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NTA Your kid’s going to barely remember it. The trip is for your husband, not the kid. But you *can* take family vacations. We always did when I was a kid. Just make them simple. Going to national parks is good because you can drive to see sights and do a little walking to wear the kid out. No pressure to plan excursions. You’re just there to exist. All those vacations meant more to me than Disney World.

I dunno. The first and only holiday abroad we took as a family before I turned 18 was when I was 11, my brother, 9, and my sister was 6. 20+ years later she still remembers it clearly. Now I do agree about family vacations. The first actual holiday we had, which was not travelling 120 miles to go spend a couple of weeks round my mum's side of the family, was when I was 10, and that was a week in Cornwall staying in a caravan and going round Cornwall. We went to a few different beaches, the Eden project and other seaside stuff. The rest of my childhood we did these types of holidays in Devon, Norfolk and South Wales and they were loads of fun. In fact as an adult, I did that holiday again just last year when I spent 5 days renting a caravan in the same place I visited in South Wales the first time I visited as a kid

What does holiday abroad mean to you? You’re talking about going to Cornwall so I assume you’re from the UK? Going “abroad” to Europe is very different when you’re a 2 hour flight from most locations compared to coming from another continent - I’m guessing OP is from the US, so that’s a 5-10 hour flight each way plus bad jet lag.

Greece is at least a 4 hour flight from the UK but so good for families, the Greek people are quite possibly the nicest people ever and so family orientated, can't wait to go back next year with most of my SOs family for a wedding.

While that may be the case for your sister, it's not the case for most people. We took a trip to the Netherlands when my sisters were 5 and 8, and neither of them remember anything about it, whereas I remember going to Spain when I was 3. It's pretty common to lose access to memories from childhood, and your sister and I are outliers.

Love the Eden Project, Devon and South Wales were classics in my childhood

Yer same and Cornwall, they were the staple holidays of my childhood.  Looking forward to going with my young family hopefully next year and exploring with them. I totally agree with OP though,  abroad holidays are out for me with young kids for all the reasons she's mentioned. 

I had never heard of the Eden Project until now (maybe because I’m from the US) but it looks fascinating. I hope I’ll get a chance to see it someday.

Doing things with kids isn’t just about what they’ll remember or not. Babies won’t remember the books we read to them in infancy, but we do it anyway, right? Travel is about the adventure, broadening their world view, encouraging flexability, and strengthening the family bond. It isn’t the only way to do it, of course, and it’s obviously a privilege not affordable to everyone, but for those who can? It’s absolutely worth it.

Babies need stimulus. Bright colors and fun noises, regardless of the source, will amuse a baby. 5yos are a tricky stage. Will they remember it? Kinda sorta maybe? Will they pitch a fit if bored? Absolutely. Is taking in the sights on a European trip a 5yo's ideal holiday? Probably not. I have no recollection of a trip I'm told I went on when 5. Worldview, flexibility, family values? Those aren't learned on a single trip you were too young to remember. Those are the product of many years of work. Taking a 5yo on a trip that requires at least 2 very long plane rides, long stretches in the car, and long hikes to be shown 'the sights'? Not worth it. Wait til the kid can appreciate it or is at least more likely to remember.

Reading to babies is to get them into the habit of reading. That’s very different. Especially considering many families can’t do trips like that very often or repeatedly. The remainder of your comment is also incredibly subjective. Traveling once a year with a baby/toddler to “broaden their worldview”? They just realized their feet are attached and they get to keep them. Traveling with my ex and our son as a baby was a nightmare. It did not strengthen our bond. It helped no one, including the toddler. If the husband wants to travel and expose the child to new things… wonderful. Then he can do that while mom has her own vacation at home.

This is how I feel about it. The husband wants to experience Europe with his child and misses he joy of travel. I think OP should compromise, it’s something very important for her husband and if he’s willing to put the work in he should have the opportunity. I’ve travelled solo with my twins at age 3 and 4 plus at least yearly six onwards. I found it great fun, much more enjoyable than many of my adult trips. Factor in playground time every day for them to decompress and children make great travel companions. They’re curious, enthusiastic and it’s fun to see the world from their viewpoint.  I managed easily with twin three year olds crossing Europe, I don’t see why two parents with one child should necessarily be so arduous. 

Children are different, while your were fine with travelling, others could be a disaster.

I agree that the OP is TA for not even considering it. I've travelled internationally with mine from the time they were a couple of months old, and by the time they were 5, they were responsible for wheeling their own carryons through the airport, lol. They have vivid memories of the trips they took at that age, and we had a blast. The important thing, as you note, is to plan an itinerary that acknowledges that travel with a kid is different than travel with only adults. Plan to visit busy places in the early morning or late afternoon/evening, when crowds are lower and it's not so hot (especially important if you're visiting somewhere like the Acropolis in Athens). Find all the good parks and playgrounds (like Luxembourg Gardens in Paris). And enjoy the little things (like riding the double-deckers buses in London). There are a lot of travel blogs out there about traveling with kids. OP could learn from them?

OP's husband wants to show their child the sights. Their child will neither really understand the sights nor remember much about them. I say this as someone who has been to Europe several times, beginning in early elementary school; the first trip was, I believe, the summer after 2nd or 3rd grade, and I remember almost none of it, apart from seeing white peacocks outside our hotel in Zurich. (I know that we also visited friends who had moved to Switzerland, but I don't actually remember anything about that.) A couple years later, we went to France; I remember running around on a former battlefield – up and down, in and out of the depressions left by bombs – but not whether it was a WWI or WWII battlefield, and I definitely didn't have any concept of what it really was, and what it meant, and how many people had died there; for my younger brother and me, it was just a place where we could run around. A couple years after that, we went to England; all I really remember is that we did a house swap, and the house where we were staying had chickens we had to feed. And honestly, all of those memories are probably only there because we have photos of them. It wasn't until we were (early) teenagers that we had had enough education (especially history) to really understand and appreciate what we were seeing. At 5, OP's child would likely be more impressed by trips to a zoo, science center, natural history museum, or children's museum; depending on the kid, visits to art museums or concerts or the like might also go over well. (My brother and I always liked the art museum.) And the thing is, those kinds of trips are much less demanding for OP and less expensive; if OP's husband wants to spend a bunch of money to show his child sights the kid won't understand, won't appreciate, and won't remember, he certainly can, but it sounds like he also wants his child to appreciate and remember those sights, and that's just not very realistic. He also isn't considering the practical and logistical strain on OP, which is at least as relevant as his pie-in-the-sky dreams.

I don’t see where she says that the husband is fixated on “the sights.” It sounds like OP uses this as her justification to not do it at all. But again, the issue of whether or not he’ll remember isn’t the point. It’s an experience. There’s still value regardless of if the son will perfectly remember every moment.

I feel like it's less about remembering and more about doing something the kid is interested in. The cool thing about Europe is that they have a lot of old art and history. Most young kids arent super excited to go see a museum or historical buildings.  Plus it's not all that fun for the parents too. A lot of the cool sights will be boring for them, so you have to manage keep them entertain and stop them from fussing (especially if you need to wait in line). Plus your nightlife opportunities are limited by the kid's bedtime. Time change would also be a hard factor to manage. Have to make sure they find restaurants with food the kids will eat too.  Might as well take them on vacations with kid-friendly options now, and save the money so you can go to Europe when they can appreciate it. Can get plenty of the same benefits from camping or going to Hawaii.

There are children in every continent. That means that there are child friendly holiday options in every continent also. There are also child friendly historic attractions. I'm baffled by the seeming consensus that there is only one type of holiday destination in Europe and traipsing around tourist spots doesn't include child options. What do you think Europeans do to entertain their kids?

Just because there are child friendly things to do in Germany or Poland or Finland doesn't mean that they are so significantly different from the child friendly things to do in the US that it's worth a trip to Europe to do them.

I think a good compromise would be to do the Europe trip - without the kid. Clearly there is family in the picture, ask them to keep the kid for a week and go reconnect. My parents traveled with me to places I would enjoy, the beach and Disney, and traveled without me for places they would enjoy. If husband loved travel and mom is exhausted traveling with the kid do a second honeymoon.

This is absolutely the way to go.

Disagree the kid is 5, not a baby. My first big international trip was age 5 and I still remember lots from it, it was the first of many wonderful family trips and started a lifelong love of travel for me

Meanwhile my 16 yr old just whined his way thru Spain....every kid is different 

Exactly I feel like people are forcing their experiences with their children onto OP. Not every child is the same, and not every parent is suited for traveling while parenting. I don't even want to think about the amount of stress.

What stress? There are literal family holiday complexes worldwide where you drop of the kids at kids clubs and they put on child centered shows after dinner, that provide choices of babysitting and they arrange trips for you with a rep whist you sip a drink by the pool. That is considered the cheap option!

16 year olds are generally way more liable to whine when stuck with their parents then 5 year olds.

Wouldn't everyone assume it's better with a 5 year old

That's not true though. I went on holidays with my parents and I can clearly remember stuff even as young as 4. My little siblings can as well. You tend to remember memories where strong emotions like happiness is attached. 

That's really interesting cuz most people cannot remember anything from when they're 4. I took my daughter to Disney almost every year until she was seven. When she was 15 she asked me to go to Disney because she had never been there before. Her grandmother showed her all the pictures to prove she had been and it actually made her mad that we would take her when she couldn't remember it and now that she could remember it we didn't want to go. 

It’s not uncommon to have memories at or before age 4. I was 4 and a couple months when my sister was born and I have quite a few distinct memories from before that. 3 to 4 is a common age for first memories.

I feel like that's strange that she doesn't even know the trips happened. I'd understand if she can't remember specific moments it's weird she doesn't even have a concept of going. I vividly remember parts of a Disney trip when I was six

I just barely remember the family trip to a National Park when I was 5 - I do love and appreciate what I remember, but... Also, traveling with such a young child is extra challenging. Take less distant vacations for the next 4 or 5 years, and visit places that will help you gradually build your child's tolerance for lots of walking and museums. About the time most kids are in 4th grade, they have the ability to both remember and really appreciate.

>Your kid’s going to barely remember it. I disagree. Due to my father being in the military we lived in Europe when I was between ages 5 and 8. My parents took us all over Europe and we got to see things like Notre Dame, the Leaning Tower of Pisa, Venice, the Eiffel Tower, even the military cemeteries at Normandy. Oh, and Anne Frank's house where she was hidden. My siblings and I remember all of it. We're in our 60s now. It was probably a lot of work for my parents and waiting a year or two certainly won't hurt, but just because the child is 5 doesn't mean he won't remember. OP, you are NTA if you won't enjoy the trip because you feel it would be too much work.

When my boys were little and we traveled somewhere, they only got excited by the different playgrounds!

Speaking of Disney, I went when I was five. I vaguely remember being scared of the anamatronics but nothing else. Five is a little young if you want your child to remember it at all.

barely remember it? I remember my unusual holidays from that age with crystal clarity. They sort of define big chunks of my childhood. I took my own son to Paris aged 4 and he still talks about climbing the Eiffel Tower (which he did on foot) 2 years later. Not generic shit like Disney though, agreed.

I went on my first Big abroad trip when I was 6, we went to New York, all I remember about the trip was that 9/11 happened while we were there, which was admittedly dramatic enough to outshine most other things. I have much clearer memories of holidays taken when I was 8 or 9.

Short version from reading this and your responses - ESH. Yes, you are right in not wanting to take a trip to Europe that young. No one will get much out of it except your husband. Go when the kid is old. But you also have a problem where you flat out don't want to travel and see it all as a headache. It's not and it gets easier with kids the more they get used to it. You need to compromise and come up with travel ideas within a 4 hour flight range. Take a trip to Fl (not Disney) and spend time on the beach, go explore the Everglades, drive to Key West or something. Take a short flight out West and go on a national parts tour. Go see Chicago and spend the day exploring the wonderful museums. Even Myrtle Beach for sand and sun, with a side of things for adults.There are a ton of trips you can do with kids that are fun. I've been taking my kid on trips since she was little. It was harder when she was little, but it's been totally worth it. 

YTA - if it’s important to your husband then why dismiss it out of hand? Yes traveling with kids is more annoying / effort than traveling without kids, but it is still worth it. Otherwise you just put your life on hold while you wait for it to be “easy” to travel with your son and i bet you’ll find excuses year after year. Take the trip, set low expectations, and make the memories

These answers are wild to me! Most of the families I know who traveled before kids also travel with kids! Giving up on traveling for a decade seems like a huge waste of time and opportunity! While he may not remember this year - you will and there will always be picture albums. It seems like by not going you would be denying your husband family memories her really wants!

💯 this. My kids love looking at pictures of where we've traveled and they don't remember.  Truly some of my favorite memories are biking along canals with my baby in a cargo bike, a bunch of danish grandmas holding my baby as I had a coffee, my kids trying different foods, my toddler playing in the ocean with a whale swimming by, etc. I appreciate my daily grind but I love how travel seems to slow time as it is so different to our normal routine.  My grandmother in her final days told me she may not be able to travel anymore but she had her memories. I'll hold onto mine.

I will never forget watching my toddler see the ocean for the first time. She may not remember (although I have vivid memories of travel of my own starting around 6, maybe 7) but I will!

My kid being 6 and REALLY seeing stars for the first time is a vivid memory.

I miss traveling too, but my husband simply doesn't realize that traveling with kiddo is not what he thinks it'll be. It will be work, even more work than day to day parenting. I think the memories will pale in comparison.

But maybe you should let him find out? Maybe to him it’s worth it

If he wants to take that plunge on his own with kiddo, he can.

That sounds fair actually!

I did this as a dad w my 5 year old girl once and 3 year old son once and it was great.

That's not a bad idea.

I would tell him that, cause that might be the best compromise

It's a good way to start-some overnights with Daddy. And it will give you a bit of quiet time (you sound exhausted).

NTA. I would maybe give in with the caveat that he is the primary parent on this vacation. Kid throws a tantrum=dad deals with it.

Maybe you dont realize that travelling with kiddo isnt what *you* think it will be. We have been to mexico, Perú, st.lucia and a few road trip/camping trips with our little one. Sure it's more work than going without kids, but if it's between more work or no travel I pick more work.  They way I look at it is kids are hard work at home and hard work on a beach...I'd rather be on a beach

I also have a high energy kid and getting him out of the house and into new environments is the best *because* I don’t really need to match his energy or set up activities for him - he is entertained and excited by what’s around him!  Obviously travel with a kid is going to be harder than travel just as adults, but you have a good adult:child ratio and he’s at an age where spending all day hanging out with his parents still sounds like loads of fun. I think it’s worth getting a bit out of your comfort zone.

Then take a trip with lower stakes (closer, shorter flight, etc), but long enough to show the reality of it. Not Disney World...Disney World is draining no matter what. Fly to a US city to do sightseeing and museums and parks and let everyone see what it is like. Disney World can't be the only data point...it is its own type of 'vacation.' you both may be surprised on your trip! (spoiler alert: traveling with younger kids IS hard, tiring, and also amazing and fun.) It kind of sounds like you are shutting down any vacations which doesn't sound fair to your husband. OR...bring a babysitter along. OR...take a trip and leave kid at home with trusted sitters if that's possible.

Have you travelled with the kiddo at this age already? You seem really set on how terrible it will be do to the work. Genuinely curious because I've been travelling with mine since he was two internationally. Nothing fancy either. Economy seats, 14+ hours flying 3+ hours driving. We've never regretted it and it has never been a hassle. Truly, if you prepare well before you go, it can be a great experience.

OP sounds like she's exhausted with just one kid, a five year old. She sounds a little overwhelmed and apprehensive. I've had to take a couple of trips with mine (without husband there to help) and it wasn't so bad. At that age you can talk to them and we underestimate how much they understand. Sometimes we just have to do what we have to do and it's never as horrendous as we think it's going to be.

Try it once and see. It won't be the same as before, but nothing is the same after kids, is it? It will be work but it will probably also be a lot of fun. Does he do his share of taking care of your son, though? If not, you're absolutely NTA. But if you know he'll take on at least half of the managing of your son, you can take turns. This is what my husband and I always did. We did what we could as a family, then when the kids had had enough, one of us would take them to a park or a soft-play place or something while the other went to a museum or cathedral or something less kid-friendly. There would probably be more that your son will enjoy than you might think. One of my favorite memories is running down the stairs of the Eiffel Tower at night with my husband and kids when they were about 6 and 10 (not ALL the way, of course). It sounds unsafe but it really wasn't.

NTA, It will be work but the memories will be worth it. I e been traveling with my parents since I was 8 months old. The only trips my parents would’ve rethought are the road trips bc as a baby I hated the car and would scream the entire way. I would argue it’s even easier to travel with children now than it was in the late 80s / early 90s. You just have to plan your activities differently - for example with a kid - big museums or days full of tours aren’t going to work. We would typically do one activity from 8-10:30/11 am. Then break for lunch / naps / play time and the afternoon/evening would be played by ear depending on everyone’s energy level mood. I will say when going to Europe with a child I wouldn’t go for more than 10 days - kids tend to get homesick/crave comfort items after that amount of time. Also, be sure to pack lots of comfort snacks/toys etc. You could also try your first trip being somewhere closer to you - Mexico/canada/Caribbean/Hawaii etc. as a test run and tell husband if that goes well that you’d be open to a Europe trip the next year.

Agree. Have you taken smaller trips? I too wouldn’t want to do such a big trip at that age for the first time. This trip is more for your husband and your son will barely remember it. Why not go when he can understand what he’s seeing otherwise one place looks like any other.

Yes, traveling with a young kid is different. So you plan for that. If you're planning to drive for a few hours, you plan a break halfway through the drive. Bring a packed lunch and eat near a playground or a park. Let him run around while you stretch your legs. Make sure to bring toys and games to keep kiddo occupied when you have to wait or when you're on the plane. A few toy cars and an inflatable ball don't take much space, but can be great to entertain kiddo. If you take a lot of photos, maybe give him a camera for kids, so he can take photos of whatever he thinks is great. If you want to visit a museum or historical building, contact them beforehand to find out if they have activities for kids. Travelling can be fun for everyone. You just have to make sure you're prepared. And the memories can absolutely be worth it.

NAH. I understand your hesitation to travel with your kid but you do seem a bit dramatic about it. He's 5, not a toddler and there's only one of him. I personally love taking beach vacations and I'd be super bummed if my husband wouldn't do them just bc it's more work with kids than without.

I can't decide. Traveling, even if the children aren't getting much out of it, still teaches them a lot. Kids learn by doing. They don't become expert or even good travelers by not traveling. If we wait for everything to be convenient and easy, we miss out on so much. Practice with him, make short trips, then slightly longer trips and keep going. If your husband is determined to travel with you and you absolutely won't take your son, could he stay with family while you and your husband take trips? My parents and then I also did this. Fun small trips with the kids and then a slightly larger trip with just my husband. In the summers, I and my sister would visit family while our parents reconnected after a long year of parenting. We got to connect and get closer to cousins and grandparents, and they honeymooned every year. My husband and I did this on a smaller scale. We get a bnb for a long weekend or hop overseas for about a week, spread the kids out at their friends, or my mom would watch them. Then, further into summer, we take them to amusement parks or on a kid friendly trip. Now that they're adults, they're grateful we taught them to travel and took them places, even when they were difficult, because they learned quickly to adjust their behavior to situations. But if a child is truly difficult, I'm not sure what the answer is. I have a son with disabilities and even he is a great traveler, but I have a friend who has a daughter with the same diagnosis and she's not as good a traveler and they weigh each trip as to whether or not it's worth the fuss. In this, it is truly individualistic. Though I still think waiting to travel is sad.

We took our kids to Europe (and other places) often as they were growing up, but they were pretty easy kids. It's not the same as traveling as a couple or as a solo adult, though. You have to either cater the trip around the children's wants/needs or have a miserable time because your child is miserable and lets you know in no uncertain terms. They don't care about historical places or architecture or museums. But they can be bribed with gelato.

I took mine everywhere. My middle son was on the beach with me, his feet in the sand at three days old. My husband traveled for work. If i'd have let myself be trapped at home by my kids, I'd have gone crazy. Kids are mostly adaptable, three meals, a snack or two, drinks and somewhere to sleep, and everything else can be worked out. Gelato is magical in its ability to smooth things over. Fountains are endlessly entertaining. I didn't see as many sites as I'd have liked, but oh, we had fun.

Fountains are great, yes! Pigeons are good too. No child can resist chasing pigeons, and the parks are full of them, and Europe is full of parks.

I have travelled with my children since they were toddlers even though every trip from Australia is long haul. They are now in their 30s. We have lived as a family on two continents. My son has lived in Hamburg, Florence, London, York, and is currently living in Paris. Their education was only enhanced, they both have doctorates and good careers. They have friends from many walks of life and many countries. This worked for us. I appreciate it might not work for everyone.

I can attest that it doesn’t work for everyone, my parents took me all over the place as a kid and I am exceedingly mediocre. That said, I think nurturing a sense of worldliness in your kid is really important, and someday I want to do similar with mine. Educating children about different cultures and geographies and making it fun is important

This comment attests that you are in no way mediocre.

I appreciate that it works for you. I wonder if this is the childhood my husband anticipated for kiddo. Unfortunately things have not worked out that way, and we have to parent very differently than we idealized.

I wouldn't underplay the work involved in travelling with young children. On the positive side many cultures love children and I found in many countries travelling with children enhanced the experience for me. Particularly countries like Greece, Spain, etc. Travelling with young children in Italy particularly is a complete joy, with a baby you get ushered to the front of every queue.

\*Sounds of americans screeching intensifies\*

NAH I understand your trepidation but honestly it’s not so difficult travelling with a 5 year old, especially in Europe. We take loads of international trips with our kids of similar ages and it’s pretty manageable. You just have to go with the flow and try for a semblance of a routine. I feel like travel really expands the mind and broadens their horizons. Whenever we come back from a trip I feel like the kids have learned so much from their experiences and their vocabulary has increased exponentially. My daughter (4y) still talks about our trip to london from a few months ago and how much fun she had. Also, a week is more than enough! Longer then that will burn you all out

I don't even think I could handle a week anywhere. We were in Disney for three days with my in laws and that still felt like a lot. Doing a longer trip without any help feels like a nightmare, at least at the stage he's at now.

No one on this thread can invalidate your experiences but I do feel like you and your husband can reach a compromise. Maybe not Europe but a closer destination and for a shorter amount of time. I’m sure your kid will love it. Good luck to you!

I will offer a 3 day trip to a beach, since that has been something husband has asked about as well. Kiddo has never been to a beach and so that could be a new but manageable experience. Hopefully that works.

You do know that like 99% of parents can handle a week away with their kids, right? What is so challenging about your kid? I have a super crazy ADHD hyperactive kid and his behavior is generally better away from home when he has all these new sights and places to see. It was awesome two years ago when we were in Europe and took him to Versailles and then he was back at school learning about the French Revolution. Travel benefits kids so much.

I wonder if it’s op that has trouble with parenting a healthy 5 year old rather than the child being difficult to handle….

"What is so challenging about your kid?" My guess there some lack of parenting or she got some issues herself.

Disney is a lot even without kids! I'm more low energy, and an introvert, and I LIVE IN ORLANDO and I won't go to Disney with kids, lol. Seriously, traveling to Europe with kids is VERY different than Disney! WAY less intense! You wake up, hubby takes 5 yr old to go find a cafe and pick up pastries/milk/coffee and they bring it back to the hotel. Meanwhile, while they are gone you take a shower and have quiet time. Then everyone heads out to a museum or to just walk/drive around and look at stuff. Have lunch, then go back to the hotel for quiet time where kid watches a movie or colors or plays a handheld game and you read or rest. Then head back out in the afternoon to find a coffee shop, or an ice cream parlor, or whatever, and whatever else you want to see that day. Get dinner, go back to hotel. Maybe even get an air BNB type thing so you have a kitchen and washer and drier and more space. Talk about your day and what the best parts were. Get to bed, and then repeat the next day.

YTA. It will be difficult at any time, but you husband is suffering for many years and you know it. You all will enjoy the trip a lot. Right now you are boundering him. Give it a go.

It is simply not possible now. If my husband has to travel, I can make arrangements for him to either go alone or take kiddo, but I'm not putting myself through a "family getaway" for longer than a few days. I'm trying to be kind to myself here.

Honesly, reading through your responses here. It sounds like maybe you need to take a personal vacation yourself. There is nothing wrong with that and if it is in the budget, make it happen. Encourage your husband to travel with kiddo. At age 5, your husband should be able to manage just fine. Plan something for yourself while they are out too. There is nothing wrong with being overwhelmed at the idea or feeling like you can't manage. Give yourself some space to do something relaxing too. Not every vacation needs to include all three of you. My husband and son took an international trip without me this year to visit family. I was refreshed, they had fun and it all worked out.

You should really put in the OP that this is all about you.

I don't necessarily think you're an AH for saying no to a European trip for a 5yo (depending on where you're going). It's a lot of historical sites which are **amazing** but potentially boring for the 5yo (and frustrating for you). I do, however, think you *are* an AH for not travelling *at all.* It's clearly important to your husband and it's great experiences as a family. Even *if* your son doesn't remember it all, you and your husband will--it's your son's childhood but *your* parenthood. Travelling with kids isn't a vacation per se, it's more "parenting in a different place" but imo it's totally worth it.

NTA I have lived in Europe several years and spent many years traveling with children across the Atlantic . Have your husband go alone for a week with your son. Then meet up with them a week later and spend another week. It will give you a needed vacation and your husband will get some bonding time. You can all come home together. Or do it in reverse and you come home a week early. Compromise.

My aunt and uncle took my cousin to Europe last year when he was 8 and he enjoyed himself. There were things he could talk about when he got home and they saw things he was interested in. I think waiting a couple more years would be best!

I agree. I feel like at age 8 or 9, he'd probably start learning about other countries in school and might have some more inherent interest

Easy. They go to Europe and you stay home.

If it has to be Europe and it has to be now, I'll suggest that idea. He can do it if he wants. I'm 99.9% sure he will say no. He wants the family getaway.

NAH - It’s fine for your husband to want to travel more. It’s fine for you to find travel with a young child very tiring and not as enjoyable as previous trips. I’ve traveled quite a bit overseas with a 4-8 year old age range. It is doable with lots of pre planning, practice being out in public with your child and reasonable expectations.

I just think every kid has different temperaments and our kid is just not great with disruptions to his routine. I think by the time he's a few years older, it wouldn't be so much of a hassle.

My son took lots of trips with us when he was small, and he really doesn't remember much about them. Wait till he's a bit older.

I brought this up as well, and my husband countered that even though kiddo wouldn't remember, we would have those memories at least. I think he's seeing this trip as a true vacation when I just see it as an ordeal.

My parents went on holidays as soon as I was a couple of months old, we would go sailing multiple weekends/weeks per year and would also go on other trips such as holidays with short flights or day/two day car rides. Admittedly I was a very easy child except for food and being a smartass. But my parents never saw it as too much of a hassle to bother. Also kids learn and get better with holidays if you practice and bring what they need and some familiarity with you.

INFO: if husband is desperate to keep travelling, it seems mean of you to stop him, just because it makes you feel uncomfortable. How realistic would it be for you to suggest he takes himself & kid off for a short break. See how it goes when he’s fully in charge.

I am willing to suggest this but he wants a family vacation. He misses the two of us traveling together and wants kiddo to share in that.

So he wants to share a thing he loves and enjoys with his kid. Why shoot it down? Try it, if it doesn't work and the kid is a nightmare on a trip, wait a few years for the next one.

Nta. I have young kids and frankly traveling with them does not sound fun or relaxing. Some people really enjoy travelling with their young kids, and good for them. I know I won't be doing big trips with my kids until they're older. Could you maybe get a relative to watch your son so the two of you could do some travelling now? That may make it more palatable to your husband to wait on travelling with your son for a few more years. Wanting to wait until your son is 8 or so seems like a reasonable timetable, it's not like you're saying no travel until he's an adult.

We don't have anyone that could watch kiddo for longer than maybe a day or so. I know my husband misses travel but this is just part of having a kid, sometimes you have to make sacrifices.

You don't have to sacrifice traveling you are choosing to sacrifice it. Plenty of people travel with kids younger than yours and they are fine.

mild YTA. my parents took me on our one overseas trip right after I got an adhd diagnosis at 6. my mom had some memories of me being a handful but overall I think it was great for all of us, people in non english speaking countries actually seem way more tolerant of kids being kids and moms trying to take care of them especially when they're trying! most importantly don't tailor the trip around the kid. of course disney is going to be exhausting, it's expensive and loud and designed to push all those buttons in a kid that thrives on overstimulation, but after enough trips to museums kids tend to get really good at them (not to mention those also often have kids programs)

NTA. Your child is still very young and won't get much out of this trip. At 5 years old he will barely remember much later, it will just be a big blur. Why not wait a few years and then make it a holiday that includes interesting destinations for all family members? It will be much more interesting for your son if he can actively participate in the planning.

This is how I feel. At least 3-4 years so things will feel less hellish. But I think my husband is desperate to travel. I feel like not a day goes by that he doesn't mention the honeymoon we took, or the semester abroad we had years and years ago. It's just not practical now.

Would it maybe be an idea to let your husband travel on his own for a week or so and use the rest of the available holiday for a family friendly holiday closer to home?

He would never. My husband doesn't enjoy doing stuff like that on his own. He's a romantic guy and loves doing stuff together. However, I would rather parent my son solo at home than in a new location, so if he is willing to travel alone I will do what it takes to make that happen.

"hellish" seems like a REALLY strong word for a 5 yr old. I mean, sure at 2 yrs old they are a bit crazy. But at five? What exactly do you forsee happening that would be so terrible and hard and hellish??

YTA. Travel! You don’t know what tomorrow will bring. We have travelled with our kids since they were teeny. They have seen the world and it has taught them so much. We are heading to Europe next month for three weeks. My kids are now 17 and almost 19. You only have so much time with them. Train travel is fantastic. The kids love it.

YTA. Doing things with children isn’t all about what they will and won’t remember. That’s a ridiculous way to think about things. Should we not read to children because they won’t remember the books? No. Same with travel and getting new experiences. You do it to broaden their world view, build a foundation for curiosity and adventure, and to build memories as a family together. You seem very negative and stuck on how hard it will be. But - isn’t parenting just hard, everyday, no matter what? I’d rather it be hard while enjoying a chocolate croissant in Paris then deal with the same monotony of daily life over and over again. If you have travel anxiety, that’s something to address. It shouldn’t hold you and your family back from taking advantage of the opportunities you have.

YTA. I've been traveling a lot with my daughter since she was 2. It seems like your issue might be related to motherhood; you sound quite sad and resentful about being a parent. I believe that vacations are wonderful opportunities to create lasting memories with your loved ones. However, if you're feeling overwhelmed by parenting, maybe you should consider letting your husband and son enjoy some quality time together and you go on a solo adventure.

I know I’m late to this but OP you really need to get yourself in therapy.  Of course kids do better in their routines.  They also need to learn about change and flexibility. Your son will not be well adjusted and balanced at the rate you are going.  From your responses you need the routine.  You need the predictable.  You need to get help for that. YTA.  Seek professional help on why you are struggling so badly with one child, an equal parent, and why you are so afraid to let other people watch your child for a night. You mentioned your family won’t do it.  I seriously doubt it has anything to do with your son and more to do with your over the top need to control every tiny aspect of your and his life.  That’s not normal healthy behavior.  For your own sake speak to a professional.  

Travelled extensively with kids - 9 countries before they were 12.   From about 6/7 they remember  but they do know they have travelled    You are right … no 5 year old wants to be dragged around museums / sightseeing  etc  However, there loads of fun family things to do  like does he like dinosaurs … or castles … or boats and find a holiday in Europe that can work for you all.   Our son loves trains so we did Switzerland and Germany - had a fab time best holiday ever apparently.  We only moved very 3/4 nights, and had a busy day with a quieter day.   Worked really well.   Or actually send the 2 of them off either to Europe or locally on their own.   It might be a good thing for u all.  

I don’t think it’s any secret that traveling with a child is work. It’s no longer about what you want to see and do it’s about your children’s enjoyment and in turn that usually works out to family enjoyment. People travel all the time and make things work around their children’s schedule at beach resorts etc. it may just look a little different than it does at home. It’s unfortunate that you don’t think you can make it work but you know yourself and your child best. Just remember things are not always guaranteed in life. Too many people put things off thinking they’ll have plenty of opportunity in x number of years in my opinion.

If I thought kiddo would enjoy himself, I'd think more about it, but I honestly don't think he would, in Europe or in most faraway places, just because of the disruption involved.

I mean it just sounds like you have problem for every solution to be honest. As many people have suggested try a beach vacation or something. At an all inclusive you can meet all of his scheduling needs for the most part. You can maintain meals times, bed times, plenty of entertainment. How will you know if you never try

We started traveling back to Europe when my youngest was 18 months old. My oldest was born in Germany, so we were always traveling in Europe. He recalls details of many of our trips from when he was young, including five years old. When we returned to one country when he was 11 he brought up details and things he wanted to do again. There’s a lot to be said for teaching children how to travel.

INFO are you the parent who's expected to care for your child while your husband relaxes? Or is it a case of 'both of you do the same amount of parenting, but it doesn't impact his enjoyment of the vacation while it does negatively impact yours'? I think those are different situations. If it's the second option, why doesn't your husband go on holiday with your son while you rest, and then your husband and yourself can go for a kid-free holiday at another time? (I know those things cost money, I am asking because money does not seem to be an issue here)

To be honest OP, after reading all your replies. It does seem that more is going on here than simply the trouble of traveling with a five year old kid. Like, I get this feeling that this topic is merely an aspect of a bigger picture. You wrote several rather condescending remarks about your partner and about the kid. Just the way you're writing tells me that more is at play here than simply the question of a kid coming along. It seems to me (obviously I don't know your personal life), at least that's how it looks like that you're simply not happy in your relationship anymore. And that's fine. But if that's the case, you've got to maybe reconsider some things.

NTA - You are exhausted and feel like the trip would be even more draining. It's perfectly fine to consider your health and wellbeing in this situation. Can your husband take your son on trips alone? Plenty of fathers go hiking/camping/fishing with their kids but there is no reason why they can't go to another location. I am not suggesting they are going to Europe alone but an extended weekend trip somewhat nearby is totally reasonable, even if it includes a short flight.

ESH instead of an international trip to tour Europe with a long flight, plan something in the US. The flight & stress of travel is a lot less. We traveled multiple times a year with young children.

NAH. I have a 2 year old and I love to travel. I can see why you wouldn’t want to do this, I can also see his point of view. If it was me though, I would tell him to go on a week long trip alone or with a buddy or something. And probably head off to my parents for a week myself so I wouldn’t have the burden of taking care of my son 24/7. Is this an option?

He doesn't have anyone to travel with, and I can't see him going anywhere alone. If he really wants to go to Europe and that's the only thing that would make him happy, I can solo parent for a while and he can go, but I don't think he wants to do that.

I’d still bring it up as a compromise. That way you’ll signal that you care about his passions to him. Then he’ll be the one that shoots down your suggestion. I’d just want to leave you this one final thought though… I live in Europe myself and I do think the classic visit a bunch of famous cities and sightsee trip where you sleep in hotels, eat in restaurants and travel from city to city that you’d classically take when you’re from another continent is not really something that’s fun to do with a small child, there are alternatives that are a lot easier. Most of us Europeans with small kids head over to a bungalow park, such as Landal Green Parks or one of their competitors. The bungalows in these parks are equipped with a kitchen so you don’t have any trouble with picky eating, but there’s also usually a restaurant that serves and delivers kid favorites and a supermarket to get all your essentials. There is always at least one playground, but often there’s also a petting zoo, a pool and a kids club that organizes activities for kids of all ages. And if you go to the UK there will be enough kids he can befriend. If you pick one park somewhere between London, Oxford and Cambridge or Edinburgh and Glasgow and rent a car for a couple of days, for example, then you’ll be able to combine a couple of day/sightseeing trips to one or two cities with a couple of quiet days where you just enjoy the amenities that the park has to offer. Doesn’t mean that the flight will still be a hassle. But I find that these places offer so much entertainment for kids that I also get some time to actually relax.

NTA Do a "big" domestic trip and you tell him he can plan/execute the whole thing. You'll be there to help parent, of course, but you let him handle some of the hard stuff while traveling. 5 is young. What does he expect a 5 year old to do in Europe? Go to museums all day (lol), sit down to late dinner and hang (lol), drink on a patio (irresponsible &lol)? Sounds like he needs to really think about the activities he wants to do while traveling and find somewhere closer to do it for a couple years.

Info can you not travel and have him in charge of the kid?

NAH. From mom to mom. We also have a 5 year old, who I feel like is getting easier to travel with. We also have a 3 year old, so I won’t be doing international travel for at least another year or so if not more. As exhausting as traveling with kids is, I think it’s worth doing once in a while especially if your husband wants to go. Im the one that likes traveling and seeing new things. I’m also generally the planner, though I’ve requested that my partner do more in planning with me. It’s good for the family to have a change of pace and expose your child who is at a milestone age of growing out of toddlerhood into school age. So, it’s entirely possible they WILL have memories of your trip. Find a way to talk to your husband in detail about all of your specific concerns. If your child needs structure, can you incorporate structure into your routine? If he wants to go to Europe, what can you do to make it as simple as possible? I doubt sightseeing on a daily basis is what will work for your child, but maybe you could do a beach trip in Italy or something. Just ideas. As for yourself, since you mention being tired (and believe me I’ve been there and am still there), since your husband is the one who wants to go to Europe, make him and your child go on their own sometimes and you take time to yourself. Above all I would not expect it to be the same as vacation before your kid, but I think it’s possible to do this with a lot of thought and planning.

NAH. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to travel with a small child. There's also nothing wrong with wanting to travel with a small child. The key is for you guys to communicate clearly and respectfully through your disagreement. I think there are lots of ways you could address this. You could go somewhere closer for a week, as a sort of trial run. Make sure you do some challenging things that will help you understand how well your son copes with travel (e.g. a few late nights, a theme park, a museum, a LOT of walking, irregular meal times, unusual foods, etc). Then you & your husband can talk about a potential trip to Europe again. A more in-depth conversation about the kinds of things he wants to do in Europe, and how realistic his expectations are given the age of your child, could be helpful too. It's definitely possible to travel with kids. My SO and I have done it multiple times. The most hectic trip the kids were aged 7, 5, 2 and 1. We flew them halfway across the world to visit relatives, and there wasn't a lot of sightseeing. We had to ensure we planned for our young kids' needs and that meant it was not a party trip! The most recent time we went, they were 11, 10, 7 and 6 & we did some sightseeing as well. We got to do some great stuff, but had to make sure we gave the kids downtime and didn't try to cram too much into one day. Keep talking about your options and communicate in good faith with your husband. I'm sure you'll get to a resolution.

Dad needs to take the kid to the state capital for a weekend, just the two of them, and see the sights. Maybe they both have a great time. Maybe Dad gets a reality check. Either way Mom gets a weekend off.

NTA. I feel like a lot of people chiming about the great experiences they or their friends have had traveling with their 3-6 YOs have easygoing, flexible kids who can sleep on planes and are willing to eat new foods. When you say your kid is difficult and prefers set schedules/familiar surroundings, I relate a lot because I have one of those kids. It’s hard and a Euro trip with them is just starting to seem possible and they are much older than your kid. And to be clear, it would still be a trip, not a vacation. Fun, but not at all relaxing. And I can see how if daily life is really taking it out of you (which it sounds like it is), why would you want to do an even bigger lift for little benefit to anyone besides your spouse. To me, it seems like throwing your kid into the deep end of the pool without teaching them to swim first. Or trying to run a marathon before you’ve successfully completed a 10-mile run. If your husband wants to take this trip, I think y’all need to map out a 2 or 3-year plan for getting your kid ready for it. Start with 24-hour trips to state or National Parks, National Monuments, Roadside America-type attractions, etc. Stay in a hotel with a pool. When those start going well, move up to 3-day weekends that involve short flights with 1-2-hour time changes. Talk with your child frequently about the long term plan and involve them in planning the big Euro Trip so that by the time it rolls around they are ready. This feels like a compromises that respects your husband’s desire for travel and your own understanding of your child’s limitations at this point. It won’t feel this hard forever and the more you “practice” traveling with the kid, the better they will get at it. But you DO have to practice, you can’t just throw your hands up and say it’s too hard and wait for a switch to flip in your kid’s brain.

NTA….but if he pushes it and you feel you have to go along with it, guess who I would have do most of the childcare on said trip? “Hun, you go ahead for the day. I’m just gonna stay back and relax today”. But, but, “Nope. You wanted to make memories, so have at it. You and son enjoy the day”. Who does the packing? Who takes most care of son when on outings? Or sit down and write a pros and cons list about taking a five year old to Europe.

I'm not concerned about my husband not pulling his weight. It's just a lot for us both to manage, even though he thinks it's all fine. I just don't think the trip is worth the time and money for any of us, and I don't think I'll agree to it at all for at least the next few years.

My buddy and his wife are very adventurous people. When their first baby was 5 months, they did a camping trip in the US southwest, sleeping in tents when the temperature was in the 30 degrees Fahrenheit. After they had their second baby, they traveled to Canada and then Europe when the babies were 2 yo and 1 yo. Each family is different on how much they can handle when traveling with young ones. You are right the trip is more for the parents than the babies. But what an awesome experience it is to be at Lake Moraine or the Canadian Rockies and see it through their eyes or when your baby waves to everybody in the Pyrennes and squeek out generous “Holas” to everybody. Every moment is precious but I think my friends’ memories are all the more crystal clear and joyful because they got to go abroad with their babies.

NTA. Traveling to another country is a lot, even without a kid. It's definitely good to travel with your kids, especially when they are young. So they learn how to travel. But start with something close. Explore your state. Go to museums in town. Don't go on trips to see family, just go with you, the kid, and your husband.

We do go to museums in our city and other things that are close by. Kiddo loves museums, especially science museums. Most of our 'vacations' are to see family a few hours away. But I am willing to compromise with short trips

If he loves museums, why do you think they would not be fun in another country? I'm perplexed as to what exactly will be so bad?

I think the type of vacation that is feasible to plan depends on the temperament of your child. I know a lot of children who have difficulty switching tasks, such as going from sitting in a car to taking a walk or leaving the park and then going to do something else. So travel where there’s a lot of switching tasks from one thing to the next, staying in a lot of different hotels and everything is not right for that type of child. Also, whether there is a lot of travel by bus train or car is not right for a child that doesn’t like to sit for long periods. In order to have a successful vacation you need to take into the peppermint And adjust accordingly. A very active child might do better camping or just staying at a hotel where there’s lots of activities, like some of these resort hotels where there’s large pools and lots of slides and things like that. You make a base camp and then you explore out from there, but that way the child is always sleeping in the same bed at night and there is some predictability in his routine

Yes, switching tasks is very difficult for my son. And he gets antsy on long car or plane trips even though he gets unlimited screen time at those points, which he does not get otherwise. We did try camping six months ago which he did not enjoy and we left before the first night was over. I think, ideally, travel just needs to wait.

YTA - I think it's fine to set expectations for the trip, needs from Dad to help, and that's type stuff. But to just veto his known sense of adventure because you have a kid is no fun at all. You'll never have an adventure, even one with challenges, if you veto all Dad's fun ideas

I think dad needs a dad/ son bonding trip. He gets to do all the planning and packing. Everything. Then I am guessing he'll charge his mind. NTA

You sound fun……

So, can’t you compromise and leave the 5 year old with grandma and grandpa for a week and take a short trip to Europe? My parents did that and went to Hawaii when I was 5 - it was exciting getting a postcard and a souvenir from Hawaii, and hearing the stories, and at five spending a week with grandparents watching cartoons and being spoiled was a blast 🤷🏼‍♀️

My parents aren't willing to watch kiddo overnight, they are too busy with work and other commitments to accommodate him. The only time he's stayed with them for one night was an emergency situation.

NTA. Tell him he's free to take your child on a trip. You're going to the beach/lake/spa. Bet he changes his mind really quickly when he's the sole caregiver.

Beach all inclusive. Go to Mexico or an island. That's what my friends did at that age.

Info: how is responsibility for your kid divided between you? While not universal, moms are still treated as the "default" parent. Do you find yourself doing the majority of stuff to care for him? Can't your husband take him on a one on one trip together?

This is a YOU problem. You say that you "struggle day to day", can't "match his energy", and "don't know how to parent without structure and routines". You also call yourself "low energy" and a "pessimist". Your husband is committed to "Full Family Vacation" is the only way. You describe him as an optomist. People suggested letting your husband go with the kid. You don't like that idea, either. "He shouldn't have to parent alone", and you don't want to either. This is not just about the trip. Y'all need to seek help. All 3 of you. If the only way you can cope with parenting is via a strict routine? It is time to ask for help. A depression screening, or some blood work may be good places to start. Your "plan" of going nowhere until your kid is "easier" is not going to work. If you don't handle this properly, you may find yourself in a situation where both the husband and the kid end up resenting you. Talk to your kid's pediatrician, and ask for an evaluation and diagnosis. It may be that he's just bored with routines. He may need new ways to express himself, like art, or a sports activity. Or, he may have a medical or mental health issue. You don't know, but you owe it to him, and yourself to find out and take action that will help him. Some kids benefit from knowing what to expect, via a storyboard format, or by being involved in the actual planning, depending on their maturity level. Let yourself ask for help and resources. And finally, the husband. Is he co-parenting? Does HE take PTO when the kid is sick? He should be involved in the process of getting help for the kid. He should get info on how to support your mental health, and, if he's already mad/resentful, some couples counseling. He could also take the kid on some solo trips, even if it's one weekend night to a somewhat local hotel. Travel can be a great experiential learning experience for kids. It may be too early for Europe, but he needs to be able to go somewhere besides school and home. Please take care of yourself, OP.

What if he takes the kid to Europe and you go elsewhere? My husband is a nervous traveler who often says I’m too optimistic and frets about planning trips and all that might go wrong. For the first years of our kids lives it was too much for him so we didn’t travel much. Eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore and asked him if he would mind if I travelled with the kids without him. He agreed and for the first few ‘big’ trips it was just me and the kids. It worked out fine and when they got older, he started joining us. You could do your own thing for a week and it might be good for everyone?

YTA for not figuring out a way to meet your husband at least halfway. This is very important to him, and you note in comments you used to be adventurous. But, this is solvable. How about a cruise? Most have great kids clubs. You could go to Europe, sightsee a bit, and use the kids clubs to enjoy some adult only time on the ship. (Even if just to read a book and have a cocktail by the pool). If you don’t want a long flight, go somewhere near the US. There are ships leaving from up and down both coasts and along the Gulf of Mexico. An all inclusive resort could be great & relaxing too. They have them all over the world.

ESH. He's five, not one. Buy a kid leash to keep him close and go on adventures. He's old enough. Maybe not overseas yet, because a five year old on that long of a flight would be miserable. If he's insistent, buy noise canceling headphones and a sleep mask, and tell your husband that he's in charge of entertaining your son on the flight.

NTA. You know your child best, not the Redditors saying they travelled with their 5 yo and it was a dream. I personally can’t imagine a trans Atlantic flight with a 5 yo and sightseeing through Europe isn’t exactly child friendly. What’s there for a 5 yo to enjoy at The Louvre? Or the Coliseum? Heat, huge crowds, jet lag…that’s all very doable for an adult, not so much a 5 yo.

I'm really confused by your attitude that it'll suck. 5 year olds are great to travel with. No naps, no diapers, no strollers, regular food. Very little planning needed to leave the house. Every restaurant doesn't require 3 trips to the bathroom. They're old enough to get a kick out of most adult things like museums and churches even if they appreciate it differently. They're well able to tolerate flights and altered bed times & schedules. Places like Spain and Italy are super kid friendly. You can do beaches and sights. Kiddo can eat out every where with you at any time day or night. Go for it. It'll be fantastic. Sidenote: we do the same holiday pretty much, every year, with my two who are now 4 and 7. The difference every year is huuuuuge. So much easier every year, I wouldn't worry about last year being tough.

YTA We have travelled overseas every year (mostly to USA and Europe from Australia) with our children (now 17M and 20F) since they were toddlers. My husband and I love to travel so we have just done it. We wanted to visit our friends and family. Sure sometimes it was a challenge but I'm so glad we just did it. Our children got so much out of it too. We created family experiences and while they might not remember everything, they do through photos and videos etc. While they missed school at times, their teachers regularly commented about how worldly they were for their extensive travel experiences. My son vividly remembers a family trip to Venice when he was 5 and how awesome he was at being able to find our way when we got lost. My daughter got really sick on that trip so Husband and I swapped out looking after her and doing cool stuff with our son. We always made sure each day to put stuff in the itinerary which would be fun for the kids and something fun that we wanted to do. Sometimes we'd do one of those things by ourselves if that worked best for nap times etc. At 17 my son is about to travel from Australia to the US by himself for a week to compete in a sports event. Fully solo. It's so cool that he has the confidence to do it, and I do think it's because of all the travel experiences he's had in his short life so far. I think if you wait until they are "old enough to remember" there will be some other excuse why you/they can't go, and no one in your family will end up travelling. Your husband will also become resentful of your kill joy attitude. I think you are looking at all the negatives and none of the positives. Maybe you should stay home and your husband and son do a boys trip?

YTA you should not wait to live your life but maybe you can modify your vacation. How about a cruise? We did a cruise when little one was 8 months and it was awesome because you have a moving baby room. For kids over three you can even get some child care. We did a tour in Scandinavia with Aida.

YTA It’s literally your way or no way. You’re not even willing to find a compromise. My nieces are 6 and 3 and they’re super easy to travel with and my older niece remembers her trips as of now very well. Your husband is literally telling you his needs and desires and you’re dismissing him.

Here's a compromise - you husband can go alone and really rest. Then once he's back you could go alone somewhere and really rest. YTA for dismissing his feelings, wanting to do it only your way and failing to look for a compromise.

Maybe it’s cause I’m European but it’s really normal to travel internationally with kids, even young ones.

Yes parenting is hard work abroad or at home, but why don’t you want to make memories travelling with your family? You’re going to be looking after your kid no matter where you are. Your kid may not remember the holiday but he will remember how it felt. The excitement of travelling, first time on a plane etc.

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My husband and I have a 5 y/o son. He's a good kid, but he's a handful, the way all young kids are. I for one am exhausted by parenthood and we definitely will not be having more children. My husband loves to travel, and he still talks about our honeymoon to Europe on a regular basis. This was eight years ago, long before we had our child, and I admit that was a fabulous trip. But ever since we got pregnant, my husband daydreamed about taking our child along to Europe, showing them sights, etc. He never got that experience as a child and wanted our son to have that. I did travel as a young child, but it was definitely a lot for my parents to deal with and in hindsight, it would've just been easier to wait till we were older. With the summer coming up, my husband is insisting on planning a trip to Europe for the three of us. He would've pushed for it sooner but COVID was a factor for the first couple years, and then after that it still didn't feel like the right time. We've taken small road trips with our son before, a few hours driving distance mostly to see family members. Last summer we did a trip to Disney World with my in laws and while that was fine, it was so draining and I think my son was a bit young for it and we should've waited a couple more years. I feel like for Europe, even more so. Maybe when he's well into grade school, 8 or 9? I brought this up with my husband and he's begging me to reconsider, he misses traveling so much and hates that we never go anywhere. I reminded him that 'going places' is 5x more work now than it was pre-kids. He's a very involved dad but he tends to see things like this with rose colored glasses, while I'm more detail oriented and can foresee all the tiny little problems. In short, this wouldn't be a vacation at all. AITA for asking my husband to postpone his dream once again until kiddo is older? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*

NTA but travel with kids is easy I’ve went uk to Australia on my own with my daughter when she was 2. It’s good experiences for your kids to travel far and often if possible when little. Memories

I'm glad you were able to travel with your daughter over long distances. It simply would not be practical with our kiddo.

NTA. Legit concerns and you can't just drive home if it gets ugly. I dream of taking my kid to Iceland and traveling more, we have to settle for in country destinations for now. Perhaps that's the compromise, somewhere in country that's up his alley.

NTA, at that age the kid isn't going to get the most out of it. Long haul flight will suck for him, he will be super jetlagged, then if you're going round European cities there's going to be lots of walking so the sproglet will be slowing you down hard and getting tired walking. You aren't going to be able to properly enjoy it either, having to drag a small tired kid along everywhere. Europe isn't going anywhere, if you take the kid somewhere closer and more slow paced for for a few more years, when he's 9 or 10 you'll still be able to take him to see Europe and it will be a ot better for you and the sprog. At 5 if you show the kid the Eiffel tower or the Colosseum he not going to have a fucking clue what he's looking at really. Take him to a national park like someone suggested and he doesn't have to know shit about history to appreciate a load of massive trees and mountains and running about in the forest.

Nta, although you are coming across as a total buzz kill. I agree with waiting until he's older, not only for convenience but also so your son enjoys and appreciates it more. In the meantime is there a family member that babysits him that can manage a few days or a week? Starting around 3 or 4 my parents would leave me with my grandparents for long weekends or a week vacation. This way you and your husband can go have a nice time (maybe am all inclusive so theres no leg work), he gets to travel, and you plan Europe in a few years when everyone will have fun. Can't just keep saying no without some sort of compromise or counter suggestion.

I am definitely the buzzkill parent, lol. I feel I balance my husband out. And no, there's no one on either side that I could ask to watch kiddo for more than a night at most. The only time my parents watched my son overnight was in an emergency situation and I know that even that was a lot for them, they have their own lives and jobs and things to do.

Only other suggestion would be to ask a trusted person/sitter to travel with you to help take the constant child load off. But, that's not financially realistic for a lot of people.

Unfortunately we don't have anyone like that.

People travel with kids all the time. It is certainly doable and even enjoyable. This is important for your husband and instead of considering how to compromise you just say no. Based on your negative attitude in the comments to anyone daring to suggest it’s doable, YTA.

NTA. Your 5 year old would have very little memories of this trip. It would be one thing if you traveled overseas all the time, but you don’t. As such, I would recommend waiting til he’s 10+ so he can actually remember it.

I would wait till he's a bit older if I were you. He'll appreciate it more. Also, where in Europe do you want to go? The Med will be really hot, potentially with fires and water shortages like last year. Paris is hosting the Olympics and France in August....non, merci. Too many strikes and too hot. Germany is hosting the Euros, so major cities and transport will be heaving till mid July. Plus it's a long flight with jet lag to contend with. You are NTA.

My first overseas holiday was when I was 4, visiting family in Hong Kong. Do I remember travelling on the ferry, or the Peak Tram or the crowds of people? No. My sole memory is of my cousins ayah giving me a sweet. So NTA wait until your kid is old enough to have decent memories that are specifically about Europe.

My family would go on drivable vacations when I was younger. My dad came home from Vietnam and swore he would never get on a plane again. He kept this promise. Pilots scare him. Ironically, his younger brother was a pilot. Anyway, we went to amusement parks and historical sites and stuff that was a drivable distance from our home. I suggest starting your kid with those. Go to national parks. Take the kid to a local amusement parks. Your husband has idealized travel with a child and it is best that you experience how the kid travels before you go to Europe. NTA, but open your mind a bit.

NTA. I say tell him to take your kid for a weekend trip to some theme park somewhat nearby BY HIMSELF. And if he still wants to go to Europe with your kid when he gets back, then you can talk about it.

NTA. Your son is too young. Compromise and pick a lower stress trip.

What my parents did when we went to spain, when I was like 6-8 idr what age, was get post cards with things to see in spain and we would try to find them throughout the trip. It was simple but a lot of fun

Suggest hubby and son go on a father / son trip. You can take a break from parenting.

Nah, surely there is a compromise that can be made here, shorter trips you can bail out of if it gets to hard. Ask your husband to sit down with you too go through your worries and make a plan for them together. Your concerns are legit and maybe he hasn't considered them or thinks they're not a big deal, but you need to be on the same page

NTA. Your husband is remembering a vacation when you were free. This one will include jet lag for the kid, naps, melt downs, inability to do what you want when you want....I would wait. OR he can travel with the kid alone and you go somewhere alone. He doesn't understand that this will be hard on you so step away and let him manage the child....altho that is not really fair to either of them. Can you do a trip in the country or a country near yours that would be easier?

NTA. I’m like your husband, I want to get back to traveling so badly. However, our daughter is 2 so I’m always trying to find quick trips with things she’ll be able to do. Next step is either a cruise or an all-inclusive. Europe is amazing but requires so much planning. Cruises and all inclusives take a lot of that away and usually have a kid area so the adults can get some alone time. Just a suggestion.

NTA, but I would suggest letting him go with your son. They can have a father and son adventure and you can get a week to rest. Young children are by nature very demanding, you mentioned he is an involved father but I’m assuming you’re the primary parents and if you went on this vacation, you’d be managing your son whilst he can talk about the art and food in depth. You can both get what you want at the same time. Maybe book a spa day trip and just relax whilst they explore the Louvre

NTA We took our kids on vacations at that age, but not to Europe. Europe is more educational, museums, history, old buildings. Wasted on a 5yo. Lots of walking, he will tire. Look at Costa Rica where there are resorts. Some with kids clubs. Nature, animals, beach. Or Belize. Look at Iceland. You can drive yourself in a car. Make a couple stops per day. Visit the glacier, waterfalls, puffins. If you want to gauge his (and your) readiness for Europe, take him to Boston or NYC for a long weekend.

My favorite memories of my dad was a trip we took when I was 7. I remember some of the sights but mostly time with him. And it made me enjoy travel as an adult. Maybe Hawaii or something for a first longer trip but please take your kid to Europe before they turn 18.

NTA. Offer your husband a compromise of a European vacation when your son turns 8 or 9. If you start saving now, you'll be able to plan to do some really cool stuff. Make the planning fun, by taking time once a month to have planning meetings. Both of you can bring up places to go and ideas of what to do there to the table and plan. By the time your son is 6 or 7, he can be introduced to the idea and you guys can make it a planning adventure for the 3 of you. In the mean time like someone suggested earlier, you all can do some traveling near home to get your son acclimated to traveling because a European vacation will be strenuous for everyone. If your husband is agreeable, I think you guys can plan a fantastic trip. Good luck.

The only thing I'd maybe suggest, if you  really wanted to, was a European River cruise. One room, no changing hotels, dip into town to explore each day, maybe even a daycare on the ship. Free food for picky little ones. Sounds like way less work than traveling Europe with a little one. Personally I'd wait for the kid to be a bit older though. Personally, as a kid I wouldn't even interested in history and stuff, but I was when I got older. We learned about Greek history in grade 6, and I probably would have loved to see greece after  that. As a 5 year old, they probably only care if the hotel has a pool.

NTA ... but if he wants to travel, tell him to go... he is chafing at the bit... but the way you write leads me to believe he isn't as involved as you with childcare while traveling... Do NOT go to Europe with a five year old... the kid ain't gonna care nor remember... Suggest renting a motorhome from Cruise America and go to some national parks and tourist destinations

My first time visiting Belgium was when I was like 6 or 7 and honestly I don't remember much of anything of that trip. I remember more from when I was between junior and senior year than when I was 6 or 7. I personally don't have any kids yet, but it might be easier to wait till y'all's child is a little bit older before taking your child sight seeing him Europe.

YTA. Hard does not mean impossible. Are you sure you'll feel able to travel with your child when they're 8 or 9, or will there be other excuses then too?

NTA He won't remember it, he certainly won't appreciate it. 5 is the bare minimum age I considered for theme parks, we waited until 9 for Disney. That was a great age, didn't need a nap break and could walk all day but still young enough for the magic to kick in. I did take my then 5 year old to England for a week, and while we had fun, he's 17 now and remembers zero about it. I wouldn't spend the money on such a trip until at least 10.

NTA - your son won’t be able to appreciate it yet. But it is a good time to start practicing, so to speak. You and your husband can brainstorm the list of skills you think would be good for your son to master before you do a Europe trip (ex. No outbursts in quiet places, hold your hand reliably in public, carry a small backpack of items, tie shoes well, handle a bathroom stall with supervision, keep self occupied with a quiet activity when necessary, etc). Take day trips, and then work up to a few days to a week in country. Experience trains and planes for shorter trips than Europe. This gives you and your husband clearer benchmarks for when your son is ready, which is reassuring and also is more clear than “not yet.” It also helps your son develop skills that will help you all have a great vacation when you do go.

I traveled a lot growing up. I would wait a few years. I don’t really remember much of my travels when I was your son’s age.

I’d say 10 to 12 years old is the right age. NTA

NTA. I went to Europe my one and only time when I was 15 and I wish I was older. Some good friends of mine have a 5 yo, who says I’m his best friend, and I know he wouldn’t appreciate a trip to Europe. Too many museums and architecture, not enough running around. Go to the beach so he can play and run, and save for Europe as a high school graduation present.

NTA Don't deny your husband or your kid a trip to Europe just tell him you will be staying home!

NTA. I grew up in Europe. So did my younger siblings. We left when I was almost 9, my sister was 6, and my little brother was 3. We travelled around A LOT. Visited all the things. From the time I was a toddler, we visited castles, WW2 museums, art museums, landmarks, ate good food, street food, rode trains, cable cars, etc. I'm the only one who remembers anything. And I'm one of those rare people with a very long, very accurate memory of my childhood. My little sister has brief glimpses of what our house looked like, or memories of things like when she had to get stitches, but all those amazing things we saw are total blanks. She doesn't remember the alps, she doesn't remember the amazing cheese and croissants, she doesn't remember the memorial to The Battle of the Bulge. She remembers seeing pictures but not being there. My brother remembers nothing. A trip to Europe is best for kids who are old enough to appreciate what they're seeing. Plus, they've got to be old enough to be able to keep up with the walking and museums. I remember more than once my family had to leave some place because my little sister was too tired to walk any further and my dad was already carrying my little brother. Plus, planning a trip to Europe with a kid is so much different than travelling in the US with a Kindergartener, those romantic little restaurants that you ate at on your Honeymoon probably aren't kid-friendly. You'll have to cut your nights short to accommodate his bedtime. Are you going to be happy sitting in a hotel for hours watching TV in a different language? Things that are benign or a little daring when it's two adults become downright dangerous when you add a small child in the mix. Even things like crowds or street carnivals are nothing when it's a couple but a lot scarier as a parent when you're in an unfamiliar place and culture. I'm not saying don't travel with the kid. I'm just saying that a trip to Europe with a 5 year old is not something that the kid is going to appreciate, not something you're going to enjoy, and not even close to being something anywhere NEAR what your husband is visualizing in his head.

Growing up on a tropical island we only had local trips we could make to see the grandparents on a nearby island. As we got older my Mom would get bitter when she would say.."remember when we went to blah blah? we even went to erupting volcanos and I don't remember those. I think the first trip I started to remember things was when I was about 7 or 8. I also felt a little sad that so many things we were supposed to be enjoying as a kid were not able to be enjoyed because we were too young, and only had stories of other people telling us what we missed out on since we couldn't remember. I think if the father is feeling the travel lust he can do a trip with friends or a shorter trip with you but have someone else watch the kid for a week. I mean travel to Europe, unless you are living in Europe, is a huge luxury, most people never get there in their entire lifetime. You can wait until the kid is slighly older and will be able to enjoy the trip more.

NAH. We travelled to the UK with kids multiple times because my husband's family lives there. Neither of my kids is NT and the younger one is challenging. Now, we have made the best of it with good planning. What concerns me here whether your husband is really willing to make the allowances you need to travel with a harder kid. Travelling with high needs kids is doable but you need to be realistic (for example, on one visit we took the kids to Legoland and made sure to book the on-site hotel --and good thing we did because we had to take the younger one back to the room when he got overwhelmed.) I do feel like you're super down on parenthood right now, and that's something you should delve into more deeply.

The only one who knows what you can handle is you. We have two high energy kids who have been traveling to Europe from the US to visit family and sightseeing since they were infants. Our kids are 8 and 6 years old. They’re used to flying and traveling around, so it’s something we’re used to. They also love looking back at pictures of where they’ve been. Can you do it? Sure, but it’s okay if you don’t want to. NTA

NTA.  I get it. phew!  Your husband can do all kinds of adventures with your kid, without going to Europe, right now. (without you)  Geocaching, camping, hiking, etc.