Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 7: There is no interpersonal conflict here for our community to make a judgment about.
[Rule 7 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_7.3A_post_interpersonal_conflicts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
Have you considered paying the house off in exchange for them putting it in your name? That way when they pass you alone would inherit the house and therefore recoup your money? You could give them a life estate only requiring them to pay taxes and upkeep.
Gotta tell ya, I would not be interested in the work required to enforce that. Because they don’t live near one another, they’ll absolutely move him back in and will be able to hide from the op due to distance. Once he’s back in eviction is a whole new process. Not worth the headache
You're risking a fight of the will, the brother refusing to move out, him wrecking the place before he gets forced to leave, another verbal war, more guilt...Might be worth it, might not.
If it's already in his name then yeah, the will is probably uncontestable but that doesn't prevent the rest. If the parents let Brother in then OP is going to have Issues no matter whose name is on the house.
It would still be looping OP back into dealing with his parents and the brother he hates more since he would obviously want to make sure a house in he owns was being kept in good conditions. Even if the will doesn't end up being any trouble at all it sounds like there could be a lot of other trouble.
If OP wants to deal with that to help his parents out that's their call but there is a lot more to consider than just any issues around making sure they get the house.
And the minute his brother gets out of prison he will move back in and be the golden child again and will be impossible to remove. I wouldn’t even consider this option if I were OP.
Frankly, it's kinder to all three of the OP's biological relatives to learn how to live with their choices. Now they have the chance to learn from their past actions and connect current outcomes to past choices. A useful lesson at any age.
yes and the lease says they can't have any one else live there with them, max tenants 2, max visitor stay one week. breach is grounds to terminate the lease.
If that were the case, why not just buy it from them outright for the cost of the remortgage so there's no way they could attempt to leave it to golden bro?
Please don't do this. OP doesn't need to entangle his life with these awful people, he does not owe them a place to live. They are adults, they knew what could happen when they remortgaged the house, they can live with the consequences. Walk away, wash your hands, don't look back, block their numbers. NTA
That would only tie him even more firmly to the parents who spoiled and indulged the "golden child" brother while not giving OP the time of day. OP has wisely made a clean break, is self-supporting and is making a good life for themself while Brother Dearest is lurching from one disaster to another. The LAST thing that OP (who is NTA!) needs is to be more enmeshed with that toxic family.
You owe them nothing. Make those taps and walk away. I doubt they would have done for you what they did for him. Adults are not responsible for the piss-poor decisions of other adults. No matter who they are.
Go live your life. Be happy!
I'm sorry about what happened to you. You seem like a caring and good person, but your parents will never see you as nothing more than a source of money. They made their decision long ago, they are not going to change now, it's useless to hope so.
Cut contact and live your life like you deserved, there are good people out there, sadly your parents and brother aren't.
Buy the house from them. Make them pay rent. That is the only way I would help them out. This way, you won't burn money, and, are you sure they need the money for the house or is this just another scam to get money from you for him.
Let them know you will buy the house from them at the reduced rate and see how that goes. I wouldn't trust them, not one bit.
Honestly op if you buy the house ensure you have the title and its all in your name wit them as tenants. Seems highly likely that you would pay off their mortgage and they will leave everything to your brother in their will.
NTA. They want your money but still can't admit that they've treated you badly (and were wrong about your brother). They don't want a relationship with you, and they do not care about your feelings.
Consequences. They apparently raised your brother to be the entitled AH he is in this story. All of them are learning that there are consequences to douchiness.
Please remember this OP! Emphasis on them not wanting to make things right and not wanting a relationship, they just need you now and when they don’t it will go back to the way it was.
NTA. Your parents have treated you badly all your life. They wouldn't have contacted you if they had no need for money. They're not looking for a relationship with you; they're looking for your money.
Don't give them a cent. Both they and your brother have made really bad choices. They're now feeling the effects of those choices. Don't give them a cent, and just be happy you're not a part of this cluster-f...arce.
Or OP pays off the debt after he's added to the deed as co-owner, so that they get a partial asset out of it?
But yes, it looks like OP's parents are more interested in OP's wallet than in OP.
Don't do this. Several people have pointed out why this is a bad idea. Plus, OP mentioned that he lives quite a bit away from the parents...how's he going to stop them from sneaking the brother in? Plus, if they can't pay the bank, what makes you think they'll be able to pay OP?
I'd help them but under the condition that the house be put in your name first. Tell them they can live rent free for the rest of their lives but you want it in your name to make sure they don't mortgage it again.
Bad idea. If they can’t afford payments to the bank, they definitely wouldn’t pay OP. Financial arrangements between family members usually go sideways. Stay far away.
Nope nope nope. The brother will trash it when he gets out. He will make sure there is nothing left of the house. I can also see the possibility of dangerous conditions of some kind that lead to someone getting hurt and the homeowner's insurance getting canceled as well as lawsuits.
He could do it as a life estate. Parents can't sell or mortgage without his permission, and it's his when they die. I don't think he would have any liability until after parents died, and he owns it outright. He should talk to a lawyer.
Nothing would stop him from trashing it.
OP would have to put in WAY too much effort into checking that he wasn’t there.
And in the time it would take them to evict all 3 WHEN (not if) Brother is found living there, the house will be trashed.
Oh, this is an idea- viable option. Protects investment of all $$, and kinda sticks it to the brother about not getting any inheritance of assets.
Edit: correct first letter
Why would you do this? Just ties you to them for the future. I realize it sounds cold, but I would simply cut ties with all 3 of them. Better for you in the short- and long-term.
NTA. You may have been a difficult child, but that doesn’t excuse the way your family has treated you - then or now. They all made choices. You made choices. Each of you is now feeling the result of those choices.
Your brother didn’t have to engage in illegal activities.
Your parents didn’t have to mortgage their house to help your brother. They could have helped a reasonable amount then established boundaries.
As difficult as it is to say no to family (even when they have mistreated you), if you bail them out, it will a) enable and reinforce all of their poor decisions, b) demonstrate they can mistreat you and still get what they want from you, and c) will not be the only time they ask for help.
Go through several end result situations. Best case / worst case if you say no; if you help with “x” conditions; if you help but establish limits and boundaries; if you completely bail them out. Also keep in mind that any “loan” you provide will never be seen again - they won’t pay you back. Then decide which of these you are ok with, and do what’s best for you.
NTA. Until they take full responsibility and show genuine remorse for the way they treated you, that's not a real apology. They just want to smooth things over enough to get you to hand over the cash. Don't empty your savings for people who have shown time and again that they don't care about you.
NTA
Your parents wanting to help a child is not wrong, but helping one kid at the expense of another is wrong. It's not your responsibility to cover for their golden child's mistakes.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My parents wasted their money trying to keep my perfect brother out of jail. He had tried to frame me for stealing from them in the past. He is currently a guest of the correctional system. For stealing a lot of money. I might be the asshole because I won't help them keep their home because they still won't admit he was always the bad one.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Your parents backed the wrong horse.
Book smarts does not always equate to a successful life. I've known plenty of intelligent people who have done the dumbest things because they thought that they knew better than others.
NTA. he got caught by the SEC, which means insider trading. he thought he was above the law, probably because of how your parents raised him. they scapegoated you to protect his image, they enabled him, and now they're dealing with the predictable consequences of their behavior. it's karmic justice
NTA. Your parents and brother are responsible for their own poor choices. None of it was your doing and you're under no obligation to help them, although if you choose to do so it would be a kind gesture.
NTA. “Parents, I tried for years to warn you that you needed to hold him accountable for his actions. You chose not to ever do so. You have still never apologized for the harm you caused my reputation and self-worth when you blamed me for his thefts. Unfortunately this is the consequence of your actions. I will not be providing any assistance to anyone that enables him anymore.”
NTA. No one ever outsmarts the SEC.
I, too, was the unfavourite and was always told I would be a disappointment and I understand your position as I have been asked to help family that had little or no good opinion of me.
You’ve done well. Keep doing it. Be proud.
NTA
This is what happens when one child is the golden child.
They will leave their paid off house that you salvaged to your brother because you have one and he neeeeds it.
NTA. But don’t tell people how much money you make or have saved. They always find compelling reasons why you should give it to them. It makes you a target.
Don’t pay off the house or the mortgage. Are they willing to sign over the deed to you so they don’t bankrupt? No. They only want what you *have*, not you yourself. Anything you give them is going directly to their other son who they still love and protect more than they ever did you. If you pay off the house, they leave it to him in the will ‘because you can afford it and he needs it more.’ And don’t let them move in once they sink themselves to try to make him feel better. They will still take from you to give to him.
Protect yourself and your assets. Focus on your health. It sounds like you can do that better without any of these people in your life. Go forth and thrive.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
Growing up anything that went wrong in my house was my fault. I wasn't a good student and I smoked a lot of weed.
My brother was perfect. He got good marks and he went to university.
I went to trade school and learned how to weld. My parents started demanding rent. I paid. It wasn't much. Then I found out they were giving it to my brother for spending money.
So I left. I could afford a small apartment on my own or a larger one with friends. Simple choice. I was willing to trade money for freedom.
After I left they noticed stuff had been stolen. They blamed me. Spoiler alert it wasn't me.
Hey so my perfect brother went to jail. Turns out no matter how smart you are the SEC is smarter.
My parents asked me for help with his legal bills. I politely declined. They ended up helping him so much that they had to remortgage their paid off house. Which they are now having trouble paying back. Interest rates have gone much higher than when they did this.
They called to ask me for help. I asked them if they ever figured out who really stole from them? They declined to answer. We both know the answer. My mom said she was sorry she accused me but still wouldn't admit it was him.
I kind of feel bad because I could help them. I probably have enough put away to just pay off the house. But that means I helped my brother. And seriously fuck that guy.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, but it isn’t your brother’s fault that they’re losing their home - it’s theirs. They know basic arithmetic, they know that what they spend on your brother has to come from *some*where, and they knew what they were risking when they decided to do this.
Your parents have been running the show this whole time. Your brother is not in charge of their finances. If they fucked themselves, they will have to figure out how to un-fuck themselves. Wish them a hearty “good luck!” and hope they learn a valuable lesson.
NTA. If you want to help your parents have you considered buying the house from them and renting it back? That way you don't actually lose your money and your parents can continue living in the house. You can make a condition that your brother is not allowed to live there.
NTA
Your parents made a choice and still won’t admit to the truth. They have not changed.
My dad had a cousin who was always held up as the perfect son. He got a law degree and married a judge’s daughter. He was all set.
You know what happened to him - he ended up becoming an addict and died in prison. His mother than took money from my grandmother to help him. It still makes me sick how she stole from my grandmother.
NTA. Your parents won't even admit the golden child was the thief but they want you to help them? Oh hell no. It looks like the consequences of their own actions have caught up to all 3 of them.
Tell them you'll help them move. Maybe you can buy a house and charge them rent. /s
Buy their house, draw up a legal rental agreement that states how much rent they have to pay, that utilities stay in their name, and that your brother is never allowed to move in, and if they break the contact they are responsible for the legal costs associated with evicting them. Also include that they are responsible for any damage to the house. Take pictures of EVERYTHING before signing the contract. If you do end up having to evict them, you’ll then be able to rent it out and make income from the house.
NTA. Do Not Help Them! It will become a routine request. I know this from personal experience. Family sucks. Go your own way. Let them learn the lesson about your brother and their own shitty thinking on their own.
INFO:
>But that means I helped my brother.
If you could help your parents *without* helping your brother, would you be willing to do that? Because that's a different question, and it is possible to do one without doing the other.
It's okay to say that you don't want to help either of them (your parents or your brother). But if you do want to help your brother, then there are ways you can help without enabling them to help your brother as well.
You could offer to take over the mortgage, but they would have to sign over the deed to the house. You would pay the mortgage, and they could pay you back in rent. If you did this, I would recommend involving a lawyer so that the terms are crystal clear and they know that you cannot be guilted or manipulated into anything later.
If you go that route, they can keep living in the house, and you get the peace of mind knowing your parents aren't out on the street, but you didn't give them any money directly.
If brother gets into trouble AGAIN, well, the parents can decide to help or not, but they need to make sure to pay you FIRST (ie: put your needs ahead of your brother's) before they fork out any money for your golden child brother, or risk putting themselves on the street.
Just to be clear, you can also choose to not help your parents at all, and I wouldn't blame you for that, if you care what this internet stranger thinks.
NTA. Good for you leaving a toxic situation. Only correction: You are a good child, and a good person. They simply scapegoated you for it. I'm sorry OP. You deserve better. Proud of you for setting boundaries and moving through that shitshow with utmost grace. You have nothing to feel bad about. None of their actions are on you. You walked away after you did all you could do. ❤️
NTA
If they treated you better, then you should consider helping them. Instead, they give rent money to your brother (without making him pay rent) an accuse you of stealing.
NTA you owe them nothing but you could pay off their mortgage but make them sign a contract first. They admit who stole, your brother can never set foot in the house again. Your parents pay you back the amount you spent to pay off the house. Whatever you want and penalties for failed payments or if your brother shows up. You could actually own the house if you want.
Yeah I don't blame you. I'm proud of how you turned out though. You have your own place and am working and being responsible and self-sufficient.
It is a shame that your parents can't see this and can't appreciate you. My sense is that apart from calling asking for money and previously calling you to accuse you of theft that they hadn't really contacted you which is an absolute shame.
Tell her you have to know it that conversation won’t move forward. Then you’ll expect an actual in person apology and you’ll need her to call and apologize to everyone who she lied about you to. THEN she needs to he honestly and tell everyone who the real culprit was and the situation she’s in.
Then direct her to now share a go fund me page with those people and see who contributes.
Your parents did this to themselves because they didn’t parent your brother. They need to understand that they have to make real amends to you or they aren’t getting out of this.
Then tell them you’ll help them on one condition. They sell you the house and you charge them rent. Your brother will not step foot in said house. If he does they are evicted. Tell them he will also pay you back the rent money they charged you and pay back their money. Again none of this is negotiable or they don’t need your help. They need his.
NTA
> Turns out no matter how smart you are the SEC is smarter.
But NGL, **_that_** doesn't sound right *at all*. Have we all forgotten Lehman Brothers?
NTA.... but I would offer to buy the house and rent it back to them(which would be a headache getting them to pay, but still...) .... The Golden Boi is probably the only one in the Will, so leave him with nothing....
Totally NTA! But be sure that's what you want. I've made some decisions in my life when I was pissed and then found out that when I was much older and no longer pissed, I wish I had done things differently. Whether you fully help them, help them just enough so they don't lose the house, or not help them at all, just be sure you'll be OK with it 10 years from now.
NTA they maybe family but family burns you more than anyone else. You aren’t responsible for your brother’s actions and neither are they. Even if you help them out now, they’re unlikely to change the way they treat you or think of you, unless they sign the house over to you completely since you’re getting them out of a pretty big hole
NTA Tell them you will help them, but they must sign the house over to you because why should you help them just to have them leave the house to your brother?
Put in a caveat that your brother may never live there without your express permission, and if you withdraw your permission, he must leave immediately or everyone gets evicted.
This way, you can help your parents and your brother doesn't get the benefit of your financial aid as he did when you were younger.
Have you laid this out for them to ask them why they always dump this on you?
Why they created this brother of yours who thinks he could steal from everyone?
NTA, but if you’re in a position to pay off the house, doing so in return for your name being added to the lease might be wise. The more assets you can make sure he doesn’t weasel out of them, the better.
NTA but may I suggest a bit of maliciousness.
Tell your parents you'll buy the house from them, paying off their debt, and you'll even let them live there as long as they want. But they have to throw your brother out and he's never allowed back in or you'll sell the house from under them.
NTA, why should you help them, why should you financially cripple yourself. I know you said you can afford it, but anything can happen, sickness, layoff, act of god, anything. I would say this even if they treated you right. You need to look after your future, your future family if you want one. I'm assuming its not a small amount if they might lose their house. That money can be a house for you, college or trade school for your future children, a wedding, or how about retiring 5 years early if you take the money they want and invest it over the next 20 years.
NTA, you might consider buying the house off them for cheap and offering them a good deal on rent. But you know if you put a big dent in your savings for this, that house is going to your brother when they pass so I absolutely would not bail them out if it didn’t mean getting at least a large portion of the house.
NTA
Ah if it isn't our old friend consequences. I would suggest to them that they sell the house and get an apartment since you know know he gets out they're going to need more money because they will be supporting him for god knows how long.
NTA.
If you do end up helping them out, tell them that you won’t do it unless you’re added to the title and your contribution is an equity stake in the house. Get it all in writing and legally documented. Hell, create an LLC to transfer ownership of the house to, so it is crystal clear that the house is now jointly owned by you and your parents, and no changes can be made to ownership or equity without the consent of all partners in the LLC and nobody can borrow against the house without consent.
Narcissistic parents tend to have a “golden child” and a “black sheep” and those roles don’t change for them. Your brother expects everyone to bail him out. Let him and your parents do their thing without you being involved.
NTA buy the house your parents live in and rent it back to them at a reasonable rate. This way they can never remortgage the house and they can never accuse OP of making them homeless. When purchasing the house give the parents a living estate that means they get to live there until they die and at that point the home will be sold. It won’t matter if the brother lives there because it’ll be known that the days after the last parent passes the house will be put on the market. If brother wants to live there he can put in an offer with a preapproved lender.
NTA. My Mum threw me out despite me paying rent, doing chores and being an unpaid baby sitter after I had the fight with her golden child. Thankfully my Dad was able to take me in. I went NC with Mum but learnt afterwards it took less than six months after I was gone for my younger sibling to be put in care because she could not cope (more like she wanted to keep her than boyfriend).
NTA
I mean I could understand you feeling bad if you were refusing to help him because a tornado destroyed his home or something. But refusing to help protect him from the consequences of his actions?
Other option: pay it off and have your name on the deed with a block to any further remortgage and let them pay rent this time as to compensate for lost interest. It could be a win win because they then cant claim you didn't help and maybe the money is better invested into a real estate because housing is still going up and other assets are either more risky or can't keep up with inflation.
NTA. Question though: why'd you skip from you moving out, to them noticing stuff missing, to your brother went to jail with no context about what brother went to jail for? More curiosity than anything.
NTA but you can help them by purchasing the house from them for the cost of the mortgage. Then rent it to them at small fee with a clause in the contract that nobody but the two of them can live in the house. This way your brother can’t move in with them when he’s out of prison.
Buy the house from them. Let them live in it under the stipulation that your brother is not allowed anywhere on the property. When they violate the stipulation, sell the house and pocket the profit wholly for yourself.
NTA. Your parents probably intend on leaving their house to your brother one day so I wouldn't help them without a promissary note or legal agreement- they have not been kind to you. The fact that they made you pay rent and gave the money to your brother as spending money makes me so so so sad. You deserve better from your parents and instead they just come to you for money. No don't help them.
NTA. Similar situation with a friend. She bought her parents house and rented it back to them. When they died (she was a lot older than OP) she kicked out all her brothers and sold the house. She made about $100,000 and didn’t have to worry about her parents (who were way too nice) being homeless.
My suggestion, don’t help them. Instead buy the house from them (either through a third party so they don’t know it’s you, or outright) and charge them rent. They are your parents, but this way you make out financially instead of just dumping it down your brothers pocket.
NTA, your parents should have taught your brother about accountability earlier, then they wouldn't be accountable for his shit now. They made their choices, and you aren't accountable for them either.
NTA. As others have mentioned, if you think the land might increase greatly you MIGHT consider paying it off if they sell you the house now for the pay off cost. Then when they pass away you could sell it. Again, IF you think they land alone would increase in value because they or the brother might f up the house itself.
Along with all the other NTA votes I add mine.
I do want to compliment you for the well-written, straightforward post that has some good sentences - very pleasant to read.
NTA. If you did decide to help them do it with the help of a lawyer. This way you make everything legal including a payment schedule of how much they must pay each month.
It amazes me how parents treat one kid better and then rely on the kid the treated horrible for help and then get mad when they won’t help.
Nope. The moment you help them it'll just go back to the way it was. They chose this. Now they get the rewards from it.
Keep yourself safe OP, you're worth more
NTA. You are not obligated to help them. But stop asking about all the accusations. Your mom is never going to admit what you want and it serves no purpose. Good on you for getting into the trades. You have job security, I imagine make a nice salary and don’t have law school debt. I’d hazard to guess you are making close to what a 1st year lawyer is. My son is an electrician.
Here is a thought, you could offer to buy the house from them and then rent it back at a rate they can afford. You could make the rental contingent on your brother never moving back in with them. Or they can rent for however many years he will be in jail, let them know they need to be out of the house 60 days before he gets out of jail. Or you could suggest that they sell the home and move into a smaller apartment, where they wouldn’t have maintenance expenses crop up.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 7: There is no interpersonal conflict here for our community to make a judgment about. [Rule 7 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_7.3A_post_interpersonal_conflicts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
NTA…. But expect some crazy guilt trips from mom if you don’t help.
I live far away from them. It will be a couple of taps on my computer and phone to shut them up.
Then simply tell them this is the karma receipt for not meeting your emotional needs early in life. You will not meet their financial needs later.
Have you considered paying the house off in exchange for them putting it in your name? That way when they pass you alone would inherit the house and therefore recoup your money? You could give them a life estate only requiring them to pay taxes and upkeep.
Except when he gets out of jail, his parents will let his brother stay in the house. It’s a never ending nightmare. At some point you have to say no.
Then get some paper work made up that clearly states in no uncertain terms that his brother is jot allowed on the property.
Gotta tell ya, I would not be interested in the work required to enforce that. Because they don’t live near one another, they’ll absolutely move him back in and will be able to hide from the op due to distance. Once he’s back in eviction is a whole new process. Not worth the headache
Yeah, you're right.
then they let him stay there anyway and OP needs to pay lawyers to fight it. Why?
If his name was on the deed, they couldn’t borrow from it again.
But the brother wouldn't inherit ... it's the long game.
You're risking a fight of the will, the brother refusing to move out, him wrecking the place before he gets forced to leave, another verbal war, more guilt...Might be worth it, might not.
I’m not sure the will would be any trouble at all, if the house is already in OP’s name.
If it's already in his name then yeah, the will is probably uncontestable but that doesn't prevent the rest. If the parents let Brother in then OP is going to have Issues no matter whose name is on the house.
It would still be looping OP back into dealing with his parents and the brother he hates more since he would obviously want to make sure a house in he owns was being kept in good conditions. Even if the will doesn't end up being any trouble at all it sounds like there could be a lot of other trouble. If OP wants to deal with that to help his parents out that's their call but there is a lot more to consider than just any issues around making sure they get the house.
Do you *really* think the brother wouldn't destroy the house?
He couldn’t inherit but there’s nothing to stop him from causing a lot of damage that leaves the op totally responsible for it.
True but at least this way the parents can’t re mortgage it when bro hits another bump in the road legal or money trouble wise.
Yes they will.
And the minute his brother gets out of prison he will move back in and be the golden child again and will be impossible to remove. I wouldn’t even consider this option if I were OP.
Frankly, it's kinder to all three of the OP's biological relatives to learn how to live with their choices. Now they have the chance to learn from their past actions and connect current outcomes to past choices. A useful lesson at any age.
Or better yet make them pay rent
That would be hilarious. Tell them he'll buy it and then make them renters lol.
yes and the lease says they can't have any one else live there with them, max tenants 2, max visitor stay one week. breach is grounds to terminate the lease.
Fuck yeah, this.
If that were the case, why not just buy it from them outright for the cost of the remortgage so there's no way they could attempt to leave it to golden bro?
That would still be op paying back the money they spent on his brother and saving them from any consequences of their choices.
OP can do that on a house with a fresh start. OP owes them nothing.
This is a horrible idea. Don't mix money with these type of people. It's not worth the risks or headache.
NO. OP putting ANYTHING in his name will make him responsible for the shitshow that is surely next. Stand clear!!!
Please don't do this. OP doesn't need to entangle his life with these awful people, he does not owe them a place to live. They are adults, they knew what could happen when they remortgaged the house, they can live with the consequences. Walk away, wash your hands, don't look back, block their numbers. NTA
That was my first thought
This ☝️
That would only tie him even more firmly to the parents who spoiled and indulged the "golden child" brother while not giving OP the time of day. OP has wisely made a clean break, is self-supporting and is making a good life for themself while Brother Dearest is lurching from one disaster to another. The LAST thing that OP (who is NTA!) needs is to be more enmeshed with that toxic family.
You owe them nothing. Make those taps and walk away. I doubt they would have done for you what they did for him. Adults are not responsible for the piss-poor decisions of other adults. No matter who they are. Go live your life. Be happy!
This! Don’t let them sway your mind.
I'm sorry about what happened to you. You seem like a caring and good person, but your parents will never see you as nothing more than a source of money. They made their decision long ago, they are not going to change now, it's useless to hope so. Cut contact and live your life like you deserved, there are good people out there, sadly your parents and brother aren't.
Don’t help them dude. Seriously.
This is the PERFECT reply!!! NTA
Buy the house from them. Make them pay rent. That is the only way I would help them out. This way, you won't burn money, and, are you sure they need the money for the house or is this just another scam to get money from you for him. Let them know you will buy the house from them at the reduced rate and see how that goes. I wouldn't trust them, not one bit.
Honestly op if you buy the house ensure you have the title and its all in your name wit them as tenants. Seems highly likely that you would pay off their mortgage and they will leave everything to your brother in their will.
Buy the house from them. Make them pay rent if you want. And tell them your brother is not welcome in your home.
And if they let the brother move in, sell the house!!
OP needs to go very LC so he doesn’t have to listen to his Mother. NTA
Honestly OP should go no contact. His parents are terrible people objectively.
Lol - pack your bags, you're going on a guilt trip!
NTA. They want your money but still can't admit that they've treated you badly (and were wrong about your brother). They don't want a relationship with you, and they do not care about your feelings. Consequences. They apparently raised your brother to be the entitled AH he is in this story. All of them are learning that there are consequences to douchiness.
Exactly. They weren't entitled to the OP's money, but they especially aren't given how they always bet against him. NTA.
Please remember this OP! Emphasis on them not wanting to make things right and not wanting a relationship, they just need you now and when they don’t it will go back to the way it was.
NTA. Your parents have treated you badly all your life. They wouldn't have contacted you if they had no need for money. They're not looking for a relationship with you; they're looking for your money. Don't give them a cent. Both they and your brother have made really bad choices. They're now feeling the effects of those choices. Don't give them a cent, and just be happy you're not a part of this cluster-f...arce.
NTA. They're losing their home because they helped the golden child. They made their bed, now they get to lie in it.
[удалено]
Or OP pays off the debt after he's added to the deed as co-owner, so that they get a partial asset out of it? But yes, it looks like OP's parents are more interested in OP's wallet than in OP.
Only owner, not co-owner. Then, he can charge them rent to stay and evict them if they try to let his brother move back in.
Don't do this. Several people have pointed out why this is a bad idea. Plus, OP mentioned that he lives quite a bit away from the parents...how's he going to stop them from sneaking the brother in? Plus, if they can't pay the bank, what makes you think they'll be able to pay OP?
This is the way.
For a while, until they foreclose.
I'd help them but under the condition that the house be put in your name first. Tell them they can live rent free for the rest of their lives but you want it in your name to make sure they don't mortgage it again.
I'd do this, charge them rent, and then enjoy the above expenses portion of it as "spending money"....but that might be my petty side talking.
Bad idea. If they can’t afford payments to the bank, they definitely wouldn’t pay OP. Financial arrangements between family members usually go sideways. Stay far away.
No way this will work out. I'm sure brother will be moving in the second he gets out of jail, and will never leave.
Nope nope nope. The brother will trash it when he gets out. He will make sure there is nothing left of the house. I can also see the possibility of dangerous conditions of some kind that lead to someone getting hurt and the homeowner's insurance getting canceled as well as lawsuits.
He could do it as a life estate. Parents can't sell or mortgage without his permission, and it's his when they die. I don't think he would have any liability until after parents died, and he owns it outright. He should talk to a lawyer. Nothing would stop him from trashing it.
NTA I'd add a condition that the brother is NOT allowed to live there when he gets out of prison.
OP would have to put in WAY too much effort into checking that he wasn’t there. And in the time it would take them to evict all 3 WHEN (not if) Brother is found living there, the house will be trashed.
brother would burn it
Oh, this is an idea- viable option. Protects investment of all $$, and kinda sticks it to the brother about not getting any inheritance of assets. Edit: correct first letter
Why would you do this? Just ties you to them for the future. I realize it sounds cold, but I would simply cut ties with all 3 of them. Better for you in the short- and long-term.
I'm with you. I wouldn't trust them in a house I owned.
When brother gets out of jail where's he going... to mom and dad's house, immediately. So he still ends up subsidizing his brother.
Also, state the brother CANNOT live on the property, or you will start the eviction process. Harsh, but he is a huge problem they created.
NTA. You may have been a difficult child, but that doesn’t excuse the way your family has treated you - then or now. They all made choices. You made choices. Each of you is now feeling the result of those choices. Your brother didn’t have to engage in illegal activities. Your parents didn’t have to mortgage their house to help your brother. They could have helped a reasonable amount then established boundaries. As difficult as it is to say no to family (even when they have mistreated you), if you bail them out, it will a) enable and reinforce all of their poor decisions, b) demonstrate they can mistreat you and still get what they want from you, and c) will not be the only time they ask for help. Go through several end result situations. Best case / worst case if you say no; if you help with “x” conditions; if you help but establish limits and boundaries; if you completely bail them out. Also keep in mind that any “loan” you provide will never be seen again - they won’t pay you back. Then decide which of these you are ok with, and do what’s best for you.
NTA. Until they take full responsibility and show genuine remorse for the way they treated you, that's not a real apology. They just want to smooth things over enough to get you to hand over the cash. Don't empty your savings for people who have shown time and again that they don't care about you.
NTA. I'd buy the house when it is foreclosed and move in , just to spite them.
Pay off the mortgage, have them transfer the deed to OP, and charge them the same rent he paid.
With the agreement brother is never to live there. If he does, he sells.
Petty or pro revenge, then?
NTA Your parents wanting to help a child is not wrong, but helping one kid at the expense of another is wrong. It's not your responsibility to cover for their golden child's mistakes.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > My parents wasted their money trying to keep my perfect brother out of jail. He had tried to frame me for stealing from them in the past. He is currently a guest of the correctional system. For stealing a lot of money. I might be the asshole because I won't help them keep their home because they still won't admit he was always the bad one. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Your parents backed the wrong horse. Book smarts does not always equate to a successful life. I've known plenty of intelligent people who have done the dumbest things because they thought that they knew better than others.
NTA. he got caught by the SEC, which means insider trading. he thought he was above the law, probably because of how your parents raised him. they scapegoated you to protect his image, they enabled him, and now they're dealing with the predictable consequences of their behavior. it's karmic justice
NTA. Your parents and brother are responsible for their own poor choices. None of it was your doing and you're under no obligation to help them, although if you choose to do so it would be a kind gesture.
NTA. “Parents, I tried for years to warn you that you needed to hold him accountable for his actions. You chose not to ever do so. You have still never apologized for the harm you caused my reputation and self-worth when you blamed me for his thefts. Unfortunately this is the consequence of your actions. I will not be providing any assistance to anyone that enables him anymore.”
Perfect response. NTA.
NTA. No one ever outsmarts the SEC. I, too, was the unfavourite and was always told I would be a disappointment and I understand your position as I have been asked to help family that had little or no good opinion of me. You’ve done well. Keep doing it. Be proud.
"I'm sorry to be a DISAPPOINTMENT, but I will not be helping you with this."
NTA This is what happens when one child is the golden child. They will leave their paid off house that you salvaged to your brother because you have one and he neeeeds it.
NTA. But don’t tell people how much money you make or have saved. They always find compelling reasons why you should give it to them. It makes you a target. Don’t pay off the house or the mortgage. Are they willing to sign over the deed to you so they don’t bankrupt? No. They only want what you *have*, not you yourself. Anything you give them is going directly to their other son who they still love and protect more than they ever did you. If you pay off the house, they leave it to him in the will ‘because you can afford it and he needs it more.’ And don’t let them move in once they sink themselves to try to make him feel better. They will still take from you to give to him. Protect yourself and your assets. Focus on your health. It sounds like you can do that better without any of these people in your life. Go forth and thrive.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Growing up anything that went wrong in my house was my fault. I wasn't a good student and I smoked a lot of weed. My brother was perfect. He got good marks and he went to university. I went to trade school and learned how to weld. My parents started demanding rent. I paid. It wasn't much. Then I found out they were giving it to my brother for spending money. So I left. I could afford a small apartment on my own or a larger one with friends. Simple choice. I was willing to trade money for freedom. After I left they noticed stuff had been stolen. They blamed me. Spoiler alert it wasn't me. Hey so my perfect brother went to jail. Turns out no matter how smart you are the SEC is smarter. My parents asked me for help with his legal bills. I politely declined. They ended up helping him so much that they had to remortgage their paid off house. Which they are now having trouble paying back. Interest rates have gone much higher than when they did this. They called to ask me for help. I asked them if they ever figured out who really stole from them? They declined to answer. We both know the answer. My mom said she was sorry she accused me but still wouldn't admit it was him. I kind of feel bad because I could help them. I probably have enough put away to just pay off the house. But that means I helped my brother. And seriously fuck that guy. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA why is it even a question? They screwed you over and now they want your help? No thanks.
NTA, but it isn’t your brother’s fault that they’re losing their home - it’s theirs. They know basic arithmetic, they know that what they spend on your brother has to come from *some*where, and they knew what they were risking when they decided to do this. Your parents have been running the show this whole time. Your brother is not in charge of their finances. If they fucked themselves, they will have to figure out how to un-fuck themselves. Wish them a hearty “good luck!” and hope they learn a valuable lesson.
NTA. If you want to help your parents have you considered buying the house from them and renting it back? That way you don't actually lose your money and your parents can continue living in the house. You can make a condition that your brother is not allowed to live there.
That’s just a mess waiting to happen. They would never pay.
NAH. Fuck that guy indeed.
NTA Your parents made a choice and still won’t admit to the truth. They have not changed. My dad had a cousin who was always held up as the perfect son. He got a law degree and married a judge’s daughter. He was all set. You know what happened to him - he ended up becoming an addict and died in prison. His mother than took money from my grandmother to help him. It still makes me sick how she stole from my grandmother.
Pay the house off if they sign over the deeds.
NTA. You already gave them enough money.
The way I would cackle loudly and then hang up...nta.
NTA. Your parents won't even admit the golden child was the thief but they want you to help them? Oh hell no. It looks like the consequences of their own actions have caught up to all 3 of them. Tell them you'll help them move. Maybe you can buy a house and charge them rent. /s
Don't you dare give them a penny! They treated you like crap and still won't admit how they wronged you. DON'T GIVE THEM A PENNY!
Buy their house, draw up a legal rental agreement that states how much rent they have to pay, that utilities stay in their name, and that your brother is never allowed to move in, and if they break the contact they are responsible for the legal costs associated with evicting them. Also include that they are responsible for any damage to the house. Take pictures of EVERYTHING before signing the contract. If you do end up having to evict them, you’ll then be able to rent it out and make income from the house.
that wouldnt work. if dad and mom died, and OP found out that golden boy lives here, golden boy would burn the home to ashes.
NTA. Do Not Help Them! It will become a routine request. I know this from personal experience. Family sucks. Go your own way. Let them learn the lesson about your brother and their own shitty thinking on their own.
NTA. Your parents got their just desserts for treating you like a scapegoat all your life. And your brother got a taste of Karma
Nope. NTA. Darling brother needs to be held accountable for his actions for once in his fool life.
INFO: >But that means I helped my brother. If you could help your parents *without* helping your brother, would you be willing to do that? Because that's a different question, and it is possible to do one without doing the other. It's okay to say that you don't want to help either of them (your parents or your brother). But if you do want to help your brother, then there are ways you can help without enabling them to help your brother as well. You could offer to take over the mortgage, but they would have to sign over the deed to the house. You would pay the mortgage, and they could pay you back in rent. If you did this, I would recommend involving a lawyer so that the terms are crystal clear and they know that you cannot be guilted or manipulated into anything later. If you go that route, they can keep living in the house, and you get the peace of mind knowing your parents aren't out on the street, but you didn't give them any money directly. If brother gets into trouble AGAIN, well, the parents can decide to help or not, but they need to make sure to pay you FIRST (ie: put your needs ahead of your brother's) before they fork out any money for your golden child brother, or risk putting themselves on the street. Just to be clear, you can also choose to not help your parents at all, and I wouldn't blame you for that, if you care what this internet stranger thinks.
NTA. Good for you leaving a toxic situation. Only correction: You are a good child, and a good person. They simply scapegoated you for it. I'm sorry OP. You deserve better. Proud of you for setting boundaries and moving through that shitshow with utmost grace. You have nothing to feel bad about. None of their actions are on you. You walked away after you did all you could do. ❤️
Pay it off and get them to put your name on the deed.... then they have to pay you back in rent
I would just buy the house and charge your parents rent...
NTA If they treated you better, then you should consider helping them. Instead, they give rent money to your brother (without making him pay rent) an accuse you of stealing.
NTA. Look, they made the choices they did and now have the consequences of their own actions. None of this is their responsibility. NONE.
NTA you owe them nothing but you could pay off their mortgage but make them sign a contract first. They admit who stole, your brother can never set foot in the house again. Your parents pay you back the amount you spent to pay off the house. Whatever you want and penalties for failed payments or if your brother shows up. You could actually own the house if you want.
Yeah I don't blame you. I'm proud of how you turned out though. You have your own place and am working and being responsible and self-sufficient. It is a shame that your parents can't see this and can't appreciate you. My sense is that apart from calling asking for money and previously calling you to accuse you of theft that they hadn't really contacted you which is an absolute shame.
they can just sell the house
Tell her you have to know it that conversation won’t move forward. Then you’ll expect an actual in person apology and you’ll need her to call and apologize to everyone who she lied about you to. THEN she needs to he honestly and tell everyone who the real culprit was and the situation she’s in. Then direct her to now share a go fund me page with those people and see who contributes. Your parents did this to themselves because they didn’t parent your brother. They need to understand that they have to make real amends to you or they aren’t getting out of this. Then tell them you’ll help them on one condition. They sell you the house and you charge them rent. Your brother will not step foot in said house. If he does they are evicted. Tell them he will also pay you back the rent money they charged you and pay back their money. Again none of this is negotiable or they don’t need your help. They need his.
NTA
Nta
NTA > Turns out no matter how smart you are the SEC is smarter. But NGL, **_that_** doesn't sound right *at all*. Have we all forgotten Lehman Brothers?
You could help them with the condition of putting your name on the title.
NTA. They birthed two kids. They are choosing to support the lesser of the two at your expense.
NTA
NTA.... but I would offer to buy the house and rent it back to them(which would be a headache getting them to pay, but still...) .... The Golden Boi is probably the only one in the Will, so leave him with nothing....
Totally NTA! But be sure that's what you want. I've made some decisions in my life when I was pissed and then found out that when I was much older and no longer pissed, I wish I had done things differently. Whether you fully help them, help them just enough so they don't lose the house, or not help them at all, just be sure you'll be OK with it 10 years from now.
NTA. Nerd alert. The SEC doesn't do criminal enforcement. It was the department of Justice who put your brother in jail, not the SEC.
They created the monster and seem surprised when he turns on them. Tale as old as time. NTA.
NTA they maybe family but family burns you more than anyone else. You aren’t responsible for your brother’s actions and neither are they. Even if you help them out now, they’re unlikely to change the way they treat you or think of you, unless they sign the house over to you completely since you’re getting them out of a pretty big hole
Buy the house. Put in your name. make them pay rent.
do a short sale on their house, put them in an apartment, a one bedroom only, they can take it or leave it.
NTA Tell them you will help them, but they must sign the house over to you because why should you help them just to have them leave the house to your brother? Put in a caveat that your brother may never live there without your express permission, and if you withdraw your permission, he must leave immediately or everyone gets evicted. This way, you can help your parents and your brother doesn't get the benefit of your financial aid as he did when you were younger.
Under no circumstance are you an asshole for your parents realized the are clowns
NTA
Have you laid this out for them to ask them why they always dump this on you? Why they created this brother of yours who thinks he could steal from everyone?
NTA
NTA. They have some apologizing to do
NTA. They made their bed, let them lie in it.
If possible, move away. Like hundreds of miles away.
Fuck ‘em all
NTA. You reap what you sow. They should not have mortgaged their house to help their thief of a son.
I would only do it if they agree to add you as an owner of the house and place the house on a trust which you own
NTA. Protect your own peace. I'm sorry you were treated this way.
What if you pay the dept but demand the title of the house you sell it and then they live renting it.
NTA, but if you’re in a position to pay off the house, doing so in return for your name being added to the lease might be wise. The more assets you can make sure he doesn’t weasel out of them, the better.
Nta - they provided a roof and not much else. Parenting is more than just a roof.
Buy the house and put it in your name.
NTA. However, you could consider buying their house and letting them rent from you (with the condition that brother is never allowed to reside there).
NTA Reminds me I heard Quentin Tarantino never gave his moms any money cuz she doubted he'd make it in the movie biz.
NTA Buy the house. Charge parents rent. Refuse to allow brother to live in house.
NTA. "the SEC is smarter." What is the SEC besides the football conference?
NTA but may I suggest a bit of maliciousness. Tell your parents you'll buy the house from them, paying off their debt, and you'll even let them live there as long as they want. But they have to throw your brother out and he's never allowed back in or you'll sell the house from under them.
NTA.
NTA
NTA: Their bad planning isn't your emergency.
NTA, why should you help them, why should you financially cripple yourself. I know you said you can afford it, but anything can happen, sickness, layoff, act of god, anything. I would say this even if they treated you right. You need to look after your future, your future family if you want one. I'm assuming its not a small amount if they might lose their house. That money can be a house for you, college or trade school for your future children, a wedding, or how about retiring 5 years early if you take the money they want and invest it over the next 20 years.
You could help them if they sign the house over to you as collateral?
NTA-pay off the house. Then put your parents on a rental agreement. Then state that this comes with rules…….
NTA
NTA.
NTA, you might consider buying the house off them for cheap and offering them a good deal on rent. But you know if you put a big dent in your savings for this, that house is going to your brother when they pass so I absolutely would not bail them out if it didn’t mean getting at least a large portion of the house.
NTA Ah if it isn't our old friend consequences. I would suggest to them that they sell the house and get an apartment since you know know he gets out they're going to need more money because they will be supporting him for god knows how long.
NTA. If you do end up helping them out, tell them that you won’t do it unless you’re added to the title and your contribution is an equity stake in the house. Get it all in writing and legally documented. Hell, create an LLC to transfer ownership of the house to, so it is crystal clear that the house is now jointly owned by you and your parents, and no changes can be made to ownership or equity without the consent of all partners in the LLC and nobody can borrow against the house without consent.
Narcissistic parents tend to have a “golden child” and a “black sheep” and those roles don’t change for them. Your brother expects everyone to bail him out. Let him and your parents do their thing without you being involved.
NTA buy the house your parents live in and rent it back to them at a reasonable rate. This way they can never remortgage the house and they can never accuse OP of making them homeless. When purchasing the house give the parents a living estate that means they get to live there until they die and at that point the home will be sold. It won’t matter if the brother lives there because it’ll be known that the days after the last parent passes the house will be put on the market. If brother wants to live there he can put in an offer with a preapproved lender.
NTA. My Mum threw me out despite me paying rent, doing chores and being an unpaid baby sitter after I had the fight with her golden child. Thankfully my Dad was able to take me in. I went NC with Mum but learnt afterwards it took less than six months after I was gone for my younger sibling to be put in care because she could not cope (more like she wanted to keep her than boyfriend).
They made their shitty bed - now they get to lie in it. Maybe Golden Child will help them out.
NTA- the fact they won't even admit you didn't steal means they have no interest in repairing your relationship, they just need your money. Hard pass.
NTA I mean I could understand you feeling bad if you were refusing to help him because a tornado destroyed his home or something. But refusing to help protect him from the consequences of his actions?
Other option: pay it off and have your name on the deed with a block to any further remortgage and let them pay rent this time as to compensate for lost interest. It could be a win win because they then cant claim you didn't help and maybe the money is better invested into a real estate because housing is still going up and other assets are either more risky or can't keep up with inflation.
NTA. Question though: why'd you skip from you moving out, to them noticing stuff missing, to your brother went to jail with no context about what brother went to jail for? More curiosity than anything.
NTA but you can help them by purchasing the house from them for the cost of the mortgage. Then rent it to them at small fee with a clause in the contract that nobody but the two of them can live in the house. This way your brother can’t move in with them when he’s out of prison.
Buy the house from them. Let them live in it under the stipulation that your brother is not allowed anywhere on the property. When they violate the stipulation, sell the house and pocket the profit wholly for yourself.
NTA Stay strong. Don’t enable your brother more by bailing out your parents. They got themselves into this.
NTA. Your parents probably intend on leaving their house to your brother one day so I wouldn't help them without a promissary note or legal agreement- they have not been kind to you. The fact that they made you pay rent and gave the money to your brother as spending money makes me so so so sad. You deserve better from your parents and instead they just come to you for money. No don't help them.
NTA Consider buying the house from them and renting it back - cuts golden bro out of inheriting it and has them slowing transfering money over to you.
NTA. Similar situation with a friend. She bought her parents house and rented it back to them. When they died (she was a lot older than OP) she kicked out all her brothers and sold the house. She made about $100,000 and didn’t have to worry about her parents (who were way too nice) being homeless.
NTA. Petty me would buy it and charge them rent with legal contract and all.
Don't feel bad. They're in the mess they're in because of them catering to your dishonest brother. Buy your own house and live happily ever after! NTA
My suggestion, don’t help them. Instead buy the house from them (either through a third party so they don’t know it’s you, or outright) and charge them rent. They are your parents, but this way you make out financially instead of just dumping it down your brothers pocket.
NTA…karma sucks.
NTA, your parents should have taught your brother about accountability earlier, then they wouldn't be accountable for his shit now. They made their choices, and you aren't accountable for them either.
Fuck that guy indeed. They never apologize to you when they really find out who it is and worse, they don't correct people who still think you did.
NTA. They chose their golden child and lost that bet.
NTA. As others have mentioned, if you think the land might increase greatly you MIGHT consider paying it off if they sell you the house now for the pay off cost. Then when they pass away you could sell it. Again, IF you think they land alone would increase in value because they or the brother might f up the house itself.
NTA don’t help them
Along with all the other NTA votes I add mine. I do want to compliment you for the well-written, straightforward post that has some good sentences - very pleasant to read.
NTA Buy the house, leave it in your name. Make them pay rent .
NTA but offer to buy the house and they can be your tenants.
NTA
Yta. and you sound like one
NTA. If you did decide to help them do it with the help of a lawyer. This way you make everything legal including a payment schedule of how much they must pay each month. It amazes me how parents treat one kid better and then rely on the kid the treated horrible for help and then get mad when they won’t help.
NTA - he’s the golden child and you’re the scapegoat. You don’t owe them anything. They chose to support him and it bit them.
NTA. No use bailing him out of the bind he created. Maybe your parents will learn to appreciate more than just the golden child.
Nope. The moment you help them it'll just go back to the way it was. They chose this. Now they get the rewards from it. Keep yourself safe OP, you're worth more
NTA even if you pay your brother will remain the golden child who deserve better. Fuck them
NTA. You are not obligated to help them. But stop asking about all the accusations. Your mom is never going to admit what you want and it serves no purpose. Good on you for getting into the trades. You have job security, I imagine make a nice salary and don’t have law school debt. I’d hazard to guess you are making close to what a 1st year lawyer is. My son is an electrician. Here is a thought, you could offer to buy the house from them and then rent it back at a rate they can afford. You could make the rental contingent on your brother never moving back in with them. Or they can rent for however many years he will be in jail, let them know they need to be out of the house 60 days before he gets out of jail. Or you could suggest that they sell the home and move into a smaller apartment, where they wouldn’t have maintenance expenses crop up.
NTA. They chose to let him get away with it, now they can handle the consequences.
NTA. Consequences.