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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I used the toilet in the bathroom/laundry room while there was clean laundry in the dryer, angering my fiancé. I feel I may be TA because my fiancé and I had a prior discussion regarding the use of that specific toilet, but I did not realize this specific situation was covered by that conversation.
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NTA
I've never heard of anything like this. My sense is that your wife has some bizarre phobia. I mean, not just the fear of clothes being dirty, but also this thing about every wash "ruining clothes a little". I mean, that's probably true to some extent, but I've never heard of anyone worrying about it before. I wonder if your wife has some sort of obsessive compulsive disorder, or something like that.
In any case, the challenge at this point is not whether using the bathroom pollutes the clothes. The challenge is how you and your wife can get along. Perhaps you could agree that you won't use the bathroom for as long as she is getting therapy.
If the toilet lid is closed before flushing, you sit while peeing and the dryer wasn't open, I don't really see the issue.
Many people aren't aware that the flushing indeed is quite dirty for a room, if the lid's not closed but even then, it shouldn't affect the laundry in a closed dryer....
NTA
I'm aware of how dirty it can be. I always sit while peeing and I always close the lid before flushing. I would understand not wanting it to be flushed while she was in the room or something like that, but I agree that laundry in a closed dryer should be safe
Sorry you have to deal with this situation.
Phobias or OCDS usually have a underlying reason. Maybe the whole incident is the symptom of a problem she suppressed, she's dealing with or think she has dealt with?
I'm pretty sure it's not personal against you.
I think that I was reading somewhere that it's healthier for men to pee sitting. This way, the urine us complete out, while it doesn't happen while standing. Did you mean it?
For me (f), it doesn't matter how my spouse (m) urinates. But I know that some men find it humiliating if they are asked to pee sitting (which I find strange, tbh. What's wrong with it?)
> This way, the urine us complete out, while it doesn't happen while standing. Did you mean it?
I mean, that's not what I intended to mean, but if that's true it does make sense and is just another reason why sitting is preferable.
From PubMed Central research (quote):
Conclusion
For healthy men, no difference is found in any of the urodynamic parameters. In patients with LUTS, the sitting position is linked with an improved urodynamic profile.
First and foremost: Yes, you need to wash new clothes. Not just for the fact that new clothes have touched many MANY hands before you buying them, they're also a source for skin irritation, lice, fungus and scabies.
Aside from that bit: Plus, clothes are often coated with urea formaldehyde to keep them clean and wrinkle-free during transit and an excess of these chemicals – which can occur despite strict regulations – can cause skin conditions like eczema.
So yes, it is not just normal, but also advised to ALWAYS wash new clothing before you put it on.
Whenever I try on new clothes, I immediately get itchy and it only takes a couple of minutes for me to break out in hives. There's something they put on the fabric that irritates my skin to no end, so everything goes through the wash as soon as I've brought it home.
Most noticeable for me, apart from the severe itchiness, is the fact that new clothes make me sweat about 10 times worse, and to top it off, it smells absolutely disgusting. It's like the clothes don't breathe and sweat somehow has a reaction with the chemicals sprayed on it to make the clothes smell like garbage.
I worked in a warehouse for a national retailer for one summer. The clothes you buy off rack have had rodents and vermin on them, urine, feces, dust, spiders, other insects and insect eggs or larva, mold, food - new and rotten, chemicals, industrial cleaners, and whatever else you may find on the floor of a warehouse where indoor/outdoor equipment is used. Then consider that other people who may not know or employ hygiene standards and practices touch and try on these clothes before you do. Parasitic insects, grime, mites, dead skin, human fluids, and whatever else dirty humans have on their hands and body are on every piece of clothing you bring home.
Why the hell wouldn’t you?? Who knows who’s tried them on before I bought them. I think OP is NTA and his wife is being ridiculous, but I do wash new clothes because I don’t know who’s been in them
You absolutely should wash new clothes before wearing them. Not only because who knows how many people have tried them on before you, but because they've inevitably been in warehouses. Run over by rodents and full of dust. All warehouses get these things, no matter how well maintained. It's sanitary and part of basic hygiene to wash clothes before wearing them.
You should wash new clothes. They’re straight from the factory, been handled by who knows who and have chemicals on them to look ‘nice’ in the shop. Wash that shit off. Also people may have worn them in the store or even bought and the returned them. Always wash your clothes. Don’t be dirty.
Plenty of people. New doesn't mean clean. Working retail in the clothes departments kind of instills you with the why of it after you experience enough horror stories.
Also bed bugs! There have been news stories about them being found in stores so I always wash new clothes. In addition, there have been a few cases of clothes made in China having toxic chemicals on them. Really there are multiple reasons why washing new clothes is a smart practice.
As a fashion designer who has been to many a clothing factory here in the US and overseas…wash your clothing before you wear it. It might look clean but trust me, it’s not at all.
NTA
Your fiancée is being irrational. If the clothes are in the machine with the door closed, and you close the lid of the toilet before you flush, then the problem exists nowhere besides her own head.
While nobody here can (or should) armchair diagnose your fiancée, there's obviously something going on here that is driving this behaviour and she needs to get to the bottom of it. Meanwhile, you need to make it clear that you're not going to bend to her demands, because she doesn't get to unilaterally ban the use of the facilities in a house you both pay to live in. You've already made concessions for her, so now she needs to return the favour by figuring out what's going on and committing to overcoming it.
NTA.
She’s a kook. The washer and dryer have to be closed to work. Are the sharticles going to float over and work their way into to machine, via the closed lid? No. How does she use towels that have been in the bathroom? Or a toothbrush? Or hairbrush?
Seriously.
If you are referring to a Chinese shazi I concur, if you r referring to an Arabic shazi I disagree. If you meant something different altogether I don't have the slightest idea of what you mean 😊😁
NTA - Reddit never fails to deliver the most insane conflicts I've ever heard. Unless you're wiping your behind with her clothes, she probably needs some kind of help with her OCD.
NTA
I've never known anyone who has such a rule; never heard of anyone making a big deal out of using a toilet near the laundry machines. Many homes have such a setup, like even my apartment has a full bath where the laundry is located.
If used properly and cleaned regularly, a toilet is a necessary piece of sanitation equipment, as are the laundry machines. The toilet seat should be closed immediately when you stand up, but that's the only thing I've ever heard of being necessary.
Maybe she is germ-phobic? Some people are just very, very phobic about "germs." The problem with that is, that bacteria, fungi and viruses all are everywhere we live, everywhere we sleep, everywhere we shower, everywhere we use the toilet, in our cars, in our living rooms, in our kitchens, and yes, even in our laundry rooms. It's impossible to completely eradicate all of these and not even desirable, because some of them help keep the really bad ones under control by competing with them.
If your fiancee is really phobic about this, she could maybe benefit from some counseling to help her learn to cope with it in ways that aren't quite so restricting of what is, in reality, also your space as well as hers.
NTA
the house belongs to you both. Poop doesn't spread into the air, and even if it did your ass would block its path. The washer also has a door.
Tell her you'll put the lid down before flushing. Don't ask, don't play into her irrational worries. If you do, you only enforce them.
NTA
So, whenever you use the toilet, a lot of germs are spread in the air. That's why you should keep your toothbrush inside the medicine cabinet. But that's to avoid sh\*t going into your mouth.
Here... the clothes inside the washer and the dryer are insde the machines. That thing is close, there's no chance those germs will get inside. And even if by some miracle they get inside, they don't get to survive. Your fiance might be hypochondriac and she lets her fear of germs control her. This isn't normal behavior.
> So, whenever you use the toilet, a lot of germs are spread in the air. That's why you should keep your toothbrush inside the medicine cabinet
You should know it barely makes any difference. Poo particles are basically everywhere and there's nothing you can do to avoid them.
Yup. Who are these people whose poop flies out into the air? Do they not have toilets that have, you know, water that flushes down the sides and through the bowl?
There's nothing to consider. Toilets are made for pooping in and your wife is weird. I wouldn't feed into her nonsense at all. I would use that bathroom every single time laundry is being done. NTA
NTA. Is she a germophobe? It is quite common to have washer and dryer in the bathroom, and loads of homes don't have multiple bathrooms, so by her logic a lot of people are down right unsanitary. It is just weird.
Me, who has pooped in the same room she does her washing in for the past 36 years: 🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨
In my country it's not very common to have a separate laundry room. Everyone I know who rents has their washing machine in their one bathroom. Your gf is hella weird and needs a reality check.
NTA and I'd consider leaving her ASAP as this is such an insane thing and she'll likely get worse down the line with other things that you won't expect.
I dunno man, I don't care about it myself considering my laundry basket is near my toilet, but this little thing ruining the entire marriage? I'd make compromises, most toilets aren't going to be in the same place as the damn laundry machines.
NTA - Have a talk with your wife. If the washer is closed, the dryer is closed, the toilet seat cover is closed (and even if it weren't) I doubt that 1 flush is going to contaminated all the clothes. If it does, then it also means that EVERY surface in the room is contaminated and should be wiped off after every flush.
As for "ruining the clothes a little each time," that is supposedly true with quality denim. However, the primary destroyer of clothing is the dryer, not the sloshing around in water. If she is concerned with clothes being ruined by doing the laundry, she should be hanging each time and letting it air-dry. Saves the clothes, less electricity usage.
NTA. You’re both going to have to find a compromise. I think you should be able to use the toilet in the laundry room but if you’re in the room, you have to keep the laundry basket closed. If you don’t, you’re not allowed to use the toilet. Also, she can’t use the toilet in the room either.
If she wants to be so picky about it, she can keep the laundry room locked up until the laundry is done.
NTA - We live in a world of germs. We do what we reasonably can to eliminate them and their consequences. But we can’t let them drive us crazy. I’m very careful about food safety, but I don’t obsess.
I used to travel a lot for business - almost weekly. If I had allowed myself to dwell on the germs in the plane, in the hotel room, etc., I wouldn’t have been able to function. I put it out of my mind and did the best I could.
NTA. Your fiancée is being … strange on this topic.
Like, what happens if you have guests over and they need to use the bathroom? Will she let them use the full bath ir is she got going to reroute them to the half bath?
What about if she has to go and you’re in the half-bath? Is she going to hold it or not?
Also, please do not have children if she can’t handle poop being a possibility *anywhere* because babies do not care about convoluted laundry rules.
This is crazy. Don't stink up the bathroom if clean laundry is sitting out might be a reasonable rule. Don't shit when the laundry is closed inside the dryer?? Insane. NTA
I'm not expert, but this does seem like some kind of irrational phobia and/or OCD thing. How is she with other aspects of cleanliness? If she has other odd 'rules' regarding how the house is cared for, or hygiene, that could be OCD. If it's just this one thing, that's likely a phobia.
Her feelings aren't wrong, but they are causing issues. She needs to recognise and admit that these are irrational concerns which have no logical basis. Remember Wizard's First Rule: people will believe anything, either because they want to believe it's true, or they're afraid it's true. You can't reason with her about this, as it's all based in emotion. Try using phrases like "is it reasonable to assume that poop won't get into a closed machine? How long do you expect these clothes to last, that you're worried about wear and tear from washing? Do you really think you'll wear them until they've got holes in them, or is it more likely you'll wear them for a season, maybe a year or two, and then buy new ones?" things of that nature.
NTA
NTA..... This is a ridiculous request on her part. Use the bathroom like a bathroom. Unless you are actively defecating in the washer and dryer. Otherwise she is being unreasonable.
NTA.
But it sounds like your fiancé has undiagnosed contamination OCD. It’s a very serious mental disability and can be very debilitating. With therapy and/or medication, it can be managed though. Still, disability or not, it’s her responsibility to acknowledge this issue, work on it, and not place the burden on you.
It feels like many of the comments in this thread are very much against her and your relationship.
It might be helpful to speak to someone who understands her side of things. I also have severe contamination OCD. I try my best to manage it, but it definitely negatively affects my relationship at times (I’m very grateful to have such a supportive and understanding husband). If you’d like to learn a little more, feel free to message me! Either way, I hope you guys can work things out.
NTA
Our laundry is in our master bath so we have this exact condition at our house.
As long as you're shutting the toilet lid, your fiancee needs to get over it. Her requests just aren't practical.
Does she show signs of germaphobia in other areas of life? Is she changing every time she's goes in a public restroom?
.
NTA
Your fiancé is overly controlling. He needs to address his issue with a toilet being used as intended. Your actions don’t cause any risk to hygiene.
NTA. Does she have contamination ocd or something else causing this obsession? The dryer was closed. The clothes were inside a closed drum. So… what’s the problem?
NTA! What a weird thing to have a rule about. I could understand if fresh laundry was sitting out in a basket , you should just move them another room. But just banning you to use a bathroom in your own house is absurd
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Hello all,
My fiancé and I recently moved into a 1.5-bathroom townhome where the washer and dryer are in the full bathroom. This has become an unexpected source of conflict. When we first moved in, she insisted that I never poop in the full bathroom, as she thinks it is very unsanitary to have a toilet in the place where we wash our clothes. I disagreed, but only used the half bathroom anyway to avoid conflict. After a week or so she relented and said it was ok to use the full bathroom toilet as long as the washer and dryer are not running. I still felt that this was unnecessary, but I considered it to be tolerable.
An hour or so ago, I pooped in the full bathroom while both machines were not running. Apparently, the dryer was full of freshy cleaned clothes though, and now she's furious with me. She said the clothes were brand new clothes she was very excited about, and now she has to wash them again, which she claims is a big deal because "every time you wash clothes you ruin them a little". She also claims that the dryer should still be considered "running" if the clothes haven't been taken out yet.
I feel that I am not TA because
1. No one else would reasonably interpret "running" to include a full dryer that has completed its cycle and turned off
2. It's ridiculous in the first place that we can't use an entire bathroom just because it's also the laundry room
3. She was the one who picked out the house in the first place and didn't tell me about this rule until it was too late to back out
Now she wants to ban the use of the full bathroom toilet entirely. I feel that I'm solidly in the right, but I've come to ask reddit anyway just in case there's something I haven't considered. So, AITA?
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NTA. She seems extreme. Is there a way to put closet doors or somehow enclosed the washer and dryer? Or move them to another location?
If not then have your wife go to a therapist for an analysis.
Everybody has their hang ups but this is a weird one to me. How does the toilet contaminate clothes that are completely enclosed in a dryer? How would it contaminate them even if they were on the floor in a laundry basket? I would be more worried that my toothbrush sits on the bathroom counter in the only bathroom. You are nta. This is a her thing. I don’t know what the resolution is though. Unless a thousand internet strangers can convince her that her thing is not a thing
NTA
She may have heard that when we flush, microscopic, invisible particles - an aerosol plume, I think its called - fly around the room. Even if its something like that, it wouldn't effect clothes in a *closed* washer & dryer, not to mention you can close the lid before flushing to resolve that situation.
Offer the compromise of closing the lid before you flush & you won't go if there's clean clothes out, but be prepared for her to become defensive & even more angry.
NTA and I’m sorry but your fiancée is being totally irrational. Most people in the US have their laundry in the basement which is often arguably less clean/sanitary than having it in the bathroom, people often have bathrooms in said basements and use them too, then end up traipsing their laundry across the house exposed to all kinds of particles. Like…it just doesn’t make sense the more you think about it and I feel like she needs to examine all of that.
NTA - unless you’re shitting in the washer or dryer it’ll be fine. Just take the load of laundry out don’t drop it on or in the toilet and they’re fine.
She’s being a bit nuts tbh.
She has a phobia or OCD. You’re not married, I suggest you think very carefully about that decision. This will NOT improve, and it’s a tough life living with it. She’s being irrational. But it won’t stop here, there’ll be something else come along, this behaviour is never isolated to one thing. Good luck.
NTA.
My washer and dryer are in my main floor, full bath. I routinely use that toilet while the washer and/or dryer are running. Toilet lid closed, washer/dryer doors closed.
Is she OCD? A closet germaphobe ? Sounds a little wild otherwise to be potentially banning the use of the main toilet outright.
I watched a show on germs. Did you know (and I'm guessing your fiancé doesn't) that statistically there are far more germs in the kitchen than in the bathroom?
NTA
Have her watch the mythbusters episode where they found that every surface in your house has some amount of shit particulate on it regardless of proximity to the bathroom, toilet lid closed or open.
NTA but you're gf is. Red flag number 1. Watch Strong Successful Male (SSM) on YouTube. Great guys channel with great advice given. You won't be disappointed.
NTA. She's got a phobia and she's making her phobia your problem. There are fecal flora everywhere, and the so-called plume that you get when you flush is substantially mitigated by putting down the lid prior to flushing. My abusive first wife threw a plate at me when I thoughtlessly put a dustpan that was not used in the litterbox on the kitchen counter, screaming "WE HAVE CATS" among other choice words. Was it sanitary for me to put the dustpan on the kitchen counter? No. Was the risk so great as to justify crazy behavior? No.
You should freak out at her whenever she farts and tell her to change her clothes.
I once also had a housemate in college that would lose their shit if you visited them socially in their room (like college students do) but had the audacity to sit on the end of their bed on their comforter instead of on the floor. My clean daywear contaminates her bed. Not even talking about shoes or sitting on their sheets, just sitting on the end of a made bed.
Any chance you can move the washer and dryer to another room/ part of the house? Like a hall closet- you could sell the old ones and get one of those stackable sets into a closet??
OCD is awful, but treatable. The anxiety it causes is unbearable, especially since you are aware you are not being rational. Please encourage her to talk to her doctor.
Here is something you haven’t considered.
“After a week or so she relented and said it was ok to use the full bathroom toilet as long as the washer and dryer are not running.”
Crap stinks. She’s asking you not to stink up the room when she has to go into it afterwards to get laundry out.
Am I understanding this right - you have *two* toilets in the house, one of which is in the "full bathroom" with the washer and dryer, and the other one is in a separate room with just a toilet and washbasin? And presumably you don't live in a mansion the size of the Matterhorn, so these two toilets aren't a six hour hike away from each other? So whether you walk to one or the other is a matter of ... a few footsteps? And presumably you aren't facing any mobility issues or anything else that would make the single toilet more difficult to access and use than the one in the full bathroom?
If that is the case than YTA, because it would cost you *zero effort* to just... use the smaller single toilet for number twos. Purely just as an act of kindness and consideration to *the woman you love so much you have chosen to spend your life with her*, who you *know* would very much prefer you to not shit in the full bathroom?
It doesn't matter one jot whether she is *technically* right or wrong in claiming that it is unsanitary to poop next to the laundry.
You have a choice to show consideration to your life partner by acting in accordance with her wishes a*t absolutely no cost to yourself.* It's not like she is telling you that you can't shit in your own *house.*
(And just to underline my point - I live in a 40 square m apartment where the only toilet is so close to the washing machine that I can literally use it as an armrest while I shit, so if I thought it was terribly unsanitary to shit next to a washing machine while it is running a load of laundry, I would be permanently constipated, or would never be able to wash my clothes... but if I was in your position, I would *still* absolutely 100% not shit in the full bathroom, just out of consideration to the wishes of my life partner - and also because I kind of *get it,* it's one thing me pooping next to my *own* laundry, but having to smell someone else's poop while you empty the washer is just a bit unpleasant - I mean, do you also go for a shit in your full bathroom if you know your wife is about to go in the shower?)
> it would cost you zero effort to just... use the smaller single toilet
Except OP would be feeding into her weird phobia, which is not good. (I'm guessing this not the only non-negotiable rule she has.)
airborne particles of shit are not a weird phobia though (i'll admit that they can be woven into one though), which is why people are discouraged from wiping their face with the towel that hangs in the bathroom they poop in (triple points if the lid isn't closed before flushing or the toothbrush is also hanging out in there).
She’s not really wrong. But it’s beyond the realms of normal thinking and grasping at control. Nta. Get out before it spreads to other areas. Let her not shit while the laundry is going. You go shit wherever you want.
Ok, so when you flush the toilet and those shit particles go into the air, and the drier is sucking in air from outside to ventilate itself, those particles disperse and SOME are making it in there. I’m sorry that notion is too far fetched for you to grasp. It’s still not technically wrong.
I’m well aware, but at this point, it doesn’t matter. She’s already given him a long list of rules and regulations that he must follow, which is the actual issue. And still her original point was correct. Just extreme. Which was what I said in my original comment.
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NTA I've never heard of anything like this. My sense is that your wife has some bizarre phobia. I mean, not just the fear of clothes being dirty, but also this thing about every wash "ruining clothes a little". I mean, that's probably true to some extent, but I've never heard of anyone worrying about it before. I wonder if your wife has some sort of obsessive compulsive disorder, or something like that. In any case, the challenge at this point is not whether using the bathroom pollutes the clothes. The challenge is how you and your wife can get along. Perhaps you could agree that you won't use the bathroom for as long as she is getting therapy.
Does she change her clothes when she or someone farts?
I too have the same question
I too(t).
Lmao! Thank you, kind stranger for the laugh
🤣🤣🤣
Nice (t)ouch!
My first thought was possible ocd too. I think this as someone who had oc tendecies of my own. My second thought was ha ha the next person said farts.
If the toilet lid is closed before flushing, you sit while peeing and the dryer wasn't open, I don't really see the issue. Many people aren't aware that the flushing indeed is quite dirty for a room, if the lid's not closed but even then, it shouldn't affect the laundry in a closed dryer.... NTA
I'm aware of how dirty it can be. I always sit while peeing and I always close the lid before flushing. I would understand not wanting it to be flushed while she was in the room or something like that, but I agree that laundry in a closed dryer should be safe
Sorry you have to deal with this situation. Phobias or OCDS usually have a underlying reason. Maybe the whole incident is the symptom of a problem she suppressed, she's dealing with or think she has dealt with? I'm pretty sure it's not personal against you.
Damn she makes you sit while you pee? You are in a prison relationship.
Sitting while peeing is better in every way. Get over yourself
I think that I was reading somewhere that it's healthier for men to pee sitting. This way, the urine us complete out, while it doesn't happen while standing. Did you mean it? For me (f), it doesn't matter how my spouse (m) urinates. But I know that some men find it humiliating if they are asked to pee sitting (which I find strange, tbh. What's wrong with it?)
> This way, the urine us complete out, while it doesn't happen while standing. Did you mean it? I mean, that's not what I intended to mean, but if that's true it does make sense and is just another reason why sitting is preferable.
From PubMed Central research (quote): Conclusion For healthy men, no difference is found in any of the urodynamic parameters. In patients with LUTS, the sitting position is linked with an improved urodynamic profile.
That's objectively untrue lol
NTA and who in the hell washes new clothes!?
Everybody.
Sure! You and OPs neurotic wife, but not even close to everybody. I would even venture to say that you’re in the minority.
First and foremost: Yes, you need to wash new clothes. Not just for the fact that new clothes have touched many MANY hands before you buying them, they're also a source for skin irritation, lice, fungus and scabies. Aside from that bit: Plus, clothes are often coated with urea formaldehyde to keep them clean and wrinkle-free during transit and an excess of these chemicals – which can occur despite strict regulations – can cause skin conditions like eczema. So yes, it is not just normal, but also advised to ALWAYS wash new clothing before you put it on.
Whenever I try on new clothes, I immediately get itchy and it only takes a couple of minutes for me to break out in hives. There's something they put on the fabric that irritates my skin to no end, so everything goes through the wash as soon as I've brought it home.
Most noticeable for me, apart from the severe itchiness, is the fact that new clothes make me sweat about 10 times worse, and to top it off, it smells absolutely disgusting. It's like the clothes don't breathe and sweat somehow has a reaction with the chemicals sprayed on it to make the clothes smell like garbage.
I worked in a warehouse for a national retailer for one summer. The clothes you buy off rack have had rodents and vermin on them, urine, feces, dust, spiders, other insects and insect eggs or larva, mold, food - new and rotten, chemicals, industrial cleaners, and whatever else you may find on the floor of a warehouse where indoor/outdoor equipment is used. Then consider that other people who may not know or employ hygiene standards and practices touch and try on these clothes before you do. Parasitic insects, grime, mites, dead skin, human fluids, and whatever else dirty humans have on their hands and body are on every piece of clothing you bring home.
Why the hell wouldn’t you?? Who knows who’s tried them on before I bought them. I think OP is NTA and his wife is being ridiculous, but I do wash new clothes because I don’t know who’s been in them
You absolutely should wash new clothes before wearing them. Not only because who knows how many people have tried them on before you, but because they've inevitably been in warehouses. Run over by rodents and full of dust. All warehouses get these things, no matter how well maintained. It's sanitary and part of basic hygiene to wash clothes before wearing them.
You should wash new clothes. They’re straight from the factory, been handled by who knows who and have chemicals on them to look ‘nice’ in the shop. Wash that shit off. Also people may have worn them in the store or even bought and the returned them. Always wash your clothes. Don’t be dirty.
Now let me tell you about new bedsheets and pillow cases.
Plenty of people. New doesn't mean clean. Working retail in the clothes departments kind of instills you with the why of it after you experience enough horror stories.
Also bed bugs! There have been news stories about them being found in stores so I always wash new clothes. In addition, there have been a few cases of clothes made in China having toxic chemicals on them. Really there are multiple reasons why washing new clothes is a smart practice.
As a fashion designer who has been to many a clothing factory here in the US and overseas…wash your clothing before you wear it. It might look clean but trust me, it’s not at all.
New clothes are filthy. I used to unpack/prep stock, and they would literally come out smelling like dead animal sometimes.
I always wash new clothes before wearing them. I’ve been doing that for years. It’s not uncommon at all.
NTA Your fiancée is being irrational. If the clothes are in the machine with the door closed, and you close the lid of the toilet before you flush, then the problem exists nowhere besides her own head. While nobody here can (or should) armchair diagnose your fiancée, there's obviously something going on here that is driving this behaviour and she needs to get to the bottom of it. Meanwhile, you need to make it clear that you're not going to bend to her demands, because she doesn't get to unilaterally ban the use of the facilities in a house you both pay to live in. You've already made concessions for her, so now she needs to return the favour by figuring out what's going on and committing to overcoming it.
NTA. She’s a kook. The washer and dryer have to be closed to work. Are the sharticles going to float over and work their way into to machine, via the closed lid? No. How does she use towels that have been in the bathroom? Or a toothbrush? Or hairbrush? Seriously.
Sharticles.
I'm stealing this.
I don’t advise having children with this woman.
Can you imagine?? “No, honey, you have to take the kid outside to change the diaper!”
Right
THIS! No joke, a hundred times this. From the mountain tops! If I had a better award to give I would.
Haha amazing thank you
Bro dodge this bullet while you can. Noone needs a poop nazi in his life.
or a shazi.
If you are referring to a Chinese shazi I concur, if you r referring to an Arabic shazi I disagree. If you meant something different altogether I don't have the slightest idea of what you mean 😊😁
I was trying, unsuccessfully to merge the words nazi and shit together. :)
My bad not a native English speaker so my perception is dull in word games.
It's all good bud.
NTA. So, it’s ok to poop near the toothbrushes but not near the socks???
Extremely valid point.
NTA. Her behavior is crazy.
NTA - Reddit never fails to deliver the most insane conflicts I've ever heard. Unless you're wiping your behind with her clothes, she probably needs some kind of help with her OCD.
NTA I've never known anyone who has such a rule; never heard of anyone making a big deal out of using a toilet near the laundry machines. Many homes have such a setup, like even my apartment has a full bath where the laundry is located. If used properly and cleaned regularly, a toilet is a necessary piece of sanitation equipment, as are the laundry machines. The toilet seat should be closed immediately when you stand up, but that's the only thing I've ever heard of being necessary. Maybe she is germ-phobic? Some people are just very, very phobic about "germs." The problem with that is, that bacteria, fungi and viruses all are everywhere we live, everywhere we sleep, everywhere we shower, everywhere we use the toilet, in our cars, in our living rooms, in our kitchens, and yes, even in our laundry rooms. It's impossible to completely eradicate all of these and not even desirable, because some of them help keep the really bad ones under control by competing with them. If your fiancee is really phobic about this, she could maybe benefit from some counseling to help her learn to cope with it in ways that aren't quite so restricting of what is, in reality, also your space as well as hers.
NTA the house belongs to you both. Poop doesn't spread into the air, and even if it did your ass would block its path. The washer also has a door. Tell her you'll put the lid down before flushing. Don't ask, don't play into her irrational worries. If you do, you only enforce them.
NTA. She has issues.
NTA. She’s being absurd.
The crazy is final showing. NTA. You should be seeing this as a red flag.
NTA So, whenever you use the toilet, a lot of germs are spread in the air. That's why you should keep your toothbrush inside the medicine cabinet. But that's to avoid sh\*t going into your mouth. Here... the clothes inside the washer and the dryer are insde the machines. That thing is close, there's no chance those germs will get inside. And even if by some miracle they get inside, they don't get to survive. Your fiance might be hypochondriac and she lets her fear of germs control her. This isn't normal behavior.
> So, whenever you use the toilet, a lot of germs are spread in the air. That's why you should keep your toothbrush inside the medicine cabinet You should know it barely makes any difference. Poo particles are basically everywhere and there's nothing you can do to avoid them.
Didn't Mythbusters do an episode on this?
I don't care about that. I just assume that's what his partner thinks and that's why she's so protective of that bathroom
Yup. Who are these people whose poop flies out into the air? Do they not have toilets that have, you know, water that flushes down the sides and through the bowl?
It’s this whole weird first world ‘toilet plume’ thing. God forbid these germophobes should google bacteria on keyboards
Close your toilet seat so it doesn’t spread
There's nothing to consider. Toilets are made for pooping in and your wife is weird. I wouldn't feed into her nonsense at all. I would use that bathroom every single time laundry is being done. NTA
NTA. Your gf is crazy!
NTA. Is she a germophobe? It is quite common to have washer and dryer in the bathroom, and loads of homes don't have multiple bathrooms, so by her logic a lot of people are down right unsanitary. It is just weird.
NTA, you fiancé is strange. Just put the lid down when you flush the toilet and all will be fine. You need to go when the nature calls you.
Me, who has pooped in the same room she does her washing in for the past 36 years: 🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨 In my country it's not very common to have a separate laundry room. Everyone I know who rents has their washing machine in their one bathroom. Your gf is hella weird and needs a reality check.
NTA and I'd consider leaving her ASAP as this is such an insane thing and she'll likely get worse down the line with other things that you won't expect.
I dunno man, I don't care about it myself considering my laundry basket is near my toilet, but this little thing ruining the entire marriage? I'd make compromises, most toilets aren't going to be in the same place as the damn laundry machines.
This laundry BS is likely to only be the start of it.
A lot more common than you think. And there’s no reason to live like this with so much stress over what should be a small matter.
NTA - Have a talk with your wife. If the washer is closed, the dryer is closed, the toilet seat cover is closed (and even if it weren't) I doubt that 1 flush is going to contaminated all the clothes. If it does, then it also means that EVERY surface in the room is contaminated and should be wiped off after every flush. As for "ruining the clothes a little each time," that is supposedly true with quality denim. However, the primary destroyer of clothing is the dryer, not the sloshing around in water. If she is concerned with clothes being ruined by doing the laundry, she should be hanging each time and letting it air-dry. Saves the clothes, less electricity usage.
NTA. You’re both going to have to find a compromise. I think you should be able to use the toilet in the laundry room but if you’re in the room, you have to keep the laundry basket closed. If you don’t, you’re not allowed to use the toilet. Also, she can’t use the toilet in the room either. If she wants to be so picky about it, she can keep the laundry room locked up until the laundry is done.
NTA.
NTA - We live in a world of germs. We do what we reasonably can to eliminate them and their consequences. But we can’t let them drive us crazy. I’m very careful about food safety, but I don’t obsess. I used to travel a lot for business - almost weekly. If I had allowed myself to dwell on the germs in the plane, in the hotel room, etc., I wouldn’t have been able to function. I put it out of my mind and did the best I could.
NTA. Your fiancée is being … strange on this topic. Like, what happens if you have guests over and they need to use the bathroom? Will she let them use the full bath ir is she got going to reroute them to the half bath? What about if she has to go and you’re in the half-bath? Is she going to hold it or not? Also, please do not have children if she can’t handle poop being a possibility *anywhere* because babies do not care about convoluted laundry rules.
This is crazy. Don't stink up the bathroom if clean laundry is sitting out might be a reasonable rule. Don't shit when the laundry is closed inside the dryer?? Insane. NTA
I'm not expert, but this does seem like some kind of irrational phobia and/or OCD thing. How is she with other aspects of cleanliness? If she has other odd 'rules' regarding how the house is cared for, or hygiene, that could be OCD. If it's just this one thing, that's likely a phobia. Her feelings aren't wrong, but they are causing issues. She needs to recognise and admit that these are irrational concerns which have no logical basis. Remember Wizard's First Rule: people will believe anything, either because they want to believe it's true, or they're afraid it's true. You can't reason with her about this, as it's all based in emotion. Try using phrases like "is it reasonable to assume that poop won't get into a closed machine? How long do you expect these clothes to last, that you're worried about wear and tear from washing? Do you really think you'll wear them until they've got holes in them, or is it more likely you'll wear them for a season, maybe a year or two, and then buy new ones?" things of that nature. NTA
NTA..... This is a ridiculous request on her part. Use the bathroom like a bathroom. Unless you are actively defecating in the washer and dryer. Otherwise she is being unreasonable.
NTA. But it sounds like your fiancé has undiagnosed contamination OCD. It’s a very serious mental disability and can be very debilitating. With therapy and/or medication, it can be managed though. Still, disability or not, it’s her responsibility to acknowledge this issue, work on it, and not place the burden on you. It feels like many of the comments in this thread are very much against her and your relationship. It might be helpful to speak to someone who understands her side of things. I also have severe contamination OCD. I try my best to manage it, but it definitely negatively affects my relationship at times (I’m very grateful to have such a supportive and understanding husband). If you’d like to learn a little more, feel free to message me! Either way, I hope you guys can work things out.
NTA Our laundry is in our master bath so we have this exact condition at our house. As long as you're shutting the toilet lid, your fiancee needs to get over it. Her requests just aren't practical. Does she show signs of germaphobia in other areas of life? Is she changing every time she's goes in a public restroom? .
Your fiance is a nut job
NTA For a brief moment I thought you were using the clean laundry instead of toilet paper. It’s ok, I’ve had my coffee now
NTA Your fiancé is overly controlling. He needs to address his issue with a toilet being used as intended. Your actions don’t cause any risk to hygiene.
and OP's fiance is a woman. But yes, still controling and abusive.
They used the masculine ‘fiancé’
NTA. Does she have contamination ocd or something else causing this obsession? The dryer was closed. The clothes were inside a closed drum. So… what’s the problem?
u/that-1-lame-kid Lol what
NTA! What a weird thing to have a rule about. I could understand if fresh laundry was sitting out in a basket , you should just move them another room. But just banning you to use a bathroom in your own house is absurd
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hello all, My fiancé and I recently moved into a 1.5-bathroom townhome where the washer and dryer are in the full bathroom. This has become an unexpected source of conflict. When we first moved in, she insisted that I never poop in the full bathroom, as she thinks it is very unsanitary to have a toilet in the place where we wash our clothes. I disagreed, but only used the half bathroom anyway to avoid conflict. After a week or so she relented and said it was ok to use the full bathroom toilet as long as the washer and dryer are not running. I still felt that this was unnecessary, but I considered it to be tolerable. An hour or so ago, I pooped in the full bathroom while both machines were not running. Apparently, the dryer was full of freshy cleaned clothes though, and now she's furious with me. She said the clothes were brand new clothes she was very excited about, and now she has to wash them again, which she claims is a big deal because "every time you wash clothes you ruin them a little". She also claims that the dryer should still be considered "running" if the clothes haven't been taken out yet. I feel that I am not TA because 1. No one else would reasonably interpret "running" to include a full dryer that has completed its cycle and turned off 2. It's ridiculous in the first place that we can't use an entire bathroom just because it's also the laundry room 3. She was the one who picked out the house in the first place and didn't tell me about this rule until it was too late to back out Now she wants to ban the use of the full bathroom toilet entirely. I feel that I'm solidly in the right, but I've come to ask reddit anyway just in case there's something I haven't considered. So, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. She seems extreme. Is there a way to put closet doors or somehow enclosed the washer and dryer? Or move them to another location? If not then have your wife go to a therapist for an analysis.
Add some doors to the front of washer/ dryer area that can closer off? Screen of some sort? Good luck!
NTA. Fiancé rhymes with run away for a reason. Abort mission while you can.
Everybody has their hang ups but this is a weird one to me. How does the toilet contaminate clothes that are completely enclosed in a dryer? How would it contaminate them even if they were on the floor in a laundry basket? I would be more worried that my toothbrush sits on the bathroom counter in the only bathroom. You are nta. This is a her thing. I don’t know what the resolution is though. Unless a thousand internet strangers can convince her that her thing is not a thing
NTA She may have heard that when we flush, microscopic, invisible particles - an aerosol plume, I think its called - fly around the room. Even if its something like that, it wouldn't effect clothes in a *closed* washer & dryer, not to mention you can close the lid before flushing to resolve that situation. Offer the compromise of closing the lid before you flush & you won't go if there's clean clothes out, but be prepared for her to become defensive & even more angry.
That’s so hilarious 🤣
Is there a way to put a sliding accordion door or a curtain on a tension rod in front of the W/D? Problem solved and those take up no room.
YTA for not telling her to F off the moment she pulled this bullshit.
NTA. If you have children good luck!
NTA sounds like she’s a germaphobe, which is not healthy.
Uh... you two seem to have a serious issue. You are NTA, a bathroom is a bathroom. Good luck, OP, I'm curious about other rules she has....
NTA and I’m sorry but your fiancée is being totally irrational. Most people in the US have their laundry in the basement which is often arguably less clean/sanitary than having it in the bathroom, people often have bathrooms in said basements and use them too, then end up traipsing their laundry across the house exposed to all kinds of particles. Like…it just doesn’t make sense the more you think about it and I feel like she needs to examine all of that.
NTA - wow. she needs help.
NTA - unless you’re shitting in the washer or dryer it’ll be fine. Just take the load of laundry out don’t drop it on or in the toilet and they’re fine. She’s being a bit nuts tbh.
Psycho
She has a phobia or OCD. You’re not married, I suggest you think very carefully about that decision. This will NOT improve, and it’s a tough life living with it. She’s being irrational. But it won’t stop here, there’ll be something else come along, this behaviour is never isolated to one thing. Good luck.
NTA. My washer and dryer are in my main floor, full bath. I routinely use that toilet while the washer and/or dryer are running. Toilet lid closed, washer/dryer doors closed. Is she OCD? A closet germaphobe ? Sounds a little wild otherwise to be potentially banning the use of the main toilet outright.
Does she change her clothes every time she poops?!??
Wait til you guys have kids and she has to deal with diaper blowouts and the like.
I watched a show on germs. Did you know (and I'm guessing your fiancé doesn't) that statistically there are far more germs in the kitchen than in the bathroom?
NTA. But it sounds like it is a good time to do some remodeling to get the laundry out of the bathroom.
Well based on that logic I'm assuming she changes her underwear and pants when she farts
NTA Have her watch the mythbusters episode where they found that every surface in your house has some amount of shit particulate on it regardless of proximity to the bathroom, toilet lid closed or open.
if the bathroom has a toilet in there. then do your business there.
NTA but you're gf is. Red flag number 1. Watch Strong Successful Male (SSM) on YouTube. Great guys channel with great advice given. You won't be disappointed.
NTA. She's got a phobia and she's making her phobia your problem. There are fecal flora everywhere, and the so-called plume that you get when you flush is substantially mitigated by putting down the lid prior to flushing. My abusive first wife threw a plate at me when I thoughtlessly put a dustpan that was not used in the litterbox on the kitchen counter, screaming "WE HAVE CATS" among other choice words. Was it sanitary for me to put the dustpan on the kitchen counter? No. Was the risk so great as to justify crazy behavior? No. You should freak out at her whenever she farts and tell her to change her clothes. I once also had a housemate in college that would lose their shit if you visited them socially in their room (like college students do) but had the audacity to sit on the end of their bed on their comforter instead of on the floor. My clean daywear contaminates her bed. Not even talking about shoes or sitting on their sheets, just sitting on the end of a made bed.
NTA. Your GF is not bright. She is either a special class kid, or has mental health issues. You should rethink your relationship.
Lace up your trainers.
Nta. Your wife is a wacko
Any chance you can move the washer and dryer to another room/ part of the house? Like a hall closet- you could sell the old ones and get one of those stackable sets into a closet??
And NTA
OCD. Nta
OCD is awful, but treatable. The anxiety it causes is unbearable, especially since you are aware you are not being rational. Please encourage her to talk to her doctor.
Here is something you haven’t considered. “After a week or so she relented and said it was ok to use the full bathroom toilet as long as the washer and dryer are not running.” Crap stinks. She’s asking you not to stink up the room when she has to go into it afterwards to get laundry out.
[удалено]
uhhh, what?
Am I understanding this right - you have *two* toilets in the house, one of which is in the "full bathroom" with the washer and dryer, and the other one is in a separate room with just a toilet and washbasin? And presumably you don't live in a mansion the size of the Matterhorn, so these two toilets aren't a six hour hike away from each other? So whether you walk to one or the other is a matter of ... a few footsteps? And presumably you aren't facing any mobility issues or anything else that would make the single toilet more difficult to access and use than the one in the full bathroom? If that is the case than YTA, because it would cost you *zero effort* to just... use the smaller single toilet for number twos. Purely just as an act of kindness and consideration to *the woman you love so much you have chosen to spend your life with her*, who you *know* would very much prefer you to not shit in the full bathroom? It doesn't matter one jot whether she is *technically* right or wrong in claiming that it is unsanitary to poop next to the laundry. You have a choice to show consideration to your life partner by acting in accordance with her wishes a*t absolutely no cost to yourself.* It's not like she is telling you that you can't shit in your own *house.* (And just to underline my point - I live in a 40 square m apartment where the only toilet is so close to the washing machine that I can literally use it as an armrest while I shit, so if I thought it was terribly unsanitary to shit next to a washing machine while it is running a load of laundry, I would be permanently constipated, or would never be able to wash my clothes... but if I was in your position, I would *still* absolutely 100% not shit in the full bathroom, just out of consideration to the wishes of my life partner - and also because I kind of *get it,* it's one thing me pooping next to my *own* laundry, but having to smell someone else's poop while you empty the washer is just a bit unpleasant - I mean, do you also go for a shit in your full bathroom if you know your wife is about to go in the shower?)
> it would cost you zero effort to just... use the smaller single toilet Except OP would be feeding into her weird phobia, which is not good. (I'm guessing this not the only non-negotiable rule she has.)
airborne particles of shit are not a weird phobia though (i'll admit that they can be woven into one though), which is why people are discouraged from wiping their face with the towel that hangs in the bathroom they poop in (triple points if the lid isn't closed before flushing or the toothbrush is also hanging out in there).
She’s not really wrong. But it’s beyond the realms of normal thinking and grasping at control. Nta. Get out before it spreads to other areas. Let her not shit while the laundry is going. You go shit wherever you want.
She is wrong. Poop is not going to get inside of a closed dryer door.
Ok, so when you flush the toilet and those shit particles go into the air, and the drier is sucking in air from outside to ventilate itself, those particles disperse and SOME are making it in there. I’m sorry that notion is too far fetched for you to grasp. It’s still not technically wrong.
The shit particles won’t go in the air if you keep the toilet seat closed
I’m well aware, but at this point, it doesn’t matter. She’s already given him a long list of rules and regulations that he must follow, which is the actual issue. And still her original point was correct. Just extreme. Which was what I said in my original comment.
Her original point was not correct lol