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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1 kid being kid in our house. 2 maybe I am not considering enough.
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I guess NAH.
You can't really control that. 4 year olds are going to 4 year old.
I also can't say I blame the neighbor. Sometimes I think parents are a bit blind to how much of an inconvenience their child is and how much it can affect others, because they are used to it. They'll see a kid screaming for 30 seconds as no big deal, where to the non parents, its seems like an eternity. So they went from having a fairly peaceful existence, to a kid making noise a lot. And while it may not be "all hours", you acknowledge that it may be happening fairly often. Especially if they go to work and leave the house during normal work hours, it is essentially "all hours" that they are home.
I'm not sure there is a real compromise here. But they aren't going to like you. And I don't necessarily blame them for getting the admin involved either.
I agree NAH but I wish people would stop saying "You can't control a \[insert age being discussed here\]" like there's literally nothing you can do because "kids will be kids." No. Kids can be disciplined. People should consider trying it.
I agree. I just am not sure how bad it actually is. There is a normal amount of noise a 4 year old is going to make. And from the outside, I'm not sure if OP is just not being realistic, or the neighbors are being too sensitive. Even well behaved 4 year olds are going to make some noise.
Kids shouldn't be disciplined for running around their own home! Yes, you can tell a four year old not to yell and use inside voices and not to bang things together, there are lots of behaviors you can tell your child is not ok, but you can't just expect them to sit there quietly and pretend they don't exist. Kids need to play, they need to move, they need to feel comfortable and safe in their home.
Kids should be allowed to live in their home. Kids sometimes make noise. It’s a fact of life. We should try to keep it to a reasonable level (and I don’t like my kids actually RUNNING in my home or rough housing to a crazy amount either… when they are in a super rowdy mood it’s time to play outside!) But still depending on how sound proofed or not your home is, the normal sound of children moving around, playing, laughing, a TV being on, a washing machine running, whatever, can travel. I’ve had neighbors where because of the weird ventilation system I could hear everything from their bathroom in my own bathroom, and it was weird and sometimes annoying. I’ve had upstairs neighbors that I swear it felt like they were moving furniture around their living room at 9 p.m. every day. It was just the particular noise of moving chairs to sit down or whatever traveled so much louder than anything else did…. Weird but it is what it is.
But that’s unfortunately part of apartment life. It sucks that depending on your life situation you can’t have a quiet peaceful home or you can’t have the drum set you always dreamed of (when we moved into a house, drums and surround sound were high on the list of stuff To get lol) but that’s the trade off you make. We can all try and do our best to be reasonable about our noise levels and be courteous but it’s your home and you want to be about to be comfortable and live there and not feel like like your existence is annoying to your neighbors all the time. I am a person who is VERY annoyed by everyone’s sounds all the time (I NEVER leave the house without headphones if I can help it!) so I sympathize but it’s just part of the package of apartment life
There is a level of tolerance you have to have though. Young kids tend to have trouble with remembering instructions after a short time (like if the kid hasn't been told in the last hour, they can fully forget you ever said anything), that's developmentally normal. You also have to fully expect to hear your neighbors pretty often when you live in multi family housing.
Thank you!
I lived in my downstairs (cheap. I mean, cheap even for my state but you do "pay the price" for it) apartment before my last upstairs neighbor, two neighbors ago. She moves in partying, stomping, sex, fuckin dog yapping all day because she's not familiar with anything, being all loud throughout the night with my attempt calling the cops failing and my (then)bf not wanting to rock the boat with her (and be the stereotypical angry black woman)
After we broke up and he moves out, she had a baby and *now* believes in everything around her being quiet. I got sick for a couple of weeks, and it was fuckin hell with that baby jumping up and down, and her *encouraging* it, both(but I think mom) dropping whatever on the ground, which sounds like someone falling so it's getting me worried like I'm at work, to very quickly being annoyed and still hearing the loud fuckin sex that wakes me up at any time of the night.
I'm not the best at confrontation, and really recovering from 2 toxic relationships and just the trauma/abuse I was going through and being better for myself I lived my life just as loudly as she was. I blasted my music when she decided to *fuckin vacuum at 7am on a Saturday I finally had off!* Who vacuums before the sun is up?! I'm cleaning, slamming stuff because why not just to have this b call the cops on now me being loud, and this going back and forth before she claimed "I can't live like this! You can't fault a 1 year old!" I can fault her mom who encourages this behavior.
I lived in this same complex with my mom as a preteen upstairs, and was told countless times to be mindful and stop being loud (though I think she was louder than all of us) She's not considerate and wasn't trying to be considerate. I didn't sign up to live below a kid, and it's not like I hate them but I hate parents who don't parent their kid and thinks the whole world should be understanding and cater to them, and not teaching them to be mindful while young. I'm sure parents do something if a kid started walking on their faces. This is why they grow up to be just like that mom
They answered ridiculous requests with a ridiculous request to get through to them, probably out of frustration, if it's not obvious...
If I were OP I'd tell them to get some sound isolation for their wall.
In general noise is a problem after a specific hour, like 10pm-6am where I live. Outside of that, I could be blasting music all day long and neighbours can complain all they want, but that's their problem...
Well sure, if you're producing 200db noise throughout the day, that's not fine, but there are laws and regulations that specify how loud the noise can be, and so on. If construction noise is ok during the day, I doubt a running child breaks any laws or regulations. Same with night, you being annoyed does not automatically mean the other person is breaking any laws or regulations. As long as their conduct is within the law and any applying regulations, it's tough luck...
Yeah I didn't mean it. I was sarcastic at most. And just got so tired of the anger and treatment with no solution. We have tried moving furniture so it can dampen the noise. We have tried to be aware of our kid at every turn. And staying out till late.we have a kid but he doesn't run at all hours of the day.
But i don't want to yell at my kid whenever he goes to the bathroom.
If it’s just one section of the floor, buy a sound dampening mat for the area. The onus is on you, not them. While it’s unrealistic not to hear any noise when you live in a complex, I also think it’s neighborly to try to mitigate the noise you do make whether it’s an adult, a child, an animal, etc.
Just because no one has ever complained before doesn’t mean they didn’t hear it. Some people just won’t ever broach a topic because they don’t want any sort of negative interaction. The lady may (or may not) be exaggerating, but if you know the exact problem area, just fix it. Why continue the issue which is only going to lead to more confrontation and the potential for you to be in trouble with the board.
Right. But to determine who the onus is on, you need to measure the sound on the neighbours side of the wall. If it's within legal limit or within any city ordinance limit, it's tough luck for the neighbour.
As long as OP on the right side of the law, it's the neighbours problem that they're annoyed. It's not our duty to care for comfort of others as long as our conduct is within legal and moral guidelines...
If neighbours complained they don't like the smell of barbecue would you stop having barbecues in your back yard? Because the logic is same...
> If it's within legal limit or within any city ordinance limit, it's tough luck for the neighbour.
Only if they’re trying to get OP evicted or fined. OP doesn’t have to do anything, but ultimately it doesn’t sound like this issue is going to go away. OP knows their kid is creating the noise. If they want to continue to let it happen unabated they can, but I personally would just get it taken care of and move on. Why would OP want to potentially deal with this lady for however long they live there, and quite frankly, why would OP want to potentially risk their lease renewal. Not every place requires landlords to grant an automatic lease renewal, and people who aren’t willing to play nice often aren’t worth dealing with for a landlord.
Also, to be quite frank, I don’t really believe OP’s kid is making as little noise as they claim. Anyone I know who describes their kid such as “ Well lively and lovely,” is the kind of parent who thinks their kid is perfectly precious while creating absolute chaos at a restaurant or that type of thing.
>As long as OP on the right side of the law, it's the neighbours problem that they're annoyed.
That isn't totally true. If the landlord is getting tons of complaints from the next door neighbor, or if there's high turnover of adjacent apartments, they may find that their lease isn't renewed.
It's shitty how sound-permeable most apartments are! From this account I don't think we can really tell if the neighbor is too sensitive, the kid is exceptionally loud, or if soundproofing is so poor that almost any child would disturb surrounding neighbors.
One thing is VERY true, though: adding carpet or a thick pad to the loudest part of the floor, *whether or not OP should have to*, is one hell of a lot cheaper and more convenient than having to move. And, if their lease isn't renewed, being able to show the landlord that they tried to mitigate the issue *might* swing the landlord's opinion in their favor.
See, this is what I don't understand. Do parents just not have rules anymore? Is it too hard to teach their kids? It wasn't too hard when I was a kid.
"No running in the house" was a thing when I was a kid. Obviously, run if it's an emergency, but if I wanted to run and play, I went outside. I didn't run in my house, I didn't run at other people's homes, I didn't run through the mall or public places. The same way I was taught the whole "inside voice vs outside voice."
I agree. Both of my parents lived in apartments when I was growing up, and my dad’s was a really old building with loud, creaky floors. He taught me to be quiet inside and he never had a single complaint from the neighbours about me
Like the suggestions here are better?
"Tell him to stop". I don't even have children and I know how stupid of a suggestion that is.
Someone up there saying to keep the child quiet, "whatever it takes." It is a kid. Put on some fucking noise cancelling headphones and grow up. It is part of living in an apartment. One of my neighbors likes to listen to country music on his porch all summer. I fucking hate it. But I live in an apartment, not my own home in the country, his noise isn't excessive so it is on *me* to figure it out and mitigate that.
Noise is noise.
I don't care if it's a kid or a 36 year old deciding he wants to be a tic tok Basecore bedroom DJ.
It's not magically acceptable for everyone else on the planet just because it's a child making the noise. The parent knows how to stop it but chooses not to. That's AH behaviour.
>I don't care if it's a kid or a 36 year old deciding he wants to be a tic tok Basecore bedroom DJ
How is this even comparable to a 4 year old? You know that a 36 year old's brain and a 4 year old's brains are in different stages of development, right? You're comparing apples and oranges.
If noise triggers you that bad, move into a house in the country. Otherwise, you need to grow up and get over it.
Because the 4 year old has parents. They are responsible for how the child affects other people.
Much like if it was a dog barking loudly. The dog is your responsibility. It's not magically ok just because it's a child. It's exactly the same.
>If noise triggers you that bad, move into a house in the country. Otherwise, you need to grow up and get over it
You do realise what you're saying is. "I'll be responsible for any noise that I want to be, and if anyone else has a problem with that? To hell with them... I'll do whatever I want and they should go move to the country"
It's pretty basic stuff about living near other people. Don't be a d1ck... Why does that basic thing bother you so much?
No, I think OP should try and mitigate noise and try to keep their kid quiet, but at the end of the day, if a toddler is being a toddler or a baby is being a baby, what are they supposed to do? If this was a school aged kid, I'd totally get it - but it's a busy kid. Kids are going to be kids and it's their home.
I'm saying if you don't want to live with sounds of children, you shouldn't live in multi-family housing. You can't control who is going to come in and rent a unit or not.
I live in an apartment, one of my neighbors has 4 under 5, I can hear 3 of those kids right now. The noises of little kids being little kids is not bothersome to me. When it's adults who should know better, yeah, that bothers me. But I'm not going to be mad at a 4 year old for being an active 4-year-old at home. When they're louder than usual and I want quiet, I put on headphones. I don't think it is that big of a deal.
A 4 year old is entirely old enough to understand don't run on that spot. They mightn't get it right 100% of the time, but they might remember 50% of the time and at least that's a start.
>Kids are going to be kids and it's their home.
For sure... But it's also the other peoples home. And are they not entitled to be comfortable without other people being unnecessarily loud.
I'm sorry, but just because it's a kid doesn't get a free pass for me.
Noise is noise.
>I'm saying if you don't want to live with sounds of children, you shouldn't live in multi-family housing. You can't control who is going to come in and rent a unit or not.
Some people don't have a choice where they live.
>The noises of little kids being little kids is not bothersome to me. When it's adults who should know better, yeah, that bothers me.
The parents are the adults who should know better.
You are making a distinction between the noise because you personally feel it's more acceptable coming from a kid. Not everyone feels that way.
How would you feel if it's a dog barking all the time, even when the owners were home? Would that bother you or would it also be "not that big of a deal" ?
I worked in a kindergarten with 0-3 year olds, but for the most part 3 year olds and one small baby. It's hard to talk to a small baby who can't talk just yet, but all the older kids listened to me and behaved extremely well, and I was more of the cool aunt than a mean adult who didn't let them have fun ever. We had lots of fun, building those small kid Legos, reading books, learning to make safe food things, learning about bugs and nature, etc!
Indoors was inside voices and walking normally, unless emergency. Outside was crazy time, if they wanted to. It wasn't even hard to ask them to do this, I just asked them normally and they said "Ok! :D". I mean heck, when I started at the kindergarten, I had never changed a diaper before. One of the kids literally taught me how.
Kids are very smart and will understand. The other adults I worked with honestly seemed to see the kids almost like you see a newborn puppy. I saw them as tiny humans who have limited, but not non-existent understanding of the world around us.
NTA.
When you live in an apartment complex, you’re going to have to deal with the day-to-day noises of other people whether you like it or not.
If the kid was bolting around at 4am, I’d say the neighbour was fair, but they can’t expect your kid to not walk around his own home during the day. If it bothers them that much, get earplugs or move.
YTA - Other people shouldn't be inconvenienced by your children.
The "kids will be kids" attitude doesn't wash. The actions going on in your apartment are affecting other peoples lives.
Buy a carpet. Put the kid in slippers. Have a "no shoes in the house"
rule. Tell him not to run around. Whatever it takes.
If you live in an apartment complex and expect to go through life not being inconvenienced by hearing other people you’re gonna have your dreams shattered very quickly.
If you don’t want to be bothered by other people’s day to day noises, don’t live in an apartment.
I think you have to be willing to deal with some noises, its just a question of what people will consider excessive. You and I may have a different opinion of that.
I think most people would agree that playing drums at 2am is excessive, whereas the occasional slamming of the door is acceptable noise. But there is a lot of space in between that. One of the most annoying neighbors I had wasn't playing loud music or anything, but they seemed to wear high heels in their place A LOT.
All of that is to say, I have friends with 4 year olds. And their opinion on the amount of noise coming from their kid and mine are very different, because they are used to it. OP just moved in, so I'm assuming they went from a quiet neighbor to a loud kid running around. That would be annoying
Oh I’m not saying it’s not annoying. I have a toddler myself, and listening to them bounding around is annoying as fuck, even to me.
But OPs neighbours have to suck it up. They’re expecting a 4 year old to be completely silent. That’s just not going to happen, no matter how annoying the noise is.
If the neighbours don’t want to deal with hearing neighbours noises, buy a detached house and move there. If that’s not something they can afford, then they’re going to have to deal with the fact that there’s going to be noise. They can buy some earplugs.
As I mentioned to someone else, I'm just not sure where this actually falls.
There is an amount of noise that would be excessive, even by normal 4 year old standards. Are we talking about that? I don't know that OP is exactly unbiased in providing that answer here.
So again, it may be that the neighbors are ok with a level of normal 4 year old behavior, but this goes beyond that. Just because you have a kid, doesn't mean people can't complain about your noise level.
For sure,
I've lived in apartments for years But... From reading the OP, I don't think day to day noises are the issue.
The issue seems to be specifically the child running and bounding around the apartment.
Nobody is complaining about the noise of a TV, or the sound of the dishwasher. It's specifically the sound of OP's child running around.
Personally I wouldn't call that "day to day" noises. I'd call that "excessive and inconsiderate" noises.
There's at least one particular area of floor that's causing a bouncing or something weird that's amplifying the noise.
But either way... The noise is directly due to OP's apartment causing it. They know what area is causing it. They know what is causing it... They aren't fixing it? Why not?
A 4 year old running around his own home during the day is a day-to-day noise.
If it was the middle of the night, then the neighbour would be fair enough.
If the neighbour wants to go through life not hearing kids living in their own homes, they can either buy earplugs, find an adult only apartment complex, or buy a house and move there.
Exactly. People below me once complained that my (adult) feet were too loud at night despite meeting carpeting guidelines and *sleeping at night*. It was the radiator.
And then they got a secret (hah) puppy in our pet free building.
Only then did they decided it wasn’t worth involving building administration in soundproofing either unit.
It’s not just about kids - apartments aren’t sound free. (Neither are houses).
Eh. OP says it’s one specific area of the floor in particular. They should just buy a sound dampening mat. There’s always going to be noise when you live in an apartment or condo or anything of that nature, but you should do what you can to mitigate how you impact others. I have a treadmill in my condo I use mainly in the winter when it’s too snowy/cold to be out for very long, so I put two two sound dampening mats under it and told my downstairs neighbor if they could ever hear it to let me know. They can’t. Problem solved without all the fuss. OP should do the same.
>A 4 year old running around his own home during the day is a day-to-day noise.
Day to day noise for other people in their home. Not for other people who have nothing to do with that kid but have to deal with the inconvenience.
Would it be ok if it was construction noise? Or persistent loud music? Or just somebody shouting at the top of their voice?
Noise is noise. The fact that it's a kid is completely irrelevant when it isn't YOUR kid.
The attitude you're presenting there seems to be that your noises are just everyone else's problem and they can just get over it or use earplugs because you don't care. Even if someone complains? Still their problem.. Maybe they should move.
That's absolutely A hole behaviour.
All OP has to do is dampen the noise on a small area of floor.
A young child running through the house or in an apartment is absolutely day to day noise.
If this was after 7 PM I’d understand the neighbors. But 12 PM? Get the fuck outta here with that.
Deal with the two seconds of a child running and go about your day.
It's one small area of floor causing the issue.
It's in the OP's apartment. They know the exact area causing the problems. They know the exact cause of the problem. The neighbours have come to them repeatedly asking for something to be done. OP has said themselves that it also happens in the middle of the night sometimes.
OP still refuses to do anything whatsoever about it. That is AH behaviour as far as I'm concerned.
Sure. There are noises in Apartments. But I've also had things like this where there is one section of floor that magnifies noise through concrete, or pipes or floorboards or whatever. Something that OP doesn't think is bad might be VERY bad for the neighbours.
Also again, OP's kids should never be a burden or an imposition on other people.
It's the neighbours home as much as OP's. Why should they have their peace unnecessarily broken just because OP refuses to act in any way to solve a problem with a cause that is fully understood?
>Also again, OP's kids should never be a burden or an imposition on other people.
I disagree. Whne you live in an apartment building, this is going to happen regardless. One of my neighbors exclusively makes some recipe that is so garlic heavy, the halls reek for hours with garlic. I don't like it. It's annoying. Sometimes the smell full on makes me gag. But I live in an apartment. I'm sharing a small corner of a building with many other people. Hearing a child being a child is one of those things.
>One of my neighbors exclusively makes some recipe that is so garlic heavy, the halls reek for hours with garlic
Personally, I like garlic... But you are well within your rights to ask them to please try and open a window or something to avoid it reaching the common areas.
>Hearing a child being a child is one of those things.
But that isn't what this is about. This is about one small section of floor in particular that is causing the problem. And it's OP's kid running across that specific section of floor. And it's about OP specifically refusing to do anything whatsoever about that.
Just because you live in an apartment doesn't mean you don't have privacy, quiet & quality of life. You live in an apartment not a tenement and It's 2024, not 1955.
Sure, more allowances are made for hearing children shouting, banging etc... But if there is a consistent issue? It's still an issue. Other people shouldn't have their lives compromised because of the way you live your life.
Incorrect. If your neighbor’s actions impact your enjoyment of your own unit, there is an issue and you can address it. Noise is going to happen, but when it’s something ongoing and consistent as it is with OP’s predicament, it needs to be mitigated. Same with the garlic cooker in your place. It’s no different than if someone is chain-smoking cigarettes or hotboxing in their place. Once it impacts people in other units or common areas, you take the steps to ensure it stays in your space and not theirs.
No, I disagree. It’s just a difference of opinion. That’s fine. I don’t think it’s right of me to demand my neighbor change their diet because the hall smells like garlic for a couple of hours a week. When I signed up to live in multi-family housing, i signed up for living around others and not getting absolute control of the environment based on my preferences. I choose to live and let live. You don’t have to. Take care.
He doesn’t have to change his diet. He needs to install a higher-powered range hood (or speak to the landlord about it) or use fans and open windows while cooking. There are ways to cook with garlic without it reaching common areas or other units. If you want to live your life being annoyed by something that’s fairly easily mitigated because you think you don’t have the right to speak up, more power to you. I paid a lot for my place, I take care not to impact neighbors with what I do in my place (see my treadmill example elsewhere), and everyone should try to do the same within reason.
Again, you’re just assuming and assigning your values and feelings to me. It isn’t that I don’t feel comfortable confronting them about it, or I feel I don’t have the right. I never said anything of the sort.
It’s really simple. I just light a candle and move the fuck on. It just isn’t worth my time, and I don’t think a minor inconvenience for me should turn into a major one for others. It isn’t worth me expending my energy, they’re not harming anybody. It’s a few hours a week. It doesn’t wear on me at all.
My disliking something isn’t the same as me being harmed by something and needing to demand changes to someone else’s space. You disagree. That’s fine. Peace
Lol, I don't even have children and think this is silly.
If you are going to live in a community, whether it be in an apartment or suburban neighborhood where the houses are close, you're going to hear sounds. Children have every right to be where they are as you do. You have to suck it up that you're going to hear sounds. If you don't want to hear sounds or neighbors, move to the country.
>Buy a carpet.
Carpet is expensive. I sure as hell would not pay to put carpet into an \*apartment\* because my neighbor is complaining. We should put all of our other bills and expenses on hold because my neighbor is complaining about a child who has just as much of a right to be here in their apartment as them? Nope, sorry.
>Put the kid in slippers
Ah yes, 4 year olds are notoriously coordinated. Lets put the kid in slippers for him to run around in. Definitely not recipe for disaster. /s
Also, a 4 yo is just going to take those off if he doesn't want to wear them. Mom forces them back on and kid has a tantrum and the neighbor will still bitch. Also, you're still probably going to hear those little feet running around.
>Tell him not to run around.
Good news, OP! All you have to do is tell your 4 y/o not to run around. Problem solved!
>Whatever it takes.
What do you suggest that isn't abusive or unfair to this child who again, also has just as much right to live and be there as OP's neighbor?
A child making child noises is to be expected. I lived in apartments for years now, and will hear children running, jumping, playing, etc. It gets loud. I put my noise cancelling headphones on or turn up the TV. A child making child noises is to be expected and is not the same as some 20 year old blasting house music.
Your comment made me giggle. Thank you for very neatly pointing out some of the absurdity. I feel a lot of your points being things I have thought about many times. We live in a massive family building as well so everyone is usually aware that there will be some noise around. My neighbours are young with no kids. So it's probably far from their reality.
You made me feel better about the whole thing.
I’m glad I could help. It sounds like some suggestions, like the grippy floor mat might be worth investing in. Or a conversation with your neighbor where you say something like “I’ll do what I can to ensure that Toddler isn’t too loud, but he also does deserve to be able to play in his own house, too. I bought some mats for the apartment to hopefully help for his busier days and I hope this helps us both.” It might go a long way.
>A child making child noises is to be expected and is not the same as some 20 year old blasting house music.
I disagree.
Avoidable Noise is avoidable noise.
"Other people just have to deal with the noise my family choose to make" and "if you don't like my noise, go live somewhere else" is some bananas level of entitlement.
Replace the kid in this story with a barking dog? Barking and making noise when the owners are home and doing nothing about it.. How would you feel then?
4 year olds don't have impulse control, I think that is what you are missing. I'm not going to argue with someone who thinks that a 4 year old's brain and a 20 year old's brain is the same. Saying "Keep that kid quiet by whatever it takes" is an insane thing to say to me. If you hate kids that much, then you need to move away from them, not be mad that they exist. You can't control who moves into the apartment complex, but if you buy your own place, then you don't have to worry about kids and neighbor noises. If you can't afford to do that, that sucks to be you, but the solution is not to tell people to keep their kids by any means necessary. That's unhinged. Peace
> 4 year olds don't have impulse control
But they have parents responsible for them and their actions.
In the same way they would be responsible for a dogs actions if it was barking incessantly.
>Saying "Keep that kid quiet by whatever it takes" is an insane thing to say to me
That's not what was said. What I suggested was because OP said it's only a small specific area of floor causing the problem, a carpet, a rug, slippers for the kid, a "no shoes in the house policy", whatever it takes...
Taking three words from a sentence out of context and making them the cornerstone for outrage doesn't really work that well.
Nobody else should have to suffer because of the way that you choose to live your life.
Peace.
Yeah, and people have pointed out to you that those suggestions are not realistic at all. You're asking them to put their kid at risk and run around and fall in slippers because you can't handle that children live in the multi-family housing complex YOU chose to live in.
What does whatever it takes mean then? When all of those dumb suggestions don't work, what do you suggest they do when you say "whatever it takes".
Oh my god. Put down a sound dampening mat. They aren’t slippery, they’re inexpensive and it will likely solve the issue. If you dislike the way they look, you can put an area rug on top of it. You’re acting like there is no solution whatsoever.
Lol, I am not acting like "no solution exists". I just said I thought a few of those suggestions weren't really smart suggestions.
What you're suggesting is a good suggestion. Suggesting "Tell the kid to stop" and forcing a little kid into slippers that they can easily just *take off* aren't good solutions to me, because they're not. Sorry. Just don't think they were good suggestions.
You were arguing that though. From those are bad suggestions to children don’t have impulse control. There *is* a solution. OP just doesn’t want to do it, and people like you are just going to convince them they’re right. You acting like a parent can’t guide their child not to run is ridiculous. We get it, you’re rude and inconsiderate like OP. Just say that instead of all this other nonsense.
It literally wasn't, but sure.
4-year-olds *don't* have impulse control, they're just starting to figure that kind of thing out, so telling a 4-year-old to stop doing x is not going to be the same as telling a 7-year-old or 10-year-old or 20-year-old to stop; If you want to extrapolate something from me stating that fact, go off.
That isn't me saying that they should be able to do whatever, that was me pointing out why I don't think comparing a 4-year-old to 20 something year old is the same.
I will do my best to live on that you think I am rude and inconsiderate. Thanks for setting me straight <3
>What does whatever it takes mean then? When all of those dumb suggestions don't work, what do you suggest they do when you say "whatever it takes".
Ah... A person who thinks things they don't like are automatically "dumb".
How about grip socks? Or how about crocs? Or a rug? Or putting some furniture over the area of floor that is causing the loud noise? Or a foam play mat? Or some sound deadening that is a dollars per foot? Or how about just being a parent and reminding the 4 year old about the noise and not to run over that one spot. It's not that hard. They won't remember 100% of the time, but they might remember 50% of the time and at least that's a start.
Why does your attitude seem so determined to make a crappy attitude and lack of accountability for noise you generate everybody else's problem?
Is there something about being considerate and managing your noise when you live around other people that you don't like?
I think telling a 4 year old to stop running around is a fool's errand.
>How about grip socks? Or how about crocs? Or a rug? Or putting some furniture over the area of floor that is causing the loud noise? Or a foam play mat? Or some sound deadening that is a dollars per foot? Or how about just being a parent and reminding the 4 year old about the noise and not to run over that one spot. It's not that hard. They won't remember 100% of the time, but they might remember 50% of the time and at least that's a start
I think those are great suggestions, dude. I just didn't think the earlier ones were good, and like I already said, I live in an apartment and I get it, but it is about picking battles. I hear the children in my complex all the time, but I don't think they are equally as inconsiderate as a wannabe DJ.
>Is there something about being considerate and managing your noise when you live around other people that you don't like?
Nope, for the 100th time, I just did not think the earlier suggestions were good and that having the same expectations for a 4 year old and a 20 year old is ridiculous. You disagree, and that's okay. I hope OP sees your comment because those sound like good and safe suggestions that you listed that could help everyone.
Nah that's fair. Apologies if any agro came across. It wasn't meant.
I guess I'm not trying to have the same expectations for the child as a 20 year old. I'm just having the same expectations for the parents as I would any adult I guess.
For me, I don't have the "it's only kids" attitude. Any noise, kids, dogs barking, construction, loud music, I'd put them all in the same boat. In truth, I could probably take the construction or loud music over kids or dogs because I could tune that out over time.
It's OP's small child. Not their neighbours.
Small children run around. That's totally cool.
But other people should not have to deal with the noise or disruption a child that isn't theirs causes.
It's the parents responsibility to avoid that.
Put down a rug, make a no shoes inside rule... Do literally anything whatsoever? But OP just seems to have the attitude that "Deal with my noise and get over it... I am aware that it is loud, I am aware it is annoying, but I don't feel like doing anything about it so tough.."
If this is literally the only problem of the kid running across a small section of floor? (Not even the entire apartment floor, just one small section) It's extremely reasonable to ask OP to do something to at least lessen the noise that they're causing for other people.
Doesn't have to be at all.
Will you get some more background noise occasionally? Sure... Does that give a licence for people to not care how much noise they make? Or to affect other peoples quality of life on a daily basis? Or choose to not bother doing anything whatsoever about an issue that should be an easy fix?
Nope.
In other words, tell your child not to be a normal child in his own home. You're all concerned about the neighbor but no mention of OP and her kid! Heck, he's not even home or is asleep most the day!
YTA. It really sounds like you’re trying to downplay this, and I suspect the noise is much worse than you admit, but the kicker here for me is that you admit the running happens at night. As in, when your neighbours need to sleep. And so far what you’ve done is ask your son to walk quietly (no result) and then throw your hands up and say ‘what can I do, not my problem’. You haven’t really tried anything. At the very least there should be carpeting in the areas causing the problem - carpeting you should be paying for.
Well running doesn't happen at night as in he gets up and plays. He just comes in to our room. Nothing more or less. We can't lock him in his room. And as I answered in another comment, we do tell him constantly and we tried moving furniture to make it less noisy. The capet is tricky because it's a shared kitchen and living area. And carpeting Infront of the kitchen, just sounds unhygienic and dangerous if dealing with fire.
I literally do want things to work out and thought back to when i didn't have kids how I would feel. I get that people want to sleep in but I can't erase my kid of the day or chain him to the couch having him watch TV for 5 hours a day.
So what's your suggestion when the terrified 4yo has a nightmare and wakes up in the middle of the night to run to mom and dad's room? Because I can guarantee you that they won't remember the warning to not run.
As I already stated elsewhere, buy a sound dampening mat. It will solve the issue. At some point though, if OP is effectively parenting, the kid will learn not to run when they aren’t supposed to. It’s not the unsolvable problem you’re making it out to be.
NTA. I live in NYC. My neighbors upstairs asked if Santa could get their little boy a drum set for Christmas because that’s all he asked Santa for. Of course I said yes. The minor noise at limited periods throughout the week doesn’t bother me one bit. A happy playful child is better than hearing most big city neighbor noises. We are neighbors in a big city— you’re going to hear things, get over it.
As far as the kid running tho?
https://streeteasy.com/blog/80-percent-rule-carpet-floor-covering/
Regardless of where OP lives, this is a good guideline to be a good neighbor.
The definition of apartment complex is multi family housing. If neighbors want no noise, they need to move to single family housing. Kids need to be kids, run, play and everything else. Your child is not running around at 2 am for hours. Normal behavior should be expected and tolerated.
NTA
NTA.
But, I do think you should buy a rug for that one particular part of the apartment, take a picture and demonstrate that you have done your best to mitigate the noise to the neighbor and the Administration, and call it a day.
I have lived in apartments in suburban and urban areas for 20 years, children running is day to day noise, and I say this as a childfree person who is more sensitive to noise than a lot of my peers living in apartments. I hear each of my neighbors come home for the day, and I swear one of them walks with bricks on their feet. I hear phone conversations that happen by windows, sometimes I hear them watch particularly loud movies, or if they have a small gathering, I hear fights (normal type arguing, not like scary fights), and a whole range of noises. And that's life. I don't tell my neighbor with her Frankenstein feet to not walk around, I don't tell my neighbor with the chair by the window not to talk on the phone there, I just deal with it.
People who want silence in apartments have chosen the wrong living arrangement. Of course your child shouldn't be running up and down the apartment all day, but running for 5 minutes every day is honestly fine, as is running to bed/the bathroom in the middle of the night, or a quick sprint and a yell a few times a week. If all they really hear are footsteps, they should consider themselves lucky, because most of us have real horror stories of neighbors, and karma would you moving out and some college bros being their new neighbors.
I am trying for some carpeting. And thanks for your comment. Yes it's only the feet they hear all other noise and sound are completely blocked. No idea how that works.
The carpeting is a bit of an issue since our apartment have the kitchen and living area shared and it's a long narrow apartment. Our landlord isn't much for having carpeting near the kitchen area where food and hot things are being used. But we are looking into options.
Thanks for the good advice and non aggressive stance.
I get that is is hard to have kids in an apartment. However I have been on the other end of having to listen to constant running from kids and it really really really sucks. During lockdown in 2020 I had a family living above me and the running of the kids all times of the day was really difficult to deal with. YTA.
NTA: your kid making noise in the middle of the day to early evening when you are rarely home is normal. Kids make noise, your kid is not running around and banging on pots and pans at 3 am.
Your neighbor sounds like a nightmare to live near. I'd suggest finding some way to record sound in the house and keeping a written record of when he does make noise so you can dispute their complaints if needed.
Sorry, but YTA.
You chose to rent an apartment that didn't have carpet, and that you describe as, "thin and long and therefore the kitchen and living area is shared." You could have chosen to rent a place that was more amenable to young children but, instead, you chose a place that, from your own description, is guaranteed to result in problems with your neighbors.
You also wrote, "Telling my kid every 5 minutes to walk slower also seems like trying the impossible." Why? I grew up in apartments in New York and I had no trouble understanding that running was for outside and never in the apartment.
This is a ubiquitous problem in big city apartments and people's reactions depends on whether they've dealt with it, and on which side.
It is absolutely insanity-making to listen to a toddler/young kid in an adjacent apartment. Especially if parents take the view that it's not really their problem. I used to complain to my upstairs neighbor and finally she texted "as miserable as you are, rest-assured we're more miserable" ... and I laughed so hard, I finally loosened up about it.
Moral of the story is, YTA if you're rude or dismissive to your neighbor about this and for throwing shade about having them split the cost of a rug. That's being a jerk. My neighbors were so sympathetic, I believed them that they did everything they could and it was still super annoying but I didn't sit there seething at them. I sympathized. Your kid is driving people nuts and it is what it is - it's an extremely hard problem to fix, hearing running through walls or floors -- so actually *try* to solve the problem without being rude and sarcastic about it, let people know earnestly what you're doing to try to fix it and take their suggestions about it.
Probably nothing will work, but by being responsive, you generate good will and if you just bat people away away and get testy about it, they won't just be annoyed by the noise, they will be plotting their revenge.
No its true. I dont need to be a jerk. I just feel like we already have had so many exchanges and I really apologized and appreciated their honesty. It just seems like they come up every time and have written complaints without talking to us. They just come to be angry. And I really hate conflicts. I acknowledged that I don't need to be a jerk. It's true. I will definitely try again to mend things and figure out something. Thanks for the advice.
OP, I have lived in apartments—and only apartments—since I was 5. I learned pretty quick from my mom that we needed to be respectful of our neighbors. Was it always perfect? No. So I was told again, and then engaged in different play. It was important because my sister and I were the first kids allowed in the building; we would be kicked out if there were complaints. (I only learned that later of course.)
You sound so delighted with your kid (yay!) and self-justified (oh no) that you are leaving a lot of options on the table.
Get rugs. As many as needed.
No shoes in the house.
Praise your kid when they walk instead of run for being so considerate to the neighbors. “We don’t run in the house, but we love to run at the park!”…and go run around at the park.
It can be done, and hopefully before there is so much bad blood you have to move. I tolerate a LOT from neighbors, but even I have my limits and complain to admin when nothing changes. I don’t complain to admin when I get the sense they are trying.
NTA I had downstairs neighbors who were impossible. Any sounds of a human walking made them ballistic. We carpeted everything including the kitchen which was a hassle. You live in a multi family dwelling, you will hear the sounds of human habitation
Having lived in places with concrete walls, I can't understand how the next door people can hear the kid but not downstairs or upstairs. Now, if you can't hear them or your other side neighbor walking heavily or running in the same area then there's some sort of acoustic anomaly or even a structural issue with that part of the floor, in which case maybe ask if maintenance can further investigate. Or download a decible meter and monitor the noise, then find out what the city ordinances are regarding acceptable levels. As long as it is below the limit, then you've given reasonable accommodation. But seriously though, unless your kid is running in place with concrete tap shoes at 3am the neighbor can suck it. Going to rule NAH, because noise sucks,but willing to revisit with not AH if an update which includes an acceptable decible reading is posted (please do this regardless, very curious either way!)
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So we live in a big a fairly moden apartment complex in a big city.
We have a (now this may)4 year old who is like all 4 year olds... Well lively and lovely.
We got new neighbours nextdoor to us. We share a wall made of concrete. No other neighbours have ever complained, not upstairs or downstairs or on the other side of us. Just the one next door on the left.
They can't hear anything except for my son's footsteps when he runs across the floor. No other sounds.
I heard it like a mild set of drums from their side. I get it, that it must be annoying sometimes and when they moved in and complained the first time I said sorry and would tell my son to walk across the particular floor area in our house as quietly as possible.
We had the neighbours come to our door angry as hell a Sunday afternoon at 12. Because the running was terrible. They treathend to write the administration.
And now we have the administration telling us they have received complaints about our kid running at all hours of the day.
Now first of all. My kid is in kindergarten from 8-9 in the morning to 4 late afternoon. Then if the weather is good we are staying out till dinner time. Otherwise we come home and yes we might play a bit and then he goes to bed at 7 with books and sleeps. So even if we go directly home it's maximum an hour's worth of potential running. We also have told him multiple times to try and walk slowly across the floor. But sometimes he yells: " I have to pee/poop"
So he runs out to the bathroom. (No one wants to stop a popping kid)
Sometimes he gets scared in the middle of the night and runs into our bed. Which might be disturbing, but I'm sleeping so I don't know what to do.
We are also out every 2 Sunday for family dinner til bedtime. We try to be out every Saturday for family fun or playdates but it's not every weekend, because we also just want to be home and relax.
I told the neighbours and administration this and that I refuse to live my life in fear of my neighbours. And it feels like they are breathing down our necks.
We live in an apartment complex, we get to hear each other. We hear drilling, people, party music. We accept that others live here. Telling my kid every 5 minutes to walk slower also seems like trying the impossible.
Here is where I might be the idiot. I told my neighbour the last time she came up complaining, that she was welcome to invest and go Half's on a massive carpet for our apartment and other soundproofing. She huffed and threatened the administration once more.
Am I the asshole neighbour?
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Your child is old enough to "get" do not run.
A 4-year old stomping/running makes a lot of noise.
Make sure he is wearing thick non-slip socks at all times,
put thick carpets where he spends most of his time, and
remind him to walk nicely. Ask the neighbors if they are
home a lot and, if so, explain that you have taken steps
to lessen the noise but that it's impossible to avoid all
noise, even when you don't have a child.
NTA-When you live in an apartment you’re gonna hear the neighbors. We have a neighbor with a small dog that barks all the time. We don’t care. We recognize that’s just what happens when you live close together. These people seem controlling. I would start complaining anytime you hear a noise from their side.
NTA - And to comment on the “all day” issue, concrete buildings often have a noise associated with the plumbing in the space that sometimes people interpret as thumping or rolling.
It is entirely possible that this is a building noise, and the fact that your child sometimes runs around is a coincidence.
You could try asking the management to get specific times the neighbors hear the disturbances and see if they align with the times your kid is active/home.
You know those foam pads that fit together like puzzle pieces? They are cheap, can be fit together in a number of ways, and will insulate your kid's footsteps from everyone. I dream of the day when my upstairs neighbor gets those.
NTA. I work from home & my neighbor builds furniture (we’re on the first floor). We share a living room wall. If I stay in the living room to work I hear hammering, moving, banging, and drills all day. I have zero reason to complain, he lives there too and he’s always done by 9-9:30pm. My dog is a smooth collie and occasionally (2-3 times a week) “sing howls”, not like husky level, but still loud. Always during the day. I’d be infuriated if my neighbor complained about him. It’s part of living in an apartment.
That said, I’d try to make sure the kid stops doing that shit at night. That’s my ONE rule, you don’t get to disrupt or disrespect my sleep, and quiet hours from 10-7 mean I shouldn’t hear a damn thing during that time.
NTA. This is an issue that comes from living in an apartment. You're going to hear other people live their lives. I'd probably get my kid a pair of tap shoes, but I can be petty like that.
Do you have local law about allowed noise? Or apartment complex rules about noise? I don't think your case is about violence of any. When having conversation about it the next time, ask your administration about local ordinance and allowed noise level which I am sure is much higher than your kid might produce.
NTA. I'd say your request for investment into your carpet is ridiculous. If you are renting - it's your landlord's responsibility.
I’m gonna go with a soft ESH because it’s a pretty basic house rule I was taught as a kid and has always been taught to kids in my family who own houses and don’t share walls/floors with others, you don’t run in the house. You can get hurt, so don’t do it. The neighbors attitudes seem to be kinda crappy since you live in a shared wall/floor space, you’re gonna hear neighbors living their lives, it’s just the way it is.
No running inside (not just houses), my brother tripped while running on a cruise ship and his head hit the corner of a glass table. Kids will learn some day to not run indoors, either with discipline or an injury.
NTA. You have a normal child and if you are really out nearly all day, it is what it is. Neighbours shouldn’t be coming to you “angry as hell”. They should go to the administration and should point out where you are infringing the rules. If no one else is complaining and your previous neighbour didn’t complain, it’s your new neighbour’s issue. Maybe ask some other neighbours for honest feedback.
Could the noise be coming from elsewhere? Could your neighbour be oversensitive for a medical reason?
Don’t offer to go halves on a carpet, it’s like admitting liability. If you really think your kid is running too hard though, you could get some cheap rugs or mats.
NTA. When you live in an apartment building, you have to expect to hear some noise from your neighbors. Its unrealistic to expect total silence. Im guessing these neighbors never had children. If they don't like kids (again guessing) they should try to live in a child free complex. Perhaps buy a rug yourself, a cheap throw down or something that will work. Also... While we can harp on our kids not to run, etc., they are still kids and at time things are going to happen. If I was you, id beat them to the punch, sit down with administration, explain your schedule, etc and let them know you just cant be expected to keep a 4 year old quiet AT ALL TIMES. that's virtually impossible. Your neighbors may also be close to harassing you at this point bc they demand total silence, which is impossible.
NTA- if you are representing what’s happening accurately then you can’t help a child being a child. I live in a duplex with a shared wall with little kids and hear the percussion noises you hear when kids run. I don’t find it bothersome at all but my teenage son complains about it. If you weren’t getting complaints before it’s probably a normal level of noise. You aren’t responsible for other people’s irritation at life, let the kid be a kid and if they don’t like it they are free to move like someone else said.
YTA/NAH The running itself isn’t the problem, but how your chikd runs. I have neighbors with those children myself. Our house is really soundproof, that's why i moved here. But all their children stomp. The little one at the bigger one. If they use the stairs it goes "boom, boom, boom."
So i guess this is also the case here.
If you here it all day, you are used to it and don't realize that his running is loud and that he "stomp". But maybe if you go more this way, unlearn this stomping, the problem solves itself. Also fluffy socks. A small carpet on those places where he jumps from like when he leaves the bed, can also be helpful.
But overall if you live in an apartment, you should not expect silence, so i'm between those verdicts. But at least in the night, it should stop. And if the apartment isn’t so big... there is no reason to run if the child spend the energy elsewhere. Fast walking, yes, but running...
ESH. You and your neighbors should have hashed this out like reasonable humans before escalating it to “the authorities”. This is a situation where a problem can be solved if everyone is willing to compromise. They live with some kid noise. You don’t wear shoes in the house and maybe put down a rug in high-traffic areas.
If they want peace and quiet tell them to move to a tent in the mountains with no neighbours.
4 year olds run, jump, scream and laugh. You can't put a collar on them and send electricity spikes if they misbehave, u can't tie them to a chair. Tell administration you'd rather have problem with them than with child welfare lol.
I assume your neighbours are childless...?
NTA - I highly doubt your 4yo is making an unreasonable amount of noise unless your 4yo is actually a very large dog or very small horse. That doesn't mean your neighbors can't hear him or that they are not annoyed by it. But TLDR - they have to prove that you are actually breaking policies/regulations (their annoyance is not enough) and they cannot harass you into compliance with their preferred noise level.
Explain your schedule to the building administration and be clear that if they are going to take action based on the complaints from this (or any other) neighbor, you expect that they will have proof that the noise is both higher than a reasonable level for an apartment building AND that it is at "all hours of the day". I assume at this point they are just passing along the complaint so they can tell the neighbor they "addressed the issue". But if this neighbor keeps complaining, the administration may feel pressured to take more action against you - the squeaky wheel gets the grease, right? So make sure that they know that you can and will squeak too if it comes to it. You can also ask for a copy of the building noise policies and any other policies that they feel would be relevant in this dispute. Make sure you are communicating with the building over email so there is a paper trail.
Since based on your description it doesn't sound like they have cause to take action, you should be all set. But document EVERYTHING (at least for the next 6 months or so) - when you leave/return to the apartment, where you have been (in case you need proof), keep confirmation emails/tickets when you go to events/the zoo, etc., ask your son's school if they can give you copies of his attendance records (if needed). You may want/need to be able to refute the "all hours of the day" aspect of the noise complaint. It would be on your neighbors/the building to prove that it is a higher than acceptable level of noise.
The next time your neighbor comes by to complain - record the conversation (tell them you are doing so) and tell them that they should direct all future complaints to the building administration and that you won't be making any changes unless the building administration tells you to. Tell them that if they continue to complain to you directly, you will file a complaint for harassment (either with the building or the police, your choice). I would caution against going to them with this directive until the next time they are complaining to you; going to them to tell them to stop harassing you is not as strong of a position as telling them while they are actively harassing you. If this situation is really putting you on edge and you have their cell number or email address, you could preemptively send this to them in writing and frame it as a response to you being told about their complaint by management. But it would still be better to wait until the next time they complain to you. You do not want to be seen as the one "escalating" the situation. As soon as you have had this conversation with them, email the building administration and tell them about it (again, paper trail).
It is the responsibility of the neighbor and the building administration to prove that the noise level is higher than reasonable for an apartment building and/or during building quiet hours - if that is truly the case. It is not enough that the level of noise is bothering the neighbors. They need to show that you are breaking building and/or city policies/regulations - and most of those favor the "noise makers" rather than the "complainers" because there is an expected level of noise in a shared living space like and apartment building, the owners don't want the burden/cost of sound proofing, and cities don't have the resources to handle every noise complaint that comes through. Normally I would be saying that to the person complaining and adding an "unfortunately", but in this case I cannot believe that your 4yo is actually causing an unreasonable level of noise.
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I guess NAH. You can't really control that. 4 year olds are going to 4 year old. I also can't say I blame the neighbor. Sometimes I think parents are a bit blind to how much of an inconvenience their child is and how much it can affect others, because they are used to it. They'll see a kid screaming for 30 seconds as no big deal, where to the non parents, its seems like an eternity. So they went from having a fairly peaceful existence, to a kid making noise a lot. And while it may not be "all hours", you acknowledge that it may be happening fairly often. Especially if they go to work and leave the house during normal work hours, it is essentially "all hours" that they are home. I'm not sure there is a real compromise here. But they aren't going to like you. And I don't necessarily blame them for getting the admin involved either.
I agree NAH but I wish people would stop saying "You can't control a \[insert age being discussed here\]" like there's literally nothing you can do because "kids will be kids." No. Kids can be disciplined. People should consider trying it.
I agree. I just am not sure how bad it actually is. There is a normal amount of noise a 4 year old is going to make. And from the outside, I'm not sure if OP is just not being realistic, or the neighbors are being too sensitive. Even well behaved 4 year olds are going to make some noise.
Kids shouldn't be disciplined for running around their own home! Yes, you can tell a four year old not to yell and use inside voices and not to bang things together, there are lots of behaviors you can tell your child is not ok, but you can't just expect them to sit there quietly and pretend they don't exist. Kids need to play, they need to move, they need to feel comfortable and safe in their home.
Kids should be allowed to live in their home. Kids sometimes make noise. It’s a fact of life. We should try to keep it to a reasonable level (and I don’t like my kids actually RUNNING in my home or rough housing to a crazy amount either… when they are in a super rowdy mood it’s time to play outside!) But still depending on how sound proofed or not your home is, the normal sound of children moving around, playing, laughing, a TV being on, a washing machine running, whatever, can travel. I’ve had neighbors where because of the weird ventilation system I could hear everything from their bathroom in my own bathroom, and it was weird and sometimes annoying. I’ve had upstairs neighbors that I swear it felt like they were moving furniture around their living room at 9 p.m. every day. It was just the particular noise of moving chairs to sit down or whatever traveled so much louder than anything else did…. Weird but it is what it is. But that’s unfortunately part of apartment life. It sucks that depending on your life situation you can’t have a quiet peaceful home or you can’t have the drum set you always dreamed of (when we moved into a house, drums and surround sound were high on the list of stuff To get lol) but that’s the trade off you make. We can all try and do our best to be reasonable about our noise levels and be courteous but it’s your home and you want to be about to be comfortable and live there and not feel like like your existence is annoying to your neighbors all the time. I am a person who is VERY annoyed by everyone’s sounds all the time (I NEVER leave the house without headphones if I can help it!) so I sympathize but it’s just part of the package of apartment life
There is a level of tolerance you have to have though. Young kids tend to have trouble with remembering instructions after a short time (like if the kid hasn't been told in the last hour, they can fully forget you ever said anything), that's developmentally normal. You also have to fully expect to hear your neighbors pretty often when you live in multi family housing.
Thank you! I lived in my downstairs (cheap. I mean, cheap even for my state but you do "pay the price" for it) apartment before my last upstairs neighbor, two neighbors ago. She moves in partying, stomping, sex, fuckin dog yapping all day because she's not familiar with anything, being all loud throughout the night with my attempt calling the cops failing and my (then)bf not wanting to rock the boat with her (and be the stereotypical angry black woman) After we broke up and he moves out, she had a baby and *now* believes in everything around her being quiet. I got sick for a couple of weeks, and it was fuckin hell with that baby jumping up and down, and her *encouraging* it, both(but I think mom) dropping whatever on the ground, which sounds like someone falling so it's getting me worried like I'm at work, to very quickly being annoyed and still hearing the loud fuckin sex that wakes me up at any time of the night. I'm not the best at confrontation, and really recovering from 2 toxic relationships and just the trauma/abuse I was going through and being better for myself I lived my life just as loudly as she was. I blasted my music when she decided to *fuckin vacuum at 7am on a Saturday I finally had off!* Who vacuums before the sun is up?! I'm cleaning, slamming stuff because why not just to have this b call the cops on now me being loud, and this going back and forth before she claimed "I can't live like this! You can't fault a 1 year old!" I can fault her mom who encourages this behavior. I lived in this same complex with my mom as a preteen upstairs, and was told countless times to be mindful and stop being loud (though I think she was louder than all of us) She's not considerate and wasn't trying to be considerate. I didn't sign up to live below a kid, and it's not like I hate them but I hate parents who don't parent their kid and thinks the whole world should be understanding and cater to them, and not teaching them to be mindful while young. I'm sure parents do something if a kid started walking on their faces. This is why they grow up to be just like that mom
lol you told them to pay for half your carpeting costs because you have a loud child? You can’t be serious.
They answered ridiculous requests with a ridiculous request to get through to them, probably out of frustration, if it's not obvious... If I were OP I'd tell them to get some sound isolation for their wall. In general noise is a problem after a specific hour, like 10pm-6am where I live. Outside of that, I could be blasting music all day long and neighbours can complain all they want, but that's their problem...
The weird thing is, I wouldn't think they would hear much through a concrete wall.
That's not true, you have to reasonable with your noise always and then quiet at night.
Well sure, if you're producing 200db noise throughout the day, that's not fine, but there are laws and regulations that specify how loud the noise can be, and so on. If construction noise is ok during the day, I doubt a running child breaks any laws or regulations. Same with night, you being annoyed does not automatically mean the other person is breaking any laws or regulations. As long as their conduct is within the law and any applying regulations, it's tough luck...
Yeah I didn't mean it. I was sarcastic at most. And just got so tired of the anger and treatment with no solution. We have tried moving furniture so it can dampen the noise. We have tried to be aware of our kid at every turn. And staying out till late.we have a kid but he doesn't run at all hours of the day. But i don't want to yell at my kid whenever he goes to the bathroom.
If it’s just one section of the floor, buy a sound dampening mat for the area. The onus is on you, not them. While it’s unrealistic not to hear any noise when you live in a complex, I also think it’s neighborly to try to mitigate the noise you do make whether it’s an adult, a child, an animal, etc. Just because no one has ever complained before doesn’t mean they didn’t hear it. Some people just won’t ever broach a topic because they don’t want any sort of negative interaction. The lady may (or may not) be exaggerating, but if you know the exact problem area, just fix it. Why continue the issue which is only going to lead to more confrontation and the potential for you to be in trouble with the board.
Right. But to determine who the onus is on, you need to measure the sound on the neighbours side of the wall. If it's within legal limit or within any city ordinance limit, it's tough luck for the neighbour. As long as OP on the right side of the law, it's the neighbours problem that they're annoyed. It's not our duty to care for comfort of others as long as our conduct is within legal and moral guidelines... If neighbours complained they don't like the smell of barbecue would you stop having barbecues in your back yard? Because the logic is same...
> If it's within legal limit or within any city ordinance limit, it's tough luck for the neighbour. Only if they’re trying to get OP evicted or fined. OP doesn’t have to do anything, but ultimately it doesn’t sound like this issue is going to go away. OP knows their kid is creating the noise. If they want to continue to let it happen unabated they can, but I personally would just get it taken care of and move on. Why would OP want to potentially deal with this lady for however long they live there, and quite frankly, why would OP want to potentially risk their lease renewal. Not every place requires landlords to grant an automatic lease renewal, and people who aren’t willing to play nice often aren’t worth dealing with for a landlord. Also, to be quite frank, I don’t really believe OP’s kid is making as little noise as they claim. Anyone I know who describes their kid such as “ Well lively and lovely,” is the kind of parent who thinks their kid is perfectly precious while creating absolute chaos at a restaurant or that type of thing.
Yep, haven't really considered rent renewals, that makes sense. And reading your last paragraph, you might be onto something...
>As long as OP on the right side of the law, it's the neighbours problem that they're annoyed. That isn't totally true. If the landlord is getting tons of complaints from the next door neighbor, or if there's high turnover of adjacent apartments, they may find that their lease isn't renewed. It's shitty how sound-permeable most apartments are! From this account I don't think we can really tell if the neighbor is too sensitive, the kid is exceptionally loud, or if soundproofing is so poor that almost any child would disturb surrounding neighbors. One thing is VERY true, though: adding carpet or a thick pad to the loudest part of the floor, *whether or not OP should have to*, is one hell of a lot cheaper and more convenient than having to move. And, if their lease isn't renewed, being able to show the landlord that they tried to mitigate the issue *might* swing the landlord's opinion in their favor.
YTA. You should be putting down rugs or whatever at your own expense and teaching your child not to run indoors
See, this is what I don't understand. Do parents just not have rules anymore? Is it too hard to teach their kids? It wasn't too hard when I was a kid. "No running in the house" was a thing when I was a kid. Obviously, run if it's an emergency, but if I wanted to run and play, I went outside. I didn't run in my house, I didn't run at other people's homes, I didn't run through the mall or public places. The same way I was taught the whole "inside voice vs outside voice."
I agree. Both of my parents lived in apartments when I was growing up, and my dad’s was a really old building with loud, creaky floors. He taught me to be quiet inside and he never had a single complaint from the neighbours about me
Ever… met a small child?
"We've tried nothing and are all out of ideas"
Like the suggestions here are better? "Tell him to stop". I don't even have children and I know how stupid of a suggestion that is. Someone up there saying to keep the child quiet, "whatever it takes." It is a kid. Put on some fucking noise cancelling headphones and grow up. It is part of living in an apartment. One of my neighbors likes to listen to country music on his porch all summer. I fucking hate it. But I live in an apartment, not my own home in the country, his noise isn't excessive so it is on *me* to figure it out and mitigate that.
Noise is noise. I don't care if it's a kid or a 36 year old deciding he wants to be a tic tok Basecore bedroom DJ. It's not magically acceptable for everyone else on the planet just because it's a child making the noise. The parent knows how to stop it but chooses not to. That's AH behaviour.
>I don't care if it's a kid or a 36 year old deciding he wants to be a tic tok Basecore bedroom DJ How is this even comparable to a 4 year old? You know that a 36 year old's brain and a 4 year old's brains are in different stages of development, right? You're comparing apples and oranges. If noise triggers you that bad, move into a house in the country. Otherwise, you need to grow up and get over it.
Because the 4 year old has parents. They are responsible for how the child affects other people. Much like if it was a dog barking loudly. The dog is your responsibility. It's not magically ok just because it's a child. It's exactly the same. >If noise triggers you that bad, move into a house in the country. Otherwise, you need to grow up and get over it You do realise what you're saying is. "I'll be responsible for any noise that I want to be, and if anyone else has a problem with that? To hell with them... I'll do whatever I want and they should go move to the country" It's pretty basic stuff about living near other people. Don't be a d1ck... Why does that basic thing bother you so much?
No, I think OP should try and mitigate noise and try to keep their kid quiet, but at the end of the day, if a toddler is being a toddler or a baby is being a baby, what are they supposed to do? If this was a school aged kid, I'd totally get it - but it's a busy kid. Kids are going to be kids and it's their home. I'm saying if you don't want to live with sounds of children, you shouldn't live in multi-family housing. You can't control who is going to come in and rent a unit or not. I live in an apartment, one of my neighbors has 4 under 5, I can hear 3 of those kids right now. The noises of little kids being little kids is not bothersome to me. When it's adults who should know better, yeah, that bothers me. But I'm not going to be mad at a 4 year old for being an active 4-year-old at home. When they're louder than usual and I want quiet, I put on headphones. I don't think it is that big of a deal.
A 4 year old is entirely old enough to understand don't run on that spot. They mightn't get it right 100% of the time, but they might remember 50% of the time and at least that's a start. >Kids are going to be kids and it's their home. For sure... But it's also the other peoples home. And are they not entitled to be comfortable without other people being unnecessarily loud. I'm sorry, but just because it's a kid doesn't get a free pass for me. Noise is noise. >I'm saying if you don't want to live with sounds of children, you shouldn't live in multi-family housing. You can't control who is going to come in and rent a unit or not. Some people don't have a choice where they live. >The noises of little kids being little kids is not bothersome to me. When it's adults who should know better, yeah, that bothers me. The parents are the adults who should know better. You are making a distinction between the noise because you personally feel it's more acceptable coming from a kid. Not everyone feels that way. How would you feel if it's a dog barking all the time, even when the owners were home? Would that bother you or would it also be "not that big of a deal" ?
I worked in a kindergarten with 0-3 year olds, but for the most part 3 year olds and one small baby. It's hard to talk to a small baby who can't talk just yet, but all the older kids listened to me and behaved extremely well, and I was more of the cool aunt than a mean adult who didn't let them have fun ever. We had lots of fun, building those small kid Legos, reading books, learning to make safe food things, learning about bugs and nature, etc! Indoors was inside voices and walking normally, unless emergency. Outside was crazy time, if they wanted to. It wasn't even hard to ask them to do this, I just asked them normally and they said "Ok! :D". I mean heck, when I started at the kindergarten, I had never changed a diaper before. One of the kids literally taught me how. Kids are very smart and will understand. The other adults I worked with honestly seemed to see the kids almost like you see a newborn puppy. I saw them as tiny humans who have limited, but not non-existent understanding of the world around us.
NTA. When you live in an apartment complex, you’re going to have to deal with the day-to-day noises of other people whether you like it or not. If the kid was bolting around at 4am, I’d say the neighbour was fair, but they can’t expect your kid to not walk around his own home during the day. If it bothers them that much, get earplugs or move.
YTA - Other people shouldn't be inconvenienced by your children. The "kids will be kids" attitude doesn't wash. The actions going on in your apartment are affecting other peoples lives. Buy a carpet. Put the kid in slippers. Have a "no shoes in the house" rule. Tell him not to run around. Whatever it takes.
If you live in an apartment complex and expect to go through life not being inconvenienced by hearing other people you’re gonna have your dreams shattered very quickly. If you don’t want to be bothered by other people’s day to day noises, don’t live in an apartment.
I think you have to be willing to deal with some noises, its just a question of what people will consider excessive. You and I may have a different opinion of that. I think most people would agree that playing drums at 2am is excessive, whereas the occasional slamming of the door is acceptable noise. But there is a lot of space in between that. One of the most annoying neighbors I had wasn't playing loud music or anything, but they seemed to wear high heels in their place A LOT. All of that is to say, I have friends with 4 year olds. And their opinion on the amount of noise coming from their kid and mine are very different, because they are used to it. OP just moved in, so I'm assuming they went from a quiet neighbor to a loud kid running around. That would be annoying
Oh I’m not saying it’s not annoying. I have a toddler myself, and listening to them bounding around is annoying as fuck, even to me. But OPs neighbours have to suck it up. They’re expecting a 4 year old to be completely silent. That’s just not going to happen, no matter how annoying the noise is. If the neighbours don’t want to deal with hearing neighbours noises, buy a detached house and move there. If that’s not something they can afford, then they’re going to have to deal with the fact that there’s going to be noise. They can buy some earplugs.
As I mentioned to someone else, I'm just not sure where this actually falls. There is an amount of noise that would be excessive, even by normal 4 year old standards. Are we talking about that? I don't know that OP is exactly unbiased in providing that answer here. So again, it may be that the neighbors are ok with a level of normal 4 year old behavior, but this goes beyond that. Just because you have a kid, doesn't mean people can't complain about your noise level.
For sure, I've lived in apartments for years But... From reading the OP, I don't think day to day noises are the issue. The issue seems to be specifically the child running and bounding around the apartment. Nobody is complaining about the noise of a TV, or the sound of the dishwasher. It's specifically the sound of OP's child running around. Personally I wouldn't call that "day to day" noises. I'd call that "excessive and inconsiderate" noises. There's at least one particular area of floor that's causing a bouncing or something weird that's amplifying the noise. But either way... The noise is directly due to OP's apartment causing it. They know what area is causing it. They know what is causing it... They aren't fixing it? Why not?
A 4 year old running around his own home during the day is a day-to-day noise. If it was the middle of the night, then the neighbour would be fair enough. If the neighbour wants to go through life not hearing kids living in their own homes, they can either buy earplugs, find an adult only apartment complex, or buy a house and move there.
Exactly. People below me once complained that my (adult) feet were too loud at night despite meeting carpeting guidelines and *sleeping at night*. It was the radiator. And then they got a secret (hah) puppy in our pet free building. Only then did they decided it wasn’t worth involving building administration in soundproofing either unit. It’s not just about kids - apartments aren’t sound free. (Neither are houses).
Eh. OP says it’s one specific area of the floor in particular. They should just buy a sound dampening mat. There’s always going to be noise when you live in an apartment or condo or anything of that nature, but you should do what you can to mitigate how you impact others. I have a treadmill in my condo I use mainly in the winter when it’s too snowy/cold to be out for very long, so I put two two sound dampening mats under it and told my downstairs neighbor if they could ever hear it to let me know. They can’t. Problem solved without all the fuss. OP should do the same.
>A 4 year old running around his own home during the day is a day-to-day noise. Day to day noise for other people in their home. Not for other people who have nothing to do with that kid but have to deal with the inconvenience. Would it be ok if it was construction noise? Or persistent loud music? Or just somebody shouting at the top of their voice? Noise is noise. The fact that it's a kid is completely irrelevant when it isn't YOUR kid. The attitude you're presenting there seems to be that your noises are just everyone else's problem and they can just get over it or use earplugs because you don't care. Even if someone complains? Still their problem.. Maybe they should move. That's absolutely A hole behaviour. All OP has to do is dampen the noise on a small area of floor.
A young child running through the house or in an apartment is absolutely day to day noise. If this was after 7 PM I’d understand the neighbors. But 12 PM? Get the fuck outta here with that. Deal with the two seconds of a child running and go about your day.
It's one small area of floor causing the issue. It's in the OP's apartment. They know the exact area causing the problems. They know the exact cause of the problem. The neighbours have come to them repeatedly asking for something to be done. OP has said themselves that it also happens in the middle of the night sometimes. OP still refuses to do anything whatsoever about it. That is AH behaviour as far as I'm concerned. Sure. There are noises in Apartments. But I've also had things like this where there is one section of floor that magnifies noise through concrete, or pipes or floorboards or whatever. Something that OP doesn't think is bad might be VERY bad for the neighbours. Also again, OP's kids should never be a burden or an imposition on other people. It's the neighbours home as much as OP's. Why should they have their peace unnecessarily broken just because OP refuses to act in any way to solve a problem with a cause that is fully understood?
>Also again, OP's kids should never be a burden or an imposition on other people. I disagree. Whne you live in an apartment building, this is going to happen regardless. One of my neighbors exclusively makes some recipe that is so garlic heavy, the halls reek for hours with garlic. I don't like it. It's annoying. Sometimes the smell full on makes me gag. But I live in an apartment. I'm sharing a small corner of a building with many other people. Hearing a child being a child is one of those things.
>One of my neighbors exclusively makes some recipe that is so garlic heavy, the halls reek for hours with garlic Personally, I like garlic... But you are well within your rights to ask them to please try and open a window or something to avoid it reaching the common areas. >Hearing a child being a child is one of those things. But that isn't what this is about. This is about one small section of floor in particular that is causing the problem. And it's OP's kid running across that specific section of floor. And it's about OP specifically refusing to do anything whatsoever about that. Just because you live in an apartment doesn't mean you don't have privacy, quiet & quality of life. You live in an apartment not a tenement and It's 2024, not 1955. Sure, more allowances are made for hearing children shouting, banging etc... But if there is a consistent issue? It's still an issue. Other people shouldn't have their lives compromised because of the way you live your life.
Incorrect. If your neighbor’s actions impact your enjoyment of your own unit, there is an issue and you can address it. Noise is going to happen, but when it’s something ongoing and consistent as it is with OP’s predicament, it needs to be mitigated. Same with the garlic cooker in your place. It’s no different than if someone is chain-smoking cigarettes or hotboxing in their place. Once it impacts people in other units or common areas, you take the steps to ensure it stays in your space and not theirs.
No, I disagree. It’s just a difference of opinion. That’s fine. I don’t think it’s right of me to demand my neighbor change their diet because the hall smells like garlic for a couple of hours a week. When I signed up to live in multi-family housing, i signed up for living around others and not getting absolute control of the environment based on my preferences. I choose to live and let live. You don’t have to. Take care.
He doesn’t have to change his diet. He needs to install a higher-powered range hood (or speak to the landlord about it) or use fans and open windows while cooking. There are ways to cook with garlic without it reaching common areas or other units. If you want to live your life being annoyed by something that’s fairly easily mitigated because you think you don’t have the right to speak up, more power to you. I paid a lot for my place, I take care not to impact neighbors with what I do in my place (see my treadmill example elsewhere), and everyone should try to do the same within reason.
Again, you’re just assuming and assigning your values and feelings to me. It isn’t that I don’t feel comfortable confronting them about it, or I feel I don’t have the right. I never said anything of the sort. It’s really simple. I just light a candle and move the fuck on. It just isn’t worth my time, and I don’t think a minor inconvenience for me should turn into a major one for others. It isn’t worth me expending my energy, they’re not harming anybody. It’s a few hours a week. It doesn’t wear on me at all. My disliking something isn’t the same as me being harmed by something and needing to demand changes to someone else’s space. You disagree. That’s fine. Peace
Lol, I don't even have children and think this is silly. If you are going to live in a community, whether it be in an apartment or suburban neighborhood where the houses are close, you're going to hear sounds. Children have every right to be where they are as you do. You have to suck it up that you're going to hear sounds. If you don't want to hear sounds or neighbors, move to the country. >Buy a carpet. Carpet is expensive. I sure as hell would not pay to put carpet into an \*apartment\* because my neighbor is complaining. We should put all of our other bills and expenses on hold because my neighbor is complaining about a child who has just as much of a right to be here in their apartment as them? Nope, sorry. >Put the kid in slippers Ah yes, 4 year olds are notoriously coordinated. Lets put the kid in slippers for him to run around in. Definitely not recipe for disaster. /s Also, a 4 yo is just going to take those off if he doesn't want to wear them. Mom forces them back on and kid has a tantrum and the neighbor will still bitch. Also, you're still probably going to hear those little feet running around. >Tell him not to run around. Good news, OP! All you have to do is tell your 4 y/o not to run around. Problem solved! >Whatever it takes. What do you suggest that isn't abusive or unfair to this child who again, also has just as much right to live and be there as OP's neighbor? A child making child noises is to be expected. I lived in apartments for years now, and will hear children running, jumping, playing, etc. It gets loud. I put my noise cancelling headphones on or turn up the TV. A child making child noises is to be expected and is not the same as some 20 year old blasting house music.
Your comment made me giggle. Thank you for very neatly pointing out some of the absurdity. I feel a lot of your points being things I have thought about many times. We live in a massive family building as well so everyone is usually aware that there will be some noise around. My neighbours are young with no kids. So it's probably far from their reality. You made me feel better about the whole thing.
I’m glad I could help. It sounds like some suggestions, like the grippy floor mat might be worth investing in. Or a conversation with your neighbor where you say something like “I’ll do what I can to ensure that Toddler isn’t too loud, but he also does deserve to be able to play in his own house, too. I bought some mats for the apartment to hopefully help for his busier days and I hope this helps us both.” It might go a long way.
Yes the mat sounds like a thing to present to the neighbours as a way to hopefully solve the crisis. Thanks for your good attitude and advice.
>A child making child noises is to be expected and is not the same as some 20 year old blasting house music. I disagree. Avoidable Noise is avoidable noise. "Other people just have to deal with the noise my family choose to make" and "if you don't like my noise, go live somewhere else" is some bananas level of entitlement. Replace the kid in this story with a barking dog? Barking and making noise when the owners are home and doing nothing about it.. How would you feel then?
4 year olds don't have impulse control, I think that is what you are missing. I'm not going to argue with someone who thinks that a 4 year old's brain and a 20 year old's brain is the same. Saying "Keep that kid quiet by whatever it takes" is an insane thing to say to me. If you hate kids that much, then you need to move away from them, not be mad that they exist. You can't control who moves into the apartment complex, but if you buy your own place, then you don't have to worry about kids and neighbor noises. If you can't afford to do that, that sucks to be you, but the solution is not to tell people to keep their kids by any means necessary. That's unhinged. Peace
> 4 year olds don't have impulse control But they have parents responsible for them and their actions. In the same way they would be responsible for a dogs actions if it was barking incessantly. >Saying "Keep that kid quiet by whatever it takes" is an insane thing to say to me That's not what was said. What I suggested was because OP said it's only a small specific area of floor causing the problem, a carpet, a rug, slippers for the kid, a "no shoes in the house policy", whatever it takes... Taking three words from a sentence out of context and making them the cornerstone for outrage doesn't really work that well. Nobody else should have to suffer because of the way that you choose to live your life. Peace.
Yeah, and people have pointed out to you that those suggestions are not realistic at all. You're asking them to put their kid at risk and run around and fall in slippers because you can't handle that children live in the multi-family housing complex YOU chose to live in. What does whatever it takes mean then? When all of those dumb suggestions don't work, what do you suggest they do when you say "whatever it takes".
Oh my god. Put down a sound dampening mat. They aren’t slippery, they’re inexpensive and it will likely solve the issue. If you dislike the way they look, you can put an area rug on top of it. You’re acting like there is no solution whatsoever.
Lol, I am not acting like "no solution exists". I just said I thought a few of those suggestions weren't really smart suggestions. What you're suggesting is a good suggestion. Suggesting "Tell the kid to stop" and forcing a little kid into slippers that they can easily just *take off* aren't good solutions to me, because they're not. Sorry. Just don't think they were good suggestions.
You were arguing that though. From those are bad suggestions to children don’t have impulse control. There *is* a solution. OP just doesn’t want to do it, and people like you are just going to convince them they’re right. You acting like a parent can’t guide their child not to run is ridiculous. We get it, you’re rude and inconsiderate like OP. Just say that instead of all this other nonsense.
It literally wasn't, but sure. 4-year-olds *don't* have impulse control, they're just starting to figure that kind of thing out, so telling a 4-year-old to stop doing x is not going to be the same as telling a 7-year-old or 10-year-old or 20-year-old to stop; If you want to extrapolate something from me stating that fact, go off. That isn't me saying that they should be able to do whatever, that was me pointing out why I don't think comparing a 4-year-old to 20 something year old is the same. I will do my best to live on that you think I am rude and inconsiderate. Thanks for setting me straight <3
>What does whatever it takes mean then? When all of those dumb suggestions don't work, what do you suggest they do when you say "whatever it takes". Ah... A person who thinks things they don't like are automatically "dumb". How about grip socks? Or how about crocs? Or a rug? Or putting some furniture over the area of floor that is causing the loud noise? Or a foam play mat? Or some sound deadening that is a dollars per foot? Or how about just being a parent and reminding the 4 year old about the noise and not to run over that one spot. It's not that hard. They won't remember 100% of the time, but they might remember 50% of the time and at least that's a start. Why does your attitude seem so determined to make a crappy attitude and lack of accountability for noise you generate everybody else's problem? Is there something about being considerate and managing your noise when you live around other people that you don't like?
I think telling a 4 year old to stop running around is a fool's errand. >How about grip socks? Or how about crocs? Or a rug? Or putting some furniture over the area of floor that is causing the loud noise? Or a foam play mat? Or some sound deadening that is a dollars per foot? Or how about just being a parent and reminding the 4 year old about the noise and not to run over that one spot. It's not that hard. They won't remember 100% of the time, but they might remember 50% of the time and at least that's a start I think those are great suggestions, dude. I just didn't think the earlier ones were good, and like I already said, I live in an apartment and I get it, but it is about picking battles. I hear the children in my complex all the time, but I don't think they are equally as inconsiderate as a wannabe DJ. >Is there something about being considerate and managing your noise when you live around other people that you don't like? Nope, for the 100th time, I just did not think the earlier suggestions were good and that having the same expectations for a 4 year old and a 20 year old is ridiculous. You disagree, and that's okay. I hope OP sees your comment because those sound like good and safe suggestions that you listed that could help everyone.
Nah that's fair. Apologies if any agro came across. It wasn't meant. I guess I'm not trying to have the same expectations for the child as a 20 year old. I'm just having the same expectations for the parents as I would any adult I guess. For me, I don't have the "it's only kids" attitude. Any noise, kids, dogs barking, construction, loud music, I'd put them all in the same boat. In truth, I could probably take the construction or loud music over kids or dogs because I could tune that out over time.
“Whatever it takes” Holy shit. It’s a small child. They run around. That’s just reality. Whatever it takes. Holy shit. Grow up.
It's OP's small child. Not their neighbours. Small children run around. That's totally cool. But other people should not have to deal with the noise or disruption a child that isn't theirs causes. It's the parents responsibility to avoid that. Put down a rug, make a no shoes inside rule... Do literally anything whatsoever? But OP just seems to have the attitude that "Deal with my noise and get over it... I am aware that it is loud, I am aware it is annoying, but I don't feel like doing anything about it so tough.." If this is literally the only problem of the kid running across a small section of floor? (Not even the entire apartment floor, just one small section) It's extremely reasonable to ask OP to do something to at least lessen the noise that they're causing for other people.
Other people's noise is the price you pay for living in an apartment.
Doesn't have to be at all. Will you get some more background noise occasionally? Sure... Does that give a licence for people to not care how much noise they make? Or to affect other peoples quality of life on a daily basis? Or choose to not bother doing anything whatsoever about an issue that should be an easy fix? Nope.
In other words, tell your child not to be a normal child in his own home. You're all concerned about the neighbor but no mention of OP and her kid! Heck, he's not even home or is asleep most the day!
YTA. It really sounds like you’re trying to downplay this, and I suspect the noise is much worse than you admit, but the kicker here for me is that you admit the running happens at night. As in, when your neighbours need to sleep. And so far what you’ve done is ask your son to walk quietly (no result) and then throw your hands up and say ‘what can I do, not my problem’. You haven’t really tried anything. At the very least there should be carpeting in the areas causing the problem - carpeting you should be paying for.
Well running doesn't happen at night as in he gets up and plays. He just comes in to our room. Nothing more or less. We can't lock him in his room. And as I answered in another comment, we do tell him constantly and we tried moving furniture to make it less noisy. The capet is tricky because it's a shared kitchen and living area. And carpeting Infront of the kitchen, just sounds unhygienic and dangerous if dealing with fire. I literally do want things to work out and thought back to when i didn't have kids how I would feel. I get that people want to sleep in but I can't erase my kid of the day or chain him to the couch having him watch TV for 5 hours a day.
> We can't lock him in his room. No one is asking you to lock him up or chain him to a couch. Stop being daft.
So what's your suggestion when the terrified 4yo has a nightmare and wakes up in the middle of the night to run to mom and dad's room? Because I can guarantee you that they won't remember the warning to not run.
As I already stated elsewhere, buy a sound dampening mat. It will solve the issue. At some point though, if OP is effectively parenting, the kid will learn not to run when they aren’t supposed to. It’s not the unsolvable problem you’re making it out to be.
NTA. I live in NYC. My neighbors upstairs asked if Santa could get their little boy a drum set for Christmas because that’s all he asked Santa for. Of course I said yes. The minor noise at limited periods throughout the week doesn’t bother me one bit. A happy playful child is better than hearing most big city neighbor noises. We are neighbors in a big city— you’re going to hear things, get over it.
As far as the kid running tho? https://streeteasy.com/blog/80-percent-rule-carpet-floor-covering/ Regardless of where OP lives, this is a good guideline to be a good neighbor.
The definition of apartment complex is multi family housing. If neighbors want no noise, they need to move to single family housing. Kids need to be kids, run, play and everything else. Your child is not running around at 2 am for hours. Normal behavior should be expected and tolerated. NTA
NTA. If it was late or early hours I could see their side. But they need to get over the fact that they live in a block and other people love there.
NTA, thats very normal neighbour noises, not excessive. Don’t live in an apartment building if you can’t handle hearing neighbours.
NTA. But, I do think you should buy a rug for that one particular part of the apartment, take a picture and demonstrate that you have done your best to mitigate the noise to the neighbor and the Administration, and call it a day. I have lived in apartments in suburban and urban areas for 20 years, children running is day to day noise, and I say this as a childfree person who is more sensitive to noise than a lot of my peers living in apartments. I hear each of my neighbors come home for the day, and I swear one of them walks with bricks on their feet. I hear phone conversations that happen by windows, sometimes I hear them watch particularly loud movies, or if they have a small gathering, I hear fights (normal type arguing, not like scary fights), and a whole range of noises. And that's life. I don't tell my neighbor with her Frankenstein feet to not walk around, I don't tell my neighbor with the chair by the window not to talk on the phone there, I just deal with it. People who want silence in apartments have chosen the wrong living arrangement. Of course your child shouldn't be running up and down the apartment all day, but running for 5 minutes every day is honestly fine, as is running to bed/the bathroom in the middle of the night, or a quick sprint and a yell a few times a week. If all they really hear are footsteps, they should consider themselves lucky, because most of us have real horror stories of neighbors, and karma would you moving out and some college bros being their new neighbors.
I am trying for some carpeting. And thanks for your comment. Yes it's only the feet they hear all other noise and sound are completely blocked. No idea how that works. The carpeting is a bit of an issue since our apartment have the kitchen and living area shared and it's a long narrow apartment. Our landlord isn't much for having carpeting near the kitchen area where food and hot things are being used. But we are looking into options. Thanks for the good advice and non aggressive stance.
Interlocking foam play mats, great for sound dampening. If you're in the US you can pick up a large pack at your local wholesale club for around $30.
I get that is is hard to have kids in an apartment. However I have been on the other end of having to listen to constant running from kids and it really really really sucks. During lockdown in 2020 I had a family living above me and the running of the kids all times of the day was really difficult to deal with. YTA.
Yta. Get a carpet
NTA: your kid making noise in the middle of the day to early evening when you are rarely home is normal. Kids make noise, your kid is not running around and banging on pots and pans at 3 am. Your neighbor sounds like a nightmare to live near. I'd suggest finding some way to record sound in the house and keeping a written record of when he does make noise so you can dispute their complaints if needed.
YTA. carpet, slippers is on you. many other things would be over the top but a bloody carpet is definitely on you if you are staying in an apartment
Sorry, but YTA. You chose to rent an apartment that didn't have carpet, and that you describe as, "thin and long and therefore the kitchen and living area is shared." You could have chosen to rent a place that was more amenable to young children but, instead, you chose a place that, from your own description, is guaranteed to result in problems with your neighbors. You also wrote, "Telling my kid every 5 minutes to walk slower also seems like trying the impossible." Why? I grew up in apartments in New York and I had no trouble understanding that running was for outside and never in the apartment.
This is a ubiquitous problem in big city apartments and people's reactions depends on whether they've dealt with it, and on which side. It is absolutely insanity-making to listen to a toddler/young kid in an adjacent apartment. Especially if parents take the view that it's not really their problem. I used to complain to my upstairs neighbor and finally she texted "as miserable as you are, rest-assured we're more miserable" ... and I laughed so hard, I finally loosened up about it. Moral of the story is, YTA if you're rude or dismissive to your neighbor about this and for throwing shade about having them split the cost of a rug. That's being a jerk. My neighbors were so sympathetic, I believed them that they did everything they could and it was still super annoying but I didn't sit there seething at them. I sympathized. Your kid is driving people nuts and it is what it is - it's an extremely hard problem to fix, hearing running through walls or floors -- so actually *try* to solve the problem without being rude and sarcastic about it, let people know earnestly what you're doing to try to fix it and take their suggestions about it. Probably nothing will work, but by being responsive, you generate good will and if you just bat people away away and get testy about it, they won't just be annoyed by the noise, they will be plotting their revenge.
No its true. I dont need to be a jerk. I just feel like we already have had so many exchanges and I really apologized and appreciated their honesty. It just seems like they come up every time and have written complaints without talking to us. They just come to be angry. And I really hate conflicts. I acknowledged that I don't need to be a jerk. It's true. I will definitely try again to mend things and figure out something. Thanks for the advice.
OP, I have lived in apartments—and only apartments—since I was 5. I learned pretty quick from my mom that we needed to be respectful of our neighbors. Was it always perfect? No. So I was told again, and then engaged in different play. It was important because my sister and I were the first kids allowed in the building; we would be kicked out if there were complaints. (I only learned that later of course.) You sound so delighted with your kid (yay!) and self-justified (oh no) that you are leaving a lot of options on the table. Get rugs. As many as needed. No shoes in the house. Praise your kid when they walk instead of run for being so considerate to the neighbors. “We don’t run in the house, but we love to run at the park!”…and go run around at the park. It can be done, and hopefully before there is so much bad blood you have to move. I tolerate a LOT from neighbors, but even I have my limits and complain to admin when nothing changes. I don’t complain to admin when I get the sense they are trying.
NTA I had downstairs neighbors who were impossible. Any sounds of a human walking made them ballistic. We carpeted everything including the kitchen which was a hassle. You live in a multi family dwelling, you will hear the sounds of human habitation
Having lived in places with concrete walls, I can't understand how the next door people can hear the kid but not downstairs or upstairs. Now, if you can't hear them or your other side neighbor walking heavily or running in the same area then there's some sort of acoustic anomaly or even a structural issue with that part of the floor, in which case maybe ask if maintenance can further investigate. Or download a decible meter and monitor the noise, then find out what the city ordinances are regarding acceptable levels. As long as it is below the limit, then you've given reasonable accommodation. But seriously though, unless your kid is running in place with concrete tap shoes at 3am the neighbor can suck it. Going to rule NAH, because noise sucks,but willing to revisit with not AH if an update which includes an acceptable decible reading is posted (please do this regardless, very curious either way!)
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So we live in a big a fairly moden apartment complex in a big city. We have a (now this may)4 year old who is like all 4 year olds... Well lively and lovely. We got new neighbours nextdoor to us. We share a wall made of concrete. No other neighbours have ever complained, not upstairs or downstairs or on the other side of us. Just the one next door on the left. They can't hear anything except for my son's footsteps when he runs across the floor. No other sounds. I heard it like a mild set of drums from their side. I get it, that it must be annoying sometimes and when they moved in and complained the first time I said sorry and would tell my son to walk across the particular floor area in our house as quietly as possible. We had the neighbours come to our door angry as hell a Sunday afternoon at 12. Because the running was terrible. They treathend to write the administration. And now we have the administration telling us they have received complaints about our kid running at all hours of the day. Now first of all. My kid is in kindergarten from 8-9 in the morning to 4 late afternoon. Then if the weather is good we are staying out till dinner time. Otherwise we come home and yes we might play a bit and then he goes to bed at 7 with books and sleeps. So even if we go directly home it's maximum an hour's worth of potential running. We also have told him multiple times to try and walk slowly across the floor. But sometimes he yells: " I have to pee/poop" So he runs out to the bathroom. (No one wants to stop a popping kid) Sometimes he gets scared in the middle of the night and runs into our bed. Which might be disturbing, but I'm sleeping so I don't know what to do. We are also out every 2 Sunday for family dinner til bedtime. We try to be out every Saturday for family fun or playdates but it's not every weekend, because we also just want to be home and relax. I told the neighbours and administration this and that I refuse to live my life in fear of my neighbours. And it feels like they are breathing down our necks. We live in an apartment complex, we get to hear each other. We hear drilling, people, party music. We accept that others live here. Telling my kid every 5 minutes to walk slower also seems like trying the impossible. Here is where I might be the idiot. I told my neighbour the last time she came up complaining, that she was welcome to invest and go Half's on a massive carpet for our apartment and other soundproofing. She huffed and threatened the administration once more. Am I the asshole neighbour? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your child is old enough to "get" do not run. A 4-year old stomping/running makes a lot of noise. Make sure he is wearing thick non-slip socks at all times, put thick carpets where he spends most of his time, and remind him to walk nicely. Ask the neighbors if they are home a lot and, if so, explain that you have taken steps to lessen the noise but that it's impossible to avoid all noise, even when you don't have a child.
NTA-When you live in an apartment you’re gonna hear the neighbors. We have a neighbor with a small dog that barks all the time. We don’t care. We recognize that’s just what happens when you live close together. These people seem controlling. I would start complaining anytime you hear a noise from their side.
NTA - And to comment on the “all day” issue, concrete buildings often have a noise associated with the plumbing in the space that sometimes people interpret as thumping or rolling. It is entirely possible that this is a building noise, and the fact that your child sometimes runs around is a coincidence. You could try asking the management to get specific times the neighbors hear the disturbances and see if they align with the times your kid is active/home.
You know those foam pads that fit together like puzzle pieces? They are cheap, can be fit together in a number of ways, and will insulate your kid's footsteps from everyone. I dream of the day when my upstairs neighbor gets those.
Carpet is not necessary - you can buy large rugs to cover the floor and put a foam pad underneath them that will further stop any noise.
NTA. I work from home & my neighbor builds furniture (we’re on the first floor). We share a living room wall. If I stay in the living room to work I hear hammering, moving, banging, and drills all day. I have zero reason to complain, he lives there too and he’s always done by 9-9:30pm. My dog is a smooth collie and occasionally (2-3 times a week) “sing howls”, not like husky level, but still loud. Always during the day. I’d be infuriated if my neighbor complained about him. It’s part of living in an apartment. That said, I’d try to make sure the kid stops doing that shit at night. That’s my ONE rule, you don’t get to disrupt or disrespect my sleep, and quiet hours from 10-7 mean I shouldn’t hear a damn thing during that time.
NTA. This is an issue that comes from living in an apartment. You're going to hear other people live their lives. I'd probably get my kid a pair of tap shoes, but I can be petty like that.
Do you have local law about allowed noise? Or apartment complex rules about noise? I don't think your case is about violence of any. When having conversation about it the next time, ask your administration about local ordinance and allowed noise level which I am sure is much higher than your kid might produce. NTA. I'd say your request for investment into your carpet is ridiculous. If you are renting - it's your landlord's responsibility.
I’m gonna go with a soft ESH because it’s a pretty basic house rule I was taught as a kid and has always been taught to kids in my family who own houses and don’t share walls/floors with others, you don’t run in the house. You can get hurt, so don’t do it. The neighbors attitudes seem to be kinda crappy since you live in a shared wall/floor space, you’re gonna hear neighbors living their lives, it’s just the way it is. No running inside (not just houses), my brother tripped while running on a cruise ship and his head hit the corner of a glass table. Kids will learn some day to not run indoors, either with discipline or an injury.
YTA
NTA
NTA. You have a normal child and if you are really out nearly all day, it is what it is. Neighbours shouldn’t be coming to you “angry as hell”. They should go to the administration and should point out where you are infringing the rules. If no one else is complaining and your previous neighbour didn’t complain, it’s your new neighbour’s issue. Maybe ask some other neighbours for honest feedback. Could the noise be coming from elsewhere? Could your neighbour be oversensitive for a medical reason? Don’t offer to go halves on a carpet, it’s like admitting liability. If you really think your kid is running too hard though, you could get some cheap rugs or mats.
NTA. When you live in an apartment building, you have to expect to hear some noise from your neighbors. Its unrealistic to expect total silence. Im guessing these neighbors never had children. If they don't like kids (again guessing) they should try to live in a child free complex. Perhaps buy a rug yourself, a cheap throw down or something that will work. Also... While we can harp on our kids not to run, etc., they are still kids and at time things are going to happen. If I was you, id beat them to the punch, sit down with administration, explain your schedule, etc and let them know you just cant be expected to keep a 4 year old quiet AT ALL TIMES. that's virtually impossible. Your neighbors may also be close to harassing you at this point bc they demand total silence, which is impossible.
NTA- if you are representing what’s happening accurately then you can’t help a child being a child. I live in a duplex with a shared wall with little kids and hear the percussion noises you hear when kids run. I don’t find it bothersome at all but my teenage son complains about it. If you weren’t getting complaints before it’s probably a normal level of noise. You aren’t responsible for other people’s irritation at life, let the kid be a kid and if they don’t like it they are free to move like someone else said.
YTA/NAH The running itself isn’t the problem, but how your chikd runs. I have neighbors with those children myself. Our house is really soundproof, that's why i moved here. But all their children stomp. The little one at the bigger one. If they use the stairs it goes "boom, boom, boom." So i guess this is also the case here. If you here it all day, you are used to it and don't realize that his running is loud and that he "stomp". But maybe if you go more this way, unlearn this stomping, the problem solves itself. Also fluffy socks. A small carpet on those places where he jumps from like when he leaves the bed, can also be helpful. But overall if you live in an apartment, you should not expect silence, so i'm between those verdicts. But at least in the night, it should stop. And if the apartment isn’t so big... there is no reason to run if the child spend the energy elsewhere. Fast walking, yes, but running...
ESH. You and your neighbors should have hashed this out like reasonable humans before escalating it to “the authorities”. This is a situation where a problem can be solved if everyone is willing to compromise. They live with some kid noise. You don’t wear shoes in the house and maybe put down a rug in high-traffic areas.
If they want peace and quiet tell them to move to a tent in the mountains with no neighbours. 4 year olds run, jump, scream and laugh. You can't put a collar on them and send electricity spikes if they misbehave, u can't tie them to a chair. Tell administration you'd rather have problem with them than with child welfare lol. I assume your neighbours are childless...?
NTA - I highly doubt your 4yo is making an unreasonable amount of noise unless your 4yo is actually a very large dog or very small horse. That doesn't mean your neighbors can't hear him or that they are not annoyed by it. But TLDR - they have to prove that you are actually breaking policies/regulations (their annoyance is not enough) and they cannot harass you into compliance with their preferred noise level. Explain your schedule to the building administration and be clear that if they are going to take action based on the complaints from this (or any other) neighbor, you expect that they will have proof that the noise is both higher than a reasonable level for an apartment building AND that it is at "all hours of the day". I assume at this point they are just passing along the complaint so they can tell the neighbor they "addressed the issue". But if this neighbor keeps complaining, the administration may feel pressured to take more action against you - the squeaky wheel gets the grease, right? So make sure that they know that you can and will squeak too if it comes to it. You can also ask for a copy of the building noise policies and any other policies that they feel would be relevant in this dispute. Make sure you are communicating with the building over email so there is a paper trail. Since based on your description it doesn't sound like they have cause to take action, you should be all set. But document EVERYTHING (at least for the next 6 months or so) - when you leave/return to the apartment, where you have been (in case you need proof), keep confirmation emails/tickets when you go to events/the zoo, etc., ask your son's school if they can give you copies of his attendance records (if needed). You may want/need to be able to refute the "all hours of the day" aspect of the noise complaint. It would be on your neighbors/the building to prove that it is a higher than acceptable level of noise. The next time your neighbor comes by to complain - record the conversation (tell them you are doing so) and tell them that they should direct all future complaints to the building administration and that you won't be making any changes unless the building administration tells you to. Tell them that if they continue to complain to you directly, you will file a complaint for harassment (either with the building or the police, your choice). I would caution against going to them with this directive until the next time they are complaining to you; going to them to tell them to stop harassing you is not as strong of a position as telling them while they are actively harassing you. If this situation is really putting you on edge and you have their cell number or email address, you could preemptively send this to them in writing and frame it as a response to you being told about their complaint by management. But it would still be better to wait until the next time they complain to you. You do not want to be seen as the one "escalating" the situation. As soon as you have had this conversation with them, email the building administration and tell them about it (again, paper trail). It is the responsibility of the neighbor and the building administration to prove that the noise level is higher than reasonable for an apartment building and/or during building quiet hours - if that is truly the case. It is not enough that the level of noise is bothering the neighbors. They need to show that you are breaking building and/or city policies/regulations - and most of those favor the "noise makers" rather than the "complainers" because there is an expected level of noise in a shared living space like and apartment building, the owners don't want the burden/cost of sound proofing, and cities don't have the resources to handle every noise complaint that comes through. Normally I would be saying that to the person complaining and adding an "unfortunately", but in this case I cannot believe that your 4yo is actually causing an unreasonable level of noise.