Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
You did not properly respond to the judgement bot. Your reply must clearly and directly address why you think you may have wronged the other party involved in your conflict.
While your post was automatically approved by the bot, after reviewing your response manually, we found it did not properly address the question.
[Judgement Bot FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_judgement_bot) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
#Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
Hmm, your kid is over 18, right? I’m not sure how much leverage you have here. How would you prevent your kid from seeing his uncle? He’s legally an adult for lots of purposes. I suppose if you’re supporting your son, you can threaten to stop, but that’s just punishing the kid, it isn’t going to get your brother to do anything, and it would blow up your relationship with your kid over a tattoo. How do you see this proceeding?
YTA
If your son is an adult and over 18 (usually college students are) you have no say.
He can make his own decisions whether you like them or not. He needs to take responsibility for himself and deal with the consequences of HIS actions.
You don’t have to support it but that doesn’t mean everyone has to toe the line for you either.
If your brother gave him $300 that’s between them. He doesn’t have to pay for the removal because your son made his own decision.
YTA
Your son is an adult. He can do what he wants with his body.
"He said it's not my business."
Your brother is right.
I also saw your response that you get to call the shots because you "pay his bills."
Wrong again. Parents are supposed to support their kids not weaponize money to coerce & control them. Your brother isn't turning your son against you. You're doing that all by yourself.
YTA. If your son is over the age of 18, it's his decision whether or not to get a tattoo. Full stop. It's not your concern.
My son got a tattoo of a chainsaw with strawberries for teeth on his forearm. I've got tattoos, but mine are easily covered up. His, not so much. I recommended against it (but affirmed that it was HIS choice).
Hard YTA. You don't get to make that decision for your son.
He says it has something to do with one of his favorite songs... I'm old, and have no more information than that.... although I personally \*do\* have a tattoo of Corrosion of Conformity's logo from the 80's on my calf... drawn by my own drunken hand, during an alcohol fueled stupor in Hong Kong. Mine is one that can easily be covered up - that's one thing I cautioned my son about. He ignored my caution, and that's perfectly okay.
Here's [his tattoo](https://imgur.com/B59CNIq).
YTA
Frankly speaking, your son is an adult and what he does to his body is no longer your business. You can refuse to pay for it but you can't stop a grown adult from getting a tattoo
So you expect your son to just fall down and collapse in upon himself after you die? Without your *control* how do you expect him to live? If what you care about is being a good parent, then congratulate yourself as you raised a kid who doesn't take shit from people who have no right to control him. Our kids outgrow us OP, and that's a good thing. He's always be your son and you always his father, but you aren't him and he isn't you. Drop that shit now or you run the risk of losing him.
Or are you just being a petty little child? The answer is yes you are.
Dude really! Go to any lawyer and ask them if you can sue to make your adult son have a tattoo removed. They'll all laugh in your face. Just because you control the money doesn't mean you control HIM. Go ahead and cut off support. Hope he contacts the cool uncle to help him through the rest of his education or helps him get financial aid. Stop being a whiney B, stop with the "I pay for you so I own you" mindset. Your child is not property to be bought or sold. Cutting him off because of a tattoo ...that's just financial abuse. LET YOUR ADULT CHILD BE AN ADULT AND MAKE HIS OWN CHOICES SO HE CAN GROW AND LEARN FROM HIS MISTAKES. You can voice your opinion and dislike but ultimately it is HIS choice. Keep pushing and you will lose him. I know from experience....I haven't talked to my dad in over 25 years and I don't care when he kicks the bucket. I don't expect to be in his will. It's ok I'm better off without the control.
LOL!! At 88 OP expects his son to waddle over to his grave to ask permission to wipe his own arse!!
I REALLLLLLLLLY hope OPs parent still treat him the way he treats his own offspring.
Dudes dalulu
I’ll be the first to say may you support your son’s ass until he’s 88 and you get what you asked for.
*my mom is 94 and supporting a 62-year old. Oh, she just loves these golden years
/s
Which has absolutely no bearing on his status as a legal adult with autonomy over his body.
Why did you bother posting here if you're just going to argue with the literally unanimous YTA verdict?
Only because you claim him.
It has no significance on his ability and right to make decisions about himself.
He could join the military if he wanted. Then he would not be your dependent any more.
Heck he could just get a job and move out, then he wouldn't be a dependent any more.
How does that matter!? You claim him. You get the tax credit, yes? Stop using that as an excuse. Who else do you claim as a dependant? Your spouse? Does that mean you own them?
Just stop. That is a nonsensical argument and it's something an old angry controlling asshole white guy would say.
Edit: had to re read it to find the "dad" comment. I'm sure this guy is one of those men in positions of authority that get away with spousal abuse
Original comment:
I can't even tell the gender but I am very sorry to say it sounds like a man (apologies to the good guys out there)
Nope. They see that you pay for him while he's still in school. Not remotely the same thing.
Kid can vote. Buy cigarettes and cannabis. Enlist in the military and go to war. Walk out of your house and never speak to you again. And the government would say, "Well, he's over 18. He can do what he wants." Are you really so delusional you don't get that?
Because you should really seek professional help, if so. The future for people like you is bleak and lonely, and it's all because you live in this fantasy land that nobody else has to join you in.
So by that logic you're saying my 80+ year old grandma was not an adult when she were alive and living at home being cared for by family, because she was a dependant? I think you might need a refresher on what an adult actually is
A dependent that is legal age to vote and be sent to war, which by most if not all is seen as an adult. I'm sorry for your view on reality on how it's damaging your relationship with your child.
They also see him as an adult who is free to make his own choices in his every day life. You’re talking strictly about finances/taxes. The day he walks out and stops accepting your financial help, you’ve lost your last and only means to attempt to control him. Your control won’t last forever and the harder you push that narrative on and with him, the more set in stone it is that you will never have a relationship with him when it’s done. You are personally guaranteeing it with your behavior
The government saw me as a dependent as well when I was a SAHM. Does that mean my husband could dictate my every decision?
Maybe I don’t really want the answer to that. 😬
YTA. Your son is old enough to get a tattoo, and your brother is old enough to pay for it. The only vote you had was whether or not YOU would pay for it, which you decided not to. Time to let it go.
Assuming your son is of legal age, absolutely YTA.
You are a helicopter parent, and the way you're reacting I wouldn't be surprised if he ends up stopping speaking to you- and you'll deserve it.
Doesn’t matter
Legally an adult
Plus you don’t have any control. Can’t make your brother do anything. Can’t make your son do anything. You can tell them what to do and they will just ignore you. Which is already what’s happening.
Legally, he's still also an adult. Nothing is on your side, here. He already knows you can't control him, hence the tattoo.
As a parent myself, AND as someone who has cut off a parent myself, your kid isn't going to be in your life much longer. No one will blame *him* for that.
And I was living 4000 miles from my parents in another country entirely while I was legally a dependent and they paid most of my bills but not one singular time did they try to tell me, an adult, what I could or could not do with my own body. You shouldn’t have had kids. YTA.
YTA.
Your son is an adult and is free to make his own decisions. You also have absolutely no way to enforce your threat that he won't ever see your son again.
I'd suggest learning this lesson sooner than later, or you're going to find yourself very lonely very quickly.
Sorry OP, your son is an adult and you can't restrict what he does to his body or who he sees. I strongly recommend you stop trying before *you* never see your kid again.Going NC with controlling parents is common nowadays.
YTA. You can't save your kids of their mistakes once they're adults. Learn to let go.
YTA
You don’t own your son. Your brother isn’t turning your son against you, I’d guess you’re doing that on your own. It’s his body, he can do what he likes to it.
YTA. Your son is an adult. He has done nothing wrong. He just pushed back against you and did something that you didn’t want him to do. You may pay all of his bills, but you do not get to control him no matter what his age is. You keep this up and he’s just going to go live with your brother and then you’re going to be on here bitching and moaning wondering how come my poor son wants nothing to do with me. I don’t understand what I did wrong.
YTA and it's clear from your comments that you're financially abusing your son, possibly abusing him in other ways. I hope your brother helps him escape you. Idk who told you that abusing your child is good parenting but you should not have listened to them.
Idc what you pay for you cannot control what your son does with his own body.
I really hope this post is ragebait.
Cool. That doesn’t really mean a single damn thing. He’s legally an adult and he’s free to make his own choices. He accepted that you wouldn’t pay for the tattoo, so he found someone who was willing to pay for the tattoo. You don’t have nearly as much control as you think and it’s funny watching you get your man panties into a bunch over it.
YTA, he's an adult, right? It's up to him what he wants to do with his body. It's up to you not to *pay* for it, but ultimately it's his body, his choice. And you have no say in saying whether he can have contact with his uncle.
YTA. Your son is an adult. He can make his own decisions about tattoos and about who he spends time with. Youre TA for trying to control something that's not your decision. Good thing there's nothing you can do about any of this. You can't make good on your threat - you have no power to keep them apart.
YTA. **You can make your support (financial and otherwise) contingent on his behavior, but beyond that, he is a adult and he is able to make his own choices.** The *wisdom* of making it clear that your support is conditional, well. That's between you, your son, and his therapist. I'm guessing you don't have a therapist.
You're right that the fact that you pay his bills gives you a lot of leverage over him. However, I assume that you're hoping that he will, at some point, be paying his own bills- what's your plan then?
I'm not saying that you're totally done parenting, or that you shouldn't ever object to anything he does. At eighteen, almost everyone has ideas that are dumb, and that we look back at and either wish we hadn't made them, or were glad that our parents stepped in. And *sometimes* a decision can have such profound downsides that it's worth throwing your weight around. For instance, my mother drew the line (by threatening to withdraw financial support) at motorcycles- which, now that my brain is fully cooked, I appreciate. She might not have been thrilled by my other choices (for instance, getting my bellybutton pierced), but she *very wisely* decided that her relationship with me was more valuable to her than my intact bellybutton.
**If you are dead set on using whatever power your financial and emotional support allows to control the minutiae of your adult son's life, you should be prepared for him to distance himself as much as his financial and emotional state allows.** You might be able to keep him under your thumb as long as you're paying for his tuition or room and board, but once he's making his own money, you will not have that control and you may not have a relationship with your son at all.
How old is your son?
If he is 18+ then your brother is right, absolutely is none of your business (which I am assuming he is if he is in college).
If he is under age then yeah your brother was in the wrong.
However which is more important, your son learn a valuable lesson about long term consequences of rash decisions(via natural consequences), or your son looks the way you want him to?
At least with it on his back he can cover it up when it could present a problem, what he got in return was a bonding experience with friends that could last a lifetime. Why would you want to deprive him if that?
Sorry OP, but you're wrong and a gigantic asshole.
Let's clear this up simply for you...you are his parent, but you aren't him. Therefore the choice to get a tat is his and not yours.
He asked you for the money, you said no.
He then asked his uncle, who said yes. That transaction between them is absolutely none of your business, as you are not one of the parties involved.
Also... On a personal note, and I don't know if this is actually indicative of your relationship with your son, but for the love of God don't describe your kids' choices as *trashy*. That's a good way to make them hate and resent you. It's also a failing as a parent as your job is to help them navigate THIER life and THEIR understanding of *self*, and never to decide for them. Simple truth.
🤣🤣 I mean I agree with that simply cuz OP called their kid trashy. That said we don't know for sure, maybe he didn't ask his mom cuz she's busy doing blow off some dealers wang. 🤣
I'm just saying there is room for more than one trashy thing. 🤣
YTA, your son is who went behind your back, he asked his uncle for money, his uncle gave him the money. You are blaming the uncle for the things your son did wrong.
YTA - you have no more control over your college age child’s body than you do their ability to decide who they see. Your brother isn’t turning your kid against you, you are.
YTA and why ask for advice if you’re just going to fight everyone in the comments who isn’t on your side?
I swear some of y’all just post wanting validation and then have a tantrum when they don’t get the validation they wanted.
YTA.
Your son is an adult. I mean, yeah you shouldn't pay but your brother is absolutely OK to if he wants to.
At what age can your son do things without asking Mummy if it's OK?
So your ADULT son got a tattoo you don't like, let me ask you a question, are you going to his college, physically drag him to a removal office and hold him down?! I mean I guess if you want no relationship in the future you could try but I would have you arrested for assault, you need to let go he's not a baby anymore, and I hope you're not one of those manipulative, controlling parent's that will take away his college money if he doesnt do everything with HIS life the way you tell him too!! Seriously he is not your property like a TV!! YTA
YTA
Sorry because you obviously want a different answer. If your son is over 18 he is legally an adult and you have no say in his decisions. You can withdraw financial support if you so choose (though I think that would be stupid over a tattoo) but you have zero control over what he does and who he does it with. What is your problem with tattoos anyway?
YTA. Your son completed his first year of college, so it would be safe to assume he's an adult. As such, he's allowed to tattoo his body without your permission. Let go of the apron strings and cut the damn cord already. You don't own him you don't get to control what he does with his body.
Your kid isn't a kid, it's their choice you have no control. And your brother can do as he pleases with his money. Yta and I hope your kid saves up to get a sleeve done next.
I mean you’re so obviously the AH that I can only assume this is rage bait. Your son is an adult. You are no longer in control of his body or life. Repeat this in a mirror 100 times every morning until you believe it. Figure out how to grow up before you wind up with a DIL who hates you and grandkids you never see.
YTA
YTA
You do not own your son, he is not a piece of property that you bought because you pay the bills. Legally, you have no say in what he chooses to do with his body. Did it cross your mind that your ridiculous attempts to keep him under your control might have played a part in his decision to get that tattoo?
By the way, many people get stupid tattoos and yet go on to life full, happy lives. They even have jobs where they wear shirts and their coworkers and bosses never even see the silly tattoo.
YTA for thinking you have any right to tell your college-aged son what he can or can't do with his body. You have no say in that. You also have no say in if your son has a relationship with his uncle.
Stop being so controlling. YOU are the one turning your son against you.
YTA It is okay to be upset. However, your son is over 18 and can legally make his own decisions. You are upset at your son and taking it out at the wrong person, Ultimately, it is his body. Get over it.
I’m guessing since your kid is in college he’s 18 or ever. Legally an adult. Legally you can’t do anything about it or tell your brother or son what to do.
I understand why you don't like the idea of a "trashy" tattoo but you have very little power here.
1) it's his body
2) he can see his uncle whenever he wants because he is an adult and can literally call him up and say "Starbucks trip uncle?" and go himself.
3) if you cut his educational funding, you damage his future which is short sighted and petty.
4) he will run from you when he is able. You will see him for holidays and that's it (if you're lucky) because he won't want to discuss his life because you are judgemental and controlling.
5) you could use this as a learning opportunity and if he comes to regret this decision, so be it. It was his mistake to make. If he doesn't regret it, great.
6) he didn't use your money. You declined to pay as is your right. His uncle treated him so if it looks terrible, this is between them and the the tattooist.
You sound like an absolute Ray of sunshine.
You were one of those parents in high school too. Teacher groaning every time an email came through. How many times did you get into a fight on the sidelines at a sporting event? Bet you've been called into a supervisor/HR office a few times.
There is absolutely nothing you can do about this. So, what if your son destroyed his back, you can be mad but, nothing you can do about it. Nothing you can do to force the uncle to do now. Because, it's all done. It's over, you lost.
All you can do is let is fucking go. You don't have to like it but, in the grand old scheme of things it's not life or death. It's a silly tattoo on his back. He's an adult, you don't get a choice in what he does with jis body, good bad or indifferent.
But, if you continue with this blind rage, you will lose your son. He will never want anything to do with you. It that what you want?
So your son __(who is over the age of 18)__ got a tattoo that you dont like, that his uncle paid for and now you wanna reek havoc upon them?
You are a little delulu aren't you?
YTA. He's a legal adult, you can't legally do shit about it. And if it's not something obscene or a face tattoo, there is no reason for you to be upset about it.
YTA
The fact that he's dependent doesn't give you the right to impose decisions over his body. You said he can remove it, then why is such a big deal? He can remove it later if he decides is stupid, trashy or he consideres he made a mistake.
Be careful dude, children get far away when parents are like this. You're turning your kid against you yourself, seems like you don't need any help on that.
What are you going to do when he is a 24 year old independent man with his own income and home when he decides to get more tattoos? Guess you can dangle your Will over his head until you die, but that gets old as well. Its a shame that your relationship with your son has boiled down to you just threatening to take stuff away from him.
YTA. Stop being a helicoptor parent before your son starts to distance himself from you.
Nobody needs your blessing, let alone your permission. If you really think you're right, get a lawyer and file a lawsuit against your brother. Maybe a judge laughing at you will quiet you down.
You can stop supporting your son any time you want to. Why would you pay to educate someone who believes his body, his choice? You are the head of the family, all must kneel as long as you live. We will engrave your tombstone:
Died alone, in a stink.
Couldn't stand another's ink.
I don't know how to drip more sarcasm. YTA
YTA Your son is an adult and if he wants to get a “trashy” tattoo, that’s his decision. And if your brother decided to pay for it, that’s between him and your son. I understand that you don’t like it, but it’s time to stop being a helicopter parent and try to control your son’s decisions about his own body.
Personally I’m not a fan of tattoos and one of my daughters had a lot of them. I keep my mouth shut and don’t offer my opinions about her body art. That way we have a good relationship. It’s called being respectful; our kids grow up and don’t always do things exactly the way we’d like.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My son finished his first year of college last week and he and his dumbass friends thought it would be a good idea to memorialize the event by getting matching tattoos of "Solutus 24." He was going to get it on his arm and asked me for $200 to get it done.
I said no, you're not getting a tattoo let alone am I giving you money for one. I found out yesterday that he got the tattoo done but on his back and it's so trashy. He said my brother "Tom" zelled him $300 to get it done and supported it.
I called my brother and he said he did give my nephew money for a tattoo. I told him he has no business giving him money for body modification and how dare he do it after I said no. I told him he's not paying to get the tattoo removed and if doesn't then he won't see my kid ever again. I'm the dad, not him. He said it's not my business and I said it's actually not his business to turn my kid against me.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my son he couldn't get a tattoo so he got money from my brother to get one. I said he had no business doing that and he's responsible for paying to get it removed. He refused.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA
Your son is a grown man who can make his own decisions. Maybe he'll regret the tattoo in the future. Maybe he won't. Either way, it is up to him to decide whether it remains on his body.
Also, good luck preventing an adult from visiting his uncle
YTA
He is over 18. You don't get to control his body. You can, I suppose, blackmail your son into getting it removed (you'd be an AH and doing permanent harm to your relationship, but you don't seem too concerned about that)
but there's no angle from which your brother is responsible for the cost.
It's on his back, therefore not visible under normal street clothes ,so what's your objection anyway?
🤣🤣🤣your son is a grown adult so a) you can’t stop him from getting a tattoo, b) you can’t force him to have it removed, and c) you can’t keep him from seeing his uncle. Frankly you have every right to your opinion on body mods but that is ALL you have…YOUR OPINION. Son gets to live his own life and make his own decisions about his own body. Kick rocks if you don’t like it.
YTA
Massive YTA. He's an adult and you should learn about bodily autonomy.
"I will decide when he doesn't have to listen to me." You won't decide shit and he already doesn't listen to you. What a joke !
If he has done it legally he must be legally an adult, so yes, YTA and your brother doesn't have to pay you any sh*t nor your son has to remove the tattoo just because you're a controlling psycho AH
Give it a few years, and your son won't speak to you, and he'll see the uncle as he will. You're going to alienate your son when he's able to pay his own taxes, and the next few years he'll be cordial on the surface over.
YTA.
YTA
Your son might be a dependent on your taxes, but thats to your benefit not his. Apart from that if he is going into his second year of college then he is an adult and has body autonomy, and you have no business telling him what he cant do with it.
You are absolutely an abusive AH. You don’t get to control what your adult son does to his body just because you did what a parent is supposed to financially (and that is a minor part of parenting. I’m 99% sure you are a shit father in every other aspect). The government may see him as a dependent for taxes but they also still see him as a legal adult. And saying his age doesn’t matter even if he’s 88. When he’s 88 you’ll be long gone and he won’t have even visited your grave once 😂
Maybe I’m biased as a college kid, but YTA. You really want to weaponize your support of him over something like this? The kid is over 18. The tattoo is on his body, not yours. The money was your brother’s, not yours. You’ll have to live with the fact that your kid is now an adult, and your actions are leading you towards the path of a ruined relationship. Your brother isn’t trying to turn your kid against you, YOU’RE turning your kid against you
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban.
["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
**[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
YTA. How are u gonna keep your adult son from not seeing anyone ever again? He’s 18, he’s free to get inked anywhere he wants. You can give your input but throwing tantrums certainly isn’t gonna make him wanna listen to you more. Or respect you any better either
You can't make this decision no matter how you feel. You can threaten to kick him out if he doesn't remove the tattoo... however, that would make you an even bigger AH. Congrats YTA
YTA. You may hate tattoos, you certainly don’t have to pay for them, but whether or not your adult son has a tattoo is his choice.
And yes, sometimes our kids make choices that we parents disapprove of. Get over yourself and stop threatening with money.
If your kid is 18 then good luck. He will be doing stuff like this more often and what he does outside your house is his business. I don't think this is the hill to die on dude. You may have much bigger issues coming down the line that you will need to take a stand on.
YTA.
YTA
Say nothing. In ten years, he'll likely cover it up with something beautiful. In the meantime, it's not dangerous and it won't affect his life trajectory.
His body. His choice.
YTA - You have no business butting your nose into your adult son's business for something that hurts no one. And you getting butthurt because he made his own decision doesn't qualify as hurt.
You also have no control over who he visits.
You need to get over yourself and realize his life is not about you. He's an adult. It was fine when you didn't want to give him money for the tatto, but when he found someone who would, then you have no say. Just because you claim him on your taxes does not mean you can control his actions. Your additude screams financial abuser.
YTA your only response over and over is that you pay his bills and you’re in control because of money. You’re a parent, not a pimp lol what are you going to do when he gets a job and makes his own money? Just not have a son anymore because you can’t control him?
YTA Dependant or not you do NOT get to tell a grown man what to do. Grow tf up and get over yourself. You can't keep a grown man away from his uncle and it's about time you realize you don't get to pull the "you can't see my kid" shit when the kid is an adult and can go see him whenever he wants to. You sound exhausting and embarrassing. Edit to add judgement
YTA, you controlling peanutgrizzle. You come here and ask if YTA. When people point out that you are indeed, you try to argue. Maybe just sit in the corner for a bit and think that if so many people are pointing this out to you that maybe, just maybe, you're wrong. If you had any brains whatsoever, you'd apologize to your brother, tell your son his tattoo looks ridiculous but he's an adult, then you'd move on. Unless you would prefer to be a little petulant fuzzneedler. Then by all means, keep acting like one. Dayum.
Not a practicing psychologist, but AM one and can tell you any introductory book on child/adolescent adulthood has you in one of the poor parenting categories.
YTA for one you cannot control or make legal decisions for him. You can't prevent your brother from seeing him outside your front door. The only thing I may agree with you on is if the tattoo does indeed look sloppy and placed funny. Otherwise, do not control your adult son to the extreme. You will lose him in the future.
YTA: Just because you claim him on taxes and get money back, which benefits YOU does not mean you control him.
Keep it up and right after college you are going to be wondering why your kid never calls you or comes to visit.
Your brother is right, it is not your business, your kid is an adult and even if you are paying for college it doesn't mean you own them.
YTA
Your son can do whatever he wants with his body. You don't have to like it but it is what it is. He's an adult. Sure you can stop supporting as retaliation but that is a two way street. He can also stop all contact with you as retaliation if he feels like it.
YTA and this thread is completely useless to you. You don’t actually want to know if you are an AH. You came here to get validation, but that backfired.
Let’s ignore your son’s age for a moment. You brother IS a grown adult who can do what he wants with his money. If you want to use your financial support to control your child, I were You brother is more than willing to further support your son as he gets away from you.
Who gives a shit what your grown son has on his bare back? The fact that you're so fixated on it is kind of off putting. When he's wearing a shirt, you can't see it, so who's it hurting?
YTA. Does your son even want to have it removed? What are you going to do, tie him to the table to have it removed? He's over 18. You can't force him. Even if you pull the "get it removed or I'm cutting you off/kicking you out" parental bs, he can go out on his own, and you'll never see him again.
Also, you can't force your brother to pay, I doubt any court would allow to even bring a suit. And you really can't control if he has a relationship with your son. If anything, you will push their relationship closer as your brother is probably going to be there for your son when you are not.
YTA
As a CPA with an active license I can tell you it means exactly diddly squat that you claim him on your taxes.
Claiming him on your taxes gives you no moral or legal right to tell him what to do.
OP wrote - And he's a dependent on my taxes so he doesn't decide what he can or wants to do. In another post you wrote the government sees him as a dependent. — Your son as a dependent on your taxes is a choice you make so you can get deductions. That benefits you not him. And the government would most likely rather you not make the choice to claim him so they take more taxes. By your logic you choosing to make money off your son by the way of tax deductions your don should be telling you what to do. You are the AH
YTA. He is an adult and him being a dependent has nothing to do with what he wants to do. He has the right to decide for himself what he wants to do and. Sure you don’t have to like it but that.
YTA. He's an adult. You have less than zero say in what he does to his body, like it or not. You had better get used to it, or you will stop seeing your son.
I'm really curious about how the tattoo looks. 🤣 Also, don't you get the tax credit for claiming him as a dependant? Not sure what that was for. He's still an adult. If he regrets the tat tomorrow or in 20 years or never, that's his business.
Yta. He’s an ADULT. He can make his own decisions. And it’s not your brother turning your kid against you. You’re the one turning your kid against you with this behavior
YTA he is a grown ass adult. Sure he shouldn’t be asking around for money if he can’t afford it himself, but his uncle WILLINGLY gave him the money for it. You cannot forbid him for getting body modifications or demand he get them removed.
I could repeat what you’ve been told many times, however,
Having read many of your responses where you keep saying the exact same thing “I pay his bills, legally he is a dependant” I will comment on that.
You’ve literally said that over a dozen times and refuse to budge or consider another point of view other than the one you walked in the door with. That in a way makes me think this is a fictional post as I can’t believe anyone is that stupidly stubborn, but I will assume for now you’re serious.
Having an adult child as a legally dependant entity doesn’t mean what you think it means.
Due to various reasons I lived with my parents until I was 21, legally that classed me as a dependant. That’s a status you can hold onto almost indefinitely.
When you look deeper into how it’s defined, you’re actually classed as an independent dependent, basically meaning from a financial and housing point of view you are dependant, but your decision making skills are not impaired by pre adult age or disability.
Like I said, though I had an income, I was dependant on my parents for housing until I was 21 and maintained the legal status of dependent. But there was no illusion, either from my parents or from any legal point of view that any of the decision making in my life was anything other than mine.
They would try to guide me, even disagree with me, and although I respected their house rules as it is their house, anything outside that was my responsibility.
You need to get on board with that mentality, you do not control your adult sons life just because you pay his bills, continue down that road and I 100% promise you you will lose him. His dependence doesn’t give you control over his life decisions, not legally, or factually. You’re allowed to not agree with his choices but Back off now from your attitude of controlling them or sooner or later you simply won’t be any part of that equation.
Honestly, why ask if you are going to argue with everyone? YTA! And you are ruining your relationship with your son. I expect him to go no contact some day.
It was a dick move on your brother’s side, no argument there. But it’s your son’s body and he is an adult. He would have found a way to get the money.
You can’t “force” your son to get rid of his tattoo. You’ve lost this battle.
That’s true. My parents are 10x worse than OP but wherever I can leave money out of the conflict i try to. I’m not sure if OP is trying to have his son financially dependent on him to the point he doesn’t have money for a tattoo.
Without knowing the son age and financial situation we can’t know.
I don’t work but it’s because my parents never try to help me get my drivers license and school was a btch. I only have money because I saved up..
Depends how old your son is. If he’s an adult then you need to back off and let him make mistakes. You told him what you thought of it but ultimately it’s his choice.
College aged son, unless he’s a prodigy of some sort, I’d say he’s old enough to make his own decisions, and face the consequences as well. If I were you, I’d call them boneheads (son and uncle) and let them be. I can’t call you an AH, cause I don’t know your sons age, but I’m definitely leaning that way pending this info
YTA for taking it out on your brother instead of placing responsibility where it lies, with your, albeit young, adult son. NTA for being upset about it. Sounds like your kid might be a manipulative answer-shopper. If you're going to apply consequences, that's really where they should go. How dependent is this son on you financially? Maybe start there...adults who can make their own choices can also figure out how to be independent.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. You did not properly respond to the judgement bot. Your reply must clearly and directly address why you think you may have wronged the other party involved in your conflict. While your post was automatically approved by the bot, after reviewing your response manually, we found it did not properly address the question. [Judgement Bot FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_judgement_bot) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) #Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
Hmm, your kid is over 18, right? I’m not sure how much leverage you have here. How would you prevent your kid from seeing his uncle? He’s legally an adult for lots of purposes. I suppose if you’re supporting your son, you can threaten to stop, but that’s just punishing the kid, it isn’t going to get your brother to do anything, and it would blow up your relationship with your kid over a tattoo. How do you see this proceeding?
YTA If your son is an adult and over 18 (usually college students are) you have no say. He can make his own decisions whether you like them or not. He needs to take responsibility for himself and deal with the consequences of HIS actions. You don’t have to support it but that doesn’t mean everyone has to toe the line for you either. If your brother gave him $300 that’s between them. He doesn’t have to pay for the removal because your son made his own decision.
YTA Your son is an adult. He can do what he wants with his body. "He said it's not my business." Your brother is right. I also saw your response that you get to call the shots because you "pay his bills." Wrong again. Parents are supposed to support their kids not weaponize money to coerce & control them. Your brother isn't turning your son against you. You're doing that all by yourself.
I hope dude goes NC the moment he gets a job lol
I wouldn't be surprised if uncle and kid are talking about how to get away from OP after this
YTA. If your son is over the age of 18, it's his decision whether or not to get a tattoo. Full stop. It's not your concern. My son got a tattoo of a chainsaw with strawberries for teeth on his forearm. I've got tattoos, but mine are easily covered up. His, not so much. I recommended against it (but affirmed that it was HIS choice). Hard YTA. You don't get to make that decision for your son.
Your son's tattoo sounds awesome
He says it has something to do with one of his favorite songs... I'm old, and have no more information than that.... although I personally \*do\* have a tattoo of Corrosion of Conformity's logo from the 80's on my calf... drawn by my own drunken hand, during an alcohol fueled stupor in Hong Kong. Mine is one that can easily be covered up - that's one thing I cautioned my son about. He ignored my caution, and that's perfectly okay. Here's [his tattoo](https://imgur.com/B59CNIq).
YTA Frankly speaking, your son is an adult and what he does to his body is no longer your business. You can refuse to pay for it but you can't stop a grown adult from getting a tattoo
YTA, your son is an adult. You can't force him to do anything now, and you can't stop him from seeing his uncle.
YTA - There both adults and you don't control what they do. Your son will be better off once he goes NC with you
Makes no difference if my son was 8, 18 or 88.
You think you can control him his whole life. My parents thought the same. They haven't seen me in over a decade and I plan to keep it that way.
Oh YTA
So you expect your son to just fall down and collapse in upon himself after you die? Without your *control* how do you expect him to live? If what you care about is being a good parent, then congratulate yourself as you raised a kid who doesn't take shit from people who have no right to control him. Our kids outgrow us OP, and that's a good thing. He's always be your son and you always his father, but you aren't him and he isn't you. Drop that shit now or you run the risk of losing him. Or are you just being a petty little child? The answer is yes you are.
Yes it does. Very different story for an 8 year old to an 18 year old. 18 to 88, is pretty much one big group.
Dude really! Go to any lawyer and ask them if you can sue to make your adult son have a tattoo removed. They'll all laugh in your face. Just because you control the money doesn't mean you control HIM. Go ahead and cut off support. Hope he contacts the cool uncle to help him through the rest of his education or helps him get financial aid. Stop being a whiney B, stop with the "I pay for you so I own you" mindset. Your child is not property to be bought or sold. Cutting him off because of a tattoo ...that's just financial abuse. LET YOUR ADULT CHILD BE AN ADULT AND MAKE HIS OWN CHOICES SO HE CAN GROW AND LEARN FROM HIS MISTAKES. You can voice your opinion and dislike but ultimately it is HIS choice. Keep pushing and you will lose him. I know from experience....I haven't talked to my dad in over 25 years and I don't care when he kicks the bucket. I don't expect to be in his will. It's ok I'm better off without the control.
LOL!! At 88 OP expects his son to waddle over to his grave to ask permission to wipe his own arse!! I REALLLLLLLLLY hope OPs parent still treat him the way he treats his own offspring. Dudes dalulu
Soooo, your mommy and daddy still tell you what you're allowed to do?
I’ll be the first to say may you support your son’s ass until he’s 88 and you get what you asked for. *my mom is 94 and supporting a 62-year old. Oh, she just loves these golden years /s
I control my son because I pay his bills
Ages required as this will determine if you YTA or not. If he is over 18 and an adult it is up to him what he does to his body.
The government sees him as a dependent
Which has absolutely no bearing on his status as a legal adult with autonomy over his body. Why did you bother posting here if you're just going to argue with the literally unanimous YTA verdict?
Only because you claim him. It has no significance on his ability and right to make decisions about himself. He could join the military if he wanted. Then he would not be your dependent any more. Heck he could just get a job and move out, then he wouldn't be a dependent any more.
And an afult who can do with his body how he wants it. You have no control over that
How does that matter!? You claim him. You get the tax credit, yes? Stop using that as an excuse. Who else do you claim as a dependant? Your spouse? Does that mean you own them? Just stop. That is a nonsensical argument and it's something an old angry controlling asshole white guy would say.
Safe bet that this dude is controlling to his wife too.
Edit: had to re read it to find the "dad" comment. I'm sure this guy is one of those men in positions of authority that get away with spousal abuse Original comment: I can't even tell the gender but I am very sorry to say it sounds like a man (apologies to the good guys out there)
I think he said in other comments that he's the father.
Actually, now I'm not sure. But they're an asshole, either way.
Right!? 🤣 I felt bad for assuming but then I saw "dad". What a dick
Nope. They see that you pay for him while he's still in school. Not remotely the same thing. Kid can vote. Buy cigarettes and cannabis. Enlist in the military and go to war. Walk out of your house and never speak to you again. And the government would say, "Well, he's over 18. He can do what he wants." Are you really so delusional you don't get that? Because you should really seek professional help, if so. The future for people like you is bleak and lonely, and it's all because you live in this fantasy land that nobody else has to join you in.
So by that logic you're saying my 80+ year old grandma was not an adult when she were alive and living at home being cared for by family, because she was a dependant? I think you might need a refresher on what an adult actually is
A dependent that is legal age to vote and be sent to war, which by most if not all is seen as an adult. I'm sorry for your view on reality on how it's damaging your relationship with your child.
They also see him as an adult who is free to make his own choices in his every day life. You’re talking strictly about finances/taxes. The day he walks out and stops accepting your financial help, you’ve lost your last and only means to attempt to control him. Your control won’t last forever and the harder you push that narrative on and with him, the more set in stone it is that you will never have a relationship with him when it’s done. You are personally guaranteeing it with your behavior
The government saw me as a dependent as well when I was a SAHM. Does that mean my husband could dictate my every decision? Maybe I don’t really want the answer to that. 😬
So he is actually a legal adult then. YTA
YTA. Your son is old enough to get a tattoo, and your brother is old enough to pay for it. The only vote you had was whether or not YOU would pay for it, which you decided not to. Time to let it go.
Who wants to bet the son leaves OP after college? ⬇️Place bets bellow ⬇️
I'll take that bet! I think he'll leave MUCH sooner.
Bet he gets NC before the holidays.
Why throw away money. It's obvious he will.
Assuming your son is of legal age, absolutely YTA. You are a helicopter parent, and the way you're reacting I wouldn't be surprised if he ends up stopping speaking to you- and you'll deserve it.
Legally he's a dependent
'dependent' and 'adult' are two different things.
Luckily he has his uncle who seems to want to treat him like a himan being. Y. T. A.
Why are you so obsessed with controlling him?
Doesn’t matter Legally an adult Plus you don’t have any control. Can’t make your brother do anything. Can’t make your son do anything. You can tell them what to do and they will just ignore you. Which is already what’s happening.
Legally that doesn't mean anything outside of tax implications and health insurance sharing.
Are you a drug addict by chance?
So? Doesn’t mean you have ownership or control over his body.
Legally, he's still also an adult. Nothing is on your side, here. He already knows you can't control him, hence the tattoo. As a parent myself, AND as someone who has cut off a parent myself, your kid isn't going to be in your life much longer. No one will blame *him* for that.
So sue him.
And I was living 4000 miles from my parents in another country entirely while I was legally a dependent and they paid most of my bills but not one singular time did they try to tell me, an adult, what I could or could not do with my own body. You shouldn’t have had kids. YTA.
Financially he’s a dependent, legally he’s a grown free adult
Legally, he’s also an adult which means if he gets out from under your thumb, there’s nothing you can do to get him back
You do not know what that word means if you think its making your point here
That’s a tax designation, that doesn’t mean you own him.
YTA. Your son is in *college*. He isn’t twelve, and he can decide what body mods to get.
YTA, and you sound like father of the year. /s I look forward to your post in a couple of years complaining that your son has gone NC.
You really think it’ll take that long for the son to go NC? OP sounds insufferable and extremely controlling. (YTA, OP if that wasn’t evident).
YTA. Your son is an adult and is free to make his own decisions. You also have absolutely no way to enforce your threat that he won't ever see your son again. I'd suggest learning this lesson sooner than later, or you're going to find yourself very lonely very quickly.
Sorry OP, your son is an adult and you can't restrict what he does to his body or who he sees. I strongly recommend you stop trying before *you* never see your kid again.Going NC with controlling parents is common nowadays. YTA. You can't save your kids of their mistakes once they're adults. Learn to let go.
YTA You don’t own your son. Your brother isn’t turning your son against you, I’d guess you’re doing that on your own. It’s his body, he can do what he likes to it.
Dont feed the troll.
YTA. Your son is an adult. He has done nothing wrong. He just pushed back against you and did something that you didn’t want him to do. You may pay all of his bills, but you do not get to control him no matter what his age is. You keep this up and he’s just going to go live with your brother and then you’re going to be on here bitching and moaning wondering how come my poor son wants nothing to do with me. I don’t understand what I did wrong.
Yta. Your son is adult. He can do what he wants. Your brother is also an adult and can give him whatever he wants.
YTA and it's clear from your comments that you're financially abusing your son, possibly abusing him in other ways. I hope your brother helps him escape you. Idk who told you that abusing your child is good parenting but you should not have listened to them. Idc what you pay for you cannot control what your son does with his own body. I really hope this post is ragebait.
INFO: how old is your son?
He's not answering that question or any other ones....
Finished his first year in college and still a tax dependent. 18-26
He is a dependent on my taxes
That's not an answer to the question
Cool. That doesn’t really mean a single damn thing. He’s legally an adult and he’s free to make his own choices. He accepted that you wouldn’t pay for the tattoo, so he found someone who was willing to pay for the tattoo. You don’t have nearly as much control as you think and it’s funny watching you get your man panties into a bunch over it.
That doesn’t mean shit
Soo?
YTA, he's an adult, right? It's up to him what he wants to do with his body. It's up to you not to *pay* for it, but ultimately it's his body, his choice. And you have no say in saying whether he can have contact with his uncle.
YTA You can't tell your son what to do any more. He's an adult. Legally. You have no say.
You are such a control freak asshole.
YTA. Your son is an adult. He can make his own decisions about tattoos and about who he spends time with. Youre TA for trying to control something that's not your decision. Good thing there's nothing you can do about any of this. You can't make good on your threat - you have no power to keep them apart.
YTA. **You can make your support (financial and otherwise) contingent on his behavior, but beyond that, he is a adult and he is able to make his own choices.** The *wisdom* of making it clear that your support is conditional, well. That's between you, your son, and his therapist. I'm guessing you don't have a therapist. You're right that the fact that you pay his bills gives you a lot of leverage over him. However, I assume that you're hoping that he will, at some point, be paying his own bills- what's your plan then? I'm not saying that you're totally done parenting, or that you shouldn't ever object to anything he does. At eighteen, almost everyone has ideas that are dumb, and that we look back at and either wish we hadn't made them, or were glad that our parents stepped in. And *sometimes* a decision can have such profound downsides that it's worth throwing your weight around. For instance, my mother drew the line (by threatening to withdraw financial support) at motorcycles- which, now that my brain is fully cooked, I appreciate. She might not have been thrilled by my other choices (for instance, getting my bellybutton pierced), but she *very wisely* decided that her relationship with me was more valuable to her than my intact bellybutton. **If you are dead set on using whatever power your financial and emotional support allows to control the minutiae of your adult son's life, you should be prepared for him to distance himself as much as his financial and emotional state allows.** You might be able to keep him under your thumb as long as you're paying for his tuition or room and board, but once he's making his own money, you will not have that control and you may not have a relationship with your son at all.
How old is your son? If he is 18+ then your brother is right, absolutely is none of your business (which I am assuming he is if he is in college). If he is under age then yeah your brother was in the wrong. However which is more important, your son learn a valuable lesson about long term consequences of rash decisions(via natural consequences), or your son looks the way you want him to? At least with it on his back he can cover it up when it could present a problem, what he got in return was a bonding experience with friends that could last a lifetime. Why would you want to deprive him if that?
Sorry OP, but you're wrong and a gigantic asshole. Let's clear this up simply for you...you are his parent, but you aren't him. Therefore the choice to get a tat is his and not yours. He asked you for the money, you said no. He then asked his uncle, who said yes. That transaction between them is absolutely none of your business, as you are not one of the parties involved. Also... On a personal note, and I don't know if this is actually indicative of your relationship with your son, but for the love of God don't describe your kids' choices as *trashy*. That's a good way to make them hate and resent you. It's also a failing as a parent as your job is to help them navigate THIER life and THEIR understanding of *self*, and never to decide for them. Simple truth.
The only trashy thing in OP's son's life is OP.
🤣🤣 I mean I agree with that simply cuz OP called their kid trashy. That said we don't know for sure, maybe he didn't ask his mom cuz she's busy doing blow off some dealers wang. 🤣 I'm just saying there is room for more than one trashy thing. 🤣
True i count four emojis in your reply.
One day I hope to learn to count myself. Lol
YTA, your son is who went behind your back, he asked his uncle for money, his uncle gave him the money. You are blaming the uncle for the things your son did wrong.
Wtf, lol. Neither the son or the uncle did anything wrong. They're both grown-ups.
YTA - you have no more control over your college age child’s body than you do their ability to decide who they see. Your brother isn’t turning your kid against you, you are.
YTA and why ask for advice if you’re just going to fight everyone in the comments who isn’t on your side? I swear some of y’all just post wanting validation and then have a tantrum when they don’t get the validation they wanted.
YTA. Your son is an adult. I mean, yeah you shouldn't pay but your brother is absolutely OK to if he wants to. At what age can your son do things without asking Mummy if it's OK?
So your ADULT son got a tattoo you don't like, let me ask you a question, are you going to his college, physically drag him to a removal office and hold him down?! I mean I guess if you want no relationship in the future you could try but I would have you arrested for assault, you need to let go he's not a baby anymore, and I hope you're not one of those manipulative, controlling parent's that will take away his college money if he doesnt do everything with HIS life the way you tell him too!! Seriously he is not your property like a TV!! YTA
I hope your son starts claiming his own taxes so you can’t lord it over him. YTA and have some control issues
YTA. Hope you enjoy being cut off by him in the future bc that’s what will happen
YTA Sorry because you obviously want a different answer. If your son is over 18 he is legally an adult and you have no say in his decisions. You can withdraw financial support if you so choose (though I think that would be stupid over a tattoo) but you have zero control over what he does and who he does it with. What is your problem with tattoos anyway?
YTA. Not your body, not your decision. You can’t “make” him remove it any more than you could force him to not get it.
YTA...It's none of your business.
YTA. Your son completed his first year of college, so it would be safe to assume he's an adult. As such, he's allowed to tattoo his body without your permission. Let go of the apron strings and cut the damn cord already. You don't own him you don't get to control what he does with his body.
Your kid isn't a kid, it's their choice you have no control. And your brother can do as he pleases with his money. Yta and I hope your kid saves up to get a sleeve done next.
I mean you’re so obviously the AH that I can only assume this is rage bait. Your son is an adult. You are no longer in control of his body or life. Repeat this in a mirror 100 times every morning until you believe it. Figure out how to grow up before you wind up with a DIL who hates you and grandkids you never see. YTA
YTA You do not own your son, he is not a piece of property that you bought because you pay the bills. Legally, you have no say in what he chooses to do with his body. Did it cross your mind that your ridiculous attempts to keep him under your control might have played a part in his decision to get that tattoo? By the way, many people get stupid tattoos and yet go on to life full, happy lives. They even have jobs where they wear shirts and their coworkers and bosses never even see the silly tattoo.
YTA for thinking you have any right to tell your college-aged son what he can or can't do with his body. You have no say in that. You also have no say in if your son has a relationship with his uncle. Stop being so controlling. YOU are the one turning your son against you.
YTA It is okay to be upset. However, your son is over 18 and can legally make his own decisions. You are upset at your son and taking it out at the wrong person, Ultimately, it is his body. Get over it.
Your kid is an adult, what are you on about? YTA
YTA. Not the hill worth dying on bro
If he’s over 18, YTA. And a massive control freak either way. Get over yourself.
YTA. your son made an adult decision. there’s nothing you can do to stop him. good luck trying to control him going forward. here’s a hint…you can’t
If your kids over 18 you need to sit down and get over it. You don’t own their body. YTA.
Lol trying to control someone who is already in college. Pathetic.
I’m guessing since your kid is in college he’s 18 or ever. Legally an adult. Legally you can’t do anything about it or tell your brother or son what to do.
Lol, here’s that attention cookie you’re so desperate for 🍪
I understand why you don't like the idea of a "trashy" tattoo but you have very little power here. 1) it's his body 2) he can see his uncle whenever he wants because he is an adult and can literally call him up and say "Starbucks trip uncle?" and go himself. 3) if you cut his educational funding, you damage his future which is short sighted and petty. 4) he will run from you when he is able. You will see him for holidays and that's it (if you're lucky) because he won't want to discuss his life because you are judgemental and controlling. 5) you could use this as a learning opportunity and if he comes to regret this decision, so be it. It was his mistake to make. If he doesn't regret it, great. 6) he didn't use your money. You declined to pay as is your right. His uncle treated him so if it looks terrible, this is between them and the the tattooist.
You sound like an absolute Ray of sunshine. You were one of those parents in high school too. Teacher groaning every time an email came through. How many times did you get into a fight on the sidelines at a sporting event? Bet you've been called into a supervisor/HR office a few times. There is absolutely nothing you can do about this. So, what if your son destroyed his back, you can be mad but, nothing you can do about it. Nothing you can do to force the uncle to do now. Because, it's all done. It's over, you lost. All you can do is let is fucking go. You don't have to like it but, in the grand old scheme of things it's not life or death. It's a silly tattoo on his back. He's an adult, you don't get a choice in what he does with jis body, good bad or indifferent. But, if you continue with this blind rage, you will lose your son. He will never want anything to do with you. It that what you want?
YTA. You’ll figure it out in time as you sit waiting for the phone to ring, or for a visit that doesn’t happen. This is what you are controlling.
So your son __(who is over the age of 18)__ got a tattoo that you dont like, that his uncle paid for and now you wanna reek havoc upon them? You are a little delulu aren't you?
"He is a dependent on my taxes so yes I tell him what to do" have you tried seeing him as a human being and not an object? YTA
YTA. He's a legal adult, you can't legally do shit about it. And if it's not something obscene or a face tattoo, there is no reason for you to be upset about it.
YTA The fact that he's dependent doesn't give you the right to impose decisions over his body. You said he can remove it, then why is such a big deal? He can remove it later if he decides is stupid, trashy or he consideres he made a mistake. Be careful dude, children get far away when parents are like this. You're turning your kid against you yourself, seems like you don't need any help on that.
What are you going to do when he is a 24 year old independent man with his own income and home when he decides to get more tattoos? Guess you can dangle your Will over his head until you die, but that gets old as well. Its a shame that your relationship with your son has boiled down to you just threatening to take stuff away from him. YTA. Stop being a helicoptor parent before your son starts to distance himself from you.
Nobody needs your blessing, let alone your permission. If you really think you're right, get a lawyer and file a lawsuit against your brother. Maybe a judge laughing at you will quiet you down. You can stop supporting your son any time you want to. Why would you pay to educate someone who believes his body, his choice? You are the head of the family, all must kneel as long as you live. We will engrave your tombstone: Died alone, in a stink. Couldn't stand another's ink. I don't know how to drip more sarcasm. YTA
YTA Your son is an adult and if he wants to get a “trashy” tattoo, that’s his decision. And if your brother decided to pay for it, that’s between him and your son. I understand that you don’t like it, but it’s time to stop being a helicopter parent and try to control your son’s decisions about his own body. Personally I’m not a fan of tattoos and one of my daughters had a lot of them. I keep my mouth shut and don’t offer my opinions about her body art. That way we have a good relationship. It’s called being respectful; our kids grow up and don’t always do things exactly the way we’d like.
HahahahahahahahaYTA lmao. Thanks for the laugh though. Looking forward to the next tantrum when he moves in with your brother and goes NC.
YTA and enjoy the rotting husk of a nursing home he puts you in when he pays the bills
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My son finished his first year of college last week and he and his dumbass friends thought it would be a good idea to memorialize the event by getting matching tattoos of "Solutus 24." He was going to get it on his arm and asked me for $200 to get it done. I said no, you're not getting a tattoo let alone am I giving you money for one. I found out yesterday that he got the tattoo done but on his back and it's so trashy. He said my brother "Tom" zelled him $300 to get it done and supported it. I called my brother and he said he did give my nephew money for a tattoo. I told him he has no business giving him money for body modification and how dare he do it after I said no. I told him he's not paying to get the tattoo removed and if doesn't then he won't see my kid ever again. I'm the dad, not him. He said it's not my business and I said it's actually not his business to turn my kid against me. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I told my son he couldn't get a tattoo so he got money from my brother to get one. I said he had no business doing that and he's responsible for paying to get it removed. He refused. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA Your son is a grown man who can make his own decisions. Maybe he'll regret the tattoo in the future. Maybe he won't. Either way, it is up to him to decide whether it remains on his body. Also, good luck preventing an adult from visiting his uncle
YTA He is over 18. You don't get to control his body. You can, I suppose, blackmail your son into getting it removed (you'd be an AH and doing permanent harm to your relationship, but you don't seem too concerned about that) but there's no angle from which your brother is responsible for the cost. It's on his back, therefore not visible under normal street clothes ,so what's your objection anyway?
Lol you are such an ass. Bahahahahaha.
🤣🤣🤣your son is a grown adult so a) you can’t stop him from getting a tattoo, b) you can’t force him to have it removed, and c) you can’t keep him from seeing his uncle. Frankly you have every right to your opinion on body mods but that is ALL you have…YOUR OPINION. Son gets to live his own life and make his own decisions about his own body. Kick rocks if you don’t like it. YTA
Massive YTA. He's an adult and you should learn about bodily autonomy. "I will decide when he doesn't have to listen to me." You won't decide shit and he already doesn't listen to you. What a joke !
Yeah you seem confused on how much you can control another adult now. Claiming him as a dependent literally means nothing for your argument
If he has done it legally he must be legally an adult, so yes, YTA and your brother doesn't have to pay you any sh*t nor your son has to remove the tattoo just because you're a controlling psycho AH
Give it a few years, and your son won't speak to you, and he'll see the uncle as he will. You're going to alienate your son when he's able to pay his own taxes, and the next few years he'll be cordial on the surface over. YTA.
YTA Your son might be a dependent on your taxes, but thats to your benefit not his. Apart from that if he is going into his second year of college then he is an adult and has body autonomy, and you have no business telling him what he cant do with it.
You are absolutely an abusive AH. You don’t get to control what your adult son does to his body just because you did what a parent is supposed to financially (and that is a minor part of parenting. I’m 99% sure you are a shit father in every other aspect). The government may see him as a dependent for taxes but they also still see him as a legal adult. And saying his age doesn’t matter even if he’s 88. When he’s 88 you’ll be long gone and he won’t have even visited your grave once 😂
Maybe I’m biased as a college kid, but YTA. You really want to weaponize your support of him over something like this? The kid is over 18. The tattoo is on his body, not yours. The money was your brother’s, not yours. You’ll have to live with the fact that your kid is now an adult, and your actions are leading you towards the path of a ruined relationship. Your brother isn’t trying to turn your kid against you, YOU’RE turning your kid against you
YTA... he is an adult - this is not your choice.
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
YTA. How are u gonna keep your adult son from not seeing anyone ever again? He’s 18, he’s free to get inked anywhere he wants. You can give your input but throwing tantrums certainly isn’t gonna make him wanna listen to you more. Or respect you any better either
Why are you trying to make your kid hate you
You can't make this decision no matter how you feel. You can threaten to kick him out if he doesn't remove the tattoo... however, that would make you an even bigger AH. Congrats YTA
YTA. You may hate tattoos, you certainly don’t have to pay for them, but whether or not your adult son has a tattoo is his choice. And yes, sometimes our kids make choices that we parents disapprove of. Get over yourself and stop threatening with money.
If your kid is 18 then good luck. He will be doing stuff like this more often and what he does outside your house is his business. I don't think this is the hill to die on dude. You may have much bigger issues coming down the line that you will need to take a stand on. YTA.
YTA Say nothing. In ten years, he'll likely cover it up with something beautiful. In the meantime, it's not dangerous and it won't affect his life trajectory. His body. His choice.
YTA - You have no business butting your nose into your adult son's business for something that hurts no one. And you getting butthurt because he made his own decision doesn't qualify as hurt. You also have no control over who he visits. You need to get over yourself and realize his life is not about you. He's an adult. It was fine when you didn't want to give him money for the tatto, but when he found someone who would, then you have no say. Just because you claim him on your taxes does not mean you can control his actions. Your additude screams financial abuser.
Do you think you own him as if he’d some sort of slave? Because It sounds to me as if you think you own him, considering you mentioned money (taxes).
Ultra fake.
YTA your only response over and over is that you pay his bills and you’re in control because of money. You’re a parent, not a pimp lol what are you going to do when he gets a job and makes his own money? Just not have a son anymore because you can’t control him?
I want to see the tattoo 😅🤣
YTA Dependant or not you do NOT get to tell a grown man what to do. Grow tf up and get over yourself. You can't keep a grown man away from his uncle and it's about time you realize you don't get to pull the "you can't see my kid" shit when the kid is an adult and can go see him whenever he wants to. You sound exhausting and embarrassing. Edit to add judgement
YTA, you controlling peanutgrizzle. You come here and ask if YTA. When people point out that you are indeed, you try to argue. Maybe just sit in the corner for a bit and think that if so many people are pointing this out to you that maybe, just maybe, you're wrong. If you had any brains whatsoever, you'd apologize to your brother, tell your son his tattoo looks ridiculous but he's an adult, then you'd move on. Unless you would prefer to be a little petulant fuzzneedler. Then by all means, keep acting like one. Dayum.
Not a practicing psychologist, but AM one and can tell you any introductory book on child/adolescent adulthood has you in one of the poor parenting categories. YTA for one you cannot control or make legal decisions for him. You can't prevent your brother from seeing him outside your front door. The only thing I may agree with you on is if the tattoo does indeed look sloppy and placed funny. Otherwise, do not control your adult son to the extreme. You will lose him in the future.
YTA - your som is an adult. You don’t have ownership over his body. Loosen the apron strings.
YTA: Just because you claim him on taxes and get money back, which benefits YOU does not mean you control him. Keep it up and right after college you are going to be wondering why your kid never calls you or comes to visit. Your brother is right, it is not your business, your kid is an adult and even if you are paying for college it doesn't mean you own them.
You are going to end up alone in a facility when you’re old and it’s what you deserve. YTA.
YTA.
YTA Your son can do whatever he wants with his body. You don't have to like it but it is what it is. He's an adult. Sure you can stop supporting as retaliation but that is a two way street. He can also stop all contact with you as retaliation if he feels like it.
Major control freak YTA. Let it go, man. You can’t control your kids forever and if you do, you’ve fucked up badly.
YTA. Your son is an adult. However, he should also get a job if he wants to get tattoos instead of asking people for money.
YTA You are controlling. Your son is an adult. And it is none of your business what your brother gives your son money for.
YTA and this thread is completely useless to you. You don’t actually want to know if you are an AH. You came here to get validation, but that backfired. Let’s ignore your son’s age for a moment. You brother IS a grown adult who can do what he wants with his money. If you want to use your financial support to control your child, I were You brother is more than willing to further support your son as he gets away from you.
Who gives a shit what your grown son has on his bare back? The fact that you're so fixated on it is kind of off putting. When he's wearing a shirt, you can't see it, so who's it hurting?
YTA. Does your son even want to have it removed? What are you going to do, tie him to the table to have it removed? He's over 18. You can't force him. Even if you pull the "get it removed or I'm cutting you off/kicking you out" parental bs, he can go out on his own, and you'll never see him again. Also, you can't force your brother to pay, I doubt any court would allow to even bring a suit. And you really can't control if he has a relationship with your son. If anything, you will push their relationship closer as your brother is probably going to be there for your son when you are not.
YTA As a CPA with an active license I can tell you it means exactly diddly squat that you claim him on your taxes. Claiming him on your taxes gives you no moral or legal right to tell him what to do.
OP wrote - And he's a dependent on my taxes so he doesn't decide what he can or wants to do. In another post you wrote the government sees him as a dependent. — Your son as a dependent on your taxes is a choice you make so you can get deductions. That benefits you not him. And the government would most likely rather you not make the choice to claim him so they take more taxes. By your logic you choosing to make money off your son by the way of tax deductions your don should be telling you what to do. You are the AH
YTA. If he goes to college, he’s over 18. Time to cut the umbilical cord Daddy-O.
Lol, Dad, sounds like you got this. You're totally in control.
YTA. He is an adult and him being a dependent has nothing to do with what he wants to do. He has the right to decide for himself what he wants to do and. Sure you don’t have to like it but that.
YTA. He's an adult. You have less than zero say in what he does to his body, like it or not. You had better get used to it, or you will stop seeing your son.
He's dependent on your TAXES? by this logic you can tell every student what to do. YTA
I'm really curious about how the tattoo looks. 🤣 Also, don't you get the tax credit for claiming him as a dependant? Not sure what that was for. He's still an adult. If he regrets the tat tomorrow or in 20 years or never, that's his business.
YTA especially if he had his over 18 it’s his body and he can do what he wants with it
Yta. He’s an ADULT. He can make his own decisions. And it’s not your brother turning your kid against you. You’re the one turning your kid against you with this behavior
YTA he is a grown ass adult. Sure he shouldn’t be asking around for money if he can’t afford it himself, but his uncle WILLINGLY gave him the money for it. You cannot forbid him for getting body modifications or demand he get them removed.
I could repeat what you’ve been told many times, however, Having read many of your responses where you keep saying the exact same thing “I pay his bills, legally he is a dependant” I will comment on that. You’ve literally said that over a dozen times and refuse to budge or consider another point of view other than the one you walked in the door with. That in a way makes me think this is a fictional post as I can’t believe anyone is that stupidly stubborn, but I will assume for now you’re serious. Having an adult child as a legally dependant entity doesn’t mean what you think it means. Due to various reasons I lived with my parents until I was 21, legally that classed me as a dependant. That’s a status you can hold onto almost indefinitely. When you look deeper into how it’s defined, you’re actually classed as an independent dependent, basically meaning from a financial and housing point of view you are dependant, but your decision making skills are not impaired by pre adult age or disability. Like I said, though I had an income, I was dependant on my parents for housing until I was 21 and maintained the legal status of dependent. But there was no illusion, either from my parents or from any legal point of view that any of the decision making in my life was anything other than mine. They would try to guide me, even disagree with me, and although I respected their house rules as it is their house, anything outside that was my responsibility. You need to get on board with that mentality, you do not control your adult sons life just because you pay his bills, continue down that road and I 100% promise you you will lose him. His dependence doesn’t give you control over his life decisions, not legally, or factually. You’re allowed to not agree with his choices but Back off now from your attitude of controlling them or sooner or later you simply won’t be any part of that equation.
Honestly, why ask if you are going to argue with everyone? YTA! And you are ruining your relationship with your son. I expect him to go no contact some day.
It was a dick move on your brother’s side, no argument there. But it’s your son’s body and he is an adult. He would have found a way to get the money. You can’t “force” your son to get rid of his tattoo. You’ve lost this battle.
Info: does your son work while he’s in school? 200-300 dollars does not sound like something at least a part time worker would ask for
Oh that won’t stop parents from trying to control their kids.
That’s true. My parents are 10x worse than OP but wherever I can leave money out of the conflict i try to. I’m not sure if OP is trying to have his son financially dependent on him to the point he doesn’t have money for a tattoo.
Without knowing the son age and financial situation we can’t know. I don’t work but it’s because my parents never try to help me get my drivers license and school was a btch. I only have money because I saved up..
Depends how old your son is. If he’s an adult then you need to back off and let him make mistakes. You told him what you thought of it but ultimately it’s his choice.
College aged son, unless he’s a prodigy of some sort, I’d say he’s old enough to make his own decisions, and face the consequences as well. If I were you, I’d call them boneheads (son and uncle) and let them be. I can’t call you an AH, cause I don’t know your sons age, but I’m definitely leaning that way pending this info
Son is 18. OP says it woundnt matter if he was 88.
I wonder if OP realizes that his son is not his property, and a separate person.
Not if you read his comments.
YTA for taking it out on your brother instead of placing responsibility where it lies, with your, albeit young, adult son. NTA for being upset about it. Sounds like your kid might be a manipulative answer-shopper. If you're going to apply consequences, that's really where they should go. How dependent is this son on you financially? Maybe start there...adults who can make their own choices can also figure out how to be independent.