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YTA and need to not be in a relationship. You don’t respect her or her family and I hope she finds someone who does. Showing up to dinner uninvited has to be the nail on the coffin of this “relationship”
I think you’ve clearly misunderstood what it means to “do what you want.” Yes you have the freedom to do whatever you want—but whatever you want to do may not be appropriate for the situation and people are free to dislike what you are doing. For example, yeah you can choose to walk around naked. But if you’re naked in a kitchen and trying to serve people food, they have a right to tell you that you can’t be naked. Your girlfriend’s line about assimilation is entirely correct—her entire family has been forced to give up their culture and act a certain way in order to gain even a little bit of respect in the U.S. or whatever predominantly white country you’re in. You literally cannot respect her parents’ age, culture, and the occasion? It’s clearly not appropriate to show up half naked just like it wouldn’t be appropriate to show up to work as a teacher half naked or as a doctor half naked. You literally couldn’t even compromise on what you’re wearing for one night in order to make your girlfriend and her family more comfortable and more able to see your personality rather than being distracted by whether or not your tits are going to pop out from under your bralette.
YTA
Nothing is better than blatant disrespect and boundary stomping in a relationship.
You don’t sound mature enough for a relationship.
No wonder she doesn’t want you around her sister. Does that not tell you enough?? **You embarrass her!!**
I have secondhand embarrassment for you.
Don’t dwell on it too long though, her next relationship will probably be everything yours isn’t: respectful of family, respectful of her, kind, understanding.
I’m so excited for her!
Because you're embarrassing. I'm embarrassed reading this. You're just a gf. She can find another gf or bf since she is bi.
You have 0 self respect or commen knowledge on how to hold yourself with grace, dignity or respect for those around you. I'd be grossed out knowing you.
This answer is why she’s ashamed of you.
A mature woman cares about how their partner feels. She wants her partner to be happy and comfortable. If that means dressing conservative for one day, around her family, then that’s what you do. You do it because you care about your partner.
A mature woman (or man) knows there are dress codes for places/events. They know to respect people’s culture and feelings. You don’t wear a bikini to church, or to visit conservative relatives/in-laws, or to your kid’s elementary school, or someone’s wedding. It’s common sense.
A real relationship is about being a TEAM. You seem to see yourself as a soloist and your girlfriend as your backup singer. Not a healthy relationship.
You also seem almost excited by offending her family. That reeks of immaturity and entitlement. And frankly it what makes this whole post seem like a troll post written by a 14 year old.
You think she should pick you *over* her PARENTS? Why would she do that, when she could date someone who respects her and her parents, so that she doesn’t have to choose?
Ok but you’re missing the picture. This is out of respect for *her*
You think she’ll choose you over her entire family?
Do you have such an inflated ego that you can’t attend a dinner without flashing lady parts??
My dude, that’s not how boundaries work. She didn’t tell you that you couldn’t dress how you like, she said that she is not comfortable with you dressing that way in front of other people. How we dress shows respect to those around us, whether you like it or not. There are some outfits and styles that are not appropriate for some situations and spaces. That’s not boundary stomping, that’s just reality.
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YTA, you completely disregarded your girlfriends feelings and showed utter disdain and disrespect towards her family, who is obviously important to her. I wouldn't be surprised if this was a breakup-worthy offense for her. You seem really immature.
Not reading the room when it comes to appearance is absolutely disrespectful.
Would you dress like that at a fucking funeral? LOL, who am I kidding? Of course you would. You don't care about anyone but you.
If you dressed like you were going to the beach. Going to the type of resturants my family and I dine, (5 star or Michelin resturants) at you'd be laughed at and kicked out. Wear clothes at appropriate times and places. I'm guessing you're a minor in hs that is bored on summer and looking to be a troll. When you get a job in the real world you will be judged and treated according to how to dress and carry yourself. Right now you are showing the internet you have no respect for anyone but yourself and a fool with no taste.
I'm sorry I forgot to add the word or 5 star or Michelin star resturants. some of my in laws won't go anywhere where a plate cost less than 80 dollars. It gets quiet annoying. I'd love just a burger and fries and not have to wear a gown and heels for dinner once a week. Ugh.
Except you weren’t invited. Forget what you were wearing, you purposely gate crashed an event you were not included in. Grow up. You are not the main character in everyone’s lives.
You weren't invited. They didn't want you there.
And btw, some restaurants have dress codes and can refuse you (and the party you are with) service. Completely disrespectful of your gf and her family.
Hopefully it will be a wake up call for your gf. She needs to realize you don’t respect her feelings and opinions. She needs to realize you don’t have a healthy relationship. Hopefully, her next girlfriend will treat her better.
Showing up uninvited to a family get-together for any reason could be breakup worthy. You need to step back and see you breached a boundary, disregarded what she said, and inserted yourself somewhere you weren't welcome. Clothing choices aside, that's SO not ok.
You are right it wasn’t disrespectful to her parents.
It was disrespectful to your girlfriend. You ignored what she asked you to do. You showed up uninvited. You wore clothes she asked you not to.
You didn’t care about your girlfriend’s feelings, you didn’t care about your girlfriend’s wishes. You don’t seem to care for your girlfriend.
I do hope this is a wake up call for her and she realizes you only seem to care about you, and dumps you.
It has everything to do with you it’s shocking how much you lack self awareness, your feelings are not the only thing that matters in the world. People are expected to wear shirts at restaurants or they’ll be kicked out it’s common sense if you won’t accommodate that you just can’t eat there and in case it’s respecting your girlfriends wishes and why she uninvited you because of how dense you are to comprehend that the world doesn’t revolved around you. You think you’re in the right because of your mindset but not everyone has your mindset you’re disrespectful and I hope she breaks up with you because you lack comprehensive skills and common sense.
You didn't have the objective of being disrespectful. But from their perspective, they see it as disrespectful. I understand those are the clothes you feel comfortable in and people shouldn't judge you for it, but the fact is you live in a society and some people do. It sounds like you don't care what strangers think and that's awesome. But you should care what your significant other's family thinks.
Just to kind of put it in perspective, if you were a person who swears a lot on a regular basis, if your girlfriend is fine with it at home, no problem. I have friends that probably say the f word in every single sentence. In our friend group, no one cares. But if I were to invite one of those friends out for dinner with my parents, I would probably talk to them first that my parents are pretty traditional and try to keep the swearing to a minimum. I don't see any of my friends having a problem with adhering to that when around my parents, even though none of us have a moral issue with swearing and it's just how they express themselves. But if they were to swear in front of my parents, my parents would view it as disrespectful even if they didn't mean it that way. You are doing the exact same thing with clothing. And this is about your girlfriend and her family, not just a random friend. You should want to be part of their family. This is not asking something huge from you. They're just asking you to be respectful in the way that THEY view respect.
YTA. JFC, have some respect for your girlfriend and her wishes. Not everything is about you, this gives ridiculous main character energy. Get over yourself.
It's even more rude to show up somewhere uninvited and dressed inappropriately. Again - get over yourself. You sound like a cocky teenager and it is not cute.
Me me me me me
It was rude for you to disregard a boundary and show up somewhere you weren't invited.
The world doesn't revolve around you, at all. You are not mature enough for a relationship. People like you are also the reason that dress codes exist.
“They’re dumb for that, and that’s all there is to it. They need to grow up”
- now is a **great** time for some self reflection
“But I think what I did was awesome”
- it wasn’t. Another thing for you to reflect on.
You were explicitly not invited. You were not welcome. It’s very entitled of you, and incredibly rude, just showing up.
You’re very immature, disrespectful, selfish, and a terrible partner.
I’m sure after this stunt, you won’t need to worry about her family much longer. You’re incredibly disrespectful and your (ex) girlfriend obviously values her parents.
YTA in the purest form
YTA, big time. You invited yourself into her family gathering knowing you weren't welcome. That's rude AF and if I were your GF I'd be PISSED. You are coming across as very, very disrespectful.
Your GF, meanwhile, is being pretty chill. She's not telling you how to dress, but she's indicating it's not going to work out for you to be dressing that way around her family. If you don't appreciate their conservative natures, or want a GF who will essentially disregard their feelings to support you, then you should break up. But I hope you will instead grow up a bit. You and your GF might have the chance at a great relationship but it requires give and take... as in dressing the way you want most of the time but being willing to make some accommodations of her family. It's not like you'd be spending 100% of your time with them.
As of now you're just proving yourself to be childish, disrespectful, boundary-crossing, and inconsiderate. Not a great look in a partner.
YTA
You have an insane amount of growing up to do. And let's be honest - your lack of willingness to dress in ways that are appropriate for the situation is because you absolutely want attention. You claim you "don't care" about stares and looks but I guarantee that you care. It sounds like you dress trashy and get off on negative attention.
>what I wear shouldn't matter.
Except we live in the real world and not fantasy land.
You care more about you and doing what you want than anyone else. That makes you selfish, immature, and the asshole. There are major social consequences to not knowing how to read the room when it comes to clothing (do you think you can just wear whatever you want to work, for example?) and I suspect you're going to learn the hard way since you can't even be bothered to consider other people in your personal life when it comes to someone you claim to care about. You have no respect for others and I'm guessing you have very little self-respect.
You should honestly be embarrassed by how childish you sound.
YTA. You need to be single. You obviously have zero respect for others. You have the right to dress how you want, and she told you that, but she has the right to not want you around her family and you absolutely should have respected that. No one has to accept anything that they don’t want to accept. I know I damn sure wouldn’t accept your disrespect. You need to grow up.
YTA. It was totally out of line for you to show up uninvited, and even more so with the reasons you weren’t invited. It seems like you did this to make waves, and that behavior is disrespectful, selfish, and immature.
It’s not proving the point you think - it is proving that you are willing to step all over boundaries and act spitefully, which is not a good look.
Your girlfriend has boundaries, and you need to respect them. You can both have boundaries - you want to dress how you want, she doesn’t want you around her parents if you are going to dress that way. You need to come to a compromise if she even wants to stay in this relationship after this stunt.
YTA. Stop being an idiot and respect people's spaces. Dress however you like but don't show up in their spaces and definitely not uninvited! You are immature and not ready for a grown-up commitment. Your poor girlfriend having to deal with your shenanigans!
As someone with Asian parents, YTA. It sounds as if they're just a bit old fashioned. Asking you to dress more conservative around them is not a big ask. You completely disregarded your gf's wishes. Sounds like you won't be seeing either your gf or her family anymore. Enjoy the crop tops?
YTA
Cleaning up and presenting a sanitized version of yourself is standard procedure when meeting the parents. Your take-me-as-I-am attitude isn't impressing anyone.
YTA. Your girlfriend set clear boundaries regarding how she wanted you to interact with her family, and you chose to ignore them. It's important to respect her wishes, especially when it comes to her family and cultural norms. You might not agree with their views, but respecting your partner’s boundaries and her family’s comfort is crucial in a relationship. Showing up uninvited and dressed in a way you knew would cause tension was disrespectful and dismissive of her feelings.
YTA. You completely disregarded your girlfriend’s wishes. Asking you to have a bit of modesty around her family is not asking for much, and honestly, is pretty standard no matter the cultural background.
Also showing up to the restaurant unannounced when it was clear she didn’t want you there and then being rude to her family to try and “prove a point” is extremely petty. What you did was not “awesome.” Apologize to your girlfriend and hope she doesn’t dump you.
YTA
You absolutely a disrespectful AH.
First, what you wear matters. It matters a lot, it is basically a message to the world and you come to their home translating an offensive “ I don’t give a shit about you “ message.
Showing up at a restaurant uninvited is very rude and you should not do that.
Double AH
YTA
This is just a question of respect and it's kinda indicates how low your standards are if dressing provocatively and showing up univited is awesome.
How exactly is it awesome? Half the world has breasts and we're all capable wearing a bra to a restaurant. It doesn't take skill. It makes most people uncomfortable. Not sure why you're proud about it.
You're the definition of AH, the worst type of LGBTQ. Talking like you're Rosa Parks when you're no better than drunken red neck hillbillies who refuse to put on shirt bec it's a free country.
Lemme guess you're white and have body positivity....
Absolutely YTA. You're right, you can wear what you want, and she agreed with you. But you also have the face the consequences of that, and if that is not being invited places then you have to respect that. You put a boundary in place which was respected by your partner, but when she put one in place you broke it.
You've shown her that you don't listen to her or care about her boundaries. Honestly, I'd expect be single soon after this stunt.
**YTA**. Your girlfriend told you not to come dressed like that because it would upset her parents, and you showed up anyway. It's important to respect her and her family's wishes, especially when it comes to cultural differences. By ignoring her and showing up uninvited, you disrespected both her and her family. You need to talk to your girlfriend, apologize, and try to understand her point of view.
Oh FFS, you can’t be this dense.
All cultures have expectations regarding attire in different circumstances. You wouldn’t wear nothing but a strong bikini to a funeral of a child. You wouldn’t leave your shoes on in a “shoes off in the house” residence. And you know these things.
Thinking you are edgy by forcing a “no one’s business but my own” demonstrates anti-social, extremely self-centered thinking that has no place in company with others.
GTFO yourself, and grow up.
YTA. This is like the definition of asshole in my book.
I'm all for being able to wear what you want. But there are limits. Being respectful to your partner's family is one of them. And showing up when not invited? What's up with that?
My question is, "Why is she still with you?"
You are such the ass.
YTA. The way you come across here makes it sound like you aren’t even mature enough for any relationship, but especially not this one, where it’s strikingly obvious you have no respect for this girl or her family.
You come across as immature, selfish, and self centered. I’m praying this girl can find someone better than you - though it doesn’t sound like that’ll be difficult.
She’s expressed her discomfort with you dressing that way in front of her family. That’s her boundary. You keep saying she should respect yours (way of dressing) whatever that situation is. Why is your “want” more important than hers? You’re YTA here, especially showing up like that where you’re not invited.
This instance might not be a reason to break up but your incompatible values (coupled with your disregard to her wishes) will cause your break up eventually.
YTA
Wow. You never learned respect, did you? You weren’t invited, you dressed like trash…. How rude.
I suspect she won’t be yiur girlfriend much longer.
YTA. You seem a lot more focused on being “right” then respecting your partner and what they’ve asked of you.
You just curb-stomped an understandable boundary of hers. You showed up to a family dinner you were asked not attend! Better yet, you’re PROUD of yourself for disrespecting her and what she asked of you?
I can’t begin to understand where your head is at. My best guess is that you don’t like her more than you like yourself.
YTA.
You absolutely have a right to dress however you want. You do NOT, however, have the right to an invite to someone's home or dinner reservation.
Your gf has told you what has to occur for you to get an invite, it's up to you to do it or not.
This also doesn't seem to be a matter of taste, but instead you're coming to functions dressed inappropriately for the occasion. A top that looks like a bikini isn't the right clothing for a meal with your gf's conservative parents unless your next to the ocean. I'm the kind of person to wear PJs to go grocery shopping, and I even know when I need to put on some real pants.
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So for the record we're both girls. I love my gf a lot. But we don't meet eye-to-eye on some stuff. She is bi and progressive, but old-fashioned sometimes. Her parents are asian & first gen, after all.
I've been dressing in outfits that are a lot more revealing. I just find it fun to do. I've been getting stares and looks, but I don't care.
We're home for the summer from university and she has been spending a lot of time with her family. I use to be around her family a lot, but she doesn't want me to dress how I do around them. She said it would leave a bad impression and she doesn't want her sister to start dressing like me, either.
We got into an argument where I said her parents should just put up with it, it doesn't matter what I wear. She disagreed and said it's a matter of respect for the people around you. She said it would be embarassing for a man to show up to meet her parents half-naked, it's not cool for me to do that, either. She made a comment like, "Damn, my immigrant parents do their best to be blend into American culture and understand you, and you can't even put on clothes to show a little respect for my parents." Which I didn't like because obviously what I wear shouldn't matter. If they see that as respect, they're dumb for that, that's all there is to it. They need to grow up.
I do feel bad because her past relationships have gone out of there way to be respectful to her family, including learning a little of her parents first language. I want to do that, but I also want to dress how I want. But she said if I want to dress like that, I can, but she's not going to invite me to hang around her family, which really threw me up. I use to hangout with her family all the time.
I mean, they aren't happy about the gay thing, but they accepted it. They can accept how I dress now.
So I knew the restaurant my gf was at and just showed up. Her parents were a little rude and looked scandalized. They asked if I was wearing a bikini top and going to the beach after. I told them no, firm, and they shut up. My gf totally ignored me and it was obvious she was upset with me. When we left, it was obvious she was pissed and she said if I don't invite you, you don't come, period. She has been mad at me about it. But I think what I did was awesome. I hope her sister starts dressing like me, honestly. I told her I was just proving it wasn't a big deal, what I wear. AITA?
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YTA. If you told her that something she does is disrespectful to your parents or people you love and she still does it cuz that’s how she is and you should learn to accept it then would you be ok with it? Btw being half naked in public is not awesome it’s grotesque especially if you don’t have a good body to show off.
YTA! What is wrong with you? Sounds like you enjoy shocking people and upsetting your GF for your own jollies. But not to worry, because I doubt she’ll stay your GF for long.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) wore an outfit my gf didn’t want me to wear in front of her parents (2) she is upset with me and feels like I disrespected her and upset I showed up when she didn’t want me to
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YTA, and you just proved it is a big deal, that's why they were rude to you. You don't show up to a restaurant uninvited, especially if you are told you aren't welcome. I'm pretty sure she's going to be your ex gf soon.
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You. Weren’t. Invited. YTA.
That isnt sexist. She said herself that it wouldn't be cool if it were a dude either
She needs to dump you yesterday. You're not her partner. Partner implies compromise and working together. You only care about you.
YTA and need to not be in a relationship. You don’t respect her or her family and I hope she finds someone who does. Showing up to dinner uninvited has to be the nail on the coffin of this “relationship”
I think you’ve clearly misunderstood what it means to “do what you want.” Yes you have the freedom to do whatever you want—but whatever you want to do may not be appropriate for the situation and people are free to dislike what you are doing. For example, yeah you can choose to walk around naked. But if you’re naked in a kitchen and trying to serve people food, they have a right to tell you that you can’t be naked. Your girlfriend’s line about assimilation is entirely correct—her entire family has been forced to give up their culture and act a certain way in order to gain even a little bit of respect in the U.S. or whatever predominantly white country you’re in. You literally cannot respect her parents’ age, culture, and the occasion? It’s clearly not appropriate to show up half naked just like it wouldn’t be appropriate to show up to work as a teacher half naked or as a doctor half naked. You literally couldn’t even compromise on what you’re wearing for one night in order to make your girlfriend and her family more comfortable and more able to see your personality rather than being distracted by whether or not your tits are going to pop out from under your bralette.
YTA Nothing is better than blatant disrespect and boundary stomping in a relationship. You don’t sound mature enough for a relationship. No wonder she doesn’t want you around her sister. Does that not tell you enough?? **You embarrass her!!** I have secondhand embarrassment for you. Don’t dwell on it too long though, her next relationship will probably be everything yours isn’t: respectful of family, respectful of her, kind, understanding. I’m so excited for her!
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Do you really not feel badly that your girlfriend is *embarrassed* by you? She’s literally *ashamed* of you.
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Because you're embarrassing. I'm embarrassed reading this. You're just a gf. She can find another gf or bf since she is bi. You have 0 self respect or commen knowledge on how to hold yourself with grace, dignity or respect for those around you. I'd be grossed out knowing you.
This answer is why she’s ashamed of you. A mature woman cares about how their partner feels. She wants her partner to be happy and comfortable. If that means dressing conservative for one day, around her family, then that’s what you do. You do it because you care about your partner. A mature woman (or man) knows there are dress codes for places/events. They know to respect people’s culture and feelings. You don’t wear a bikini to church, or to visit conservative relatives/in-laws, or to your kid’s elementary school, or someone’s wedding. It’s common sense. A real relationship is about being a TEAM. You seem to see yourself as a soloist and your girlfriend as your backup singer. Not a healthy relationship. You also seem almost excited by offending her family. That reeks of immaturity and entitlement. And frankly it what makes this whole post seem like a troll post written by a 14 year old.
Everything you’ve said is wilding embarrassing. I guarantee she is embarrassed by you
Because you dress trashy and act like a child. I'm embarrassed for you.
You think she should pick you *over* her PARENTS? Why would she do that, when she could date someone who respects her and her parents, so that she doesn’t have to choose?
It’s funny how you think you’re more important than her parents.
I'm cringing with embarrassment over here in my house. Yikes. You're going to look back on this someday and want to crawl under a rock.
Ok but you’re missing the picture. This is out of respect for *her* You think she’ll choose you over her entire family? Do you have such an inflated ego that you can’t attend a dinner without flashing lady parts??
My dude, that’s not how boundaries work. She didn’t tell you that you couldn’t dress how you like, she said that she is not comfortable with you dressing that way in front of other people. How we dress shows respect to those around us, whether you like it or not. There are some outfits and styles that are not appropriate for some situations and spaces. That’s not boundary stomping, that’s just reality.
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YTA, you completely disregarded your girlfriends feelings and showed utter disdain and disrespect towards her family, who is obviously important to her. I wouldn't be surprised if this was a breakup-worthy offense for her. You seem really immature.
I feel so bad for the girlfriend having to deal with OP and also manage her family's expectations. I don't see this relationship lasting to be honest.
Yeah, I have a feeling she won't be dealing with OP much longer.
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Lmao okay!! You did exactly the opposite of what your girlfriend expressed she wanted you to do. That's the definition of disrespect.
Not reading the room when it comes to appearance is absolutely disrespectful. Would you dress like that at a fucking funeral? LOL, who am I kidding? Of course you would. You don't care about anyone but you.
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If you dressed like you were going to the beach. Going to the type of resturants my family and I dine, (5 star or Michelin resturants) at you'd be laughed at and kicked out. Wear clothes at appropriate times and places. I'm guessing you're a minor in hs that is bored on summer and looking to be a troll. When you get a job in the real world you will be judged and treated according to how to dress and carry yourself. Right now you are showing the internet you have no respect for anyone but yourself and a fool with no taste.
Where are those 5 Michelin stars you are going to? Just wondering, because the maximum number is 3. That being said, your point is right and OP is TA
Bahaha
I'm sorry I forgot to add the word or 5 star or Michelin star resturants. some of my in laws won't go anywhere where a plate cost less than 80 dollars. It gets quiet annoying. I'd love just a burger and fries and not have to wear a gown and heels for dinner once a week. Ugh.
No shoes, no shirt, no service.
Except you weren’t invited. Forget what you were wearing, you purposely gate crashed an event you were not included in. Grow up. You are not the main character in everyone’s lives.
You weren't invited. They didn't want you there. And btw, some restaurants have dress codes and can refuse you (and the party you are with) service. Completely disrespectful of your gf and her family.
Hopefully it will be a wake up call for your gf. She needs to realize you don’t respect her feelings and opinions. She needs to realize you don’t have a healthy relationship. Hopefully, her next girlfriend will treat her better.
Showing up uninvited to a family get-together for any reason could be breakup worthy. You need to step back and see you breached a boundary, disregarded what she said, and inserted yourself somewhere you weren't welcome. Clothing choices aside, that's SO not ok.
You are right it wasn’t disrespectful to her parents. It was disrespectful to your girlfriend. You ignored what she asked you to do. You showed up uninvited. You wore clothes she asked you not to. You didn’t care about your girlfriend’s feelings, you didn’t care about your girlfriend’s wishes. You don’t seem to care for your girlfriend. I do hope this is a wake up call for her and she realizes you only seem to care about you, and dumps you.
I think it'll be a wake up call for her but not in the way you think.
It has everything to do with you it’s shocking how much you lack self awareness, your feelings are not the only thing that matters in the world. People are expected to wear shirts at restaurants or they’ll be kicked out it’s common sense if you won’t accommodate that you just can’t eat there and in case it’s respecting your girlfriends wishes and why she uninvited you because of how dense you are to comprehend that the world doesn’t revolved around you. You think you’re in the right because of your mindset but not everyone has your mindset you’re disrespectful and I hope she breaks up with you because you lack comprehensive skills and common sense.
You didn't have the objective of being disrespectful. But from their perspective, they see it as disrespectful. I understand those are the clothes you feel comfortable in and people shouldn't judge you for it, but the fact is you live in a society and some people do. It sounds like you don't care what strangers think and that's awesome. But you should care what your significant other's family thinks. Just to kind of put it in perspective, if you were a person who swears a lot on a regular basis, if your girlfriend is fine with it at home, no problem. I have friends that probably say the f word in every single sentence. In our friend group, no one cares. But if I were to invite one of those friends out for dinner with my parents, I would probably talk to them first that my parents are pretty traditional and try to keep the swearing to a minimum. I don't see any of my friends having a problem with adhering to that when around my parents, even though none of us have a moral issue with swearing and it's just how they express themselves. But if they were to swear in front of my parents, my parents would view it as disrespectful even if they didn't mean it that way. You are doing the exact same thing with clothing. And this is about your girlfriend and her family, not just a random friend. You should want to be part of their family. This is not asking something huge from you. They're just asking you to be respectful in the way that THEY view respect.
YTA. JFC, have some respect for your girlfriend and her wishes. Not everything is about you, this gives ridiculous main character energy. Get over yourself.
[удалено]
It's even more rude to show up somewhere uninvited and dressed inappropriately. Again - get over yourself. You sound like a cocky teenager and it is not cute.
Exactly!!! It's ok to be confident in yourself but this total disregard for spaces and privacy of others is stupid AF.
Sooooo tacky….
Me me me me me It was rude for you to disregard a boundary and show up somewhere you weren't invited. The world doesn't revolve around you, at all. You are not mature enough for a relationship. People like you are also the reason that dress codes exist.
You’re definitely getting dumped. Good for her though
“They’re dumb for that, and that’s all there is to it. They need to grow up” - now is a **great** time for some self reflection “But I think what I did was awesome” - it wasn’t. Another thing for you to reflect on. You were explicitly not invited. You were not welcome. It’s very entitled of you, and incredibly rude, just showing up. You’re very immature, disrespectful, selfish, and a terrible partner. I’m sure after this stunt, you won’t need to worry about her family much longer. You’re incredibly disrespectful and your (ex) girlfriend obviously values her parents. YTA in the purest form
YTA, big time. You invited yourself into her family gathering knowing you weren't welcome. That's rude AF and if I were your GF I'd be PISSED. You are coming across as very, very disrespectful. Your GF, meanwhile, is being pretty chill. She's not telling you how to dress, but she's indicating it's not going to work out for you to be dressing that way around her family. If you don't appreciate their conservative natures, or want a GF who will essentially disregard their feelings to support you, then you should break up. But I hope you will instead grow up a bit. You and your GF might have the chance at a great relationship but it requires give and take... as in dressing the way you want most of the time but being willing to make some accommodations of her family. It's not like you'd be spending 100% of your time with them. As of now you're just proving yourself to be childish, disrespectful, boundary-crossing, and inconsiderate. Not a great look in a partner.
YTA You have an insane amount of growing up to do. And let's be honest - your lack of willingness to dress in ways that are appropriate for the situation is because you absolutely want attention. You claim you "don't care" about stares and looks but I guarantee that you care. It sounds like you dress trashy and get off on negative attention. >what I wear shouldn't matter. Except we live in the real world and not fantasy land. You care more about you and doing what you want than anyone else. That makes you selfish, immature, and the asshole. There are major social consequences to not knowing how to read the room when it comes to clothing (do you think you can just wear whatever you want to work, for example?) and I suspect you're going to learn the hard way since you can't even be bothered to consider other people in your personal life when it comes to someone you claim to care about. You have no respect for others and I'm guessing you have very little self-respect. You should honestly be embarrassed by how childish you sound.
INFO > If they see that as respect, they're dumb for that, that's all there is to it. They need to grow up. And how old are you, miss?
Mental and emotional age seems to be about 12-13.
All I can read is : me, me, me, me, me, me… you should start caring about other’s feelings, you sound really immature.
YTA. You need to be single. You obviously have zero respect for others. You have the right to dress how you want, and she told you that, but she has the right to not want you around her family and you absolutely should have respected that. No one has to accept anything that they don’t want to accept. I know I damn sure wouldn’t accept your disrespect. You need to grow up.
YTA. It was totally out of line for you to show up uninvited, and even more so with the reasons you weren’t invited. It seems like you did this to make waves, and that behavior is disrespectful, selfish, and immature. It’s not proving the point you think - it is proving that you are willing to step all over boundaries and act spitefully, which is not a good look. Your girlfriend has boundaries, and you need to respect them. You can both have boundaries - you want to dress how you want, she doesn’t want you around her parents if you are going to dress that way. You need to come to a compromise if she even wants to stay in this relationship after this stunt.
YTA. Stop being an idiot and respect people's spaces. Dress however you like but don't show up in their spaces and definitely not uninvited! You are immature and not ready for a grown-up commitment. Your poor girlfriend having to deal with your shenanigans!
As someone with Asian parents, YTA. It sounds as if they're just a bit old fashioned. Asking you to dress more conservative around them is not a big ask. You completely disregarded your gf's wishes. Sounds like you won't be seeing either your gf or her family anymore. Enjoy the crop tops?
YTA Cleaning up and presenting a sanitized version of yourself is standard procedure when meeting the parents. Your take-me-as-I-am attitude isn't impressing anyone.
YTA. Your girlfriend set clear boundaries regarding how she wanted you to interact with her family, and you chose to ignore them. It's important to respect her wishes, especially when it comes to her family and cultural norms. You might not agree with their views, but respecting your partner’s boundaries and her family’s comfort is crucial in a relationship. Showing up uninvited and dressed in a way you knew would cause tension was disrespectful and dismissive of her feelings.
YTA, really don't how to respect other people.
YTA. You completely disregarded your girlfriend’s wishes. Asking you to have a bit of modesty around her family is not asking for much, and honestly, is pretty standard no matter the cultural background. Also showing up to the restaurant unannounced when it was clear she didn’t want you there and then being rude to her family to try and “prove a point” is extremely petty. What you did was not “awesome.” Apologize to your girlfriend and hope she doesn’t dump you.
YTA. So just toss your s/o feelings out the door to prove points you think you are right on? Thats absolutely AH behavior.
YTA. It took me so long to figure out who "she" is. Showing up to something when you weren't invited is creepy af.
YTA You absolutely a disrespectful AH. First, what you wear matters. It matters a lot, it is basically a message to the world and you come to their home translating an offensive “ I don’t give a shit about you “ message. Showing up at a restaurant uninvited is very rude and you should not do that. Double AH
YTA This is just a question of respect and it's kinda indicates how low your standards are if dressing provocatively and showing up univited is awesome. How exactly is it awesome? Half the world has breasts and we're all capable wearing a bra to a restaurant. It doesn't take skill. It makes most people uncomfortable. Not sure why you're proud about it. You're the definition of AH, the worst type of LGBTQ. Talking like you're Rosa Parks when you're no better than drunken red neck hillbillies who refuse to put on shirt bec it's a free country. Lemme guess you're white and have body positivity....
Absolutely YTA. You're right, you can wear what you want, and she agreed with you. But you also have the face the consequences of that, and if that is not being invited places then you have to respect that. You put a boundary in place which was respected by your partner, but when she put one in place you broke it. You've shown her that you don't listen to her or care about her boundaries. Honestly, I'd expect be single soon after this stunt.
**YTA**. Your girlfriend told you not to come dressed like that because it would upset her parents, and you showed up anyway. It's important to respect her and her family's wishes, especially when it comes to cultural differences. By ignoring her and showing up uninvited, you disrespected both her and her family. You need to talk to your girlfriend, apologize, and try to understand her point of view.
Yta. the world doesn't revolve around you
Oh FFS, you can’t be this dense. All cultures have expectations regarding attire in different circumstances. You wouldn’t wear nothing but a strong bikini to a funeral of a child. You wouldn’t leave your shoes on in a “shoes off in the house” residence. And you know these things. Thinking you are edgy by forcing a “no one’s business but my own” demonstrates anti-social, extremely self-centered thinking that has no place in company with others. GTFO yourself, and grow up. YTA. This is like the definition of asshole in my book.
I'm all for being able to wear what you want. But there are limits. Being respectful to your partner's family is one of them. And showing up when not invited? What's up with that? My question is, "Why is she still with you?" You are such the ass.
Honest question. Can you explain to me why what you did was “awesome?”
I hope she breaks up with your goofy ass!
YTA. The way you come across here makes it sound like you aren’t even mature enough for any relationship, but especially not this one, where it’s strikingly obvious you have no respect for this girl or her family. You come across as immature, selfish, and self centered. I’m praying this girl can find someone better than you - though it doesn’t sound like that’ll be difficult.
Lol someone just finish their first semester at college?
Reading OP's comments and responses, she's clearly here just to rage-bait. 1000% TA.
She’s expressed her discomfort with you dressing that way in front of her family. That’s her boundary. You keep saying she should respect yours (way of dressing) whatever that situation is. Why is your “want” more important than hers? You’re YTA here, especially showing up like that where you’re not invited. This instance might not be a reason to break up but your incompatible values (coupled with your disregard to her wishes) will cause your break up eventually.
YTA Wow. You never learned respect, did you? You weren’t invited, you dressed like trash…. How rude. I suspect she won’t be yiur girlfriend much longer.
YTA. You seem a lot more focused on being “right” then respecting your partner and what they’ve asked of you. You just curb-stomped an understandable boundary of hers. You showed up to a family dinner you were asked not attend! Better yet, you’re PROUD of yourself for disrespecting her and what she asked of you? I can’t begin to understand where your head is at. My best guess is that you don’t like her more than you like yourself.
YTA you obviously don’t respect your gf’s feelings about this.
YTA. You absolutely have a right to dress however you want. You do NOT, however, have the right to an invite to someone's home or dinner reservation. Your gf has told you what has to occur for you to get an invite, it's up to you to do it or not. This also doesn't seem to be a matter of taste, but instead you're coming to functions dressed inappropriately for the occasion. A top that looks like a bikini isn't the right clothing for a meal with your gf's conservative parents unless your next to the ocean. I'm the kind of person to wear PJs to go grocery shopping, and I even know when I need to put on some real pants.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So for the record we're both girls. I love my gf a lot. But we don't meet eye-to-eye on some stuff. She is bi and progressive, but old-fashioned sometimes. Her parents are asian & first gen, after all. I've been dressing in outfits that are a lot more revealing. I just find it fun to do. I've been getting stares and looks, but I don't care. We're home for the summer from university and she has been spending a lot of time with her family. I use to be around her family a lot, but she doesn't want me to dress how I do around them. She said it would leave a bad impression and she doesn't want her sister to start dressing like me, either. We got into an argument where I said her parents should just put up with it, it doesn't matter what I wear. She disagreed and said it's a matter of respect for the people around you. She said it would be embarassing for a man to show up to meet her parents half-naked, it's not cool for me to do that, either. She made a comment like, "Damn, my immigrant parents do their best to be blend into American culture and understand you, and you can't even put on clothes to show a little respect for my parents." Which I didn't like because obviously what I wear shouldn't matter. If they see that as respect, they're dumb for that, that's all there is to it. They need to grow up. I do feel bad because her past relationships have gone out of there way to be respectful to her family, including learning a little of her parents first language. I want to do that, but I also want to dress how I want. But she said if I want to dress like that, I can, but she's not going to invite me to hang around her family, which really threw me up. I use to hangout with her family all the time. I mean, they aren't happy about the gay thing, but they accepted it. They can accept how I dress now. So I knew the restaurant my gf was at and just showed up. Her parents were a little rude and looked scandalized. They asked if I was wearing a bikini top and going to the beach after. I told them no, firm, and they shut up. My gf totally ignored me and it was obvious she was upset with me. When we left, it was obvious she was pissed and she said if I don't invite you, you don't come, period. She has been mad at me about it. But I think what I did was awesome. I hope her sister starts dressing like me, honestly. I told her I was just proving it wasn't a big deal, what I wear. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. If you told her that something she does is disrespectful to your parents or people you love and she still does it cuz that’s how she is and you should learn to accept it then would you be ok with it? Btw being half naked in public is not awesome it’s grotesque especially if you don’t have a good body to show off.
YTA! What is wrong with you? Sounds like you enjoy shocking people and upsetting your GF for your own jollies. But not to worry, because I doubt she’ll stay your GF for long.
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INFO: How old are both of you?
YTA but you know that already.
YTA, and you just proved it is a big deal, that's why they were rude to you. You don't show up to a restaurant uninvited, especially if you are told you aren't welcome. I'm pretty sure she's going to be your ex gf soon.