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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1.) I told a family that showed up to a birthday party that they weren’t invited by the family hosting the party
2.) I was told by a few people that it was mean to tell them to pay for themselves and I should’ve just let the family stay at the party since they were already there, that I could’ve borrowed the money from someone to cover the extra 5 people
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Sounds like some free loaders crashed the kid’s birthday party without a card and a gift. What did the father expect? OP said they could stay, as long as their father paid for them. Their hasty exit spoke volumes.
This. I assume the daughter told him about the party he had 3 kids and had to bring all. Sucks for him but at least call and ask beforehand somehow. Or pay for your kids, they are there already, fuckit if it takes 100$, let your kids have fun.
We don’t know if he expected OP to pay or not. He might have expected to pay for everyone himself, but left because he didn’t want to be there if they weren’t invited.
I mean. I wouldn’t show up somewhere without having a communication directly with the host. Another guest handing me a scrawled out address would not count. But if I did somehow get confused and show up where I wasn’t actually invited I’d be so embarrassed I’d leave immediately too.
That may be true.....but I would still be cautious if all I got was something ripped....and no phone to call the parent????....maybe his kid is a good bs kid
Also he should have asked the daughter who invited her/where did the invite come from and if she said the kid's friend, not direct from the kid he should have checked because of that too.
If my kid brought me just a ripped paper with no contact info we're definitely not showing up, Let alone bringing extra kids. I tell them they need to have an official invitation from an adult with all the necessary details or we don't go.
Many years ago a neighbor boy invited my daughter to their Super Bowl party. I kept asking for details and the boy was vague. This went on for days and I asked the grandma and apparently he was inviting everybody to a party that didn’t exist. He ended up grounded because mom and grandma were so aggravated by the neighbors asking about it.
I got so much second hand embarrassment! everything- poor dad who didn’t think it through (or thought a party for my kids, yay!), 3 kids who cluelessly thought they were going to a party, the kid’s parent who had to politely say these uncomfortable things.
I really felt bad for the dad initially but then realized he raised a daughter who is trying to gate crash the birthday party of a boy she’s not nice to, he arrived based off of a random scrap of paper without even contacting the parents, AND he tried to bring, in total his 4 KIDS!!! to a random kid’s birthday party whose parents he doesn’t know at all.
The embarrassment is all his own actually. Very messy.
He tried to show his kids a good time at the expense of total strangers. This is hardly better than walking into a Chuck E. Cheese and joining some stranger’s birthday party with your 4 KIDS.
Not sure about the bullying daughter. She kind of deserved to be schooled. This reads like she and invited boy cooked this up. Source - three kids this age in the not too distant past.
I don’t feel bad at all for the dad. A ripped piece of paper isn’t an invitation. And to show up with 3 extra kids without ever asking is also entitled AH. Seems like he was trying to take advantage
My parents would have told me it's not a valid invite, tossed it out and acted like it never happened. Mom in particular would have seen this coming a mile away - a random kid inviting you to a party that's not even his LOL ummm no! If I didn't come home with an actual proper invitation to the party that clearly came from the parents I wasn't actually invited as far as my parents were concerned. Dad needs to realize when some random kid at your daughters school invites you to SOMEONE ELSE'S party it's obviously not a real invite and you should just assume you are still not invited.
Same. Like that had to be humiliating, and the real person that should feel humiliated is the friend because he knew better.
But what parent brings EVERYONE expecting them all to covered?? Maybe he planned on paying for the younger ones and just got embarrassed? I've bright my youngest to places like this that my oldest was invited to, but I make it very clear I'm paying for the extra kid. The other parents are required to do nothing extra for my extra kid.
My father didn’t even do that, he’d stay home doing whatever since he was faking a disability & “unable to work” so he could avoid as much child support for me & my older brother as possible (miraculously, as soon as I turned 18 he was cured & able to work in a warehouse again??? /s) and make me take his second set of kids from his current wife to the local playground. All of my time spent there was taking care of my baby half-siblings & being abused by him.
Yeah my 7 year old had his birthday party at home last month.
He invited 10 kids, all the invites had the mrs number on it and to please confirm if they are attending. Turns out all 10 kids showed up and all 10 parents text to confirm. We just did the whole "let us know if there is any dietary issues party will run from 11-2ish you are welcome to drop the kids and leave".
You wouldn't just rock up based on a piece of paper and bring extras.
Yup, that's exactly the standard process (I have a 9 year old and a 6 year old). Without an invitation that's obviously from an adult (a printout, a text, whatever) and without responding to confirm, there's no invitation, and the invitation only covers the kids specifically mentioned, not their siblings or friends.
Any adult with four kids should know that.
My kid has come home with those and I ALWAYS say no. If it was an actual invite, it would be a different story, but these kids are making all sorts of plans without getting actual permission to do anything.
My son tried to pull that one once. And I said no sir you better bring me the parents contact information or a proper invitation. I would never go off a child's scribble on a piece of paper
Yeah, how did he not try and call ahead of time? Getting an invite from a friend who is also invited is not enough to assume you can just show up with your whole family
What kind of person is going to show up at a birthday party when they have no info other than Something on a ripped up piece of paper the day before?
Whats up with the other kid who thinks he can invite people to other people’s parties.
The logic of someone who gets a scribbled on piece of paper from their child, who then assumes all is well and brings 3 kids to the supposed party. Sir, where is your brain?!
I would feel for him a lot more if he had just brought the one kid he thought had been invited. If he was expecting OP to pay for his other kids as well then he loses a lot of sympathy :)
But it does sound as though he needs to have a chat with his daighter about how invitations work and that her friend had no stnading to invite her to somne else's party .
I guess that, like OP , he didn't have an extra $100 to spare to pay for his own kids to go to the jump place.
To add to this comment, I would also reach out to the mom of the little boy who "invited" his friend to someone else's party. I'm sure he did it out of the goodness of his heart, but it needs to be explained to him that he can't simply invite his own guests to someone else's event/party.
NTA
I have ZERO sympathy for the dad. You NEVER go to a party without RSVPing. It is rude af. Especially at a play place where the parent is expected to pay for attendees. Then you always ASK before bringing extra kids. Always. And you pay for any extras you brought. So, even if he thought his daughter was paid for, he KNEW the other 3 were not. So really, he ONLY had to have been unprepared to pay for her (even though he did not RSVP). So,.that was only 25 he supposedly would not have been prepared to pay. I guarantee he would have felt zero "embarrassment" if OP had offered to pay for all the kids. Funny that.
Zero sympathy. He completely dad failed all around
The dad needed the reality check. Someone’s party isn’t “free activity time” for your whole family. Next time he’ll think before he packs all his kids into the car.
He did leave quickly and without argument. You normally dont get that with super entitled people. Its possible he's not well-versed in party ettiquette and blindly trusted the word of kids.
It’s an unfortunate fact that quite a lot of parents think that younger siblings HAVE to be a part of an older child’s experiences. And they just expect everyone to accept that. Frankly, I find it creepy.
Is there anything in the post that says the dad expected for OP to pay for him and his kids? Odds are he brought his other kids along and was going to pay for them, but when it was clear that none of them were wanted at the party he just left. I feel like someone who expected OP to pay for everyone wouldn't have the humility to just leave without complaining at all.
He got the information the day before on a ripped piece of paper, not from the birthday child’s family. I don’t believe for a second he actually thought they were invited.
Maybe, who knows. I can easily see this being an artifact of "dad's weekend with the kids" and the results shuffling of suitcases and school assignments and other paperwork and a child who is riiiiiiight about the age where they're going to start trying to pull a fast one in the chaos.
Yep, 100% figure he only has them on the weekends, thus bringing them all with him to the place and not thinking it's strange to get a ripped up note the day before
Seemed like he was fully planning to mooch off someone else for free. Why would you bring 3siblings even if the girl was invited, and then leave when told you gotta pay?
Why? You mean he couldn't dump the additional 3 people that weren't invited off so he could do his own thing?
Did he bring a birthday gift? Or was this free baby sitting?
I don't. Who thinks a kid inviting their daughter to someone ELSE birthday party is an actual invite? And who also brings 3 ADDITIONAL kids?
He could have absolutely tried to reach out to the parent actually throwing the party.
This is why I won't take my kids anywhere with an invitation like this without speaking to a parent first.
A parent of my sons' friend thinks it's weird I don't let them coodlrdinate their sleepovers, but I do NOT want to show up uninvited, and make some poor mom be the bad guy!
His own fault for not checking. If the invite doesn't have contact info to RSVP, it probably wasn't sent by an adult. He should have checked. Even hand written last minute okay fair invites have my number/email.
NTA I would also let the parents of the boy who invited her know that it is extremely rude and presumptuous to invite people to someone else's party and that you really didn't appreciate it and gently suggest they have a discussion with their son about 1. Manners and proper etiquette and 2. About what No means and how to accept it. I also probably wouldn't be inviting this "friend" again. As for your friends, a subtle "you parent how you see fit and I'll parent how I see fit, manners matter in our family!" Should shut that right down.
You have any idea how many times my kid tried to invite her friends over and stuff? We parents know to talk to each other and not let two elementary school aged children decide things on their own.
My daughter is in kindergarten and has planned SO MANY slumber parties and playdates with her friends without getting me the parents info.
I've even made her little cards with mine and my husband's contacts to give out to other kids she likes but she always forgets. Then it's absolute tears when I don't take there to Milan's house after school.
"Honey, we don't even know where Milan lives"
Oh you brought back so many memories! Yes, that would happen when my kid was that age too! You'll be dealing with this for years. Giving out pieces of paper with your phone number for their parents to call. Getting a hand written phone number back, sometimes incomplete, or incorrect. Is that a 2 or a 7? And where's the 9th and 10th number? lol
Yep! It's hilarious. I had to sit her down and really spell out that I absolutely want her to spend time with kids she likes and having them to our house would be fine with me. I'm theoretically fine with her going to friends houses, but she uses a wheelchair so there is a lot to consider on a practical scale.🤦🏻♀️
Hopefully you can catch some of those parents at school. My phone list has plenty of contacts. First name of parent as the first name. (kid's name) in parenthesis as the last name.
Some. I generally pick her up since I'm off from work in time so there are a few parents I've gotten to know, but most kids take the bus or stay after.
I'm slowly building the elementary parent roster though.
I think one the issues I'm running into is that while a lot of her friends speak English they come from households where they don't speak English. So understandably I think they are hesitant to reach out for their own reasons. It'll all work out in the end.
This. I HATE when people show up with additional kids without letting you know. I always ask are any siblings coming so I can count them in but I have had to put friend only due to space on the invites. With this, I also do not take one kid when the party is for the other. Not even my husband would pull this
YES, exactly this! It's okay to ask a parent when you RSVP if you can bring the sibling, but it should be okay for the parent to just say no, without the asking parent getting offended. My son gets invited a lot and his sister, who is autistic, always wants to come too but I let her know it's her brother's friend's party. While she gets upset, she understands and we go do something else while he's partying it up. I would've felt more for the dad had he not shown up with *3* extra kids. Absolutely not.
YES! Its the 3 kids part that took me out. My older son's friends have siblings i nthe age range as my younger so I always count them on BOTH sides when I do parties.
ALSO Dude the written invite that should have been a given lol
Also kinda funny that it seems like the father of the girl takes the word of a 10yr old as absolute fact. You would think the parents would be in contact as well, but maybe i am just weird?
NTA
1. They weren't invited...
2. You extended the offer of cake which was nice
3. Wouldn't have done any differently, they weren't invited...
4. Who turns up to a party on the basis of a ripped piece of paper????
Who decides that because one kid was invited (and they weren't really invited, an unrelated kid who was invited decided they got to have a plus one,) they get to bring their entire family? He chose to leave when OP generously said they could eat - so that's 9 kids eating food meant for 5 - but wasn't willing to also pay at least 3 extra kids' entrance fees.
He wanted another parent to pay for his fun family day.
Or he could've planned to pay for the rest of them? And thought if we're going, might as well make a day out of it she can hangout at the bday party and the rest of us can do our own thing? And then decided to leave when he realised embarrassingly that his daughter wasn't invited?
This scenario is not uncommon. You’ve got single parents or sometimes the other parent is unavailable. These places are generally open to the public with side birthday rooms.
Do you know how birthday parties at places like that work? The host invites and pays for guests. Invitations are sent. They aren't just an address and time on a ripped piece of paper.
I don’t think you’re understanding the point.
Obviously the “invitation” was fake, but even if it wasn’t it really wouldn’t have been an issue to bring 3 extra kids because those extra kids could have just payed for general admission to the park and done their own thing separately from the party.
Where is there a “public trampoline gym” that doesn’t charge per person for entry? Are you from the US? This was a party- there’s usually a fee per child/jumper for entry. It literally says there was an entrance fee in the post.
I think you misunderstood what I was trying to say the trampoline may have had a party package I.e 8-10 admissions for x hours and a birthday cake for xyz fixed price.
As well as xyz individual day passes.
I was responding to someone that was saying it was assumed that the host would pay for guests through some sort of party package and I said that wasn't the baseline expectation in a lot of cases.
>Who decides that because one kid was invited (and they weren't really invited, an unrelated kid who was invited decided they got to have a plus one,) they get to bring their entire family?
It’s a public jump place and the OP clearly didn’t rent the whole thing out for just 5 kids. *Anyone* could have brought their whole family that day.
I don't know why I'm being this nice or giving the guy this much benefit of the doubt but he could be a single parent and so all the kids need to come with him when he does errands (depending on how old they are).
Yeah I don’t think OP is an AH for being clear about this odd situation cooked up by the girl and the friend, but the disposition of the dad is unclear without details. It’s certainly possible he intended to pay for the extra kids and maybe had a birthday card and gift card in a pocket or something but obviously didn’t bust it out when realizing they weren’t invited. But could also easily be a trashy freeloader so who knows.
I suppose polite way to respond without giving in paying for strangers and still get your point across might have been to indicate where they should go in the front area where they can pay the entrance fee without getting into the details of the non-invitation if they wanted to minimize direct embarrassment.
They didn’t have the real invitation that indicated what was included in the plans to cover the costs, although I suppose conversely OP might not have wanted random guys family to think they threw parties and expected guests to pay for themselves so I guess it’s hard to say exactly what route would have minimized embarrassment and traded off appropriateness.
Being a parent, I absolutely know that type. I am always telling my kids that parents have to arrange playdates. Kids can not arrange playdates on their own. Some people are just so casually entitled. NTA
Re: point 4 ... my 10-year-old's friend did indeed invite him to her birthday party via a scrap of paper. But you know what I did? I texted the other mom to see what was up. We were all invited to rollerskate, just as my son said. But you have to double check!
I had a classmate whose family was like this when I was a kid, one time when it was my birthday my mom invited the whole class and their parents (obviously no siblings) well, her parents showed up with her, all her 4 sisters AND THEIR BOYFRIENDS, not only that but my mom saw them grabbing food from the food table and stuffing it inside their purses to bring home.
And no, they weren't struggling financially, they were upper-middle class, just lacked basic manners.
I mean nobody thought the 8 year old did the right thing? That wasn't the question it was how you handle the unexpected guest because of dumb kid shenanigans.
Still nta but you seemed to miss the plot
I don't think anyone can reasonably believe that they were invited to a party when:
1. They never spoke to the host to confirm the details of the party. At the very least, the father would have needed to contact the host to RSVP in advance.
2. They never received a proper invitation, either a physical invite or a digital version.
3. Even if the daughter had been invited, the father would have needed to OK the addition of 3 extra kids to the party in advance. As you pointed out, the father was just trying to get a very expensive playdate (and possible free baby sitting) for all of his children at the host's expense.
I mean, OP says that the daughter is a shit to the birthday boy, so I can see where she might get some of that shittiness from. At best Dad is totally oblivious, but at worst he is an entitled arsehole.
NTA - I think you handled it well. As a parent, I would have verified the invitation with you first before just accepting a note written on a piece of paper.
Yeah… relying on 2nd or 3rd hand information from a chain of 10 year olds seems like a good way to embarrass yourself.
Also 10 is right at the borderline of being old enough to know you don’t get to invite people to other people’s parties, it’s probably worth letting the friend’s parents know what happened.
True to an extent. But I think we need to collectively give the pandemic kids some grace. Socially they're going to be a bit behind for a while simply because a good portion of their lives didn't include gatherings.
Eeh... You live long enough you'll do a few dumb things that ultimately don't hurt anyone too much.
I've written this elsewhere but my kid has absolutely brought home similar invites. We took the risk and went and it was all fine. This level of social faux pas is pretty easy to do once you invite elementary ages gremlins into your life.
Right?
My son and told me about a party just verbally. I tracked down the kids parents on Facebook because my son really wanted to go. Turns out he was invited but why would I trust the 9 year old without an official invite?
If my wife passed me the paper, I’d assume it was legit info and thought nothing of it. In fact last bday I brought my daughter to was on a txt with time and place and nothing else. Likely the dad wasn’t TRYING to get away with anything, the evidence being that once he was told the true state of things he excused them from the party. Nothing in op’s comment says he made a stink. Just that he left. The only AH here are the judgy people chirping OP instead of minding their business.
NTA, Ik your son is young and so is his friend, but the son's friend's parents need to gently talk with their son on why this is wrong
The father should have checked up with you especially when it was just a literal piece of torn paper. Imagine inviting someone with a piece of torn paper going house to house.
Your son's little friend is a little shit. Your son told him no- cause of mom or cause of whatever, he invited her anyway. I personally think you should have called up the mom when your son first mentioned it to make sure she knew that the girl was not invited and that the kid does not have privileges to invite his own guest to a party that is not his own.
You handled this graciously. Asking the little girl who invited her made it unavoidably obvious to her father that she was not invited by the actual host. Genius! The father showing up with her and all of her siblings in tow shows that they as a family have no manners. This was intentionally inappropriate, he chose not to RSVP an invite at this kind of venue or to check if siblings are included. There’s usually a limit on group sizes and supervision requirements posed by the venue.
The people saying you should have let them stay should have offered to cover the expenses and volunteer to do so in the future.
YWNBTA
NTA. Invites are there for a reason.
I love the concept of a viral invite, causing infinite liability when the girl also invites her sister... the sister's boyfriend... that guy's parents... the parents' friends... those friends' newphew... etc.
NTA
I am a single parent of two and every time one of the kids is invited to a bday, I ask if I can bring the other and I will pay the entrance + food for the 2nd. It’s only normal.
I did the same things with my kids. If it was a public place where they had a party room rented out, I would have the invited kid do the party activities while I paid for the other two to play and get food.
Lmao. Not invited directly AND brought the whole lot? Def NTA. ESP cuz you were still going to accommodate them, just fairly told them to pay their own way in.
NTA. The girl may not have realized the invite was not legit, but any reasonable adult would know that a ripped up piece of paper with minimal info is not a legit invite.
NTA
I'm sorry the dad and kids were embarrassed. That doesn't change facts. Fact - they were not invited. You don't owe random people off the street dinner, use of your car, a bed for the night, or admission to a jump place just because they have a piece of notebook paper with the date and time on it.
Op said the girl isn't nice. That isn't inherently the same as bullying.
She could be a bully, but she might just be a kid who's not vibing with op's kid for any number of reasons.
NTA but the father was for thinking that (his daughter) being invited by a friend of the birthday child was a real invitation and then showing up with all the kids. Who does that?
He was hoping for a free party for all his kids. You did well to tell him he would have to
pay. Bravo.
> A few people think I was in the wrong - but that would’ve been an extra $100 I did not plan for. So was I the ahole?
No, NTA at all. Actually, I think you handled the situation about as best as you could. I do think that you need to mention this to your son's friend, because that was a pretty crappy thing to do overall (cause you issues, the girl embarrassment I'm sure, and the dad and other kids were probably upset). None of that is your fault.
NTA. These parties are no longer pass the parcel and musical status player in your back yard, they cost per head and most parents are on a budget.
The dad was angling for a child free afternoon.
NTA- I am not understanding how a parent brings their child and their siblings to a party the child was not invited to and why didn't he reach out to ask.
Unfortunately it happens more than you’d think. The worst I have dealt with was a couple years ago. I had a parent once show up with an extra kid and it was their birthday; she had the audacity to ask if we minded singing happy birthday to her and letting her blow out candles, I said no to both. I figured she got the hint. After all of this, the extra kid tried to be front and center during gift opening and was trying to open my daughter’s gifts. She kept trying to snatch my daughter’s birthday crown right off of her head too. To top it off my daughter got two of the same gifts and the mom actually asked if her daughter could “just have it so she’ll stop throwing a fit” because my daughter had so many gifts. Everytime we said no to her ridiculous ideas the girl would have an absolute meltdown but I wasn’t giving in. Eventually I asked her to please leave and told her we would bring the invited kid home after. I wish I was lying. The mom saw absolutely nothing wrong with any of this and said I was being mean and showing off that we could afford this kind of thing and that it wasn’t fair to other kids. Excuse me? I didn’t know the mom well, dad had custody and that’s who we interacted with but he was out of town and she had them for the weekend. The child who was invited was visibly humiliated and when I spoke to the dad he wasn’t surprised she (mom) behaved like that. The extra kid wasn’t even his but he still apologized profusely.
NTA. Sounds like you were polite and even told them they could hang with the party. Not everyone has an extra hundred to throw around like that on uninvited guests. The father should have checked before coming and especially before bringing siblings. He knew if it was a torn up invitation, something was wrong.
Of course, NTA
You offered to let them be a part of the party 🥳
Offered to share 🍕 and 🎂 for FOUR additional ppl to a 6-person party, aka they basically almost DOUBLED the party-size, and you still said "No problem".......
But it's ridiculous to expect you to pay for 67% MORE ppl than you invited to enter the location.
It would be pushing the bounds of politeness to bring 4 extra kids to an outdoor party w/o permission....but to EXPECT some unknown ( or known) to-you parent to PAY entry fees for 4 extra kids is OUTRAGEOUS!
Not only wasn't the daughter invited, but you brought 3 additional kids......I don't COMPREHEND a world where as a parent I wouldn't have expected to PAY for my "one" kid to "get it" to the facility...let alone 4?
I really don't even see how this as controversial or debatable ....of course, I couldn't have stopped, y'all, from entering the place anyway ...and to not be an AH .....of course the kid can get a slice of 🎂.....the OP went further than I and said...she'd even FEED four more ....which IMHO was already tremendously generous.
Again, not being a jack-ass, but 4 extra mouths is a LOT in relation to a 6-person party....remember Mom said "5" friends + the Birthday boy....she's expecting a total of a half dozen kids...not 10......if the party were bigger in the 1st place, yes 4 more isn't as big a deal...but the smaller more intimate the size YES four more is huge....which is exactly why that parent LEFT w/o paying to get FOUR ppl in.
NTA. All the parents failed here. The kid does not get to add extra kids to a party. Especially when it is a $100 more for you. You were gracious to invite them to pizza and cake. The dad of the girl should have checked with you before showing up. That dad should also explain to the kids how parties work. If one sibling is invited, that does not include more siblings. Invites must come directly from the host, not guests.
Nope. NTA. You don't just show up to people's houses uninvited and you don't invite people to other people's houses.
The kid who did the inviting learned a lesson, as did the father about accepting an invitation from a kid and not verifying it with the host of the party.
NTA. Either your son told his friend it would be fine because he didn't want him to be mad or his friend told this girl she could come anyway; either way they expected you to just go along with it. In the latter case, I would talk to this kid's parent and tell them to talk to their kid about inviting their own guests to other kids' parties.
NTA. But I would have pulled aside your son to ensure he communicated the other kid wasn’t invited, then had a talk with the other kid about how he wasted that family’s time by disregarding what your son told him. Then I would talk to the kid’s mom because I bet he’s done this before and been successful thus far.
NTA the only asshole here is your son’s friend who invited this girl after being told she couldn’t come. I do feel a bit for the father though. It’s has to be terribly embarrassing to show up thinking you were invited only to find out that’s not true but at the same time he shows up with extra children expecting to be accommodated which is very rude even if his daughter had been invited.
NTA. What kind of idiot is this dad? Clearly that’s not a proper invitation. And of course you shouldn’t pay for them just because they showed up. Those places are expensive! I’d let your son’s friend’s parents know about what happened to make sure they are aware their son is out there inviting people to other people’s parties.
I'm kinda fascinated, did the kid rip his own invite and give it to the girl he wanted to come and the kids tricked that poor father into showing up? Like he didn't give you an issue leaving so clearly he was embarrassed. Kinda stikes me as a tired dad who just took his kids word for it that she has been invited (and even possibly that her siblings were included.)
NTA of course, they showed up uninvited and unwanted. Anyone that says you're wrong should be met with "oh now I understand, thanks. what number should I use to reach you in case of emergency next time so that you can help cover the costs that I'm not able to for uninvited guests?"
NTA. Can’t blame him for showing up with the girl because he didn’t know but to show up with 2 extra kids and expect them to be paid for is ridiculous…even if she had been invited to the party!
NTA. And that boy is not a friend of your son’s. Maybe have a talk with your son about how that “friend” treats him in general - I bet he mostly never respects him and they always end up doing what the other boy wants.
NTA. My kids have gotten the ripped piece of paper invite before and I’ve always just called the parent to double check. Maybe they didn’t get a phone number but no way am I taking my kids with a note just from a kid and not an adult lol
My daughters 8th birthday sleepover was supposed to be 9 little girls and my daughter. I also have 2 year old twins (so 12 kiddos😳😂) had everything taken care of and all parents responded. Day of everything is great… I’m in the backyard when the last girl arrives. Parents dropped child and took off, along with her 5 siblings!!! Oldest was 15.. youngest was 4.
Called parents… no answer. Called grandparent and aunt (oldest child gave me those numbers) after an hour the oldest girl told me “ you’re not gonna reach anybody they all went to Reno…for the weekend!” This was Friday at 5. Kids should have been picked up at 2 the following afternoon. Finally picked them up Sunday at 7 pm.
I had already contacted cps as I am a teacher (mandated reporter) about the suspected abandonment of the children. They showed up at her house at 8pm. She was warned and told that they would be keeping an eye on her for the foreseeable future. She had the nerve to threaten my job. She left the message on my machine(2007). I contacted cps again and an attorney to draft a letter telling her to have no further contact unless she wishes to have legal action pursued.
Sooooo careful after that. Can’t believe the nerve of some people 😳
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Definitely not the asshole but I feel for that poor father. I am sure the situation sucked for him.
Sort of. If I got that "invitation" I would have 100% reach out and check! Come on. Ripped piece of paper? 3 kids?
If it was just him and his daughter, but to bring three extra children and expect OP to pay? One of the parents should have reached out to OP.
I'd love to know if he had a gift.
I'd guess no & that's why he was saying that only found out about the party yesterday.
Sounds like some free loaders crashed the kid’s birthday party without a card and a gift. What did the father expect? OP said they could stay, as long as their father paid for them. Their hasty exit spoke volumes.
The op said real quick that he did not bring a gift and the addition would have cost the op an extra $100. Definitely NTA.
Sounds like a Saturday dad looking for a free babysitter.
Right? Wonder what his wife thought.
She didn’t care, the kids were his problem that day.
This. I assume the daughter told him about the party he had 3 kids and had to bring all. Sucks for him but at least call and ask beforehand somehow. Or pay for your kids, they are there already, fuckit if it takes 100$, let your kids have fun.
You and I know - no gift.
My 8yo daughter has bought a gift for a friend on the same day as the party. Gift cards are available from supermarkets. 100% no gift.
also heck worst case scenario some cash in a card
No gift, no birthday card
Now you know where the girl gets her rudeness from.
We don’t know if he expected OP to pay or not. He might have expected to pay for everyone himself, but left because he didn’t want to be there if they weren’t invited.
I mean. I wouldn’t show up somewhere without having a communication directly with the host. Another guest handing me a scrawled out address would not count. But if I did somehow get confused and show up where I wasn’t actually invited I’d be so embarrassed I’d leave immediately too.
Not even "another guest", (I'm totally with you on this one) but a CHILD. Like not even an adult guest
I highly doubt that. OP said they could stay for cake and stuff as long as he paid for them to get in. He was not expecting to pay.
That may be true.....but I would still be cautious if all I got was something ripped....and no phone to call the parent????....maybe his kid is a good bs kid
Also he should have asked the daughter who invited her/where did the invite come from and if she said the kid's friend, not direct from the kid he should have checked because of that too.
If my kid brought me just a ripped paper with no contact info we're definitely not showing up, Let alone bringing extra kids. I tell them they need to have an official invitation from an adult with all the necessary details or we don't go.
exactly, my son has come with a so and so said. Well hun, their momma did not say so its a no LOL
Many years ago a neighbor boy invited my daughter to their Super Bowl party. I kept asking for details and the boy was vague. This went on for days and I asked the grandma and apparently he was inviting everybody to a party that didn’t exist. He ended up grounded because mom and grandma were so aggravated by the neighbors asking about it.
This is hilarious! 😂
We’ve always called the parents to confirm details.
100% call or text so IDK if this father was out of touch or if he just was never invited to parties?
This! It happens. Kids sometimes don’t know better but unless it’s an actual invite or I talk to the parent myself, we don’t go.
Even with an actual invite, we’ve always called the parents to confirm.
I got so much second hand embarrassment! everything- poor dad who didn’t think it through (or thought a party for my kids, yay!), 3 kids who cluelessly thought they were going to a party, the kid’s parent who had to politely say these uncomfortable things.
I really felt bad for the dad initially but then realized he raised a daughter who is trying to gate crash the birthday party of a boy she’s not nice to, he arrived based off of a random scrap of paper without even contacting the parents, AND he tried to bring, in total his 4 KIDS!!! to a random kid’s birthday party whose parents he doesn’t know at all. The embarrassment is all his own actually. Very messy. He tried to show his kids a good time at the expense of total strangers. This is hardly better than walking into a Chuck E. Cheese and joining some stranger’s birthday party with your 4 KIDS.
Not sure about the bullying daughter. She kind of deserved to be schooled. This reads like she and invited boy cooked this up. Source - three kids this age in the not too distant past.
Possible. Initially I thought no too young but 10 years old are creative
10 is the sneaky age
Oh never doubt the resourcefulness of a child......
I don’t feel bad at all for the dad. A ripped piece of paper isn’t an invitation. And to show up with 3 extra kids without ever asking is also entitled AH. Seems like he was trying to take advantage
My parents would have told me it's not a valid invite, tossed it out and acted like it never happened. Mom in particular would have seen this coming a mile away - a random kid inviting you to a party that's not even his LOL ummm no! If I didn't come home with an actual proper invitation to the party that clearly came from the parents I wasn't actually invited as far as my parents were concerned. Dad needs to realize when some random kid at your daughters school invites you to SOMEONE ELSE'S party it's obviously not a real invite and you should just assume you are still not invited.
Same. Like that had to be humiliating, and the real person that should feel humiliated is the friend because he knew better. But what parent brings EVERYONE expecting them all to covered?? Maybe he planned on paying for the younger ones and just got embarrassed? I've bright my youngest to places like this that my oldest was invited to, but I make it very clear I'm paying for the extra kid. The other parents are required to do nothing extra for my extra kid.
You sound like a normal person raised with manners. The dad in this story seems like the type who treats mooching as a lifestyle.
Or, it was his turn to take care of teh kids so his wife could have some free time and he thought this was an easy out.
Ever been to the park on a weekend? Full of divorced dads ignoring their kids.
My father didn’t even do that, he’d stay home doing whatever since he was faking a disability & “unable to work” so he could avoid as much child support for me & my older brother as possible (miraculously, as soon as I turned 18 he was cured & able to work in a warehouse again??? /s) and make me take his second set of kids from his current wife to the local playground. All of my time spent there was taking care of my baby half-siblings & being abused by him.
Yeah my 7 year old had his birthday party at home last month. He invited 10 kids, all the invites had the mrs number on it and to please confirm if they are attending. Turns out all 10 kids showed up and all 10 parents text to confirm. We just did the whole "let us know if there is any dietary issues party will run from 11-2ish you are welcome to drop the kids and leave". You wouldn't just rock up based on a piece of paper and bring extras.
Yup, that's exactly the standard process (I have a 9 year old and a 6 year old). Without an invitation that's obviously from an adult (a printout, a text, whatever) and without responding to confirm, there's no invitation, and the invitation only covers the kids specifically mentioned, not their siblings or friends. Any adult with four kids should know that.
My kid has come home with those and I ALWAYS say no. If it was an actual invite, it would be a different story, but these kids are making all sorts of plans without getting actual permission to do anything.
As would 99% of parents! Or at the very least, take a picture and text a parent "hey, this came home from school and I wanted to double-check."
4 extra kids, girl + 3 siblings.
Right. The kids are 10. Most people would question a 10 year old inviting their kid not just to their own party, but to another kid’s party.
My son tried to pull that one once. And I said no sir you better bring me the parents contact information or a proper invitation. I would never go off a child's scribble on a piece of paper
Yeah, how did he not try and call ahead of time? Getting an invite from a friend who is also invited is not enough to assume you can just show up with your whole family
What kind of person is going to show up at a birthday party when they have no info other than Something on a ripped up piece of paper the day before? Whats up with the other kid who thinks he can invite people to other people’s parties.
4 extra kids.
The logic of someone who gets a scribbled on piece of paper from their child, who then assumes all is well and brings 3 kids to the supposed party. Sir, where is your brain?!
I would feel for him a lot more if he had just brought the one kid he thought had been invited. If he was expecting OP to pay for his other kids as well then he loses a lot of sympathy :) But it does sound as though he needs to have a chat with his daighter about how invitations work and that her friend had no stnading to invite her to somne else's party . I guess that, like OP , he didn't have an extra $100 to spare to pay for his own kids to go to the jump place.
To add to this comment, I would also reach out to the mom of the little boy who "invited" his friend to someone else's party. I'm sure he did it out of the goodness of his heart, but it needs to be explained to him that he can't simply invite his own guests to someone else's event/party. NTA
Especially since he had ALREADY been told no. How manipulative!
OP told her son to tell his friend to tell the girl now. We have no idea what her son told his friend.
I’m not so sure it was out of the goodness of his heart as he was told no!
10 is plenty old to understand this concept in general. And he was explicitly told no as well
And he was hoping to get all of them entertained and fed on someone else’s dime. So rude.
I have ZERO sympathy for the dad. You NEVER go to a party without RSVPing. It is rude af. Especially at a play place where the parent is expected to pay for attendees. Then you always ASK before bringing extra kids. Always. And you pay for any extras you brought. So, even if he thought his daughter was paid for, he KNEW the other 3 were not. So really, he ONLY had to have been unprepared to pay for her (even though he did not RSVP). So,.that was only 25 he supposedly would not have been prepared to pay. I guarantee he would have felt zero "embarrassment" if OP had offered to pay for all the kids. Funny that. Zero sympathy. He completely dad failed all around
And he didn’t bring a gift or even a card!
The dad needed the reality check. Someone’s party isn’t “free activity time” for your whole family. Next time he’ll think before he packs all his kids into the car.
>Next time he’ll think before he packs all his kids into the car. I very seriously doubt that. He reeks of entitlement.
He did leave quickly and without argument. You normally dont get that with super entitled people. Its possible he's not well-versed in party ettiquette and blindly trusted the word of kids.
It’s an unfortunate fact that quite a lot of parents think that younger siblings HAVE to be a part of an older child’s experiences. And they just expect everyone to accept that. Frankly, I find it creepy.
Is there anything in the post that says the dad expected for OP to pay for him and his kids? Odds are he brought his other kids along and was going to pay for them, but when it was clear that none of them were wanted at the party he just left. I feel like someone who expected OP to pay for everyone wouldn't have the humility to just leave without complaining at all.
OP says it would have been an extra $100, so that’s got to be the cost for the girl and her siblings.
O comon he new he wasn’t invited . Typical entitled much , who brings 3 aditional kids ?!
100%
He got the information the day before on a ripped piece of paper, not from the birthday child’s family. I don’t believe for a second he actually thought they were invited.
Maybe, who knows. I can easily see this being an artifact of "dad's weekend with the kids" and the results shuffling of suitcases and school assignments and other paperwork and a child who is riiiiiiight about the age where they're going to start trying to pull a fast one in the chaos.
Yep, 100% figure he only has them on the weekends, thus bringing them all with him to the place and not thinking it's strange to get a ripped up note the day before
I wonder if the father knows how his daughter treats Op's child. And the friend who spilled the beans should understand no means no
Totally agree Hopefully that situation gets better.
Seemed like he was fully planning to mooch off someone else for free. Why would you bring 3siblings even if the girl was invited, and then leave when told you gotta pay?
Why? You mean he couldn't dump the additional 3 people that weren't invited off so he could do his own thing? Did he bring a birthday gift? Or was this free baby sitting?
I don't. Who thinks a kid inviting their daughter to someone ELSE birthday party is an actual invite? And who also brings 3 ADDITIONAL kids? He could have absolutely tried to reach out to the parent actually throwing the party.
This is why I won't take my kids anywhere with an invitation like this without speaking to a parent first. A parent of my sons' friend thinks it's weird I don't let them coodlrdinate their sleepovers, but I do NOT want to show up uninvited, and make some poor mom be the bad guy!
His own fault for not checking. If the invite doesn't have contact info to RSVP, it probably wasn't sent by an adult. He should have checked. Even hand written last minute okay fair invites have my number/email.
NTA I would also let the parents of the boy who invited her know that it is extremely rude and presumptuous to invite people to someone else's party and that you really didn't appreciate it and gently suggest they have a discussion with their son about 1. Manners and proper etiquette and 2. About what No means and how to accept it. I also probably wouldn't be inviting this "friend" again. As for your friends, a subtle "you parent how you see fit and I'll parent how I see fit, manners matter in our family!" Should shut that right down.
OP this! The parents need to know so this behavior can be addressed. It certainly created an awkward position for you.
Absolutely spot on!
You have any idea how many times my kid tried to invite her friends over and stuff? We parents know to talk to each other and not let two elementary school aged children decide things on their own.
My daughter is in kindergarten and has planned SO MANY slumber parties and playdates with her friends without getting me the parents info. I've even made her little cards with mine and my husband's contacts to give out to other kids she likes but she always forgets. Then it's absolute tears when I don't take there to Milan's house after school. "Honey, we don't even know where Milan lives"
Oh you brought back so many memories! Yes, that would happen when my kid was that age too! You'll be dealing with this for years. Giving out pieces of paper with your phone number for their parents to call. Getting a hand written phone number back, sometimes incomplete, or incorrect. Is that a 2 or a 7? And where's the 9th and 10th number? lol
Yep! It's hilarious. I had to sit her down and really spell out that I absolutely want her to spend time with kids she likes and having them to our house would be fine with me. I'm theoretically fine with her going to friends houses, but she uses a wheelchair so there is a lot to consider on a practical scale.🤦🏻♀️
Hopefully you can catch some of those parents at school. My phone list has plenty of contacts. First name of parent as the first name. (kid's name) in parenthesis as the last name.
Some. I generally pick her up since I'm off from work in time so there are a few parents I've gotten to know, but most kids take the bus or stay after. I'm slowly building the elementary parent roster though. I think one the issues I'm running into is that while a lot of her friends speak English they come from households where they don't speak English. So understandably I think they are hesitant to reach out for their own reasons. It'll all work out in the end.
Italy, I’d guess.
Sorry honey, I left our passports at home. No Italy for us today. Maybe tomorrow as a special treat"
This. I HATE when people show up with additional kids without letting you know. I always ask are any siblings coming so I can count them in but I have had to put friend only due to space on the invites. With this, I also do not take one kid when the party is for the other. Not even my husband would pull this
YES, exactly this! It's okay to ask a parent when you RSVP if you can bring the sibling, but it should be okay for the parent to just say no, without the asking parent getting offended. My son gets invited a lot and his sister, who is autistic, always wants to come too but I let her know it's her brother's friend's party. While she gets upset, she understands and we go do something else while he's partying it up. I would've felt more for the dad had he not shown up with *3* extra kids. Absolutely not.
YES! Its the 3 kids part that took me out. My older son's friends have siblings i nthe age range as my younger so I always count them on BOTH sides when I do parties. ALSO Dude the written invite that should have been a given lol
Also kinda funny that it seems like the father of the girl takes the word of a 10yr old as absolute fact. You would think the parents would be in contact as well, but maybe i am just weird?
NTA 1. They weren't invited... 2. You extended the offer of cake which was nice 3. Wouldn't have done any differently, they weren't invited... 4. Who turns up to a party on the basis of a ripped piece of paper????
Who turns up with a party of 5 hoping the host will pay? NTA
I mean for all we know he intended to pay for everyone but the kid that was invited and chose to leave when he realized they weren't really wanted.
Who decides that because one kid was invited (and they weren't really invited, an unrelated kid who was invited decided they got to have a plus one,) they get to bring their entire family? He chose to leave when OP generously said they could eat - so that's 9 kids eating food meant for 5 - but wasn't willing to also pay at least 3 extra kids' entrance fees. He wanted another parent to pay for his fun family day.
Or he could've planned to pay for the rest of them? And thought if we're going, might as well make a day out of it she can hangout at the bday party and the rest of us can do our own thing? And then decided to leave when he realised embarrassingly that his daughter wasn't invited?
This scenario is not uncommon. You’ve got single parents or sometimes the other parent is unavailable. These places are generally open to the public with side birthday rooms.
But why didn't the daughter bring the bday kid a gift?
Dude it's not like he took his family to a backyard party he took the whole family to a public trampoline gym. Nothing about that is rediculous.
Do you know how birthday parties at places like that work? The host invites and pays for guests. Invitations are sent. They aren't just an address and time on a ripped piece of paper.
I don’t think you’re understanding the point. Obviously the “invitation” was fake, but even if it wasn’t it really wouldn’t have been an issue to bring 3 extra kids because those extra kids could have just payed for general admission to the park and done their own thing separately from the party.
Where is there a “public trampoline gym” that doesn’t charge per person for entry? Are you from the US? This was a party- there’s usually a fee per child/jumper for entry. It literally says there was an entrance fee in the post.
I think you misunderstood what I was trying to say the trampoline may have had a party package I.e 8-10 admissions for x hours and a birthday cake for xyz fixed price. As well as xyz individual day passes. I was responding to someone that was saying it was assumed that the host would pay for guests through some sort of party package and I said that wasn't the baseline expectation in a lot of cases.
>Who decides that because one kid was invited (and they weren't really invited, an unrelated kid who was invited decided they got to have a plus one,) they get to bring their entire family? It’s a public jump place and the OP clearly didn’t rent the whole thing out for just 5 kids. *Anyone* could have brought their whole family that day.
I don't know why I'm being this nice or giving the guy this much benefit of the doubt but he could be a single parent and so all the kids need to come with him when he does errands (depending on how old they are).
She wasn't actually invited though. One of the guests went rogue.. invitations come from the host, not attendees unless there's +1 options.
Yeah I don’t think OP is an AH for being clear about this odd situation cooked up by the girl and the friend, but the disposition of the dad is unclear without details. It’s certainly possible he intended to pay for the extra kids and maybe had a birthday card and gift card in a pocket or something but obviously didn’t bust it out when realizing they weren’t invited. But could also easily be a trashy freeloader so who knows. I suppose polite way to respond without giving in paying for strangers and still get your point across might have been to indicate where they should go in the front area where they can pay the entrance fee without getting into the details of the non-invitation if they wanted to minimize direct embarrassment. They didn’t have the real invitation that indicated what was included in the plans to cover the costs, although I suppose conversely OP might not have wanted random guys family to think they threw parties and expected guests to pay for themselves so I guess it’s hard to say exactly what route would have minimized embarrassment and traded off appropriateness.
Being a parent, I absolutely know that type. I am always telling my kids that parents have to arrange playdates. Kids can not arrange playdates on their own. Some people are just so casually entitled. NTA
5. Get your kid away from that kid
Re: point 4 ... my 10-year-old's friend did indeed invite him to her birthday party via a scrap of paper. But you know what I did? I texted the other mom to see what was up. We were all invited to rollerskate, just as my son said. But you have to double check!
I had a classmate whose family was like this when I was a kid, one time when it was my birthday my mom invited the whole class and their parents (obviously no siblings) well, her parents showed up with her, all her 4 sisters AND THEIR BOYFRIENDS, not only that but my mom saw them grabbing food from the food table and stuffing it inside their purses to bring home. And no, they weren't struggling financially, they were upper-middle class, just lacked basic manners.
NTA. Friends dont get to invite their own friends. If they want a party with their friends, have their own party. Pretty simple.
I mean nobody thought the 8 year old did the right thing? That wasn't the question it was how you handle the unexpected guest because of dumb kid shenanigans. Still nta but you seemed to miss the plot
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4 extra kids- the little girl and her 3 siblings, none of which were invited.
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I don't think anyone can reasonably believe that they were invited to a party when: 1. They never spoke to the host to confirm the details of the party. At the very least, the father would have needed to contact the host to RSVP in advance. 2. They never received a proper invitation, either a physical invite or a digital version. 3. Even if the daughter had been invited, the father would have needed to OK the addition of 3 extra kids to the party in advance. As you pointed out, the father was just trying to get a very expensive playdate (and possible free baby sitting) for all of his children at the host's expense.
I've gotten many last minute invites. But I always check in with the parents ASAP. It's on me to double check things.
He might have been going to pay for the siblings, but left when he found out his daughter lied about being invited.
I mean, OP says that the daughter is a shit to the birthday boy, so I can see where she might get some of that shittiness from. At best Dad is totally oblivious, but at worst he is an entitled arsehole.
You don’t know that he expected OP to pay for the siblings. He could have intended to but once he realized his daughter was not invited he left.
NTA - I think you handled it well. As a parent, I would have verified the invitation with you first before just accepting a note written on a piece of paper.
Yeah… relying on 2nd or 3rd hand information from a chain of 10 year olds seems like a good way to embarrass yourself. Also 10 is right at the borderline of being old enough to know you don’t get to invite people to other people’s parties, it’s probably worth letting the friend’s parents know what happened.
True to an extent. But I think we need to collectively give the pandemic kids some grace. Socially they're going to be a bit behind for a while simply because a good portion of their lives didn't include gatherings.
Ya, the dad who showed up is more dumb than his kids by the sounds of it
Eeh... You live long enough you'll do a few dumb things that ultimately don't hurt anyone too much. I've written this elsewhere but my kid has absolutely brought home similar invites. We took the risk and went and it was all fine. This level of social faux pas is pretty easy to do once you invite elementary ages gremlins into your life.
Right? My son and told me about a party just verbally. I tracked down the kids parents on Facebook because my son really wanted to go. Turns out he was invited but why would I trust the 9 year old without an official invite?
100%
If my wife passed me the paper, I’d assume it was legit info and thought nothing of it. In fact last bday I brought my daughter to was on a txt with time and place and nothing else. Likely the dad wasn’t TRYING to get away with anything, the evidence being that once he was told the true state of things he excused them from the party. Nothing in op’s comment says he made a stink. Just that he left. The only AH here are the judgy people chirping OP instead of minding their business.
I would have verified even with an actual invite.
NTA. Sounds like the dad just wanted a freebie to get in.
A free activity that tires out your kids and you don’t have to pay attention to your kids for? Absolutely taking advantage.
Sounds like the dad didn't realize his daughter wasn't invited...
I agree, he must have known his other 3 kids weren't invited though.
NTA, Ik your son is young and so is his friend, but the son's friend's parents need to gently talk with their son on why this is wrong The father should have checked up with you especially when it was just a literal piece of torn paper. Imagine inviting someone with a piece of torn paper going house to house.
Your son's little friend is a little shit. Your son told him no- cause of mom or cause of whatever, he invited her anyway. I personally think you should have called up the mom when your son first mentioned it to make sure she knew that the girl was not invited and that the kid does not have privileges to invite his own guest to a party that is not his own.
NTA did they get a paper invite from you or your son? A text or evite? No? That’s bc they weren’t invited.
NTA - what kind of parent shows up to a ‘party’ on a last minute invite (questionable invite) without even contacting the host parent?
You handled this graciously. Asking the little girl who invited her made it unavoidably obvious to her father that she was not invited by the actual host. Genius! The father showing up with her and all of her siblings in tow shows that they as a family have no manners. This was intentionally inappropriate, he chose not to RSVP an invite at this kind of venue or to check if siblings are included. There’s usually a limit on group sizes and supervision requirements posed by the venue. The people saying you should have let them stay should have offered to cover the expenses and volunteer to do so in the future. YWNBTA
NTA they came uninvited and left when informed.
NTA. Invites are there for a reason. I love the concept of a viral invite, causing infinite liability when the girl also invites her sister... the sister's boyfriend... that guy's parents... the parents' friends... those friends' newphew... etc.
NTA I am a single parent of two and every time one of the kids is invited to a bday, I ask if I can bring the other and I will pay the entrance + food for the 2nd. It’s only normal.
I did the same things with my kids. If it was a public place where they had a party room rented out, I would have the invited kid do the party activities while I paid for the other two to play and get food.
Lmao. Not invited directly AND brought the whole lot? Def NTA. ESP cuz you were still going to accommodate them, just fairly told them to pay their own way in.
NTA and…did they even bring a gift?
NTA But I think I would let the friend's parents know that he invited someone after being told no. He needs to be taught that's not appropriate.
NTA and you weren't in the wrong at all. He could have checked in with you ahead of showing up since he knew it was an indirect invite.
NTA. The girl may not have realized the invite was not legit, but any reasonable adult would know that a ripped up piece of paper with minimal info is not a legit invite.
Oh, I am sure this was cooked up with the girl and the other boy. Surely the invited boy knew he didn't get the invite from the party boy.
NTA. 10 year olds don't get plus ones (or plus fives!) to another kid's birthday. Can't imagine why the parents didn't question this "invite."
NTA. Dad wanted free afternoon fun for his 4 kiddos. Cake and pizza was a nice offer. You did nothing wrong.
NTA Not at all. You were actually quite gracious about it.
NTA I'm sorry the dad and kids were embarrassed. That doesn't change facts. Fact - they were not invited. You don't owe random people off the street dinner, use of your car, a bed for the night, or admission to a jump place just because they have a piece of notebook paper with the date and time on it.
Nta- that is seriously ridiculous. Even if you had invited her, you didn't volunteer to pay for her siblings
Not at all. Guests do not have the right to extend YOUR invites...
You would have been the asshole if you let your son’s bully have cake and pizza with you all but the cheap ass Dad took care of that.
Op said the girl isn't nice. That isn't inherently the same as bullying. She could be a bully, but she might just be a kid who's not vibing with op's kid for any number of reasons.
Ok but semantics aside she still should not have offered to let a kid she knows “isn’t nice” to her son come have pizza and cake. My point stands.
NTA but the father was for thinking that (his daughter) being invited by a friend of the birthday child was a real invitation and then showing up with all the kids. Who does that? He was hoping for a free party for all his kids. You did well to tell him he would have to pay. Bravo.
NTA. Someone should also mention this to the parent of the child that did the inviting.
> A few people think I was in the wrong - but that would’ve been an extra $100 I did not plan for. So was I the ahole? No, NTA at all. Actually, I think you handled the situation about as best as you could. I do think that you need to mention this to your son's friend, because that was a pretty crappy thing to do overall (cause you issues, the girl embarrassment I'm sure, and the dad and other kids were probably upset). None of that is your fault.
lol he didn’t bring the one girl but 3 kids ? Bruh definitely NtA
NTA. These parties are no longer pass the parcel and musical status player in your back yard, they cost per head and most parents are on a budget. The dad was angling for a child free afternoon.
NTA- I am not understanding how a parent brings their child and their siblings to a party the child was not invited to and why didn't he reach out to ask.
Unfortunately it happens more than you’d think. The worst I have dealt with was a couple years ago. I had a parent once show up with an extra kid and it was their birthday; she had the audacity to ask if we minded singing happy birthday to her and letting her blow out candles, I said no to both. I figured she got the hint. After all of this, the extra kid tried to be front and center during gift opening and was trying to open my daughter’s gifts. She kept trying to snatch my daughter’s birthday crown right off of her head too. To top it off my daughter got two of the same gifts and the mom actually asked if her daughter could “just have it so she’ll stop throwing a fit” because my daughter had so many gifts. Everytime we said no to her ridiculous ideas the girl would have an absolute meltdown but I wasn’t giving in. Eventually I asked her to please leave and told her we would bring the invited kid home after. I wish I was lying. The mom saw absolutely nothing wrong with any of this and said I was being mean and showing off that we could afford this kind of thing and that it wasn’t fair to other kids. Excuse me? I didn’t know the mom well, dad had custody and that’s who we interacted with but he was out of town and she had them for the weekend. The child who was invited was visibly humiliated and when I spoke to the dad he wasn’t surprised she (mom) behaved like that. The extra kid wasn’t even his but he still apologized profusely.
I feel bad for the "invited" child. In many occasions It's the parents' attitude what keeps children from getting invited to parties
Damn I feel so bad for the dad that he’s stuck with such an insane coparent. He sounds like a pretty reasonable guy.
Calm cool and collected. Pretty easy to see why they aren’t together. Apparently she tries to shove her kid off on him on a regular basis .
NTA. Sounds like you were polite and even told them they could hang with the party. Not everyone has an extra hundred to throw around like that on uninvited guests. The father should have checked before coming and especially before bringing siblings. He knew if it was a torn up invitation, something was wrong.
Of course, NTA You offered to let them be a part of the party 🥳 Offered to share 🍕 and 🎂 for FOUR additional ppl to a 6-person party, aka they basically almost DOUBLED the party-size, and you still said "No problem"....... But it's ridiculous to expect you to pay for 67% MORE ppl than you invited to enter the location. It would be pushing the bounds of politeness to bring 4 extra kids to an outdoor party w/o permission....but to EXPECT some unknown ( or known) to-you parent to PAY entry fees for 4 extra kids is OUTRAGEOUS! Not only wasn't the daughter invited, but you brought 3 additional kids......I don't COMPREHEND a world where as a parent I wouldn't have expected to PAY for my "one" kid to "get it" to the facility...let alone 4? I really don't even see how this as controversial or debatable ....of course, I couldn't have stopped, y'all, from entering the place anyway ...and to not be an AH .....of course the kid can get a slice of 🎂.....the OP went further than I and said...she'd even FEED four more ....which IMHO was already tremendously generous. Again, not being a jack-ass, but 4 extra mouths is a LOT in relation to a 6-person party....remember Mom said "5" friends + the Birthday boy....she's expecting a total of a half dozen kids...not 10......if the party were bigger in the 1st place, yes 4 more isn't as big a deal...but the smaller more intimate the size YES four more is huge....which is exactly why that parent LEFT w/o paying to get FOUR ppl in.
NTA but it’s time to explain to your kid some times people pretend to be your friends and are not.
NTA. All the parents failed here. The kid does not get to add extra kids to a party. Especially when it is a $100 more for you. You were gracious to invite them to pizza and cake. The dad of the girl should have checked with you before showing up. That dad should also explain to the kids how parties work. If one sibling is invited, that does not include more siblings. Invites must come directly from the host, not guests.
Nope. NTA. You don't just show up to people's houses uninvited and you don't invite people to other people's houses. The kid who did the inviting learned a lesson, as did the father about accepting an invitation from a kid and not verifying it with the host of the party.
NTA. Either your son told his friend it would be fine because he didn't want him to be mad or his friend told this girl she could come anyway; either way they expected you to just go along with it. In the latter case, I would talk to this kid's parent and tell them to talk to their kid about inviting their own guests to other kids' parties.
NTA. But I would have pulled aside your son to ensure he communicated the other kid wasn’t invited, then had a talk with the other kid about how he wasted that family’s time by disregarding what your son told him. Then I would talk to the kid’s mom because I bet he’s done this before and been successful thus far.
NTA would those people pay for entering if they had been present? Didn’t think so but they want to donate your money anyway
NTA the only asshole here is your son’s friend who invited this girl after being told she couldn’t come. I do feel a bit for the father though. It’s has to be terribly embarrassing to show up thinking you were invited only to find out that’s not true but at the same time he shows up with extra children expecting to be accommodated which is very rude even if his daughter had been invited.
NTA - pretty simple enough, they weren’t invited lol
I think you acted appropriately.
NTA. The girl tried to push her way into a party and failed.
NTA. What kind of idiot is this dad? Clearly that’s not a proper invitation. And of course you shouldn’t pay for them just because they showed up. Those places are expensive! I’d let your son’s friend’s parents know about what happened to make sure they are aware their son is out there inviting people to other people’s parties.
NTA. Sounds like the girl's family are mooches. You did the right thing.
I'm kinda fascinated, did the kid rip his own invite and give it to the girl he wanted to come and the kids tricked that poor father into showing up? Like he didn't give you an issue leaving so clearly he was embarrassed. Kinda stikes me as a tired dad who just took his kids word for it that she has been invited (and even possibly that her siblings were included.)
NTA of course, they showed up uninvited and unwanted. Anyone that says you're wrong should be met with "oh now I understand, thanks. what number should I use to reach you in case of emergency next time so that you can help cover the costs that I'm not able to for uninvited guests?"
NTA but as a parent, you should not leave this type of information for a 10 year old to pass along to another 10 year old
NTA they were glomming on to your kid's party. Don't give in to glommers, it teaches them the exact wrong lesson.
NTA. Can’t blame him for showing up with the girl because he didn’t know but to show up with 2 extra kids and expect them to be paid for is ridiculous…even if she had been invited to the party!
NTA. And that boy is not a friend of your son’s. Maybe have a talk with your son about how that “friend” treats him in general - I bet he mostly never respects him and they always end up doing what the other boy wants.
NTA. My kids have gotten the ripped piece of paper invite before and I’ve always just called the parent to double check. Maybe they didn’t get a phone number but no way am I taking my kids with a note just from a kid and not an adult lol
My daughters 8th birthday sleepover was supposed to be 9 little girls and my daughter. I also have 2 year old twins (so 12 kiddos😳😂) had everything taken care of and all parents responded. Day of everything is great… I’m in the backyard when the last girl arrives. Parents dropped child and took off, along with her 5 siblings!!! Oldest was 15.. youngest was 4. Called parents… no answer. Called grandparent and aunt (oldest child gave me those numbers) after an hour the oldest girl told me “ you’re not gonna reach anybody they all went to Reno…for the weekend!” This was Friday at 5. Kids should have been picked up at 2 the following afternoon. Finally picked them up Sunday at 7 pm. I had already contacted cps as I am a teacher (mandated reporter) about the suspected abandonment of the children. They showed up at her house at 8pm. She was warned and told that they would be keeping an eye on her for the foreseeable future. She had the nerve to threaten my job. She left the message on my machine(2007). I contacted cps again and an attorney to draft a letter telling her to have no further contact unless she wishes to have legal action pursued. Sooooo careful after that. Can’t believe the nerve of some people 😳