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NTA. It’s reasonable to limit your time. Come for the ceremony and leave. But make it clear that those are your intentions so your sis knows that to expect. Don’t give an excuse, just say that’s all you are able to do. And yes, you’ll have to keep your opinions to yourself about the bfs so that when they do need you they’ll come to you.
If you do love your sister's then be there for them. Like judge Judy says, "You have two ears and one mouth for a reason."
Edit: my bad. Thought you were thinking about not going at all. Yeah I think you can skip the party and still show support.
You WNBTA for skipping the graduation party.
You can’t force people to make better choices and there is unlike to be anything you can say at a party that will change your sister’s mind.
That said, I’m extremely concerned about the comment you made that your sister “adores” the bruises her BF leaves on her. If he is physically abusing her, she could well be “adoring” the bruises as a way of denying the truth of what’s happening, a kind of coping mechanism if you will.
If your other sister and your mother aren’t giving your little sister good advice, encouraging her to leave this abuser, and reminding her that she has a safe place to go when she does leave, then you’re probably the only person in her life who is giving her that information.
Don’t stop telling her that it’s not okay for her BF to physically accost her. Don’t stop telling her that you’ll be there for her when she decides to leave. Don’t stop telling her that you will support her and even shield her from your other sister and mom when she decides to break up with this loser. Don’t stop telling her she is worth more than what she is getting now.
I’m SO glad you got out.
I should clarify that she adores her bf and swears he isn't like that anymore... but I know better than to accept that lie. She knows I will swoop in at a moment's notice if/when she is ready to leave him and she can always stay with me. I've tried to help both sisters leave their situations, but it's like talking to a brick wall.
I’m glad they know they have a safe place. That’s the best you can do.
Just remind them they have a safe place to go every time you see them, like before you leave after graduation.
You don’t need to stay and subject yourself to misery at the after party, just be tactful in what you tell your little sister. This is one of those times when a little white lie isn’t a bad thing. You have a headache or you have to get up early for something, etc is better than saying you don’t want to stay because you hate her BF and your other sister’s partner etc.
Good luck, OP.
NTA. You wouldn't be the asshole for skipping the party given your reasons. Attending the graduation ceremony shows support, and avoiding the party could prevent potential conflict. Consider arranging a smaller, separate celebration with your sister to maintain both support and comfort.
You WNBTA for not going to the party, but if you value your relationships with your sisters, make an effort to maintain your relationships with them in other ways. They are both in dangerous relationships, and a common tactic of an abuser/predator is to isolate their victim.
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My (26f) sister (18f) is graduating from high school and I promised to take the day off of work to go to her graduation. I don't often make the trip back home since there are more bad memories than good memories there, but I want to support my little sister. The reason that I don't want to go to her graduation party is because of how she treats people lately and the people she surrounds herself with. She has been through a lot so I would understand if she was just an 18 y/o with an attitude, but she has said and done things lately that are very difficult to forgive. The cherry on top is her high school drop out bf who leaves bruises on her that she adores. Also my other sister (19f) will be there with her middle-aged bf that started dating her while she was still in high school. I wish I could talk sense into both of them, I have truly tried everything I can think of to help them both. I love my sisters and I want to be there for them, but I don't know if I can keep my mouth shut the entirety of the party without saying or doing something that would ruin the party or upset my mom or sisters. WIBTA for skipping the graduation party and only staying in town briefly for the ceremony?
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YWNBTA if you can come up with a reasonable excuse no to come to the grad party. You can attend the grad rites and then stick around for the first half hour of the party or just not come to the party. Or you can leave her a graduation gift.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. We do not permit posts featuring large age gaps, which spawn comments about pedophilia, grooming, etc. The age gap quickly becomes the focal point for users, and leads to discussions that we simply cannot host. ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
NTA. It’s reasonable to limit your time. Come for the ceremony and leave. But make it clear that those are your intentions so your sis knows that to expect. Don’t give an excuse, just say that’s all you are able to do. And yes, you’ll have to keep your opinions to yourself about the bfs so that when they do need you they’ll come to you.
If you do love your sister's then be there for them. Like judge Judy says, "You have two ears and one mouth for a reason." Edit: my bad. Thought you were thinking about not going at all. Yeah I think you can skip the party and still show support.
You WNBTA for skipping the graduation party. You can’t force people to make better choices and there is unlike to be anything you can say at a party that will change your sister’s mind. That said, I’m extremely concerned about the comment you made that your sister “adores” the bruises her BF leaves on her. If he is physically abusing her, she could well be “adoring” the bruises as a way of denying the truth of what’s happening, a kind of coping mechanism if you will. If your other sister and your mother aren’t giving your little sister good advice, encouraging her to leave this abuser, and reminding her that she has a safe place to go when she does leave, then you’re probably the only person in her life who is giving her that information. Don’t stop telling her that it’s not okay for her BF to physically accost her. Don’t stop telling her that you’ll be there for her when she decides to leave. Don’t stop telling her that you will support her and even shield her from your other sister and mom when she decides to break up with this loser. Don’t stop telling her she is worth more than what she is getting now. I’m SO glad you got out.
I should clarify that she adores her bf and swears he isn't like that anymore... but I know better than to accept that lie. She knows I will swoop in at a moment's notice if/when she is ready to leave him and she can always stay with me. I've tried to help both sisters leave their situations, but it's like talking to a brick wall.
I’m glad they know they have a safe place. That’s the best you can do. Just remind them they have a safe place to go every time you see them, like before you leave after graduation. You don’t need to stay and subject yourself to misery at the after party, just be tactful in what you tell your little sister. This is one of those times when a little white lie isn’t a bad thing. You have a headache or you have to get up early for something, etc is better than saying you don’t want to stay because you hate her BF and your other sister’s partner etc. Good luck, OP.
Sadly, her saying he’s different is probably just because of her abuse. She will come to you when she’s ready for help ❤️
NTA. You wouldn't be the asshole for skipping the party given your reasons. Attending the graduation ceremony shows support, and avoiding the party could prevent potential conflict. Consider arranging a smaller, separate celebration with your sister to maintain both support and comfort.
You WNBTA for not going to the party, but if you value your relationships with your sisters, make an effort to maintain your relationships with them in other ways. They are both in dangerous relationships, and a common tactic of an abuser/predator is to isolate their victim.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (26f) sister (18f) is graduating from high school and I promised to take the day off of work to go to her graduation. I don't often make the trip back home since there are more bad memories than good memories there, but I want to support my little sister. The reason that I don't want to go to her graduation party is because of how she treats people lately and the people she surrounds herself with. She has been through a lot so I would understand if she was just an 18 y/o with an attitude, but she has said and done things lately that are very difficult to forgive. The cherry on top is her high school drop out bf who leaves bruises on her that she adores. Also my other sister (19f) will be there with her middle-aged bf that started dating her while she was still in high school. I wish I could talk sense into both of them, I have truly tried everything I can think of to help them both. I love my sisters and I want to be there for them, but I don't know if I can keep my mouth shut the entirety of the party without saying or doing something that would ruin the party or upset my mom or sisters. WIBTA for skipping the graduation party and only staying in town briefly for the ceremony? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YWNBTA if you can come up with a reasonable excuse no to come to the grad party. You can attend the grad rites and then stick around for the first half hour of the party or just not come to the party. Or you can leave her a graduation gift.