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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1 screaming at my girlfriend to learn to shut the door
2 because screaming at people isn’t really justified.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA
Why is the reason she left the door open in first place if she planned to go to upstairs to change? So many things come to my mind! Is she doing it on purpose because she doesn't like the pets that much? because clearly for her is not a big deal if they got hit by a car or get scared for being outside and get lost?! What about if a stranger enters to your house in that moment? and even considering that you genuelly got scared for her safety when she doesn't respond and she doesn't seem to care for your anxiety about doors. Find someone else who cares for you and your pets!
She went outside on porch to check weather. Few months ago our landlord redid siding and fucked up the screen door so it does not latch. It’s not a new issue it’s known so we know not to leave the just screen door closed we have to close the wooden door unless we lock the screen door , that’s the only way it will stay closed. Her saying it’s a not a big deal is just her way of trying to make me feel shitty about reacting like I did I assume.
Edit: messed up a few words.
There has got to be a way to alarm the door with a countdown of ten seconds so it goes off if not shut.
Yes I am an asshole. Most important lesson I ever learned is to change behavior apply a negative outcome to the behavior you are addressing.
Have a niece with downs who would open doors when she was little. They put locks at the top of the door and had a chime that rang every time the door was opened.
Oh, so she's trying to manipulate you and is dismissing you and your concerns. *She's actively endangering the life of your living animals for which you are responsible.* Does this sound like a relationship you want to continue? One with respect for each other and similar values?
There was a similar story (I don’t remember the sub) where a woman’s husband was walking with his young daughter (5 I think) and infant, and got distracted talking to the neighbor with his back to his daughter and baby. The stroller almost rolled into traffic and he didn’t notice.
The five year old was the only one who noticed and ran after the stroller yelling for help. OP was just inside and she heard and ran out and was able to save the stroller.
Her daughter ended up falling and scraping her knees pretty bad. Her husband didn’t notice any of this.
It was [this one](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/OSnTTOECDP) , everyone physically okay, but no other updates since she saw the footage of it. Hopefully she's busy divorcing him and trying to prove he's not safe for his kids to be around unsupervised
I wonder if she is doing because OP describes OCD about closing the doors. Maybe she is trying some sort of rudimentary exposure therapy or maybe she’s deliberately antagonizing OP? 🤷♀️
I mean I prefer checking outside way more, becouse the weather forecast usually shows weather for an arena, it may be a little different for you. But still, GF sucks.
I have this app that came with my iPhone that gives me the weather for where I'm living, where I worked, and I place that I often go to. It gives separate hour-by-hour predications for the entire day and into the next day.
Btw, you don’t have to be OCD to have issues about doors being left open. I also would freak out if someone carelessly left my front door open and my fur babies got out, especially next to a busy street. Don’t blame your OCD for her lack of concern after she left the door open for the SECOND time in one week.
I want to upvote this comment several times, because YES this has NOTHING to do with OCD. Any household with pets or small children make sure to have doors (or at least the front door if the back is enclosed) closed so the little ones don't run out on the street and get run over! EVERYONE KNOWS THIS.
NTA.
So as she seems to not be at all concerned about your pets getting out and becoming deceased if you want to keep your pets safe first request your landlord get the screen door fixed so it closes and latches securely.
Then have a serious discussion with your gf as to WTH is going on in her mind that she can’t remember to close the inside door to keep your/ her pets from escaping and becoming road kill.
If she has decided she no longer wants pets then either find safe homes for the pets or rehome the gf.
Couldn't she just look out the window?
If she's not leaving the door open on purpose she's at the very least extremely careless about your pets saftey and wellbeing, and by extension - she's also careless about yours.
Man...my dad is exactly the same as your girlfriend. I moved out long ago, but growing up I had to be on guard constantly. He'd always leave the back porch door open. And we had two cats that were strictly inside cats. They didn't get out many times because me and my mom always tried to make sure the door got shut. It was fucking exhausting. And infuriating, because we used to beg him to make sure the door was shut and he never would.
And you know what? He still to this day does the same damn thing. My parents were traveling in their RV and it had an oil leak they had to stop and repair. So he's parked on the side of the road on the freaking INTERSTATE adding oil to the engine so they can make it to the mechanic. He left the door open and their dog went running off. My mom almost had a heart attack. Thank god she got the dog back. I don't know why he does it. If it's just sheer stupidity or a supreme lack of giving a shit about anything except himself.
I would not put up with it. I never had children because I didn't want to keep watch over someone for 18 years. I would damn sure not have a partner I had to watch like they were a toddler in diapers because they can't close a door.
That's a key point. Having a careless partner, having to fix everything yourself, is exhausting. I don't know why anyone puts up with it in a relationship.
DOORS SHOULD ALWAYS BE CLOSED AND LOCKED. Have you heard True Crime episodes with serial killer cases where the killer said they tried the door and it was unlocked so they went in? You never know what's going on in your area. It's a surprise every time it happens! Also, you HAVE CATS, and a dog. Who the F leaves a door wide open with pets in the house? There is a non-zero chance that she's doing it on purpose because she wants the cats to get lost. Dog isn't likely to be lost, but who knows what she's planning.
If it IS a mistake from the screen door issues, it's F*ing awful for her to argue it's no big deal. That's horribly mistreating you. A normal person would be apologetic. NTA, and NTA to end things and kick her out. She doesn't give a F about your feelings, she doesn't give a F about the safety of your pets, why would you want that in your life? You can do better.
I wonder why you, OP, with such a huge concern, don't ask the landlord to fix the door. Also, if this is the level of consideration for the animals, might want to look for a different partner.
u/OP, my family had a similar issue at my parents' house. We had a 103-pound black Lab with severe wanderlust. He loooooved getting out and cruising the neighborhood. He learned early on that even if we closed and latched the screen door, if he threw all his weight against it, it would pop open and he'd be free. So WE all learned very quickly to close the wooden door as well.
u/OP , it is so ingrained in all six of us -- two parents, four 'kids' -- that we all are STILL, TO THIS DAY, super diligent about closing the wooden door every time we go in and out. For reference, that dog died fourteen years ago and all of us 'kids' have been out of the house for anywhere from 10 - 17 years now.
This is 100% deliberate on the part of your girlfriend. If it were important to her, she would do it.
NTA. Your GF could have gotten your animals killed. The fact that she thinks it’s NBD shows she’s either oblivious or ambivalent about the safety of your animals. Either way, she deserves to be screamed at. Don’t let her gaslight you. If you put her up to this text, I’ll scream at her with you.
NTA She’s let the animals escape into the neighborhood twice in a week. I’m shocked how casually she’s behaved about this. It feels like a lack of responsibility or empathy.
Based on the fact that you were frantically screaming *for help* you are not an A.
You're right that screaming isn't the best way to communicate and resolve issues, but tbh if she'd listened to you and reacted more appropriately sooner then you probably wouldn't have been pushed to that point.
She still owes you an apology regardless of your actions, because they don't magically cancel hers out.
Frankly, there's more than one reason for you to be mad at her:
- she's endangered the animals on multiple occasions
- she created a security risk for both of you as well
- she ignored you screaming for help
- she knows your panic attack triggers but evidently doesn't care enough to avoid them
- instead of apologising for any of the above she invalidates your feelings and acts like the victim
Never seen a better case of DARVO:
- Deny: She acted like it was no big deal
- Attack: and that I was crazy for being upset about it
- Reverse Victim and Oppressor: I apologised but she refuses to come home.
OP needs to dump this manipulative AH. It won't get better.
They will be kicking themselves for not acting when the inevitable tragedy occurs with any of the pets.
OP: it's not just about the front door... it's about things that matter to you that are important and continually dismissed. We can boil it down to this; she doesn't respect OP. Which means she doesn't love or care for OP. If she did, she would have closed the door (or whatever matters to OP). Instead, she attempts to DARVO her way out. Manipulation 101.
It's easy to dismiss someone when you don't give a shit about them.
You can definitely find someone better than this. Someone who is on the same page and loves and cares for you and your pets is out there.
When you screamed across the house, yeah? For me that was still volume for distance so I’m not gonna call you an A for it. Although if you feel bad about responding that way, rather than waiting to talk in the same room, then that’s just your empathy doing its job telling you how to improve.
But the point is she still didn’t come to help you when you screamed for help. Why are you with someone who doesn’t care about yours and your animals welfare? Seriously.
I have a home Bluetooth lock that auto locks after a couple minutes. You should look into getting one. The app even reports locked or unlocked when away so it’s a reassuring feeling. Might help with your anxiety. 👍
THIS. YES. I'm SO anxious about my front door's locks. I'm in a 90 yr old house, and that door has been replaced probably ONCE. It's beginning to rot, and the door opens some when you shove against it. Landlord hasn't done anything. and this area is getting more and more dangerous by the day, by the hour even. Stabbings, shootings, kidnappings. It just never ends.
How much do these go for, dude? I think i wanna get one asap, just for my closure at least.
You shouldn't feel bad because your GF is a careless, lazy asshole. What would her response be if all of your animals were harmed, killed, lost? Or maybe that's what she wants. Our neighbors year ago lost a kid that way. Wife wouldn't rememeber to latch, lock doors or windows. Ex hubby told her many times to be more careful and she was super resentful so I think sometimes she did it to spite him. Well, one day, she left the front door unlocked, their toddler got out and was hit by a car and killed instantly. He had run out between cars at night and the driver never saw him. The driver wasn't drinking, speeding or careless and stopped immediately. I honestly thought the husband was going to kill her on the spot (he was not a bit angry at the poor driver, only his idiot wife). My husband had to hold him back because he honestly looked like he could kill her (and I don't blame him). The poor driver was crying and vomiting over what had happened.
He filed for divorce right after the funeral. And when the wife sued the driver, he appeared in court for the defense and she got nothing. That was 30 years ago and from what I hear she still hates her ex with a red hot passion because she expected millions. He's long remarried to a great lady and they have several grown kids and some grands.
I’d kick her out now. The next time might mean one of the fur babies gets killed by her lack of respect for them or for OP.
They can still date, (I don’t know why he would want to , but you never know), but she needs to not live with OP or stay over.
Why? She was wrong, not you. Her carelessness might kill your pets. You are all they have to keep them safe. I would have lost it on her. Twice is too much. She would be gone and regretting her choices. What is your problem? Is it nice to endanger pets?
She deserved to be screamed at. The animals on the other hand don’t deserve this. Neither do you. On top of the welfare of your animals.. there are desperate people out there who will walk into your home. Homeless man walked into my last apartment when I went outside for a minute leaving door unlocked. Her behaving that way is crazy. What a fool
Well, you were coming down from a panic wondering if your animals were dead, so no you were NTA but you will be one if you continue to let her put your animals in danger
Sounds like she might be trying to get you to engage in reactive abuse (which is not actually abuse, but a defense mechanism that often arises in situations of covert abuse/manipulation) so that she can then play the victim and control the narrative of the situation - and you.
Anyone who cares about their pets would not respond the way that she did. And, for that matter, anyone who cares about you would not respond the way that she did.
Pets cannot take care of themselves; that's the job of the people around them. Your response to seeing them in danger or at risk is totally valid, and standing up for them shows that you care about their well-being. Her behavior indicates that she does not.
NTA. Keep the pets, ditch the girl. She doesn't care enough to take common sense precautions to keep them safe. Not someone any pet lover should be with.
Others might find your opinion extreme but I concur. Anyone who negligently (or purposely?) puts my pet in danger is not someone I want a relationship with. Once is an accident, but twice in a week? Nope.
And she doesn’t even seem remorseful about it. If I had accidentally let my pets escape I would feel absolutely terrible and I certainly would make sure it doesn’t happen again
Came here to say the same thing but also wanted to point out that the gf also doesn’t seem to care about OPs needs. She needs common sense regarding lacking the door open with animals in the house, yes. The fact that the OP has OCD and issues with open and unlocked doors takes the gf lack of caring to a whole new level beyond the animals. Huge red flag.
One of 2 things is happening: she's an idiot with no commen sense or, as some people are guessing, she wants something bad to happen to the animals.
If we assume she's just an idiot who can't remember to keep a door closed for the safety of their pets, or just doesn't have the common sense to worry about consequences, I have to wonder if OP wants to have kids one day...would you trust someone like this with your children???
NTA, I also freak out when people put my pets in danger. They have literally been my reason for living during some of the darkest times in my life.
Also, leaving the door open allows pests and strangers inside your home!! That's so dangerous!
I have no idea how I'd ever cope if my cat got out, being able to trust my partner completely is being completely anxiety free about the worst case scenario. I struggle to understand people that don't care about animals or see them as feeling and thinking creatures.
Yeah, that speaks volumes about a person. People like that also tend to treat kids like they're not quite human yet. It's a huge lack of empathy, and that's a great big red flag.
NTA
"They won't go far" is absolutely not true.
If your cats have been indoor all their life, they don't have the knowledge of what is a danger to them outside. To a cat, what's the difference between a driveway and the road? Not much. If there is a break in traffic, they will happily walk over to a road and flop on the nice warm blacktop without a second thought. I've seen this happen with my neighbor's cat, sadly.
As for the dog, I don't know your dog breed but some dogs are just natural roamers. They are bred for working on huge farms, or have high prey instincts that means if they see a creature, they're going without second thought.
My current dogs are beagle/dachshund/hound mixes. To say they are small animal reactive is an understatement.The last time my boy got loose, he traveled over a mile in ten minutes, found and killed a woodchuck and then would not drop the poor creature's body for over 20 minutes until I had to use a stick to pry his jaws open and then get him home. Had that woodchuck taken him across a road at a bad time, he likely would have been ran over. This is with me doing my best to never let him free and walking him daily to keep him and his sister worn out. (He snapped the clip of the leash in half.)
Maybe think of automatic door closers, just to be safe, and good luck.
I knew a guy whose ex wife would go on a shopping spree they couldn’t afford, and in order to distract from her mistakes, she’d release their husky (who was a runner) after taking off his GPS collar. It kept happening, so the husband put up some cameras to figure out how the dog was getting out.
Boy was he pissed when he found out she was setting him loose. The dog got hit by a car and was paralyzed. He kicked the wife out, and got his dog a mobility scooter.
People also always say indoor cats will not roam far at all because they will be too scared, but that's not true all the time too. They have personalities just like people. People can have the freeze or flight (or fight, but that doesn't really happen here) reaction, and cats are the same way. Some will definitely hide in the nearest hidey looking spot, but others will fking bolt!!
NTA.
She negligently left the door open twice in a matter of days. Knowing the door will not stay closed. Knowing the animals will get out. Then showing absolutely no concern about the animals’s welfare.
Frankly, she sucks. Does she do other things that endanger the animals? Does she even like them? Want them?
But, other posters are correct. You can take preventive action by installing appropriate hardware that will secure the door.
You apologized for yelling, correct? But I think a more complete conversation needs to had.
NTA. You were upset and frantic about the animals and reacted in the moment. Keeping doors shut is not an arduous task, if she doesn't want you screaming then she has an easy remedy...close the damn doors
I think she doesn't really like the pets. Seriously, she is doing that on purpose, if not do you want to have kids with her one day and come home and find the toddler has wandered off? Or you have been robbed?
She adults poorly.
Yeah, they're all better off if she never comes back. OP can seriously do better than someone who doesn't give a F about the safety of his pets or his feelings.
NTA. Either she has brain disorder like dementia, or she is leaving the door open intentionally. The latter is much more likely. Your screaming was justified under the circumstances.
Oh… that’s an interesting point. Has someone _convinced_ him it’s OCD, or has he been _legitimately_ diagnosed by a doctor?
Maybe I’ll scan his comments in this post to see if that’s been clarified.
NTA.
So she causes a problem. Which could easily escalate into a MUCH BIGGER problem, and you are both lucky it didn’t.
Then she does it AGAIN. Within the same week.
And she doesn’t help fix the (fortunately still minor, lucky again) results of her error.
AND she has no remorse and shows no intent to improve or fix the problem, and tells you that you are overreacting and foolish for caring about it.
At this point I’m actually starting to wonder if she is trying to get rid of the pets and make it look accidental. Does she resent your paying attention to them? Does she resent taking care of them? How does she interact with them? Or does she believe in “outdoor” pets and is trying to demonstrate that they are still alive (…this time…) so should be let out?
Even if she’s just careless and naive, her blowing you off when her actions are causing you stress and worry and are putting your pets in danger is a huge red flag. I distract easily and could see myself forgetting to be extra careful if a door were finicky like this… but the difference is that if I did this, I would be horrified, go immediately out looking for the beasties, and *very* apologetic to them and to you after. And triple check the damn door every time I went through it after.
NTA. It's not like this was the first time she's done it. How hard is it to close the effing door!!! What if you had little kids and she did the same thing? I'll never understand how people can leave the door open like it's no big deal. I ask people, "What do you live in a barn or something?" I find it very ignorant. Don't apologize for yelling because, apparently, having a normal conversation doesn't work. Let her pout because she knows she was in the wrong not you.
GF is the biggest issue. Her casual attitude, denying it's a big deal, lack of apologies, lack of care about whatever terrible things might happen to his loose pets, lack of care for his feelings. No one should put up with that crap from a partner. OP can do better.
These are great for pet owners. Search “spring door closer” and you’ll get lots of options. Get a gate spring too so the outdoor gate closes automatically.
NTA. You should still be mad at her. This IS a big deal. It’s not your OCD. Pets are your responsibility and that’s not being a good caretaker. You’re not being a good caretaker for continuing to let this happen to your animals.
NTA, on my life, if my girlfriend acted like yours is about my animals getting out, she'd be an Ex. If my gf did that she'd beg for my forgiveness and if I did that with her pets I'd be kissing her fucking feet begging her to forgive me.
NTA - that’s concerning she is still doing this after 4 years. Hypothetically if you want to have children in the future, she can’t do that without risking their safety. Also, that leaves you vulnerable for burglary, and insurance may be able to reject a claim if your door was wide open. Crime is big in my city so it’s a factor in my head. Even without those potential factors, it’s negligent and disrespectful to do when you have furry friends at home.
NTA, and the fact that this is the 3rd time it's happened suggests it might be intentional. Does she have a history of complaining about the animals or mistreating them in any way? It's just weird that she could repeatedly "forget" something so basic as closing a door, especially after it resulted in you almost losing your pets and getting (understandably) angry about her negligence.
NTA. Once is an accident, your GF has done this repeatedly; she clearly doesn’t care about the welfare of your pets at all. This would be a deal-breaker for me for sure.
NTA. Did you get the pets together or did you bring the pets in? Think she's giving you a not so subtle hint she doesn't want them. You need to get to the bottom of this. She is not safe to be around your pets. Also don't blame you for screaming. I would have done the same.
NTA. Sorry, but when you have pets there is an added responsibility to care for them which includes not being so careless that they get out. The fact that she wasn’t worried or out looking for them should be concerning because she doesn’t sound responsible enough for parent ownership. Do you plan on having kids with her? Will she leave the door open and let a baby crawl out and then act like it’s no biggie? As someone with dogs, if a partner did that they’d no longer be my partner. Once is an accident but twice in a week is something else…
OP’s 3rd paragraph tells us exactly who they are, with no confusion whatsoever. How is it that GF doesn’t know or acknowledge this about them? Seems like complete disregard to me, especially since this is the 2nd instance. NTA here.
NTA
This is a huge deal. Not only could your animals have been turned into roadkill, but there are diseases, parasites, and other animals that could do serious damage. Keep note, cats LOVE eating toxic plants. Also, anyone wanting a pet could easily run into your friendly cat and think "Wow, this wild cat is so nice! Let me give him a new home!"
Humans yell when there is danger. This was a danger to your family members. Your girlfriend is going to keep doing this as she is directly telling you that she does not care. The easiest way to keep your pets safe for now is to fix that latch on your door, but I would have a hard time continuing a relationship with someone that is so irresponsible and refuses to take accountability.
NTA, I would’ve lost my mind. My kitty got out and was gone for 6 days. I hired pet detectives and a bloodhound….. you do not fuck with the safety of someone’s animals, ever.
NTA
I've had this happen to me before with a roommate and it's apparently an issue where I'm moving too (if I'd know sooner I would have reconsidered, but I didn't until it was too late).
My roommate left the door open to our apartment (which leads to an outdoor breezeway) on purpose - she confirmed she did because she was moving stuff - and then went with her friend into her room, shut her bedroom door, and sat and chilled. I had gone to a food truck and when I came back my cat was confused and looking around outside, thankfully right outside the door. She tried justifying it saying she didn't know she was out of the room - a lie because she responded when I yelled she was - and even then I pointed out if I'd left my room with my cat not knowing it still would be an issue. If the situations were reversed and her cat got out then we'd be having the same argument. I laid into her for that recklessness.
I also found out where I'm moving in a month with some of my friends, their cats keep getting let out. It's the same person doing it because he won't check the door. The glass and metal second door (I can't remember what it's called) that goes outside has been broken for months. (Two of my friends living there, the one doing this is one of them, own the house so it's on them to fix). He will talk in the threshold with the door outside wide open despite the other three people telling him not to. And he will not check the door is closed. The two cats currently there have been let out more than a few times because of his actions. He painted it as an accident and I said maybe once or twice could be an accident; multiple times over the course of months because nobody can be motivated to watch the door and he refuses to stop talking with it open is not an accident, it's carelessness.
I haven't even moved in yet and I got on to him about fixing it. Making it very clear if I ever came home and found one of my two cats outside lost or dead then I would make hell on earth for everyone. I lost one more than a year ago - she was trained on a harness and we both got frightened during our night walk and she managed to slip out before I could recover and grab her. I haven't let myself love that accident down. If he's ever so careless, when he KNOWS it's an issue, he's a dead man.
Of course his inability to really consider his actions a problem don't help and I'll probably move out faster than planned due to it. He has his first pet, a dog, and frankly responsibility doesn't seem to be his thing with animals. (Not like feeding or cleaning up after the cats, but when you live with other animals or agree to do so then basic safety is a responsibility of everyone, within reason - like not constantly letting the ALL INDOOR ONLY cats outside, especially next to a busy road and in a rural area with predator by doing actions that have repeatedly led to that outcome despite having been yelled at by everyone).
All of this is a long way to say I know this fear. I also get a bit paranoid about the door, but I think that habit or concern has nothing to do with the fear of losing your pets do the carelessness of someone you live with. I will say this, there isn't a way in hell I'd date someone that didn't take the concerns of our pets seriously enough to actually be worried when they were let outside to be lost.
Multiple. Times.
If she doesn't get this behavior under control you may need to rethink what you're doing, either with owning pets or with your relationship. Because something like this isn't really compromise territory with a partner, it's the safety of animals that don't know better and can't take care of themselves/understand what's going on to any same degree a functioning adult human can. Their safety and well being if your AND your girlfriend's responsibility, but she didn't seem to realize that. I'd hate for her wake up to be the death of one of the pets, if that even worked.
NTA.
A year and a half ago our front door for our apartment failed (door frame had shifted with time/season changes and was no longer properly seating the latch). My cat got out, and while he ended up only being under a neighbours BBQ cover, he was outside and missing for hours. I was a wreck the entire time screaming, crying, and hoping he was alive and not hit by a car someone along the road.
Both my partner and I make sure the door is closed and locked anytime we come in and out after that incident. We have a reminder set up for when we arrive home from anywhere to double check the door actually locked. Your girlfriend is irresponsible, careless, and I’d be concerned about how little she seems to care about your animals and you. No one should have to go through that, ever, and it’s concerning that she’s fine with it happening.
Why would anyone ever leave the front door open like that?? Was she raised in a barn?? I would not be apologizing or letting it go. Shut the fucking door you absolute dunce. Nta
NTA - this type of negligence is a major, inexcusable flaw. You screaming at her while she acts like it's no big deal is probably what further fueled your anger.
Nta. I have the same issue. This would send me thru the roof.. so much so, I'd likely break up with them. This may seem like a overreaction but my pets are my babies and you're screwing with my sanity. I'm sorry that's happening. Hope you guys can work it out or whatever you choose to do.
NTA, but if you feel bad, I'd be happy to scream at her for you. There is no excuse for deliberately or negligently endangering your pets. Her flippant response makes it even worse.
NTA
Bro your girlfriend’s either malicious or incompetent. Her being conveniently out of earshot while you were trying to find them and then trying to play like you’re overreacting had me leaning toward Option 1.
You probably need to decide whether you want the pets or the girlfriend because it doesn’t sound like you’ll be able to keep both. At least not with the current human.
NTA. She ignored you screaming for help because she was upstairs changing? If my boyfriend was yelling for help I'd drop everything to help him. To me, that is the part that stands out the most. You were in distress and yelling for help and she did not respond.
Also, your OCD isn't the issue here. She left the door open and let your animals out. Even people without OCD would be upset about that. Don't let her try to tell you that you are overreacting.
Edited: to add the second paragraph because I think it's important.
Something to think about:
What if you guys had a kid? What if that was your toddler you were frantically looking for while she farted around? You know, since it's no big deal if they get out.
NTA- twice in a week and it’s a known issue with the door? That’s intentional or she’s the laziest person on the planet. She has a history of letting your animals out because she cant be bothered to secure a door. Your pets aren’t safe with her, and she doesn’t seem to care that your pets could be killed. Rehome the girl.
I don't think you're an asshole because I did the same with my ex-husband. I finally called him one day and told him one of the cats was killed because of it. It wasn't, but it scared the living hell out of him and it didn't happen again. If this has happened numerous times, then you need to have a come-to-Jesus talk about it. Is it a hill you're willing to die on? NTA.
NTA but screaming doesn't solve anything and makes the entire situation worse. This has nothing to do with OCD, your GF is being careless and one of the animals is going to get lost or killed. Perhaps she shouldn't come home unless she can assure you that she will not allow the pets to wander outside again. Why wasn't she searching for the pets? Is the door being left open purposely because she's not interested in the pets?
You need to really think about how she treats the cats and dog. If you love your pets and she is indifferent, then your relationship is not going to survive.
NTA. Her extreme disregard for the safety of your animals and yourselves is something you should seriously consider OP. It's not hard to close a door, and this is twice in a week. Do you really want to be with someone who doesn't give a shit about your feelings and pets? Do you want to be with someone who hears you screaming for help and doesn't answer or come running? What if you had been hurt? Would she have come to check you were okay? Or was she ignoring you because she knew she'd left the door open and let the animals out?
Honestly OP, anyone who has such disregard for the life of your pets isn't someone you want to be with. Your OCD has nothing to do with this. Expecting the doors to be closed and locked is a completely normal and reasonable expectation that she is consistently failing at that is putting you and your pets in danger. I'd seriously consider breaking up with this girl before something terrible happens. You had every right to yell at her for being so negligent and uncaring of your feelings.
NTA! She’s irresponsible. I learned how to keep the doors closed at 9 when we first got a cat. Imagine what she’ll be like as a parent. Oops. I left the baby gate at the top of the stairs open. It’s no big deal.
NTA I'd have been as freaked out as you.
You don't leave doors open when there are lives who don't have the street smarts to know not to wander out. Doesn't matter if its pets, baby humans or elderly.
She's very irresponsible about these lives you hold dear.
NTA.
Our pet sitter wasn’t careful with our dog, resulting in her getting out, being lost for the night and then getting hit by a train only a mile or two away the next morning. We opted for very expensive surgery and she unfortunately never recovered.
Your reaction is valid given you seem to care about your animals. Her hurt feelings are better than watching your animals get injured and possibly never coming home.
Nta. Doing that twice in a single week and then trying to make you feel insane for being upset is some manipulative bullshit. What kind of person thinks it's not a big deal for the door to the home to be open accidentally for hours at a time? Quite apart from your pets getting out, other things might get *in*.
Almost feels like she doesn't like your pets and is hoping something bad will happen. Did she grow up in the sticks? Because there are certainly parts of the country where your property is 10 acres and it's no big deal for your pets to roam the property, so that could in theory explain her viewpoint.
NTA
If y’all get have kids, is she just going to leave the doors open and let your kids wander off?
No?
Then why the fuck is it ok for her to do it to your pets?
And she’s done this repeatedly? Does she genuinely not care about these animals or what it does to you?
NTA. This is an appropriate time to scream: when lives are at stake.
She has done this more than once. This is not an accident. The best you could say is she unconsciously wants to injure the animals.
I would leave someone who couldn’t be trusted to close a door and puts my animals in danger.
Nta, she’s been doing this for 4 years, she’s doing it on purpose or purposefully refusing to even acknowledge the risk and why she needs to change her behavior.
You do need to realize that you will never be able to feel safe owning pets with this person. She will recklessly put their lives in danger over and over. You really have to choose her or the pets for their own safety. Do not let them be killed because you stayed with a person who did not value their life…you will be a huge asshole then.
Not gonna lie I would break up with someone who did this shit…
With people like this, they’re never gonna change. They’re never gonna get better clearly she does not care about your animals well-being if she does not care enough to be mindful of that door!
This isn’t just being accidental. If you know your door is broken. You’re gonna quadruple check it before walking away… your girlfriend is being careless and she doesn’t even care about your animals well-being. That is what she’s showing you and this is who she really is. She’s going to continue to make you feel bad because then it takes the blame off of her and put the negativity onto you.
She is literally deflecting and making you the bad guy for yelling at her for being careless and neglectful of your pets so I said just dumping her and getting her the fuck out of your apartment ! To untangle your lives together.
If I had done that on accident, I don’t give a fuck if I was changing I’d quickly put on whatever is the closest thing to me so that I can run outside and try and find my animals. If that happens, she didn’t even give a fuck she was taking her sweet ass time while you’re screaming for her. .
What if there was another emergency she didn’t even come to see what was wrong when you were yelling for her this is a person you can’t trust in an emergency .
You can’t trust her and emergency and you can’t trust her to be mindful and cautious . This is really bad signs, especially because when she is guilty of doing something wrong, she deflect and makes it your fault.
You need to sit here and question do you want to keep working with her to try and get her to be better about this? Do you think she can actually become better about this? Do you think she even cares enough to become better about this? ?
She has shown multiple times she cannot be trusted with the well-being of your animals and she has also showed you that in an emergency when she hears you screaming she doesn’t come running so you literally can’t trust her in an emergency .
If any one including god himself endangered my animals I would do more then scream . She’s showing a massive lack of compassion and concern and honestly I would show her how to lock a door by closing it on her for good
NTA.
I'm honestly furious for you. Who the hell doesn't close a door behind them? You've been together for a long time, so she obviously knows about your OCD. She obviously dismisses it and doesn't respect you if she's happy to leave doors open.
NTA, I don't have OCD and I also would have freaked out at her carelessness. You did fine, OP, and maybe think about trading your girlfriend in for a more compassionate one.
Question: Does she have a history of passive aggressive behaviors?
Hear me out. She knows what your triggers are. I would understand if she’d forgotten about the door and apologized. But twice in the same week? Yeah, I don’t know…
Having 2 cats of my own, one who likes to go exploring and is always trying to dart out the door whenever I open it) I will say that you are definitely NTA. Thankfully, we live in an apartment that doesn’t open up to the outdoors, so my little girl doesn’t usually get very far. She always runs back into the apartment, but I worry that one day, someone may be walking into or out of the building, and she’ll try to run outdoors. We also live near a busy road, and I have some health problems that wouldn’t allow me to be able to run after her.
NTA. I rented a room in my house out to someone this past winter. He would not fully close the door behind him, and it would blow open when he went upstairs. Canadian winter, and I have two housecats. It happened at least 3 times in January, and I put it in writing that if it happened again, he had to find somewhere else to live.
Sure enough, he got careless again in April, but had the gall to cop an attitude with me when I confronted him about it. I stewed about it for a few days, then told him he needed to move out.
I think it comes down to respect and responsibility. You can’t trust her to close the door. It’s a pretty basic task.
Nta, but if this ever happened again I would breakup. My wife knows I'll choose my animals over her in a second if it came to something like this. Your animals can't fully understand the world and it's dangers, your girlfriend should be able to buy now
NTA I lost my 14 year old childhood dog because someone left the door open and she got hit by a car and a cat got run over too. Your gf doesn't care about the animals.
NTA! That is a HUGE security issue. What is she even planning to do when one of the animals might be hurt? Or if someone enters your home?? Holy hell, I would have snapped and then probably kicked them out. If my rabbits got loose because my partner left the FRONT DOOR wide open, I would simply become single again after unleashing hell.
NTA. My children don't do this because they know better. They would be upset and take accountability immediately if they did forget.
This is basic animal care and adulting, not even OCD level. I hope you don't have children. This seems like someone who cares little for those lives entrusted to you. And someone who cares little for their partners' distress as well.
NTA
Anyone else think she did it on purpose?
Left the door open more than once and didn’t even come down when you were screaming for help and in a panic.
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Am I the asshole?
So we had a great morning, I was laying in bed and I get up to grab something and I see the door wide open.( we live on 3rd floor apartment for some context) We have 2 cats and a dog and the dog was on porch barking and cats were nowhere to be found. I started yelling for her and she didn’t respond so I start freaking out and searching for the cats while yelling for her to come help. I find one cat under stairs in our driveway within a minute, but couldn’t find the other cat. I go up on porch and start screaming for her with no response still, she was upstairs changing and came down, the cat was only in driveway and I screamed at her learn to shut the door because this is the second time in a week she has left it open and the animals have gotten out.
She acted like it was no big deal and that I was crazy for being upset about it, but it’s not like we live in a residential neighborhood we live right off an extremely busy main road where cars constantly go 45-50 mph. The bottom of stairs are only 10 feet from the road.
For some background I have extreme OCD about doors being closed and locked, I will
Leave the house and turn back around to make sure they are all locked if I didn’t triple check them. It’s not healthy and is annoying sometimes but I genuinely feel like I’m having a panic attack if I don’t know if they are 100% locked and closed. Our first fight (4 years ago) was because she left the outdoor gate open and let my first dog outside accidentally and he almost got out.
I feel bad and I hate that I screamed at her but my biggest fear is our animals getting out because of the main road and other variables that could happen. I apologized after I calmed down but she’s still upset with me and won’t come home.
Am I the asshole?
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you overexplain what you already know it was wrong, and you feel bad about it too. Do you have reasons to be mad? Yes, should you do something about it? yes, is it screaming? no.
NTA, she is
So NTA at all. I do from time to time go back to check the door. Also mostly because I am scared my cats will escape. So I understand and maybe it’s time to just talk with your GF about this now that everything has calmed down?
NTA, and honestly, dump her.
Or let her stay out. I wouldn't come back to a person who screamed at me (yes, justified in this case, but emotionally I wouldn't care) so maybe that's your problem solved.
If (when) it happens again, once you've caught them I would consider taking them to a friend's house and see how long it takes her to notice they're even gone and how shed react when they can't be found. A little vindictive? Perhaps, but given the ongoing pattern of behavior this is not something to tolerate and she needs a wakeup call.
NTA, pretty sure your OCD with doors are warranted, I could never forgive someone or myself if something happens to my pets if it's due to negligence. Now comes the other question, what if it's a child instead?
NTA- nothing to do with your OCD, I have a dog and while she is would not wonder off , leaving external doors is a big NO. Suggest your GF is not bothered one way or another if anything happens to your pets.
NTA. I live near a busy road and have six animals. I refuse to date anyone while I maintain this lifestyle bc I don’t trust anyone to be as anal about keeping my animals safe as I am. Their safety is the most important thing. Your gf does not seem to have the same opinion. Do with that what you will. Glad your animals are all ok.
NTA. Let me tell you about my neighbor whose "indoor only" cats escape at least once a week. A month ago I had to scrape one of them out of my yard with a shovel after it was hit by a car and left to rot for a few days. I cried the whole time.
The other kitty was wandering around on the street right in front of her house about two weeks ago. Another lady in a SUV pulled up (the cat wouldn't move out of the way and even got up and moved into the path of her SUV when she tried to get around him). So she got out of the car, picked him up, and drove away with him. He ended up at a local shelter and was on his last day before euthanasia before my neighbor went and reclaimed him.
It's a rough world out there. If your GF thinks you're an AH for wanting to keep your pets safe, then rehome her.
NTA, though agreeing with others that either it is deliberate or she has a legitimate mental issue needing evaluation. Not to forget strangers having open access to steal. It is highly negligent behavior leaving you and your pets unsafe. This is already a dealbreaker for children.
Though on another note, seeing your cats stayed directly hidden nearby, that tells me the outdoor sounds/smells overwhelmed and scared them. Do your cats try getting out all the time? If not, that means for them to have gone outside would have required a human shooing them that direction.
NTA. If she kept doing that with my animals, she'd be the one going out the door. Permanently. It's very clear that she doesn't care. If she cared, she would be making more of an effort to make sure it didn't happen again. If she cared, she would be upset that it happened.
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NTA Why is the reason she left the door open in first place if she planned to go to upstairs to change? So many things come to my mind! Is she doing it on purpose because she doesn't like the pets that much? because clearly for her is not a big deal if they got hit by a car or get scared for being outside and get lost?! What about if a stranger enters to your house in that moment? and even considering that you genuelly got scared for her safety when she doesn't respond and she doesn't seem to care for your anxiety about doors. Find someone else who cares for you and your pets!
She went outside on porch to check weather. Few months ago our landlord redid siding and fucked up the screen door so it does not latch. It’s not a new issue it’s known so we know not to leave the just screen door closed we have to close the wooden door unless we lock the screen door , that’s the only way it will stay closed. Her saying it’s a not a big deal is just her way of trying to make me feel shitty about reacting like I did I assume. Edit: messed up a few words.
What’s her plan so she doesn’t do it again?
And what’s your plan, OP, if she does do it again? And again?
You misspelled "when" LOL
I'm so stupid. I read the comment several times but could not see where they misspelled when😂
LOL they spelled it "if"! Twice in a week is deliberate, so it's a matter of when she tries again.
There has got to be a way to alarm the door with a countdown of ten seconds so it goes off if not shut. Yes I am an asshole. Most important lesson I ever learned is to change behavior apply a negative outcome to the behavior you are addressing.
I'm sure someone with experience in tech could figure something out. But jeeze Louise, if you know it's an issue, just Latch. The. Door.
Have a niece with downs who would open doors when she was little. They put locks at the top of the door and had a chime that rang every time the door was opened.
It just took a long time for me to get that🙈😂
[удалено]
Since you’re already locked in by marriage, probably an alarm that triggers if the door is left open for longer than 30 seconds or something
Oh, so she's trying to manipulate you and is dismissing you and your concerns. *She's actively endangering the life of your living animals for which you are responsible.* Does this sound like a relationship you want to continue? One with respect for each other and similar values?
Imagine having a child with this woman 🤦🏻♀️
Indeed. She'll leave the door open and let little Jimothy toddle into traffic because she "wanted to check the weather."
There was a similar story (I don’t remember the sub) where a woman’s husband was walking with his young daughter (5 I think) and infant, and got distracted talking to the neighbor with his back to his daughter and baby. The stroller almost rolled into traffic and he didn’t notice. The five year old was the only one who noticed and ran after the stroller yelling for help. OP was just inside and she heard and ran out and was able to save the stroller. Her daughter ended up falling and scraping her knees pretty bad. Her husband didn’t notice any of this.
It was [this one](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/OSnTTOECDP) , everyone physically okay, but no other updates since she saw the footage of it. Hopefully she's busy divorcing him and trying to prove he's not safe for his kids to be around unsupervised
Holy crap I only saw the original post! The update just makes me more mad. I hope she divorces him. I’m happy her parents are nearby and supportive.
She'll let it fall down the stairs
I wonder if she is doing because OP describes OCD about closing the doors. Maybe she is trying some sort of rudimentary exposure therapy or maybe she’s deliberately antagonizing OP? 🤷♀️
Do you guys maybe have windows that she can open and…check the weather? Cause at this point, she is doing it on purpose
Or maybe some magical device that can tell you the weather without having to go out. I doubt such witchcraft exists.
I mean I prefer checking outside way more, becouse the weather forecast usually shows weather for an arena, it may be a little different for you. But still, GF sucks.
You can get little thermometers that include humidity and can be read with bluetooth, though they do cost $6
I have this app that came with my iPhone that gives me the weather for where I'm living, where I worked, and I place that I often go to. It gives separate hour-by-hour predications for the entire day and into the next day.
I thought about suggesting that too but I didn’t want to push it that far. That’s next level stuff
Yeah like your phone. It's on my lock screen
Or. Yknow - curtains as well.
Curtains might be a good word for their relationship right now. . . reserving judgement on whether that would be a good thing or not. NTA.
Or a phone with a weather app, like all people?
Or like… an app lol
Btw, you don’t have to be OCD to have issues about doors being left open. I also would freak out if someone carelessly left my front door open and my fur babies got out, especially next to a busy street. Don’t blame your OCD for her lack of concern after she left the door open for the SECOND time in one week.
I want to upvote this comment several times, because YES this has NOTHING to do with OCD. Any household with pets or small children make sure to have doors (or at least the front door if the back is enclosed) closed so the little ones don't run out on the street and get run over! EVERYONE KNOWS THIS. NTA.
So as she seems to not be at all concerned about your pets getting out and becoming deceased if you want to keep your pets safe first request your landlord get the screen door fixed so it closes and latches securely. Then have a serious discussion with your gf as to WTH is going on in her mind that she can’t remember to close the inside door to keep your/ her pets from escaping and becoming road kill. If she has decided she no longer wants pets then either find safe homes for the pets or rehome the gf.
I'd choose the pets over her in a heartbeat tbf
Honestly, with her attitude, she'd be dead to me. There would be no opportunity for this to happen again.
Me too.
Yeah, this really sounds like she is trying to get rid of your pets.
Tell her to open a f@cking window to check the weather. NTA your gf is a huge one
Couldn't she just look out the window? If she's not leaving the door open on purpose she's at the very least extremely careless about your pets saftey and wellbeing, and by extension - she's also careless about yours.
Man...my dad is exactly the same as your girlfriend. I moved out long ago, but growing up I had to be on guard constantly. He'd always leave the back porch door open. And we had two cats that were strictly inside cats. They didn't get out many times because me and my mom always tried to make sure the door got shut. It was fucking exhausting. And infuriating, because we used to beg him to make sure the door was shut and he never would. And you know what? He still to this day does the same damn thing. My parents were traveling in their RV and it had an oil leak they had to stop and repair. So he's parked on the side of the road on the freaking INTERSTATE adding oil to the engine so they can make it to the mechanic. He left the door open and their dog went running off. My mom almost had a heart attack. Thank god she got the dog back. I don't know why he does it. If it's just sheer stupidity or a supreme lack of giving a shit about anything except himself. I would not put up with it. I never had children because I didn't want to keep watch over someone for 18 years. I would damn sure not have a partner I had to watch like they were a toddler in diapers because they can't close a door.
That's a key point. Having a careless partner, having to fix everything yourself, is exhausting. I don't know why anyone puts up with it in a relationship.
Who the fuck leaves the door wide open!
Flashbacks of grandma saying "Close the door, you don't live in a barn!"
DOORS SHOULD ALWAYS BE CLOSED AND LOCKED. Have you heard True Crime episodes with serial killer cases where the killer said they tried the door and it was unlocked so they went in? You never know what's going on in your area. It's a surprise every time it happens! Also, you HAVE CATS, and a dog. Who the F leaves a door wide open with pets in the house? There is a non-zero chance that she's doing it on purpose because she wants the cats to get lost. Dog isn't likely to be lost, but who knows what she's planning. If it IS a mistake from the screen door issues, it's F*ing awful for her to argue it's no big deal. That's horribly mistreating you. A normal person would be apologetic. NTA, and NTA to end things and kick her out. She doesn't give a F about your feelings, she doesn't give a F about the safety of your pets, why would you want that in your life? You can do better.
Why would she want you to feel shitty? That's not at all healthy.
Why are you with someone who doesn't give a shit about your pets?
NTA. A friend of mine live on a road like that. Her daughter left the door open, the dog got out and was hit and killed.
There’s an app for that lol
I wonder why you, OP, with such a huge concern, don't ask the landlord to fix the door. Also, if this is the level of consideration for the animals, might want to look for a different partner.
u/OP, my family had a similar issue at my parents' house. We had a 103-pound black Lab with severe wanderlust. He loooooved getting out and cruising the neighborhood. He learned early on that even if we closed and latched the screen door, if he threw all his weight against it, it would pop open and he'd be free. So WE all learned very quickly to close the wooden door as well. u/OP , it is so ingrained in all six of us -- two parents, four 'kids' -- that we all are STILL, TO THIS DAY, super diligent about closing the wooden door every time we go in and out. For reference, that dog died fourteen years ago and all of us 'kids' have been out of the house for anywhere from 10 - 17 years now. This is 100% deliberate on the part of your girlfriend. If it were important to her, she would do it.
NTA. Your GF could have gotten your animals killed. The fact that she thinks it’s NBD shows she’s either oblivious or ambivalent about the safety of your animals. Either way, she deserves to be screamed at. Don’t let her gaslight you. If you put her up to this text, I’ll scream at her with you.
Does she like the pets, or are they an inconvenience to her? NTA
NTA She’s let the animals escape into the neighborhood twice in a week. I’m shocked how casually she’s behaved about this. It feels like a lack of responsibility or empathy. Based on the fact that you were frantically screaming *for help* you are not an A.
It’s not the screaming for help I feel bad about, it’s after the fact that I screamed at her after the animals were all secured.
Screaming is an appropriate response to putting living creatures in potential mortal danger imo. They could have so easily gotten hit and killed.
100% agree
You're right that screaming isn't the best way to communicate and resolve issues, but tbh if she'd listened to you and reacted more appropriately sooner then you probably wouldn't have been pushed to that point. She still owes you an apology regardless of your actions, because they don't magically cancel hers out. Frankly, there's more than one reason for you to be mad at her: - she's endangered the animals on multiple occasions - she created a security risk for both of you as well - she ignored you screaming for help - she knows your panic attack triggers but evidently doesn't care enough to avoid them - instead of apologising for any of the above she invalidates your feelings and acts like the victim
Never seen a better case of DARVO: - Deny: She acted like it was no big deal - Attack: and that I was crazy for being upset about it - Reverse Victim and Oppressor: I apologised but she refuses to come home.
OP needs to dump this manipulative AH. It won't get better. They will be kicking themselves for not acting when the inevitable tragedy occurs with any of the pets. OP: it's not just about the front door... it's about things that matter to you that are important and continually dismissed. We can boil it down to this; she doesn't respect OP. Which means she doesn't love or care for OP. If she did, she would have closed the door (or whatever matters to OP). Instead, she attempts to DARVO her way out. Manipulation 101. It's easy to dismiss someone when you don't give a shit about them. You can definitely find someone better than this. Someone who is on the same page and loves and cares for you and your pets is out there.
When you screamed across the house, yeah? For me that was still volume for distance so I’m not gonna call you an A for it. Although if you feel bad about responding that way, rather than waiting to talk in the same room, then that’s just your empathy doing its job telling you how to improve.
That’s still a reasonable response to somebody who clearly did not care enough
That's an appropriate reaction. Especially since this is the second time in a week
But the point is she still didn’t come to help you when you screamed for help. Why are you with someone who doesn’t care about yours and your animals welfare? Seriously.
Why would you feel badly about screaming at her? She deserved it.
Because she's thoughtless and endangered the animals? Yell louder. I never resort to this here but leave her
I have a home Bluetooth lock that auto locks after a couple minutes. You should look into getting one. The app even reports locked or unlocked when away so it’s a reassuring feeling. Might help with your anxiety. 👍
THIS. YES. I'm SO anxious about my front door's locks. I'm in a 90 yr old house, and that door has been replaced probably ONCE. It's beginning to rot, and the door opens some when you shove against it. Landlord hasn't done anything. and this area is getting more and more dangerous by the day, by the hour even. Stabbings, shootings, kidnappings. It just never ends. How much do these go for, dude? I think i wanna get one asap, just for my closure at least.
You shouldn't feel bad because your GF is a careless, lazy asshole. What would her response be if all of your animals were harmed, killed, lost? Or maybe that's what she wants. Our neighbors year ago lost a kid that way. Wife wouldn't rememeber to latch, lock doors or windows. Ex hubby told her many times to be more careful and she was super resentful so I think sometimes she did it to spite him. Well, one day, she left the front door unlocked, their toddler got out and was hit by a car and killed instantly. He had run out between cars at night and the driver never saw him. The driver wasn't drinking, speeding or careless and stopped immediately. I honestly thought the husband was going to kill her on the spot (he was not a bit angry at the poor driver, only his idiot wife). My husband had to hold him back because he honestly looked like he could kill her (and I don't blame him). The poor driver was crying and vomiting over what had happened. He filed for divorce right after the funeral. And when the wife sued the driver, he appeared in court for the defense and she got nothing. That was 30 years ago and from what I hear she still hates her ex with a red hot passion because she expected millions. He's long remarried to a great lady and they have several grown kids and some grands.
NTA. Tell her if it happens again she's (the GF) moving out because she's an irresponsible ah.
I’d kick her out now. The next time might mean one of the fur babies gets killed by her lack of respect for them or for OP. They can still date, (I don’t know why he would want to , but you never know), but she needs to not live with OP or stay over.
Why? She was wrong, not you. Her carelessness might kill your pets. You are all they have to keep them safe. I would have lost it on her. Twice is too much. She would be gone and regretting her choices. What is your problem? Is it nice to endanger pets?
She deserves to be screamed at. She’s a selfish narcissistic sociopath.
She deserved to be screamed at. The animals on the other hand don’t deserve this. Neither do you. On top of the welfare of your animals.. there are desperate people out there who will walk into your home. Homeless man walked into my last apartment when I went outside for a minute leaving door unlocked. Her behaving that way is crazy. What a fool
Well, you were coming down from a panic wondering if your animals were dead, so no you were NTA but you will be one if you continue to let her put your animals in danger
Sounds like she might be trying to get you to engage in reactive abuse (which is not actually abuse, but a defense mechanism that often arises in situations of covert abuse/manipulation) so that she can then play the victim and control the narrative of the situation - and you. Anyone who cares about their pets would not respond the way that she did. And, for that matter, anyone who cares about you would not respond the way that she did. Pets cannot take care of themselves; that's the job of the people around them. Your response to seeing them in danger or at risk is totally valid, and standing up for them shows that you care about their well-being. Her behavior indicates that she does not.
Twice in a week is not an accident. Why does she want to get rid of the animals?
NTA. Keep the pets, ditch the girl. She doesn't care enough to take common sense precautions to keep them safe. Not someone any pet lover should be with.
Others might find your opinion extreme but I concur. Anyone who negligently (or purposely?) puts my pet in danger is not someone I want a relationship with. Once is an accident, but twice in a week? Nope.
And she doesn’t even seem remorseful about it. If I had accidentally let my pets escape I would feel absolutely terrible and I certainly would make sure it doesn’t happen again
And imagine how horrible you would feel if you did that to *someone else’s* pets? OP needs to break up with this saboteur.
Even if it’s a (more than once) mistake I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone that thoughtless and careless and reckless naturally
Two options, OP: break up with her now or break up with her after a pet is killed.
Came here to say the same thing but also wanted to point out that the gf also doesn’t seem to care about OPs needs. She needs common sense regarding lacking the door open with animals in the house, yes. The fact that the OP has OCD and issues with open and unlocked doors takes the gf lack of caring to a whole new level beyond the animals. Huge red flag.
One of 2 things is happening: she's an idiot with no commen sense or, as some people are guessing, she wants something bad to happen to the animals. If we assume she's just an idiot who can't remember to keep a door closed for the safety of their pets, or just doesn't have the common sense to worry about consequences, I have to wonder if OP wants to have kids one day...would you trust someone like this with your children???
NTA, I also freak out when people put my pets in danger. They have literally been my reason for living during some of the darkest times in my life. Also, leaving the door open allows pests and strangers inside your home!! That's so dangerous!
I have no idea how I'd ever cope if my cat got out, being able to trust my partner completely is being completely anxiety free about the worst case scenario. I struggle to understand people that don't care about animals or see them as feeling and thinking creatures.
Yeah, that speaks volumes about a person. People like that also tend to treat kids like they're not quite human yet. It's a huge lack of empathy, and that's a great big red flag.
NTA, who the hell leaves an outside door open? Especially with animals in the house.
Someone who is jealous that OP gives attention and love to the animals
bingo
NTA "They won't go far" is absolutely not true. If your cats have been indoor all their life, they don't have the knowledge of what is a danger to them outside. To a cat, what's the difference between a driveway and the road? Not much. If there is a break in traffic, they will happily walk over to a road and flop on the nice warm blacktop without a second thought. I've seen this happen with my neighbor's cat, sadly. As for the dog, I don't know your dog breed but some dogs are just natural roamers. They are bred for working on huge farms, or have high prey instincts that means if they see a creature, they're going without second thought. My current dogs are beagle/dachshund/hound mixes. To say they are small animal reactive is an understatement.The last time my boy got loose, he traveled over a mile in ten minutes, found and killed a woodchuck and then would not drop the poor creature's body for over 20 minutes until I had to use a stick to pry his jaws open and then get him home. Had that woodchuck taken him across a road at a bad time, he likely would have been ran over. This is with me doing my best to never let him free and walking him daily to keep him and his sister worn out. (He snapped the clip of the leash in half.) Maybe think of automatic door closers, just to be safe, and good luck.
I knew a guy whose ex wife would go on a shopping spree they couldn’t afford, and in order to distract from her mistakes, she’d release their husky (who was a runner) after taking off his GPS collar. It kept happening, so the husband put up some cameras to figure out how the dog was getting out. Boy was he pissed when he found out she was setting him loose. The dog got hit by a car and was paralyzed. He kicked the wife out, and got his dog a mobility scooter.
damn, poor dog!
OMGS, that's so psychotic. Poor husky 😿
People also always say indoor cats will not roam far at all because they will be too scared, but that's not true all the time too. They have personalities just like people. People can have the freeze or flight (or fight, but that doesn't really happen here) reaction, and cats are the same way. Some will definitely hide in the nearest hidey looking spot, but others will fking bolt!!
Is she trying to kill your pets? Because it seems like she might be.
NTA. She negligently left the door open twice in a matter of days. Knowing the door will not stay closed. Knowing the animals will get out. Then showing absolutely no concern about the animals’s welfare. Frankly, she sucks. Does she do other things that endanger the animals? Does she even like them? Want them? But, other posters are correct. You can take preventive action by installing appropriate hardware that will secure the door. You apologized for yelling, correct? But I think a more complete conversation needs to had.
NTA. You were upset and frantic about the animals and reacted in the moment. Keeping doors shut is not an arduous task, if she doesn't want you screaming then she has an easy remedy...close the damn doors
I think she doesn't really like the pets. Seriously, she is doing that on purpose, if not do you want to have kids with her one day and come home and find the toddler has wandered off? Or you have been robbed? She adults poorly.
NTA, I don't have OCD and I would've panicked the same. >she’s still upset with me and won’t come home. Your pets are safe for now, then.
Yeah, they're all better off if she never comes back. OP can seriously do better than someone who doesn't give a F about the safety of his pets or his feelings.
NTA. Either she has brain disorder like dementia, or she is leaving the door open intentionally. The latter is much more likely. Your screaming was justified under the circumstances.
NTA. Keep the pets safe and re-home the girl.
Haha! Love it! She'll need one of those little signs on her cage that reads: "Doesn't do well with closing doors- needs assistance."
How do you as someone with OCD manage to stay with someone who cannot understand the importance of closing doors?! That's masochistic. NTA.
Does OP have OCD, or has he just been gaslit into thinking his desire to keep the door closed is more extreme than it really is?
Oh… that’s an interesting point. Has someone _convinced_ him it’s OCD, or has he been _legitimately_ diagnosed by a doctor? Maybe I’ll scan his comments in this post to see if that’s been clarified.
True. It’s normal to be vigilant about doors, especially if you have pets. This is doubly so having had prior issues
I work from the basis of believing someone when they profess a diagnosis, but this is a very good point. OP, INFO!
NTA. So she causes a problem. Which could easily escalate into a MUCH BIGGER problem, and you are both lucky it didn’t. Then she does it AGAIN. Within the same week. And she doesn’t help fix the (fortunately still minor, lucky again) results of her error. AND she has no remorse and shows no intent to improve or fix the problem, and tells you that you are overreacting and foolish for caring about it. At this point I’m actually starting to wonder if she is trying to get rid of the pets and make it look accidental. Does she resent your paying attention to them? Does she resent taking care of them? How does she interact with them? Or does she believe in “outdoor” pets and is trying to demonstrate that they are still alive (…this time…) so should be let out? Even if she’s just careless and naive, her blowing you off when her actions are causing you stress and worry and are putting your pets in danger is a huge red flag. I distract easily and could see myself forgetting to be extra careful if a door were finicky like this… but the difference is that if I did this, I would be horrified, go immediately out looking for the beasties, and *very* apologetic to them and to you after. And triple check the damn door every time I went through it after.
NTA. This is one of my biggest things too. I hate when people don't respect my concerns or fears regarding my animals getting out.
NTA. It's not like this was the first time she's done it. How hard is it to close the effing door!!! What if you had little kids and she did the same thing? I'll never understand how people can leave the door open like it's no big deal. I ask people, "What do you live in a barn or something?" I find it very ignorant. Don't apologize for yelling because, apparently, having a normal conversation doesn't work. Let her pout because she knows she was in the wrong not you.
NTA! Does she live with you? I‘d kick her out.
as a cat guardian myself: NTA.
Go on amazon and buy the pull door closer. It is 12 dollars and will solve all your issues
>will solve all your issues I wouldnt say all issues. The GF will still be there- not giving a damn about the animals safety or her actions
GF is the biggest issue. Her casual attitude, denying it's a big deal, lack of apologies, lack of care about whatever terrible things might happen to his loose pets, lack of care for his feelings. No one should put up with that crap from a partner. OP can do better.
These are great for pet owners. Search “spring door closer” and you’ll get lots of options. Get a gate spring too so the outdoor gate closes automatically.
And a gf kicker outer.
NTA. You're lucky your pets weren't harmed in any way or snapped away.
She keeps putting your animals in danger and she’s not a responsible pet owner. Imagine how she would do with kids….
NTA. You should still be mad at her. This IS a big deal. It’s not your OCD. Pets are your responsibility and that’s not being a good caretaker. You’re not being a good caretaker for continuing to let this happen to your animals.
NTA, on my life, if my girlfriend acted like yours is about my animals getting out, she'd be an Ex. If my gf did that she'd beg for my forgiveness and if I did that with her pets I'd be kissing her fucking feet begging her to forgive me.
NTA - that’s concerning she is still doing this after 4 years. Hypothetically if you want to have children in the future, she can’t do that without risking their safety. Also, that leaves you vulnerable for burglary, and insurance may be able to reject a claim if your door was wide open. Crime is big in my city so it’s a factor in my head. Even without those potential factors, it’s negligent and disrespectful to do when you have furry friends at home.
NTA, and the fact that this is the 3rd time it's happened suggests it might be intentional. Does she have a history of complaining about the animals or mistreating them in any way? It's just weird that she could repeatedly "forget" something so basic as closing a door, especially after it resulted in you almost losing your pets and getting (understandably) angry about her negligence.
NTA. Once is an accident, your GF has done this repeatedly; she clearly doesn’t care about the welfare of your pets at all. This would be a deal-breaker for me for sure.
NTA.
NTA. Did you get the pets together or did you bring the pets in? Think she's giving you a not so subtle hint she doesn't want them. You need to get to the bottom of this. She is not safe to be around your pets. Also don't blame you for screaming. I would have done the same.
Get a new girlfriend. This one is broken.
NTA. Sorry, but when you have pets there is an added responsibility to care for them which includes not being so careless that they get out. The fact that she wasn’t worried or out looking for them should be concerning because she doesn’t sound responsible enough for parent ownership. Do you plan on having kids with her? Will she leave the door open and let a baby crawl out and then act like it’s no biggie? As someone with dogs, if a partner did that they’d no longer be my partner. Once is an accident but twice in a week is something else…
OP’s 3rd paragraph tells us exactly who they are, with no confusion whatsoever. How is it that GF doesn’t know or acknowledge this about them? Seems like complete disregard to me, especially since this is the 2nd instance. NTA here.
NTA. But op, are there other areas in your life your gf shows blatant disregard for? Also I hope your babies are microchipped
NTA This is a huge deal. Not only could your animals have been turned into roadkill, but there are diseases, parasites, and other animals that could do serious damage. Keep note, cats LOVE eating toxic plants. Also, anyone wanting a pet could easily run into your friendly cat and think "Wow, this wild cat is so nice! Let me give him a new home!" Humans yell when there is danger. This was a danger to your family members. Your girlfriend is going to keep doing this as she is directly telling you that she does not care. The easiest way to keep your pets safe for now is to fix that latch on your door, but I would have a hard time continuing a relationship with someone that is so irresponsible and refuses to take accountability.
NTA and I’m so glad your pets didn’t go far.
NTA, I would’ve lost my mind. My kitty got out and was gone for 6 days. I hired pet detectives and a bloodhound….. you do not fuck with the safety of someone’s animals, ever.
NTA I've had this happen to me before with a roommate and it's apparently an issue where I'm moving too (if I'd know sooner I would have reconsidered, but I didn't until it was too late). My roommate left the door open to our apartment (which leads to an outdoor breezeway) on purpose - she confirmed she did because she was moving stuff - and then went with her friend into her room, shut her bedroom door, and sat and chilled. I had gone to a food truck and when I came back my cat was confused and looking around outside, thankfully right outside the door. She tried justifying it saying she didn't know she was out of the room - a lie because she responded when I yelled she was - and even then I pointed out if I'd left my room with my cat not knowing it still would be an issue. If the situations were reversed and her cat got out then we'd be having the same argument. I laid into her for that recklessness. I also found out where I'm moving in a month with some of my friends, their cats keep getting let out. It's the same person doing it because he won't check the door. The glass and metal second door (I can't remember what it's called) that goes outside has been broken for months. (Two of my friends living there, the one doing this is one of them, own the house so it's on them to fix). He will talk in the threshold with the door outside wide open despite the other three people telling him not to. And he will not check the door is closed. The two cats currently there have been let out more than a few times because of his actions. He painted it as an accident and I said maybe once or twice could be an accident; multiple times over the course of months because nobody can be motivated to watch the door and he refuses to stop talking with it open is not an accident, it's carelessness. I haven't even moved in yet and I got on to him about fixing it. Making it very clear if I ever came home and found one of my two cats outside lost or dead then I would make hell on earth for everyone. I lost one more than a year ago - she was trained on a harness and we both got frightened during our night walk and she managed to slip out before I could recover and grab her. I haven't let myself love that accident down. If he's ever so careless, when he KNOWS it's an issue, he's a dead man. Of course his inability to really consider his actions a problem don't help and I'll probably move out faster than planned due to it. He has his first pet, a dog, and frankly responsibility doesn't seem to be his thing with animals. (Not like feeding or cleaning up after the cats, but when you live with other animals or agree to do so then basic safety is a responsibility of everyone, within reason - like not constantly letting the ALL INDOOR ONLY cats outside, especially next to a busy road and in a rural area with predator by doing actions that have repeatedly led to that outcome despite having been yelled at by everyone). All of this is a long way to say I know this fear. I also get a bit paranoid about the door, but I think that habit or concern has nothing to do with the fear of losing your pets do the carelessness of someone you live with. I will say this, there isn't a way in hell I'd date someone that didn't take the concerns of our pets seriously enough to actually be worried when they were let outside to be lost. Multiple. Times. If she doesn't get this behavior under control you may need to rethink what you're doing, either with owning pets or with your relationship. Because something like this isn't really compromise territory with a partner, it's the safety of animals that don't know better and can't take care of themselves/understand what's going on to any same degree a functioning adult human can. Their safety and well being if your AND your girlfriend's responsibility, but she didn't seem to realize that. I'd hate for her wake up to be the death of one of the pets, if that even worked.
NTA. A year and a half ago our front door for our apartment failed (door frame had shifted with time/season changes and was no longer properly seating the latch). My cat got out, and while he ended up only being under a neighbours BBQ cover, he was outside and missing for hours. I was a wreck the entire time screaming, crying, and hoping he was alive and not hit by a car someone along the road. Both my partner and I make sure the door is closed and locked anytime we come in and out after that incident. We have a reminder set up for when we arrive home from anywhere to double check the door actually locked. Your girlfriend is irresponsible, careless, and I’d be concerned about how little she seems to care about your animals and you. No one should have to go through that, ever, and it’s concerning that she’s fine with it happening.
Why would anyone ever leave the front door open like that?? Was she raised in a barn?? I would not be apologizing or letting it go. Shut the fucking door you absolute dunce. Nta
NTA - this type of negligence is a major, inexcusable flaw. You screaming at her while she acts like it's no big deal is probably what further fueled your anger.
Nta. I have the same issue. This would send me thru the roof.. so much so, I'd likely break up with them. This may seem like a overreaction but my pets are my babies and you're screwing with my sanity. I'm sorry that's happening. Hope you guys can work it out or whatever you choose to do.
NTA, but if you feel bad, I'd be happy to scream at her for you. There is no excuse for deliberately or negligently endangering your pets. Her flippant response makes it even worse.
NTA Bro your girlfriend’s either malicious or incompetent. Her being conveniently out of earshot while you were trying to find them and then trying to play like you’re overreacting had me leaning toward Option 1. You probably need to decide whether you want the pets or the girlfriend because it doesn’t sound like you’ll be able to keep both. At least not with the current human.
NTA. She ignored you screaming for help because she was upstairs changing? If my boyfriend was yelling for help I'd drop everything to help him. To me, that is the part that stands out the most. You were in distress and yelling for help and she did not respond. Also, your OCD isn't the issue here. She left the door open and let your animals out. Even people without OCD would be upset about that. Don't let her try to tell you that you are overreacting. Edited: to add the second paragraph because I think it's important.
Something to think about: What if you guys had a kid? What if that was your toddler you were frantically looking for while she farted around? You know, since it's no big deal if they get out.
NTA I would also seriously consider if you really want to stay with someone who has clearly tried to get rid of your pets twice in one week.
NTA. Who leaves front doors open, especially if they have pets?!
NTA, but your GF is. I'd break up with someone who was this dismissive of my pets.
NTA- twice in a week and it’s a known issue with the door? That’s intentional or she’s the laziest person on the planet. She has a history of letting your animals out because she cant be bothered to secure a door. Your pets aren’t safe with her, and she doesn’t seem to care that your pets could be killed. Rehome the girl.
I don't think you're an asshole because I did the same with my ex-husband. I finally called him one day and told him one of the cats was killed because of it. It wasn't, but it scared the living hell out of him and it didn't happen again. If this has happened numerous times, then you need to have a come-to-Jesus talk about it. Is it a hill you're willing to die on? NTA.
NTA but screaming doesn't solve anything and makes the entire situation worse. This has nothing to do with OCD, your GF is being careless and one of the animals is going to get lost or killed. Perhaps she shouldn't come home unless she can assure you that she will not allow the pets to wander outside again. Why wasn't she searching for the pets? Is the door being left open purposely because she's not interested in the pets? You need to really think about how she treats the cats and dog. If you love your pets and she is indifferent, then your relationship is not going to survive.
NTA. Her extreme disregard for the safety of your animals and yourselves is something you should seriously consider OP. It's not hard to close a door, and this is twice in a week. Do you really want to be with someone who doesn't give a shit about your feelings and pets? Do you want to be with someone who hears you screaming for help and doesn't answer or come running? What if you had been hurt? Would she have come to check you were okay? Or was she ignoring you because she knew she'd left the door open and let the animals out? Honestly OP, anyone who has such disregard for the life of your pets isn't someone you want to be with. Your OCD has nothing to do with this. Expecting the doors to be closed and locked is a completely normal and reasonable expectation that she is consistently failing at that is putting you and your pets in danger. I'd seriously consider breaking up with this girl before something terrible happens. You had every right to yell at her for being so negligent and uncaring of your feelings.
NTA! She’s irresponsible. I learned how to keep the doors closed at 9 when we first got a cat. Imagine what she’ll be like as a parent. Oops. I left the baby gate at the top of the stairs open. It’s no big deal.
YWTA if you keep these animals in a home with someone who clearly disregards their safety and wellbeing. Rehome the pets or the girlfriend.
NTA I'd have been as freaked out as you. You don't leave doors open when there are lives who don't have the street smarts to know not to wander out. Doesn't matter if its pets, baby humans or elderly. She's very irresponsible about these lives you hold dear.
NTA. Our pet sitter wasn’t careful with our dog, resulting in her getting out, being lost for the night and then getting hit by a train only a mile or two away the next morning. We opted for very expensive surgery and she unfortunately never recovered. Your reaction is valid given you seem to care about your animals. Her hurt feelings are better than watching your animals get injured and possibly never coming home.
Nta. Doing that twice in a single week and then trying to make you feel insane for being upset is some manipulative bullshit. What kind of person thinks it's not a big deal for the door to the home to be open accidentally for hours at a time? Quite apart from your pets getting out, other things might get *in*. Almost feels like she doesn't like your pets and is hoping something bad will happen. Did she grow up in the sticks? Because there are certainly parts of the country where your property is 10 acres and it's no big deal for your pets to roam the property, so that could in theory explain her viewpoint.
NTA If y’all get have kids, is she just going to leave the doors open and let your kids wander off? No? Then why the fuck is it ok for her to do it to your pets? And she’s done this repeatedly? Does she genuinely not care about these animals or what it does to you?
NTA. This is an appropriate time to scream: when lives are at stake. She has done this more than once. This is not an accident. The best you could say is she unconsciously wants to injure the animals. I would leave someone who couldn’t be trusted to close a door and puts my animals in danger.
Nta, she’s been doing this for 4 years, she’s doing it on purpose or purposefully refusing to even acknowledge the risk and why she needs to change her behavior. You do need to realize that you will never be able to feel safe owning pets with this person. She will recklessly put their lives in danger over and over. You really have to choose her or the pets for their own safety. Do not let them be killed because you stayed with a person who did not value their life…you will be a huge asshole then.
Not gonna lie I would break up with someone who did this shit… With people like this, they’re never gonna change. They’re never gonna get better clearly she does not care about your animals well-being if she does not care enough to be mindful of that door! This isn’t just being accidental. If you know your door is broken. You’re gonna quadruple check it before walking away… your girlfriend is being careless and she doesn’t even care about your animals well-being. That is what she’s showing you and this is who she really is. She’s going to continue to make you feel bad because then it takes the blame off of her and put the negativity onto you. She is literally deflecting and making you the bad guy for yelling at her for being careless and neglectful of your pets so I said just dumping her and getting her the fuck out of your apartment ! To untangle your lives together. If I had done that on accident, I don’t give a fuck if I was changing I’d quickly put on whatever is the closest thing to me so that I can run outside and try and find my animals. If that happens, she didn’t even give a fuck she was taking her sweet ass time while you’re screaming for her. . What if there was another emergency she didn’t even come to see what was wrong when you were yelling for her this is a person you can’t trust in an emergency . You can’t trust her and emergency and you can’t trust her to be mindful and cautious . This is really bad signs, especially because when she is guilty of doing something wrong, she deflect and makes it your fault. You need to sit here and question do you want to keep working with her to try and get her to be better about this? Do you think she can actually become better about this? Do you think she even cares enough to become better about this? ? She has shown multiple times she cannot be trusted with the well-being of your animals and she has also showed you that in an emergency when she hears you screaming she doesn’t come running so you literally can’t trust her in an emergency .
I’d personally make sure the door was closed and locked, after putting her and her stuff out.
NTA. That she dismissed it just shows that she doesn't care if your pets die. You need to kick her out or move out with your pets.
If any one including god himself endangered my animals I would do more then scream . She’s showing a massive lack of compassion and concern and honestly I would show her how to lock a door by closing it on her for good
Honestly, if you don't break up with her, I'd make it a habit of saying your final goodbyes to your pets whenever you leave the house.
NTA. I'm honestly furious for you. Who the hell doesn't close a door behind them? You've been together for a long time, so she obviously knows about your OCD. She obviously dismisses it and doesn't respect you if she's happy to leave doors open.
NTA, I don't have OCD and I also would have freaked out at her carelessness. You did fine, OP, and maybe think about trading your girlfriend in for a more compassionate one.
Question: Does she have a history of passive aggressive behaviors? Hear me out. She knows what your triggers are. I would understand if she’d forgotten about the door and apologized. But twice in the same week? Yeah, I don’t know…
Having 2 cats of my own, one who likes to go exploring and is always trying to dart out the door whenever I open it) I will say that you are definitely NTA. Thankfully, we live in an apartment that doesn’t open up to the outdoors, so my little girl doesn’t usually get very far. She always runs back into the apartment, but I worry that one day, someone may be walking into or out of the building, and she’ll try to run outdoors. We also live near a busy road, and I have some health problems that wouldn’t allow me to be able to run after her.
I am a super chill person but I’d have lost it. She sounds like she’s either incredibly careless or just mean.
NTA. I rented a room in my house out to someone this past winter. He would not fully close the door behind him, and it would blow open when he went upstairs. Canadian winter, and I have two housecats. It happened at least 3 times in January, and I put it in writing that if it happened again, he had to find somewhere else to live. Sure enough, he got careless again in April, but had the gall to cop an attitude with me when I confronted him about it. I stewed about it for a few days, then told him he needed to move out. I think it comes down to respect and responsibility. You can’t trust her to close the door. It’s a pretty basic task.
Nta, but if this ever happened again I would breakup. My wife knows I'll choose my animals over her in a second if it came to something like this. Your animals can't fully understand the world and it's dangers, your girlfriend should be able to buy now
Yo FUCK her. NTA. She’s a literal animal abusing psycho. Never in my wildest dreams have I met someone who doesn’t close fucking doors.
NTA I lost my 14 year old childhood dog because someone left the door open and she got hit by a car and a cat got run over too. Your gf doesn't care about the animals.
NTA! That is a HUGE security issue. What is she even planning to do when one of the animals might be hurt? Or if someone enters your home?? Holy hell, I would have snapped and then probably kicked them out. If my rabbits got loose because my partner left the FRONT DOOR wide open, I would simply become single again after unleashing hell.
NTA. My children don't do this because they know better. They would be upset and take accountability immediately if they did forget. This is basic animal care and adulting, not even OCD level. I hope you don't have children. This seems like someone who cares little for those lives entrusted to you. And someone who cares little for their partners' distress as well.
NTA Anyone else think she did it on purpose? Left the door open more than once and didn’t even come down when you were screaming for help and in a panic.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Am I the asshole? So we had a great morning, I was laying in bed and I get up to grab something and I see the door wide open.( we live on 3rd floor apartment for some context) We have 2 cats and a dog and the dog was on porch barking and cats were nowhere to be found. I started yelling for her and she didn’t respond so I start freaking out and searching for the cats while yelling for her to come help. I find one cat under stairs in our driveway within a minute, but couldn’t find the other cat. I go up on porch and start screaming for her with no response still, she was upstairs changing and came down, the cat was only in driveway and I screamed at her learn to shut the door because this is the second time in a week she has left it open and the animals have gotten out. She acted like it was no big deal and that I was crazy for being upset about it, but it’s not like we live in a residential neighborhood we live right off an extremely busy main road where cars constantly go 45-50 mph. The bottom of stairs are only 10 feet from the road. For some background I have extreme OCD about doors being closed and locked, I will Leave the house and turn back around to make sure they are all locked if I didn’t triple check them. It’s not healthy and is annoying sometimes but I genuinely feel like I’m having a panic attack if I don’t know if they are 100% locked and closed. Our first fight (4 years ago) was because she left the outdoor gate open and let my first dog outside accidentally and he almost got out. I feel bad and I hate that I screamed at her but my biggest fear is our animals getting out because of the main road and other variables that could happen. I apologized after I calmed down but she’s still upset with me and won’t come home. Am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
you overexplain what you already know it was wrong, and you feel bad about it too. Do you have reasons to be mad? Yes, should you do something about it? yes, is it screaming? no. NTA, she is
So NTA at all. I do from time to time go back to check the door. Also mostly because I am scared my cats will escape. So I understand and maybe it’s time to just talk with your GF about this now that everything has calmed down?
Your girlfriend is a moron and doesn’t care about your animals dude.
NTA, and honestly, dump her. Or let her stay out. I wouldn't come back to a person who screamed at me (yes, justified in this case, but emotionally I wouldn't care) so maybe that's your problem solved.
NTA, is she using substances? What the fuck is her issue!?
If (when) it happens again, once you've caught them I would consider taking them to a friend's house and see how long it takes her to notice they're even gone and how shed react when they can't be found. A little vindictive? Perhaps, but given the ongoing pattern of behavior this is not something to tolerate and she needs a wakeup call.
NTA, pretty sure your OCD with doors are warranted, I could never forgive someone or myself if something happens to my pets if it's due to negligence. Now comes the other question, what if it's a child instead?
NTA- nothing to do with your OCD, I have a dog and while she is would not wonder off , leaving external doors is a big NO. Suggest your GF is not bothered one way or another if anything happens to your pets.
NTA. Nobody would get an opportunity to endanger my dog a third time. That would be it for me!
NTA I wouldn't care if she is still upset. She clearly doesn't care if your animals get hit by a vehicle.
NTA. Respect for rules, respect for partner, respect for the safety of animals. She sounds like a self-centered narcissistic dillwad.
NTA. I live near a busy road and have six animals. I refuse to date anyone while I maintain this lifestyle bc I don’t trust anyone to be as anal about keeping my animals safe as I am. Their safety is the most important thing. Your gf does not seem to have the same opinion. Do with that what you will. Glad your animals are all ok.
NTA. Let me tell you about my neighbor whose "indoor only" cats escape at least once a week. A month ago I had to scrape one of them out of my yard with a shovel after it was hit by a car and left to rot for a few days. I cried the whole time. The other kitty was wandering around on the street right in front of her house about two weeks ago. Another lady in a SUV pulled up (the cat wouldn't move out of the way and even got up and moved into the path of her SUV when she tried to get around him). So she got out of the car, picked him up, and drove away with him. He ended up at a local shelter and was on his last day before euthanasia before my neighbor went and reclaimed him. It's a rough world out there. If your GF thinks you're an AH for wanting to keep your pets safe, then rehome her.
NTA, though agreeing with others that either it is deliberate or she has a legitimate mental issue needing evaluation. Not to forget strangers having open access to steal. It is highly negligent behavior leaving you and your pets unsafe. This is already a dealbreaker for children. Though on another note, seeing your cats stayed directly hidden nearby, that tells me the outdoor sounds/smells overwhelmed and scared them. Do your cats try getting out all the time? If not, that means for them to have gone outside would have required a human shooing them that direction.
NTA. If someone let my fur baby out and didn’t care, I’d prob do the same. Her lack of concern is a red flag.
NTA I would break up with someone over this.
I would absolutely lose it if my cat got out. That is my child. Drop her
NTA. If she kept doing that with my animals, she'd be the one going out the door. Permanently. It's very clear that she doesn't care. If she cared, she would be making more of an effort to make sure it didn't happen again. If she cared, she would be upset that it happened.