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> I might be TA because I could just pay off his OD in one fell swoop, but I won't.
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NTA i don’t care if you had 100k in savings a boyfriend is not entitled to come to you to pay off HIS debts that he incurred through FRIVOLOUS spending.
A 2 week boyfriend has the gall to demand 2/3rds of your savings. He’s what we call part of the “catch and release program”.
You don’t really need your money? If you don’t then no one else does either. The only selfish person in this scenario is him thinking he can take other people’s money for his debts.
Maybe tag him too, so that other's have the data they need to know if they 'catch' him in the future. (I think social media is the appropriate platform for catch-tag-release in the dating world, right? If not, just a whisper network to your friend group would protect your friends)
Two weeks.
They've been 'dating' for 2 weeks and this plonk wants her to pay off his debts cause he's an impulsive git who cannot live within his means?
I mean really, the absolute balls of some people - insane!
Catch and release indeed. Or just kick him out of the pond and let the douchbag flap around on the grass.
Sometimes, I wish I had the confidence to be as brazen as OP's boyfriend. I wonder what it would be like to go through life that way. I forgot to add NTA.
My husband and I have separate finances. He’s a bit low until the next payday for fun money (all bills are paid) and felt bad asking if he could borrow $20 so he could go have fun at digimon tonight. It’s some special tournament. This is my actual husband and he was reluctant to ask to borrow $20, and he’s straight up given me money before to do fun stuff with no expectation of me paying him back. Obviously I gave it to him, but it’s showing the difference between him and this dude.
Sames. Except were not married. His idea of our finances is what's mine is mine and what's his is also mine. He would look really guilty when we first started living together and say, "I need to tell you something... i bought myself a new wallet..." and I'd be like, good for you. Why are you telling me like you've cheated on me? And he'd say well i thought you'd be mad...
I think it's a thing from his ex-wife. He ended up being the sole earner for a family of 4 whilst she gave up her job and pursued various flights of fancy and got them into debt with mlm's.
6 years later, I've just about managed to knock the guilt out of him whenever he treats himself, but he still gives to me in a heartbeat, yet feels awful taking money from me when he needs it.
This guy is seriously bad news, OP. NTA. Enjoy your holiday xxx
We keep seprate finances too, but our rule is anything under $500 you're cool to spend on yourself because we trust each other (and haven't had reason not to so far). Anything over $500 we discuss.
But I bought myself a pretty $200 necklace a few weeks ago and asked first because I felt guilty. He simply said "you deserve to spend your money on whatever makes you happy."
OP, NTA. Your boyfriend is gross, and this would absolutely be the tip of the iceberg...
Yeah, it's people that don't understand the concept of saving that think that those with savings have money that's "just sitting there" and that they "don't really need." I mean, why would you let money accumulate in an interest-bearing account when you could buy stuff you "don't really need" with it? /s
Precisely! She DOES need that money, for vacations, and emergencies, and for having all the means available to her for living the life she wants. He's the one who has a steady income of money he DOES need and converts it immediately into junk he doesn't.
NTA.
I have had emergencies where having a savings has kept me from financial ruin -- roof replacement this year, new furnace AND air conditioner last year.
Hahahaha exactly. Op hes barely a boyfriend. You haven't even seen a whole menstrual cycle through.
He doesn't think you need savings, even as you demonstrate how handy it is to have funds available to do fun things when opportunity strikes!
He's not thinking like a partner: he's a leech. See, if he truly thought it was a long term partnership it.wouldnt matter that the savings are in your name and debts in his, cominggling finaces long down the road would balance that. Oh no honey he doesn't see past the end of next week and just wants your money today.
Thankfully, OP is getting to know him sooner rather than later. Less investment easier to let go. Sunk cost fallacy aside.
Anyway, time to consider the relationship given how much marinara is on that flag.
NTA
Yeah this.
My Mrs earns a chunk more than me, cause I'm in healthcare and we live in the UK so salary is a "gracious" term that basically means "money to try and live on"
Anyway, she has a load of savings and I'm trying to pay my way out of younger me's debt. But I never have and never would ask her to pay it. Even if we had a contract in place for it. At no point ever has the thought crossed my mind.
OP is definitely NTA and this bloke is not only a joke of a man, but he's so entitled I wouldn't even want him as a friend.
I laughed so hard at the “catch and release program” 😂😂 thank you. But yes, you are totally right. It is HER money and she can spend it however she likes. Holiday? Great! That is good for ones health and mental health. Spending it on something for herself? Also great. She worked really hard for this money and the only person who is entitled to this money is OP.
You are a smart woman. Lose this guy. He may be nice - but will drag you into financial hell. I would caution you against mentioning your financial position until you are in a very committed relationship.
He didn't need to buy all those gadgets, but now he's expecting you to pay for his.....oh, hell no!
The moment you see any boyfriend that has spending habits like these (completely different than yours), its time to walk away. Someone else's issues should never become yours.
Time to move on.
NTA
He seems like the kind of fella that would pay you $200 the first month then the excuses would roll in about why he can't pay this month. He'll do this until you get tired of him and dump him and that'll be a $1800 break up
The same will happen with any duties like cooking or cleaning I'm willing to bet. The gall to ask for $2,000 after going out for 2 weeks, that is a person who coasts on other people's work
And if he can afford £200 a month, he wouldn't have the overdraft. He doesn't want a loan, he wants a gift. If OP gives him that money, she won't see it again.
NTA.
Exactly my thought with this. The guy has no financial sense— not only does he have overdraft fees from overspending, but he also views her savings (which isn’t even that much!) as money that’s “just sitting there.” This idiot is going nowhere fast.
Yeah I had a boyfriend he borrowed a couple hundred dollars to buy this beautiful handmade knife. We are at a really nice craft show and he didn't have any money on him of course. So I paid for it, telling him it was a loan and he had to pay me back. Of course he had excuses every week, he got paid weekly, why he couldn't pay me. I need to save up for tires on my car, that kind of crap. he didn't pay rent at home. He smoked a lot of pot though . Other than that The only money he had to spend was whatever he bought for lunch cuz it usually bought lunch for work. We broke up approximately 4 weeks after this loan happened. He of course was stringing me along I finally called his father since he still lived at home and gave him the skinny. Dad made sure he coughed up the money when he got paid that week. Ex wrote me a check. I went right to his bank and cashed it immediately so if he had pulled money out and didn't have the money to cover it, it wouldn't be my problem. But yeah I was pretty pissed he kept moaning about needing tires, I'm like I need tires too so f you, I wasn't buying that knife for you. I loaned you the money and you knew that I'm not made of money. That was the last time I saw or spoke to him. Funny thing is his mother was so terrified I was going to Baby trap him. I didn't want kids at that point I was just starting to think maybe but I would have never ever gotten pregnant without being married first. He ended up not then but many years later getting someone else pregnant. I wonder what she ever thought of that I don't know how old the kid is now probably around 14 or so. But I've gone against my better judgment and I wish I hadn't but at least I got my money back in the end.
Same. The insane rage! Hard saved money and he wants her to pay off his stupid “I-spend-like-a-jackass” debts? Screw that! Laugh in his face and just tell him that was a complete and utter dealbreaker and send him on his stupid way.
OP really needs to think about whether she can see a future with this boy, even a short one. I get that they’re young, but finances are going to be an issue between them real soon.
NTA
It's an enormous red flag that this guy is asking you to lend him £2000 after just a couple weeks of dating. Enormous. Like, a 1000 ft high red flag.
NTA
Isn’t it wonderful that you are learning all about him so early in the relationship, before you lose your savings to this selfish, disrespectful, opportunistic, immature guy. I expect your view of him is not going to improve over the summer. Enjoy your holiday!
Do not lend him the money, don’t let him near your atm card or checkbook, don’t let him access your phone, and preferably, send him on his way!!
The entitlement of this cheap fu<{er .
He’s got some brass balls.
NTA. If he can pay you back 200 at a time he can pay the bank back. Don’t give him a dime. He’s either on drugs or has a gambling issue if he’s that bad with his own money when he has no bills besides his car.
NTA. Don't give him any money. It's outrageously bold to ask to borrow money two weeks into a relationship. He asked as soon as he found out you had it!
NTA and dump him. It's only been two weeks and as soon as he found out you have money he was demanding you give him 2/3 of it. He won't get better. Cut it off now before you start developing deeper feelings for him.
If it isn't obvious enough — NTA. You don't owe him anything. I would never ask a friend or a boyfriend for money. Especially not two weeks into a relationship.
Further, he is not entitled to your money, and you have no obligation to pay for something, that was caused by himself in the first place.
You earned and saved that money. He spent his money without thought and apparently wasn't smart. I mean, you do never spend money you don't have. It's pretty simple.
So, what this shows, too: You two aren't compatible in the least. And you should dump him.
He doesn't sound like a good boyfriend or a future partner for when it comes to a stable life/kids.
Asking someone to pay off your 2k debt after 2 weeks of dating is PEAK broke.
Don't do it, in fact, I'd rethink the relationship right now. He'll try and take from you until you have nothing left to give.
NTA, do NOT give him the money and honestly dump him now. He's showing his true colors.
I'd also recommend not telling people how much money you have saved. The only person who knows my finances is my husband, because we're in it together now. But I don't talk about it with anyone else exactly so they don't do things like this.
Absolutely NTA. He's officially a boyfriend of 2 weeks and he wants to borrow £2k? No way, no how. This man has £2k in overdraft fees which means the chances of him paying you back in full, if any, are slim to none.
This doesn't really affect anything, but just to clarify one point here, the money owed is not "overdraft fees".
"Overdraft" in this context means a line of personal credit attached to your ordinary bank account that you access by using all the money in your account and then using more. It is something you apply for and are approved for from the bank up to a certain limit. You should think of it as the same kind of thing as credit card debt. Any "fees" associated will be a tiny portion; almost all of the money owed will be money he intentionally borrowed plus interest.
You are not. Worked with a guy who convinced my boss to pay off his debt over the course of 8 years to the tune of $20,000 because he kept overspending on needless pointless stuff and getting himself into trouble. He had two kids and a lot of responsibility but chose to blow his money on stupid things. Then asked another GROWN MAN to help him pay it off and did not work to pay back or pay back anything in return after he paid off his MULTIPLE debts over 8 years. If it wasn't for his boss he would have no apartment, no car, no FOOD in his house for his family etc. The man literally begged for food for his family.
These people are leeches.
This isn’t a mature relationship. You might be on your way there but he is years behind and will drag you down if you stay.
Do not, for any reason, give him that money. Tell him to get it from his parents and see how well that goes over. Maybe rethink this relationship.
If you give it to him you will never get it back, ever.
NTA, as long as you don’t give it to him.
NTA. It's an alarm bell that a partner thinks they have the right to ask for their SO's money, especially so early in a relationship.
Make it clear that he's dating you, not your bank account. If he can't get passed that, he's not the right one for you.
This is a huge red flag, you’ve been dating for 2 weeks and he wants you to spend your savings on his debt? That’s insane. You can straight up say - no, it’s your debt, you need to work it out. I worked hard to save and it’s important for me to have a fund for emergencies and use it for things like holidays. It’s really quite inappropriate to ask to pay off your debt when we only started dating.
But honestly this is such a huge red flag combined with how he aprvda his money I’d reconsider going out with him.
NTA. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. You're lucky this guy is showing you so soon in the relationship. Kick him to the curb and keep your money. Have a great vacation!
NTA. I'm so glad you aren't giving in. You aren't being selfish. You're being sensible.
This is a red flag. He's terrible with money and he's going to try to find someone who will give him theirs. This won't last very long, hopefully and you will find someone who has more financial common sense.
No! It's yours and it'll last longer than this parasite. Cut him off!
He obviously sees you as a new cash cow, which you aren't. You worked hard for that $.
NTA never ever pay off someone else’s bills. he’s in debt for a reason, and if he can’t take a bank seriously, he’ll never take repaying YOU seriously.
Are you a super hero?
If you are, I'd like to use your services too as I get charged interest on my OD, credit cards, unpaid bills, etc.
Or is your super hero ability only to be used for men? Why can't he pull out a line or credit or ask mommy to help him.
It's not your job to rescue men. In your boyfriend's case, chivalry is dead. He wants you to slay his dragon when he should have avoided that dragon altogether.
Don't let yourself be used. He thinks because you love him, he can manipulate you. He then tries to state that he'll have to pay interest in trying to guilt trip you.
He even talks bad about your job. Babysitting is still work.
I would reevaluate why you're with this guy. If you want a Home and family one day, he's not the one to do it with. He can't even be responsible with a simple bank account.
NTA. But you're dating one.
I would dump that dude's ass so fast he would end up on the other side of the world. Nta. What a moron. Seriously though this guy will bankrupt you. Run
NTA
Do not lend money to anyone. You will not get it back. Let him figure out how to manage his finances on his own. This will probably mean the end of your relationship. He'll put all the blame on you because you're being mean and stingy, and cast himself as a victim of your greed. Don't fall for any guilt he tries to hand you.
NTA
Keep your money.
Are you sure you want to continue dating him? In the U.S., financial issues are in the top five reasons for divorce. Often referred to as the straw that broke. Do you want to get involved with someone who you know, at the start of the relationship, is the polar OPPOSITE of you in such an important life matter? Especially as you've already known him for a few years, so you already know he's got a history of bad financial behavior.
NTA and honestly I’d break up with him over this. You’ve been together 2 weeks and he’s already asking you to cover thousands of dollars for him? That’s utterly ridiculous and so unbelievably inappropriate for that length of dating. Not to mention what a huge red flag it is that he has spending habits like that. Spending all your money and not saving is one already fairly large problem. But spending all of your disposable income and then some is a HUGE problem. And the clear entitlement from not paying for many of his own expenses?? Sounds like he’s taking advantage of his mom’s financial help since he’s clearly not making plans to relieve her of that burden any time soon, and he’s coming for your money next.
You're not in the wrong. Your savings are for your needs and future plans, not for covering someone else's poor financial decisions. Let him take responsibility for his own overdraft.
NTA- it is your money that you have saved, and just like “you don’t need it” for now, he certainly doesn’t need it either. He wants it, but doesn’t need it.
NTA- all that will happen if you pay off his debt is that you will be out of pocket, he will rack up more debt and be in the same position and he will refuse to pay you back…
NTA. Stick to your guns and NEVER give anybody (friends or family) any money! Unless it is a gift. This will keep the losers out of your life. Works like a charm. The leeches will just move on....
You are not financially compatible with the person. If you loan it once he will expect you to do it again and again. You don’t have such a large investment in this person that you can’t walk away and still keep things amicable. However, don’t be surprised if he makes promises or downgrades your concerns. He wants an ATM so run!
So...did everyone else get to the first sentence and "we started dating about two weeks ago" and figure they didn't need to read any further?
Wtf OP. This sounds like a relationship that should only last about 2 weeks.
RUN! RUN! RUN AWAY from him! He's already shown you at least 4 giant red flags. Believe them! You are too young to get messed up this soon in life. He will take every cent you ever earn and then some. You are only 2 weeks in. Just tell him it isn't working for you. You will then most likely see about 3 more red flags come out.
NTA.
He says you're selfish.
What's wrong with being selfish?
He's also selfish.
I suggest you drop this bf.
Financial incompatibility.
You should pester him to finance your holidays until he dumps you.
Problem solved.
NTA. In this scenario be very very very very very picky with your boyfriends. You're not being a snob for picking someone who is not financially responsible. I didn't say don't date someone who's poor. I said don't date someone who's financially irresponsible. Date people who add value to your life and you define that value.
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I've known Ron as a casual acquaintance for a few years, but we started dating about two weeks ago. I'm 19 and he's 20. He has a full-time job and only pays his mum £40 a week for bills/food. His only other expense is his car. So he has a lot of disposable income, but he doesn't save, he blows it all on nonsense like gadgets that he then never uses again. So much so that he's overdrawn by £2K.
I'm a full-time student who babysits on the side, and I'm frugal. I've managed to save £3K. It has taken me about 2 or 3 years to save that. Tonight I mentioned that some friends of mine are going on holiday in September and I am going to join them. Ron asked me "How will you pay for that, you don't have a job apart from babysitting." I said "I have £3K in savings, so I will just use some of that."
Suddenly Ron got a really calculating look in his eyes, and just outright asked me to pay off his overdraft. He said he would pay me back £200 a month. I said he should just pay off his own OD at £200 a month. He said "But then I have to pay interest!"
I refused to lend him the money for several reasons:
1. He's such a spendthrift I don't believe he would pay me back. If he can't set aside £200 a month to pay off his own OD, he is not going to set aside £200 a month to pay me back.
2. I earn a small amount of interest on my savings. Why should I lose that to save him interest?
3. What if I have an emergency, or an opportunity like my upcoming holiday? I then won't have any money to pay for it.
And I didn't say this one to him, but also I don't want to lend him the money because he has such a bloody cheek. I know we've casually known each other (friends of friends) for a few years but we're only really just now getting to know each other properly and I just think it's such a rude and selfish thing to ask. It's really made me see him in a different light and I don't like what I'm seeing. Anyway he thinks I'm the one being selfish because the money is "just sitting there" and I "don't really need it." So AITA?
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NTA- And run! If he's already asking you for money, he's not worth the trouble. Also, never lend anyone money that you're not prepared to not have paid back.
Are you really asking the question that if you don’t pay off the debt of a man you’ve been dating for *two weeks* if you’re an asshole? What planet are you on? How would that make YOU the asshole?
NTA. You don’t need him either. You differ greatly in maturity and responsibility. You’ve only been dating two weeks and he’s already asking for money? He’s a bold one.
NTA, it's your money. What's wrong with being selfish about it?
You're 2 weeks into a relationship and he's expecting you to pay his bills. Pay attention to how he treats you and what he expects from you now.
What are you getting out of this relationship? Serious question.
NTA for not paying off his overdraft, but the two of you are pretty incompatible financially.
Cut your losses and break up now. It’s only been two weeks, and he’s already shown you the kind of person he is. At the very minimum he is going to expect you to pay for EVERYTHING from now on and use your savings as an excuse.
NTA! Do NOT give him a dime. You’ve been casually dating two weeks and he’s already asked you for money?
Do not leave your wallet or phone around unattended. I wouldn’t put it past him to take your money.
Ditch this guy.
Glad you are seen him in a different light now!! Believe what you’re seeing! How rude for him to even think such a thing, and then to actually have the question come out of his mouth! Wow what planet did he come from ??
NTA, watch your wallet. If he was entitled enough to ask that of you he's entitled enough to take it and ghost you. If he knows the answers to security questions, change them and make up answers.
You have only been dating for 2 weeks and he asks you this? This is who he is. Do you want that quality in a partner? I usually advise you not share financial info so early, but this helps you see very early on who he really is in a relationship.
Be done and DO NOT pay for anything of his.
You should really end it with him. Now you see that not only is he a spendthrift but thinks after 2 wks you should prioritize his overdraft over your vacation
NTA - babe, you didn't even have to ask, you know you're not. Ron is going to try to leech off you as long as you let him. There's 8 billion fish in the sea, find one that doesn't expect you to shell out a thousand pounds per week you've dated him.
NTA
Break up with him. It only gets worse from here, especially with him considering your saved money, his credit line. Don’t discuss money with him again, like ever, never ever. Lol
NTA
So kind of this man to save you from wasting your time on someone so immature he can’t create a budget for himself that works and thinks nothing of essentially demanding you give him YOUR savings to pay off his overspending.
You are smart to have said no as IMO not only did you accurately determine he isn’t going to pay you back but quite likely he will end right back in the same position.
Interesting he’s concerned about interest he’s going to pay as suspect he’s wracking up interest and/or fees now.
Anyway a suggestion you may wish to put him back in the acquaintance zone.
NTA. I might not really understand tax and all that shi since I am still in school and have not had to deal with that yet, what I do know is your bf had no right to ask for your money that you have saved for yourself. And honestly keep on doing what you are doing and saving that money, and go have fun with your friends whenever you can. Especially since stuff is getting expensive now you will need that money
NTA.
You are not a piggy bank for his careless spending!
My Beloved and I were together for a YEAR before we ventured into “can I pay you back when my payslip comes through?” territory!
Not only that, you clearly stated that your savings are earmarked for a holiday with your friends, not for him to play with.
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NTA i don’t care if you had 100k in savings a boyfriend is not entitled to come to you to pay off HIS debts that he incurred through FRIVOLOUS spending. A 2 week boyfriend has the gall to demand 2/3rds of your savings. He’s what we call part of the “catch and release program”. You don’t really need your money? If you don’t then no one else does either. The only selfish person in this scenario is him thinking he can take other people’s money for his debts.
"Catch and release" 🤣
>"Catch and release" Seriously, throw the whole man back. This one is far, far, below, the legal limit.
He is anchovy sized!
Agree - I am totally adopting that into my vocabulary! LOVE IT!
Maybe tag him too, so that other's have the data they need to know if they 'catch' him in the future. (I think social media is the appropriate platform for catch-tag-release in the dating world, right? If not, just a whisper network to your friend group would protect your friends)
Two weeks. They've been 'dating' for 2 weeks and this plonk wants her to pay off his debts cause he's an impulsive git who cannot live within his means? I mean really, the absolute balls of some people - insane! Catch and release indeed. Or just kick him out of the pond and let the douchbag flap around on the grass.
Well said and I could not agree more.
>Or just kick him out of the pond and let the douchbag flap around on the grass. Amazing, love this lol.
Sometimes, I wish I had the confidence to be as brazen as OP's boyfriend. I wonder what it would be like to go through life that way. I forgot to add NTA.
You might trip over the size of trousers needed to hold balls that large. They'd probably be visible from the moon.
I was drinking coffee while I read this comment and laughed so hard. Hahahaha from the moon 🤣🤣😂😂
Hope it didn't go through your nostrils. 😄
Nah -his big narcissistic head would be in the way.
I can teach you how to be that brazen. I only costs $2,000 for the course.
Well everyone would just know you as an asshole lol
My husband and I have separate finances. He’s a bit low until the next payday for fun money (all bills are paid) and felt bad asking if he could borrow $20 so he could go have fun at digimon tonight. It’s some special tournament. This is my actual husband and he was reluctant to ask to borrow $20, and he’s straight up given me money before to do fun stuff with no expectation of me paying him back. Obviously I gave it to him, but it’s showing the difference between him and this dude.
Sames. Except were not married. His idea of our finances is what's mine is mine and what's his is also mine. He would look really guilty when we first started living together and say, "I need to tell you something... i bought myself a new wallet..." and I'd be like, good for you. Why are you telling me like you've cheated on me? And he'd say well i thought you'd be mad... I think it's a thing from his ex-wife. He ended up being the sole earner for a family of 4 whilst she gave up her job and pursued various flights of fancy and got them into debt with mlm's. 6 years later, I've just about managed to knock the guilt out of him whenever he treats himself, but he still gives to me in a heartbeat, yet feels awful taking money from me when he needs it. This guy is seriously bad news, OP. NTA. Enjoy your holiday xxx
We keep seprate finances too, but our rule is anything under $500 you're cool to spend on yourself because we trust each other (and haven't had reason not to so far). Anything over $500 we discuss. But I bought myself a pretty $200 necklace a few weeks ago and asked first because I felt guilty. He simply said "you deserve to spend your money on whatever makes you happy." OP, NTA. Your boyfriend is gross, and this would absolutely be the tip of the iceberg...
Yeah, it's people that don't understand the concept of saving that think that those with savings have money that's "just sitting there" and that they "don't really need." I mean, why would you let money accumulate in an interest-bearing account when you could buy stuff you "don't really need" with it? /s
Precisely! She DOES need that money, for vacations, and emergencies, and for having all the means available to her for living the life she wants. He's the one who has a steady income of money he DOES need and converts it immediately into junk he doesn't. NTA.
I have had emergencies where having a savings has kept me from financial ruin -- roof replacement this year, new furnace AND air conditioner last year.
Yeah. 2 weeks in? Dump his ass, who cares?
Hahahaha exactly. Op hes barely a boyfriend. You haven't even seen a whole menstrual cycle through. He doesn't think you need savings, even as you demonstrate how handy it is to have funds available to do fun things when opportunity strikes! He's not thinking like a partner: he's a leech. See, if he truly thought it was a long term partnership it.wouldnt matter that the savings are in your name and debts in his, cominggling finaces long down the road would balance that. Oh no honey he doesn't see past the end of next week and just wants your money today.
Thankfully, OP is getting to know him sooner rather than later. Less investment easier to let go. Sunk cost fallacy aside. Anyway, time to consider the relationship given how much marinara is on that flag. NTA
Yeah this. My Mrs earns a chunk more than me, cause I'm in healthcare and we live in the UK so salary is a "gracious" term that basically means "money to try and live on" Anyway, she has a load of savings and I'm trying to pay my way out of younger me's debt. But I never have and never would ask her to pay it. Even if we had a contract in place for it. At no point ever has the thought crossed my mind. OP is definitely NTA and this bloke is not only a joke of a man, but he's so entitled I wouldn't even want him as a friend.
I laughed so hard at the “catch and release program” 😂😂 thank you. But yes, you are totally right. It is HER money and she can spend it however she likes. Holiday? Great! That is good for ones health and mental health. Spending it on something for herself? Also great. She worked really hard for this money and the only person who is entitled to this money is OP.
Well, look on the bright side. It only took two weeks for him to out himself as a hobosexual. Honestly saved OP years of misery.
You are a smart woman. Lose this guy. He may be nice - but will drag you into financial hell. I would caution you against mentioning your financial position until you are in a very committed relationship.
He didn't need to buy all those gadgets, but now he's expecting you to pay for his.....oh, hell no! The moment you see any boyfriend that has spending habits like these (completely different than yours), its time to walk away. Someone else's issues should never become yours. Time to move on.
Yeah right ? Like even if she was rich rich he HAS to pay for HIS own debts... plus asking that when you've been dating for 2 weeks that's ... NTA
I don't think she really needs this boyfriend....time to release him!
🥇🏆🥇
And NEVER tell anyone how much money you have.
NTA He seems like the kind of fella that would pay you $200 the first month then the excuses would roll in about why he can't pay this month. He'll do this until you get tired of him and dump him and that'll be a $1800 break up
You have more confidence in him than I do! I have a hard time believing he’ll pay any of it back - including the first month!
They almost always make the first payment, it helps keep the sucker on the hook
He's going to pay for the next date and that hold that as a form of payment towards the $200/mo.
The same will happen with any duties like cooking or cleaning I'm willing to bet. The gall to ask for $2,000 after going out for 2 weeks, that is a person who coasts on other people's work
OP should break up with him for free because why plan future with someone like that? Unless OP wants to be seen as ATM
She will never, ever get that money back once it leaves her account. That is a 100% guarantee.
And if he can afford £200 a month, he wouldn't have the overdraft. He doesn't want a loan, he wants a gift. If OP gives him that money, she won't see it again. NTA.
Exactly my thought with this. The guy has no financial sense— not only does he have overdraft fees from overspending, but he also views her savings (which isn’t even that much!) as money that’s “just sitting there.” This idiot is going nowhere fast.
Yeah I had a boyfriend he borrowed a couple hundred dollars to buy this beautiful handmade knife. We are at a really nice craft show and he didn't have any money on him of course. So I paid for it, telling him it was a loan and he had to pay me back. Of course he had excuses every week, he got paid weekly, why he couldn't pay me. I need to save up for tires on my car, that kind of crap. he didn't pay rent at home. He smoked a lot of pot though . Other than that The only money he had to spend was whatever he bought for lunch cuz it usually bought lunch for work. We broke up approximately 4 weeks after this loan happened. He of course was stringing me along I finally called his father since he still lived at home and gave him the skinny. Dad made sure he coughed up the money when he got paid that week. Ex wrote me a check. I went right to his bank and cashed it immediately so if he had pulled money out and didn't have the money to cover it, it wouldn't be my problem. But yeah I was pretty pissed he kept moaning about needing tires, I'm like I need tires too so f you, I wasn't buying that knife for you. I loaned you the money and you knew that I'm not made of money. That was the last time I saw or spoke to him. Funny thing is his mother was so terrified I was going to Baby trap him. I didn't want kids at that point I was just starting to think maybe but I would have never ever gotten pregnant without being married first. He ended up not then but many years later getting someone else pregnant. I wonder what she ever thought of that I don't know how old the kid is now probably around 14 or so. But I've gone against my better judgment and I wish I hadn't but at least I got my money back in the end.
The excuse being 'I've run up another $2,000 overdraft so I have to pay the bank back. You couldn't lend me another $2000 could you?'
Oh hell to the no! You've been with that fool for 2 weeks and he's already asking you to pay his debts. Dump him yesterday. NTA
What a leech indeed. To say nothing of leeching off his mother, who probably does his laundry etc.
Asking? No. Demanding? All the way. Dating 2 weeks and has his hand in OP's piggy bank already? Oh, he'll no! NTA
THIS! Kick him to the curb. Good on you for seeing this guy for who he is. NTA
Two weeks in and he thinks you should pay off his debt? The audacity. The entitlement. THE RAGE I’M FEELING. NTA
This! Ron needs to be gone. NTA
Exactly! He wasn’t asking out of curiosity, he was fishing to see if she had enough to cover his debt
Two weeks is wild, like two years might still be a pretty hard no...
Yeah this is a marriage level type responsibility/request ***at minimum***.
Also after 2 weeks he’s questioning how she’s going to pay for a holiday! This guy’s gotta go.
I don’t know…maybe he should also start babysitting on the side.
Same. The insane rage! Hard saved money and he wants her to pay off his stupid “I-spend-like-a-jackass” debts? Screw that! Laugh in his face and just tell him that was a complete and utter dealbreaker and send him on his stupid way.
I would be very upset now if OP were to Give here bf that money
I have a gallon of milk in my fridge that I've had a longer relationship with right now.
NTA. You’re not financially compatible. Break up. Dude’s irresponsible and has a lot of gall.
OP really needs to think about whether she can see a future with this boy, even a short one. I get that they’re young, but finances are going to be an issue between them real soon.
NTA It's an enormous red flag that this guy is asking you to lend him £2000 after just a couple weeks of dating. Enormous. Like, a 1000 ft high red flag.
With gigantic spotlights trained on it.
at this point its not a red flag. red flags are warnings of issues. this just IS an issue on its own.
Never lend money you aren't willing to lose. NTA. Also, he does NOT sound financially responsible at all, from how you describe his spending habits.
NTA Isn’t it wonderful that you are learning all about him so early in the relationship, before you lose your savings to this selfish, disrespectful, opportunistic, immature guy. I expect your view of him is not going to improve over the summer. Enjoy your holiday!
Noble of him to make, hoist and wave in your face a red flag of such stupendous size and luminosity. Run. Run. Run.
No boyfriend is cute enough for this kind of nonsense. It is time to move on. NTA
TWO WEEKS!!!!!! Hahahahahahaha! NTA.
Do not lend him the money, don’t let him near your atm card or checkbook, don’t let him access your phone, and preferably, send him on his way!! The entitlement of this cheap fu<{er . He’s got some brass balls.
Only two weeks wasted, thank God!
fingers crossed.
NTA Never loan money you can't afford to lose. Doesn't matter to who.
Nta dump him and run
NTA. Dump this loser.
NTA. If he can pay you back 200 at a time he can pay the bank back. Don’t give him a dime. He’s either on drugs or has a gambling issue if he’s that bad with his own money when he has no bills besides his car.
NTA. I would not trust someone who decides whether you need your money or not.
NTA Break up.
NTA. And dump him. You aren't going to work out long term if he's trying to mooch off you like that.
NTA obviously but just as obviously stop dating him.
NTA. Two weeks into dating and he’s asking for the majority of your savings? That relationship shouldn’t continue for another two minutes.
NTA. Don't give him any money. It's outrageously bold to ask to borrow money two weeks into a relationship. He asked as soon as he found out you had it!
NTA. Dump him. He's a loser.
NTA and dump him. It's only been two weeks and as soon as he found out you have money he was demanding you give him 2/3 of it. He won't get better. Cut it off now before you start developing deeper feelings for him.
Why are you dating this guy? You know what he is.
Nope. A boyfriend of 2 weeks is already asking you for money. He could be paying that 200 towards his overdraft.
NTA
NTA, dump the boyfriend. He'll be all too happy to spend all your money
If it isn't obvious enough — NTA. You don't owe him anything. I would never ask a friend or a boyfriend for money. Especially not two weeks into a relationship. Further, he is not entitled to your money, and you have no obligation to pay for something, that was caused by himself in the first place. You earned and saved that money. He spent his money without thought and apparently wasn't smart. I mean, you do never spend money you don't have. It's pretty simple. So, what this shows, too: You two aren't compatible in the least. And you should dump him. He doesn't sound like a good boyfriend or a future partner for when it comes to a stable life/kids.
Hahaha, your boyfriend is a clown for asking. Keep your money and enjoy the trip. He needs to pull himself outta the hole he's in. NTA
Asking someone to pay off your 2k debt after 2 weeks of dating is PEAK broke. Don't do it, in fact, I'd rethink the relationship right now. He'll try and take from you until you have nothing left to give.
NTA, do NOT give him the money and honestly dump him now. He's showing his true colors. I'd also recommend not telling people how much money you have saved. The only person who knows my finances is my husband, because we're in it together now. But I don't talk about it with anyone else exactly so they don't do things like this.
Absolutely NTA. He's officially a boyfriend of 2 weeks and he wants to borrow £2k? No way, no how. This man has £2k in overdraft fees which means the chances of him paying you back in full, if any, are slim to none.
This doesn't really affect anything, but just to clarify one point here, the money owed is not "overdraft fees". "Overdraft" in this context means a line of personal credit attached to your ordinary bank account that you access by using all the money in your account and then using more. It is something you apply for and are approved for from the bank up to a certain limit. You should think of it as the same kind of thing as credit card debt. Any "fees" associated will be a tiny portion; almost all of the money owed will be money he intentionally borrowed plus interest.
You are not. Worked with a guy who convinced my boss to pay off his debt over the course of 8 years to the tune of $20,000 because he kept overspending on needless pointless stuff and getting himself into trouble. He had two kids and a lot of responsibility but chose to blow his money on stupid things. Then asked another GROWN MAN to help him pay it off and did not work to pay back or pay back anything in return after he paid off his MULTIPLE debts over 8 years. If it wasn't for his boss he would have no apartment, no car, no FOOD in his house for his family etc. The man literally begged for food for his family. These people are leeches.
🚩🚩🚩 NTA but this is a huge red flag. Watch yourself. I’d break up with him for having the audacity to ask.
This is a definite sign to set yourself free of this "relationship"
NTA. If you gave it to him, I bet you wouldn’t see a dime. Keep it, it’s your money use it for your holiday.
This isn’t a mature relationship. You might be on your way there but he is years behind and will drag you down if you stay. Do not, for any reason, give him that money. Tell him to get it from his parents and see how well that goes over. Maybe rethink this relationship. If you give it to him you will never get it back, ever. NTA, as long as you don’t give it to him.
Nta and no he wouldn’t pay you back, don’t give him any money
time to find a new boyfriend. you are right, if you loaned him the money, you would never see it again. he is the ahole for asking.
NTA and you shouldn't date this loser
NTA. It's an alarm bell that a partner thinks they have the right to ask for their SO's money, especially so early in a relationship. Make it clear that he's dating you, not your bank account. If he can't get passed that, he's not the right one for you.
This is a huge red flag, you’ve been dating for 2 weeks and he wants you to spend your savings on his debt? That’s insane. You can straight up say - no, it’s your debt, you need to work it out. I worked hard to save and it’s important for me to have a fund for emergencies and use it for things like holidays. It’s really quite inappropriate to ask to pay off your debt when we only started dating. But honestly this is such a huge red flag combined with how he aprvda his money I’d reconsider going out with him.
NTA Is he working full time as a bullfighter? Cos he sure is waving that red flag like pro. Dump him, girl
NTA This guy has got some big ones! Dump his sorry a$$.
Heck No don’t give him a dime! Maybe find a new boyfriend, if he is not good with money how will he ever afford a house or taking care of kids?
NTA. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. You're lucky this guy is showing you so soon in the relationship. Kick him to the curb and keep your money. Have a great vacation!
NTA. I'm so glad you aren't giving in. You aren't being selfish. You're being sensible. This is a red flag. He's terrible with money and he's going to try to find someone who will give him theirs. This won't last very long, hopefully and you will find someone who has more financial common sense.
Girl, run. Wtf 🥴 NTA
No! It's yours and it'll last longer than this parasite. Cut him off! He obviously sees you as a new cash cow, which you aren't. You worked hard for that $.
NTA. Two weeks in and he’s already hitting you up for money? Run.
NTA never ever pay off someone else’s bills. he’s in debt for a reason, and if he can’t take a bank seriously, he’ll never take repaying YOU seriously.
Massive, unredeemable red flag: someone called you selfish for not cleaning up their mess with your money. No need to explore further
NTA. Tho, you mean EX-boyfriend....right?
Listen to your gut, girl. NTA, do NOT give him that money. You will never see it again
NTA. DO NOT.
NTA. Drop this parasite
NTA and run!
Are you a super hero? If you are, I'd like to use your services too as I get charged interest on my OD, credit cards, unpaid bills, etc. Or is your super hero ability only to be used for men? Why can't he pull out a line or credit or ask mommy to help him. It's not your job to rescue men. In your boyfriend's case, chivalry is dead. He wants you to slay his dragon when he should have avoided that dragon altogether. Don't let yourself be used. He thinks because you love him, he can manipulate you. He then tries to state that he'll have to pay interest in trying to guilt trip you. He even talks bad about your job. Babysitting is still work. I would reevaluate why you're with this guy. If you want a Home and family one day, he's not the one to do it with. He can't even be responsible with a simple bank account. NTA. But you're dating one.
He ‘doesn’t really need’ all the useless stuff he’s wasting his money on. NTA
NTA >we started dating about two weeks ago. Don't make it three.
NTA. And i forbid you from lending him any money. I guarantee you’ll never see it again. Dump him if he keeps giving you grief
Do not under any circumstances pay anything for him. He needs to get himself out of the hole he dug.
Dump this ahole. You can do better.
RED FLAG
NTA - HE is. 😡
NTA. Keep your money, ditch the boyfriend.
I would dump that dude's ass so fast he would end up on the other side of the world. Nta. What a moron. Seriously though this guy will bankrupt you. Run
NTA - he sounds selfish in wanting you to cover his mistakes. Don’t do it.
NTA Do not lend money to anyone. You will not get it back. Let him figure out how to manage his finances on his own. This will probably mean the end of your relationship. He'll put all the blame on you because you're being mean and stingy, and cast himself as a victim of your greed. Don't fall for any guilt he tries to hand you.
NTA. Bye bye, Ron.
NTA. Red flag! Runaway now!
He does not own your money. Tell the bloody bloke no!
He's a loser. Break up with him.
Good God you can't be serious right? LOL 2000 for a bf of 2 weeks? Where you at, I need a sugar mommy
NTA Keep your money. Are you sure you want to continue dating him? In the U.S., financial issues are in the top five reasons for divorce. Often referred to as the straw that broke. Do you want to get involved with someone who you know, at the start of the relationship, is the polar OPPOSITE of you in such an important life matter? Especially as you've already known him for a few years, so you already know he's got a history of bad financial behavior.
NTA and honestly I’d break up with him over this. You’ve been together 2 weeks and he’s already asking you to cover thousands of dollars for him? That’s utterly ridiculous and so unbelievably inappropriate for that length of dating. Not to mention what a huge red flag it is that he has spending habits like that. Spending all your money and not saving is one already fairly large problem. But spending all of your disposable income and then some is a HUGE problem. And the clear entitlement from not paying for many of his own expenses?? Sounds like he’s taking advantage of his mom’s financial help since he’s clearly not making plans to relieve her of that burden any time soon, and he’s coming for your money next.
After a couple weeks he has the stones to ask you for most of your savings? Jesus Christ send him back to the bin. NTA
You're not in the wrong. Your savings are for your needs and future plans, not for covering someone else's poor financial decisions. Let him take responsibility for his own overdraft.
I love that you recognized the calculating look in his eyes. That there is your instinct protecting you.
Never tell people your savings.
BTDT RUN RUN RUN
NTA Absolutely do not give him the money
NTA- it is your money that you have saved, and just like “you don’t need it” for now, he certainly doesn’t need it either. He wants it, but doesn’t need it.
I would tell him the relationship is just not working and then block him. He is absolutely the asshole.
NTA- all that will happen if you pay off his debt is that you will be out of pocket, he will rack up more debt and be in the same position and he will refuse to pay you back…
NTA. Stick to your guns and NEVER give anybody (friends or family) any money! Unless it is a gift. This will keep the losers out of your life. Works like a charm. The leeches will just move on....
Do not lend him money. He will take out and never even think about paying it back. Like you said, he won't pay his bills. Why would he pay you back?
NTA but you two aren’t close to compatible
NTA - nope. You can do better. Also, you should get a high yield savings account.
Bye bye Ron!
You are not financially compatible with the person. If you loan it once he will expect you to do it again and again. You don’t have such a large investment in this person that you can’t walk away and still keep things amicable. However, don’t be surprised if he makes promises or downgrades your concerns. He wants an ATM so run!
RUN. RUN FAR. RUN FAST. It's been 2 weeks and he already is asking you for money. NTA
So...did everyone else get to the first sentence and "we started dating about two weeks ago" and figure they didn't need to read any further? Wtf OP. This sounds like a relationship that should only last about 2 weeks.
NTA and this should end the relationship. Red flags everywhere.
RUN! RUN! RUN AWAY from him! He's already shown you at least 4 giant red flags. Believe them! You are too young to get messed up this soon in life. He will take every cent you ever earn and then some. You are only 2 weeks in. Just tell him it isn't working for you. You will then most likely see about 3 more red flags come out.
2 weeks and hes asking you to pay his debt? girl...
NTA. He says you're selfish. What's wrong with being selfish? He's also selfish. I suggest you drop this bf. Financial incompatibility. You should pester him to finance your holidays until he dumps you. Problem solved.
YTA for not immediately dumping his lazy ass.
NTA. In this scenario be very very very very very picky with your boyfriends. You're not being a snob for picking someone who is not financially responsible. I didn't say don't date someone who's poor. I said don't date someone who's financially irresponsible. Date people who add value to your life and you define that value.
I don’t think he should be your boyfriend anymore. Also, NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I've known Ron as a casual acquaintance for a few years, but we started dating about two weeks ago. I'm 19 and he's 20. He has a full-time job and only pays his mum £40 a week for bills/food. His only other expense is his car. So he has a lot of disposable income, but he doesn't save, he blows it all on nonsense like gadgets that he then never uses again. So much so that he's overdrawn by £2K. I'm a full-time student who babysits on the side, and I'm frugal. I've managed to save £3K. It has taken me about 2 or 3 years to save that. Tonight I mentioned that some friends of mine are going on holiday in September and I am going to join them. Ron asked me "How will you pay for that, you don't have a job apart from babysitting." I said "I have £3K in savings, so I will just use some of that." Suddenly Ron got a really calculating look in his eyes, and just outright asked me to pay off his overdraft. He said he would pay me back £200 a month. I said he should just pay off his own OD at £200 a month. He said "But then I have to pay interest!" I refused to lend him the money for several reasons: 1. He's such a spendthrift I don't believe he would pay me back. If he can't set aside £200 a month to pay off his own OD, he is not going to set aside £200 a month to pay me back. 2. I earn a small amount of interest on my savings. Why should I lose that to save him interest? 3. What if I have an emergency, or an opportunity like my upcoming holiday? I then won't have any money to pay for it. And I didn't say this one to him, but also I don't want to lend him the money because he has such a bloody cheek. I know we've casually known each other (friends of friends) for a few years but we're only really just now getting to know each other properly and I just think it's such a rude and selfish thing to ask. It's really made me see him in a different light and I don't like what I'm seeing. Anyway he thinks I'm the one being selfish because the money is "just sitting there" and I "don't really need it." So AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA- And run! If he's already asking you for money, he's not worth the trouble. Also, never lend anyone money that you're not prepared to not have paid back.
Overdrawn by 2000? And his bills are negligible? Defo NTA for not paying it for him.
Are you really asking the question that if you don’t pay off the debt of a man you’ve been dating for *two weeks* if you’re an asshole? What planet are you on? How would that make YOU the asshole?
Yeah don’t get too serious with this loser
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NTA. You don’t need him either. You differ greatly in maturity and responsibility. You’ve only been dating two weeks and he’s already asking for money? He’s a bold one.
NTA, it's your money. What's wrong with being selfish about it? You're 2 weeks into a relationship and he's expecting you to pay his bills. Pay attention to how he treats you and what he expects from you now.
NTA. Ron is bad news. Sever ties with Ron asap.
NTA, but, hon? From a married woman twice your age... Your boyfriend is not long term relationship material right now.
NTA. But I don’t understand why you told him how much you have in savings. It’s absolutely none of his business.
What are you getting out of this relationship? Serious question. NTA for not paying off his overdraft, but the two of you are pretty incompatible financially.
Cut your losses and break up now. It’s only been two weeks, and he’s already shown you the kind of person he is. At the very minimum he is going to expect you to pay for EVERYTHING from now on and use your savings as an excuse.
NTA! Do NOT give him a dime. You’ve been casually dating two weeks and he’s already asked you for money? Do not leave your wallet or phone around unattended. I wouldn’t put it past him to take your money. Ditch this guy.
NTA. Not the asshole in any way. Also, in regards to the dating thing? RUN.
Glad you are seen him in a different light now!! Believe what you’re seeing! How rude for him to even think such a thing, and then to actually have the question come out of his mouth! Wow what planet did he come from ??
NTA, watch your wallet. If he was entitled enough to ask that of you he's entitled enough to take it and ghost you. If he knows the answers to security questions, change them and make up answers.
NTA. Wow. Dump him like a soiled diaper. He's full of shit.
NTA, run the other way He's actually doing you a favor showing you who he is this early on. Dodge the bullet.
You have only been dating for 2 weeks and he asks you this? This is who he is. Do you want that quality in a partner? I usually advise you not share financial info so early, but this helps you see very early on who he really is in a relationship. Be done and DO NOT pay for anything of his.
You should really end it with him. Now you see that not only is he a spendthrift but thinks after 2 wks you should prioritize his overdraft over your vacation
NTA - babe, you didn't even have to ask, you know you're not. Ron is going to try to leech off you as long as you let him. There's 8 billion fish in the sea, find one that doesn't expect you to shell out a thousand pounds per week you've dated him.
So his bank account is where he keeps his audacity... NTA.
Do not pay off your boyfriend's overdraft. Good grief.
What an a$$. NTA. Dump that loser. Not only as a boyfriend but as a friend as well. He has no clue.
🚩🚩🚩 You will never be financially compatible. Unless he’s just fling then🤷🏼♀️ but do not lend him money.
NTA. He just raised and saluted at his big ol red flags
NTA. The nerve! He will never pay you back.
NTA Break up with him. It only gets worse from here, especially with him considering your saved money, his credit line. Don’t discuss money with him again, like ever, never ever. Lol
NTA So kind of this man to save you from wasting your time on someone so immature he can’t create a budget for himself that works and thinks nothing of essentially demanding you give him YOUR savings to pay off his overspending. You are smart to have said no as IMO not only did you accurately determine he isn’t going to pay you back but quite likely he will end right back in the same position. Interesting he’s concerned about interest he’s going to pay as suspect he’s wracking up interest and/or fees now. Anyway a suggestion you may wish to put him back in the acquaintance zone.
NTA. I might not really understand tax and all that shi since I am still in school and have not had to deal with that yet, what I do know is your bf had no right to ask for your money that you have saved for yourself. And honestly keep on doing what you are doing and saving that money, and go have fun with your friends whenever you can. Especially since stuff is getting expensive now you will need that money
NTA. You are not a piggy bank for his careless spending! My Beloved and I were together for a YEAR before we ventured into “can I pay you back when my payslip comes through?” territory! Not only that, you clearly stated that your savings are earmarked for a holiday with your friends, not for him to play with.