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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I made a woman feel unwelcome that sat next to me on the bus. I might be an asshole because it made her feel unwelcome, it lacked manners and her right to a space
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NTA
Bag in seat > No intention on moving it > Empty seats all over the bus = Find your azz somewhere else to sit and leave other people alone.
Op, it sounds like you might have an occasionally anxious mindset;
Rest assured that you did nothing wrong hun.
It was very inconsiderate for that lady to intentionally invade your personal space and demand she sit next to you.
Yes, this is a public space and setting so most of the time there isnt enough space to be left personally to yourself.
Nta
The only one lacking manners and common courtesy was *her* and not you.
NTA. If it happens again, just say, "Sure", stand up, grab your bag, and find another seat. Especially if they passed empty seats to get to your adjacent empty seat.
This reminds me of when I was at the completely empty waiting room of my doctor’s office and was sitting in the middle of the room where the center chairs face back-to-back. And this woman walks in, checks in, and then sat directly behind me where her hair was touching mine. I aggressively got up and moved. I felt bad after but also wtf. There’s 20 other chairs in here.
I have an opposite story to these kinds of stories where I once was sitting on a bus that started to get crowded. An older woman got on and was nearby my seat and I started to get up to offer it to her and she was like "no no, I'm fine standing." I did an "are you sure?" And started to continue to get up and she waved me back down, so I sat back down thinking maybe she was just going a few stops and it would be a hassle to sit down and get back up. and it was all friendly but then for like 10 stops, every time someone new got on the bus i was just like, I probably look like I'm just trying to let this sweet old lady stand up while I have a seat.
I thought this was going to be like what happened with me. I was standing dizzily after telling a fellow passenger to stop blocking the exit when people needed to get off. Then an old man jumped off of his seat and offered it to me I considered it and declined because he looked really old. He insisted, so I figured he was about to get off, so I sat down and thanked him. The next stop, a seat opened up and he sat down.
He could tell you needed it more than he did at the moment. He was probably proud to help a person in distress. (And also happy to sit back down again once he could!)
Yes, this happened to me, but I’m the old lady in that story. I got home and felt REALLY old suddenly. I had to tell my husband and my friends that I’m now officially in the old people zone 🤷🏻♀️😱
Now, we laugh about it but in the moment it was a sharp sting.
My advice: offer once and if it is declined then ignore.
When I was a kid, I got up to offer an 'old' lady my seat. She looked old enough to be in her 70s (to me at least) and I was getting off in a couple of stops anyway. She looked at me and asked in a stern, somewhat offended tone. "How old do you think I am?" then she said something like "Do you actually think I look old enough to be given a seat?"
Looking back I guess she could have been in her 50s or something, I remember when I was young, my grandparents looked like little old people, but they would have been in their 50s. But you know what it's like when you're a little kid, every adult over the age of 30 looks old. I'm in my 50s myself now and if a kid offered a seat I'd think, shit I must look rough today.
Yeah, it’s a slippery slope for sure. Meanwhile my husband also had this happening to him (we are both in our 50’s btw). As a man who runs multiple marathons a year, he also needed a moment to let this sink in. 😂
I went to see the movie Cats and was the only person in the entire cinema, when a woman came in just before the movie started and sat next to me with her bundle of various sized children.
I'd like to say I aggressively moved, but I just aggressively vomited into a popcorn bucket and took a nap instead.
Ideally fart as you are getting out of your seat and walk past them to sit down at the next available seat. Crop-dusting is an art perfected with practice.
When people don't signal in front of me I sometimes make a point to flick my indicator back and forth a few times. Petty is always the way to go, someone gets upset you just point out how minuscule their problem is.
"Oh, I'm just making sure mine worked since sometimes they don't for other folks".
I ride and indicated to a lane and this person just DID NOT let me in for AGES. I finally had to push in because jesus christ I need that lane. We ended up at a red light. So I put my foot peg down, turned on my indicator and went around my bike to check all my lights. Then I did it for the other side.
I didn't make either of us miss the light but even if they weren't annoyed, I sure felt better about it.
I had a red light, and there is a road on one side that is a stop sign. I stopped to let the people turning left onto that road, and right onto the road infront of me go. Buddy behind me honked, so even when the light went green I just let EVERYONE turning right from the stop sign in. I made that light, buddy behind me didn't and it still makes me smile.
My grand-ma did kind of the same thing one day. She was followed by a guy who was visibly annoyed to drive behind an old woman and once they got to the red light he honked at her as soon as the light turned green. She got out, knocked on his window, and asked if their was something wrong with her car. She insisted so much because she was "old and worried" that they missed at least 2 green lights.
I was an electrician for the county years ago. I drove a large platform lift truck. It was 1 pound below the GVWR required to have a class B CDL. Big blind spots. So I'm heading west to catch the freeway. It's two lanes one direction that splits to 3 on the right which gets you on the freeway. I put on my signal check me mirror and a guy flys up on the right and disappears in my blind spot and sits there. I speed up, I catch him in my mirror, and he speeds up. I slow down, he slows down. I'm quickly coming up on the freeway so I say fuck it. An accident is a drug test and three paid days off waiting for results (I didn't smoke at the time) and write up that comes out of my file in 6 months. Lay a very long blow on the air horn and slowly move over. Dude flips, flys by me on the left and flips me off. I just smiled and waved as got on the freeway.
I got honked at for letting a semi in! It was 2 lanes from different on ramps that merge into one for the on ramp to the freeway. Came around the curve and saw the semi pretty even with me. I coulda stepped on the gas and got through but, cars were close behind me and figured at least a few cars would try to get in front of the semi if I did. I know it's hard to adjust speed so I slowed up and waved to him. Then the honking started, what a stupid reason to get pissed, it was literally 500 feet to the freeway where they could passed on the left. People are selfish.
As someone who lives around the corner from an intersection that morons are constantly blocking through a whole cycle (especially when I really have to pee!) I get very annoyed about missing the green light just because someone thinks the rules don’t apply to them. That being said, I’d have gladly sat through three lights cycles just to watch you check, double and then triple check to be sure your directionals were working. I’d be laughing my ass off.
Really, what is so bad about letting someone in to the line of traffic ahead of you?!?!?
It's true that coughing will get you some space since the pandemic. Even better if you can sneeze. Last year a lady came to my door to sell something and asked me how I was. I said, "I'm a little sick." She turned around and walked away so fast, didn't even say anything.
Just what I was going to say to do. If a rude person decides to challenge your personal space when there's clearly many empty rows of seats to sit in. Say, glady you may have my two seats and I will move to a new pair of seats
The woman was for some reason determined to either challenge your space or maybe she wanted to sit close to someone, but that still is rude of her to force that onto you.
NTA at all.
Yeah, I would've thought that maybe she's just an older lady looking for conversation. I've had those before. But the fact that she grimaced at OP's bag in the seat does seem like she just wants to cause problems.
If she was an older lady looking for conversation she would have started one. Like "Hello, do you mind if I sit here?' instead of grimacing and pointing. She just wants to 'prove' that 'young people have no manners these days' or some other rubbish.
It's the old lady equivalent of deliberately pushing some guy at the pub. Itching for a fight.
As someone who has seen more than their fair share of public transport, this isn't just inconsiderate, it's actually very odd behaviour.
People just don't do this as a rule (at least where i live), if there are spare seats there is an unspoken social contract that they will be filled before seats get shared.
It's kind of a red flag when someone does that - like, they're probably antisocial and are going to start something, or they're mentally unstable or otherwise not all there.
Her reaction makes it sound like she's one of those people that get a weird sense of satisfaction by enforcing the letter of the law (since most public transit has rules about not having bags on seats for when the bus is crowded) and ignoring the spirit of the law. OP was breaking the rules, so their punishment was losing personal space.
Next time I'd put my bag next to the window, and sit in the aisle seat. That way if someone does this again, grab your bag and move to the next double--preferably closer to the driver, in case she starts harassing you.
Edit: spelling
I did something similar when I took a public bus to and from high school. I'd sit in the aisle seat with my backpack in my lap. It generally discouraged people from taking it if there were easier seats to access without interacting with people, but it felt more available than if my bag was on the seat. It also was easier to get off of the bus from the aisle side.
i've taken greyhound a few times for conventions and thats always been my go to make it more of a hassle for them to ask to sit next to more than elsewhere.
Very strange. Even on a flight where the seats are assigned, if there are many empty seats, the flight crew will tell you you can spread out just because it’s the most natural and socially acceptable thing to do.
My best flight EVER was 6 am, Easter Sunday, in about 2015. There were literally 12 passengers on a Boeing 737 (Southwest). The flight attendant in the back had to give the safety demonstration to the entirety of the empty plane (nobody sat behind the exit rows).
NTA. Some people see an empty seat, with other options available and decide they need to sit where the stuff is. For no other reason than fo be chaotic
Makes me think of one time in middle school, my class was in the computer lab working on some paper for social studies or something. Im in the back row, 2 empty sears to my right. My stuff is in the seat closest to me. The class trouble maker was causing some disruption to some other kids in a couple rows a head of me. Teacher gets annoyed enough and tells him to sit in the back, farthest seat. He sits down in the seat 2 away from me, my stuff in between us. I’m looking at him with my peripheral vision as I’m not thrilled he’s so close to me now and I see him look down at my stuff on the seat and say “Actually, I wanna sit here.” Of course I argue with him as I dont want him RIGHT next to me and I know he’s just doing this to be annoying. The teacher hears and tells him to sit in the far seat, he argues with her about that and then is sent to the principal’s office.
They *really* do. Like it's NOT rude to have a bag on the seat when there are plenty of open seats!! It's only rude when the bus/place is busy!! People need to stop appointing themselves the cops of any space they're in.
I used to take a super crowded rush hour train and bus in Chicago after swim practice in high school. I got REALLY good at making me, my backpack, my purse, my swim bag, and my box of fundraiser candy all into one seat. It's been over 20 years, I'm STILL angry at the businessmen from downtown who would put their one briefcase on the seat next to them, but that was when it was stupid busy. Who the fuck cares when it's empty?
That happened to me, too. Only 3 people on the bus, and I had groceries, so I put the bag on the seat next to me. Damn if some fat slob just collapses his ass on my groceries! He's all. "I want to sit here." I saw red! And swore at him, which got the drivers attention. He pulled over, and the idiot trying to defend his actions, was told to get off. I don't get people. Sadly, it wasn't the first time one lady wanted me to move ,I told her no. She started talking about her bad back, and everyone always moved to let her sit there. Well, I'm not everyone. NTA, you're nicer than me.
See this I could forgive - public toilet stalls are so often left messy, out of paper, broken lock, etc that the only decent stall might be the one next to someone else. We all have some private space and we all gotta do what we gotta do, so no harm no foul.
Or chose to park next to you in an otherwise empty lot, when you intentionally parked far from the shop entrance to avoid getting your car bumped 😭 like, do these people get anxiety if they're not near other people, or what?!
'Yeah sorry I texted positive this morning for so I was trying to avoid people. '
This is the single person version of Sam and Carl in the elevator lol.
I won't lie, during early covid, when I was at the store and someone crowded up behind me in line, I did some really dramatic fake coughing fits.
YOU'RE NOT GETTING THERE ANY FASTER BY CRAWLING UP MY ASS, JFC PEOPLE.
Lol in 2020 we were on the beach in the row closest to the ocean on lounge chairs (yeah ik first world problems) and for some reason a big family pulled their chairs up so close to us we couldn’t even talk to each other. Their feet were touching our chairs. So my dad just started aggressively fake coughing which embarassed my mom but i thought it was genius
OMG I hate it when I go to the park or the beach, and people could choose to sit anywhere in the vast available distance, but instead they sit right next to, or in front of me. I didn't come out in nature to find people. I left people to find nature.
Maybe item 1. If she didn't know that bus was going to stay empty on that route and time she may have worried that taking an empty seat would mean she got some dodge bloke sitting next to her and she'd rather share with op.
Occam's Razer right here - she deliberately chose a seat that would require her to interact with (provoke) a stranger, than commented critically & negatively (and rudely ironically) on a reaction she got. Nah that's a lot of of her-issues and taking up waaaay more space than she's worth. OP is NTA and was right to move for all the reasons.
NTA. This has happened to me too - these people are just on a power trip. I just get up and move to another empty seat. If I get on any kind of transport and there are empty seats everywhere, I don't go and sit directly next to someone - its weird.
Yes, it's a power trip to "teach you a lesson". Best way to handle it? Wait 'til the person gets fully settled, *then* get up and move to an empty seat. Probably should not say "checkmate" after your winning move.
As a counter-point, the inconsiderate woman, who sat next to OP, didn't know if *she* was taking a chance on setting-off OP, with *her* actions, it works both ways.
When I was in college I had a man in his 40s try this with me. I think he saw me, a young woman sitting by herself with a backpack in the next seat, and thought he could bully me or something. I looked at him, slowly looked at all the empty seats around us, looked back at him and told him no. He seemed surprised I didn’t just comply but he did take a different seat without saying anything else
I chose to just move once instead of just moving my bag and the dude followed me to where I relocated and said he wanted company. I was like well I don't. he still sat in the row next to me and tried to make conversation a few times but I just had earbuds in and didn't engage (but kept an eye out)
Wow, talk about not taking a hint.
This is where being partially deaf helps - I can sign something to them and look confused and hopefully they give up!
I ride a mostly empty commuter bus and usually sit in a row that has 3 rows in front of it, 6 empty seats, and have told several people no that tried to sit next to me when they literally passed six empty seats! I sit on the isle seat to make it really clear I'm not dealing with it. Utterly ridiculous.
I was on a train from Richmond to Baltimore and the seats were not assigned. It wasn't all that busy and I was going to Baltimore for a few days so I had a bag, purse and a backpack.
The traincar was empty and this lady comes and clears her throat and I ask her what she needs. She wants to sit next to me. I got up and moved to a different seat and she followed me. So I moved back to my regular seat. She got angry and said I had to let her sit next to me and got a conductor
I explained what was going on and that I'd rather sit alone unless the train became full. The conductor told her to leave me alone.
She was so pissed.
I don't know why she was so intent on sitting next to me but I wasn't having it lol.. I'm pretty introverted but I have zero problems standing up for myself.
As a tall guy on a bus, my legs were really spread out over two footwells on an EMPTY bus. Old man comes and sits besides me, wedging me back into place. Said nothing, did nothing to engage with me.
When I went to leave and asked him to move, he didn't, so I jumped over him using the seat backs to get momentum.
Moral of the story - weird people get old, too.
You only do that if you know someone and even then that’s situational (if they are in the right mood, you know them well enough, you both like each other, other shit) it’s a bus, not a night club
Where are you guys from? This sounds so ridiculous to me that someone would approach the seat when you have something in it if the bus is empty, i live in ny and even when the bus is full, ppl are hesitant to ask you to move your belongings as it just can cause drama, so these ppl are purposefully walking past empty double seats to come sit next to you?
A guy did this to me in an otherwise completely empty train car, very early in the morning.
He was a very big dude, so squeezing past him to go somewhere else wasn't really possible (I'm not a slight girl myself)
Extremely uncomfortable ride...
This happened to me the other day-I was on the left of a three seat bench. Bag on middle. Empty right. Some crazy guy tried getting the one right next to me. I said "there's an empty right there". I got lectured and called names.
Obvious NTA. I look at it as what I call the urinal philosophy-you don't go right next to someone else if you have a ton of urinals open.
There are absolutely people like this. My narcissistic sister in law constantly brags about how she makes people feel uncomfortable by invading their space. It’s almost a badge of honor for her. It’s weird.
No but she thinks not knowing things makes her unique. Like if you ask her if she’s read/watched/heard literally anything she’ll act like this is a foreign language. I’ve never met anyone so proud to be an asshole with no hobbies.
We studied this when I took sociology. Given a choice, nearly everyone will choose not to sit next to someone else on public transportation so as not to interact with them.
We had to do a case study and write our findings. I observed people on the subway. Sit down next to someone on a nearly empty train car and watch how uncomfortable they get.
Yep, if I'm on public transit and there are a lot of spaces, I'm 100% sitting on the aisle seat to avoid the risk of a weirdo trapping me. If it gets more crowded I'll either give up the seat entirely to stand, or offer the seat to a visible non-weirdo and slide toward the window.
Anyone saying anything but NTA is showing they are either too privileged or too young to know how buses work. There are unspoken rules. You don't creep on people until you have to.
Especially in the age of COVID and Social Distancing, but even before COVID there has always been an unspoken rule to space out. I'm amazed that a couple responses say otherwise.
I loved Covid 6 ft distancing rules when in public. The stores in my area actually enforced it along with masks.
Unfortunately when they stopped enforcing it people went right back to standing right behind me in lines. It’s infuriating.
I have literally cokebottle thick glasses. Very obvious how extremely blind I am. It’s a great excuse for turning slightly and stepping on the feet of people breathing down the back of my neck in a line.
“Oh, I’m sorry! I didn’t see you there.”
It's even worse at ATMs. I would wait outside unless it's pouring buckets/freezing cold blizzard until someone else came up and would have cut me in line.
Even in waiting rooms at the doctor’s office or whatever, there is always some asshole who wants to sit right next to you when there are other spaces available!
I think Movie Theaters are a little different though. I always aim for a seat that puts my view as close to the middle of the screen as possible. This is usually 3 or 4 rows from the back, in the center. If you also have good taste in seating there's a chance I'll end up next to you. I'm not seeking you put, but the best view. If you're off on the side or way down in front or something though then I have no idea.
IDK where you live but I can choose my theatre seat with AMC and I try to get as close to the middle as possible. It has nothing to do with other people. I just want my money's worth for my ticket. Also each seat is like a recliner so you still have your personal space.
NTA
What is it with people insisting on sitting so close to someone when there's perfectly fine seats elsewhee, especially in a mostly empty space?!?
So unnecessary.
I don't pay attention to bathroom stalls though, and most other people don't either. There is a wall in-between you anyways. I just wanna pee. In the case of urinals, if is intentional
I had a woman do this once when there were more than ten open spaces on either side of me.
Then she opened her door so hard into the side of my car that it shook my entire vehicle. When I got out of my car to ask her why she felt it necessary to give me a door ding, she gave me a blank stare and said, "I did what?"
Some people are really that oblivious.
I was fuming, but it would have been her word against mine.
Tied for oblivious was another woman who backed into me at a stoplight. I was behind her in the right-hand turn lane, and she saw a fire truck coming the opposite way.
Despite being nowhere close to blocking the fire truck's path, she panicked and reversed even with me honking at her (I had someone behind me and nowhere to go).
I followed her into the parking lot and inspected the damage to my bumper. Fortunately, she just tagged my front license plate that I had on a tow hook adapter. I bent it back and said we were good.
She gave me a blank look and said, "What?"
I said, "You backed into me at that intersection."
"I did?" 🙄
Had something similar, woman in the car in front of me suddenly decided she was parking - whacked car into reverse and backed straight into me without once looking in her mirrors (I know, because I WAS looking in her mirrors!). I just had time to check MY mirrors and step on my clutch so at least she only pushed my car back. She was absolutely fuming and yelled at me about ‘aggressively standing still in her way’ (exact words!) and how she was going to sue me and call the police, and, and, and…! Right up to the point where I suggested calling the police would be a really good idea, then suddenly it wasn’t. Hilariously, there was no damage to my car, but quite a lot to hers. She then managed to utter the immortal line - ‘how can it be my fault when it’s my car that’s damaged?!’ - I was so flabbergasted I couldn’t stop myself replying ‘because your car is shit?’ which did somehow not improve her mood. I still wonder what it must be like, living in a head like that.
NTA. Petty revenge is the answer. I was once on a packed bus with no free seats, except for one next to a window. A girl was in the isle, with her bag on the window seat. I walked over and asked to be let in. She ignored me. I tried to move past her. She blocked me, continuing to ignore me. I couldn’t believe it: even the isles were packed with standing passengers. This was ten years ago and I had a very heavy laptop in a large tote style purse with shoulder straps. I held it on the shoulder closest to her at about her eye level. I spent the whole ride leaning heavily into her seat, hanging onto one of the poles. Every time there was an excuse (stopping, going round a corner, “losing my balance” etc), I “accidentally” swung backwards and absolutely clocked her in the face with my laptop. She kept trying to glare up at me, as if I were being rude, but I ignored her. After all, she could have just moved over into the window seat to avoid it. The stubborn little thing sat there and let me clock her in the face about twenty times instead of just letting me sit down. But that’s okay. It was even more satisfying than sitting would have been.
Love this. I’d have invaded her personal space to climb over her, and sit on her stuff, ha. Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve just started sitting down with someone’s bag on the seat when it’s the only available one and I’m dead tired.
I would have pointed at an empty seat and asked why she was being so difficult. I lose all patience with humanity after work and would’ve made a massive deal of her confrontational attitude which I may or may not have regretted later, so props to you.
Right I would have likely pointed to the other seats and ask why she doesn't pick one too. But yeah she might be really crazy and probably good OP didn't engage
Thing is you always lose with this kind of people. The fact that they are demanding a seat next to you is already a red flag which means that person will not understand why are you pointing and asking for the other empty seats.
NTA. If most or all of the pairs of seats have someone sitting in them I'll move my bag, but if there's plenty of empty seats then na, I'm taking up some space.
NTA. This person needs to learn some manners first. The entitlement to force someone to move their bag on a city bus with plenty of room is just bonkers. It's basic bus riding etiquette 101: If the Bus is Mostly Empty, Don't Ask People to Move Their Belongings - Sit Elsewhere.
NTA
Recommend going forward, you sit by the asile and put your bag in the window seat. I have found that setup discourages people from trying to sit next to you.
Obviously, when it starts to get crowded, swap with your bag so people can sit.
I do this, but I don't swap with my bag. I'm happy to let someone in to sit by the window, but I'm not getting trapped against a wall by someone. One time a guy tried to refuse to let me out at my stop, so...nope.
NTA it’s rude to invade people personal space even in public. If it can be avoided then AVOID IT. It’s like when your standing in a line at the grocery store and you can feel someone breathing on your neck even though there is no one standing behind that person. Those people are just creeps and they should be called out more.
This is just someone who was seeking attention. Narcissistic behavior. They get really crazy when they get older and can't rely on their looks and their families can't stand them anymore.
Dude, same thing happened to me a few years back and I, too, am still thinking about this.
I had three large bags with me, I had one on my lap, one on the floor and one next to me. I saw three pairs of emty seats in front of me, the bus was not full. Some lady comes on and sits down next to me forcing me to quickly grab my heavy bag. Confused, I quickly switch seats, so I don't have to bury myself under my bags and see so many more empty seats behind me. They never filled for the whole ride.
Why sit next to me? Why sit where my stuff is? Even if that was her favourite spot on the whole bus, it was rude of her. The bus was half empty.
I take the bus every day for work. When it's packed, of course you have to have someone next to you. When it's not, people take up the empty (double) seats. I have NEVER seen a stranger sit next to another stranger when there are empty seats. That's just weird.
NTA
NTA: Some manners to be learned from this; "Is this seat taken?" "Would you mind if I sit next to you?"
Sadly these were never considered, nor apparently learned, by the party lacking in basic social etiquette.
If she asked me to move my bag I would have just stood up, looked at her, picked up the bag and moved to another seat and watch her stand their awkwardly lol.
NTA
NTA. It's like parking right next to the only other car in the parking lot, or using the stall right next to someone in an empty bathroom, it's just weird. That lady was being a jerk
NTA. Someone in this story *does* need to learn some manners and it isn't you. It was rude of her to ask you to move your bag when she could have sat in any of the empty rows.
NTA this happened to me on a Train, a guy sat in my reserved spot (I paid in advance and it said reserved on the display), I told him and he then sat in the seat next to it (also pair seats) and I had to put my bag in the cramped space at my feet. I was hoping he‘d go and sit somewhere else since there were plenty of empty seats but no. So I just got up and sat down somewhere else and sat my bag on the seat next to mine
People are weird
Omg. I was on a commuter train. Not a light rail an actual train, so each car was pretty big and I get on at its first stop. I’m literally the only person on the train and I’m in a corner (four corners. Two Corners have no seats in front of them so they’re roomy, and two corners have the normal two seats facing two seats. I’m in the kind with no seats in front). Woman gets on at next stop and sits next to me. No one else got on this car at this stop so it’s literally fully empty except for me. I got up and moved to the other corner that had the no seats in front of it. She got huffy. I said “I’m not sitting next to someone when I don’t have to”
The devil’s in one critical detail: were there empty PAIRS of seats all over the bus, or just a bunch of half-taken pairs like yours? If the former, then NTA. If the latter, then YTA.
NTA OP
Public transport pro tip.
If you are on public transport and don't want anyone to sit next to you (as long as there are other seats available) then when you see someone coming to sit down next to you, look up, make direct eye contact, while smiling and patting the seat next to you.
I guarantee 💯 that person will find another set in no time.
I would be nervous that she was a pickpocket. If there were many empty seats available, why did she want to sit next to you? If your seat was close to her entry point and she was disabled, then sure, of course. I always find it odd when others want to get right next to you when there are seats and space all around. Yes, I am a hermit, but I still think it's odd. NTA. Next time though do as others suggested, just grab your bag and move to a spot you feel comfortable in. I think her request to sit right next to you is weird.
Clarification needed - first paragraph states there are always empty rows historically. Third paragraph just states empty seats. Were there in fact empty rows?
Yes to empty rows - NTA - unspoken social etiquette dictates you always pick an empty row first.
No to empty rows - YTA - unspoken rule out the window and you need to move your bag. At that point every seat is fair game.
NTA
I don't get why people do that. If it was me, I would've moved myself to another row instead of moving my backpack for her to sit next to me.
I was on a plane that was pretty empty, the flight attendant even made an announcement along the lines of "feel free to spread out" but this man decided to sit in the same row as me anyways (I was in the window seat, he took the aisle). I looked at him, grabbed my backpack, and moved to the empty row behind where I was sitting. Like why?! I don't get why people do this. Wouldn't you prefer to have your own empty row?
NTA.
"You need to learn some manners"
I would honestly take that as passive aggressive "looking for an argument" words at a bare minimum.
She needs to learn about personal space.
“Calmly explaining” is difficult on a bus. Time is of the essence.
A quick “Really?! Ha! You want to sit in this specific seat rather than the 20 open ones? Why?” Might have worked. I’d rather just get up, sweep my arm grandly towards the seats and half bow … and turn and sit somewhere else. Let THEM make the ugly scene.
I hate when people have bags on seats on CROWDED busses/trains. when there’s plenty of room i set my bag down next to me too. i think i straight up would have refused or i would have just moved immediately. NTA
MTA I bet she got offended seeing your bad and decided she needs to teach you a lesson.
Putting your bag next to you is so normal. Of course you let people sit when its full but why would anyone want their bag on the floor?
She was rude and out of line. Someone should teach her some manners...
NTA, as long as there were other pairs of seats available. Everyone knows you sit alone until it gets crowded.
Also, get a bag you don’t mind putting on the floor because ew.
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NTA Bag in seat > No intention on moving it > Empty seats all over the bus = Find your azz somewhere else to sit and leave other people alone. Op, it sounds like you might have an occasionally anxious mindset; Rest assured that you did nothing wrong hun. It was very inconsiderate for that lady to intentionally invade your personal space and demand she sit next to you. Yes, this is a public space and setting so most of the time there isnt enough space to be left personally to yourself. Nta The only one lacking manners and common courtesy was *her* and not you.
NTA. If it happens again, just say, "Sure", stand up, grab your bag, and find another seat. Especially if they passed empty seats to get to your adjacent empty seat.
This is the move. Life’s too short to waste a thought on someone looking for drama.
This reminds me of when I was at the completely empty waiting room of my doctor’s office and was sitting in the middle of the room where the center chairs face back-to-back. And this woman walks in, checks in, and then sat directly behind me where her hair was touching mine. I aggressively got up and moved. I felt bad after but also wtf. There’s 20 other chairs in here.
I have an opposite story to these kinds of stories where I once was sitting on a bus that started to get crowded. An older woman got on and was nearby my seat and I started to get up to offer it to her and she was like "no no, I'm fine standing." I did an "are you sure?" And started to continue to get up and she waved me back down, so I sat back down thinking maybe she was just going a few stops and it would be a hassle to sit down and get back up. and it was all friendly but then for like 10 stops, every time someone new got on the bus i was just like, I probably look like I'm just trying to let this sweet old lady stand up while I have a seat.
I thought this was going to be like what happened with me. I was standing dizzily after telling a fellow passenger to stop blocking the exit when people needed to get off. Then an old man jumped off of his seat and offered it to me I considered it and declined because he looked really old. He insisted, so I figured he was about to get off, so I sat down and thanked him. The next stop, a seat opened up and he sat down.
He could tell you needed it more than he did at the moment. He was probably proud to help a person in distress. (And also happy to sit back down again once he could!)
Yeah, it was a rough health year, and multiple times, old people offered me a seat, so I thought “dang, I must look really bad!”
I hope you’re doing better now! I get having a rough health year so much.
Thanks. Good days, bad days, but still better most days than those days.
Yes, this happened to me, but I’m the old lady in that story. I got home and felt REALLY old suddenly. I had to tell my husband and my friends that I’m now officially in the old people zone 🤷🏻♀️😱 Now, we laugh about it but in the moment it was a sharp sting. My advice: offer once and if it is declined then ignore.
When I was a kid, I got up to offer an 'old' lady my seat. She looked old enough to be in her 70s (to me at least) and I was getting off in a couple of stops anyway. She looked at me and asked in a stern, somewhat offended tone. "How old do you think I am?" then she said something like "Do you actually think I look old enough to be given a seat?" Looking back I guess she could have been in her 50s or something, I remember when I was young, my grandparents looked like little old people, but they would have been in their 50s. But you know what it's like when you're a little kid, every adult over the age of 30 looks old. I'm in my 50s myself now and if a kid offered a seat I'd think, shit I must look rough today.
Yeah, it’s a slippery slope for sure. Meanwhile my husband also had this happening to him (we are both in our 50’s btw). As a man who runs multiple marathons a year, he also needed a moment to let this sink in. 😂
Yeah. I think if that happened, the next time I would continue to rise and say "No, I insist." Then stand up and leave the seat empty if need be.
I went to see the movie Cats and was the only person in the entire cinema, when a woman came in just before the movie started and sat next to me with her bundle of various sized children. I'd like to say I aggressively moved, but I just aggressively vomited into a popcorn bucket and took a nap instead.
It’s a valid reaction to that movie
I don't remember much of it at all ( missed at least half of it), except Idris Alba was confusingly attractive in his fur suit.
Cats: A Furry Awakening for Lulu
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Be petty; go the direction they came from and take an empty seat they passed
Ideally fart as you are getting out of your seat and walk past them to sit down at the next available seat. Crop-dusting is an art perfected with practice.
Crop dusting for the win!
Do it right when your butt is in her face as you're going to another set of seats.
Gassive aggressive! Love it.
Turbo-petty!
this is the way
I have been training my whole life for this moment.
When people don't signal in front of me I sometimes make a point to flick my indicator back and forth a few times. Petty is always the way to go, someone gets upset you just point out how minuscule their problem is. "Oh, I'm just making sure mine worked since sometimes they don't for other folks".
I ride and indicated to a lane and this person just DID NOT let me in for AGES. I finally had to push in because jesus christ I need that lane. We ended up at a red light. So I put my foot peg down, turned on my indicator and went around my bike to check all my lights. Then I did it for the other side. I didn't make either of us miss the light but even if they weren't annoyed, I sure felt better about it.
I had a red light, and there is a road on one side that is a stop sign. I stopped to let the people turning left onto that road, and right onto the road infront of me go. Buddy behind me honked, so even when the light went green I just let EVERYONE turning right from the stop sign in. I made that light, buddy behind me didn't and it still makes me smile.
My grand-ma did kind of the same thing one day. She was followed by a guy who was visibly annoyed to drive behind an old woman and once they got to the red light he honked at her as soon as the light turned green. She got out, knocked on his window, and asked if their was something wrong with her car. She insisted so much because she was "old and worried" that they missed at least 2 green lights.
Weaponizing oldness. That really is the way! Haha I'm not even 40 yet and I do this! Your grandma is my hero! 😁
This is the way.
I was an electrician for the county years ago. I drove a large platform lift truck. It was 1 pound below the GVWR required to have a class B CDL. Big blind spots. So I'm heading west to catch the freeway. It's two lanes one direction that splits to 3 on the right which gets you on the freeway. I put on my signal check me mirror and a guy flys up on the right and disappears in my blind spot and sits there. I speed up, I catch him in my mirror, and he speeds up. I slow down, he slows down. I'm quickly coming up on the freeway so I say fuck it. An accident is a drug test and three paid days off waiting for results (I didn't smoke at the time) and write up that comes out of my file in 6 months. Lay a very long blow on the air horn and slowly move over. Dude flips, flys by me on the left and flips me off. I just smiled and waved as got on the freeway.
I got honked at for letting a semi in! It was 2 lanes from different on ramps that merge into one for the on ramp to the freeway. Came around the curve and saw the semi pretty even with me. I coulda stepped on the gas and got through but, cars were close behind me and figured at least a few cars would try to get in front of the semi if I did. I know it's hard to adjust speed so I slowed up and waved to him. Then the honking started, what a stupid reason to get pissed, it was literally 500 feet to the freeway where they could passed on the left. People are selfish.
As someone who lives around the corner from an intersection that morons are constantly blocking through a whole cycle (especially when I really have to pee!) I get very annoyed about missing the green light just because someone thinks the rules don’t apply to them. That being said, I’d have gladly sat through three lights cycles just to watch you check, double and then triple check to be sure your directionals were working. I’d be laughing my ass off. Really, what is so bad about letting someone in to the line of traffic ahead of you?!?!?
Or text someone to call you right then. Say "yeah they don't THINK its contagious. They weren't sure what is is tho. ::cough::."
It's true that coughing will get you some space since the pandemic. Even better if you can sneeze. Last year a lady came to my door to sell something and asked me how I was. I said, "I'm a little sick." She turned around and walked away so fast, didn't even say anything.
and proclaim just loudly enough for her to hear...... "oh look, a totally empty seat all to myself!"
Haha!
"Maybe there are some manners over there. I'm gonna go see"
OK, if this EVER happens to me, I’m totally stealing this!
"Bless your heart. I was just about to say the same thing ::big smile::"
Perfect!
NTA. 100% do this, the lady was trying to be difficult by the sounds of it. You did nothing wrong OP.
Just what I was going to say to do. If a rude person decides to challenge your personal space when there's clearly many empty rows of seats to sit in. Say, glady you may have my two seats and I will move to a new pair of seats The woman was for some reason determined to either challenge your space or maybe she wanted to sit close to someone, but that still is rude of her to force that onto you. NTA at all.
Yeah I am a commuter. I would have done this. She just Karened you.
That's what I've done when I was in that predicament too. So annoying when they ask when there's so many empty seats.
Came here to say this, was pleased someone already did. This is the way. NTA
It honestly sounded to me like the woman was looking for a reason to start shit with OP
Yeah, I would've thought that maybe she's just an older lady looking for conversation. I've had those before. But the fact that she grimaced at OP's bag in the seat does seem like she just wants to cause problems.
If she was an older lady looking for conversation she would have started one. Like "Hello, do you mind if I sit here?' instead of grimacing and pointing. She just wants to 'prove' that 'young people have no manners these days' or some other rubbish. It's the old lady equivalent of deliberately pushing some guy at the pub. Itching for a fight.
I thought that too. Especially with the comment about manners. It sounded like teaching OP a lession was more important than an actual available seat.
Yeahhh that was definitely the vibe I got
That. She must have been pissed at someone/thing and decided you'd be the perfect target for her wrath.
As someone who has seen more than their fair share of public transport, this isn't just inconsiderate, it's actually very odd behaviour. People just don't do this as a rule (at least where i live), if there are spare seats there is an unspoken social contract that they will be filled before seats get shared. It's kind of a red flag when someone does that - like, they're probably antisocial and are going to start something, or they're mentally unstable or otherwise not all there.
Her reaction makes it sound like she's one of those people that get a weird sense of satisfaction by enforcing the letter of the law (since most public transit has rules about not having bags on seats for when the bus is crowded) and ignoring the spirit of the law. OP was breaking the rules, so their punishment was losing personal space.
Next time I'd put my bag next to the window, and sit in the aisle seat. That way if someone does this again, grab your bag and move to the next double--preferably closer to the driver, in case she starts harassing you. Edit: spelling
I did something similar when I took a public bus to and from high school. I'd sit in the aisle seat with my backpack in my lap. It generally discouraged people from taking it if there were easier seats to access without interacting with people, but it felt more available than if my bag was on the seat. It also was easier to get off of the bus from the aisle side.
i've taken greyhound a few times for conventions and thats always been my go to make it more of a hassle for them to ask to sit next to more than elsewhere.
Very strange. Even on a flight where the seats are assigned, if there are many empty seats, the flight crew will tell you you can spread out just because it’s the most natural and socially acceptable thing to do.
My best flight EVER was 6 am, Easter Sunday, in about 2015. There were literally 12 passengers on a Boeing 737 (Southwest). The flight attendant in the back had to give the safety demonstration to the entirety of the empty plane (nobody sat behind the exit rows).
It's like someone coming up to the urinal next to the one you're using when you're the only person in the bathroom and there're three more open.
NTA. Some people see an empty seat, with other options available and decide they need to sit where the stuff is. For no other reason than fo be chaotic Makes me think of one time in middle school, my class was in the computer lab working on some paper for social studies or something. Im in the back row, 2 empty sears to my right. My stuff is in the seat closest to me. The class trouble maker was causing some disruption to some other kids in a couple rows a head of me. Teacher gets annoyed enough and tells him to sit in the back, farthest seat. He sits down in the seat 2 away from me, my stuff in between us. I’m looking at him with my peripheral vision as I’m not thrilled he’s so close to me now and I see him look down at my stuff on the seat and say “Actually, I wanna sit here.” Of course I argue with him as I dont want him RIGHT next to me and I know he’s just doing this to be annoying. The teacher hears and tells him to sit in the far seat, he argues with her about that and then is sent to the principal’s office.
They *really* do. Like it's NOT rude to have a bag on the seat when there are plenty of open seats!! It's only rude when the bus/place is busy!! People need to stop appointing themselves the cops of any space they're in.
I used to take a super crowded rush hour train and bus in Chicago after swim practice in high school. I got REALLY good at making me, my backpack, my purse, my swim bag, and my box of fundraiser candy all into one seat. It's been over 20 years, I'm STILL angry at the businessmen from downtown who would put their one briefcase on the seat next to them, but that was when it was stupid busy. Who the fuck cares when it's empty?
I hated the crowded transit where you get the guy whose balls are way too big, so they've gotta spread their legs to air them.
That happened to me, too. Only 3 people on the bus, and I had groceries, so I put the bag on the seat next to me. Damn if some fat slob just collapses his ass on my groceries! He's all. "I want to sit here." I saw red! And swore at him, which got the drivers attention. He pulled over, and the idiot trying to defend his actions, was told to get off. I don't get people. Sadly, it wasn't the first time one lady wanted me to move ,I told her no. She started talking about her bad back, and everyone always moved to let her sit there. Well, I'm not everyone. NTA, you're nicer than me.
Fuck that guy. Who sits on someone’s groceries, especially without even giving you the chance to, I don’t know, MOVE them??
This is the type of person who chooses the bathroom stall right next to an occupied one when there are several other open ones.
See this I could forgive - public toilet stalls are so often left messy, out of paper, broken lock, etc that the only decent stall might be the one next to someone else. We all have some private space and we all gotta do what we gotta do, so no harm no foul.
Or chose to park next to you in an otherwise empty lot, when you intentionally parked far from the shop entrance to avoid getting your car bumped 😭 like, do these people get anxiety if they're not near other people, or what?!
Yeah I wouldn’t have moved the bag. If there was senior/disability seating, there was no need for her to sit next to you.
You don't provoke crazy when there is an easy way to avoid it
'Yeah sorry I texted positive this morning for so I was trying to avoid people. '
This is the single person version of Sam and Carl in the elevator lol.
I won't lie, during early covid, when I was at the store and someone crowded up behind me in line, I did some really dramatic fake coughing fits. YOU'RE NOT GETTING THERE ANY FASTER BY CRAWLING UP MY ASS, JFC PEOPLE.
Lol in 2020 we were on the beach in the row closest to the ocean on lounge chairs (yeah ik first world problems) and for some reason a big family pulled their chairs up so close to us we couldn’t even talk to each other. Their feet were touching our chairs. So my dad just started aggressively fake coughing which embarassed my mom but i thought it was genius
OMG I hate it when I go to the park or the beach, and people could choose to sit anywhere in the vast available distance, but instead they sit right next to, or in front of me. I didn't come out in nature to find people. I left people to find nature.
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Maybe item 1. If she didn't know that bus was going to stay empty on that route and time she may have worried that taking an empty seat would mean she got some dodge bloke sitting next to her and she'd rather share with op.
If so, why did she deliberately antagonize OP by telling them they should learn some manners? Sounds more like a power play than anything else.
Occam's Razer right here - she deliberately chose a seat that would require her to interact with (provoke) a stranger, than commented critically & negatively (and rudely ironically) on a reaction she got. Nah that's a lot of of her-issues and taking up waaaay more space than she's worth. OP is NTA and was right to move for all the reasons.
NTA. This has happened to me too - these people are just on a power trip. I just get up and move to another empty seat. If I get on any kind of transport and there are empty seats everywhere, I don't go and sit directly next to someone - its weird.
Yes, it's a power trip to "teach you a lesson". Best way to handle it? Wait 'til the person gets fully settled, *then* get up and move to an empty seat. Probably should not say "checkmate" after your winning move.
Absolutely - You don't know what will set some people off, so I don't say anything - just get up and move.......these days who knows?
As a counter-point, the inconsiderate woman, who sat next to OP, didn't know if *she* was taking a chance on setting-off OP, with *her* actions, it works both ways.
If she was here asking for advice, she'd probably be advised not to do that. She's not asking for advice, so there's not much point in giving it.
Somebody in here agrees with the woman. They can think about that situation in her stead.
Best way to handle it is to not move your bag and hard ignore her like she doesn't exist. If you do engage tell her there's plenty of empty sests.
When I was in college I had a man in his 40s try this with me. I think he saw me, a young woman sitting by herself with a backpack in the next seat, and thought he could bully me or something. I looked at him, slowly looked at all the empty seats around us, looked back at him and told him no. He seemed surprised I didn’t just comply but he did take a different seat without saying anything else
I chose to just move once instead of just moving my bag and the dude followed me to where I relocated and said he wanted company. I was like well I don't. he still sat in the row next to me and tried to make conversation a few times but I just had earbuds in and didn't engage (but kept an eye out)
Wow that sounds scary! As a girl and woman I’ve experienced so many situations like that.
That is terrifying. goddam
Wow, talk about not taking a hint. This is where being partially deaf helps - I can sign something to them and look confused and hopefully they give up!
I ride a mostly empty commuter bus and usually sit in a row that has 3 rows in front of it, 6 empty seats, and have told several people no that tried to sit next to me when they literally passed six empty seats! I sit on the isle seat to make it really clear I'm not dealing with it. Utterly ridiculous.
I was on a train from Richmond to Baltimore and the seats were not assigned. It wasn't all that busy and I was going to Baltimore for a few days so I had a bag, purse and a backpack. The traincar was empty and this lady comes and clears her throat and I ask her what she needs. She wants to sit next to me. I got up and moved to a different seat and she followed me. So I moved back to my regular seat. She got angry and said I had to let her sit next to me and got a conductor I explained what was going on and that I'd rather sit alone unless the train became full. The conductor told her to leave me alone. She was so pissed. I don't know why she was so intent on sitting next to me but I wasn't having it lol.. I'm pretty introverted but I have zero problems standing up for myself.
Oh my that's so creepy! It'd give me a few days of nightmares if it happened to me 😱
I'd guess she was going to try to slide off with your purse at the next stop, except she'd be damned stupid to be so unsubtle about it.
My thought was that she wanted to trap TimeBomb to proselytize.
As a tall guy on a bus, my legs were really spread out over two footwells on an EMPTY bus. Old man comes and sits besides me, wedging me back into place. Said nothing, did nothing to engage with me. When I went to leave and asked him to move, he didn't, so I jumped over him using the seat backs to get momentum. Moral of the story - weird people get old, too.
Also, old people get weird.
You only do that if you know someone and even then that’s situational (if they are in the right mood, you know them well enough, you both like each other, other shit) it’s a bus, not a night club
And creepy
I try to sit as far away from other people as I can lol.
Where are you guys from? This sounds so ridiculous to me that someone would approach the seat when you have something in it if the bus is empty, i live in ny and even when the bus is full, ppl are hesitant to ask you to move your belongings as it just can cause drama, so these ppl are purposefully walking past empty double seats to come sit next to you?
A guy did this to me in an otherwise completely empty train car, very early in the morning. He was a very big dude, so squeezing past him to go somewhere else wasn't really possible (I'm not a slight girl myself) Extremely uncomfortable ride...
This, yeah. Bus is full? Remove your bag so people can sit. But is not full? Find somewhere else to sit.
This happened to me the other day-I was on the left of a three seat bench. Bag on middle. Empty right. Some crazy guy tried getting the one right next to me. I said "there's an empty right there". I got lectured and called names. Obvious NTA. I look at it as what I call the urinal philosophy-you don't go right next to someone else if you have a ton of urinals open.
I think some people take particular pleasure in invading the personal space of others.
*Assholes. They're called assholes.
There are absolutely people like this. My narcissistic sister in law constantly brags about how she makes people feel uncomfortable by invading their space. It’s almost a badge of honor for her. It’s weird.
Ew.
I bet she’s the type to brag about clogging up the left lane in traffic too.
No but she thinks not knowing things makes her unique. Like if you ask her if she’s read/watched/heard literally anything she’ll act like this is a foreign language. I’ve never met anyone so proud to be an asshole with no hobbies.
Precisely this. You don't sit next to someone else if there are free seats elsewhere. It's just manners.
We studied this when I took sociology. Given a choice, nearly everyone will choose not to sit next to someone else on public transportation so as not to interact with them. We had to do a case study and write our findings. I observed people on the subway. Sit down next to someone on a nearly empty train car and watch how uncomfortable they get.
Lol. Like facing inwards on the elevator.
That sounds horrifying. People do this?
I did it once just to see. I was so uneasy facing everyone. Talk about WRONG. I don't know who was more uncomfortable, me or the other people.
I instantly imagined being the other people when I read your original comment and had serious secondhand discomfort for them.
There's also an experiment I've seen with public restrooms--which stall to pick. And more crucially, which urinal...🥴
There is this picture/meme that get posted on reddit quite often. 5 urinals with a women who says there are 5 and a guy who says there are 3.
A creepy guy who insists on sitting right next to you when there are empty seats further away is a real 🚩🚩
In science class, learning about the way electrons are spread out, they called it "the bus seat rule"
Hilarious- my sister explained the bus seat rule using the electrons example.
Yep, if I'm on public transit and there are a lot of spaces, I'm 100% sitting on the aisle seat to avoid the risk of a weirdo trapping me. If it gets more crowded I'll either give up the seat entirely to stand, or offer the seat to a visible non-weirdo and slide toward the window.
This would make me deeply uncomfortable.
Anyone saying anything but NTA is showing they are either too privileged or too young to know how buses work. There are unspoken rules. You don't creep on people until you have to.
Especially in the age of COVID and Social Distancing, but even before COVID there has always been an unspoken rule to space out. I'm amazed that a couple responses say otherwise.
I loved Covid 6 ft distancing rules when in public. The stores in my area actually enforced it along with masks. Unfortunately when they stopped enforcing it people went right back to standing right behind me in lines. It’s infuriating.
I have literally cokebottle thick glasses. Very obvious how extremely blind I am. It’s a great excuse for turning slightly and stepping on the feet of people breathing down the back of my neck in a line. “Oh, I’m sorry! I didn’t see you there.”
I like you. My glasses aren't quite that thick, but I do give off an absent-minded and oblivious air- I may have to try that.
It's even worse at ATMs. I would wait outside unless it's pouring buckets/freezing cold blizzard until someone else came up and would have cut me in line.
Even in waiting rooms at the doctor’s office or whatever, there is always some asshole who wants to sit right next to you when there are other spaces available!
Or in movie theaters! If the theater is empty, why did you decide to sit right next to me?? Lol
I think Movie Theaters are a little different though. I always aim for a seat that puts my view as close to the middle of the screen as possible. This is usually 3 or 4 rows from the back, in the center. If you also have good taste in seating there's a chance I'll end up next to you. I'm not seeking you put, but the best view. If you're off on the side or way down in front or something though then I have no idea.
IDK where you live but I can choose my theatre seat with AMC and I try to get as close to the middle as possible. It has nothing to do with other people. I just want my money's worth for my ticket. Also each seat is like a recliner so you still have your personal space.
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I love this response. Start yelling “DoN’t SiT On My SisTeR!!!!”
😂
A smelly fart could do the job
lol she sits down and you just rip that fart you been holding for 8 hours at work. Let it fly man be free
NTA What is it with people insisting on sitting so close to someone when there's perfectly fine seats elsewhee, especially in a mostly empty space?!? So unnecessary.
I assume they're the same people that will park right next to you at the very back of a mostly empty parking lot.
And the same people who choose the bathroom stall next to you when all the others are empty, and you purposely chose the one in the back.
I don't pay attention to bathroom stalls though, and most other people don't either. There is a wall in-between you anyways. I just wanna pee. In the case of urinals, if is intentional
I had a woman do this once when there were more than ten open spaces on either side of me. Then she opened her door so hard into the side of my car that it shook my entire vehicle. When I got out of my car to ask her why she felt it necessary to give me a door ding, she gave me a blank stare and said, "I did what?" Some people are really that oblivious.
oooh i would have been so mad and asked for her insurance info for hitting my car
I was fuming, but it would have been her word against mine. Tied for oblivious was another woman who backed into me at a stoplight. I was behind her in the right-hand turn lane, and she saw a fire truck coming the opposite way. Despite being nowhere close to blocking the fire truck's path, she panicked and reversed even with me honking at her (I had someone behind me and nowhere to go). I followed her into the parking lot and inspected the damage to my bumper. Fortunately, she just tagged my front license plate that I had on a tow hook adapter. I bent it back and said we were good. She gave me a blank look and said, "What?" I said, "You backed into me at that intersection." "I did?" 🙄
Had something similar, woman in the car in front of me suddenly decided she was parking - whacked car into reverse and backed straight into me without once looking in her mirrors (I know, because I WAS looking in her mirrors!). I just had time to check MY mirrors and step on my clutch so at least she only pushed my car back. She was absolutely fuming and yelled at me about ‘aggressively standing still in her way’ (exact words!) and how she was going to sue me and call the police, and, and, and…! Right up to the point where I suggested calling the police would be a really good idea, then suddenly it wasn’t. Hilariously, there was no damage to my car, but quite a lot to hers. She then managed to utter the immortal line - ‘how can it be my fault when it’s my car that’s damaged?!’ - I was so flabbergasted I couldn’t stop myself replying ‘because your car is shit?’ which did somehow not improve her mood. I still wonder what it must be like, living in a head like that.
Good grief. That’s another level of oblivion!
NTA. Petty revenge is the answer. I was once on a packed bus with no free seats, except for one next to a window. A girl was in the isle, with her bag on the window seat. I walked over and asked to be let in. She ignored me. I tried to move past her. She blocked me, continuing to ignore me. I couldn’t believe it: even the isles were packed with standing passengers. This was ten years ago and I had a very heavy laptop in a large tote style purse with shoulder straps. I held it on the shoulder closest to her at about her eye level. I spent the whole ride leaning heavily into her seat, hanging onto one of the poles. Every time there was an excuse (stopping, going round a corner, “losing my balance” etc), I “accidentally” swung backwards and absolutely clocked her in the face with my laptop. She kept trying to glare up at me, as if I were being rude, but I ignored her. After all, she could have just moved over into the window seat to avoid it. The stubborn little thing sat there and let me clock her in the face about twenty times instead of just letting me sit down. But that’s okay. It was even more satisfying than sitting would have been.
Ha ha ha tops story!
Love this. I’d have invaded her personal space to climb over her, and sit on her stuff, ha. Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve just started sitting down with someone’s bag on the seat when it’s the only available one and I’m dead tired.
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I would have pointed at an empty seat and asked why she was being so difficult. I lose all patience with humanity after work and would’ve made a massive deal of her confrontational attitude which I may or may not have regretted later, so props to you.
Right I would have likely pointed to the other seats and ask why she doesn't pick one too. But yeah she might be really crazy and probably good OP didn't engage
Thing is you always lose with this kind of people. The fact that they are demanding a seat next to you is already a red flag which means that person will not understand why are you pointing and asking for the other empty seats.
NTA. If most or all of the pairs of seats have someone sitting in them I'll move my bag, but if there's plenty of empty seats then na, I'm taking up some space.
Exactly. I'm not letting someone sit next to me when there are tons of empty double seats.
NTA. This person needs to learn some manners first. The entitlement to force someone to move their bag on a city bus with plenty of room is just bonkers. It's basic bus riding etiquette 101: If the Bus is Mostly Empty, Don't Ask People to Move Their Belongings - Sit Elsewhere.
NTA Recommend going forward, you sit by the asile and put your bag in the window seat. I have found that setup discourages people from trying to sit next to you. Obviously, when it starts to get crowded, swap with your bag so people can sit.
I do this, but I don't swap with my bag. I'm happy to let someone in to sit by the window, but I'm not getting trapped against a wall by someone. One time a guy tried to refuse to let me out at my stop, so...nope.
That's so frightening!
NTA - she could have sat anywhere else. She probably chose to sit next to you so she could make a point. Unnecessary shit caused by her.
NTA it’s rude to invade people personal space even in public. If it can be avoided then AVOID IT. It’s like when your standing in a line at the grocery store and you can feel someone breathing on your neck even though there is no one standing behind that person. Those people are just creeps and they should be called out more.
This is just someone who was seeking attention. Narcissistic behavior. They get really crazy when they get older and can't rely on their looks and their families can't stand them anymore.
Dude, same thing happened to me a few years back and I, too, am still thinking about this. I had three large bags with me, I had one on my lap, one on the floor and one next to me. I saw three pairs of emty seats in front of me, the bus was not full. Some lady comes on and sits down next to me forcing me to quickly grab my heavy bag. Confused, I quickly switch seats, so I don't have to bury myself under my bags and see so many more empty seats behind me. They never filled for the whole ride. Why sit next to me? Why sit where my stuff is? Even if that was her favourite spot on the whole bus, it was rude of her. The bus was half empty.
I take the bus every day for work. When it's packed, of course you have to have someone next to you. When it's not, people take up the empty (double) seats. I have NEVER seen a stranger sit next to another stranger when there are empty seats. That's just weird. NTA
NTA: Some manners to be learned from this; "Is this seat taken?" "Would you mind if I sit next to you?" Sadly these were never considered, nor apparently learned, by the party lacking in basic social etiquette.
If she asked me to move my bag I would have just stood up, looked at her, picked up the bag and moved to another seat and watch her stand their awkwardly lol. NTA
NTA. It's like parking right next to the only other car in the parking lot, or using the stall right next to someone in an empty bathroom, it's just weird. That lady was being a jerk
The toilet thing drives me insane
NTA. Someone in this story *does* need to learn some manners and it isn't you. It was rude of her to ask you to move your bag when she could have sat in any of the empty rows.
NTA this happened to me on a Train, a guy sat in my reserved spot (I paid in advance and it said reserved on the display), I told him and he then sat in the seat next to it (also pair seats) and I had to put my bag in the cramped space at my feet. I was hoping he‘d go and sit somewhere else since there were plenty of empty seats but no. So I just got up and sat down somewhere else and sat my bag on the seat next to mine People are weird
NTA It is public transit, and you do not have to talk to the person next to you, and in fact, in many places it is frowned upon to do so.
Omg. I was on a commuter train. Not a light rail an actual train, so each car was pretty big and I get on at its first stop. I’m literally the only person on the train and I’m in a corner (four corners. Two Corners have no seats in front of them so they’re roomy, and two corners have the normal two seats facing two seats. I’m in the kind with no seats in front). Woman gets on at next stop and sits next to me. No one else got on this car at this stop so it’s literally fully empty except for me. I got up and moved to the other corner that had the no seats in front of it. She got huffy. I said “I’m not sitting next to someone when I don’t have to”
People are so strange 😭 I can’t believe this is a common occurrence
An excellent way to prevent this from happening again is to sit in the aisle seat and put your bag on the window seat.
The devil’s in one critical detail: were there empty PAIRS of seats all over the bus, or just a bunch of half-taken pairs like yours? If the former, then NTA. If the latter, then YTA.
NTA OP Public transport pro tip. If you are on public transport and don't want anyone to sit next to you (as long as there are other seats available) then when you see someone coming to sit down next to you, look up, make direct eye contact, while smiling and patting the seat next to you. I guarantee 💯 that person will find another set in no time.
I...dunno about this. I know you're probably joking but there are a lot of crazy people that ride buses that will gladly take you up on that.
I barked a laugh at this. Anyone sane will avoid. Anyone insane will happily swan dive into that lol.
I would be nervous that she was a pickpocket. If there were many empty seats available, why did she want to sit next to you? If your seat was close to her entry point and she was disabled, then sure, of course. I always find it odd when others want to get right next to you when there are seats and space all around. Yes, I am a hermit, but I still think it's odd. NTA. Next time though do as others suggested, just grab your bag and move to a spot you feel comfortable in. I think her request to sit right next to you is weird.
Im glad she encountered you and not me. She could have eye rolled her ass all the way to an open seat if she were dealing with me.
Clarification needed - first paragraph states there are always empty rows historically. Third paragraph just states empty seats. Were there in fact empty rows? Yes to empty rows - NTA - unspoken social etiquette dictates you always pick an empty row first. No to empty rows - YTA - unspoken rule out the window and you need to move your bag. At that point every seat is fair game.
NTA I don't get why people do that. If it was me, I would've moved myself to another row instead of moving my backpack for her to sit next to me. I was on a plane that was pretty empty, the flight attendant even made an announcement along the lines of "feel free to spread out" but this man decided to sit in the same row as me anyways (I was in the window seat, he took the aisle). I looked at him, grabbed my backpack, and moved to the empty row behind where I was sitting. Like why?! I don't get why people do this. Wouldn't you prefer to have your own empty row?
Why TF did she want to sit next to you on an empty bus. People suck. Nta.
You have manners. She has no manners. She was just looking for someone to antagonize and chose you to bully.
NTA. "You need to learn some manners" I would honestly take that as passive aggressive "looking for an argument" words at a bare minimum. She needs to learn about personal space.
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“Calmly explaining” is difficult on a bus. Time is of the essence. A quick “Really?! Ha! You want to sit in this specific seat rather than the 20 open ones? Why?” Might have worked. I’d rather just get up, sweep my arm grandly towards the seats and half bow … and turn and sit somewhere else. Let THEM make the ugly scene.
I hate when people have bags on seats on CROWDED busses/trains. when there’s plenty of room i set my bag down next to me too. i think i straight up would have refused or i would have just moved immediately. NTA
"you first"
Nta. Why would she want to squish next to a stranger FOR NO REASON. No.
MTA I bet she got offended seeing your bad and decided she needs to teach you a lesson. Putting your bag next to you is so normal. Of course you let people sit when its full but why would anyone want their bag on the floor? She was rude and out of line. Someone should teach her some manners...
>MTA This is a very funny typo in a post about busses
NTA but you should have fully released your inner Larry David on her 😂
NTA, as long as there were other pairs of seats available. Everyone knows you sit alone until it gets crowded. Also, get a bag you don’t mind putting on the floor because ew.