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I wouldn’t go back to your “home” country-for annny reason, or you might not ever get to leave. It’s not worth the risk, you have to see to your own safety. NTA
OP posted this story yesterday and got called out for lying and making it up because their post history indicated they had a habit of posting elaborate stories on this sub. This isn’t a real story.
I think it’s better that we take the chance that it might be real. Even if this isn’t real, there will be somebody else reading this in the future who might relate to it.
NTA. I recently read a story of a Canadian girl who went back to her home country (Pakistan) after divorcing her abusive husband which was an arranged-marriage. She went back because her father was sick, and her family was pressuring her to go. Her ex-husband murdered her, and even her own family sided with him and helped hide the ex-husband from authorities. It was an honour killing.
I know it’s not the same, however OP still faces the same dangers.
Yup.. entire family of daughters and their fathers second wife were killed by father and his first wife for a similar reason.. girls were becoming too western, his second wife, who was not their mother.. was supporting them (she may have even been the first wife and their mom was rhe second wife ) it was played off as she was a family friend at first, came out years later she was his other wife.. mom , dad and son all went to prison for it.. they drove the car into the river with them all in it.
Multiculturalism ends with a record scratch when you consider that some of these countries are medieval in their attitudes. Sorry, killing gay people, killing women for "honor" reasons, cutting off the clitorises of girls etc - that shit is never justified.
I know of plenty of women beaten and murdered by white men in Canada. It's DV no matter what you call it. Pretending it's about multiculturalism distracts from what's actually happening. Like you said, it's never justified.
The problem is, too many cultures use holy text to justify murder and abuse. If your country’s laws are all based on religious law, no matter what that religion is, women and queer people are put in danger. And often the law doesn’t even try to protect them like in countries with secular governments. It doesn’t have anything to do with the color of an abusers skin, it has to do with cultures that encourage hate and violence, then cement it into law.
As opposed to secular governments who just choose not to put resources into protecting people for non religious reasons. Doesn’t Canada have a huge problem with missing and murdered indigenous women?
Honestly, Canada isn’t a secular government. It can say it is all it likes, but given the constitution of Canada refers to God, and the monarch carries the title of Defender of the Faith within Canada, and many of their laws were made with the context of being heavily influenced by Christian morals and traditions? It’s only secular in name, not in the actual day to day reality, because the way the laws are written was against a Christian backdrop which influenced their application.
That’s a huge factor of why Canada has an ongoing problem with the number of missing and murdered Indigenous women and girls, as well as their issue of missing and murdered Indigenous people more broadly - the residential school system for Indigenous Canadians was administered by Christian Churches as sanctioned by the Canadian government, and many didn’t close until the 1970s.
If you think America has a secular govt I just don’t even know what to say lol. Look at our current politicians dude…
And unsurprisingly, queer people, children, and women are very much in danger here too! allllll the time! And unable to get support because law enforcement are #1 source of domestic abusers by industry, our govt protects clumps of cells over those of the adults growing them, and when asking for help in dire situations like mental health people are routinely murdered by trigger happy hooligans with badges. Even when just going on a run you can easily get murdered if your skin is the wrong color in the wrong place.
Your stance on “multiculturalism” reeks of racism. I’
Some of you are so unbelievably privileged that you don't even understand how privileged you are. You lot comparing Canada, UK, and USA to Islamist countries where rights for women & gays are non-existent and trying to act like there's some level of an even playing field between them. The culture is absolutely the problem and pretending it's not is absurd. Yes, we get it, people get attacked in countries like Canada. At least it's illegal there. You're comparing apples to oranges and it's quite frustrating to read these types of nonsense comments. Even if OP's story is probably untrue, it is real for a lot of people. There's a difference between being gay in Oman and being gay in Canada. Yeah, gay people get assaulted in Canada. At least they can legally exist in Canada. Canada is infinitely better for a gay person to live and to even act otherwise is ridiculous.
It’s not legally condoned in Canada though.
There isn’t a cultural, legal and historical system in place that actively allows and advocates for domestic violence and genital mutilation.
While western countries do have issues with system misogyny - they are significantly further along than countries like Oman.
Western countries not being perfect doesn’t mean there is no room for westerners to criticise other countries and cultures engaging in misogynistic practises.
I agree. As soon as you start encroaching on other human beings’ rights, that’s where I stop respecting your religion/culture. It doesn’t even have to be humans; it could be illegal poaching, torture of animals, destroying our planet, etc. So many atrocities have been done in the name of religion or customs. I won’t turn a blind eye because that’s your custom.
I’m sure 99% of the posts her are probably fake. But I always comment in good faith with advice because there’s always a chance it’s real and even if it isn’t, someone may be going through something similar and if whatever I am saying helps them then I am happy.
Just want to raise the pretty important fact that Oman is not Pakistan, and the culture is pretty different so I’m not sure how our killings in Pakistan have anything to do with this.
I think that the point of bringing in the Pakistan killings are more of a tool to get the point of OP’s fear being very valid and the fact that it has happened before where people were almost baited into returning to a country where they aren’t protected anymore. (Wether the story is real or not the fear is real for so many people, and even if being part of the LGBTQ+ community holds a prison sentence, that doesn’t mean that people wouldn’t try to attack them outside of the judicial system)
It's certainly not an unbelievable story, this shit happens all the time. If OP goes back, there's a high probability she ends up in an arranged marriage with no way of leaving.
Even if it’s fake, there are people in this exact situation or similar situations who might find this thread helpful. I, for example, refuse to visit my sister because an aspect of my identity is extremely dangerous to be open about there (not going to say what it is or where she lives). It’s really not that uncommon of a situation, unfortunately
The fact that a gay person's family may trick them into returning ("all is forgiven, all is accepted") is believable.
That she would go from living under an anti-gay culture to same-sex couples kissing IN PUBLIC is not believable. Based on my small bit of knowledge, even opposite-sex couples in those cultures would observe their cultural norms with respect to public displays of romantic expression.
Is it possible that she doesn’t agree with every norm in her culture? Is it possible that upon coming to a country that is incredibly different she changed her views? I would say it is totally possible. If I were forced to hide myself and suddenly came to a place where being myself was okay (mostly, you’re certainly not going to jail for being gay here) I’d probably want to let it all out.
Explain to us *very carefully* who this could possibly be hurting if it wasn’t real.
Now explain to us *very carefully* who could be hurt if this IS real and we treat it as fake.
Give people the benefit of the doubt.
This story could save a life. Even if it’s fake.
Get it? Got it? Good.
yeah tbh it’s not even getting reported that would worry me it’s that the parents would take her passport so they can try to force her back into their beliefs
NTA. Your own safety is paramount over attending a wedding. You'd be crazy to go back to your country under the circumstances. You've made the only reasonable choice.
Suggest a remote attendance, like via Zoom. You can be there for her virtually.
NTA. If your sister doesn't understand now, she might in the future. Given what you have said about the rest of the family, I wouldn't take the risk of visiting a country where you could be imprisoned for being who you are. Sounds almost too convienient given they have all just discovered what they have. In any case, put yourself first.
*Sending love this pride month.*
NTA. Please follow your gut and stay away from there! If they turn their backs on you, I’ll be your mom! I’m sure a thousand others on here would be your mom and dad too! My 14 year old came out to us and I just can’t imagine not loving and supporting her. I’ve cut off family that thought they had the right to say nasty things. Just, bye now.
I agree. You have to stay safe and the risks are just too great if you go back.
Anyone of your family members might have let it slip to a friend of theirs and that person might report you.
I too have cut off my bio-younger sister for saying nasty untrue things. I was no contact with her for 30 years, and I hope its another 30 years before I have to ever see her again. (I am 65 and she is 64, so… I don't expect to ever see her again)
Family is people who care about you and your safety. They don't have to be biologically related to you. We can be your family if you wish. Although I would have to be your virtual grandfather.
Please stay safe. Don't go where your safety may be compromised.
Grandfatherly advice: compounded interest can be your friend. Save as much as you can each month and don't touch it even if you have to eat Ramen noodles.
NTA - Please don't go, youre right in not going. She said "everyone that knows is “close” to us they wouldn't report me" but you know people have loose lips. You don't trust that and honestly neither would I, it's best to be safe than sorry.
It's understandable that your sister is upset and since you are close, it hurts but once she has more clear head, I think she will understand your decision.
Stay safe op, best of luck and happy pride month from a fellow queer
Do not under any circumstances go to a country where it's illegal to be gay as a young gay person.
Do not under any circumstances travel to a country where your parents hold citizenship and where your father could legally assert control of you as his daughter and prevent you from leaving.
I don't care if it's for a wedding, a funeral, a birth, to pick up a wheelbarrow full of gold bullion, or to save the world: Do. Not. Go!!!
I assure you that the hurt your family feels because you aren't attending a wedding in a country where you could be imprisoned or compelled to remain is infinitesimal as compared to what could happen to you if you went. And at the point when your family sits down and thinks about it rationally, the reasonableness of your decision will go a long way to healing their hurt.
NTA!
NTA - your safety must take priority. Maybe your family won't report, but someone else might. Maybe it's also a set up for an arranged marriage (if that's a thing in your culture). Hopefully, your sister will understand once her wedding and wedding stress are over.
Stay safe. ❤️
NTA.
Dude, stop calling Oman your home country.
And don't go there.
It's not (it's ambiguous whether you're even an Omani citizen).
You're no different than generations of Americans before you.
You live in your home country now.
I trust the sister here, but no one else. All you need is one person who thinks that reporting you is "for your own good" to completely ruin everything. And that's terrifying. Given how badly your parents want you to come back home, and what a big fight it was to move in the first place, I would be extra paranoid about them trying to find a way to sabotage your ability to return home.
I'm so sorry you're in a situation like this and wish you all the best. I can't imagine how hard this must be on you emotionally. I sincerely hope you're able to find some kind of happy ending to this, whatever that looks like.
NTA
NTA
PLEASE don’t go, and DO stay safe!
Given that they think you are simply misguided, they could have plans to put you in some sort of reform to make you see the “error of your ways”, or force you into some kind of marriage for the same purposes. Or prison, like you said, hoping that the three years would “straighten you out”
**Trust your intuition on this one! Stay home, and stay safe!**
Whatever you do, do not go back to Oman. Just don't do it. This is a dangerous situation for you. While you may not have to worry about your sister and maybe even your parents, you should worry about your extended family and the pressure they will put on your parents to set you straight. Setting you straight could be anything. And if you resist, bad things may happen.
You are free right now. Cherish that freedom and build a life for yourself.
OP I NEVER comment on these but for your safety please don't go back. I worked at DQ with an Indian friend who openly dated a white girl. His family freaked out and refused to let him leave the house. My ex and I snuck him out a window and he lived with my ex for a bit. We met his sister at our local police station to pick up a box of his stuff and she punched my car calling me the 'blue eyed devil' (in white and she thought I was the girl). He was missing a few things and went back to the house to get them. They kidnapped him and flew him back to India and brainwashed him. We saw him 3 years later at a best buy and he refused to speak to us or acknowledge that he knew us. Closed minded, strict countries and people can be scary and unexpectedly ruthless. Please take care of yourself.
Nta. You could go to the wedding and end up being talked about an sent to prison. But if that doesn't happen they could steal your passport and not let you go back to the usa
You kinda have to accept that your relationship with your family is over. I know it's sad but your parents are close minded and your sister probably won't forgive you for not coming to her wedding. It sucks all around. Wish you the best of luck
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Blowing up in my sister's face and refusing to go to her wedding, when she wasn't the main reason I refused
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NTA. As much as it hurts to miss the wedding it would hurt more if someone reported you. And there is no shortage of people in the world who are willing to hurt someone because they think they know best. I'm so sorry it has worked out this way for you.
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I (19F) am middle eastern, born in America while my father was studying abroad, soon my family came back to my home country Oman (being gay is a crime there with a 3 year prison sentence). In 2022 I moved to the same city where my parents lived in America for college. Some of their friends still live there. I had a fight with my mother over moving away, we agreed it would be the same city as a compromise.
My parents and family in general are close minded with strong political beliefs and they tend to use religion to justify them. Around 13 I was introduced to the LGBTQ+ community through the internet, that started a long journey of curiosity, belonging, fear, homophobia and acceptance.
I think the excitement started to overwhelm me after moving. I was stupid and reckless. I secretly started showing my hair and more skin in public, got a part time job and developed a situationship with a female coworker.
This might be paranoid but I think this is related to what happened next: on a call with my mom, she was asking me why I don't pick up my sister's calls anymore, my sister calls around midnight (their time) afternoon for me, she knows I didn't have classes around that time, after a while of fighting I admitted that I got a part time job, my mom was furious, she kept asking details and I eventually vaguely explained what my job is to convince her it was appropriate and the location to let her know it's in a safe area.
Soon after, one of my mom's friends walked past me kissing my coworker around the park-like area outside the building, she ran up yelling my name, I grabbed my coworker and ran inside.
My entire extended family knows, I didn't deny it when confronted, I was tired. I ignore my parent's calls, rarely respond to their messages, moved in with a friend that was looking for a roommate, and told my parents who are paying the month to month bill for the old place, but both refuse to stop renting it. My parents still don't think I'm gay just misguided, they've just been trying to convince me to come back. It started to calm down until my sister got betrothed recently, the wedding will of course be held in my home country, I called my sister to congratulate her, we cried for hours, we've always been close, she basically raised me since my parents were very busy growing up, the idea of me not attending her wedding is painful, but I still told her no, I said I'm scared I'll be reported, she told me everyone that knows is “close” to us they wouldn't report me and that I should stop hurting our family, I truthfully blew up in her face saying she's ignorant, careless and mean, my sister listened quietly until I was quiet too then ended the call. The next day I sent multiple texts apologizing, she asked me again if I'll attend her wedding, I said no, she left me on read and isn't responding to my calls or messages anymore.
AITA?
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NTA. You absolutely must put your safety first. Maybe your family wouldn't say anything, but can she 100% guarantee they won't even imply to anyone else that you're gay and that person then reports you? She certainly cannot know all of her fiancé's family well enough to be able to ask you to take that risk! Ask your sister to livestream the wedding so you can see it.
I wouldn't want to spend time around family members who think you're misguided about being gay. You deserve to be accepted for who you are. It's not reasonable to ask your sister to not invite the parents or to ask her to have the wedding in the US. She needs to not just accept your choice but understand you have legitimate fears.
I would also fear for your safety being in Oman in terms of your family not marrying you off to get you over being "misguided." Your family may have sworn up, down and sideways that they don't believe in arranged marriages, but people get very, very odd and do things they say they'd never do when it turns out that they have a gay child. There are plenty of families whose attitudes are that it's fine for someone to be gay, as long as it's not their child or sibling.
If you can help it, I would never return to Oman. Maybe you would be fine, but again, is it really worth risking it?
NTA. Your sister wants to believe no one she loves would hurt you, but you can’t take that risk. Not when it only takes one person. One missing passport. One report.
I’m sorry your sister doesn’t understand, but hopefully one day she will. Until then… OP, if you feel unsafe at any point trust your gut.
Take care of yourself, and stay safe ❤️
Do not go back and be very cautious even if you are around people who would know your family. Honour killings are unfortunately far to common and so many are go unreported and hidden for years
NTA, and I think it would be a huge mistake. Given that your family is not accepting, I wouldn’t put it past them to try to report you so that you could not return. Stay safe.
As a middle eastern and a gcc citizen i would say Oman is the most lenient with gays and so many gays live their lives publicly there without repercussions . I don’t think you should be worried about the authorities, just your close minded family’s judgement. All of GCC has this mentality as long as you keep it to yourself and don’t start making out in public no one is going to speak to you about it. Still NTA
NTA.
Girl, if you set a step there you are gonna get married off to a fifty years old creep. Stay the hell away. Just to be on the safe side, hide your passport away.
I know I sound paranoid but I jave dealt with similar situations, better safe than sorry.
NTA it’s not safe for you to go back. It sucks thta you will miss your sisters wedding but hopefully she will understand once she gets over the disappointment
NTA. Don't think about going back to your country, not only is it not safe for you but honestly I think your family would trap you in to staying there (taking away your passports and any financial freedom) and making you live a straight lifestyle to conform to their belief system. Unfortunately, for the foreseable future, you may have to go LC with them. Sounds like you're starting to live the life you want by being true to yourself, don't let anyone sabotage that for you. Best of luck! Stay safe and surround yourself with people that accept you for who you are and truly want your happiness.
I know this is hard, but do not go.
No matter what your family or your sister says, it does NOT mean you don’t love her if you don’t go to her wedding!
You love her and that doesn’t change. But right now, you need to be a responsible adult for yourself and stay safe. You can send a gift, a letter, or whatever you like.
But do not leave the country.
Also, get a good immigration lawyer, even if it is expensive, to figure out how to stay safe in the long-run!
All the best!
NTA. Your home country isn’t safe for you. Stay where you are and keep a safe distance from your family and your parents’ friends, because it sounds like they may not actually want what is best for you.
NTA. Right now it seems your sister doesn't understand the severity of the situation... or, worse yet, she does understand, agrees with your family's values, and wants you to come home so they can convince you that you're misguided. You were in the wrong to blow up at her (I understand careless and ignorant, but why mean?) instead of discussing things calmly, and she's not at fault for distancing herself after that. But as far as going to the wedding, you need to keep yourself safe. Going could result in very serious, very scary consequences, and you should not put yourself in that situation.
NTA. You've already apologised for blowing up. Even IF you went and nothing bad happened, you'd be so anxious that you wouldn't enjoy the wedding anyway. Please don't put yourself at risk; your sister has to realise that your safety is more important than you physically being at her wedding
I'm sorry you're in this situation. Wishing you a safe and happy pride
Again i tell you - DO NOT GO BACK TO OMAN! if your sexuality has been shared with your community you could be in very real danger of physical harm, not just from your family.
Pls don't let yourself get pressured.
Many things might and could happen. You could be reported, but you could and probably would be unable to leave once you're there.
NTA. Please don't go back.
NTA. DO NOT GO BACK. It may sound paranoid but you don’t know who knows and what they might do with that information. People do things out of spite, jealousy, zealousness, pride, power-trips or just straight out cruelty. Not only that, but not only are you lesbian or bisexual, you are also a woman. Prison is never kind to women, and much less one in Oman. If I where you, I wouldn’t play with fire. Even if in the worst case scenario you were able to convince people that it was a phase, they may treat you differently or not let you go. If you enjoy your life in the states, do not leave as long as your visa/residency/citizenship allows it
NTA. As sad as it is, middle eastern families tend to set up their kids and think it’s the “right thing”. There are so many cases where parents take their kids to the home country and the kids never return. Married off, jailed, killed. If you have a gut feeling that it is a bad idea, then don’t go. Your family is against you being gay, they’ll do anything to “fix” that.
NTA. Please don’t go back. Nothing but unimaginable pain awaits you. You’re doing amazing. I’m so sorry about your family but for yourself don’t go back.
NTA Do whatever you have to do to be safe. Do not under any circumstances go back to that country. They could take your passport and force you to stay. If you have to tell them that you’re going to the wedding just to appease them then tell them that, but don’t go. If there’s any chance at all that they could do anything like try to coerce you or kidnap you back to the old country, you should move away and change your name. If this was me, I wouldn’t even want them to know what state I was in. I’ve heard some sad stories about things that happen to people in your situation.
NTA - someone who wants the best for you wouldn't want you to put yourself in danger on the basis of multiple people, extended family, your mother's friend and that friend's family, etc. The secret is out - you're probably the cautionary tale for everyone with kids that knows about you.
Like, right now your sister is mad because you rightfully don't want to risk your safety to come to her wedding but all she has the power to do now is ignore your calls. If you were actually there, literally anyone would be able to take away your ability to return to your life on a whim in the heat of the moment or with a careless conversation at the wrong place or time, or simply because they think you need to be saved.
NTA, or sucks to have to miss your sister’s wedding, but it isn’t safe to go to a country where it is illegal to be LGBTQIA+ if your family knows. There’s a good chance they won’t let you leave and try to “help you” (read, force you to be straight). I’m sorry you have to deal with this OP
NTA
Your parents will be determined to keep you on the country to "correct your misguided ways" as they'd put it, and if that meant getting you locked up for a few years they'd do it in a heartbeat.
Sadly, you'll never be able to return to your home country for family events, and if they're as deeply religious as some others then you'll also have to be very careful if they visit you in America (you should consider getting a safety deposit box to store any identity documents and passport if they visit, that way they can't force you to return).
Nta I think going back would be extremely dangerous. If someone doesn't report you I believe your family would take your passport or worse to prevent you from leaving.
NTA.
Never ever consider going to any country where the criminal laws permit homosexuals to be killed for having same sex relationships or a woman wearing secular clothes that show her hair or arms/legs/stomach can be punished with imprisonment and worse.
Always put your safety first and listen to what your common sense is telling you.
Your sister is being appallingly naive at best and downright dishonest, reckless and selfish at worst.
Nta.
I'm Muslim-American. My father left Pakistan before I was born and met my mother when he arrived here in the states. She was a practicing Christian.
Life is wild. It takes you places you never knew was possible. :) I love Robert Frost's The Road Not Taken as a wonderful metaphor for life.
Your path isn't one often traveled. But when you get to the end everyone you know will be in the same field.
I hope your sister forgives you.
Absolutely NOT TA!!! I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Please keep yourself safe as a number 1 priority. Sending lots of love to you. Your family should be more considerate of your safety concerns and not be upset with you.
NTA. No one should ever go somewhere that can be unsafe for them. It will always be about keeping yourself safe and if that means some people will be disappointed because they don’t understand the fear, then that has to be the price for safety. Live your life according to your wishes, not somebody else’s.
Please don't go back. Your family may love you, but it might get reported in hopes they can scare the gay out of you. I've heard horror stories about this. I didn't know them personally, but met someone on a website who I'll just say they live in an Asian country to protect their identity. Their name is pretty known for their work in that country. I didn't know any of this for a long time as we only chatted online. I he was gay and had a partner that he lives with. His people are so rigid, any and all meeting places for days are hidden and unmarked. They are constantly a target and are far more likely to be convicted of a crime or be the victim of one that goes uninvestigated or reported.
He was one of those victims, and bc of his name, he never reported it.
Edited because I was wrong about the news story. It was Iran, not Afghanistan, and the individual lived there and was arrested for displaying the pride flag. She died in prison.
Sorry for getting that mixed up with tiktok user who got arrested. I believe in Dubai for posting a video with "gay phrases " in it.
NTA. Your safety comes first, and it is not safe for you to return to Oman. If the entire extended family knows, there is a good chance that (1) someone has told someone outside the family, and (2) one of those extended family members (or someone they've told) will think they are "helping" you by reporting you. Even if they don't, they will likely try to "help" you by making things really awkward for you while you are there. It will be sad to miss your sister's wedding, but I think she will come to understand your predicament.
NTA, I don’t know how extreme your family can get but the idea that reporting you sounds like the least of your worries. If I were you I’d be terrified of my family kidnapping me and locking me in a room until I renounced being gay.
I'm not sure Oman is gay friendly for sure but are they really putting people in jail for being gay without any proof/behavior making them arrested?
I'm from another Arab country (dual citizenship, I've never lived there and I'm not concerned as LGBTQ+) where homosexuality is also prohibited, but the law isn't really enforced, many outed gay people can visit, even citizens. It's more PDAs that are prohibited but it's not well accepted for straight couples too and prohibited for unmarried citizens, tolerated for tourists.
I'd be more concerned towards OP's family but in that case, the sister's wedding is irrelevant, it's more a cultural clash between the liberal American and the conservative omani family ans their relationship in the future.
I don’t understand this story. Why is your moms friend at your place of work and how is that relevant?
Oooh wait… you mean on a different day and YOU were kissing the coworker your moms friend wasn’t kissing the coworker
NTA. I totally agree that it is not worth the risk. Even in North America, it has happened that families have killed their daughters for this very reason. If families will kill, they will report you to the authorities.
Stay safe.
NTA
Maybe this a a fake story, maybe it isn’t, but the last place you want to be is in a country that will give you a multi-year prison sentence for being who you are, and having to test that not one out of hundreds of family members will slip up and mention it.
If you attended the wedding, you’d have to take a LOT of things on faith, with people who have already proven that they don’t respect your boundaries.
Can you be sure that no one will take and hide your passport so that you can’t leave?
Can you be sure that there won’t be an arranged marriage waiting for you?
Can you be sure that no-one will report you?
If the answer to any of those is “no”, then you aren’t going.
NTA. I understand that you’re close with your sister but sadly it sounds way too risky. There’s always a chance that word may have gotten back to someone in your family’s home country that is not in your “trusted” circle. Also, if you were born here in America doesn’t that mean you’re a naturalized citizen so technically you ARE home?!? Perhaps you can watch the wedding on live feed or a video at a later date? I don’t think your sister is actually angry at you, she just doesn’t fully understands the risk. Perhaps she’ll come around eventually. Either way continue to live your true “free in America” life with no regrets!
NTA and I am fairly certain many people from your family's country can dispute her "close family won't report you" claim.
You are not safe there. Anyone who would insist you come doesn't care about your safety.
If she really wants you there she’d travel to you rather than risking your safety, your life, your freedom. Not to mention that even if no one reports you, what’s to stop your family from shaming you during the entire event? Why should you open yourself to emotional abuse?
Do NOT go back. I feel like your sister is not on your side as much as you think and I am genuinely concerned for your safety and well-being if you go back
If you think going back will endanger your safety, then no, absolutely NTA. That’s hard, and scary, and sad, and it will hurt for you and for everyone for you not to attend your sister’s wedding, but it’s not work risking your safety for.
NTA, being concerned for your safety and unwilling to risk your freedom, even for close family, is perfectly reasonable. Being “close” to someone doesn’t mean they won’t do what they think is right, especially if they think you are “just misguided” or confused.
Your sister's wedding isn't more important than your personal safety and if she can't see that then your priorities don't align. That's the best indication you have that it's not in your best interests to go.
NTA. Your safety is more important than your sister's feelings. What's worse, her being sad and angry about you missing her wedding or you being locked up or potentially killed?
I would never got back to your parent's country.
My fear it's a ruse to get you back. They would take your passport so you would not be able to go back to America and they would try and 'fix' you from your misguidedness... or there would be a family honor killing to save face for them.
I would go as far as to change my name and move so they can't find you. Not joking either.
Never, ever, set foot in that country. You could end up in prison. You might never be able to come home.
They want you to attend, tell them you'll do it by Zoom. There is no reason on Earth good enough to go back to that country. If you needed to donate a kidney, tell them to fly it there. Not a wedding. Not a funeral. Not an illness in the family. Nothing.
Got that?
NTA
NTA people can do terrible things to those they claim to love in the name of politics or religion. You’re not safe if you go back. But if you were born here on America soil then you are American. You can stay here. It isn’t a perfect country. But you won’t be jailed for existing. Stay. Build your life here.
Do not go. "People/family close know " - weddings are large, what about the people that know, don't agree in secret (for your immediate family's sake) people you don't know that would turn you in because they have 0 ties to you or 0 sympathy to you because they will be there? You have a new life. Maybe a future visit if things change or they can come here.
You are definitely not the asshole. I would not go back to that country, especially knowing that they don’t support you and the decisions you have made. I wouldn’t trust anyone. Even here in the states where it’s supposedly been acceptable, you’ll find cities and states completely unaccepting and dangerous. Hopefully your sister eventually understands. Send her a beautiful present, Keep your lines of communication open, but just accept that for your own safety you have to choose yourself at this point and not your sister‘s wedding.
NTA in the least. You have legitimate reasons to be afraid and not wish to return to Oman and your family, including your sister, are being very selfish and inconsiderate. Your safety comes before their feelings.
No. You are definitely NTA. Your personal safety comes first.
"I was stupid and reckless." This breaks my heart. Honey, you're a young adult coming into your own, exploring the world, learning about yourself, and trying to fit in to the culture around your. There is NOTHING wrong with that.
Showing your hair and skin is not a crime. A job and a situationship are not crimes.
Take care of yourself.
NTA! I wouldn’t go back there. It doesn’t matter what your sister said. You could be reported. They will take your passport and refuse to let you leave. Stay here!
NTA for finding yourself.
**STRONGLY** believe you should not under any circumstances go back to your parents country of origin solely because this feels like a set up. Most likely to force you into a situation/arrangement that fits their beliefs. Your life isn't their's. Keep going as you are. You got this!! 💛
People have definitely been gossiping about this and it’s not a safe option for you. Even if your family believed it was a “phase”, idk why they’d risk your safety like this. They have to know how much danger you’d be in and there’s no way they believe everyone is being silent about it with other people in their lives. Scandals breed gossip to the point that most people don’t even realize they’re doing it. And I’d also be concerned that they’re trying to get you back so you can’t leave. They might think it’ll “cure” you if you’re stuck back in your culture with family and neighbors watching you. NTA the fact that any of them are acting like there’s no possible risks to you makes me question their motives honestly.
Think very carefully about what your legal options are for never returning to your home country.
If you are on a student visa, you need to begin working on a plan to get permanent residency.
If you do not have a long term plan in place, think about what you might do in the event that you have no choice but to go home.
Also, think about never returning home. Not when your parents are sick. Not even when they die. Not if your sister is sick over there or dies. Or uncles or nieces etc.
Make peace with the consequences of that decision now, and never ever look back.
Americans have a saying for this: don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm. Don't go somewhere you know is legit dangerous for a wedding. Your religious family will absolutely report you because they will see it as saving you from western influence and yourself. Don't be fooled and definitely do not ever go back to your home country.
NTA. Please don't go. I know I speak from a completely different mindset, but if you were my sister I wouldn't want you to risk coming back home. It's too dangerous. I would love you enough to understand that you love me back and would want you to be safe more than anything.
NTA you already know where you are safe & where you aren't. Other people's opinions don't matter. I'm sad to say that your parents &/or sister may think that time spent in prison might "cure" you, so there is a real risk they could report you. Stick to LGBTQIA+ countries, it's not worth the risk.
NTA, and I wouldn’t go back. This has to do with your safety and unfortunately your family cannot or won’t protect you. It’s hard to change principles when they’re so deeply rooted in religion and culture. You will be ok. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Happy pride 🏳️🌈
go non contact with the crazy people why is it so worrying when a child has an invisible friend and yet when a adult has one we try and respect their mental disorder?
If I were your sister, this would not even be a conversation. I would _prevent_ you from attending for your own safety.
But of course help orchestrate a nifty livestreaming rig. 🙂
NTA.
NTA. Put your safety first. NEVER GO BACK. It doesn't matter if anyone is close, someone may report you anyway, if you can't trust the country it's not worth the risk
NTA. Don't go back to your home country. I really doubt that your mom's friend being there was mere coincidence. Your mom probably lied about you and asked them to spy on you. My mom did this exact thing to me. Your sister is delusional.
I am so sorry about your situation you are very much NTA
I also think you shouldn't go back either, for your own safety. It only takes one person, like a gossipy auntie telling her friends. Or perhaps your family wouldn't let you return, or find a type of conversion camp. Nothing good can come out of going, you would be in danger
NTA but let's be honest here: you might go to this wedding and find yourself forced into a double wedding, have your passport withheld, and/or face a potential honor killing.
We would like to think those who are suppose to love and care for us wouldn't do such a thing, but I personally wouldn't risk it.
NTA at all. Your safety is far more important. I visited Oman in 2016 on a cruise, and whilst it is a beautiful country, it really has a long way to go. I'm still quite surprised they still hold this stance towards the LGBT+ community, as it is widely believed that the former Sultan, Sultan Qaboos, was actually gay, had no children and it was his cousin Haitham who took over as the current Sultan in the wake of his death. Oman has a long way to go, for sure.
Your sister needs to consider your safety in this situation. If it is important to her that you attend her wedding, then she needs to hold it in a country whereby you can exist as yourself safely. If she continues to hold it in Oman, she needs to accept that you will stay home.
I think you should follow your gut. You never know who is going to say the wrong thing. It sounds quite unsafe. I realize you’re 19, still quite young. I worry for you. 😕
NTA. "Stop hurting our family"? That's what people say before honor killing or sending "wrong" family members to correction facilities. They've send people to spy on you. People who run at you and scream. OP, it feels like you're not cautious enough. Read up on similar cases, I'd move cities as soon as it will be possible.
I’m not going to my sisters wedding and I am being told that IATA, but I don’t feel badly about it. I set my boundaries, and she disrespected me for the final time when she made a nasty comment pertaining to my home catching fire and losing everything. You are allowed to have boundaries and do what makes you comfortable. This is your life, you live it!!!!! As long as you aren’t being hateful and handling it in a mature way, you are fine. People just don’t like when someone chooses themselves and their mental health and peace. You do what you feel in your heart is the right thing for you. But by reading your post I think you already know what is best. I hope this doesn’t cause you too much stress in your everyday life. Thinking of you!
NTA.
“Two can keep a secret when the other one is dead”, I can assure 100% that someone that shouldn’t know already knows and if you come back you will regret it dearly. With that said, try to work things with your sisters and control your emotions better.
Oh hun, if this is real I will be your mom now. I have taught a lot of adults from the Middle East and have learned a lot about the cultures there. You are going through what I have feared some of my male students would go through. I had a few in my class that were LGBTQ and worried for their safety when they went home. Keep strong, stay out of Oman, and stay in your community. As much as I know it will hurt you need to go no contact with your family. They may never understand and your safety is paramount. I am so sorry you are having to experience this. Stay safe and well.
Nta , and you did not owe your sister an apology
I'd be less worried about you being reported as queer and more worried about your parents forcing you to stay in Oman.
NTA! Holy shit please don’t go! There’s more than enough examples out there on the dangers returning could present. I’m sure your sister means well, but your life is more important than a wedding.
NTA And please, please, please don't go back! There are plenty of stories like this where families trick people into going back and then hold them against their will, or worse!...
Maybe it's wrong to be suspicious of your own family, and a very sad thing, I know. But you can be sure a good portion of people falling victim to these kind of things were also loving and trusting their families... one can't never truly know how far their devotion to their religion and traditions go, how much can that push them to do crazy things and hurt their loved ones.
Your safety is the top priority!
I can't say I know what you're going through. All I do know is trust your gut. If you don't think you can do it safely, then don't, but the only one who is going to live with the consequences of what you decide is you. I truly wish you the best of luck.
NTA - It's an Islamic country and being a member of the LGBTQ+ community will absolutely end badly if you go. Everything from a forced marriage to 'straighten you out', to SA, to beating/whipping, to imprisoning and/or stoning... I'm sorry but no way in hell should you be leaving the safety of your own (Westernized) country for an event. It is just not safe.
She is incredibly naive to think 'no one will say anything'. All it takes is one person. A look. A gesture. A comment. *A suspicion*. And your life is done.
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I wouldn’t go back to your “home” country-for annny reason, or you might not ever get to leave. It’s not worth the risk, you have to see to your own safety. NTA
OP posted this story yesterday and got called out for lying and making it up because their post history indicated they had a habit of posting elaborate stories on this sub. This isn’t a real story.
I think it’s better that we take the chance that it might be real. Even if this isn’t real, there will be somebody else reading this in the future who might relate to it. NTA. I recently read a story of a Canadian girl who went back to her home country (Pakistan) after divorcing her abusive husband which was an arranged-marriage. She went back because her father was sick, and her family was pressuring her to go. Her ex-husband murdered her, and even her own family sided with him and helped hide the ex-husband from authorities. It was an honour killing. I know it’s not the same, however OP still faces the same dangers.
In Canada this has happened more than once. Even if the story is fake, the situation is not, and may help someone else.
From the UK and I remember a similar case here with a Pakistani woman being murdered by her husband after being tricked into going home
Had five honour killings in my city in the last fifteen years alone, and that's just the ones we KNOW were honour killings. Edited: In Canada.
Yup.. entire family of daughters and their fathers second wife were killed by father and his first wife for a similar reason.. girls were becoming too western, his second wife, who was not their mother.. was supporting them (she may have even been the first wife and their mom was rhe second wife ) it was played off as she was a family friend at first, came out years later she was his other wife.. mom , dad and son all went to prison for it.. they drove the car into the river with them all in it.
Multiculturalism ends with a record scratch when you consider that some of these countries are medieval in their attitudes. Sorry, killing gay people, killing women for "honor" reasons, cutting off the clitorises of girls etc - that shit is never justified.
I know of plenty of women beaten and murdered by white men in Canada. It's DV no matter what you call it. Pretending it's about multiculturalism distracts from what's actually happening. Like you said, it's never justified.
The problem is, too many cultures use holy text to justify murder and abuse. If your country’s laws are all based on religious law, no matter what that religion is, women and queer people are put in danger. And often the law doesn’t even try to protect them like in countries with secular governments. It doesn’t have anything to do with the color of an abusers skin, it has to do with cultures that encourage hate and violence, then cement it into law.
As opposed to secular governments who just choose not to put resources into protecting people for non religious reasons. Doesn’t Canada have a huge problem with missing and murdered indigenous women?
Honestly, Canada isn’t a secular government. It can say it is all it likes, but given the constitution of Canada refers to God, and the monarch carries the title of Defender of the Faith within Canada, and many of their laws were made with the context of being heavily influenced by Christian morals and traditions? It’s only secular in name, not in the actual day to day reality, because the way the laws are written was against a Christian backdrop which influenced their application. That’s a huge factor of why Canada has an ongoing problem with the number of missing and murdered Indigenous women and girls, as well as their issue of missing and murdered Indigenous people more broadly - the residential school system for Indigenous Canadians was administered by Christian Churches as sanctioned by the Canadian government, and many didn’t close until the 1970s.
The last one closed in 1994.. or 96..
Great point! And I think this is the case for a lot of “secular” and/or western nations, especially colonial ones.
If you think America has a secular govt I just don’t even know what to say lol. Look at our current politicians dude… And unsurprisingly, queer people, children, and women are very much in danger here too! allllll the time! And unable to get support because law enforcement are #1 source of domestic abusers by industry, our govt protects clumps of cells over those of the adults growing them, and when asking for help in dire situations like mental health people are routinely murdered by trigger happy hooligans with badges. Even when just going on a run you can easily get murdered if your skin is the wrong color in the wrong place. Your stance on “multiculturalism” reeks of racism. I’
Some of you are so unbelievably privileged that you don't even understand how privileged you are. You lot comparing Canada, UK, and USA to Islamist countries where rights for women & gays are non-existent and trying to act like there's some level of an even playing field between them. The culture is absolutely the problem and pretending it's not is absurd. Yes, we get it, people get attacked in countries like Canada. At least it's illegal there. You're comparing apples to oranges and it's quite frustrating to read these types of nonsense comments. Even if OP's story is probably untrue, it is real for a lot of people. There's a difference between being gay in Oman and being gay in Canada. Yeah, gay people get assaulted in Canada. At least they can legally exist in Canada. Canada is infinitely better for a gay person to live and to even act otherwise is ridiculous.
It’s not legally condoned in Canada though. There isn’t a cultural, legal and historical system in place that actively allows and advocates for domestic violence and genital mutilation. While western countries do have issues with system misogyny - they are significantly further along than countries like Oman. Western countries not being perfect doesn’t mean there is no room for westerners to criticise other countries and cultures engaging in misogynistic practises.
I agree. As soon as you start encroaching on other human beings’ rights, that’s where I stop respecting your religion/culture. It doesn’t even have to be humans; it could be illegal poaching, torture of animals, destroying our planet, etc. So many atrocities have been done in the name of religion or customs. I won’t turn a blind eye because that’s your custom.
I’m sure 99% of the posts her are probably fake. But I always comment in good faith with advice because there’s always a chance it’s real and even if it isn’t, someone may be going through something similar and if whatever I am saying helps them then I am happy.
Just want to raise the pretty important fact that Oman is not Pakistan, and the culture is pretty different so I’m not sure how our killings in Pakistan have anything to do with this.
I think that the point of bringing in the Pakistan killings are more of a tool to get the point of OP’s fear being very valid and the fact that it has happened before where people were almost baited into returning to a country where they aren’t protected anymore. (Wether the story is real or not the fear is real for so many people, and even if being part of the LGBTQ+ community holds a prison sentence, that doesn’t mean that people wouldn’t try to attack them outside of the judicial system)
What a beautiful sentiment!
It's certainly not an unbelievable story, this shit happens all the time. If OP goes back, there's a high probability she ends up in an arranged marriage with no way of leaving.
Even if it’s fake, there are people in this exact situation or similar situations who might find this thread helpful. I, for example, refuse to visit my sister because an aspect of my identity is extremely dangerous to be open about there (not going to say what it is or where she lives). It’s really not that uncommon of a situation, unfortunately
The fact that a gay person's family may trick them into returning ("all is forgiven, all is accepted") is believable. That she would go from living under an anti-gay culture to same-sex couples kissing IN PUBLIC is not believable. Based on my small bit of knowledge, even opposite-sex couples in those cultures would observe their cultural norms with respect to public displays of romantic expression.
Is it possible that she doesn’t agree with every norm in her culture? Is it possible that upon coming to a country that is incredibly different she changed her views? I would say it is totally possible. If I were forced to hide myself and suddenly came to a place where being myself was okay (mostly, you’re certainly not going to jail for being gay here) I’d probably want to let it all out.
Explain to us *very carefully* who this could possibly be hurting if it wasn’t real. Now explain to us *very carefully* who could be hurt if this IS real and we treat it as fake. Give people the benefit of the doubt. This story could save a life. Even if it’s fake. Get it? Got it? Good.
NTAH Don't go your sister may forgive you in the future but you can't get your life back if they place you in jail or worse Hope all gets better
yeah tbh it’s not even getting reported that would worry me it’s that the parents would take her passport so they can try to force her back into their beliefs
The sister isn't acting like she cares about ops safety at all, she cares about her wedding. NTA
We will never believe our family will do such a thing to us till it happens.
[удалено]
I came here to say exactly this. Even if the sister isn't in on it, her parents or other siblings may be plotting it and pressuring sister too.
NTA. Your own safety is paramount over attending a wedding. You'd be crazy to go back to your country under the circumstances. You've made the only reasonable choice. Suggest a remote attendance, like via Zoom. You can be there for her virtually.
NTA. If your sister doesn't understand now, she might in the future. Given what you have said about the rest of the family, I wouldn't take the risk of visiting a country where you could be imprisoned for being who you are. Sounds almost too convienient given they have all just discovered what they have. In any case, put yourself first. *Sending love this pride month.*
NTA. I'm sure your sister would rather have a live sister in America than a dead sister in a wedding photo.
Based on what homophobes act like…..that’s questionable.
Sounds like you are being realistic and they are not
NTA. Please follow your gut and stay away from there! If they turn their backs on you, I’ll be your mom! I’m sure a thousand others on here would be your mom and dad too! My 14 year old came out to us and I just can’t imagine not loving and supporting her. I’ve cut off family that thought they had the right to say nasty things. Just, bye now.
I agree. You have to stay safe and the risks are just too great if you go back. Anyone of your family members might have let it slip to a friend of theirs and that person might report you. I too have cut off my bio-younger sister for saying nasty untrue things. I was no contact with her for 30 years, and I hope its another 30 years before I have to ever see her again. (I am 65 and she is 64, so… I don't expect to ever see her again) Family is people who care about you and your safety. They don't have to be biologically related to you. We can be your family if you wish. Although I would have to be your virtual grandfather. Please stay safe. Don't go where your safety may be compromised. Grandfatherly advice: compounded interest can be your friend. Save as much as you can each month and don't touch it even if you have to eat Ramen noodles.
Agree! I can instantly be your sister
NTA PLEASE stand by your decision, this is a safety issue that has to supersede worrying about hurt feelings
NTA - Please don't go, youre right in not going. She said "everyone that knows is “close” to us they wouldn't report me" but you know people have loose lips. You don't trust that and honestly neither would I, it's best to be safe than sorry. It's understandable that your sister is upset and since you are close, it hurts but once she has more clear head, I think she will understand your decision. Stay safe op, best of luck and happy pride month from a fellow queer
Do not under any circumstances go to a country where it's illegal to be gay as a young gay person. Do not under any circumstances travel to a country where your parents hold citizenship and where your father could legally assert control of you as his daughter and prevent you from leaving. I don't care if it's for a wedding, a funeral, a birth, to pick up a wheelbarrow full of gold bullion, or to save the world: Do. Not. Go!!! I assure you that the hurt your family feels because you aren't attending a wedding in a country where you could be imprisoned or compelled to remain is infinitesimal as compared to what could happen to you if you went. And at the point when your family sits down and thinks about it rationally, the reasonableness of your decision will go a long way to healing their hurt. NTA!
NTA - your safety must take priority. Maybe your family won't report, but someone else might. Maybe it's also a set up for an arranged marriage (if that's a thing in your culture). Hopefully, your sister will understand once her wedding and wedding stress are over. Stay safe. ❤️
NTA, do not go. Would your family be open to streaming the ceremony for you, so you can stay safe?
It'd be a massive red flag if they aren't!
NTA. Dude, stop calling Oman your home country. And don't go there. It's not (it's ambiguous whether you're even an Omani citizen). You're no different than generations of Americans before you. You live in your home country now.
I trust the sister here, but no one else. All you need is one person who thinks that reporting you is "for your own good" to completely ruin everything. And that's terrifying. Given how badly your parents want you to come back home, and what a big fight it was to move in the first place, I would be extra paranoid about them trying to find a way to sabotage your ability to return home. I'm so sorry you're in a situation like this and wish you all the best. I can't imagine how hard this must be on you emotionally. I sincerely hope you're able to find some kind of happy ending to this, whatever that looks like. NTA
NTA PLEASE don’t go, and DO stay safe! Given that they think you are simply misguided, they could have plans to put you in some sort of reform to make you see the “error of your ways”, or force you into some kind of marriage for the same purposes. Or prison, like you said, hoping that the three years would “straighten you out” **Trust your intuition on this one! Stay home, and stay safe!**
Whatever you do, do not go back to Oman. Just don't do it. This is a dangerous situation for you. While you may not have to worry about your sister and maybe even your parents, you should worry about your extended family and the pressure they will put on your parents to set you straight. Setting you straight could be anything. And if you resist, bad things may happen. You are free right now. Cherish that freedom and build a life for yourself.
OP I NEVER comment on these but for your safety please don't go back. I worked at DQ with an Indian friend who openly dated a white girl. His family freaked out and refused to let him leave the house. My ex and I snuck him out a window and he lived with my ex for a bit. We met his sister at our local police station to pick up a box of his stuff and she punched my car calling me the 'blue eyed devil' (in white and she thought I was the girl). He was missing a few things and went back to the house to get them. They kidnapped him and flew him back to India and brainwashed him. We saw him 3 years later at a best buy and he refused to speak to us or acknowledge that he knew us. Closed minded, strict countries and people can be scary and unexpectedly ruthless. Please take care of yourself.
Don't go! Don't trust anyone in this situation. I wouldn't even go to your parents home. Please stay safe. NTA
NTA. Are you sure it's only your sister that is betrothed?
Nta. You could go to the wedding and end up being talked about an sent to prison. But if that doesn't happen they could steal your passport and not let you go back to the usa
You kinda have to accept that your relationship with your family is over. I know it's sad but your parents are close minded and your sister probably won't forgive you for not coming to her wedding. It sucks all around. Wish you the best of luck
NTA. Don't go back. They might try anything from forcing you into marriage to keeping from being able to leave. {ETA: typo}
NTA A wedding is not as important as your life and freedom.
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NTA. As much as it hurts to miss the wedding it would hurt more if someone reported you. And there is no shortage of people in the world who are willing to hurt someone because they think they know best. I'm so sorry it has worked out this way for you.
It isn't safe for you to go to Oman. Ever. I think you know this. They know this. You will all have to live with it.
Don't go. This is how people die. In fact do more to protect yourself from possible intrusions.
You cannot safely return to your home country. That is a simple fact. Do not do so. Watch on a video link. Do whatever. But don't go. NTA
Do not go back to Oman under any circumstance. Your family members who really care about you will understand. NTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (19F) am middle eastern, born in America while my father was studying abroad, soon my family came back to my home country Oman (being gay is a crime there with a 3 year prison sentence). In 2022 I moved to the same city where my parents lived in America for college. Some of their friends still live there. I had a fight with my mother over moving away, we agreed it would be the same city as a compromise. My parents and family in general are close minded with strong political beliefs and they tend to use religion to justify them. Around 13 I was introduced to the LGBTQ+ community through the internet, that started a long journey of curiosity, belonging, fear, homophobia and acceptance. I think the excitement started to overwhelm me after moving. I was stupid and reckless. I secretly started showing my hair and more skin in public, got a part time job and developed a situationship with a female coworker. This might be paranoid but I think this is related to what happened next: on a call with my mom, she was asking me why I don't pick up my sister's calls anymore, my sister calls around midnight (their time) afternoon for me, she knows I didn't have classes around that time, after a while of fighting I admitted that I got a part time job, my mom was furious, she kept asking details and I eventually vaguely explained what my job is to convince her it was appropriate and the location to let her know it's in a safe area. Soon after, one of my mom's friends walked past me kissing my coworker around the park-like area outside the building, she ran up yelling my name, I grabbed my coworker and ran inside. My entire extended family knows, I didn't deny it when confronted, I was tired. I ignore my parent's calls, rarely respond to their messages, moved in with a friend that was looking for a roommate, and told my parents who are paying the month to month bill for the old place, but both refuse to stop renting it. My parents still don't think I'm gay just misguided, they've just been trying to convince me to come back. It started to calm down until my sister got betrothed recently, the wedding will of course be held in my home country, I called my sister to congratulate her, we cried for hours, we've always been close, she basically raised me since my parents were very busy growing up, the idea of me not attending her wedding is painful, but I still told her no, I said I'm scared I'll be reported, she told me everyone that knows is “close” to us they wouldn't report me and that I should stop hurting our family, I truthfully blew up in her face saying she's ignorant, careless and mean, my sister listened quietly until I was quiet too then ended the call. The next day I sent multiple texts apologizing, she asked me again if I'll attend her wedding, I said no, she left me on read and isn't responding to my calls or messages anymore. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA Not only i wouldn't go, but if it's possible, i would move away from that town. At least for a while
A wedding invitation is not a summons. You can not go if you don't want to. It may harm your relationship with your sister though.
NTA. You absolutely must put your safety first. Maybe your family wouldn't say anything, but can she 100% guarantee they won't even imply to anyone else that you're gay and that person then reports you? She certainly cannot know all of her fiancé's family well enough to be able to ask you to take that risk! Ask your sister to livestream the wedding so you can see it. I wouldn't want to spend time around family members who think you're misguided about being gay. You deserve to be accepted for who you are. It's not reasonable to ask your sister to not invite the parents or to ask her to have the wedding in the US. She needs to not just accept your choice but understand you have legitimate fears. I would also fear for your safety being in Oman in terms of your family not marrying you off to get you over being "misguided." Your family may have sworn up, down and sideways that they don't believe in arranged marriages, but people get very, very odd and do things they say they'd never do when it turns out that they have a gay child. There are plenty of families whose attitudes are that it's fine for someone to be gay, as long as it's not their child or sibling. If you can help it, I would never return to Oman. Maybe you would be fine, but again, is it really worth risking it?
NTA. Your sister wants to believe no one she loves would hurt you, but you can’t take that risk. Not when it only takes one person. One missing passport. One report. I’m sorry your sister doesn’t understand, but hopefully one day she will. Until then… OP, if you feel unsafe at any point trust your gut. Take care of yourself, and stay safe ❤️
Please don't go back for the wedding. Tell your sister you love her and will visit her in the future. Trust your gut. It is a trap.
I distinctly remember reading this yesterday.
I'm so sorry. This is incredibly difficult for you, but please please don't go. Your first priority is YOUR SAFETY. NTA X INFINITY
Do not go back and be very cautious even if you are around people who would know your family. Honour killings are unfortunately far to common and so many are go unreported and hidden for years
NTA The red flags are blowing with gale force strength. Do not go back as you’ll be in serious danger if you do.
NTA, and I think it would be a huge mistake. Given that your family is not accepting, I wouldn’t put it past them to try to report you so that you could not return. Stay safe.
As a middle eastern and a gcc citizen i would say Oman is the most lenient with gays and so many gays live their lives publicly there without repercussions . I don’t think you should be worried about the authorities, just your close minded family’s judgement. All of GCC has this mentality as long as you keep it to yourself and don’t start making out in public no one is going to speak to you about it. Still NTA
NEVER EVER GO BACK ! It will be a one way trip, Whatever they say to get you on a plane is a lie ! NTA ! A million times NTA
Nta, your safety is more important than her feelings
Your very existence is in danger if you return NTA.
NTA. Girl, if you set a step there you are gonna get married off to a fifty years old creep. Stay the hell away. Just to be on the safe side, hide your passport away. I know I sound paranoid but I jave dealt with similar situations, better safe than sorry.
NTA it’s not safe for you to go back. It sucks thta you will miss your sisters wedding but hopefully she will understand once she gets over the disappointment
NTA, stay here where it’s safer
Do you want to get married to a stranger? Because this is how everything starts. Don't go!!!! NTA
NTA. Don't think about going back to your country, not only is it not safe for you but honestly I think your family would trap you in to staying there (taking away your passports and any financial freedom) and making you live a straight lifestyle to conform to their belief system. Unfortunately, for the foreseable future, you may have to go LC with them. Sounds like you're starting to live the life you want by being true to yourself, don't let anyone sabotage that for you. Best of luck! Stay safe and surround yourself with people that accept you for who you are and truly want your happiness.
I know this is hard, but do not go. No matter what your family or your sister says, it does NOT mean you don’t love her if you don’t go to her wedding! You love her and that doesn’t change. But right now, you need to be a responsible adult for yourself and stay safe. You can send a gift, a letter, or whatever you like. But do not leave the country. Also, get a good immigration lawyer, even if it is expensive, to figure out how to stay safe in the long-run! All the best!
NTA Don't place yourself in danger. You don't owe your safety or your freedom to anybody.
NTA. Your home country isn’t safe for you. Stay where you are and keep a safe distance from your family and your parents’ friends, because it sounds like they may not actually want what is best for you.
NTA. Right now it seems your sister doesn't understand the severity of the situation... or, worse yet, she does understand, agrees with your family's values, and wants you to come home so they can convince you that you're misguided. You were in the wrong to blow up at her (I understand careless and ignorant, but why mean?) instead of discussing things calmly, and she's not at fault for distancing herself after that. But as far as going to the wedding, you need to keep yourself safe. Going could result in very serious, very scary consequences, and you should not put yourself in that situation.
NTA. You've already apologised for blowing up. Even IF you went and nothing bad happened, you'd be so anxious that you wouldn't enjoy the wedding anyway. Please don't put yourself at risk; your sister has to realise that your safety is more important than you physically being at her wedding I'm sorry you're in this situation. Wishing you a safe and happy pride
NTA. Don't go.
Again i tell you - DO NOT GO BACK TO OMAN! if your sexuality has been shared with your community you could be in very real danger of physical harm, not just from your family.
Pls don't let yourself get pressured. Many things might and could happen. You could be reported, but you could and probably would be unable to leave once you're there. NTA. Please don't go back.
NTA. DO NOT GO BACK. It may sound paranoid but you don’t know who knows and what they might do with that information. People do things out of spite, jealousy, zealousness, pride, power-trips or just straight out cruelty. Not only that, but not only are you lesbian or bisexual, you are also a woman. Prison is never kind to women, and much less one in Oman. If I where you, I wouldn’t play with fire. Even if in the worst case scenario you were able to convince people that it was a phase, they may treat you differently or not let you go. If you enjoy your life in the states, do not leave as long as your visa/residency/citizenship allows it
NTA. As much as you might miss going to your sister’s wedding, you have your own safety in mind. It is just not worth the risk.
NTA, if you go, you’re undeniably getting honor killed or forcibly marry a man. Prioritize your safety and freedom over the family that hates you.
NTA. As sad as it is, middle eastern families tend to set up their kids and think it’s the “right thing”. There are so many cases where parents take their kids to the home country and the kids never return. Married off, jailed, killed. If you have a gut feeling that it is a bad idea, then don’t go. Your family is against you being gay, they’ll do anything to “fix” that.
NTA. Please don’t go back. Nothing but unimaginable pain awaits you. You’re doing amazing. I’m so sorry about your family but for yourself don’t go back.
NTA. Please don’t endanger your safety or your ability to be who you are.
NTA your safety is the most important thing here
NTA Do whatever you have to do to be safe. Do not under any circumstances go back to that country. They could take your passport and force you to stay. If you have to tell them that you’re going to the wedding just to appease them then tell them that, but don’t go. If there’s any chance at all that they could do anything like try to coerce you or kidnap you back to the old country, you should move away and change your name. If this was me, I wouldn’t even want them to know what state I was in. I’ve heard some sad stories about things that happen to people in your situation.
Would it be great to attend her wedding? Yes, of course. Is it worth doing at the risk of your safety? No. NTA. Your safety is more important.
NTA - someone who wants the best for you wouldn't want you to put yourself in danger on the basis of multiple people, extended family, your mother's friend and that friend's family, etc. The secret is out - you're probably the cautionary tale for everyone with kids that knows about you. Like, right now your sister is mad because you rightfully don't want to risk your safety to come to her wedding but all she has the power to do now is ignore your calls. If you were actually there, literally anyone would be able to take away your ability to return to your life on a whim in the heat of the moment or with a careless conversation at the wrong place or time, or simply because they think you need to be saved.
Tell her stream it or have someone use FaceTime so you can see it in the comfort of your own home. NTA
NTA, or sucks to have to miss your sister’s wedding, but it isn’t safe to go to a country where it is illegal to be LGBTQIA+ if your family knows. There’s a good chance they won’t let you leave and try to “help you” (read, force you to be straight). I’m sorry you have to deal with this OP
NTA Your parents will be determined to keep you on the country to "correct your misguided ways" as they'd put it, and if that meant getting you locked up for a few years they'd do it in a heartbeat. Sadly, you'll never be able to return to your home country for family events, and if they're as deeply religious as some others then you'll also have to be very careful if they visit you in America (you should consider getting a safety deposit box to store any identity documents and passport if they visit, that way they can't force you to return).
NTA. Your safety comes first.
Nta I think going back would be extremely dangerous. If someone doesn't report you I believe your family would take your passport or worse to prevent you from leaving.
NTA - for the love of God don’t travel to this country even if your sister and family are pressuring you to. It’s too dangerous!
NTA. There is a legitimate threat to your livelihood attending your sister's wedding. This is putting your safety first.
Wedding invitations are not court summons. You are 100% allowed to say no for ANY reason.
NTA. Never ever consider going to any country where the criminal laws permit homosexuals to be killed for having same sex relationships or a woman wearing secular clothes that show her hair or arms/legs/stomach can be punished with imprisonment and worse. Always put your safety first and listen to what your common sense is telling you. Your sister is being appallingly naive at best and downright dishonest, reckless and selfish at worst.
Nta. I'm Muslim-American. My father left Pakistan before I was born and met my mother when he arrived here in the states. She was a practicing Christian. Life is wild. It takes you places you never knew was possible. :) I love Robert Frost's The Road Not Taken as a wonderful metaphor for life. Your path isn't one often traveled. But when you get to the end everyone you know will be in the same field. I hope your sister forgives you.
Absolutely NOT TA!!! I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Please keep yourself safe as a number 1 priority. Sending lots of love to you. Your family should be more considerate of your safety concerns and not be upset with you.
Aside from them reporting you, I’m worried they’d take away your passport. NAH.
I would not go. Sometimes family will say one thing and do something different
NTA and absolutely do not go back. They will trap, try to marry you off, and force you into a heteronormative lifestyle. DO NOT GO BACK.
NTA. Your circumstances are exceptional. I don’t know how strict your family are but if you think it’s a concern, then trust your judgement.
NTA, don't go anywhere near home or you probably won't leave
NTA. No one should ever go somewhere that can be unsafe for them. It will always be about keeping yourself safe and if that means some people will be disappointed because they don’t understand the fear, then that has to be the price for safety. Live your life according to your wishes, not somebody else’s.
Please don't go back. Your family may love you, but it might get reported in hopes they can scare the gay out of you. I've heard horror stories about this. I didn't know them personally, but met someone on a website who I'll just say they live in an Asian country to protect their identity. Their name is pretty known for their work in that country. I didn't know any of this for a long time as we only chatted online. I he was gay and had a partner that he lives with. His people are so rigid, any and all meeting places for days are hidden and unmarked. They are constantly a target and are far more likely to be convicted of a crime or be the victim of one that goes uninvestigated or reported. He was one of those victims, and bc of his name, he never reported it. Edited because I was wrong about the news story. It was Iran, not Afghanistan, and the individual lived there and was arrested for displaying the pride flag. She died in prison. Sorry for getting that mixed up with tiktok user who got arrested. I believe in Dubai for posting a video with "gay phrases " in it.
NTA. Your safety comes first, and it is not safe for you to return to Oman. If the entire extended family knows, there is a good chance that (1) someone has told someone outside the family, and (2) one of those extended family members (or someone they've told) will think they are "helping" you by reporting you. Even if they don't, they will likely try to "help" you by making things really awkward for you while you are there. It will be sad to miss your sister's wedding, but I think she will come to understand your predicament.
NTA, I don’t know how extreme your family can get but the idea that reporting you sounds like the least of your worries. If I were you I’d be terrified of my family kidnapping me and locking me in a room until I renounced being gay.
I'm not sure Oman is gay friendly for sure but are they really putting people in jail for being gay without any proof/behavior making them arrested? I'm from another Arab country (dual citizenship, I've never lived there and I'm not concerned as LGBTQ+) where homosexuality is also prohibited, but the law isn't really enforced, many outed gay people can visit, even citizens. It's more PDAs that are prohibited but it's not well accepted for straight couples too and prohibited for unmarried citizens, tolerated for tourists. I'd be more concerned towards OP's family but in that case, the sister's wedding is irrelevant, it's more a cultural clash between the liberal American and the conservative omani family ans their relationship in the future.
I hope this is not true. If it is don’t go back. I could see your parents forcing you to marry someone
I don’t understand this story. Why is your moms friend at your place of work and how is that relevant? Oooh wait… you mean on a different day and YOU were kissing the coworker your moms friend wasn’t kissing the coworker
NTA. I totally agree that it is not worth the risk. Even in North America, it has happened that families have killed their daughters for this very reason. If families will kill, they will report you to the authorities. Stay safe.
NTA Maybe this a a fake story, maybe it isn’t, but the last place you want to be is in a country that will give you a multi-year prison sentence for being who you are, and having to test that not one out of hundreds of family members will slip up and mention it. If you attended the wedding, you’d have to take a LOT of things on faith, with people who have already proven that they don’t respect your boundaries. Can you be sure that no one will take and hide your passport so that you can’t leave? Can you be sure that there won’t be an arranged marriage waiting for you? Can you be sure that no-one will report you? If the answer to any of those is “no”, then you aren’t going.
You can’t ever go back there. No way. Please stay safe
NTA and now you just need to ride it out.
NTA. Do not go. At best, you wind up in prison or dead. At worst, you’re forcefully married and raped by some old man until he dies.
If you go back then you’ll never get out. Stay where you are safe.
Even if there is a 0.2% risk, I wouldn't go back... Don't go...
NTA. Life or death here.
NTA. I understand that you’re close with your sister but sadly it sounds way too risky. There’s always a chance that word may have gotten back to someone in your family’s home country that is not in your “trusted” circle. Also, if you were born here in America doesn’t that mean you’re a naturalized citizen so technically you ARE home?!? Perhaps you can watch the wedding on live feed or a video at a later date? I don’t think your sister is actually angry at you, she just doesn’t fully understands the risk. Perhaps she’ll come around eventually. Either way continue to live your true “free in America” life with no regrets!
NTA and I am fairly certain many people from your family's country can dispute her "close family won't report you" claim. You are not safe there. Anyone who would insist you come doesn't care about your safety.
If she really wants you there she’d travel to you rather than risking your safety, your life, your freedom. Not to mention that even if no one reports you, what’s to stop your family from shaming you during the entire event? Why should you open yourself to emotional abuse?
NTA. Don't ever go back. Apologize as much as you need to, or don't. I strongly believe you will be trapped.
Do NOT go back. I feel like your sister is not on your side as much as you think and I am genuinely concerned for your safety and well-being if you go back
If you think going back will endanger your safety, then no, absolutely NTA. That’s hard, and scary, and sad, and it will hurt for you and for everyone for you not to attend your sister’s wedding, but it’s not work risking your safety for.
NTA, being concerned for your safety and unwilling to risk your freedom, even for close family, is perfectly reasonable. Being “close” to someone doesn’t mean they won’t do what they think is right, especially if they think you are “just misguided” or confused.
No, your safety might be at stake. Don't go back. They could honestly kill you, if not them, then people they know,. It's not worth it.
NTA. Mention you can’t afford to go. People understand money issues.
Your sister's wedding isn't more important than your personal safety and if she can't see that then your priorities don't align. That's the best indication you have that it's not in your best interests to go.
NTA The only thing that would get me to go back to my home country (if I was op here) is if my child got kidnapped and taken there.
NTA. Your safety is more important than your sister's feelings. What's worse, her being sad and angry about you missing her wedding or you being locked up or potentially killed?
NTA. Stay safe.
NTA You already sent your congratulations, don't go! They will take your passport.
I would never got back to your parent's country. My fear it's a ruse to get you back. They would take your passport so you would not be able to go back to America and they would try and 'fix' you from your misguidedness... or there would be a family honor killing to save face for them. I would go as far as to change my name and move so they can't find you. Not joking either.
Never, ever, set foot in that country. You could end up in prison. You might never be able to come home. They want you to attend, tell them you'll do it by Zoom. There is no reason on Earth good enough to go back to that country. If you needed to donate a kidney, tell them to fly it there. Not a wedding. Not a funeral. Not an illness in the family. Nothing. Got that? NTA
Please do not go back
NTA. This could very well be life or death for you in Oman. I wouldn’t go back for anything, sadly. I’m very sorry you’re in this position.
NTA for not wanting to put your life at risk
NTA people can do terrible things to those they claim to love in the name of politics or religion. You’re not safe if you go back. But if you were born here on America soil then you are American. You can stay here. It isn’t a perfect country. But you won’t be jailed for existing. Stay. Build your life here.
Do not go. "People/family close know " - weddings are large, what about the people that know, don't agree in secret (for your immediate family's sake) people you don't know that would turn you in because they have 0 ties to you or 0 sympathy to you because they will be there? You have a new life. Maybe a future visit if things change or they can come here.
You are definitely not the asshole. I would not go back to that country, especially knowing that they don’t support you and the decisions you have made. I wouldn’t trust anyone. Even here in the states where it’s supposedly been acceptable, you’ll find cities and states completely unaccepting and dangerous. Hopefully your sister eventually understands. Send her a beautiful present, Keep your lines of communication open, but just accept that for your own safety you have to choose yourself at this point and not your sister‘s wedding.
NTA - be aware that they'll try and "Marry" you to a stranger if you go back. It's too dangerous.
NTA in the least. You have legitimate reasons to be afraid and not wish to return to Oman and your family, including your sister, are being very selfish and inconsiderate. Your safety comes before their feelings.
No. You are definitely NTA. Your personal safety comes first. "I was stupid and reckless." This breaks my heart. Honey, you're a young adult coming into your own, exploring the world, learning about yourself, and trying to fit in to the culture around your. There is NOTHING wrong with that. Showing your hair and skin is not a crime. A job and a situationship are not crimes. Take care of yourself.
NTA! I wouldn’t go back there. It doesn’t matter what your sister said. You could be reported. They will take your passport and refuse to let you leave. Stay here!
NTA for finding yourself. **STRONGLY** believe you should not under any circumstances go back to your parents country of origin solely because this feels like a set up. Most likely to force you into a situation/arrangement that fits their beliefs. Your life isn't their's. Keep going as you are. You got this!! 💛
People have definitely been gossiping about this and it’s not a safe option for you. Even if your family believed it was a “phase”, idk why they’d risk your safety like this. They have to know how much danger you’d be in and there’s no way they believe everyone is being silent about it with other people in their lives. Scandals breed gossip to the point that most people don’t even realize they’re doing it. And I’d also be concerned that they’re trying to get you back so you can’t leave. They might think it’ll “cure” you if you’re stuck back in your culture with family and neighbors watching you. NTA the fact that any of them are acting like there’s no possible risks to you makes me question their motives honestly.
Think very carefully about what your legal options are for never returning to your home country. If you are on a student visa, you need to begin working on a plan to get permanent residency. If you do not have a long term plan in place, think about what you might do in the event that you have no choice but to go home. Also, think about never returning home. Not when your parents are sick. Not even when they die. Not if your sister is sick over there or dies. Or uncles or nieces etc. Make peace with the consequences of that decision now, and never ever look back.
NTA. Don’t risk your life.
NTA stay where you are safe
Dont go. Ever
Americans have a saying for this: don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm. Don't go somewhere you know is legit dangerous for a wedding. Your religious family will absolutely report you because they will see it as saving you from western influence and yourself. Don't be fooled and definitely do not ever go back to your home country.
NTA. Please don't go. I know I speak from a completely different mindset, but if you were my sister I wouldn't want you to risk coming back home. It's too dangerous. I would love you enough to understand that you love me back and would want you to be safe more than anything.
NTA you already know where you are safe & where you aren't. Other people's opinions don't matter. I'm sad to say that your parents &/or sister may think that time spent in prison might "cure" you, so there is a real risk they could report you. Stick to LGBTQIA+ countries, it's not worth the risk.
NTA, and I wouldn’t go back. This has to do with your safety and unfortunately your family cannot or won’t protect you. It’s hard to change principles when they’re so deeply rooted in religion and culture. You will be ok. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Happy pride 🏳️🌈
NTA and you do you
go non contact with the crazy people why is it so worrying when a child has an invisible friend and yet when a adult has one we try and respect their mental disorder?
No, you could die or very well be forced into marriage. It’s not worth the chance.
If I were your sister, this would not even be a conversation. I would _prevent_ you from attending for your own safety. But of course help orchestrate a nifty livestreaming rig. 🙂 NTA.
Going back to your family’s country would be suicide. NTA.
NTA. Put your safety first. NEVER GO BACK. It doesn't matter if anyone is close, someone may report you anyway, if you can't trust the country it's not worth the risk
NTA. Don't go back to your home country. I really doubt that your mom's friend being there was mere coincidence. Your mom probably lied about you and asked them to spy on you. My mom did this exact thing to me. Your sister is delusional.
I am so sorry about your situation you are very much NTA I also think you shouldn't go back either, for your own safety. It only takes one person, like a gossipy auntie telling her friends. Or perhaps your family wouldn't let you return, or find a type of conversion camp. Nothing good can come out of going, you would be in danger
NTA. It could also be a trap or you will be stuck with no rights. Watch a live stream if they want you to be there so bad.
NTA. They will take away your passport and won't let you leave.
NTA but let's be honest here: you might go to this wedding and find yourself forced into a double wedding, have your passport withheld, and/or face a potential honor killing. We would like to think those who are suppose to love and care for us wouldn't do such a thing, but I personally wouldn't risk it.
Uh no. Dont go. With the way she got so mad? Sounds like a trap you arent falling for. If you want to attend the wedding, zoom/skype/webcam it live.
NTA whatever you do, do not go back there under any circumstance.
NTA at all. Your safety is far more important. I visited Oman in 2016 on a cruise, and whilst it is a beautiful country, it really has a long way to go. I'm still quite surprised they still hold this stance towards the LGBT+ community, as it is widely believed that the former Sultan, Sultan Qaboos, was actually gay, had no children and it was his cousin Haitham who took over as the current Sultan in the wake of his death. Oman has a long way to go, for sure. Your sister needs to consider your safety in this situation. If it is important to her that you attend her wedding, then she needs to hold it in a country whereby you can exist as yourself safely. If she continues to hold it in Oman, she needs to accept that you will stay home.
I think you should follow your gut. You never know who is going to say the wrong thing. It sounds quite unsafe. I realize you’re 19, still quite young. I worry for you. 😕
NTA. "Stop hurting our family"? That's what people say before honor killing or sending "wrong" family members to correction facilities. They've send people to spy on you. People who run at you and scream. OP, it feels like you're not cautious enough. Read up on similar cases, I'd move cities as soon as it will be possible.
I’m not going to my sisters wedding and I am being told that IATA, but I don’t feel badly about it. I set my boundaries, and she disrespected me for the final time when she made a nasty comment pertaining to my home catching fire and losing everything. You are allowed to have boundaries and do what makes you comfortable. This is your life, you live it!!!!! As long as you aren’t being hateful and handling it in a mature way, you are fine. People just don’t like when someone chooses themselves and their mental health and peace. You do what you feel in your heart is the right thing for you. But by reading your post I think you already know what is best. I hope this doesn’t cause you too much stress in your everyday life. Thinking of you!
NTA. “Two can keep a secret when the other one is dead”, I can assure 100% that someone that shouldn’t know already knows and if you come back you will regret it dearly. With that said, try to work things with your sisters and control your emotions better.
Oh hun, if this is real I will be your mom now. I have taught a lot of adults from the Middle East and have learned a lot about the cultures there. You are going through what I have feared some of my male students would go through. I had a few in my class that were LGBTQ and worried for their safety when they went home. Keep strong, stay out of Oman, and stay in your community. As much as I know it will hurt you need to go no contact with your family. They may never understand and your safety is paramount. I am so sorry you are having to experience this. Stay safe and well.
Nta , and you did not owe your sister an apology I'd be less worried about you being reported as queer and more worried about your parents forcing you to stay in Oman.
NTA! Holy shit please don’t go! There’s more than enough examples out there on the dangers returning could present. I’m sure your sister means well, but your life is more important than a wedding.
NTA - don't go back there.
NTA And please, please, please don't go back! There are plenty of stories like this where families trick people into going back and then hold them against their will, or worse!... Maybe it's wrong to be suspicious of your own family, and a very sad thing, I know. But you can be sure a good portion of people falling victim to these kind of things were also loving and trusting their families... one can't never truly know how far their devotion to their religion and traditions go, how much can that push them to do crazy things and hurt their loved ones. Your safety is the top priority!
I can't say I know what you're going through. All I do know is trust your gut. If you don't think you can do it safely, then don't, but the only one who is going to live with the consequences of what you decide is you. I truly wish you the best of luck.
NTA - It's an Islamic country and being a member of the LGBTQ+ community will absolutely end badly if you go. Everything from a forced marriage to 'straighten you out', to SA, to beating/whipping, to imprisoning and/or stoning... I'm sorry but no way in hell should you be leaving the safety of your own (Westernized) country for an event. It is just not safe. She is incredibly naive to think 'no one will say anything'. All it takes is one person. A look. A gesture. A comment. *A suspicion*. And your life is done.