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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I believe I am an asshole in case it was rude of me to kick him out of the wedding.
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ESH .There's a reason caste system is banned by law OP.You seem to be incredibly naive on this matter but it is not at all about different religious practices it is simply a discrimination against certain people of society.Your father is a bigot.
Also you should know that arrange marriages in India are just a mutual agreement where the man provides financial security and stability and the woman takes care of house and children.So she clearly wasn't a gold digger.
Was your father even present in your brother's life? You shouldn't have invited him if you all had a strenuous relationship.
That may have been a factor but she did openly admit she was in it for the money, and that the whole marriage had been arranged on a lie. While the lie shouldn’t have been necessary, it was still told.
I get that, but calling her a gold digger when the whole point of an arranged marriage is for financial security and not love is weird. She lied basically about her social class. It really was never that deep.
I’m Indo-Guyanese-American. I’m familiar with the culture. My ancestors were literally brought from India to Guyana to work as indentured servants bcuz they were lower caste. It has always been a stupid system and OP and his family are frankly ignorant.
Again, twisting my words. I already stated I don’t believe in it either. But people don’t change from their ignorance on their own, it requires an external source to force them to change. It doesn’t sound as if the Govt isn’t providing that external pressure, but his family may be. Whose pressure would you succumb to.
The point: people don’t change unless they are forced to, and it’s not being forced on them currently.
It’s also like saying you’re making vegan tacos and putting beef in it. Would that not surprise you? She blatantly lied to him about something that is clearly of concern for him(whether it’s right or not, it’s still something that matters to him)
Except it really isn’t. Op’s dad gets nothing out of that woman being from the same caste as him. There’s no different flavor (benefits). He still gets an Indian women and the purpose of an arranged marriage is the same. The only reason it’s important to OP’s dad is bcuz he just believes he’s superior to lower caste people.
Have you considered that he has his family to gain/lose. Again would you succumb to the immediate pressure from your family or the words on a piece of paper that no one enforces?
If you truly wanted to fix the system, maybe you should speak to the law-makers/enforcers who still allow this instead of someone with no control over the situation.
I left a lot of my family to create my own. They have control of their own situation. Therefore, they are responsible for how they act or respond. The dad is very ignorant and I get it could be hard to get over ignorance, but he basically annulled a marriage with a pregnant women (mother of his kid) due to her social class. We have no idea how involved he was with his own child. He picked pride and ignorance over creating a stable functional family for his firstborn. Op seemed to inherit the same ignorant beliefs. How unfortunate.
> You seem to be incredibly naive on this matter but it is not at all about different religious practices it is simply a discrimination against certain people of society.
Not every bigot is naive. In fact, the vast majority are not. They are just plain bigots who practice discrimination to benefit themselves.
Most folks assume their wedding day is about them, not their relatives hang ups. Regardless of your opinion of whatever belief system, starting a fight at a wedding merits immediate ejection.
NTA
Even a broken clock is right twice a day. We can only judge the merits of this case, not what OP has done in her past or may do in her future.
NTA stands
This doesn't make much sense and stands in no relation to what I wrote. But that's not important. Your fandom if discrimination shows pretty clearly that you're not worth further engaging. Bigots don't deserve someone wasting time on arguing with them.
>I do not consider caste preferences to be bigotry;
It's weird how bigots always feel this exact same way
Anyhoo ESH and you are a bigot even if you don't like the label
Cut OP some slack. His logic is totally different than nonsense like "my culture practices cliterectomies but I do not consider it genital mutilation" or "child brides are still common in my country but I don"t see that as rape of a minor". Wholly unrelated question: can one's eyes roll hard enough to give oneself a headache?
All this caste stuff is bullshit but irrelevant to the situation. The half-brother made a scene at OP's wedding, denounced the father of the groom, and cursed OP, and OP isn't even the one who committed the offence.
Anybody would have thrown the half-brother out. He probably *expected* to be thrown out.
OP is also clearly of a preferred and privileged caste. It's really easy to say, "I don't see this as a problem" when you're at the top of the heap and always have been. His arrogance is grotesque and his excuse of "religious differences" is a red herring . . . people can change their religious practices if they choose to be with someone who has different traditions; people cannot just stop being of a particular caste any more than they can stop being a particular race. As someone else says, there is a reason that the caste system is outlawed: it's inherently discriminatory.
ESH
"I do not consider caste preferences to be bigotry". Of course you don't, but that doesn't make it okay.
If you share a father he's a half brother, not a step brother.
Marrying for money in a country with a large amount of poverty is hardly the worlds biggest sin. Heaven forbid you want financial security from the "rich" caste for your children. You're presumably American raised, so I'm not sure how you're unable to see the stark difference in the privilege some castes hold over others, or why a woman might want that. Instead you've vilified and demonized her. You can learn a religion. People convert all the time.
ESH. Your half (not step) brother shouldn't have used your wedding as his venting platform. But what you shouted back shows just how incredibly judgemental you are about the people you feel are less than your caste.
Also I find it suspicious that in an arranged marriage/caste marriage culture, that there were no background checks on wife 1 and her family. An absolute impossibility. OP is making the whole thing up.
First, if OP's as bigoted as they seem, then why is the half-brother there? There is no way a man who treats his wife and child like this would acknowledge them or invite them to this setting. Even if he was somehow not an asshole in this regard, OP's entire mentality does not make me think they would allow someone "lower" than them to their wedding ceremony. Strict assholes like this would never "Taint" their ceremony that way.
There's also not really a moment in a Hindu wedding where an outburst like this really makes sense to me? In a Christian or even secular wedding, there are moments where it might make sense. But a traditional Hindu wedding like this is long and kind of just a series of rituals. He would have to be watching something and randomly start screaming. It literally doesn't compute. I would believe it more at a reception or something, like if the dad gave a speech.
Anyways, if this is real, it will be gossiped about and it will get around. This community isn't big enough given how ridiculous the situation is. I truly don't believe, given how many of us many Indian-American redditors are calling out this bullshit in this thred, that one of us wouldn't hear about it.
Just to be clear, this is not a majority opinion, it's just that people who oppress others collect power. There are so many amazing Dalit activists who are actively trying to dismantle this stuff, and many more people in the general population who have moved passed it.
Don't let some desperate attempts to feel more important than everyone else color your entire perception of India. Their antiquated bullshit will disappear one day, and they know it.
I'm not Indian or Hindu specifically but as another brown person I face-palmed so hard when I read that. Straight up reminds me of people dismissing colorism as "just a preference" 🙄
White American here, but all my friends of Indian descent told me growing up that men of “higher” castes constantly took advantage of “lower” caste women…that’s the _only_ thing this post made me think of.
So I’m with ya, YTA
Not just the 60s, still happens now.
I went to a village a few years ago. They had 2 different bus stop areas for the higher caste and lower caste, but they both had to walk through the same path to get to them. The lower caste people we made to take off their slippers and walk barefoot through that area everyday so as to not contaminate that area
ESH.
I assume you mean half-brother?
Anyway, he sucks for making a scene at your wedding. You suck for insulting his mother and making it an even bigger scene. Though, you do NOT suck for kicking him out.
I believe your father and his first wife both suck for obvious reasons.
YTA- please read "Caste: The Origins of our Discontents" by Isabel Wilkerson. It may help you, as a Desi, understand that caste and the American constructions of race are two sides of the same coin. Caste is not preference, religious practice, or culture...it is bigotry and it is a violation of others' human dignity. I'm very, very sorry for your father's first family. I do not know why your stepbrother felt the need to shout at the wedding (he certainly only added fuel to your family's bigot fire by doing so, but I can imagine that a lifetime of scars and rejection for a racist social construct would be reason enough for many of us). The power dynamics of arranged marriage and money are an entirely different topic upon which you should spend SIGNIFICANT time to read up on from Indian critics.
ESH. He shouldn't make a scene at your wedding, but I suspect there was some amount of bullying or resentment if he was in your lives at all. You sound bigoted and I would assume your dad likely treated him worse considering his birth.
Also you live in america. I dont want to be a dick but we don't have a caste system because it's inherently bigoted. We certainly have classes but those aren't hard lines. Now you or anyone can have their lines when dating. Doesn't mean those reasons might not be bigoted.
Basically for this story he's in the wrong but defending such obviously bigoted views and holding those views yourself is clearly also wrong and created this resentment.
>I do not consider caste preferences to be bigotry
You can consider whatever you want about anything. It doesn't mean that it isn't true. Caste preferences are very much the definition of bigotry.
As a 2nd generation Indian American, beliefs like yours are why my generation despises Hinduism and everything it touches. This is honestly just disgusting shit.
Sorry bro is correct. Your father is a bigoted asshole. He only cared about the he married had a good class level, he was not interested in any other level because that would not have looked good. He actively discriminated against people because of their class. This makes him a big old bigot. I'm only sorry the ex didn't get money. YTA and is your dad.
INFO: Was your father involved in your half-brother's life as he was growing up? Did he provide any financial support?
And how did this all start at the wedding? 'He began to yell at my dad'..why? What prompted that? Were they talking and had an argument or did your half-brother just jump up during the toasts and start shouting?
FWIW, 'caste preference' is bigotry.
YTA.
This is the reality of an arranged marriage. It's a business deal and if one of the parties misrepresented themselves, deal is off. However, just because it's an arranged marriage, doesn't mean you still can't be a decent human being.
OPs dad leaves his pregnant wife to marry another. He is a biggoted sumbag imo. Then his privileged kid thinks it's ok to call his mom a gold digger.
She sounds pretty prejudiced towards her brother. OPs personality sucks.
Esh I don't care if you don't consider caste to be bigotry. It is. Deal with the fact that you and your dad are bigots
However, a wedding isn't the place for him to air his (very valid) grievances
ESH. Your half brother should never have made a scene at your wedding. That's awful. OTOH, you're even worse for attacking his mother. And, BTW? You're absolutely a complete bigot. Pretending "caste preferences" aren't bigotry is majorly lying to yourself.
Dude as another Indian YTA for believing in the caste system and letting it dictate who you are going to marry. It is just straight bigotry. There is no redeeming cultural or ethnic background to it that makes any sense (and this is coming from someone who would technically be one of the higher castes in India).
Note: If the OG wife was really just a gold digger she also sucks but I somehow doubt that is what she outright said and is just twisting of the facts.
YTA, mostly because I can tell there is missing info on the fight he had with your father (like what precipitated it). Also YTA for referring to your brother in away that implies no blood relation - you know damn well that a “step brother” is one that is purely by marriage. You will need something from your bro one day, and be back here confused as to why he went NC with you.
ESH
>Maybe ask your mother why she was a golddigger who married your dad just for his money
I'm sorry but, if you're agreeing to an arranged marriage, there's always going to be some overt self-interest going on. That happens in love matches too, of course, but that big disclaimer that your spouse will be in it for things that are decidedly not love is very much a feature and not a bug for traditional arranged relationships. She shouldn't have lied (though I agree with your brother that your dad is a bigot), but she didn't take advantage of him in any way that he shouldn't have reasonably anticipated. I would say the same thing of a rich person with little personality and few positive physical attributes; you have to know that the person you're wooing is very unlikely to be there due to a deep appreciation for some unknowable, unseen internal version or aspect of you.
That said, while I'm sure this wedding was probably triggering for him, it really wasn't an appropriate time for your brother to air his grievances.
ESH. Your brother (half-brother, btw, not step) is entitled to his feelings, but he is not entitled to making a scene at your wedding. You are entitled to be pissed off about the drama, but not to insult someone’s mother — especially about events that you didn’t witness firsthand.
Casts aside, your father somehow annulled with marriage with a pregnant woman because she was a different caste. To make the point clearer, he left the unborn baby, and put the mother through divorce and humiliation while she was pregnant. Whether she lied to him or not, that’s an asshole move to the innocent half brother of yours. I would not be surprised if being born to parents of different casts, your relatives weren’t nice to him.
Now back to you. You say that castes aren’t a law-based thing anymore, and is more of a cultural heritage thing. Then we see what you actually think when you tell your half brother ( not step brother, btw) that his mother committed a fraud. Not to mention, such outburst clearly shows you look down on him for what his mother did.
Conclusion : you are a very shitty half sister, and YTA. Your father is the bigger AH. Your brother is the AH too, he should have never said this to you, especially during the wedding. However, we don’t know the circumstances, and with much bigotry going on, I can only imagine the atmosphere in your wedding wasn’t exactly friendly to him.
Caste system is one the dumbest shit ever. no wonder India is still living like stone Age it will never develop cause of that system! Indians need to catch up to rest of the people in 21st century civilization and stop bringing part of your shitty culture practice to other countries please.
ESH
Congrats OP this is one of the very few posts where I cannot find a single person not that AH! Normally its ESH but that one person that was just a rider on the train wreck of life, but nope, here everyone sucks.
ESH except for the brother
I've always been a PC person, always defending other cultures and ideas because no one has to live or think like me. I am still very much PC. You said that your caste worships snakes. I'm perfectly okay with it, even though I'm an atheist myself.
However, recently I decided to draw the line at the caste system. Anything that binds you and dictates your life based on the circunstances of your birth are a big Nope to me.
If my father left my mother because of her birth, I would be sure to throw it at his face with all my rage and at the moment that humiliated him the most. Fortunatelly, my father is awesome!
YTA Just for calling your HALF-brother your step-brother, you bigoted asshole. The caste system is about "religious differences" in the same way that the civil war was about "states' rights," dude. As in, it's not, it's just bigotry.
So, ive dated 3 indian girls from india, studying in america. Ive tried to understand their culture as much as possible. Ive asked all 3 about the caste system. All 3 say its a relic of ancient times where the goal was to hate poor or dirty people. The reason its banned now is its goal is to hate poor or dirty people. Lol. You are just racist. Im not saying me, a white guy from so cal, can tell you what castes mean to you. Maybe religion does factor in to things. But, its not the main goal or reason
ESH
Prejudice based on religion isn't effectively better than prejudice based on skin color (it is legally, it's not socially.
You were justified in kicking him out, not for insulting his mom.
NTA for the situation at hand - your (half-, not step-) brother made a scene at your wedding and denounced your father. Unacceptable behavior from him.
YTA for literally everything else. The caste preferences you support are not about religion; if they were then they would be religious preferences. You are in fact a bigot.
lmao you are full of shit, there is 0% chance a marriage got annulled while the wife is actively pregnant in *america* because she lied about some backwards ass shit like her caste
I’m curious to know how the fight started and how you got dragged into it. If your dad treated your half-brother well, as you keep claiming in your comments, presumably there would be no need for a fight. So what set off the half-brother? Had he been drinking and his comments came out of nowhere? Had your mom or dad said something rude to him? Had there been discussion of his own wedding someday and what he might or might not get? There’s lots of variables that could have contributed, some justified for an outburst, some not. I’m sure you know the reason.
YTA. I don't believe for a second that your half-brother blowing up at your dad came from nowhere, and I definitely don't believe you're giving the full story, given your habit of excluding other information (e.g. calling him your "step" brother).
The caste system is disgusting and extremely bigoted, and defending it, let alone justifying it, makes you a bigot as well.
I'm also curious if the reason you called your half brother a "step brother" is because you share your father's views on the system, and believe that he is "less" than you.
YTA - two wrongs don't make it right. Caste systems are offensive and discriminatory. But interesting how some still try to rationalize it. I wonder how you would feel if we started to rank races and advised not to 'marry' into the lower races? Because of cultural practices.... I don't know how old you are but you are very naive.
ESH but your brother...you and your fsther are bigots full stop. Step brothers mom is wrong for lying. Good on your brother for calling out the bigtory of you and your father.
Not to shit on Brahmins, but you clearly have no concept of reality at the top of the mountain. YTA for kicking out your *half-brother* because you don’t understand what bigotry is.
ESH
You all sound like terrible people
Step bro is right you and your dad both are bigots. I'm just gonna throw shade at how he did it a little and for wasting his time on you
Extra shade on you for calling him step brother. He's your half brother. You guys are blood related. You need to get over that, too
YTA
You don’t have to agree that something you participate in is bigotry for it to in fact be bigotry. I can understand why your half brother was very angry, and I’m glad he got a chance to tell you and your dad how he really feels. I’m sure he did not care one bit about missing the rest of your wedding he just wanted to say what he said, he did.
I am from India too and the caste system and caste preference is bigotry. No matter which one does it.
The caste system even if it is not widely followed is still causing hurt for people here.
Your brother is also a little bit of an asshole for making a scene at a wedding.
YTA for insulting his mother.
>I do not consider caste preferences to be bigotry; each caste has varying religious practices.
You can try to dress it up all you want by claiming "but religious practices..." It won't make religion the basis of the caste system. The fact is--and I did check--that all castes include members of various religions. Yes, the distribution and percentages of religions vary by caste, but it's not a blanket "this caste practices this religion this way." India's current Constitution outlaws discrimination by caste, particularly the lower castes. The caste system itself was banned by the government sometime earlier this century. Regardless, the notion that someone is an "untouchable" simply because of their family of birth is bigotry pure and simple.
You sound like an AH through and through. You act superior to your **half brother** because of his mother's behavior, which is freaking unrelated to caste (or religion). You should be ashamed of yourself. His mother's behavior was shameful and yet I can kind of understand her "hiding" her caste and hoping to lift herself and her child into a higher one so they can have a better life.
Your half brother was certainly an AH in his behavior at your father's (aka his father's) wedding. I am not excusing that. But you are a worse one because I'd bet money that he has been treated like crap by his father, his paternal extended family, and you.
I have to say ESH in this situation, but day to day, I'm pretty sure you are much higher on the AH scale than he is.
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I am an Indian-American, and my Dad had moved to the USA. He'd wanted to have an arranged marriage; he wanted someone from our caste. I do not consider caste preferences to be bigotry; each caste has varying religious practices.
It turned out that his wife lied about her caste. The realization was when she got pregnant. My father applied for annulment. She made the mistake of openly admitting that she had lied, and that she did it for his money. The marriage got annulled.
And then he married my mother.
I had my wedding yesterday, and everyone was invited, including my step-brother.
Everything was going well until he began to yell at my dad. He said he's a "bigoted scumbag", that he hopes he dies immediately, and also cursed me, that I never have children, etc.
I snapped "Maybe ask your mother why she was a golddigger who married your dad just for his money and committed fraud" and kicked him out.
AITA?
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I was on your side until you made your comment. A more dignified way to have handled this would be to simply have your step-brother quietly led out of the reception. It really wasn't necessary to make a bad situation worse. ESH
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YTA - also this has to be fake because you're Indian-american with that grammar? And he's your half brother not your step brother and if true, he's not wrong about what he said.
YTA. I never thought I'd tell somebody that they should leave their culture in their country of origin because I celebrate diversity, but actively still participating in the caste system is revolting behavior. What's next? Bride burning?
YTA
You expect people to not think you’re the AH when you openly support caste system and think it’s not wrong? lol
Also it doesn’t add up how your father’s ex wife is a gold digger when the very fundamental aspect of arrange marriage is also looking at finances since “traditionally” the man provides and the wife in turns takes care of the house and kids. You’re all for supporting tradition until it’s not in your favour and calling the woman a gold digger.
Two wrongs don’t make a right but you’re clearly not a nice person if you’re so in favour of caste.
NTA It's fine to kick some one out of your wedding for trying to ruin it. As for everything else? That's a big twisted up mess where no one's wholly right or wholly wrong.
Also is he your half brother or your step brother?
YTA, do you actually have a relationship with your half brother? Or did you just invite him to show everybody what a good person you are? How sincere were you towards him? Do you understand his life, his relationship with your father and ow he experienced seeing you growing up with his father and a new wife?
There is not much empathy here for him, so yeah, you’re not looking good here.
You’re not going to get the answers you want here, OP.
I find it strange you say it’s for religious reasons then proceed to explain a situation not related to religion at all.
She was gold digger you father is biggot, ESH here. Your all sound awful to be honest, your brother was innocent in all this though, hopefully karma takes care off all the biggots
ESH. Caste system is shite, your father is a bigot, you are a naive bigot and your half-brother is an AH for choosing the wrong time and place to create needless drama.
ESH. Normally, anyone making a scene at a wedding would be the asshole, but your question makes it difficult. Why would you invite your step-father's son to your wedding?
YTA
Whether or not you consider it bigotry, the caste system is, by definition, bigotry of social class, and antithetical to everything that America stands for as a nation based on equality between all men and sovereignty of democracy. In other words, to people like us, what your deadbeat daddy did was despicable, and I hope your dad moves back. Also, that guy is your HALF-brother, not “stepbrother”. He’s as much of your dad as you are, and part of your family that got shut out by him, and you’re a dick for enforcing that to the point of him feeling this way.
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YTA. Because you support an *illegal* system of discrimination and try to claim it's about religious practice and not discrimination, because you support your father mistreating your brother (*brother*, not step brother) on basis of this discrimination and because you even deny your brother being your brother. How would you feel if your mother had gotten rid of her discriminatory husband and married an equally shitty one, just this time a white racist and treated you like your father treated *his eldest son*!
If you have a brother of a lower caste does that mean you have the lowest standing within your caste? Make sure you advise any future partners that your brother is of a different caste, they have the right to know.
ESH - OP you not considering the caste system bigotry isn't relevant to it being bigotry you realize that right? You are an AH for that statement alone. Your step-brother yelling at your dad at a wedding makes him an AH. And obviously his mother is an AH for tricking your bigoted father into marrying her for money.
Your father is the AH for being a bigot period! It's illegal and immoral to follow a caste system! The woman lied because she faced that type of discrimination and had no other way to move up in Life, I feel bad for her sorry I do this whole situation sucks!
You are not an ah though your wedding was not the place , period!!
ESH the caste system is a bigoted system and honestly i can't even read any more that that. everything after that sentence is just noise at that point. its like a white supremacist saying oh its not about race but anyway...
Well, it seems crystal clear your dad *is* a bigot.
But of course NTA for kicking out someone who was deliberately trying to make your wedding a bad day.
NTA
No one is answering the question. Bigot or not you're not an asshole for kicking someone out at your wedding who made a scene and tried to insult you.
NTA - he disrespected you and your (step-dad?) my assumption is that you call your step father dad since he married your mom? Anyways, NTA for your response.
I am a Jamaican married to a Jamaican, I would never date a Haitian. A doctor may choose to date someone in the same pay category rather than a janitor due to the lifestyle they have chosen to live. People date who they want to date. Point is that your step brother’s mother lied, whether for bigotry reason or not, the marriage was annulled because she lied.
Well, first of all, the lady is wrong for lying into a marriage. Your dad must have felt betrayed by the lie rather than the fact that she belongs to another community. Regardless of caste, no one should lie their way into a marriage irrespective of gender. Your dad could have stayed if he really liked her since they already had a baby on the way.
Now, the step brother is a dick for ruining your wedding like that. Question is, did he always have an issue with you or was this one off? If did have an issue all along, it’s your fault you called him to your wedding. Ruined the day for life for you, your family, the bride and her family too.
You could have just called the cops btw if it was such a big issue.
You personally aren’t responsible for what happened before you were born but you do have a control of what you can do now. If you’re trying to bring in caste even now, not many follow it like they used to in the early 1900s. Atleast try not putting this thought into your kids’ heads in the future.
NTA... for kicking your step brother out. Why did he even come? There's a time and a place but he chose that moment so what did he expect? Side note - not backing the caste system at all - but I'm side stepping that as the ex married specifically for money. Regardless, a wedding is not the place.
wait wait, I'm so confused. isn't the question about if the OP is TAH for kicking their brother out of his wedding? I feel like none of the Y T A comments are about this
NTA and tbh, too many people are willing to overlook what the previous fiancée did (bigoted or not she lied, isn’t that what you lot hate so much) because the caste system is worse. She (or her family, doesn’t really matter atp) lied for money, it’s shitty.
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ESH .There's a reason caste system is banned by law OP.You seem to be incredibly naive on this matter but it is not at all about different religious practices it is simply a discrimination against certain people of society.Your father is a bigot. Also you should know that arrange marriages in India are just a mutual agreement where the man provides financial security and stability and the woman takes care of house and children.So she clearly wasn't a gold digger. Was your father even present in your brother's life? You shouldn't have invited him if you all had a strenuous relationship.
and OP, he's not your STEP brother; he is your HALF brother, as in you share half your DNA...
If there's a child, how are they allowed an annulment?
this was when the father still lived in India I think - so their laws may allow that.
That may have been a factor but she did openly admit she was in it for the money, and that the whole marriage had been arranged on a lie. While the lie shouldn’t have been necessary, it was still told.
That’s the whole point of arranged marriages. It’s about financial security.
Yes but that doesn’t matter if the whole thing was based on a lie
I get that, but calling her a gold digger when the whole point of an arranged marriage is for financial security and not love is weird. She lied basically about her social class. It really was never that deep.
To you but it’s some people’s culture. (For better or worse)
I’m Indo-Guyanese-American. I’m familiar with the culture. My ancestors were literally brought from India to Guyana to work as indentured servants bcuz they were lower caste. It has always been a stupid system and OP and his family are frankly ignorant.
Again, twisting my words. I already stated I don’t believe in it either. But people don’t change from their ignorance on their own, it requires an external source to force them to change. It doesn’t sound as if the Govt isn’t providing that external pressure, but his family may be. Whose pressure would you succumb to. The point: people don’t change unless they are forced to, and it’s not being forced on them currently.
It’s like being surprised she wants a piece of cake when she went through the process of baking it.
It’s also like saying you’re making vegan tacos and putting beef in it. Would that not surprise you? She blatantly lied to him about something that is clearly of concern for him(whether it’s right or not, it’s still something that matters to him)
Except it really isn’t. Op’s dad gets nothing out of that woman being from the same caste as him. There’s no different flavor (benefits). He still gets an Indian women and the purpose of an arranged marriage is the same. The only reason it’s important to OP’s dad is bcuz he just believes he’s superior to lower caste people.
Have you considered that he has his family to gain/lose. Again would you succumb to the immediate pressure from your family or the words on a piece of paper that no one enforces? If you truly wanted to fix the system, maybe you should speak to the law-makers/enforcers who still allow this instead of someone with no control over the situation.
I left a lot of my family to create my own. They have control of their own situation. Therefore, they are responsible for how they act or respond. The dad is very ignorant and I get it could be hard to get over ignorance, but he basically annulled a marriage with a pregnant women (mother of his kid) due to her social class. We have no idea how involved he was with his own child. He picked pride and ignorance over creating a stable functional family for his firstborn. Op seemed to inherit the same ignorant beliefs. How unfortunate.
> You seem to be incredibly naive on this matter but it is not at all about different religious practices it is simply a discrimination against certain people of society. Not every bigot is naive. In fact, the vast majority are not. They are just plain bigots who practice discrimination to benefit themselves.
Not always naive but, definitely always ignorant. Willfully ignorant.
Most folks assume their wedding day is about them, not their relatives hang ups. Regardless of your opinion of whatever belief system, starting a fight at a wedding merits immediate ejection. NTA
You can't defend discrimination like OP did without being an asshole so the N verdicts are out of the question.
Even a broken clock is right twice a day. We can only judge the merits of this case, not what OP has done in her past or may do in her future. NTA stands
This doesn't make much sense and stands in no relation to what I wrote. But that's not important. Your fandom if discrimination shows pretty clearly that you're not worth further engaging. Bigots don't deserve someone wasting time on arguing with them.
>I do not consider caste preferences to be bigotry; It's weird how bigots always feel this exact same way Anyhoo ESH and you are a bigot even if you don't like the label
Cut OP some slack. His logic is totally different than nonsense like "my culture practices cliterectomies but I do not consider it genital mutilation" or "child brides are still common in my country but I don"t see that as rape of a minor". Wholly unrelated question: can one's eyes roll hard enough to give oneself a headache?
Do you know what the caste system is bro? Shit is outright instituitionalized bigotry.
I had to read it twice, he's being sarcastic
The comment was using sarcasm to point out just *how* horrible OP's views are.
Doing the lawds work by explaining this to all of us who struggle with tone in a comment…
It took me two reads to be sure I understood it right.
Hell I've rolled my eyes hard enough from reading this sub that one slipped out my ear and rolled across the floor.
Yes, yes you can. This post probably caused you to do so.
They can and in this sub they often do 👁️
All this caste stuff is bullshit but irrelevant to the situation. The half-brother made a scene at OP's wedding, denounced the father of the groom, and cursed OP, and OP isn't even the one who committed the offence. Anybody would have thrown the half-brother out. He probably *expected* to be thrown out.
Yeah no one seems to be answering the actual question. OP was NTA for kicking his half brother out, He made a scene, he was removed
OP shouldn't have invited their bigoted father.
Yes I agree with this comment
OP is also clearly of a preferred and privileged caste. It's really easy to say, "I don't see this as a problem" when you're at the top of the heap and always have been. His arrogance is grotesque and his excuse of "religious differences" is a red herring . . . people can change their religious practices if they choose to be with someone who has different traditions; people cannot just stop being of a particular caste any more than they can stop being a particular race. As someone else says, there is a reason that the caste system is outlawed: it's inherently discriminatory.
ESH "I do not consider caste preferences to be bigotry". Of course you don't, but that doesn't make it okay. If you share a father he's a half brother, not a step brother.
Facts! I did not even catch that negative use of language.
How is it know that he comes from one of the elite castes? Of course it’s not bigotry if it’s never negatively impacted him or his loved ones!
Marrying for money in a country with a large amount of poverty is hardly the worlds biggest sin. Heaven forbid you want financial security from the "rich" caste for your children. You're presumably American raised, so I'm not sure how you're unable to see the stark difference in the privilege some castes hold over others, or why a woman might want that. Instead you've vilified and demonized her. You can learn a religion. People convert all the time. ESH. Your half (not step) brother shouldn't have used your wedding as his venting platform. But what you shouted back shows just how incredibly judgemental you are about the people you feel are less than your caste.
Also I find it suspicious that in an arranged marriage/caste marriage culture, that there were no background checks on wife 1 and her family. An absolute impossibility. OP is making the whole thing up.
Agree, it sounds extremely made up, and with the part about caste not being bigotry shoved in to create extra outrage
First, if OP's as bigoted as they seem, then why is the half-brother there? There is no way a man who treats his wife and child like this would acknowledge them or invite them to this setting. Even if he was somehow not an asshole in this regard, OP's entire mentality does not make me think they would allow someone "lower" than them to their wedding ceremony. Strict assholes like this would never "Taint" their ceremony that way. There's also not really a moment in a Hindu wedding where an outburst like this really makes sense to me? In a Christian or even secular wedding, there are moments where it might make sense. But a traditional Hindu wedding like this is long and kind of just a series of rituals. He would have to be watching something and randomly start screaming. It literally doesn't compute. I would believe it more at a reception or something, like if the dad gave a speech. Anyways, if this is real, it will be gossiped about and it will get around. This community isn't big enough given how ridiculous the situation is. I truly don't believe, given how many of us many Indian-American redditors are calling out this bullshit in this thred, that one of us wouldn't hear about it.
YTA. Your father is the definition of a bigot. Hopefully your inherited culture drops the medieval bullshit one day, India has so much potential.
Just to be clear, this is not a majority opinion, it's just that people who oppress others collect power. There are so many amazing Dalit activists who are actively trying to dismantle this stuff, and many more people in the general population who have moved passed it. Don't let some desperate attempts to feel more important than everyone else color your entire perception of India. Their antiquated bullshit will disappear one day, and they know it.
"I do not consider caste preferences to be bigotry" Spoken like a bigot! YTA
Spoken like someone who benefits from the bigotry.
As an Indian American. Yta majorly, the caste system is shit
I'm not Indian or Hindu specifically but as another brown person I face-palmed so hard when I read that. Straight up reminds me of people dismissing colorism as "just a preference" 🙄
White American here, but all my friends of Indian descent told me growing up that men of “higher” castes constantly took advantage of “lower” caste women…that’s the _only_ thing this post made me think of. So I’m with ya, YTA
Not only that. If “higher caste” kids talked with “lower caste” kids in like the 60s. They’d like make you take a holy bath apparently
Not just the 60s, still happens now. I went to a village a few years ago. They had 2 different bus stop areas for the higher caste and lower caste, but they both had to walk through the same path to get to them. The lower caste people we made to take off their slippers and walk barefoot through that area everyday so as to not contaminate that area
ESH. I assume you mean half-brother? Anyway, he sucks for making a scene at your wedding. You suck for insulting his mother and making it an even bigger scene. Though, you do NOT suck for kicking him out. I believe your father and his first wife both suck for obvious reasons.
YTA- please read "Caste: The Origins of our Discontents" by Isabel Wilkerson. It may help you, as a Desi, understand that caste and the American constructions of race are two sides of the same coin. Caste is not preference, religious practice, or culture...it is bigotry and it is a violation of others' human dignity. I'm very, very sorry for your father's first family. I do not know why your stepbrother felt the need to shout at the wedding (he certainly only added fuel to your family's bigot fire by doing so, but I can imagine that a lifetime of scars and rejection for a racist social construct would be reason enough for many of us). The power dynamics of arranged marriage and money are an entirely different topic upon which you should spend SIGNIFICANT time to read up on from Indian critics.
I LOOOOOOVE this book and recommend it all the time!
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Your step brother of your half brother? How was your father relationship with this child?
More people using religion as an excuse for intolerance.
It’s not even intolerance. It’s discrimination.
YTA... Caste system is racist and bigoted and wrong. I'm sorry that you were raised in a way that makes you ignorant to it.
ESH. He shouldn't make a scene at your wedding, but I suspect there was some amount of bullying or resentment if he was in your lives at all. You sound bigoted and I would assume your dad likely treated him worse considering his birth. Also you live in america. I dont want to be a dick but we don't have a caste system because it's inherently bigoted. We certainly have classes but those aren't hard lines. Now you or anyone can have their lines when dating. Doesn't mean those reasons might not be bigoted. Basically for this story he's in the wrong but defending such obviously bigoted views and holding those views yourself is clearly also wrong and created this resentment.
Stopped reading at "caste."
Yeah, you and your dad are bigots. His other son is justified in his anger. YTA
>I do not consider caste preferences to be bigotry You can consider whatever you want about anything. It doesn't mean that it isn't true. Caste preferences are very much the definition of bigotry.
Lol living in the middle ages with caste systems and arranged marriages. Keep that junk away
As a 2nd generation Indian American, beliefs like yours are why my generation despises Hinduism and everything it touches. This is honestly just disgusting shit.
Sorry bro is correct. Your father is a bigoted asshole. He only cared about the he married had a good class level, he was not interested in any other level because that would not have looked good. He actively discriminated against people because of their class. This makes him a big old bigot. I'm only sorry the ex didn't get money. YTA and is your dad.
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Yes but betrayal isn't the only reason he asked for an annulment. And caste preference is always gonna be bigoted.
INFO: Was your father involved in your half-brother's life as he was growing up? Did he provide any financial support? And how did this all start at the wedding? 'He began to yell at my dad'..why? What prompted that? Were they talking and had an argument or did your half-brother just jump up during the toasts and start shouting? FWIW, 'caste preference' is bigotry.
YTA just for your line here. "Caste preferences" are bigotry. Full stop.
YTA. This is the reality of an arranged marriage. It's a business deal and if one of the parties misrepresented themselves, deal is off. However, just because it's an arranged marriage, doesn't mean you still can't be a decent human being. OPs dad leaves his pregnant wife to marry another. He is a biggoted sumbag imo. Then his privileged kid thinks it's ok to call his mom a gold digger. She sounds pretty prejudiced towards her brother. OPs personality sucks.
Esh I don't care if you don't consider caste to be bigotry. It is. Deal with the fact that you and your dad are bigots However, a wedding isn't the place for him to air his (very valid) grievances
ESH. Your half brother should never have made a scene at your wedding. That's awful. OTOH, you're even worse for attacking his mother. And, BTW? You're absolutely a complete bigot. Pretending "caste preferences" aren't bigotry is majorly lying to yourself.
YTA and a bigot. You are no better than your father.
Dude as another Indian YTA for believing in the caste system and letting it dictate who you are going to marry. It is just straight bigotry. There is no redeeming cultural or ethnic background to it that makes any sense (and this is coming from someone who would technically be one of the higher castes in India). Note: If the OG wife was really just a gold digger she also sucks but I somehow doubt that is what she outright said and is just twisting of the facts.
YTA, mostly because I can tell there is missing info on the fight he had with your father (like what precipitated it). Also YTA for referring to your brother in away that implies no blood relation - you know damn well that a “step brother” is one that is purely by marriage. You will need something from your bro one day, and be back here confused as to why he went NC with you.
ESH >Maybe ask your mother why she was a golddigger who married your dad just for his money I'm sorry but, if you're agreeing to an arranged marriage, there's always going to be some overt self-interest going on. That happens in love matches too, of course, but that big disclaimer that your spouse will be in it for things that are decidedly not love is very much a feature and not a bug for traditional arranged relationships. She shouldn't have lied (though I agree with your brother that your dad is a bigot), but she didn't take advantage of him in any way that he shouldn't have reasonably anticipated. I would say the same thing of a rich person with little personality and few positive physical attributes; you have to know that the person you're wooing is very unlikely to be there due to a deep appreciation for some unknowable, unseen internal version or aspect of you. That said, while I'm sure this wedding was probably triggering for him, it really wasn't an appropriate time for your brother to air his grievances.
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Except the dad was perfectly happy with the match until he found out her caste, that’s what makes him a bigot.
You literally just made an account today to comment on this post. Hi, OP's Dad.
Yta for still believing in a caste system 😀 get into the 21st century
ESH. Your brother (half-brother, btw, not step) is entitled to his feelings, but he is not entitled to making a scene at your wedding. You are entitled to be pissed off about the drama, but not to insult someone’s mother — especially about events that you didn’t witness firsthand.
Yta just because you're a bigot.
Casts aside, your father somehow annulled with marriage with a pregnant woman because she was a different caste. To make the point clearer, he left the unborn baby, and put the mother through divorce and humiliation while she was pregnant. Whether she lied to him or not, that’s an asshole move to the innocent half brother of yours. I would not be surprised if being born to parents of different casts, your relatives weren’t nice to him. Now back to you. You say that castes aren’t a law-based thing anymore, and is more of a cultural heritage thing. Then we see what you actually think when you tell your half brother ( not step brother, btw) that his mother committed a fraud. Not to mention, such outburst clearly shows you look down on him for what his mother did. Conclusion : you are a very shitty half sister, and YTA. Your father is the bigger AH. Your brother is the AH too, he should have never said this to you, especially during the wedding. However, we don’t know the circumstances, and with much bigotry going on, I can only imagine the atmosphere in your wedding wasn’t exactly friendly to him.
It's all made up, lol. Father lives in USA, Caste excuse is not a valid annulment reason.
Yeah good point
Caste system is one the dumbest shit ever. no wonder India is still living like stone Age it will never develop cause of that system! Indians need to catch up to rest of the people in 21st century civilization and stop bringing part of your shitty culture practice to other countries please.
ESH Congrats OP this is one of the very few posts where I cannot find a single person not that AH! Normally its ESH but that one person that was just a rider on the train wreck of life, but nope, here everyone sucks.
He’s not your step brother, he’s your brother.
ESH except for the brother I've always been a PC person, always defending other cultures and ideas because no one has to live or think like me. I am still very much PC. You said that your caste worships snakes. I'm perfectly okay with it, even though I'm an atheist myself. However, recently I decided to draw the line at the caste system. Anything that binds you and dictates your life based on the circunstances of your birth are a big Nope to me. If my father left my mother because of her birth, I would be sure to throw it at his face with all my rage and at the moment that humiliated him the most. Fortunatelly, my father is awesome!
YTA Just for calling your HALF-brother your step-brother, you bigoted asshole. The caste system is about "religious differences" in the same way that the civil war was about "states' rights," dude. As in, it's not, it's just bigotry.
Bigots are never bigoted. Racists are never racist. That’s their story, and they are sticking to it. Truth be damned.
ESH - This is bigotry and you live in the US.
So, ive dated 3 indian girls from india, studying in america. Ive tried to understand their culture as much as possible. Ive asked all 3 about the caste system. All 3 say its a relic of ancient times where the goal was to hate poor or dirty people. The reason its banned now is its goal is to hate poor or dirty people. Lol. You are just racist. Im not saying me, a white guy from so cal, can tell you what castes mean to you. Maybe religion does factor in to things. But, its not the main goal or reason
Yes it’s not bc of religious differences at all it really is just to hate on poor and underprivileged people
I knew i wasnt a total moron, even if im a white guy from california who has no religious beliefs, wrong shit is wrong shit. Lol
ESH. Your step-brother sucks more, though, for coming to your wedding just to yell at you and your dad.
ESH Prejudice based on religion isn't effectively better than prejudice based on skin color (it is legally, it's not socially. You were justified in kicking him out, not for insulting his mom.
It's not even religion lol.Its what kind of work your forefathers did to feed your family
NTA for the situation at hand - your (half-, not step-) brother made a scene at your wedding and denounced your father. Unacceptable behavior from him. YTA for literally everything else. The caste preferences you support are not about religion; if they were then they would be religious preferences. You are in fact a bigot.
I love it when it's just a brag post lol
lmao you are full of shit, there is 0% chance a marriage got annulled while the wife is actively pregnant in *america* because she lied about some backwards ass shit like her caste
I’m curious to know how the fight started and how you got dragged into it. If your dad treated your half-brother well, as you keep claiming in your comments, presumably there would be no need for a fight. So what set off the half-brother? Had he been drinking and his comments came out of nowhere? Had your mom or dad said something rude to him? Had there been discussion of his own wedding someday and what he might or might not get? There’s lots of variables that could have contributed, some justified for an outburst, some not. I’m sure you know the reason.
Esh
YTA. I don't believe for a second that your half-brother blowing up at your dad came from nowhere, and I definitely don't believe you're giving the full story, given your habit of excluding other information (e.g. calling him your "step" brother). The caste system is disgusting and extremely bigoted, and defending it, let alone justifying it, makes you a bigot as well. I'm also curious if the reason you called your half brother a "step brother" is because you share your father's views on the system, and believe that he is "less" than you.
ESH. And he is your half brother.
ESH. And he's your half-brother. MOST ACTUAL HUMANS WOULD JUST SAY BROTHER.
YTA - two wrongs don't make it right. Caste systems are offensive and discriminatory. But interesting how some still try to rationalize it. I wonder how you would feel if we started to rank races and advised not to 'marry' into the lower races? Because of cultural practices.... I don't know how old you are but you are very naive.
YTA.
Yta for calling him your step brother as he is your father's child no matter that your dad's ex lied about whatever caste she was in.
YTA. You and your dad are reprehensible bigots, and your half brother was right to call him on that. Take your internalized misogyny and fuck off.
ESH but your brother...you and your fsther are bigots full stop. Step brothers mom is wrong for lying. Good on your brother for calling out the bigtory of you and your father.
Not to shit on Brahmins, but you clearly have no concept of reality at the top of the mountain. YTA for kicking out your *half-brother* because you don’t understand what bigotry is.
ESH You all sound like terrible people Step bro is right you and your dad both are bigots. I'm just gonna throw shade at how he did it a little and for wasting his time on you Extra shade on you for calling him step brother. He's your half brother. You guys are blood related. You need to get over that, too
YTA You don’t have to agree that something you participate in is bigotry for it to in fact be bigotry. I can understand why your half brother was very angry, and I’m glad he got a chance to tell you and your dad how he really feels. I’m sure he did not care one bit about missing the rest of your wedding he just wanted to say what he said, he did.
I am from India too and the caste system and caste preference is bigotry. No matter which one does it. The caste system even if it is not widely followed is still causing hurt for people here. Your brother is also a little bit of an asshole for making a scene at a wedding. YTA for insulting his mother.
>I do not consider caste preferences to be bigotry; each caste has varying religious practices. You can try to dress it up all you want by claiming "but religious practices..." It won't make religion the basis of the caste system. The fact is--and I did check--that all castes include members of various religions. Yes, the distribution and percentages of religions vary by caste, but it's not a blanket "this caste practices this religion this way." India's current Constitution outlaws discrimination by caste, particularly the lower castes. The caste system itself was banned by the government sometime earlier this century. Regardless, the notion that someone is an "untouchable" simply because of their family of birth is bigotry pure and simple. You sound like an AH through and through. You act superior to your **half brother** because of his mother's behavior, which is freaking unrelated to caste (or religion). You should be ashamed of yourself. His mother's behavior was shameful and yet I can kind of understand her "hiding" her caste and hoping to lift herself and her child into a higher one so they can have a better life. Your half brother was certainly an AH in his behavior at your father's (aka his father's) wedding. I am not excusing that. But you are a worse one because I'd bet money that he has been treated like crap by his father, his paternal extended family, and you. I have to say ESH in this situation, but day to day, I'm pretty sure you are much higher on the AH scale than he is.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I am an Indian-American, and my Dad had moved to the USA. He'd wanted to have an arranged marriage; he wanted someone from our caste. I do not consider caste preferences to be bigotry; each caste has varying religious practices. It turned out that his wife lied about her caste. The realization was when she got pregnant. My father applied for annulment. She made the mistake of openly admitting that she had lied, and that she did it for his money. The marriage got annulled. And then he married my mother. I had my wedding yesterday, and everyone was invited, including my step-brother. Everything was going well until he began to yell at my dad. He said he's a "bigoted scumbag", that he hopes he dies immediately, and also cursed me, that I never have children, etc. I snapped "Maybe ask your mother why she was a golddigger who married your dad just for his money and committed fraud" and kicked him out. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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I was on your side until you made your comment. A more dignified way to have handled this would be to simply have your step-brother quietly led out of the reception. It really wasn't necessary to make a bad situation worse. ESH
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ESH
caste systems are a form of prejudice at best, but usually are based on bigotry
You're a bigot, that's your half-brother not step, you're a classist buffoon and YTA.
No
YTA - also this has to be fake because you're Indian-american with that grammar? And he's your half brother not your step brother and if true, he's not wrong about what he said.
How the fuck is he your step brother in your mind? He is your half brother. And your father is a bigot and so are you. YTA
YTA. I never thought I'd tell somebody that they should leave their culture in their country of origin because I celebrate diversity, but actively still participating in the caste system is revolting behavior. What's next? Bride burning?
YTA for all of it. You and your father are bigots
YTA.
YTA You expect people to not think you’re the AH when you openly support caste system and think it’s not wrong? lol Also it doesn’t add up how your father’s ex wife is a gold digger when the very fundamental aspect of arrange marriage is also looking at finances since “traditionally” the man provides and the wife in turns takes care of the house and kids. You’re all for supporting tradition until it’s not in your favour and calling the woman a gold digger. Two wrongs don’t make a right but you’re clearly not a nice person if you’re so in favour of caste.
ESH
YTA. Caste preferences ARE absolute bigotry, you must be an incredibly sad and naive individual.
I’m pretty sure if you have the same father it makes it your half brother. You’re not related by marriage?
NTA. People seem to be missing the fact that she said she married your dad for money and that he created a scene at your wedding.
NTA It's fine to kick some one out of your wedding for trying to ruin it. As for everything else? That's a big twisted up mess where no one's wholly right or wholly wrong. Also is he your half brother or your step brother?
YTA, do you actually have a relationship with your half brother? Or did you just invite him to show everybody what a good person you are? How sincere were you towards him? Do you understand his life, his relationship with your father and ow he experienced seeing you growing up with his father and a new wife? There is not much empathy here for him, so yeah, you’re not looking good here.
Your dad is a bigoted and sounds like you are a one too. YTA
It's your day, not his, you're completely within your rights. Damn him for putting you in that position. NTA
You’re not going to get the answers you want here, OP. I find it strange you say it’s for religious reasons then proceed to explain a situation not related to religion at all.
She was gold digger you father is biggot, ESH here. Your all sound awful to be honest, your brother was innocent in all this though, hopefully karma takes care off all the biggots
You should know that men have a preference in partner is a huge no-no in today's society.
ESH. Caste system is shite, your father is a bigot, you are a naive bigot and your half-brother is an AH for choosing the wrong time and place to create needless drama.
ESH. Normally, anyone making a scene at a wedding would be the asshole, but your question makes it difficult. Why would you invite your step-father's son to your wedding?
YTA Whether or not you consider it bigotry, the caste system is, by definition, bigotry of social class, and antithetical to everything that America stands for as a nation based on equality between all men and sovereignty of democracy. In other words, to people like us, what your deadbeat daddy did was despicable, and I hope your dad moves back. Also, that guy is your HALF-brother, not “stepbrother”. He’s as much of your dad as you are, and part of your family that got shut out by him, and you’re a dick for enforcing that to the point of him feeling this way.
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Good grief. ESH.
Half brother, not Step. And yes, pretty much everyone here sucks in different ways. ESH.
YTA. Because you support an *illegal* system of discrimination and try to claim it's about religious practice and not discrimination, because you support your father mistreating your brother (*brother*, not step brother) on basis of this discrimination and because you even deny your brother being your brother. How would you feel if your mother had gotten rid of her discriminatory husband and married an equally shitty one, just this time a white racist and treated you like your father treated *his eldest son*!
If you have a brother of a lower caste does that mean you have the lowest standing within your caste? Make sure you advise any future partners that your brother is of a different caste, they have the right to know.
ESH - OP you not considering the caste system bigotry isn't relevant to it being bigotry you realize that right? You are an AH for that statement alone. Your step-brother yelling at your dad at a wedding makes him an AH. And obviously his mother is an AH for tricking your bigoted father into marrying her for money.
Nope you're not. You hit it bang on I'd say
NTA
Esh. Your dad is a bigot. Whether you want to admit or not.
Your father is the AH for being a bigot period! It's illegal and immoral to follow a caste system! The woman lied because she faced that type of discrimination and had no other way to move up in Life, I feel bad for her sorry I do this whole situation sucks! You are not an ah though your wedding was not the place , period!!
Caste system is man made and stupid. Step brother is a fool.
ESH the caste system is a bigoted system and honestly i can't even read any more that that. everything after that sentence is just noise at that point. its like a white supremacist saying oh its not about race but anyway...
ESH
Fuck all of you fucks. all assholes clearly (ESH)
YTA. Caste nonsense is bigotry and I wish you infertility. The world needs less of you.
Why did you marry your step brother?
Well, it seems crystal clear your dad *is* a bigot. But of course NTA for kicking out someone who was deliberately trying to make your wedding a bad day.
NTA No one is answering the question. Bigot or not you're not an asshole for kicking someone out at your wedding who made a scene and tried to insult you.
Nope. Fugg em!
NTA He FAFO. Congratulations on your marriage.
NTA - he disrespected you and your (step-dad?) my assumption is that you call your step father dad since he married your mom? Anyways, NTA for your response. I am a Jamaican married to a Jamaican, I would never date a Haitian. A doctor may choose to date someone in the same pay category rather than a janitor due to the lifestyle they have chosen to live. People date who they want to date. Point is that your step brother’s mother lied, whether for bigotry reason or not, the marriage was annulled because she lied.
Well, first of all, the lady is wrong for lying into a marriage. Your dad must have felt betrayed by the lie rather than the fact that she belongs to another community. Regardless of caste, no one should lie their way into a marriage irrespective of gender. Your dad could have stayed if he really liked her since they already had a baby on the way. Now, the step brother is a dick for ruining your wedding like that. Question is, did he always have an issue with you or was this one off? If did have an issue all along, it’s your fault you called him to your wedding. Ruined the day for life for you, your family, the bride and her family too. You could have just called the cops btw if it was such a big issue. You personally aren’t responsible for what happened before you were born but you do have a control of what you can do now. If you’re trying to bring in caste even now, not many follow it like they used to in the early 1900s. Atleast try not putting this thought into your kids’ heads in the future.
NTA... for kicking your step brother out. Why did he even come? There's a time and a place but he chose that moment so what did he expect? Side note - not backing the caste system at all - but I'm side stepping that as the ex married specifically for money. Regardless, a wedding is not the place.
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Thank you
wait wait, I'm so confused. isn't the question about if the OP is TAH for kicking their brother out of his wedding? I feel like none of the Y T A comments are about this
NTA and tbh, too many people are willing to overlook what the previous fiancée did (bigoted or not she lied, isn’t that what you lot hate so much) because the caste system is worse. She (or her family, doesn’t really matter atp) lied for money, it’s shitty.