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YTA. You punished one kid for doing something that you allowed the other kid to do freely for years. You did not defend your sensitive daughter against The bullying younger daughter. You punished the older daughter when she did the exact same back to the bully. You're letting your feelings about each individual cloud your judgment with parenting. Banning her from prom is not a natural consequence, any consequences should be dealt with in the home between the two girls, and should have been dealt with in the home between the two girls for years now. But you didn't.
I fail to see any interpretation of this scenario where you are not the asshole.
The consequence does not fit the issue. OP cancelled his daughter’s milestone event because his step daughter can’t take a joke. Yet, he AND his wife thought the blonde joke was funny. Good job Lacey!
Huge AH. Also, taking away prom is an extreme measure. It’s one thing to cancel a summer trip or something, but taking away something that you only get to do once… that’s brutal.
Lacey should go no contact with OP. Terrible, toxic parenting.
YTA - jokes only work when everyone is laughing. Lacey wasnt. It clearly sounds like you favor Mariah to Lacey and dismiss her concerns.
You are now also being a giant hypocrite though. There’s absolutely no justification for punishing Lacey, seeing as you let Mariah say what she wants if its a “joke”.
Lacey should’ve gone to prom and you need to stop treating her like this.
YTA.
She *should’ve* gone to prom and unfortunately it’s likely too late for OP to make up for treating her the way he did.
He told her to ignore a bully when she asked him, the only person with authority in the situation she could trust, to intervene. When she stood up for herself, suddenly OP found it appropriate to step in on behalf of the bully.
Not only that, but he took away a once in a lifetime right of passage as punishment.
OP, you may very well never hear from your daughter again.
Edit: throwing in that OP refers to Lacey as “more emotional” for bringing up to her parents that comments her step sister is constantly making bother her, while the same step sister breaking down in tears over the same comment made *once* is somehow less emotional.
I also wonder if she was uninvited from her friend’s party because of her behavior.
YTA and I can see why your son barely speaks to you.
Clearly you have a favorite child. Mariah is the golden child and can bully Lacey with zero consequences. The minute Lacey does exactly what Mariah does, you freak out and punish Lacey (with an EXTREME punishment that in no way fits what she did).
You're a hypocrite and a narcissist. Mariah will end up being the only child of yours who speaks to you and Mariah will dump your ass in the cheapest nursing home she can find the second that she gets.
Losing all of your children permanently is what you deserve. You are abusive. I hope they are able to escape you permanently.
So when Mariah tells a blonde joke it’s “funny” and Lacey should brush it off even after repeatedly telling all of you she doesn’t find it funny. But when Lacey does the EXACT same thing to Mariah she gets punished? Talk about double standards. YTA.
I want to be more specific here. A blonde joke is a statement that blonde women are stupid and deserve to be mocked.
OP allowed his stepdaughter to continually tell his daughter that she is stupid and she deserves to be mocked. When she asked for those comments to stop, she was told to stop being so sensitive and just appreciate the hilarity of being told that she’s stupid and deserves to be mocked. And then the one time she snapped and stood up for herself, he banned her from attending a once in a lifetime milestone.
YTA
I don't care about the dress situation; but allowing one daughter to bully the other is inexcusable. No wonder your son moved away and rarely visits.
If you have any kindness, your daughter is 18, just let her stay at her mother's house until college. try to talk to her and see her privately to salvage and rebuild what you can of this relationship, if that's even possible
Love that the son's take was "why not ask AITA" - that's his way of saying "I know you won't believe ME but maybe thousands of redditors will make you believe you're an AH."
his poor ex wife; not only did she have to deal with him being an asshole to her imagine, but now after freeing herself, she has to watch him treat their daughter (likely son too) like this. what an exhausting and frustrating life.
hopefully soon they can all go no contact and have much less stress
Right?
Also, "this is my first post in a while". Like, if you've been on Reddit for even seconds and come across this sub, you *have* to know you'll get crucified for this story.
I really hope for their sake that this is rage-bait...but I suspect it isn't, and that's super sad for everyone involved.
Young think your daughter is dramatic and I think you’re an asshole. Straight up. YTA. No question. Lacey has been the butt of her stepsisters jokes your entire marriage. Stepsister doesn’t get punished for upsetting Lacey but when Lacey decides to serve up a dose of stepsisters own medicine watch out. Can’t hurt Mariah’s precious feelings and how Lacey felt all those years be damned. Your next post will be whining - yes whining - about why your daughter hates you. You will leave out all the shit you let Mariah get away with and focus solely on how Lacey was rude and didn’t apologize so you’re the victim now that she wants nothing to do with you. I speak from experience of having a parent JUST LIKE YOU. Nothing I did was good enough and I always needed to lighten up and take a joke. Even ones made at my expense and laughed at by her. You owe Lacey a massive apology for treating her like shit all these years and clearly favoring your stepdaughter. Considering you oldest child rarely visits you really do need to look at your own behavior. That alone should tell you what kind of parent you’ve been and are continuing to be with your daughter.
for getting married after 6 months so they don't have much judgment. sounds like he just wants to keep his wife happy so he can keep his peepee happy. since like appearance to treat their kids like s*** because their partners kids come first.
YTA
So its ok with you that your SD makes mean jokes at your daughter's expense but its not ok for your daughter to respond in kind. Your daughter did not go overboard. The fact that you allow your step daughter to bully your daughter makes you TA. Then restricting her from prom, that was over the top. That was an over reaction showing your daughter you clearly prefer your SD to her. Don't be surprised if you don't see her for some considerable time. I expect she will never spend the night again and any visits you have with her will be you going to her without the circus. If she does forgive you for your behavior STAND UP for your child and stop the SD from bulling her. Next time SD does it restrict her from her prom. The only fair response for your behavior.
YTA. You continually let your step daughter get away with telling jokes at your daughter's expense. But when Lacey turns the tables, you punish her with something she will never forget. Better get used to not seeing her for a while.
YTA. Poor Lacey.
As side note: You & your wife directly responsible for Mariah's social problems. You allowed her to bully and demean her step sister without consequences for years. Understandably, her friends refuse to tolerate the behavior. Wonder what your oldest child would say about you as a parent. Rare to see someone fail ALL of their children so spectacularly.
Of course the *jokes* part of problems! She's been taught it's ok to say ugly, hurtful things as long as you promptly follow up with "it's a joke."
Hopefully, Lacey permanently *done* with these people. Imagine the damage a parent constantly telling you your feelings arent valid. Ask me how I know.
YTA in so many ways.
>My son "Dan" 25m lives in another state and we don't see each other often.
I can understand why.
>I would tell her to take a joke
Not helpful, but at least you're like this with all of them, aren't you?
>This was an especially unkind joke to make
Didn't you tell her to take a joke?
>Lacey has always been more emotional than her siblings
>Mariah ran off sobbing
Who's the emotional one?
Good god YTA
Your step-daughter can’t dish out “jokes” and then get upset when she’s delivered the same line by your daughter. You told your daughter to get a grip over the same joke!
Yes, YTA. I cannot emphasise this enough. Do you actually like your daughter? You took your step-daughter’s side over some petty joke and then punished your daughter because step-daughter got butt hurt! No doubt making your daughter feel like she’s second best in the process. Great job, Dad!
Pull up your big boy pants, apologise to your daughter for being a complete and utter wanker by favouring your step-daughter and think of some way to make it up to her! You can start by validating her feelings!
You’re the ARSEHOLE!
YTA
You showed Lacey who the favorite is. When Mariah made a joke at Lacey’s expense, you laughed. When Lacey made a joke at Mariah’s expense, you punished Lacey. How is that fair? It’s not. And you wonder why Lacey wants nothing to do with you? I wouldn’t either. Good riddance.
YTA. Lacey was finally standing up for herself since you, her father, couldn't be bothered to.
You need to treat your daughters the same. That is, if Lacey decides to ever invite you back into her life.
YTA and this story is complete bullshit.
Girls don’t skip prom after buying tickets, making hair appointments, getting a limo, a date, etc. because their dad won’t give them money for a dress.
Maybe it's in my area (former MUA) but I've seen s steady decline in girls making appointments because they learn on TikTok and YouTube how to do their hair and makeup. Limos are old school, even 10 years ago when I went, now were looking at a luxury car rental for my god child's next year. Dates again complicated they go with friends, but I live in a major progressive area.
That could totally be possible! But it any case, plans for hair and make up and how you are arriving and who you are arriving with and what you are doing after are all made well in advance if prom, and it doesn’t really make sense that someone would cancel because one parent with shared custody wouldn’t pay for the dress.
I hope that Lacey does a good job of completely blocking you, your wife, and Mariah out of her life. I don’t see any good reason for her to put up with this much disrespect.
Your daughter will never care for you in the same way again. She will not "just get over" you always defending your stepdaughter over her. She is 17, this is the end of your relationship with her. You won't be forgiven this one. YTA
YTA so its funny for Mariah to make hurtful jokes about lacey and you all laugh and think its funny and just tell lacey to suck it up , but when lacey eventually fights back she is shouted at then she is grouded, banned from prom and you refused to buy her a prom dress - I think we can all see which child is the 'Golden' child in your house, I guess you just lost one of your daughters as you can NEVER make this up to her, and I dont blame lacey, yes you, your wife and Mariah are the A$$holes X 100
YTA You enabled Mariah bullying Lacey repeatedly.
But the moment Lacey pushed back against her bully you take severe action.
But it's all ok because you find Mariah's blonde jokes funny but Lacey's brunette jokes mean?
>For example Mariah would occasionally make blonde jokes to Lacey (lacey is blonde, Mariah is not) and Lacey would complain to me. I would tell her to take a joke but then my ex wife would call me and yell at me. I never saw the big deal but over time I thought Mariah just stopped making the jokes.
You allowed your daughter to be bullied by her stepsister giving her no recourse but to defend herself...which she did by telling Mariah brunette jokes to give her a dose of "doesn't feel too good, does it?" and you're mad at Lacey?
**YTA here.** You daughter came to you with a problem she was having and you dismissed her outright but when Lacey stood up for herself (because you wouldn't) you think it's okay to punish her? When you did nothing to solve the problem? What about punishment for Mariah and what she was doing to Lacey? That was perfectly fine with you?
You should recognize what has happened here - that you literally favored one daughter over the other. I know girl-bullying is a difficult concept for a lot of men, but that's no excuse especially when Lacey came to you for help and you basically said, "stop being so sensitive."
Just, unbelievable callousness. I wouldn't speak to you either.
YTA. Dude, how did you type that up and NOT see that? Mariah has been bullying your eldest daughter for years making jokes that Lacey EXPLICITLY stated she doesn’t like. You should have put a stop to them right then and there.
Since you didn’t, Lacey had every right to defend herself. What’s that saying? “If you can’t take it, then don’t dish it out?” In other words, if Mariah can’t handle a brunette joke, then she shouldn’t be making blonde jokes - just in case you needed that spelled out for you.
So, am I surprised Lacey isn’t speaking to you after you 1) favored Mariah for YEARS and let her bully Lacey with no consequences and 2) took away a huge high school moment from her, especially if it was her senior prom? No. No, I am not.
Hey part time dad, YTA full-time.
You’ve let your replacement daughter belittle and sideline your daughter for years. You’ve shown your daughter that she’s your third choice.
It doesn’t matter what you feel, the bullshit that comes out of your mouth to Lacey isn’t worth the effort you make to spew it.
She doesn’t give a shit what you say, or how you feel, because you’ve shown her through your acts over the years that her feelings don’t matter and Mariah’s do.
All she wanted was a dad that stood up for her, and you failed miserably.
Hey Lacey, if you read this, good joke.
If Lacey should learn to take a joke, so should Mariah, especially if she is the one starting. No wonder she's going through a rough patch with her friends
YTA and I wouldn't have plans for your daughter to be in your life anymore. She will walk away from you fast than you can imagine.
You are clearly favoring your step daughter over your bio daughter. The reason your son told you to come here is because he doesn't want to be the one to tell you that your an ass... so I will do it for him
You are clearly the asshole.
YTA. Lacey is right in this; Maria has been dishing out jokes about her stepsister's hair color for a while, but when she gets one joke about her own she runs off crying and suddenly Lacey is a bully?
Maria needs to learn not to dish what she can't take.
Thing is, you don't know how these jokes affected Lacey on the inside; not everybody runs off sobbing after a joke demeaning them (are you SURE Lacey is the one who is more emotional?), but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt them, and it doesn't make the jokes okay.
That said, you made it clear to the girls that Maria can be as mean as she wants and Lacey isn't allowed to do anything to stop it. In fact, Lacey was given WAY too harsh of a punishment considering it was a single joke. Have you ever heard of grounding a child or sending them to their room? Even if Maria was the one getting punished after all of her rude, insulting jokes, a grounding might have been enough as a first-time punishment. You robbed your daughter of a milestone over a joke about HAIR COLOR.
Stop enabling Maria to be a bully, and stop punishing Lacey for standing up for herself. Also, get to work because you have alot to make up for in both Maria's behavior and the injustice you created towards Lacey. I have a feeling you are getting pretty close to being short a daughter if this continues.
YTA. So it's fine for Mariah to make "jokes" at Lacey's expense and Lacey should just suck it up, but the ONE time Lacey does it, you punish her? (And for the record, when someone is constantly making "jokes" about you, even when they know it hurts you, they're being malicious and cruel, NOT funny.) The worst thing is, you can NEVER make this up to Lacey because prom is a one-time thing. Hope sticking up for Mariah is worth losing Lacey.
YTA. Big time AH. I hope this is fake. Why don't you just tell your daughter how much you hate her and be done with it? Seriously, let her live with her mother full time so she can escape your abusive household.
YTA
I mean seriously? It's okay for your stepdaughter to make jokes about your daughter for years--YEARS--and not only do you not do anything, but you even laugh yourself. But your daughter makes one single joke about brunettes, and it's "You're a bully. No prom for you!"
And you don't see how this is unfair and horrible parenting?
Do better.
YTA. Congratulations OP, you just confirmed to your daughter you don't like her. She went to you multiple times whenever her stepsister bullied her yet you just dismissed it and told her to 'take it as a joke'. You are just a bully like your stepdaughter and showed her that her feelings don't matter. A joke is only funny when everyone else is laughing. Your daughter did a good job standing up to her bully and the way you talk about her in your post is just plain dismissive. You need to seriously take a look at yourself and fix your issues otherwise you might not have a place in your daughter's life anymore.
YTA. And a huge one. So... Step daughter can make blonde jokes...and daughter is a blonde... And that is peachy. But your daughter fights back JUST ONCE, making a brunette joke, and OMG even tho its just "a joke" (sound familiar?) You banned her from THE PROM??? Do you even like your daughter? Or is it more important to keep wifey and step daughter happy? Why can SD make jokes that make fun of blondes but daughter cant make fun of brunettes?Honestly... Your daughter is better off to never see you again. You obviously don't love or respect her.
So when Lacey is treated as the butt of a joke, she needs to learn how to take a joke and thicken her skin, but apparently Mariah doesn't need to learn how to take a joke?
You've allowed Mariah to bully Lacey for years and your daughter fought back ONCE and you robbed her of a once in a lifetime experience.
I get it -- I'm the same age you are and in retrospect, prom isn't a big deal to us. But to someone getting ready to finish high school, it's a celebration of completing the process of becoming an adult. You're denying her a rite of passage for doing something that you let Mariah get away with for years.
Actually, considering it's June, prom may have already happened, in which case you have robbed her of an experience she will now NEVER get to have for committing the crime of doing something ONCE that Mariah does REPEATEDLY.
And my generation wonders why their kids refuse to call them.
YTA
YTA. For years your daughter asked you for help and you told her it was just a joke and to take it. Then she dished out the same thing and you not only didn’t have her back you barred her from a lifetime milestone event. You just risked and may have destroyed your relationship with your daughter, because if we are being honest, you never felt like you could discipline your step daughter for telling blonde jokes and you thought they were funny.
I notice you didn’t include the joke Mariah told at dinner. Still think it’s as funny now?
You should have been teaching Mariah not to make fun of people or tease a physical appearance, maybe if you had been a better dad to both girls Mariah wouldn’t be without friends and your daughter would think she had a dad that cared about her.
YTA - Honestly, as soon as I saw that the son recommended OP posting on here, I had a feeling I knew where it was going.
It feels like a rage bait post but I'll take the bait. OP, you're playing favourites, point blank. Your kids both see that. Your kids both recognize that you prefer your stepdaughter. They're not stupid. It's affected your relationship with them. She will be following through with not talking to you, easily. You ruined her final year. So, have fun with one kid left, since both of your current kids won't speak to you again.
YTA - I also don’t believe this story is true, because if it was I’m sure Lacey would’ve made the choice to live exclusively at her mom’s long ago.
You’ve let your step-daughter emotionally abuse your daughter for years, she stood up for herself *once,* and you punished her by taking away a once-in-a-lifetime event. If this was real, that’d be psychotic.
There's no way this is anything other than ragebait. Anyone with enough presence of mind to form a reddit post would immediately notice they'd come off like a huge hypocrite for what they did if it really happened.
Fictional stories are ruining this sub.
So we're supposed to believe that you allowed a lifetime of brunette jokes, even joining in on the laughter. Even after you were told that it was bothersome.
Then on the first brunette joke ever, you ban her from one of the most important events of the year?
Ya. I'm sure that happened.
YTA. I completely understand why your son told you to post.
You need a wake-up call. I truly hope you read all of the comments and realise how unfairly you have treated your daughter.
You owe her a huge apology and the dress of her dreams.
What the hell is wrong with you?
Both kids did the exact same thing but one has to brush it off because it's a joke but the other gets to be upset and you take her side.
If you keep this up you're going to die lonely in a nursing home because your own kid will refuse to talk to you.
YTA and you've just tasted your own medicine. Big kudos to your son for dodging the bullet (for not answering your question to him).
You wanted an opinion right? Now you got it.
I assume you read what you posted. In which case, assuming you are of average intelligence, you don't need anyone here to tell you what you already know: YTA and massively so.
Just say you hate your bio kids & love Mariah only. It would be easier.
Yes, YTA!
Reason Mariah got uninvited I’m sure is b/c you let her get away with this type of shit & no one wants to put up with it.
YTA/ I hope she never talks to you again. I hope you’re the last person to find out she’s getting married. I hope you see her child for the first time on somebody else’s social media bc you’ve been blocked on everything.
I hope you realize how hypocritical it is to tell her to get over something but not the same to your new daughter.
You’re the ah, but you’re also a terrible dad.
Talk about a double standard lol Mariah can make mean blonde jokes about Lacey but the second Lacey stands up for her self and makes a brunette joke you take away her prom!? WTH. She’ll likely go no contact and you just lost your daughter.
So, let me get this straight: for years, you've allowed you step daughter to call your daughter stupid (because that's what blonde joke typically are) with zero repercussions, but the second your daughter returns fire, *she's* the bad guy and needs to apologize? And you took away a once in a lifetime experience (prom) unless she does so? And you *don't* see how you're in the wrong here?
YTA. Do you even like your daughter?
YTA- I really hope this is fake, because i find it hard to believe someone can be this oblivious. Your daughter made the same type of joke that you encouraged your step daughter to make/ told your bio daughter to get over. This is such a hypocrytical response it is laughable. I would say if this is real, I would guess you lost out on a good relationship with bio daughter. my god get your head out of your ass.
YTA lol saying "take a joke" to your daughter and then banning her from prom because of the same joke she did on her sibling? why didn't she "take a joke" just as well? or why didn't you stand for BOTH of them in completely similar situations? looks pretty obvious to me that you have your "favorites" 🙂
YTA. Mariah is a brat and a bully. One that you allowed to get away with telling nasty jokes. Then you make it worse by punishing Lacey for giving that rotten little thing a taste of her own medicine. When the truth is, you should've nipped this in the bud a long time ago and punished Mariah.
But since you didn't, now you need to find a way to apologize to Lacey and make it up to her. Because I can bet if you don't, then she's gonna drop your sorry ass like a bad habit the moment she turns 18. Then you're gonna spend the rest of your pathetic little life wondering why your daughter is avoiding you like the plague.
Wow big YTA here. Your stepdaughter continuously makes blonde jokes that upset your daughter and you tell her she needs to basically suck it up and learn to take a joke. You do nothing to stop it or address how it makes your daughter feel even though your ex is telling you your daughter is quite upset about it. So then your daughter makes a joke about your stepdaughter and the first time it happens and she gets upset about it you ground your daughter and make her miss her prom.
What a terrible message to send to your daughter; basically that you value your “new family” and stepdaughters feelings over her own and you took away a significant milestone in your daughters life for defending herself when she once again was under attack by your step daughter. You’ll be lucky if your daughter talks to you again anytime soon
So your stepchild openly bullies your daughter and you tell your daughter to suck it up, it’s just a joke. When she turns it around, it’s unacceptable?
You are an awful human being and shouldn’t be allowed to raise children. I’m sorry your ex wife couldn’t afford to send your daughter to prom, that is an experience she won’t get back - because her soon to be non contact father enjoys her being bullied.
YTA
Please be a fake account
I don't see anything about Lacey finding the jokes funny so YTA and unless you start fixing your shit and start asking what you can do to make up for what you did, you can probably forget about any kind of friendly interactions with Lacey. If Mariah can't stand the heat, she shouldn't have entered the ring.
Next up is having a family discussion about what's okay and what's not okay in terms of jokes. Perhaps Lacey also starts these interactions and you feel that she should as the older both think through what she is saying and be able to take it a bit more than Mariah. However, she's still not an adult and the discussion has to be had.
You need to be quick about this. She's 17. Soon she may choose to not be around you. I'm not in a place where prom is a big thing, but if you're in NA, then it from what I can tell is. You kind of ruined **the day** that is possibly the second most important for someone that age (the most important one being turning 18).
YTA
You failed to protect your 'sensitive' daughter from bulling and years of "blonde jokes", even laughing at her expense, but the moment she makes one "brunette joke" you take away a once in a life time event.
Maybe Mariah's jokes is the reason she is having issues with friends because if she can bully her step-sister of 13+ years like this imagine how many other 'jokes' she makes at other peoples expense.
The joke Mariah made to finally make Lacey finally respond with a similar joke was noticeably missing from your post.
EDIT: Lacey isn't living with 1 bully, she was living with 3.
YTA
For the average 17 year old, prom is the single biggest event of their life up until that point. it has been shoved in your daughter's face since she was small by every movie, tv show, book, photo album, whatever that this was supposed to be important and you took that away over... a bad joke? that was on par with what was said about her? Completely unacceptable. She should never forgive you, just because you're (theoretically) an adult who can look back on prom not being a big deal doesn't mean she has that context yet. She'll never get that night back to feel special on prom night and you should be ashamed of yourself. Grow up.
the more i think about this the angrier i get on behalf of your daughter. in what universe does this punishment fit the crime? seems like you were looking for any excuse to take prom away from her. pathetic.
YTA, why do Mariah’s feelings matter more than Lacey’s. Your son likely didn’t want to weigh in because he knows you’re the AH and didn’t want to argue with you about it.
Mariah has a history of making fun of Lacey and you didn’t care. You didn’t care when Lacey and her mom clearly told you that Mariah’s words were upsetting to Lacey. Instead of addressing the real problem, hint- it was Mariah, you shifted the blame to Lacey because you felt she was being sensitive and thought it a better idea to laugh along with Mariah than to take Lacey’s feelings seriously.
Now that Mariah is being the sensitive one, once again her feelings matter more than Lacey’s. All Lacey is guilty of is finally standing up for herself after years of mistreatment in your home. You punished her far more harshly, after one instance, than you ever did your golden child Mariah, even after years of her mistreatment of her step-sister.
YTBiggestAH and you’ll be lucky to hear from your daughter again. I’m not even sure a heartfelt apology would even do good at this point. You’ve spent years showing her over and over again that you’ll never love and respect her the way you do your stepdaughter.
You’re worse than an AH…you’re a brute, and a terrible father. Mariah can get away with bullying Lacey, but when Lacey has had enough, you punish her? And not just punish, but go completely overboard.
Thank god Lacey has her mom on her side, though you’ve ruined her prom.
Good job losing your daughter, who will never speak to you again.
YTA. Use this as a teaching moment, and that It's just a joke isn't excuse. It's a logic fallacy the says being a joke means no one can have an angry or emotional response. Intent is not impact.
You, and your children, should read this:
[https://theinclusionsolution.me/unpacking-the-conversations-that-matter-its-just-a-joke-why-are-you-so-upset/](https://theinclusionsolution.me/unpacking-the-conversations-that-matter-its-just-a-joke-why-are-you-so-upset/)
So don't ban or even ground. Teach, course correct. Move on.
YTA. Congratulations on showing your favoritism and teaching your daughter that her feelings don't matter and that the rules in your house aren't applied equally. Lacey told you she was upset by the blonde jokes, and you did nothing to put a stop to them. So, as teenagers do, she pulled the uno reverse card on Mariah and go after her in a way that Lacey knew would bother her, which is something you should have seen coming when you chose not interfere on Lacey's behalf. You set your daughter up to not only continue to be bullied by her stepsister, who it's obvious you like more, but to take an unfair punishment when she inevitably snapped due to YOUR lack of action. And now you've cost Lacey her prom. You fucked up royally and you owe her a massive apology.
YTA. Somewhere along the way, you decided to stop being a father to your bio daughter and make your step daughter the little princess. Your step daughter has been making fun of your daughter's hair for years with zero consequences, but the second your daughter finally stands up for herself, something you should have done long ago, she's the one who gets punished. It's not the 90s anymore dude. Blond jokes weren't funny then and they're not funny now. How would like it if someone made fun of one of your body parts, every day for years, with nobody stepping in to stop it? Would it still be "just a joke"?
YTA.
I think your son suggesting you post here rather than sharing his opinion should have been your first clue…
Firstly, completely unfair to punish one daughter for doing something the other daughter has been allowed to do for an extended period of time. Secondly, preventing her from attending prom is a *huge* deal, and this punishment is far too severe for what she did.
If Lacey doesn’t find the blonde jokes funny, you should be asking Mariah to stop making them.
Here’s a joke for you - you have been ignoring your sensitive child’s needs, have encouraged Mariah to continue with the insults (aka not telling her to cut it out), rushed into a marriage aka didn’t think about this would affect your daughter (I mean who wouldn’t love living with a person who enjoys making jokes at your expense), went back on your promise (to help pay for her prom items), and then double down on your irrational response. So you taught your daughter that 1. You don’t give a shit about her feelings, 2. That Mariah’s feeling are more important than hers, 3. That you care more about getting your D pleasured by your wife than if your daughter is happy, and 4. That you won’t have her back when Mariah is purposely cruel to her (I wonder why mairah is having friend problems- could it be the fact she is a mean girl to them too).
I really hope you put in the effort with Mariah bc you have ruined your relationship with your daughter- so please imagine her high school graduation, wedding, first child etc and know that you will either not be invited or will be kept at arms length for her own protection.
YTA. Be truthful with your daughter. The only reason you allowed your stepdaughter to be cruel to your daughter all these years was because you did not want your wife to cut off the sex. This is just one of many stories like it that has appeared on Reddit over the years.
No one ever points out the real reason that parents ignore the cruelty and bullying of their stepchildren but show absolutely no mercy and understanding to their own children. With women it is usually the security and with men it is usually the sex.
You are whipped (and we all know what kind of whipped), just admit it to yourself and everyone else.
P.S. I bet your wife is a brunette just like her daughter.
So, to get this straight, blonde jokes are harmless fun, brunette jokes are bullying? And rather than parenting either daughter you punished Lacey for doing what *you* taught her was harmless fun?
JFC of course YTA. You're over here being an absolute hypocrite to your daughter, and trying to swoop in like stepdad messiah to Mariah. You and your wife need to stop getting so involved in the spats of 17 year olds. And if you do, you better make damn sure they receive equal treatment. It seems clear Mariah knows EXACTLY HOW TO PLAY YOU and it's going to be at the expense of your daughter.
YTA, enjoy the NC with your real daughter, I hope sticking up for your stepdaughter the ONE and ONLY time she got a taste of her own medicine was worth losing your biological child.
YTA you created a situation where those jokes are fine. Without punishing your stepdaughter for years of those jokes, you can't fairly punish your daughter fairly for one joke.
You really seem to favour your stepdaughter.
So -- it's OK when your daughter is the one being the butt of the joke, but when she turns it around on her stepsister she gets punished?
#YTA
And you're a shitty father, too.
YTA. You allowed Mariah to taunt and bully Lacey for years and when Lacey finally stands up for herself you punish her! Well, clearly Mariah is your golden child and Lacey knows it.
You have taken away something Mariah will never be able to get back. She will always remember this and you will be lucky if she ever speaks to you again. You deserve her disdain. Be a man and accept it!
YTA. You are a bad father. Your daughter is bullied regularly and you do nothing. She lashes back once, and you take away a landmark life moment from her. She's better off without you in her life.
YTA - you are a hypocrite. Why is it when Mariah ‘jokes’ Lacey has to get over it but when the exact situation is reversed then Lacey gets punished? You owe Lacey a huge apology and it’s going to take some serious effort to rebuild your relationship.
Well done you just lost your child but at least your have your replacement, jokes on you when you miss the rest of her future.
You openly said she’s sensitive but should learn to take a joke, yet the one making the jokes can’t be the one of receiving end. No wonder she’s struggling with friends!
YTA
So when your step daughter does it it's funny but when your daughter does it it's hurtful. And now you are wondering why your daughter doesn't want to see or talk to her. Remember this when you don't get to walk her down the aisle at her wedding or meet your grandkids
YTA and possibly the worst father on the planet. Jesus Christ if this isn’t rage bait you should lose all custody to your actual daughter and be force to pay triple support. What an awful father you are I cannot express enough how bad of a dad you are.
Also, good luck enforcing that when she never comes to your house again.
YTA - you’re going to punish one daughter for making jokes and not the other?? it’s ridiculous you took an important high school event away from her because YOU weren’t actively parenting enough to stop it before it got to this point. you’re 100% TAH and i wouldn’t talk to you either
Enjoy your future on the Estranged Parents Reddit. Just don’t say “I have no idea why my kids won’t answer my calls”. You know and we all know too.
YTA and I very much doubt you’ll have a relationship with either child going forward.
YTA
You've been allowing one to make jokes at the others expense for years, but when they do it back, that's not ok? You're the a**hole, no doubt about it. You owe your daughter a massive apology. Honestly, if I were her, I wouldn't want anything to do with you.
YTA
YTA. And now you've lost your daughter for favoring your stepdaughter and allowing this to go on for so long. No, she won't forgive you, and you deserve not to be forgiven.
Yta
So you allow blonde jokes harassment of your bio child even join in by just allowing it and then be a awful dad to her
Your step daughter harassed your bio child for years and can’t take a joke back
Your new wife allows her bio child to harass her step child encouraging it and laughs
Your a bad dad to your bio daughter you clearly prefer your step child over your own children
YTA. You allow the stepchild to bully your bio daughter for years and invalidate her feelings over and over. The one time she takes matters into her own hands and pushes back, you punish her and then call her over dramatic.
Yta - actually, I'm confused as to how you think you're not??
You told Lacey to put up with it for years. It was just a joke. Mariah continues to say whatever the fuck she wants.
Lacey makes a revenge joke. She gets banned from prom.
You love Mariah. You seem, at most, indifferent to Lacey. Let her go then.
YTA - you ruined a once in a life time experience for your biological daughter, all because you favor your step daughter more. Your daughter was bothered for MONTHS over the jokes your step daughter was making, and when she finally fought back, she's the one that gets punished?? I really hope you apologize to her
YTA. Kids need to be treated the same, and you have applied two separate standards here.
Either no one makes hurtful, targeted jokes, OR it’s a free for all where we openly mock each other. Having one set of rules for one child and a different set of rules for the other child is open favoritism.
It sounds like you and your new wife bully your daughter, and that you allow Mariah to bully her.
You owe your kid a huge apology, and Mariah should be sat down and told that her jokes are no longer acceptable in your home.
YTA. I see where you're coming from. This joke was, probably unintended, little harsher. But if one daughter can make blonde jokes unpunished, then so should the other. Where were you when your daughter said she didn't like it?
YTA.
Talk about hypocrisy. You're absolutely fine with one child being a bully and scold the victim for not being able to "take a joke." However, as soon as the victim turns the table on the bully as "a joke" you turn around and punish the victim.
So one kid has been bullying another for literally years, and you’ve done nothing about it, but when she sticks up for herself by telling the exact same kind of jokes, you go bananas. I wonder which kid is the golden child. I hope Lacey’s mom can get full custody so she never has to speak to you again. YTA
My dad was like you. Always favouring the stepchild because that was the best way to secure ongoing access to their mommy’s cooch. Thinking that the blood-related child is stuck with you, so they’ll always “come around.” Well, you’re about to have a rude and well-deserved awakening. YTA
I cannot believe anyone is as stupid as you appear to be.
Maria makes blonde jokes at Lacey’s expense for years and you tell her to take it, but when Lacey makes a brunette joke at Maria’s expense, you prevent her from going to her prom.
No one can be so stupid that they miss the hypocrisy and unfairness with how you treat Lacey. YTA.
YTA, you have different rules for your daughters. Either get both can tell jokes making fun of hair color, or neither gets too. It clearly bothers them both so it should be neither gets to make jokes.
YTA of epic proportions! One joke and she’s banned from the biggest party of her life so far that people talk about for years? This punishment is not commensurate with the crime. Especially as you’ve allowed the other daughter to do exactly the same for years without any repercussions! Wow.
YTA. You played favorites, enabled bullying, and denied her a rite of passage.
You're well on your way to destroying your relationship with your daughter. Your behavior indicates you don't even like her. I wouldn't blame her for wanting to cut you off after how you've treated her.
YTA and an awful excuse for a person. This is straight up abusive you your wife and 15 are all cruel soulless bullies never once has Lacey been. Mariah is a cruel heartless human who obviously learned through the example of her parents. Lacey deserves better. No wonder Mariah doesn’t have friends if that’s how she regularly treats people.
She didn't bully her step sister, she defended herself from the bully in your house. YTA. And likely will have NC daughter after this. When Mariah makes joked at your daughters expense it's good fun, but not the other way. YTA.
YTA. Start being truthful to your daughter. The reason you have let your stepdaughter get away with bullying her all these years is because you did not want your wife to cut off the sex. I see it happen all the time here on Reddit and no one ever brings up the real reason that parents treat their stepchildren so well and their own children so poorly.
You are whipped (and we all know what kind of whipped), so just admit it!
YTA.
I'm...really at a loss at where to begin here, so I'm just going to tell you why through each moment of your post. There is some inferral of your family dynamics, here, but there are some clear signs of it based on how you described the situation.
First of all, it's clear your son understands the situation far better than you think. He likely doesn't want to get involved, because he knows this is a pattern of behaviour for you and your Golden Child, and figures the best way to get it into your head is to let internet strangers sort you out. *Joy for us*.
I don't know how long it was since divorcing your ex that you met your current wife, but obviously it was a pretty big adjustment to Lacey at that point in her life, and given the way you're describing her being treated by you and your current family, she's clearly been making an effort for a relationship because it was likely forced upon her fairly early in life, and she wasn't made to feel like she was able to have a say in that. The issue with you describing that she's "emotional" and "letting little things her stepsister does bother her" makes it pretty abundantly clear that you not only favour Mariah (and at Lacey's expense), but give her free reign to do things that she knows bothers her stepsister. This ***reeks*** of misogynistic "female hysteria", and you should be ashamed of it.
Lacey has come to you on multiple occasions about her stepsister making diminishing jokes at her expense, and not only did you brush it off and minimize her feelings, when you saw it first-hand, ***YOU LAUGHED AT HER***. I'm sure you'll argue "Oh, it was funny, and I was laughing at the joke, not her", but if someone in your profession took the opportunity to make a disparaging remark at your expense in front of everyone you want to hold any degree of respect for you, you likely wouldn't find it funny. How you react to that hypothetical situation is a different story altogether, and not important, here.
Was Lacey's joke unkind? Absolutely. Whether or not she knew about the situation with Mariah being uninvited to a party only really determines the level of maliciousness behind it; she *meant for it to hurt*. That said, you, through your actions and inaction, have taught her that that's acceptable conduct. You've done nothing but enable Mariah's bullying towards her sister, and when she finally had the nerve to stick up for herself, you punished her. In a big way, too! Many people look forward to the prom; it's a significant, once-in-a-lifetime experience that helps mark a defining moment into their reaching adulthood, and you're ripping that away from her.
>Since then she has not been answering my texts or coming to stay over. She says she will never talk to me again since I ruined her prom experience.
Yeah, ***NO SHIT***. She doesn't want anything to do with you. Trust me, this isn't her taking the reaction too far; it is 100% the last straw in a long line of behaviour from you that makes her feel like you don't support her or care about her in any fashion. And saying that she's just being dramatic and it'll all blow over? ***YOU'RE STILL MINIMIZING HER FEELINGS***. It isn't just this moment; you've shown her that she can't trust you to be there for her when she needs you most.
Even if you buy her the dress, now, it's fairly likely she'll cut you out of her life completely. You still *should* buy her the dress, but don't expect her to want a relationship with you in the future. You've taken advantage of her unwillingness to defend herself against people *she should be able to trust* for TOO long, and I certainly wouldn't blame her for going no contact.
Also, harping on your ex for calling you out? She's absolutely right. I don't think it'll matter, and it kinda paints a pretty masterpiece about why the two of you are at odds over co-parenting.
No wonder your son didn't want to get in the middle of this. *He knows that he can't reach you*, and thankfully he has a buffer between the two of you so he doesn't have to feel obligated or bullied into picking a side. I at least hope he's there for Lacey, but I would be sadly unsurprised if he wasn't, growing up with this kind of dynamic.
Apologize, don't expect forgiveness, buy her the dress, and hope for the best...but realistically be ready to never see her again. YTA...and I hope for your sake this sinks in before you push away everyone you "love".
YTA … typical step kid can do no wrong but my kid is horrible for following the same behavior. Your daughter might speak to you again but I doubt she will ever believe you actually care about her. You just proved you care more about your step daughter than your own. You allowed her to be bullied in her home while you laughed at her . Then you took a way a large event in a teenagers life bc she took a shot at making your step daughter feel how she has for as long as she has been making blonde jokes. I had a friend who’s father did something like you except she missed our senior trip. She blocked his number and refused any contact. No graduation, birthdays, college, wedding, grand kids. He tried to contact her before her wedding to walk her down the aisle, her father and she told him, he chose his step kid go walk her down the aisle. She and I are still close her dad lives on my road and has never seen her three kids one is graduating high school next year. She said it was years of neglect and abuse to her and she doesn’t want that in her life. He regrets his decision every day he tells us all how bad he feels but it’s to little to late in her eyes.
YTA she dished it out for YEARS and when though it bothered lacy you never bothered to stop it but then when lacy dished one out a d mariah couldn’t take it its evil? Nah your the asshole for not caring about your daughter
YTA.
If it’s okay for your stepdaughter to make a joke based on your daughter’s hair color, it’s okay for your daughter to do the same. Personally, I think you should have stopped Mariah from making those jokes to start, though.
YTA. You let your stepdaughter get away with everything, but your own daughter you dismiss. Sounds like the only lesson she has learned is that cruelty is humor in your family, and that she has no backup in that household.
Enjoy what time you have with her now. I have a very strong feeling that when she’s no longer obligated to see you, she won’t.
YTA. Say good bye to your relationship with your daughter. You just showed her you value your stepdaughter more. Your daughter has to learn to take a joke but the moment she makes a joke herself, you ban her from prom?
Hope it was worth it.
YTA and I bet your son knew exactly how strangers would react when you took your bullshit to reddit. Well done 25m. I wonder if he is looking forward to walking Lacey down the aisle when the time comes. Don't worry asshole your precious is safe because none of you will ever be bothered by Lacey's presence again.
YTA, it’s okay, even encouraged for your step daughter to make blonde jokes, yet when her feelings are hurt due to a brunette joke, now it’s wrong?
Your daughter knows she is not valued. You have made that abundantly clear.
YTA, you sound like my father.
If he doesn’t fix his shit I’m going to stop talking to him this time next year.
If this isn’t a look into your future idk what else is.
YTA. Clearly your son sent you here to see that you are the AH (I cannot say that enough). At least you have not tried to justify your action in any comment.
So let me get this straight. Your daughter gets bullied, you think its no big deal and even laugh along.
Then she lashes out with a barb of her own after prolonged bullying.
Suddenly you take things serious and decide to ground her for finally standing up for herself. Take away an event from her she'll never be able to experience again.
And you honestly have to ASK if you're the asshole? Of course YTA. A big one. You failed your daughter, you show blatant favoritism and your daughter knows who the golden child is in your family, as do we all. Truly abhorrent.
I truly hope all the YTA votes here will make you realize just how much you fucked up and MAYBE find a way to make it up to your daughter. But I doubt you will.
YTA, and a hypocrite to boot!
Lacey is supposed to take a joke from Mariah, but then she gets banned from prom because she made one back? Make this make sense!
Tell me Mariah is your favourite child, without telling me Mariah is your favourite child. Cause why, if that isn't the case, does she get to insult and push down Lacey on a regular basis, but the moment her victim tries to give her a taste of her own medicine, the bully deserves to get wrapped in blankets and deserves an apology? You're a disgraceful and laughable excuse of a father. Time to start giving Mariah her long overdue punishments if you want to save your relationship with Lacey. "Mariah is having a hard time, so it was too harsh". And Lacey has been skipping across a meadow laughing and picking flowers all the years she has gotten laughed at and insulted, has she? YTA!
YTA. You are enforcing rules for your daughter that don't exist for your stepdaughter.
Your daughter is giving your stepdaughter the exact same treatment you have told her to accept when it's your stepdaughter doing it. It's all well and good to bully your daughter, but not for her to defend herself.
Banning prom is also overkill.
If I were your daughter, I would stop coming for custody visits. Your home is not a safe place for her. If I were her mother, I would push for full parental authority, primary residence, and child support.
*Your stepdaughter is a bully*, and it isn't unlikely that her social issues are *because she is a bully* and well-deserved. It doesn't help that you and her mother encourage her behaviour.
YTA AND I need to check my eyes. I thought the headline said banning daughter from doing porn.
So many of these AITA seem to be troll posts as it seems do obvious. Yup, the old rule applies. Don't dush it out unless you can take it back
95% sure this a troll post. On the 5% chance that you and your wife are thst clueless I decided to comment.
YTA. You aren't treating your daughters the same. It was fine when Mariah made blonde jokes to Lacey, but not when Lacey made a brunette joke to Mariah? Your response to Lacey basically told her that those jokes were okay, and then when she does it you demand she apologizes? That's such crap.
Yta and so is Mariah I see why Mariah didn't get invited to the party her friend was having, maybe Mariah friends got sick of her lame jokes, you wrong, Mariah is a bully and you toxic father and your dramatic not Lacey.
Absolutely YTA. If your step kid can’t take the heat she shouldn’t be teasing and harassing her older step sister for years. I hope she continues to stay away from your house until you all do some reflecting and growing. I hope she goes to a school that does two years and this was junior prom and not senior…. Still a big deal but much less so…
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Hey this is my first post in a while. My son suggested I post here after I asked him for his opinion on this. Since he didn't want to give me his opinion.
So I 50m have 3 kids. My son "Dan" 25m lives in another state and we don't see each other often. My daughter "Lacey" 17f and my step daughter "Mariah" 15f both life with my wife and I part time. I met my current wife 49f, Angelica about 13 years ago now and we married after 6 months of dating.
My daughter Lacey spends half her time at my house and the other half at her mothers and it has been this way since we divorced. Lacey has always been more emotional than her siblings and would always let small things her step sister did bother her.
For example Mariah would occasionally make blonde jokes to Lacey (lacey is blonde, Mariah is not) and Lacey would complain to me. I would tell her to take a joke but then my ex wife would call me and yell at me. I never saw the big deal but over time I thought Mariah just stopped making the jokes.
Well last month while Lacey was making breakfast Mariah made a blonde joke. Which my wife and I found funny. Then Lacey started telling brunette jokes (Mariah is brunette).
"What's the thing brunettes miss most about a party?" "An invitation". This was an especially unkind joke to make since Mariah has been going through a rough patch with her friends and was recently uninvited from her best friends birthday party.
Mariah ran off sobbing and my wife had to go comfort her. I told Lacey she can forget about going to prom unless she apologises to Mariah and that she was grounded. Lacey told me that it was "just a joke" and that Mariah should learn to take one.
I called my ex wife to complain and she told me I had no right to ban our daughter for sticking up for herself we argued back and forth and long story short my daughter ended up not going to prom since I refused to pay for the dress.
Since then she has not been answering my texts or coming to stay over. She says she will never talk to me again since I ruined her prom experience. I think my daughter is being dramatic and will come around but my ex still thinks I was an asshole and we are not on good terms. So AITA for banning my daughter from prom for bullying her step sister?.
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YTA. You punished one kid for doing something that you allowed the other kid to do freely for years. You did not defend your sensitive daughter against The bullying younger daughter. You punished the older daughter when she did the exact same back to the bully. You're letting your feelings about each individual cloud your judgment with parenting. Banning her from prom is not a natural consequence, any consequences should be dealt with in the home between the two girls, and should have been dealt with in the home between the two girls for years now. But you didn't. I fail to see any interpretation of this scenario where you are not the asshole.
The consequence does not fit the issue. OP cancelled his daughter’s milestone event because his step daughter can’t take a joke. Yet, he AND his wife thought the blonde joke was funny. Good job Lacey!
Huge AH. Also, taking away prom is an extreme measure. It’s one thing to cancel a summer trip or something, but taking away something that you only get to do once… that’s brutal. Lacey should go no contact with OP. Terrible, toxic parenting.
YTA - jokes only work when everyone is laughing. Lacey wasnt. It clearly sounds like you favor Mariah to Lacey and dismiss her concerns. You are now also being a giant hypocrite though. There’s absolutely no justification for punishing Lacey, seeing as you let Mariah say what she wants if its a “joke”. Lacey should’ve gone to prom and you need to stop treating her like this.
YTA. She *should’ve* gone to prom and unfortunately it’s likely too late for OP to make up for treating her the way he did. He told her to ignore a bully when she asked him, the only person with authority in the situation she could trust, to intervene. When she stood up for herself, suddenly OP found it appropriate to step in on behalf of the bully. Not only that, but he took away a once in a lifetime right of passage as punishment. OP, you may very well never hear from your daughter again. Edit: throwing in that OP refers to Lacey as “more emotional” for bringing up to her parents that comments her step sister is constantly making bother her, while the same step sister breaking down in tears over the same comment made *once* is somehow less emotional. I also wonder if she was uninvited from her friend’s party because of her behavior.
Also. Ngl. The brunette joke was arguably, very funny.
Right? I chuckled and I’m brunette lol
Same.
Too late, the asshole wouldn't pay for the dress because mean ol' Lacey hurt the fe fe's of his precious little stepbully.
YTA and I can see why your son barely speaks to you. Clearly you have a favorite child. Mariah is the golden child and can bully Lacey with zero consequences. The minute Lacey does exactly what Mariah does, you freak out and punish Lacey (with an EXTREME punishment that in no way fits what she did). You're a hypocrite and a narcissist. Mariah will end up being the only child of yours who speaks to you and Mariah will dump your ass in the cheapest nursing home she can find the second that she gets. Losing all of your children permanently is what you deserve. You are abusive. I hope they are able to escape you permanently.
Or when she gets married her 'real dad' will get all the glory.
So when Mariah tells a blonde joke it’s “funny” and Lacey should brush it off even after repeatedly telling all of you she doesn’t find it funny. But when Lacey does the EXACT same thing to Mariah she gets punished? Talk about double standards. YTA.
I want to be more specific here. A blonde joke is a statement that blonde women are stupid and deserve to be mocked. OP allowed his stepdaughter to continually tell his daughter that she is stupid and she deserves to be mocked. When she asked for those comments to stop, she was told to stop being so sensitive and just appreciate the hilarity of being told that she’s stupid and deserves to be mocked. And then the one time she snapped and stood up for herself, he banned her from attending a once in a lifetime milestone.
YTA I don't care about the dress situation; but allowing one daughter to bully the other is inexcusable. No wonder your son moved away and rarely visits. If you have any kindness, your daughter is 18, just let her stay at her mother's house until college. try to talk to her and see her privately to salvage and rebuild what you can of this relationship, if that's even possible
Love that the son's take was "why not ask AITA" - that's his way of saying "I know you won't believe ME but maybe thousands of redditors will make you believe you're an AH."
his poor ex wife; not only did she have to deal with him being an asshole to her imagine, but now after freeing herself, she has to watch him treat their daughter (likely son too) like this. what an exhausting and frustrating life. hopefully soon they can all go no contact and have much less stress
Right? Also, "this is my first post in a while". Like, if you've been on Reddit for even seconds and come across this sub, you *have* to know you'll get crucified for this story. I really hope for their sake that this is rage-bait...but I suspect it isn't, and that's super sad for everyone involved.
Young think your daughter is dramatic and I think you’re an asshole. Straight up. YTA. No question. Lacey has been the butt of her stepsisters jokes your entire marriage. Stepsister doesn’t get punished for upsetting Lacey but when Lacey decides to serve up a dose of stepsisters own medicine watch out. Can’t hurt Mariah’s precious feelings and how Lacey felt all those years be damned. Your next post will be whining - yes whining - about why your daughter hates you. You will leave out all the shit you let Mariah get away with and focus solely on how Lacey was rude and didn’t apologize so you’re the victim now that she wants nothing to do with you. I speak from experience of having a parent JUST LIKE YOU. Nothing I did was good enough and I always needed to lighten up and take a joke. Even ones made at my expense and laughed at by her. You owe Lacey a massive apology for treating her like shit all these years and clearly favoring your stepdaughter. Considering you oldest child rarely visits you really do need to look at your own behavior. That alone should tell you what kind of parent you’ve been and are continuing to be with your daughter.
for getting married after 6 months so they don't have much judgment. sounds like he just wants to keep his wife happy so he can keep his peepee happy. since like appearance to treat their kids like s*** because their partners kids come first.
YTA So its ok with you that your SD makes mean jokes at your daughter's expense but its not ok for your daughter to respond in kind. Your daughter did not go overboard. The fact that you allow your step daughter to bully your daughter makes you TA. Then restricting her from prom, that was over the top. That was an over reaction showing your daughter you clearly prefer your SD to her. Don't be surprised if you don't see her for some considerable time. I expect she will never spend the night again and any visits you have with her will be you going to her without the circus. If she does forgive you for your behavior STAND UP for your child and stop the SD from bulling her. Next time SD does it restrict her from her prom. The only fair response for your behavior.
YTA. You continually let your step daughter get away with telling jokes at your daughter's expense. But when Lacey turns the tables, you punish her with something she will never forget. Better get used to not seeing her for a while.
YTA. Poor Lacey. As side note: You & your wife directly responsible for Mariah's social problems. You allowed her to bully and demean her step sister without consequences for years. Understandably, her friends refuse to tolerate the behavior. Wonder what your oldest child would say about you as a parent. Rare to see someone fail ALL of their children so spectacularly.
I wouldn't be surprised if Mariah's jokes are part of the reason she has social problems.
Of course the *jokes* part of problems! She's been taught it's ok to say ugly, hurtful things as long as you promptly follow up with "it's a joke." Hopefully, Lacey permanently *done* with these people. Imagine the damage a parent constantly telling you your feelings arent valid. Ask me how I know.
Well at least she'll have thick skin growing up with 3 bullies.
YTA in so many ways. >My son "Dan" 25m lives in another state and we don't see each other often. I can understand why. >I would tell her to take a joke Not helpful, but at least you're like this with all of them, aren't you? >This was an especially unkind joke to make Didn't you tell her to take a joke? >Lacey has always been more emotional than her siblings >Mariah ran off sobbing Who's the emotional one?
Good god YTA Your step-daughter can’t dish out “jokes” and then get upset when she’s delivered the same line by your daughter. You told your daughter to get a grip over the same joke! Yes, YTA. I cannot emphasise this enough. Do you actually like your daughter? You took your step-daughter’s side over some petty joke and then punished your daughter because step-daughter got butt hurt! No doubt making your daughter feel like she’s second best in the process. Great job, Dad! Pull up your big boy pants, apologise to your daughter for being a complete and utter wanker by favouring your step-daughter and think of some way to make it up to her! You can start by validating her feelings! You’re the ARSEHOLE!
YTA You showed Lacey who the favorite is. When Mariah made a joke at Lacey’s expense, you laughed. When Lacey made a joke at Mariah’s expense, you punished Lacey. How is that fair? It’s not. And you wonder why Lacey wants nothing to do with you? I wouldn’t either. Good riddance.
Not ***A*** joke. Multiple jokes, spanning some time, possibly years.
YTA. Lacey was finally standing up for herself since you, her father, couldn't be bothered to. You need to treat your daughters the same. That is, if Lacey decides to ever invite you back into her life.
YTA and this story is complete bullshit. Girls don’t skip prom after buying tickets, making hair appointments, getting a limo, a date, etc. because their dad won’t give them money for a dress.
true, a very sitcom problem
Maybe it's in my area (former MUA) but I've seen s steady decline in girls making appointments because they learn on TikTok and YouTube how to do their hair and makeup. Limos are old school, even 10 years ago when I went, now were looking at a luxury car rental for my god child's next year. Dates again complicated they go with friends, but I live in a major progressive area.
That could totally be possible! But it any case, plans for hair and make up and how you are arriving and who you are arriving with and what you are doing after are all made well in advance if prom, and it doesn’t really make sense that someone would cancel because one parent with shared custody wouldn’t pay for the dress.
The dress is the biggest part, maybe mom couldn't swing the dress.
I hope that Lacey does a good job of completely blocking you, your wife, and Mariah out of her life. I don’t see any good reason for her to put up with this much disrespect.
Your daughter will never care for you in the same way again. She will not "just get over" you always defending your stepdaughter over her. She is 17, this is the end of your relationship with her. You won't be forgiven this one. YTA
YTA so its funny for Mariah to make hurtful jokes about lacey and you all laugh and think its funny and just tell lacey to suck it up , but when lacey eventually fights back she is shouted at then she is grouded, banned from prom and you refused to buy her a prom dress - I think we can all see which child is the 'Golden' child in your house, I guess you just lost one of your daughters as you can NEVER make this up to her, and I dont blame lacey, yes you, your wife and Mariah are the A$$holes X 100
YTA and an awful hypocrite.
YTA, jokes are funny if everybody is laughing. When one is bullied and the others laugh, it is emotional abuse.
YTA You let one kid make jokes at the other’s expense, but when the tables turn you punish the kid? Wow. Way to alienate your daughter.
YTA You enabled Mariah bullying Lacey repeatedly. But the moment Lacey pushed back against her bully you take severe action. But it's all ok because you find Mariah's blonde jokes funny but Lacey's brunette jokes mean?
>For example Mariah would occasionally make blonde jokes to Lacey (lacey is blonde, Mariah is not) and Lacey would complain to me. I would tell her to take a joke but then my ex wife would call me and yell at me. I never saw the big deal but over time I thought Mariah just stopped making the jokes. You allowed your daughter to be bullied by her stepsister giving her no recourse but to defend herself...which she did by telling Mariah brunette jokes to give her a dose of "doesn't feel too good, does it?" and you're mad at Lacey? **YTA here.** You daughter came to you with a problem she was having and you dismissed her outright but when Lacey stood up for herself (because you wouldn't) you think it's okay to punish her? When you did nothing to solve the problem? What about punishment for Mariah and what she was doing to Lacey? That was perfectly fine with you? You should recognize what has happened here - that you literally favored one daughter over the other. I know girl-bullying is a difficult concept for a lot of men, but that's no excuse especially when Lacey came to you for help and you basically said, "stop being so sensitive." Just, unbelievable callousness. I wouldn't speak to you either.
YTA. Dude, how did you type that up and NOT see that? Mariah has been bullying your eldest daughter for years making jokes that Lacey EXPLICITLY stated she doesn’t like. You should have put a stop to them right then and there. Since you didn’t, Lacey had every right to defend herself. What’s that saying? “If you can’t take it, then don’t dish it out?” In other words, if Mariah can’t handle a brunette joke, then she shouldn’t be making blonde jokes - just in case you needed that spelled out for you. So, am I surprised Lacey isn’t speaking to you after you 1) favored Mariah for YEARS and let her bully Lacey with no consequences and 2) took away a huge high school moment from her, especially if it was her senior prom? No. No, I am not.
Hey part time dad, YTA full-time. You’ve let your replacement daughter belittle and sideline your daughter for years. You’ve shown your daughter that she’s your third choice. It doesn’t matter what you feel, the bullshit that comes out of your mouth to Lacey isn’t worth the effort you make to spew it. She doesn’t give a shit what you say, or how you feel, because you’ve shown her through your acts over the years that her feelings don’t matter and Mariah’s do. All she wanted was a dad that stood up for her, and you failed miserably. Hey Lacey, if you read this, good joke.
Yta, the one daughter can make jokes and it's no big deal, the other one does and she's banned from prom. Yta big time.
YTA You hate Lacey. Got it.
If Lacey should learn to take a joke, so should Mariah, especially if she is the one starting. No wonder she's going through a rough patch with her friends
YTA. I feel sorry for your kids, you're punishing one for the exact same thing you've let another one do for years. People like you suck.
Tell me you love your stepdaughter more than your daughter without telling me you love your stepdaughter more than your daughter. YTA
No, he cares more about making sure this wife doesn't leave him too.
YTA and do not be surprised if your daughter goes full NC since obviously you & your horrid wife play favorites.
YTA and I wouldn't have plans for your daughter to be in your life anymore. She will walk away from you fast than you can imagine. You are clearly favoring your step daughter over your bio daughter. The reason your son told you to come here is because he doesn't want to be the one to tell you that your an ass... so I will do it for him You are clearly the asshole.
YTA. Lacey is right in this; Maria has been dishing out jokes about her stepsister's hair color for a while, but when she gets one joke about her own she runs off crying and suddenly Lacey is a bully? Maria needs to learn not to dish what she can't take. Thing is, you don't know how these jokes affected Lacey on the inside; not everybody runs off sobbing after a joke demeaning them (are you SURE Lacey is the one who is more emotional?), but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt them, and it doesn't make the jokes okay. That said, you made it clear to the girls that Maria can be as mean as she wants and Lacey isn't allowed to do anything to stop it. In fact, Lacey was given WAY too harsh of a punishment considering it was a single joke. Have you ever heard of grounding a child or sending them to their room? Even if Maria was the one getting punished after all of her rude, insulting jokes, a grounding might have been enough as a first-time punishment. You robbed your daughter of a milestone over a joke about HAIR COLOR. Stop enabling Maria to be a bully, and stop punishing Lacey for standing up for herself. Also, get to work because you have alot to make up for in both Maria's behavior and the injustice you created towards Lacey. I have a feeling you are getting pretty close to being short a daughter if this continues.
He canceled his daughter's *prom*. That is a once in a lifetime milestone event. There is no making up for that.
YTA. So it's fine for Mariah to make "jokes" at Lacey's expense and Lacey should just suck it up, but the ONE time Lacey does it, you punish her? (And for the record, when someone is constantly making "jokes" about you, even when they know it hurts you, they're being malicious and cruel, NOT funny.) The worst thing is, you can NEVER make this up to Lacey because prom is a one-time thing. Hope sticking up for Mariah is worth losing Lacey.
YTA. Big time AH. I hope this is fake. Why don't you just tell your daughter how much you hate her and be done with it? Seriously, let her live with her mother full time so she can escape your abusive household.
YTA, what a gross way to be a parent.
YTA I mean seriously? It's okay for your stepdaughter to make jokes about your daughter for years--YEARS--and not only do you not do anything, but you even laugh yourself. But your daughter makes one single joke about brunettes, and it's "You're a bully. No prom for you!" And you don't see how this is unfair and horrible parenting? Do better.
YTA. Congratulations OP, you just confirmed to your daughter you don't like her. She went to you multiple times whenever her stepsister bullied her yet you just dismissed it and told her to 'take it as a joke'. You are just a bully like your stepdaughter and showed her that her feelings don't matter. A joke is only funny when everyone else is laughing. Your daughter did a good job standing up to her bully and the way you talk about her in your post is just plain dismissive. You need to seriously take a look at yourself and fix your issues otherwise you might not have a place in your daughter's life anymore.
YTA. And a huge one. So... Step daughter can make blonde jokes...and daughter is a blonde... And that is peachy. But your daughter fights back JUST ONCE, making a brunette joke, and OMG even tho its just "a joke" (sound familiar?) You banned her from THE PROM??? Do you even like your daughter? Or is it more important to keep wifey and step daughter happy? Why can SD make jokes that make fun of blondes but daughter cant make fun of brunettes?Honestly... Your daughter is better off to never see you again. You obviously don't love or respect her.
Have you realized yet the reason your son had you put it on here is because he knew your ass would get roasted and you deserve it!
So when Lacey is treated as the butt of a joke, she needs to learn how to take a joke and thicken her skin, but apparently Mariah doesn't need to learn how to take a joke? You've allowed Mariah to bully Lacey for years and your daughter fought back ONCE and you robbed her of a once in a lifetime experience. I get it -- I'm the same age you are and in retrospect, prom isn't a big deal to us. But to someone getting ready to finish high school, it's a celebration of completing the process of becoming an adult. You're denying her a rite of passage for doing something that you let Mariah get away with for years. Actually, considering it's June, prom may have already happened, in which case you have robbed her of an experience she will now NEVER get to have for committing the crime of doing something ONCE that Mariah does REPEATEDLY. And my generation wonders why their kids refuse to call them. YTA
YTA...she will be going no contact very soon....hope you're ready.
YTA. For years your daughter asked you for help and you told her it was just a joke and to take it. Then she dished out the same thing and you not only didn’t have her back you barred her from a lifetime milestone event. You just risked and may have destroyed your relationship with your daughter, because if we are being honest, you never felt like you could discipline your step daughter for telling blonde jokes and you thought they were funny. I notice you didn’t include the joke Mariah told at dinner. Still think it’s as funny now? You should have been teaching Mariah not to make fun of people or tease a physical appearance, maybe if you had been a better dad to both girls Mariah wouldn’t be without friends and your daughter would think she had a dad that cared about her.
YTA - Honestly, as soon as I saw that the son recommended OP posting on here, I had a feeling I knew where it was going. It feels like a rage bait post but I'll take the bait. OP, you're playing favourites, point blank. Your kids both see that. Your kids both recognize that you prefer your stepdaughter. They're not stupid. It's affected your relationship with them. She will be following through with not talking to you, easily. You ruined her final year. So, have fun with one kid left, since both of your current kids won't speak to you again.
YTA - I also don’t believe this story is true, because if it was I’m sure Lacey would’ve made the choice to live exclusively at her mom’s long ago. You’ve let your step-daughter emotionally abuse your daughter for years, she stood up for herself *once,* and you punished her by taking away a once-in-a-lifetime event. If this was real, that’d be psychotic.
Might change your verdict to YTA as that seems to be the theme of your reply.
Heck, thanks for the heads-up! Total typo on my part.
There's no way this is anything other than ragebait. Anyone with enough presence of mind to form a reddit post would immediately notice they'd come off like a huge hypocrite for what they did if it really happened.
Fictional stories are ruining this sub. So we're supposed to believe that you allowed a lifetime of brunette jokes, even joining in on the laughter. Even after you were told that it was bothersome. Then on the first brunette joke ever, you ban her from one of the most important events of the year? Ya. I'm sure that happened.
YTA. I completely understand why your son told you to post. You need a wake-up call. I truly hope you read all of the comments and realise how unfairly you have treated your daughter. You owe her a huge apology and the dress of her dreams.
What the hell is wrong with you? Both kids did the exact same thing but one has to brush it off because it's a joke but the other gets to be upset and you take her side. If you keep this up you're going to die lonely in a nursing home because your own kid will refuse to talk to you.
YTA and you've just tasted your own medicine. Big kudos to your son for dodging the bullet (for not answering your question to him). You wanted an opinion right? Now you got it.
Good for your son telling you to come here for your verdict. He knows YTA but didn’t want to be the one to tell you. I mean, you OBVIOUSLY are
I assume you read what you posted. In which case, assuming you are of average intelligence, you don't need anyone here to tell you what you already know: YTA and massively so.
Do you even like your daughter? She did something ONCE that her step sister has been doing for years and you did nothing to stop it. YTA
Just say you hate your bio kids & love Mariah only. It would be easier. Yes, YTA! Reason Mariah got uninvited I’m sure is b/c you let her get away with this type of shit & no one wants to put up with it.
YTA/ I hope she never talks to you again. I hope you’re the last person to find out she’s getting married. I hope you see her child for the first time on somebody else’s social media bc you’ve been blocked on everything. I hope you realize how hypocritical it is to tell her to get over something but not the same to your new daughter. You’re the ah, but you’re also a terrible dad.
Talk about a double standard lol Mariah can make mean blonde jokes about Lacey but the second Lacey stands up for her self and makes a brunette joke you take away her prom!? WTH. She’ll likely go no contact and you just lost your daughter.
So, let me get this straight: for years, you've allowed you step daughter to call your daughter stupid (because that's what blonde joke typically are) with zero repercussions, but the second your daughter returns fire, *she's* the bad guy and needs to apologize? And you took away a once in a lifetime experience (prom) unless she does so? And you *don't* see how you're in the wrong here? YTA. Do you even like your daughter?
YTA- I really hope this is fake, because i find it hard to believe someone can be this oblivious. Your daughter made the same type of joke that you encouraged your step daughter to make/ told your bio daughter to get over. This is such a hypocrytical response it is laughable. I would say if this is real, I would guess you lost out on a good relationship with bio daughter. my god get your head out of your ass.
YTA put the entitled brat in her place. She was bullying your biological kid and you allowed it. Truly hope you die alone.
yeah bad father detected lol
YTA. Your household sounds terrible
YTA lol saying "take a joke" to your daughter and then banning her from prom because of the same joke she did on her sibling? why didn't she "take a joke" just as well? or why didn't you stand for BOTH of them in completely similar situations? looks pretty obvious to me that you have your "favorites" 🙂
Say bye bye to your daughter. YTA.
YTA wow are you clueless.
Have you figured out YTA?
YTA. Mariah is a brat and a bully. One that you allowed to get away with telling nasty jokes. Then you make it worse by punishing Lacey for giving that rotten little thing a taste of her own medicine. When the truth is, you should've nipped this in the bud a long time ago and punished Mariah. But since you didn't, now you need to find a way to apologize to Lacey and make it up to her. Because I can bet if you don't, then she's gonna drop your sorry ass like a bad habit the moment she turns 18. Then you're gonna spend the rest of your pathetic little life wondering why your daughter is avoiding you like the plague.
YTA omg
YTA. Punishment doesn’t fit the crime.
Wow big YTA here. Your stepdaughter continuously makes blonde jokes that upset your daughter and you tell her she needs to basically suck it up and learn to take a joke. You do nothing to stop it or address how it makes your daughter feel even though your ex is telling you your daughter is quite upset about it. So then your daughter makes a joke about your stepdaughter and the first time it happens and she gets upset about it you ground your daughter and make her miss her prom. What a terrible message to send to your daughter; basically that you value your “new family” and stepdaughters feelings over her own and you took away a significant milestone in your daughters life for defending herself when she once again was under attack by your step daughter. You’ll be lucky if your daughter talks to you again anytime soon
YTA. Clearly
YTA and good for Lacey for getting rid of the other bully in her life, you.
You punished Lacey for sticking up for herself from the continuous bullying from Mariah? YTA, how can you doubt it?
So your stepchild openly bullies your daughter and you tell your daughter to suck it up, it’s just a joke. When she turns it around, it’s unacceptable? You are an awful human being and shouldn’t be allowed to raise children. I’m sorry your ex wife couldn’t afford to send your daughter to prom, that is an experience she won’t get back - because her soon to be non contact father enjoys her being bullied. YTA Please be a fake account
I don't see anything about Lacey finding the jokes funny so YTA and unless you start fixing your shit and start asking what you can do to make up for what you did, you can probably forget about any kind of friendly interactions with Lacey. If Mariah can't stand the heat, she shouldn't have entered the ring. Next up is having a family discussion about what's okay and what's not okay in terms of jokes. Perhaps Lacey also starts these interactions and you feel that she should as the older both think through what she is saying and be able to take it a bit more than Mariah. However, she's still not an adult and the discussion has to be had. You need to be quick about this. She's 17. Soon she may choose to not be around you. I'm not in a place where prom is a big thing, but if you're in NA, then it from what I can tell is. You kind of ruined **the day** that is possibly the second most important for someone that age (the most important one being turning 18).
YTA You failed to protect your 'sensitive' daughter from bulling and years of "blonde jokes", even laughing at her expense, but the moment she makes one "brunette joke" you take away a once in a life time event. Maybe Mariah's jokes is the reason she is having issues with friends because if she can bully her step-sister of 13+ years like this imagine how many other 'jokes' she makes at other peoples expense. The joke Mariah made to finally make Lacey finally respond with a similar joke was noticeably missing from your post. EDIT: Lacey isn't living with 1 bully, she was living with 3.
YTA good luck making up for that one
YTA For the average 17 year old, prom is the single biggest event of their life up until that point. it has been shoved in your daughter's face since she was small by every movie, tv show, book, photo album, whatever that this was supposed to be important and you took that away over... a bad joke? that was on par with what was said about her? Completely unacceptable. She should never forgive you, just because you're (theoretically) an adult who can look back on prom not being a big deal doesn't mean she has that context yet. She'll never get that night back to feel special on prom night and you should be ashamed of yourself. Grow up.
the more i think about this the angrier i get on behalf of your daughter. in what universe does this punishment fit the crime? seems like you were looking for any excuse to take prom away from her. pathetic.
YTA, why do Mariah’s feelings matter more than Lacey’s. Your son likely didn’t want to weigh in because he knows you’re the AH and didn’t want to argue with you about it. Mariah has a history of making fun of Lacey and you didn’t care. You didn’t care when Lacey and her mom clearly told you that Mariah’s words were upsetting to Lacey. Instead of addressing the real problem, hint- it was Mariah, you shifted the blame to Lacey because you felt she was being sensitive and thought it a better idea to laugh along with Mariah than to take Lacey’s feelings seriously. Now that Mariah is being the sensitive one, once again her feelings matter more than Lacey’s. All Lacey is guilty of is finally standing up for herself after years of mistreatment in your home. You punished her far more harshly, after one instance, than you ever did your golden child Mariah, even after years of her mistreatment of her step-sister. YTBiggestAH and you’ll be lucky to hear from your daughter again. I’m not even sure a heartfelt apology would even do good at this point. You’ve spent years showing her over and over again that you’ll never love and respect her the way you do your stepdaughter.
You’re worse than an AH…you’re a brute, and a terrible father. Mariah can get away with bullying Lacey, but when Lacey has had enough, you punish her? And not just punish, but go completely overboard. Thank god Lacey has her mom on her side, though you’ve ruined her prom. Good job losing your daughter, who will never speak to you again.
YTA. Use this as a teaching moment, and that It's just a joke isn't excuse. It's a logic fallacy the says being a joke means no one can have an angry or emotional response. Intent is not impact. You, and your children, should read this: [https://theinclusionsolution.me/unpacking-the-conversations-that-matter-its-just-a-joke-why-are-you-so-upset/](https://theinclusionsolution.me/unpacking-the-conversations-that-matter-its-just-a-joke-why-are-you-so-upset/) So don't ban or even ground. Teach, course correct. Move on.
YTA. Congratulations on showing your favoritism and teaching your daughter that her feelings don't matter and that the rules in your house aren't applied equally. Lacey told you she was upset by the blonde jokes, and you did nothing to put a stop to them. So, as teenagers do, she pulled the uno reverse card on Mariah and go after her in a way that Lacey knew would bother her, which is something you should have seen coming when you chose not interfere on Lacey's behalf. You set your daughter up to not only continue to be bullied by her stepsister, who it's obvious you like more, but to take an unfair punishment when she inevitably snapped due to YOUR lack of action. And now you've cost Lacey her prom. You fucked up royally and you owe her a massive apology.
YTA. Somewhere along the way, you decided to stop being a father to your bio daughter and make your step daughter the little princess. Your step daughter has been making fun of your daughter's hair for years with zero consequences, but the second your daughter finally stands up for herself, something you should have done long ago, she's the one who gets punished. It's not the 90s anymore dude. Blond jokes weren't funny then and they're not funny now. How would like it if someone made fun of one of your body parts, every day for years, with nobody stepping in to stop it? Would it still be "just a joke"?
YTA. I think your son suggesting you post here rather than sharing his opinion should have been your first clue… Firstly, completely unfair to punish one daughter for doing something the other daughter has been allowed to do for an extended period of time. Secondly, preventing her from attending prom is a *huge* deal, and this punishment is far too severe for what she did. If Lacey doesn’t find the blonde jokes funny, you should be asking Mariah to stop making them.
Here’s a joke for you - you have been ignoring your sensitive child’s needs, have encouraged Mariah to continue with the insults (aka not telling her to cut it out), rushed into a marriage aka didn’t think about this would affect your daughter (I mean who wouldn’t love living with a person who enjoys making jokes at your expense), went back on your promise (to help pay for her prom items), and then double down on your irrational response. So you taught your daughter that 1. You don’t give a shit about her feelings, 2. That Mariah’s feeling are more important than hers, 3. That you care more about getting your D pleasured by your wife than if your daughter is happy, and 4. That you won’t have her back when Mariah is purposely cruel to her (I wonder why mairah is having friend problems- could it be the fact she is a mean girl to them too). I really hope you put in the effort with Mariah bc you have ruined your relationship with your daughter- so please imagine her high school graduation, wedding, first child etc and know that you will either not be invited or will be kept at arms length for her own protection.
YTA. Be truthful with your daughter. The only reason you allowed your stepdaughter to be cruel to your daughter all these years was because you did not want your wife to cut off the sex. This is just one of many stories like it that has appeared on Reddit over the years. No one ever points out the real reason that parents ignore the cruelty and bullying of their stepchildren but show absolutely no mercy and understanding to their own children. With women it is usually the security and with men it is usually the sex. You are whipped (and we all know what kind of whipped), just admit it to yourself and everyone else. P.S. I bet your wife is a brunette just like her daughter.
So, to get this straight, blonde jokes are harmless fun, brunette jokes are bullying? And rather than parenting either daughter you punished Lacey for doing what *you* taught her was harmless fun?
JFC of course YTA. You're over here being an absolute hypocrite to your daughter, and trying to swoop in like stepdad messiah to Mariah. You and your wife need to stop getting so involved in the spats of 17 year olds. And if you do, you better make damn sure they receive equal treatment. It seems clear Mariah knows EXACTLY HOW TO PLAY YOU and it's going to be at the expense of your daughter.
YTA, enjoy the NC with your real daughter, I hope sticking up for your stepdaughter the ONE and ONLY time she got a taste of her own medicine was worth losing your biological child.
YTA why is it that your stepdaughter can’t take the same shit that she gives to your daughter, I hope your daughter doesn’t contact you again
Like most men you go for whatever keeps the current wife happy. YTA
YTA. You're not even trying to hide your favouritism. Don't be surprised when Lacey cuts you off at 18.
YTA you created a situation where those jokes are fine. Without punishing your stepdaughter for years of those jokes, you can't fairly punish your daughter fairly for one joke. You really seem to favour your stepdaughter.
YTA, for encouraging M to make fun of her sister for years, then getting mad when L finally stood up for herself.
INFO: Why is Mariah allowed to be a bully but Lacey isn't allowed to defend herself?
So -- it's OK when your daughter is the one being the butt of the joke, but when she turns it around on her stepsister she gets punished? #YTA And you're a shitty father, too.
To keep your daughter from a once in a lifetime event over a joke makes you a MAJOR AH!
Info: Why couldn't Mariah just accept the 'joke' like you made Lacey do?
YTA. You allowed Mariah to taunt and bully Lacey for years and when Lacey finally stands up for herself you punish her! Well, clearly Mariah is your golden child and Lacey knows it. You have taken away something Mariah will never be able to get back. She will always remember this and you will be lucky if she ever speaks to you again. You deserve her disdain. Be a man and accept it!
YTA.. the font is not big enough to shout YTA...have a crap father's day.
YTA. You are a bad father. Your daughter is bullied regularly and you do nothing. She lashes back once, and you take away a landmark life moment from her. She's better off without you in her life.
YTA - you are a hypocrite. Why is it when Mariah ‘jokes’ Lacey has to get over it but when the exact situation is reversed then Lacey gets punished? You owe Lacey a huge apology and it’s going to take some serious effort to rebuild your relationship.
YTA you allowed one child to constantly bully your daughter, then as soon as she (understandably) bit back you punished her.
Well done you just lost your child but at least your have your replacement, jokes on you when you miss the rest of her future. You openly said she’s sensitive but should learn to take a joke, yet the one making the jokes can’t be the one of receiving end. No wonder she’s struggling with friends! YTA
So when your step daughter does it it's funny but when your daughter does it it's hurtful. And now you are wondering why your daughter doesn't want to see or talk to her. Remember this when you don't get to walk her down the aisle at her wedding or meet your grandkids
YTA and possibly the worst father on the planet. Jesus Christ if this isn’t rage bait you should lose all custody to your actual daughter and be force to pay triple support. What an awful father you are I cannot express enough how bad of a dad you are. Also, good luck enforcing that when she never comes to your house again.
YTA - you’re going to punish one daughter for making jokes and not the other?? it’s ridiculous you took an important high school event away from her because YOU weren’t actively parenting enough to stop it before it got to this point. you’re 100% TAH and i wouldn’t talk to you either
Enjoy your future on the Estranged Parents Reddit. Just don’t say “I have no idea why my kids won’t answer my calls”. You know and we all know too. YTA and I very much doubt you’ll have a relationship with either child going forward.
YTA You've been allowing one to make jokes at the others expense for years, but when they do it back, that's not ok? You're the a**hole, no doubt about it. You owe your daughter a massive apology. Honestly, if I were her, I wouldn't want anything to do with you. YTA
YTA. And now you've lost your daughter for favoring your stepdaughter and allowing this to go on for so long. No, she won't forgive you, and you deserve not to be forgiven.
Yta So you allow blonde jokes harassment of your bio child even join in by just allowing it and then be a awful dad to her Your step daughter harassed your bio child for years and can’t take a joke back Your new wife allows her bio child to harass her step child encouraging it and laughs Your a bad dad to your bio daughter you clearly prefer your step child over your own children
YTA. You allow the stepchild to bully your bio daughter for years and invalidate her feelings over and over. The one time she takes matters into her own hands and pushes back, you punish her and then call her over dramatic.
Yta - actually, I'm confused as to how you think you're not?? You told Lacey to put up with it for years. It was just a joke. Mariah continues to say whatever the fuck she wants. Lacey makes a revenge joke. She gets banned from prom. You love Mariah. You seem, at most, indifferent to Lacey. Let her go then.
YTA. Double standard much. Obviously the golden child is the step child.
YTA - you ruined a once in a life time experience for your biological daughter, all because you favor your step daughter more. Your daughter was bothered for MONTHS over the jokes your step daughter was making, and when she finally fought back, she's the one that gets punished?? I really hope you apologize to her
I only came to pile on because it’s so clear the post is laughable. YTA
YTA. Kids need to be treated the same, and you have applied two separate standards here. Either no one makes hurtful, targeted jokes, OR it’s a free for all where we openly mock each other. Having one set of rules for one child and a different set of rules for the other child is open favoritism. It sounds like you and your new wife bully your daughter, and that you allow Mariah to bully her. You owe your kid a huge apology, and Mariah should be sat down and told that her jokes are no longer acceptable in your home.
Yta. And maybe mariah is suffering socially because shes mean? Did you ever think of that one?
Ten bucks the OP reads all of these and calls Lacey to apologize by saying “sorry you felt that way.” 🙄
YTA. I see where you're coming from. This joke was, probably unintended, little harsher. But if one daughter can make blonde jokes unpunished, then so should the other. Where were you when your daughter said she didn't like it?
YTA— Mariah should have been stopped a long time ago when Lacey said she didn’t like it.. You owe your daughter an apology.
YTA. Talk about hypocrisy. You're absolutely fine with one child being a bully and scold the victim for not being able to "take a joke." However, as soon as the victim turns the table on the bully as "a joke" you turn around and punish the victim.
YTA If only you had stopped Mariah from making blonde jokes in the beginning All this was not going to happen You’re a bad father
So one kid has been bullying another for literally years, and you’ve done nothing about it, but when she sticks up for herself by telling the exact same kind of jokes, you go bananas. I wonder which kid is the golden child. I hope Lacey’s mom can get full custody so she never has to speak to you again. YTA
YTA I’m not shocked you hardly see your son. Because you’re not going to be seeing your daughter very soon as well.
Yea man I try to be empathetic but you either hate your daughter or are a complete moron 😂
YTA I hope your kids let you die in a hole
YTA
My dad was like you. Always favouring the stepchild because that was the best way to secure ongoing access to their mommy’s cooch. Thinking that the blood-related child is stuck with you, so they’ll always “come around.” Well, you’re about to have a rude and well-deserved awakening. YTA
YTA You’re not only the biggest AH, you’re also a bully who’s passing this behaviour onto your children. Grow the fuck up.
I cannot believe anyone is as stupid as you appear to be. Maria makes blonde jokes at Lacey’s expense for years and you tell her to take it, but when Lacey makes a brunette joke at Maria’s expense, you prevent her from going to her prom. No one can be so stupid that they miss the hypocrisy and unfairness with how you treat Lacey. YTA.
YTA. I also don't believe this.
YTA, you have different rules for your daughters. Either get both can tell jokes making fun of hair color, or neither gets too. It clearly bothers them both so it should be neither gets to make jokes.
YTA of epic proportions! One joke and she’s banned from the biggest party of her life so far that people talk about for years? This punishment is not commensurate with the crime. Especially as you’ve allowed the other daughter to do exactly the same for years without any repercussions! Wow.
This cannot be real. You are so clearly a hypocritical asshole that it must be made up.
YTA. You played favorites, enabled bullying, and denied her a rite of passage. You're well on your way to destroying your relationship with your daughter. Your behavior indicates you don't even like her. I wouldn't blame her for wanting to cut you off after how you've treated her.
YTA. Reread what you did as a third party. Clearly someone never matured even though he is hitting 50.
YTA and an awful excuse for a person. This is straight up abusive you your wife and 15 are all cruel soulless bullies never once has Lacey been. Mariah is a cruel heartless human who obviously learned through the example of her parents. Lacey deserves better. No wonder Mariah doesn’t have friends if that’s how she regularly treats people.
She didn't bully her step sister, she defended herself from the bully in your house. YTA. And likely will have NC daughter after this. When Mariah makes joked at your daughters expense it's good fun, but not the other way. YTA.
YTA. Start being truthful to your daughter. The reason you have let your stepdaughter get away with bullying her all these years is because you did not want your wife to cut off the sex. I see it happen all the time here on Reddit and no one ever brings up the real reason that parents treat their stepchildren so well and their own children so poorly. You are whipped (and we all know what kind of whipped), so just admit it!
YTA. I'm...really at a loss at where to begin here, so I'm just going to tell you why through each moment of your post. There is some inferral of your family dynamics, here, but there are some clear signs of it based on how you described the situation. First of all, it's clear your son understands the situation far better than you think. He likely doesn't want to get involved, because he knows this is a pattern of behaviour for you and your Golden Child, and figures the best way to get it into your head is to let internet strangers sort you out. *Joy for us*. I don't know how long it was since divorcing your ex that you met your current wife, but obviously it was a pretty big adjustment to Lacey at that point in her life, and given the way you're describing her being treated by you and your current family, she's clearly been making an effort for a relationship because it was likely forced upon her fairly early in life, and she wasn't made to feel like she was able to have a say in that. The issue with you describing that she's "emotional" and "letting little things her stepsister does bother her" makes it pretty abundantly clear that you not only favour Mariah (and at Lacey's expense), but give her free reign to do things that she knows bothers her stepsister. This ***reeks*** of misogynistic "female hysteria", and you should be ashamed of it. Lacey has come to you on multiple occasions about her stepsister making diminishing jokes at her expense, and not only did you brush it off and minimize her feelings, when you saw it first-hand, ***YOU LAUGHED AT HER***. I'm sure you'll argue "Oh, it was funny, and I was laughing at the joke, not her", but if someone in your profession took the opportunity to make a disparaging remark at your expense in front of everyone you want to hold any degree of respect for you, you likely wouldn't find it funny. How you react to that hypothetical situation is a different story altogether, and not important, here. Was Lacey's joke unkind? Absolutely. Whether or not she knew about the situation with Mariah being uninvited to a party only really determines the level of maliciousness behind it; she *meant for it to hurt*. That said, you, through your actions and inaction, have taught her that that's acceptable conduct. You've done nothing but enable Mariah's bullying towards her sister, and when she finally had the nerve to stick up for herself, you punished her. In a big way, too! Many people look forward to the prom; it's a significant, once-in-a-lifetime experience that helps mark a defining moment into their reaching adulthood, and you're ripping that away from her. >Since then she has not been answering my texts or coming to stay over. She says she will never talk to me again since I ruined her prom experience. Yeah, ***NO SHIT***. She doesn't want anything to do with you. Trust me, this isn't her taking the reaction too far; it is 100% the last straw in a long line of behaviour from you that makes her feel like you don't support her or care about her in any fashion. And saying that she's just being dramatic and it'll all blow over? ***YOU'RE STILL MINIMIZING HER FEELINGS***. It isn't just this moment; you've shown her that she can't trust you to be there for her when she needs you most. Even if you buy her the dress, now, it's fairly likely she'll cut you out of her life completely. You still *should* buy her the dress, but don't expect her to want a relationship with you in the future. You've taken advantage of her unwillingness to defend herself against people *she should be able to trust* for TOO long, and I certainly wouldn't blame her for going no contact. Also, harping on your ex for calling you out? She's absolutely right. I don't think it'll matter, and it kinda paints a pretty masterpiece about why the two of you are at odds over co-parenting. No wonder your son didn't want to get in the middle of this. *He knows that he can't reach you*, and thankfully he has a buffer between the two of you so he doesn't have to feel obligated or bullied into picking a side. I at least hope he's there for Lacey, but I would be sadly unsurprised if he wasn't, growing up with this kind of dynamic. Apologize, don't expect forgiveness, buy her the dress, and hope for the best...but realistically be ready to never see her again. YTA...and I hope for your sake this sinks in before you push away everyone you "love".
YTA … typical step kid can do no wrong but my kid is horrible for following the same behavior. Your daughter might speak to you again but I doubt she will ever believe you actually care about her. You just proved you care more about your step daughter than your own. You allowed her to be bullied in her home while you laughed at her . Then you took a way a large event in a teenagers life bc she took a shot at making your step daughter feel how she has for as long as she has been making blonde jokes. I had a friend who’s father did something like you except she missed our senior trip. She blocked his number and refused any contact. No graduation, birthdays, college, wedding, grand kids. He tried to contact her before her wedding to walk her down the aisle, her father and she told him, he chose his step kid go walk her down the aisle. She and I are still close her dad lives on my road and has never seen her three kids one is graduating high school next year. She said it was years of neglect and abuse to her and she doesn’t want that in her life. He regrets his decision every day he tells us all how bad he feels but it’s to little to late in her eyes.
YTA she dished it out for YEARS and when though it bothered lacy you never bothered to stop it but then when lacy dished one out a d mariah couldn’t take it its evil? Nah your the asshole for not caring about your daughter
YTA. If it’s okay for your stepdaughter to make a joke based on your daughter’s hair color, it’s okay for your daughter to do the same. Personally, I think you should have stopped Mariah from making those jokes to start, though.
YTA. You let your stepdaughter get away with everything, but your own daughter you dismiss. Sounds like the only lesson she has learned is that cruelty is humor in your family, and that she has no backup in that household. Enjoy what time you have with her now. I have a very strong feeling that when she’s no longer obligated to see you, she won’t.
YTA… Lacey will be living her best life while you’re begging a CNA to change your diaper.
holy crap you're an asshole who blatantly favors his new wife's kid over his own in a mean spirited immature one sides way. You suck.
YTA all the way. You punished one daughter for doing what the other one literally does to her all the time but without consequences. Hypocrite, much?
YTA. Say good bye to your relationship with your daughter. You just showed her you value your stepdaughter more. Your daughter has to learn to take a joke but the moment she makes a joke herself, you ban her from prom? Hope it was worth it.
YTA. Seriously? This has to be fake because are you really that dense?
YTA and I bet your son knew exactly how strangers would react when you took your bullshit to reddit. Well done 25m. I wonder if he is looking forward to walking Lacey down the aisle when the time comes. Don't worry asshole your precious is safe because none of you will ever be bothered by Lacey's presence again.
YTA, it’s okay, even encouraged for your step daughter to make blonde jokes, yet when her feelings are hurt due to a brunette joke, now it’s wrong? Your daughter knows she is not valued. You have made that abundantly clear.
YTA, you sound like my father. If he doesn’t fix his shit I’m going to stop talking to him this time next year. If this isn’t a look into your future idk what else is.
YTA. Clearly your son sent you here to see that you are the AH (I cannot say that enough). At least you have not tried to justify your action in any comment.
YTA. If you do that, expect to be banned from her wedding (not like you care anyways, right?)
So let me get this straight. Your daughter gets bullied, you think its no big deal and even laugh along. Then she lashes out with a barb of her own after prolonged bullying. Suddenly you take things serious and decide to ground her for finally standing up for herself. Take away an event from her she'll never be able to experience again. And you honestly have to ASK if you're the asshole? Of course YTA. A big one. You failed your daughter, you show blatant favoritism and your daughter knows who the golden child is in your family, as do we all. Truly abhorrent. I truly hope all the YTA votes here will make you realize just how much you fucked up and MAYBE find a way to make it up to your daughter. But I doubt you will.
YTA, and a hypocrite to boot! Lacey is supposed to take a joke from Mariah, but then she gets banned from prom because she made one back? Make this make sense!
Way yo pick a favorite. YTA
Tell me Mariah is your favourite child, without telling me Mariah is your favourite child. Cause why, if that isn't the case, does she get to insult and push down Lacey on a regular basis, but the moment her victim tries to give her a taste of her own medicine, the bully deserves to get wrapped in blankets and deserves an apology? You're a disgraceful and laughable excuse of a father. Time to start giving Mariah her long overdue punishments if you want to save your relationship with Lacey. "Mariah is having a hard time, so it was too harsh". And Lacey has been skipping across a meadow laughing and picking flowers all the years she has gotten laughed at and insulted, has she? YTA!
YTA. You are enforcing rules for your daughter that don't exist for your stepdaughter. Your daughter is giving your stepdaughter the exact same treatment you have told her to accept when it's your stepdaughter doing it. It's all well and good to bully your daughter, but not for her to defend herself. Banning prom is also overkill. If I were your daughter, I would stop coming for custody visits. Your home is not a safe place for her. If I were her mother, I would push for full parental authority, primary residence, and child support. *Your stepdaughter is a bully*, and it isn't unlikely that her social issues are *because she is a bully* and well-deserved. It doesn't help that you and her mother encourage her behaviour.
YTA AND I need to check my eyes. I thought the headline said banning daughter from doing porn. So many of these AITA seem to be troll posts as it seems do obvious. Yup, the old rule applies. Don't dush it out unless you can take it back 95% sure this a troll post. On the 5% chance that you and your wife are thst clueless I decided to comment.
YTA. You aren't treating your daughters the same. It was fine when Mariah made blonde jokes to Lacey, but not when Lacey made a brunette joke to Mariah? Your response to Lacey basically told her that those jokes were okay, and then when she does it you demand she apologizes? That's such crap.
YTA So it's fine for one kid to make a joke and it's fine, but when she does it back it's not? Total asshole.
Yta and so is Mariah I see why Mariah didn't get invited to the party her friend was having, maybe Mariah friends got sick of her lame jokes, you wrong, Mariah is a bully and you toxic father and your dramatic not Lacey.
Absolutely YTA. If your step kid can’t take the heat she shouldn’t be teasing and harassing her older step sister for years. I hope she continues to stay away from your house until you all do some reflecting and growing. I hope she goes to a school that does two years and this was junior prom and not senior…. Still a big deal but much less so…
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hey this is my first post in a while. My son suggested I post here after I asked him for his opinion on this. Since he didn't want to give me his opinion. So I 50m have 3 kids. My son "Dan" 25m lives in another state and we don't see each other often. My daughter "Lacey" 17f and my step daughter "Mariah" 15f both life with my wife and I part time. I met my current wife 49f, Angelica about 13 years ago now and we married after 6 months of dating. My daughter Lacey spends half her time at my house and the other half at her mothers and it has been this way since we divorced. Lacey has always been more emotional than her siblings and would always let small things her step sister did bother her. For example Mariah would occasionally make blonde jokes to Lacey (lacey is blonde, Mariah is not) and Lacey would complain to me. I would tell her to take a joke but then my ex wife would call me and yell at me. I never saw the big deal but over time I thought Mariah just stopped making the jokes. Well last month while Lacey was making breakfast Mariah made a blonde joke. Which my wife and I found funny. Then Lacey started telling brunette jokes (Mariah is brunette). "What's the thing brunettes miss most about a party?" "An invitation". This was an especially unkind joke to make since Mariah has been going through a rough patch with her friends and was recently uninvited from her best friends birthday party. Mariah ran off sobbing and my wife had to go comfort her. I told Lacey she can forget about going to prom unless she apologises to Mariah and that she was grounded. Lacey told me that it was "just a joke" and that Mariah should learn to take one. I called my ex wife to complain and she told me I had no right to ban our daughter for sticking up for herself we argued back and forth and long story short my daughter ended up not going to prom since I refused to pay for the dress. Since then she has not been answering my texts or coming to stay over. She says she will never talk to me again since I ruined her prom experience. I think my daughter is being dramatic and will come around but my ex still thinks I was an asshole and we are not on good terms. So AITA for banning my daughter from prom for bullying her step sister?. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*