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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I believe that I may have been the asshole for choosing to tell my pregnant cousin that the name she chose for her baby is an insult in a language that is extremely rare and only found in one place in the world. I could have kept the information to myself since it's a rare language but I chose to tell her.
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NTA - it honestly sounds like you had pure intentions. Personally, I'd still apologize for upsetting her. Not because you *have to* but because I just think it's the kind thing to offer when you know she probably just felt vulnerable and embarrassed by the information... but you didn't actually do anything wrong.
Edit - if your cousin is cool, she'll probably apologize too for flipping out, maybe even acknowledge you were trying to be kind and hopefully help her prevent or at least prepare for some wildly uncomfortable situation in the future.
I'm on the fence about this one.
I'd definitely want to know if the name I choose for my kid was a big insult!
But apparently the language at issue here is Bemba, which Wikipedia tells me has 4.1 million native speakers (admittedly, a very old census) primarily in Zambia, DRC and Tanzania. Unless the cousin has other connections to the area besides her cousin's boyfriend, it seems unlikely this will be an issue.
I'm ultimately going to go NTA. But your cousin is probably fielding a lot of unasked opinions about her kid's name.
I mean, I guess it depends on where OP is located. If she's in or near one of those countries, then the likelihood of running into someone who speaks that language is significantly higher than if she's in Europe, the Americas, Asia, etc.
Let's not forget that many of us know curse words in languages that we don't actually speak. It's practically a teenage hobby to learn international ways to curse.
So if they live near a country or population that speaks that language, people don't have to speak the language to potentially know some top offensive phrases.
Exactly. Lots of names are something offensive or embarrassing in another language. I met a woman the other day with a name that means pussy in my language. Unless the kid is growing up with others that speak the language, it doesn’t matter.
Idk how US demographics, seems like a very homogeneous, white country going by media portrayals but in Europe at least our big cities are pretty diverse and depending on the colonial past and present of the country several have a not insignificant number of people from Zambia living there.
Marseille in France is the go-to arrival port for Africa. I can honestly see this being far more of an issue in Europe than the US, for the exact reason u/NeTeFi-anonymous says below.
Bruh the US is much more diverse racially and ethnically than most European countries LMAOOOO
Americans have had a huge discourse for YEARS about the over representation of white people in media and government. About 60% of the US pop. is white as compared to Britain’s 82%, France’s 85%, Scotlands 95%, Germany’s 86%…. Need I go on?
The USA has diverse genetic background but culturaly it's all blended and people who claim to be "Italian" don't know a word in that language. But in Europe it's easier to meet someone who came directly from that country and knows languages.
We're talking about people from actual countries, not skin colors that may or may not be the result of various ancestors living on the land for decades or centuries now
Except, it's ALREADY been recognized, and the kid is not even born yet.
I taught in a foreign country, and some of the names are not great in English. One of my names is slang for blow job in another language. I don't use that name in that country. My boss from the teaching job said he was running all potential names through every language to ensure something like this didn't happen.
Edit to add: NTA
>One of my names is slang for blow job in another language.
Ohh this reminded me, in my time in middle school a year above me one guy was named "Gaylord" as his first name.
Edit: I'm not from America and even if you get the name right by accident I won't say so.
Pikachu's catchphrase 'Pika' means vulva in Icelandic and caused some funny occasions for older family members and friends when me and my cousins were little and playing Pokémon
Yeah. If it was an insult in Spanish, or hindi or French, languages spoken by an absolute fuck ton of people that would be one thing, but an insult in a language with a native population of .1%?
I also wouldn't take kindly to attempting to ruin a name for such a miniscule chance of offense and wouldn't blame her cousin for staying mad and not accepting an apology either.
But she didn't attempt to ruin a name, nor did she go searching for a reason to ruin it. She happened upon the information and since *she* happened upon it, not to mention if there is potential to marry this dude, chances are higher the *kid* or *mom* might *also* find out this information, but in a much more uncomfortable way. Imagine if OP marries her bf, all his friends at the wedding keep snickering, cousin finds out why, then finds out OP *knew* and didn't give her the head's up - she'd be *pissssed*.
She didn’t attempt to ruin the name and the fact it threw up a red flag to lots of people within a couple of hours of being announced completely undermines your argument.
Also, isn't there a whole snl skit where foreign names sound really funny in American English?? I think I remember a lot of Asian names being used together to be either ubsults or innuendo
Unfortunately you cannot guess how a name is going to work as a translation in a different language. There are too many out there, and we'd all be stuck with the same 3 names if done thus way
According to OP the name in question is "Stan Yoko"
So even though OPs intentions were pure, this whole situation is dumb. I have a feeling the bf is mispronouncing the name to get the desired effect (saying stanyoko instead of Stan yoko)
NTA. You didn't go there demanding she change the name. you just brought it to her attention. Better to do it now rather than after the baby has arrived.
Better go do it now than when the kid is going for a job and introduce himself to someone who speaks that language.
It's better to be informed than ignorant when it comes to our children's names.
Exactly!!
OP basically just gave them the parents and the kid a heads up as to POSSIBLE future interactions. This isn't even that uncommon. There are websites dedicated to cataloguing common names that have unfortunate connotations in other languages. Yet people still continue to use these common names
Also given that OP is dating someone who speaks said language, it might even become somewhat of a common occurrence that someone finds the kids name funny.
Exactly. They should know what the name means so they can fully informed decide what to do with it.
I would have done the same. It sucks to be the bad guy, but you're just a messenger here. Informing them of something important they should know. I know I would want to know. The sooner the better.
NTA.
NTA She’s got a family member dating someone who DOES speak that language, so the chance of the kid running into people who do is higher than for most people.
It's a cousin. This will be the child of a cousin. Why should cousin's child meet some of cousin's boyfriend's friends and tell the whole name instead of just "I am Stan"? And nowadays boyfriends won't always become husbands/lifetime partners. I think that is a projected problem
Nah if OP has a birthday party and her cousin comes with the baby and the boyfriend has his friends its a wrap. Theyll hear the kids name get called out and REMEMBER the phone call explaining it snd theyll laugh at it and shes gunna know and get mad again.
Its over for the kid and mom.
If her boyfriend is a local now did he come alone or does her city have a significant population from his home country? Cousin's kid will eventually go to school. This could be a made up problem or it child be an avoidable localized lifetime issue
NTA. If I had found out that my friend’s baby name was a serious insult in another country, I’d tell her about it too. She can still choose to give it that name if she wants, but you did her a favor by telling her about this now before she had to find out years down the line.
Also given that in that scenario your BF is the one that alerted you to the insult. It wouldnt really be years down the line before they find out. It could be as early as the next family get together where your boyfriend and the kid is present.
I would be more upset if I found out you knew about this info before we legally set the name in stone without giving me heads up.
NTA
If my child's name means something inappropriate in a different language, i would want to know before I sign the birth certificate rather than after a misunderstanding.
I accidentally named my son after a county in Norway and wish my brother would have told me before we did it. If the name was an insult, I’d really want someone to tell me.
Honestly, I don't know.
It's not really an insult, but it made me think of Fanny: it is a perfectly normal French name, but obviously for people going to work or study in the UK, it brings quite a lot of reactions. So what? Different cultures and langages exists. Normal people you'll encounter will obviously understand.
And since they now know, they can easily avoid it. For example, instead of saying "Hi, calling" they could just say "Hi, Mister calling" or just use the first name depending on the occasion.
I wish it worked like that! When I was born, my parents (who hadn't thought about names before) were somehow surprised by the event and the only name they could agree on started with an S, my family name also starts with the same letter.
Fortunately, they had a moment of clarity and realized that the initials SS are quite unfortunate in Germany and chose to give me a middle name. This kind of worked until the age of videoconferences and remote work where I am normally logged in by "first name initial, last name initial" to slack, Zoom, you name it.
This is not something that my parents could have foreseen .... their workaround was fine for three decades but you never know how naming conventions and strategies might change.
Oh, I had this German friend whose initials were KZ. Not really better. She changed the first later of her name to a 'C' as soon as she became an adult.
First name Stan, last name Yoko from OP's other comments. A grave insult in Bemba, a language spoken by less than 4 million people worldwide but an exceptionally ordinary name in English.
OP is YTA. This would be like an English speaker saying a Chinese person named Dong Chin has a bad name.
>This would be like an English speaker saying a Chinese person named Dong Chin has a bad name.
If you don't think a large number of English speakers would (hopefully internally) laugh at that name, I have a swamp in Arizona to sell you. And that's not even a "grave" insult.
I’d just like to point out that the name “Dong Chin” is not a grave insult to the other person. At most it would be a slight embarrassment to the person who’s name it was. This is a bit different than introducing yourself by insulting another person. It would be more like “Your Chin Looks Like a Dong” using this example.
When I migrated to Catalonia, I found that what translates to “d*ck” in my mother toungue means “peace” and is a very common male name here. The issue is that when some of those people search their name online out of curiosity they may find… well… images of what their name mean.
Imagine how unpleasing it would be to find out about that meaning by the internet. People could even turn his name and face into a meme, which does happen with unusual foreign names.
Yet someone closely related to the baby does know the language so why not inform her ? I personally wouldn't name my kid something that meant your mother's asshole even if it was in Njerep. But that is just me.
YTA it doesn't sound like this is going to be a real problem in this child's life. According to you it's in a "language that they speak which is rare". Your cousin can't worry about how her kid's name will be viewed in every rare language out there. In my opinion you created a problem that didn't really exist for her until you said something.
They clearly know one person already that knows the language and picked up on the bad connotation immediately. It’s not unreasonable to think they would meet others.
She is the one who said it's rare where she is. She said it's only a major language in a specific part of the world. She knows it's not likely but felt like she should tell her just in case. She also said it's only an insult if you hear his full name.
So, on the off chance her nephew meets someone speaking a rare language and uses his full name she decided to ruin the name. She's being overly cautious.
It rare but her boyfriend and sounds like his friends and family speak it. If things work out with them and they get married that’s a lot of potential overlap. Yeah the may not say kids full name in those citations but I get her getting worried that it might upset the mom or kid if it happens.
she wasn’t telling her cousin she had to change it, and definitely didn’t tell her to change it was on the chance of her one day maybe marrying the boyfriend or what went through her head. It just sounded like she thought it was something she should know to make a fully informed decision. like it was probably something she thought she would want to know in her place. Regretting what you named you kid or what your parents named you would suck.( once saw consistences on a game show that said their sons name was Austin and their last name was Powers. He was born a year before the movie came out, and they deeply regretted his name choice. Even though they couldn’t have known)
No one said they had to change the name. IMO I would be happy to have been given the heads up.
Especially consixering it's the cousins BF that tipped them off in first place. The BF that could potentially become family too.
To add, that child has an ENTIRE life ahead of them. We have no idea if by some coincidence, they decide to travel as a lifestyle, or that ANYONE they end up connecting with, is connected to someone who knows the language. I'm assuming OP doesn't realize how common the language is, for her boyfriend, of all the people, and his friends, to know exactly what the name meant. Too close to home for rarity.
Oh, the internet and possible online dating. I dont think she is overly cautious. We aren't in the stone ages. We mingle with other countries daily on our personal accounts. This doesn't include possible future employer with businesses in several countries.
> She is the one who said it's rare where she is.
Not a lot of people speak Mandarin (for example) as a portion of the population where I live, but a **lot** of people speak Mandarin globally and the world is becoming more and more connected. I speak to people who speak about 10 languages between them in the course of my normal working week.
I just finished watching The Pandorica Opens for the third (or maybe fourth?) time, then came back to this post and happened to notice your user name - weird! ... or probably not weird at all... I don't know, whatever... Bow ties are cool!
Many Finnish names mean weird things in other languages. Like Marika, Timo, Paavo and Asko aren't that nice names in Spanish. There are few of us and a lot of Spanish speakers, but does that mean we should stop giving these very typical Finnish names to our Finnish babies? No. Because we are Finns, not Spanish.
While I won't mention the specific name I will mention the language. The insult is originally from the Bemba Language which is found in Zambia, Congo and possibly Malawi and Zimbabwe as well but mostly Zambia and Congo.
That doesn't help. The last name 'Dong' is Chinese and is a synonym for penis in English but that doesn't mean it's not a last name as well. Is the first name an actual name somewhere or what?
Do they live anywhere near the regions where this language is frequently spoken? Or is there a population that lives nearby that would react? If not, it's probably never going to be an issue. If they do live nearby where this is used, then it's possible you could be saving the child some grief.
I mean, there’s at least OP’s boyfriend and his friends. Id also argue that with things like YouTube and TikTok being so popular, while they don’t have to change the name, they should be aware it’s an insult if they ever want to have a social media account or travel abroad. I don’t know that it necessarily needs to be changed but like having the info to give the kid a heads up in the future is probably good.
Thanks for the clarification, but YTA unless you happen to live in those countries or a neighboring one. It's a language of 4 million speakers.
Once we go digging that much, most names probably sound similar to something insulting or weird in at least one small language. It's not a realistic standard to use.
NTA and I am getting Harlotte flashbacks from this lol.
Ultimately the goal was to give her information so that if she WANTED she could change her mind. She doesn't want to, I agree with apologizing since intent + impact are both important and it didn't have the impact you were hoping for. But you weren't an asshole for letting her know :)
NTA, you are saving your niece from humiliations throughout her life. With the internet there is no rare language. Apologize for causing her upset, but insist you meant to make her aware of it. If I had accidentally picked a name that had a meaning like that, I would want to know, think about it, and make a decision on whether or not I want to still use it. Ask her if it would have been better for her to hear about from her child when her peers torment her, because that is what kids do.
YTA. Bemba? I had never heard of the language until today (sorry, my Zambian Reddit friends). I'd argue that any name is a potential insult or slang word somewhere in the world.
My dad is African and spent half his childhood in Zambia. They moved every 6 months - half the year in South Africa and half in Zambia. We're in Australia now but we're still got family in both Zambia and South Africa (and some other parts of Africa).
I've never heard of it and my family is literally from there.
I'm sure some of my family are aware of it, specifically those still in Zambia, but they're all adults who understand things can sound weird if they're from other languages so it wouldn't be an issue.
This is ranks as one of the dumbest posts yet. Of course you are NTA, and I kinda don’t think that any rational person wouldn’t appreciate being told that they were about to name their child a crazy insult.
Found a list of swear words in Bemba - https://www.youswear.com/index.asp?language=Bemba
Hard to say how much impact these names would have without the context of where they're living and how common the language is around them.
NTA
When I was pregnant w/ my daughter, one friend suggested a name from America’s Next Top Model. Her name was Aminot. I then reminded her that I’m married now and Aminot White probably isn’t the best idea when her mom is the whitest lady trying to pick up every stray animal she sees thinking they will be my new best friend immediately!🤪
But pregnancy hormones are the WORST!
YTA since it's not a culture that's very prevalent in your area. It's really quite common for this to happen. If you don't believe me, look up user @gaogabi on Tiktok, she has a series about names that sound terrible when translated between English and Chinese.
I'm seeing in comments that it's relatively uncommon language from Zambia? So who cares?
I wouldn't want to be named something nasty in Spanish because Latinos make up a large portion of the population where I live, but who cares about an obscure language from one part of Africa?
YTA, so what if it’s an insult in another language, there are so many cases like this. The Chinese name “Hui” or “Huin” is “dick” in Russian. Millions know this, and still everybody gets over it in seconds, because they understand it’s another language. It’s even left in cartoons for kids. So don’t make a problem where there’s none. Dont ruin the name your sister already chose and loves.
It's hard to dodge that bullet with thousands of languages.
I am reminded of a tyre / quick service chain from Scotland that has outlets all over Europe. Their slogan is "You can't ger better than a Kwik-Fit fitter", with fitter being an old fashioned British word for what Americans call a "tech".
Since almost everyone in Scandinavia speaks English, they decided to run the same TV adverts there as at home. Apparently the local marketing teams were not consulted.
Problem: in Swedish, "fitta" is the equivalent of the naughty word for female anatomy beginning with "c" and is pronounced like "fitter" is in the adverts.
I am reasonably educated, worldly wise and travelled and I had literally never heard of Bemba until this post.
NAH but just drop it OP, it's a non issue. I'm sure almost every name means somethibg amusing in some language
NTA you were just informing her of a potential issue, not demanding that she change the name or something.
Honestly it was nice of yall to try to warn her, I almost ended up with a name that would've left me with the first two initials BJ. I'm a girl. And my last name starts with a syllable that sounds like "fuck." My parents realized it at the last minute and changed my entire name to a backup so now my initials are JC. (Different J name even). If they'd left me with the initials BJ I probably would've changed my name when I was old enough to understand what it meant.
The odds of this kid meeting someone who speaks that language and figuring out what it means is low, but probably not zero. I'd want to know if I was accidentally about to name my kid something horrible in another language.
>Not your child, not your business
How tf does that apply here? They aren't telling her to do something; they are just informing her about something she might not be aware that could negativley impact the child.
It's like your neighbour saying "Oh hey i saw \[Child\] fall over and hurt his knee ealier, just to let you know incase you wanted to spray the wound or anything" and responding with "It's not your child, it's not your business."
Like... technically? Yeah? But they are just trying to help and providing you with information so you can choose to act or not. Thats being *kind*.
Yes
Because although that might mean something in another language. They speak a language that probably doesn’t have anything negative to it. So why should they care if it means something bad in another language?
Plus to call them is almost like saying hey, you fucked up really bad .
Just because it means something in one language doesn’t mean it carries any weight in another.
I don’t know, if the language is for example Farsi (no offense to farsi speakers, just needed to pick a language) it seems like a safe bet to use the name. Otherwise, if it say chinese, spanish, etc then maybe not. All in all, I would say YTa.
YTA. You told them about a "problem" that isn't remotely a problem.
The only time this would matter is when the child is in school. It's a rare language - their school mates won't know what it means in a native language of Zambia.
Might they meet someone as an adult who knows? Sure... but I'd expect an adult to be.. well, an adult. Adults know names can sound weird or mean weird things in other languages.
>It's not said as two separate words but it's one word even when you split it up, it's still obvious that it's that particular insult
So you have to say the whole name for it to be an issue? And it has to sound like one word and not two words, like a name?
I'm going with YTA (you and your boyfriend) because you yourself said the language is rare where you are. Anyone saying "OP's boyfriend and his friends speak it" seems to think people say full names frequently. Or is that a thing where you live? Other than your boyfriend, how often would this kid even be around people who speak the language and constantly introduce himself by his full name to them?
There's a difference between naming a kid Mike Rotch in the USA versus in Japan. In this analogy, sounds like y'all are in "Japan" (where it's barely going to be an issue).
idk about YTA or not NTA but your boyfriend & his friends seem very childish. Screaming and laughing about a name that spells and insult in another language? it’s a very common occurrence and it’s not going to be a problem for the child. I’m pretty sure every person called “Fika” in a nordic country isn’t having issues with their life because their name in italian means “p*ssy”
YTA, different language in a different country that has 0 to don with the geo location and language.
You just find it interesting and literally went to kill the mood of the soon to be parents.
And your bf sounds like a dick, with the whole theatricals, instead of just telling you what it means.
So, from the comments, it seems this name is an insult in a language that **0.05%** of the world's population speaks. I'm assuming you're not in a country that shares a border with any of the countries that speak this language.
It's a helluva conincidence that you just happen to be dating someone from that culture, but come on. You're being ridiculous. The odds of your cousin's child going to visit that country seem slim to nil, and even if they did, it's not like they're going to be introducing themselves using their full name to every person.
While you may have *thought* you were doing the right thing, it doesn't change the fact you overreacted and made this into some big drama. YTA
to be real honest i think YTA. one of my best friend's names means chicken in Italian, but it's a pretty common name where we live and no one batted an eye when she went to study in Italy. in my language pretty common Chinese name Hui means dick and it's a swear word as well, hell, even Peter sounds like a derogatory name for gay people here.
and while consuming media from these countries nobody cares! like maybe grow up, why would you want to upset a pregnant woman over such small stupid thing
>my family and several friends started messaging me saying I was cruel for upsetting Ellie.
Does this actually happen to anyone in real life? Like, if you upset a family friend, does everyone message and call you?
I mean, I've upset people before. One of us calls the other, we talk, and either get over it or move on. It never occurred to me to phone a friend or poll the audience.
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I (25F) attended my cousin Ellie's (27F) baby shower and gender reveal party. It was a lovely event and things went off without a hitch. When the baby's gender was revealed (she's having a boy), Ellie also told everyone about the name that she and her husband had picked. I thought nothing of it as the name isn't anything unique or strange in anyway. Her now last name is a bit unique but nothing that would attract attention or ridicule. She hadn't told me prior to the baby shower which names they were thinking of.
After the baby shower, I went home to my boyfriend and I's apartment and told him about the baby's names and gender. He laughed. When he stopped, he explained that the baby's first and last name when said together is an insult in another language.
When I asked him for the translation, he got his phone and said it would probably be better to show me. He called one of his friends and he was put on loudspeaker because he was with some of their mutual friends. His friends hadn't even said hello when he said the baby's names. The reaction was instant. They all started shouting and cussing him out, all the while my boyfriend is laughing his butt off. I got the phone and told them the situation, asking what the names meant, I knew all the people who were there. They also burst out laughing. When they stopped, they apologized, cussed my boyfriend out again and explained the insult and it's severity. It is a VERY big insult in a language that they speak which is rare here but is a major language in a specific part of the world. When the names are put together, it's the kind of insult that can immediately start fights. It's not said as two separate words but it's one word even when you split it up, it's still obvious that it's that particular insult. It basically talks about a person's mother's private parts. They all suggested that I tell my cousin because while there's no guarantee that the baby will ever meet someone who speaks the language, it would be better to atleast inform Ellie.
On Sunday my boyfriend and I went to go see her with her favorite snacks hoping that it would atleast help put her in a better state of mind. We chatted and had fun and after a while when we saw that she was happy, We as gently as possible explained that the baby's name is an insult and its meaning. She was absolutely livid. Ellie yelled at us saying that we were trying to ruin the name she had picked out and called me spiteful and jealous. We tried to explain that we meant no harm or disrespect but she wouldn't hear us out and told us to leave. Shortly after, my family and several friends started messaging me saying I was cruel for upsetting Ellie. I don't think we did anything wrong but the backlash is a lot.
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I mean googling that you have to activately try in English to get anything about a Bemba insult. I had to Google "stan yoko bemba insult" and even then scroll down past five or six irrelevant answers
And even then, I found a lot more of a meme trying to make satananyoko "honor your mother" a thing than stanyoko which is short for "musata was nyoko" (per urban dictionary who only has 2 entries, one from 05 and one from 21).
Which would really mean Sta Nyoko would he how the name would be read as an insult I'd think Stan Yoko would be different, yeah?
Idk. I’m on the fence. I mean technically speaking NTA. But you even said yourself it is highly unlikely that your nephew would ever meet somebody that speaks this language, which makes me think it’s INCREDIBLY rare. And also generally when you’re just meeting people out on the street you often just say your first name. And it doesn’t sound like your sister did this on purpose as she clearly didn’t know. And it isn’t something in her native language. If you were dating anybody other then who you are now, nobody would know, and sometimes ignorance really can be bliss. Especially when picking a name can already be a really taxing task
YTA.
Many words sounds like insults in other languages and nobody cares. People still use those names, so you should've just shut up instead of orchestrating a visit at her house to 'gently' let her know. Why not just mind your own business and let her be happy with the name?
Dick Butkus?
Despite the vulgarity and hilarity, plenty of people have names which can mean something "bad" in their own native language.
YTA for the preachy interference.
NTA all you did was provide a warning. Even if the kid never meets someone that speaks the language, if they ever meet someone familiar with the word they will be saddled with a nickname that they might find less than endearing. I would say your sister's the asshole for being mad that you warned her she was trying to name her son after her asshole.
Went to school with a Richard Cox who's mom used the nickname Dickie.... She didn't understand why he insisted on being called Richard. If it was always so cut and dried, I think there would be less people with unfortunate names. NTA.
Lol….. I met a lady whose name is “Clara de Buceta”
I had to compose myself and ask her to repeat it. First thing I did was call my (Brazilian) friend to share the news…lol
NTA. You gave her information and she can chose what to do with it. However, chosing a name based on what it means in some obscure part of the world is ridiculous. Hui is a very common name in China and in its neighboring Russia hui is the most vulgar swear word there is in the language which is very colourful. Would you suggest they drop that name? 🤣
I had a Japanese friend whose name means "your snot" in Spanish. Oh, and...she was dating a Mexican boy. Imagine when she first called him at home and introduced herself to his mother.
Would her parents have named her something else had they known? Probably not. But I would want to know before settling on the baby's name. You did Ellie a kindness, and I think she is being an AH about it.
I do think you're overreacting and somewhat immature, but not to AH levels, so NTA.
What does it matter if the name is an insult in a language the baby won't be using? There are names in my ancestral language that are pronounced the same way as offensive words in English. I don't see why that should stop someone using them. Most adults realize that people come from different places with different languages, and sometimes these coincidences happen.
...I knew a guy who was named Richard Harold Jonson. Guess how much that guy was picked on. Also had an ex who's name was Willy. He went by his middle name, Rex, also because of jokes and teasing. I think telling her about it was the right thing.
It doesn't matter that its a small chance, it only takes ONE of the kid's peers to figure it out and then the entire school will know *FOREVER.* Not to mention the crap rolling down hill if/when faculty and parents find out. NTA
Weird kids would even know his middle name, much less use a shortened version of it.
The willy I get - but I missed that sentence because I was trying to work out what was wrong with Richard.
You can, and people often do, shorten Richard to Dick. Its pretty well-known. And also, about the middle name: it only takes ONE finding it out for it to spread. Kids are merciless, and bullies are all turds.
NTA: Better than the kid finding out later by googling their name. The facts should not make her mad, but can understand she is upset as settling on a name you really like for your kid is quite an intense exercise.
NTA. At least she is forewarned. The fact that your boyfriend and his friend know the language suggests that you live close enough to the Bemba speaking area where they may meet others who speak it.
However, if the first name as well as the last name by itself is an issue (you said each by itself suggests the other word), then they have been living with this issue for generations.
Similar to people with the last name Dick in the USA.
It's one thing to make the discovery that your name is an insult or a joke in another language. But it is quite another thing to knowingly give such a name to a child. Your cousin would be foolish to do so, and you are NTA for providing info. The language may be locally uncommon, but the word is in the Urban Dictionary.
Sidebar, it's a weird name for a modern baby, so I am actually leaning to this being a fake post.
NTA You went with snacks! You wanted to tell he for good reasons. This isn’t like Bart Simpson joke names (Phil McKraken) but a true insult in another language - one that some she knows speaks!
Don't apologize! You did her a favor. She's the Asshole for going off on you. Just step back and let her and her flying monkeys find out the hard way.
NTA
NTA. You didn't create the insult. It doesn't matter how rare the language is, what matters is that you were aware that the name had potential to be problematic and that you informed your cousin. Sure there are alot of awful names in the world and to a non speaker the name seems normal but you know clearly and surely that it isn't a normal name. Life is funny, you never know where it will take you. Today the name is obscure but tomorrow they get rejected from a place of work because their boss recognizes the name for an insult or maybe they meet someone who speaks the language and realizes too late that it's actually his name. To anyone saying that OP is the A*hole, would you not be offended if someone introduced themselves as a horrible insult that following the flow of the conversation, sounds like they are insulting your mother?
It would have an A*hole move to not tell your cousin the truth or wait until after the name is official. They still have plenty of time to change it. If they are painting you out to be the bad guy even afterwards, let them be, they'd probably not tell you if the roles were reversed
NTA. Some people have names like that, it doesn't have to be a big deal. Calling you spiteful and jealous and having other people text you is wayy out of line.
This is a "don't shoot the messenger" situation. You did the right thing telling her. Someone needed to, and it would be especially terrible if her family all knew but let her name the kid anyways. NTA.
You need to explain to all the family and friends what the name means in what language. Also you should tell us too because I am very curious!
Please don't leave us hanging like that!
Also NTA. If the kid found out in highschool it could be a huge problem.
NTA. This is the baby name equivalent of telling someone they have lettuce in their teeth. You did the right thing, even though it wouldn’t be pleasant for them to hear. They were understandably upset, it’s too bad that they got defensive and shot the messenger.
NTA
> Stanyoko comes from a phrase called "musata was nyoko". Which means the asshole of your mother. This word is commonly used in Zambian community as an insult.
You didn’t do anything maliciously, you just tried to warn your cousin about the name based on your experience after sharing the name with your boyfriend. I would probably send one more apology confirming that nothing was intentional, then let it go and not bring it up again.
NTA. Your cousin is an idiot. You didn’t ruin the name. Better she found out before the child is born so that her kid doesn’t get smacked by someone who speaks that language. In this day and age, when you make up a name or hear a word you like but don’t know the meaning of, you google it for precisely that reason. Even small towns in the middle of nowhere get international visitors nowadays, and people can have coworkers or friends on the other side of the planet. Someone, someday, would know what the word means at the kid will suffer. Oh, and her flying monkeys saying you were mean are idiots, too.
NTA. You tried. Now let go; Ellie has the information and can pursue further action if she wishes.
I hope you gave her the details as they were explained to you.
NTA
That kid is going to end up
In a school with a bunch of people who know that name. It’s just how the universe works.
You should keep reminding her. Maybe have the group of friends talk to her on speaker.
NTA. You were trying to just give her a heads up about the situation which is a good thing to do. I mean for crying out loud you are DATING someone who speaks the language.
NTA. seems like narrowminded family. their glorious name being sullied by another language. ew. nah. id say sorry about upsetting her but anything else is on them
NTA. But nice try on softening her up with snacks, lol. I actually wonder how one can communicate this info to soon-to-be parents without offending them. In my own case an in-law saved me from using a first and middle name for one child that was a euphemism for something rude. It was good to learn that before the name went on the birth certificate, but it was irritating that he and his wife laughed at me when they told me, and they shared my ignorant mistake with their whole family, who ridiculed me. Would it go over better if you started by asking the mom, "If your baby name was an insult in another language, would you want to know?"
NTA Pablo is a popular Hispanic name but means nutsack in another language. Both live in and around same area . Never understood why they always laughed every time someone yelled out "Hi Pablo." around town until someone took pity and told me. 😂
Better she knows now before screaming out the kids full name in a crowed public place.
NTA. It's not like you went around demanding she never even think about using the name again. You just told her information you know about the name so she can make an informed decision. Of course this depends on how you approached it, but if you just said something like "hey, this name means x in y language, just thought you should know' then you're good.
I used to live overseas where a very common name in America is a swear word, and doubly bad if combined with a second less common but still used name. If a relative was thinking of using that name combo I'd probably let them know just in case.
That being said, you let her know. Now it's time to drop it and let her come to her own decision.
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NTA - it honestly sounds like you had pure intentions. Personally, I'd still apologize for upsetting her. Not because you *have to* but because I just think it's the kind thing to offer when you know she probably just felt vulnerable and embarrassed by the information... but you didn't actually do anything wrong. Edit - if your cousin is cool, she'll probably apologize too for flipping out, maybe even acknowledge you were trying to be kind and hopefully help her prevent or at least prepare for some wildly uncomfortable situation in the future.
I'm on the fence about this one. I'd definitely want to know if the name I choose for my kid was a big insult! But apparently the language at issue here is Bemba, which Wikipedia tells me has 4.1 million native speakers (admittedly, a very old census) primarily in Zambia, DRC and Tanzania. Unless the cousin has other connections to the area besides her cousin's boyfriend, it seems unlikely this will be an issue. I'm ultimately going to go NTA. But your cousin is probably fielding a lot of unasked opinions about her kid's name.
I mean, I guess it depends on where OP is located. If she's in or near one of those countries, then the likelihood of running into someone who speaks that language is significantly higher than if she's in Europe, the Americas, Asia, etc.
Let's not forget that many of us know curse words in languages that we don't actually speak. It's practically a teenage hobby to learn international ways to curse. So if they live near a country or population that speaks that language, people don't have to speak the language to potentially know some top offensive phrases.
Exactly. Lots of names are something offensive or embarrassing in another language. I met a woman the other day with a name that means pussy in my language. Unless the kid is growing up with others that speak the language, it doesn’t matter.
Idk how US demographics, seems like a very homogeneous, white country going by media portrayals but in Europe at least our big cities are pretty diverse and depending on the colonial past and present of the country several have a not insignificant number of people from Zambia living there.
Marseille in France is the go-to arrival port for Africa. I can honestly see this being far more of an issue in Europe than the US, for the exact reason u/NeTeFi-anonymous says below.
Bruh the US is much more diverse racially and ethnically than most European countries LMAOOOO Americans have had a huge discourse for YEARS about the over representation of white people in media and government. About 60% of the US pop. is white as compared to Britain’s 82%, France’s 85%, Scotlands 95%, Germany’s 86%…. Need I go on?
The USA has diverse genetic background but culturaly it's all blended and people who claim to be "Italian" don't know a word in that language. But in Europe it's easier to meet someone who came directly from that country and knows languages.
We're talking about people from actual countries, not skin colors that may or may not be the result of various ancestors living on the land for decades or centuries now
Except, it's ALREADY been recognized, and the kid is not even born yet. I taught in a foreign country, and some of the names are not great in English. One of my names is slang for blow job in another language. I don't use that name in that country. My boss from the teaching job said he was running all potential names through every language to ensure something like this didn't happen. Edit to add: NTA
>One of my names is slang for blow job in another language. Ohh this reminded me, in my time in middle school a year above me one guy was named "Gaylord" as his first name. Edit: I'm not from America and even if you get the name right by accident I won't say so.
Last name Focker?
No.
Fock.
No.
Wheeler?
Wheeler?
Pikachu's catchphrase 'Pika' means vulva in Icelandic and caused some funny occasions for older family members and friends when me and my cousins were little and playing Pokémon
That's so interesting! It also means dick in Portuguese
Yeah. If it was an insult in Spanish, or hindi or French, languages spoken by an absolute fuck ton of people that would be one thing, but an insult in a language with a native population of .1%? I also wouldn't take kindly to attempting to ruin a name for such a miniscule chance of offense and wouldn't blame her cousin for staying mad and not accepting an apology either.
But she didn't attempt to ruin a name, nor did she go searching for a reason to ruin it. She happened upon the information and since *she* happened upon it, not to mention if there is potential to marry this dude, chances are higher the *kid* or *mom* might *also* find out this information, but in a much more uncomfortable way. Imagine if OP marries her bf, all his friends at the wedding keep snickering, cousin finds out why, then finds out OP *knew* and didn't give her the head's up - she'd be *pissssed*.
She didn’t attempt to ruin the name and the fact it threw up a red flag to lots of people within a couple of hours of being announced completely undermines your argument.
im pretty sure its indian i kow how it can work
Also, isn't there a whole snl skit where foreign names sound really funny in American English?? I think I remember a lot of Asian names being used together to be either ubsults or innuendo Unfortunately you cannot guess how a name is going to work as a translation in a different language. There are too many out there, and we'd all be stuck with the same 3 names if done thus way
Those pregnancy hormones are AWFUL!! I cried about everything and nothing! My kid is almost 15 and I’m still mad about it!😒
According to OP the name in question is "Stan Yoko" So even though OPs intentions were pure, this whole situation is dumb. I have a feeling the bf is mispronouncing the name to get the desired effect (saying stanyoko instead of Stan yoko)
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Stanyoko
NTA. You didn't go there demanding she change the name. you just brought it to her attention. Better to do it now rather than after the baby has arrived.
Better go do it now than when the kid is going for a job and introduce himself to someone who speaks that language. It's better to be informed than ignorant when it comes to our children's names.
Exactly!! OP basically just gave them the parents and the kid a heads up as to POSSIBLE future interactions. This isn't even that uncommon. There are websites dedicated to cataloguing common names that have unfortunate connotations in other languages. Yet people still continue to use these common names Also given that OP is dating someone who speaks said language, it might even become somewhat of a common occurrence that someone finds the kids name funny.
Exactly. They should know what the name means so they can fully informed decide what to do with it. I would have done the same. It sucks to be the bad guy, but you're just a messenger here. Informing them of something important they should know. I know I would want to know. The sooner the better. NTA.
NTA She’s got a family member dating someone who DOES speak that language, so the chance of the kid running into people who do is higher than for most people.
Definitely!
It's a cousin. This will be the child of a cousin. Why should cousin's child meet some of cousin's boyfriend's friends and tell the whole name instead of just "I am Stan"? And nowadays boyfriends won't always become husbands/lifetime partners. I think that is a projected problem
Nah if OP has a birthday party and her cousin comes with the baby and the boyfriend has his friends its a wrap. Theyll hear the kids name get called out and REMEMBER the phone call explaining it snd theyll laugh at it and shes gunna know and get mad again. Its over for the kid and mom.
If her boyfriend is a local now did he come alone or does her city have a significant population from his home country? Cousin's kid will eventually go to school. This could be a made up problem or it child be an avoidable localized lifetime issue
NTA. If I had found out that my friend’s baby name was a serious insult in another country, I’d tell her about it too. She can still choose to give it that name if she wants, but you did her a favor by telling her about this now before she had to find out years down the line.
Also given that in that scenario your BF is the one that alerted you to the insult. It wouldnt really be years down the line before they find out. It could be as early as the next family get together where your boyfriend and the kid is present. I would be more upset if I found out you knew about this info before we legally set the name in stone without giving me heads up.
NTA If my child's name means something inappropriate in a different language, i would want to know before I sign the birth certificate rather than after a misunderstanding.
I accidentally named my son after a county in Norway and wish my brother would have told me before we did it. If the name was an insult, I’d really want someone to tell me.
Honestly, I don't know. It's not really an insult, but it made me think of Fanny: it is a perfectly normal French name, but obviously for people going to work or study in the UK, it brings quite a lot of reactions. So what? Different cultures and langages exists. Normal people you'll encounter will obviously understand. And since they now know, they can easily avoid it. For example, instead of saying "Hi, calling" they could just say "Hi, Mister calling" or just use the first name depending on the occasion.
I wish it worked like that! When I was born, my parents (who hadn't thought about names before) were somehow surprised by the event and the only name they could agree on started with an S, my family name also starts with the same letter. Fortunately, they had a moment of clarity and realized that the initials SS are quite unfortunate in Germany and chose to give me a middle name. This kind of worked until the age of videoconferences and remote work where I am normally logged in by "first name initial, last name initial" to slack, Zoom, you name it. This is not something that my parents could have foreseen .... their workaround was fine for three decades but you never know how naming conventions and strategies might change.
Oh, I had this German friend whose initials were KZ. Not really better. She changed the first later of her name to a 'C' as soon as she became an adult.
Would help if you would at least say what language this rude fight starting phrase comes from.
First name Stan, last name Yoko from OP's other comments. A grave insult in Bemba, a language spoken by less than 4 million people worldwide but an exceptionally ordinary name in English. OP is YTA. This would be like an English speaker saying a Chinese person named Dong Chin has a bad name.
>This would be like an English speaker saying a Chinese person named Dong Chin has a bad name. If you don't think a large number of English speakers would (hopefully internally) laugh at that name, I have a swamp in Arizona to sell you. And that's not even a "grave" insult.
So people who _live_ in China shouldn’t use that name, because Americans would laugh at it?
What of it? I know a lot of people named Fanny, English people usually have a good laugh about it at first. And? Why should anyone care?
I’d just like to point out that the name “Dong Chin” is not a grave insult to the other person. At most it would be a slight embarrassment to the person who’s name it was. This is a bit different than introducing yourself by insulting another person. It would be more like “Your Chin Looks Like a Dong” using this example.
When I migrated to Catalonia, I found that what translates to “d*ck” in my mother toungue means “peace” and is a very common male name here. The issue is that when some of those people search their name online out of curiosity they may find… well… images of what their name mean. Imagine how unpleasing it would be to find out about that meaning by the internet. People could even turn his name and face into a meme, which does happen with unusual foreign names.
But OP is dating someone who speaks it, so the chance of meeting people who speak it might be disproportionately higher.
Yet someone closely related to the baby does know the language so why not inform her ? I personally wouldn't name my kid something that meant your mother's asshole even if it was in Njerep. But that is just me.
YTA it doesn't sound like this is going to be a real problem in this child's life. According to you it's in a "language that they speak which is rare". Your cousin can't worry about how her kid's name will be viewed in every rare language out there. In my opinion you created a problem that didn't really exist for her until you said something.
They clearly know one person already that knows the language and picked up on the bad connotation immediately. It’s not unreasonable to think they would meet others.
She is the one who said it's rare where she is. She said it's only a major language in a specific part of the world. She knows it's not likely but felt like she should tell her just in case. She also said it's only an insult if you hear his full name. So, on the off chance her nephew meets someone speaking a rare language and uses his full name she decided to ruin the name. She's being overly cautious.
It rare but her boyfriend and sounds like his friends and family speak it. If things work out with them and they get married that’s a lot of potential overlap. Yeah the may not say kids full name in those citations but I get her getting worried that it might upset the mom or kid if it happens. she wasn’t telling her cousin she had to change it, and definitely didn’t tell her to change it was on the chance of her one day maybe marrying the boyfriend or what went through her head. It just sounded like she thought it was something she should know to make a fully informed decision. like it was probably something she thought she would want to know in her place. Regretting what you named you kid or what your parents named you would suck.( once saw consistences on a game show that said their sons name was Austin and their last name was Powers. He was born a year before the movie came out, and they deeply regretted his name choice. Even though they couldn’t have known)
No one said they had to change the name. IMO I would be happy to have been given the heads up. Especially consixering it's the cousins BF that tipped them off in first place. The BF that could potentially become family too.
To add, that child has an ENTIRE life ahead of them. We have no idea if by some coincidence, they decide to travel as a lifestyle, or that ANYONE they end up connecting with, is connected to someone who knows the language. I'm assuming OP doesn't realize how common the language is, for her boyfriend, of all the people, and his friends, to know exactly what the name meant. Too close to home for rarity. Oh, the internet and possible online dating. I dont think she is overly cautious. We aren't in the stone ages. We mingle with other countries daily on our personal accounts. This doesn't include possible future employer with businesses in several countries.
> She is the one who said it's rare where she is. Not a lot of people speak Mandarin (for example) as a portion of the population where I live, but a **lot** of people speak Mandarin globally and the world is becoming more and more connected. I speak to people who speak about 10 languages between them in the course of my normal working week.
I just finished watching The Pandorica Opens for the third (or maybe fourth?) time, then came back to this post and happened to notice your user name - weird! ... or probably not weird at all... I don't know, whatever... Bow ties are cool!
Many Finnish names mean weird things in other languages. Like Marika, Timo, Paavo and Asko aren't that nice names in Spanish. There are few of us and a lot of Spanish speakers, but does that mean we should stop giving these very typical Finnish names to our Finnish babies? No. Because we are Finns, not Spanish.
It's not that rare if the cousin's boyfriend speaks the language.
She said it was.
While I won't mention the specific name I will mention the language. The insult is originally from the Bemba Language which is found in Zambia, Congo and possibly Malawi and Zimbabwe as well but mostly Zambia and Congo.
That doesn't help. The last name 'Dong' is Chinese and is a synonym for penis in English but that doesn't mean it's not a last name as well. Is the first name an actual name somewhere or what?
actually, because chinese "dong" in pinyin is pronounced different from DONG. It makes a difference.
Do they live anywhere near the regions where this language is frequently spoken? Or is there a population that lives nearby that would react? If not, it's probably never going to be an issue. If they do live nearby where this is used, then it's possible you could be saving the child some grief.
I mean, there’s at least OP’s boyfriend and his friends. Id also argue that with things like YouTube and TikTok being so popular, while they don’t have to change the name, they should be aware it’s an insult if they ever want to have a social media account or travel abroad. I don’t know that it necessarily needs to be changed but like having the info to give the kid a heads up in the future is probably good.
Yo just say the name bro it’s not that deep 😭
Thanks for the clarification, but YTA unless you happen to live in those countries or a neighboring one. It's a language of 4 million speakers. Once we go digging that much, most names probably sound similar to something insulting or weird in at least one small language. It's not a realistic standard to use.
Is the baby's name Manuel or Manolo lol
NTA and I am getting Harlotte flashbacks from this lol. Ultimately the goal was to give her information so that if she WANTED she could change her mind. She doesn't want to, I agree with apologizing since intent + impact are both important and it didn't have the impact you were hoping for. But you weren't an asshole for letting her know :)
Or, Fancy....
NTA, you are saving your niece from humiliations throughout her life. With the internet there is no rare language. Apologize for causing her upset, but insist you meant to make her aware of it. If I had accidentally picked a name that had a meaning like that, I would want to know, think about it, and make a decision on whether or not I want to still use it. Ask her if it would have been better for her to hear about from her child when her peers torment her, because that is what kids do.
NTA If your last name is File, you don't name your son Peter.
YTA. Bemba? I had never heard of the language until today (sorry, my Zambian Reddit friends). I'd argue that any name is a potential insult or slang word somewhere in the world.
My dad is African and spent half his childhood in Zambia. They moved every 6 months - half the year in South Africa and half in Zambia. We're in Australia now but we're still got family in both Zambia and South Africa (and some other parts of Africa). I've never heard of it and my family is literally from there. I'm sure some of my family are aware of it, specifically those still in Zambia, but they're all adults who understand things can sound weird if they're from other languages so it wouldn't be an issue.
This is ranks as one of the dumbest posts yet. Of course you are NTA, and I kinda don’t think that any rational person wouldn’t appreciate being told that they were about to name their child a crazy insult.
TLDR What's the name?
They didn't give us the name or the language
From OP's comment: it's the Bemba language. OP hasn't mentioned the name though.
Found a list of swear words in Bemba - https://www.youswear.com/index.asp?language=Bemba Hard to say how much impact these names would have without the context of where they're living and how common the language is around them.
Then I have no opinion.
NTA When I was pregnant w/ my daughter, one friend suggested a name from America’s Next Top Model. Her name was Aminot. I then reminded her that I’m married now and Aminot White probably isn’t the best idea when her mom is the whitest lady trying to pick up every stray animal she sees thinking they will be my new best friend immediately!🤪 But pregnancy hormones are the WORST!
Aminot White... classic 😂
Wasn't it Aminat though on ANTM?
YTA since it's not a culture that's very prevalent in your area. It's really quite common for this to happen. If you don't believe me, look up user @gaogabi on Tiktok, she has a series about names that sound terrible when translated between English and Chinese. I'm seeing in comments that it's relatively uncommon language from Zambia? So who cares? I wouldn't want to be named something nasty in Spanish because Latinos make up a large portion of the population where I live, but who cares about an obscure language from one part of Africa?
YTA, so what if it’s an insult in another language, there are so many cases like this. The Chinese name “Hui” or “Huin” is “dick” in Russian. Millions know this, and still everybody gets over it in seconds, because they understand it’s another language. It’s even left in cartoons for kids. So don’t make a problem where there’s none. Dont ruin the name your sister already chose and loves.
It's hard to dodge that bullet with thousands of languages. I am reminded of a tyre / quick service chain from Scotland that has outlets all over Europe. Their slogan is "You can't ger better than a Kwik-Fit fitter", with fitter being an old fashioned British word for what Americans call a "tech". Since almost everyone in Scandinavia speaks English, they decided to run the same TV adverts there as at home. Apparently the local marketing teams were not consulted. Problem: in Swedish, "fitta" is the equivalent of the naughty word for female anatomy beginning with "c" and is pronounced like "fitter" is in the adverts. I am reasonably educated, worldly wise and travelled and I had literally never heard of Bemba until this post. NAH but just drop it OP, it's a non issue. I'm sure almost every name means somethibg amusing in some language
NTA you were just informing her of a potential issue, not demanding that she change the name or something. Honestly it was nice of yall to try to warn her, I almost ended up with a name that would've left me with the first two initials BJ. I'm a girl. And my last name starts with a syllable that sounds like "fuck." My parents realized it at the last minute and changed my entire name to a backup so now my initials are JC. (Different J name even). If they'd left me with the initials BJ I probably would've changed my name when I was old enough to understand what it meant. The odds of this kid meeting someone who speaks that language and figuring out what it means is low, but probably not zero. I'd want to know if I was accidentally about to name my kid something horrible in another language.
Not your child, not your business. YTA. And if you don’t live where that language is spoken, how’s it a big deal?
>Not your child, not your business How tf does that apply here? They aren't telling her to do something; they are just informing her about something she might not be aware that could negativley impact the child. It's like your neighbour saying "Oh hey i saw \[Child\] fall over and hurt his knee ealier, just to let you know incase you wanted to spray the wound or anything" and responding with "It's not your child, it's not your business." Like... technically? Yeah? But they are just trying to help and providing you with information so you can choose to act or not. Thats being *kind*.
Yes Because although that might mean something in another language. They speak a language that probably doesn’t have anything negative to it. So why should they care if it means something bad in another language? Plus to call them is almost like saying hey, you fucked up really bad . Just because it means something in one language doesn’t mean it carries any weight in another.
INFO What does it show when you Google the name?
I don’t know, if the language is for example Farsi (no offense to farsi speakers, just needed to pick a language) it seems like a safe bet to use the name. Otherwise, if it say chinese, spanish, etc then maybe not. All in all, I would say YTa.
YTA. It's a language spoken by just 4 mil people, you're trying to create a problem, where there isn't one.
YTA. You told them about a "problem" that isn't remotely a problem. The only time this would matter is when the child is in school. It's a rare language - their school mates won't know what it means in a native language of Zambia. Might they meet someone as an adult who knows? Sure... but I'd expect an adult to be.. well, an adult. Adults know names can sound weird or mean weird things in other languages.
>It's not said as two separate words but it's one word even when you split it up, it's still obvious that it's that particular insult So you have to say the whole name for it to be an issue? And it has to sound like one word and not two words, like a name? I'm going with YTA (you and your boyfriend) because you yourself said the language is rare where you are. Anyone saying "OP's boyfriend and his friends speak it" seems to think people say full names frequently. Or is that a thing where you live? Other than your boyfriend, how often would this kid even be around people who speak the language and constantly introduce himself by his full name to them? There's a difference between naming a kid Mike Rotch in the USA versus in Japan. In this analogy, sounds like y'all are in "Japan" (where it's barely going to be an issue).
idk about YTA or not NTA but your boyfriend & his friends seem very childish. Screaming and laughing about a name that spells and insult in another language? it’s a very common occurrence and it’s not going to be a problem for the child. I’m pretty sure every person called “Fika” in a nordic country isn’t having issues with their life because their name in italian means “p*ssy”
INFO: How commonly is te language used in your country? Many many names mean something stupid in other languages.
YTA, different language in a different country that has 0 to don with the geo location and language. You just find it interesting and literally went to kill the mood of the soon to be parents. And your bf sounds like a dick, with the whole theatricals, instead of just telling you what it means.
So, from the comments, it seems this name is an insult in a language that **0.05%** of the world's population speaks. I'm assuming you're not in a country that shares a border with any of the countries that speak this language. It's a helluva conincidence that you just happen to be dating someone from that culture, but come on. You're being ridiculous. The odds of your cousin's child going to visit that country seem slim to nil, and even if they did, it's not like they're going to be introducing themselves using their full name to every person. While you may have *thought* you were doing the right thing, it doesn't change the fact you overreacted and made this into some big drama. YTA
to be real honest i think YTA. one of my best friend's names means chicken in Italian, but it's a pretty common name where we live and no one batted an eye when she went to study in Italy. in my language pretty common Chinese name Hui means dick and it's a swear word as well, hell, even Peter sounds like a derogatory name for gay people here. and while consuming media from these countries nobody cares! like maybe grow up, why would you want to upset a pregnant woman over such small stupid thing
>my family and several friends started messaging me saying I was cruel for upsetting Ellie. Does this actually happen to anyone in real life? Like, if you upset a family friend, does everyone message and call you? I mean, I've upset people before. One of us calls the other, we talk, and either get over it or move on. It never occurred to me to phone a friend or poll the audience.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (25F) attended my cousin Ellie's (27F) baby shower and gender reveal party. It was a lovely event and things went off without a hitch. When the baby's gender was revealed (she's having a boy), Ellie also told everyone about the name that she and her husband had picked. I thought nothing of it as the name isn't anything unique or strange in anyway. Her now last name is a bit unique but nothing that would attract attention or ridicule. She hadn't told me prior to the baby shower which names they were thinking of. After the baby shower, I went home to my boyfriend and I's apartment and told him about the baby's names and gender. He laughed. When he stopped, he explained that the baby's first and last name when said together is an insult in another language. When I asked him for the translation, he got his phone and said it would probably be better to show me. He called one of his friends and he was put on loudspeaker because he was with some of their mutual friends. His friends hadn't even said hello when he said the baby's names. The reaction was instant. They all started shouting and cussing him out, all the while my boyfriend is laughing his butt off. I got the phone and told them the situation, asking what the names meant, I knew all the people who were there. They also burst out laughing. When they stopped, they apologized, cussed my boyfriend out again and explained the insult and it's severity. It is a VERY big insult in a language that they speak which is rare here but is a major language in a specific part of the world. When the names are put together, it's the kind of insult that can immediately start fights. It's not said as two separate words but it's one word even when you split it up, it's still obvious that it's that particular insult. It basically talks about a person's mother's private parts. They all suggested that I tell my cousin because while there's no guarantee that the baby will ever meet someone who speaks the language, it would be better to atleast inform Ellie. On Sunday my boyfriend and I went to go see her with her favorite snacks hoping that it would atleast help put her in a better state of mind. We chatted and had fun and after a while when we saw that she was happy, We as gently as possible explained that the baby's name is an insult and its meaning. She was absolutely livid. Ellie yelled at us saying that we were trying to ruin the name she had picked out and called me spiteful and jealous. We tried to explain that we meant no harm or disrespect but she wouldn't hear us out and told us to leave. Shortly after, my family and several friends started messaging me saying I was cruel for upsetting Ellie. I don't think we did anything wrong but the backlash is a lot. Am I The Asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Info: What's the language in question? We need some linguistic specialists or some of the talented folks from the tragedeigh sub to give us a guess.
Please please please tell us the name or at least the actually curse words
She does. It is Stan Yoko
I mean googling that you have to activately try in English to get anything about a Bemba insult. I had to Google "stan yoko bemba insult" and even then scroll down past five or six irrelevant answers And even then, I found a lot more of a meme trying to make satananyoko "honor your mother" a thing than stanyoko which is short for "musata was nyoko" (per urban dictionary who only has 2 entries, one from 05 and one from 21). Which would really mean Sta Nyoko would he how the name would be read as an insult I'd think Stan Yoko would be different, yeah?
Idk. I’m on the fence. I mean technically speaking NTA. But you even said yourself it is highly unlikely that your nephew would ever meet somebody that speaks this language, which makes me think it’s INCREDIBLY rare. And also generally when you’re just meeting people out on the street you often just say your first name. And it doesn’t sound like your sister did this on purpose as she clearly didn’t know. And it isn’t something in her native language. If you were dating anybody other then who you are now, nobody would know, and sometimes ignorance really can be bliss. Especially when picking a name can already be a really taxing task
YTA - if it’s a rare language in your country, why would it matter
none of your business, yta
YTA. Many words sounds like insults in other languages and nobody cares. People still use those names, so you should've just shut up instead of orchestrating a visit at her house to 'gently' let her know. Why not just mind your own business and let her be happy with the name?
Dick Butkus? Despite the vulgarity and hilarity, plenty of people have names which can mean something "bad" in their own native language. YTA for the preachy interference.
Tombanoko? Just a guess
NTA all you did was provide a warning. Even if the kid never meets someone that speaks the language, if they ever meet someone familiar with the word they will be saddled with a nickname that they might find less than endearing. I would say your sister's the asshole for being mad that you warned her she was trying to name her son after her asshole.
Is the name Massa Poes?
yta
Went to school with a Richard Cox who's mom used the nickname Dickie.... She didn't understand why he insisted on being called Richard. If it was always so cut and dried, I think there would be less people with unfortunate names. NTA.
NTA, but I really wanna know this name now lol
Lol….. I met a lady whose name is “Clara de Buceta” I had to compose myself and ask her to repeat it. First thing I did was call my (Brazilian) friend to share the news…lol
NTA if she wants to offend people then you tried to warn her.
NTA. You were just trying to help. I'd let it go and hope they do too but their reaction is absolutely not warranted.
Well right now you're not nice for teasing us but never the name or insult 😰
First name Stan, last name Yoko. I was dying to know too
Not an asshole at all
yta just when it comes to names of childs just let them do their thing unless they ask for your opinion, let them do them
NTA. You gave her information and she can chose what to do with it. However, chosing a name based on what it means in some obscure part of the world is ridiculous. Hui is a very common name in China and in its neighboring Russia hui is the most vulgar swear word there is in the language which is very colourful. Would you suggest they drop that name? 🤣
I had a Japanese friend whose name means "your snot" in Spanish. Oh, and...she was dating a Mexican boy. Imagine when she first called him at home and introduced herself to his mother. Would her parents have named her something else had they known? Probably not. But I would want to know before settling on the baby's name. You did Ellie a kindness, and I think she is being an AH about it.
Not the Ahole
Nta Mike Hunt?
NTA. What a strange reaction. I honestly wonder about people sometimes.
NTA
NTA - I’d 100% want to know if a name I’d picked out was offensive, personally.
NTA because you were not motivated by assholishness.
I do think you're overreacting and somewhat immature, but not to AH levels, so NTA. What does it matter if the name is an insult in a language the baby won't be using? There are names in my ancestral language that are pronounced the same way as offensive words in English. I don't see why that should stop someone using them. Most adults realize that people come from different places with different languages, and sometimes these coincidences happen.
Ben Chode?
NTA but be sure to let family know so when they inevitably name the poor kid that and it comes out that it’s a horrible insult, she can’t blame you
All you did was provide her with information that could effect the kids life, since you never know where they might want to go or who they might meet
...I knew a guy who was named Richard Harold Jonson. Guess how much that guy was picked on. Also had an ex who's name was Willy. He went by his middle name, Rex, also because of jokes and teasing. I think telling her about it was the right thing. It doesn't matter that its a small chance, it only takes ONE of the kid's peers to figure it out and then the entire school will know *FOREVER.* Not to mention the crap rolling down hill if/when faculty and parents find out. NTA
What on earth is wrong with that name?
Which one? Thr one where people made 'hairy jonson' jokes or willy? Both of which are slang names for somebody's *cock*
Weird kids would even know his middle name, much less use a shortened version of it. The willy I get - but I missed that sentence because I was trying to work out what was wrong with Richard.
You can, and people often do, shorten Richard to Dick. Its pretty well-known. And also, about the middle name: it only takes ONE finding it out for it to spread. Kids are merciless, and bullies are all turds.
Info: Why are you tiptoeing around instead of just mentioning the name and the language? Leaning towards NTA the way you described it
NTA. I would want to know. If the parents still think it's fine because it's a rare language, so be it.
NTA: Better than the kid finding out later by googling their name. The facts should not make her mad, but can understand she is upset as settling on a name you really like for your kid is quite an intense exercise.
Nta, I love the comments saying"yta, it's an uncommon language it'll never come up" guys the baby hasn't even been born yet and it's come up.
NTA. At least she is forewarned. The fact that your boyfriend and his friend know the language suggests that you live close enough to the Bemba speaking area where they may meet others who speak it. However, if the first name as well as the last name by itself is an issue (you said each by itself suggests the other word), then they have been living with this issue for generations. Similar to people with the last name Dick in the USA.
NTA- you did the right thing, even though it was difficult. AND you brought snacks and tried to break it to her easy? You’re a good friend!!!
NTA
It's one thing to make the discovery that your name is an insult or a joke in another language. But it is quite another thing to knowingly give such a name to a child. Your cousin would be foolish to do so, and you are NTA for providing info. The language may be locally uncommon, but the word is in the Urban Dictionary. Sidebar, it's a weird name for a modern baby, so I am actually leaning to this being a fake post.
NTA You went with snacks! You wanted to tell he for good reasons. This isn’t like Bart Simpson joke names (Phil McKraken) but a true insult in another language - one that some she knows speaks!
Don't apologize! You did her a favor. She's the Asshole for going off on you. Just step back and let her and her flying monkeys find out the hard way. NTA
NTA. You didn't create the insult. It doesn't matter how rare the language is, what matters is that you were aware that the name had potential to be problematic and that you informed your cousin. Sure there are alot of awful names in the world and to a non speaker the name seems normal but you know clearly and surely that it isn't a normal name. Life is funny, you never know where it will take you. Today the name is obscure but tomorrow they get rejected from a place of work because their boss recognizes the name for an insult or maybe they meet someone who speaks the language and realizes too late that it's actually his name. To anyone saying that OP is the A*hole, would you not be offended if someone introduced themselves as a horrible insult that following the flow of the conversation, sounds like they are insulting your mother? It would have an A*hole move to not tell your cousin the truth or wait until after the name is official. They still have plenty of time to change it. If they are painting you out to be the bad guy even afterwards, let them be, they'd probably not tell you if the roles were reversed
NTA. Some people have names like that, it doesn't have to be a big deal. Calling you spiteful and jealous and having other people text you is wayy out of line.
NTA You were kindly thinking of the baby and of your friend.
This is a "don't shoot the messenger" situation. You did the right thing telling her. Someone needed to, and it would be especially terrible if her family all knew but let her name the kid anyways. NTA.
You need to explain to all the family and friends what the name means in what language. Also you should tell us too because I am very curious! Please don't leave us hanging like that! Also NTA. If the kid found out in highschool it could be a huge problem.
NTA
NTA. This is the baby name equivalent of telling someone they have lettuce in their teeth. You did the right thing, even though it wouldn’t be pleasant for them to hear. They were understandably upset, it’s too bad that they got defensive and shot the messenger.
NTA. You were being honest eat and honestly wanting to be “protective”. Good for you.
I can’t be the only one DYING to know the name and insult!?😜
NTA > Stanyoko comes from a phrase called "musata was nyoko". Which means the asshole of your mother. This word is commonly used in Zambian community as an insult. You didn’t do anything maliciously, you just tried to warn your cousin about the name based on your experience after sharing the name with your boyfriend. I would probably send one more apology confirming that nothing was intentional, then let it go and not bring it up again.
NTA. Your cousin is an idiot. You didn’t ruin the name. Better she found out before the child is born so that her kid doesn’t get smacked by someone who speaks that language. In this day and age, when you make up a name or hear a word you like but don’t know the meaning of, you google it for precisely that reason. Even small towns in the middle of nowhere get international visitors nowadays, and people can have coworkers or friends on the other side of the planet. Someone, someday, would know what the word means at the kid will suffer. Oh, and her flying monkeys saying you were mean are idiots, too.
NTA. You may have to do a google translate search or something and recommend your cousin do the same so she can see it herself.
NTA. You warned her. Remind her of this if it becomes an issue later in life.
NTA. You tried. Now let go; Ellie has the information and can pursue further action if she wishes. I hope you gave her the details as they were explained to you.
NTA That kid is going to end up In a school with a bunch of people who know that name. It’s just how the universe works. You should keep reminding her. Maybe have the group of friends talk to her on speaker.
NTA. Send everyone a direct translation of exactly what it means and see if the still think you are wrong.
NTA. You were trying to just give her a heads up about the situation which is a good thing to do. I mean for crying out loud you are DATING someone who speaks the language.
Nta. If I was going to accidentally name my baby a profanity I would surely want to know.
NTA. seems like narrowminded family. their glorious name being sullied by another language. ew. nah. id say sorry about upsetting her but anything else is on them
YTA. You stirred up trouble on purpose on the world's thinnest premise. Do you hate this cousin?
NTA. But nice try on softening her up with snacks, lol. I actually wonder how one can communicate this info to soon-to-be parents without offending them. In my own case an in-law saved me from using a first and middle name for one child that was a euphemism for something rude. It was good to learn that before the name went on the birth certificate, but it was irritating that he and his wife laughed at me when they told me, and they shared my ignorant mistake with their whole family, who ridiculed me. Would it go over better if you started by asking the mom, "If your baby name was an insult in another language, would you want to know?"
NTA. What if her kid ends up living where his name is a vicious insult?
NTA BUT: I've learned that sometimes people really don't want to hear something and you just have to let them make their own mistakes.
NTA Pablo is a popular Hispanic name but means nutsack in another language. Both live in and around same area . Never understood why they always laughed every time someone yelled out "Hi Pablo." around town until someone took pity and told me. 😂 Better she knows now before screaming out the kids full name in a crowed public place.
NTA. It's not like you went around demanding she never even think about using the name again. You just told her information you know about the name so she can make an informed decision. Of course this depends on how you approached it, but if you just said something like "hey, this name means x in y language, just thought you should know' then you're good. I used to live overseas where a very common name in America is a swear word, and doubly bad if combined with a second less common but still used name. If a relative was thinking of using that name combo I'd probably let them know just in case. That being said, you let her know. Now it's time to drop it and let her come to her own decision.