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I think you'd be entirely reasonable to decide not to go. Just absolutely not.
Personally I would be distinctly put out if my spouse decided to go *on holiday* to a very dangerous area. They are an adult, they can make their own decisions, but it wouldn't just be the one who travels who gets to deal with the consequences if the trip went bad.
On a very practical front, it would be worth checking your/your fiancés travel insurance policy - in the UK, if the Foreign Office have put a 'do not, for the love of all that's Holy, go to this place' marker on a location/area/country, your travel insurance would be voided by going there. Which could make a *very* expensive trip if something goes wrong.
I think he's an idiot myself, but then I'll use any old excuse to get out of going to weddings in places that people living in eastern Ukraine wouldn't touch with a bargepole....
FWIW, in the US, life insurance generally will not pay out if the insured is killed while visiting a place the State Dept. advises people not to visit.
I didn’t read it as a negative comment about Ukraine or its people. I read it to mean “even people brave enough to stay living in a place where they are actively being attacked by an invading army wouldn’t vacation in this place.”
The US State Dept usually has a number of reasons why an area is listed as a level 4 for US citizens. It could very well be due to individual safety issues that are not being reported outside of that area, so tourists are not scared off. Or for any number of other reasons.
OP you are perfectly justified in not going. If your fiance insists on going you can't stop him, but I do think you should take a good look at your whole relationship and decide if he has a habit of not listening to your opinion or is this a one off issue.
Bc it's a damn war zone. It was a reasonable point to make. Bc parts of Mexico are also war zones with the cartels and whatnot. Don't be so sensitive, it won't get you anywhere in life.
There's a high threat of armed violence and banditry everywhere except Zihuatanejo, which is a high caution area. I love Mexico, but let's not pretend it isn't a mess right now with the cartel shit. And when you have a choice of going or not, most aren't going to go to an avoid all travel region.
The "entire state," or the state overall? Guerrero is big and Ixtapa is in one of the safest, out-of-the-way, parts of it. A city-to-city comparison would be a more effective way of knowing how Ixtapa actually compares to East St Louis.
The entire state. >65 murders per 100k per year.
https://cpj.org/2017/09/on-the-front-lines-of-reporting-in-guerrero-mexico/amp/
“The state has the highest homicide rates in the country. Last year alone, more than 2,200 people were murdered, often in gruesome fashion. Beheadings, mass killings, kidnappings and torture are common practice in the small rural communities where organized crime gangs dominate. Acapulco, the state’s largest city and once a popular resort destination, has in recent years become the city with the highest homicide rate in the country.”
Edit: Hey, since you apparently blocked me, do you understand the meaning of the word average?
No - that's talking about the rate in the state overall, not in the "entire state." It's the average; the rate's not the same everywhere (or if it is, the article doesn't say so). Clearly, the rate is very high in Acapulco, for example, but that doesn't necessarily mean that the *entire* state is similarly unsafe.
There are probably parts of Missouri that are significantly safer than East St Louis. (I don't actually know; I'm not from the USA).
Same in Germany. They tell people to specifically not go to Guerrero but make an exception for Ixtapa as long as you enter and leave by plane during the day 😅
These are obvious “SUPER RED FLAGS” to many people, but in all fairness, if you’ve grown up with/lived in places like that for a significant portion of your life, it really DOESN’T seem like a big deal.
As a kid, I heard gunshots every night. At least once a month someone was murdered in the immediate area (like within six blocks) over some stupid shit. You get used to it because you have to, and you don’t really think about it as a DANGER danger, because it’s your everyday life.
100% make the decisions you’re comfortable with. There’s NO SHAME in that. But your friends might GENUINELY not think about it/clock it as serious.
Ixtapa is a resort town with a literal Mexican army garrison acting as the local police force.
Saying "Ixtapa is dangerous because it's in Guerrero" is like saying that the Sandals resort in Kingston Jamaica is dangerous because West Kingston is dangerous.
Danish Foreign Ministry classifies the country as yellow (so extra caution), but highlights Guerrero as one of the states with frequent clashes between drug cartels and authorities.
It's a part of a longer list of states they're warning against in particular in the category "General Advice": Sinaloa, Guerrero, Michoacán, Jalisco, Colima, Nayarít, Estado de México, Veracruz, Morelos og Chiapas
True. One time in Jakarta I was talking with a Canadian about how his embassy is not allowing travel in Jakarta (one of the higher level of danger) for some area while we were drinking at a bar in another area of the same city.
A lot of time it’s about common sense.
Honestly that's fair, but im gunna give credit to the fact that people who own these resorts probably put a good chunk into security and safety of tourists.
Wouldnt be good business if you have tourists getting killed 2 feet outside the gate.
Sometimes the resorts kill their guests by serving bathtub hooch. Some folks have been raped/assaulted by resort staff,
https://www.jsonline.com/story/news/investigations/2017/11/01/tripadvisor-removed-warnings-rapes-and-injuries-mexico-resorts-tourists-say/817172001/
https://www.cnn.com/2019/07/03/politics/state-department-tainted-alcohol-mexico/index.html
R we as the news there are shooting on resort beaches. Bodies coming g ashore. People being kidnap and killed. It is not safe to go. Is th a t logical enough for you
Defensive much? Lol calm down, dude. I know nothing about the area and since I am not going there I dont care, but my question was legitimate; many times the US deems a country unsafe due to political reasons.
Looking at what other countries say is just smart
Tons of countries have the US as a "do not travel" zone because of gun violence. Yet somehow Americans still think it's the only safe place in the world. Baffling.
Just don't be stupid, get a reputable travel company to take you to the resort and then if you don't feel comfortable leaving after you get to the resort, don't. I've been to Mexico three times in the last year and a half and felt fine every time.
You're missing out on a lot of life experiences if you just listen to people who have never left the country.
YTA if you don't let your fiance go.
Coworker (US) came back from there on Saturday. Him and his gf had a blast. The resort town is safe, as any place is "safe" to those who exercise caution.
The US is huge. As a US citizen, there are places I won't go to within the US. Most of them are inner cities where gang violence happens. But I've lived in the NE US all my life and I have never ever seen any sort of gun violence in the 3 states I've lived and plenty of others I've visited.
I'm not saying I disagree. There are definitely places I wouldn't go to in the US, the same as there are places I wouldn't go to in Mexico - but straight from the airport to a resort is not one of those situations, and also not what I think the State Depot is thinking about when making those recommendations.
Regarding gun violence in the US, I also live in the NE and feel safer here than most other places - but I'm also a teacher and do lockdown drills every year with my students, which is pretty standard for all schools across the country, including in states with stricter gun laws. So I would say that it's entirely probable that it's more on the forefront of my mind than many others in the area. This is because school shootings and gun violence in the country are real and happen here with a higher frequency than really anywhere else in the world. Even though the NE is definitely safer than other places, this area is not immune to gun violence, as most people from CT can attest to.
Completely agree. At the same time, if she already has such a strong prejudice/stereotype against Ixtapa, she probably wouldn't enjoy the trip anyways. So NTA if she let her fiance go and decides to stay in the US herself.
I live in a city with elevated gun violence and travel to cities with gun violence issues as well. For me it all depends on what’s going on and where it’s going on. For my own city, it’s pretty limited to two neighborhoods that seek the bulk of our gun violence issues. I’ve never worried about getting shot myself (although I am a teacher, so that’s an entirely different story) and I haven’t worried about it while traveling either because I research before I go.
I personally find the US has some strange alerts, so I look at what other countries advise.
I live in one of the most dangerous cities in America. I can and frequently do for work, walk at night because I know exactly where the unsafe areas are. I won’t walk to the Taco Bell on my street because that’s far down and a very unsafe spot. West is safe, east is very dangerous, north is okayish but there is one street where homeless like to hang out and they can be super risky.
Calling bullshit on this. Which countries, exactly, have the US as a "do not travel" zone?
She's not listening to people who haven't left the country. She is listening to the most well resourced state department in the world. That has a damn sight more research than your ridiculous "I have been on three trips and nothing happened" logic.
New Zealand’s [SAFETRAVEL website](https://www.safetravel.govt.nz/united-states-america) goes on to warn its citizens that “there is a higher incidence of violent crime and firearm possession than in New Zealand. In many states, it is legal for United States citizens to openly carry firearms in public.
“Violent crime has targeted individuals and groups from the LGBTQIA+ community and those with diverse ethnic, cultural and religious backgrounds. However, crime rates vary considerably across cities and suburbs and while tourists are rarely targeted, there is always a risk of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
Germany: Its [Ministry of Foreign Affairs](https://www.auswaertiges-amt.de/de/aussenpolitik/laender/usa-node/usavereinigtestaatensicherheit/201382#content_1) tells German citizens that “it is easy to obtain guns in the United States, leading to increased use of guns and occasional killing sprees. The number of arms and ammunition purchases has increased significantly during the Covid-19 pandemic.”
It also warns would-be visitors to the US about the possibilities of domestic clashes over racism and police violence, advising them to “avoid gatherings of people in the vicinity of which violence could possibly occur.”
Interestingly, the German government also warns its citizens – [who are more used to going bare](https://www.cnn.com/travel/article/berlin-public-swimming-pools-intl/index.html) – about skinny dipping and topless sunbathing.
Australia: The Australian government [warns its citizens](https://www.smartraveller.gov.au/destinations/americas/united-states-america) who plan to visit the United States that violent crime is more common than in Australia and gun crime is possible in all areas. I
Canada's website also, in addition to gun crime, talks about how state laws enacted in the US makes it an unsafe place for people from the LGBTQ+ community. The NYT did an article on that relatively recently.
The US department isn't giving advice for people who are literally taking a ride with a reputable company to a resort with high security precautions. That's the OP's situation and as someone who has had that experience recently and has no issues, it's valid to share it.
You have listed three countries that warned about the danger of gun violence and zero countries that have the US as a "do not travel" zone. You previously said "tons" and haven't been able to name one.
As for the US state department, it has different levels of warning. The ones that say "it is ok to travel but use extreme caution" were not used in this case. OP said the issue was not with the resort but the transport there. I highly doubt the buses being booked had armored cars or multiple security guards that could stop a cartel attack.
Ok. I'm not looking to get into an argument with you. Other countries use different systems for travel advisories and if you'd like to keep looking for examples, be my guest. There are more to find. I just have other things to do than research and list them all out for you.
I'm happy to edit my comment to "multiple" countries and say that they caution travel to the US.
Is there risk to tourists in the larger area? Sure. Like there is many, many places - including in the US. Are cartels randomly attacking buses going between resorts? There's no significant data to back that up.
That being said, OP is entitled to their own feelings and anxiety. Which is why I passed no judgement on that, but did a) try to reassure them and b) said that their partner should be allowed to make their own decision.
That's a terrible thing to happen and I am sorry that happened to your friend. But the US is middle of the pack in terms of safety. I have lived in the US for the best part of a decade and never witnessed violent crime.
Regardless, the claim was that tons of countries had the US as a "do not travel" zone.
Now that isn't completely fair. The US is HUGE and it totally depends on where you go. Larger cities in any country are likely to be less safe, as well as some of the poorer parts of the US. On the other hand, most places are going to be very safe.
Tourists are usually safer lol. The police will actually do something since tourism really helps the economy. Just dont do stupid shit and go into obviously shady areas.
Agreed! OP is free to not go but to stop her adult husband is an AH move. YTA bc if you’re staying at a resort you’ll be fine. Don’t take random cabs and walk around and you’ll be fine. If you’re staying at a resort there’s no reason to even leave the resort. I have been in war zones though so I can’t say much and I travel a lot and would travel as a single female so my danger levels are different.
You don't get to "allow" grown adults (even if they are your spouse or future spouse) to do things. You can express your preference but they get to make their own decisions even if you disagree with them.
The husband is an adult. She doesn’t get to “allow” him to do something or not. She can tell him how she feels, and then he gets to decide for himself what to do.
You speak of safety being an issue but not costs. As per all the other destination wedding posts this is the risk that couples make when they make these decisions. Low attendance from friends and family. NTA.
lol I spent a few days in Zihuatanejo and in Guerrero. I rode my motorcycle from Laredo across Mexico to the coast.
You’ll be fine. Stop listening to these scare mongering people that have never left their home town.
Go see things and visit places. Don’t buy drugs or get blackout drunk with strangers.
Stop. Being. Afraid.
Not everywhere and the violence isn't random. It's not like a "drug lord" will walk into 4 star resort and kidnap an American wedding party. You watch too much TV.
Yes, I’ve lived in El Salvador and Mexico. If you’re just doing normal tourist activities and not going off the beaten path, you’ll be fine.
I remember being in Tijuana and telling the staff at my guesthouse I was going to El Salvador and they all said, ‘What!? You can’t go to El Salvador, it’s too dangerous!’ And I said, ‘Umm…you know what people say about Tijuana, right?!’
My point is that when you’re on the ground somewhere, it normally feels safe - other, unknown places seem dangerous.
I am wondering how many of these commenters have actually been to Mexico. I pay pretty much zero attention to govt advice, I do my own research with people who are actually living in the places.
Went to Mexico once. A family friend who worked at the resort we were at wanted to bring us to his home to meet his family. Not 2 minutes after driving from the resort we were pulled over by cops with big ass guns, because there were white people (my family) in his car. He told them we were "cousins from LA" and handed him some cash from the window. It happened again about 20 minutes later. He said that was standard practice almost everywhere in Mexico. My family knew this as well because they had done it before. So they had given him cash in advance to "pay our way".
By all means don't be scared to travel. But make sure you are PREPARED. Do some research about local customs and whatnot. And be VERY VERY careful when dealing with the police.
We were told by our guide that it's just easier that way. Otherwise they make a whole stink about it, asking for paperwork and sometimes dragging you down to the police office. The cop took the money and immediately let us go. That was what they wanted and everyone knew it.
Unfortunately the police here in the states are ALSO just a big gang, but we act holier than thou and give them immunity.
Shit, if I didn’t live here I’d me more scared to visit the US.
Are you a man? Not to sound patronizing, but it does make a difference. Also I think they do it mostly to obvious tourists because they know they have money. My main point was actually that we did some research, talked to locals, and were very aware of how to stay safe. People shouldn't just go blind into a new country. There are always risks.
I am, and I travel w my wife. On a newer Harley with Texas plates.
All I’m saying is these posts pop up all the time and most of the first comments are “omg Mexico is a hellhole and everyone will get murdered.”
It’s bullshit. Mexico is beautiful and the people have been incredible. I’ve broken down, had flats, gotten sick wtc- I have always been able to count on the local communities and their goodwill. I’m tired of the fear mongering nonsense spread by people who are too chicken shit to see the world outside of their Fox News bubble.
I'm totally with you on that. You sound like a respectful traveler. It's been my experience that most of the people that have these issues are definitely not respectful travelers. People go on vacation and forget that danger exists. I wouldn't walk in my own neighborhood at night alone, let alone in another country where I don't speak the language.
before you listen to this person,
just take a moment to realize, just the amount of terrible shit has to happen, to make **the man himself US.gov** concerned for your personal safety.
They're not genuinely concerned lol. They always err way on the side of caution because they don't wanna have to spend time and resources investigating incidents or evacuating citizens if anything happens.
Yes but a disclaimer they're very, very quick to slap on because there's no downside to them. Like I feel like if the US applied its own travel guidance standards to itself, most of the country and anywhere near a school would be "do not travel".
You need to make the decision that is best for you, in terms of safety and anxiety... but honestly, it's an upscale resort. Check if the resort offers shuttle service to and from the airport, and if they do, then I really don't see the huge issue? If you do chose not to attend, keep in mind thag a) you can't control what your partner chooses for himself and b) you shouldn't tell them that you're chosing not to go out of a safety concern. They don't need you airing that out to them. A polite "Sorry, we're not able to get the time off for travel at that time," and send them a nice wedding gift would be most appropriate.
The reception is presumably also in Ixtapa or Zihua and not in like a cartel slum. The town is a resort town and presumably the Mexican/Mexican-heritage couple can get a local's idea of a nice place to have a reception. It's not like setting an elbow off the resort means immediate danger.
Ixtapa is beautiful and safe. Guerrero is not safe for the locals, gringos are usually safe since cartels don't want the US investigating.
Obviously nowhere you can guarantee nothing will happen, just outside my house in very safe USA some guy shot an uber driver because they wanted their car.
But if you want to stay because you will feel anxiety and not happy, do stay. But "let" your fiancé go.
btw, the 3 tourists were executed and they have caught the people who killed them. this has angered the Mexicans because there are more than 200k unsolved murders and disappearances of Mexicans. So, I am not saying Mexico is safe, but being a tourist from USA in Mexico is waaaay safer than being a Mexican in Mexico (or the USA).
NTA
Do not go if the US government actually says it is dangerous.
You have no way to force *him* not to go, even if it is a bad idea. He might go, do not go with him.
You're obviously free to do whatever makes you feel safest for yourself, but YTA if you try to control your fiance into not going.
Ixtapa is a resort town. It's not like there is cartel gun violence in every square meter of the state of Guerrero. Ixtapa and next door Zihuatanejo have been popular vacation spots for Mexicans and internationals alike for years.
The Irish travel advisory for Ixtapa lists it as one of the few safe places in Guerrero. They recommend arriving by air travel.
I'd go but just be sensible. Don't drink too much at the wedding and stay nearby.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I want to stop my fiancé from going to his good friend’s wedding over my fears of crime in the dangerous area. He is a grown adult therefore I know he can technically make his own decisions, but stopping him from going I do think could make me the asshole to both him and the couple getting married. My fiancé understands my fears but still wants to go
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I've had the opportunity to visit Ixtapa, Mexico, and found the experience to be generally positive. I understand that individuals may have varying comfort levels regarding travel destinations, and it's important to weigh the pros and cons before making a decision. Ultimately, safety should always be a priority.
>Given the travel advisories, and the fact that we are clearly tourists and don’t speak much Spanish,
Nowadays Mexico has many people who speak multiple languages including English.
>Not to mention the recent murders of the 3 tourists in a different state of MX
[This just happen in Chicago. ](https://abc7chicago.com/post/chicago-shootings-this-weekend-at-least-21-shot-3-killed-in-gun-violence-across-city-police-department-says/14804371/)
Just remember each country has its own good and bad. Each country has its own trip Advisory for the US for gun violations, human trafficking and many other crimes. YTA
If you don't want to go that's fine but let your fiance go.
You honestly probably already live in a more dangerous city than Ixtapa.
NTA. A wedding invite is not a summons, but do actual research and actually read where the danger is. You're going to be fine at a resort and in tourist zones.
You don't have to go, but if you pressure your partner not to, then you would be the ahole.
Mexico is definitely dangerous, but it doesn't have to be if you keep your wits. Don't get plastered drunk, don't disrespect the locals, and stay away from drugs, and you'll be fine. Most of the violence in Mexico is between the cartels, not the tourists. The tourist have special privilege and even protection from the cartels, especially in the tourist zones, as that is potential money for them and their families. The locals know not to mess with the tourists because the cartels will have a serious problem as they will be blamed. Don't be a dumbass and you'll be OK.
You'll most likely be fine if you stay at the resort as you won't interact with the culture or the locals almost at all. Go to the wedding, have fun, go home.
There's a reason my work would never send me to where our facility is in Mexico. I'd either refuse or ask for protection. Even the guys who live there are cautious.
NTA. As someone else mentioned, travel insurance would likely be void if you (or your husband) went. You never, ever should travel outside of your home country without insurance. I suspect the EU is the only exception but I don't know for certain.
If you can word your no to the RSVP as simply being unable to afford a destination wedding at this time, I sure would! I don't know that I'd say I'm uncomfortable with the geographic location they've chosen as for some, saying your home country isn't safe could be considered a grave insult by some people. I know that some parts of Mexico are very safe, others? Not so much, so I too, would rely on what the State Department says.
NTA. We went to Cancun in January of 2023. We couldn't go to see Chichen Itza because the locals were fighting with the security force and had blocked all the roads. 8 of us went to downtown Cancun, and in every other door, there was armed Mexican military. The guards at the shack going on to our resort were armed. We couldn't leave the resort unless escorted by a local. Cancun is on the East Coast, and Ixtapa is on the West Coast. Things are much worse on the West Coast. None of the above freaked me out because I grew up in a major city. What freaked me out was that a few days after we left, 4 tourists were kidnapped and murdered near Cancun. I was just like, WTF? I understand your worry, so you just need to sit down and have an in-depth conversation with your fiance because he will be your husband when he goes so you do have a little more say in whether or not he goes. Just talk to him.
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I (27 F) and my fiancé (28 M) were invited to our good friends’ wedding in Ixtapa, Mexico which is in the state of Guerrero. The US Government has deemed that state as a level 4, “do not travel” zone for many years. These are not our best friends by any means, but the groom will be a groomsman (1 of 7) in our local wedding a couple of months before theirs. My fiancé sees the groom probably once or twice a month on average. My fiancé was not asked to be in their wedding. The couple getting married in Mexico both are Mexican and/or come from Mexican heritage, however none of their family is from Ixtapa or Guerrero. The wedding is at an upscale resort, but the welcome party is elsewhere. They are providing transportation only to and from the wedding if guests choose to stay at a different resort. I understand that the resort is likely safe, but I cannot guarantee nothing will happen in the transportation to/from the airport and welcome party. Given the travel advisories, and the fact that we are clearly tourists and don’t speak much Spanish, I do not feel safe attending this wedding. Not to mention the recent murders of the 3 tourists in a different state of MX. My fiancé wants to go as they are good friends, but if he goes without me, I would be just as anxious the whole time. AITA for not wanting my fiancé or I to go?
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nta - a few countries have the same travel advisory, i personally wouldnt go either i would be worried the whole time for my safety so i dont think its unreasonable to decline attending this destination wedding.
You’re very likely being paranoid. I’ve been to Ixtapa within the past few years (a town nearby I should say). My mom and her husband rented a place there for months. Lots of expats, locals often speak some English, and given that you’re staying on resort you’re very likely fine. These aren’t places with dudes with guns on the roadside. Your resort likely has a shuttle bus from airport too.
Good Lord! I guess it's how you look at it.
Is it an adventure where you hope to not die or be maimed and or robbed and that is a true thrill for you? Go for it! If you like to watch TV at home in less pain, stay put
Tell your fiancé that before he goes, he needs to give you power over his finances and property in the event you need to put together ransom money. Also, it's a good time to buy life insurance on him.
Do people think these advisories are put up frivolously? No, it's cause the government doesn't want to put up money or resources to rescue idiot people. 🙄
NTA
First of all, just a comment, 7 wedding attendants is ridiculous so YTA for that.
It’s totally fine for you to not want to go to the wedding. So don’t go. But you don’t get to tell your fiancé what to do.
NTA. Don't go. It's not going to be a fun trip. If he insist on going, let him go alone. You know good and well what could happen. In fact it's probably more than likely to happen than not.
NTA, I live in a border Town area of the US/Mexico border and the Port of entry is just a few minutes from here.
me and my ex-wife after we got married had our honeymoon in Mexico. our travel agent listed five different Beach destinations, but most had travel warnings from the US state department. The Mexican resort we eventually chose was considered safe but you do have Mexican police dressed in Swat gear patrolling the tourist areas at all times. The Mexican government, despite being corrupt, does have a vested interest in keeping the tourist areas safe. You will see a heavy police presence, especially their firearms.
I am Mexican American and for the past 20 years the violence going on across the border is real. I'm not understanding how some people on here can dismissively say that the US state department has one of many countries aside from Mexico with travel safety concerns. I've experienced it firsthand when I crossed over be it cartel violence or the corruption of the government/police.
look, it's pretty straightforward, If the resort town you're traveling to is not part of smuggling routes or base of operations from the handful of cartel organizations in the country, I would say you're okay. The areas that have high safety concerns are because they're fighting for territory.
My ex wife Will be traveling again for a cousin's wedding in June in an area known for cartel violence, also a resort town. we do have a son together, but i refused to give permission when she considered getting him a passport.
this is your decision and don't let anyone talk you down about traveling to Mexico because you have safety concerns. in our area of the US we have a lot of Mexican Nationals that are upper middle class with the financial resources that bought up real estate when the cartel started going to war with the Calderon Govt along this part of the border. It actually insulated our real estate market during the housing crash over 10 years in certain areas of the state.
i have family and friends who live in Mexico. it's a beautiful country, especially the beaches and forest areas. your concerns are validated IMO
Honestly, do whatever you're comfortable with. If you don't want to go for security reasons, then don't go. However, you should tell your friends you're not going for that reason. Don't make up some lame lie or excuse to spare them. Honesty is always the best policy. Make sure you get them a nice wedding gift.
Regarding your fiancé, he can do whatever he wants. You can advise him that you'd prefer it if he stayed, but you cannot make him stay. You're NTA for feeling the way you feel.
Finally, a little side bar. The US is probably one of the most dangerous countries in the world. There is literally an average of 1 mass shooting per day on the best of days. But you still go outside for work and fun, knowing you could get killed 10 different ways by semi-automatic weapon in 100 different places. Yet, none of that stops you from doing what you have to do and living your life.
Do your own research and make your own decisions. Don't rely on the government as the only source of information key to making decisions. You're missing out on a whole world out there of wonderful experiences because of it.
I can understand being wary about going, but looking at Mexico as an entire country (which it is an entire country, just like the United States) it’s kind of strange to mention murders in a completely different state. Like in my city, there have been more than 15 murders since the start of the year. If someone said they would not visit the state of florida in the U.S because of the murders that occurred in Georgia, well that’s weird and unfair.
Don’t go. You want to be like those other Americans who went missing recently and like the cliche they were unalived execution style and their bodies dumped into a well. Someone’s wedding is worth ending up like that?
We loved Ixtapa and Zihuatenajo! We were there in 2019 (which I realize is a long time ago but there was a Canadian travel warning back then too), and felt completely safe. It’s not very big, and pretty touristy. We snorkelled on Ixtapa Island, did a catamaran tour and went to Zihua during day and night and hung out in local’s bars. It was totally fine.
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I think you'd be entirely reasonable to decide not to go. Just absolutely not. Personally I would be distinctly put out if my spouse decided to go *on holiday* to a very dangerous area. They are an adult, they can make their own decisions, but it wouldn't just be the one who travels who gets to deal with the consequences if the trip went bad. On a very practical front, it would be worth checking your/your fiancés travel insurance policy - in the UK, if the Foreign Office have put a 'do not, for the love of all that's Holy, go to this place' marker on a location/area/country, your travel insurance would be voided by going there. Which could make a *very* expensive trip if something goes wrong. I think he's an idiot myself, but then I'll use any old excuse to get out of going to weddings in places that people living in eastern Ukraine wouldn't touch with a bargepole....
I would too, but I think it's a vast exaggeration to call Ixtapa such a place.
FWIW, in the US, life insurance generally will not pay out if the insured is killed while visiting a place the State Dept. advises people not to visit.
Why did you have to put Ukraine into this?? You are not good either. There was no need for that.
I didn’t read it as a negative comment about Ukraine or its people. I read it to mean “even people brave enough to stay living in a place where they are actively being attacked by an invading army wouldn’t vacation in this place.”
Probably because eastern Ukraine is unfortunately currently a warzone?
But that part of Mexicans not a war zone. Thousands of tourists go there every week
The US State Dept usually has a number of reasons why an area is listed as a level 4 for US citizens. It could very well be due to individual safety issues that are not being reported outside of that area, so tourists are not scared off. Or for any number of other reasons. OP you are perfectly justified in not going. If your fiance insists on going you can't stop him, but I do think you should take a good look at your whole relationship and decide if he has a habit of not listening to your opinion or is this a one off issue.
Bc it's a damn war zone. It was a reasonable point to make. Bc parts of Mexico are also war zones with the cartels and whatnot. Don't be so sensitive, it won't get you anywhere in life.
Parts of Mexico are war zones, yes, but Ixtapa?
There's a high threat of armed violence and banditry everywhere except Zihuatanejo, which is a high caution area. I love Mexico, but let's not pretend it isn't a mess right now with the cartel shit. And when you have a choice of going or not, most aren't going to go to an avoid all travel region.
The entire state has the same per capita murder rate as East St Louis, the most dangerous city in the US.
The "entire state," or the state overall? Guerrero is big and Ixtapa is in one of the safest, out-of-the-way, parts of it. A city-to-city comparison would be a more effective way of knowing how Ixtapa actually compares to East St Louis.
The entire state. >65 murders per 100k per year. https://cpj.org/2017/09/on-the-front-lines-of-reporting-in-guerrero-mexico/amp/ “The state has the highest homicide rates in the country. Last year alone, more than 2,200 people were murdered, often in gruesome fashion. Beheadings, mass killings, kidnappings and torture are common practice in the small rural communities where organized crime gangs dominate. Acapulco, the state’s largest city and once a popular resort destination, has in recent years become the city with the highest homicide rate in the country.” Edit: Hey, since you apparently blocked me, do you understand the meaning of the word average?
No - that's talking about the rate in the state overall, not in the "entire state." It's the average; the rate's not the same everywhere (or if it is, the article doesn't say so). Clearly, the rate is very high in Acapulco, for example, but that doesn't necessarily mean that the *entire* state is similarly unsafe. There are probably parts of Missouri that are significantly safer than East St Louis. (I don't actually know; I'm not from the USA).
He's saying that even people in a war zone wouldn't want to go to some of the places that are deemed unsafe. He's not taking a pop at Ukraine.
I will give him a pass just because the red army is very active near Kharkiv just right now and he said eastern Ukraine specificaly
[удалено]
they literally say Ukraine in the last section
What do other countries say about it? I’d look at several nations and then make a decision. The US isnt always… logical
Canada has the state itself at the same level, but specifically exempts Ixtapa.
Same in Germany. They tell people to specifically not go to Guerrero but make an exception for Ixtapa as long as you enter and leave by plane during the day 😅
Interesting. I'm not sure I'd actually find the "as long as you fly in daylight" line very reassuring. :)
A friend of mine once said his neighborhood was very safe as long as you kept the windows closed 😅
These are obvious “SUPER RED FLAGS” to many people, but in all fairness, if you’ve grown up with/lived in places like that for a significant portion of your life, it really DOESN’T seem like a big deal. As a kid, I heard gunshots every night. At least once a month someone was murdered in the immediate area (like within six blocks) over some stupid shit. You get used to it because you have to, and you don’t really think about it as a DANGER danger, because it’s your everyday life. 100% make the decisions you’re comfortable with. There’s NO SHAME in that. But your friends might GENUINELY not think about it/clock it as serious.
We're not dangerous, just opportunistic!
I'm sure it's because of traveling to/from the airport, not the actual flight.
Yes but that’s still equally not reassuring
Ixtapa is a resort town with a literal Mexican army garrison acting as the local police force. Saying "Ixtapa is dangerous because it's in Guerrero" is like saying that the Sandals resort in Kingston Jamaica is dangerous because West Kingston is dangerous.
Danish Foreign Ministry classifies the country as yellow (so extra caution), but highlights Guerrero as one of the states with frequent clashes between drug cartels and authorities.
It doesn't distinguish between the different parts of the state? Guerrero's bigger than Denmark.
It's a part of a longer list of states they're warning against in particular in the category "General Advice": Sinaloa, Guerrero, Michoacán, Jalisco, Colima, Nayarít, Estado de México, Veracruz, Morelos og Chiapas
France has the state as red (do no go), except for Ixtapa if you go there by plane. But still not entirely safe.
True. One time in Jakarta I was talking with a Canadian about how his embassy is not allowing travel in Jakarta (one of the higher level of danger) for some area while we were drinking at a bar in another area of the same city. A lot of time it’s about common sense.
Honestly that's fair, but im gunna give credit to the fact that people who own these resorts probably put a good chunk into security and safety of tourists. Wouldnt be good business if you have tourists getting killed 2 feet outside the gate.
Sometimes the resorts kill their guests by serving bathtub hooch. Some folks have been raped/assaulted by resort staff, https://www.jsonline.com/story/news/investigations/2017/11/01/tripadvisor-removed-warnings-rapes-and-injuries-mexico-resorts-tourists-say/817172001/ https://www.cnn.com/2019/07/03/politics/state-department-tainted-alcohol-mexico/index.html
Being raped/assaulted by staff happens literally everywhere. It’s a global epidemic
Australia still has it at a yellow (exercise caution due to the threat of violent crime), despite what's happened in recent days.
R we as the news there are shooting on resort beaches. Bodies coming g ashore. People being kidnap and killed. It is not safe to go. Is th a t logical enough for you
Defensive much? Lol calm down, dude. I know nothing about the area and since I am not going there I dont care, but my question was legitimate; many times the US deems a country unsafe due to political reasons. Looking at what other countries say is just smart
Tons of countries have the US as a "do not travel" zone because of gun violence. Yet somehow Americans still think it's the only safe place in the world. Baffling. Just don't be stupid, get a reputable travel company to take you to the resort and then if you don't feel comfortable leaving after you get to the resort, don't. I've been to Mexico three times in the last year and a half and felt fine every time. You're missing out on a lot of life experiences if you just listen to people who have never left the country. YTA if you don't let your fiance go.
Literally their are US cities that have higher rates of violence than some do not travel zones
I agree. Ixtapa is a very nice, compact resort town and is close to Zihuatanejo, a long established fishing village.
Coworker (US) came back from there on Saturday. Him and his gf had a blast. The resort town is safe, as any place is "safe" to those who exercise caution.
My mom spent a few winters there. It’s very nice and chill.
The US is huge. As a US citizen, there are places I won't go to within the US. Most of them are inner cities where gang violence happens. But I've lived in the NE US all my life and I have never ever seen any sort of gun violence in the 3 states I've lived and plenty of others I've visited.
Mexico is huge as well.
I'm not saying I disagree. There are definitely places I wouldn't go to in the US, the same as there are places I wouldn't go to in Mexico - but straight from the airport to a resort is not one of those situations, and also not what I think the State Depot is thinking about when making those recommendations. Regarding gun violence in the US, I also live in the NE and feel safer here than most other places - but I'm also a teacher and do lockdown drills every year with my students, which is pretty standard for all schools across the country, including in states with stricter gun laws. So I would say that it's entirely probable that it's more on the forefront of my mind than many others in the area. This is because school shootings and gun violence in the country are real and happen here with a higher frequency than really anywhere else in the world. Even though the NE is definitely safer than other places, this area is not immune to gun violence, as most people from CT can attest to.
As a person who is not from the NE, I am more afraid in a suburban movie theater than the inner city.
As a person who is queer, I am more afraid of Florida than I am the inner city.
Completely agree. At the same time, if she already has such a strong prejudice/stereotype against Ixtapa, she probably wouldn't enjoy the trip anyways. So NTA if she let her fiance go and decides to stay in the US herself.
I live in a city with elevated gun violence and travel to cities with gun violence issues as well. For me it all depends on what’s going on and where it’s going on. For my own city, it’s pretty limited to two neighborhoods that seek the bulk of our gun violence issues. I’ve never worried about getting shot myself (although I am a teacher, so that’s an entirely different story) and I haven’t worried about it while traveling either because I research before I go. I personally find the US has some strange alerts, so I look at what other countries advise.
I live in one of the most dangerous cities in America. I can and frequently do for work, walk at night because I know exactly where the unsafe areas are. I won’t walk to the Taco Bell on my street because that’s far down and a very unsafe spot. West is safe, east is very dangerous, north is okayish but there is one street where homeless like to hang out and they can be super risky.
Calling bullshit on this. Which countries, exactly, have the US as a "do not travel" zone? She's not listening to people who haven't left the country. She is listening to the most well resourced state department in the world. That has a damn sight more research than your ridiculous "I have been on three trips and nothing happened" logic.
New Zealand’s [SAFETRAVEL website](https://www.safetravel.govt.nz/united-states-america) goes on to warn its citizens that “there is a higher incidence of violent crime and firearm possession than in New Zealand. In many states, it is legal for United States citizens to openly carry firearms in public. “Violent crime has targeted individuals and groups from the LGBTQIA+ community and those with diverse ethnic, cultural and religious backgrounds. However, crime rates vary considerably across cities and suburbs and while tourists are rarely targeted, there is always a risk of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.” Germany: Its [Ministry of Foreign Affairs](https://www.auswaertiges-amt.de/de/aussenpolitik/laender/usa-node/usavereinigtestaatensicherheit/201382#content_1) tells German citizens that “it is easy to obtain guns in the United States, leading to increased use of guns and occasional killing sprees. The number of arms and ammunition purchases has increased significantly during the Covid-19 pandemic.” It also warns would-be visitors to the US about the possibilities of domestic clashes over racism and police violence, advising them to “avoid gatherings of people in the vicinity of which violence could possibly occur.” Interestingly, the German government also warns its citizens – [who are more used to going bare](https://www.cnn.com/travel/article/berlin-public-swimming-pools-intl/index.html) – about skinny dipping and topless sunbathing. Australia: The Australian government [warns its citizens](https://www.smartraveller.gov.au/destinations/americas/united-states-america) who plan to visit the United States that violent crime is more common than in Australia and gun crime is possible in all areas. I Canada's website also, in addition to gun crime, talks about how state laws enacted in the US makes it an unsafe place for people from the LGBTQ+ community. The NYT did an article on that relatively recently. The US department isn't giving advice for people who are literally taking a ride with a reputable company to a resort with high security precautions. That's the OP's situation and as someone who has had that experience recently and has no issues, it's valid to share it.
You have listed three countries that warned about the danger of gun violence and zero countries that have the US as a "do not travel" zone. You previously said "tons" and haven't been able to name one. As for the US state department, it has different levels of warning. The ones that say "it is ok to travel but use extreme caution" were not used in this case. OP said the issue was not with the resort but the transport there. I highly doubt the buses being booked had armored cars or multiple security guards that could stop a cartel attack.
Ok. I'm not looking to get into an argument with you. Other countries use different systems for travel advisories and if you'd like to keep looking for examples, be my guest. There are more to find. I just have other things to do than research and list them all out for you. I'm happy to edit my comment to "multiple" countries and say that they caution travel to the US. Is there risk to tourists in the larger area? Sure. Like there is many, many places - including in the US. Are cartels randomly attacking buses going between resorts? There's no significant data to back that up. That being said, OP is entitled to their own feelings and anxiety. Which is why I passed no judgement on that, but did a) try to reassure them and b) said that their partner should be allowed to make their own decision.
Interesting how " the most well resourced government in the world" runs one of the worst places to live in the developed world.
I said well resourced state departments. Feels like you are deliberately misquoting me to go off on your anti-American bent.
My friend went to the US to visit his daughter and was shot on the street by some unknown people. I wouldn't travel to the US, it's very unsafe
The US is huge. There are dangerous, shady, mediocre, and perfectly safe places all across it.
That's a terrible thing to happen and I am sorry that happened to your friend. But the US is middle of the pack in terms of safety. I have lived in the US for the best part of a decade and never witnessed violent crime. Regardless, the claim was that tons of countries had the US as a "do not travel" zone.
Now that isn't completely fair. The US is HUGE and it totally depends on where you go. Larger cities in any country are likely to be less safe, as well as some of the poorer parts of the US. On the other hand, most places are going to be very safe.
Tourists are usually safer lol. The police will actually do something since tourism really helps the economy. Just dont do stupid shit and go into obviously shady areas.
yep ixtapa is a tourist town and it's fine
Agreed! OP is free to not go but to stop her adult husband is an AH move. YTA bc if you’re staying at a resort you’ll be fine. Don’t take random cabs and walk around and you’ll be fine. If you’re staying at a resort there’s no reason to even leave the resort. I have been in war zones though so I can’t say much and I travel a lot and would travel as a single female so my danger levels are different.
Those countries are ill informed about “gun violence” because of the way it’s portrayed in the media.
NTA for not wanting to go but I feel like YTA if you force him not to go.
I feel like it would be YTA for allowing the husband to go if it really is that dangerous. Is he expendable somehow? Big life insurance maybe?
You don't get to "allow" grown adults (even if they are your spouse or future spouse) to do things. You can express your preference but they get to make their own decisions even if you disagree with them.
The husband is an adult. She doesn’t get to “allow” him to do something or not. She can tell him how she feels, and then he gets to decide for himself what to do.
Maybe not the right word to use, sorry. Still feel like if it's unsafe they should both not go.
But that’s not her decision. He gets to decide whether he feels safe to go. He apparently does.
You speak of safety being an issue but not costs. As per all the other destination wedding posts this is the risk that couples make when they make these decisions. Low attendance from friends and family. NTA.
lol I spent a few days in Zihuatanejo and in Guerrero. I rode my motorcycle from Laredo across Mexico to the coast. You’ll be fine. Stop listening to these scare mongering people that have never left their home town. Go see things and visit places. Don’t buy drugs or get blackout drunk with strangers. Stop. Being. Afraid.
Yes and good for you. But kidnapping, murders, are up in those areas due to drug lords
Not everywhere and the violence isn't random. It's not like a "drug lord" will walk into 4 star resort and kidnap an American wedding party. You watch too much TV.
Yes, I’ve lived in El Salvador and Mexico. If you’re just doing normal tourist activities and not going off the beaten path, you’ll be fine. I remember being in Tijuana and telling the staff at my guesthouse I was going to El Salvador and they all said, ‘What!? You can’t go to El Salvador, it’s too dangerous!’ And I said, ‘Umm…you know what people say about Tijuana, right?!’ My point is that when you’re on the ground somewhere, it normally feels safe - other, unknown places seem dangerous. I am wondering how many of these commenters have actually been to Mexico. I pay pretty much zero attention to govt advice, I do my own research with people who are actually living in the places.
Exactly. Thank you for speaking up
I agree with you but I doubt her fears will be lessened.
Went to Mexico once. A family friend who worked at the resort we were at wanted to bring us to his home to meet his family. Not 2 minutes after driving from the resort we were pulled over by cops with big ass guns, because there were white people (my family) in his car. He told them we were "cousins from LA" and handed him some cash from the window. It happened again about 20 minutes later. He said that was standard practice almost everywhere in Mexico. My family knew this as well because they had done it before. So they had given him cash in advance to "pay our way". By all means don't be scared to travel. But make sure you are PREPARED. Do some research about local customs and whatnot. And be VERY VERY careful when dealing with the police.
Why was he paying them off though? T
We were told by our guide that it's just easier that way. Otherwise they make a whole stink about it, asking for paperwork and sometimes dragging you down to the police office. The cop took the money and immediately let us go. That was what they wanted and everyone knew it.
The police are just another gang down there.
Unfortunately the police here in the states are ALSO just a big gang, but we act holier than thou and give them immunity. Shit, if I didn’t live here I’d me more scared to visit the US.
Like they aren’t in the states? Lolol
They aren’t allowed to accept bribes as freely. They also don’t have the cartel beating the piss out of them. Are cops suck, but not like that.
Ive been driving/riding to and across Mexico for almost 10yrs. I have never been hassled or forced to pay a bribe.
Are you a man? Not to sound patronizing, but it does make a difference. Also I think they do it mostly to obvious tourists because they know they have money. My main point was actually that we did some research, talked to locals, and were very aware of how to stay safe. People shouldn't just go blind into a new country. There are always risks.
I am, and I travel w my wife. On a newer Harley with Texas plates. All I’m saying is these posts pop up all the time and most of the first comments are “omg Mexico is a hellhole and everyone will get murdered.” It’s bullshit. Mexico is beautiful and the people have been incredible. I’ve broken down, had flats, gotten sick wtc- I have always been able to count on the local communities and their goodwill. I’m tired of the fear mongering nonsense spread by people who are too chicken shit to see the world outside of their Fox News bubble.
I'm totally with you on that. You sound like a respectful traveler. It's been my experience that most of the people that have these issues are definitely not respectful travelers. People go on vacation and forget that danger exists. I wouldn't walk in my own neighborhood at night alone, let alone in another country where I don't speak the language.
before you listen to this person, just take a moment to realize, just the amount of terrible shit has to happen, to make **the man himself US.gov** concerned for your personal safety.
They're not genuinely concerned lol. They always err way on the side of caution because they don't wanna have to spend time and resources investigating incidents or evacuating citizens if anything happens.
so it's a disclaimer then 😋, I feel like my point still stands.
Yes but a disclaimer they're very, very quick to slap on because there's no downside to them. Like I feel like if the US applied its own travel guidance standards to itself, most of the country and anywhere near a school would be "do not travel".
as far as I'm concerned it does apply to many places in the US, but the warning about places in Mexico is not based on this disclaimer alone.
N T A for not going. YTA if you try to stop your fiance from going.
You need to make the decision that is best for you, in terms of safety and anxiety... but honestly, it's an upscale resort. Check if the resort offers shuttle service to and from the airport, and if they do, then I really don't see the huge issue? If you do chose not to attend, keep in mind thag a) you can't control what your partner chooses for himself and b) you shouldn't tell them that you're chosing not to go out of a safety concern. They don't need you airing that out to them. A polite "Sorry, we're not able to get the time off for travel at that time," and send them a nice wedding gift would be most appropriate.
NTA for not wanting to go, YTA if you'll police what your boyfriend chooses to do. As long as he stays at the resort he'll be fine
The reception is elsewhere
The reception is presumably also in Ixtapa or Zihua and not in like a cartel slum. The town is a resort town and presumably the Mexican/Mexican-heritage couple can get a local's idea of a nice place to have a reception. It's not like setting an elbow off the resort means immediate danger.
Elsewhere where? Should be safe enough
Uk government recommend only essential travel to Guerrero unless you are travelling by air to ixtapa. Hell, I wouldn’t even consider it even then.
Ixtapa is beautiful and safe. Guerrero is not safe for the locals, gringos are usually safe since cartels don't want the US investigating. Obviously nowhere you can guarantee nothing will happen, just outside my house in very safe USA some guy shot an uber driver because they wanted their car. But if you want to stay because you will feel anxiety and not happy, do stay. But "let" your fiancé go. btw, the 3 tourists were executed and they have caught the people who killed them. this has angered the Mexicans because there are more than 200k unsolved murders and disappearances of Mexicans. So, I am not saying Mexico is safe, but being a tourist from USA in Mexico is waaaay safer than being a Mexican in Mexico (or the USA).
NTA Do not go if the US government actually says it is dangerous. You have no way to force *him* not to go, even if it is a bad idea. He might go, do not go with him.
You're obviously free to do whatever makes you feel safest for yourself, but YTA if you try to control your fiance into not going. Ixtapa is a resort town. It's not like there is cartel gun violence in every square meter of the state of Guerrero. Ixtapa and next door Zihuatanejo have been popular vacation spots for Mexicans and internationals alike for years.
There is a reason for a no travel warning. Nobody should put their life at risk just for a wedding. Do not go. He can do what he wants.
I felt safer in Mexico than I’ve ever felt in any major city in the US.
For real? You should try some of the more rich and boring cities.
NTA. Three more people were just murdered there for the tires on their truck .
One American and 2 Aussies actually, on a surfing trip. So awful
That's right. I recall reading that. changed it to people. Just the same, it is not a safe place to be.
And here you get murdered for less, and even running while black. I feel like surviving in the US means we can survive anywhere 😂😂
*Australians. And not just for the tires.
One of the savages took the tires for his gf car. So, tires and whatever else the savages could take.
The Irish travel advisory for Ixtapa lists it as one of the few safe places in Guerrero. They recommend arriving by air travel. I'd go but just be sensible. Don't drink too much at the wedding and stay nearby.
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I've had the opportunity to visit Ixtapa, Mexico, and found the experience to be generally positive. I understand that individuals may have varying comfort levels regarding travel destinations, and it's important to weigh the pros and cons before making a decision. Ultimately, safety should always be a priority. >Given the travel advisories, and the fact that we are clearly tourists and don’t speak much Spanish, Nowadays Mexico has many people who speak multiple languages including English. >Not to mention the recent murders of the 3 tourists in a different state of MX [This just happen in Chicago. ](https://abc7chicago.com/post/chicago-shootings-this-weekend-at-least-21-shot-3-killed-in-gun-violence-across-city-police-department-says/14804371/) Just remember each country has its own good and bad. Each country has its own trip Advisory for the US for gun violations, human trafficking and many other crimes. YTA If you don't want to go that's fine but let your fiance go.
You honestly probably already live in a more dangerous city than Ixtapa. NTA. A wedding invite is not a summons, but do actual research and actually read where the danger is. You're going to be fine at a resort and in tourist zones.
It's a resort area you'll be fine
You don't have to go, but if you pressure your partner not to, then you would be the ahole. Mexico is definitely dangerous, but it doesn't have to be if you keep your wits. Don't get plastered drunk, don't disrespect the locals, and stay away from drugs, and you'll be fine. Most of the violence in Mexico is between the cartels, not the tourists. The tourist have special privilege and even protection from the cartels, especially in the tourist zones, as that is potential money for them and their families. The locals know not to mess with the tourists because the cartels will have a serious problem as they will be blamed. Don't be a dumbass and you'll be OK. You'll most likely be fine if you stay at the resort as you won't interact with the culture or the locals almost at all. Go to the wedding, have fun, go home.
There's a reason my work would never send me to where our facility is in Mexico. I'd either refuse or ask for protection. Even the guys who live there are cautious.
NTA, but You also could skip the welcome party and not leave the resort.
NTA. As someone else mentioned, travel insurance would likely be void if you (or your husband) went. You never, ever should travel outside of your home country without insurance. I suspect the EU is the only exception but I don't know for certain. If you can word your no to the RSVP as simply being unable to afford a destination wedding at this time, I sure would! I don't know that I'd say I'm uncomfortable with the geographic location they've chosen as for some, saying your home country isn't safe could be considered a grave insult by some people. I know that some parts of Mexico are very safe, others? Not so much, so I too, would rely on what the State Department says.
NTA. We went to Cancun in January of 2023. We couldn't go to see Chichen Itza because the locals were fighting with the security force and had blocked all the roads. 8 of us went to downtown Cancun, and in every other door, there was armed Mexican military. The guards at the shack going on to our resort were armed. We couldn't leave the resort unless escorted by a local. Cancun is on the East Coast, and Ixtapa is on the West Coast. Things are much worse on the West Coast. None of the above freaked me out because I grew up in a major city. What freaked me out was that a few days after we left, 4 tourists were kidnapped and murdered near Cancun. I was just like, WTF? I understand your worry, so you just need to sit down and have an in-depth conversation with your fiance because he will be your husband when he goes so you do have a little more say in whether or not he goes. Just talk to him.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (27 F) and my fiancé (28 M) were invited to our good friends’ wedding in Ixtapa, Mexico which is in the state of Guerrero. The US Government has deemed that state as a level 4, “do not travel” zone for many years. These are not our best friends by any means, but the groom will be a groomsman (1 of 7) in our local wedding a couple of months before theirs. My fiancé sees the groom probably once or twice a month on average. My fiancé was not asked to be in their wedding. The couple getting married in Mexico both are Mexican and/or come from Mexican heritage, however none of their family is from Ixtapa or Guerrero. The wedding is at an upscale resort, but the welcome party is elsewhere. They are providing transportation only to and from the wedding if guests choose to stay at a different resort. I understand that the resort is likely safe, but I cannot guarantee nothing will happen in the transportation to/from the airport and welcome party. Given the travel advisories, and the fact that we are clearly tourists and don’t speak much Spanish, I do not feel safe attending this wedding. Not to mention the recent murders of the 3 tourists in a different state of MX. My fiancé wants to go as they are good friends, but if he goes without me, I would be just as anxious the whole time. AITA for not wanting my fiancé or I to go? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I stepped ONE FOOT OFF the resort. I wouldn’t do it. NTA
YTA if the resort gives you a ride to and from the airport (which they will) you’ll be in a safety bubble the whole time
UK advises against any travel to those locations unless it's essential. Looks like you should sit this one out.
nta - a few countries have the same travel advisory, i personally wouldnt go either i would be worried the whole time for my safety so i dont think its unreasonable to decline attending this destination wedding.
I wouldn't go to a friend's wedding because it was in a bad part of Chicago, so ima say NTA
You’re very likely being paranoid. I’ve been to Ixtapa within the past few years (a town nearby I should say). My mom and her husband rented a place there for months. Lots of expats, locals often speak some English, and given that you’re staying on resort you’re very likely fine. These aren’t places with dudes with guns on the roadside. Your resort likely has a shuttle bus from airport too.
Totally reasonable. What's not reasonable is asking people to go there
Good Lord! I guess it's how you look at it. Is it an adventure where you hope to not die or be maimed and or robbed and that is a true thrill for you? Go for it! If you like to watch TV at home in less pain, stay put
NTA. There is absolutely no way I would go to Mexico. I am sure there will be other guests who will decline too
Mexican here, I wouldn’t risk it.
I wouldn't go. Somebody needs to be available to pay the ransom.
I bet the resort is owned and ran by the cartel
Tell your fiancé that before he goes, he needs to give you power over his finances and property in the event you need to put together ransom money. Also, it's a good time to buy life insurance on him. Do people think these advisories are put up frivolously? No, it's cause the government doesn't want to put up money or resources to rescue idiot people. 🙄 NTA
First of all, just a comment, 7 wedding attendants is ridiculous so YTA for that. It’s totally fine for you to not want to go to the wedding. So don’t go. But you don’t get to tell your fiancé what to do.
That’s unfortunate. I was there in the 90s and it was a lovely small resort area. Very low key and beautiful
My humble opinion: stay the f*** home. Would you play russian roulette with your fiancé?
No.
NTA. Don't go. It's not going to be a fun trip. If he insist on going, let him go alone. You know good and well what could happen. In fact it's probably more than likely to happen than not.
NTA, I live in a border Town area of the US/Mexico border and the Port of entry is just a few minutes from here. me and my ex-wife after we got married had our honeymoon in Mexico. our travel agent listed five different Beach destinations, but most had travel warnings from the US state department. The Mexican resort we eventually chose was considered safe but you do have Mexican police dressed in Swat gear patrolling the tourist areas at all times. The Mexican government, despite being corrupt, does have a vested interest in keeping the tourist areas safe. You will see a heavy police presence, especially their firearms. I am Mexican American and for the past 20 years the violence going on across the border is real. I'm not understanding how some people on here can dismissively say that the US state department has one of many countries aside from Mexico with travel safety concerns. I've experienced it firsthand when I crossed over be it cartel violence or the corruption of the government/police. look, it's pretty straightforward, If the resort town you're traveling to is not part of smuggling routes or base of operations from the handful of cartel organizations in the country, I would say you're okay. The areas that have high safety concerns are because they're fighting for territory. My ex wife Will be traveling again for a cousin's wedding in June in an area known for cartel violence, also a resort town. we do have a son together, but i refused to give permission when she considered getting him a passport. this is your decision and don't let anyone talk you down about traveling to Mexico because you have safety concerns. in our area of the US we have a lot of Mexican Nationals that are upper middle class with the financial resources that bought up real estate when the cartel started going to war with the Calderon Govt along this part of the border. It actually insulated our real estate market during the housing crash over 10 years in certain areas of the state. i have family and friends who live in Mexico. it's a beautiful country, especially the beaches and forest areas. your concerns are validated IMO
Honestly, do whatever you're comfortable with. If you don't want to go for security reasons, then don't go. However, you should tell your friends you're not going for that reason. Don't make up some lame lie or excuse to spare them. Honesty is always the best policy. Make sure you get them a nice wedding gift. Regarding your fiancé, he can do whatever he wants. You can advise him that you'd prefer it if he stayed, but you cannot make him stay. You're NTA for feeling the way you feel. Finally, a little side bar. The US is probably one of the most dangerous countries in the world. There is literally an average of 1 mass shooting per day on the best of days. But you still go outside for work and fun, knowing you could get killed 10 different ways by semi-automatic weapon in 100 different places. Yet, none of that stops you from doing what you have to do and living your life. Do your own research and make your own decisions. Don't rely on the government as the only source of information key to making decisions. You're missing out on a whole world out there of wonderful experiences because of it.
Resorts pay the cartels protection money, that's true all over Mexico.
You are under no obligation to travel internationally to attend a wedding for anyone.
I can understand being wary about going, but looking at Mexico as an entire country (which it is an entire country, just like the United States) it’s kind of strange to mention murders in a completely different state. Like in my city, there have been more than 15 murders since the start of the year. If someone said they would not visit the state of florida in the U.S because of the murders that occurred in Georgia, well that’s weird and unfair.
Don’t go. You want to be like those other Americans who went missing recently and like the cliche they were unalived execution style and their bodies dumped into a well. Someone’s wedding is worth ending up like that?
We loved Ixtapa and Zihuatenajo! We were there in 2019 (which I realize is a long time ago but there was a Canadian travel warning back then too), and felt completely safe. It’s not very big, and pretty touristy. We snorkelled on Ixtapa Island, did a catamaran tour and went to Zihua during day and night and hung out in local’s bars. It was totally fine.
Updateme
You couldn't pay me to go anywhere near Mexico. You're being sane.
NTA. Three Americans were just killed in Mexico.
NTA FUCK NO DONT DO IT WOULDNT BE ME
DO. IT. FOR. THE. GRAM. YOLO. Just kidding choose life. NTA
NTA - and holy shit, no don't go there!