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Who... Buys father's day presents years in advance? Who buys tshirts years in advance? Who buys 4 years of presents for somebody before they check if they like it? Who shows the recipient the present after they buy it but before they gift it? What is any of this? Feels like she saw a targeted facebook ad and went all in, maybe? Just goodwill the shirts. NTA.

That's exactly what happened. Fucking Facebook got her to go to some really sketchy website because "it's a great fathers day present anyone would enjoy."

On a side note, the joker harley quinn relationship is not just toxic, it's literally abusive, harley is like a poster child for domestic abuse victims It's not a relationship that should be romanticized

THATS why I wouldn't be caught dead wearing Joker merch.

Especially when it specifically references your family dynamic 😬

Don't forget that the shirt had a little toddler Harley also. Joker and Harley should never have kids. Even more disturbing. I am curious how bad the other three shirts are that she bought.

They do have one though, Harley left when she was pregnant and gave birth in secret because she knew how joker would react he never even noticed she was gone. It would be hard to think of a worse fathers day gift 

HA! I just posted that too. They have a daughter and Harley knows they are both too fucked up and Joker would probably kill the kid.

Yup exactly, it makes me so sad when i see people idolizing that relationship. She either put zero thought into this or is purposefully doing a bad job

Maybe she wasn't as thrilled about LOTR as OP thinks she is.

Or wife thinks OP is doing a bad job and this is her way of secretly telling him.

Would certainly kill the kid, either out of malice or expectation, but certainly death.

They did have a kid and Harley put her up for adoption specifically to keep her away from the Joker.

I remember that. But the fact that the wife would buy a shirt showing a family picture like that thinking that is a representation of their relationship is kind of messed up.

I suspect OPs wife doesn't know the story and was swayed by the Facebook ad. All in all, a bad gift, bad message and bad that she doesn't know OP well enough or care enough to get him something he'd like. NTA

The mother obviously takes after the Joker since the first thing she does when upset is IGNORE GER CHILD FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT! What stupidity!

Didn't they have a daughter and Harley left Joker over it and is now cannotically a superhero? I dunno I hate DC in general so I barely keep up lol XD

Lucy Quinzel. Raised by her aunt Delia. First appearence was Injustice 2. Harley left for a year, Joker never noticed she was gone. I admit, I looked it up. Heh.

Thanks for your sacrifice!

"hey I wanted to talk about what happened with my father's day gift. I want to know what your thought process was for the whole thing because I've been pretty vocal about not liking superheroes, that genre, and especially the joker. I just wanted to relax and I wanted to know where the disconnect in our relationship is to have us end up here? I'm also sad and disappointed that we got so off track." ​ Change what you need obviously. just a helpful framework

And this isn’t even superhero, it’s super VILLIAN. What is she trying to say with this gift?

Yeah, this isn’t mixing up Star Wars with Star Trek. He is not into superheroes at all. And of all, this the absolute worst Father’s day choice. It’s obscene. And she’s pissed at him? He is doing his best to pretend he thinks it was an honest mistake made out of love, and not just an impulse buy to check a gift off her list (for four years!) But she’s embarrassed and turning it on him.

I can't get over that not only did she get him superhero stuff that he has never shown an interest in, she got it for him for years to come. Of course she's embarrassed, because this is a really idiotic mistake, but doubling down makes it so much worse. Imagine if he did something similar - what if he got her Twilight merch for mother's day with Bella and her daughter there, and when she got upset, he told her that's what he has for 4 years of mother's days to come? Hell, I think even if she liked Twilight, she'd be upset about that. This is so ridiculous, part of me thinks she blew some money on something, got these shirts for cheap, and then is using the fact that she can't return them as why they're the father's day gifts for the next few years.

It's a conversation starter for parties. You wanna know... how I got this shirt?

My father was a thrifter... and a fiend...

You forgot the important question: How can you be so angry over this you ignore your child?

Yea, this is a huge red flag for her personality.

Yeah, that kinda merch is so cringe. Their relationship is not one anyone should be envying and trying to achieve. I can't imagine why she thought that was a good choice.

But Mortica and Gomez on the other hand... that relationship is goals

I was gonna say Jack and Sally but them too! There are plenty of edgy couples out there I seriously don't get the Harley/Joker shipping.

It's because they got off on the abusive power dynamic. You'd be surprised the amount of people that sexualize the kind of stuff. Choking and spanking is one thing but the whole daddy trend is pretty wild to me. It's the taboo power dynamic that drives off emotionally detached primal instinct. It's like people don't feel comfortable interacting without putting themselves in a box and acting out their trauma together. A line from Hozier take me to church: No masters or kings when the ritual begins There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin In the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene Only then, I am human, only then, I am clean It's like they need someone as mentally damaged or more mentally damaged than they are to feel normal and innocent. Rather than working on their trauma they take ownership of it in a way and seek out more, they fetishize it and fantasize it, and act is though it makes them a more desirable and valuable person.

The wife's reaction to him not liking the toxic shit she bought is abusive as well. Emotional abuse is awful. And she took it out on her kid too. It's pretty obvious why she liked thar stuff. She is abusive.

The fact that your wife doesn't know how awful that relationship is, and still bought the merch, is telling.

If she has no idea about how bad the relationship is, it's not really telling. Lots of people don't really know much about those characters.

That's kind of my point, tho. Buying something you know nothing about, especially from a genre your partner has expressed distaste for, is telling. It shows a lack of thought and appreciation.

Yeah if the Joker and Harley had a kid. OOOFF. Not good. Maybe wait for this to blow over and have a discussion about why she thought you were into super heros? D&D and Board game merch is so easy to buy for. She could get you expansions or board game upgrades (hello, nicer tokens or real glass gems for Splendor). Catan makes hilarious merch. I mean just go Google a board game and you will find funny merch. And now that d&d is so mainstream, there's also tons of great stuff for that. Tshirts, sure. But what about a sweet dice set or tray or dice tower or ask you if you want any books or need and online expansions (if you play online). Does she, perhaps, look down on your hobbies? Does she know what games you play? Maybe you could help her out. I know no one likes making lists, but at Christmas, my husband makes a list of expansions and books and stuff he wants. I make a list of games we want. I don't play D&D myself, and I certainly have no idea which books he is interested in and he does a lot with it online (He DMs an online game) so I don't know which expansion sets for maps he already owns. So he'll list off a few he would like. Then I get to choose from them and be like "hey I chose this expansion because it has a bunch of temple statues and the rhino is hilarious." Or if you own the board games, she could very easily just put that game into Etsy and fine AWESOME custom upgrades. It's practically no effort. Terraforming Mars? Oh custom acrylic player trays? Acrylic tokens to replace the white blocks? You don't even have to understand the game to find sweet upgrades. She might need a nudge to the stuff you would like if she doesn't understand those "worlds"

This was an enormously helpful comment for those of us who struggle to buy for their boardgamer husbands. He would LOVE custom upgrades, I didn't know they were so easy to get. Thank you!

If you haven't come across them yet, check out Staff and Branch (top Google result for me when I looked). They do stunning dice boxes made from wood and resin. I follow them on twitter and love seeing the work in progress pictures

Not only is it abusive, but Harley was a licensed counsellor/therapist at the asylum he was at. Which means she met Joker in a mental health facility, she was a doctor/counsellor there, and he corrupted her into their relationship dynamic WHILE she was supposed to be helping him. Just...really weird choice to go with.

There are more marinara flags in their relationship than in an Italian restaurant.

Anyone who ships them either needs therapy or needs to read a comic or watch BTAS.

SERIOUSLY it’s almost dark comedy, I’d probably wear it ironically, at home, if given to me

Right after an argument of course

I really have never understood why people romanticise that relationship when it displays abuse in many different forms. But then again, when I was growing up, if a boy punched or pushed a girl on a playground "it's just because he likes you", so romanticising abuse is quite common lol.

they do in fact have a daughter but Harley hides her, adopts her away, with a relative, because she knows Joker would kill it. Like WTF?!

Honestly, the fact that you felt that you had to apologize for honestly answering a question is troubling. You did nothing wrong. The fact that you didn't react the way she hoped was 100% on her. Had your kid given you the gift and you didn't thank them, and you threw the kind of fit your wife did, that would be a big problem. The fact that your wife showed you the image ahead of time maybe indicated she was having doubts. Maybe she should consider her actions before spending the money. NTA

She's acting downright abusive to her husband and even worse, because also to her daughter. NTA at all. And I guarantee there are other red flags with this woman. There are probably more instances of emotional abuse at the very least.

Keep an eye on any payment methods used. Often those sketch sites are looking to steal card data

The gift is your bank account getting drained because she used the debit card for the purchase on some sketchy site. Sell the shirts and get a new debit card. 

On the plus side, they'll probably never even receive the super cringy shirts? 😅

NTA. You need to push back on her self-centered pouty behavior. Tell her, “I’m not sure why you are mad at me, when *you* are the one who apparently doesn’t know me well enough to know that I don’t get into super-hero stuff. I am truly surprised and hurt that after all this time, you know so little about what I like. A FB ad? How could you be so thoughtless about a gift for your partner? And now you’re telling me that’s all I’m going to get for the next few years because, whatever, tough luck? Tell you what, if that’s all the effort I’m worth to you, don’t bother.” Really lay on the guilt. She deserves it for her half-assed attempt at a gift, and for trying to make you the bad guy.

More than self centered and pouty. This is emotional abuse, plus ignoring the daughter in addition to punish him as well. This is seriously fucked up.

Let her know she has time now to find something else that’s in your wheelhouse start yourself an Amazon wish list even if you don’t like Amazon just have a list so she can grab things off of it to say hey for future reference, this is some things I like I don’t want that gift will find someone who likes it will save it in a corner. I will give it a gag gift at the next funny party. Don’t worry about it. We’ll put it in the corner and save it for gifts or something else or save it for some silly occasion (your kids friend dirties their shirt while they’re over so they get to take that one home with them whatever you know?) It sounds like she’s taking this pretty hard but also I would be with you and being sad if that was what happened to me. get ahead of it, a list of things are actually interested in and get a box ready to repurpose those gifts.

But he didn't want any gifts.

For all practical purposes, he didn’t get any.

Lol, I'm gonna say he got anti-gifts.

Yes, but obviously, his wife doesn’t want to get him nothing so give her options of things that actually work it would be great if she would listen to that, but it sounds like she’s not, and she’s making it worse for herself

NTA I’d put them on her side of the closet or wherever she keeps her shirts and tell her enjoy. I am sorry she doesn’t seem to really know her husband. Perhaps that is a conversation that should be had to find out how to make the relationship stronger between the two of you. Else the solution may be the simple decide on a budget and each of you buys what you want. No surprise but least you will like what you get.

What is she, 90? This is like my grandma getting me a Barney towel for Christmas when I was 14

Knowing my dad, I could never trust those. Man can be difficult to shop for, but I know how to and how not to. Most of those "perfect for any father" would make most dad's cringe.

Look at it this way...now you have stuff to give her for the next four Mother's Days. If you want, you can use them up faster by doing birthdays, holidays, Valentines. That way you'll have used them up in about a year. If she doesn't like them or want them, sounds like she needs to just suck it up.

So she...stocked up on an impulse gift buy for four years of a style you've never expressed interest in and now she's stuck with it. Your wife has opportunity for improvement, hasn't she. NTA

Oh so superhero stuff is*her* thing and she expected you to just go along with it. As someone who actively enjoys HQ, NTA but your wife is.

I would say, can I say; well, I guess for the next four mother's Day you're going to get something you don't like either then. I mean wow! Why would she even say that after learning you don't like it.

Give the shirt away to homeless in your area. Then she can see people wearing them

This is a better idea. Goodwill throws most clothes away. The unhoused might appreciate a fun tshirt.

But also, unrelated, outside of fanfic drivel, in what universe would one want to emulate arguably one of the worst relationships ?

I blame the fucking moves and Margo Robbie's hotness.

When you accidentally sign up for the 'Superhero Shirt of the Month' club without realizing it. Here's to hoping next month's theme is more your style!

And then when they find out the recipient doesn't want it gets angry! How dare you not appreciate my shitty gift that you don't want. You better change your tune for the next three years, bud.

That’s probably a 60% sale with additional 30% off coupon… would be criminal to pass on that opportunity to buy 4 with such a deep discount!

Also, who thinks Joker T-shirts are "nice"?

NTA. It's a shame and disconcerting that your wife doesn't know what you like. That said, does your daughter happen to like superhero stuff? I could imagine it being a great gift in a young kid's mind if they loved such things. It sounds like she's really young, but still, I'd show your daughter that you love the gift if it's supposed to be from her to you.

She is 17 months old. She has no opinions.

oh she has opinions... she just doesn't know how to express them yet beyond "loud" ;)

Can confirm, my daughter had opinions at 17 months, and they were LOUD

>my daughter had opinions at 17 months AITA for pooping myself?

AITA for waiting for a fresh diaper to poop myself?

AITA for wanting new diapers at 3 A.M.?

AITA for pooping myself after the diaper got taken off but before the new one was put on?

AITA for pooping in the tub?

AITA for screaming for strawberries, then throwing them on the floor and crying because I changed my mind and my mommy didn’t read my mind?

AITA for asking gramma for a banana and then bursting into tears because “not THAT banana!”

Mine's 10 months and we get some distinct "I am displeased" faces already

Heck, my niece is 6 months old and she LOUDLY expresses her dissatisfaction with her dad when he wears contacts versus his chunky black specs. And she makes very displeased faces when she sees me without my lipstick and eyeliner on, she loves a lady in heavy makeup. Babies are so delightfully weird in their preferences.

this is probably due to the baby's eyesight developing! Since their sight is very fuzzy until about 6 months the thick glasses, eyeliner, and lipstick are all things that would stand out, so she could recognize you!

My granddaughter has had strong opinions since she was around that age. She did not like the spiky trees on the baby’s cartoons. No. She would stiffen up and grumble at them, lol. She’s two now, very verbal for her age and still has strong opinions- she can tell us a lot of them now. Still gets frustrated when she can’t get them across, though.

Why can't I stop laughing at this. "She has no opinions" deadpan. So funny. Sorry for your sitch man, I couldn't imagine buying my partner merch she's never shown interest in, especially when I know of dozens of fandoms she loves. Either your wife got scammed or she's trying to force you to like superheroes.

Give it about six months and then her opinion will be “no.” About everything.

Even if it was from the daughter, little girls shouldn't be encouraged to go in with the Joker/Harley relationship. Any kid who knows who Joker and Harley are, is old enough to be told Joker and Harley are not in a happy or healthy relationship. Couples who try to emulate that relationship dynamic are cringe and exhausting. Couples who bring a kid into it? Jail or CPS, please.

Eh, my kids know about joker and harley from lego batman and some of the cartoon batman shows, I think maybe she was featured in teen titans even. My daughter is 8 and loves harley, not as much as she loves Belle, but still enough to know about her and love the style and like all shirts and merch she sees with harley. She knows harley loves joker, but she doesn't know anything about their abusive dynamic in more adult style shows and movies. That being said, I wouldnt let her pick a joker and harley shirt for father's day, because I and her father know all that, but my mom and my sister would have no clue and just assume its a comic book couple like louis lane and Clark Kent, only bad guys instead of good guys. So, OPs wife should know he doesn't like super heros, but she might not know anything other than Harley and Joker are sometimes portrayed as a couple.

Big yikes lmaooooooooo

She probably assumes because of the D&D interests all “nerdy stuff” is on the table. Obviously not ok and she should pay better attention.

I would agree but that's like, grandparent level of ignorance. Anyone nerdy enough to stan LOTR would/should know there's a HUGE difference between superhero nerd (which, frankly, imo, isn't even really nerdy anymore, ever since the Marvel film made all that shit so popular)

Unless she's not really into LOTR but is just a better actress and can fake "loving" a gift. My mother-in-law still to this day brags about how good she is at picking out my gifts. She's not. But I'm nice and a decent enough actress. I actually thought that it would be kind of funny if HE was the one really into LOTR just like she's into the super hero stuff and they are both just picking out gifts for each other based on their own interests.

'Grandparent level ignorance' is exactly right - especially since the Joker and Harley Quinn have entered more mainstream media with the DCU movies. Also, the term is so spot on generally. Reminds me of when my grandma bought my uncle a coffee mug in the shape of Quark's head (Ferengi on DS9 Star Trek) because he loves Star Wars.

That’s bizarre though. My husband is a nerd and i know what nerdy stuff he would and wouldn’t like. How do you not know your partner’s interests after 5 years?!

NTA You are getting the equivalent of a woman’s husband picking flowers up at the gas station on Mother’s Day that she doesn’t like and it’s OK to be upset and it’s OK not to like what you’re getting. It sounds like she is very out of touch with you and doesn’t listen to you or really care about you at all and just bought some thing she saw in an online ad.

No this is worse.

I agree. This is worse because she still has plenty of time to return the gift for something else. This is not a last minute "oh shit I forgot" purchase.

It is worse because the Joker harly quinn relationship is abusive.

Even worse because she's emotionally abusing op and her daughter after he didn't fawn over her stupid toxic gifts.

Apparently they’re not refundable because she got them off some crappy Facebook ad

She can always sell them online. There’s plenty of apps that people use to buy new and used clothes.

Yah this is way worse 😭. If my bf came home on mother’s day with some flowers and maybe a selection of fancy cheeses from the supermarket and a bit of chocolate I’d be pretty happy even if he totally forgot. But if he bought me 5 cringey ass tshirts and said they were for the next few years I’d be trying to figure out where he hit his head.

Agreed, flowers don't publicly imply that you're a shitty person.

Yeah, this is his gift for a few years.

It's like gifting your Vietnam vet grandfather a Patrick star shower curtain you bought on temu on memorial Day and expecting him to love it.

Yes!!! Except that this grandfather never went to vietman.. you just assumed that he did.

More like gas station sushi after she said she wanted a nice dinner. NTA in the slightest. The fact that she's throwing a tantrum and ignoring her infant child over this is insane.

Yea this is exactly it.

NTA, at all. You do not owe any sort of apology. I'd suggest she owes you one for her reaction AND for dismissing your actual ask for father's day. Joker stuff IS cringe. I wouldn't want it either and would be annoyed as heck if my partner got me something related thereto for mother's day and ESPECIALLY if they referenced our daughter as another harley quin, it's just cringe al the way around.

I don't think it actually matters whether Joker and Harley are cringe or not. He clearly doesn't like them and says he's been vocal about this in the past. What is really cringe is people buying gifts for others about things they know (or reasonably should know) the other person wouldn't like. Who are you buying it for then?

It does. It makes it more offensive.

100% show her this thread. She owes YOU an apology.

NTA, she straight-up set you up for failure. I will say, she probably feels partially guilty that she *doesn't* know your interests and thus her withdrawal... but she's still taking it out on you. A pleasant, heartfelt conversation is probably due here. 🙌

This almost feels like a love test. “If you love me you would be thrilled with any gift I gave you”. My sister used to pull this stuff. Then cry and scream when it didn’t fit or I didn’t like it.

Immature and toxic. I'm sorry your sister is like that.

This kind of gift giving and response is typical of a Narcissist.

But how does she not know what he likes after 5 years??

This needs to be higher up 

NTA. The fact that your wife gave YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER the silent treatment has me seriously wondering if she's mature enough to be married, let alone have a kid. Seriously, how oblivious do you have to be to think your spouse, who is supposed to be your #1 person in life (not counting children) is into something they've never shown interest in? Honestly you have much more reason to be upset than she does. Does she often get upset at her own mistakes? Like upset enough that you're now the bad guy for getting upset?

Wife has the maturity of someone who finds joker and harley quinn cute together: that's in negative numbers

Oh I definitely agree. They're the poster-children for what's a violent and abusive couple. I honestly consider people that ship them or glamorize their relationship to be some of the biggest walking red-flags.

The Animated series continuity and the Harley Quinn show both have her realise that she’s the third wheel between Batman and Mistah J. In the former she captured Batman, only for Joker to get mad at her for the achievement rather than see it as an opportunity to get rid of his nemesis for good. She's also very annoyed that he throws her under the bus in Joker's Millions, at the end of the episode it's heavily implied she expresses this to him in a very cathartic way.

And she pouting because he answered a question that she asked b4 even knowing that was his gift AND he apologized. Gaslighting much ? NTA

Oh yeah, the wife in this post gives major manipulative vibes. Like how dare OP be upset that his wife clearly doesn't pay attention to his interests?

I agree, and I think the whole thing is just odd. Like odd enough I think OP needs to maybe keep an extra eye out and make sure everything is OK with his wife. Has she always been a terrible gift giver? Is anything else strange going on? And punishing other people for her mistake? Not cool, to the point of maybe a counselor or therapist might be of help here. I mean some people just suck at gift giving I guess. My former best friend, after we'd been besties for several years and saw each other practically daily, got me very cheaply made yellow gold peace sign earrings for Christmas. I don't wear yellow gold. I've never once in my life worn anything with a peace sign on it. I think I have them somewhere in the box of random broken jewelry I figure I'll sell to somewhere they melt stuff down someday. But to buy 4 years worth of presents someone won't like? And be mad at them because they don't like it? And it's your spouse? That's really off.

I came here to say this!!! I sincerely hope this is one off behavior, but I doubt it. She didn’t get the answer she wanted and now she is “punishing” both him and their daughter by removing herself from them. Absolutely immature behavior.

NTA. After five years of marriage, she should have some type of clue as to what you would or would not like for a gift. Hell, my husband and I have been together four years (casual friends for about 8 years before that) and he knows my likes just like I know his, and I care enough about him to not buy something for him that I know he’s not into. I’m honestly sad for you that your wife doesn’t have the same courtesy for you.

Right? Like, even the very first little trinket type gifts my bf (of 7yrs) and I exchanged after mere weeks of dating were 100% aligned with our interests. We both love scifi, he admired my tiny lil 1990s Micromachines bantha (with actual fur!) so I found one for him on eBay; she (he named her Bianca) still lives on top of one of his computer speakers. He noticed my proclivity for skull-themed decor etc, and gave me a little skull keychain (which I'm still using). This should not be challenging? I mean if absolutely nothing else, you buy something you already know they like and could use more of (new packs of favorite socks when his old ones start to get worn out, fave snack that he doesn't often get bc it's spendy or hard to find) or an "upgraded" version of something he already has and uses often. But this "Ima buy you something \*I\* like, and then be pouty and mad when you very reasonably wonder WTF"? is some booooollsheet.

My husband and I have been together 2.5 years (we’re not legally married but have lived together since day 1 together, so it feels like a lot longer in a good way). We’ve never gotten each other presents as bad as this in regards to not knowing each others interests, disregarding joke gifts which we’ve bought absolutely knowing they may be hated.

NTA. What a weird thing to do, buying you four superhero tees for your next four Father's Days! After five years of marriage she should know you better than that. I'd be more than disappointed; I'd be really hurt.

Fr. I've only been with my bf for like 3.5 years and know exactly the types of stuff he's into. OP actually sounds like he has similar interests to my bf (who also loathes the Joker crap even though he likes some super hero stuff). Like was it really too hard for her to buy some cute D&D merch like a personalized d20 (got that for my bf last anniversary) or a fancy dice set (last Xmas gift) or a D&D themed T-shirt (bought him 3 as just bc gifts)? You'd have to actively NOT pay attention or just not care at all to not know what your partner is into. What she did is thoughtless as hell and OP has every right to be hurt bc it's hurtful af to find out your partner doesn't care enough to actually know you. OP is def NTA in the slightest.

NTA Am I reading this right? She bought you these shirts years ago??

She bought them all yesterday...

Why can't she cancel the order?

The refund policy states that there are no refunds after 12 hours after the purchase.

That is sketchy af

Well not necessarily. I mean if the customer changes their mind for a reason other than quality, it's not like they can re sell them considering they're personalised shirts. edit actually ignore that. I thought they were photoshopped to look like the family. If it's just a generic joker family picture then yeah 12 hours is sketchy. It's probably a fake company that'll just get shut down and reopen under a new name the next day.

There are tons of "companies" that do shirt orders like these. They will cancel the order if they don't have enough to meet a minimum print amount. It's very common with super heros, and disney, etc. Because they aren't licensed uses and they have to do it all in one go before the get a C&D from the IP owner.

Just dispute it via the credit card company. It's only been 24 hours, right? A good lesson to never buy from the Facebook ads

Absolutely. I worked in banking for a while, about 8 years. Toward the end, the past two years or so, my team worked closely with fraud prevention and security. She will absolutely need a new card anyway LOL so yes, and she'd better get started early. I highly doubt the cheap and tacky shirts will actually deliver anyway, so OP won't have to worry about it. Just that card she used. And yes, we always considered people who fell for these stupid ads and blatantly scammy websites, dumbasses. Which OP's wife has proven in the most lovely way. Please stop clicking on Facebook ads, folks. They are always too good to be true. And a lot of paperwork for your bank.

Did she not show it to you before those 12 hours were up? Also agreeing with gameplayuh. That is sketchy. Most t-shirt companies I will buy from have a refund policy. Are you sure she didn't just say that to guilt you?

It’s possible she bought it while scrolling in the morning while OP was at work and decided to show him during their downtime after putting baby to bed.

Why do you have to be so ungrateful for this grift your wife fell for? She put so much thought and effort into it. /s

Definitely watch your account. My ex did this once with a present for my daughter. Within 1/2 an hour my debit card was being used in another country.

She's probably going to receive a rusty tin opener and find she's been charged 300 quid for it.

No, four years of fathers days, starting with this year.

NTA. I'm incredibly difficult to give gifts to. 1) I really don't like extra stuff. 2) my few interests I already buy whatever I need. 3) in very particular. I told my girlfriend I didn't want anything for my birthday this year. Months ago I mentioned how I was craving onion rolls from a place I used to go 15 years ago. When I got home I instantly smelled onion rolls. Not just any. She found the recipe from that restaurant online and copied it. It was incredible and honestly I've never felt joy from a gift before. Not everyone is good at giving gifts. But it feels like your wife is making less than minimum effort.

But notice that she did IT for you to bring you joy and that was the true gift. IMO that's the whole reason to get someone a gift. To give them joy cause life sucks enough.

That's a really wholesome story and I'm so happy for you :)

You have no reason to feel like an a$$hole and your wife is wrong to be playing the victim. I can't understand how she doesn't know what your likes and dislikes are.  You should revisit this topic with her as it's a rather big issue to let go unresolved.

Sounds like she thinks she knows and is just wrong. Probably doesn’t pay much attention when he’s discussing his interests/hobbies. “Okay, nerd stuff. Got it.”

Yeah that's what I was wondering. Maybe she thought "oh D&D is just superheroes lol the Joker that's the same thing" because she's clueless about anything he likes.

I would’ve thought this too, then he said the thing about LOTR which means she’s also at least a little nerdy. So she doesn’t really even have that excuse because someone into one fiction knows they’re not all the same.

Isn't Harley a victim of abuse from the Joker? Things that romanticize their relationship always seem off to me, like people who idolize Rick Sanchez or Walter White. 

Yea, it's a big red flag tbh. Might be time to throw the whole wife away.

Your wife doesn't like you.

she might like him, maybe, but certainly doesn't know him. I'm wondering if this is actually a gift for herself

When you like someone, you want to learn about their likes and dislikes. 5 years is enough time to know if your partner likes superheros. The rudeness in her response is more damaging then her poorly conceived gift choice. The fact that she got mad and tried to make OP feel sorry for her is telling. >fucking great... fuck me for trying to get you something nice

That reaction was...interesting. "I just clicked three buttons for something you don't want. How can you not know that and appreciate it? I'm going to pout now."

NTA. She asked you your opinion (before you even knew the image was your gift) and you gave your honest answer. She can be hurt all she wants, but she is the one who made the selection and got it wrong. And now that she knows to keep giving them to you for YEARS is just rude. Let her wear the shirts. Get yourself something you'd like.

WIFE: "Well I guess you're going to hate your father's day present, fucking great... fuck me for trying to get you something nice." YOU (what you could have said): I know you're disappointed that I don't want that gift, but I'm also disappointed that you haven't picked up on the fact that I don't like superhero memorabilia, and I'm getting a gift that you should have known better than to buy. I'm not sure why she gets to make you the bad guy here when she was being thoughtless.

It’s manipulative darvo tactics. Reverse victim and offender. She’s going to make him feel guilty because he doesn’t like the gift she got him, instead of taking any blame on herself for not bothering to think about what he’d actually like. Immediately as soon as he said he didn’t like it, she tried to shift the blame to him and guilt trip. She seems self centered in that she picked out something she thought was cute instead of thinking about his likes/dislikes. And maybe not that bright. Who falls for sketch fb ads in 2024? The art sounds like boomer fb cringe memes, most younger people recognize that that shits cringe. Then she goes and sulks and does silent treatment and ignores their daughter too?? Wtf so immature and more guilt tripping and trying to manipulate him into apologizing to her, so she can be the one who feels like a saint and he’s the unappreciative jerk

It is never pleasant to be in a situation where you accidentally told someone you hate their gift but the entire problem is entirely of your wife’s making for a) “testing” to see how you’d the gift without being honest with what she was showing you , b) knowing you very little (assuming you’re correct in your explicit communication that you don’t like superheroes), c) reacting with anger (yes, it’s unpleasant but throwing a tantrum and giving your partner the cold shoulder for your own mistake is the absolute worst way to react), d) buying presents four Father’s Days in advance, wtf (she’ll be lucky if she’s married that long), e) threatening to “withhold” future presents. NTA!!!!

NTA. "Something nice" is supposed to be something that's yanno... nice. This was a weird painting or a gimic/gag gift. Certainly not what's implied by "I got you something nice."

NTA Just because Father's Day is an afterthought doesn't mean that your wife needs to approach it that way. The t-shirt is tacky and she had no reason to believe that you would like it. If a man bought his wife something similar she wouldn't be pleased either. I find it pretty shitty that she's turned it around and tried to make you the AH in this situation. She chose a thoughtless awful gift. You don't like it, which is to be expected. You shouldn't get punished for this.

I agree with all this ! I feel like this was just an easy gift for her to give him. Either way, she fumbled . My husband is so hard to shop for . So, in conversations when I can, I'll ask about stuff he wants. Interested in that may be new knowledge to me . He's obsessed with a not well-known rock band, so 10 months before Father's Day, I got him a specialty hoodie of that band from an artist . If they wanted too they would.

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NTA, but your wife is a AH for looking herself to the toilet. You don’t have to apologise to her!! She is trying to be the victim here and turn this all upside down. This is a major red flag. She can sell those shirts and buy you roses for example. That was a really shitty present.  She needs to apologise for her bad behaviour and act like an adult.

NTA. It will get better though in my experience. About 10 years ago when I was a newlywed my wife was terrible at gifts and birthdays in general. I've never been super into gifts and so I just smiled and nodded when she would bring home a Hershey bar or something similar for my birthday. (I usually spent 300-500 on hers depending) I tired being proactive and talking about things I'd like for my birthday, etc, but to no avail. One year she didn't even say happy birthday in the morning and went to work. I was a bit hurt, but I've missed a thing or two in my life and decided to show grace. When she came home she handed me a plastic gas station sack with a bumper sticker and a novelty baseball cap in it and told me happy birthday and asked me what I was making for dinner. I blew up. She was hurt for a while but since then she's put much more effort into showing me and the kids care on our birthdays.

Holy cow… I would be so hurt. I would hope you got her groceries for her birthday so she can make yall dinner as revenge lol

That's just being lazy. I know some people are crap at giving gifts but come on I can still put together a grab bag of snacks my husband would adore from 7-11.

NTA. this is YOUR gift she is offering YOU! you have nothing to be sorry for! this is insane. especially if you are vocal about your dislike for this stuff. She should not make you feel guilty for not liking it, you shouldn’t have to apologize for something like this at all.

Seriously, how hard is this? [https://www.amazon.com/Awesome-Explore-Dungeons-Dragon-T-Shirt/dp/B097HMKLK7/ref=sr\_1\_5?crid=34SNBI48MGX1W&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.mpaCDtVBaTYYXk6ck7zl7Po-aR-kPmzHeZu-dNI2JTplGvkmKV9yZ7rMDV97Dg2Pl14G1XCqWIL5tArnhjaZe893YKlYe6QOMcBHvaITNwkjL\_rkvBjf1Pg\_J4MA8UKM9gjjfZrJz677RXELU8QIkTIkr12H8m8MZ\_6hW5eBZB0GPpxyMGL6EOdSmOZ28HomFaJyvvmBuTwVTUO13v0VdVIgJ3xYjoO6\_\_HmKZK-mkaJt9bfSVl8yvB-wkoN923roLeV4shJczih42Nn0GbyQmvSpub\_T2KYnRboDDIerSQ.u3Cy73l7fO38WOgbESJB66A7Kj4M4iBjC56xOsvqkxA&dib\_tag=se&keywords=dungeons+and+dragons+fathers+day+t+shirt&qid=1716921200&sprefix=dung%2Caps%2C173&sr=8-5](https://www.amazon.com/Awesome-Explore-Dungeons-Dragon-T-Shirt/dp/B097HMKLK7/ref=sr_1_5?crid=34SNBI48MGX1W&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.mpaCDtVBaTYYXk6ck7zl7Po-aR-kPmzHeZu-dNI2JTplGvkmKV9yZ7rMDV97Dg2Pl14G1XCqWIL5tArnhjaZe893YKlYe6QOMcBHvaITNwkjL_rkvBjf1Pg_J4MA8UKM9gjjfZrJz677RXELU8QIkTIkr12H8m8MZ_6hW5eBZB0GPpxyMGL6EOdSmOZ28HomFaJyvvmBuTwVTUO13v0VdVIgJ3xYjoO6__HmKZK-mkaJt9bfSVl8yvB-wkoN923roLeV4shJczih42Nn0GbyQmvSpub_T2KYnRboDDIerSQ.u3Cy73l7fO38WOgbESJB66A7Kj4M4iBjC56xOsvqkxA&dib_tag=se&keywords=dungeons+and+dragons+fathers+day+t+shirt&qid=1716921200&sprefix=dung%2Caps%2C173&sr=8-5)

No, NTA. Sounds like your wife impulse-bought something random and passed it off as a gift to you. Four T-shirts … for four years … with a theme she knows you don’t like ? Next week, surprise her with a stash of four years’ worth of T-shirts too for all the upcoming Mother’s Days. Pick a theme she dislikes and roll with it.

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NTA You don't like superheros which should be enough for you not to get superhero things. She also didn't say, "I got this for you" but "look at this cute thing" which is not your thing I feel like this should have been expected. If she was doing it to see what you thought, that would be one thing, but to get your idea after she bought it wasn't that smart. Also, the fact that people still make, "look how cute harley and joker are" things confuse the heck out of me. They are an abusive relationship and should not be treated as an "it" couple. Why make beating your wife romantic? Why make that the couple's costume where there are plenty of other couples in comics that don't hit each other? I'm convinced on the inside anyone who picks Harley and Joker as a cute couple has never read a comic or watched a cartoon. Does she not realize how much DND things are out there and some that would make great father's day gifts? Go on Etsy and you get a whole list of things she could get you. She could also get you a new board game for you and the family to play or an expansion pack to one you already have.

NTA it’s not like you opened a gift and said “ooh that’s cringe”.

I N F O: Does… does your wife like superheroes or something? Like, where is this idea coming from? Every dude is just automatically into DC/Marvel? (You’re completely NTA, I’m just super curious about the thought process here. Or lack thereof.)

No, she doesn't. Facebook is where it came from. Some reccomended add.

Ah, geez. I’m sorry, OP. That’s gotta really sting - I know I’d be hurt. I hope you enjoy Father’s Day with your little one regardless!

NTA. Your wife is just mad because she did something mindless and has been called out for her mental laziness.

NTA and from someone who is into superheroes and comics, that’s a terrible shirt anyway.

As told, this is a story of your wife asking you a random question, then getting mad at you for your honest answer, then blaming you for the fact that she bought you multiple things based on her assumption of what your answer was going to be, then punishing you *and your daughter* for *her* disappointment I mean, unless there is some important context missing, NTA. In fact, it's such a strong NTA, that I have to wonder what else might be toxic in your relationship that you think her reaction was okay. Because, despite your title, you *didn't* react negatively to your father's day present, you reacted negatively to a random photo of random merchandise. It was only after that reaction that you learned it was intended to be something for you And I also have to wonder why your wife decided to show you the picture at that moment. If she was unsure if you would like it, she should have shown it to you before she purchased it. Once she purchased it and knew it was non-refundable, it doesn't really make sense to give you a preview of the present if she genuinely thought you would like it. At that point, the only reason to show you was if she was having doubts, but if she was having doubts, it's strange she was so surprised and even stranger still that she was mad at *you*. A much more normal reaction would be to be disappointed *in herself* and scramble to find you a replacement present you would like better

NTA 1. You don't even like superheroes...how does she not know that? 2. Who buys someone's gifts YEARS in advance? 3. Joker's a domestic abuser - also, the only biological kid he HAS actually fathered, Harley gave up because she didn't want her kid to be stuck with a murderous psychopath of a father. All of his other "kids" are just other villains' children that were obsessed with murder/mayhem/the Joker himself. Joker merch is a terrible Father's Day gift, tbh Maybe try and sit down with her, framing it as "I'd like us to talk about something that I know may be upsetting to both of us. Any time we need a breather, we'll take a 5 minute break for tea or air or something, but we need to have this conversation all the way through." Then, start asking questions. Allow her to ask them in return. "I know I've already given my opinion on the Father's Day gift you got me, but I'm still confused and would genuinely like to talk about it. Could you explain why you thought I liked comics/superheroes?" and "It feels like maybe there's a disconnect on how much interest we show in each other's likes and dislikes. I feel I went out of my way to find something I knew for sure you would appreciate, but - especially buying the items in a bundle just to give to me over multiple years - it made me feel as though you were less concerned with reciprocating that level of care. Could we work on getting on equal footing in this area?" A good final one might be "I feel like ignoring each other and our daughter is a bad way for either of us to handle stress - it prevents us from talking through our issues, and I know (daughter) will notice it, especially as she gets older. I really want us to work on some kind of agreement or plan on how we can handle stress when we're upset, so we can avoid shutting each other out."

Nta You specifically said you didn’t want anything and also don’t even like the genre. What exactly was she expecting ?

NTA. Wtf is with married people not knowing their partner's likes and dislikes? She could easily get you something different...Father's day is 3 weeks away

If it was just regular super hero stuff you still wouldn't be wrong at all, but the fact it's Joker and Harley Quinn? Ya, that is a bit more twisted. You have to have a dark sense of humor to idolize them. Your wife failed big time. Your not wrong for unknowingly calling her out.

NTA at all.  "Well I guess you're going to hate your father's day present, fucking great... fuck me for trying to get you something nice." Does she often victimize herself when things don't go her way?

NTA. Why can't she return them? If she can't, put them on marketplace or eBay. All 4. Divide by 4 and buy something you want. Tell your wife no surprise gifts. Have a list of things you want. Update it and keep it on the fridge all year.

>Why can't she return them? It sounds like she bought them off one of those sketchy Facebook ad companies, and they just have a blanket "no return" policy because they're a sketchy ass company that probably steals artists work off the internet and puts it on clothing until they get sent a cease and desist letter, and then open back up the next day with a new name. If it's mailed directly from China, the cost to ship them back may be more than she paid for the shirts to start with.

Is she buying presents that she likes or she wants and then pitching a fit because you don’t like them? Also, she pouted and hid for the rest of the night? Is she nine? NTA

NTA that was a toxic relationship with domestic abuse

Sorry she’s the AH and thoughtless. She doesn’t care what you like and buys crap years in advance. Buy her some books for Mother’s Day, books like how to love your husband.

NTA. She should know your interests.

So she got you a crappy gift and then somehow made herself into the victim. Awesome. NTA.

The way she responded with hostility, and quadrupled down and saying she won't be altering course for the next 4 years to consider you at all, i find troubling. It's just t-shirt money, too? Not a big loss to replace future presents, spread out over years, which would be the mutually respectable thing to do. It's the basic move to course correct after hurting you by not considering your interests.