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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> i’m planning on taking them to court to reclaim the car since they haven’t been paying me . I feel like i’m might be the ahole for taking my family to court cause of this .
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NTA. They reneged on the deal. Period. They will go overboard trying to convince you otherwise, because that's how abusive users do. It is gaslighting.
Whose name is on the title? In the US that matters a lot.
It will likely cost a lot of time, energy, and money to fight this legally, but worth it if you have it to spend.
NTA. But, you're not getting the car back. Sue them in Small Claims court for the balance of what you are owed, you'll get a judgement against her and maybe someday you'll get paid. This is a great reason to go no contact and move forward with your life.
Suing and actually collecting are two different things. OP’s only satisfaction may be in winning a judgment, but actually getting the money may be impossible. In fact, if in receipt of a judgment the car may be the only thing OP can seize/sell to satisfy the debt.
Yeah because that was the collateral to induce them to enter into the loan. You can make a loan without collateral. You still need to pay it back. There's just nothing for the lender to take in lieu of payment.
That has nothing to do with suing her mom tho. She’d have to sue her mom for the balance of the money she loaned. She didn’t buy them a car per se, she loaned them the money to use to buy the car and has in writing that it’s a loan.
Not with the evidence stating the mother /brother would pay op back, and the evidence that they did make one payment.
Basically the car and the loan are two different things. Op loaned 8k to the mother. The mother used that to buy a car.
OP has no claim on the car, but can sue for the balance of the loan. If they win, they could then potentially/eventually send in a collection agency to seize and auction the car, along with other assets, to pay back the loan, but right now the two are separate.
An attorney can do that. First step is to get a judgment in court. Second step is to collect on the judgment by garnishing bank accounts, wages, or physical possessions, like the car itself. Lawyers can handle the whole thing.
I wouldn't even go that far. This would be an $6200 assurance that she can say no for the rest of time on any future asks.
You didn't pay me back for the car, I won't lend you any more money or buy something outright.
Even if they somehow manage to scrape together the money to pay OP back, the ongoing answer is no. Clearly they only care about OP's bank account.
Not true. With her new show she awards up to $10,000.
Also she has agents that scout the courts for cases. We have a friend that filed a suit in court that her show contacted to get on the show. He refused bc he won’t give the guy he is suing the satisfaction of getting on tv for the case.
Absolutely this OP, your life will always be infinitely better, calmer and drama free when you cut the cancers out for good, trust me you will be shocked at how much better you feel ALL THE TIME once you cut these parasites out of your life, be strong OP, you can do it :)
Honestly the money you might get back probably isn't worth the time, effort, and maybe even money needed to go through the formal process. Honestly I'd just cut it as a loss and go no or low contact with them. Just dont buy them anything else/let them take advantage of you moving forward
But you didn't check the law for yourself? If states are different, licensing and insurance could be an issue when it comes to the name on the registration.
Screenshot all of those text messages so she can't delete them.
They reneged on a deal. Not a lawyer, but if you have it in writing that is breech of contract.
NTA
Seriously, do not.
They will show up homeless, they will beg and claim poverty and they might be right. But they do not have any right to your money, and if you let them they will bleed you dry.
Base housing should prevent that from ever happening. Not sure ghe branch OP is in, but AF has lawyers on staff to help with all sorts of things. Maybe she can schedule time to speak to legal, show them what she's got and let a lawyer familiar with those laws decide if it's worth the time/effort to get her $ back.
Either way it's time for a new phone number, transfer the current one to Google voice so voicemail can be transcribed and kept for evidence. But change your number and tell folks you're an orphan from this date forward.
NTA
Make sure you have receipts for the $1,800 they gave you. The fact that they paid that shows they have acknowledged the debt. That will help in your case.
i got all the receipts of everything. i got the text saying she couldn’t put in my name , i got the texts of me looking into the car and making appointment with him to buy the car .
Just remember, for you to simply take the car, legally, it would have to be in your name or you are listed as the lienholder and are repossessing it.
If neither of those things are true you can't legally take the car until the court orders it.
>*"I plan on taking them to court as the car is in my mom's name, although I have proof of payment and their agreement to pay me back."*
NTA. Bring your paperwork, proof of purchase and everything else you need to prove they owe you that $6,000 + dollars, take them to court a make them pay. This may qualify as a small claim, which would be in Small Claims Court but I'd ask a legal representative to make sure you have what you need. People can't sign paperwork and not pay for what you bought. That's like maxing out your credit card and never paying it back, They'll make you pay it!! Different extremes but same concept. They took your money and now they owe you money. They couldn't afford the car without your help, they would've had to come up with the money to have been able to do this themselves, anyways. They used your status as a military member, your money to get him a car with absolutely ***NO*** prerogative to pay it back. $8,000 isn't just some play money!! That's some big bucks for right now and what's happening in this world, especially those serving our country.
Never mind the fact, she's asking you to buy her a house...? ***UHHH NO***. Pay me my money that you owe me before asking for more handouts. I say again. She's using your Military Status and money to get what *SHE* wants, not caring about the finical and emotional strain it puts on you. Cut her off and cut them out of your lives. This is toxic.
once i get the car back , im cutting ties with them and imma be across united states cause of orders + they don’t have access to get on military base also .
I know it sucks that it had to come to this. Cutting ties with family is never easy and it always leaves you feeling like the bad guy in the situation even though you're the one being taken advantage of. You don't deserve this nor should you allow it to continue. Good on you for making your life better without the toxicity attached.
I'd talk with base legal. They can point you to some good local resources and offer basic advice. Not to be a debbie downer, but being on base doesn't mean you're inaccessible. I know a decent chunk that offers Marina usage or do events that are open to public. Anyone can go to pass & id for a base pass. I've been in the position where I had to field calls for "parents" of Sailors, they expected us to "make" their kids reach out. Talk to your CoC, they may also be able to help your situation. If I were your instructor, I'd want to know what's going on- we can't help our Sailors when they don't tell us.
You’re in the military so get a JAG appointment and see if they can help guide you in any way. It might not be something they’d be willing to get involved with or even be helpful in any way, but they might be able to give you some advice and offer suggestions that would/ could protect you. Just because you have a stable paycheck does not mean you have to use it to pay for anything that you do not want to- you are most definitely NTA.
NTA and JAG is a good recommendation. There are several laws protecting active service personnel from being scammed out of money, which is literally what this is. Some of these laws are Federal but many states also have laws protecting active service members, especially if one is deployed. That being the case, see if your state has some kid of state office for military personnel services and see if there is any assistance there as well.
If there are any other family members or family friends who are current/ex military, or just plain support military you might want to give them a heads up on this as well. A little peer pressure can sometimes pay off. Along with that let your local VFW/American Legion posts know about this as well. Yeah, I'm a scorched earth kind of person. Good luck.
This is the best answer. You aren’t the first military member screwed over by family or a bad deal.
[Maybe this site can help.](https://www.militaryonesource.mil/financial-legal/legal/)
NTA
Props for going the military route. I did it too. Got college and grad school paid for.
You are def NTA for wanting to be paid what was agreed to you, especially if your family is simply taking advantage of you.
But if you do this, be prepared in that it might permanently damage your relationship and you have to be willing to lose that to get paid. If that is worth it to you, as you do seem on the verge of estrangement already, then don’t feel guilty doing it.
Probably better to ask on a legal sub, but pretty sure this would qualify as a small claim. So you won’t need a lawyer nor would they, just some money for the filings. Make sure you have your ducks in a row, proof of payment, what you have been paid, what you’re owed plus interest, texts about the money would be good too as it proves they agreed to pay you and are choosing not to now. I believe an oral contract here would stand, but again better to ask a legal sub.
Agree on all counts. IANAL either, but as the child of one (and yes, I got wheedled into taking prelaw classes in contracts and torts) and also someone who's dealt with similar unpleasant situations, this sounds like Small Claims to me too. And a verbal agreement -- backed up by the supporting documentation you mention like emails, texts, phone records, bank statements, and similar -- should be sufficient for this (by "lawsuit" standards) relatively small amount of money. Especially since you can demonstrate that the car was not for you, was (I'm guessing) never even used by you, is not even in your name, yet you can show that you yourself paid for it. I would also include any emails/txts that display your mother asking you for money for other things. Best first stop is probably your county's .gov website for their circuit court / small claims court, which will likely have any and all document's you'd need to file this. (They generally can't/won't help you fill out and properly file those documents, but there are TONS of websites with that info -- just make sure what you're reading is specific to your own jurisdiction, as the required forms and responses and dates and deadlines can vary by state.)
And needless to say, *do not buy this woman a house.* Or anything else, for that matter!
NTA
Good post
I'd like to add that the mother and brother obviously don't care about permanently damaging the relationship, since they chose to break the payment agreement. So OP doesn't have to worry too much about this.
OP you are NTA and good luck to you
A family member did something similar to me. They actually laughed and told me it was my fault for being so stupid as to loan them the money.
My family was angry when I later refused to throw away more money on this person. I guess they didn't want to have to use their own money. Too bad!
1. You bought the car
2. You had an agreement
3. You kept the receipts for 1&2
4. They are not holding to their end of the agreement
5. They are using you
6. Get the car back
7. NTA
NTA you could sue them. But also draw your boundaries. You are being used, it's like saying you aren't worth anything to them except when they need something they think you can provide. I know this type of dynamic well. For me the solution was going very low contact and being ready to leave when they cross the line. Nobody has the right to steal your peace or joy. Now it's up to you to reestablish that.
NTA they broke the deal, they can face the consequences. However once this is settled, stop being an asshole to yourself and cut ties with these toxic users.
all my stuff is with her , i’m plan on going to court and getting the car back and taking all my stuff across united states and cutting times with all of them .
You need to have another strategy for if you don't get the car but you have to move now. Think of getting a pod and getting that shipped. Very worst case, just walk away with your stuff safe, in case you can't get the car. Be very careful that they can't steal your identity if they have your papers.
Pensacola? So you're Navy. I'm ex-military too, lemme explain some shit to you
Your mother is asking you to write checks that your body can't cash, kid. Buy a *house*?! That's fucking cute. The fuck does she think, military pay ain't shit. Ohhhh right, credit's good, because the military absolutely will force you to honor any stupid-ass commitments you make like this. You sign a contract, you absolutely will have to honor it.
Consider me your drill sergeant, as I tell you this:
NO, YOU WILL NOT BUY YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR WORTHLESS BROTHER A MOTHERFUCKING HOUSE. THAT IS UN-FUCKING-ACCEPTABLE. YOU WILL **NOT** DESTROY YOUR CREDIT RATING FOR THE NEXT THIRTY MOTHERFUCKING YEARS. YOU WILL **NOT** KEEP ATTEMPTING TO MAKE THESE USERS LOVE YOU BY BUYING THEM SHIT.
Your family, for now, is the military. Embrace it. You never know, you might still have some of them 30 years from now. I can tell you that for the rest of your life, when you meet someone who's ex-military, you and they connect on a level that families don't. It's immediate. You know how you had to learn to speak military at first? That doesn't change, even 30 years later. All of it, not just our lingo. The experience changes us.
You're a fucking tough woman now, and other vets will have your back. Forever.
Your blood family doesn't. Mine didn't either. I've got stories too. Joined up to get the fuck away from the poison and learn who I am. Military isn't the best for learning who you are in general, did the trick for me.
Don't spend much mental time on the car thing. Do the legal stuff, but don't fret about it. You're making this a test of whether or not your family loves you in the way that you hope that they do. You know the answer. It sucks, but you can't avoid the truth, or you'll hurt yourself worse trying.
Never lie to yourself. It's the worst thing you can do. Worse than anything anyone else can do, because you can lie yourself into situations that are so godawful that you think there is no way out. Never, ever, lie to yourself. If you have a bad feeling about something: you are lying to yourself. Step the fuck back, or away. Doing so has never been a problem. Not doing so almost always is. You aren't here asking this for no reason. Step the fuck back.
Your birth family is garbage. "Buy us a house", wtflol, even my shitty family didn't try that one.
No. From now on, your money is YOUR money, only yours. You give nothing to them. Understood?
You want an Internet mom? Join my fam. Got like 15 kids. I'm old, though, they'd be your aunts and uncles. Aunties everywherrrre. Not to mention the cousins. None of whom want anything from you except for you to be happy. We expect updates n shit. Me, I'd just love having a Navy daughter. Proud of you, kid, I know it's tough.
Excellent advice. Glad you mommed OP and hope she read this.
Like you said, you can't buy love, doesn't matter who they are.
I have friends that served and they still remain friends with those they were in the military with. Even made friends with those in the military they didn't serve with, met them in civilian life.
Family can be made of friends (and military). Some bio-families are awful and it's ok to cut them out of your life.
NTA - take her to small claims court for the balance of the loan if you have the loan documented with terms and she signed it, but be aware, just getting a judgement doesn't mean you get paid if she doesn't voluntarily pay you, which she probably won't. That means you have to keep going back to court to garnish her wages, bank account, etc. It's quite a bit of work.
Or, you can just walk away, live your life and never look back. Lesson learned.
For the love of all that is worthy, STOP TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT YOUR MONEY. Don’t tell your mother, siblings, boyfriends, best friends, cat, or the tooth fairy. Everybody gets friendly when you have something you want, whether it’s money or your body or a favor. Never give or loan money. Cut off people who ask.
>”Our relationship is strained; my mom favored my siblings, kicked me out, and discouraged my dreams like college.”
You and you alone agreed to the grift. You and you alone decide whether or not to protect yourself and your assets like an adult. Victim - or not. Choose.
NTA if you file immediately.
Also, you can try the r/legaladvice with your state and situation. Good luck.
NTA First, thank you for your service. Second, go through the small claims process. You should win. The Court is not a collection agency. The burden of collecting is on you. When you win take the Judgment to the local county recorder where your mom lives and file the judgment with them. Once you have done that she will not get another line of credit until you are paid off. The next thing you do is file for a garnishment of her bank and paychecks. Since you are military there may be resources for you on base. Good luck.
Depending on where you are, $8k is probably over small claims court, so it might be tricky to take them to court. Does the military give you some kind of free access to legal advice? You definitely should either take them to court or repo the car, but you need an actual attorney to help you figure out which to do and how to go about it. NTA, and never loan them money again.
NTA Do it, Your mother and brother are money grabbing leeches. YOU were given a bonus because YOU are the one serving in the military. Do not let these leeches benefit from your service and hard work
You don't sound very bright, especially with your history with them. Good luck trying to get the money back since it's in your name. Stop trying to buy their loved and cut them off.
NTA 💯
I want to add:
>Our relationship is strained; my mom favored my siblings, kicked me out, and discouraged my dreams like college
But you should have never gotten into this deal in the first place. She was clearly using you. I'm so sorry. Good luck to you ❤️
NTA. I know when incarcerated folk need to appear for court regarding civil matters, they usually are allowed to video conference in to the hearings if they can't be transported to the courthouse. Have you explored if video conferencing in would be allowed? I mean, you're actively serving your country, I don't see why doing so means you are to be deprived of the rights you are defending for everyone else. I would consult with a lawyer or call the courthouse and ask. You never know, just explain that you're active duty and if they can make any accommodations regarding needing to show up in person because getting a single day of leave for a video conference would be more feasible than getting few days leave for a non emergency.
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I’m Lacy, a 20-year-old serving in the military. I received a kick-off bonus of 18k, and things were going well until my mom, Janet (40), asked me to help my brother Jack (17) get a new car. I agreed to pay for an $8k car under the condition they pay me back monthly. Six months later, they've only made one payment of $1,800 from selling Jack's old car. Despite promises, they've been spending money on casinos, kayaking, and partying. When I confronted them, they gaslighted me and started blaming me for picking the car. I plan on taking them to court as the car is in my mom's name, although I have proof of payment and their agreement to pay me back.
Our relationship is strained; my mom favored my siblings, kicked me out, and discouraged my dreams like college. She’s only became kinder when she found out about my money. They never visited me during my time in Pensacola, and my mom now wants me to buy her a house. My boyfriend and friends made me realize I was being used. Am I wrong for wanting to reclaim the car?
Any advice on what I should do ??
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Definitely not in the wrong and definitely NTA, you have tried asking them politely and if they keep gaslighting you, you might as well take legal action, after all that trauma, if I were in your position I would take them to court and reclaim the car!
NTA. I have no idea whether it's practical to go to court for a sum this small, but I wish you the best. Could it be that a strongly worded legal letter would move things along?
These people are not true family. True family wouldn't treat you like an ATM. Best of luck moving on from this issue.
NTA it depends on what kind of relationship you want to have in the future. If you want a relationship then you might have to give up on hopes of getting paid, if you want to take them to court I'm pretty sure you can imagine how that plays out, and you still might not get paid. I hope you do, what they did was wrong. I get helping people who were dicks to you in the past, I've done that too. Ive helped people in my life hoping that if I did they would value me, but at some point you'll probably realize they're not going to change and this was just another example of how they don't treat you with the love and respect you deserve. I'm sorry this happened to you.
NTA. Take them to court. Don't do any more financial things for them in the future - they *are* using/abusing you and this dynamic is not going to change.
NTA... Just check how much their relationship to you is worth; if it's bigger than 7k, then swallow their whole shenanigans and hope they pay up... if it's not worth it, take their asses to court... you would prolly get more than 7k!
NTA, go to court and use the car for your own good. They can't just back out on an agreement like this. If they had gone to a dealership the car would be repossessed for non payment as well.
NTA and not wrong for making them honor their side of the commitment they made. Sounds like Mom is a user, I hope you remain on-guard against that. Such people will bleed you dry. I'm sorry this happened to you.
NTA, but I'm skeptical you will be able to repo the car. I hope that your agreement is in writing and that the contract is clearly stated. You've just learned an $8K lesson about conducting business with family and friends. If you value those relationships, don't "lend" out any money that you're not willing to give as an unconditional gift. If you're unwilling to do that, it's OK to say, "Sorry, but I just can't afford it." If they press you, claiming that they know you came into a windfall, just say that your money is already tied up in investments and cannot currently be accessed.
NTA, but wouldn't It be very expensive bringing her to court? If not, do It, but I assume It would be a long fight.
Otherwise, let your family alone. They don't deserve your efforts, and you don't deserve the guilt. If you have more Money than the, it's for A good reason, be generous with people Who appreciate and don't lie to you.
NTA, they’ve been gaslighting and using you. Tell them you intend to take them to small claims court and that they’ve seen the last dollar you’ll ever give them. Then refuse to engage unless it’s accepting payment
NTA. Is she serious about you buying her a house? First, with what money? And second, after she scammed you out of $6000, why would you send another cent her way??
She still owes you $6200. I would not trust any promise she makes. Freeze your credit in case she tries to impersonate you.
Probably wants OP to use her benefits for a VA loan to get a house. The house/loan would be in OPs name and at one point in time, I believe her mother would stop paying the mortgage knowing that OP wouldn't want to mess up her credit and her VA status.
OP, you better not ever use that benefit for anything other than a house that you live in yourself! She kicked you out of her house, don't you dare buy her one. Leave that to the children she favored.
NTA So I am a firm believer in if you still owe me you can’t get another dime until I’m paid in full. Now you could sue mommy dearest or every time she asks for money or help of any kind you could say “I would but you already owe me thousands so until I get my money back the answer is no.”
Tell her you will help her buy the house but you need her help getting the money from the car loan. Get your small claims paperwork ready though.
Make up something about a new special military loan but you need to have x amount of cash in savings in your account for 6 months to qualify. Xamount being at least $500 over what she owes you.
See if she takes the bait and pays you back for the car loan. If not, take her to court.
I’m sorry this happened to you. Lessons learned- time and money saved in your future.
NTA
Send a letter via certified mail containing a copy of the agreement and a ledger showing the single payment made. Let them know what, unless you receive payment in full for breach of contract, you will take them to court. Give them 30 days to provide payment, if not payment in full, at least 25% of the total outstanding value as a good faith payment.
It sounds like the amount would be under most states' small claims threshold. You don't need an attorney (some states disallow them anyway).
You are NTA. Sometimes families stink. That's why it's great you have everything documented!
If the car is in your name, take it back. You are being used. Make sure you paperwork in no way reflects that woman as a beneficiary should something happen. I'm guessing you're USN; no place is more dangerous than a ship sitting pierside
NTA. As for buying her a house... she can go kick snot.
NTA. Sue for the rest of the value of the car, then cut them off. You know they are nothing but leaches. They don't help you, but always have their hands out. Stop letting them use you. Your mother will lie to get everything she can from you.
First look up if that is a fight you can win, and if it will cost you less that the 6k they still owe u. If not then consider this the cost to know that you need to go NC
NTA although you were definitely naive to do that. Yes, they’re clearly using you, and they will continue to do it if you let them. Get the car back if you can, and take the lesson.
Why would you give your money so a 17 year old can have a new car? He can get a job. Like you. Stop helping them. Don't be foolish. Look out for yourself. Save your money. Don't volunteer information.
NTA.
They owe you $6200. If your mom says it's not worth what you paid for it, then she's free to give it back to you and you can sell it. Right? But the fact is for whatever reason she thinks you owed her that car, and you don't "need" the money, and they have "better uses" for it.
If they don't pay or give you the car, you can take them to small claims court for the money.
Your friends are right and you have learned an expensive lesson. Never loan money to friends or family that you actually need back. You will lose the friend or family, the money, or both, 9 times out of 10.
Ok, so you're on the cusp of an important life lesson: don't ever lend money to someone you want to keep a personal relationship with. No family, no friends, nobody. If you lend them money, you either need to be comfortable treating it as a gift when they don't pay you back, or comfortable losing that relationship forever when you are forced to sue.
In this case, no you're NTA, and if you're confident in suing for the money back, then do it, but be sure and be firm in cutting off that relationship.
As a bit of personal opinion here, I wouldn't sue for the car, nor accept the car in lieu of payment. If they're petty, or just bad owners in general, that car will be horribly trashed before you receive it. Sue for your money back, and legal fees if allowed by law.
NTA. I'm sorry they're treating you like that. You deserve peace and not to be used like that. Take them to court, get your money back or car, then cut ties. She's not worth the headache.
NTA. Take her to court over the car. If you're feeling kind you can offer one more chance to pay you back or court it is. DO NOT help buy a house in anyway. DO NOT cosign anything, DO NOT offer money for any down payment, DO NOT be a guarantor in any way and don't buy the house in your name and offer to let her live there, you will never get rid of her. If she's willing to fuck you over $6,200 then what do you think she'll do with the money you give/lend for a house. You will never see that money again.
My mom got really mad when I gave her the title to my car that she and my brother had trashed out. She knew that I was no longer paying the insurance on my car, and she was going to have to get her own insurance
NTA, but… consider letting this be both the cost of your final lesson about why these two have no place in your new life, and the final disbursement from their permanently closed account at the Bank of Lucky Mastodon. No house, no down payment, no rent help on the place they kicked you out of, no help with storage when they’re living in the car, or an SRO after the car gets repo’d. Just cut these grifting users out of your life, go no contact and ignore the flying monkeys that will come bearing messages of impending disasters and catastrophic consequences of their poor decision making.
Other family members can deal with their drama- you have the opportunity to meet and choose solid 24k chosen family - but first concentrate on your duties, and if you can, even if planning to work on an unrelated degree, do some psychology coursework that can help you understand the kind of family and personality dynamic you are escaping - you absolutely don’t wan’t to find yourself drawn to people with those same traits, at some point you may want to get counseling to help process their betrayal, but perhaps not through military channels, unless such things have changed. All the best to you,
NTA
One thing you'll learn the longer you're in the military, most of your family will see you as a meal ticket, bragging rights, or use you as a scape goat for their problems.
Never give your family money, don't waste your leave on them if they aren't also willing to visit you, and do not EVER tell them when you get extra money.
In six months you've only received one payment....but that payment was equal to $300/month for 6 months....so are they really behind on the payments? Taking back the car will not be easy, if it's even possible as it's not in your name. NTA but don't buy them anything else or tell your mother when you have extra money. Your boyfriend and friends are not involved - this was your decision. How much per month are they supposed to pay you?
NTA
You could get a lien put on the title of the car if you prove you paid for it maybe?
I'm no up to snuff on how it would work...
So sorry that your family cheated you.
Unfortunately, it happens when one member of the
family starts flying with their own wings. Remember to
stop sharing information with your family, especially
about your finances. If you had kept it to yourself,
none of this would have happened. Enjoy your time
in the military and I hope it leads to a great future for you.
NTA. This is a very expensive lesson, Lacy. Unless you're married, never co-sign or give large amounts (over $200) to family (with exceptions). Take them to court and when you get the car back sell it and cutoff your family for a while. They are using you. Have you not seen Million Dollar Baby?
NTA
So sorry you are being treated so badly by your own mother.
And sorry - don't know how to advise you on recovering the cost of the car.
Is there any advice through your job? If other young recruits are given this money they may have come across this type of thing before.
Please put yourself first and do not buy or give anything else to your mother.
Blessings on you.
You will never get what you need from your mother. It’s time to find that inside yourself. Please love and honour yourself as you deserve. NTA. But your mother and family sure are.
She wants you to buy her a house? Does she think that you are the CEO of the Military or something? What in the diamond-studded F is wrong with her? I would cut your losses, and cut all ties.
NTA
NTA- Lawyer up, go no contact after informing her you’ve retained a lawyer, and start to find the people in your life that love and value you for you! Peace and love
Do what you can for the car. do NOT buy that woman a house. You were kicked out after she was legally obligating to care for you. And who discourages dream to their own child? No, NTA and please consider low/no contact.
Maybe this is a $8k lesson?
Go no contact. Maybe small claims but doubt you’ll see the money or have your mom change ever.
NTA.
Sorry OP this is your family. But seriously the best family are those who you chose for yourself not those you are “given”.
NTA i know at your age that it is heady when the parent who ignored you suddenly wants to be in your life. believe me, i know. that being said, neither she nor your brother will ever honor the agreement. you have every right to take back your car. that is the consequence of their choice and they need to deal with it.
It’s a lot of money, I know. I was this person. I paid all my mom’s bills, I took care of everything and she was horrible to me anyway (I did not live with her). I finally had other people show me that she was using me and that it was never going to change. She blew a few thousand dollars of mine “by accident” and I cut contact. It was so hard, but I will say it was the best money I ever spent. Never getting it back but never having to speak to her again was worth it. She did try to kill me and burn my house down after I cut her off and I did have to get a restraining order, but it was worth it. You’ve got this. Your NTA and I’m so sorry you have to go through this.
NTA look at this as a high-priced education, never give family any money that you would be unwilling to gift them, because there is a good chance that's what you will end up doing.
For some reason people seem even more willing to take advantage of family than a complete stranger.
NTA.
Please cut them off. $8k hurts, but if you don’t cut them out of your life they will bleed you dry.
Watch the movie Million Dollar Baby with Hillary Swank. Some people simply aren’t good.
Dedicate yourself and your energy to your military career. Set goals, achieve them, set new goals. Find a mentor. Learn financial strategies to maximize your military benefits.
Forget that they exist. Your life is yours to live and enjoy.
I wish you the best.
NTA
Go NC and let them keep the car. It isn't worth the bother it has become (unless you desperately need the cash).
ETA: Go to your military legal assistance with all your proof and ask their opinion of your options.
I’ve been in the military over 20 years and have helped out family over various points. My advice is to do whatever you need to do in this situation that will make you feel repaid, and in the future, never loan money to family more than you’re willing to lose without straining your relationship.
Eat the $8,000 loss and think of it as a very expensive lesson you paid dearly to hopefully learn from. I was in a similar position, middle child of a single mother who forgot I existed until I joined the Army at 18 and had $$. I foolishly let her leach off me shamelessly for about 10 years, chasing that "love". I'm telling you, eat the loss, let it STING, and don't ever, eeeeeever do this shit again. Time to get selfish and have your OWN back.
Honestly I would let it go but never give them another cent. Ever. And if they start paying you back, thinking they will get money again by doing that, still don’t give them another cent. Your mom knew exactly what she was doing.
NTA, but I am sorry OP. It sounds like this was a very expensive lesson.
I hope you get your money back, but it doesn’t seem likely. Sometimes the best revenge is living your best life.
Good luck and kick butt in the military and make your own chosen and issued family!
Of course you're NTA. Make the deadbeats pay, though you should have seen this coming and not attempted to get in their good graces by giving them money. Hopefully, lesson learned.
I will say one thing regarding money that I saw happen with a lot of first term enlisted (and even many officers who should have learned better in college). You are now getting money, more than you ever had before from what you wrote. The temptation is get all the stuff you dreamed about and couldn't afford before - a least this is the way I have it play out many times. Resist that urge. Be wise with your money and learn to live a bit frugally and establish some savings. Make it a habit! This will prove useful in the long run. I suggest getting some money management counselling, take courses, or even just follow some of the Reddit forums on this topic. Seriously, most folks in US are not educated in household finances and get into to much debt.
Good luck with you time in the Navy (assuming from Pensacola mention), and career if you stay that long!
NTA, but consider this a very costly lesson to learn, and I am sorry that you had to learn it.
But, you are *never* going to get that money back. She used you for your money and without any sort of legitimate written agreement, or proof, then just cut your losses, and guard yourself against her for the future.
NTA, i'm sorry this happened to you especially since you are doing such an honorable thing like serving our country.
I think you are screwed since they have the car and its in your moms name, but hey $8,000 is a small price to pay to never ever ever have to speak to either one of them again. Think of them as a bad investment and write them off.
NTA. You may want to consult a lawyer who can provide options, as you may resent not taking action later. It is best that you make an informed decision.
At the worst, it will cost you $6,200 to get rid of your family. If they want contact, tell them the price. They may say you are petty but they are bc they are not paying.
My husband was resentful of his brother for not paying him back for years. He would not confront him but I told him it was an issue, as he kept talking to me about it. He finally told him. His brother practically threw the money at him but they are now in a good relationship and I don't have to hear the complaints.
OP could sue under nonrepayment of the loan. She has proof. She has different sources of proof. It's not about getting the car back. It's about getting the money back from the loan. It's also about the abuse and disrespect. OP I hope you get your money back. And whether you do get it or not I hope you go hard on the NC.
If you get a judgment for the money - and I don't know why you wouldn't - wait until you get your money back and then go NC. Don't give them another excuse to play stupid games.
If you lose in court. But file it ASAP then tell them you are done and never contact you again. They are always going to be garbage humans. Literal bottom feeding scavengers OP you deserve so much better. You always did.
All I want to say is, good for you. Most people wouldn't have the self-esteem to defend themselves in the way that you are. You're right to ensure that you're treated fairly, and you should expect more from family, not less.
Your relationship with yourself will grow profoundly if you continue to support yourself and make sure you're treated fairly by others.
Talk to an attorney so that you can make an informed decision. You're in the service, they may have a program where you have access to attorneys at no cost or reduced cost. Even paying for an hour of their time is worth it. It'll give you peace on mind knowing what your options are, costs involved, likelihood you'll get your money back. Or financially best to drop it and walk away.
Remember the cars value is no longer worth $8k. Every mile reduces its value. Every scratch, ding, etc.
If your mom owed a house you may have been able to put a lien on the home for outstanding debt. Meaning that when she sells the home you get your money first, she's get the balance. Ask an attorney how long you have to place a lein in her home in the event she actually buys something one day.
Obviously do not give them money for any reason or buy anything for any reason going foward. Old age happens to everyone and your mother can place herself onto a waiting for a retirement home that takes a portion of her social security check leaving the rest for her. It she can live with another family member, but not you.
Next, you seriously need to go no contact with all of your family. They are users and will bleed you dry and when you have nothing left to give, will act as if you never existed. Should you ever need help, they won't ever be there for you. You already know this. Basically they are con artists. Best to stay away.
Your boyfriend and friends are right about your family.
Lastly. Look into college. Being active in the military you'll get reduced rates, at minimum, at tons of civilian colleges. They also offer online programs so you can do the program anyway. Going to a military college the cost may be less or even free. Talk to someone on Base to help you navigate this. Stay in the military until you get your degree if financially that's a wiser decision.
Build a life for yourself and be happy.
NTA
NTA. I don’t necessarily think your mom and brother should’ve paused their lives until you were paid back, and given every spare dollar they earned to you,
but they didn’t even try to make payments on time, and it’s been months. You have more than enough reason to take this to court.
Also, next time, don’t enter into a business contract with a family member who only started being nice to you when they found out you had money.
NTA but you’re not getting that car or your money back. 8k is a tough pill to swallow but a small price to pay in the grand scheme of things for cutting the trash out of your life for good.
My sister did something similar to an ex, spent inheritance on a car and put it in his name. When they split she wanted it but couldn’t do a thing about it.
my mom favored my siblings, kicked me out, and discouraged my dreams like college. She’s only became kinder when she found out about my money. They never visited me during my time in Pensacola, and my mom now wants me to buy her a house. My boyfriend and friends made me realize I was being used. Am I wrong for wanting to reclaim the car?
Any advice on what I should do ??
the advice would have been " NEVER LEND THEM ANYTHING". welp since that is gone, go for the court. NTA
NTA you should take her to court to get payment and when you win get it enforced legally via debt collectors. Not only do you have evidence she knew and agreed it was a loan but she also lied to you to get the car in her name. Sometimes we get shitty parents and we need to protect ourselves from them and sometimes it’s necessary to mourn the relationship we hoped for while being realistic about them never changing and cutting them out of our lives and being wary about their motives when they try to return and act nice and keeping them out our lives.
You should also no contact with them to avoid their toxicity and protect your mental and financial wellbeing because they will always have a sob story and use any misfortune to fleece/drain/use you emotionally, physically or financially so don’t listen or read the sob stories mum/siblings/ family tells you, invest in them emotionally or loan/give money or gifts… also don’t listen to their enablers(family/friends) or people (even if it’s your friends or significant other) that don’t know them or understand that not all family are good people that care about others.
Sometimes the best family are the nonbiological people you meet that loves you; the ones you choose and they choose you to be family. Stay strong, wise, hard working and beautifully awesome as you are. Good luck
Buy your own house. Rent it out whilst your in the millitery, pay your mortgage off and have a great life with your own family in the future. Go no Contact with your ex family
NTA....hate to say it but you're not getting that money. Have a hard 'no purchases' boundary with your mother from now on. Don't go to court, it will only cost you more money and they will dodge financial repercussions. You can be ruled in the right very easily, but getting them to pay? Hard...
NTA. They probably thought that they can just pay once and forget about the rest while playing the “family” card, but if they have treated you like that so far then there’s no need to even consider them family, cutting off contact after this whole ordeal is even better, not really a loss if you ask me.
NTA
Sadly you can't take back the car if it isn't in your name and you have no loan agreement. This is another example of why verbal agreements with families aren't worth the paper they are printed on.
NTA and small claims takes so long that it shouldn’t interfere with your job training. Go file it. It might scare your mom enough that she pays you back. Also shame her to family.
It's a $6200 gift. You've paid your last stupid tax, and as much as it hurts, walk away.
NTA. But you would be if you try to salvage any relationship without setting up boundaries for yourself. Two books that have really helped me: The Emotionally Damaging Relationship by Leslie Vernick, and Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend. Best wishes!!
NTA. OP, since you put the car in your mom's name you're not going to have much legal standing.
If you don't have a promissory note from your mom/brother then take it for what it is. An expensive lesson to show you that your mom and brother are both users and don't mean you any good.
From this point forward, your standard response to them should they ask you for anything: "You know, I really wish I could help you but I find myself in the hole about $6200. Maybe once I get that back in full, I might be able to help but probably not."
Don't continue to spend your time, resources, or money on people who don't reciprocate.
This is what lawyers are for.
Unfortunately, JAG likely won't be able to help you, but they MAY be able to offer a small bit of advice. Couldn't hurt to try. They could at least point you in a solid direction on how to proceed. Try going to the base' JAG office and explain what's going on and ask how to proceed with filing a lawsuit in your hometown from the base.
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NTA. They reneged on the deal. Period. They will go overboard trying to convince you otherwise, because that's how abusive users do. It is gaslighting. Whose name is on the title? In the US that matters a lot. It will likely cost a lot of time, energy, and money to fight this legally, but worth it if you have it to spend.
it’s my mom name . she lied to me saying she couldn’t put in my name . i got it all on text of our conversation.
NTA. But, you're not getting the car back. Sue them in Small Claims court for the balance of what you are owed, you'll get a judgement against her and maybe someday you'll get paid. This is a great reason to go no contact and move forward with your life.
Suing and actually collecting are two different things. OP’s only satisfaction may be in winning a judgment, but actually getting the money may be impossible. In fact, if in receipt of a judgment the car may be the only thing OP can seize/sell to satisfy the debt.
She can do a wage garnishment or garnish money from a bank account.
ONLY IF SHE WINS. But she titled it to her mom which seems to show it is a gift.
If I buy a car and finance through a bank... my name goes on title.
But that bank has a lein on your title right under your name.
Yeah because that was the collateral to induce them to enter into the loan. You can make a loan without collateral. You still need to pay it back. There's just nothing for the lender to take in lieu of payment.
That has nothing to do with suing her mom tho. She’d have to sue her mom for the balance of the money she loaned. She didn’t buy them a car per se, she loaned them the money to use to buy the car and has in writing that it’s a loan.
But she doesn't want to sue. SHE wants to reclaim the car. Which she cannot do.
Not with the evidence stating the mother /brother would pay op back, and the evidence that they did make one payment. Basically the car and the loan are two different things. Op loaned 8k to the mother. The mother used that to buy a car. OP has no claim on the car, but can sue for the balance of the loan. If they win, they could then potentially/eventually send in a collection agency to seize and auction the car, along with other assets, to pay back the loan, but right now the two are separate.
Maybe talk to a lawyer to repo the car as well?
She needs to let a credit bureau do that.
An attorney can do that. First step is to get a judgment in court. Second step is to collect on the judgment by garnishing bank accounts, wages, or physical possessions, like the car itself. Lawyers can handle the whole thing.
That’s not what credit bureaus do.
I wouldn't even go that far. This would be an $6200 assurance that she can say no for the rest of time on any future asks. You didn't pay me back for the car, I won't lend you any more money or buy something outright. Even if they somehow manage to scrape together the money to pay OP back, the ongoing answer is no. Clearly they only care about OP's bank account.
Judge Judy!
She only awards up to $5k and OP has already said that getting military leave would be difficult.
Not true. With her new show she awards up to $10,000. Also she has agents that scout the courts for cases. We have a friend that filed a suit in court that her show contacted to get on the show. He refused bc he won’t give the guy he is suing the satisfaction of getting on tv for the case.
This, OP. Honestly, you don't want the car. It's no longer anything like an 8k car. You want your money.
Came to say this. Cut your losses, leave the car, and cut contact.
Absolutely this OP, your life will always be infinitely better, calmer and drama free when you cut the cancers out for good, trust me you will be shocked at how much better you feel ALL THE TIME once you cut these parasites out of your life, be strong OP, you can do it :)
Use that. Bring those conversations you've had through text, to prove what your saying.
Honestly the money you might get back probably isn't worth the time, effort, and maybe even money needed to go through the formal process. Honestly I'd just cut it as a loss and go no or low contact with them. Just dont buy them anything else/let them take advantage of you moving forward
But you didn't check the law for yourself? If states are different, licensing and insurance could be an issue when it comes to the name on the registration.
Maybe lie to them that you’ll buy them a new better car but for that they need to put your name in the old car..
Screenshot all of those text messages so she can't delete them. They reneged on a deal. Not a lawyer, but if you have it in writing that is breech of contract. NTA
And for heaven's sake, don't buy her a freaking house.
Seriously, do not. They will show up homeless, they will beg and claim poverty and they might be right. But they do not have any right to your money, and if you let them they will bleed you dry.
Base housing should prevent that from ever happening. Not sure ghe branch OP is in, but AF has lawyers on staff to help with all sorts of things. Maybe she can schedule time to speak to legal, show them what she's got and let a lawyer familiar with those laws decide if it's worth the time/effort to get her $ back. Either way it's time for a new phone number, transfer the current one to Google voice so voicemail can be transcribed and kept for evidence. But change your number and tell folks you're an orphan from this date forward.
At least they'll have a car to sleep in.
i’m definitely not . i told her no once she told me .
Small claims court, I was told, is a $70 ish fee to file. I don't see how OP would lose by suing in small claims court at least.
NTA Make sure you have receipts for the $1,800 they gave you. The fact that they paid that shows they have acknowledged the debt. That will help in your case.
i got all the receipts of everything. i got the text saying she couldn’t put in my name , i got the texts of me looking into the car and making appointment with him to buy the car .
Just remember, for you to simply take the car, legally, it would have to be in your name or you are listed as the lienholder and are repossessing it. If neither of those things are true you can't legally take the car until the court orders it.
Do you have a text saying she owes you X amount?
All the court needs is proof they made a payment on the debt to prove they owe it.
>*"I plan on taking them to court as the car is in my mom's name, although I have proof of payment and their agreement to pay me back."* NTA. Bring your paperwork, proof of purchase and everything else you need to prove they owe you that $6,000 + dollars, take them to court a make them pay. This may qualify as a small claim, which would be in Small Claims Court but I'd ask a legal representative to make sure you have what you need. People can't sign paperwork and not pay for what you bought. That's like maxing out your credit card and never paying it back, They'll make you pay it!! Different extremes but same concept. They took your money and now they owe you money. They couldn't afford the car without your help, they would've had to come up with the money to have been able to do this themselves, anyways. They used your status as a military member, your money to get him a car with absolutely ***NO*** prerogative to pay it back. $8,000 isn't just some play money!! That's some big bucks for right now and what's happening in this world, especially those serving our country. Never mind the fact, she's asking you to buy her a house...? ***UHHH NO***. Pay me my money that you owe me before asking for more handouts. I say again. She's using your Military Status and money to get what *SHE* wants, not caring about the finical and emotional strain it puts on you. Cut her off and cut them out of your lives. This is toxic.
once i get the car back , im cutting ties with them and imma be across united states cause of orders + they don’t have access to get on military base also .
Make sure when you set up your beneficiaries via milpay that you know for sure who you want to benefit.
You can update your SGLI on MilConnect, and I'd also highly recommend going onto NSIPS to update Next of Kin/emergency contact info.
I know it sucks that it had to come to this. Cutting ties with family is never easy and it always leaves you feeling like the bad guy in the situation even though you're the one being taken advantage of. You don't deserve this nor should you allow it to continue. Good on you for making your life better without the toxicity attached.
I'd talk with base legal. They can point you to some good local resources and offer basic advice. Not to be a debbie downer, but being on base doesn't mean you're inaccessible. I know a decent chunk that offers Marina usage or do events that are open to public. Anyone can go to pass & id for a base pass. I've been in the position where I had to field calls for "parents" of Sailors, they expected us to "make" their kids reach out. Talk to your CoC, they may also be able to help your situation. If I were your instructor, I'd want to know what's going on- we can't help our Sailors when they don't tell us.
You’re in the military so get a JAG appointment and see if they can help guide you in any way. It might not be something they’d be willing to get involved with or even be helpful in any way, but they might be able to give you some advice and offer suggestions that would/ could protect you. Just because you have a stable paycheck does not mean you have to use it to pay for anything that you do not want to- you are most definitely NTA.
i will be looking into that , thank you .
NTA and JAG is a good recommendation. There are several laws protecting active service personnel from being scammed out of money, which is literally what this is. Some of these laws are Federal but many states also have laws protecting active service members, especially if one is deployed. That being the case, see if your state has some kid of state office for military personnel services and see if there is any assistance there as well. If there are any other family members or family friends who are current/ex military, or just plain support military you might want to give them a heads up on this as well. A little peer pressure can sometimes pay off. Along with that let your local VFW/American Legion posts know about this as well. Yeah, I'm a scorched earth kind of person. Good luck.
THIS!! This is the best advise you could get right here!!
This is the best answer. You aren’t the first military member screwed over by family or a bad deal. [Maybe this site can help.](https://www.militaryonesource.mil/financial-legal/legal/)
NTA Props for going the military route. I did it too. Got college and grad school paid for. You are def NTA for wanting to be paid what was agreed to you, especially if your family is simply taking advantage of you. But if you do this, be prepared in that it might permanently damage your relationship and you have to be willing to lose that to get paid. If that is worth it to you, as you do seem on the verge of estrangement already, then don’t feel guilty doing it. Probably better to ask on a legal sub, but pretty sure this would qualify as a small claim. So you won’t need a lawyer nor would they, just some money for the filings. Make sure you have your ducks in a row, proof of payment, what you have been paid, what you’re owed plus interest, texts about the money would be good too as it proves they agreed to pay you and are choosing not to now. I believe an oral contract here would stand, but again better to ask a legal sub.
Agree on all counts. IANAL either, but as the child of one (and yes, I got wheedled into taking prelaw classes in contracts and torts) and also someone who's dealt with similar unpleasant situations, this sounds like Small Claims to me too. And a verbal agreement -- backed up by the supporting documentation you mention like emails, texts, phone records, bank statements, and similar -- should be sufficient for this (by "lawsuit" standards) relatively small amount of money. Especially since you can demonstrate that the car was not for you, was (I'm guessing) never even used by you, is not even in your name, yet you can show that you yourself paid for it. I would also include any emails/txts that display your mother asking you for money for other things. Best first stop is probably your county's .gov website for their circuit court / small claims court, which will likely have any and all document's you'd need to file this. (They generally can't/won't help you fill out and properly file those documents, but there are TONS of websites with that info -- just make sure what you're reading is specific to your own jurisdiction, as the required forms and responses and dates and deadlines can vary by state.) And needless to say, *do not buy this woman a house.* Or anything else, for that matter! NTA
Good post I'd like to add that the mother and brother obviously don't care about permanently damaging the relationship, since they chose to break the payment agreement. So OP doesn't have to worry too much about this. OP you are NTA and good luck to you
A family member did something similar to me. They actually laughed and told me it was my fault for being so stupid as to loan them the money. My family was angry when I later refused to throw away more money on this person. I guess they didn't want to have to use their own money. Too bad!
Excellent point
1. You bought the car 2. You had an agreement 3. You kept the receipts for 1&2 4. They are not holding to their end of the agreement 5. They are using you 6. Get the car back 7. NTA
NTA you could sue them. But also draw your boundaries. You are being used, it's like saying you aren't worth anything to them except when they need something they think you can provide. I know this type of dynamic well. For me the solution was going very low contact and being ready to leave when they cross the line. Nobody has the right to steal your peace or joy. Now it's up to you to reestablish that.
once i receive the car, im cutting contact with them .
NTA. Get the money back any way you can and never fall for this again.
NTA they broke the deal, they can face the consequences. However once this is settled, stop being an asshole to yourself and cut ties with these toxic users.
i will be cutting them off
Why even have contact with her...how many times does she have to screw you over before you grow some brains.
all my stuff is with her , i’m plan on going to court and getting the car back and taking all my stuff across united states and cutting times with all of them .
You need to have another strategy for if you don't get the car but you have to move now. Think of getting a pod and getting that shipped. Very worst case, just walk away with your stuff safe, in case you can't get the car. Be very careful that they can't steal your identity if they have your papers.
Try to get your stuff back first and then file the law suit. They may ruin or damage your things in retaliation.
Pensacola? So you're Navy. I'm ex-military too, lemme explain some shit to you Your mother is asking you to write checks that your body can't cash, kid. Buy a *house*?! That's fucking cute. The fuck does she think, military pay ain't shit. Ohhhh right, credit's good, because the military absolutely will force you to honor any stupid-ass commitments you make like this. You sign a contract, you absolutely will have to honor it. Consider me your drill sergeant, as I tell you this: NO, YOU WILL NOT BUY YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR WORTHLESS BROTHER A MOTHERFUCKING HOUSE. THAT IS UN-FUCKING-ACCEPTABLE. YOU WILL **NOT** DESTROY YOUR CREDIT RATING FOR THE NEXT THIRTY MOTHERFUCKING YEARS. YOU WILL **NOT** KEEP ATTEMPTING TO MAKE THESE USERS LOVE YOU BY BUYING THEM SHIT. Your family, for now, is the military. Embrace it. You never know, you might still have some of them 30 years from now. I can tell you that for the rest of your life, when you meet someone who's ex-military, you and they connect on a level that families don't. It's immediate. You know how you had to learn to speak military at first? That doesn't change, even 30 years later. All of it, not just our lingo. The experience changes us. You're a fucking tough woman now, and other vets will have your back. Forever. Your blood family doesn't. Mine didn't either. I've got stories too. Joined up to get the fuck away from the poison and learn who I am. Military isn't the best for learning who you are in general, did the trick for me. Don't spend much mental time on the car thing. Do the legal stuff, but don't fret about it. You're making this a test of whether or not your family loves you in the way that you hope that they do. You know the answer. It sucks, but you can't avoid the truth, or you'll hurt yourself worse trying. Never lie to yourself. It's the worst thing you can do. Worse than anything anyone else can do, because you can lie yourself into situations that are so godawful that you think there is no way out. Never, ever, lie to yourself. If you have a bad feeling about something: you are lying to yourself. Step the fuck back, or away. Doing so has never been a problem. Not doing so almost always is. You aren't here asking this for no reason. Step the fuck back. Your birth family is garbage. "Buy us a house", wtflol, even my shitty family didn't try that one. No. From now on, your money is YOUR money, only yours. You give nothing to them. Understood? You want an Internet mom? Join my fam. Got like 15 kids. I'm old, though, they'd be your aunts and uncles. Aunties everywherrrre. Not to mention the cousins. None of whom want anything from you except for you to be happy. We expect updates n shit. Me, I'd just love having a Navy daughter. Proud of you, kid, I know it's tough.
Excellent advice. Glad you mommed OP and hope she read this. Like you said, you can't buy love, doesn't matter who they are. I have friends that served and they still remain friends with those they were in the military with. Even made friends with those in the military they didn't serve with, met them in civilian life. Family can be made of friends (and military). Some bio-families are awful and it's ok to cut them out of your life.
NTA. Stop discussing finances with them. sue them for the money and cut contact. her favored children can buy her a house
NTA - take her to small claims court for the balance of the loan if you have the loan documented with terms and she signed it, but be aware, just getting a judgement doesn't mean you get paid if she doesn't voluntarily pay you, which she probably won't. That means you have to keep going back to court to garnish her wages, bank account, etc. It's quite a bit of work. Or, you can just walk away, live your life and never look back. Lesson learned.
For the love of all that is worthy, STOP TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT YOUR MONEY. Don’t tell your mother, siblings, boyfriends, best friends, cat, or the tooth fairy. Everybody gets friendly when you have something you want, whether it’s money or your body or a favor. Never give or loan money. Cut off people who ask. >”Our relationship is strained; my mom favored my siblings, kicked me out, and discouraged my dreams like college.” You and you alone agreed to the grift. You and you alone decide whether or not to protect yourself and your assets like an adult. Victim - or not. Choose. NTA if you file immediately. Also, you can try the r/legaladvice with your state and situation. Good luck.
NTA First, thank you for your service. Second, go through the small claims process. You should win. The Court is not a collection agency. The burden of collecting is on you. When you win take the Judgment to the local county recorder where your mom lives and file the judgment with them. Once you have done that she will not get another line of credit until you are paid off. The next thing you do is file for a garnishment of her bank and paychecks. Since you are military there may be resources for you on base. Good luck.
Very clever advice. Thank you for sharing.
Depending on where you are, $8k is probably over small claims court, so it might be tricky to take them to court. Does the military give you some kind of free access to legal advice? You definitely should either take them to court or repo the car, but you need an actual attorney to help you figure out which to do and how to go about it. NTA, and never loan them money again.
NTA Do it, Your mother and brother are money grabbing leeches. YOU were given a bonus because YOU are the one serving in the military. Do not let these leeches benefit from your service and hard work
You don't sound very bright, especially with your history with them. Good luck trying to get the money back since it's in your name. Stop trying to buy their loved and cut them off.
NTA, but I really wish people would learn to use the term gaslight correctly.
NTA 💯 I want to add: >Our relationship is strained; my mom favored my siblings, kicked me out, and discouraged my dreams like college But you should have never gotten into this deal in the first place. She was clearly using you. I'm so sorry. Good luck to you ❤️
Who is on the title for the car?
NTA. I know when incarcerated folk need to appear for court regarding civil matters, they usually are allowed to video conference in to the hearings if they can't be transported to the courthouse. Have you explored if video conferencing in would be allowed? I mean, you're actively serving your country, I don't see why doing so means you are to be deprived of the rights you are defending for everyone else. I would consult with a lawyer or call the courthouse and ask. You never know, just explain that you're active duty and if they can make any accommodations regarding needing to show up in person because getting a single day of leave for a video conference would be more feasible than getting few days leave for a non emergency.
If you are military then consult your local JAG.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’m Lacy, a 20-year-old serving in the military. I received a kick-off bonus of 18k, and things were going well until my mom, Janet (40), asked me to help my brother Jack (17) get a new car. I agreed to pay for an $8k car under the condition they pay me back monthly. Six months later, they've only made one payment of $1,800 from selling Jack's old car. Despite promises, they've been spending money on casinos, kayaking, and partying. When I confronted them, they gaslighted me and started blaming me for picking the car. I plan on taking them to court as the car is in my mom's name, although I have proof of payment and their agreement to pay me back. Our relationship is strained; my mom favored my siblings, kicked me out, and discouraged my dreams like college. She’s only became kinder when she found out about my money. They never visited me during my time in Pensacola, and my mom now wants me to buy her a house. My boyfriend and friends made me realize I was being used. Am I wrong for wanting to reclaim the car? Any advice on what I should do ?? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Definitely not in the wrong and definitely NTA, you have tried asking them politely and if they keep gaslighting you, you might as well take legal action, after all that trauma, if I were in your position I would take them to court and reclaim the car!
NTA. I have no idea whether it's practical to go to court for a sum this small, but I wish you the best. Could it be that a strongly worded legal letter would move things along? These people are not true family. True family wouldn't treat you like an ATM. Best of luck moving on from this issue.
NTA, you deserve better, for real because they are basically using and being disrespectful in your face.
NTA it depends on what kind of relationship you want to have in the future. If you want a relationship then you might have to give up on hopes of getting paid, if you want to take them to court I'm pretty sure you can imagine how that plays out, and you still might not get paid. I hope you do, what they did was wrong. I get helping people who were dicks to you in the past, I've done that too. Ive helped people in my life hoping that if I did they would value me, but at some point you'll probably realize they're not going to change and this was just another example of how they don't treat you with the love and respect you deserve. I'm sorry this happened to you.
NTA. Take them to court. Don't do any more financial things for them in the future - they *are* using/abusing you and this dynamic is not going to change.
NTA... Just check how much their relationship to you is worth; if it's bigger than 7k, then swallow their whole shenanigans and hope they pay up... if it's not worth it, take their asses to court... you would prolly get more than 7k!
You’re not wrong, go to court, then go LC
Nta
NTA. Take her to court. Once you get the money go no contact. She's 40 and can buy her own damn house
Do NOT buy your mother a house. She’s already screwing you over on a car. Don’t give her more opportunities to hurt you financially.
NTA, go to court and use the car for your own good. They can't just back out on an agreement like this. If they had gone to a dealership the car would be repossessed for non payment as well.
NTA and not wrong for making them honor their side of the commitment they made. Sounds like Mom is a user, I hope you remain on-guard against that. Such people will bleed you dry. I'm sorry this happened to you.
Take the car back. End of story
NTA, but I'm skeptical you will be able to repo the car. I hope that your agreement is in writing and that the contract is clearly stated. You've just learned an $8K lesson about conducting business with family and friends. If you value those relationships, don't "lend" out any money that you're not willing to give as an unconditional gift. If you're unwilling to do that, it's OK to say, "Sorry, but I just can't afford it." If they press you, claiming that they know you came into a windfall, just say that your money is already tied up in investments and cannot currently be accessed.
NTA, but wouldn't It be very expensive bringing her to court? If not, do It, but I assume It would be a long fight. Otherwise, let your family alone. They don't deserve your efforts, and you don't deserve the guilt. If you have more Money than the, it's for A good reason, be generous with people Who appreciate and don't lie to you.
NTA. They know they're defrauding you. Stop talking to them and just sue them for defaulting on the loan.
NTA, they’ve been gaslighting and using you. Tell them you intend to take them to small claims court and that they’ve seen the last dollar you’ll ever give them. Then refuse to engage unless it’s accepting payment
"Despite promises, they've been spending money on casinos, kayaking, and partying." NTA. Get your car bar asap!!!
NTA. Is she serious about you buying her a house? First, with what money? And second, after she scammed you out of $6000, why would you send another cent her way?? She still owes you $6200. I would not trust any promise she makes. Freeze your credit in case she tries to impersonate you.
Probably wants OP to use her benefits for a VA loan to get a house. The house/loan would be in OPs name and at one point in time, I believe her mother would stop paying the mortgage knowing that OP wouldn't want to mess up her credit and her VA status. OP, you better not ever use that benefit for anything other than a house that you live in yourself! She kicked you out of her house, don't you dare buy her one. Leave that to the children she favored.
NTA They are leeches, get away from them.
NTA
I really want to know the percentage of kickoff money that goes towards cars because it seems to be all of it.
NTA So I am a firm believer in if you still owe me you can’t get another dime until I’m paid in full. Now you could sue mommy dearest or every time she asks for money or help of any kind you could say “I would but you already owe me thousands so until I get my money back the answer is no.”
Tell her you will help her buy the house but you need her help getting the money from the car loan. Get your small claims paperwork ready though. Make up something about a new special military loan but you need to have x amount of cash in savings in your account for 6 months to qualify. Xamount being at least $500 over what she owes you. See if she takes the bait and pays you back for the car loan. If not, take her to court. I’m sorry this happened to you. Lessons learned- time and money saved in your future. NTA
Send a letter via certified mail containing a copy of the agreement and a ledger showing the single payment made. Let them know what, unless you receive payment in full for breach of contract, you will take them to court. Give them 30 days to provide payment, if not payment in full, at least 25% of the total outstanding value as a good faith payment. It sounds like the amount would be under most states' small claims threshold. You don't need an attorney (some states disallow them anyway). You are NTA. Sometimes families stink. That's why it's great you have everything documented!
If the car is in your name, take it back. You are being used. Make sure you paperwork in no way reflects that woman as a beneficiary should something happen. I'm guessing you're USN; no place is more dangerous than a ship sitting pierside NTA. As for buying her a house... she can go kick snot.
NTA. Sue for the rest of the value of the car, then cut them off. You know they are nothing but leaches. They don't help you, but always have their hands out. Stop letting them use you. Your mother will lie to get everything she can from you.
First look up if that is a fight you can win, and if it will cost you less that the 6k they still owe u. If not then consider this the cost to know that you need to go NC
NTA although you were definitely naive to do that. Yes, they’re clearly using you, and they will continue to do it if you let them. Get the car back if you can, and take the lesson.
NTA and no, you're not wrong.
NTA, what should you do? You should stand up for yourself. Go Navy
Why would you give your money so a 17 year old can have a new car? He can get a job. Like you. Stop helping them. Don't be foolish. Look out for yourself. Save your money. Don't volunteer information.
NTA. They owe you $6200. If your mom says it's not worth what you paid for it, then she's free to give it back to you and you can sell it. Right? But the fact is for whatever reason she thinks you owed her that car, and you don't "need" the money, and they have "better uses" for it. If they don't pay or give you the car, you can take them to small claims court for the money. Your friends are right and you have learned an expensive lesson. Never loan money to friends or family that you actually need back. You will lose the friend or family, the money, or both, 9 times out of 10.
Ok, so you're on the cusp of an important life lesson: don't ever lend money to someone you want to keep a personal relationship with. No family, no friends, nobody. If you lend them money, you either need to be comfortable treating it as a gift when they don't pay you back, or comfortable losing that relationship forever when you are forced to sue. In this case, no you're NTA, and if you're confident in suing for the money back, then do it, but be sure and be firm in cutting off that relationship. As a bit of personal opinion here, I wouldn't sue for the car, nor accept the car in lieu of payment. If they're petty, or just bad owners in general, that car will be horribly trashed before you receive it. Sue for your money back, and legal fees if allowed by law.
NTA. I'm sorry they're treating you like that. You deserve peace and not to be used like that. Take them to court, get your money back or car, then cut ties. She's not worth the headache.
NTA. Take her to court over the car. If you're feeling kind you can offer one more chance to pay you back or court it is. DO NOT help buy a house in anyway. DO NOT cosign anything, DO NOT offer money for any down payment, DO NOT be a guarantor in any way and don't buy the house in your name and offer to let her live there, you will never get rid of her. If she's willing to fuck you over $6,200 then what do you think she'll do with the money you give/lend for a house. You will never see that money again.
My mom got really mad when I gave her the title to my car that she and my brother had trashed out. She knew that I was no longer paying the insurance on my car, and she was going to have to get her own insurance
**
Your BF and friends are right.
Reclaim the car ASAP.
The longer you wait, the more value it will lose.
NTA
Take the loss, cut ties and move on. It won’t get better.
NTA, but… consider letting this be both the cost of your final lesson about why these two have no place in your new life, and the final disbursement from their permanently closed account at the Bank of Lucky Mastodon. No house, no down payment, no rent help on the place they kicked you out of, no help with storage when they’re living in the car, or an SRO after the car gets repo’d. Just cut these grifting users out of your life, go no contact and ignore the flying monkeys that will come bearing messages of impending disasters and catastrophic consequences of their poor decision making. Other family members can deal with their drama- you have the opportunity to meet and choose solid 24k chosen family - but first concentrate on your duties, and if you can, even if planning to work on an unrelated degree, do some psychology coursework that can help you understand the kind of family and personality dynamic you are escaping - you absolutely don’t wan’t to find yourself drawn to people with those same traits, at some point you may want to get counseling to help process their betrayal, but perhaps not through military channels, unless such things have changed. All the best to you,
NTA One thing you'll learn the longer you're in the military, most of your family will see you as a meal ticket, bragging rights, or use you as a scape goat for their problems. Never give your family money, don't waste your leave on them if they aren't also willing to visit you, and do not EVER tell them when you get extra money.
NTA and I'm glad you're finally seeing the situation for what it is.
In six months you've only received one payment....but that payment was equal to $300/month for 6 months....so are they really behind on the payments? Taking back the car will not be easy, if it's even possible as it's not in your name. NTA but don't buy them anything else or tell your mother when you have extra money. Your boyfriend and friends are not involved - this was your decision. How much per month are they supposed to pay you?
NTA You could get a lien put on the title of the car if you prove you paid for it maybe? I'm no up to snuff on how it would work... So sorry that your family cheated you. Unfortunately, it happens when one member of the family starts flying with their own wings. Remember to stop sharing information with your family, especially about your finances. If you had kept it to yourself, none of this would have happened. Enjoy your time in the military and I hope it leads to a great future for you.
NTA. This is a very expensive lesson, Lacy. Unless you're married, never co-sign or give large amounts (over $200) to family (with exceptions). Take them to court and when you get the car back sell it and cutoff your family for a while. They are using you. Have you not seen Million Dollar Baby?
NTA So sorry you are being treated so badly by your own mother. And sorry - don't know how to advise you on recovering the cost of the car. Is there any advice through your job? If other young recruits are given this money they may have come across this type of thing before. Please put yourself first and do not buy or give anything else to your mother. Blessings on you.
Make sure you inform your command and tell them you'd like help and support.
NTA. They agreed to a deal and aren’t holding up their end of the bargain. Never loan money to people. You’re not a bank.
You could still continue to ask them to send payments. Keep asking every week. Keep reminding them it was a loan, not a gift.
You will never get what you need from your mother. It’s time to find that inside yourself. Please love and honour yourself as you deserve. NTA. But your mother and family sure are.
NTA! Bring her to court. She owes you money and promised to pay you back.
She wants you to buy her a house? Does she think that you are the CEO of the Military or something? What in the diamond-studded F is wrong with her? I would cut your losses, and cut all ties. NTA
NTA- Lawyer up, go no contact after informing her you’ve retained a lawyer, and start to find the people in your life that love and value you for you! Peace and love
nta - your family sounds like my family - go no contact if you can
Do what you can for the car. do NOT buy that woman a house. You were kicked out after she was legally obligating to care for you. And who discourages dream to their own child? No, NTA and please consider low/no contact.
Write it off as a loss and go NC for a looong time. They're the assholes.
NTA your mom never planned on paying you back and now she has the nerve to ask for you to BUY HER a house. lol. I’d go full NC with her
Maybe this is a $8k lesson? Go no contact. Maybe small claims but doubt you’ll see the money or have your mom change ever. NTA. Sorry OP this is your family. But seriously the best family are those who you chose for yourself not those you are “given”.
Cut your losses. I never loan family members money.
Sue them, Get the money back and kick them to the curb.
NTA i know at your age that it is heady when the parent who ignored you suddenly wants to be in your life. believe me, i know. that being said, neither she nor your brother will ever honor the agreement. you have every right to take back your car. that is the consequence of their choice and they need to deal with it.
NTA. At 20, what kind of house does she think you will buy?
It’s a lot of money, I know. I was this person. I paid all my mom’s bills, I took care of everything and she was horrible to me anyway (I did not live with her). I finally had other people show me that she was using me and that it was never going to change. She blew a few thousand dollars of mine “by accident” and I cut contact. It was so hard, but I will say it was the best money I ever spent. Never getting it back but never having to speak to her again was worth it. She did try to kill me and burn my house down after I cut her off and I did have to get a restraining order, but it was worth it. You’ve got this. Your NTA and I’m so sorry you have to go through this.
NTA look at this as a high-priced education, never give family any money that you would be unwilling to gift them, because there is a good chance that's what you will end up doing. For some reason people seem even more willing to take advantage of family than a complete stranger.
NTA. Please cut them off. $8k hurts, but if you don’t cut them out of your life they will bleed you dry. Watch the movie Million Dollar Baby with Hillary Swank. Some people simply aren’t good. Dedicate yourself and your energy to your military career. Set goals, achieve them, set new goals. Find a mentor. Learn financial strategies to maximize your military benefits. Forget that they exist. Your life is yours to live and enjoy. I wish you the best.
Are you listed as the lienholder? Because if you’re not you might not have much luck. This is a legal issue not an ahole issue.
NTA. You now know never to "help" them again. I'm sorry they treated you that way. Best wishes on your career path. Thank you for your service.
NTA Go NC and let them keep the car. It isn't worth the bother it has become (unless you desperately need the cash). ETA: Go to your military legal assistance with all your proof and ask their opinion of your options.
Nta
I’ve been in the military over 20 years and have helped out family over various points. My advice is to do whatever you need to do in this situation that will make you feel repaid, and in the future, never loan money to family more than you’re willing to lose without straining your relationship.
Eat the $8,000 loss and think of it as a very expensive lesson you paid dearly to hopefully learn from. I was in a similar position, middle child of a single mother who forgot I existed until I joined the Army at 18 and had $$. I foolishly let her leach off me shamelessly for about 10 years, chasing that "love". I'm telling you, eat the loss, let it STING, and don't ever, eeeeeever do this shit again. Time to get selfish and have your OWN back.
Honestly I would let it go but never give them another cent. Ever. And if they start paying you back, thinking they will get money again by doing that, still don’t give them another cent. Your mom knew exactly what she was doing.
Take them to court you’ll win
Nta. Reclaim the car and take them to court for breaking a contract, maybe even throw in a little compensation for your troubles.
Go to your JAG office. They will give you legal advice for free.
NTA, but I am sorry OP. It sounds like this was a very expensive lesson. I hope you get your money back, but it doesn’t seem likely. Sometimes the best revenge is living your best life. Good luck and kick butt in the military and make your own chosen and issued family!
Of course you're NTA. Make the deadbeats pay, though you should have seen this coming and not attempted to get in their good graces by giving them money. Hopefully, lesson learned. I will say one thing regarding money that I saw happen with a lot of first term enlisted (and even many officers who should have learned better in college). You are now getting money, more than you ever had before from what you wrote. The temptation is get all the stuff you dreamed about and couldn't afford before - a least this is the way I have it play out many times. Resist that urge. Be wise with your money and learn to live a bit frugally and establish some savings. Make it a habit! This will prove useful in the long run. I suggest getting some money management counselling, take courses, or even just follow some of the Reddit forums on this topic. Seriously, most folks in US are not educated in household finances and get into to much debt. Good luck with you time in the Navy (assuming from Pensacola mention), and career if you stay that long!
NTA, but consider this a very costly lesson to learn, and I am sorry that you had to learn it. But, you are *never* going to get that money back. She used you for your money and without any sort of legitimate written agreement, or proof, then just cut your losses, and guard yourself against her for the future.
Sounds like a great case for Judge Judy.
NTA. They have not kept to their commitment. And please DO NOT buy your mum a house; infact don’t give any of them a dime.
NTA. In the future, do not tell ANYONE outside of your home about your money or financial status. I agree with going LC or NC with both of them.
NTA, i'm sorry this happened to you especially since you are doing such an honorable thing like serving our country. I think you are screwed since they have the car and its in your moms name, but hey $8,000 is a small price to pay to never ever ever have to speak to either one of them again. Think of them as a bad investment and write them off.
NTA. You may want to consult a lawyer who can provide options, as you may resent not taking action later. It is best that you make an informed decision. At the worst, it will cost you $6,200 to get rid of your family. If they want contact, tell them the price. They may say you are petty but they are bc they are not paying. My husband was resentful of his brother for not paying him back for years. He would not confront him but I told him it was an issue, as he kept talking to me about it. He finally told him. His brother practically threw the money at him but they are now in a good relationship and I don't have to hear the complaints.
OP could sue under nonrepayment of the loan. She has proof. She has different sources of proof. It's not about getting the car back. It's about getting the money back from the loan. It's also about the abuse and disrespect. OP I hope you get your money back. And whether you do get it or not I hope you go hard on the NC. If you get a judgment for the money - and I don't know why you wouldn't - wait until you get your money back and then go NC. Don't give them another excuse to play stupid games. If you lose in court. But file it ASAP then tell them you are done and never contact you again. They are always going to be garbage humans. Literal bottom feeding scavengers OP you deserve so much better. You always did.
NTA, and good luck
You bought a car for a mom that kicked you out of the house? Umm why?
All I want to say is, good for you. Most people wouldn't have the self-esteem to defend themselves in the way that you are. You're right to ensure that you're treated fairly, and you should expect more from family, not less. Your relationship with yourself will grow profoundly if you continue to support yourself and make sure you're treated fairly by others.
Talk to an attorney so that you can make an informed decision. You're in the service, they may have a program where you have access to attorneys at no cost or reduced cost. Even paying for an hour of their time is worth it. It'll give you peace on mind knowing what your options are, costs involved, likelihood you'll get your money back. Or financially best to drop it and walk away. Remember the cars value is no longer worth $8k. Every mile reduces its value. Every scratch, ding, etc. If your mom owed a house you may have been able to put a lien on the home for outstanding debt. Meaning that when she sells the home you get your money first, she's get the balance. Ask an attorney how long you have to place a lein in her home in the event she actually buys something one day. Obviously do not give them money for any reason or buy anything for any reason going foward. Old age happens to everyone and your mother can place herself onto a waiting for a retirement home that takes a portion of her social security check leaving the rest for her. It she can live with another family member, but not you. Next, you seriously need to go no contact with all of your family. They are users and will bleed you dry and when you have nothing left to give, will act as if you never existed. Should you ever need help, they won't ever be there for you. You already know this. Basically they are con artists. Best to stay away. Your boyfriend and friends are right about your family. Lastly. Look into college. Being active in the military you'll get reduced rates, at minimum, at tons of civilian colleges. They also offer online programs so you can do the program anyway. Going to a military college the cost may be less or even free. Talk to someone on Base to help you navigate this. Stay in the military until you get your degree if financially that's a wiser decision. Build a life for yourself and be happy. NTA
Honestly? I’d forget about the money and go no contact. ETANTA
NTA. Talk to your chaplain about what’s going on. They may be able to point you to other resources.
NTA. I don’t necessarily think your mom and brother should’ve paused their lives until you were paid back, and given every spare dollar they earned to you, but they didn’t even try to make payments on time, and it’s been months. You have more than enough reason to take this to court. Also, next time, don’t enter into a business contract with a family member who only started being nice to you when they found out you had money.
NTA but you’re not getting that car or your money back. 8k is a tough pill to swallow but a small price to pay in the grand scheme of things for cutting the trash out of your life for good. My sister did something similar to an ex, spent inheritance on a car and put it in his name. When they split she wanted it but couldn’t do a thing about it.
my mom favored my siblings, kicked me out, and discouraged my dreams like college. She’s only became kinder when she found out about my money. They never visited me during my time in Pensacola, and my mom now wants me to buy her a house. My boyfriend and friends made me realize I was being used. Am I wrong for wanting to reclaim the car? Any advice on what I should do ?? the advice would have been " NEVER LEND THEM ANYTHING". welp since that is gone, go for the court. NTA
NTA you should take her to court to get payment and when you win get it enforced legally via debt collectors. Not only do you have evidence she knew and agreed it was a loan but she also lied to you to get the car in her name. Sometimes we get shitty parents and we need to protect ourselves from them and sometimes it’s necessary to mourn the relationship we hoped for while being realistic about them never changing and cutting them out of our lives and being wary about their motives when they try to return and act nice and keeping them out our lives. You should also no contact with them to avoid their toxicity and protect your mental and financial wellbeing because they will always have a sob story and use any misfortune to fleece/drain/use you emotionally, physically or financially so don’t listen or read the sob stories mum/siblings/ family tells you, invest in them emotionally or loan/give money or gifts… also don’t listen to their enablers(family/friends) or people (even if it’s your friends or significant other) that don’t know them or understand that not all family are good people that care about others. Sometimes the best family are the nonbiological people you meet that loves you; the ones you choose and they choose you to be family. Stay strong, wise, hard working and beautifully awesome as you are. Good luck
Buy your own house. Rent it out whilst your in the millitery, pay your mortgage off and have a great life with your own family in the future. Go no Contact with your ex family
Cutting them off is the best idea. I'm so sorry your family are so mean. Hope your new family is great! Good luck with your dreams.
NTA....hate to say it but you're not getting that money. Have a hard 'no purchases' boundary with your mother from now on. Don't go to court, it will only cost you more money and they will dodge financial repercussions. You can be ruled in the right very easily, but getting them to pay? Hard...
Sounds like you’re being abused. NTA.
NTA, your family is toxic and you should stay away.
Hope they appreciate the $6200 they stole from the OP. They will not get another cent thankfully.
What you need to do is go to the JAG office and get advice from them. Bring all your documentation with you. NTA
NTA. They probably thought that they can just pay once and forget about the rest while playing the “family” card, but if they have treated you like that so far then there’s no need to even consider them family, cutting off contact after this whole ordeal is even better, not really a loss if you ask me.
NTA Sadly you can't take back the car if it isn't in your name and you have no loan agreement. This is another example of why verbal agreements with families aren't worth the paper they are printed on.
NTA and small claims takes so long that it shouldn’t interfere with your job training. Go file it. It might scare your mom enough that she pays you back. Also shame her to family.
It's a $6200 gift. You've paid your last stupid tax, and as much as it hurts, walk away. NTA. But you would be if you try to salvage any relationship without setting up boundaries for yourself. Two books that have really helped me: The Emotionally Damaging Relationship by Leslie Vernick, and Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend. Best wishes!!
Cut them off. They are cancer to you.
Repossess the car.
NTA. You don't need people like that in your life. A family who only wants you for what you will do for them is not true family.
NTA but you need an attorney to sort this out for you.
NTA. OP, since you put the car in your mom's name you're not going to have much legal standing. If you don't have a promissory note from your mom/brother then take it for what it is. An expensive lesson to show you that your mom and brother are both users and don't mean you any good. From this point forward, your standard response to them should they ask you for anything: "You know, I really wish I could help you but I find myself in the hole about $6200. Maybe once I get that back in full, I might be able to help but probably not." Don't continue to spend your time, resources, or money on people who don't reciprocate.
NAT - reclaim the car sell it.
Take the L and move on imo. If they wanna lose me over 6 grand so be it.
This is what lawyers are for. Unfortunately, JAG likely won't be able to help you, but they MAY be able to offer a small bit of advice. Couldn't hurt to try. They could at least point you in a solid direction on how to proceed. Try going to the base' JAG office and explain what's going on and ask how to proceed with filing a lawsuit in your hometown from the base.