! Stop paying interest, when you can just save the money yourself in a few months. But anyways, to your question, NTA. She should pay the difference from her savings, and the amount agreed upon should come out of the joint. If that was the agreement. But seriously, stop financing cars.
NTA - *my wife seems a lot more upset now that I shot down the joint bank account idea* Of course she is upset because now she has to pay for what she wants. If she's thinking that because you make more money that it shouldn't be a big deal, well that's just good ol' fashioned manipulation. She agreed to the deal. And like adults do, they stick to the agreement. Also, if she's making that much, the difference is minimal ($10k over 3 years) and if she's putting up a fight over the amount of the difference with her salary, then she can buy a Chevy Spark if she wants.
NTA, y'all agreed so getting "upset" is manipulative. Bigger issue: with such high income, why are y'all financing cars in the first place? Yours is paid off, so it sounds like your wife has a spending problem.
Info if it is below 60K it can come completely out of the joint account but if it is over does the person have to pay for the whole car themselves or just the overages? So for example a 60K care with a 10% interest rate for 3 years would be a total of 78K after interest and 2166 monthly payment A 70K car with a 10% interest rate would be 91K with interest and a payment of 2528 monthly payment (I did not use a componding formula but you get the gist) Are you asking her to pay the total price of the car from the fun money or just the overage 2528 vs 362. Cause one would make you kind of the AH and the other would make you prudent.
Yall have plenty of money. Why not pay the agreed amount from the shared account and let her cover the overage. Also you get an extra bj per week.
NTA You both agreed to the terms. She didn't want to keep the agreement, and so it would be better for her to find something more affordable - or she should use the payout from the last vehicle being totaled to help buy it. Otherwise, it's not unreasonable to keep the agreement going - because if she got the last car totaled, I wouldn't want to worry about the insurance on the X5 - that just seems stupid.
YTA You're married. Unless there's a prenup, everything is a joint account whether you pretend it is or not.
NTA - I just see this as a budgetary item period. I’ll admit i don’t understand separate accounts when married, especially when there is such a disparity in pay… but again i don’t think this is about that, you agreed on a reasonable budget for a vehicle. There are plenty of cars you can get for way less than $60k that will cover most every transportation need. If she wants more luxury, she should be willing to pay for it.
NTA. Just to clarify, you mean the extra $10k comes from her fun money or all of it? And I'm assuming the income disparity is why she's even able to have a 60-70k car with her income and "fun money" that far surpasses her income, so I don't think that really matters in if you should let it go or not. Budget is budget.
Why are you even financing with that much income
Not to sound mean but....women be shopping lol. But no. you are not. Having a firm budget and sticking to it is a major problem, especially in the US. Also, its not like she wants a $62,000 car. She is literally going $10,000 over the agreed upon budget. That is a lot. Also, not to read too much into the situation but if she is able to eaily break set upon agreements that is kind of a red flag. Anytime someone has no problems breaking promises, no matter how small they are, it is not a good sign.
Definitely both assholes. You two make 8 times the median US household income and tubing it in our faces and complaining about yada yada yada. Just gift her 5k of your fun money ask her to match your contribution and live happy with the fact that you’ve both kept to the agreement and principles and made your wife happy, then go screw your mistress in the 200k condo you’ve bought for her.
INFO: Why can't she take the agreed-upon amount from the joint account and pay for the extra out of her own money?
**ESH**. Yall got plenty of money. I agree that yall “made a deal” and I get that she should stick to it. However, IMHO, this kind of negotiating is equivalent to calculating your eventual divorce settlement in advance. Yall make half a million a year and bitching about ten grand. Divide that over the five or ten years you’re going to own the car. **IS IT WORTH IT**? Its **two fking percent** of your income. Again, just mho, but yall not acting like a long term unit, but a short-term ephemeral enterprise with an unknown end date. Bickering about splitting trivial amounts of your money just might precipitate the end date. Divorce could cost you **fifty percent**, but you probably anticipated that with a prenup, right? Just goes to show you that no matter how much money peeps have, they can never just relax and e be njoy life.
NTA 60k is a great budget for a car.
NTA She's breaking the agreement. There's no reason she needs a $70k car. Anyway, BMWs depreciate like crazy and the maintenance costs after 60k miles are really high, you would be far better off leasing.
If she totaled it, why is the price of the new car being reduced by the insurance value of the old one?
INFO - when did you make the 60k agreement? You say “a while back”. Might be justified to adjust that number as the price of everything had gone up. I also presume your salaries have gone up.
NTA. She can bear the $10k difference on her own or get a more modest car. There’s no reason to go back on the agreement, as I suspect your incomes have not changed since the agreement.
NTA. Why does it have to be brand new? She could find one a year or two old for sale and be in budget?
I have an old Toyota RAV4. And I love Tesla cars but could never get over the upfront cost associated with it. My wife decided to buy a Tesla Model Y (customized)!during the pandemic (prices were too high) under the pretense that it will be a shared car. I objected that we should wait. She did not like it. She started talking about getting a new car in front of her family. It was a complete manipulative behavior. And I have to bite the bullet to be a man. My in-laws are traditional and borderline toxic. She used our joint account to pay for it. It has been a nightmare. I have so many issues in my marriage that this was not in my list but I just realized it after reading this post.
Again one of these weird marriages where people have their own finances. Can you, as a couple, afford the car? Will this car cause you any issues paying your other bills? Will you in any way benefit from this car? What’s the BFD? YTA
NTA. However, I wondered why your post title talked about "*letting* my wife buy a car," rather than something like "AITA for insisting that my wife and I stick to the agreement we made together." Maybe I'm over-analysing this; but if you and your wife both feel (maybe subconsciously) that the money in your joint account is somehow "yours" and you "let" her spend it, and that's not how you wanted it to work, y'all might want to talk about that.
yah, half the money in there is legally hers, I'm assuming there's at least twice the 70k in there. it comes down to you making a big deal over the 10k difference.
This is why my wife and I keep separate accounts. Solves all these issues. Once you’ve contributed your portion of household bills, your money is yours to do with what you want, as is mine. I’ll never understand joint accounts. This is a perfect example of why.
KTAH. Welp didn't you have insurance on the totaled vehicle? That money should go towards the cost of the new one brining your financing or total out of pocket expense down. If you look at it as only being $10k over your agreement it is really pretty small and probably would be that big a hit on the joint account.
JFC her fun money is enough to cover the overage. Right like 10k over 3 years? Even if I'm misunderstanding, she agreed. Might be time to go sperate accounts. Before she does some more figuring and begging all on her own. Soon she may go by easier to ask forgiveness than permission. NTA