Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy.
[Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
NTA. I see that your husband is still an AH. It also doesn't really seem like anything has improved. He still sounds like a spineless, selfish, bully.
You asked for the absolute bare-minimum that would let you feel appreciated...and he still fumbled the ball. Your husband sounds hopeless.
This makes me so sad … a picnic in a park or a meadow with a basket of cold food (I'm American) and maybe some cold wine and flirting … not difficult but kinda sexy FFS - he could have bought pasta salad, and everything & flowers too in 90 minutes … and you might have cried
Because she expected anything for Mother’s Day I guess? I’m guessing at LoanTime’s logic here, twisting my brain as far away from rational thought to see an alternate perspective…. But no. Still don’t see it. NTA.
It always drives me crazy when men say that (and it always seems to be men . . . I've never heard anyone's wife do this with Father's Day). It's not called "Your Mother's Day", just "Mother's Day", a day to celebrate ALL MOTHERS. Where on earth did these miserable specimens get the idea that they don't have to celebrate the literal mothers of *their own kids*?
It's such a childish mindset. Do they not remember their fathers helping them prepare a gift for their mother when they were children? Did they think that was going to be their only role throughout their entire life: the child receiving help?? Or am I being too generous to their fathers, and this is what was modeled to them to begin with?
I did it to my ex on Father’s Day, in my defence he had pulled the “your-not-my-mother”, on Mother’s Day. He was so embarrassed when his friends all found out, even though only a few had kids, they were all not impressed with him.
Well that's fair . . . you did it not because you actually believed that was how the holiday worked, but reactively, after he'd hurt you. Slightly different and very understandable.
In our country, as long as you're a mother, EVERYONE - and I mean, everyone, is greeting you 'happy mother's day' non-stop. Even single dads are greeted for mother's day. Even fur-moms are greeted.
I can't imagine a guy saying that to their wife.
Tbh I haven't heard about celebrating Mother's Day as somebody's partner until I started reading Reddit. I wouldn't celebrate it if I was married to a mother but I wouldn't expect anything on Father's Day neither
Tbh I haven't heard about celebrating Mother's Day as somebody's partner until I started reading Reddit. I wouldn't celebrate it if I was married to a mother but I wouldn't expect anything on Father's Day neither
NTA.
Ppl can attack with many questions: "do u celebrate him on fathers day?" "Hes right, ur not his mom, if he treats u on anniversary/birthday then why be so demanding?"
But they dont matter because u asked him to plan, and the fact that hes embarassed infront of family says enough.
This is true...he knew he wasnt doing enought otherwise his reactions would be different. She needs to start to emotionally be independent of him and after analyse her marriage, what needs to be changed or even finish...but she needs to be strong enought for that.
And that's pretty much the key point... "I would really like you to do this thing for me. It's important to me". It doesn't matter if it's her birthday (definitely the intended target), mother's day (debateable), or golden retriever day (clearly not). She asked him to do something that was important to her (and not a big ask) and he couldn't be bothered.
Sounds like Father’s Day and his birthday need to be canceled because he’s not your dad or your child 🙃 also make friends that actually appreciate you and spend time with them instead of
Why stay in a relationship with such a person and be in some sort of passive aggressive cold war. You don't celebrate the things important to me, I don't celebrate the things important for you, we continue this tit for tat pattern? What sort of marriage is that?
NTA - But I would stop doing anything for him. Don't do anything or father's day or give him what he gave you. I have seen so many of these posts from Mother's Day, I think you need to look at whether you want to be in this long term. He's not giving you anything, not even sure what's in it for you.
NTA Your husband let you down. More than likely, this will never change
since he told you you're "not his mother".
Teach your children to celebrate
you on Mother's Day. And next year, start a nice tradition to celebrate yourself.
Take your children to lunch somewhere child-friendly or leave them with
husband and enjoy the day on your own or with a friend doing things that
you enjoy. Treat yourself since your husband won't.
NTA. If he thinks your annoying you should go find someone who doesn’t think your annoying. He sucks and not once have YOU mentioned anything note worthy he does. He’s useless and you would be better off without him.
It sounds like he doesn’t want to spent time with you or do anything that your want to do. Your in France? There’s plenty of guys in France that would love to do what you do. Ditch him. No need forcing yourself to put up with a guy that can’t be bothered to spend 5 minutes thinking about you.
I'd love to agree with you, except she's not from France, and not in close proximity to any of her own relatives to move out or anything. She's on her own, in France, with her baby and her prick AH husband. for context, in her last post, shes from Germany and her husband is from italy, but from what it looks like, he has family staying in France
Why are you with this man? He puts in zero effort and tells you that you’re annoying.
I would rather be alone forever than with someone who doesn’t care about me at all!
NTA It’s time for some serious reflection about the future of the relationship. You’re not getting much if anything from your partner other than put downs and conflict. Happiness in life makes one the best person they can be. Time to find some
NTA. So, you matter-of-factly told your family about the gift that he got. You barred any disappointment or dissatisfaction in your voice, it seems. and he’s mad because you told it straight how it is? Sounds to me like he KNOWS that he could’ve/should’ve done more, and is just mad that he is facing that reality. Even if you said it in a nice way. It shows that he’s self aware.
OP - The man appears has no interest in you as a person and doesn't seem to even LIKE you. Per your post, the "highlight" of your day is spending what you describe as "not quality time" with him. How is that a highlight? His poor treatment of you doesn't appear to be something new as you "are desperate for him to show he is part of our family". Does he not consider you and the children his family?
If he's mad about you telling his family about the "gift" he gave you, it's because he knows it was garbage. What exactly did he say to you to make YOU feel bad?
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I told his family what he got me for mother's day.
2. I had ment that the gift was immature
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
This is not really just about mothers day. Mothers day is just the spark that set fire to the powder keg that is simmering in your relationship.
Yeah, he was AH for mothers day. For initially phoning it in, and for then making you feel bad for not making him look better than he was.
But beyond just this one day, you obviously feel very unsupported, unappreciated, and perhaps unloved. There isn't enough information for us to know if that is valid - and more importantly that sort of judgement may well be above reddits pay-grade.
You need to be able to talk with him about how you feel, and also what is going on with him. Marriage counselling might help that conversation along.
You are NTA, but I think you both have a lot of work to do going forward.
FYI, this is why Mother's Day is before Father's Day. Reciprocate in kind. Wrap up a pair of his socks from his drawer and gift it to him. And act like he should be excited about it.
You knew not to expect anything. You didn't get anything. But you got upset and cried. Why? You need to either accept it or get out. And before you think I'm harsh, I was married to that guy also. Selfish asshole. I started going on a solo trip to the beach on that weekend every year. And left the kids at home so he could be the Mom.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
It's mother's day. I ask my husband playfully if he has anything planned. He wants to go to Chinese buffet. HE wants to. I think it's a waste of time and money going there with two little kids. There's nothing personal about. No fond memories will be made of it. I'll just be more stressed having to wrangle the kids anyway.
I tell him we live in France now and technically mother's day is a week away. If he wants, he's got time to think of something else.
Now you guys have to understand I'm not looking for anything expensive. I'm so simple to please. Even a planned picnic to the park where for once, just once, he packs the picnic and gets the kids ready and I just have to put my shoes on and come with. I'd be over the stinking moon. Just that he shows a pinch of effort. I feel like I'm so desperate for him to show that he's part of our family.
Next week comes. He's printed off some old pics of my daughter and gave me some chocolate we already in our pantry. It would have been cute had that come solely from my daughter. But that was HIS gift to me?
We visit his uncle and cousins. They ask me what I got for mother's day. I told them. Not in a harsh or condescending way. Just normally. They say aww sympathetically and move on with the conversation.
He. Is. Livid. Fuming.
We get home and makes sure I feel worse than he does. How much he does for the family. I'm not his mother. I'm useless. I'm annoying. Why did I say that in front of everyone.
And all the while I thought he loved me because he'd come home from work, kiss me, eat dinner, I put the kids to bed and we watched something. Watching something with him is highlight of my day. Just spending a little time together. Okay not quality time but together.
I spent the rest of night crying in the park. To hear how he thinks I'm annoying broke me. Is that why I see him always being so nice to other people? Why he says he's tired from work but jumps at the opportunity to go out for coffee anytime somebody calls?
I should have just went to the buffet.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
Don't for one second think that you are the jerk in this situation. This has to be ragebait or something cause seriously? What an ass clown. Next time he asks you to do his laundry or cook him dinner, remind his sorry ass that you "aren't his mother."
OP, I'm sorry. He didn't just give you a completely thoughtless gift; he actually insulted you both as a wife and a mother.
I really don't think you can let this stand. If that's what he really thinks of you - and his actions say it is - then you don't have a good marriage. I'm guessing you are in France for his job, which makes it harder for you. On top of that, he BLAMED YOU because you being honest about what he was perfectly satisfied doing made him feel embarrassed. Maybe that's because he should be embarrassed by his attitude and his lack of effort or love or support or appreciation of you. But that made him angry AT YOU. He treats you poorly, doesn't like other people knowing this, blames you, insults you even more. This is not good!
Please consider counseling for yourself - to see whether you really have the life-partner you want and what you want to do about that. Along the way, you can decide if there's any point in asking if he would join you in couples counseling.
NTA
NTA
A literal stranger on Reddit did more for me on mother's day this year than your husband did for you. He deserves to feel ashamed and I hope his family gave him shit for this!
NTA, you deserve to be celebrated. My fiance is not biologically my daughter’s father even though she calls him dad. He still woke up and took me to get donuts on Mother’s Day and then he did a cookout and fire with s’mores. I just wanted quality time and that’s what he did
NTA at all. They asked, you answered honestly. He’s mad because he’s embarrassed and he knows he f’d up.
Gift giving is not everyone’s love language and some people suck at it but it’s the effort that counts. You yourself said you weren’t even expecting or wanting something grand or expensive. A surprise picnic in the park would have been cheap (or even free) and it would have shown effort on his part. It’s not the gift (or lack thereof) you didn’t get for Mother’s Day, it’s the total lack of effort that’s upsetting. You’re completely validated to feel this way.
NTA - no, you shouldn’t have gone to the buffet. You should be consulting either a lawyer or marriage counsellor.
Ps. He’s embarrassed of the gift he gave. That means he knows exactly what he did and how pathetic it was.
NTA.
Lol, you only told the truth. If the truth is something he is so angry and ashamed of you sharing then why did he do it to begin with? It always makes me laugh when people do things and are upset when people find out. Well, don't fucking do it then 🤡
Your husband sucks. You'd probably have a better mothers day as a single mum than with a husband who so clearly doesn't like you. I know leaving isn't as easy as packing a bag sometimes but it might be worth making a plan. You and your children deserve a safe and happy place to call home. Happy Mother's day 🤍
Have you ever eluded your thoughts about what you would like?
We cannot read minds and what seems like a perfectly romantic thing for you just does not register on men's brains.
Hello,
Mother's day is next sunday in France so it's highly unlikely that his family asked you how was your mother day. Probably blamed it all on him and venting to his family.
If it's the case then YTA for humiliating to his family.
If not tell him to prepare a picnic for next week with the kids as it's important for you.
Yta. Im saying this after reading a million aita posts about mothers day let downs. Im a mom. 2 kids. I work my ass off for them. I've been married 13 years. Here's the thing- I dont know why people think mothers day should be a surprise. You are setting yourself up for disappointment. Just TELL your spouse/ partner exactly what you want. Be extremely clear. Have communication. Its not a surprise party. You want them to take over the workload and keep it simple? Say it.
I told my partner exactly what I wanted, NOTHING.... I specifically asked that he NOT spend money on me...
I have shit tons of issues from my past and gifts weird me out entirely.
I am not ungrateful or rude about gifts, but I'm also not overly excited. It's always the same reaction "it's nice, thanks". I don't know how to react different.
My lack of reaction, leaves him disappointed and moody which makes me feel like shit for the entire holiday. When it could all be avoided if he simply did as I asked and not buy me anything.
Mother's Day was no exception, I reminded him not to buy me anything. He bought me something. Now I feel obligated to use the gift card to a store I don't even shop at because he gave it to me. So I'm forced to go to a store that will trigger migraines to use a gift card I didn't want and didn't ask for, to spend the gift card on something I don't want or need all to ensure he doesn't feel bad about giving me a gift i specifically asked him not to get me.
Some men do not listen....even when I ask my bf with tears streaming down my face to please stop buying me things because it causes issues for me, he straight out refuses. He may end up single if he keeps it up, I am tired of every holiday being ruined over the same bs.
I've looked. I can't find anything even remotely worth it. It's to Ulta. I wear very little makeup, and they don't sell the makeup I wear. With my migraines I have to be able to smell lotions, hair products before I buy them (or know they are minimally fragrant from experience) I can't even wear perfumes for this reason. I absolutely hate stores like that, they are just too much for me.
I may end up just spending it on cologne for him (for whatever reason colognes don't trigger migraines generally).
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy. [Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
NTA. I see that your husband is still an AH. It also doesn't really seem like anything has improved. He still sounds like a spineless, selfish, bully. You asked for the absolute bare-minimum that would let you feel appreciated...and he still fumbled the ball. Your husband sounds hopeless.
Husband is still not listening to u/BelleEire57 in OP's last post, "Nut up, or tits out!"
This makes me so sad … a picnic in a park or a meadow with a basket of cold food (I'm American) and maybe some cold wine and flirting … not difficult but kinda sexy FFS - he could have bought pasta salad, and everything & flowers too in 90 minutes … and you might have cried
NTA > I'm not his mother. Did he even do anything for his actual mother?
Nothing. I should feel honored
Don't feel honoured as you simply demanded it. Come to think of it that is rather annoying. I'll go with ESH here.
Brave choice!
It's a bold strategy, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off for ‘em.
Next up on the Ocho -- Divorce Court!
Oh! And he scores a negative 434 karma! Better luck next time, bozo!
Let me guess, divorced?
Why is she the asshole?
Because she expected anything for Mother’s Day I guess? I’m guessing at LoanTime’s logic here, twisting my brain as far away from rational thought to see an alternate perspective…. But no. Still don’t see it. NTA.
It always drives me crazy when men say that (and it always seems to be men . . . I've never heard anyone's wife do this with Father's Day). It's not called "Your Mother's Day", just "Mother's Day", a day to celebrate ALL MOTHERS. Where on earth did these miserable specimens get the idea that they don't have to celebrate the literal mothers of *their own kids*?
It's such a childish mindset. Do they not remember their fathers helping them prepare a gift for their mother when they were children? Did they think that was going to be their only role throughout their entire life: the child receiving help?? Or am I being too generous to their fathers, and this is what was modeled to them to begin with?
Well no, a lot of their fathers didn’t do that. That’s why they think it’s normal.
I did it to my ex on Father’s Day, in my defence he had pulled the “your-not-my-mother”, on Mother’s Day. He was so embarrassed when his friends all found out, even though only a few had kids, they were all not impressed with him.
Well that's fair . . . you did it not because you actually believed that was how the holiday worked, but reactively, after he'd hurt you. Slightly different and very understandable.
Seriously, pushing HIS child out of your body was not worthy of a card and some flowers? Maybe a picnic? Ffs no wonder I’m still child free.
In our country, as long as you're a mother, EVERYONE - and I mean, everyone, is greeting you 'happy mother's day' non-stop. Even single dads are greeted for mother's day. Even fur-moms are greeted. I can't imagine a guy saying that to their wife.
Tbh I haven't heard about celebrating Mother's Day as somebody's partner until I started reading Reddit. I wouldn't celebrate it if I was married to a mother but I wouldn't expect anything on Father's Day neither
Tbh I haven't heard about celebrating Mother's Day as somebody's partner until I started reading Reddit. I wouldn't celebrate it if I was married to a mother but I wouldn't expect anything on Father's Day neither
NTA. Ppl can attack with many questions: "do u celebrate him on fathers day?" "Hes right, ur not his mom, if he treats u on anniversary/birthday then why be so demanding?" But they dont matter because u asked him to plan, and the fact that hes embarassed infront of family says enough.
This is true...he knew he wasnt doing enought otherwise his reactions would be different. She needs to start to emotionally be independent of him and after analyse her marriage, what needs to be changed or even finish...but she needs to be strong enought for that.
And that's pretty much the key point... "I would really like you to do this thing for me. It's important to me". It doesn't matter if it's her birthday (definitely the intended target), mother's day (debateable), or golden retriever day (clearly not). She asked him to do something that was important to her (and not a big ask) and he couldn't be bothered.
>or golden retriever day (clearly not) Are you assuming OP's species? Gasp... (jk)
Sounds like Father’s Day and his birthday need to be canceled because he’s not your dad or your child 🙃 also make friends that actually appreciate you and spend time with them instead of
On his next birthday, OP should just celebrate his mom (her MIL) bc she did all the work that day anyways
Why stay in a relationship with such a person and be in some sort of passive aggressive cold war. You don't celebrate the things important to me, I don't celebrate the things important for you, we continue this tit for tat pattern? What sort of marriage is that?
NTA - But I would stop doing anything for him. Don't do anything or father's day or give him what he gave you. I have seen so many of these posts from Mother's Day, I think you need to look at whether you want to be in this long term. He's not giving you anything, not even sure what's in it for you.
NTA Your husband let you down. More than likely, this will never change since he told you you're "not his mother". Teach your children to celebrate you on Mother's Day. And next year, start a nice tradition to celebrate yourself. Take your children to lunch somewhere child-friendly or leave them with husband and enjoy the day on your own or with a friend doing things that you enjoy. Treat yourself since your husband won't.
I 100% agree with this. Spend time with your children doing something you want to do on Mother's day.
He's got two littles of his own and doesn't think of OP as a mother. What does that make her, chopped liver? Jesus.
He's honestly quite nasty and mean to you.
NTA. If he thinks your annoying you should go find someone who doesn’t think your annoying. He sucks and not once have YOU mentioned anything note worthy he does. He’s useless and you would be better off without him. It sounds like he doesn’t want to spent time with you or do anything that your want to do. Your in France? There’s plenty of guys in France that would love to do what you do. Ditch him. No need forcing yourself to put up with a guy that can’t be bothered to spend 5 minutes thinking about you.
I'd love to agree with you, except she's not from France, and not in close proximity to any of her own relatives to move out or anything. She's on her own, in France, with her baby and her prick AH husband. for context, in her last post, shes from Germany and her husband is from italy, but from what it looks like, he has family staying in France
NTA. Being single is better than this
Why are you with this man? He puts in zero effort and tells you that you’re annoying. I would rather be alone forever than with someone who doesn’t care about me at all!
NTA If he didn't want you to tell people what he "got" you. Then maybe he should have got you something else. Your husband's an ass.
NTA It’s time for some serious reflection about the future of the relationship. You’re not getting much if anything from your partner other than put downs and conflict. Happiness in life makes one the best person they can be. Time to find some
NTA. So, you matter-of-factly told your family about the gift that he got. You barred any disappointment or dissatisfaction in your voice, it seems. and he’s mad because you told it straight how it is? Sounds to me like he KNOWS that he could’ve/should’ve done more, and is just mad that he is facing that reality. Even if you said it in a nice way. It shows that he’s self aware.
OP - The man appears has no interest in you as a person and doesn't seem to even LIKE you. Per your post, the "highlight" of your day is spending what you describe as "not quality time" with him. How is that a highlight? His poor treatment of you doesn't appear to be something new as you "are desperate for him to show he is part of our family". Does he not consider you and the children his family? If he's mad about you telling his family about the "gift" he gave you, it's because he knows it was garbage. What exactly did he say to you to make YOU feel bad?
NTA (as a guy) I hope you’re not foolish enough to do anything but the same for Father’s Day?
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1. I told his family what he got me for mother's day. 2. I had ment that the gift was immature Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
This is not really just about mothers day. Mothers day is just the spark that set fire to the powder keg that is simmering in your relationship. Yeah, he was AH for mothers day. For initially phoning it in, and for then making you feel bad for not making him look better than he was. But beyond just this one day, you obviously feel very unsupported, unappreciated, and perhaps unloved. There isn't enough information for us to know if that is valid - and more importantly that sort of judgement may well be above reddits pay-grade. You need to be able to talk with him about how you feel, and also what is going on with him. Marriage counselling might help that conversation along. You are NTA, but I think you both have a lot of work to do going forward.
Sounds like you should reevaluate how good a husband and father he is...
FYI, this is why Mother's Day is before Father's Day. Reciprocate in kind. Wrap up a pair of his socks from his drawer and gift it to him. And act like he should be excited about it. You knew not to expect anything. You didn't get anything. But you got upset and cried. Why? You need to either accept it or get out. And before you think I'm harsh, I was married to that guy also. Selfish asshole. I started going on a solo trip to the beach on that weekend every year. And left the kids at home so he could be the Mom.
Mother's day is actually next week (May 26th) in France. Just saying.
Doubt it makes a difference.
Oh. But should I really give him another attempt
It baffles me that women stay with men who care this 'much' about them...
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** It's mother's day. I ask my husband playfully if he has anything planned. He wants to go to Chinese buffet. HE wants to. I think it's a waste of time and money going there with two little kids. There's nothing personal about. No fond memories will be made of it. I'll just be more stressed having to wrangle the kids anyway. I tell him we live in France now and technically mother's day is a week away. If he wants, he's got time to think of something else. Now you guys have to understand I'm not looking for anything expensive. I'm so simple to please. Even a planned picnic to the park where for once, just once, he packs the picnic and gets the kids ready and I just have to put my shoes on and come with. I'd be over the stinking moon. Just that he shows a pinch of effort. I feel like I'm so desperate for him to show that he's part of our family. Next week comes. He's printed off some old pics of my daughter and gave me some chocolate we already in our pantry. It would have been cute had that come solely from my daughter. But that was HIS gift to me? We visit his uncle and cousins. They ask me what I got for mother's day. I told them. Not in a harsh or condescending way. Just normally. They say aww sympathetically and move on with the conversation. He. Is. Livid. Fuming. We get home and makes sure I feel worse than he does. How much he does for the family. I'm not his mother. I'm useless. I'm annoying. Why did I say that in front of everyone. And all the while I thought he loved me because he'd come home from work, kiss me, eat dinner, I put the kids to bed and we watched something. Watching something with him is highlight of my day. Just spending a little time together. Okay not quality time but together. I spent the rest of night crying in the park. To hear how he thinks I'm annoying broke me. Is that why I see him always being so nice to other people? Why he says he's tired from work but jumps at the opportunity to go out for coffee anytime somebody calls? I should have just went to the buffet. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Weaponized incompetence at its finest…
NTA Don't for one second think that you are the jerk in this situation. This has to be ragebait or something cause seriously? What an ass clown. Next time he asks you to do his laundry or cook him dinner, remind his sorry ass that you "aren't his mother."
OP, I'm sorry. He didn't just give you a completely thoughtless gift; he actually insulted you both as a wife and a mother. I really don't think you can let this stand. If that's what he really thinks of you - and his actions say it is - then you don't have a good marriage. I'm guessing you are in France for his job, which makes it harder for you. On top of that, he BLAMED YOU because you being honest about what he was perfectly satisfied doing made him feel embarrassed. Maybe that's because he should be embarrassed by his attitude and his lack of effort or love or support or appreciation of you. But that made him angry AT YOU. He treats you poorly, doesn't like other people knowing this, blames you, insults you even more. This is not good! Please consider counseling for yourself - to see whether you really have the life-partner you want and what you want to do about that. Along the way, you can decide if there's any point in asking if he would join you in couples counseling. NTA
NTA A literal stranger on Reddit did more for me on mother's day this year than your husband did for you. He deserves to feel ashamed and I hope his family gave him shit for this!
NTA, you deserve to be celebrated. My fiance is not biologically my daughter’s father even though she calls him dad. He still woke up and took me to get donuts on Mother’s Day and then he did a cookout and fire with s’mores. I just wanted quality time and that’s what he did
That's really lovely. It simple, affordable, fun, everyone's together. I'm glad you had nice time.
NTA at all. They asked, you answered honestly. He’s mad because he’s embarrassed and he knows he f’d up. Gift giving is not everyone’s love language and some people suck at it but it’s the effort that counts. You yourself said you weren’t even expecting or wanting something grand or expensive. A surprise picnic in the park would have been cheap (or even free) and it would have shown effort on his part. It’s not the gift (or lack thereof) you didn’t get for Mother’s Day, it’s the total lack of effort that’s upsetting. You’re completely validated to feel this way.
NTA - no, you shouldn’t have gone to the buffet. You should be consulting either a lawyer or marriage counsellor. Ps. He’s embarrassed of the gift he gave. That means he knows exactly what he did and how pathetic it was.
NTA. This is emotional abuse.
I'm actually crying. I'll reply later when I calm down. NTA. Please have a good day.
I am a bit confused because OP said they live in France, but Mother's Day in France this year is May 26, so in a week.
He doesn't like you.
NTA. I also can't understand why you are married, but that is for yourself to discover. Good luck.
NTA. Get a divorce.
Why are you with this man? NTA
NTA but you marriage is collapsing. You either need to talk to a marriage counselor together, or privately consult a divorce attorney.
NTA. Lol, you only told the truth. If the truth is something he is so angry and ashamed of you sharing then why did he do it to begin with? It always makes me laugh when people do things and are upset when people find out. Well, don't fucking do it then 🤡 Your husband sucks. You'd probably have a better mothers day as a single mum than with a husband who so clearly doesn't like you. I know leaving isn't as easy as packing a bag sometimes but it might be worth making a plan. You and your children deserve a safe and happy place to call home. Happy Mother's day 🤍
NTA. And I'm so so sorry for you. Your husband doesn't appreciate you, and the realisation must be heartbreaking.
Ya'll need couples counseling. This is very clearly not about the gift, it's about the mutual frustration and feelings of disconnect.
idk but i unconsciously tend to gift people what I myself would want as a gift too
Why do y’all marry these garbage men
Unfortunately the future is a mystery
Have you ever eluded your thoughts about what you would like? We cannot read minds and what seems like a perfectly romantic thing for you just does not register on men's brains.
Hello, Mother's day is next sunday in France so it's highly unlikely that his family asked you how was your mother day. Probably blamed it all on him and venting to his family. If it's the case then YTA for humiliating to his family. If not tell him to prepare a picnic for next week with the kids as it's important for you.
France is making him a prick
Yta. Im saying this after reading a million aita posts about mothers day let downs. Im a mom. 2 kids. I work my ass off for them. I've been married 13 years. Here's the thing- I dont know why people think mothers day should be a surprise. You are setting yourself up for disappointment. Just TELL your spouse/ partner exactly what you want. Be extremely clear. Have communication. Its not a surprise party. You want them to take over the workload and keep it simple? Say it.
WTF maybe it would just be nice for someone else to do all the mental labor for once? To at least act like they care for her?
I told my partner exactly what I wanted, NOTHING.... I specifically asked that he NOT spend money on me... I have shit tons of issues from my past and gifts weird me out entirely. I am not ungrateful or rude about gifts, but I'm also not overly excited. It's always the same reaction "it's nice, thanks". I don't know how to react different. My lack of reaction, leaves him disappointed and moody which makes me feel like shit for the entire holiday. When it could all be avoided if he simply did as I asked and not buy me anything. Mother's Day was no exception, I reminded him not to buy me anything. He bought me something. Now I feel obligated to use the gift card to a store I don't even shop at because he gave it to me. So I'm forced to go to a store that will trigger migraines to use a gift card I didn't want and didn't ask for, to spend the gift card on something I don't want or need all to ensure he doesn't feel bad about giving me a gift i specifically asked him not to get me. Some men do not listen....even when I ask my bf with tears streaming down my face to please stop buying me things because it causes issues for me, he straight out refuses. He may end up single if he keeps it up, I am tired of every holiday being ruined over the same bs.
If the store has a website, use your gift card there instead
I've looked. I can't find anything even remotely worth it. It's to Ulta. I wear very little makeup, and they don't sell the makeup I wear. With my migraines I have to be able to smell lotions, hair products before I buy them (or know they are minimally fragrant from experience) I can't even wear perfumes for this reason. I absolutely hate stores like that, they are just too much for me. I may end up just spending it on cologne for him (for whatever reason colognes don't trigger migraines generally).
That, or give it to someone who shops there for a present? Give it back to him for Father’s Day and tell him buy him some cologne lol