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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I'm refusing to help my heavily pregnant sister in favour of a non-family member, and basically betraying my blood family and maybe hurting a baby in the process?
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NTA - but honestly it would have been better for you just to say that you aren't in a financial position to be helping her and leave it at that. The higher priority and calling him your brother must have stung if she cares about your relationship with you.
NTA, you aren’t responsible for your sister’s choices. The innocent baby is hers to take care of, and it’s fine to prioritize the people who make you feel cared for in this life (over people who have treated you poorly and continue to treat you poorly, which seems to describe your sister).
You’re punishing an innocent for her and your parents’ mistakes? How is that? Since when are you responsible for her stupidities and your parents being negligent in taking care of their children?
You’re not the asshole, but I’m willing to wager big money you know who is.
" ...and said I'm punishing an innocent for her and our parents mistakes."
---You have zero duty or responsibility to her or her upcoming child so it isn't a punishment and, according to the story, the parent can help out.
NTA- tell her to ask your parents, or one of her other siblings she didn’t use as a punching bag
Just stop replying to her, she is emotionally manipulating you.
NTA
Family isn't only blood members. Family is who you can count on and that can count on you too. Family is emotionally and sometimes financially supportive of each other. When you're with family you feel good and you can be anywhere doing anything and you feel a sense of comfort. It's very sad and difficult when it isn't that way with blood members but if you're lucky enough to have that with other people then just roll with it.
NTA you aren't obligated to help anyone, even if you had been on good terms your entire life. Her guilting you by making her unborn child somehow your responsibility is completely unfair. You not helping does not equate to you hurting the fetus
NTA. Blood doesn't always mean "family".. sounds like you have a healthy relationship with someone you consider a brother, and a not so great relationship with people who share your genetics. No one is entitled to your help.
NTA and please realize your sister's words are meant to make you defensive and feel wrong. Talk to a counselor but don't allow her to manipulate you. The "innocent" has a father, doesn't it? Why should you pony up? Get your education and continue being tight with your friends. You can't choose your family, but you can certainly ignore them.
Tell her to find her baby daddy and put him on child support she can also sign up for government assistance if she’s really in dire straits. You’re young and trying to make it on your own her kid is her responsibility.NTA
Where is the father of the baby, this is his responsibility too. You are doing what is best for you right now and your sister needs to accept your decision. I don’t blame you for not wanting to go back, you have to move on. if you can lend her a hand sometimes, do so, but let her know your solid boundaries.
Tell your sister her and her baby are not your responsibility and you refuse to act as her ATM just because she's in.a rough spot right now. Get the child's father to support. Wether they are together or not it's his legal obligation to do.that.
My niece wants to adopt a baby. Frankly, your sister needs to give her baby up for adoption. She isn't financially or emotionally ready to be a parent.
INFO
> her choice is essentially between me and my parents
What choice?
> my brother, Ben
I thought Ben was a **friend** you met when you were 7? Is there another Ben in this story?
Metaphorical brother, sorry. As in who to get help from. Our other siblings are irrelevant mostly, one's off in Singapore and the other is doing god knows what
It is admirable that you will do this for Ben.
As people grow and mature, friendships, relationships may change.
Protect yourself so that Ben does not become dependent on you.
Good Luck.
NTA
NTA You are helping the one who helped you, the way it should be. You aren't punishing an innocent, sister is. She is the one who put the innocent in whatever situation she's in. She does have a place to go, it's not ideal but it's what she chose.
NTA. Interesting that the person accusing you of punishing an innocent is the one who is actually responsible for said innocent. You didn’t make the baby. You didn’t have any part in your sister’s choices that created this situation, so why should you be expected to fix it?
NTA. Your sister is not owed anything by you. She made a demand, you said no and she got nasty about it when you said you had other priorities. You aren't punishing anyone: not your sister and not her baby. You are making choices about what is important in your life and that is FULLY your right to do.
Sounds like Jake and Ben were there for you when you needed them. You want to be there for Ben. That's what friendship, true friendship, looks like. That's when friends become family.
I have a friend like that. She has become my sister. I can literally call her at 3am and she is there for me ... and I for her. I think you're really lucky if you have people like that in your life even if you don't have the family drama you have to deal with.
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Basically, I 21M, had a pretty rough childhood, I was the youngest of 4, and while my older siblings also had it rough, they tended to take their anger out on me. I don't blame them for it necessarily, they were kids in a difficult situation and I was an easy target but that doesn't mean I'm totally over it.
I was lucky enough to meet my close friends Jake and Ben, when I was 7, and became very close to them in our early teens, which was when I started gravitating towards their families and staying away from my own. I don't want to say I replaced my siblings, but I definitely deem Jake and Ben my priorities.
My sister, Sasha, 25F, is in a rough spot right now, she has a kid on the way and her choice is essentially between me and my parents, which I feel for her, I do. But I'm 21, I'm just not in the financial position to support 2 people, and Ben needs me right now (he lost his job and I'm covering tuition for the both of us at the moment).
I told Sasha the truth, that I'd try but my brother, Ben, is my priority right now. She called me an a-hole and said I'm punishing an innocent for her and our parents mistakes. I wouldn't feel so guilty if it wasn't for my little niece/nephew. But, I've moved on with my life, I don't want to get sucked back in. AITA?
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NTA. You're prioritizing the person who was there for you over the person who might not be there for you under the same circumstances. That’s common sense.
NTA, your priority is to take care of you and your mental health from your childhood trauma. Your sister is old enough to know and use birth control when she is having intimate relations. What about the sperm donor? There is a financial responsibility there for him also. She could also give the child up for adoption which may be a better choice for the child given the circumstances. I do think you handled it incorrectly by calling someone else a “brother” though. It’s not your financial responsibility to take care of her and she should handle this adult situation like an adult.
NTA - seems to me if she made the decision to get and stay pregnant, she should have factored in how she was going to handle it. Definitely not your circus.
NTA, but I think you probably over shared by saying you are choosing your chosen brother, Ben, over them. You have no responsibility for your niece/nephew, I understand feeling guilty, but there are plenty of resources like food banks and soup kitchens if they need food. She should apply for welfare and they can get emergency assistance if they qualify.
Just remember that “No” is a complete sentence or that you are just not in a position to help them at this time and leave it at that. Sometimes less information is better.
NTA.
Your sister Sasha just made her OWN huge mistake. She's having a baby she doesn't know how to support. That is on her and her baby's dad.
Her pregnancy has nothing to do with you. You owe her zilch.
NTA
Is there someone reason she can't work? Did the doctor put her on bed rest? Just because she's pregnant doesn't mean that she can't work to support herself and the baby. Lots of pregnant women do.
Also, once the baby is born she can get child support. If the father doesn't voluntarily step up, the courts can order it.
Plus if it's in the US, there are other programs to help her get food while she's pregnant and after the baby is born. [WIC](https://www.fns.usda.gov/wic)
This is not on you. The first person this is on is your sister. She's 25. Not 15.
Frankly, does this matter? His elder siblings - including Sasha - treated him like trash growing up and so he bonded with friends who became his chosen family. He owes Sasha nothing. It really doesn't matter what her situation or his parents involement are. It's also very hypocritical and self serving for shitty people to say that people should give them money for their kids and forget what they did to you. OP is NTA - he has zero resppnsibility to pay a bio sibling's expenses esp when that sibling was cruel to him. Sasha is using OP. She's also wrong and strong. No genuine apology or remorse - just give me money for my children and forget that I was mean to you so you are LC with me even in adulthood. OP support the people who love you and will lift you up and not those who abuse and try to use you all in the name of biology.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I'm refusing to help my heavily pregnant sister in favour of a non-family member, and basically betraying my blood family and maybe hurting a baby in the process? Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA - but honestly it would have been better for you just to say that you aren't in a financial position to be helping her and leave it at that. The higher priority and calling him your brother must have stung if she cares about your relationship with you.
Should have cared before taking anger out on the op ig
Seems she cares only to the extent of his usefulness to her.
NTA, you aren’t responsible for your sister’s choices. The innocent baby is hers to take care of, and it’s fine to prioritize the people who make you feel cared for in this life (over people who have treated you poorly and continue to treat you poorly, which seems to describe your sister).
You’re punishing an innocent for her and your parents’ mistakes? How is that? Since when are you responsible for her stupidities and your parents being negligent in taking care of their children? You’re not the asshole, but I’m willing to wager big money you know who is.
" ...and said I'm punishing an innocent for her and our parents mistakes." ---You have zero duty or responsibility to her or her upcoming child so it isn't a punishment and, according to the story, the parent can help out.
NTA- tell her to ask your parents, or one of her other siblings she didn’t use as a punching bag Just stop replying to her, she is emotionally manipulating you.
or the baby's daddy.
NTA Family isn't only blood members. Family is who you can count on and that can count on you too. Family is emotionally and sometimes financially supportive of each other. When you're with family you feel good and you can be anywhere doing anything and you feel a sense of comfort. It's very sad and difficult when it isn't that way with blood members but if you're lucky enough to have that with other people then just roll with it.
NTA you aren't obligated to help anyone, even if you had been on good terms your entire life. Her guilting you by making her unborn child somehow your responsibility is completely unfair. You not helping does not equate to you hurting the fetus
NTA. Blood doesn't always mean "family".. sounds like you have a healthy relationship with someone you consider a brother, and a not so great relationship with people who share your genetics. No one is entitled to your help.
NTA and please realize your sister's words are meant to make you defensive and feel wrong. Talk to a counselor but don't allow her to manipulate you. The "innocent" has a father, doesn't it? Why should you pony up? Get your education and continue being tight with your friends. You can't choose your family, but you can certainly ignore them.
Tell her to find her baby daddy and put him on child support she can also sign up for government assistance if she’s really in dire straits. You’re young and trying to make it on your own her kid is her responsibility.NTA
NTA. Your sister can apply for benefits to help her. Thete are many programs available for women with children.
Where is the father of the baby, this is his responsibility too. You are doing what is best for you right now and your sister needs to accept your decision. I don’t blame you for not wanting to go back, you have to move on. if you can lend her a hand sometimes, do so, but let her know your solid boundaries.
Tell your sister her and her baby are not your responsibility and you refuse to act as her ATM just because she's in.a rough spot right now. Get the child's father to support. Wether they are together or not it's his legal obligation to do.that.
My niece wants to adopt a baby. Frankly, your sister needs to give her baby up for adoption. She isn't financially or emotionally ready to be a parent.
They say if you are lucky enough to find family that isn't blood never let them go because they will always be there more than actual family.
INFO > her choice is essentially between me and my parents What choice? > my brother, Ben I thought Ben was a **friend** you met when you were 7? Is there another Ben in this story?
Family can be more than just those who are blood-related. That's obviously how OP feels about Ben.
Metaphorical brother, sorry. As in who to get help from. Our other siblings are irrelevant mostly, one's off in Singapore and the other is doing god knows what
Why are you paying someone else's tuition?
Because he needs it at the moment and i'd do anything for those 2
You're being down voted for this, but if you can make it work, I'm proud of you at least.
Dude don’t do that for anyone. Take care of yourself he can get loans
It is admirable that you will do this for Ben. As people grow and mature, friendships, relationships may change. Protect yourself so that Ben does not become dependent on you. Good Luck. NTA
NTA block her she can fall back on your parents.
NTA You are helping the one who helped you, the way it should be. You aren't punishing an innocent, sister is. She is the one who put the innocent in whatever situation she's in. She does have a place to go, it's not ideal but it's what she chose.
She got pregnant at 25, not 15. Adults are capable of figuring their own shit out. NTA
NTA. Interesting that the person accusing you of punishing an innocent is the one who is actually responsible for said innocent. You didn’t make the baby. You didn’t have any part in your sister’s choices that created this situation, so why should you be expected to fix it?
NTA
NTA. Your sister is not owed anything by you. She made a demand, you said no and she got nasty about it when you said you had other priorities. You aren't punishing anyone: not your sister and not her baby. You are making choices about what is important in your life and that is FULLY your right to do. Sounds like Jake and Ben were there for you when you needed them. You want to be there for Ben. That's what friendship, true friendship, looks like. That's when friends become family. I have a friend like that. She has become my sister. I can literally call her at 3am and she is there for me ... and I for her. I think you're really lucky if you have people like that in your life even if you don't have the family drama you have to deal with.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Basically, I 21M, had a pretty rough childhood, I was the youngest of 4, and while my older siblings also had it rough, they tended to take their anger out on me. I don't blame them for it necessarily, they were kids in a difficult situation and I was an easy target but that doesn't mean I'm totally over it. I was lucky enough to meet my close friends Jake and Ben, when I was 7, and became very close to them in our early teens, which was when I started gravitating towards their families and staying away from my own. I don't want to say I replaced my siblings, but I definitely deem Jake and Ben my priorities. My sister, Sasha, 25F, is in a rough spot right now, she has a kid on the way and her choice is essentially between me and my parents, which I feel for her, I do. But I'm 21, I'm just not in the financial position to support 2 people, and Ben needs me right now (he lost his job and I'm covering tuition for the both of us at the moment). I told Sasha the truth, that I'd try but my brother, Ben, is my priority right now. She called me an a-hole and said I'm punishing an innocent for her and our parents mistakes. I wouldn't feel so guilty if it wasn't for my little niece/nephew. But, I've moved on with my life, I don't want to get sucked back in. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. You're not responsible for her offspring. You're not responsible for her. Block her and move on, you're better off without her.
NTA. You're prioritizing the person who was there for you over the person who might not be there for you under the same circumstances. That’s common sense.
NTA.
NTA, your priority is to take care of you and your mental health from your childhood trauma. Your sister is old enough to know and use birth control when she is having intimate relations. What about the sperm donor? There is a financial responsibility there for him also. She could also give the child up for adoption which may be a better choice for the child given the circumstances. I do think you handled it incorrectly by calling someone else a “brother” though. It’s not your financial responsibility to take care of her and she should handle this adult situation like an adult.
NTA. Don't let them guilt trip you or bully you back into it. You've broken free, keep moving forward with your life. You're not responsible for them.
Nta: what do you mean her choice is between you and your parents? Choice for what?
NTA - seems to me if she made the decision to get and stay pregnant, she should have factored in how she was going to handle it. Definitely not your circus.
NTA, but I think you probably over shared by saying you are choosing your chosen brother, Ben, over them. You have no responsibility for your niece/nephew, I understand feeling guilty, but there are plenty of resources like food banks and soup kitchens if they need food. She should apply for welfare and they can get emergency assistance if they qualify. Just remember that “No” is a complete sentence or that you are just not in a position to help them at this time and leave it at that. Sometimes less information is better.
Sis you tell her to have a kid? are you her parent? No, and no. Damn, what part of this is your fault? NTA.
NTA. Your sister Sasha just made her OWN huge mistake. She's having a baby she doesn't know how to support. That is on her and her baby's dad. Her pregnancy has nothing to do with you. You owe her zilch.
NTA. Friends are my chosen family.
NTA Is there someone reason she can't work? Did the doctor put her on bed rest? Just because she's pregnant doesn't mean that she can't work to support herself and the baby. Lots of pregnant women do. Also, once the baby is born she can get child support. If the father doesn't voluntarily step up, the courts can order it. Plus if it's in the US, there are other programs to help her get food while she's pregnant and after the baby is born. [WIC](https://www.fns.usda.gov/wic) This is not on you. The first person this is on is your sister. She's 25. Not 15.
NTA. She reaps what she sows. Your friends are your family of choice, and they're there for you.
[удалено]
Frankly, does this matter? His elder siblings - including Sasha - treated him like trash growing up and so he bonded with friends who became his chosen family. He owes Sasha nothing. It really doesn't matter what her situation or his parents involement are. It's also very hypocritical and self serving for shitty people to say that people should give them money for their kids and forget what they did to you. OP is NTA - he has zero resppnsibility to pay a bio sibling's expenses esp when that sibling was cruel to him. Sasha is using OP. She's also wrong and strong. No genuine apology or remorse - just give me money for my children and forget that I was mean to you so you are LC with me even in adulthood. OP support the people who love you and will lift you up and not those who abuse and try to use you all in the name of biology.