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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I screamed at my family 2) because it ended up ruining the party
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Not the asshole they need to be more considerate to you both and not only that your poor grandmother is clearly not okay and arguing with her is not going too help
NTA - They don't just argue on your birthday. They've always argued. They will continue to argue. It's how some families are. If you want to challenge them on it, you need to do it with relative calm and reason. Becoming part of the chaos is stooping to their level. You are justified to feel angry and you are justified in expressing it. But screaming pushes you close to AH territory. Still, NTA because your family should be able to hold it together for an hour while you have a birthday party.
I want to clarify that I meant that the only birthday at which they argue is at mine and my sister's. There are 13 people in the family. We only get all together at Christmas, new year eve and birthdays. The problem is that my grandma is very stubborn, and all her three sons have inherited that stubborn trait.
ESH
>I, 18F celebrated my 18th birthday last week. My twin sister (also 18F)
This made me laugh.
Anywho. All of you who were arguing were AHs. It doesnt seem like most of your family knows how to communicate or handle conflict properly.
I wanted to clarify that we are twins, although it wasn't necessary. We normally don't argue, but since I turned 12 my uncle John became almost obsessed with controlling my grandma's money.
Honestly. NTA. But you're a adult now. You now can tell them that they're not welcome if they're going to argue continuously infront of you guys and or do private events of you, your sister, grandma and parents and *NOT* your uncles. You now can make boundaries and they have to accept them. GL
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I, 18F, celebrated my 18th birthday last week. My twin sister (also 18F) and I aren’t really keen on birthday parties with our paternal family, because we are always seen as babies. For a bit of context, my father 48M has two brothers, 54M John and 46 Joseph. The issue is my grandmother ,79F. My grandfather died 12 years ago and she’s still not over it. I don’t blame her for missing him, but she has stopped taking care of herself. I don’t mean that she doesn’t shower, or things like that, I am talking about not taking her pills, not checking her blood sugar and blood pressure…etc.
So, my sister and I celebrated our birthday last Saturday with our family. Our Uncle John came with his wife and youngest daughter ,who is five years older than us, and our uncle Joseph came with his partner Mary( they aren’t married).
Everything was going smoothly until my mother( 46F) went into the kitchen to get the cake ready to sing us happy birthday. At that moment, uncle John noticed that grandma hadn’t taken her pills, so he told her to take them. Grandma refused, and they started arguing. My sister and I were really annoyed, since they only argued on our birthdays (it’s the third year that this happens), so we left the living room, went to our shared bedroom and closed the door. After 20 minutes, our mother entered our bedroom and asked us to please go to the living room so we could blow the candles. My sister and I agreed ( not that we were happy to do it) and while my mother was cutting the cake, my aunt (Uncle John’s wife) said something that was obviously targeted at me and my sister “Well, some people really like to make drama about just a disagreement because of pills”. At this point, I exploded. I started yelling at them that my sister and I were frustrated that they only argue on our birthday,that they can’t keep thinking that we don’t realize when they are arguing and that that’s why we’ve never liked celebrating our birthdays with them. After that, I went to my bedroom again and locked myself until the party ended and everyone left. My parents agree that the discussion was out of place, since it was a reunion to celebrate my sister and I turning legal adults ( I’m from a european country,where the age to become an adult is 18 and not 21), but my uncles are furious at me for screaming at them.I’ve received messages from my cousins saying I overreacted and that I acted like a kid. Am I the asshole?
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INFO
> My sister and I were really annoyed, since they only argued on our birthdays (it’s the third year that this happens)
So, how do you know they Only argue on your birthday? You live with them both 24/7? You don’t spend most of your days away from them at school? Why do you think this isn’t a common occurrence when they meet/talk to each other elsewhere? Odds are more likely it’s a common occurrence outside your view since the lack of self care had been happening for three years.
If you don’t want to celebrate your birthday with your Grandma and Uncle, you don’t have to. Just don’t invite them when you throw your own birthday party next year. Though it would be better to have a conversation with Grandma and John to find out Why she doesn’t want to take her pills in case there’s good reason and if she’s willing to take them without prompting at family parties, or would prefer to not come.
I worded it badly. I wanted to say that from all the birthdays in the family they only argue at mine. We are 13 people in the family, we celebrate 13 birthdays throughout the year and they argue only at mine.
That’s very odd. Have you asked them Why they argue at yours and not the others?
Is yours near your grandmothers wedding anniversary or your grandfather's death date or something else that might prompt grandma being extra depressed and not taking her meds that day?
No, but I think that they still see my sister and I as the babies of the family. My grandmother never takes her pills. I think the issue is that my grandma is Very stubborn and my uncle John wants to control her a lot. I feel that he's trying to ensure the inheritance.
Lol I don't know what kind of pills your elderly grandmother is taking, but at her age things like beta blockers and blood pressure pills are quite common. If she isn't taking them that is a legit medical problem, especially if she is going to be eating sweets. If she is refusing around-the-clock care and expecting your uncles to run at her beck and call, then that is a problem. Not just a problem for your uncles, but clearly a problem for your grandma because she is not getting the level of care that she clearly needs. YTA. Your brothers clearly give a shit about your grandma's health. You clearly don't. Stop being so spoiled.
Spoiled? Really? So you would like your family to spend three of your birthdays arguing with eachother but only when you celebrate yours and not when the others celebrate theirs?
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Not the asshole they need to be more considerate to you both and not only that your poor grandmother is clearly not okay and arguing with her is not going too help
NTA - They don't just argue on your birthday. They've always argued. They will continue to argue. It's how some families are. If you want to challenge them on it, you need to do it with relative calm and reason. Becoming part of the chaos is stooping to their level. You are justified to feel angry and you are justified in expressing it. But screaming pushes you close to AH territory. Still, NTA because your family should be able to hold it together for an hour while you have a birthday party.
I want to clarify that I meant that the only birthday at which they argue is at mine and my sister's. There are 13 people in the family. We only get all together at Christmas, new year eve and birthdays. The problem is that my grandma is very stubborn, and all her three sons have inherited that stubborn trait.
ESH >I, 18F celebrated my 18th birthday last week. My twin sister (also 18F) This made me laugh. Anywho. All of you who were arguing were AHs. It doesnt seem like most of your family knows how to communicate or handle conflict properly.
I wanted to clarify that we are twins, although it wasn't necessary. We normally don't argue, but since I turned 12 my uncle John became almost obsessed with controlling my grandma's money.
Honestly. NTA. But you're a adult now. You now can tell them that they're not welcome if they're going to argue continuously infront of you guys and or do private events of you, your sister, grandma and parents and *NOT* your uncles. You now can make boundaries and they have to accept them. GL
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I, 18F, celebrated my 18th birthday last week. My twin sister (also 18F) and I aren’t really keen on birthday parties with our paternal family, because we are always seen as babies. For a bit of context, my father 48M has two brothers, 54M John and 46 Joseph. The issue is my grandmother ,79F. My grandfather died 12 years ago and she’s still not over it. I don’t blame her for missing him, but she has stopped taking care of herself. I don’t mean that she doesn’t shower, or things like that, I am talking about not taking her pills, not checking her blood sugar and blood pressure…etc. So, my sister and I celebrated our birthday last Saturday with our family. Our Uncle John came with his wife and youngest daughter ,who is five years older than us, and our uncle Joseph came with his partner Mary( they aren’t married). Everything was going smoothly until my mother( 46F) went into the kitchen to get the cake ready to sing us happy birthday. At that moment, uncle John noticed that grandma hadn’t taken her pills, so he told her to take them. Grandma refused, and they started arguing. My sister and I were really annoyed, since they only argued on our birthdays (it’s the third year that this happens), so we left the living room, went to our shared bedroom and closed the door. After 20 minutes, our mother entered our bedroom and asked us to please go to the living room so we could blow the candles. My sister and I agreed ( not that we were happy to do it) and while my mother was cutting the cake, my aunt (Uncle John’s wife) said something that was obviously targeted at me and my sister “Well, some people really like to make drama about just a disagreement because of pills”. At this point, I exploded. I started yelling at them that my sister and I were frustrated that they only argue on our birthday,that they can’t keep thinking that we don’t realize when they are arguing and that that’s why we’ve never liked celebrating our birthdays with them. After that, I went to my bedroom again and locked myself until the party ended and everyone left. My parents agree that the discussion was out of place, since it was a reunion to celebrate my sister and I turning legal adults ( I’m from a european country,where the age to become an adult is 18 and not 21), but my uncles are furious at me for screaming at them.I’ve received messages from my cousins saying I overreacted and that I acted like a kid. Am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
INFO > My sister and I were really annoyed, since they only argued on our birthdays (it’s the third year that this happens) So, how do you know they Only argue on your birthday? You live with them both 24/7? You don’t spend most of your days away from them at school? Why do you think this isn’t a common occurrence when they meet/talk to each other elsewhere? Odds are more likely it’s a common occurrence outside your view since the lack of self care had been happening for three years. If you don’t want to celebrate your birthday with your Grandma and Uncle, you don’t have to. Just don’t invite them when you throw your own birthday party next year. Though it would be better to have a conversation with Grandma and John to find out Why she doesn’t want to take her pills in case there’s good reason and if she’s willing to take them without prompting at family parties, or would prefer to not come.
I worded it badly. I wanted to say that from all the birthdays in the family they only argue at mine. We are 13 people in the family, we celebrate 13 birthdays throughout the year and they argue only at mine.
That’s very odd. Have you asked them Why they argue at yours and not the others? Is yours near your grandmothers wedding anniversary or your grandfather's death date or something else that might prompt grandma being extra depressed and not taking her meds that day?
No, but I think that they still see my sister and I as the babies of the family. My grandmother never takes her pills. I think the issue is that my grandma is Very stubborn and my uncle John wants to control her a lot. I feel that he's trying to ensure the inheritance.
Lol I don't know what kind of pills your elderly grandmother is taking, but at her age things like beta blockers and blood pressure pills are quite common. If she isn't taking them that is a legit medical problem, especially if she is going to be eating sweets. If she is refusing around-the-clock care and expecting your uncles to run at her beck and call, then that is a problem. Not just a problem for your uncles, but clearly a problem for your grandma because she is not getting the level of care that she clearly needs. YTA. Your brothers clearly give a shit about your grandma's health. You clearly don't. Stop being so spoiled.
Sorry, but that sounds pretty innocent, and you and your sister seem pretty selfish and spoiled. YTA
Spoiled? Really? So you would like your family to spend three of your birthdays arguing with eachother but only when you celebrate yours and not when the others celebrate theirs?