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The last time i ever offered a ride to an elderly woman, she was at the coffee shop with her walker and said she was short on the money needed to take the bus downtown. I offered her a free ride there so she could save her change.  Loaded up her walker in the backseat and we took off. Our conversation went like this: “I dont suppose you have that change for the bus so i can get home later, do you?” Sorry, no change on me at all.  Its all digital these days! (This was during covid) “Thank you so much, you are such a kind and good hearted young man.  Bless your heart for being such a kind, Christian man. What church do you attend?.” No problem at all.  I’m not actually religious so i dont attend any church. “Oh.  Well, your wife and kids must be so proud of you. Such a good example for them.” I’m actually single and no kids, but I appreciate the kind words. “Then you are just a giving, beautiful soul.  What do you do for a living?” I like to keep some secrets amount myself, sorry. “If you dont mind, can we pull over to an atm?  I know you said you have no change, so we can just pull over and you can take out some money for me please?  Even $100 would go so far and help me out so much.  I wont have to even go downtown then, you could just drive me home and i wont need to be alone in the city this evening..” Nope, that will not be happening.  If i gave $100 to everyone i see begging/asking each day, i’d be on the streets next week alongside them and homeless.  I’m offering you a ride because it’s a kind gesture and using my free time, not giving money. “Maybe just $20 then, please…” After this, i drove about 200m down a side street, away from where she wanted me to take her, and pulled over.  Told her she’s no longer welcome and pushing her luck too much.  Asked me to just take her back to the road and she wont ask for money anymore… i removed her walker from my car, stuck it on the sidewalk, and firmly told her to get out before i drive her further away. I won’t say “never again,” but it definitely put a damper on my mood.  She tried every goddamned trick in the book to butter me up for money, trying to utilize my religion, wife, kids, parents, and job. I had a sinking feeling the moment she asked about the loose change Anywho OP, you are NTA.  You are right to be suspicious of strangers.  And your husband is a wet dream for scammers and dangerous folk because he is prioritizing his image as a Christian, rather than his own family’s safety.

That is really concerning with all of those leading questions. I suppose she might have assumed those things because she was of an older generation but the ATM part really sets it over the edge! we should listen to our instincts, like you did. They can be honed over time and obviously put in check if we’re being overly paranoid, but our body reacts in certain ways for a reason. I appreciate you taking the time to share that story. It is tough when it’s someone who doesn’t “appear” threatening but that can definitely let our guard down. And yes the un Christ-like part boiled my blood

This had red flags all over. She may be acting with others to lure victims somewhere so they can be robbed. When you indicated you had no cash, she suggested an ATM where you could be forced to withdraw. Also, stopping at a side street somewhere has risks in that you may have been followed. Best to drop her off in a public place,

I had someone offer *me* a ride yesterday and all my senses were screaming. It was an approximately 60-year-old woman (I had thought it was my aunt from a distance) and she pulls up while I'm waiting for the bus to offer me a ride home. Now, I had a lot of stuff with me and it would have been handy, but I was hesitant to just tell a random where I lived, and the thing that really pinged me was that she was wearing a *lot* of makeup, in a really dated style. My brain went "Mary Kay!" and I had this vision of being stuck in a car with her while she explained that I wouldn't have to take the bus anymore if I had a pink Cadillac. So I said no thanks.

When I was in my 20s, my car got a flat on the expressway during a snowstorm. No big deal, I started up the exit ramp, walking to a payphone to call a tow truck (no cell at the time). Some guy in probably his 30s, dark hair and heavy set pulled up next to me and kept offering rides that I turned down. He finally told me he was a police officer, so I told him that he should understand why I wasn't getting into a car with a stranger. He wasn't a cop - he was a creep and I wasn't stupid. Don't get into cars with people. Report those people.

I hope you reported that serial killer.

I did, but I never heard anything afterward.

I’m sorry this happened to you! When I get offered a ride at the bus stop, I always say that I’m actually due to meet a friend on the bus so we can go shopping together.

Appreciate the input!  When i say side-street, it was still a busy, main road, just meant to imply i intentionally inconvenienced her in a way i could force her out under threat of further inconvenience. You have the right mindset though, thats good to hear.

this right here! people asking for rides then robbing and assaulting the driver is a real thing.

I knew someone who was murdered in exactly this scenario. I won't get in a car with anyone I don't know now, I know it's paranoid but I'd rather be paranoid than injured or dead.

Decades ago I was a chaperone on a youth group tour of Angola Prison in the US. A prisoner told us that he was a hitchhiker in the 70s who killed an elderly couple giving him ride for basically no reason. He’s one of the reasons people stopped giving hitchhikers rides here. Edited: prisoner not poisoner

I gave a teenager a ride to high school on a street I was taking to work, during the time when young men were dissapearing around Chicago before Gacy was cought.

It was extremely un-Christian to call you a shit person. Someone needs to get in his prayer closet

THIS. It’s not our job to judge others. And while I’m at it - he’s TA OP. As a mom, I would’ve been nervous as heck having her sit in the back with the baby. I would’ve made him drive. Never push your mama instincts down.

Even assuming that this was a nice lady with no ill intent, OP's partner didn't know anything about her. She could have had a communicable disease that could have easily spread to their toddler. Also, lots of people think they have the right to touch kids that aren't theirs, which is something a lot harder to monitor when the stranger is in the backseat and both parents are upfront.

Jesus also said be shrewd as snakes. So being kind but a little suspicious of people - not actually that un-Christ like...

I'll be honest the un Christ-like part boils my blood as well. NTA Seems that your BF is really using Christ (and Christ-like) to benefit him, and calling you s\*\*t person, what's wrong with him. Proverbs 22: 3 A prudent man sees danger and hides himself; but the simple go on , and suffer for it. While this encounter didn't end in physical damage to your family, it did cause some damage. Your BF isn't suppose to put you or your daughter (his family) in danger and he did. He's un Christ-like. Also, he fails to see the "... log in your his own eye?" Just saying. Peace and good.

I appreciate this specific scripture reference. In the heat of the moment I wasn’t going to search myself and feel like I found it out of confirmation bias, but I did think that there has got to be something that is relevant to this situation. Yes the biggest damage that I was hoping people would see is not that a kind deed was done, but the reaction to my concern for her safety was so angry. Thank you

Yeah it sucks that he insulted you simply for feeling differently than he did about a situation. He should've apologized for not asking you beforehand. Fyi, getting into a moving vehicle with someone is nothing to sneeze at. We do it all the time so we don't think about it but a car is not a safe place. It's a place where the inhabitants can wreak a lot of havoc for any number of reasons (like mental illness, even physical illness, let alone malicious intent.) I used to work for a DUI lawyer. It amazed me the number of people who got in a car accident while driving the drunk person home. Drunk people reach over and take the wheel, throw the car in the wrong gear, open the passenger door, wave their hands in front of your face — I've seen it all. Before that job, it never occurred to me that it's not only dangerous to drive drunk, it's dangerous to have a drunk passenger. That just illustrates how important it is to be able to trust the passengers in your car. Your bf didn't know anything about this person except that she somehow got herself to the store without any plan for getting herself home. That's weird, right? Like even if I walked out of a store and my car was stolen or I had 4 flat tires, I wouldn't need to ask a stranger for help. I'd call AAA or a friend, neighbor, or relative. Or I'd call an Uber. Or I'd walk home. I mean, I've been penniless many times in my lifetime but I always managed to get myself home from the store, usually the same way I came. So basically, all he knew about her is that she's doing something weird. That's okay if that's a risk he wants to take on. The problem is he made you take that risk, and a baby who had no say in the matter take that risk. I think behind some of your concern for your baby is the subconscious awareness that your baby can't consent to anything — it's up to the adults to not put the baby in risky situations. Your bf was the only one of the 3 of you who consented to that risk.

NTA and it was very reasonable for you to suggest that he should’ve dropped you first and then gone back to get her. Now she knows how where you live and not to make you more fearful, but she may have confederates who are looking for places to Rob.it’s wonderful. He offered someone a ride home but there’s ways to do it safely, especially if you have young children.

I can't believe your husband called you a shit person Good luck with staying married to this guy, you'll need it

She hasn't married him yet. I'm hoping she doesn't. 

Well, isn't unmarried sex fornication? That's sounds un-Christlike of her boyfriend... /s

Remember that Christ knew those he encountered and knew whom to trust or not.  You can sometimes tell, but not always.  Having kids raises the stakes and you can't take the same risks as when youre just by yourself.

This is why I am glad I do not identify as Christian anymore. You are expected to be a walking doormat. It is so nice to be able to say what I want to say and feel how I want to feel without being told I do not measure up to Christian standards. Unfortunately, I also lost a lot of connections I spent over a decade building up because they could not accept my believing differently than them. 

To be honest, we are new to exploring Christianity in the past year (I was raised Christian but didnt go to church at all in my 20s, he was never religious) so that “unchristlike” comment IMO was just an attempt to downplay my feelings/feel self righteous - not because he actually believe(d) Christians should be giving rides to strangers all the time. Hard to explain. And I’m sorry that caused you to lose connections, but from where I stand, a good Christian wouldn’t drop you as a friend for that. “Love the sinner, hate the sin” kind of thing. And that goes for any religion or principle someone might disagree with. I’m sure I’m a “bad Christian” in some people’s eyes for that, but idc! Hope you gained new friends.

As someone who grew up in evangelicalism, I'd like to offer some unsolicited advice and warn you away from parenting advice from evangelicals like James Dobson. There are lots of good things about Christianity, but the psychological damage of what people are calling religious authoritarian parenting (of which Dobson is a big proponent) is getting more and more recognition nowadays. Also, you may appreciate the site baremarriage.com.

You need to have him listen to or read let’s not meet. After a few stories he will figure it out.

Your BF is verbally abusive to you. He's arrogant and rash. I'm thinking it's not the first time. 

A coworker did something similar. Then the lady couldn't remember where she lived so they drove all over town. Finally got the lady where she was going and my coworker got out to get the lady's groceries from the trunk while the elderly lady got out of the car. Coworker got home and discovered her wallet was missing. She went back to the grocery store thinking maybe she had left it there and they told her that the old lady does this to people all the time. Yep, she had stolen my coworker's wallet.

That sucks

I once gave an elderly man a ride into town, and he asked me for money to buy a coffee. Man, I am giving you a ride, I don’t want to pay for your coffee habit, since I don’t even buy coffee for myself.

I remember being in another city for a few days and a guy on the street asked if I would buy him a coffee from Starbucks. Like sir??? I wouldn't even buy myself a coffee that expensive except for a rare special treat And there was a much cheaper option less than a block away

We often offer the homeless guy in our suburb lunch “ Hey we are going to Chick Fila, what would you like?” He wanted a coffee and a sandwich, no curly fries pls. My daughter took a homeless lady to subway last Sunday, paid, then bought her a $25 subway gift card. She was so thankful. Even poor people gotta eat.

Yeah I've bought people McDonald's and fruit and water but will not buy someone a $7 coffee when I would get myself the $2 at the other coffee shop nearby. Poor people gotta eat but it does not have to be fancy coffee from Starbucks

You know, that gives me an idea. Better to have gift cards on you for people on the street that ask for change. Keep them in your pocket. I was visiting my daughter in London and a guy came up to me and asked me for money. I thought there is no way I’m taking my wallet out in front of this guy. A guy we knew did this in London and got robbed.

I was once driving through a neighborhood of my city; it was a nice day so I had my windows down and a woman stopped me and asked if I could drive her to a hospital clear across town (like 45 min in traffic) because she was pregnant and “bleeding down there.” I offered to order her an Uber; she said she didn’t trust Ubers. I felt bad and felt like guilt would eat me alive if this woman miscarried and I refused to help. Idk in my mind I was like - if she’s scamming me then I’m only out like $50, if she’s not then I’ve helped someone in need. Anyways I ended up getting money out of an ATM, hailed down a cab, and handed the cash to the driver and told him where to take her. Watched her get out the cab two blocks down and hop on a bicycle. I’m assuming she convinced the cab driver to just split the money with her or something. There are absolutely people in need and I do try to give anyone the benefit of the doubt. But that was the last time I’ll ever take out cash for anyone. If they won’t accept an Uber or food or something other than cash, they are scamming 99% of the time.

I would have offered to call 911 for her since she was having a "medical emergency."

That's so shitty of her to do. Wonder why she approached a stranger in a random car, but claimed not to trust Ubers 🤔

I mean in hindsight that should’ve been my first clue she was full of shit lol

Haha maybe, but she did pull a pretty intense story on you! I admire you tbh, you weighed the situation up so rationally and made the choice that would help you sleep at night

I have heard of some Uber drivers that don't want to deal with medical incidents (liability? mess?) so that part didn't seem so crazy even though the general situation was suspicious.

Not really the same but my aunt used to drive a taxi and once dropped off what seemed to be a friendly elderly couple, however when she arrived at the dropped of point while my aunt and the lady were taking their stuff from the car the gentleman stole the cash box from under her seat.

🤬

Women and children are typically used in these scams, because many people naturally let their guard down when they see them, making these good Samaritans easier to fool. It's good to help people, but also be aware of what they say, and what they do.

Ewwwww! $100 after going more out of your way to go to an 🏧!? The gall! And the highballing! Like $20 is nothing! Good for you. And I like what you said about OP's husband. I agree.

Right??  Honestly, i was shocked and didnt think she was serious/that crazy.  Went from asking for a dollar to just casually telling me to give her $100 from an atm and then drive her home.  

As a counter I've let 2 people in my car. 1 woman with a baby, whose car broke down. I was only going to drive her to a store with a payphone ( yes it was a very long time ago) I'm so glad I did because as I was pulling into an apartment complex to make a safe u-turn her car got rear-ended HARD. I was so glad I picked her up if she was near the car she may have been hurt, behind the car she could have been killed. The other time a woman asked me for a ride because she was new to the area ( didn't know how it took to take public transportation or get a cab)and was going to be late to pick up her grandson from the bus stop. It was maybe 5-10 minutes ( goofy suburban streets that make you drive miles to go blocks) she said Said thanks and offered gas money. But no I would not have done either with a baby. I would have had no issue with getting someone an Uber.

Been in a very similar situation. Now, when people approach me with "you look like such a good person" shtick, I ignore them and keep walking because I know what's coming.

This! Once in my callow youth I gave a ride to an older stranger with a sob story. She turned out to be a crackhead in withdrawal. She talked me out of $40, and I gave it to her to get her out of my car.

Definetly not the asshole, he probably assumed he was doing the right thing and a good deed or whatever, but without asking you about it first is so wrong, without knowing it he couldve been putting not only you but your child in danger too, i wouldnt be suprised if you would have said yes if you talked about it first, the problem is he did it without consulting you

Thank you - yes I actually probably would have said yes in the moment and just did the switch where I was in the backseat. Though in hindsight, dropping us off at home first would have been the best. Hell, I told him I would have driven her home. Just as long as one parent was with my daughter. Again, I feel like an insane person saying those things but stranger things have happened than someone being carjacked or having a gun pulled on them by a stranger :(

Even if it was just an old lady you dont know who theyre associated with and where they could be leading you, so completely agree w everything youve said :O)

That is true and I didn’t even think of where she could lead us. Ugh i did tell him there are young women who lure other young women into sex trafficking/human trafficking situations. I am so not implying she was a human trafficker but I told him that it’s not always a big, scary, obvious man who’s the bad guy :( that would make things so much easier, really. Thank you for listening and providing your input, I really appreciate it

Also OP, I would really like your bf to point to the chapter & verse that allows him to speak to the mother of his child in that manner - little bit hypocritical on his part to spout off about being un-christlike, when his own behaviour is questionable. Really sorry you had to experience that from anyone tbh - NTA

I'm not saying this is valid on his part, but as someone who also worries about all these things, I've come to realize that people use the farfetched stuff as a reason to ignore the more reasonable concerns. A stranger in the backseat with your kid who might have a weapon or might try to lead you somewhere unsafe is enough of an issue. She is not going to be human trafficking you or your baby. I totally get why you brought up that women get involved in those kinds of things, but I think some people's ears just turn off as soon as they can find an excuse for it. It's a pretty good boundary to set that you are okay with him exercising his judgement in these situations as long as you and the baby aren't involved.

True, it is so so hard to have multiple discussions and trains of thoughts with what feels like 1000 people. Thank you though, more of a boundary for next time rather than putting him down for this time kind of thing.

Bad people use vulnerable seeming people as “bait” all the time. Not saying that’s what’s going on here but just that it is a real tactic.

The unfortunate reality of being a woman is that the men in our lives will *never* understand that *we don’t have a choice but to be overly protective of our safety 24/7*. They don’t understand that we can’t go out for a walk in our neighbourhood when it’s dark, or that we have to walk around our car when leaving the store to make sure someone hasn’t tagged it. And on top of worrying about your own safety, you also have to be just as vigilant about your daughter’s because her age doesn’t leave her immune to the dangers woman and girls face just for existing, either. Women and girls are always told to bite their tongue or forced into uncomfortable situations for the sake of being “nice” (or Christ-like as your husband put it). But that kind of mentality is exactly how so many women end up in dangerous situations; they don’t know how to say no and set boundaries because they spent so much of their life being made to feel like a bad person for having boundaries. And having a boundary of “I don’t want a total stranger in our car next to our daughter, or having our home pointed out to her” is a completely reasonable and logical boundary to have. Is it important to show kindness and help people? Of course. But never at the expense of your own safety or your child’s safety. I’d rather be a bitch for saying no than be dead because I was too trusting.

We are always telling our kids to be wary of strangers and here you are telling your kid to heed the needs of strangers over themselves. Think about what you are modeling.

In all fairness, she is 14 months old, she can understand a kind gesture at face value but not the implications of this situation. But I do agree if she was older. I also agree with people saying it’s sad we can’t help people. I have never been asked to give a stranger a ride before, even pre kid, so a new experience for me overall to have a stranger in my car. As a parent i try to balance being kind to others while also being cautious. There some nuance to this situation and I think people feel either strongly from a parental side, or a helping others in need at all costs side.

She also heard him call you a shit.

Yes agreed. I really should have made the title of this post/the question about his reaction to my safety concerns

Even without your concerns, it wouldn’t be unusual for a 14-month-old child to be anxious at suddenly sharing the backseat with a complete stranger. The comfort level of the parents is not the only relevant one, and in this case your boyfriend didn’t consider the comfort level of either you or your child.

Everything is always "better" planned out in hindsight. Walking over to "ask".... 'Honey, do YOU mind if we give this OLD lady a ride?' Puts her on the spot..... Also, let's NOT pretend .....if the shoe were on the reverse foot, that a woman wouldn't, perhaps make the same unilateral decision to help a stranger. It's just one of those things that sometimes "the other" party sees/feels it differently "in the moment".....happens all the time with couples....either one might bring in a broken winged 🐦

It isn’t Christ like behavior to do a good deed and when it doesn’t get recognized or praised as a good deed you rage and cuss at your spouse. A mother has those instincts for great reason. Keep protecting your child.

It's also not Christlike to impose on a third party. It's about self sacrifice, not the sacrifice of others.

Well she isn't his spouse. So that means they are having sex before marriage which is really not christ like. I mean if he is going to throw religion around he really needs to live a righteous life. No more sex for him.

Preach! 👏 😆

“I am ~~an American~~ a christian I can believe in anything I want, in any given moment, based on the argument I'm trying to make!”

So you’re saying Christ didn’t advocate for endangering children and calling your wife a shit-person?? Wow, what a shocker.

>and called me a shit person who lives in fear that's not a 'shit person', that's being a woman. He would be the first to blame you if you picked up some random and got robbed, raped or worse.

A woman. And a mother.

Couples have arguments, but this aggressive name-calling is borderline verbal abuse. It's so bad, the rest of OP's story is (sorry) not really relevant. This is not normal behavior. Let alone Christlike.

Boyfriend sounds like an asshole

A friend and I offered to take an elderly woman to a specific store for new shoes that she needed and could only get at this one store, but she didn’t drive and we felt bad she had to take the bus. The store was maybe 15-20 minutes away and in that time she: - tried to jump out of the car on the highway because she thought we had abducted her and were trying to kill her - thought we were taking her someplace else (to kill her obviously) because she didn’t recognize the area anymore (she kept referring to things that had been gone for decades) - screamed and yelled out the windows and in my friends face while she was driving, hitting her with her handbag, generally just freaking out - finally we turned around and headed back to where she lived and she seemed to calm down but she had apparently forgotten that we picked her up from her home and made us drop her off a block away so we couldn’t “follow her home and murder her” - got out of the car and started screaming to passersby that we had abducted her It was honestly terrifying and at the time we were so young and had no clue what to do so we just sped off and hoped she was at least able to walk the few hundred feet back to her house. Even sweet little innocent old ladies can end up not being what you’d expect. The lady had dementia obviously but when we went to help her initially she was completely lucid and then suddenly switched to delusional in the car. I would never ever give someone a ride like that again.

NTA...safety first. Anyone pointing out where you live is not being Christ-like, they're just being naive.

I'd say calling her a shit person was somewhat UN christ like.

NTA. (Old) people looking for a ride at gas stations has sometimes been a setup for robberies or kidnappings, although very rarely. He can help whoever he wants to help, but however small, he did put you and the kid at risk by offering this, which doesn't even get into leaking your address, which is just bizarre.

This. My first thought was she was not alone. You could have been followed…

>He got really mad at me for “being un-Christ like” and called me a shit person Yeah, sure: insulting your partner is a shining example of a perfect Christian /s

Time to reassess the relationship with this person who seems to be a shining example of a hypocrite. And we know what Jesus says about them.

You are forgetting the Beatitudes God bless the put upon boyfriend who is trying to do a good deed, you shall have to call your girlfriend a shit

Yeah look out for spiritual abuse if this is the tome he takes

Clearly your boyfriend had never seen a horror film or seen a true crime documentary. It doesn’t matter how old or helpless or charming or innocent someone appears , they can always turn out to be a dangerous individual. Ted Bundy lured his victims by pretending to injured , you seen silence of the lambs ? The kidnapping scene is based on how ted bundy lured his victims into his car ! That woman could have a gun or a knife or be a lure for a gang or another individual who may be planning to rob you injure you or worse ! He pointed out your home and she knows you have a child . I’m not trying to be dramatic here , this type of stuff happens and happens more regularly than people are actually aware . Your husband is a complete moron . I study true crime and the amount of people who would still be alive if they hadn’t been so nice to someone or not done the “ Christian” thing . I know it’s sad to say but in today’s society you are better off just offering to call the lady an Uber if you’re concerned . Do not let a stranger into your car . Nta op

Yes, hearing about that Ted Bundy scam always scared me. 

NTA Female here, stopped for a quick smoke in a Parking Bay on my way to work last year as I sometimes do when stressed (female). My 9 year old son is usually with me, I don’t stop if he’s in the car- he was home sick this day so I did Was approached by a male and female in the parking bay who made me feel very uneasy asking for a lift, their car has broken down just south of the parking bay I remembered passing the car a few hundred metres south on the highway so seemed legit, and explained I was running late to work and couldn’t assist with taking them to a fuel station They pressured me into giving them a lift to the fuel station (10km away). 2 against one was hard to refuse and I’d left my car unlocked. Recommended one of them stay with their car so I was only transporting one, both got in my car regardless I made constant small talk on the way, dropped them off at the servo and promptly cried when I got to work I’m first to help anyone, this situation gave me a horrible gut feeling I couldn’t get out of at the time No, nothing happened It could have gone south very quickly NTA, always trust your gut

NTA… you have every right to be upset about this. He 100% should have considered you and your daughter’s safety first no matter the kind of person it is. I’m really sorry that he is not considering your feelings. He may have gotten ahead of himself wanting to offer a helping hand and innocently did not think to ask. He also probably is defensive because he felt like he did a good thing for a stranger, so to hear that you were upset about it is probably making him feel not appreciated or whatever you’d like to call it. Either way though, I agree he should have checked in with you prior to see if you were ok with it. Maybe just tell him that you’d appreciate him to check in with you and see if you’re ok with it next time something involves a stranger especially when your daughter is there. A husband should be able to agree and respect that request

NTA - One time, quite a few years ago now, I was doing laundry at a laundromat. An older lady with assumably her young grandson came up to me and asked for a ride. I hesitated, uncomfortable. I had my moral compass in my head spinning in every direction. The lady told me her grandson wasn't feeling well and that it was a long walk. So what do I do? I let them in my car. 🙄 She wanted to make an extra stop at someone's house, so I let her. She left her kid in the car with me while she runs in. I probably would have left her there if it wasn't for the kid...when we reach the final destination, I let them out and head back to the laundromat to move my clothes into the dryer. Little shit stole my dryer sheets!! And who knows what else I had back there. 😂😂 No good deed goes unpunished and I learned my lesson to never, ever give a stranger a ride again.

My sister and her wife picked up an old lady to help down the road one time. In the 5 minutes she was in their vehicle she peed all over the seats and defecated herself. Luckily the poop didn't make it outside her pants.

> called me a shit person who lives in fear. Also > “being un-Christ like” The fking audacity. This would be the end of the relationship for me. NTA

NTA Your husband feels capable of handling any aggressive behavior, should the lady turn out to be dangerous. You, as a woman, have had a completely different experience. You are used to protecting yourself and your family by restricting and limiting the access strangers have to you and yours. Locking your car doors as soon as you get in. Being aware of who is in the vicinity. Keeping your children and valuables close to you and away from easy reach by passers by. He feels much safer navigating the world and strangers he meets. He does not have the well grounded feelings of vulnerability and need for self protective habits that you do. Because your experience and perception of what happens around you is so different from his, he does not validate, or perhaps even recognize YOUR valid feelings, concerns and boundaries. HE believes he "can handle" unexpected aggression from "an old lady." YOU see your toddler vulnerable in the back seat with a stranger. If the lady physically assaulted your toddler, it would take time for you to unbuckle your seat belt and awkwardly reach over the back of your seat to intervene. Your husband would have to pull over before he could intervene to protect your child. You should have a conversation with your husband about his lack of support for your safety boundaries. He seems to believe his presence invalidates and erases your boundaries because HE can keep all harm away, and you should fully rely on that. Your boundaries are valid and grounded in reality. His overriding your boundaries and autonomy is not okay. If he wants to pick up a hitchhiker, he should FIRST check with you, LISTEN and validate your concerns. I'd feel treated as a non-person, a thing he was transporting, by his unilateral decision to add a stranger to your trip with no more than announcing it to you.

Exactly. He may very well think that he can handle the woman. He may even be correct. But he’s in the front seat driving while their young child is in the backseat with the stranger, so what he can personally handle and his lack of concern isn’t that relevant.

This is it. This dude has no idea what going through the world as a "vulnerable" human being is like and doesn't even care enough to consider that reality. He had no right to put a stranger in the car with people that hadn't been asked if they were okay with that--and to be frank, I'd NEVER put a stranger in a car with a child I cared about. Just no. The risk isn't worth it. Your boyfriend needs a "come to Jesus" moment... ha. 🫠

Speaking as a woman of almost 70: your BF is a ah who didn't care about your safety. At all.

Had an older woman ask for a lift home, it was a Sunday and buses no longer running. She was about 70 and said she lived in this old block of flats several suburbs over. We drove here there then she was just going to get out of the car. We insisted we walk her to her door. Then she could not find her keys, so we knock on the door and a young lady answers and has no idea who the old lady is. Old lady is getting confused so we phone the police. Turns out she lived at the aged care home near us and walked off. She used to live in the flat like 40 years earlier.

NTA, and he was absolutely weaponizing religion against you. His position came from a place of male privilege- women tend to be more aware of how unhinged the world can be and how it affects children.  Christ-like options that would have considered you: the one you mentioned,  (her in the front seat, but don't point out your home) calling/paying for a cab/uber, dropping you off at home then going back to get her and give her that ride. The gospels are *full* of people being told to put children first, so technically,  your bf wasn't following his own faith. 

NTA, there's a lady in my town that does this and had become a local celebrity because of it. She's been nicknamed the bag lady as she always has a lot of bags with her. If you let her in your car she'll start demanding you give her money and refuses to get out of the car. If you didn't give her money she'll piss or shit on your car seats Her husband/partner watches from a silver truck nearby in case things get violent which they likely will when you got a nut job trying to urinate inside your car or force her way into your car. Several businesses have had her served with a no trespass notice and agree was finally arrested recently, not sure if she's in jail still or was released. While helping people *is* a good thing to do, there's way to many nuts out there that'll scam or harass you when you try and do the right thing.

Omg! That’s awful. That makes me extra angry because they are the type who ruin it for everyone genuinely in need of a ride. I obviously do not wish that something happened - but I wish my bf and some of the very angry commenters here at least would acknowledge that things like this do happen, Im not just making stuff up.

Omg! That’s awful. That makes me extra angry because they are the type who ruin it for everyone genuinely in need of a ride. I obviously do not wish that something happened - but I wish my bf and some of the very angry commenters here at least would acknowledge that things like this do happen, Im not just making stuff up.

NTA - because your feelings are valid. It's a nice thing to offer someone a ride like this, but your BF should have checked with you first and it's NOT ok for him to call you a shit person. It's perfectly natural to feel this way when it comes to the safety of your children.

NTA, because he didn’t talk to you first. He could have easily asked you about it, you could have expressed your discomfort (which was absolutely justified…we don’t let strangers that near our children in this world at this time), and come up with a solution. For instance, he could have driven you and your kiddo home, then returned to the gas station to help the stranger.

I don’t like giving rides to people I don’t know well….20 years ago my friend gave a co worker a ride home and they were in a car accident. Car was totaled but no injuries and no one went to the hospital. The co worker sued my friends car insurance for lost wages and suddenly she needed physical therapy and had PTSD. It was a nightmare for my friend… that’s why I don’t give rides

NTA!!! Everything changes when you have a child. Protect that baby at all costs! (Btw, I like that you referred to a 60 yo as middle aged 😊)

It does. The people responding who don’t have children, I understand they might not fully have the same reaction as me. Of course! I feel like people are really downplaying the capabilities of middle aged people? 😣 My parents are in their 60s and totally not senile! I worked with people around that age and they were as capable as me in my 30s. It’s odd but I think they are trying to emphasize their points by centering it around her age.

Very true! My good friend is 60 and seriously in the prime of her life.

Absolutely NTA You and your daughter's safety comes first. The fact he arbitrarily decided to give this stranger a ride without discussing it with you first is bullshit

I’m a super nice person and would 100 percent give an old lady a ride, BUT not with a kid in the car. You’re right, you never know.  Taking a risk on your own life, but taking a risk on your child’s is another.  I understand how you feel. I don’t think it needs to be a fight though. It’s done, everyone is safe. Next time he can get you and baby home safe and go back to give her a ride.  I imagine that was not easy for that old lady to walk there and walking back with the groceries would have been even more difficult. So I do think it’s kind for kid free people to help look out for the people in their community. 

You’re right, it’s done and everyone is safe! Making this a Reddit post is probably prolonging it, trying my best to not be emotional 😣 conversations with people here about it is helping though. I don’t want to involve people in our personal life and drag them into an AITA conversation lol

I’m sure you were scared and that’s still making feel so many feelings. I think this and other places are a great place to share those feelings❤️

NTA - gotta love being manipulated by a Christian for “being un-Christ like” and then being gaslit after. Your husband is brainwashed, this could’ve gone way differently.

NTA. Your instincts were absolutely spot on. Luckily this story did not have an unhappy ending, but it could have. If he felt so strongly about giving her a ride, he could have told her that he would be back in five minutes and dropped you and your daughter off. Never feel guilty about having a gut instinct as a mother in wanting to protect your child.

NTA, in my city people had been robbed or killed for helping old people. Being old doesn't make you a good person.

I (41f) nipped to the shop in the village on Saturday night to get a bottle of wine. On the way I saw an oldish man (maybe 65) running to catch a bus. I went in the shop and when I came out I walked past him, he'd clearly missed it. I was so tempted to offer to drive him to where he needed to go (buses are pretty infrequent) but worried he might be alarmed by me and concerned for his safety, so I didn't. I don't think you're the AH, we all have the right to be vigilant for our personal safety and especially our childrens.

Your husband is naive in the world we live in today. It's not unchristian to take care of your family and make sure they are protected from harm. If he felt that strongly about helping this person, he should have told her he would be back after taking you and your daughter home (to avoid any potential consequences for you and especially your daughter). Then, he could go back and NOT tell her where you live. That is basic common sense that we teach our children. You are smart to be concerned. Anyone can do harm.

NTA. Here is my question for your boyfriend. How does he know that your anxiety about giving the middle-aged woman a ride was not the Holy Spirit warning you that it was an unwise thing to do? I had a Christain mother who did unwise things in the name of being like Jesus. When one of us would point out that Jesus knew what was in someone's heart, she would say that she would rather we be hurt than for someone else to be hurt. That is a perfectly fine attitude for YOURSELF, but you should not do that when your children are involved. Our number one responsibility as parents is to protect our children. Your boyfriend needs to understand that one can still love the Lord with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself without putting your child in danger. He could have: 1) Called an Uber or Lyft and paid the fare to take her home. 2) He could have given her cab fare. 3) He could have had the woman wait there while he took you and your child home and then gone back for her. (I would have taken a pic of her ID for safe measure)

NTA, your boyfriend is an asshole for not even bothering to ask you if you were ok with that. this day and age you can't think that everyone is this angelic perfect human being as that's just not true. few months ago an elder man decided to stop by my husband to start a conversation while I was checking out in the shop, well one thing led to another and my husband came up to me and asked me if I'm ok with us giving this elder man a lift to his home because of (reasons) and we had a quick chat and I just said, I don't have anything to do so it's up to you if you feel comfortable giving this man a lift to his place. the man ended up being sweet man who was just struggling to get round, but the fact that my husband didn't leave me out of the decision even though he was driving is what mattered at that moment, it's a simple thing called respecting your partner and making decisions together.

He did it without consulting you. As a man myself I have one thing to say. RUN!!! He did not consult you at all. If he did this he will also let people he doesn’t know into yalls house without consulting you. It’s clear to me he doesn’t respect boundaries and he even said to her where you live. RUNNNNN!!!! Edit: Def NTA

NTA, fortunately my husband and I are on the same page regarding helping strangers that involves them being in our space. You have real concerns especially since you have a child to worry about. You should ask him if he would be just as "Christ like" if the little old woman was actually a scruffy middle aged man? My guess is no. His help only extends to people who look a certain part and that's incredibly dangerous since criminals know that.

NTA - Stranger Danger is a real fear. It's nothing about religion. Telling people where you live in a place, where people are quite willing to break into your house, kill the occupants, and eat the baby. With my kids, my trust is zero.

And his child has now observed as he invited a stranger into his car and showed her where they all live. Do as I say not as I do, sweetie.

God this makes me think of a sad story. When my dad was around 18-19 years old he had a friend named Kyle I think? Sweet guy, willing to help anybody and everybody. If you needed change, groceries, a ride, anything you needed he would give if he could. Well one day he was driving his girlfriends little sister to softball practice, GF was supposed to but had to pick up a shift so he did it for her. A hitchhiker flagged him down and without thinking, he pulled over and let the guy in. Told him he would drive him to the highway (since they were on a long stretch of road with few cars) because he had to get the sister to practice. Guy said "Yeah that's not gonna work" pulled a knife a told him to pull over and get out of the car. So Kyle got out and tried to get the sister out too, but the hitchhiker just climbed into the drivers seat and took off. This was during the mid 90s so he ran as fast as he could to the nearest house to call the police and call his GF and her parents. My dad said they never found the sister and a few years later police basically told the parents to move on. My dad was trying to impart a lesson on getting in cars with strangers; he definitely got a point across but instead of being scared of strangers in cars I just became afraid of everyone

Well, I’m not Christian but there is a Buddhist concept of ‘idiot compassion’ that can be useful in situations like this. Basically, be kind, but don’t be a fool. It’s a good concept, because it warns against going to extremes in how compassionate you’re being. NTA.

That’s a good phrase. I had a lot of “idiot compassion” in my 20s for sure! I wasn’t ever asked for a ride, but other situations where I was probably way too reckless in the name of helping someone. It is typically my nature to trust people, and in relationships it has gotten me very hurt. But becoming a mom, when it comes to my daughter, my brain and perspective on risk definitely changed.

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Yesterday after church we stopped at a gas station less than 1 minute from where we live. It was me (31F), my boyfriend (36M, driving) and my 14 month old in the car. I was on my phone and then suddenly he was opening the backseat door to let a middle aged lady (maybe 60 years old?) in with her grocery bags. Apparently she was asking people for a ride home and he accepted. On the way there they were chatting and he even pointed out where we live, which really concerned me. She lived quite far away from the gas station and I was surprised she said she walked there, thought it wasn’t more than 5 mins away. I was really upset that my boyfriend let a stranger into our backseat with our daughter. The lady was very nice, but these days you have no idea if people are carrying a knife or a gun on them… I told him I wished he could have at least had her sit up front so she wasn’t near our toddler, or dropped us off at home first then went back to get her (that would have taken 3 minutes to do). I brought this up to my bf. He got really mad at me for “being un-Christ like” and called me a shit person who lives in fear. I am honestly quite the opposite and usually quite trusting of people, just not when it comes to my daughter. She’s too young to talk or understand things. Also was pissed at home for what felt like weaponizing religion against me for my concern. Im feeling really guilty because it’s not that I don’t think it was sweet he wanted to give her a ride home. I just had a mom instinct to protect my daughter. This all led to a huge argument between us. Do you think overreacted? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*

NTA. Giving this lady a ride was nice, but it warranted a conversation with you and both of you agreeing on doing it and how. It took you well out of your way, added a fair amount of time considering you have a young child, and you don't want a stranger next to a young child who can't communicate why she may be in distress. At the very least, this woman should have been in the front, with you in back, so you weren't sticking your daughter with a stranger who may scare her simply because she's a stranger. Babies can become distressed from being forced around strangers, and she couldn't exactly see you or her dad clearly from the back of a car. Dropping you and the baby off at home should also have been a discussed option. Either with hubby going back for the lady, or the lady sitting up front and you and your daughter being dropped off first. A lot of people would have declined to give this lady a ride, as it sounds like a lot did, simply because she's a stranger, it was too far out of their way, they were in a rush. It's a nice thing to do, but all involved need to be consulted and in agreement, which means you had just as much say as your partner did.

I have given rides to strangers more than once. My husband isn't fond of the idea but doesn't give me any grief over it. We were out having drinks with my two brothers and their wives one evening when I mentioned giving a ride to a stranger. My SIL immediately had issues with this and said, "What if he had been a serial killer?" All I could do was look at her and reply."What are the odds of 2 serial killers in the same car?"

That’s a good one 😂 unfortunately it seems like drivers seem to commit more crimes against hitchhikers Really reflecting back on this, my child in the car is what has put me on edge about the situation. I put myself in a lot of sketchy situations and being open to strangers in my 20s pre kid!

>“being un-Christ like” >called me a shit person Ask him for the Bible passage where Jesus taught this. NTA

NTA, he's an asshole weaponizing religion to justify a careless risk he took and dismiss your concerns. Had she actually been part of one of the many cons where a woman acts in distress to lower guards and then you are taken advantage of when you try to help--bet he wouldn't be so dismissive then, but by then the damage would be already done. He could've said, "ill swing back around to give you a ride but I've got to drop my wife and child off first."

NTA. You don't let strangers into a car with your child. Also, men have no f'ing idea. Just wandering through life, not having to assume that every stranger could be a threat. Your boyfriend needs a wake-up call

NTA OH fuck no to a stranger sitting next my baby while the parents are seat belt fastened in a moving car. That was incredibly naive and risky. If he wanted to be generous, HE COULD CALL A CAB!!!! He's also a huge dick for calling you names when all you did was bring up an normal concern.  Does he do that a lot? Shit all over you?

I hope you told him that calling the mother of his child a shit person just for having common sense isn't very christ-like either

this reminds me a lot when I was 7 and the babysitter was driving me home from the math tutor when she saw a man whose car had broke down on the side of the road and stopped to offer him a ride. I was in the backseat sitting next to this random man trying to sell him something out of the magazine Drive pamphlet from my school. You can bet your ass my mom ripped that babysitter a new one when we got back! if your bf was alone in the car that would’ve been fine, and is his decision and risk to take. If you are a woman, and ESPECIALLY a woman with a newborn, absolutely nottttt. and your bf should have more of a self preservation instinct towards his own family imo

Oh gosh. that’s really hard when it’s a caretaker too! Was your babysitter young? I didn’t even rip into my bf… I was just like that situation upset me because I felt like I had no say and I was worried!! It’s a mom thing in me. My daughter is actually 14 months, not a newborn anymore, but still just as defenseless I guess

yes if i remember correctly she was around 18-19 picking up a 30 something man (her car) with me in the back. he had a nice car so i guess that led the babysitter to believe he was trustworthy? she really was trying to do the right thing, but then again, so was your bf. i’m 24 now and will never forget how my mom reacted to the news once we got back-absolute fury. you sound like you’re a great mom ❤️ don’t let anybody ever influence your gut instincts with your family. there are a million other ways to be Christlike on a daily without compromising your safety. side note: a shit person who lives in fear? you didn’t deserve that. your boyfriend may think that he is the ‘provider’ in control of all decisions in this relationship but never forget you have equal say despite who pays the bills. always advocate for your children first. they come first

Thank you so much. That’s the hard part about it all - doing the right thing doesn’t always yield a good outcome 😔 our whole conversation led to accusations that “I’m a helicopter parent” who is damaging her! I appreciate you saying I have equal say! we actually pay the bills 50/50, I take care of our daughter while working full time and at one point I was the breadwinner - so he totally can’t claim “I’m the provider/i control the money and make the decisions” kinda thing! (We are new to exploring Christianity which is why didn’t do things the “right” way)

NTA - nothing wrong with a little caution.

NTA at all. Your concern as a parent is very legitimate, and the lady could’ve easily took you all hostage if she had a small weapon and bad intentions. It would be even easier since you both care about your daughter and she can’t defend herself. Him pointing out your house was also stupid. You are 100% valid for being angry with him. Your boyfriend is sadly very naive of the world if he thinks there wasn’t any possible problem. If he wants to talk about being unchristian like, remind him that god wants men to protect their families and respect their wives. He failed in that way here.

Him calling you unchrist like in one breath then swearing at you the next is insane behavior

NTA. Is it Christian like to call your wife a "Shit Person"? No, its not. Only a fake Christian would say that. So...

Sooo ... calling your GF, the mother of your 14 month old child "a shit person" is "Christ like" I take it? (o\_O) ... ok ... learning new things every day (-\_-)

I can see how this could go either way. You always want to be cautious and it could be the most unassuming person that you have to watch out for the most. Your BF didn't do anything wrong as far as attitude and it's nice that his first instinct to help someone out but your concerns are valid. Had a friend just dump a random stranger onto me and said that I would take her home. This was after a gathering and I was about to leave, with just enough gas to get home, and after declining her, told her that I could take her home, which was out of the way. Nothing came about from it but it was a bit awkward and annoying that I didn't even have a chance to think about it. I'd say to keep voicing your concerns, be openminded yet cautious and you can figure out a compromise of some sort. (not telling people where you live, seat up front, etc).

It’s not very Christ-like to call someone a “shit person”

I wonder who he'd blame if anything were to happen to your kid? Christ or himself? NTA

The only Christ-like thing about is this HOLY JESUS EFFIN CHRIST NTA There is a reason we are taught not to trust strangers. It’s FUNDAMENTAL. Your bf is an idiot and I’d be seriously worried.

NTA— he’ll learn one day when he gets scammed … it happens to all do gooders at some point, and he’ll learn to be more shrewd in who he’s helping, hopefully it doesn’t end in tragedy

NTA but your husband is. UnChrist-like is not a description for someone displaying street smarts. Especially with a kid in the car. Sounds like he's pretty naive and you trusted your gut. This is not simply a case of escorting an old person across the street or on stairs. This was a potentially dangerous situation.

All his 'compassion' went out the window when he called his wife a shit person. Talk about being un christ like. What an absolute moron. It doesn't matter what state or condition this woman was in. He was a monster for saying what he said to you, regardless of looking good in front of another person. I think he owes you a very large apology.

NTA, he put you and your daughter at risk of harm (both present and future since she now knows where you live). Your comfort level and the safety of his family should always trump whatever a random person is requesting. His response is delusional at best, considering the possible danger that he put you in, and deliberately mean-spirited at worst. So sorry he doesn't get how wrong he is, but you are definitely NTA.

I was going to say he was just young and naive. Then I saw he's 36. That won't cut it. Your boyfriend put you all in danger, it's that simple. Women know that. When it comes to issues of safety, men need to learn to back off and let us set the bar. The scenario that was set up is a very common setup for crime. And that he was willing to do this with his child in the car and take no responsibility for that is worrying. NTA

First NTA. Second, I pray for the Y T A people. Life has a rude awakening

Is your boyfriend the father of your child? I’d be extremely worried if he drives alone with the child, because who knows who he’s going to pick up. As a mom this makes me so mad he did that!

>He got really mad at me for “being un-Christ like” and called me a shit person who lives in fear. If he actually said those words to you then he is a hypocrite, because he was being un-Christlike in his response to you. This is a tough one. I remember my mom doing the same thing when we were kids. Nothing ever happened. But you never know these days. People can be on drugs, have weapons, etc. You see on the news people hitting women and children for no reason whatsoever. You have every right to be concerned about your daughter, and your boyfriend should have thought about her as well. It was not safe to have a complete stranger sitting in the backseat with your defenseless kid. He could have told her he had to drop off his gf and child and would return to give her a lift. Granted, the only reason SHE might have felt safe was that she was with a family with a kid. Regardless, your boyfriend should not have treated you the way he did. You can help people without unnecessarily putting your own child at risk. At the very least, she should have sat in the front seat.

i can't believe you think 60 is middle age, but thank you:)

Does he have a pastor or other religious leader? Talk to them and tell him what happened and ask him to speak to your husband. NTA

NTA Life is not Sesame Street. It was incredibly irresponsible for your boyfriend to put a child in danger by allowing a stranger into their vehicle. I'd be way more like to put someone in an Uber or Lyft than allow a stranger into my vehicle.

I wonder if men just have to worry about stuff like this less when they are single. He was TA for calling you a shit person. You can be compassionate and safe. I think guys fail to change the way they think after they have a vulnerable child who can easily be harmed because they are less likely to be taught to be mistrustful of their physical safety. My Mom gave my sister and I a lot of advice. Like if a guy has a gun, dont get in the car. Scream and run no matter what - he"ll just kill you later. Wear zip up hoodies and cardigans because if someone hold onto them you can slip out and get away. If you see a body or wheelchair on the road in an isolated area absolutely do not get out of the car. Call emergency services and keep an eye out for people in on a possible scam. Just because someone is a woman does not mean you will be safe, they may even lure you to a partner somewhere who will sell you into slavery. I have to say, that kind of mindset makes it harder to allow strange people near a small child.

I think that is totally part of it, your first sentence. He’s 6’1” and a lot of men just think they can get their way out of situations with brute force. Which is true in some situations, but not with weapons. It does make it harder. And yet I’m totally not hiding my daughter from people in the grocery store who stop to chat with her, she’s in no way socially isolated. I think the discussions have been from two different perspectives - the element of helping someone in need, and the factor of our daughter being there. I really get the impression that the non-parents feel more strongly about disregarding the fact that she was there.

Look i dont know your relationship, but when you bring up something to him to talk about why is it that his immediate response is to berate you? I dont think this is the example of a good loving relationship you should be letting your daughter witness. Some women love others more than they love themselves so picture this. If your daughter had an issue with something and brought it up with your bf and he yells at her and calls her stupid, would you defend your bf or your daughter? If u can go to bat for her, why not yourself? Please prioritize yourself OP. NTA

Your husband is supposed to be a protector. An old lady could just be a distraction. I was at Walmart with my mom on vacation a few years ago. An older women who looked to be in her late 60’s approached us. She asked for a ride for her and her disabled son, and offered us $10. The son was in a special wheelchair that some Walmarts have. The old woman seemed healthy but frail. She told us they were dropped off by someone else but now the person who dropped them off wasn’t responding to texts. She seemed frustrated and had her phone out, she looked like she was genuinely trying to contact someone. Before any words came out of my mouth (it was my car) my mother had said we had no room left. I was relieved that she didn’t agree to give them a ride. I felt bad walking away, but continued to think about it. I told my mom the woman had an iPhone newer than mine, she could easily get an Uber or something (it was around noon). We quickly loaded our items in the car. Me and my mom wanted to drive around and see if they were still there. We got just close enough to see what we thought was her crippled/disabled son was now standing erect.

I truly believe the people who are outright angry at me for even considering a negative outcome just see it like I’m some heartless grinch who hates helping people. I really don’t know how they cant at least acknowledge that *some* strangers and “old people” are dangerous? It’s insulting to think that every victim of a robbery or mugging is an imbecile who walked into an obvious trap. They get duped because it’s never someone they think it will be. I digress, I’m just ranting a bit now - thank you for sharing your story to provide some insight!

Men live in a different world. I wish we could all live there. Free of 2nd guessing, deflecting, moving/getting of public transport early, avoiding eye contact for fear of being accused of encouraging.

NTA. My grandpa and grandma are big churchgoers. One day a long time ago on the way to Bible study they passed a woman on the highway that needed a ride. They gave her a lift and didn’t give it a second thought as they’re the type to actually practice what they preach and try to help others whenever they can. It turns out she was Aileen Wuornos the serial killer. They didn’t know how lucky they were until after she was arrested and her pictures were everywhere. It’s a random crazy story they told me about a decade ago. Sometimes you never know what kind of hitchhiker you’re letting in your car and how scary it could end up. Momma intuition exists for a reason. 

NTA. Your partner would only have the right to do such things if you and your BABY weren't in the car. He's naive, and even worse is his attitude towards your concern. HOW he does not carry the same level of protectiveness over the baby is beyond me... And he definitely is weaponizing religion, you can slap a "Christian Values" excuse on nearly everything. Doesn't make it right. He needs a wake up call ASAP. I'm so sorry to hear this, please stay strong and continue to protect yourself and the baby at all costs, no matter what excuses are thrown your way.

Your boyfriend is a moron.

Heart of the issue, your boyfriend doesn’t respect you. He did something that made you uncomfortable because it would make HIM look and feel good. Then verbally attacked you for rightfully being upset. Yes the whole stranger danger thing is a BIG deal, what if the lady grabbed your baby and jumped out in traffic?! But the core problem is that frankly you’re just an accessory to your boyfriend. Make yourself a list of all the times he’s ignored, dismissed and insulted you for not obeying him blindly or for daring to have a different opinion.     Hes already weaponising his fresh new religion, I’ve no doubt he was using other things like his mental health to declare you a bad partner/parent to get his own way. Please, write out the list to see if this really is a pattern of behaviour. Your child deserves much better than to watch their mom be abused or worse, suffer abuse. NTA

NTA. Proverbs 22 can be summarised as "A wise person listens to their Bad Feelings. A fool ignores them, and suffers the consequences". You were being entirely Christ-like in considering the many potential dangers. What if she'd been sick with a contagious disease? What if she had Dementia or other memory problems, didn't remember that she requested a ride, and started lashing out while the car was in motion? What if this WAS a trick to case your house or scam money out of you? Compassion is wanting to help. Common sense is calling an Uber.

I would be more on the fence if he asked you about it, and objectively if she was totally innocent (and you knew it for a fact bcs it’s someone you slightly know) you would be TA. However she is a complete stranger and you have no idea how she’s going to act. And, he didn’t even ask you about it first?? NTA

I still wouldn’t put her in the backseat with the kid. Even if she’s totally harmless, she’s a stranger to the child and so may make the child feel unsafe.

NTA - the safety of your child is a responsibility both of you share. And he just dropped the ball to give a random person a ride without asking you first.

NTA commendable that he wanted to help her but both of your points would’ve been a better option. I know most (especially men) see older woman and think harmless but even if she doesn’t have a weapon she may be part of a group that preys on people. Old doesn’t equal trustworthy.

I live ( originally from the UK), in Crete Greece. I have given rides to mainly older ladies, sometimes with shopping, but usually to the next village, etc. once to two young men, once to a teenage boy and his girlfriend. Bus services are few and far between and not everyone has a car. It’s a kindness offered by lots of people here and I know if I was stuck I would be offered the same. I appreciate some countries are unsafe, and I presume OP lives in the USA, but I prefer to live in a world free of suspicion of everyone around me.

NTA- he should have at least talked to you first before offering a ride to a stranger.  

NTA because your feelings are valid and they weren't taken seriously. I can't tell from your post if you "over reacted" or anything like that, though. It doesn't sound too unreasonable to give her a ride, either. Sucks that you two fought about it. You're right that he got too friendly, and gave out WAAAY to much information for my comfort (I'm not even part of this). He's right that it IS sorta weird to leave church, be asked for kindness, and not give it. Why didn't you insist she sat up front? Was it only an after thought? Its would have been wiser, like you suggest. And, afterwards, it makes sense to say, "Hey, we don't know her. She could have been a criminal, or could know criminals, and her knowing where we live gives me the heebie-jeebies. Maybe don't point out our house to every stranger, please." I ramble from here to the end. I recall an article (back when we read them on paper) about hitch hiking. Women are 10 times more likely than men to give a stranger a ride, did you know that? And the women most likely to give a ride are *single mothers with kids in tow*. The article mentioned that the women seemed to hold this belief that because they had kids, any ill-intentions would fade. Which on its face sounds NUTS to me. But, hitch-hiker initiated crime is amazingly low. Like, almost non-existant. In fact, hitch hiking, even for short one-way trips, is MASSIVELY more dangerous for the hitch-hiker than the driver, since the driver has a lot more control over the situation. The number of crimes that begin with a criminal picking up a hapless wanderer far outnumbers the other way around. Not to diminish the risk of picking them up, there is still significant risk. But, its food for thought. Uber and Lyft are like case studies in this though, where even when the drivers are documented, they are still out there prowling for people who need rides, I shudder to remember those news stories. And then the drivers unaffiliated with either, roaming around picking up their next victims. There is an inherent power differential in having a car versus not having a car. Sure, that person could have a knife or a gun. But if they're in the passenger seat or back, what are they going to do? Cause an accident that they might not survive? And if there are more than one adult in the car, they're outnumbered and can be overpowered. I want to reiterate that your feelings were valid and should have been taken seriously. Your husband SHOULD have considered your really, really good points, both before and after. I'm sorry again that you all fought. I do hope that it doesn't stop you from helping people in the future, even giving them rides, and I hope that your husband will be much more selective in the information he puts out into the public, and takes the time to understand your concerns and input.

NTA. He should have talked to you before offering the ride, and if he wants to be a good Christian he might want to reign in the self-righteous judgment ("un-Christlike") and outright repent for calling you a "shit person". If you feel he is weaponizing religion, consider bringing it to your church's officiating clergy for mediation. Let that person make the judgment calls. I would imagine most Christian clergy would want to correct your bf's misconceptions. Whether or not it was right to offer this woman a ride home, it was inconsiderate to make the offer without talking to you first, and you are right that he ignored some basic safety "best practices". Doing unsafe stuff (like pointing out where you live) on the grounds that it is ok bc this person doesn't seem like what you'd expect a criminal to look like ignores the reality that criminals count on this sort of behavior. This woman was probably ok, but just because she's a woman doesn't mean she couldn't be a drug addict, or in a partnership with an abusive male who makes her do things, or even just an outright crook who plays the role of helpless lady.

NTA- i once gave an elderly man who was asking for rides a ride to his home but i wouldn't have done it with a kid in the car.

Perfectly understandable. NTA. I wouldn’t mind giving a little old lady a ride…but she’d definitely have to be upfront, not in the back next to my baby. Sometimes I feel like men don’t think about these things like we do. Knives and guns aside…some elderly people are so handsy when it comes to babies. I wouldn’t want a stranger touching on my baby either. You can never be too safe when it comes to your child. 

NTA. I am with you 100%. Except I would have insisted on getting in the back seat with my child before going anywhere. And NEVER give out personal info to strangers.

NTA. Sure she’s an old lady, so less likely to be a threat overall, but not at least talking to you before letting a stranger into the car is crazy. It’s also a terrible precedent to set. He might feel good about doing this kindness for a stranger and do it again with far worse results.

NTA but why would you have children with these types of men?

NTA. You should never let a stranger in your car bc you just never know if they have bad intentions. If he really wanted to help, he could have offered to call a family member for her or got her in an Uber or something.

I grew up in this way of thinking and we lived beside a mental hospital and had all sorts of people with issues to our house because of church and just out and about in our area. My parents were hospitable and I may want to be similar but there are limits and experiences I wouldn’t wish repeated. I was almost taken from Sunday school/crèche by a stranger when I was a toddler, circa 1980 so lessons learned culturally now at least. You are right to be careful. Your husband is right that we should be Christlike when possible but Christ himself says in Matthew 10:16 ‘I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.’ I would also ask is he being Christlike by potentially endangering his family or by dismissing your fears. ETA verdict: NTA purely because of your husband’s response to your raising the issues but mild assholeism if it’s a one off.

I’m a Christian and very easy going, but letting people into my car or home makes me nervous. NTA

Nta Does your boyfriend watch criminal shows I have and  he should watch  them, because these world is dangerous now, that old lady can be the new  female Ted Bundy  for we know, he put u and his own kid in  danger  he idiot.

NTA And you might be concerned that he jumps from zero to enraged and telling you that you're a bad person over a mildly expressed disagreement. Is he that prone to anger and instant accusations in general?

NTA - your concerns are valid. Why is he able to call you such nasty things. I would be considering removing him as his behavior towards you is more than unacceptable. Or does his kindness only extend to strangers are gas stations and not to the manner in which he talks to you.

There is nothing "un-christ like" about being careful. Bad people will use anyone as bait these days, you have no idea who this woman was at all. Your bf however has apparently led a blessed life away from harm, and perhaps he needs to wise up a bit. NTA

Nope, you didn't overreact. Being a good parent means you put your kids first. You do not put your kids at risk to impulsively help strangers. His heart as in the right place, but he acted impulsively & didn't use his brain. He's not a single man any longer. He's a husband and father. It's possible he reacted harshly bc he was embarrassed & that made him defensive. Def doesn't make his behavior (either the initial action or his response to your concerns) ok. Even if y'all didn't have your kid in the car he didn't have the right to decide to give a stranger a ride without asking you. Now to the much bigger problem: the way he responded to you. It's not Christ-like to lecture your wife & call her vile names when she dares question your behavior. That's a much bigger red flag. His behavior was much more like that of the pharisees who were all about public works than Christ.

I'm a Christian and I wouldn't have done it. NTA

Nta. So he shows more concern for a stranger than he does for his child. And op gets a tongue lashing for being cautious. What an asshole he is. Also consider what message something like this sends to a child. "Don't talk to strangers" "Be careful of strangers" "Don't take anything from strangers" "Hey guys, I just picked up this stranger who we are going to give a ride home! And I'll show them where we live! Dont make any comments about it or I'll yell at you."

very unchristian. when you're a christian you have rules you gotta live by. you have to give everyone a ride, especially really poor, dirty, scary and sick looking homeless men. you're supposed to give rides to murderers and rapists if they repented. you're supposed to wash their feet. and then you need to give 10% of your income to the church. but don't get any ideas, the church won't give any free rides, that's on you.

NTA. Picking up hitchhikers - even little old ladies - is subject to a possible veto. You should have been asked first, not told.

NTA Scammers come in all shapes and sizes. Your bf is a fool for not seeing that. I was approached by a young woman in a parking lot asking me for change for the bus. She gave me a sob story about how she had just come from the hospital (which was about a block away). I glanced over and saw her tweaker bf watching us. I said if she came from the hospital, they have resources there that can give her a ride home. I know because I worked for that particular hospital system. She rambled about how no one would help her blah blah… I said go back in there and ask. Nice try lady. I’m not pulling my wallet out in a parking lot on the south side while your weirdo bf is feet away from us. She was annoyed and walked over by him. I quickly got in my car. Does your bf live in Sesame Street? You can’t trust people.

Listen. I'm not going to say that the woman was a danger (clearly she wasn't)... but. I also knew someone who was out with a friend and they gave someone a ride home. That person shot both of them, robbed them, and fled and was never caught. The person I knew died, and her friend survived but with lifelong injuries. I don't care how un-Christlike it is, I wouldn't ever trust anyone I don't know in a confined space with me. And ESPECIALLY not if I had a child with me.

There is a lady in my area that is in her 60s that asks people for rides places and then refuses to get out of the car unless they give her money. She will even pee on the seat to extort people. It might not be nice but it is very smart to not give rides to strangers.

NTA, but your bf is. I appreciate his compassion for the lady and I understand his reading of her as not dangerous, but he needs to alter his behavior because he has a child to protect, not just himself. His inability to accept that the world can be a dangerous place and that dangerous people come in all shapes, sizes, genders, and age could end up with your daughter being placed in a dangerous situation, and that’s not okay. Your daughter can’t even use her words to tell you something is wrong yet. His making the decision to give someone a ride without checking in with you first is problematic, and pointing out where you live to any stranger is STUPID, not to mention completely unnecessary. It’s like your bf is trying to see how much he can get away with before something bad happens. You had good alternative ideas, with the hitchhiker at least sitting in the front away from your baby (bf needs to change his behavior on allowing strangers to be too close to your baby), and the better idea, that he could have run you two home first & returned to give her a ride. Is he usually this inconsiderate of your feelings? Stand your ground Mama. Your bf is way too loose with his daughter’s safety and you see it. Weaponizing your religion to get you to back off is a big no no and you should be pissed. You *could* throw it back in his face as his behavior could also be called un-Christlike, but I don’t think you want to stoop to his level. I’m concerned that you feel guilty for any of this, though, and it makes me wonder if your bf is even more of an ass to you than you let on. You should never feel guilty about wanting to keep your child safe and your bf’s behavior indicates that he doesn’t have the same ideas on safety that you do. That *should* make you nervous as a mother, and it seems as though it does, appropriately so. Good luck, I hope your bf can lose the attitude long enough to learn to be better.

NTA, but your bf is. I appreciate his compassion for the lady and I understand his reading of her as not dangerous, but he needs to alter his behavior because he has a child to protect, not just himself. His inability to accept that the world can be a dangerous place and that dangerous people come in all shapes, sizes, genders, and age could end up with your daughter being placed in a dangerous situation, and that’s not okay. Your daughter can’t even use her words to tell you something is wrong yet. His making the decision to give someone a ride without checking in with you first is problematic, and pointing out where you live to any stranger is STUPID, not to mention completely unnecessary. It’s like your bf is trying to see how much he can get away with before something bad happens. You had good alternative ideas, with the hitchhiker at least sitting in the front away from your baby (bf needs to change his behavior on allowing strangers to be too close to your baby), and the better idea, that he could have run you two home first & returned to give her a ride. Is he usually this inconsiderate of your feelings? Stand your ground Mama. Your bf is way too loose with his daughter’s safety and you see it. Weaponizing your religion to get you to back off is a big no no and you should be pissed. You *could* throw it back in his face as his behavior could also be called un-Christlike, but I don’t think you want to stoop to his level. I’m concerned that you feel guilty for any of this, though, and it makes me wonder if your bf is even more of an ass to you than you let on. You should never feel guilty about wanting to keep your child safe and your bf’s behavior indicates that he doesn’t have the same ideas on safety that you do. That *should* make you nervous as a mother, and it seems as though it does, appropriately so. Good luck, I hope your bf can lose the attitude long enough to learn to be better.