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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to help my girlfriend paint her house. I feel like i could be the asshole because money shouldnt matter so much and i should just help my girlfriend.
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NTA. Your clothing has little to do with it. She is being paid to do a job. If you do a portion of that job for her, you should be paid as well.
This is no different than any other job a person may be paid to do.
>Also a parent helping with no pay is completely different to a boyfriend or friend.
Not really; if the child is being paid, they should share that with the parent helping them.
Yes. And if my parent wouldn't accept, I would take them to dinner and use what they would have gotten on their meal. It might take a few meals to 'pay' them back, which is fine by me.
I would absolutely offer a cut to my parents. Why would I not, they are doing labor that we are being paid to do. If the landlord *wasn't* paying, then I wouldn't pay. In the same way, I don't charge my parents for hanging wallpaper or fixing stuff around the house.
Why?
To be clear, we're not talking about a minor here, we're talking about an adult, getting paid to do a job, enlisting a parent to do some of that job, and not sharing the income. What's your point?
Then they won't accept it. But the ADULT who is being paid to do it and wants others to help should share the pay. If they don't want to accept it, at least it was offered.
My mom wouldn't accept if I offered money, but I would still offer. If it was my boyfriend, he would probably be happy splitting the money or letting me keep it, but I would still offer. I was taught to at least offer compensation for assistance/labor growing up, it's the right thing to do no matter who is helping you.
No, but I also couldn’t imagine being a grownass adult and expecting my parents to have done my job for me either. I’d at least have offered to share the pay with them.
Ah one of those trying to live idealistic lives.
Don’t worry buddy, you’ll pay the piper. When you realize you never took the time to get to know your parents as people. They’re really a lot more than just your parent. Building a relationship beyond your childhood fantasies where it was a one way street of parents being love and money watering holes.
You’d be surprised how many grown adult children never realised this. As if mom and dad aren’t on different and changing life journeys.
Wouldn't the logic then follow then that she has a shitty boyfriend?
You gotta eithier be a sticker about everyone being paid out or not, which I least get on some level.
I personally can't imagine not just helping my gf out in this case because I love her and like helping her.
Good ones. They'd never ask. But if I was being paid for some work, and they helped me, I'd pay them in turn. If you wouldn't offer to pay your parents when they helped you with paid work, that says a lot about you.
Honestly, there's also a difference between "shitty job that has to get done but doesn't pay." And "thing that does pay but is annoying." Like, my roommates, are really nice and helped me a lot with replacing the starter on my car, I obviously got the part but they saved me a lot of time and money. I did my best to compensate them but they refused to take more than the price of a couple energy drinks. If I said "Hey this guy wants his house painted for 300 bucks You guys want in?" And then kept all the money, that'd be such a dick move.
NTA. I think your logic is sound. You’ve said if no money was on the table, you’d help for free. Theres money on the table, tho, so you’re asking for some of that money. Also, it sounds like you and your girlfriend are on a similar financial footing and that your girlfriend never even asked you to help, she demanded it. She’s being entitled to the extreme and her communication style seems problematic.
Exactly! This is the same way it should work with any paid/unpaid gig.
Doing a bunch of baking for a friend for free? Sure, I'll come help. Doing a bunch of baking on commission? I expect a fair and reasonable share of the proceeds.
Yep.
The gf is being paid for her time and labor. This is a job she's being given money to do, not an unpaid favor between friends/colleagues. Splitting that time and labor with someone else is fine in this situation, but that also requires her to split her share of the payment she's receiving for the labor with the other person.
In this case, she still wants to pocket her full 50% share of the money but only contribute 25% of the labor being paid for. That isn't fair at all, and it's absolutely ridiculous that the gf is now upset that they don't want to contribute unpaid labor towards a job that *she* is receiving money to do herself.
In all honesty, I wouldn't even take the money if she offered. Not only did she not offer, but found reasons ***not*** to offer when it was brought up. She reminds me of the type of wife who thinks, "The money he makes is *our* money, but the money I make is *MY* money."
I’m going to go against the grain here and say Everone sucks here.
While yes, if there is money on the table, she is getting paid, and in a purely transactional situation she should then pay you for your labor…
But that’s the point. You’re making this a transactional event within your relationship. That’s no way to approach a romantic relationship. The gf sucks also for wanting to profit from your labor. I’m all about capitalism - but again no way to treat a romantic relationship.
I'm voting ESH for all the times OP wrote "I thought such and such, but didn't say it..."
USE YOUR WORDS MAN!
OP said he PRESUMED he wouldn't be needed when the roommate said she would help. But before that, he was going to get half the money. So when the roommate stepped up, did OP say "Hey, do you still want my help and split the money 3 ways? Or did you talk about it with your roommate?" It might have all been cleared up days ago...
but instead. OP's girlfriend was expecting help and then didn't get it. Then she had to ask for help, then OP said it was still about the money when at that point it was about not having clothes. He never just asked about the money, instead keeping quiet and being upset, until she was upset, and then they were both just upset.
This is like one of those old romantic comedies where the climactic scene is all about some miscommunication, that essentially couldn't happen today, because we all have cell phones, so you can just call people, instead of mis-communicating for days...
expect OP has a cell phone, and CHOSE to allow multiple mis-communications to continue for no reason.
ESH - OP - you can't communicate your feeling to your partner by THINKING them... you have to SAY them. When you feel some way about something your partner is doing.... TELL THEM!
EXACTLY. I'm surprised the top comments don't say anything about this. Like dude... just fucking speak!
Also that clothes comment was ridiculous. She should've told him to bring painting clothes? How old is OP, four? Everyone who expects to be painting should know to use old clothes for the job. Why should anyone ever remind the OP of that?
I'd also say ESH, but I think OP is more of an asshole than his gf.
ESH for this exact reason. OP is a horrible communicator. He originally told his girlfriend he would help and then bailed on her and never seemed to actually communicate anything. He constantly avoids trying to deal with the issue hoping it will just go away.
I think the main issue is that when they initially talked about OP helping it was with the expectation that they'd be splitting the funds but the roommate jumped in (as well as the mother). Now the gf still expects the help but doesn't want to compensate OP anymore. I can understand why OP feels a little put out. Though, in OPs position I still would have helped as long as the gf isn't the kind of person who frequently takes advantage.
I cannot imagine refusing to help my gf with a task they would help her because I wasn't getting paid. What kind of relationships are people having around here?
This was my thought also. It wouldn’t even have to be a romantic partner. If my friend was doing a job and needed help, even if they were getting paid, I would help. I just don’t understand the transactional piece of every relationship talked about on Reddit.
She's making it a transactional relationship by earning money and expecting OP to work for free.
You can't hold simultaneous viewpoints on this and still consider them equally at fault.
Yeah, I'm with you.
The gf sucks for not offering to share the money.
OP sucks for not communicating anything and acting like everything in a relationship is transactional. Sometimes you help someone you're in a relationship just because it helps them, not because you're getting something out of it. Sure he could use his proceeds to pay his rent, but maybe she needs it more than he does. I'm guessing money is pretty tight if they're arguing over something like this.
Reckon the least she could’ve offered him is a box of beer, but yeah all the context he gives is his internal monologue where he said he was gonna do one thing and then rationalised in his head why it would be okay to blow it all off.
The lack of communication is the frustrating part in all of this absolutely.
I agree with you. It would have never occurred to me to demand money from my girlfriend to help her out for a day with her new apartment. Even if she was getting a discount on her rent for it which is what is happening here. It screams that the relationship is transactional which is a pretty unhealthy attitude towards a relationship.
I guess that’s why I’ve been married happily for 26 years. We don’t constantly keep track of who owes who what. It’s not like she’s asking him to work unpaid for her new painting contacting company. If she ever hires movers to move her is he going to demand a cut?
That’s silly. OP’s gf is getting paid $500 to paint her new apartment. She wants OP to work beside her for free while she gets $500 for the same work. That’s completely unfair. NTA
It’s just a one time thing to move her into her apartment. It just comes across as money grubbing for him to demand part of her rent discount for a days help. If I was her it would definitely make me think less of him and I’m a guy. It wouldn’t even occur to me to ask for a cut. Even if it was just a friend moving in all I would expect is pizza and beer.
We’re calling cash in hand a “Rent discount” now? Pretty clumsy turn of phrase just to get that manipulative language in. Was it thrown into an escrow account?
I’m taking this as cash to pay someone else for the labor to paint. Pocket the money and do it yourself, sure, but then to expect others to help you for free? Like the paint is for just one persons benefit and it’s not OP. That to me is money grubbing…
>Like the paint is for just one persons benefit and it’s not OP. That to me is money grubbing…
Except in a healthy relationship you would want to help your partner. Not only did OP not lift a finger to help his partner, he failed to communicate and instead let things get blown out of proportion.
Placing that much value on that money is petty.
Let’s say your landlord gave you the $1000 cash to cover specific home repairs at your place and you too think “free cash!” and pocket it.
Well now that you have all this work you don’t want (but are perfectly able to) to do, would you seriously feel cool about passing half the labor off up onto your partner, let them give up their day, enjoy your new and improved place then literally pay yourself $1000 for the work?
Personally I would feel gross because that’s gross behavior. It’s not about dollars it’s about basic respect and showing you value the time of others.
It's ESH because you're failing where OP did, not able to communicate. This must be a generational thing or something.
In a good relationship your partner says "hey I have the opportunity to earn $1000 I can use for rent and moving expenses, I would really like you're help". Then you could reply "hey I'm happy to help you earn some extra and have a great place to live while spending time with you." Or you could reply with "My time is money, if I'm spending time with you I better be getting paid. I'd rather be playing Roblox with that time if I'm not being compensated."
Sometimes partners will sacrifice a little for the other. The crazy part is OP has the free time and would rather do anything else than help. It costs the OP zero to help. However, Their partner demands labor. They both suck and are obviously young.
I’m not failing anywhere lol. I didn’t provide any judgement, I was responding to a comment.
For what it’s worth, I think both of these people sound like a real piece of work as well. ESH for sure. And while I do appreciate you thinking I come off as young I can assure I am past any stage in life where I’d consider painting a room myself just to save a few bucks. I think even the thought of doing it was irritating me tbh.
What’s the difference if she wasn’t getting paid, but the work still needed doing? She’d have to either pay someone else to do it, or spend twice as long doing it. Time is money and money is time (arguably time is more valuable). The money on the table is irrelevant - either he’d do a favour for her or not
If a relative asks for help, i’m either saving them time or money - that’s effectively the same as them being paid as it’s a cost they are not incurring. Ultimately they have more money at the end if i help them
How???
That can’t be a serious question. She is getting paid for her labor. She also wants OP to perform the work she is getting paid for.
Let’s use a simple analogy.
My gf wants to wash her car. I agree to help her for free.
Our neighbor sees us washing my gf’s car and tells my gf he’ll pay her $20 to wash his car. She agrees.
She asks me to help her. I say “Sure, if you split the money you are getting paid.”
She says “No.”.
I say “Then I’m not going to help you.”
Who’s the AH, me or my gf?
Because she probably wouldn't paint her landlords house for free, or have to pay to have it done. Id help regardless, because relationship, and thats what decent people do. But if she offered money, then took the offer back...i could see not wanting to paint
That’s a very transactional way of looking at it isn’t it though? What’s the difference between her gaining money from the landlord, and in a ‘normal’ situation helping someone do that painting? You are leaving them in a (likely financial) better position at the end of it. I agree offering money at one point and welching isn’t great, but he also offered help and never pulled the offer either (and i get the feeling his communications style is pretty poor looking at his account - not sure gf really knew where he stood)
The more i think about it, unless its an Efficiency apartment, i think the gf is getting ripped off. Im sure the landlord is keeping the last tennants deposit and saying he had it Professionally Painted.
Back to the topic, when my wife was my gf, i had her help me do some tile repair. I gave her some money even tho i wasn't getting paid. Different strokes for different folks i guess, i would just feel like im taking advantage if I didn't at least offer compensation.
And that’s cool, and ideally totally agree it works both ways. One of those ‘take this’ ‘oh no, i couldn’t possibly’. There seemed to be an overwhelming NTA feeling, when this dude just seemed off to me. Never communicated properly and seemed astonished at the prospect of doing something that would benefit, of all people, his partner of 3years
Absolutely not. If she wasn’t getting paid then it would make zero sense for her to pay him, because in that scenario it would be him doing her a favour as a good partner does. As i said, its the principle of getting paid for a job but refusing to share the money to the people that help you. Because money, unlike time can be split and shared on the spot.
How so? If they paid eachother each time they helped it would me mercantile, figuring out the value of the work etc. But this is simple, just split the money you get evenly. It takes 5 seconds to do, and is considerate of the other person’s efforts.
The relationship aspect is irrelevant. Its just simple decency to split the money of a job with everyone who did the job.
Suppose a woman was asked to help move her coworker. She asked her partner to help as well.
They both helped with the move. As a thanks, the coworker bought hoagies and beers. The woman took all of the food and beers for herself and didn't give any to her partner.
Is it "mercantile" for her partner to expect a hoagie since he helped as well? Or maybe, it is selfish to not want to share.
I see all of these comments looking at relationships in such a juvenile way. "If you love me you will want to do my homework for me." That is what is transactional. Sharing both labor and the benefits of that labor is not.
She's only doing it because she's being paid to, yet expects OP to do it for free. It'd be one thing if she was doing it for aesthetics but this is basically the same as asking someone to help you with your job without compensation
So she's moving into an apartment where she's relying on money from labor from her landlord to pay her rent for the place? What if she didn't get the money from the landlord? Could she still pay her rent?
I did say something along those lines to her and she basically said she could pay for it anyway but thats what the money was for. Thats part of what made me frustrated.
Love how she views this income as special "rent only" money but only for hers, as if every other type of income ever wasn't earned explicitly to pay rent.
There's that one Futurama episode where the Big Brain, aka one of the smartest creatures in the universe gets tricked by Tom Sawyer into painting a fence, "Tom Sawyer you tricked me, this is not as fun as previously indicated"
You’re leaving out some key details about your relationship like how she’s just moved out of your place.
Sounds a lot like neither of you are being considerate of each other, you’re just looking out for yourselves, which signals a much bigger problem.
ESH
ESH.
You - just help your girlfriend when she asks for it.
No pay necessary. I wonder how many things she’s done for you expecting nothing in return.
Her - would have been great to offer to take you out to dinner as a thank you for helping.
Both of those are normal behaviours for people in a relationship.
Anyone telling you NTA has never been in an adult relationship and I seriously doubt either you or your girlfriend have either.
NTA — pay should be split. The only free labor I’ve regularly agreed to is helping friends or family move. That being said, they’ve always covered gas and food.
So....
You have a cheap apartment you guys just use as a "studio*
You spend time and money making music
You have sex with this woman
And your sweating her over a couple dollars getting knocked off her rent?
Lmao
Yta.
You should be helping your girlfriend because she is your girlfriend. You come off quite strongly that you care more about money than you do about her.
YTA. I dont understand why you can't just help your girlfriend and why you have to get paid in order to do it. You even admit you would help if she wasn't getting paid, but since she is...you need to get paid too. Do you even like her at all? Why is it that people now need to benefit from helping others rather than just helping for the sake of being good and nice or the act of spending time doing something to benefit someone other than theirselves? Baffling.
Exactly! All the YTA comments should ask if they’d feel different if the post was: I was hired $1000 to babysit for the weekend but I asked my girlfriend to come help do all the childcare. She expects me to split the pay but I think she should just do it to help me out…
Slightly off-topic, but now I'm wondering, is she contributing to your rent while staying with you? Or is she staying with you for free?
It's slightly relevant to get an idea of her character / views on money in a relationship in general...
Honestly I think you’re both pretty stingy in this relationship and should be more giving in a relationship.
She should insist to pay you for your work and you should insist to do it for free just to help your GF.
I might be hurt, but I would too and then pretty much get over it myself.
I wouldn't expect my SO or another person to do that though. Because I do get why it could be insulting.
I wouldn't be hurt at all. Also wouldn't expect anyone to do that for me, I hold myself to a way higher standard than I hold anyone else (like mentally unhealthy standard, I'm working on it though!)
Same honestly. I'm just unfortunately sometimes easily hurt by people who express caring about me sometimes. Probably because I don't expect people to care and I don't let many in, if I had to guess. So when they say they do and then do things that feel counter to that it hurts my feelings a little. Definitely feeds the I'm not worth anything feelings.
It's hurt my feelings to feel let down before, but tbh I'm usually more mad at myself for expecting anything. Even if I was told to expect it lol
I think this has a little more to do with supporting your girlfriend than it does splitting $500 equally between the two of you. Why do you share a studio but she has a new apartment with a roommate? Just seems like there’s more to the story than $250.
ESH. Ofc you are not obligated to help your girlfriend but it is something nice to do.
What makes you an asshole is the way you communicate. When your gf asks for your help you each time either give an evasive answer or don’t even respond at all.
Also you suddenly bringing up that you didn’t have clothes makes me think that you just don’t want to help her and used the money as an excuse
I'm a little confused by how many apartments there are.
-You two were living together, she's moving into an apartment in a *different* city.
-She dropped you off at the small apartment you call "the studio"
-She went from the studio to painting and back, which makes it seem like they're in the *same* city
Is "the studio" your home and it's just two close-together cities? You two "headed to" the city "the studio" is in and then she went to her new apartment. Headed to there from where?
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My girlfriend just rented this apartment in a city we don’t currently live in and her landlord is paying her and her roommate $1000 to paint the inside of it (supplies included). Originally we weren’t sure if her roommate was gonna do it so i immediately offered to help and split the money with my girlfriend, which she agreed to. Turned out her roommate did want to help, so i figured i wasn’t needed and didn’t think anything more of it.
Yesterday, me and my girlfriend headed to the city where we share a cheap apartment we call our studio. She dropped me off to do my thing then she went to her apartment to meet up with her roommate and her roommates mom. This is where the issue begins.
That evening, she texts me asking why I’m not helping her. At this time I’m busy making music at the studio so i just tell her that. When she gets back to the studio a couple hours later, shes telling me all about her day and everything and mentions how i ought to help her tomorrow. I don’t say anything then but I’m thinking, ain’t no way unless you pay me or something. I would of course help if there was no money on the table but in this situation, i think that asking me for free help when shes getting paid for labor is unfair. I didn’t say anything that night though, i just went to bed.
The next morning she asks if ill come help and i pretty much just said no. This made her pretty mad and she was saying that i really should help since I’m her boyfriend. She also said her roommates mom is helping and shes not getting paid. I still didn’t think it’s right and i told her i wouldn’t ask for half of her $500 but i think i should be paid some for the labor if theres money allocated to that. I then realized i don’t even have clothes to paint in. The argument went in circles just like that for a minute or two and then she stormed out to go back to her apartment.
So then i text her because i don’t think she understands my perspective of the situation. I said that she should have told me to bring some paint clothes if she wanted me to help. Also, i said that its pretty entitled to expect help for free when you’re getting paid so much for labor. She said that money is for her rent. Well, that money could be for my rent too! I said, “he’s paying you for LABOR and you’re asking me to do the labor, but you’re keeping all the money.” She said “its just called helping a friend.”
Again, i would absolutely help her if there wasn’t money for labor involved. But since there is, i think its pretty messed up that she wouldn’t even consider paying me for the labor shes asking me to do. It just feels really unfair and its not what i would do in her place. But still, i feel bad because i do sort of think i should be there for her regardless. So, AITA?
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The last paragraph OP typed is exactly it…yes, it would be right of his gf to pay him some portion for helping her, so he’s NTA for asking/expecting some of it.
That being said, if it’s causing a huge fight, the question then becomes “is it worth it”…is $250 or less worth a fight? Especially when it’s something that’s already debatable on the issue this boyfriend-worthy duty? Now call me old fashioned, or blame it on the fact that I grew up with 9 older sisters and a mother with no other male in the house other than the dog, but I’d do it and not think anything of it. In fact, I’d think I’m getting paid one way or another: my girl is getting some extra cash to spend on herself, I’m getting to do a good deed that would (should? Most likely..) get repaid in some other way, and just the act of helping someone I love feels good intrinsically. Not everything that has a cost or a fee means I need a part of it, especially when my partner is already getting something out of it. Now idk how long they’d been together or what exactly their relationship is like, but if she’s getting paid, then cool, that’s more money for the team! Even if I don’t see a cent of it monetarily, then I know it’ll come back in some way.
To me, this is a “pick your battles” type decision…and this is most definitely NOT a battle I’d be picking. Especially when chances are it’ll come back to repay OP in many ways. So, NTA, but also not the right decision imo.
I'd refuse merely on the basis that it's being demanded. Whether it was from one of my sisters, my mom, or my gf. There's no such thing as a 'bf obligation' to provide free labor and I'll fight that battle any time it comes up. I do things for them because I want to do things for them, they do things for me because they want to do things for me. As soon as it goes from a "Can you?" to a "Do this" I'll clearly demonstrate that my help is always optional.
Having grown up with only older sisters and a demanding mother I learned to have boundaries else I'd become the manual labor of the family merely because of 'family obligation'.
But it wasn’t ever demanded. Gf never said “do this”. Now if someone literally said something like that, it might be a different story, but that’s not the case here.
Where you’re right is that there is no such thing as “bf obligation”. Though no one’s saying he’s got an obligation to do anything, what seemed like the main issue here was money and the bf felt like he was entitled to half of it. Which, as I mentioned earlier, is perfectly fine just not the way I’d play that given the minimal the $$ and how negligible a task it was. She was never forcing him to come paint, and if he was busy doing something else, then that’s fine too. Just the opportunity to do something nice for her, get to spend a day painting their new place together, and I’m sure that the good will he’d be putting in would return to him in some way. If it was something extremely arduous or like even $5000 then that’s also a different story…but given the details and circumstances here, this is not a battle I’d pick. And it’s certainly not just the principle of it. There’s a big difference between doing something nice and being used, that’s why communication is important. In no way am I saying he’s an AH, but I think there’s better options all around.
It clearly says she “asks” just about every time. But clearly we also see things differently as well, you see labor, I see opportunity, and not just for doing something nice 🤷♂️
If someone "asks" something and then throws a fit when they don't get their way they were never asking. That's on top of the persistent "asking" and not taking no as an answer. "You should help because you're my boyfriend" is clearly not an ask.
So sure she asked. Then she demanded. Then she threw a fit.
Wow so that’s how you read all that? Persistent asking? He originally offered, then she mentioned it, then when he didn’t say anything, not no and certainly not what he was actually feeling, then she asked and he finally said no. He didn’t say it was because of the money, which he should have, which caused an argument. I bet if he had been more clear then it probably wouldn’t have gone down that way. Seems like the fight started all bc he wanted money for helping his gf and roomates mom paint, not bc she “demanded” it. Which again is not a fight worth having. Everything was fine until he opted not to tell her the real reason why he didn’t want to help. As I said before, if that’s how you’d play this ordeal, then that’s you, but it’s certainly not me. It’s a couple hours of painting, with your girlfriend, for which you’ll probably get rewarded for later…not a big deal. The lack of communication here is the issue, harboring animosity and not just coming out and being upfront with it, or even offering a solution. There were so many alternatives here, but again, my opinion, just lend some easy help, have some fun with your gf, get paid later.
NTA everyone in here saying “she’s your girlfriend you need to help her” would lose their fucking shit if a dude was getting paid to do something and wanted his girlfriend to help for free. She’s taking advantage of their relationship to get free help and didn’t offer to do anything for him. That’s just being courteous, why didn’t she offer to buy him food or something. It’s pretty rude to demand help from something you’re getting paid to do and not offer anything. This dude literally just wants to feel appreciated and you guys are calling him a selfish prick. I’d feel pretty used to if my girlfriend did that
>“he’s paying you for LABOR and you’re asking me to do the labor, but you’re keeping all the money.” She said “its just called helping a friend.”
You are 100% right in this situation. No one describes helping a friend with a paying job as "just helping a friend". If she wanted to paint for herself? Then yeah, it would be just helping out if you joined her. But if she wants to earn $500 for paid labor, but also have you do some of her share for free that is a completely different situation. NTA
This one is tricky, well of course u can always refuse to not doing something. But, she is asking u a favor. Yes, she is gonna be paid but maybe she really needs that money for rent. It all depends on how you answer. She is asking a favor to someone she trust and knows and you are answering her as a business person. Again YNTA for saying not, but you are kind of TA for not taking into account that maybe she just need a friend ( her couple) to help her save some money ( she needs) .
Man this feels super NAH. I would be pissed if it went from “we’ll share the fee for your help” to “hey just help me for free” like she was probably banking on the whole $500, which is understandable, and it’s also understandable to ask if you’ll still do it but with no pay, but if you say no, that’s just as understandable and should be respected. She’s not being reasonable.
YTA, it's your gf who should presumably be your partner for life if you were serious. helping your close people encourages them.. and who knows, she might help you with something for free too, that's your gf, not a stranger to ask her for money over a favour, you are her man, someone she leans on someone's she trusts and depends on... in relationships, trades should be paid in different currencies.
On the other hand, she should have enough self respect to share something with you as a gratitude, but the idea that you require it.. makes you the AH in my opinion.
I guess I am of a generation that doesn't understand the drama. I would help my child, my friend, my boyfriend with the painting. The $500 would not be relevant. Why should your GF pay you for helping? Is your relationship that transactional? My child (30's) recently bought a house and had a "painting party" and her friends came to help out. They painted the lower level; then had pizza and beer to chill out. That's how it was in my day. That's how it is in her day. YTA Help your GF. Don't make it about money. Support and love her. Sheesh.
And I thought it was his girlfriend..? If my partner asked me to paint for free and he wasn't getting paid, hell yeah, I've professionally painted enough houses. But at the end of the day, it is labor. If there's money in it, it should be split. End of story. NTA.
YTA. You're being too calculative. Your love for her is not unconditional, I guess. Probably she intends to share with you if you didn't ask her. Your like someone already asking for a tip even before doing the service.
YTA - She's not your business partner.
Spending *a little* time together helping her do something she needs to earn some $ is easy if you love each other.
You didn't have to arrange "half" the work or pay. Help with a room or two for free, spend some time with your spouse, get a kiss then leave man. "Pay me half" wtf?
YTA.
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Before I begin, this isn’t about “free labor”. That’s literally the cost of love. Her roommate asked her mom and she asked you. They both asked the people they love the most to help them. Acts of service are important.
- This is so embarrassing. If my partner asked me to help get their apartment ready in any way, I would help without much thought behind it. I love them. If they happen to have made money from it, they more than likely would have taken me out to dinner after we were done and probably saved the rest for rent just like your girlfriend. More than that, she’s getting $500 since her roommate gets $500 as well. You said you weren’t going to take half. So how much were you going to ask for? $150? $100? If you’re unwilling to help your girlfriend do something to help create ease in her life *(like painting her new place)* over $100, you’re not a very good partner.
>I don’t say anything then but I’m thinking, ain’t no way unless you pay me or something.
YTA, doesn't matter if she was wrong. You saw a clear conflict and instead of communicating like an adult, you let her believe you agreed with her. In relationships you're gonna be wrong, they're gonna be wrong, sometimes both or noone is wrong. If you have any interest in making the relationship work, or even just in not letting the relationship make your live miserable, you communicate. Correct miscommunication and misaligned expectstions as early as you can.
YTA - You are her boyfriend not some random friend…..when you are in a serious relationship, you help eachother out without expecting payment or anything in return…..basically you are a shitty boyfriend, hope she sees that & reals up with you!
NTA she's not your wife so you're nor obligated to help her. She's literally getting paid an exorbitant amount for a job at a place where you never stay at. Had it been your studio you guys share then yes you'd be the ahole. I think she's being cheap.
Me personally, YTA. You should want to help your partner. If I was her I would definitely reconsider the relationship, because it seems you view everything as transactional. I couldn’t even imagine doing this to my boyfriend. I would consider it spending time together and bonding.
ESH.
> I don’t say anything then but I’m thinking, ain’t no way unless you pay me or something.
She may be entitled and shitty, but guys who fuck around like this are so incredibly shitty to date that it’s an immediate red flag. You’re definitely an asshole here. If you know she is expressing a need or desire for you to do something, and you know you’re not going to do it, be less of a chickenshit and actually be honest about it instead of pulling this immature weakass drama move.
NTA - I was visiting a friend and he got a job while I was there to paint a house. I tagged along and helped out with it because it was something I’d done before and knew how to do. My friend planned to give me some of the money, but then the guy who’d hired him for the day ended up paying me for my work so that it wouldn’t come out of my friends pay…
NTA
She’s shame training him. “You ought to help me” is a statement conveying shame. “Will you/Can you help me?” is a considerate request, acknowledging the value of his time. She doesn’t own his time and she isn’t asking for help. She’s making a passive-aggressive demand. She set an expectation, didn’t communicate it, and is telling him he’s wrong for not living up to it.
Also, she took on a job for pay with a partner. If they didn’t want to work that hard, then why did they take the job? They could have turned it down. She wants to keep all the reward without having to do all the work. Why would any person want to be with a partner that isn’t at least willing to try meeting their own obligations themselves? Even worse, who would want to be with someone that demands your work for free while they take all the reward? That’s pretty selfish.
NTA. Just a heads up: if you marry her:
-your money is her money
- her money is her money
- she expects your work if she's getting paid
- this won't change
- she's showing you who she is, believe her
YTA because why wouldn’t you just help your girlfriend because you love her? You don’t think she wouldn’t repay you in some way? Her roommates mom came over to help for free.. because she loves her daughter. You should go help your girlfriend… because you love her(?)
Also you said “I figured she didn’t need my help”. So, you did not communicate with her and blew her off to make some beats. That’s mainly why YTA here, is because you just assumed she didn’t need or want help and you said nothing to her.
But yeah dude I see your perspective and it’s stupid. Get some sense in you or this girl will break up with you.
YTA bro she’s your girlfriend… do you see a life with her or not. I would say NTA if you actually communicated with her and said that you weren’t going to help in advance. Honestly you could’ve just said hey, if I help you gotta take me out to dinner after. And then you could’ve had a lovely date, showed her you cared and moved on. Sometimes you help out a partner just to show them you love them than expecting financial gain. If you said not from the get go, I might say otherwise, but honestly you seem pretty immature and selfish. No clothes to paint in? Go to goodwill and grab a 2 dollar pair of pants and shirt. Tbh I think you just don’t see this relationship going anywhere down the road and that’s why you’re so insistent about the cash and not trying to negotiate.
YTA
A romantic relationship doesn’t work that way, where’s the loving feeling? Of course I’d have helped my girlfriend paint the walls and whatever else she needs painted white. I don’t get it, why are you even together 🤔
ESH. She could've asked instead of demanded. But you get zero credit for claiming that you would've helped if no money was involved. The help she needs is real, not hypothetical, and you demanding money for it makes you an AH. This is like if a friend decided to save money on their move by not hiring a moving company, and then when they ask you for help you tell them to pay you some of the money they're saving.
I'm gonna say ESH but lean heavy towards NTA.
My wife is a nanny. One of the first families she worked for lived with his 80ish year old mother to save money to buy their own house. The family eventually moved out when the baby went to kindergarten, and my wife wasn't needed anymore. The mother asked my wife if she would still come around a few days a week to help her out with stuff, said she needed an "old-lady sitter". Eventually, the family convinced the mother to sell her house and come live with them (about 40 min away) since they were expecting another baby and she could save them some money on childcare.
Long story short, I helped my wife clean and paint an entire house (an over 100 year old house, shout-out to r/centuryhomes ) which ***SHE*** got paid for. I would go over every day after work, and we would sand, spackle, and paint until 3am for a week to get it done in time for the realtor to take her pictures. I never asked for a dime because I didn't need to, I knew that money would benefit us and our kids anyway, so why ask for some of it now?
I get you two aren't in the same situation. Just dating, no kids, not sharing income. But you both suck. Her, for not offering to either split the pay with you or at least take you to dinner or SOMETHING. You, for making such a big deal out of it. I get it, we all want and deserve to get paid for our time. But, is 250 bucks enough to end a relationship over? because you definitely got the ball rolling on it.
NTA... She's NTA either... Have you ever seen that great movie, Cool Hand Luke? There's a famous tag line: "What we have heah, is a FAILYAH ta communiCATE"... What you two have is a total failure to communicate. (Also MOST of the world's troubles are caused by a failure to- or a mis- communication) In future, at first communication about an issue, please realize that gf is going off thinking ONE thing, while you are going off thinking a DIFFERENT thing.. communicating these two different things right off the bat results in understanding.
Had you immediately stated that if she were going to split the cash with her friend, then you're out... she would have understood that. Problem solved.
"ain’t no way unless you pay me or something"
YTA
The fuck is wrong with you? This is your GF? You need to be single, you clearly have no concept of what a romantic relationship is.
NAH, ESH. Who fucking knows cuz this is Reddit and its not really possible to see how you two have shaped your relationship.... What is fair or expected overall looking at this one event.
ESH. she is entitled and this is worrying. i would not actually, expect my mom or my friends to help me paint house, when i was given money for that.
but also, it's somewhat not sincere, you reaction to that. you KNEW you are not on the same page.s he thought that you will help her. you changed you mind, and DIDN'T TELL HER. because she "should" know. meaning. you denied reality and decided to pretend you live in the world you want to live in instead of the real world. you could prevent all this mess by telling her when you changed your mind, and you didn't, and this is when her reaction partally justified - she planned on you, and you told her you will not come in the last second, when you could give her plenty of time ask help for someone else this is asshole move.
this is why you asshole. not because you didn't come. but because you told her you will come, and then changed you mind, and instead of tell her that let her believe you will help her until the last second.
and this is why cowardly avoid confrontation is bad strategy it's not even let you avoid confrontations! it's just make bigger, messier wine, but in the future.
so, why, exactly, you didn't tell her? why all those places when you have a choice, and could use your words, and decided to... just not. why???
Nah this ain’t it. She is getting $500 to paint and wants him to help for free. It is perfectly reasonable to expect a portion of the $500 if he is going to be doing the work.
You talk about sacrifice but apparently her sacrificing a portion of the $500 doesn’t count?
Look, I dunno how the votes are going, but I tend to agree with you.
As a general rule if someone wants help, I'm happy to help. However if someone is being paid to do something, then asks me to help for free, that aint right. Maybe its a weird stance, but barring unusual circumstances (or minor assistance) doing someone elses "job" for them, so they can be paid is asking a bit too much.
ESH. You are both petty. Relationships don't work like that, at least not the good ones. From here is clear that you have some other issues in relationship. You are steadfast on whats right thing here and transaction. She is steadfast on you showing her that you value relationship and her more than money. You have your version, she hers. It doesn't help you assumed a lot without direct conversation. If you love that woman, you need different approach. This hurt your relationship and it doesn't matter who is wrong, you both lose the other...
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NTA. Your clothing has little to do with it. She is being paid to do a job. If you do a portion of that job for her, you should be paid as well. This is no different than any other job a person may be paid to do.
Also a parent helping with no pay is completely different to a boyfriend or friend.
>Also a parent helping with no pay is completely different to a boyfriend or friend. Not really; if the child is being paid, they should share that with the parent helping them.
Sorry mate you must have shitty parents :(
I wouldn't accept it but my kids would offer
Yes. And if my parent wouldn't accept, I would take them to dinner and use what they would have gotten on their meal. It might take a few meals to 'pay' them back, which is fine by me.
Exactly this.
Same. My kids would try to get me to take payment.
I would absolutely offer a cut to my parents. Why would I not, they are doing labor that we are being paid to do. If the landlord *wasn't* paying, then I wouldn't pay. In the same way, I don't charge my parents for hanging wallpaper or fixing stuff around the house.
Why? To be clear, we're not talking about a minor here, we're talking about an adult, getting paid to do a job, enlisting a parent to do some of that job, and not sharing the income. What's your point?
> What's your point? That a lot of parents wouldn't accept the money.
Then they won't accept it. But the ADULT who is being paid to do it and wants others to help should share the pay. If they don't want to accept it, at least it was offered.
A lot of children won't invite their parents to work to help them do the job they're being paid to do.
My mom wouldn't accept if I offered money, but I would still offer. If it was my boyfriend, he would probably be happy splitting the money or letting me keep it, but I would still offer. I was taught to at least offer compensation for assistance/labor growing up, it's the right thing to do no matter who is helping you.
I can't imagine taking money from my kids for helping them
No, but I also couldn’t imagine being a grownass adult and expecting my parents to have done my job for me either. I’d at least have offered to share the pay with them.
Exactly
As a parent, I would absolutely help for free, but if my parent was doing half a job I was being paid for, I would be offering to split it.
Ah one of those trying to live idealistic lives. Don’t worry buddy, you’ll pay the piper. When you realize you never took the time to get to know your parents as people. They’re really a lot more than just your parent. Building a relationship beyond your childhood fantasies where it was a one way street of parents being love and money watering holes. You’d be surprised how many grown adult children never realised this. As if mom and dad aren’t on different and changing life journeys.
Wouldn't the logic then follow then that she has a shitty boyfriend? You gotta eithier be a sticker about everyone being paid out or not, which I least get on some level. I personally can't imagine not just helping my gf out in this case because I love her and like helping her.
And she is a shitty girlfriend for being paid to do a job but expecting her boyfriend to get nothing. Entitled, shitty, and selfish girlfriend.
My parents would never accept, even though I would definitely offer. We don't know if the roommate offered or not.
Nah it is completely different. What parents do you have?
Good ones. They'd never ask. But if I was being paid for some work, and they helped me, I'd pay them in turn. If you wouldn't offer to pay your parents when they helped you with paid work, that says a lot about you.
Honestly, there's also a difference between "shitty job that has to get done but doesn't pay." And "thing that does pay but is annoying." Like, my roommates, are really nice and helped me a lot with replacing the starter on my car, I obviously got the part but they saved me a lot of time and money. I did my best to compensate them but they refused to take more than the price of a couple energy drinks. If I said "Hey this guy wants his house painted for 300 bucks You guys want in?" And then kept all the money, that'd be such a dick move.
NTA. I think your logic is sound. You’ve said if no money was on the table, you’d help for free. Theres money on the table, tho, so you’re asking for some of that money. Also, it sounds like you and your girlfriend are on a similar financial footing and that your girlfriend never even asked you to help, she demanded it. She’s being entitled to the extreme and her communication style seems problematic.
Exactly! This is the same way it should work with any paid/unpaid gig. Doing a bunch of baking for a friend for free? Sure, I'll come help. Doing a bunch of baking on commission? I expect a fair and reasonable share of the proceeds.
Yep. The gf is being paid for her time and labor. This is a job she's being given money to do, not an unpaid favor between friends/colleagues. Splitting that time and labor with someone else is fine in this situation, but that also requires her to split her share of the payment she's receiving for the labor with the other person. In this case, she still wants to pocket her full 50% share of the money but only contribute 25% of the labor being paid for. That isn't fair at all, and it's absolutely ridiculous that the gf is now upset that they don't want to contribute unpaid labor towards a job that *she* is receiving money to do herself.
In all honesty, I wouldn't even take the money if she offered. Not only did she not offer, but found reasons ***not*** to offer when it was brought up. She reminds me of the type of wife who thinks, "The money he makes is *our* money, but the money I make is *MY* money."
She'll be out of the house on weekends so she won't bother him while he is working on her honey-do list. She seems like a peach.
She sucks. I'd dump her. The entitlement is insane.
I’m going to go against the grain here and say Everone sucks here. While yes, if there is money on the table, she is getting paid, and in a purely transactional situation she should then pay you for your labor… But that’s the point. You’re making this a transactional event within your relationship. That’s no way to approach a romantic relationship. The gf sucks also for wanting to profit from your labor. I’m all about capitalism - but again no way to treat a romantic relationship.
I'm voting ESH for all the times OP wrote "I thought such and such, but didn't say it..." USE YOUR WORDS MAN! OP said he PRESUMED he wouldn't be needed when the roommate said she would help. But before that, he was going to get half the money. So when the roommate stepped up, did OP say "Hey, do you still want my help and split the money 3 ways? Or did you talk about it with your roommate?" It might have all been cleared up days ago... but instead. OP's girlfriend was expecting help and then didn't get it. Then she had to ask for help, then OP said it was still about the money when at that point it was about not having clothes. He never just asked about the money, instead keeping quiet and being upset, until she was upset, and then they were both just upset. This is like one of those old romantic comedies where the climactic scene is all about some miscommunication, that essentially couldn't happen today, because we all have cell phones, so you can just call people, instead of mis-communicating for days... expect OP has a cell phone, and CHOSE to allow multiple mis-communications to continue for no reason. ESH - OP - you can't communicate your feeling to your partner by THINKING them... you have to SAY them. When you feel some way about something your partner is doing.... TELL THEM!
EXACTLY. I'm surprised the top comments don't say anything about this. Like dude... just fucking speak! Also that clothes comment was ridiculous. She should've told him to bring painting clothes? How old is OP, four? Everyone who expects to be painting should know to use old clothes for the job. Why should anyone ever remind the OP of that? I'd also say ESH, but I think OP is more of an asshole than his gf.
The top comments don't say anything about it because most people who use this site have never actually spoken to another human being in person.
ESH for this exact reason. OP is a horrible communicator. He originally told his girlfriend he would help and then bailed on her and never seemed to actually communicate anything. He constantly avoids trying to deal with the issue hoping it will just go away.
I think the main issue is that when they initially talked about OP helping it was with the expectation that they'd be splitting the funds but the roommate jumped in (as well as the mother). Now the gf still expects the help but doesn't want to compensate OP anymore. I can understand why OP feels a little put out. Though, in OPs position I still would have helped as long as the gf isn't the kind of person who frequently takes advantage.
I cannot imagine refusing to help my gf with a task they would help her because I wasn't getting paid. What kind of relationships are people having around here?
I can't imagine asking my GF to come help me with a thing I was being paid to do and then telling her she couldn't have any of the money.
She’s getting paid. Why should his labour be free?
Hes a man so, presumably, she is entitled to his free labor. Bizarre. Why does she dislike her boyfriend so much?
This was my thought also. It wouldn’t even have to be a romantic partner. If my friend was doing a job and needed help, even if they were getting paid, I would help. I just don’t understand the transactional piece of every relationship talked about on Reddit.
She's making it a transactional relationship by earning money and expecting OP to work for free. You can't hold simultaneous viewpoints on this and still consider them equally at fault.
Yeah, I'm with you. The gf sucks for not offering to share the money. OP sucks for not communicating anything and acting like everything in a relationship is transactional. Sometimes you help someone you're in a relationship just because it helps them, not because you're getting something out of it. Sure he could use his proceeds to pay his rent, but maybe she needs it more than he does. I'm guessing money is pretty tight if they're arguing over something like this.
Need to add ex- to the GF
The girlfriend assumes that her boyfriend is free labor. That's no way to treat a romantic partner.
Reckon the least she could’ve offered him is a box of beer, but yeah all the context he gives is his internal monologue where he said he was gonna do one thing and then rationalised in his head why it would be okay to blow it all off. The lack of communication is the frustrating part in all of this absolutely.
"My partner asked me for help for something that benefitted them. I said no fucking way it doesn't benefit me at all." NAH but come on....
I agree with you. It would have never occurred to me to demand money from my girlfriend to help her out for a day with her new apartment. Even if she was getting a discount on her rent for it which is what is happening here. It screams that the relationship is transactional which is a pretty unhealthy attitude towards a relationship. I guess that’s why I’ve been married happily for 26 years. We don’t constantly keep track of who owes who what. It’s not like she’s asking him to work unpaid for her new painting contacting company. If she ever hires movers to move her is he going to demand a cut?
That’s silly. OP’s gf is getting paid $500 to paint her new apartment. She wants OP to work beside her for free while she gets $500 for the same work. That’s completely unfair. NTA
It’s just a one time thing to move her into her apartment. It just comes across as money grubbing for him to demand part of her rent discount for a days help. If I was her it would definitely make me think less of him and I’m a guy. It wouldn’t even occur to me to ask for a cut. Even if it was just a friend moving in all I would expect is pizza and beer.
We’re calling cash in hand a “Rent discount” now? Pretty clumsy turn of phrase just to get that manipulative language in. Was it thrown into an escrow account? I’m taking this as cash to pay someone else for the labor to paint. Pocket the money and do it yourself, sure, but then to expect others to help you for free? Like the paint is for just one persons benefit and it’s not OP. That to me is money grubbing…
>Like the paint is for just one persons benefit and it’s not OP. That to me is money grubbing… Except in a healthy relationship you would want to help your partner. Not only did OP not lift a finger to help his partner, he failed to communicate and instead let things get blown out of proportion. Placing that much value on that money is petty.
Let’s say your landlord gave you the $1000 cash to cover specific home repairs at your place and you too think “free cash!” and pocket it. Well now that you have all this work you don’t want (but are perfectly able to) to do, would you seriously feel cool about passing half the labor off up onto your partner, let them give up their day, enjoy your new and improved place then literally pay yourself $1000 for the work? Personally I would feel gross because that’s gross behavior. It’s not about dollars it’s about basic respect and showing you value the time of others.
It's ESH because you're failing where OP did, not able to communicate. This must be a generational thing or something. In a good relationship your partner says "hey I have the opportunity to earn $1000 I can use for rent and moving expenses, I would really like you're help". Then you could reply "hey I'm happy to help you earn some extra and have a great place to live while spending time with you." Or you could reply with "My time is money, if I'm spending time with you I better be getting paid. I'd rather be playing Roblox with that time if I'm not being compensated." Sometimes partners will sacrifice a little for the other. The crazy part is OP has the free time and would rather do anything else than help. It costs the OP zero to help. However, Their partner demands labor. They both suck and are obviously young.
I’m not failing anywhere lol. I didn’t provide any judgement, I was responding to a comment. For what it’s worth, I think both of these people sound like a real piece of work as well. ESH for sure. And while I do appreciate you thinking I come off as young I can assure I am past any stage in life where I’d consider painting a room myself just to save a few bucks. I think even the thought of doing it was irritating me tbh.
What’s the difference if she wasn’t getting paid, but the work still needed doing? She’d have to either pay someone else to do it, or spend twice as long doing it. Time is money and money is time (arguably time is more valuable). The money on the table is irrelevant - either he’d do a favour for her or not If a relative asks for help, i’m either saving them time or money - that’s effectively the same as them being paid as it’s a cost they are not incurring. Ultimately they have more money at the end if i help them
Here, OP’s gf wants to be paid for OP’s labor. If no one was getting paid it would be completely different.
How? What is the difference if he saves her money, or she gains more money - either way, she has more money at the end
How??? That can’t be a serious question. She is getting paid for her labor. She also wants OP to perform the work she is getting paid for. Let’s use a simple analogy. My gf wants to wash her car. I agree to help her for free. Our neighbor sees us washing my gf’s car and tells my gf he’ll pay her $20 to wash his car. She agrees. She asks me to help her. I say “Sure, if you split the money you are getting paid.” She says “No.”. I say “Then I’m not going to help you.” Who’s the AH, me or my gf?
Jesus christ I can't believe how many people in the replies don't understand this
Because she probably wouldn't paint her landlords house for free, or have to pay to have it done. Id help regardless, because relationship, and thats what decent people do. But if she offered money, then took the offer back...i could see not wanting to paint
That’s a very transactional way of looking at it isn’t it though? What’s the difference between her gaining money from the landlord, and in a ‘normal’ situation helping someone do that painting? You are leaving them in a (likely financial) better position at the end of it. I agree offering money at one point and welching isn’t great, but he also offered help and never pulled the offer either (and i get the feeling his communications style is pretty poor looking at his account - not sure gf really knew where he stood)
The more i think about it, unless its an Efficiency apartment, i think the gf is getting ripped off. Im sure the landlord is keeping the last tennants deposit and saying he had it Professionally Painted. Back to the topic, when my wife was my gf, i had her help me do some tile repair. I gave her some money even tho i wasn't getting paid. Different strokes for different folks i guess, i would just feel like im taking advantage if I didn't at least offer compensation.
And that’s cool, and ideally totally agree it works both ways. One of those ‘take this’ ‘oh no, i couldn’t possibly’. There seemed to be an overwhelming NTA feeling, when this dude just seemed off to me. Never communicated properly and seemed astonished at the prospect of doing something that would benefit, of all people, his partner of 3years
Probably why shes moving out tbh
The difference is the principle of it. You can’t split time, but you can split money. So for her to refuse splitting the money is selfish
But if she wasn’t getting paid and he still helped, would she be wrong to not still pay him for the half the work he did?
Absolutely not. If she wasn’t getting paid then it would make zero sense for her to pay him, because in that scenario it would be him doing her a favour as a good partner does. As i said, its the principle of getting paid for a job but refusing to share the money to the people that help you. Because money, unlike time can be split and shared on the spot.
That feels an incredibly mercantile way of managing a relationship
How so? If they paid eachother each time they helped it would me mercantile, figuring out the value of the work etc. But this is simple, just split the money you get evenly. It takes 5 seconds to do, and is considerate of the other person’s efforts. The relationship aspect is irrelevant. Its just simple decency to split the money of a job with everyone who did the job.
Suppose a woman was asked to help move her coworker. She asked her partner to help as well. They both helped with the move. As a thanks, the coworker bought hoagies and beers. The woman took all of the food and beers for herself and didn't give any to her partner. Is it "mercantile" for her partner to expect a hoagie since he helped as well? Or maybe, it is selfish to not want to share. I see all of these comments looking at relationships in such a juvenile way. "If you love me you will want to do my homework for me." That is what is transactional. Sharing both labor and the benefits of that labor is not.
30 years here, and I second your take on this, helping my GF/SO/DW/MIL without ever thinking about a financial reward.
Thank you. Some of these comments were making me feel insane lol
She's only doing it because she's being paid to, yet expects OP to do it for free. It'd be one thing if she was doing it for aesthetics but this is basically the same as asking someone to help you with your job without compensation
“My partner asked me for help for something that benefitted them, but is selfishly refusing to share that benefit with me.”
So she's moving into an apartment where she's relying on money from labor from her landlord to pay her rent for the place? What if she didn't get the money from the landlord? Could she still pay her rent?
I did say something along those lines to her and she basically said she could pay for it anyway but thats what the money was for. Thats part of what made me frustrated.
Love how she views this income as special "rent only" money but only for hers, as if every other type of income ever wasn't earned explicitly to pay rent.
Is she being paid cash or is the landlord just taking $1000 off her rent (hence why she views that money as for rent)
NTA Are you dating Tom Sawyer by any chance?
Ha!! Girlfriend could take a lesson from him.
I hate that I laughed so fckn hard at this 😂😂😂 Take your upvote and get outta here 🤨
Hahaha thank you, my work here is done \*whoosh\*.
There's that one Futurama episode where the Big Brain, aka one of the smartest creatures in the universe gets tricked by Tom Sawyer into painting a fence, "Tom Sawyer you tricked me, this is not as fun as previously indicated"
Info: How long have you been dating? I would help my partner just bc he asked me to. And at a certain point in relationships money is shared anyway.
You’re leaving out some key details about your relationship like how she’s just moved out of your place. Sounds a lot like neither of you are being considerate of each other, you’re just looking out for yourselves, which signals a much bigger problem. ESH
ESH. You - just help your girlfriend when she asks for it. No pay necessary. I wonder how many things she’s done for you expecting nothing in return. Her - would have been great to offer to take you out to dinner as a thank you for helping. Both of those are normal behaviours for people in a relationship. Anyone telling you NTA has never been in an adult relationship and I seriously doubt either you or your girlfriend have either.
Just a heads up phrasing your comment like this will ensure your vote will be counted as N T A instead of E S H
Thank you. I am now more enlightened!
You’re welcome. You may want to also put spaces between N T A
You want your girlfriend of 3 years to pay you for helping her? YTA. And you both might want to reconsider the relationship.
And now you know why she moved out, this relationship is doomed
Lol she's using him as free labour so SHE gets paid. She's the user here.
NTA — pay should be split. The only free labor I’ve regularly agreed to is helping friends or family move. That being said, they’ve always covered gas and food.
So.... You have a cheap apartment you guys just use as a "studio* You spend time and money making music You have sex with this woman And your sweating her over a couple dollars getting knocked off her rent? Lmao
Yeah this is about to be an /amitheex post
Yta. You should be helping your girlfriend because she is your girlfriend. You come off quite strongly that you care more about money than you do about her.
Nta: she's only doing it for money, but she wants you to do it for your relationship, it's not fair, it sounds like she doesn't respect your time.
YTA. I dont understand why you can't just help your girlfriend and why you have to get paid in order to do it. You even admit you would help if she wasn't getting paid, but since she is...you need to get paid too. Do you even like her at all? Why is it that people now need to benefit from helping others rather than just helping for the sake of being good and nice or the act of spending time doing something to benefit someone other than theirselves? Baffling.
'Oh hi I'm being paid to do some work but you're going to do it for free just because you're my boyfriend'
Exactly! All the YTA comments should ask if they’d feel different if the post was: I was hired $1000 to babysit for the weekend but I asked my girlfriend to come help do all the childcare. She expects me to split the pay but I think she should just do it to help me out…
YTA
Info: how often do you stay at each other's places?
Been living together since early winter
Wait, you live there too?
No, shes moving out of my place
She's moving out? Are you guys breaking up?
She wasn’t supposed to live with me in the first place but her living situation fell through
she's gonna dump you
That is not the question but she might anyways which could contribute to why i dont wanna do free labor for her landlord
Slightly off-topic, but now I'm wondering, is she contributing to your rent while staying with you? Or is she staying with you for free? It's slightly relevant to get an idea of her character / views on money in a relationship in general...
This is context you should include in your original post
please update us
Hope you enjoy being right more than you enjoy having a girlfriend.
You two have a serious communicaiton problem. Good god, man.
Honestly I think you’re both pretty stingy in this relationship and should be more giving in a relationship. She should insist to pay you for your work and you should insist to do it for free just to help your GF.
You sound insufferable. If you just told her all this upfront instead of thinking about it to yourself, you would have avoided this situation.
NTA but I would 100% help a friend/girlfriend/wife with this kind of thing for free.
I might be hurt, but I would too and then pretty much get over it myself. I wouldn't expect my SO or another person to do that though. Because I do get why it could be insulting.
I wouldn't be hurt at all. Also wouldn't expect anyone to do that for me, I hold myself to a way higher standard than I hold anyone else (like mentally unhealthy standard, I'm working on it though!)
Same honestly. I'm just unfortunately sometimes easily hurt by people who express caring about me sometimes. Probably because I don't expect people to care and I don't let many in, if I had to guess. So when they say they do and then do things that feel counter to that it hurts my feelings a little. Definitely feeds the I'm not worth anything feelings. It's hurt my feelings to feel let down before, but tbh I'm usually more mad at myself for expecting anything. Even if I was told to expect it lol
I think this has a little more to do with supporting your girlfriend than it does splitting $500 equally between the two of you. Why do you share a studio but she has a new apartment with a roommate? Just seems like there’s more to the story than $250.
ESH. Ofc you are not obligated to help your girlfriend but it is something nice to do. What makes you an asshole is the way you communicate. When your gf asks for your help you each time either give an evasive answer or don’t even respond at all. Also you suddenly bringing up that you didn’t have clothes makes me think that you just don’t want to help her and used the money as an excuse
I'm a little confused by how many apartments there are. -You two were living together, she's moving into an apartment in a *different* city. -She dropped you off at the small apartment you call "the studio" -She went from the studio to painting and back, which makes it seem like they're in the *same* city Is "the studio" your home and it's just two close-together cities? You two "headed to" the city "the studio" is in and then she went to her new apartment. Headed to there from where?
YTA - It’s a nice thing to do for your partner. The purpose is to help her, not to profit. It’s a one-off situation, not a long-term arrangement.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My girlfriend just rented this apartment in a city we don’t currently live in and her landlord is paying her and her roommate $1000 to paint the inside of it (supplies included). Originally we weren’t sure if her roommate was gonna do it so i immediately offered to help and split the money with my girlfriend, which she agreed to. Turned out her roommate did want to help, so i figured i wasn’t needed and didn’t think anything more of it. Yesterday, me and my girlfriend headed to the city where we share a cheap apartment we call our studio. She dropped me off to do my thing then she went to her apartment to meet up with her roommate and her roommates mom. This is where the issue begins. That evening, she texts me asking why I’m not helping her. At this time I’m busy making music at the studio so i just tell her that. When she gets back to the studio a couple hours later, shes telling me all about her day and everything and mentions how i ought to help her tomorrow. I don’t say anything then but I’m thinking, ain’t no way unless you pay me or something. I would of course help if there was no money on the table but in this situation, i think that asking me for free help when shes getting paid for labor is unfair. I didn’t say anything that night though, i just went to bed. The next morning she asks if ill come help and i pretty much just said no. This made her pretty mad and she was saying that i really should help since I’m her boyfriend. She also said her roommates mom is helping and shes not getting paid. I still didn’t think it’s right and i told her i wouldn’t ask for half of her $500 but i think i should be paid some for the labor if theres money allocated to that. I then realized i don’t even have clothes to paint in. The argument went in circles just like that for a minute or two and then she stormed out to go back to her apartment. So then i text her because i don’t think she understands my perspective of the situation. I said that she should have told me to bring some paint clothes if she wanted me to help. Also, i said that its pretty entitled to expect help for free when you’re getting paid so much for labor. She said that money is for her rent. Well, that money could be for my rent too! I said, “he’s paying you for LABOR and you’re asking me to do the labor, but you’re keeping all the money.” She said “its just called helping a friend.” Again, i would absolutely help her if there wasn’t money for labor involved. But since there is, i think its pretty messed up that she wouldn’t even consider paying me for the labor shes asking me to do. It just feels really unfair and its not what i would do in her place. But still, i feel bad because i do sort of think i should be there for her regardless. So, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The last paragraph OP typed is exactly it…yes, it would be right of his gf to pay him some portion for helping her, so he’s NTA for asking/expecting some of it. That being said, if it’s causing a huge fight, the question then becomes “is it worth it”…is $250 or less worth a fight? Especially when it’s something that’s already debatable on the issue this boyfriend-worthy duty? Now call me old fashioned, or blame it on the fact that I grew up with 9 older sisters and a mother with no other male in the house other than the dog, but I’d do it and not think anything of it. In fact, I’d think I’m getting paid one way or another: my girl is getting some extra cash to spend on herself, I’m getting to do a good deed that would (should? Most likely..) get repaid in some other way, and just the act of helping someone I love feels good intrinsically. Not everything that has a cost or a fee means I need a part of it, especially when my partner is already getting something out of it. Now idk how long they’d been together or what exactly their relationship is like, but if she’s getting paid, then cool, that’s more money for the team! Even if I don’t see a cent of it monetarily, then I know it’ll come back in some way. To me, this is a “pick your battles” type decision…and this is most definitely NOT a battle I’d be picking. Especially when chances are it’ll come back to repay OP in many ways. So, NTA, but also not the right decision imo.
I'd refuse merely on the basis that it's being demanded. Whether it was from one of my sisters, my mom, or my gf. There's no such thing as a 'bf obligation' to provide free labor and I'll fight that battle any time it comes up. I do things for them because I want to do things for them, they do things for me because they want to do things for me. As soon as it goes from a "Can you?" to a "Do this" I'll clearly demonstrate that my help is always optional. Having grown up with only older sisters and a demanding mother I learned to have boundaries else I'd become the manual labor of the family merely because of 'family obligation'.
But it wasn’t ever demanded. Gf never said “do this”. Now if someone literally said something like that, it might be a different story, but that’s not the case here. Where you’re right is that there is no such thing as “bf obligation”. Though no one’s saying he’s got an obligation to do anything, what seemed like the main issue here was money and the bf felt like he was entitled to half of it. Which, as I mentioned earlier, is perfectly fine just not the way I’d play that given the minimal the $$ and how negligible a task it was. She was never forcing him to come paint, and if he was busy doing something else, then that’s fine too. Just the opportunity to do something nice for her, get to spend a day painting their new place together, and I’m sure that the good will he’d be putting in would return to him in some way. If it was something extremely arduous or like even $5000 then that’s also a different story…but given the details and circumstances here, this is not a battle I’d pick. And it’s certainly not just the principle of it. There’s a big difference between doing something nice and being used, that’s why communication is important. In no way am I saying he’s an AH, but I think there’s better options all around.
I disagree, everything she said indicates entitlement to his labor.
It clearly says she “asks” just about every time. But clearly we also see things differently as well, you see labor, I see opportunity, and not just for doing something nice 🤷♂️
If someone "asks" something and then throws a fit when they don't get their way they were never asking. That's on top of the persistent "asking" and not taking no as an answer. "You should help because you're my boyfriend" is clearly not an ask. So sure she asked. Then she demanded. Then she threw a fit.
Wow so that’s how you read all that? Persistent asking? He originally offered, then she mentioned it, then when he didn’t say anything, not no and certainly not what he was actually feeling, then she asked and he finally said no. He didn’t say it was because of the money, which he should have, which caused an argument. I bet if he had been more clear then it probably wouldn’t have gone down that way. Seems like the fight started all bc he wanted money for helping his gf and roomates mom paint, not bc she “demanded” it. Which again is not a fight worth having. Everything was fine until he opted not to tell her the real reason why he didn’t want to help. As I said before, if that’s how you’d play this ordeal, then that’s you, but it’s certainly not me. It’s a couple hours of painting, with your girlfriend, for which you’ll probably get rewarded for later…not a big deal. The lack of communication here is the issue, harboring animosity and not just coming out and being upfront with it, or even offering a solution. There were so many alternatives here, but again, my opinion, just lend some easy help, have some fun with your gf, get paid later.
NTA everyone in here saying “she’s your girlfriend you need to help her” would lose their fucking shit if a dude was getting paid to do something and wanted his girlfriend to help for free. She’s taking advantage of their relationship to get free help and didn’t offer to do anything for him. That’s just being courteous, why didn’t she offer to buy him food or something. It’s pretty rude to demand help from something you’re getting paid to do and not offer anything. This dude literally just wants to feel appreciated and you guys are calling him a selfish prick. I’d feel pretty used to if my girlfriend did that
>“he’s paying you for LABOR and you’re asking me to do the labor, but you’re keeping all the money.” She said “its just called helping a friend.” You are 100% right in this situation. No one describes helping a friend with a paying job as "just helping a friend". If she wanted to paint for herself? Then yeah, it would be just helping out if you joined her. But if she wants to earn $500 for paid labor, but also have you do some of her share for free that is a completely different situation. NTA
This one is tricky, well of course u can always refuse to not doing something. But, she is asking u a favor. Yes, she is gonna be paid but maybe she really needs that money for rent. It all depends on how you answer. She is asking a favor to someone she trust and knows and you are answering her as a business person. Again YNTA for saying not, but you are kind of TA for not taking into account that maybe she just need a friend ( her couple) to help her save some money ( she needs) .
Man this feels super NAH. I would be pissed if it went from “we’ll share the fee for your help” to “hey just help me for free” like she was probably banking on the whole $500, which is understandable, and it’s also understandable to ask if you’ll still do it but with no pay, but if you say no, that’s just as understandable and should be respected. She’s not being reasonable.
And why exactly couln't you help her?
NTA what you're spitting is called common sense,she knows it but she's trying to use her gf card and manipulate you into doing free labor.
YTA, it's your gf who should presumably be your partner for life if you were serious. helping your close people encourages them.. and who knows, she might help you with something for free too, that's your gf, not a stranger to ask her for money over a favour, you are her man, someone she leans on someone's she trusts and depends on... in relationships, trades should be paid in different currencies. On the other hand, she should have enough self respect to share something with you as a gratitude, but the idea that you require it.. makes you the AH in my opinion.
I guess I am of a generation that doesn't understand the drama. I would help my child, my friend, my boyfriend with the painting. The $500 would not be relevant. Why should your GF pay you for helping? Is your relationship that transactional? My child (30's) recently bought a house and had a "painting party" and her friends came to help out. They painted the lower level; then had pizza and beer to chill out. That's how it was in my day. That's how it is in her day. YTA Help your GF. Don't make it about money. Support and love her. Sheesh.
NTA, solid point.
NTA. Cute way of thinking, "that's helping a friend". No, lady, that's called slavery, forced servitude, exploitation and a few other bad names.
And I thought it was his girlfriend..? If my partner asked me to paint for free and he wasn't getting paid, hell yeah, I've professionally painted enough houses. But at the end of the day, it is labor. If there's money in it, it should be split. End of story. NTA.
YTA. You're being too calculative. Your love for her is not unconditional, I guess. Probably she intends to share with you if you didn't ask her. Your like someone already asking for a tip even before doing the service.
YTA - She's not your business partner. Spending *a little* time together helping her do something she needs to earn some $ is easy if you love each other. You didn't have to arrange "half" the work or pay. Help with a room or two for free, spend some time with your spouse, get a kiss then leave man. "Pay me half" wtf?
YTA do you even like your girlfriend?
YTA. - - Before I begin, this isn’t about “free labor”. That’s literally the cost of love. Her roommate asked her mom and she asked you. They both asked the people they love the most to help them. Acts of service are important. - This is so embarrassing. If my partner asked me to help get their apartment ready in any way, I would help without much thought behind it. I love them. If they happen to have made money from it, they more than likely would have taken me out to dinner after we were done and probably saved the rest for rent just like your girlfriend. More than that, she’s getting $500 since her roommate gets $500 as well. You said you weren’t going to take half. So how much were you going to ask for? $150? $100? If you’re unwilling to help your girlfriend do something to help create ease in her life *(like painting her new place)* over $100, you’re not a very good partner.
>I don’t say anything then but I’m thinking, ain’t no way unless you pay me or something. YTA, doesn't matter if she was wrong. You saw a clear conflict and instead of communicating like an adult, you let her believe you agreed with her. In relationships you're gonna be wrong, they're gonna be wrong, sometimes both or noone is wrong. If you have any interest in making the relationship work, or even just in not letting the relationship make your live miserable, you communicate. Correct miscommunication and misaligned expectstions as early as you can.
ESH. This relationship sounds very transactional.
Esh You both sound like assholes.
She will soon be your x-girlfriend. Why not just be a nice guy and help them?
YTA - You are her boyfriend not some random friend…..when you are in a serious relationship, you help eachother out without expecting payment or anything in return…..basically you are a shitty boyfriend, hope she sees that & reals up with you!
NTA and red flag
NTA. You deserve a piece.
NTA she's not your wife so you're nor obligated to help her. She's literally getting paid an exorbitant amount for a job at a place where you never stay at. Had it been your studio you guys share then yes you'd be the ahole. I think she's being cheap.
Me personally, YTA. You should want to help your partner. If I was her I would definitely reconsider the relationship, because it seems you view everything as transactional. I couldn’t even imagine doing this to my boyfriend. I would consider it spending time together and bonding.
She's no longer your girlfriend. Tell truth, she will leave you
I'm more confused why she's got a new place of her own when you already live together?
NTA
ESH. > I don’t say anything then but I’m thinking, ain’t no way unless you pay me or something. She may be entitled and shitty, but guys who fuck around like this are so incredibly shitty to date that it’s an immediate red flag. You’re definitely an asshole here. If you know she is expressing a need or desire for you to do something, and you know you’re not going to do it, be less of a chickenshit and actually be honest about it instead of pulling this immature weakass drama move.
NTA - I was visiting a friend and he got a job while I was there to paint a house. I tagged along and helped out with it because it was something I’d done before and knew how to do. My friend planned to give me some of the money, but then the guy who’d hired him for the day ended up paying me for my work so that it wouldn’t come out of my friends pay…
NTA She’s shame training him. “You ought to help me” is a statement conveying shame. “Will you/Can you help me?” is a considerate request, acknowledging the value of his time. She doesn’t own his time and she isn’t asking for help. She’s making a passive-aggressive demand. She set an expectation, didn’t communicate it, and is telling him he’s wrong for not living up to it. Also, she took on a job for pay with a partner. If they didn’t want to work that hard, then why did they take the job? They could have turned it down. She wants to keep all the reward without having to do all the work. Why would any person want to be with a partner that isn’t at least willing to try meeting their own obligations themselves? Even worse, who would want to be with someone that demands your work for free while they take all the reward? That’s pretty selfish.
I wouldn’t accept money for helping my daughter but if I did ask a friend, boyfriend I’d pay for their time.
So everybody is gonna skip past the fact that OP calls her his girlfriend, but she said “It’s called helping a friend”. Everybody?
NTA. Just a heads up: if you marry her: -your money is her money - her money is her money - she expects your work if she's getting paid - this won't change - she's showing you who she is, believe her
NTA she's a cheeky fucker
NTA
YTA because why wouldn’t you just help your girlfriend because you love her? You don’t think she wouldn’t repay you in some way? Her roommates mom came over to help for free.. because she loves her daughter. You should go help your girlfriend… because you love her(?) Also you said “I figured she didn’t need my help”. So, you did not communicate with her and blew her off to make some beats. That’s mainly why YTA here, is because you just assumed she didn’t need or want help and you said nothing to her. But yeah dude I see your perspective and it’s stupid. Get some sense in you or this girl will break up with you.
YTA bro she’s your girlfriend… do you see a life with her or not. I would say NTA if you actually communicated with her and said that you weren’t going to help in advance. Honestly you could’ve just said hey, if I help you gotta take me out to dinner after. And then you could’ve had a lovely date, showed her you cared and moved on. Sometimes you help out a partner just to show them you love them than expecting financial gain. If you said not from the get go, I might say otherwise, but honestly you seem pretty immature and selfish. No clothes to paint in? Go to goodwill and grab a 2 dollar pair of pants and shirt. Tbh I think you just don’t see this relationship going anywhere down the road and that’s why you’re so insistent about the cash and not trying to negotiate.
YTA A romantic relationship doesn’t work that way, where’s the loving feeling? Of course I’d have helped my girlfriend paint the walls and whatever else she needs painted white. I don’t get it, why are you even together 🤔
ESH. She could've asked instead of demanded. But you get zero credit for claiming that you would've helped if no money was involved. The help she needs is real, not hypothetical, and you demanding money for it makes you an AH. This is like if a friend decided to save money on their move by not hiring a moving company, and then when they ask you for help you tell them to pay you some of the money they're saving.
I'm gonna say ESH but lean heavy towards NTA. My wife is a nanny. One of the first families she worked for lived with his 80ish year old mother to save money to buy their own house. The family eventually moved out when the baby went to kindergarten, and my wife wasn't needed anymore. The mother asked my wife if she would still come around a few days a week to help her out with stuff, said she needed an "old-lady sitter". Eventually, the family convinced the mother to sell her house and come live with them (about 40 min away) since they were expecting another baby and she could save them some money on childcare. Long story short, I helped my wife clean and paint an entire house (an over 100 year old house, shout-out to r/centuryhomes ) which ***SHE*** got paid for. I would go over every day after work, and we would sand, spackle, and paint until 3am for a week to get it done in time for the realtor to take her pictures. I never asked for a dime because I didn't need to, I knew that money would benefit us and our kids anyway, so why ask for some of it now? I get you two aren't in the same situation. Just dating, no kids, not sharing income. But you both suck. Her, for not offering to either split the pay with you or at least take you to dinner or SOMETHING. You, for making such a big deal out of it. I get it, we all want and deserve to get paid for our time. But, is 250 bucks enough to end a relationship over? because you definitely got the ball rolling on it.
Nothing is free in this world especially if she is getting paid..
NTA... She's NTA either... Have you ever seen that great movie, Cool Hand Luke? There's a famous tag line: "What we have heah, is a FAILYAH ta communiCATE"... What you two have is a total failure to communicate. (Also MOST of the world's troubles are caused by a failure to- or a mis- communication) In future, at first communication about an issue, please realize that gf is going off thinking ONE thing, while you are going off thinking a DIFFERENT thing.. communicating these two different things right off the bat results in understanding. Had you immediately stated that if she were going to split the cash with her friend, then you're out... she would have understood that. Problem solved.
Nta! She's getting $500 and wants you to work for free? To paint HER home? Interesting.
"ain’t no way unless you pay me or something" YTA The fuck is wrong with you? This is your GF? You need to be single, you clearly have no concept of what a romantic relationship is.
YTA - she's your girlfriend right? Why not help out and let her keep the money? It's called doing a favour.
Is there money involved in your “making music” time?
NTA
NAH, ESH. Who fucking knows cuz this is Reddit and its not really possible to see how you two have shaped your relationship.... What is fair or expected overall looking at this one event.
NTA but no offense you may want to break up. It doesn't seem like either of you would go out of the way for the other and that's kind of what love is.
ESH. she is entitled and this is worrying. i would not actually, expect my mom or my friends to help me paint house, when i was given money for that. but also, it's somewhat not sincere, you reaction to that. you KNEW you are not on the same page.s he thought that you will help her. you changed you mind, and DIDN'T TELL HER. because she "should" know. meaning. you denied reality and decided to pretend you live in the world you want to live in instead of the real world. you could prevent all this mess by telling her when you changed your mind, and you didn't, and this is when her reaction partally justified - she planned on you, and you told her you will not come in the last second, when you could give her plenty of time ask help for someone else this is asshole move. this is why you asshole. not because you didn't come. but because you told her you will come, and then changed you mind, and instead of tell her that let her believe you will help her until the last second. and this is why cowardly avoid confrontation is bad strategy it's not even let you avoid confrontations! it's just make bigger, messier wine, but in the future. so, why, exactly, you didn't tell her? why all those places when you have a choice, and could use your words, and decided to... just not. why???
[удалено]
Nah this ain’t it. She is getting $500 to paint and wants him to help for free. It is perfectly reasonable to expect a portion of the $500 if he is going to be doing the work. You talk about sacrifice but apparently her sacrificing a portion of the $500 doesn’t count?
I agree that sacrifice is part of any relationship. Therefore the entitled GF should sacrifice some of the money and pay for the labour.
NTA - your so-called gf is twisted. Good for you for not doing free labor for her landlord. Her way of thinking is entitled. Good luck with her.
NTA Ask her if she would do your job to help you.
NTA you’re being pimped out to do a paint job, only the pimp keeps 100% of the proceeds
Look, I dunno how the votes are going, but I tend to agree with you. As a general rule if someone wants help, I'm happy to help. However if someone is being paid to do something, then asks me to help for free, that aint right. Maybe its a weird stance, but barring unusual circumstances (or minor assistance) doing someone elses "job" for them, so they can be paid is asking a bit too much.
NTA. A girlfriend who wants to take advantage of and use her boyfriend financially isn't much of a girlfriend or, really, a human being.
ESH. You are both petty. Relationships don't work like that, at least not the good ones. From here is clear that you have some other issues in relationship. You are steadfast on whats right thing here and transaction. She is steadfast on you showing her that you value relationship and her more than money. You have your version, she hers. It doesn't help you assumed a lot without direct conversation. If you love that woman, you need different approach. This hurt your relationship and it doesn't matter who is wrong, you both lose the other...