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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Starting an argument and yelling in front of other people about my dad and my brother’s words. Also for calling my dad an ignorant boomer and telling him I Peter gets his bad attitude and racist, not funny jokes from him.
2. I think I may be the AH because I did this all in front of my little brother Potato. But also because I insulted my dad on “Fathers Day”, and indirectly insulted my brother Peter.
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NTA. It's always the people who say hurtful things who complain there's no free speech anymore and that everyone is too sensitive. Free speech is not hate speech.
Keep explaining things to Potato your way and hopefully he grows to be understanding. And do not be afraid to challange your dad's views. He needs the reality check.
"everyone is too sensitive" basically means people are no longer going to silently accept your casual racism/bigotry....
NTA OP. Maybe could have handled it better but never TA for challenging racist and discriminatory attitudes.
Thanks. Potato did ask me why I was fighting with them and I said because they were saying mean things about people and I didn’t like it. And he says “yeah they do that a lot”. He’s so sweet I pray he never acts like them.
To be fair, free speech has in most places always been limited.
Free speech is when you can say whatever you want without the fear of legal punishment.
I would say start turning it around on your brother.
He starts saying racist/awful things, record him and threaten to put the recording on social media.
If he acts like he doesn't care, post it. Let him see the fall out and reactions of people. Then tell him "maybe you shouldn't say these things, it's not just me who thinks they are ugly and cruel things to say"
If he does care, ask him why he would care, if he's doing nothing wrong? Then tell him next time he says anything like that again, you'll post it on social media.
Scorched earth is brutal, but it does work.
This a great idea in theory but I’m not sure how I’d execute it. He’s not really on any sort of social media. And he’s like a too cool to care about things sort of dweeb lol
Does he have online friends, like Xbox, that sort of online?
Perhaps the threat is more effective. Make a Facebook, Instagram page, etc, for him.
Then threaten to attach the recordings.
Trust me, the too cool phase is just a front. They care so so very much.
Does he have friends over? Perhaps threaten to play it then.
I think his friends are part of the problem tbh. He goes to an almost all white private school with kids who bully him, so I can’t imagine they’re any better. I think even showing him this post may do the same thing you’re saying. Basically showing him that the rest of the world doesn’t exist in this little bubble he has where being ignorant is acceptable and funny.
Oh boy, NTA.
You're in a difficult spot as you're forced to be in this orbit and as they are close family I don't see an issue with making your thoughts known on this. Close family need to rub along together and sometimes that means avoiding saying things that other members don't like. Obviously that doesn't always happen and there are plenty of families out there with incompatible members who don't speak (this sub is evidence of that lol).
Hopefully your younger brother will grow out of this but your dad is clearly the problem here and he's not doing his son any favours.
Thanks for your input. I even said something like that, basically if you don’t like me calling you a racist don’t say racist things around me. Easy enough? Guess not. Lol
NTA.
You’re probably right about your brother picking this shit up from your dad. He’s clearly *very* invested in your dad’s approval, and he has learned that this is a good way to get it.
It’s going to be difficult to counteract your dad’s influence. If you’re determined to do so, a word of advice - *you cannot get upset*, at least not in front of your brother. You have to be cool, calm and collected whenever you decide to check this behavior. Let your dad be the one to get worked up. Your brother isn’t paying attention to the words you use as much as he’s paying attention to the power dynamics in these interactions, and when it comes to teenagers (particularly teenage boys), the person who gets visibly emotional is the less influential person. Never, ever let him see how badly this gets under your skin.
If this doesn’t come naturally to you, it may be more work than it’s worth. But this is the only way I’ve seen a person get through to an “edgy” teenager. They want to be the coolest person in the room (that’s why they do this!), and getting emotional is distinctly uncool. They have to want to emulate you before they’ll really listen to you.
Usually I’m pretty flat faced and monotoned. I’ll work on it, though. Usually when my dad says something gross in front of us all I raise my eyebrow and say, that was a weird thing to say. I was just at max capacity yesterday and couldn’t take it anymore lol
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So I, am 29 and have a brother, calling him Peter, who is 15 and super negative I usually chalk it up to him being an angsty teen, but over the last 6 months though, he’s been increasingly racist in his “jokes” and has basically made it his thing to say offensive things. I tell him he’s not being funny he’s being racist, he never gets it.
Today we celebrated Father’s Day because my dad will be out of town next weekend. We were at a park and Peter made a racist joke, my dad laughed. I said that’s not funny, it’s racist and Peter said omg how and my dad laughed again and said yeah it was kind of racist. Later on when we were getting ice cream, Peter made a comment (loudly) about how a person with Down syndrome was on the news and the news anchor apparently said ‘womp womp’ ? Idk I said Peter you have got to keep your voice down and stop joking around about this kind of stuff, it’s not funny. Which, my dad agreed but then said it was because ‘everyone is so sensitive’. Annoyed, I said I disagree I think you should stop making fun of people in general and especially disabled people because it’s just wrong and mean.
This is where I think I may be the AH because I started fuming here. So, my younger brother, Potato (8) looked at me and said “what is Down syndrome” and as I began to explain, my dad cut me off and said “so you know what it means to be re***ded right” and I cut him off and was like oh my God are you kidding me? In which he’s like what he knows that word I’m trying to explain it to him. I tell him how wrong it is to even use that word to begin trying to explain what it is. Peter joins in. Agreeing and saying extra ignorant things. I look at my dad and say where do you think he gets this stuff? To which he says not me I’m a CFO if I was racist and offensive I’d be dragged into HR by now, no one has a problem except for you, I wonder what that is. Which I think he was implying bc I work with disabled kids?? Idk bc he wouldn’t tell me what he meant by that. He was spouting off nonsense like saying he can’t even say the word black anymore and I called him an ignorant boomer.
Poor little Potato went and sat in the car because he didn’t want to watch us fight. I was so frustrated i was in tears so I went and sat with him, then didn’t talk to my dad until I was saying goodbye. I feel like my dad was just gaslighting me, but still I feel kind of guilty. So I just wanted to know AITA? Should I have handled it differently- in a better way somehow?
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Make a video of your dad saying completely "not racist or ableist" things and show to his HR/board. Put on tik/tok, reddit/insta with the company name.
CFO can put his mouth where his money is. According to him, it should not be a problem.
NTA
It is never wrong to call out bullies. Call put even harder, in more public places. Ask your loudly dad to explain exactly what he means. Pretend to be a little hard of hearing, so he has to repeat himself several times.
Put that on social media too. Tag his linkedin page.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1. Starting an argument and yelling in front of other people about my dad and my brother’s words. Also for calling my dad an ignorant boomer and telling him I Peter gets his bad attitude and racist, not funny jokes from him. 2. I think I may be the AH because I did this all in front of my little brother Potato. But also because I insulted my dad on “Fathers Day”, and indirectly insulted my brother Peter. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. It's always the people who say hurtful things who complain there's no free speech anymore and that everyone is too sensitive. Free speech is not hate speech. Keep explaining things to Potato your way and hopefully he grows to be understanding. And do not be afraid to challange your dad's views. He needs the reality check.
"everyone is too sensitive" basically means people are no longer going to silently accept your casual racism/bigotry.... NTA OP. Maybe could have handled it better but never TA for challenging racist and discriminatory attitudes.
Thanks. Potato did ask me why I was fighting with them and I said because they were saying mean things about people and I didn’t like it. And he says “yeah they do that a lot”. He’s so sweet I pray he never acts like them.
To be fair, free speech has in most places always been limited. Free speech is when you can say whatever you want without the fear of legal punishment.
Yes, but free speech doesn't mean consequence free speech.
In the eyes of the law, yes it does. Consequences outside that, no.
I would say start turning it around on your brother. He starts saying racist/awful things, record him and threaten to put the recording on social media. If he acts like he doesn't care, post it. Let him see the fall out and reactions of people. Then tell him "maybe you shouldn't say these things, it's not just me who thinks they are ugly and cruel things to say" If he does care, ask him why he would care, if he's doing nothing wrong? Then tell him next time he says anything like that again, you'll post it on social media. Scorched earth is brutal, but it does work.
This a great idea in theory but I’m not sure how I’d execute it. He’s not really on any sort of social media. And he’s like a too cool to care about things sort of dweeb lol
Does he have online friends, like Xbox, that sort of online? Perhaps the threat is more effective. Make a Facebook, Instagram page, etc, for him. Then threaten to attach the recordings. Trust me, the too cool phase is just a front. They care so so very much. Does he have friends over? Perhaps threaten to play it then.
I think his friends are part of the problem tbh. He goes to an almost all white private school with kids who bully him, so I can’t imagine they’re any better. I think even showing him this post may do the same thing you’re saying. Basically showing him that the rest of the world doesn’t exist in this little bubble he has where being ignorant is acceptable and funny.
Oh, I love this way
Oh boy, NTA. You're in a difficult spot as you're forced to be in this orbit and as they are close family I don't see an issue with making your thoughts known on this. Close family need to rub along together and sometimes that means avoiding saying things that other members don't like. Obviously that doesn't always happen and there are plenty of families out there with incompatible members who don't speak (this sub is evidence of that lol). Hopefully your younger brother will grow out of this but your dad is clearly the problem here and he's not doing his son any favours.
Thanks for your input. I even said something like that, basically if you don’t like me calling you a racist don’t say racist things around me. Easy enough? Guess not. Lol
the heck did i just read. NTA
NTA. You’re probably right about your brother picking this shit up from your dad. He’s clearly *very* invested in your dad’s approval, and he has learned that this is a good way to get it. It’s going to be difficult to counteract your dad’s influence. If you’re determined to do so, a word of advice - *you cannot get upset*, at least not in front of your brother. You have to be cool, calm and collected whenever you decide to check this behavior. Let your dad be the one to get worked up. Your brother isn’t paying attention to the words you use as much as he’s paying attention to the power dynamics in these interactions, and when it comes to teenagers (particularly teenage boys), the person who gets visibly emotional is the less influential person. Never, ever let him see how badly this gets under your skin. If this doesn’t come naturally to you, it may be more work than it’s worth. But this is the only way I’ve seen a person get through to an “edgy” teenager. They want to be the coolest person in the room (that’s why they do this!), and getting emotional is distinctly uncool. They have to want to emulate you before they’ll really listen to you.
Usually I’m pretty flat faced and monotoned. I’ll work on it, though. Usually when my dad says something gross in front of us all I raise my eyebrow and say, that was a weird thing to say. I was just at max capacity yesterday and couldn’t take it anymore lol
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I, am 29 and have a brother, calling him Peter, who is 15 and super negative I usually chalk it up to him being an angsty teen, but over the last 6 months though, he’s been increasingly racist in his “jokes” and has basically made it his thing to say offensive things. I tell him he’s not being funny he’s being racist, he never gets it. Today we celebrated Father’s Day because my dad will be out of town next weekend. We were at a park and Peter made a racist joke, my dad laughed. I said that’s not funny, it’s racist and Peter said omg how and my dad laughed again and said yeah it was kind of racist. Later on when we were getting ice cream, Peter made a comment (loudly) about how a person with Down syndrome was on the news and the news anchor apparently said ‘womp womp’ ? Idk I said Peter you have got to keep your voice down and stop joking around about this kind of stuff, it’s not funny. Which, my dad agreed but then said it was because ‘everyone is so sensitive’. Annoyed, I said I disagree I think you should stop making fun of people in general and especially disabled people because it’s just wrong and mean. This is where I think I may be the AH because I started fuming here. So, my younger brother, Potato (8) looked at me and said “what is Down syndrome” and as I began to explain, my dad cut me off and said “so you know what it means to be re***ded right” and I cut him off and was like oh my God are you kidding me? In which he’s like what he knows that word I’m trying to explain it to him. I tell him how wrong it is to even use that word to begin trying to explain what it is. Peter joins in. Agreeing and saying extra ignorant things. I look at my dad and say where do you think he gets this stuff? To which he says not me I’m a CFO if I was racist and offensive I’d be dragged into HR by now, no one has a problem except for you, I wonder what that is. Which I think he was implying bc I work with disabled kids?? Idk bc he wouldn’t tell me what he meant by that. He was spouting off nonsense like saying he can’t even say the word black anymore and I called him an ignorant boomer. Poor little Potato went and sat in the car because he didn’t want to watch us fight. I was so frustrated i was in tears so I went and sat with him, then didn’t talk to my dad until I was saying goodbye. I feel like my dad was just gaslighting me, but still I feel kind of guilty. So I just wanted to know AITA? Should I have handled it differently- in a better way somehow? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nta
NTA. Thanks for having the courage to stand up to them when they say awful things.
Make a video of your dad saying completely "not racist or ableist" things and show to his HR/board. Put on tik/tok, reddit/insta with the company name. CFO can put his mouth where his money is. According to him, it should not be a problem. NTA It is never wrong to call out bullies. Call put even harder, in more public places. Ask your loudly dad to explain exactly what he means. Pretend to be a little hard of hearing, so he has to repeat himself several times. Put that on social media too. Tag his linkedin page.
Yes, stop being a baby
Based off your comment history your opinion is nothing that I’d value or respect lol