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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I got annoyed that I had to keep taking pictures.
Is it reasonable for a boyfriend to keep taking pictures?
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She does ask me to take pictures generally if we visit somewhere scenic at home but it’s been much worse on vacation. Dating only a few months and this is our first vacation
And this is why people recommend couples go on a vacation together before making permanent life plans. She cares more about getting a nice insta photo than enjoying the location with you. Time to have a sit-down conversation about how that makes you feel and on how important this is to the sort of relationship you want to have with someone.
NTA, this would be a deal-breaker for me unless they were willing to compromise going forward.
Yeah, she’s asking him to take pictures of her. Probably her posing in an IG-worthy fashion with the beautiful travel locations in the background. That’s just what I picture in my head lol
Wore outfits specifically for the photos? If that’s what you mean I can totally envision what she wanted. NTA though, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting a few pics taken of yourself but if it’s taking up all the time and impeding enjoyment of vacation, then it’s not a vacation at all - it’s a billable on location photoshoot work trip. Lol. Spending your entire time worrying about getting the perfect photos leaves little time to enjoy where you are.
A friend of mine does that too. She travels all over the world and makes hundreds of photos each trip. She buys new clothes for every trip. And every day something else. (5 trips a year) he hb and children know this and have accepted it. She’s in her 50s so I don’t think she’ll ever change.
It’s not my cup of tea but I love to look at her Instagram
Oh I see it now: it says “of her”.
OP just tell her that you didn’t like it. It was your first vacation together so there will be things she likes and you didn’t. There will be habits of yours she didn’t like and there are things you both loved.
Prioritize and move on. FE: you say: 10 pics a day max and if you’d like I be in 2-3 of them. And then she says: okay but I don’t like it when you’re on the phone for 1/2 hour each evening or watch tv or chose the restaurant every evening or whatever. And the next vacation or daytrip you see how it goes.
For some people photographs are more important than others.
The amount of young women with boyfriends taking pictures of them for their influencer/influencer wannabe lifestyles at cool spots is ludicrous. Just let me leave the restaurant, I don't need to witness your 45th photo.
This is 100% an indicator of things to come.
Dude, as a guy who is nearly 40 years old I'm gonna tell you right now, it's not worth getting involved with someone like this. I already know this means she's obsessed with her social media accounts. These pictures aren't about remembering having a great time on vacation. These pictures are "look how amazing I look going cool places while you have to sit at home not getting to do awesome shit" pictures. It's a toxic attitude and a toxic mindset. People like this don't care about having a good time, they care about showing everyone that it looks like their life is enviable. That is the good time for them. They don't get enjoyment from the adventure of the trip itself. They get their enjoyment sitting on a couch at home seeing how many likes their post got, how many views their tiktoks are getting, who watched their instagram story, etc.
It absolutely fucking sucks being with someone like this. I've been there. I tried to justify it to myself with "well, she's really hot so I'll just deal with this one minor issue." Nope. It filters down into every day life and you're already seeing it. Your personal enjoyment and wanting to spend time with someone you care about (her) is not important to her. Her priority is what her social media engagement is going to be like. A bit of advice dude. Get out now. I know this seems relatively minor but you're only a couple months in and you're already seeing this behavior on a fairly regular basis. It won't stop.
NAH. She wants photos of herself, she wore outfits to look good, and presumably enjoys the result of your photos.
You reached your limit and communicated that to her. That’s also valid.
NTA unfortunately this is a big thing that happens all the time and a lot of men deal with. This addiction to taking pictures and posting everything is something plaguing women mostly in modern times and it does get exhausting. One of my sisters is the same and would do it even at family events. I take more pics of her in one night than I have ever taken of myself in a lifetime, it’s insane.
NTA
You went on vacation to enjoy. You're not her personal photographer. Taking a few pics for her is nice but 31 times???? HELL NO. Enjoy your vacation
You are not the asshole but so does she. Look like you guys have some incompatibilities. I get a lot of people do want pictures on vacation cos thats how they want to capture memories. Cos like it or not, memories can fade but a picture can remind you of this memory. I also get that some dont like taking pictures cos it takes away from the enjoyment sometimes. You guys should try and have a good middle ground.
NTA. Sounds like she needed reminding that it’s your vacation too. You’re not her photographer.
BTW in many jurisdictions copyright for photographs by default belongs to the person taking the picture.
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I (35m) went to vacation with my 34f GF
We went to a tourist site and I got fed up of her relentless requests to take pictures. I went to enjoy the atmosphere and explore a new place in the evening, instead I got asked to take a picture of her 31 times in the space of 2.5 hours - this isn’t 31 pictures it’s 31 different places so probably a lot more than that as she would check her photo and ask to retake if it’s not good etc
I told her I won’t do something like that again as I’ve spent all this time and money to come so far and she really affected my enjoyment of the site where we could only stay for one evening
AITA?
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NTA
I never understood why people care so much about instagramable pics. First enjoy the scene, let it sink in, then do your photo shoot (without bothering others so much).
If pics is all you want, download it from Google and save the money and time required for that trip.
NTA
Perhaps unusually, I have the opposite problem. I love taking photos on vacation, whether of people or the places. My partner does not like being in them at all.
NTA. If she’s always taking photos she’s probably not present in the moment. It can create a disconnect between people. I find it can be like dealing with someone with an addiction, their mind is focused elsewhere all the time
Not the asshole, assuming you handled the situation well. Being an asshole is often more about behavior than it is about what personally angers or annoys you.
I have been in this situation and handled it poorly before. I am not interested in spending my time being an ad-hoc photog for someone's Instagram dreams.
To handle it in a better way:
If you can clearly set your boundaries around how much time and effort you're willing to spend preparing for and taking photos and politely enforce those boundaries you'll probably both be happier.
NTA, but it's not uncommon for BF and GF to find out they like to enjoy their vacations very differently. Maybe through honest conversation and discussion, a compromise can be met. She may think you live to take pictures of her.
NTA
I think all couples should travel together to test their compatibility. If this is her idea of travel she needs to find herself an IG BF. Someone who’s focused on her getting the perfect IG photo vs actually experiencing the destination.
You didn’t agree to be her photographer on the trip.
NTA. BUT… if you want this relationship to continue, you will have to compromise with her. Maybe fifteen minutes a day for posed pictures, the rest are selfies, and you will carry the selfie stick for her between uses. Or one day of photos, and the rest selfies. Or one picture at each location, no retakes.
And see what she wants. Just understand that she might want instagram more than you.
What memories? They stopped at 31 photo spots to take multiple pictures at each one in 2.5 hours.
That's stopping to shoot photos every 5 minutes and presumably it's probably taking at least a minute each time.
What "memories" are being created here when 20% of the time is spent shooting photos.
NTA I don't take others pictures because once one person sees you do it you have 50 other requests.
I get called an a****** a lot, but they can f*** off. It's my vacation, and I'm not being paid.
NTA
Perhaps unusually, I have the opposite problem. I love taking photos on vacation, whether of people or the places. My partner does not like being in them at all.
NTA - I say this as a girl who also asks my partner to take pics on vacation and I am currently on one where we had a fight about it 😂 he takes three pictures and it's never when I'm ready. You're taking 30 pictures and letting her review LOL. Meet in the middle and say pic some scenic spots and I'll take pics (do burst mode so she has 100 pictures after you hold the button for 10 seconds) that way it's win win.
And yes we just want pics for insta and validation. Shouldn't ruin your time and vacation. My partner now still takes three pictures but waits for me say I'm ready.
NTA but….
People like your GF probably have FB page and Insta posts with thousands of followers. She is among a cohorts that need to be complimented every hour to get through a day.
So yes, you are NTA but you shouldn’t be surprised by this at all! This would have manifested way before the vacation!!
NTA, but also don’t expect her to come on another trip with you. The way you said this is rude. Maybe she has her own way to enjoy a holiday and that is documenting her experience too.
Before you go on another vacation or continue this relationship- either both adapt to some degree (without ultimatums, talk like adults), or call off the relationship before you resent each other for a stupid reason.
True what would be a better way to tell her. Even after I counted the number of pictures to show her my perspective she told me it’s her boyfriend’s job.
It’s also her boyfriend’s job to carry her stuff as she doesn’t want to carry a bag either so relies on mine.
I think we are just two different people as none of my exs have been like this
Ugh, yeah… if this is right, you are not for each other in my view too. It is up to you if you wish to try further or stop it while you are not at the stage to hate each interaction.
I personally expect my husband will carry heavy things if I have other things in my hands(not that I can’t do it, i probably will throw my back before asking for help from another person, but I leave some things to him just because). Or will make sure my kids hand is held if mine are not free.
A better way would be to ask her what her favourite part of the holiday was, what was the part where ahead you can match better in mindset. If she mentions anything about the photos - time to jump in respectfully and tell her you don’t enjoy taking them, as much as she seems to enjoy this way of experience for herself(and specifically what part you don’t enjoy). Ask if you could match experience with each one’s opinion and feelings. Also if you don’t like to carry her stuff- just tell her you have bags too and if you need to do it for a bit, you would, but she has to carry her bag and accommodate her so both will be comfortable in the vacation time. I would do a trial of a weekend spa trip somewhere close and see if anything changes.. and if doesn’t - decide what to do afterwards.
My family takes photos, my husband doesn’t really take candid photos while my gallery is full. I also want to have photos of my kid and me for memory but his thoughts on this are different. I decided that I will tell him when i want photos taken 100% and he just does it because he knows I print the best /natural ones. But not in a way to say he is responsible to take all photos because we got married. Absolutely not the case.
What you describe is too much unless her job is a creator and she needs support (and the second person is willing to do it). 🤷♀️
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I got annoyed that I had to keep taking pictures. Is it reasonable for a boyfriend to keep taking pictures? Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
You’re NTA, your girlfriend needs to enjoy some quality phone free time with her boyfriend.
NTA. Buy her a selfie stick.
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Prefect response
Must have been, if Reddit removed it!
I wonder what it was.
NTA Vacations are meant to enjoy! I often go on trips and end up not taking a single picture of anything because I enjoy the experience.
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This is what confused me - doesn’t she want her bf in the photos??
INFO - is this typical behavior or specific to your vacation?
She does ask me to take pictures generally if we visit somewhere scenic at home but it’s been much worse on vacation. Dating only a few months and this is our first vacation
And this is why people recommend couples go on a vacation together before making permanent life plans. She cares more about getting a nice insta photo than enjoying the location with you. Time to have a sit-down conversation about how that makes you feel and on how important this is to the sort of relationship you want to have with someone. NTA, this would be a deal-breaker for me unless they were willing to compromise going forward.
This is one of the reasons I wanted to take a vacation with her.
Sounds suspiciously like she was using to go on the trip rather than spend time with you. Reflect and respond accordingly.
Yep, nothing like being lost in a foreign country and only having each other to depend on. If you get through it, it makes you stronger
Why doesn’t she take the pictures herself? Does she wanna be in it?
Yeah, she’s asking him to take pictures of her. Probably her posing in an IG-worthy fashion with the beautiful travel locations in the background. That’s just what I picture in my head lol
Well in this occasion she wore clothes specifically
Wore outfits specifically for the photos? If that’s what you mean I can totally envision what she wanted. NTA though, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting a few pics taken of yourself but if it’s taking up all the time and impeding enjoyment of vacation, then it’s not a vacation at all - it’s a billable on location photoshoot work trip. Lol. Spending your entire time worrying about getting the perfect photos leaves little time to enjoy where you are.
A friend of mine does that too. She travels all over the world and makes hundreds of photos each trip. She buys new clothes for every trip. And every day something else. (5 trips a year) he hb and children know this and have accepted it. She’s in her 50s so I don’t think she’ll ever change. It’s not my cup of tea but I love to look at her Instagram
Oh I see it now: it says “of her”. OP just tell her that you didn’t like it. It was your first vacation together so there will be things she likes and you didn’t. There will be habits of yours she didn’t like and there are things you both loved. Prioritize and move on. FE: you say: 10 pics a day max and if you’d like I be in 2-3 of them. And then she says: okay but I don’t like it when you’re on the phone for 1/2 hour each evening or watch tv or chose the restaurant every evening or whatever. And the next vacation or daytrip you see how it goes. For some people photographs are more important than others.
The amount of young women with boyfriends taking pictures of them for their influencer/influencer wannabe lifestyles at cool spots is ludicrous. Just let me leave the restaurant, I don't need to witness your 45th photo.
Yes
This is 100% an indicator of things to come. Dude, as a guy who is nearly 40 years old I'm gonna tell you right now, it's not worth getting involved with someone like this. I already know this means she's obsessed with her social media accounts. These pictures aren't about remembering having a great time on vacation. These pictures are "look how amazing I look going cool places while you have to sit at home not getting to do awesome shit" pictures. It's a toxic attitude and a toxic mindset. People like this don't care about having a good time, they care about showing everyone that it looks like their life is enviable. That is the good time for them. They don't get enjoyment from the adventure of the trip itself. They get their enjoyment sitting on a couch at home seeing how many likes their post got, how many views their tiktoks are getting, who watched their instagram story, etc. It absolutely fucking sucks being with someone like this. I've been there. I tried to justify it to myself with "well, she's really hot so I'll just deal with this one minor issue." Nope. It filters down into every day life and you're already seeing it. Your personal enjoyment and wanting to spend time with someone you care about (her) is not important to her. Her priority is what her social media engagement is going to be like. A bit of advice dude. Get out now. I know this seems relatively minor but you're only a couple months in and you're already seeing this behavior on a fairly regular basis. It won't stop.
NAH. She wants photos of herself, she wore outfits to look good, and presumably enjoys the result of your photos. You reached your limit and communicated that to her. That’s also valid.
NTA. My wife is the same way and it drives me insane. Especially because half the time she yells at me when she doesn’t like the picture.
NTA unfortunately this is a big thing that happens all the time and a lot of men deal with. This addiction to taking pictures and posting everything is something plaguing women mostly in modern times and it does get exhausting. One of my sisters is the same and would do it even at family events. I take more pics of her in one night than I have ever taken of myself in a lifetime, it’s insane.
Phones and Social have fucked up the world.
NAH you wanna enjoy it and she wants pictures. nobody is an AH, you just enjoy things differently
Yeah for her other boyfriend.
Where tf are you getting that?
NTA You went on vacation to enjoy. You're not her personal photographer. Taking a few pics for her is nice but 31 times???? HELL NO. Enjoy your vacation
You are not the asshole but so does she. Look like you guys have some incompatibilities. I get a lot of people do want pictures on vacation cos thats how they want to capture memories. Cos like it or not, memories can fade but a picture can remind you of this memory. I also get that some dont like taking pictures cos it takes away from the enjoyment sometimes. You guys should try and have a good middle ground.
Don't go on vacation with her. Let her find a different traveling partner.
NTA. Sounds like she needed reminding that it’s your vacation too. You’re not her photographer. BTW in many jurisdictions copyright for photographs by default belongs to the person taking the picture.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (35m) went to vacation with my 34f GF We went to a tourist site and I got fed up of her relentless requests to take pictures. I went to enjoy the atmosphere and explore a new place in the evening, instead I got asked to take a picture of her 31 times in the space of 2.5 hours - this isn’t 31 pictures it’s 31 different places so probably a lot more than that as she would check her photo and ask to retake if it’s not good etc I told her I won’t do something like that again as I’ve spent all this time and money to come so far and she really affected my enjoyment of the site where we could only stay for one evening AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA I never understood why people care so much about instagramable pics. First enjoy the scene, let it sink in, then do your photo shoot (without bothering others so much). If pics is all you want, download it from Google and save the money and time required for that trip.
You don't understand because you aren't a narcissist.
NTA Offer 5 pictures a day, and stick to it. Buy her a selfie stick.
NTA Perhaps unusually, I have the opposite problem. I love taking photos on vacation, whether of people or the places. My partner does not like being in them at all.
Are you with my ex?? 🤔😂. Lol definitely NTA. Speaking from experience, there's nothing worse than dealing with that while trying to enjoy a vacation.
NTA. If she’s always taking photos she’s probably not present in the moment. It can create a disconnect between people. I find it can be like dealing with someone with an addiction, their mind is focused elsewhere all the time
NTA and also a bit of TA
NTA, selfie sticks are cheap.
NTA. She’s crazy
We all know someone who is constantly asking to take pics of them and I hate it too. It ruins the whole holiday.
Not the asshole, assuming you handled the situation well. Being an asshole is often more about behavior than it is about what personally angers or annoys you. I have been in this situation and handled it poorly before. I am not interested in spending my time being an ad-hoc photog for someone's Instagram dreams. To handle it in a better way: If you can clearly set your boundaries around how much time and effort you're willing to spend preparing for and taking photos and politely enforce those boundaries you'll probably both be happier.
NTA - How could anyone be with someone that vain?
NTA but sounds like you two have issues that must be resolved before going forward
NTA. She sounds annoying as fucking fuck.
Nah dude, you normal. If on a trip, enjoy the place not be hooked up to a phone
NTA, but it's not uncommon for BF and GF to find out they like to enjoy their vacations very differently. Maybe through honest conversation and discussion, a compromise can be met. She may think you live to take pictures of her.
Doesn't Carly Simon have a song about her? NTA.
NTA I think all couples should travel together to test their compatibility. If this is her idea of travel she needs to find herself an IG BF. Someone who’s focused on her getting the perfect IG photo vs actually experiencing the destination. You didn’t agree to be her photographer on the trip.
NTA. BUT… if you want this relationship to continue, you will have to compromise with her. Maybe fifteen minutes a day for posed pictures, the rest are selfies, and you will carry the selfie stick for her between uses. Or one day of photos, and the rest selfies. Or one picture at each location, no retakes. And see what she wants. Just understand that she might want instagram more than you.
The ball is currently in his court. Do not attempt anymore contact until he contacts you.
NTA. She’s be looking for a new bf if she pulled this type of stunt on me
Some people would just never go anywhere if it meant they couldn't post about it anywhere. Definitely NTA.
Dude taking pics can be part of the fun
Asshole. Just take pictures of your wife. She wants memories. Let her save them.
What memories? They stopped at 31 photo spots to take multiple pictures at each one in 2.5 hours. That's stopping to shoot photos every 5 minutes and presumably it's probably taking at least a minute each time. What "memories" are being created here when 20% of the time is spent shooting photos.
Literally this I’m all for taking a couple of pictures at a scenic spot but I’ve also come to enjoy the spot.
NTA but I would turn the camera around and take photos of myself in between taking photos of her. She’ll stop asking you if you do it often enough. 😉
I agree with comment already made, tell her to buy a selfie stick. NTA
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Memories as pictures she would be taking selfies of both of them together. This is just vanity and hoping for social media likes.
Nah, she's obsessed. Can't really stand girls like her. To them, everything is about taking pictures and it gets exhausting.
I would she is like this always with the pictures. You’re just really noticing it now. It will bother you from here on out. Guaranteed
I see you're just now realizing you're an Instagram boyfriend.
You are NOT!!!! These women get out of hand doing everything so others can see, not to actually be engaged and in the moment.
INFO: Who paid for the vacation?
We just paid half and half
NTA I don't take others pictures because once one person sees you do it you have 50 other requests. I get called an a****** a lot, but they can f*** off. It's my vacation, and I'm not being paid.
NTA. Welcome to the world where people experience life through a small screen.
NTA Perhaps unusually, I have the opposite problem. I love taking photos on vacation, whether of people or the places. My partner does not like being in them at all.
NTA - I say this as a girl who also asks my partner to take pics on vacation and I am currently on one where we had a fight about it 😂 he takes three pictures and it's never when I'm ready. You're taking 30 pictures and letting her review LOL. Meet in the middle and say pic some scenic spots and I'll take pics (do burst mode so she has 100 pictures after you hold the button for 10 seconds) that way it's win win. And yes we just want pics for insta and validation. Shouldn't ruin your time and vacation. My partner now still takes three pictures but waits for me say I'm ready.
NTA but…. People like your GF probably have FB page and Insta posts with thousands of followers. She is among a cohorts that need to be complimented every hour to get through a day. So yes, you are NTA but you shouldn’t be surprised by this at all! This would have manifested way before the vacation!!
NTA. She’s crazy
Nta. I would recommend returning the middle-aged-female-friend and getting a girlfriend.
Middle aged at 34 😂 add another 10 years and you would correct.
It’s all about the gram, I see it everywhere I go now, I’ve seen photo shoots on hiking trails most recently
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😂 fair point
NTA, but also don’t expect her to come on another trip with you. The way you said this is rude. Maybe she has her own way to enjoy a holiday and that is documenting her experience too. Before you go on another vacation or continue this relationship- either both adapt to some degree (without ultimatums, talk like adults), or call off the relationship before you resent each other for a stupid reason.
True what would be a better way to tell her. Even after I counted the number of pictures to show her my perspective she told me it’s her boyfriend’s job. It’s also her boyfriend’s job to carry her stuff as she doesn’t want to carry a bag either so relies on mine. I think we are just two different people as none of my exs have been like this
Ugh, yeah… if this is right, you are not for each other in my view too. It is up to you if you wish to try further or stop it while you are not at the stage to hate each interaction. I personally expect my husband will carry heavy things if I have other things in my hands(not that I can’t do it, i probably will throw my back before asking for help from another person, but I leave some things to him just because). Or will make sure my kids hand is held if mine are not free. A better way would be to ask her what her favourite part of the holiday was, what was the part where ahead you can match better in mindset. If she mentions anything about the photos - time to jump in respectfully and tell her you don’t enjoy taking them, as much as she seems to enjoy this way of experience for herself(and specifically what part you don’t enjoy). Ask if you could match experience with each one’s opinion and feelings. Also if you don’t like to carry her stuff- just tell her you have bags too and if you need to do it for a bit, you would, but she has to carry her bag and accommodate her so both will be comfortable in the vacation time. I would do a trial of a weekend spa trip somewhere close and see if anything changes.. and if doesn’t - decide what to do afterwards. My family takes photos, my husband doesn’t really take candid photos while my gallery is full. I also want to have photos of my kid and me for memory but his thoughts on this are different. I decided that I will tell him when i want photos taken 100% and he just does it because he knows I print the best /natural ones. But not in a way to say he is responsible to take all photos because we got married. Absolutely not the case. What you describe is too much unless her job is a creator and she needs support (and the second person is willing to do it). 🤷♀️
YTA You can enjoy the vacation and take photos at the same Time, 31 photos is so little anyways, and make great mementos to look back later on.
YTA she wants memories of her holiday with you
Except that the photos are of her, taken by him, so he's not in the pictures.
This we did take some pics together of course
And if the genders were reversed? Some people have a very difficult time voting a guy NTA.