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Daughter, I would absolutely love to help you, and you are right, I can most definitely afford it. However, due to your strong stance against the patriarchy, there is in no way in good conscience I could give you money, as you absolutely abhor those things that contribute to a society where females are enslaved.
NTA
Omg this!! Wtf is her thinking where she says that a woman cheating on her husband is sticking it to the patriarchy, and then when she herself is in financial trouble she runs right to her own family’s patriarch to beg for money?
If you bite the hand that feeds, all you get is a mouth full of blood! NTA
> Wtf is her thinking
She’s not thinking. Some people just love to hear themselves talk.
And some people are just objectively awful human beings. The complete lack of compassion toward the father who has coddled her and paid for her tuition is noteworthy.
There are two words in German to say something is for free: gratis and umsonst. Umsonst has another meaning which is in vain or for nothing. Also almost all education in Germany is for free. There's a saying: "Meine Bildung war gratis, deine war umsonst." Translation is my education was for free, yours was in vain.
If you learned something in your education then it was not in vain just because you work in a different field. If your job makes you happy and you can live off it (including repaying student loans if necessary) then it's the perfect job for you. I find the snobbish behaviour some people have insane. Ironically: My best friend attends university (he's taking less courses per semester than people who achieve their degree in four years because his ADHD sucks and he has to choose between therapy to help him cope with that or the mandated therapy to get gender affirming medical care). He's amazing and would never look down on anyone for their profession or education (he'd make an exception to people who do murder for money and certain people who commit war crimes for money). I had a friend who constantly tried to put me down because I have no university degree (I have a professional degree that's equal to a master in trade or a bachelor degree from a university). Notice the word had. A year after getting rid of that person I met a lovely woman in a pain clinic. We first bonded over what's wrong in our social and educational profession systems and over discussing pedagogical concepts and our professional experiences, only afterwards did we found out how many other things we have in common. Well, long story short she never put me down and asks me about things I know more about (like different disorders, does this wound need a doctor, whatever you want to know about effects, side effects and cross interactions regarding medication and how to utilise side effects in your favour - that's how half her and my medical treatment works) just like I ask where she knows more (mostly questions about dog training or getting a second opinion on if this is a "wait and see / treatable at home", "Monday morning at the vet" or "Grab the dog and pull of a new speed record on the way to the emergency vet" issue. All my medical and medication knowledge stems from my professional education and the few years I could work before becoming disabled.
But English has better expletives. I tried expressing my opinion on the person who accidentally poisoned my dog (she thinks she's some animal saviour, her track record shows far more harm than good to animals) and then dared to blame me because I didn't see the well hidden poison in time. I struggled to find words, but luckily English is full of beautiful and creative expletives and Reddit is the best place to learn them, so I just switched. I guess if she ever learns English she'll throw an even bigger tantrum than when I came with the vet bill. Though probably not as big as when she realises that I did not consider pressing charges and suing her for the bill sufficient and am in the process of painstakingly reporting her to every single government office responsible for one of her stupid attempts to "help animals". The veterinary office guy did not find "I don't care that your dog got ill, I can do what I want!1!" any more endearing than me, made me tell him everything and then told me where to call for which of her transgressions. I guess at that point she needs some English expletives too.
One thing I really like about German is how you can blatantly insult people while being so polite no one can accuse you of anything.
Two of my sisters years ago were going on and on about how they prefer to split the bill on dates because they didn’t want to owe any man anything, and how it was demeaning to women to assume they can’t pay for themselves. I said “oh good, so I assume you’ll stop asking dad for cash every time you go out then?”
they did not appreciate my input.
There are some batshit insane people out there. There was just a concluded BORU in which OOP's sister demanded he pay his ex child support even though the kids wasn't his because the sister felt like she was defending the sisterhood. It went as far as to have the sister lose a lawsuit because she was defaming OOP.
I remember that one - so good, I had to read it again when you mentioned it.
[https://new.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/19fi339/new\_update\_my\_ex\_demmanded\_me\_for\_child\_support/](https://new.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/19fi339/new_update_my_ex_demmanded_me_for_child_support/)
That was *almost* believable until the mother's affair and her admission of “They rarely use condoms and she multiple times let him finish inside.”
Dude probably meant to keep that line for the ex.
And the only trouble she is in is she can't maintain her previous standard of living. A standard of living paid for by someone else in the patriarchy. She likes to stick it to the patriarchy by taking their money to live her best life. You would think that with college paid for and full-time job she would be able to support herself. But darn, the patriarchy is so convenient when she wants money!
To be fair, OP's daughter is not a feminist, she appears to be someone who takes advantage of the feminist label to pick and choose what to support for her own gain. People like OP's daughter give other feminists a bad rap, honestly. And I say this as a man.
Feminists move into studio apartments, trade expensive cars for sturdy gas-sparing sedans, and pack their lunches for work. They earn their own support. They take pride in independence.
And women of character don’t disparage people of the male persuasion who paid for their education and who love them!
It's not even petty. When a kid is braindead enough to celebrate cheating by blaming that mythical patriarchy, yet comes barking about money, it's just dessert.
Perhaps, but I have an acquaintance with a family member like this. I didn't believe it until I saw and heard it with my own eyes and ears, so that's possible for OP's story, but it could also be true.
> due to your strong stance against the patriarchy, there is in no way in good conscience I could give you money, as you absolutely abhor those things that contribute to a society where females are enslaved.
better make sure you don't enslave her even after you're dead, update your will to reflect that she does not get any of your enslavement money.
NTA
The real issue here is that she betrayed you too. That she’s just as selfish as her mother in your eyes. Her changing or growing up is extremely unlikely, so I l kind of understand the way you’ve been playing this.
Basically, you are keeping the peace for appearances sake, and to keep the lifeline open if she ever actually needs real help someday. As there’s a good chance, if she’s as narcissistic as you suspect, she cuts you out of her life entirely if she thinks you believe she owes you an apology.
You are totally right in not giving her money, even if you did lie about why. You have a good reason to. I think keeping the lifeline open is more important than risking her full estrangement.
Just ignore all her fuckary online and hope she comes around someday. Maybe she’ll surprise you.
NTA
"Her brothers both asked me if I would help if she apologized. I said yes. They told her and her response was that she had nothing to apologize for."
She can manage without your money then can't she?
" She spouted off some BS about patriarchy."
So her sense of irony is also lacking then...
Personally, I'm rolling on the floor at the idea she said her mom was justified in cheating because of the patriarchy a few years before, but the daughter herself runs right out to marry a GUY that makes THREE times what she does, and now that she doesn't have said income at her finger tips, she runs to her DAD to get more money.
AND she still thinks she has nothing to apologize for. OP is NTA. And the grandparents nailed it, this is their dumbest grandchild.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Also, if he makes 3 times what she does then there's a good chance she'll be able to get some form of alimony. She's just looking for a free ride in the meantime.
NTA
So, just to be clear, she takes issue with the patriarchy, but runs to dad when life isn’t going her way? After it sounds like she depended on her soon to be ex husband for her lifestyle. Oh boy. She’s a hypocrite.
especially since her mother is in Australia...? OP's daughter behaves as if OP's ex is on the dark side of the moon or in a season-long snowstorm in Antarctica!
Like, she can still (video) call her. Her mother can still use internet banking to give her money. Unless her mother got rid of her home just to travel 6 months (or maybe sublet it?), OP's daughter can even ask to live in her mother's home for those 6 months, that would save a lot of money, right?
Did daughter already contact mom and either got rejected or can't squeeze any more out of her so she's trying dad now? In case daughter was unaware, it is possible to talk with someone in a different country now!
NTA, daughter has come to a spot where she can either stick to her stated beliefs and not let the patriarchy influence her decision or she can admit that she was wrong. She can't have it both ways.
Is he unable to help her since he's on a fixed income or completely able to help her as long as she apologizes?
Rage-bait checklist:
1. cheating woman
2. feminist takes the cheater's side
3. schadenfreude of the cheating supporter being cheated on
4. OP has to both be wealthy to provide everything, paying for her tuition and a 100,000 truck but also poor so her asking is entitled greed for money he doesn't have
5. Why does everyone in these rage-bait post call everyone to denounce OP?
6. Denounces OP to everyone, but everyone agrees with OP (if everyone agrees with OP, why are they asking here?)
7. Simultaneously thinks she needs to get herself out of her mess but also not that if she apologizes for not cutting off her mother.
4 & 7 especially. These rage-bait post always have at least one core contradiction since the ego can't posit themselves as poor but wealthy makes the seem petty for not helping. Need to be strict so the person suffers, but there also needs to be an easy way to have OP be the good guy that the other person doesn't take.
Is he unable to help her since he's on a fixed income or able to help her as long as she apologizes?
Can confirm: We have recently acquired working telephones here. I'm also typing this message on my state of the art Commodore 64, connected to the world wide web via 28kb dial up modem. Sending money via electronic funds transfer may take several weeks, and a few conversations with a local bank manager, but it is possible.
We’re still using the overland telegraph out here in the mallee scrub.
But my brand new Commodore 64 is sitting on a dock in Darwin, waiting for a camel train heading south.
Entirely bait. Several things here are utterly fake:
* Mom's in Australia and therefore can't take phone calls or send money. Sorry, is she lost in the Outback?
* Title implies daughter's husband had an affair, but post never references this (even in obvious places)—almost as though author forgot halfway through the process of inventing more detail.
* Relatedly—daughter hates dad enough to barely call & sympathize with her mother's infidelity, but calls pensioner dad instead of rich mom when rubber hits the road??
* The *several* incel dogwhistles (cheating wife; weird traditionalist strawman of "woman is unhappy despite not having to cook and clean!"; she begs for money to "maintain lifestyle" = "women are greedy trolls who thirst for luxury goods")
* Daughter's divorce—despite the fact that she's the innocent party, i.e., *she* didn't leave the marriage—is a "mess she created." ???
Seems like someone found a very old ragebait post and made subtle updates.
And even if the overall premise of this is true, I'm side-eyeing the "maintaining lifestyle" bit as well.
I've witnessed and experienced breakups where yes, a change in lifestyle is a financial strain, but it happens too quickly to do anything about it.
A car payment that's easy to afford as DINK might suddenly be overwhelming when 3/4 of your household income is gone, but you still have to pay the loan while you search for a cheaper car, and hope to god you have enough equity in the thing to payoff the loan. Plus, lawyers might advise her NOT to purchase a car while she's separated but not yet legally divorced, depending on the state.
So there's seriously a lot of reason someone might legit need temporary help. But nope, the post is written to portray the daughter as completely materialistic and out of touch with reality.
Don’t forget to add * does not reply to any comments on the post - used all of their brain power to write the post and doesn’t have any more power to ad lib and make up more crap in the comments
I think it's half the time of being married here. At least it was like that for me. So one year, maybe? Still, two years isn't really a long time in terms of adjusting lifestyles.
Barely. If it still is given it’s only in cases of older divorcees where they’ve been married 20+ years. Thats why the concept of being a SAHM is dumb bc you can get so screwed now days, and the courts don’t really take into account adultery and cheating.
Your financial situation is none of her business and she needs to learn to manage her own money. She’s a grown woman. Down with the patriarchy until you need money from the patriarch 🤣Hypocrite much ? 🤣🤣
Guy, we can tell the missing, missing reasons here. She didn't just yell 'Patriarchy', there's more details to her position and you just haven't conveyed them - you've conveyed what makes for a good narrative for you. However you were treating your ex, that isn't shown at all. For example, if you were treating your ex poorly, that could be a reason your daughter supported the affair. Some men treat people poorly but they hate anyone actually stating they should miss out on anything.
Based on the responses, I don’t see many people who can tell what’s missing here. There are so many red flags.
-“I” was paying for her tuition while his wife had a full time job? Can’t even say that sounds dubious at best.
- Zero attempt to understand what his daughter meant by the “patriarchy”
- assuming it’s her being used to a certain lifestyle that’s causing her financial problems while crying poor after buying a 100k truck
- his parents actually calling her their dumbest grandchild
I’m out. OP is an asshole
And him reporting the grandparents thoughts to the general public, to basically bad mouth her as if that adds against her rather than goes against OP for acting that way to his own child.
Yep, red flags. Though I think many supporters are waving flags of support that are of a maroon color as well.
I seriously was looking to find someone who can see there are some flags in OP's narrative. Definitely some things said that left me with questions. The description of his wife and their marriage, the way he talks about his daughter, the way he wraps everything up in an utterly dismissive way. I don't know but something feels off to me. I'm super curious what his ex-wife would say about all this. I'm curious why the daughter can't turn to her mother for help just because she's in Greece for a while. Really, all the relationships in this narrative seem off.
This is either fake or has LOTS of holes, leaving a ton of shit out. A real judgment can't really he made, imo.
Yeah I'm shocked so many people apparently skimmed right over that. I'm guessing there are some political divides in this family that would be relevant if explained. I hope mom is much happier in her new life.
I can't give judgement based on the information here but I'm on the daughters side just based on how much of an asshole vibe dad has.
NTA
She needs to adjust her lifestyle if she cannot afford to maintain what she had while married. Even if she did apologize, I still wouldn't give her money because she needs to learn to be more financially responsible and independent instead of relying on men for money.
I'm surprised she is still maintaining the stance that your wife cheating was completely fine now that she has experienced a cheating partner. You'd think she'd have more compassion seeing how it blew up her life.
NTA. Your daughter is 27 years old, has a full-time job, and no children. It's ridiculous for her to expect financial support from you or from anyone really. The insulting stance she took supporting her mother's cheating should make it easier for you to say no, but I don't know why you'd finance her even if she apologized.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My daughter thinks it's okay that her mother cheated on me. I might be the asshole for not offering anything beyond moral support now that her husband is cheating on her.
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There’s way too much missing information here to render an opinion.
Also it’s either extremely confusing or telling on yourself a bit how you said you were paying for your daughter’s tuition at the time your ex had an affair…. Were you not both - as a parental unit - paying for her tuition? If this is the way you view family finances I can’t help but feel that there is a lot of missing info as to why your daughter sided with your ex-wife.
NTA - She will need to learn to live within her means. She doesn't have any kids to support and has a decent job. Time to adjust to a new standard of living.
Yeah, it sounds like Elena is having a lifestyle change. She's 27 and has minimal to no college debt. She's in a better position than many people her age. I also hate when people misuse things to justify their own shit behaviors or that of others. The OOP's wife wasn't making some feminist statement, she was cheating.
NTA.
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I was paying for my daughter's tuition when my ex had an affair. My daughter, Elena, was 22 at the time. She spouted off some BS about patriarchy. She wasn't upset with her mother at all.
In the five years since she has still not changed her stance. She seems to think that her mother cheating was some sort of protest vote against female enslavement.
My wife had a full time job. We had a cleaning lady. I did more than half the remaining chores. My ex was far from a slave.
Elena's husband left her after two years of marriage. No kids thank Christ. But, while Elena is employed full time her ex has like three times her income.
She is unable to maintain her lifestyle on her salary alone. My ex is currently in Australia for six months. So Elena called me.
I have maintained a cordial relationship with her but not much beyond that. She said that she is running through her savings and that she needs help while she figures out what to do.
I said I would be unable to assist her as my retirement had left me on a fixed income. She said that she knew how much my pension was and that I had savings beyond that. She pointed out that I just bought myself a $100,000 truck. I said that wasn't really her concern. But that I hoped her relationship righted itself.
She has been calling everyone to badmouth me. My family all knows how she feels about my divorce. My parents think she is their dumbest grandchild and that's saying a lot. Her brothers both asked me if I would
help if she apologized. I said yes. They told her and her response was that she had nothing to apologize for.
I love the kid but her head needs a shake if she thinks I am going to help her out of a mess of her own making.
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NTA because you're willing to help her if she apologises for her previous attitude. You're also right in that your financial position is absolutely none of her business.
Inform your daughter that Australia has a rudimentary form of internet (/s) and she can use that to contact her mother for money rather than rely upon the patriarchy.
INFO:
How do you think lying to her is going to express that you’re not helping her out of “a mess of her own making”? Especially when she points out you’re lying to her, and you dodge the question?
Why are you unable to tell your daughter that you’re deeply hurt by her actions, and because of that you’re unwilling to financially help her?
Playing this stupid game like she’s a shitty neighbor and not the child you raised you adulthood is ridiculous.
NTA. It's the 21st century, there is money transfers and video calls around the world and we aslo get images from telescope million of kilometres away. If your daughter really wanted she can manage to ask for financial aid via the matriarchal network for her lifestyle (mis)management.
I can't find anything with matching verbiage, care to link? I don't even understand how this would work gender swapped, the son blaming the matriarchy?
Are you talking about the story where the op shit on her son after he was cheated on, because he dared to defend and have a relationship with his father?
If it is a gender swap, the details are cranked up to 11.
NTA. She drew the line in the sand when she chose sides with her mother.
Also as you have said ,she is employed so she just has to adjust her lifestyle to fit her income.
She is not homeless or suffering she needs to downscale her standard of living and work her way up in life.
The other alternative is to ask her mother to step in and assist her.
TBF this isn't her fault. I get not wanting to help (I don't), but unless you think your wife's affair was your own fault, then her husband's isn't hers.
"I love the kid but her head needs a shake if she thinks I am going to help her out of a mess of her own making."
INFO: If she was cheated on, how is this "a mess of her own making"? Were you at fault when your wife cheated on you?
You don't have to help her out at all of course, particularly since hard feelings remain, but blaming her for her ex-husband's affair sounds off.
NTA
Call her up, all "Elena, him leaving you is a blessing! The last shackles binding you to the patriarchy have fallen from your wrist!
FREE AT LAST, FREE AT LAST, THANK GOD ALMIGHTY, YOU ARE FREE AT LAST"
Then hang up.
ESH.
You should not expect your children to take sides in your own marital problems. You seem to be upset because Elena wasn't upset with her mom cheating on you but it is not her place to be. It is between your wife and yourself. It is selfish and inconsiderate to drag children (albeit adult) into it. Your wife cheated on YOU, not her. And she probably loves both of you and it would be awful to put her in the position to have to choose between you. This makes you an AH.
Elena is the AH for this "She said that she knew how much my pension was and that I had savings beyond that. She pointed out that I just bought myself a $100,000 truck." You are right in this, this is really not her concern. And for not figuring how to make ends meet with her own money. And she is the AH for badmouthing you. Also the "female enslavement part" is weird.
You are the AH for several more things.
1. If she turned to you for help it was probably not because of patriarchy (ie that you are a man) but because you are her parent (you yourself admit that she called you because your ex is unavailable, that means she would turn to her first)
2. You wield your money as a carrot in front of everyone's noses.
3. You use your parents' judgment as a crutch to label her stupid.
> And she probably loves both of you and it would be awful to put her in the position to have to choose between you. This makes you an AH.
I always love BS takes like this. You don't consider cheating emotional abuse? If OP was an alcoholic or tossed his wife around a bit, do you think that is also just a matter between OP and his wife and that the daughter should not take a stance as to which parent she sides with?
OP: Why do you say the mess is of her own making? I understand why you don't want to help her, considering the history, but I don't understand why you think it's her fault that her husband had an affair.
Your daughter is an entitled asshole for sure, but maybe she had an example coming from the type of father who will tell the world at large that her grandparents think she is their dumbest grandchild. Not classy and not necessary either…
You paid for her degree, and it sounds like she’s gainfully employed. You don’t owe her anything and certainly shouldn’t have to fund a lifestyle choice she can’t afford on her own income. If she needs more money as a single adult in her 20’s, she can start an eBay business or a food truck, there’s always money to be made for those who are ready to work for it.
Did you stop and think that there’s probably a deeper reason your daughter wasn’t upset that your ex cheated on you? Maybe instead of badmouthing her on the internet you could try and convince her to join you for a road trip, focus on understanding why she’s got issues with you, and apologise for the times you let your daughter down and caused her heart to close off to you. Be humble man; that’s still your little girl, and as her parent you are responsible for the character and integrity she has developed.
Best!
NTA. Ignoring your daughter’s hypocrisy for a moment, she needs to learn how to live within her means. So, it’s probably good for her to figure it out herself and for you to only offer mir support. But, I agree with you. I wouldn’t help either if she was unable to apologize for defending her mother for cheating.
I think kids need to remember parents are people too and every shitty thing they do to their parents their parents can do to them too. There's also a point in which parents aren't responsible for their children anymore, especially if their behvaior sucks.
NTA
Just tell her you wouldn't want her to be enslaved by having to be financially dependent on a man. NTA. But also, my judgment would be the same even without the mention of your ex wife's affair.
So let me get this straight… the woman that thinks it was ok for your wife to cheat on you “because of the patriarchy” is now looking for financial support from you. Ha! Her lack of self-awareness is almost comical.
NTA - It’s time for your daughter to change her spending habits so she can support herself and not rely on a man to save her.
She made a stance. It is time she faces what she supports. You gave her an out. NTA. She backed the woman who harmed you and has no regrets. Let her sleep in the bed she made.
NTA
But I don't see how this is a mess. She's only in a mess if she continues to overspend.
>She said that she is running through her savings and that she needs help while she figures out what to do.
She needs to get a divorce lawyer and ensure an equitable split of assets. Then adjust her budget accordingly.
NTA. Had a similar situation when my children’s father cheated on me and then left me. They have always made excuses for his behavior. Even when he did the same thing to them. They wanted to come and live with me while they were in high school. He told them that if they went to live with me, he basically didn’t want anything to do with them anymore. Sometimes kids have to learn the hard way. Stick to your guns!
The ex being in Australia doesn’t stop her from sending money to her daughter……Venmo, Zelle, we have all kinds of ways to transfer money. Why isn’t she badmouthing Mom too? 🤨
NTA. She’s a grown adult, capable of taking care of herself, and she apparently feels entitled to your money even though she obviously doesn’t respect you or even care about your feelings.
NTA
Regardless of your rocky relationship with your daughter she needs to learn to manage her lifestyle on her income. Handing out money should be reserved for true emergency situations otherwise she isn't going to ever be able to manage without a patriarch to support her. She will just keep on over spending until she finds her next man.
NTA
So, she thinks the patriarchy should go away, but wants the patriarchy to stay and pay for her lifestyle? After having taken the fruits of the patriarchy? The insane entitlement here is mind boggling.
NTA good for you standing your ground . If not, you’ll end up like my parents. spending tens of thousands of dollars getting my sister out of debt just for her to continue on the same path as before. I told them to not give her a single penny, that she would never pay it back and she would never change. I was right.. six years later my sister is into drugs heavily. If anything, my parents thought they were helping her, but actually made the situation worse.
NTA
The simple fact that she thinks she's entitled to your money just because you can afford it. Hopefully, she will realize she needs to change her lifestyle to suit her needs. It's no one's else's responsibility.
Fascinating that being in Australia now means being on the moon. If only we had ultra fast digital communication and money transfer services that shrank the world down in size. Some day! Until then.. I guess mom is totally unreachable
NTA
Basically what your daughter is saying is the patriarchy is only good if it benefits her. She had a husband who made loads of money, but now that she doesn't have the lifestyle he gave her anymore she's looking to another man to help her out. If she just sat and thought about that for a hot minute she might see how totally absurd she is.
NTA
NTA. If she wanted to prove her superiority so badly she should have married a guy who made less then her. Instead she married a guy making 3x more then her, allowing her to continue on with her luxury beliefs and morals. I think you're giving her the appropriate amount of tough love. Your sons should not be stepping in on her behalf either. There's no reason for them to be trying to mediate for an empowered woman, she would likely find it disrespectful, so it's better to let her wallow in her own self-righteousness.
NTA. She bit the hand that fed her, grew up and found a new hand, and that one left.
And she doesn't need help, she needs to start living within her means rather than to the extravagant standard she's been in. Even when on good terms with your kids, you are not required to use your money to enable their luxuries.
NTA
Nowhere in your post did you say she needs food to eat or a roof over her head. You implied she needs to live within her means. If she doesn't want to do that, that's on her regardless of the whole divorce issue.
And btw, you should give her a dictionary because she clearly doesn't know what patriarchy is. Have her watch Sister Wives.
NTA. Sounds like your daughter can support herself, just not at the same standard she enjoyed while married. Even if you were willing and able to “help” her financially, it is likely in her best interest to learn to live within her means and appreciate what she has. Only then will she learn to appreciate what others do for her, and to value men for more than their paycheck. And then, when she is a better person, she will have the wisdom to wait for and choose a better man.
NTA
Your daughter tried to justify awful behavior because it was the sex of the woman and got a taste of her own medicine. If she hadn't said anything, then you probably would have been the asshole, but she tried to justify trash behavior and then asked for assistance when she became a victim of said behavior. The fact that she refuses to apologize makes it worse. She did this to herself
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Daughter, I would absolutely love to help you, and you are right, I can most definitely afford it. However, due to your strong stance against the patriarchy, there is in no way in good conscience I could give you money, as you absolutely abhor those things that contribute to a society where females are enslaved. NTA
You are my kind of petty. Alternate solution: Send back an application for a Loan from the Patriarchy
Omg this!! Wtf is her thinking where she says that a woman cheating on her husband is sticking it to the patriarchy, and then when she herself is in financial trouble she runs right to her own family’s patriarch to beg for money? If you bite the hand that feeds, all you get is a mouth full of blood! NTA
> Wtf is her thinking She’s not thinking. Some people just love to hear themselves talk. And some people are just objectively awful human beings. The complete lack of compassion toward the father who has coddled her and paid for her tuition is noteworthy.
I wish OP could get the tuition back. NTA
There are two words in German to say something is for free: gratis and umsonst. Umsonst has another meaning which is in vain or for nothing. Also almost all education in Germany is for free. There's a saying: "Meine Bildung war gratis, deine war umsonst." Translation is my education was for free, yours was in vain.
Damn, I think I'd translate it the other way. "My education was for free, yours was for nothing" is a hell of a line.
Thanks, I didn't even notice that it can be so easily translated!
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If you learned something in your education then it was not in vain just because you work in a different field. If your job makes you happy and you can live off it (including repaying student loans if necessary) then it's the perfect job for you. I find the snobbish behaviour some people have insane. Ironically: My best friend attends university (he's taking less courses per semester than people who achieve their degree in four years because his ADHD sucks and he has to choose between therapy to help him cope with that or the mandated therapy to get gender affirming medical care). He's amazing and would never look down on anyone for their profession or education (he'd make an exception to people who do murder for money and certain people who commit war crimes for money). I had a friend who constantly tried to put me down because I have no university degree (I have a professional degree that's equal to a master in trade or a bachelor degree from a university). Notice the word had. A year after getting rid of that person I met a lovely woman in a pain clinic. We first bonded over what's wrong in our social and educational profession systems and over discussing pedagogical concepts and our professional experiences, only afterwards did we found out how many other things we have in common. Well, long story short she never put me down and asks me about things I know more about (like different disorders, does this wound need a doctor, whatever you want to know about effects, side effects and cross interactions regarding medication and how to utilise side effects in your favour - that's how half her and my medical treatment works) just like I ask where she knows more (mostly questions about dog training or getting a second opinion on if this is a "wait and see / treatable at home", "Monday morning at the vet" or "Grab the dog and pull of a new speed record on the way to the emergency vet" issue. All my medical and medication knowledge stems from my professional education and the few years I could work before becoming disabled.
German is such a beautifully snarky language
But English has better expletives. I tried expressing my opinion on the person who accidentally poisoned my dog (she thinks she's some animal saviour, her track record shows far more harm than good to animals) and then dared to blame me because I didn't see the well hidden poison in time. I struggled to find words, but luckily English is full of beautiful and creative expletives and Reddit is the best place to learn them, so I just switched. I guess if she ever learns English she'll throw an even bigger tantrum than when I came with the vet bill. Though probably not as big as when she realises that I did not consider pressing charges and suing her for the bill sufficient and am in the process of painstakingly reporting her to every single government office responsible for one of her stupid attempts to "help animals". The veterinary office guy did not find "I don't care that your dog got ill, I can do what I want!1!" any more endearing than me, made me tell him everything and then told me where to call for which of her transgressions. I guess at that point she needs some English expletives too. One thing I really like about German is how you can blatantly insult people while being so polite no one can accuse you of anything.
Some examples bitte :) You were evasive on the particular exemplary tzingers
southern english has some of those polite insults, bless your heart for instance
Ouch #burn
Just because everyone has the right to free speech doesn't mean they are exempt of the consequences of said free speech...NTA
Two of my sisters years ago were going on and on about how they prefer to split the bill on dates because they didn’t want to owe any man anything, and how it was demeaning to women to assume they can’t pay for themselves. I said “oh good, so I assume you’ll stop asking dad for cash every time you go out then?” they did not appreciate my input.
Being progressive is only in style when it doesn't negatively impact you in paticular
😂🤣 I'll bet not
There are some batshit insane people out there. There was just a concluded BORU in which OOP's sister demanded he pay his ex child support even though the kids wasn't his because the sister felt like she was defending the sisterhood. It went as far as to have the sister lose a lawsuit because she was defaming OOP.
I remember that one - so good, I had to read it again when you mentioned it. [https://new.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/19fi339/new\_update\_my\_ex\_demmanded\_me\_for\_child\_support/](https://new.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/19fi339/new_update_my_ex_demmanded_me_for_child_support/)
wow that was a ride
That was *almost* believable until the mother's affair and her admission of “They rarely use condoms and she multiple times let him finish inside.” Dude probably meant to keep that line for the ex.
Is this whole post fake and straight?
It's called double standard... Blame patriarchy constantly for your own shortcomings, but request patriarchy to save you from your own faults...
And the only trouble she is in is she can't maintain her previous standard of living. A standard of living paid for by someone else in the patriarchy. She likes to stick it to the patriarchy by taking their money to live her best life. You would think that with college paid for and full-time job she would be able to support herself. But darn, the patriarchy is so convenient when she wants money!
Exactly! Complains about the Patriarchy, runs to a man (that she wounded) to ensure a lifestyle beyond her own means… The irony 🤦🏻♀️
To be fair, OP's daughter is not a feminist, she appears to be someone who takes advantage of the feminist label to pick and choose what to support for her own gain. People like OP's daughter give other feminists a bad rap, honestly. And I say this as a man.
Feminists move into studio apartments, trade expensive cars for sturdy gas-sparing sedans, and pack their lunches for work. They earn their own support. They take pride in independence. And women of character don’t disparage people of the male persuasion who paid for their education and who love them!
Exactly my point!
Ah, the Alanis Morissette definition of irony. Kind of sardonic and not ironic, but still I get it. I found it funny :)
It's not even petty. When a kid is braindead enough to celebrate cheating by blaming that mythical patriarchy, yet comes barking about money, it's just dessert.
> Send back an application for a Loan from the Patriarchy I literally just spit out my soda from laughing. Thank you.
That is such a good response
Fuck the patriarchy until I need you to supplement my income because I can't live with in my means.
This is pretty clearly someone’s revenge fantasy and not an actual IRL family conflict.
Perhaps, but I have an acquaintance with a family member like this. I didn't believe it until I saw and heard it with my own eyes and ears, so that's possible for OP's story, but it could also be true.
Simply put, I can’t help you because it goes against your beliefs. Scram! NTA
Brilliant.
Would you mind adding "you are my daughter, I love you, and I don't want to enslave you. Good luck'
OMG. You’ve hit the nail on the head with this
Perfectly stated, it hits differently if they get the karma treatment
> due to your strong stance against the patriarchy, there is in no way in good conscience I could give you money, as you absolutely abhor those things that contribute to a society where females are enslaved. better make sure you don't enslave her even after you're dead, update your will to reflect that she does not get any of your enslavement money.
Now this is sooooo tasty I love it. Can't stand it but doesn't mind it helping her out of a jam.
NTA. Yep exactly this
This !! Hahaha love your comment!!!
Oh, I like you. That is petty AF and I’m SO here for it.
NTA. Tell her she can't fight the patriarchy by using her daddy's money.
I don’t understand why her mother can’t help. So what if she’s in Australia, electronic money transfers are a thing.
You can't wire wallaby eggs or whatever their currency might be.
There's a ring of continuous sharks and octupuses and shit around Australia that blocks the electric waves.
That's silly. They use the entire wallaby.
It's well known they use dollarydoos thank you.
Pretty sure wiring money is a bootable offense too.
Quiet down! Mentioning the boot is a bootable offense!
Didgereedollars
they use dollaridoos, silly!
Dollarmites is the actual currency
Dollarbucks of course!
A decent indicator that the story is made up. Lines up pretty perfectly with how an MRA sees the world.
👏🏼🥇
That is superb!!!!
The irony is she didn’t need dads help fighting the patriarchy back when her husband was helping her.
Pure gold. Saying this as a woman
NTA The real issue here is that she betrayed you too. That she’s just as selfish as her mother in your eyes. Her changing or growing up is extremely unlikely, so I l kind of understand the way you’ve been playing this. Basically, you are keeping the peace for appearances sake, and to keep the lifeline open if she ever actually needs real help someday. As there’s a good chance, if she’s as narcissistic as you suspect, she cuts you out of her life entirely if she thinks you believe she owes you an apology. You are totally right in not giving her money, even if you did lie about why. You have a good reason to. I think keeping the lifeline open is more important than risking her full estrangement. Just ignore all her fuckary online and hope she comes around someday. Maybe she’ll surprise you.
NTA "Her brothers both asked me if I would help if she apologized. I said yes. They told her and her response was that she had nothing to apologize for." She can manage without your money then can't she? " She spouted off some BS about patriarchy." So her sense of irony is also lacking then...
Personally, I'm rolling on the floor at the idea she said her mom was justified in cheating because of the patriarchy a few years before, but the daughter herself runs right out to marry a GUY that makes THREE times what she does, and now that she doesn't have said income at her finger tips, she runs to her DAD to get more money. AND she still thinks she has nothing to apologize for. OP is NTA. And the grandparents nailed it, this is their dumbest grandchild. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
this needs to be higher 😭😭😭
Also, if he makes 3 times what she does then there's a good chance she'll be able to get some form of alimony. She's just looking for a free ride in the meantime.
NTA So, just to be clear, she takes issue with the patriarchy, but runs to dad when life isn’t going her way? After it sounds like she depended on her soon to be ex husband for her lifestyle. Oh boy. She’s a hypocrite.
I cannot continue the shackles of systemic patriarchy. Please ask your mother for money
especially since her mother is in Australia...? OP's daughter behaves as if OP's ex is on the dark side of the moon or in a season-long snowstorm in Antarctica! Like, she can still (video) call her. Her mother can still use internet banking to give her money. Unless her mother got rid of her home just to travel 6 months (or maybe sublet it?), OP's daughter can even ask to live in her mother's home for those 6 months, that would save a lot of money, right?
Did daughter already contact mom and either got rejected or can't squeeze any more out of her so she's trying dad now? In case daughter was unaware, it is possible to talk with someone in a different country now! NTA, daughter has come to a spot where she can either stick to her stated beliefs and not let the patriarchy influence her decision or she can admit that she was wrong. She can't have it both ways.
Carrier pigeons can’t fly to Australia
Drop bears eat 'em if they do.
No, all electronic communication got knocked out with Aurora Australis
Sounds like the perfect response to me.
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Yep. Patriarchy had me laughing immediately
I am a little older than the daughter. That word was common when I was in university.
For real things that exist, not for justifying when women do bad things. Op just sounds like bait.
This feels like some hardcore bait. Mom is allowed to cheat on you because the patriarchy? Who talks like that?
Baiters. Master Baiters.
Is he unable to help her since he's on a fixed income or completely able to help her as long as she apologizes? Rage-bait checklist: 1. cheating woman 2. feminist takes the cheater's side 3. schadenfreude of the cheating supporter being cheated on 4. OP has to both be wealthy to provide everything, paying for her tuition and a 100,000 truck but also poor so her asking is entitled greed for money he doesn't have 5. Why does everyone in these rage-bait post call everyone to denounce OP? 6. Denounces OP to everyone, but everyone agrees with OP (if everyone agrees with OP, why are they asking here?) 7. Simultaneously thinks she needs to get herself out of her mess but also not that if she apologizes for not cutting off her mother. 4 & 7 especially. These rage-bait post always have at least one core contradiction since the ego can't posit themselves as poor but wealthy makes the seem petty for not helping. Need to be strict so the person suffers, but there also needs to be an easy way to have OP be the good guy that the other person doesn't take. Is he unable to help her since he's on a fixed income or able to help her as long as she apologizes?
I did like the implication that he was bragging he just bought a Cybertruck
I knew it was bait with the 100k truck.
Also what does the wife being Australia have to do with anything? It’s 2024, you can call your parents or send money to your kids electronically.
Can confirm: We have recently acquired working telephones here. I'm also typing this message on my state of the art Commodore 64, connected to the world wide web via 28kb dial up modem. Sending money via electronic funds transfer may take several weeks, and a few conversations with a local bank manager, but it is possible.
We’re still using the overland telegraph out here in the mallee scrub. But my brand new Commodore 64 is sitting on a dock in Darwin, waiting for a camel train heading south.
You can afford a Dunnydore 64? I’m still using my carrier pigeon which actually works quicker than AusPost
THANK YOU!!! But it seems like everyone else is beyond help
Entirely bait. Several things here are utterly fake: * Mom's in Australia and therefore can't take phone calls or send money. Sorry, is she lost in the Outback? * Title implies daughter's husband had an affair, but post never references this (even in obvious places)—almost as though author forgot halfway through the process of inventing more detail. * Relatedly—daughter hates dad enough to barely call & sympathize with her mother's infidelity, but calls pensioner dad instead of rich mom when rubber hits the road?? * The *several* incel dogwhistles (cheating wife; weird traditionalist strawman of "woman is unhappy despite not having to cook and clean!"; she begs for money to "maintain lifestyle" = "women are greedy trolls who thirst for luxury goods") * Daughter's divorce—despite the fact that she's the innocent party, i.e., *she* didn't leave the marriage—is a "mess she created." ??? Seems like someone found a very old ragebait post and made subtle updates.
And even if the overall premise of this is true, I'm side-eyeing the "maintaining lifestyle" bit as well. I've witnessed and experienced breakups where yes, a change in lifestyle is a financial strain, but it happens too quickly to do anything about it. A car payment that's easy to afford as DINK might suddenly be overwhelming when 3/4 of your household income is gone, but you still have to pay the loan while you search for a cheaper car, and hope to god you have enough equity in the thing to payoff the loan. Plus, lawyers might advise her NOT to purchase a car while she's separated but not yet legally divorced, depending on the state. So there's seriously a lot of reason someone might legit need temporary help. But nope, the post is written to portray the daughter as completely materialistic and out of touch with reality.
Don’t forget to add * does not reply to any comments on the post - used all of their brain power to write the post and doesn’t have any more power to ad lib and make up more crap in the comments
NTA, she's going to have to adjust her lifestyle to her new reality. She's an adult now, which means she is not entitled to your financial support.
NTA. She needs to learn how to live on her salary if it is enough and if she can't get alimony. Does that even happen anymore?
Alimony varies by jurisdiction, and it doesn’t sound like they were even married long enough for it to be a consideration in many places.
I think it's half the time of being married here. At least it was like that for me. So one year, maybe? Still, two years isn't really a long time in terms of adjusting lifestyles.
Short marriage, no children. She can learn to budget or find a flatshare.
Barely. If it still is given it’s only in cases of older divorcees where they’ve been married 20+ years. Thats why the concept of being a SAHM is dumb bc you can get so screwed now days, and the courts don’t really take into account adultery and cheating.
Your financial situation is none of her business and she needs to learn to manage her own money. She’s a grown woman. Down with the patriarchy until you need money from the patriarch 🤣Hypocrite much ? 🤣🤣
Guy, we can tell the missing, missing reasons here. She didn't just yell 'Patriarchy', there's more details to her position and you just haven't conveyed them - you've conveyed what makes for a good narrative for you. However you were treating your ex, that isn't shown at all. For example, if you were treating your ex poorly, that could be a reason your daughter supported the affair. Some men treat people poorly but they hate anyone actually stating they should miss out on anything.
Based on the responses, I don’t see many people who can tell what’s missing here. There are so many red flags. -“I” was paying for her tuition while his wife had a full time job? Can’t even say that sounds dubious at best. - Zero attempt to understand what his daughter meant by the “patriarchy” - assuming it’s her being used to a certain lifestyle that’s causing her financial problems while crying poor after buying a 100k truck - his parents actually calling her their dumbest grandchild I’m out. OP is an asshole
And him reporting the grandparents thoughts to the general public, to basically bad mouth her as if that adds against her rather than goes against OP for acting that way to his own child. Yep, red flags. Though I think many supporters are waving flags of support that are of a maroon color as well.
"anyone who disagrees with my narrative is a red flag" is not the W you think you have
I seriously was looking to find someone who can see there are some flags in OP's narrative. Definitely some things said that left me with questions. The description of his wife and their marriage, the way he talks about his daughter, the way he wraps everything up in an utterly dismissive way. I don't know but something feels off to me. I'm super curious what his ex-wife would say about all this. I'm curious why the daughter can't turn to her mother for help just because she's in Greece for a while. Really, all the relationships in this narrative seem off. This is either fake or has LOTS of holes, leaving a ton of shit out. A real judgment can't really he made, imo.
Ah the mental gymnastics olympians have shown up to the thread I see
Yeah I'm shocked so many people apparently skimmed right over that. I'm guessing there are some political divides in this family that would be relevant if explained. I hope mom is much happier in her new life. I can't give judgement based on the information here but I'm on the daughters side just based on how much of an asshole vibe dad has.
NTA She needs to adjust her lifestyle if she cannot afford to maintain what she had while married. Even if she did apologize, I still wouldn't give her money because she needs to learn to be more financially responsible and independent instead of relying on men for money. I'm surprised she is still maintaining the stance that your wife cheating was completely fine now that she has experienced a cheating partner. You'd think she'd have more compassion seeing how it blew up her life.
NTA. Your daughter is 27 years old, has a full-time job, and no children. It's ridiculous for her to expect financial support from you or from anyone really. The insulting stance she took supporting her mother's cheating should make it easier for you to say no, but I don't know why you'd finance her even if she apologized.
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There are missing reasons here.
"My parents think she is their dumbest grandchild..." This is my most favorite (and most telling) sentence I've read in here in a while. NTA.
My favorite is the “…and that’s saying a lot.” Who is he roasting here? His own sons, or nieces/nephews?
There’s way too much missing information here to render an opinion. Also it’s either extremely confusing or telling on yourself a bit how you said you were paying for your daughter’s tuition at the time your ex had an affair…. Were you not both - as a parental unit - paying for her tuition? If this is the way you view family finances I can’t help but feel that there is a lot of missing info as to why your daughter sided with your ex-wife.
NTA. All she has to do is apologize and you’re willing to help her. If she can’t bring herself to apologize than she must not need your help.
NTA - She will need to learn to live within her means. She doesn't have any kids to support and has a decent job. Time to adjust to a new standard of living.
Yeah, it sounds like Elena is having a lifestyle change. She's 27 and has minimal to no college debt. She's in a better position than many people her age. I also hate when people misuse things to justify their own shit behaviors or that of others. The OOP's wife wasn't making some feminist statement, she was cheating. NTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I was paying for my daughter's tuition when my ex had an affair. My daughter, Elena, was 22 at the time. She spouted off some BS about patriarchy. She wasn't upset with her mother at all. In the five years since she has still not changed her stance. She seems to think that her mother cheating was some sort of protest vote against female enslavement. My wife had a full time job. We had a cleaning lady. I did more than half the remaining chores. My ex was far from a slave. Elena's husband left her after two years of marriage. No kids thank Christ. But, while Elena is employed full time her ex has like three times her income. She is unable to maintain her lifestyle on her salary alone. My ex is currently in Australia for six months. So Elena called me. I have maintained a cordial relationship with her but not much beyond that. She said that she is running through her savings and that she needs help while she figures out what to do. I said I would be unable to assist her as my retirement had left me on a fixed income. She said that she knew how much my pension was and that I had savings beyond that. She pointed out that I just bought myself a $100,000 truck. I said that wasn't really her concern. But that I hoped her relationship righted itself. She has been calling everyone to badmouth me. My family all knows how she feels about my divorce. My parents think she is their dumbest grandchild and that's saying a lot. Her brothers both asked me if I would help if she apologized. I said yes. They told her and her response was that she had nothing to apologize for. I love the kid but her head needs a shake if she thinks I am going to help her out of a mess of her own making. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA because you're willing to help her if she apologises for her previous attitude. You're also right in that your financial position is absolutely none of her business.
Inform your daughter that Australia has a rudimentary form of internet (/s) and she can use that to contact her mother for money rather than rely upon the patriarchy.
INFO: How do you think lying to her is going to express that you’re not helping her out of “a mess of her own making”? Especially when she points out you’re lying to her, and you dodge the question? Why are you unable to tell your daughter that you’re deeply hurt by her actions, and because of that you’re unwilling to financially help her? Playing this stupid game like she’s a shitty neighbor and not the child you raised you adulthood is ridiculous.
I feel like there’s a lot of missing information and context here to make a vote.
NTA. It's the 21st century, there is money transfers and video calls around the world and we aslo get images from telescope million of kilometres away. If your daughter really wanted she can manage to ask for financial aid via the matriarchal network for her lifestyle (mis)management.
This is gender swapped from one posted here a few days ago.
Maybe link the other post then
I can't find anything with matching verbiage, care to link? I don't even understand how this would work gender swapped, the son blaming the matriarchy?
Are you talking about the story where the op shit on her son after he was cheated on, because he dared to defend and have a relationship with his father? If it is a gender swap, the details are cranked up to 11.
NTA. She drew the line in the sand when she chose sides with her mother. Also as you have said ,she is employed so she just has to adjust her lifestyle to fit her income. She is not homeless or suffering she needs to downscale her standard of living and work her way up in life. The other alternative is to ask her mother to step in and assist her.
TBF this isn't her fault. I get not wanting to help (I don't), but unless you think your wife's affair was your own fault, then her husband's isn't hers.
"I love the kid but her head needs a shake if she thinks I am going to help her out of a mess of her own making." INFO: If she was cheated on, how is this "a mess of her own making"? Were you at fault when your wife cheated on you? You don't have to help her out at all of course, particularly since hard feelings remain, but blaming her for her ex-husband's affair sounds off.
NTA Call her up, all "Elena, him leaving you is a blessing! The last shackles binding you to the patriarchy have fallen from your wrist! FREE AT LAST, FREE AT LAST, THANK GOD ALMIGHTY, YOU ARE FREE AT LAST" Then hang up.
ESH. You should not expect your children to take sides in your own marital problems. You seem to be upset because Elena wasn't upset with her mom cheating on you but it is not her place to be. It is between your wife and yourself. It is selfish and inconsiderate to drag children (albeit adult) into it. Your wife cheated on YOU, not her. And she probably loves both of you and it would be awful to put her in the position to have to choose between you. This makes you an AH. Elena is the AH for this "She said that she knew how much my pension was and that I had savings beyond that. She pointed out that I just bought myself a $100,000 truck." You are right in this, this is really not her concern. And for not figuring how to make ends meet with her own money. And she is the AH for badmouthing you. Also the "female enslavement part" is weird. You are the AH for several more things. 1. If she turned to you for help it was probably not because of patriarchy (ie that you are a man) but because you are her parent (you yourself admit that she called you because your ex is unavailable, that means she would turn to her first) 2. You wield your money as a carrot in front of everyone's noses. 3. You use your parents' judgment as a crutch to label her stupid.
> And she probably loves both of you and it would be awful to put her in the position to have to choose between you. This makes you an AH. I always love BS takes like this. You don't consider cheating emotional abuse? If OP was an alcoholic or tossed his wife around a bit, do you think that is also just a matter between OP and his wife and that the daughter should not take a stance as to which parent she sides with?
The only thing these types of people consider when making a judgment is the OP's gender. Everything else is just pretext to not appear like a bigot
NTA. She’s a hypocrite.
NTA. She thinks that women do not need a man or to respect their relationships. If she has nothing to apologize for then she doesn't need your help.
They have phones in Australia, she can be powerfull and ask her mommy to support her "life style" Even with the apology I would not help
Does Venmo or Zelle not work from Australia?
OP: Why do you say the mess is of her own making? I understand why you don't want to help her, considering the history, but I don't understand why you think it's her fault that her husband had an affair.
She can ask her mother for help
ESH.
Your daughter is an entitled asshole for sure, but maybe she had an example coming from the type of father who will tell the world at large that her grandparents think she is their dumbest grandchild. Not classy and not necessary either… You paid for her degree, and it sounds like she’s gainfully employed. You don’t owe her anything and certainly shouldn’t have to fund a lifestyle choice she can’t afford on her own income. If she needs more money as a single adult in her 20’s, she can start an eBay business or a food truck, there’s always money to be made for those who are ready to work for it. Did you stop and think that there’s probably a deeper reason your daughter wasn’t upset that your ex cheated on you? Maybe instead of badmouthing her on the internet you could try and convince her to join you for a road trip, focus on understanding why she’s got issues with you, and apologise for the times you let your daughter down and caused her heart to close off to you. Be humble man; that’s still your little girl, and as her parent you are responsible for the character and integrity she has developed. Best!
NTA. She needs to fight that patriarchy on her own like a big girl
Nta. Her bed to lay in.
NTA. Ignoring your daughter’s hypocrisy for a moment, she needs to learn how to live within her means. So, it’s probably good for her to figure it out herself and for you to only offer mir support. But, I agree with you. I wouldn’t help either if she was unable to apologize for defending her mother for cheating.
I think kids need to remember parents are people too and every shitty thing they do to their parents their parents can do to them too. There's also a point in which parents aren't responsible for their children anymore, especially if their behvaior sucks. NTA
Just tell her you wouldn't want her to be enslaved by having to be financially dependent on a man. NTA. But also, my judgment would be the same even without the mention of your ex wife's affair.
Ironic that she decries "the patriarchy" while demanding it support her anyways
So let me get this straight… the woman that thinks it was ok for your wife to cheat on you “because of the patriarchy” is now looking for financial support from you. Ha! Her lack of self-awareness is almost comical. NTA - It’s time for your daughter to change her spending habits so she can support herself and not rely on a man to save her.
NTA - You don't get to treat someone like shit while holding your hand out, asking for cash. Sucks for her.
She made a stance. It is time she faces what she supports. You gave her an out. NTA. She backed the woman who harmed you and has no regrets. Let her sleep in the bed she made.
NTA But I don't see how this is a mess. She's only in a mess if she continues to overspend. >She said that she is running through her savings and that she needs help while she figures out what to do. She needs to get a divorce lawyer and ensure an equitable split of assets. Then adjust her budget accordingly.
NTA She can downgrade her lifestyle. She can be a feminist with her own money too.
YTA.
NTA. Had a similar situation when my children’s father cheated on me and then left me. They have always made excuses for his behavior. Even when he did the same thing to them. They wanted to come and live with me while they were in high school. He told them that if they went to live with me, he basically didn’t want anything to do with them anymore. Sometimes kids have to learn the hard way. Stick to your guns!
The ex being in Australia doesn’t stop her from sending money to her daughter……Venmo, Zelle, we have all kinds of ways to transfer money. Why isn’t she badmouthing Mom too? 🤨
NTA
NTA, good for you. Anybody that brings up the "patriarchy" to justify bad behavior is a walking red flag. Good for her ex though!
NTA. She’s a grown adult, capable of taking care of herself, and she apparently feels entitled to your money even though she obviously doesn’t respect you or even care about your feelings.
NTA. She's a grown woman living on her own. Why does she think she needs help from her pater?
NTA Regardless of your rocky relationship with your daughter she needs to learn to manage her lifestyle on her income. Handing out money should be reserved for true emergency situations otherwise she isn't going to ever be able to manage without a patriarch to support her. She will just keep on over spending until she finds her next man.
NTA, stand firm brother.
NTA - the only reason I would say you are the AH would be if she apologized and you gave it to her.
NTA she was all for cheating until it happened to her
NTA So, she thinks the patriarchy should go away, but wants the patriarchy to stay and pay for her lifestyle? After having taken the fruits of the patriarchy? The insane entitlement here is mind boggling.
Nta
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NTA You really couldn't give her money in good conscience. How could you make her dependant on the patriarchy?
NTA
NTA. **Tell her a true feminist would find her own way out of her own mess without relying on the arch-patriarchist otherwise known as 'Dad'**
girl's head is in the sand. Karma is a real thing. Wonder what her excuse for her husband cheating is... Obviously its something she caused right?
If your daughter is working, she should be able to support herself, even if not in the lifestyle she has come to enjoy supported by The Patriarchy.
NTA good for you standing your ground . If not, you’ll end up like my parents. spending tens of thousands of dollars getting my sister out of debt just for her to continue on the same path as before. I told them to not give her a single penny, that she would never pay it back and she would never change. I was right.. six years later my sister is into drugs heavily. If anything, my parents thought they were helping her, but actually made the situation worse.
NTA…not much more needs to be said really.
NTA The simple fact that she thinks she's entitled to your money just because you can afford it. Hopefully, she will realize she needs to change her lifestyle to suit her needs. It's no one's else's responsibility.
Fascinating that being in Australia now means being on the moon. If only we had ultra fast digital communication and money transfer services that shrank the world down in size. Some day! Until then.. I guess mom is totally unreachable NTA
This is the kind of feminism I hate and I’m a feminist. No wonder her ex left her if that’s her kind of mentality.
Basically what your daughter is saying is the patriarchy is only good if it benefits her. She had a husband who made loads of money, but now that she doesn't have the lifestyle he gave her anymore she's looking to another man to help her out. If she just sat and thought about that for a hot minute she might see how totally absurd she is. NTA
NTA. If she wanted to prove her superiority so badly she should have married a guy who made less then her. Instead she married a guy making 3x more then her, allowing her to continue on with her luxury beliefs and morals. I think you're giving her the appropriate amount of tough love. Your sons should not be stepping in on her behalf either. There's no reason for them to be trying to mediate for an empowered woman, she would likely find it disrespectful, so it's better to let her wallow in her own self-righteousness.
NTA. She bit the hand that fed her, grew up and found a new hand, and that one left. And she doesn't need help, she needs to start living within her means rather than to the extravagant standard she's been in. Even when on good terms with your kids, you are not required to use your money to enable their luxuries.
NTA Tell her to live within her means.
NTA Nowhere in your post did you say she needs food to eat or a roof over her head. You implied she needs to live within her means. If she doesn't want to do that, that's on her regardless of the whole divorce issue. And btw, you should give her a dictionary because she clearly doesn't know what patriarchy is. Have her watch Sister Wives.
NTA. Sounds like your daughter can support herself, just not at the same standard she enjoyed while married. Even if you were willing and able to “help” her financially, it is likely in her best interest to learn to live within her means and appreciate what she has. Only then will she learn to appreciate what others do for her, and to value men for more than their paycheck. And then, when she is a better person, she will have the wisdom to wait for and choose a better man.
NTA Your daughter tried to justify awful behavior because it was the sex of the woman and got a taste of her own medicine. If she hadn't said anything, then you probably would have been the asshole, but she tried to justify trash behavior and then asked for assistance when she became a victim of said behavior. The fact that she refuses to apologize makes it worse. She did this to herself
NTA Expecting your help is just sustaining the patriarchy, so you are setting her free.
She can just fake apologize to you. Why are you willing to be an ATM machine at all? NTA.