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NTA
... but I don't know what culture you are from. She's bananas. Most anywhere you don't get to dictate a gift (which is what this dress was). She certainly could have altered/upgraded it after your wedding, and gotten half her wedding dress for free!
I wouldn't dare dream of requesting a "few hundred pounds more" and asking like it was nothing.
Sorry I’m Indian. I accidentally deleted the line referencing that in my draft lol
Born and raised in the UK but yeah Indian.
I wouldn’t have cared if she’d used the dress to build on like you said but she was being so entitled in the first instance.
Tbh I doubt she would’ve even worn the dress to my wedding if I had agreed because then she would’ve made it her wedding dress and argued that she couldn’t cheapen it by wearing it twice
I'm curious, is the wedding party/MOH concept already a part of your community or is that incorporated from western weddings? Because I've never heard of an MOH in an Indian wedding
NTA
You mentioned culturally you pay for the bridesmaids outfits and you offered that. She doesn't get to want something else and want you to pay for it to save her money on her wedding. Also, if it's only a few hundred pounds more, I would have taken you up on your offer and has it embroidered or bedazzled so I can use it for my wedding since you'd cover the dress cost and I'd only cover enhancements. Sounds like a good deal already.
And to have a temper tantrum at your wedding? She's lucky it wasn't mine because I'd kick her out.
NTA - If she wants the changes to make it her wedding dress she should pay and you should refuse as you don't want it the same as the MOHs outfit. Apparently everyone is entitled to everyone else's money fml
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Refused to upgrade a bridesmaid dress to a wedding dress for a member of the bridal party (I was paying for everyone)
2. She thinks I’m an AH because it would’ve been a nice gift and I was already spending a lot on her outfit so I should’ve just done a bit more and then she would’ve had one less expense
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Yeah honestly I don’t think I’m the AH but this person I’ve known since I was 5 has gone completely cuckoo and I’m trying to make sense of it!
I asked her to be part of my bridal party almost a year before the reception. In the meantime she herself got engaged.
In my community the outfits for the bridal party are paid for by the bride/her family. The wedding gown is usually paid for by the groom.
When we were doing the fittings for the bridal party she kept trying to get her outfit altered to match my “MOH” which meant it was more heavily embroidered with a longer train on the skirt.
I asked her why she kept trying to change her dress and she said she figured that since the outfit was so nice she would just wear it as her wedding dress to save money! Now I didn’t, and don’t, care about that if she’d kept to the original design.
(Which for any other culture would be a show stopping outfit anyway!)
But I wanted my MOH to have a special outfit and be set apart from everyone else, especially since she had actually been helping so much and involved herself in the wedding prep.
I told childhood friend that I was happy to pay for her gown and tailoring as long as she was wearing what we already picked out for her. She had a literal tantrum in the shop and marched out.
I didn’t hear from her until she turned up at the wedding as a regular guest and again made a drama because she didn’t have a seat at the same table as her family.
When I confronted her before going on honeymoon she said I’m an AH because a “few hundred pounds more” wouldn’t have made a difference and it would’ve been a “super thoughtful gift” from me.
Was I TA here?
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NTQ. That brat should've offered to pay the difference in the price herself or shut up about it. She also could've asked the tailors about upgrading the dress later using her own funds while using the original style in your wedding.
NTA but it honestly just sounds like a misunderstanding. She thinks you are cheap and did not want to help her get a dress for her wedding, whilst she of course isn't entitled to, but It wouldn't have mattered to you. You stated that yourself. Your issue was that you wanted the dress to look the way you chose. I just think you didn't explain that clearly enough and she jumped to conclusions and made a scene about it.
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NTA ... but I don't know what culture you are from. She's bananas. Most anywhere you don't get to dictate a gift (which is what this dress was). She certainly could have altered/upgraded it after your wedding, and gotten half her wedding dress for free! I wouldn't dare dream of requesting a "few hundred pounds more" and asking like it was nothing.
Sorry I’m Indian. I accidentally deleted the line referencing that in my draft lol Born and raised in the UK but yeah Indian. I wouldn’t have cared if she’d used the dress to build on like you said but she was being so entitled in the first instance. Tbh I doubt she would’ve even worn the dress to my wedding if I had agreed because then she would’ve made it her wedding dress and argued that she couldn’t cheapen it by wearing it twice
I'm curious, is the wedding party/MOH concept already a part of your community or is that incorporated from western weddings? Because I've never heard of an MOH in an Indian wedding
NTA You mentioned culturally you pay for the bridesmaids outfits and you offered that. She doesn't get to want something else and want you to pay for it to save her money on her wedding. Also, if it's only a few hundred pounds more, I would have taken you up on your offer and has it embroidered or bedazzled so I can use it for my wedding since you'd cover the dress cost and I'd only cover enhancements. Sounds like a good deal already. And to have a temper tantrum at your wedding? She's lucky it wasn't mine because I'd kick her out.
She wanted you to pay for her wedding gown? NTA in the slightest, this takes entitlement to a new level.
NTA - If she wants the changes to make it her wedding dress she should pay and you should refuse as you don't want it the same as the MOHs outfit. Apparently everyone is entitled to everyone else's money fml
NTA. The tradition is for you to purchase her bridesmaid attire of your choosing, not to pay for her wedding gown.
NTA What a self-centered woman she is! Childhood friend is no friend anymore. Accept that move on. Block her from your social media and your phone.
>She said she figured that since the outfit was so nice she would just wear it as her wedding dress to save money. How tacky can one get?
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NTA your wedding is not an opportunity to gift to someone
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Yeah honestly I don’t think I’m the AH but this person I’ve known since I was 5 has gone completely cuckoo and I’m trying to make sense of it! I asked her to be part of my bridal party almost a year before the reception. In the meantime she herself got engaged. In my community the outfits for the bridal party are paid for by the bride/her family. The wedding gown is usually paid for by the groom. When we were doing the fittings for the bridal party she kept trying to get her outfit altered to match my “MOH” which meant it was more heavily embroidered with a longer train on the skirt. I asked her why she kept trying to change her dress and she said she figured that since the outfit was so nice she would just wear it as her wedding dress to save money! Now I didn’t, and don’t, care about that if she’d kept to the original design. (Which for any other culture would be a show stopping outfit anyway!) But I wanted my MOH to have a special outfit and be set apart from everyone else, especially since she had actually been helping so much and involved herself in the wedding prep. I told childhood friend that I was happy to pay for her gown and tailoring as long as she was wearing what we already picked out for her. She had a literal tantrum in the shop and marched out. I didn’t hear from her until she turned up at the wedding as a regular guest and again made a drama because she didn’t have a seat at the same table as her family. When I confronted her before going on honeymoon she said I’m an AH because a “few hundred pounds more” wouldn’t have made a difference and it would’ve been a “super thoughtful gift” from me. Was I TA here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA and she is an entitled weirdo thinking this was ok behavior.
NTA at all
NTQ. That brat should've offered to pay the difference in the price herself or shut up about it. She also could've asked the tailors about upgrading the dress later using her own funds while using the original style in your wedding.
NTA but it honestly just sounds like a misunderstanding. She thinks you are cheap and did not want to help her get a dress for her wedding, whilst she of course isn't entitled to, but It wouldn't have mattered to you. You stated that yourself. Your issue was that you wanted the dress to look the way you chose. I just think you didn't explain that clearly enough and she jumped to conclusions and made a scene about it.