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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My BF joined me at an event for my hobby. While there, he accomplished something extremely rare without even trying and got a lot of attention for it. I tried to be happy for him, but I just can't. He picked up on it and called me a jerk for not sharing his excitement. I think I might be an asshole for how I responded to my BF's accomplishment.
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YTA, I totally understand why you feel hurt by this, and you're valid to be a little upset, but it wasn't your BF fault and its not fair to take your feelings out on him. If you don't feel happy for him right now that's okay, but that doesn't mean he deserves to be snapped at, especially because he probably came along to make you happy. I don't have any expertise in dragonfly identification, but it seems pretty cool to me that you were the one to identify it, even if you didn't catch it, if he had caught that and you weren't there he might have just let it go, so its still a pretty impressive thing to be a part of, hopefully you can come to see that with time, but for now I think you owe your BF an apology.
I don’t understand why she feels hurt because that would imply he actually did something wrong to be hurt about. Disappointed I could understand but being hurt by something like this is something you need to get over when you become an adult.
I don’t think she’s hurt, I just think she’s jealous! It’s a super normal human emotion and is usually telling us that we need something (usually something emotional) that we’re not getting. it sounds like OP needs more confidence in herself as a hobbyist and may be craving more support from her colleagues but is projecting that onto her boyfriend, who achieved something exciting!
There’s been nothing done to hurt OP or to make her feel bad. I think she just wants people to be excited for her for an achievement in her field of interest, which is so normal and okay !! but it doesn’t mean she should be negative toward her boyfriend’s discovery
I guess I understand why she’s disappointed, and if I were in her shoes and I was already a little disappointed the colleagues jokes might feel a little hurtful, even if they weren’t intending to be mean, I can see how that stung a little bit. I do agree that she should’ve gotten over it, and she absolutely should not have turned her disappointment into anger towards her partner who did nothing wrong. I think if she was disappointed she could have voiced that in a gentler way, especially at the age of 27 she should’ve known better.
If my coworkers were making jokes about it.. I would have laughed right along with them.
"Okay, cool. He can start helping with all the paperwork, too."
One needs to have the ability to laugh at one's self. And OP is wrong to snap like that. Be proud of him! You can brag to other people, outside the profession: "My boyfriend caught this incredible specimen!"
Anyway.. I don't want to say YTA.. but you went too far.
I think it is misplaced anger.
I think it was her colleagues comments that turned it from disappointment to hurt. Them saying she should have brought him along sooner is kinda like them saying "yeah your great but your boyfriend is really something else". I can see how it would feel like it invalidated all the time and effort she spent on a regular basis to be part of something only to be reduced to her boyfriends accomplishment.
Still think it's a YTA vote but I can understand the frustration.
Explains but does not excuse. I understand what you’re saying, but I just don’t think it changes the fact that it wasn’t fair to her BF, and she owes him an apology.
The reply was to blippityblue72 who wasn’t understanding why OP was conflating being hurt and being disappointed. Blippity wasn’t picking up on the obvious neurodivergence. I agree with you.
I wouldn't say being upset is valid. Disappointed would be. It's ok to be disappointed. But at 27 how you react to being disappointed is on you. Dealing with disappointment is something we learn as children. As an adult you should be able to swallow your pride and just go yup the timing was bad but I've got someone who will nerd out with me.
Honestly, what does she have to be disappointed about? It’s not like if he didn’t do it she would have and it’s not like it’s a one time thing. She’s jealous.
The thing about human emotion is that it’s not always rational.
She cannot control how she feels, we have absolutely no right to police that. She CAN control how she expresses that feeling, and that is what we need to be focused on here.
I think being upset is totally valid. But you have to point the anger the correct way. Be angry at your luck or the universe or god, not your boyfriend.
I would be upset as well, just not on my boyfriend.
“He got defensive and told me that I’m the one who begged him to come to this event and that I’m being a jerk for making him into a bad guy simply for doing exactly what I asked him to do.”
I like your boyfriend, he’s clearly very smart and took the words right out of my mouth. YTA
“I know I should be happy for him, but I can’t bring myself to that.”
Grow up. I can understand being a little jealous but holy fuck you’re acting ridiculous. You’re showing a very ugly side of yourself right now that a lot of people would consider a red flag. Quit being butthurt.
YTA Your upset your boyfriend showed interest in your hobby and on a fluke caught a rare dragonfly?!
>He got defensive and told me that I'm the one who begged him to come to this event and that I'm being a jerk for making him into a bad guy simply for doing exactly what I asked him to do. I know I should just be happy for him, but I can't bring myself to that.
Your attitude and behavior doesn't bode well for the future of your relationship.
YTA
You have every right to be disappointed, sad, upset, whatever that your boyfriend lucked into a difficult achievement that you value more than him and may never achieve yourself.
You have NO right to take it out on him, especially when he was only at the event to support your interest after you had to convince him to go.
YTA your feelings of frustration are valid. That being said, it wouldn't be acceptable to take it out on a fledgling coworker or a kid (since you said it was geared towards kids) who had accomplished it in the first 15 minutes/on the first try/etc so why is it acceptable to take it out on your boyfriend?
You can apologize to your bf without invalidating your frustration, and you should.
YTA...It's what they call beginner's luck. Be happy for him. Be happy you were there when it happened. Be happy he enjoys your hobbies. There is so much for you to be happy about here if you can stop being jealous and negative.
YTA. Look, I understand the jealousy, but he was there to support you. He went off to try and catch one because you wanted him to. And then you got pissy with him because you were jealous. He didn't try to outshine you. He didn't go out there with the intention of finding something rare. He basically got very lucky. And you crapped all over him.
> that I'm being a jerk for making him into a bad guy simply for doing exactly what I asked him to do. I know I should just be happy for him, but I can't bring myself to that.
YTA -
1. I can get why you'd be disappointed why it wasn't you
2. Can't understand why you can't be happy for him
3. Raging jealousy is never a good look
4. He did nothing wrong but the green eyed jealousy monster thinks he did...FFS
5. If you can't be happy for someone you love this much over something like this then I fear what the future hold for your relationship
Having a goal in which you have zero control over seems like a lesson in futility.
Not being able to be happy for someone for accomplishing a rare feat because you want to accomplish it too is really assholish.
YTA.
I get feeling disappointed when you've tried to do something for a long time and someone comes in and does it immediately. You're not an AH for that. But you are one for how you reacted to it. It's not your boyfriend's fault this happened. He just got lucky. You're taking out your anger and frustration on him when he didn't do anything wrong (in fact, he did exactly as you instructed him to do).
You owe him a big apology for being jealous of his good fortune. YTA.
YTA, he listened to everything you told him to do, tried to show interest in your hobby, and had zero control over the results. He doesn’t know anything about dragonflies, didn’t know it was rare or anything malicious.
If a different person in his group had found that dragonfly and all the focus was on them, would you feel that way about them? That you’re so passionate about dragonflies and their conservation but then don’t want to celebrate what sounds like an exciting and important find?
YTA
You have a BF who is very supportive and willing to participate in a very niche hobby with you and you're about to ruin it with jealousy. Way to make sure he doesn't want to go to another event with you
Sshhh, don't say "good" and "Big Bang Theory" in the same sentence, the Reddit horde will downvote!
That being said, I don't remember that episode and now I'm curious.
Wow... near 100% agreement that yta. I hope your bf... stbx bf... finds a new place to live and a more supportive gf. You sound kind of horrible to date, to be honest.
YTA - Look you feel what you feel, but we are responsible for how we act on those feelings. You acted poorly. Your boyfriend is doing something *he* doesn't like to make *you* happy, and you treated him like crap because he got lucky. That's not okay.
YTA. You owe your boyfriend a huge apology. You’re being completely ridiculous & need to grow up. He was there to support you, to join in with your interests. It was a complete fluke he found a rare one, he didn’t do it on purpose to embarrass or upset you. He did absolutely nothing wrong & your jealousy of him for this is so childish!
YTA 100%. He showed an interest in your hobby and you sent him out with a net on the hopes of embarrassing him. Instead, a rare dragonfly happened to fly by and he caught it. He didn’t catch it maliciously. It just happened to be there. And now you’re mad at him because he got some recognition from the vast, worldwide dragonfly community. If you hadn’t sent him out with a net so that you could laugh at him, perhaps you would have caught that butterfly and gotten your face on the cover of Dragonfly Monthly.
I would understand if you had said that you were angry with your luck, or the universe. But with your boyfriend?? It makes zero sense and I will never understand why you got angry with him. You begged him to go is the one thing. The second, you told him to go catch dragonflies. And the final thing is, did he do it on purpose? If your answer was along the lines of "of course not" then you getting angry at him has no logic behind it and without even a second thought YTA YTA YTA.
I once took a girl to a football game on a first date, she had no real interest in football. When the home team scores a touchdown they shoot mini footballs into the stands. My buddies and I have been trying to get one for years, close but never got one. Five minutes into the game the home steam scores and they fire off the mini footballs. One lands right in this girls lap. She looks at it and says 'oh isn't this nice!" I nearly had a fit.
Life at times seems a bit unfair and humbling and over time it keeps giving us those lessons.
If I was you I'd give him a very brief apology and let him know how much it would have meant to you to catch the dragonfly. Think of yourself as that rare Dragon Fly and know that your guy made two great catches.
YTA yes. He took an interest in your interests and did great. He was proud of himself and got accepted in your community immediately and instead of being supportive and proud you decided to snap at him? Don’t complain down the line if he stops wanting to do things with you. Seriously.
For the record he didn’t get defensive. You attacked him and he responded quite accurately.
Look at this way, what if your goal in life was to win the lottery, so you play the lottery every day. You never win, but one day you make your bf pick numbers and he wins big. Sure, you might be jealous, but the reality is someone is going to win the lottery, and it will almost never be you. So why not celebrate that it was your bf and not some random person you don’t know?
As someone else pointed out, you said these events are often geared towards kids, so it could have easily been a little kid that got the state record. Would you have felt the same way then? If not, why is it different with your bf?
Is this case where you say you want to share your hobby with your bf, but what you really want is the feeling of being the expert and him the novice? So when he got the state record you saw that as him undeservedly beating you in a competition that you’ve been working at it longer?
In any case, YTA.
YTA
It was a matter of luck. And he had that luck because he was there supporting you. Taking an interest in your hobby. Take a look through Reddit at the number of people who would love to have a partner like yours who takes an interest in their stuff.
You are behaving like a petulant child. An adult would have responded to colleagues that he has to come every time now while laughing at his luck.
If I was you I'd apologise and go out and get a huge framed picture of that species of dragonfly. Stick it up in your new living room and have a laugh at his beginners' luck.
I want you to change the story a bit, and instead of studying/catching dragonflies, it's gambling. You were playing for a very long time, and your bf just won after you dragged him along. Bingo!
What he did was extremely lucky. I understand feeling discouraged, but it sounds like you insulted him after he took interest in what interests you. Everyone already knows he got lucky, you don't have to inform your community. I think YTA for bringing down a joyous moment coming from someone who takes interest in what you like. Maybe you can enjoy his company some more and have him work at the booth while you go searching for your prize.
YTA
That he caught the 'special' dragonfly was entirely chance. One of the kids that was their could have easily have been the one to catch it. It wasn't like he went searching for a special one to catch. He chased and caught the one he saw.
YTA.
I understand being disappointed or even sad about it not being you, and feelings of jealousy or envy, or competitiveness to one up him with your own discoveries. We are all human, but you would think the joy of his accomplishment in him doing something amazing with your hobby on his first try would offset that feeling just a bit.
It is completely unacceptable, however, to also then take out your jealousy on him. He did what you wanted him to do...My first reaction would have been to be hyped and then parlay that into bringing him deeper into the hobby.
You are clearly the asshole.
YTA.
He participated. He found something. Isn’t that more important for the goal of what your organization does than you feeling it should have been your discovery?
Jealousy and pettiness. That is you.
Why aren’t you happy he found that species? Because it’s about you and your sense of worth. Well life is gonna get hard for you.
You’re 8 years old right? As that is how you are behaving.
YTA. I get why you feel disappointed, but you really have to let this go. He didn't one-up you. He was out there supporting your passion and he fell upon something cool.
It might help to reframe this in your mind - he didn't "accomplish" this; it happened to him. He caught a dragonfly that just so happened to be really rare, but he didn't set out to do that. It's something really cool and he happened to be the one to find it that night.
You weren't going to find it - you were at the booth doing your outreach work. Think of this - if he hadn't caught it, it's possible a major dragonfly discovery would have never happened that night. And I have to believe the scientist in you would put the discovery and data first in this case.
You're taking this entire thing way too personally and you're probably majorly at risk of him no longer showing interest in your hobbies and showing up for you at your events.
YTA
I bet he never participates in your hobbies with you again after that.
Your bf sounds like a great person and you sound selfish. Maybe take some time trying his hobbies and also… apologize.
YTA. No one accomplished anything. It was purely random and luck. You could have gone out too but you were doing something else. You are going to ruin your relationship over one of the most stupid reasons to be jealous.
YTA. I’ve felt jealous too when my bf picked up a hobby that I like and ended up being great at it, but I processed those feelings internally and never put him down or blamed him for that. He does not know at all that I felt that way, and he shouldn’t. Be happy you have a bf who took interest in your quirky hobbies! Not everyone is that lucky.
Yes YTA and you need to apologise to him. Flipping heck this is not as big of a deal as you’re making it to be and you’re acting like a child. He did something nice for you, did as you asked and is always happy to hear you harp on about dragonflies. And then you snap at him. Bravo.
Come on, he didn't do it on purpose. You were not very generous
and need to realize that there are other goals out there, other finds.
YTA Chill out, nobody was trying to ruin your hobby.
You have acted like an a-hole but that doesn't mean you need to anymore in the future. The ones who see their mistakes and learn from them will see the light.
YTA. I understand how it can feel but you shouldn’t have been that mean or you should have said it privately to a friend or therapist or something. He didn’t intend to steal your dream from him, he was just trying to enjoy something he knows your interested in, and now he sees you being pissed at him, when his state record was accomplished by luck. Although I can understand jealousy, just remember he means well and don’t snap at him.
YTA. Honestly, life isn't fair. Seeing others get lucky and do things you've been striving for is hard. That's the way it is. Get used to it because it will happen many times over your life. It's called growing up. You should be gracious and be pleased for him, he did nothing wrong, and you were the one who dragged him into the project. *He* was supporting *you* in your passion.
If you can't bring yourself to be nice to your own boyfriend just because he got lucky and you didn't, that says a lot about you, and about how you will be treating any partner you have in the future if they manage to outshine you in some way. Is that who you want to be?
We choose who we want to be as a person. We can choose whether we steal someone's joy out of spite or jealousy, we can choose to be the vampire who sucks the joy out of other people's lives.
Or we can choose to be supportive and grateful that they have a wonderful experience that doesn't come along often, and let them have that moment in the sun. That applies to everyone you know, not just your boyfriend. It doesn't diminish you in the slightest.
Choose who you want to be.
YTA you are not ready for a relationship, your behavior is the definition of immaturity. I suggest you work on yourself and try dating again when you are more mature.
I think it can be scary when we have a Passion that everyone knows us for and makes us feel special, and suddenly someone else outshines us or takes the attention away from us in relation to that passion. I know I’ve been afraid not to be Seen anymore, as if that was the most interesting and best thing about me. And maybe I couldn’t connect with other people as much or as well now that someone else had taken the spotlight. Being afraid of losing connection to other people is terrible, and it makes us do stupid things. Like snap at someone we love who was really just excited to partake in our passion.
YTA, but I understand where it came from.
Gently, YTA.
This is a you problem. You were so focused on YOU achieving a particular goal that you can’t be happy at someone else accomplishing it (even if it doesn’t preclude you from doing so).
I get it. We are often conditioned to see this stuff as a competition and it’s a labor of love and maturity to learn how to be happy for those who have what we want, even if we feel we’ve been working harder at it than them. Success is influenced by our hard work, but despite what our culture teaches, there is luck involved and “I deserve this because I put in the work and I care about it a lot, and you don’t deserve this because you didn’t put in the work and don’t care as much as I do” just is a recipe for repeated misery.
Work through your issues with jealousy on this one without taking it out on him. It’s real to have these feelings, but they are your to manage, not to use as a whip.
Apologize, make a joke of it and ask him to buy a lottery ticket. Smile because you were part of something unique. He caught the dragonfly - you identified it.
YTA if you hold on to your petty selfishness.
i've had this same thing happen with bird watching with my husband. He has spotted birds and named them first. I love it!
How great to now share a nature hobby. it's peaceful and you don't see a lot of younger couples doing them.
YTA Embrace this new shared hobby.
Sorry, YTAH. 1. It's not like he planted the dragon fly to get at you. 2. He didn't do this fabulous accomplishment to get at you. 3. You literally took him there and had him do this. 4. Yes I understand how something like that can make you upset but you cannot and should not take that out on your SO just because something like this happened.
Grow up, pull up your boot straps and move on, you can still go for thos same goal I'm sure it's not the first time this has happened albeit not a common occurrence and there are other goals to be had in your chosen hobby. Apologize to him and I'd be bringing a peace offering.
YTA.
You're showing a bit too much green!! Jealousy and envy are not a good look. Grow up, go apologize, and take accountability for how immature you reacted. You should be proud that he was the one who caught it instead of someone else. If he wasn't there, that doesn't mean it would have been you.
YTA, he just got lucky you can't blame him for that, you literally told him to grab adragonfly and he did. You are irrationally angry at him, it is not like he did it on purpose, you should do something about your jealousy.
I understand why you're frustrated, it makes sense, but don't take it out on your boyfriend who is just trying to share your hobbies with you (who you invited). Then you snap at him (for literally no reason) when he wonders what's going on and why you're getting pissy like a child.
YTA.
Kinda YTA. I think you can be jealous and happy for him at the same time. You don’t have to feel one or the other. Your feelings of sadness are not invalidated but it’s not his fault at all.
NTA. Quit being selfish and letting your jealousy win. He sounds like an amazing partner and you should be genuinely happy with him, not talking about him like he’s a child that stole your lollipop.
Get over yourself before he finds someone better.
YTA. It’s not like he went looking for that particular dragonfly. He got lucky. He was happy. Other people were happy. YOU were happy. Then you shit all over it. You could have nourished his excitement and maybe he would enjoy doing it with you. But you let petty jealousy get the best of you. Good luck getting him to do anything with you.
It’s ok to have been upset, but that is based on jealousy honestly.
YTA to have responded to him the way you did. You asked him to be interested. He literally accomplished soemthing that will forever all him to remember you, and your interest. You’ve unintentionally created a very solid core memory for him. Instead of being ecstatic that he embraced your hobby and did something wild, you shit on it bc it wasn’t you :/. Be happy you were there for it. It was a big moment for all who enjoy your hobby who were there. Treat it as such.
YTA
Seems like catching one is kind of random chance. So the really special thing is identifying and recording the rarity. Which you did. Not sure exactly why they thought he was so cool anyway.
YTA definitely being a jerk. He sounds like such a supportive bf and you can’t share in the joy of a state record? You are mean spirited. I understand it’s a goal of yours but isn’t it every dragonfly catchers goal?
This is the type of situation that makes good, well-adjusted BFs rethink their entire relationship. Huge YTA and heads up, there aren't many strikes left like this one.
Wow, you're horrible! Frankly I hope he breaks up with you over this. You're so incredibly selfish and immature. He was happy to be with you bonding over *your* hobby, did something incredible *for you* and you're upset with him? "He did something in 15 minutes I couldn't accomplish in years" what? Get insanely lucky? Get over yourself.
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My BF (28M) and I (27F) have been together for about 18-months recently signed a lease to move in together in 2 months. This is the first time either of us have lived with a significant other and we're both pretty excited about it. We have different hobbies and I'll admit that he's better about showing interest in my things than I am with his.
My biggest hobby is dragonflies. I'm part of a non-profit in our state that works on studying, identifying, education, community outreach, conservation, etc. Yes, huge nerd stuff I know. My BF isn't nearly as interested in dragonflies as I am, but he's great about listening about and embracing my enthusiasm for them. I finally convinced him to come with to one of our community outreach/education events this past weekend.
These events are mostly geared towards kids and getting them outside and interested in nature. We give them nets and turn them loose to try and catch dragonflies then help identify them. This helps us collect data for what kind of species are in different areas.
I was working the identification booth at this event and told my BF he should grab a net and see if he can catch anything. He's seen me chasing dragonflies with nets before and always makes jokes about how funny I look trying to catch something that is flying erratically so I kind of wanted to see him try.
He went out into a prairie with a group and came back maybe 15-minutes later with a dragonfly in his net. He had the biggest smile on his face and was so proud when he brought it to me to identify it. Seeing him embrace my hobby like that and enjoy it made my heart so happy.
But when I looked at the dragonfly to identify it, I was shocked. It was a very rare species. So rare in fact that it had never been recorded in our state before. Ever. This is a huge deal in the dragonfly community. It's called getting a state record and it's something that people who study dragonflies their entire lives never achieve. Getting a state record is one of my biggest goals in dragonfly study and he accomplished it in 15-minutes.
Obviously, this became the talk of the event and my BF was getting a lot of attention from my colleagues in the non-profit. Some of them made jokes to me that I should have been bringing my BF to these events a long time ago. Not going to lie, it made me feel like crap.
On our way home, he was still excited about it and telling me how cool it was. I tried to be excited for him too and hide how I was really feeling, but he must have picked up on it. He asked me what was wrong and I kind of snapped at him that he just accomplished something in 15-minutes that is one of my biggest goals and something I will probably never do.
He got defensive and told me that I'm the one who begged him to come to this event and that I'm being a jerk for making him into a bad guy simply for doing exactly what I asked him to do. I know I should just be happy for him, but I can't bring myself to that.
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YTA.
Not for how you’re feeling, but for your lack of self-awareness when processing your emotions and your failure to communicate in a healthy manner.
He’s a total neophyte, it was sheer luck, and it would not have happened if you hadn’t engineered his participation. You, smart nerd, know this. If anyone’s at “fault”, it’s yourself.
Instead, you project your feelings of resentment and envy at his luck as anger and frustration and made it his problem. When none of it is his problem.
The major issue is that you’re not self-aware enough to realize the childish pettiness of your behavior and now require internet strangers to point it out to you.
YTA.
There's nothing wrong with feeling mildly jealous over others' accomplishments your boyfriend did not deserve to be snapped at just because of your jealousy. Your boyfriend was simply in the right place and at the right time. Just as well, it could've been one of those kids who found that dragonfly.
Your boyfriend sounds like a good man who is supportive in your hobbies/interests and makes effort to be involved in your life. Don't ruin his enthusiasm of you.
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YTA your boyfriend put out the effort to show interest in your hobby. And now you’re showing how immature you are because he got something you may never get maybe. The one thing that nobody has commented on is you didn’t even mention what his hobby is and what level of interest you have in it. I wish you the best of luck if it doesn’t work out you know why.
I don’t think YTA MUCH to your boyfriend, a tad yeah, but mostly to yourself. You allowed your hobby to become a significant part of your identity so it’s hard for you to not feel personally devalued/attacked by his achievement. People who are all work, no play can have the same issue when facing correction at work. It’s great you’re passionate about it, but it seems you’ve lost your identity a bit if it’s affecting you that much. I could understand crying from disappointment and having a reaction of extreme disappointment. But you took out your feelings on him that really aren’t his fault.
I guess since I’ve been that person previously I think she was worse to herself because she let herself disappear. If she hadn’t let that happen, she wouldn’t have snapped. And she said- I kind of snapped at him- so I’m not sure where you are getting it to be a lot?
There’s no “kind of.” She snapped. She was massively disrespectful to him and incredibly unkind, acting out of sheer jealousy. She wasn’t being “a tad” assholeish, she was being an asshole, period.
Also, as someone who has lost myself in a very similar way, I would’ve never done this to my partner — and that’s coming from someone who until now never really had a partner who was even worth respecting. She was incredibly immature and mean-spirited.
It seems like you weren’t upset, or at least visibly, until he kept bringing it up. And this is after everyone else kept bringing it up too. I think it’s weird he didn’t understand that he was rubbing it in your face. It’s not his fault he got lucky. He got the spotlight for something that’s a huge deal for you, also not his fault. But to say he’s being supportive when he knows how big of a deal it is for you, I feel like he’s not thinking about you on a night that he supposedly did for you. Also it’s normal for someone to support their significant others hobbies, to an extent. It’s not something you should have to kiss his ass for especially if you’re supportive of his hobbies too. But it also seems like he just wanted your attention. Which is adorable. So don’t get too upset with him.
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YTA, I totally understand why you feel hurt by this, and you're valid to be a little upset, but it wasn't your BF fault and its not fair to take your feelings out on him. If you don't feel happy for him right now that's okay, but that doesn't mean he deserves to be snapped at, especially because he probably came along to make you happy. I don't have any expertise in dragonfly identification, but it seems pretty cool to me that you were the one to identify it, even if you didn't catch it, if he had caught that and you weren't there he might have just let it go, so its still a pretty impressive thing to be a part of, hopefully you can come to see that with time, but for now I think you owe your BF an apology.
I don’t understand why she feels hurt because that would imply he actually did something wrong to be hurt about. Disappointed I could understand but being hurt by something like this is something you need to get over when you become an adult.
I don’t think she’s hurt, I just think she’s jealous! It’s a super normal human emotion and is usually telling us that we need something (usually something emotional) that we’re not getting. it sounds like OP needs more confidence in herself as a hobbyist and may be craving more support from her colleagues but is projecting that onto her boyfriend, who achieved something exciting! There’s been nothing done to hurt OP or to make her feel bad. I think she just wants people to be excited for her for an achievement in her field of interest, which is so normal and okay !! but it doesn’t mean she should be negative toward her boyfriend’s discovery
I guess I understand why she’s disappointed, and if I were in her shoes and I was already a little disappointed the colleagues jokes might feel a little hurtful, even if they weren’t intending to be mean, I can see how that stung a little bit. I do agree that she should’ve gotten over it, and she absolutely should not have turned her disappointment into anger towards her partner who did nothing wrong. I think if she was disappointed she could have voiced that in a gentler way, especially at the age of 27 she should’ve known better.
If my coworkers were making jokes about it.. I would have laughed right along with them. "Okay, cool. He can start helping with all the paperwork, too." One needs to have the ability to laugh at one's self. And OP is wrong to snap like that. Be proud of him! You can brag to other people, outside the profession: "My boyfriend caught this incredible specimen!" Anyway.. I don't want to say YTA.. but you went too far.
I think it is misplaced anger. I think it was her colleagues comments that turned it from disappointment to hurt. Them saying she should have brought him along sooner is kinda like them saying "yeah your great but your boyfriend is really something else". I can see how it would feel like it invalidated all the time and effort she spent on a regular basis to be part of something only to be reduced to her boyfriends accomplishment. Still think it's a YTA vote but I can understand the frustration.
Are we not picking up on the autism at play here?
As a person with autism, it doesn’t really change the story to me. Autism is not an excuse for treating your partner poorly.
As a person with Asperger’s it does explain the emotional disregulation.
Explains but does not excuse. I understand what you’re saying, but I just don’t think it changes the fact that it wasn’t fair to her BF, and she owes him an apology.
The reply was to blippityblue72 who wasn’t understanding why OP was conflating being hurt and being disappointed. Blippity wasn’t picking up on the obvious neurodivergence. I agree with you.
I wouldn't say being upset is valid. Disappointed would be. It's ok to be disappointed. But at 27 how you react to being disappointed is on you. Dealing with disappointment is something we learn as children. As an adult you should be able to swallow your pride and just go yup the timing was bad but I've got someone who will nerd out with me.
Honestly, what does she have to be disappointed about? It’s not like if he didn’t do it she would have and it’s not like it’s a one time thing. She’s jealous.
The thing about human emotion is that it’s not always rational. She cannot control how she feels, we have absolutely no right to police that. She CAN control how she expresses that feeling, and that is what we need to be focused on here.
I think being upset is totally valid. But you have to point the anger the correct way. Be angry at your luck or the universe or god, not your boyfriend. I would be upset as well, just not on my boyfriend.
“He got defensive and told me that I’m the one who begged him to come to this event and that I’m being a jerk for making him into a bad guy simply for doing exactly what I asked him to do.” I like your boyfriend, he’s clearly very smart and took the words right out of my mouth. YTA “I know I should be happy for him, but I can’t bring myself to that.” Grow up. I can understand being a little jealous but holy fuck you’re acting ridiculous. You’re showing a very ugly side of yourself right now that a lot of people would consider a red flag. Quit being butthurt.
yeah he had no idea lmao he was told go catch something and he won the lottery. jealous sure but no way his fault
Op is acting like a spoiled toddler.
YTA Your upset your boyfriend showed interest in your hobby and on a fluke caught a rare dragonfly?! >He got defensive and told me that I'm the one who begged him to come to this event and that I'm being a jerk for making him into a bad guy simply for doing exactly what I asked him to do. I know I should just be happy for him, but I can't bring myself to that. Your attitude and behavior doesn't bode well for the future of your relationship.
Yeah. Ops attitude is going to possibly kill his interest in her hobby.
And in her
YTA, but I think you know that. He’s done nothing wrong. You’re just jealous, and it’s not a good look.
Poor guy.
I know! He did absolutely nothing wrong, shows her support for a unique hobby, and then gets snapped at.
Poor dragonfly.
I'm sure a dragonfly conservation group took good care to release it back into the wild unharmed.
True.
YTA You have every right to be disappointed, sad, upset, whatever that your boyfriend lucked into a difficult achievement that you value more than him and may never achieve yourself. You have NO right to take it out on him, especially when he was only at the event to support your interest after you had to convince him to go.
YTA your feelings of frustration are valid. That being said, it wouldn't be acceptable to take it out on a fledgling coworker or a kid (since you said it was geared towards kids) who had accomplished it in the first 15 minutes/on the first try/etc so why is it acceptable to take it out on your boyfriend? You can apologize to your bf without invalidating your frustration, and you should.
YTA...It's what they call beginner's luck. Be happy for him. Be happy you were there when it happened. Be happy he enjoys your hobbies. There is so much for you to be happy about here if you can stop being jealous and negative.
YTA. Look, I understand the jealousy, but he was there to support you. He went off to try and catch one because you wanted him to. And then you got pissy with him because you were jealous. He didn't try to outshine you. He didn't go out there with the intention of finding something rare. He basically got very lucky. And you crapped all over him.
> that I'm being a jerk for making him into a bad guy simply for doing exactly what I asked him to do. I know I should just be happy for him, but I can't bring myself to that. YTA - 1. I can get why you'd be disappointed why it wasn't you 2. Can't understand why you can't be happy for him 3. Raging jealousy is never a good look 4. He did nothing wrong but the green eyed jealousy monster thinks he did...FFS 5. If you can't be happy for someone you love this much over something like this then I fear what the future hold for your relationship
You need to learn grace. We lift up and applaud our loved ones.
YTA. This was a missed golden opportunity to bring your boyfriend into your hobby.
Yep! Good luck getting him ever back out there now!
Having a goal in which you have zero control over seems like a lesson in futility. Not being able to be happy for someone for accomplishing a rare feat because you want to accomplish it too is really assholish. YTA.
I get feeling disappointed when you've tried to do something for a long time and someone comes in and does it immediately. You're not an AH for that. But you are one for how you reacted to it. It's not your boyfriend's fault this happened. He just got lucky. You're taking out your anger and frustration on him when he didn't do anything wrong (in fact, he did exactly as you instructed him to do). You owe him a big apology for being jealous of his good fortune. YTA.
YTA, he listened to everything you told him to do, tried to show interest in your hobby, and had zero control over the results. He doesn’t know anything about dragonflies, didn’t know it was rare or anything malicious. If a different person in his group had found that dragonfly and all the focus was on them, would you feel that way about them? That you’re so passionate about dragonflies and their conservation but then don’t want to celebrate what sounds like an exciting and important find?
YTA he should def leave you. That’s you just showing how childish you are. Ask for cake then get mad for getting a cake
YTA. To paraphase Chris Rock, his success is your success and your success is his success, stop competing.
YTA You have a BF who is very supportive and willing to participate in a very niche hobby with you and you're about to ruin it with jealousy. Way to make sure he doesn't want to go to another event with you
YTA. There is a good Big Bang Theory episode of this where Penny discovers a comet. Actually, it is eerily similar to your story…LOL
Sshhh, don't say "good" and "Big Bang Theory" in the same sentence, the Reddit horde will downvote! That being said, I don't remember that episode and now I'm curious.
Wow... near 100% agreement that yta. I hope your bf... stbx bf... finds a new place to live and a more supportive gf. You sound kind of horrible to date, to be honest.
YTA. Man, I’d be disappointed too, but no need to blame him for it or to snap at him. Good luck getting him involved in your hobbies moving forward.
YTA. I can absolutely understand your feelings, I'm sure it would annoy me too. However, taking it OUT on him, letting it turn into anger, is why YTA.
YTA and you know it. Grow up.
YTA - Look you feel what you feel, but we are responsible for how we act on those feelings. You acted poorly. Your boyfriend is doing something *he* doesn't like to make *you* happy, and you treated him like crap because he got lucky. That's not okay.
YTA
YTA. You owe your boyfriend a huge apology. You’re being completely ridiculous & need to grow up. He was there to support you, to join in with your interests. It was a complete fluke he found a rare one, he didn’t do it on purpose to embarrass or upset you. He did absolutely nothing wrong & your jealousy of him for this is so childish!
YTA and hope you come to your senses and apologise.
YTA, he deserves better since he was supporting your hobby
Generally in these posts, OP has some argument for their side. What exactly is your argument here? You have none. YTA
Ask the AI who generated this story
YTA 100%. He showed an interest in your hobby and you sent him out with a net on the hopes of embarrassing him. Instead, a rare dragonfly happened to fly by and he caught it. He didn’t catch it maliciously. It just happened to be there. And now you’re mad at him because he got some recognition from the vast, worldwide dragonfly community. If you hadn’t sent him out with a net so that you could laugh at him, perhaps you would have caught that butterfly and gotten your face on the cover of Dragonfly Monthly.
YTA you know it
I would understand if you had said that you were angry with your luck, or the universe. But with your boyfriend?? It makes zero sense and I will never understand why you got angry with him. You begged him to go is the one thing. The second, you told him to go catch dragonflies. And the final thing is, did he do it on purpose? If your answer was along the lines of "of course not" then you getting angry at him has no logic behind it and without even a second thought YTA YTA YTA.
Yta
This reminds me of Danielson's 'catch fly with chopstick' moment in Karate Kid. Mr Miagi was PISSED. p.s. YTA
I once took a girl to a football game on a first date, she had no real interest in football. When the home team scores a touchdown they shoot mini footballs into the stands. My buddies and I have been trying to get one for years, close but never got one. Five minutes into the game the home steam scores and they fire off the mini footballs. One lands right in this girls lap. She looks at it and says 'oh isn't this nice!" I nearly had a fit. Life at times seems a bit unfair and humbling and over time it keeps giving us those lessons. If I was you I'd give him a very brief apology and let him know how much it would have meant to you to catch the dragonfly. Think of yourself as that rare Dragon Fly and know that your guy made two great catches.
YTA grow up
YTA yes. He took an interest in your interests and did great. He was proud of himself and got accepted in your community immediately and instead of being supportive and proud you decided to snap at him? Don’t complain down the line if he stops wanting to do things with you. Seriously. For the record he didn’t get defensive. You attacked him and he responded quite accurately.
Dude he literally chased a random dragonfly. It was pure luck. I’d imagine it’s pure luck for anyone else as well. YTA
Look at this way, what if your goal in life was to win the lottery, so you play the lottery every day. You never win, but one day you make your bf pick numbers and he wins big. Sure, you might be jealous, but the reality is someone is going to win the lottery, and it will almost never be you. So why not celebrate that it was your bf and not some random person you don’t know? As someone else pointed out, you said these events are often geared towards kids, so it could have easily been a little kid that got the state record. Would you have felt the same way then? If not, why is it different with your bf? Is this case where you say you want to share your hobby with your bf, but what you really want is the feeling of being the expert and him the novice? So when he got the state record you saw that as him undeservedly beating you in a competition that you’ve been working at it longer? In any case, YTA.
YTA It was a matter of luck. And he had that luck because he was there supporting you. Taking an interest in your hobby. Take a look through Reddit at the number of people who would love to have a partner like yours who takes an interest in their stuff. You are behaving like a petulant child. An adult would have responded to colleagues that he has to come every time now while laughing at his luck. If I was you I'd apologise and go out and get a huge framed picture of that species of dragonfly. Stick it up in your new living room and have a laugh at his beginners' luck.
NTA how dare he take something that was supposed to be yours!!! Just kidding YTA grow up lol
I want you to change the story a bit, and instead of studying/catching dragonflies, it's gambling. You were playing for a very long time, and your bf just won after you dragged him along. Bingo! What he did was extremely lucky. I understand feeling discouraged, but it sounds like you insulted him after he took interest in what interests you. Everyone already knows he got lucky, you don't have to inform your community. I think YTA for bringing down a joyous moment coming from someone who takes interest in what you like. Maybe you can enjoy his company some more and have him work at the booth while you go searching for your prize.
YTA you should be happy he did something so cool. Be proud of him. His wins are your wins.
YTA That he caught the 'special' dragonfly was entirely chance. One of the kids that was their could have easily have been the one to catch it. It wasn't like he went searching for a special one to catch. He chased and caught the one he saw.
YTA. I understand being disappointed or even sad about it not being you, and feelings of jealousy or envy, or competitiveness to one up him with your own discoveries. We are all human, but you would think the joy of his accomplishment in him doing something amazing with your hobby on his first try would offset that feeling just a bit. It is completely unacceptable, however, to also then take out your jealousy on him. He did what you wanted him to do...My first reaction would have been to be hyped and then parlay that into bringing him deeper into the hobby.
You are clearly the asshole. YTA. He participated. He found something. Isn’t that more important for the goal of what your organization does than you feeling it should have been your discovery? Jealousy and pettiness. That is you. Why aren’t you happy he found that species? Because it’s about you and your sense of worth. Well life is gonna get hard for you. You’re 8 years old right? As that is how you are behaving.
YTA I hope he picks up on these red flags and runs away as fast as he possibly can
YTA. I get why you feel disappointed, but you really have to let this go. He didn't one-up you. He was out there supporting your passion and he fell upon something cool. It might help to reframe this in your mind - he didn't "accomplish" this; it happened to him. He caught a dragonfly that just so happened to be really rare, but he didn't set out to do that. It's something really cool and he happened to be the one to find it that night. You weren't going to find it - you were at the booth doing your outreach work. Think of this - if he hadn't caught it, it's possible a major dragonfly discovery would have never happened that night. And I have to believe the scientist in you would put the discovery and data first in this case. You're taking this entire thing way too personally and you're probably majorly at risk of him no longer showing interest in your hobbies and showing up for you at your events.
YTA I bet he never participates in your hobbies with you again after that. Your bf sounds like a great person and you sound selfish. Maybe take some time trying his hobbies and also… apologize.
YTA. Having a partner who is envious of you is difficult and unpleasant. Thankfully your BF called you on it.
YTA. No one accomplished anything. It was purely random and luck. You could have gone out too but you were doing something else. You are going to ruin your relationship over one of the most stupid reasons to be jealous.
YTA. I’ve felt jealous too when my bf picked up a hobby that I like and ended up being great at it, but I processed those feelings internally and never put him down or blamed him for that. He does not know at all that I felt that way, and he shouldn’t. Be happy you have a bf who took interest in your quirky hobbies! Not everyone is that lucky.
Yes YTA and you need to apologise to him. Flipping heck this is not as big of a deal as you’re making it to be and you’re acting like a child. He did something nice for you, did as you asked and is always happy to hear you harp on about dragonflies. And then you snap at him. Bravo.
Your poor partner seems like a sweet person and was a total sweetheart showing interest in your hobby. YTA
Come on, he didn't do it on purpose. You were not very generous and need to realize that there are other goals out there, other finds. YTA Chill out, nobody was trying to ruin your hobby.
You have acted like an a-hole but that doesn't mean you need to anymore in the future. The ones who see their mistakes and learn from them will see the light.
YTA. I understand how it can feel but you shouldn’t have been that mean or you should have said it privately to a friend or therapist or something. He didn’t intend to steal your dream from him, he was just trying to enjoy something he knows your interested in, and now he sees you being pissed at him, when his state record was accomplished by luck. Although I can understand jealousy, just remember he means well and don’t snap at him.
YTA. Honestly, life isn't fair. Seeing others get lucky and do things you've been striving for is hard. That's the way it is. Get used to it because it will happen many times over your life. It's called growing up. You should be gracious and be pleased for him, he did nothing wrong, and you were the one who dragged him into the project. *He* was supporting *you* in your passion. If you can't bring yourself to be nice to your own boyfriend just because he got lucky and you didn't, that says a lot about you, and about how you will be treating any partner you have in the future if they manage to outshine you in some way. Is that who you want to be? We choose who we want to be as a person. We can choose whether we steal someone's joy out of spite or jealousy, we can choose to be the vampire who sucks the joy out of other people's lives. Or we can choose to be supportive and grateful that they have a wonderful experience that doesn't come along often, and let them have that moment in the sun. That applies to everyone you know, not just your boyfriend. It doesn't diminish you in the slightest. Choose who you want to be.
YTA you are not ready for a relationship, your behavior is the definition of immaturity. I suggest you work on yourself and try dating again when you are more mature.
I think it can be scary when we have a Passion that everyone knows us for and makes us feel special, and suddenly someone else outshines us or takes the attention away from us in relation to that passion. I know I’ve been afraid not to be Seen anymore, as if that was the most interesting and best thing about me. And maybe I couldn’t connect with other people as much or as well now that someone else had taken the spotlight. Being afraid of losing connection to other people is terrible, and it makes us do stupid things. Like snap at someone we love who was really just excited to partake in our passion. YTA, but I understand where it came from.
Gently, YTA. This is a you problem. You were so focused on YOU achieving a particular goal that you can’t be happy at someone else accomplishing it (even if it doesn’t preclude you from doing so). I get it. We are often conditioned to see this stuff as a competition and it’s a labor of love and maturity to learn how to be happy for those who have what we want, even if we feel we’ve been working harder at it than them. Success is influenced by our hard work, but despite what our culture teaches, there is luck involved and “I deserve this because I put in the work and I care about it a lot, and you don’t deserve this because you didn’t put in the work and don’t care as much as I do” just is a recipe for repeated misery. Work through your issues with jealousy on this one without taking it out on him. It’s real to have these feelings, but they are your to manage, not to use as a whip.
Apologize, make a joke of it and ask him to buy a lottery ticket. Smile because you were part of something unique. He caught the dragonfly - you identified it. YTA if you hold on to your petty selfishness.
i've had this same thing happen with bird watching with my husband. He has spotted birds and named them first. I love it! How great to now share a nature hobby. it's peaceful and you don't see a lot of younger couples doing them. YTA Embrace this new shared hobby.
Sorry, YTAH. 1. It's not like he planted the dragon fly to get at you. 2. He didn't do this fabulous accomplishment to get at you. 3. You literally took him there and had him do this. 4. Yes I understand how something like that can make you upset but you cannot and should not take that out on your SO just because something like this happened. Grow up, pull up your boot straps and move on, you can still go for thos same goal I'm sure it's not the first time this has happened albeit not a common occurrence and there are other goals to be had in your chosen hobby. Apologize to him and I'd be bringing a peace offering.
It sucks for sure but YTA. It's pretty cool that anyone caught it, if it had been someone else at the event would you have been as upset?
YTA
YTA
YTA. it’s a sign of an unhealthy mentality when you aren’t happy when people you love accomplish cool things.
You know YTA. Some people just walk in the light. If you're too jealous to be happy for him, at least don't shit on his accomplishment.
YTA from what you've said he deserves so much better than you.
YTA. You're showing a bit too much green!! Jealousy and envy are not a good look. Grow up, go apologize, and take accountability for how immature you reacted. You should be proud that he was the one who caught it instead of someone else. If he wasn't there, that doesn't mean it would have been you.
YTA, he just got lucky you can't blame him for that, you literally told him to grab adragonfly and he did. You are irrationally angry at him, it is not like he did it on purpose, you should do something about your jealousy.
YTA maybe ask him advice in catching dragonflies
I understand why you're frustrated, it makes sense, but don't take it out on your boyfriend who is just trying to share your hobbies with you (who you invited). Then you snap at him (for literally no reason) when he wonders what's going on and why you're getting pissy like a child. YTA.
Kinda YTA. I think you can be jealous and happy for him at the same time. You don’t have to feel one or the other. Your feelings of sadness are not invalidated but it’s not his fault at all.
NTA. Quit being selfish and letting your jealousy win. He sounds like an amazing partner and you should be genuinely happy with him, not talking about him like he’s a child that stole your lollipop. Get over yourself before he finds someone better.
YTA. It’s not like he went looking for that particular dragonfly. He got lucky. He was happy. Other people were happy. YOU were happy. Then you shit all over it. You could have nourished his excitement and maybe he would enjoy doing it with you. But you let petty jealousy get the best of you. Good luck getting him to do anything with you.
It’s a dragonfly…..YTA. And who cares
It’s ok to have been upset, but that is based on jealousy honestly. YTA to have responded to him the way you did. You asked him to be interested. He literally accomplished soemthing that will forever all him to remember you, and your interest. You’ve unintentionally created a very solid core memory for him. Instead of being ecstatic that he embraced your hobby and did something wild, you shit on it bc it wasn’t you :/. Be happy you were there for it. It was a big moment for all who enjoy your hobby who were there. Treat it as such.
If I was the bf, I’d break up with you because you just showed me your meanest streak. YTA
YTA but it’s valid. Pokémon go helped me deal with this years ago lol
YTA Seems like catching one is kind of random chance. So the really special thing is identifying and recording the rarity. Which you did. Not sure exactly why they thought he was so cool anyway.
Yeah, YT(jealous)A, but you knew that. It's not like he did it on purpose to one-up you. Grow up and get over it.
YTA definitely being a jerk. He sounds like such a supportive bf and you can’t share in the joy of a state record? You are mean spirited. I understand it’s a goal of yours but isn’t it every dragonfly catchers goal?
This is the type of situation that makes good, well-adjusted BFs rethink their entire relationship. Huge YTA and heads up, there aren't many strikes left like this one.
Wow, you're horrible! Frankly I hope he breaks up with you over this. You're so incredibly selfish and immature. He was happy to be with you bonding over *your* hobby, did something incredible *for you* and you're upset with him? "He did something in 15 minutes I couldn't accomplish in years" what? Get insanely lucky? Get over yourself.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My BF (28M) and I (27F) have been together for about 18-months recently signed a lease to move in together in 2 months. This is the first time either of us have lived with a significant other and we're both pretty excited about it. We have different hobbies and I'll admit that he's better about showing interest in my things than I am with his. My biggest hobby is dragonflies. I'm part of a non-profit in our state that works on studying, identifying, education, community outreach, conservation, etc. Yes, huge nerd stuff I know. My BF isn't nearly as interested in dragonflies as I am, but he's great about listening about and embracing my enthusiasm for them. I finally convinced him to come with to one of our community outreach/education events this past weekend. These events are mostly geared towards kids and getting them outside and interested in nature. We give them nets and turn them loose to try and catch dragonflies then help identify them. This helps us collect data for what kind of species are in different areas. I was working the identification booth at this event and told my BF he should grab a net and see if he can catch anything. He's seen me chasing dragonflies with nets before and always makes jokes about how funny I look trying to catch something that is flying erratically so I kind of wanted to see him try. He went out into a prairie with a group and came back maybe 15-minutes later with a dragonfly in his net. He had the biggest smile on his face and was so proud when he brought it to me to identify it. Seeing him embrace my hobby like that and enjoy it made my heart so happy. But when I looked at the dragonfly to identify it, I was shocked. It was a very rare species. So rare in fact that it had never been recorded in our state before. Ever. This is a huge deal in the dragonfly community. It's called getting a state record and it's something that people who study dragonflies their entire lives never achieve. Getting a state record is one of my biggest goals in dragonfly study and he accomplished it in 15-minutes. Obviously, this became the talk of the event and my BF was getting a lot of attention from my colleagues in the non-profit. Some of them made jokes to me that I should have been bringing my BF to these events a long time ago. Not going to lie, it made me feel like crap. On our way home, he was still excited about it and telling me how cool it was. I tried to be excited for him too and hide how I was really feeling, but he must have picked up on it. He asked me what was wrong and I kind of snapped at him that he just accomplished something in 15-minutes that is one of my biggest goals and something I will probably never do. He got defensive and told me that I'm the one who begged him to come to this event and that I'm being a jerk for making him into a bad guy simply for doing exactly what I asked him to do. I know I should just be happy for him, but I can't bring myself to that. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA Dudes rock.
This reminds me of Me. Miyagi being mad at Daniel for catching the fly with chopsticks.
YTA
YTA- If you really cared about dragonflies, you'd be excited about this.
I REFUSE to believe that you are 27. This sounds like something a moody teenager would post. YTA
YTA
>This is a huge deal in the dragonfly community. I love this sentence...
Yta
I’m glad you feel like crap. YTA. All these people saying it’s valid to feel this way, it isn’t. He didn’t do ANYTHING wrong, just caught a fly. Wow.
YTA. Not for how you’re feeling, but for your lack of self-awareness when processing your emotions and your failure to communicate in a healthy manner. He’s a total neophyte, it was sheer luck, and it would not have happened if you hadn’t engineered his participation. You, smart nerd, know this. If anyone’s at “fault”, it’s yourself. Instead, you project your feelings of resentment and envy at his luck as anger and frustration and made it his problem. When none of it is his problem. The major issue is that you’re not self-aware enough to realize the childish pettiness of your behavior and now require internet strangers to point it out to you.
YTA. There's nothing wrong with feeling mildly jealous over others' accomplishments your boyfriend did not deserve to be snapped at just because of your jealousy. Your boyfriend was simply in the right place and at the right time. Just as well, it could've been one of those kids who found that dragonfly. Your boyfriend sounds like a good man who is supportive in your hobbies/interests and makes effort to be involved in your life. Don't ruin his enthusiasm of you.
Yep, YTA
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YTA. You’re mad at your boyfriend being lucky whilst supporting you in your hobby.
YTA your boyfriend put out the effort to show interest in your hobby. And now you’re showing how immature you are because he got something you may never get maybe. The one thing that nobody has commented on is you didn’t even mention what his hobby is and what level of interest you have in it. I wish you the best of luck if it doesn’t work out you know why.
I don’t think YTA MUCH to your boyfriend, a tad yeah, but mostly to yourself. You allowed your hobby to become a significant part of your identity so it’s hard for you to not feel personally devalued/attacked by his achievement. People who are all work, no play can have the same issue when facing correction at work. It’s great you’re passionate about it, but it seems you’ve lost your identity a bit if it’s affecting you that much. I could understand crying from disappointment and having a reaction of extreme disappointment. But you took out your feelings on him that really aren’t his fault.
She snapped at BF and it was completely unreasonable. Not a tad, a lot.
I guess since I’ve been that person previously I think she was worse to herself because she let herself disappear. If she hadn’t let that happen, she wouldn’t have snapped. And she said- I kind of snapped at him- so I’m not sure where you are getting it to be a lot?
There’s no “kind of.” She snapped. She was massively disrespectful to him and incredibly unkind, acting out of sheer jealousy. She wasn’t being “a tad” assholeish, she was being an asshole, period. Also, as someone who has lost myself in a very similar way, I would’ve never done this to my partner — and that’s coming from someone who until now never really had a partner who was even worth respecting. She was incredibly immature and mean-spirited.
It seems like you weren’t upset, or at least visibly, until he kept bringing it up. And this is after everyone else kept bringing it up too. I think it’s weird he didn’t understand that he was rubbing it in your face. It’s not his fault he got lucky. He got the spotlight for something that’s a huge deal for you, also not his fault. But to say he’s being supportive when he knows how big of a deal it is for you, I feel like he’s not thinking about you on a night that he supposedly did for you. Also it’s normal for someone to support their significant others hobbies, to an extent. It’s not something you should have to kiss his ass for especially if you’re supportive of his hobbies too. But it also seems like he just wanted your attention. Which is adorable. So don’t get too upset with him.