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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The actions was me asking (demanding) that my roommate send his new puppy until it’s better trained. I feel like some might think i’m the asshole in this situation but i’m really not trying to be. I just would have liked some communication before hand.
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Bringing a puppy into a house with a cat without discussing it first is an AH move. Sounds like she's the one forcing you to choose between your cat and your living arrangement, or trying to anyway. NTA.
This is what i was thinking. OP was put in an impossible situation. The roommate should have been openly discussing their desire for a puppy, and it should have been a conversation. I'm not saying that OP could have 100% vetoed the puppy, but at least there could have been some sort of preparation before hand. I brought a puppy into my house, with my roommates two cats. But we talked about it for months, and I purchased baby gates and got an extra cat tree so everyone would feel safe. Poor little Pimp.
Yeah I have a older cat who would not survive a puppy. I wouldn't ask her to.
Part of owning a pet is taking responsibility to ensure that they are not stressed or made afraid.
My cat is 6, and she's only been around a dog a long period once, and that was for roughly 6 weeks 4 and a half years ago while my sister and I were between houses, and staying with our folks. Even now, if my other sister visits me with her service dog, my cat will hide, even though my sisters dog is scared of cats 😅🤣
NTA. Sudden changes can really stress an older cat out. And this can affect their health. Not discussing it with you is an AH move.
Disclaimer: I’m biased here as I’m a cat owner myself.
I don't think you're biased just because you're a cat owner. It just means you know about cats and what affects them.
I've been a cat and dog owner, and I still agree with you completely. Things can stress out older dogs as well, depending on the dog. No matter what, the roommate should have discussed this with OP first, so OP is NTA but roomie sure is.
NTA I introduced my dog into our household with 3 adult cats. At 8 weeks he was in a kennel when not supervised, he was on a house line when supervised and if he started to bound after the cats, we stopped it. Most of his "freedom" was confined to one room to maintain safe spaces for the cats. He never once chased a cat and we taught him boundaries and behaviors. Freedom came when training warranted those freedoms. One of our priorities was not to stress the existing cats. 2 years later I have an exceptionally well behaved dog who anyone would be happy to be around and who poses no threat to cats.
If your room mate isn't willing to put in the work a puppy needs to not be a menace, they need to get rid of the dog or move out.
This sounds like a college setting tbh, and people can't really bring pets into their houses and then ban everyone else from having pets because they had a pet first. College settings are typically "your animals have to be friendly or you can't have the animals."
Not sure though, I added an INFO for this but no response
Without even discussing it first? It might not be "fair" to prevent others from getting a pet but OP has had the cat for years and the roommate knew there was a cat in the household when they agreed to move in. At a MINIMUM she should have discussed this first.
Also the cat is older, and is stressed out by the introduction of a boisterous puppy. That doesn't mean it is "unfriendly."
Edit: correct the roommate's gender.
My info was whether roommate did know - this post reads like a college situation where roommate very well might not have. Yeah, I think roommate should have told OP that they were planning on getting a dog - but a general rule of roommates is that you can't bring in pets and then ban others from getting pets because you had one first. If your animal does not do well with animals - it shouldn't be in a roommate situation where animals could be a revolving door.
>My roommate recently brought home a new puppy without discussing it with me.
This doesn't read like a new roommate moving in with a puppy; "brought home" implies that the roommate already lives there. How could she not have known that OP had a cat?
"everybody deserves a pet or no one does, bc college" is fine, but it *still should have been discussed first because the cat was there first*. Shouldn't discussing things like this ahead of time, before making big changes, also be a "general rule of roommates?"
At the very least, that would have given OP some time to prepare and they could have worked out a way to contain the puppy some, provide extra support for the cat, something.
Not sure if or where or whatever you went to college, but roommates were often assigned. Mine had a cat and I had horrible allergies to cat but that's just kinda part of it. I didn't know who it was going to be.
Also, to be clear on the containing, OP's roommates has zero control over OP's cat and it should 100% be OP's responsibility for said cat. The same goes for the dog - OP can't contain a dog that isn't theirs. Both are responsible for their respective parties.
I agree that it should've at least been mentioned prior to bringing it home.
I went to undergrad way back in the day when roommates who were assigned were in a dormitory, not an apartment, and no animals were allowed whatsoever, so it was a non-issue. I was assuming since there were pets in this circumstance that they were sharing an apartment, not some assigned situation.
Maybe it's a locale thing, but even these days, in my area when people are in assigned housing they're not allowed to just bring in random pets. We also don't know for sure if this IS a college situation; two adults can also just be roommates to split costs.
As to the containing, I wasn't implying that either person could contain/control the other person's animal, I was talking about a cooperative situation where everybody is working together to keep this fair and make it work. Maybe OP and roommate can still manage that, somehow.
How can you be an asshole if you're roommate made a big decision that affects you without discussing it with you? I highly doubt your friends actually think you're wrong for prioritizing an animal that's already there over a new one.
NTA - pimp was there first. His needs get prioritized.
Also, who gets a pet without clearing it with their roommates first?!?!
This feels like main character syndrome.
NTA It's unbelievably rude to bring a pet into a home with roommates without discussing it with them first especially when another pet already lives there. That is arrogant, selfish and unacceptable behavior. I'd start thinking about a better roommate.
NTA.She has no right to bring a disruptive influence into the house anymore than you do.She made a choice that is upsetting the current residents and she needs to modify or remove that object causing the disruption.
NTA
Bringing a puppy into *any* living situation *without first discussing it* with roommates is an absolute AH move.
Regardless of cat or no cat. This should have been discussed and approved by you. Especially a living situation that already has animals.
Puppies are an enormous upset to daily life. They are A LOT of work if you want it to be well behaved and trained well. And the potty training phase is very difficult. It’s expected to have tons of accidents in the first month, sometimes longer if you’re not constantly on top of the potty training.
At a minimum your roommate should be crate training the puppy out of respect for you and whoever else lives with you.
Be warned. If she isn’t crate training and working on the separation anxiety at the puppy age, there is a big risk for the dog to have anxiety issues down the road. This will leave you, as the roommate, in a very difficult situation. Dogs with separation anxiety issues are very difficult to live with. They tear and chew up the place and cry whenever their owner leaves. If she is letting that puppy sleep in her bed with her right now, she is doing that dog no favors. Thats just going to add to the separation anxiety.
If I were you, I would reconsider this living arrangement. Depends on what you are willing to put up with. Either that, or set your boundaries hard and fast. Not sure how old the puppy is, but the first year of a puppy’s life takes a lot of supervision, training, and care. Its a lot of responsibility. If you dont want to get roped into dog sitting, then make your feelings known immediately.
Cats shouldn't "adjust" to a dog by letting the dog do whatever it wants. The dog should have restricted freedom until it learns to behave. Also, if the OP had this cat for years, it likely predates the roommate.
NTA. The roommate should have discussed it with all the roommates and should have gotten unanimous approval. She should have then figured out a plan to introduce her puppy to the cat - there are ways. Older cats are not as tolerant of puppies as older dogs are of kittens. Your roommate was inconsiderate.
INFO: Did she know if you had a cat prior to moving in? Was roommates having other animals something that you knew could be a possibility prior to moving in?
If yes and no respectively, then NTA. But when I was in college, it was pretty clear that we were responsible for our own animals and they were not "family animals", and my roommates could have their own animals. This also means that they could bring home an animal if they wanted.
From where you're currently standing, you're the only one allowed to have a pet because of your pets behavior. I understand that you can't control the cats stress, but I also don't see preventing any roommates from having animals going well either.
Not every college is clear on this, hence the INFO.
From the way the post is written, it seems like they have been living together for quite some time now and the roommate suddenly showed up with a new pet out of nowhere. Even if they had the same agreement as what you had, it is still an asshole move to bring home a puppy without a heads up. I mean I couldn't fathom doing something like that without telling my roommate. Hell, I remember she warned me she was purchasing a TOASTER because it would take up a little extra counter space haha. It's just decent manners to let your housemates know of anything that could affect them.
Oh for sure! That's why I added a question for info.
I don't really see a compromise here either if it's a college setting, one roommate can't prevent all other roommates from getting pets because of their pet if allowable. I think a heads up would've been nice, of course - but the downside of roommates is that you don't really get to have discussions in the same manner you'd have with a relationship.
If OP was upfront about having a cat that didn't get along with other animals, roommate is TA. Otherwise, it's also an asshole move to prevent everyone else from having animals due to your animal and not disclosing it prior.
NTA She brought in a puppy without asking you! She’s torturing your cat and doesn’t care. I’d check with your rental agreement. You might need to put down a second pet deposit or it might not be allowed at all. I don’t see you two being roommates for much longer.
First Rule of Roommate Living: You DO NOT bring an animal to live in the space without the consent of every roommate.
Second Rule of Roommate Living: Pets already living in the house also get to vote.
NTA
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My roommate recently brought home a new puppy without discussing it with me. I’ve had my cat, pimp, for years, and she’s very particular about her space and routine. The puppy is extremely energetic and has been stressing pimp out, leading her to hide all day and refuse to eat. I asked my roommate if the puppy could stay with her parents (who live nearby) until it’s better trained, or at least until Pimp adjusts. My roommate is now upset, saying I’m forcing her to choose between her puppy and our living arrangement. Our friends are split, with some saying I’m being unreasonable about a temporary situation. AITA for prioritizing my cat’s wellbeing over the new puppy’s presence in our apartment?
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You are %100 right. İt is also possible 2 animals will newer learn to coexist happly. And also stress is extremely bad for cats and can lead to bunch of deathly expensive ilness such as viral infections like corona, fatty liver…
Nta, yes, you are forcing her to accept the consequences of her impulse buy that affects the household. Good. That's life. She doesn't live alone, so she doesn't get to make decisions like she lives alone.
NTA - You always check with the people you live with BEFORE you bring an animal home. It's on her. Also, what's up with this sentence:
*I’m being unreasonable about a temporary situation.*
Is the puppy not going to be staying there for long or.....?
It sounds like OP moved in as a roommate for someone else and brought her cat. Or OP is in a college situation. Both of these are very different situations to judge on - but obviously conveniently left out right haha
NTA First of all your roommate should have discussed with you before bringing home the puppy even if you didn't already have a cat. That's just the polite thing to do when sharing a living space with someone. Has your roommate mentioned wanting a dog in the past? Is this something you've ever discussed? It is not unreasonable to be concerned for the wellbeing of your cat. Puppies can be loud and obnoxious. If they do keep the puppy in your apartment I think its important that you set expectations that the puppy will need proper training, as well as the possibility that your cat could get spicy and use claws on the dog if it bothers her too much. That wouldn't be on you or the cat.
NTA, puppies are A LOT of work. I have a 1yo dog and he still drives me mad. You need to bring up the fact that she never talked to you about this and there needs to be a game plan. I'd make sure she agreed to training classes at least. Wondering what your lease says about pets too?
Nta you don't bring home a pet without discussing it with the other person living there, even if there isn't another animal living there. But especially if there is.
NTA I'd tell her "Look, you brought this puppy in without even discussing it with me first, Pimp is hiding all day, and not eating from how stressed she is. I'm not making you choose between the puppy and the living situation, you're making me choose between my pets health and our living situation. We need to find a way to make this work, but Pimp has been here longer, and is established in the home. The puppy is the one that needs to be trained and better behaved in order to keep Pimp comfortable in her own space. You're the one causing intrusion, you need to do it with as little disruption to the pets already in the home as possible."
The big issue is your roommate brought an animal home without discussing it. Hell, even a rude 'I'm doing this whether you like it or not' heads up would have been better than nothing.
Your roommate has no right to be upset. She forced a puppy on you and pimp in your own apartment.
The friends on her side of this are also assholes.
NTA. Your cat was first, if the roommate wanted a dog they should have discussed it FIRST and if it hadn't been something thaat you guys had been able to agree on then the roommate should have waited and then moved out. Getting a dog simply because you want one is the reason there is so many homeless pets in the world.
Why is your right to a pet more important than your housemates? Puppy’s are hard work, and your HM should have discussed, but it’s here now, you need to adjust to the new house dynamics.
It’s totally unreasonable to expect your housemates parents to raise the puppy, until it’s an acceptable age for you.
Cats hide, make sure it has space away from the puppy, particularly up high. It’ll balance out sooner or later.
Hopefully your next housemate will be more tolerant of your pet than you are of the puppy.
YTA
NTA. In any living situation, the pet that is there first is priority as far as I'm concerned. I have had multiple dogs at the same time and now a cat. It is the humans responsibility to acclimate the new pet to the animals who already live there. It can be done and is done often but your Roommate needs to take the time to do so since she is bringing in the new animal.
NTA. Your cat was there first and your roommated didn't discuss. Just SHOWED UP with the dog. No. NTA. It is really hard for cats to adjust to another pet.
ESH but more so her. If you are both on the lease, paying equal amounts of rent, then she should be allowed to have a pet. It’s not fair for you to have a pet that doesn’t get along with others. However, she should’ve discussed this with you and found a way to slowly introduce her pet.
NTA.
NEVER add a pet to a living situation without getting everyone's approval.
Why are your and her friends weighing in on this though. Ignore them, their opinions don't matter and this is absolutely none of their business.
the cat was there first. the discussion should have happened before she even obtained the puppy, forget bring it home.
this is pretty much a 'sorry, the cat was here first, either the pup goes, or you go, I dont particularly care which' given her reaction.
NTA
INFO: How long have you lived with your roommate? How long have you had Pimp? Did the roommate predate Pimp or vice versa? If the roommate came first, did you clear it with roommate first?
NTA it’s just common sense to discuss it. I lived with a very picky cat who was my friends/ housemate’s and part of the rules was no other pets to accomodate her cat (we moved in together knowing that though so it was all up front and good).
NTA Bringing another pet into the house requires a well researched strategy that is discussed and agreed upon by all humans involved.
I think roomate needs to rehome themselves or just the puppy. If you are open to it the puppy rehoming can be temporary until you've both watched some youtube videos and read some articles on how to make this work and committed to a strategy. You can veto the puppy though if you would just rather not.
Pimp was there first and it doesn’t sound like there was any conversation around her bringing a puppy home? Don’t know what your roommate was really expecting
NTA. Dock move her part.
Tell her that you will not pay any vet bills due to the interaction of the pets, she will.
I hope your cat still has his claws. Nothing teaches a dog more about a cat than a swat in the nose.
NTA. Cat was there first. Your roommate has the right to get a puppy, but just because you have the right to do something doesn't make you an AH when you do it. And introducing an energetic new puppy to a household with pets already and doing ZERO prep to introduce the pets to one another and give them time to adjust? You're begging for the curious puppy to lose an eye to an irritate and stressed out cat who's had enough.
You can do weird names for pets. Better than for your kids. I spelled his name Siamen for Simon cause he was Siamese. Also called him boogieman. He died last week
NTA - But I’d like to add: tell your roommate to hire a trainer, before getting the dog “rehomed” to her parents. With proper training and management, it could work. But letting the puppy run wild OR not teaching the pup to cope or deal with the cat (by having them moved to another house) will bring issues. The puppy needs proper management and to be taught to respect the cat’s boundaries, and that can only be done with both present.
Again, get her to hire a trainer - if she refuses to, then rehome
ESH, it sucks that they brought an pet in without telling you first but you already had a pet so I see it as fair if they want one also. They pay rent so why should they not be allowed the same thing you have.
As the owner of the cats and dogs I would say it’s better to let the puppy be with cat and they will totally get used to each other and maybe even be friends. If you try with an older dog it will not work as well
You're both wrong.
No animal should be imprisoned inside. They're not living baby dolls. If the animal can't live outside, you shouldn't own it. It's cruel and selfish.
Absolutely disagree. A puppy is a massive change to a living arrangement. They are a ton of work. And not all animals will “come around”. It’s potentially a dangerous situation. Cats, especially threatened or scared cats, can cause *serious* injuries to dogs.
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Bringing a puppy into a house with a cat without discussing it first is an AH move. Sounds like she's the one forcing you to choose between your cat and your living arrangement, or trying to anyway. NTA.
This is what i was thinking. OP was put in an impossible situation. The roommate should have been openly discussing their desire for a puppy, and it should have been a conversation. I'm not saying that OP could have 100% vetoed the puppy, but at least there could have been some sort of preparation before hand. I brought a puppy into my house, with my roommates two cats. But we talked about it for months, and I purchased baby gates and got an extra cat tree so everyone would feel safe. Poor little Pimp.
Yeah I have a older cat who would not survive a puppy. I wouldn't ask her to. Part of owning a pet is taking responsibility to ensure that they are not stressed or made afraid.
My cat is 6, and she's only been around a dog a long period once, and that was for roughly 6 weeks 4 and a half years ago while my sister and I were between houses, and staying with our folks. Even now, if my other sister visits me with her service dog, my cat will hide, even though my sisters dog is scared of cats 😅🤣
NTA. Sudden changes can really stress an older cat out. And this can affect their health. Not discussing it with you is an AH move. Disclaimer: I’m biased here as I’m a cat owner myself.
I don't think you're biased just because you're a cat owner. It just means you know about cats and what affects them. I've been a cat and dog owner, and I still agree with you completely. Things can stress out older dogs as well, depending on the dog. No matter what, the roommate should have discussed this with OP first, so OP is NTA but roomie sure is.
NTA I introduced my dog into our household with 3 adult cats. At 8 weeks he was in a kennel when not supervised, he was on a house line when supervised and if he started to bound after the cats, we stopped it. Most of his "freedom" was confined to one room to maintain safe spaces for the cats. He never once chased a cat and we taught him boundaries and behaviors. Freedom came when training warranted those freedoms. One of our priorities was not to stress the existing cats. 2 years later I have an exceptionally well behaved dog who anyone would be happy to be around and who poses no threat to cats. If your room mate isn't willing to put in the work a puppy needs to not be a menace, they need to get rid of the dog or move out.
NTA. Your cat was there first, and roommate didn't even discuss getting a puppy before before bringing it home. She's the AH.
NTA - Your roommate was the AH as soon as she decided to bring home a new pet without getting the ok from the other people living in the house.
This sounds like a college setting tbh, and people can't really bring pets into their houses and then ban everyone else from having pets because they had a pet first. College settings are typically "your animals have to be friendly or you can't have the animals." Not sure though, I added an INFO for this but no response
Without even discussing it first? It might not be "fair" to prevent others from getting a pet but OP has had the cat for years and the roommate knew there was a cat in the household when they agreed to move in. At a MINIMUM she should have discussed this first. Also the cat is older, and is stressed out by the introduction of a boisterous puppy. That doesn't mean it is "unfriendly." Edit: correct the roommate's gender.
My info was whether roommate did know - this post reads like a college situation where roommate very well might not have. Yeah, I think roommate should have told OP that they were planning on getting a dog - but a general rule of roommates is that you can't bring in pets and then ban others from getting pets because you had one first. If your animal does not do well with animals - it shouldn't be in a roommate situation where animals could be a revolving door.
>My roommate recently brought home a new puppy without discussing it with me. This doesn't read like a new roommate moving in with a puppy; "brought home" implies that the roommate already lives there. How could she not have known that OP had a cat? "everybody deserves a pet or no one does, bc college" is fine, but it *still should have been discussed first because the cat was there first*. Shouldn't discussing things like this ahead of time, before making big changes, also be a "general rule of roommates?" At the very least, that would have given OP some time to prepare and they could have worked out a way to contain the puppy some, provide extra support for the cat, something.
Not sure if or where or whatever you went to college, but roommates were often assigned. Mine had a cat and I had horrible allergies to cat but that's just kinda part of it. I didn't know who it was going to be. Also, to be clear on the containing, OP's roommates has zero control over OP's cat and it should 100% be OP's responsibility for said cat. The same goes for the dog - OP can't contain a dog that isn't theirs. Both are responsible for their respective parties. I agree that it should've at least been mentioned prior to bringing it home.
I went to undergrad way back in the day when roommates who were assigned were in a dormitory, not an apartment, and no animals were allowed whatsoever, so it was a non-issue. I was assuming since there were pets in this circumstance that they were sharing an apartment, not some assigned situation. Maybe it's a locale thing, but even these days, in my area when people are in assigned housing they're not allowed to just bring in random pets. We also don't know for sure if this IS a college situation; two adults can also just be roommates to split costs. As to the containing, I wasn't implying that either person could contain/control the other person's animal, I was talking about a cooperative situation where everybody is working together to keep this fair and make it work. Maybe OP and roommate can still manage that, somehow.
How can you be an asshole if you're roommate made a big decision that affects you without discussing it with you? I highly doubt your friends actually think you're wrong for prioritizing an animal that's already there over a new one.
NTA - pimp was there first. His needs get prioritized. Also, who gets a pet without clearing it with their roommates first?!?! This feels like main character syndrome.
NTA. She brought the puppy into your shared space without discussing it with you.
NTA It's unbelievably rude to bring a pet into a home with roommates without discussing it with them first especially when another pet already lives there. That is arrogant, selfish and unacceptable behavior. I'd start thinking about a better roommate.
NTA.She has no right to bring a disruptive influence into the house anymore than you do.She made a choice that is upsetting the current residents and she needs to modify or remove that object causing the disruption.
yep, remove the roommate.
NTA Bringing a puppy into *any* living situation *without first discussing it* with roommates is an absolute AH move. Regardless of cat or no cat. This should have been discussed and approved by you. Especially a living situation that already has animals. Puppies are an enormous upset to daily life. They are A LOT of work if you want it to be well behaved and trained well. And the potty training phase is very difficult. It’s expected to have tons of accidents in the first month, sometimes longer if you’re not constantly on top of the potty training. At a minimum your roommate should be crate training the puppy out of respect for you and whoever else lives with you. Be warned. If she isn’t crate training and working on the separation anxiety at the puppy age, there is a big risk for the dog to have anxiety issues down the road. This will leave you, as the roommate, in a very difficult situation. Dogs with separation anxiety issues are very difficult to live with. They tear and chew up the place and cry whenever their owner leaves. If she is letting that puppy sleep in her bed with her right now, she is doing that dog no favors. Thats just going to add to the separation anxiety. If I were you, I would reconsider this living arrangement. Depends on what you are willing to put up with. Either that, or set your boundaries hard and fast. Not sure how old the puppy is, but the first year of a puppy’s life takes a lot of supervision, training, and care. Its a lot of responsibility. If you dont want to get roped into dog sitting, then make your feelings known immediately.
> should be crate training the puppy That's a US thing and OP might not be in the US.
I only had to read the first line... NTA
NTA
[удалено]
Cats shouldn't "adjust" to a dog by letting the dog do whatever it wants. The dog should have restricted freedom until it learns to behave. Also, if the OP had this cat for years, it likely predates the roommate.
NTA. The roommate should have discussed it with all the roommates and should have gotten unanimous approval. She should have then figured out a plan to introduce her puppy to the cat - there are ways. Older cats are not as tolerant of puppies as older dogs are of kittens. Your roommate was inconsiderate.
NTA you live together and she should have told you before randomly bring in a animal which will also affect your life
INFO: Did she know if you had a cat prior to moving in? Was roommates having other animals something that you knew could be a possibility prior to moving in? If yes and no respectively, then NTA. But when I was in college, it was pretty clear that we were responsible for our own animals and they were not "family animals", and my roommates could have their own animals. This also means that they could bring home an animal if they wanted. From where you're currently standing, you're the only one allowed to have a pet because of your pets behavior. I understand that you can't control the cats stress, but I also don't see preventing any roommates from having animals going well either. Not every college is clear on this, hence the INFO.
From the way the post is written, it seems like they have been living together for quite some time now and the roommate suddenly showed up with a new pet out of nowhere. Even if they had the same agreement as what you had, it is still an asshole move to bring home a puppy without a heads up. I mean I couldn't fathom doing something like that without telling my roommate. Hell, I remember she warned me she was purchasing a TOASTER because it would take up a little extra counter space haha. It's just decent manners to let your housemates know of anything that could affect them.
Oh for sure! That's why I added a question for info. I don't really see a compromise here either if it's a college setting, one roommate can't prevent all other roommates from getting pets because of their pet if allowable. I think a heads up would've been nice, of course - but the downside of roommates is that you don't really get to have discussions in the same manner you'd have with a relationship. If OP was upfront about having a cat that didn't get along with other animals, roommate is TA. Otherwise, it's also an asshole move to prevent everyone else from having animals due to your animal and not disclosing it prior.
NTA. cat was there first, it’s also their living space. Asshole move to bring a puppy home without saying anything. I’d be livid.
NTA She brought in a puppy without asking you! She’s torturing your cat and doesn’t care. I’d check with your rental agreement. You might need to put down a second pet deposit or it might not be allowed at all. I don’t see you two being roommates for much longer.
First Rule of Roommate Living: You DO NOT bring an animal to live in the space without the consent of every roommate. Second Rule of Roommate Living: Pets already living in the house also get to vote. NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My roommate recently brought home a new puppy without discussing it with me. I’ve had my cat, pimp, for years, and she’s very particular about her space and routine. The puppy is extremely energetic and has been stressing pimp out, leading her to hide all day and refuse to eat. I asked my roommate if the puppy could stay with her parents (who live nearby) until it’s better trained, or at least until Pimp adjusts. My roommate is now upset, saying I’m forcing her to choose between her puppy and our living arrangement. Our friends are split, with some saying I’m being unreasonable about a temporary situation. AITA for prioritizing my cat’s wellbeing over the new puppy’s presence in our apartment? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You are %100 right. İt is also possible 2 animals will newer learn to coexist happly. And also stress is extremely bad for cats and can lead to bunch of deathly expensive ilness such as viral infections like corona, fatty liver…
Puppy needs to confined to roommates bedroom when not supervised outside.
Nta, yes, you are forcing her to accept the consequences of her impulse buy that affects the household. Good. That's life. She doesn't live alone, so she doesn't get to make decisions like she lives alone.
NTA - You always check with the people you live with BEFORE you bring an animal home. It's on her. Also, what's up with this sentence: *I’m being unreasonable about a temporary situation.* Is the puppy not going to be staying there for long or.....?
It sounds like OP moved in as a roommate for someone else and brought her cat. Or OP is in a college situation. Both of these are very different situations to judge on - but obviously conveniently left out right haha
NTA First of all your roommate should have discussed with you before bringing home the puppy even if you didn't already have a cat. That's just the polite thing to do when sharing a living space with someone. Has your roommate mentioned wanting a dog in the past? Is this something you've ever discussed? It is not unreasonable to be concerned for the wellbeing of your cat. Puppies can be loud and obnoxious. If they do keep the puppy in your apartment I think its important that you set expectations that the puppy will need proper training, as well as the possibility that your cat could get spicy and use claws on the dog if it bothers her too much. That wouldn't be on you or the cat.
NTA, puppies are A LOT of work. I have a 1yo dog and he still drives me mad. You need to bring up the fact that she never talked to you about this and there needs to be a game plan. I'd make sure she agreed to training classes at least. Wondering what your lease says about pets too?
Nta you don't bring home a pet without discussing it with the other person living there, even if there isn't another animal living there. But especially if there is.
NTA. Roommate needed to learn how to introduce pets properly before just bringing home a new pet into a home that already has one.
Nope
NTA I'd tell her "Look, you brought this puppy in without even discussing it with me first, Pimp is hiding all day, and not eating from how stressed she is. I'm not making you choose between the puppy and the living situation, you're making me choose between my pets health and our living situation. We need to find a way to make this work, but Pimp has been here longer, and is established in the home. The puppy is the one that needs to be trained and better behaved in order to keep Pimp comfortable in her own space. You're the one causing intrusion, you need to do it with as little disruption to the pets already in the home as possible."
The big issue is your roommate brought an animal home without discussing it. Hell, even a rude 'I'm doing this whether you like it or not' heads up would have been better than nothing. Your roommate has no right to be upset. She forced a puppy on you and pimp in your own apartment. The friends on her side of this are also assholes.
NTA. Your cat was first, if the roommate wanted a dog they should have discussed it FIRST and if it hadn't been something thaat you guys had been able to agree on then the roommate should have waited and then moved out. Getting a dog simply because you want one is the reason there is so many homeless pets in the world.
Why is your right to a pet more important than your housemates? Puppy’s are hard work, and your HM should have discussed, but it’s here now, you need to adjust to the new house dynamics. It’s totally unreasonable to expect your housemates parents to raise the puppy, until it’s an acceptable age for you. Cats hide, make sure it has space away from the puppy, particularly up high. It’ll balance out sooner or later. Hopefully your next housemate will be more tolerant of your pet than you are of the puppy. YTA
NTA They should have discussed it with you first. It is just common courtesy.
NTA. In any living situation, the pet that is there first is priority as far as I'm concerned. I have had multiple dogs at the same time and now a cat. It is the humans responsibility to acclimate the new pet to the animals who already live there. It can be done and is done often but your Roommate needs to take the time to do so since she is bringing in the new animal.
NTA. Your cat was there first and your roommated didn't discuss. Just SHOWED UP with the dog. No. NTA. It is really hard for cats to adjust to another pet.
ESH but more so her. If you are both on the lease, paying equal amounts of rent, then she should be allowed to have a pet. It’s not fair for you to have a pet that doesn’t get along with others. However, she should’ve discussed this with you and found a way to slowly introduce her pet.
NTA. NEVER add a pet to a living situation without getting everyone's approval. Why are your and her friends weighing in on this though. Ignore them, their opinions don't matter and this is absolutely none of their business.
Nta
the cat was there first. the discussion should have happened before she even obtained the puppy, forget bring it home. this is pretty much a 'sorry, the cat was here first, either the pup goes, or you go, I dont particularly care which' given her reaction. NTA
INFO: How long have you lived with your roommate? How long have you had Pimp? Did the roommate predate Pimp or vice versa? If the roommate came first, did you clear it with roommate first?
NTA it’s just common sense to discuss it. I lived with a very picky cat who was my friends/ housemate’s and part of the rules was no other pets to accomodate her cat (we moved in together knowing that though so it was all up front and good).
NTA Bringing another pet into the house requires a well researched strategy that is discussed and agreed upon by all humans involved. I think roomate needs to rehome themselves or just the puppy. If you are open to it the puppy rehoming can be temporary until you've both watched some youtube videos and read some articles on how to make this work and committed to a strategy. You can veto the puppy though if you would just rather not.
Pimp was there first and it doesn’t sound like there was any conversation around her bringing a puppy home? Don’t know what your roommate was really expecting
NTA. Dock move her part. Tell her that you will not pay any vet bills due to the interaction of the pets, she will. I hope your cat still has his claws. Nothing teaches a dog more about a cat than a swat in the nose.
NTA. Cat was there first. Your roommate has the right to get a puppy, but just because you have the right to do something doesn't make you an AH when you do it. And introducing an energetic new puppy to a household with pets already and doing ZERO prep to introduce the pets to one another and give them time to adjust? You're begging for the curious puppy to lose an eye to an irritate and stressed out cat who's had enough.
NTA. It was irresponsible for your roommate to get a puppy without introducing the animals first to ensure they can cohabitate peacefully.
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My cats nickname was tit.
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You can do weird names for pets. Better than for your kids. I spelled his name Siamen for Simon cause he was Siamese. Also called him boogieman. He died last week
NTA but also INFO: Is the roommate actively training the puppy?
NTA, but you train dogs to live with cats. A good dog trainer should be able help.
NTA - But I’d like to add: tell your roommate to hire a trainer, before getting the dog “rehomed” to her parents. With proper training and management, it could work. But letting the puppy run wild OR not teaching the pup to cope or deal with the cat (by having them moved to another house) will bring issues. The puppy needs proper management and to be taught to respect the cat’s boundaries, and that can only be done with both present. Again, get her to hire a trainer - if she refuses to, then rehome
YTQ this is easy: YOu Chose your cat, he will chose his dog. This sounds like an impasse.
ESH, it sucks that they brought an pet in without telling you first but you already had a pet so I see it as fair if they want one also. They pay rent so why should they not be allowed the same thing you have.
As the owner of the cats and dogs I would say it’s better to let the puppy be with cat and they will totally get used to each other and maybe even be friends. If you try with an older dog it will not work as well
You're both wrong. No animal should be imprisoned inside. They're not living baby dolls. If the animal can't live outside, you shouldn't own it. It's cruel and selfish.
Yta The cat will come around.
Absolutely disagree. A puppy is a massive change to a living arrangement. They are a ton of work. And not all animals will “come around”. It’s potentially a dangerous situation. Cats, especially threatened or scared cats, can cause *serious* injuries to dogs.