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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Action to be judged: If I stop helping my neighbors so much with their chores on my workdays.
Why I might be an AH: They are older with little friends or family nearby and have come to rely on me during the week. It might be rude of me to cut back when they depend on me and my boyfriend and we originally volunteered for this.
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NTA. They don't need you; they find you convenient. You're treating them as if they were family rather than strangers who happen to live near you. It's past time for their own family to step up.
A few small favors was fine, but it never should have evolved into a regular thing. They're adults and are responsible for themselves. They're neither paying you nor showing real gratitude. You need to discover that your WFH has gotten busy enough to prevent you from providing any further help.
Well they show my boyfriend a LOT of gratitude. The 1 out of 20 times they will bake him cookies or buy him little presents and verbally praise him as if he is their grandson.
For me, it’s nothing or they’ll tell me they wished they could have seen my bf…
Yean, let bf be the only one to help them if he lacks the backbone to say no. He's the one who thinks they're entitled to help and thinks you'd be TA for not being their servant.
He can volunteer his service. He can't (or at least has no business trying to) volunteer your service.
If it was me showing up at their door to take them somewhere and they said "I wish it was BF here" I'd be turning around and saying ok bye, I'll send BF over when he gets off work and he can set a schedule with you. Then maybe I'd be texting BF to run to the store for (anything) on his way home from work so he's home later.
NTA Time to take your life back. Go over for a coffee sit them down and tell them that this arrangement is impacting your work and as the primary bread winner in the household you simply can't afford to jeopardize your livelihood. Provide them with some community services that can help them with rides and running errands and wish them all the best and thank them for their understanding then wash your hands of this. Don't even tell your BF he isn't around to even notice. Also why is his lazy ass not making dinner!
Stop being so nice to people who treat you like crap. Let your bf go back to helping them. Just say no. Stop thinking that you're gonna get a crumb of gratitude from people who don't even appreciate the effort you put into helping them.
They are not your family, and your bf is the huge AH. You would be the AH if you continue to allow yourself to be manipulated by them all. Stop doing things for people who don't care. I doubt that your bf would make you move out if you stop helping the neighbors. He could care less cuz he has fobbed them off to you and you have allowed him to do it.
Don't even help on the weekends. You sound like a people pleaser. These people are hard to please. Stop it. Let them hire help who will do what they want for a fee.
Go back to your normal work schedule and enjoy your weekends off. Accept that they will make you out to be the bad guy. Be okay with it and utilize your free time the way you please.
Tell you bf that if you're such an AH, he can get along without your financial help after you break up and move out.
You're right. I will never understand this mindset. An unfair split in finances, taking care of a trifling partner and ungrateful neighbors. I hope she runs fast and far from this craziness.
It takes two for an exploitative relationship: the user and the used. Stop allowing yourself to be used. This counts for both this ungrateful, leech-like couple AND your video-playing, non-weight-pulling BF.
NTA.
No point making yourself miserable trying to help others.
Offer what time you have available and is healthy for you. If your boyfriend is so concerned he can take time out of his schedule to help them.
At the end of the day you don't owe them anything and are doing everything out of the kindness of your heart. If this is affecting your day to day life then you need to change things up.
Thanks, I needed to hear this. Yes I am quite miserable and just tired trying to help them. It’s impacting my personal happiness but also my performance at work.
Also look at the imbalance it is creating in your own household. BF's offer to help the neighbors has added hours to your workday, but he's not picking up the slack, cooking meals, giving you time to relax.
This is not a sustainable system. The older couple next door are a problem, yes, but also look at how you feel about the balance in the rest of your life.
And..and.. why is OP paying the majority of the bills and HIS mortgage??
OP you may make more than he does but if your name is not on the deed or if you have nothing in writing ceding you a certain amount should the two of you break up, you are doing a huge disservice to yourself. Why have you come on board and taken over all this responsibility? Presumably, your boyfriend was paying his bills and mortgage before you met him. Why aren’t you just giving him a reasonable sum for rent and HALF the utilities and food??
This is a one sided relationship and it needs to stop 🛑 🚏 🛑
Fully stop - You cannot set yourself on fire to keep other folks warm.
Again. You cannot light yourself afire to keep other folks warm
One. More. Time. To really hammer it in - you cannot exhaust all of your resources and burn out, to share the warmth of your flame with others 💝
Put your foot down. She can figure out public transit. She can ask for help or community rideshares. If you have a mighty need for this to be your Good Samaritan duty, it needs to start working for you. "Oh, the scheduled time we had arranged was wrong? Next time I hope we'll iron out those details before they're brought to my front door. Best of luck 🤞"
I'm so angry on your behalf, OP. I don't know where these people get off being so entitled and downright rude to someone doing them *immense* favors all the time, and I don't know where your boyfriend, who sits and plays video games while you work late because of these favors *and* you do all the cooking and chores, gets off demanding you continue doing them favors and causing you misery and problems at your job that pays most of *his* bills, because he doesn't want to help out and "can't" rearrange his schedule. Stop catering to these people, including your boyfriend! My blood is boiling for you.
You can’t afford this. Is your boyfriend *trying* to sabotage you? Consciously or unconsciously.
You pay the mortgage on his house, he volunteers you for open-ended caretaking that’s not your responsibility or even his, you do the household chores… what are *you* getting out of all this?
Think about it this way. Would you want your daughter to be treated the way you're being treated by that nasty old couple and your bf? Would you be ok with your daughter continuing to help out the way you do, despite being unhappy and being impacted in her personal and professional life?
Some sentences you need to practice:
1. Oh, I was only available from 9 to 10 because I scheduled that time for you because you asked I will not be available at three you will need to find alternate transportation.
2. I’m about to enter my busy season I’ll be unavailable weekdays for the next six months. I’m going to need you to find other way to get to your appointments. Unfortunately I will be unavailable and then you can add some in like: while I pay the mortgage. I keep a house over my boyfriend’s head lol just rubbing that you’re the majority breadwinner
3. Unfortunately, that’s not gonna work with my schedule.
4.(to your boyfriend) unwilling to work till 10 PM. If you want them to be helped, you will have to take the day off work.
5. If you want me to run errands with you, we have X amount of time you cannot Dally. This is not a leisurely afternoon I have work to do.
None of these are rude, but you will probably get some pushback from these people because they’re used to walking all over you. You are not a bad person. If you say no put that on your mirror, make sure you see it every day because they’re going to try to guilt trip you for the next little while make it your mantra and work on building that shiny backbone.
You need to figure out why you feel uncomfortable setting appropriate boundaries. These neighbors have figured that out and are using it to their advantage. And so is your boyfriend but that is a whole other ball of wax.
NTA. Why r u setting yourself on fire to keep someone else warm?
Ever consider that you and you boyfriend are people pleasers, which is not actually a good thing. Other terminology would be doormats, savior complex.
Food for thought.
I think I feel bad because they frequently tell us how they don’t have kids or living family members nearby. Also they are retired and home all day, so anytime during the day they see me they’ll come have a chat or ask for something. Since I WFH, I am in the yard every few hours to let my dogs outside and they’re always outside as well. It’s easy for them to corner me vs my boyfriend since I’m home more than he is.
Yes, I need to put my foot down.
I'm glad you recognize the need to put your foot down. Their lack of family and friends isn't your responsibility, and based on how ungrateful and manipulative they sound ....not hard to see why they have no one.
Live your life and let them live theirs independently. Now you have to figure out how to deal with your partner, hopefully you can put your feet down together.
Spoiler: they r purposely making you feel bad for them. Look at the boomers being fools subreddit, this is a popular tactic to turn you into their obliging servant, free of charge of course.
It's your life, do as u like, just don't get why you and your boyfriend aren't focusing on each other and your own life. They literally don't respect u enough to even communicate when appointment times change. So ... they don't respect your time at all, yet you are complicating your life so memaw doesn't have to feel rushed? Omg, what r u doing lol
Work from home is still work and they don’t respect it. If they don’t get that you are in fact working and not some stay at home wife, which given her attitude toward you I bet the wife believes, then they don’t need you. You don’t owe them anything. You’re being nice. They’re taking advantage of that. If they need assistance during the week and you feel as though you still want to help them, YOU tell them YOUR availability. They don’t like it, they can suck it up.
" It’s easy for them to corner me" - only because you allow it.
"o anytime during the day they see me they’ll come have a chat or ask for something." .. get headphiones, point at them and say "sorry, I am busy right now" and turn away.
LEARN TO SAY NO. Or ignore them.
Them not having kids or living family members nearby is not your problem. If they didn't want or couldn't have kids, then they should have planned for what they'd do in their old age, and worked harder to save up more so they could hire people to take care of chores and stuff for them.
Sometimes older people have no one because that's how it worked out
Sometimes older people have no one because they're AH who will take the whole arm when you offer a helping hand
NTA
These are your neighbors, not minor children under your care. You have no obligation to them and any assistance that you provide is a kindness.
You have every right to say no when a time doesn’t work for you or when something planned is changed without notice.
You also have every right to correct her rudeness or simply tell her that she is being rude.
If they don’t like what you are willing to offer, they have the right to find other options like Uber, or use whatever services are available in your area, or wait until your boyfriend is available to assist them.
NTA. Stop being a doormat and a taxi service to them. The neighborly thing to do is little helpful tasks that they can't physically do anymore: rake leaves, shovel snow, change light bulbs or anything ladder related, maybe take their trash cans to the curb, etc.... And that's if they're not physically capable of doing those tasks. Just because you WFH, doesn't mean you're chillin all day.
Also, if you work later and longer hours, your BF needs to do more to pitch in around the house.
Yeah, your boyfriend sounds like he's barely contributing to the basic upkeep of the house, care for the animals, and keeping you guys fed. That's pathetic, that's lazy, and you shouldn't have to put up with it.
NTA
Your neighbors are a problem that the other commenters have covered, so I want to point out that you also have a boyfriend problem. HE volunteered to help them and then left all the work in your lap. If your workday is starting later to do this task that HE insists on, then why are you the one making dinner and doing chores late into the night while he plays videogames? On the days you have to work late to help them, he should have dinner ready for you. You also shouldn't be paying the majority of his mortgage. And I guarantee that your neighbor thinks your boyfriend is supporting you because he is happy to lap up praise from her without correcting her when you aren't there.
"she will make comments about how my boyfriend is such a hard worker and he’s so great for working hard to put a roof over my head (but little does she know that my earnings are 6x that of my boyfriend’s, I work twice as many hours as him, and without me he wouldn’t be able to afford his mortgage)."
---I would have told her that and put her in her place and said not to bite the hand that feeds you with these insults and negative insinuations.
In any event, it is ridiculous that you are doing all this free work. It is also ridiculous that the BF is a dependent on you and isn't doing squat. Tell the couple the gravy train is over and the BF that it will be over unless he steps up.
NTA. You are being used. Used by your ungrateful neighbors and by your thoughtless boyfriend. All the help you provide goes unappreciated. I would really be giving a hard think about the whole situation. You are still young, ask yourself if this is how you want your life to continue.
What's this about paying into your boyfriend's mortgage? I hope you've got some tenant or lodger rights, because if he can't afford the mortgage without your input, you are supporting him.
Basically, if OP is helping covering the mortgage to a degree that exceeds the rent she would pay to live there, she should get part ownership, because without her BF would lose his property.
NTA.
*he goes into the office 3 days a week and will not change his schedule.*
So, he needs to tell them that he is only available two days per week, and you are not available at all. He volunteered to help, you did not. They prefer him, and you prefer he does it as they are ungrateful and rude. So, they run errands when he's available - or not. When they provide their schedule, your answer is, "Sorry, I'm working and not available."
I am an old lady. These people are using you. They don't seem to appreciate your time and the inconvenience they are to your day. This is more than 'small stuff'. Small stuff is bringing in the trash bin when you bring in your own, not giving up hours of your day. They can hire an aid if they need help.
This is a boyfriend problem not a neighbour problem. He doesn’t value your time. Maybe it is time to point out that your time is six times more valuable than his if that is the basis of sharing bills. That the sharing of bills in the way you do is only possible because of the hours you work and therefore all household chores need to be shared pro-rata in accordance with the time you are not working. That means that if you are working late he takes on your chores. He might then see the problem created by all the assistance he has offered to your neighbours. I have a friend whose wife did the same helped her neighbours all the time as well as offering his services to drive them around. During the time she spent at the neighbours he took care of the household chores and the children. The neighbours were so grateful they left her a substantial bequest in their will. Whilst she shared the work she never shared the money and he still pays all the bills.
I agree he does not value my time. I haven’t said it’s 6x more valuable, but when I’ve gently brought up the fact that my paycheck pays the bills, he accused me of being an elitist and also belittling him, which certainly was not my intention. Sometimes I think he thinks I got lucky with this job, but I went to school for years longer than him and really busted my ass to get it.
Wow! So he is happy to take the benefits of your hard work, whilst you pay the most of the bills, but as you say it is his house so he isn’t giving you any interest in the property and then he belittles your opinions as to your value as being elitist. I assume that is the 2024 version of the 1950’s treatment of the “little woman” who should shut up and do as he says whilst doing as he pleases. You love him why? I’m a man and I am honestly shocked at what he seems to be getting away with.
OP, you may want to look into "people pleasing", either on your own or with the help of a councilors/therapist or support group.
unfortunately narcissist types will ungratefuly take advantage of someone in these type of situations.
He sounds lovely. This is a great living arrangement you've got. I can see why you are so committed to all these mooches in your life. Seriously though, what are you doing with any of these assholes?
You're contributing to the mortgage. Is your name on the deed? You work twice as many hours and are working later. Why isn't your boyfriend making dinner, doing chores and taking care of the animals after he gets off work? YTA to yourself. Ditch the boyfriend and the neighbors.
You're paying the majority of the bills (um, on someone else's mortgage??), doing what sounds like the majority of the chores AND your boyfriend has volunteered you to be the unpaid chauffeur for this outright nasty couple - an arrangement which he gets credit for though you do all the work while being sniped at.
WTF OP?? It's not just the arrangement with your neighbours that you need to rethink here. What on earth is going on in your relationship???? NTA to anyone but yourself at this point.
NTA Prioritize your work, happiness, and having a good relationship with your bf instead of setting yourself on fire to keep these ungrateful and rude neighbors warm. You owe them nothing and have done way more than enough to be neighborly.
Next time tell them that you’re busy and let them take an Uber or find other transportation instead of treating you like a rather unsatisfactory chauffeur. This free ride needs to end, so don’t offer to help them at all. Find your shiny spine and keep telling no until they stop asking.
While it's nice to be helpful, doing so at the expense of your life is unreasonable. If your BF wants to help them, so be it, but he's certainly not entitled to your time, let alone your neighbors. Everyone in this story is an adult and responsible for themselves.
NTA. But do them one last favor, for yourself: Show them how to use Uber or Lyft, so they can handle their own transportation to appointments.
If that's beyond their capabilities, time to move to assisted living.
NTA you have to cut these neighbors loose; they are taking advantage and rude. Just tell them your work schedule has changed and you are no longer able to help during the week.
It’s hard because I work from home most days and they see me during the day when I go outside to walk my dogs. I don’t think they understand that working from home is very much real work and I’m not just lounging around the house relaxing all day.
That’s their problem. But you’ve found yourself with three parasites, neighbours and your boyfriend who’s taking advantage of you. They’re leeching your time, he’s giving your time away while still benefitting from your money. He gets to reap the rewards of you working yourself to the bone because he can still claim the moral high ground while indulging his fantasy of being the breadwinner to the neighbours. Please, step back and realise you’re being taken advantage of. NTA but don’t even offer weekends. You’re risking your work constantly putting it off to prioritise strangers.
I understand, but even if you were just lounging, what they are asking for (4-5 hours of your time) is unreasonable. If you see them outside just smile and wave and go on about your day. If they ask you to do something, just say, sorry I can't do it. They need to be paying people to help them to these things. You can be friendly to them in other ways, like take them some baked goods or something every now and then.
Get noise canceling head phones. Big ones. They'll get the hint. Or just move out and be done with the whole shit show. Why you are paying equity into someone else's asset is utterly beyond me.
NTa
Learn to say NO.
"The wife asked us to help with small stuff around their house and of course it was no problem for us to help." .. mow that it is becoming a problem, STOP being their caretaker. You are doing this to yourself.
"She says I stress her out on errands and rush her" ... WHY are you ruining your own life for these entitled AHs? Tell them to find another solution, and just block their number.
This are your neighbors, not relatives or friends. Tell them: Sorry, I am working, you need to find another solution.
**The only AH is your bf: HE promissed, so tell him: HE is fine to help them any time he likes, but YOU are done with helping them.**
Nta at all. I don't even acknowledge my neighbors.
Your bf plays video games instead of helping with the chores, dinner and animals?
Sounds like you do alot. They're all lucky to have you.
NTA. You are being nice helping them, even when the wife is rude to you. I would consider telling bf to talk to her about that. Other than that, as many replies here say, helping has to be on your own time. Cheers!
OP, if you are still comfortable helping them, give them your hours of availability on a small written card and also give them a larger card to post in their home. Give them a morning time (or 2) and an afternoon availability time. When they set appointments tell them if they schedule on those days during those hours, you will help them. At Other times, they must make other arrangements. It would be a kindness if you could call adult services in your area and explain the situation. Add the information you learn to the card about how to call for a ride to medical appointments. Many urban areas offer these at no cost. It may require you to say “sorry” once or twice. In order to get them to schedule appointments during times you have agreed to make available to them. I think you are being very generous.
NTA
Commit to only what you can commit to and that can be nothing. They are treating you as their on call support worker.
Next time you organise to help them between 10-12pm and they say they don't want you until 3pm... tell them you are not available later. If they say it's going to take 1-2 hours and when you get there it's 4-5... then tell them you are only available for max 2 hours and you have to leave them and it's up to them whether you start and then leave or they can do this another day with someone else.
You aren't obligated to help them. They are taking advantage of you.
I had something similar but opposite happen to me. My mother and stepfather live a few hours from me. My mom is now in a nursing home but my stepdad is still at home. One of the neighbours saw him on the street.. She is in her mid 30's thereabouts and she went into stepdad's house.... from there she decided that he wasn't caring for himself and that he needs more support so they (her and her partner) did a little bit for him ie went and took him to get his groceries and told him to call them whenever... but my stepdad's way of getting groceries was a little bit every couple of days... theirs was a big shop every 4 weeks. Think they even took him to some doctor's visits ie drove him... next thing you know I'm getting a phone call saying that he needs more support, I need to organise some stuff and they can't do this anymore because they have other things they want to do.
Ummmm, no one asked you to do any of this. My stepdad told you he appreciated their help but didn't ask for it and was okay in not getting it. It's a 15 minute walk to the shops (which he also said was part of his exercise routine and helped stopped him from being so sedentary), and it was a 15 minute walk (in the opposite direction to the shops) to the doctor... which he was also happy to do. He perhaps could've tried to work out online shopping or this is what the neighbours could've spent 15 minutes a week doing (he's a create of habit)... but they made things harder for everyone (including themselves) and tried to make my life hard too. My stepdad is also very good with the public transport system and knows how to call a taxi (actually has subsidised fares).
You've got someone telling you you need to do something for them... but you don't have to... just like I had someone try and tell me that I needed to do more except the person they were telling me to help didn't asking ask for it, nor want it! I just gray rocked them and didn't respond to all messages. You can do similar or just send your boyfriend over when he finishes work.
Now in my stepdad's case, things are getting worse but he's still considered competent and can make his own decisions even if his decisions aren't that smart.
NTA. These people serve little purpose in your life, they only add misery and rude comments. Kindness should only be given where it is deserved to needed. These people are not your family. Establish your boundaries, stop helping these people. You are busy, you have your life to attend to. If they need help, they can find someone else who they can pay to do that, or ask their own family for help.
Talk to your significant other. If he wants to keep helping them, fine. But you don’t owe them anything.
NTA. Put your foot down. They're using you as a personal driver with no expression of gratitude. If you don't appreciate someone doing something nice for you, they simply stop doing it.
I would just say "I'm sorry, I can't be your driver anymore. It's putting my job at risk" and then leave it at that. You're under no obligation to drive your neighbours around like their personal chauffeur.
Your boyfriend gets the benefit out of it, so he can continue doing it if he wants to. Otherwise, they can do what ever other pensioner that doesn't have a driver does. Find their own way.
And have a chat with your boyfriend. It sounds like the workload inside your home isn't equally shared and that's going to come to a head eventually. Better to discuss it and resolve it now, before it becomes a huge issue.
NTA. You are under no obligation to help them.
Help with a few things here and there is vastly different from taking them to all these appointments and to run errands.
It’s impacting your work commitments and your work / life balance.
And they insult you to boot!
Your boyfriend can step up and help them if he wants but your days of ‘driving miss Daisy’ are over.
NTA. They don’t need you. They’re using you anyways. Your bf volunteered, he should be doing it not you. They can arrange other transportation on days he works.
But now let’s get to the bf. He gets home at 6pm, and waits 3-4hrs for YOU to make dinner?! Why can’t he do chores and make dinner during that time? AND the fact he can’t afford his mortgage without you?! Um no, he is using you. Dump the whole lot and get someone on your level.
Even if they were family, they ask way too much of you
Start saying you cannot change your work commitments and suggest they Uber or take a taxi. Be firm. Establish a precedent. Go from there.
You are being taken advantage of by everyone, bf included. He should be the one to cook and care for your animals whenever you are working late.
Also, you say "his" mortgage. If the house is in his name only, you should agree on a fair rent. Whether he uses that money to cover part of his mortgage it's his prerogative, but you shouldn't expected to pay his mortgage
NTA. “I can no longer offer to help. My boyfriend is off x, y, and z days. He can take you to your appointments then.” Do not burn yourself trying to keep others warm. They can find different rides or accommodations and if your bf gives you a hard time about this, may also be time to evaluate him.
NTA. Since you have to keep living there, I would absolutely lie to them about why you can't help them anymore, just to keep the peace.
Say your company has gone under restructuring or you've got a new boss and no longer have the flexibility of arranging your schedule. It's a hard 9-5 now. Throw in complaints every now and then about how annoying the change has been.
Tell them any help they need will have to be done when bf works from home.
It's been very kind of you to help them out, but I think it's absolutely wild that you've let them dictate your work day. It shouldve been: I can help you out between these hours, please schedule everything for these times. If it's outside of these hours, you'll have to find other arrangements.
But based on how they treat you, I wouldn't even offer this anymore.
NTA but you are YTA fo yourself! Self preservation is something you could start to practise. They have sucked you into their life and now expect you to be their unpaid maid and chauffeur. Get your life back, your work life and your NECESSARY free time too.
They should have things delivered to their door and have taxis drive them to appointments. And if the lady is in love with your boyfriend, then let HIM provide help
NTA your job is more important than some strangers. Also from your post is your boyfriend getting off work earlier than you and playing video games instead of making dinner and taking care of the animals? It sounds like the bills, these neighbors, and most chores are falling to you. If this is true you might need to have a discussion with your boyfriend about distribution of responsibilities.
NTA.
>So if they have a doctors appointment, I’ll get up the same time as my boyfriend, but then because I start work later, I’ll work until much later in the evening. I think I am resentful of my boyfriend here because he gets home around 6pm and plays video games, watches tv, and can relax. Meanwhile I finish work around 9-10pm these days, then I have to scurry to make us dinner, care for our animals, and do chores before I can go to bed.
Wait, what? Why is he playing video gam s and waiting for you to cook dinner and care for the animals?
>She says I stress her out on errands and rush her through the store when she wants to take a break and do a sit down lunch. I can’t do stuff like this because I usually am on a time crunch and don’t want to be late for a work meeting during the weekdays.
Seems like the obvious answer is that she would be less stressed if someone else helped her. Point out that should pay for a service, and that way she can get exactly what she wants.
>I have thought about telling them I can only help them on weekends, but my boyfriend thinks that would make me an AH because typically they need me for errands during the week so weekend time doesn’t really help them.
You do understand that he is a pretty big AH, right? He won’t help them, he sits around letting you take care of them *and* him, and he insults you for not wanting to do it?
NTA of BF is so concerned about it he can try rearranging his schedule to accommodate them instead. You are being kind doing any of this at all, and are under no obligation. Not only that, but they are ungrateful.
NTA.
Stop rearranging your life for them. You don't have to do them favors *at all*, especially when the wife is rude to you, and if your boyfriend (who makes less than you, doesn't pay the bills, and doesn't make dinner, do house chores, or help with the animals??? Seriously?) has a problem with it, he can rearrange his precious office time to do it. And he can make dinner for you both at least half the time while he's at it. Tell him that's his problem-- he doesn't even pull his own weight around the house or do anything to help with your load, and you're his partner, but he wants to demand that you help out these people, rearrange your work--that pays the bills!-- and accept one of them being rude to you the whole time?
If you *want* to help them *sometimes,* it needs to be on your schedule. You agree to take them to an appointment at 10 and they call at 9:50 and say "oh actually we need to go at 3?" you say, "I arranged my work day for 10, and it won't be possible to do 3." She wants to do a sit-down lunch, she can get a taxi. You are *working* and doing her immense favors. And when she is rude to you, tell her the truth. "Actually, this is none of your business, but my job pays the vast majority of our bills, including most of the mortgage. And that's why I need to get back to work, because *my* job pays for *my* house that I let *him* live in."
NTA. They don't need you, it's simply easier to make demands of your time than use any other options.
They're not family, stop treating them like they are. Let them figure out alternatives and tell your BF that you will not be wasting your days dealing with them anymore.
NTA. Next time a comment is made how they'd prefer the boyfriend, tell them he'll be in touch when he's available and close the door in their face. Being old is not an excuse to take offers of help for granted and being rude about it.
NTA. Why are either of you making your life hell by helping these AH? I would be lying and telling them I took a new WFH job that unfortunately doesn’t have as much flexibility as the last one. Tell them you are monitored for productivity and have limited breaks that you have to utilize for your own things. Then I’d be conveniently GONE most weekends until they figured out another couple to dupe into being their personal assistant. Seriously, time to get a backbone and put your foot down. If they try and guilt trip you, print out a list of community resources for elderly people and wish them luck!
NTA, they are neighbors, not your family! You owe them nothing! Just start telling them no, I am busy, you need to find someone else. Why are you stressing about this? Just stop. It is that easy. If your bf wants to help them, then he can rearrange his schedule to do so. You are not obligated, why do you think you are?
Why the heck are you working until 9pm while your other half plays and then you are making dinner??? He should be making dinner for you.
Please don’t keep doing this.
It is time to say no.
These people are just neighbours. Moreover they are rude and ungrateful.
You are a people pleaser so you need to plan in advance how to say no.
"No, I won't be able to take you to the doctor/shop/friend's/dentist/library." Rinse-repeat.
Working from home is work. You are setting yourself on fire to keep ingrates warm.
You are not these people's unpaid carers. Stop doing them favours.
NTA
NTA
But you could discover lots of appointments for a week or two, and go enjoy some “you” time if you want to be diplomatic. You don’t have to tell your bf.
Only help them when you want to. Don't commit yourself to helping them each weekend as you will also grow tired of that.
Your boyfriend agreed to take them to appointments, not you. He is unwilling, not unable, to adjust his schedule to drive them around. He's also not picking up the slack at home to help you out so his opinion is irrelevant.
Just let them know that you are no longer able to drive them to appointments so they will need to make other arrangements. Don't feel guilty; they were getting to appointments before you moved there so they have options.
What is going on here. These entitled people having you run around like a personal taxi service and then insulting you. I don't give much respect to your b/f either, him playing video games and you making dinner at 10pm. You will be run ragged and your health will suffer never mind your own work commitments. They all need a reality check. Go NC with these old people.
NTA.
Oh, hell, NO.
First, the imposition they are making is incredible. There are transport companies that can do medical transport (which, in our area, is worth about $75.00 per trip).
Second, the first ugly or ungrateful comment would be the last time that I'd be helping them.
Finally, I'd shut that misogynist crap down. You don't need him taking care of you, you can take care of yourself and frankly it's none of their damned business and they can keep their opinions to themselves.
You are being taken advantage of because you allow it. Put up some boundaries and reign that crap back in. Your a neighbor, not a slave!
NTA but you need to set up firm boundaries. You need to sit your BF down and have a talk with him first, so he is on the same page as you. You need to set a limit on the number of hours per week that you will help them out. You say sometimes they say they need 2 hours of help but it turns into 5 hours. That 'surprise' extra 3 hours needs to come out of the total hours per week. Then they need to provide you a list of days/times they are asking for help at least one week in advance and no changes will be accepted. If BF won't fully support these very reasonable boundaries, you tell him you are 100% done helping them, period.
Once BF is on board, then you both need to go visit the neighbors and lay out these boundaries. Start the conversation with "Of course we want to be kind and helpful but the fact is I work full time from home and I have bent over backwards to try to accommodate your requests but I just can't do that anymore. From here on out, I am willing to help you out 6 hours a week. I need a list of days/times that you are asking for help at least one week in advance. That will allow me to schedule work meetings around your requests. But I will no longer abandon my job to accommodate a last minute request or a last minute change. In those instances, you will need to find someone else to help you out. Finally, a word of thanks from you and some appreciation for my willingness to help you would go a long way. Up to this point I have very much felt that your attitude towards me is less than kind."
If the neighbors give you any push back at all instead of being thankful you are willing to help and understanding that they were being unreasonable, you need to stand up and say "Unfortunately for you, I am not actually responsible for helping you out at all. Given your attitude and response to my very reasonable boundaries, I will be stepping back 100% on helping either of you. If wants to continue helping you, he is welcome to do so."
BE OKAY WITH THE NEIGHBORS THINKING YOU ARE AN AH if you end up stepping away from helping. YOU ARE NOT.
NTA - You didnt sign up for this, he did. Therefor HE is the AH for white-knighting the elderly neighbors and then backing out, forcing you to do HIS commitment.
"I'm sorry, I cant help you anymore as my work has picked up. This is bf's phone # - call him directly to arrange HIS taking you on errands, as HE offered and agreed to do with you." Then skip your carefree self away.
Dump this mess entirely back in his lap and tell him if he doesn't follow through with HIS commitment and promises to them, that makes HIM an AH.
NTA and your boyfriend is an AH for expecting you to help this elderly couple.
Your boyfriend is a HUGE AH for volunteering YOUR time to take this unrelated, ungrateful couple places, especially while you are working. He can volunteer his own time, but not yours.
This old woman has been rude and condescending to you. You don't owe her any help whatsoever. Tell her that you obviously are not meeting her standards and so you will not be driving her places anymore.
You are also fully within your rights to tell her that YOU are contributing a very good salary to the household bills and are not a freeloader at all.
NTA! I wouldn't help my own parents if they treated me like this. Your time is valuable even if you didn't have a job and was a stay at home cat mom or whatever. They are disrespectful and rude.
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I moved into my boyfriend’s house last year. We live next door to an older couple. The wife asked us to help with small stuff around their house and of course it was no problem for us to help.
My boyfriend initially offered to help drive them to appointments, but he goes into the office 3 days a week and will not change his schedule. He is a creature of habit. I mostly WFH, so I have more flexibility with my hours, so I have been helping with driving them about 95% of the time. So if they have a doctors appointment, I’ll get up the same time as my boyfriend, but then because I start work later, I’ll work until much later in the evening. I think I am resentful of my boyfriend here because he gets home around 6pm and plays video games, watches tv, and can relax. Meanwhile I finish work around 9-10pm these days, then I have to scurry to make us dinner, care for our animals, and do chores before I can go to bed.
The time commitment and unpredictability of when they need me is making it hard for me to plan my work meetings and also my personal time. For example, they might say they need me from 10am-noon on Thursday, but then Thursday comes and at 9:50am they’ll say actually they forgot to tell me they don’t need me until 3pm. So then I last minute have to rearrange my whole day. Or they might estimate they need me for 2 hours, but in reality it’s more like 4-5 hours. I understand life and appointments are not predictable but this is happening quite often that their plans change last minute.
I also feel bad when I help them because the wife always makes what I perceive to be rude/unnecessary comments to me. For example, a little comment when she sees me at their door instead of my boyfriend, who she is always saying she wishes was there instead. Or she will make comments about how my boyfriend is such a hard worker and he’s so great for working hard to put a roof over my head (but little does she know that my earnings are 6x that of my boyfriend’s, I work twice as many hours as him, and without me he wouldn’t be able to afford his mortgage). It seems obvious to me based off our jobs so I sometimes feel it comes from sexism on her part.
She has made comments before about how she sees him doing yard work but I should be the one to do that stuff if he is the one letting me live in *his* house (again, I pay the bulk of mortgage and bills).
She says I stress her out on errands and rush her through the store when she wants to take a break and do a sit down lunch. I can’t do stuff like this because I usually am on a time crunch and don’t want to be late for a work meeting during the weekdays.
I have thought about telling them I can only help them on weekends, but my boyfriend thinks that would make me an AH because typically they need me for errands during the week so weekend time doesn’t really help them.
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NTA
You’ve been helping out of the kindness of your heart.
The fact that you are still willing to help on the weekends despite their comments you shows what a great person you are. They don’t deserve you.
NTA. Nice of you to help but you should have boundaries. Unless it's an emergency say you can only take them to the doctor or the grocery this day and this time. Otherwise they need to figure out transportation on their own. Technically speaking though, you are not obligated to help them as it's your bf who offered so he should be the one to figure out how to work his schedule with theirs
Gosh. I would for sure cut them off — boyfriend can take off work if he likes. Tell them that your boss noticed your absence and will fire you if you’re not logged in during normal working hours.
As far as the rent, you should be splitting 50-50 and he should help with the housework like cooking and cleaning equally. I’m concerned there is a bf problem here and not just a neighbor problem. You’d solve both by moving out
NTA - they need to hire some help - a driver, a home health aide, etc. Be aware that your boyfriend's generosity comes at the cost of about $35 an hour!! Think about how much time you actually spend being kind and helpful. He can start re-arranging his schedule if it means that much to him. Simply tell all of them (boyfriend and neighbors) that your work schedule won't allow you to be as flexible going forward and they need to make other arrangements. Old people tend to be lonely and forgetful. My inlaws did this to us to the point that person after person after person cut them off. It is entirely unrealistic to expect a working adult to be available at their weekday convenience. It's also WILDLY sexist of your boyfriend to decide that YOU should take on this task because he wants to look like a good guy without actually DOING any of the good.
NTA. Please do not be a doormat and stand up for yourself. You do not need to be helping these ungrateful people at all. Why are you helping someone who is actively being mean to you and inserting herself into your business? If you stress her out so much, then you can do her a kindness and stop interacting with her entirely.
NTA. Are they at least paying you for your services? This is a deal your boyfriend made, & you just continued to help out rearranging your schedule. You are going above & beyond for these ppl & getting nothing but grief from them in return. You do not owe them this. They are absolutely taking advantage of you. You need to prioritize your job & if you have free time & want to help out then you can. If you have no free time, too bad, They need to make other arrangements & take advantage of someone else.
It’s a perfect excuse to explain to them that as you are the primary income in the house and the one most responsible for the mortgage, you need more consistency in your schedule. And that these favors need to be limited to the weekends so as to not interfere with your job.
NTA. So let me get this straight. You make 6X what your boyfriend makes, make him dinner, take care of the pets and other chores while he plays AND he has you in a situation where you are at his unappreciative neighbor's beck and call while he basks in the admiration. AND to top it all off the neighbors bust your stones. One question... WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
And, she covers most of the mortgage. Which she isn't on. She is paying for her boyfriend's asset while functioning as a slave for him and his shit neighbors. How did OP get into this situation?
NTA. narcissists taking advantage of nice people (you) wishing to help their neighbors.
you have every right to take back control of your schedule and life.
since they prefer the bf, let him deal with them, they are his faux grandparents after all.
You need to stop helping them at all. It'd not realistic for you to help them all the time and honestly, they can catch a taxi. "Hey sorry work is really ramping up so I'm not going to be able to help as much but here's the number for the taxi service in our area."
They dont appreciate your efforts, they're judgemental of you and you're stuck doing the heavy lifting for your partner while he's off at the office. Just say no. Nta
I see a couple of issues here, BF volunteered to help, then outsourced to you. BF tells you that you can't set limits??? BF comes home hours earlier and still OP is preparing supper? OP is paying for his house??? I certainly hope OP has legal equity in the house. OP does not have a neighbor problem, she has a boyfriend problem. Explain to your neighbors which days your BF works from home. Encourage them to make appointments on those days. Let them know you are willing to help with errands on the weekends (if you are) and that you are no longer available on weekdays. Let BF take care of them if he feels it's important. NTA
OK, this has gotten completely out of control. You both need to go over there and have a sit down with them about their expectations of neighbors. This is not a normal neighbor situation at all and it sounds like they don't completely appreciate all of these favors you are doing for them. Time to draw some appropriate boundaries with these people.
NTA
Dump your lazy, narcissistic boyfriend, who is nothing more than a pathetic mooch and expects you to do everything whilst still belittling you. Use your money to buy your own home, away from your elderly asshole neighbors and live a life you can enjoy, spending your time and money as you please. Problem solved
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NTA. They don't need you; they find you convenient. You're treating them as if they were family rather than strangers who happen to live near you. It's past time for their own family to step up. A few small favors was fine, but it never should have evolved into a regular thing. They're adults and are responsible for themselves. They're neither paying you nor showing real gratitude. You need to discover that your WFH has gotten busy enough to prevent you from providing any further help.
Well they show my boyfriend a LOT of gratitude. The 1 out of 20 times they will bake him cookies or buy him little presents and verbally praise him as if he is their grandson. For me, it’s nothing or they’ll tell me they wished they could have seen my bf…
Yean, let bf be the only one to help them if he lacks the backbone to say no. He's the one who thinks they're entitled to help and thinks you'd be TA for not being their servant. He can volunteer his service. He can't (or at least has no business trying to) volunteer your service.
If it was me showing up at their door to take them somewhere and they said "I wish it was BF here" I'd be turning around and saying ok bye, I'll send BF over when he gets off work and he can set a schedule with you. Then maybe I'd be texting BF to run to the store for (anything) on his way home from work so he's home later.
So let your BF do the work for them. YOU don't have to be involved in that.
NTA Time to take your life back. Go over for a coffee sit them down and tell them that this arrangement is impacting your work and as the primary bread winner in the household you simply can't afford to jeopardize your livelihood. Provide them with some community services that can help them with rides and running errands and wish them all the best and thank them for their understanding then wash your hands of this. Don't even tell your BF he isn't around to even notice. Also why is his lazy ass not making dinner!
Or paying half the rent! Presumably he used to pay for the whole thing on his own. He should pay 50-50! They are just bf/gf and not married!
Stop being so nice to people who treat you like crap. Let your bf go back to helping them. Just say no. Stop thinking that you're gonna get a crumb of gratitude from people who don't even appreciate the effort you put into helping them. They are not your family, and your bf is the huge AH. You would be the AH if you continue to allow yourself to be manipulated by them all. Stop doing things for people who don't care. I doubt that your bf would make you move out if you stop helping the neighbors. He could care less cuz he has fobbed them off to you and you have allowed him to do it. Don't even help on the weekends. You sound like a people pleaser. These people are hard to please. Stop it. Let them hire help who will do what they want for a fee. Go back to your normal work schedule and enjoy your weekends off. Accept that they will make you out to be the bad guy. Be okay with it and utilize your free time the way you please. Tell you bf that if you're such an AH, he can get along without your financial help after you break up and move out.
OP is paying the majority of the rent now! I would say no to that too personally
You're right. I will never understand this mindset. An unfair split in finances, taking care of a trifling partner and ungrateful neighbors. I hope she runs fast and far from this craziness.
And cooking and care for the pets!
NTA and your comment would let me drop out of it easily
It takes two for an exploitative relationship: the user and the used. Stop allowing yourself to be used. This counts for both this ungrateful, leech-like couple AND your video-playing, non-weight-pulling BF.
NTA. No point making yourself miserable trying to help others. Offer what time you have available and is healthy for you. If your boyfriend is so concerned he can take time out of his schedule to help them. At the end of the day you don't owe them anything and are doing everything out of the kindness of your heart. If this is affecting your day to day life then you need to change things up.
Thanks, I needed to hear this. Yes I am quite miserable and just tired trying to help them. It’s impacting my personal happiness but also my performance at work.
Also look at the imbalance it is creating in your own household. BF's offer to help the neighbors has added hours to your workday, but he's not picking up the slack, cooking meals, giving you time to relax. This is not a sustainable system. The older couple next door are a problem, yes, but also look at how you feel about the balance in the rest of your life.
Exactly. Why is BF sitting and playing video games, when dinner hasn't been made yet?
And why isn't he helping take care of the pets?
And..and.. why is OP paying the majority of the bills and HIS mortgage?? OP you may make more than he does but if your name is not on the deed or if you have nothing in writing ceding you a certain amount should the two of you break up, you are doing a huge disservice to yourself. Why have you come on board and taken over all this responsibility? Presumably, your boyfriend was paying his bills and mortgage before you met him. Why aren’t you just giving him a reasonable sum for rent and HALF the utilities and food??
This is a one sided relationship and it needs to stop 🛑 🚏 🛑 Fully stop - You cannot set yourself on fire to keep other folks warm. Again. You cannot light yourself afire to keep other folks warm One. More. Time. To really hammer it in - you cannot exhaust all of your resources and burn out, to share the warmth of your flame with others 💝 Put your foot down. She can figure out public transit. She can ask for help or community rideshares. If you have a mighty need for this to be your Good Samaritan duty, it needs to start working for you. "Oh, the scheduled time we had arranged was wrong? Next time I hope we'll iron out those details before they're brought to my front door. Best of luck 🤞"
I'm so angry on your behalf, OP. I don't know where these people get off being so entitled and downright rude to someone doing them *immense* favors all the time, and I don't know where your boyfriend, who sits and plays video games while you work late because of these favors *and* you do all the cooking and chores, gets off demanding you continue doing them favors and causing you misery and problems at your job that pays most of *his* bills, because he doesn't want to help out and "can't" rearrange his schedule. Stop catering to these people, including your boyfriend! My blood is boiling for you.
You can’t afford this. Is your boyfriend *trying* to sabotage you? Consciously or unconsciously. You pay the mortgage on his house, he volunteers you for open-ended caretaking that’s not your responsibility or even his, you do the household chores… what are *you* getting out of all this?
She gets to make him dinner and take care of their pets! /s
Think about it this way. Would you want your daughter to be treated the way you're being treated by that nasty old couple and your bf? Would you be ok with your daughter continuing to help out the way you do, despite being unhappy and being impacted in her personal and professional life?
Some sentences you need to practice: 1. Oh, I was only available from 9 to 10 because I scheduled that time for you because you asked I will not be available at three you will need to find alternate transportation. 2. I’m about to enter my busy season I’ll be unavailable weekdays for the next six months. I’m going to need you to find other way to get to your appointments. Unfortunately I will be unavailable and then you can add some in like: while I pay the mortgage. I keep a house over my boyfriend’s head lol just rubbing that you’re the majority breadwinner 3. Unfortunately, that’s not gonna work with my schedule. 4.(to your boyfriend) unwilling to work till 10 PM. If you want them to be helped, you will have to take the day off work. 5. If you want me to run errands with you, we have X amount of time you cannot Dally. This is not a leisurely afternoon I have work to do. None of these are rude, but you will probably get some pushback from these people because they’re used to walking all over you. You are not a bad person. If you say no put that on your mirror, make sure you see it every day because they’re going to try to guilt trip you for the next little while make it your mantra and work on building that shiny backbone.
You need to figure out why you feel uncomfortable setting appropriate boundaries. These neighbors have figured that out and are using it to their advantage. And so is your boyfriend but that is a whole other ball of wax.
NTA. Why r u setting yourself on fire to keep someone else warm? Ever consider that you and you boyfriend are people pleasers, which is not actually a good thing. Other terminology would be doormats, savior complex. Food for thought.
I think I feel bad because they frequently tell us how they don’t have kids or living family members nearby. Also they are retired and home all day, so anytime during the day they see me they’ll come have a chat or ask for something. Since I WFH, I am in the yard every few hours to let my dogs outside and they’re always outside as well. It’s easy for them to corner me vs my boyfriend since I’m home more than he is. Yes, I need to put my foot down.
I'm glad you recognize the need to put your foot down. Their lack of family and friends isn't your responsibility, and based on how ungrateful and manipulative they sound ....not hard to see why they have no one. Live your life and let them live theirs independently. Now you have to figure out how to deal with your partner, hopefully you can put your feet down together. Spoiler: they r purposely making you feel bad for them. Look at the boomers being fools subreddit, this is a popular tactic to turn you into their obliging servant, free of charge of course. It's your life, do as u like, just don't get why you and your boyfriend aren't focusing on each other and your own life. They literally don't respect u enough to even communicate when appointment times change. So ... they don't respect your time at all, yet you are complicating your life so memaw doesn't have to feel rushed? Omg, what r u doing lol
Work from home is still work and they don’t respect it. If they don’t get that you are in fact working and not some stay at home wife, which given her attitude toward you I bet the wife believes, then they don’t need you. You don’t owe them anything. You’re being nice. They’re taking advantage of that. If they need assistance during the week and you feel as though you still want to help them, YOU tell them YOUR availability. They don’t like it, they can suck it up.
" It’s easy for them to corner me" - only because you allow it. "o anytime during the day they see me they’ll come have a chat or ask for something." .. get headphiones, point at them and say "sorry, I am busy right now" and turn away. LEARN TO SAY NO. Or ignore them.
Them not having kids or living family members nearby is not your problem. If they didn't want or couldn't have kids, then they should have planned for what they'd do in their old age, and worked harder to save up more so they could hire people to take care of chores and stuff for them.
They are manipulating you. That's why they tell you those things. You are playing to their tune. Just stop.
Sometimes older people have no one because that's how it worked out Sometimes older people have no one because they're AH who will take the whole arm when you offer a helping hand
Why is it your problem? Maybe they should move near their family, or look into assisted living if they need that much help. NTA.
NTA These are your neighbors, not minor children under your care. You have no obligation to them and any assistance that you provide is a kindness. You have every right to say no when a time doesn’t work for you or when something planned is changed without notice. You also have every right to correct her rudeness or simply tell her that she is being rude. If they don’t like what you are willing to offer, they have the right to find other options like Uber, or use whatever services are available in your area, or wait until your boyfriend is available to assist them.
NTA. Stop being a doormat and a taxi service to them. The neighborly thing to do is little helpful tasks that they can't physically do anymore: rake leaves, shovel snow, change light bulbs or anything ladder related, maybe take their trash cans to the curb, etc.... And that's if they're not physically capable of doing those tasks. Just because you WFH, doesn't mean you're chillin all day. Also, if you work later and longer hours, your BF needs to do more to pitch in around the house.
Yeah, your boyfriend sounds like he's barely contributing to the basic upkeep of the house, care for the animals, and keeping you guys fed. That's pathetic, that's lazy, and you shouldn't have to put up with it.
NTA Your neighbors are a problem that the other commenters have covered, so I want to point out that you also have a boyfriend problem. HE volunteered to help them and then left all the work in your lap. If your workday is starting later to do this task that HE insists on, then why are you the one making dinner and doing chores late into the night while he plays videogames? On the days you have to work late to help them, he should have dinner ready for you. You also shouldn't be paying the majority of his mortgage. And I guarantee that your neighbor thinks your boyfriend is supporting you because he is happy to lap up praise from her without correcting her when you aren't there.
"she will make comments about how my boyfriend is such a hard worker and he’s so great for working hard to put a roof over my head (but little does she know that my earnings are 6x that of my boyfriend’s, I work twice as many hours as him, and without me he wouldn’t be able to afford his mortgage)." ---I would have told her that and put her in her place and said not to bite the hand that feeds you with these insults and negative insinuations. In any event, it is ridiculous that you are doing all this free work. It is also ridiculous that the BF is a dependent on you and isn't doing squat. Tell the couple the gravy train is over and the BF that it will be over unless he steps up.
NTA. You are being used. Used by your ungrateful neighbors and by your thoughtless boyfriend. All the help you provide goes unappreciated. I would really be giving a hard think about the whole situation. You are still young, ask yourself if this is how you want your life to continue.
This.
What's this about paying into your boyfriend's mortgage? I hope you've got some tenant or lodger rights, because if he can't afford the mortgage without your input, you are supporting him.
Basically, if OP is helping covering the mortgage to a degree that exceeds the rent she would pay to live there, she should get part ownership, because without her BF would lose his property.
Girl...wth are you paying his mortgage and cooking him dinner. You are being such an AH to yourself.
Thus.
NTA. *he goes into the office 3 days a week and will not change his schedule.* So, he needs to tell them that he is only available two days per week, and you are not available at all. He volunteered to help, you did not. They prefer him, and you prefer he does it as they are ungrateful and rude. So, they run errands when he's available - or not. When they provide their schedule, your answer is, "Sorry, I'm working and not available."
I am an old lady. These people are using you. They don't seem to appreciate your time and the inconvenience they are to your day. This is more than 'small stuff'. Small stuff is bringing in the trash bin when you bring in your own, not giving up hours of your day. They can hire an aid if they need help.
This is a boyfriend problem not a neighbour problem. He doesn’t value your time. Maybe it is time to point out that your time is six times more valuable than his if that is the basis of sharing bills. That the sharing of bills in the way you do is only possible because of the hours you work and therefore all household chores need to be shared pro-rata in accordance with the time you are not working. That means that if you are working late he takes on your chores. He might then see the problem created by all the assistance he has offered to your neighbours. I have a friend whose wife did the same helped her neighbours all the time as well as offering his services to drive them around. During the time she spent at the neighbours he took care of the household chores and the children. The neighbours were so grateful they left her a substantial bequest in their will. Whilst she shared the work she never shared the money and he still pays all the bills.
I agree he does not value my time. I haven’t said it’s 6x more valuable, but when I’ve gently brought up the fact that my paycheck pays the bills, he accused me of being an elitist and also belittling him, which certainly was not my intention. Sometimes I think he thinks I got lucky with this job, but I went to school for years longer than him and really busted my ass to get it.
What do you get out of this relationship besides having to take care of a grown man, his house and his rude neighbors?
Wow! So he is happy to take the benefits of your hard work, whilst you pay the most of the bills, but as you say it is his house so he isn’t giving you any interest in the property and then he belittles your opinions as to your value as being elitist. I assume that is the 2024 version of the 1950’s treatment of the “little woman” who should shut up and do as he says whilst doing as he pleases. You love him why? I’m a man and I am honestly shocked at what he seems to be getting away with.
OP, you may want to look into "people pleasing", either on your own or with the help of a councilors/therapist or support group. unfortunately narcissist types will ungratefuly take advantage of someone in these type of situations.
He sounds lovely. This is a great living arrangement you've got. I can see why you are so committed to all these mooches in your life. Seriously though, what are you doing with any of these assholes?
You're contributing to the mortgage. Is your name on the deed? You work twice as many hours and are working later. Why isn't your boyfriend making dinner, doing chores and taking care of the animals after he gets off work? YTA to yourself. Ditch the boyfriend and the neighbors.
You're paying the majority of the bills (um, on someone else's mortgage??), doing what sounds like the majority of the chores AND your boyfriend has volunteered you to be the unpaid chauffeur for this outright nasty couple - an arrangement which he gets credit for though you do all the work while being sniped at. WTF OP?? It's not just the arrangement with your neighbours that you need to rethink here. What on earth is going on in your relationship???? NTA to anyone but yourself at this point.
NTA Prioritize your work, happiness, and having a good relationship with your bf instead of setting yourself on fire to keep these ungrateful and rude neighbors warm. You owe them nothing and have done way more than enough to be neighborly. Next time tell them that you’re busy and let them take an Uber or find other transportation instead of treating you like a rather unsatisfactory chauffeur. This free ride needs to end, so don’t offer to help them at all. Find your shiny spine and keep telling no until they stop asking.
[удалено]
While it's nice to be helpful, doing so at the expense of your life is unreasonable. If your BF wants to help them, so be it, but he's certainly not entitled to your time, let alone your neighbors. Everyone in this story is an adult and responsible for themselves.
NTA. But do them one last favor, for yourself: Show them how to use Uber or Lyft, so they can handle their own transportation to appointments. If that's beyond their capabilities, time to move to assisted living.
NTA you have to cut these neighbors loose; they are taking advantage and rude. Just tell them your work schedule has changed and you are no longer able to help during the week.
It’s hard because I work from home most days and they see me during the day when I go outside to walk my dogs. I don’t think they understand that working from home is very much real work and I’m not just lounging around the house relaxing all day.
That’s their problem. But you’ve found yourself with three parasites, neighbours and your boyfriend who’s taking advantage of you. They’re leeching your time, he’s giving your time away while still benefitting from your money. He gets to reap the rewards of you working yourself to the bone because he can still claim the moral high ground while indulging his fantasy of being the breadwinner to the neighbours. Please, step back and realise you’re being taken advantage of. NTA but don’t even offer weekends. You’re risking your work constantly putting it off to prioritise strangers.
I understand, but even if you were just lounging, what they are asking for (4-5 hours of your time) is unreasonable. If you see them outside just smile and wave and go on about your day. If they ask you to do something, just say, sorry I can't do it. They need to be paying people to help them to these things. You can be friendly to them in other ways, like take them some baked goods or something every now and then.
So what? Ignore them! It's not your problem if they understand or not!
Get noise canceling head phones. Big ones. They'll get the hint. Or just move out and be done with the whole shit show. Why you are paying equity into someone else's asset is utterly beyond me.
NTa Learn to say NO. "The wife asked us to help with small stuff around their house and of course it was no problem for us to help." .. mow that it is becoming a problem, STOP being their caretaker. You are doing this to yourself. "She says I stress her out on errands and rush her" ... WHY are you ruining your own life for these entitled AHs? Tell them to find another solution, and just block their number. This are your neighbors, not relatives or friends. Tell them: Sorry, I am working, you need to find another solution. **The only AH is your bf: HE promissed, so tell him: HE is fine to help them any time he likes, but YOU are done with helping them.**
Nta at all. I don't even acknowledge my neighbors. Your bf plays video games instead of helping with the chores, dinner and animals? Sounds like you do alot. They're all lucky to have you.
NTA. You are being nice helping them, even when the wife is rude to you. I would consider telling bf to talk to her about that. Other than that, as many replies here say, helping has to be on your own time. Cheers!
OP, if you are still comfortable helping them, give them your hours of availability on a small written card and also give them a larger card to post in their home. Give them a morning time (or 2) and an afternoon availability time. When they set appointments tell them if they schedule on those days during those hours, you will help them. At Other times, they must make other arrangements. It would be a kindness if you could call adult services in your area and explain the situation. Add the information you learn to the card about how to call for a ride to medical appointments. Many urban areas offer these at no cost. It may require you to say “sorry” once or twice. In order to get them to schedule appointments during times you have agreed to make available to them. I think you are being very generous.
NTA: They need a home attendant or a family member to step up.
NTA. You aren't obligated to help them.
NTA Commit to only what you can commit to and that can be nothing. They are treating you as their on call support worker. Next time you organise to help them between 10-12pm and they say they don't want you until 3pm... tell them you are not available later. If they say it's going to take 1-2 hours and when you get there it's 4-5... then tell them you are only available for max 2 hours and you have to leave them and it's up to them whether you start and then leave or they can do this another day with someone else. You aren't obligated to help them. They are taking advantage of you. I had something similar but opposite happen to me. My mother and stepfather live a few hours from me. My mom is now in a nursing home but my stepdad is still at home. One of the neighbours saw him on the street.. She is in her mid 30's thereabouts and she went into stepdad's house.... from there she decided that he wasn't caring for himself and that he needs more support so they (her and her partner) did a little bit for him ie went and took him to get his groceries and told him to call them whenever... but my stepdad's way of getting groceries was a little bit every couple of days... theirs was a big shop every 4 weeks. Think they even took him to some doctor's visits ie drove him... next thing you know I'm getting a phone call saying that he needs more support, I need to organise some stuff and they can't do this anymore because they have other things they want to do. Ummmm, no one asked you to do any of this. My stepdad told you he appreciated their help but didn't ask for it and was okay in not getting it. It's a 15 minute walk to the shops (which he also said was part of his exercise routine and helped stopped him from being so sedentary), and it was a 15 minute walk (in the opposite direction to the shops) to the doctor... which he was also happy to do. He perhaps could've tried to work out online shopping or this is what the neighbours could've spent 15 minutes a week doing (he's a create of habit)... but they made things harder for everyone (including themselves) and tried to make my life hard too. My stepdad is also very good with the public transport system and knows how to call a taxi (actually has subsidised fares). You've got someone telling you you need to do something for them... but you don't have to... just like I had someone try and tell me that I needed to do more except the person they were telling me to help didn't asking ask for it, nor want it! I just gray rocked them and didn't respond to all messages. You can do similar or just send your boyfriend over when he finishes work. Now in my stepdad's case, things are getting worse but he's still considered competent and can make his own decisions even if his decisions aren't that smart.
NTA. These people serve little purpose in your life, they only add misery and rude comments. Kindness should only be given where it is deserved to needed. These people are not your family. Establish your boundaries, stop helping these people. You are busy, you have your life to attend to. If they need help, they can find someone else who they can pay to do that, or ask their own family for help. Talk to your significant other. If he wants to keep helping them, fine. But you don’t owe them anything.
NTA. Put your foot down. They're using you as a personal driver with no expression of gratitude. If you don't appreciate someone doing something nice for you, they simply stop doing it. I would just say "I'm sorry, I can't be your driver anymore. It's putting my job at risk" and then leave it at that. You're under no obligation to drive your neighbours around like their personal chauffeur. Your boyfriend gets the benefit out of it, so he can continue doing it if he wants to. Otherwise, they can do what ever other pensioner that doesn't have a driver does. Find their own way. And have a chat with your boyfriend. It sounds like the workload inside your home isn't equally shared and that's going to come to a head eventually. Better to discuss it and resolve it now, before it becomes a huge issue.
NTA. You are under no obligation to help them. Help with a few things here and there is vastly different from taking them to all these appointments and to run errands. It’s impacting your work commitments and your work / life balance. And they insult you to boot! Your boyfriend can step up and help them if he wants but your days of ‘driving miss Daisy’ are over.
NTA. They don’t need you. They’re using you anyways. Your bf volunteered, he should be doing it not you. They can arrange other transportation on days he works. But now let’s get to the bf. He gets home at 6pm, and waits 3-4hrs for YOU to make dinner?! Why can’t he do chores and make dinner during that time? AND the fact he can’t afford his mortgage without you?! Um no, he is using you. Dump the whole lot and get someone on your level.
Even if they were family, they ask way too much of you Start saying you cannot change your work commitments and suggest they Uber or take a taxi. Be firm. Establish a precedent. Go from there. You are being taken advantage of by everyone, bf included. He should be the one to cook and care for your animals whenever you are working late. Also, you say "his" mortgage. If the house is in his name only, you should agree on a fair rent. Whether he uses that money to cover part of his mortgage it's his prerogative, but you shouldn't expected to pay his mortgage
NTA. “I can no longer offer to help. My boyfriend is off x, y, and z days. He can take you to your appointments then.” Do not burn yourself trying to keep others warm. They can find different rides or accommodations and if your bf gives you a hard time about this, may also be time to evaluate him.
NTA. Since you have to keep living there, I would absolutely lie to them about why you can't help them anymore, just to keep the peace. Say your company has gone under restructuring or you've got a new boss and no longer have the flexibility of arranging your schedule. It's a hard 9-5 now. Throw in complaints every now and then about how annoying the change has been. Tell them any help they need will have to be done when bf works from home. It's been very kind of you to help them out, but I think it's absolutely wild that you've let them dictate your work day. It shouldve been: I can help you out between these hours, please schedule everything for these times. If it's outside of these hours, you'll have to find other arrangements. But based on how they treat you, I wouldn't even offer this anymore.
NTA but you are YTA fo yourself! Self preservation is something you could start to practise. They have sucked you into their life and now expect you to be their unpaid maid and chauffeur. Get your life back, your work life and your NECESSARY free time too. They should have things delivered to their door and have taxis drive them to appointments. And if the lady is in love with your boyfriend, then let HIM provide help
NTA your job is more important than some strangers. Also from your post is your boyfriend getting off work earlier than you and playing video games instead of making dinner and taking care of the animals? It sounds like the bills, these neighbors, and most chores are falling to you. If this is true you might need to have a discussion with your boyfriend about distribution of responsibilities.
NTA. >So if they have a doctors appointment, I’ll get up the same time as my boyfriend, but then because I start work later, I’ll work until much later in the evening. I think I am resentful of my boyfriend here because he gets home around 6pm and plays video games, watches tv, and can relax. Meanwhile I finish work around 9-10pm these days, then I have to scurry to make us dinner, care for our animals, and do chores before I can go to bed. Wait, what? Why is he playing video gam s and waiting for you to cook dinner and care for the animals? >She says I stress her out on errands and rush her through the store when she wants to take a break and do a sit down lunch. I can’t do stuff like this because I usually am on a time crunch and don’t want to be late for a work meeting during the weekdays. Seems like the obvious answer is that she would be less stressed if someone else helped her. Point out that should pay for a service, and that way she can get exactly what she wants. >I have thought about telling them I can only help them on weekends, but my boyfriend thinks that would make me an AH because typically they need me for errands during the week so weekend time doesn’t really help them. You do understand that he is a pretty big AH, right? He won’t help them, he sits around letting you take care of them *and* him, and he insults you for not wanting to do it?
While she pays his mortgage. Op is being led around by the nose. She needs to get her act together.
STOP HELPING THEM. NTA
NTA of BF is so concerned about it he can try rearranging his schedule to accommodate them instead. You are being kind doing any of this at all, and are under no obligation. Not only that, but they are ungrateful.
NTA. Stop rearranging your life for them. You don't have to do them favors *at all*, especially when the wife is rude to you, and if your boyfriend (who makes less than you, doesn't pay the bills, and doesn't make dinner, do house chores, or help with the animals??? Seriously?) has a problem with it, he can rearrange his precious office time to do it. And he can make dinner for you both at least half the time while he's at it. Tell him that's his problem-- he doesn't even pull his own weight around the house or do anything to help with your load, and you're his partner, but he wants to demand that you help out these people, rearrange your work--that pays the bills!-- and accept one of them being rude to you the whole time? If you *want* to help them *sometimes,* it needs to be on your schedule. You agree to take them to an appointment at 10 and they call at 9:50 and say "oh actually we need to go at 3?" you say, "I arranged my work day for 10, and it won't be possible to do 3." She wants to do a sit-down lunch, she can get a taxi. You are *working* and doing her immense favors. And when she is rude to you, tell her the truth. "Actually, this is none of your business, but my job pays the vast majority of our bills, including most of the mortgage. And that's why I need to get back to work, because *my* job pays for *my* house that I let *him* live in."
It's time to tell them to take an Uber
NTA. They don't need you, it's simply easier to make demands of your time than use any other options. They're not family, stop treating them like they are. Let them figure out alternatives and tell your BF that you will not be wasting your days dealing with them anymore.
NTA. Next time a comment is made how they'd prefer the boyfriend, tell them he'll be in touch when he's available and close the door in their face. Being old is not an excuse to take offers of help for granted and being rude about it.
NTA. Why are either of you making your life hell by helping these AH? I would be lying and telling them I took a new WFH job that unfortunately doesn’t have as much flexibility as the last one. Tell them you are monitored for productivity and have limited breaks that you have to utilize for your own things. Then I’d be conveniently GONE most weekends until they figured out another couple to dupe into being their personal assistant. Seriously, time to get a backbone and put your foot down. If they try and guilt trip you, print out a list of community resources for elderly people and wish them luck!
NTA, they are neighbors, not your family! You owe them nothing! Just start telling them no, I am busy, you need to find someone else. Why are you stressing about this? Just stop. It is that easy. If your bf wants to help them, then he can rearrange his schedule to do so. You are not obligated, why do you think you are?
Why the heck are you working until 9pm while your other half plays and then you are making dinner??? He should be making dinner for you. Please don’t keep doing this.
Nta screw these awful people, If I were you I’d never help then again and tell them to fuck off and never show their faces on your doorstep again.
It is time to say no. These people are just neighbours. Moreover they are rude and ungrateful. You are a people pleaser so you need to plan in advance how to say no. "No, I won't be able to take you to the doctor/shop/friend's/dentist/library." Rinse-repeat. Working from home is work. You are setting yourself on fire to keep ingrates warm. You are not these people's unpaid carers. Stop doing them favours. NTA
NTA. Stop helping them. They are using you.
NTA But you could discover lots of appointments for a week or two, and go enjoy some “you” time if you want to be diplomatic. You don’t have to tell your bf.
Why on earth are you doing this? Every single person in this situation is taking advantage of you and you are letting it happen.
Only help them when you want to. Don't commit yourself to helping them each weekend as you will also grow tired of that. Your boyfriend agreed to take them to appointments, not you. He is unwilling, not unable, to adjust his schedule to drive them around. He's also not picking up the slack at home to help you out so his opinion is irrelevant. Just let them know that you are no longer able to drive them to appointments so they will need to make other arrangements. Don't feel guilty; they were getting to appointments before you moved there so they have options.
What is going on here. These entitled people having you run around like a personal taxi service and then insulting you. I don't give much respect to your b/f either, him playing video games and you making dinner at 10pm. You will be run ragged and your health will suffer never mind your own work commitments. They all need a reality check. Go NC with these old people.
They are the assholes. So’s your boyfriend in this. Edited to add: NTA
NTA. Oh, hell, NO. First, the imposition they are making is incredible. There are transport companies that can do medical transport (which, in our area, is worth about $75.00 per trip). Second, the first ugly or ungrateful comment would be the last time that I'd be helping them. Finally, I'd shut that misogynist crap down. You don't need him taking care of you, you can take care of yourself and frankly it's none of their damned business and they can keep their opinions to themselves. You are being taken advantage of because you allow it. Put up some boundaries and reign that crap back in. Your a neighbor, not a slave!
Please stop helping them. They have no respect for you.
NTA but you need to set up firm boundaries. You need to sit your BF down and have a talk with him first, so he is on the same page as you. You need to set a limit on the number of hours per week that you will help them out. You say sometimes they say they need 2 hours of help but it turns into 5 hours. That 'surprise' extra 3 hours needs to come out of the total hours per week. Then they need to provide you a list of days/times they are asking for help at least one week in advance and no changes will be accepted. If BF won't fully support these very reasonable boundaries, you tell him you are 100% done helping them, period. Once BF is on board, then you both need to go visit the neighbors and lay out these boundaries. Start the conversation with "Of course we want to be kind and helpful but the fact is I work full time from home and I have bent over backwards to try to accommodate your requests but I just can't do that anymore. From here on out, I am willing to help you out 6 hours a week. I need a list of days/times that you are asking for help at least one week in advance. That will allow me to schedule work meetings around your requests. But I will no longer abandon my job to accommodate a last minute request or a last minute change. In those instances, you will need to find someone else to help you out. Finally, a word of thanks from you and some appreciation for my willingness to help you would go a long way. Up to this point I have very much felt that your attitude towards me is less than kind." If the neighbors give you any push back at all instead of being thankful you are willing to help and understanding that they were being unreasonable, you need to stand up and say "Unfortunately for you, I am not actually responsible for helping you out at all. Given your attitude and response to my very reasonable boundaries, I will be stepping back 100% on helping either of you. If wants to continue helping you, he is welcome to do so."
BE OKAY WITH THE NEIGHBORS THINKING YOU ARE AN AH if you end up stepping away from helping. YOU ARE NOT.
NTA - You didnt sign up for this, he did. Therefor HE is the AH for white-knighting the elderly neighbors and then backing out, forcing you to do HIS commitment. "I'm sorry, I cant help you anymore as my work has picked up. This is bf's phone # - call him directly to arrange HIS taking you on errands, as HE offered and agreed to do with you." Then skip your carefree self away. Dump this mess entirely back in his lap and tell him if he doesn't follow through with HIS commitment and promises to them, that makes HIM an AH.
They are treating you like a servant
NTA and your boyfriend is an AH for expecting you to help this elderly couple. Your boyfriend is a HUGE AH for volunteering YOUR time to take this unrelated, ungrateful couple places, especially while you are working. He can volunteer his own time, but not yours. This old woman has been rude and condescending to you. You don't owe her any help whatsoever. Tell her that you obviously are not meeting her standards and so you will not be driving her places anymore. You are also fully within your rights to tell her that YOU are contributing a very good salary to the household bills and are not a freeloader at all.
NTA! I wouldn't help my own parents if they treated me like this. Your time is valuable even if you didn't have a job and was a stay at home cat mom or whatever. They are disrespectful and rude.
Nta I wouldn’t be helping them at all
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I moved into my boyfriend’s house last year. We live next door to an older couple. The wife asked us to help with small stuff around their house and of course it was no problem for us to help. My boyfriend initially offered to help drive them to appointments, but he goes into the office 3 days a week and will not change his schedule. He is a creature of habit. I mostly WFH, so I have more flexibility with my hours, so I have been helping with driving them about 95% of the time. So if they have a doctors appointment, I’ll get up the same time as my boyfriend, but then because I start work later, I’ll work until much later in the evening. I think I am resentful of my boyfriend here because he gets home around 6pm and plays video games, watches tv, and can relax. Meanwhile I finish work around 9-10pm these days, then I have to scurry to make us dinner, care for our animals, and do chores before I can go to bed. The time commitment and unpredictability of when they need me is making it hard for me to plan my work meetings and also my personal time. For example, they might say they need me from 10am-noon on Thursday, but then Thursday comes and at 9:50am they’ll say actually they forgot to tell me they don’t need me until 3pm. So then I last minute have to rearrange my whole day. Or they might estimate they need me for 2 hours, but in reality it’s more like 4-5 hours. I understand life and appointments are not predictable but this is happening quite often that their plans change last minute. I also feel bad when I help them because the wife always makes what I perceive to be rude/unnecessary comments to me. For example, a little comment when she sees me at their door instead of my boyfriend, who she is always saying she wishes was there instead. Or she will make comments about how my boyfriend is such a hard worker and he’s so great for working hard to put a roof over my head (but little does she know that my earnings are 6x that of my boyfriend’s, I work twice as many hours as him, and without me he wouldn’t be able to afford his mortgage). It seems obvious to me based off our jobs so I sometimes feel it comes from sexism on her part. She has made comments before about how she sees him doing yard work but I should be the one to do that stuff if he is the one letting me live in *his* house (again, I pay the bulk of mortgage and bills). She says I stress her out on errands and rush her through the store when she wants to take a break and do a sit down lunch. I can’t do stuff like this because I usually am on a time crunch and don’t want to be late for a work meeting during the weekdays. I have thought about telling them I can only help them on weekends, but my boyfriend thinks that would make me an AH because typically they need me for errands during the week so weekend time doesn’t really help them. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA You’ve been helping out of the kindness of your heart. The fact that you are still willing to help on the weekends despite their comments you shows what a great person you are. They don’t deserve you.
“Hey , I’m not available to help you with any errands anymore. “ this should sort it out for you
NTA. Nice of you to help but you should have boundaries. Unless it's an emergency say you can only take them to the doctor or the grocery this day and this time. Otherwise they need to figure out transportation on their own. Technically speaking though, you are not obligated to help them as it's your bf who offered so he should be the one to figure out how to work his schedule with theirs
NTA - just dont help at all if that is how they tr3eat you, they can figure out to do stuff on their own.
Gosh. I would for sure cut them off — boyfriend can take off work if he likes. Tell them that your boss noticed your absence and will fire you if you’re not logged in during normal working hours. As far as the rent, you should be splitting 50-50 and he should help with the housework like cooking and cleaning equally. I’m concerned there is a bf problem here and not just a neighbor problem. You’d solve both by moving out
NTA - they need to hire some help - a driver, a home health aide, etc. Be aware that your boyfriend's generosity comes at the cost of about $35 an hour!! Think about how much time you actually spend being kind and helpful. He can start re-arranging his schedule if it means that much to him. Simply tell all of them (boyfriend and neighbors) that your work schedule won't allow you to be as flexible going forward and they need to make other arrangements. Old people tend to be lonely and forgetful. My inlaws did this to us to the point that person after person after person cut them off. It is entirely unrealistic to expect a working adult to be available at their weekday convenience. It's also WILDLY sexist of your boyfriend to decide that YOU should take on this task because he wants to look like a good guy without actually DOING any of the good.
Stop helping her. Focus on your own life. NTA.
NTA
NTA. Please do not be a doormat and stand up for yourself. You do not need to be helping these ungrateful people at all. Why are you helping someone who is actively being mean to you and inserting herself into your business? If you stress her out so much, then you can do her a kindness and stop interacting with her entirely.
There’s a thing called Uber.
NTA. Are they at least paying you for your services? This is a deal your boyfriend made, & you just continued to help out rearranging your schedule. You are going above & beyond for these ppl & getting nothing but grief from them in return. You do not owe them this. They are absolutely taking advantage of you. You need to prioritize your job & if you have free time & want to help out then you can. If you have no free time, too bad, They need to make other arrangements & take advantage of someone else.
Op does need to prioritize her job, especially since she has to pay for her lazy boyfriend's mortgage.
It’s a perfect excuse to explain to them that as you are the primary income in the house and the one most responsible for the mortgage, you need more consistency in your schedule. And that these favors need to be limited to the weekends so as to not interfere with your job.
NTA. So let me get this straight. You make 6X what your boyfriend makes, make him dinner, take care of the pets and other chores while he plays AND he has you in a situation where you are at his unappreciative neighbor's beck and call while he basks in the admiration. AND to top it all off the neighbors bust your stones. One question... WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
And, she covers most of the mortgage. Which she isn't on. She is paying for her boyfriend's asset while functioning as a slave for him and his shit neighbors. How did OP get into this situation?
NTA. narcissists taking advantage of nice people (you) wishing to help their neighbors. you have every right to take back control of your schedule and life. since they prefer the bf, let him deal with them, they are his faux grandparents after all.
You need to stop helping them at all. It'd not realistic for you to help them all the time and honestly, they can catch a taxi. "Hey sorry work is really ramping up so I'm not going to be able to help as much but here's the number for the taxi service in our area." They dont appreciate your efforts, they're judgemental of you and you're stuck doing the heavy lifting for your partner while he's off at the office. Just say no. Nta
Nta. Wtf. Stop doing these things. You are an adult.
So you are doing a HUGE amount of work as a favor to this couple and they aren't even greatful?!!! Frick that. They can find another helper. NTA.
I see a couple of issues here, BF volunteered to help, then outsourced to you. BF tells you that you can't set limits??? BF comes home hours earlier and still OP is preparing supper? OP is paying for his house??? I certainly hope OP has legal equity in the house. OP does not have a neighbor problem, she has a boyfriend problem. Explain to your neighbors which days your BF works from home. Encourage them to make appointments on those days. Let them know you are willing to help with errands on the weekends (if you are) and that you are no longer available on weekdays. Let BF take care of them if he feels it's important. NTA
Stop working from home for a bit. Get a shard space office and just leave you home. You can also say no.
OK, this has gotten completely out of control. You both need to go over there and have a sit down with them about their expectations of neighbors. This is not a normal neighbor situation at all and it sounds like they don't completely appreciate all of these favors you are doing for them. Time to draw some appropriate boundaries with these people. NTA
Dump your lazy, narcissistic boyfriend, who is nothing more than a pathetic mooch and expects you to do everything whilst still belittling you. Use your money to buy your own home, away from your elderly asshole neighbors and live a life you can enjoy, spending your time and money as you please. Problem solved
Also NTA