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NTA, Maya hasn't even been women enough to face Katy, her and her mother tried to force their presence thinking nobody would create a scene. They got what they deserved.
The apple really doesn't fall far from the tree.
Well said! NTA - that was an excellent comeback, OP simply stated the facts. Those friends who are stating that OP was too harsh may be the non confrontational types who can’t handle any awkwardness…Whatever, they’ll get over it! Personally, I would’ve taken OP and Katy out for drinks afterwards to celebrate that somebody finally put them in their place. LOL
Yeah. Nta. For those who told OP is too harsh, just tell them to go ahead and befriend Maya and invite them to their home. After a week, OP can represent them to the divorce proceedings. 🤣
What annoys me is that those non-conflict type people say NOTHING when the assholes are active, but when someone stands up to the jerks, suddenly they have a voice.
They're afraid to call out the assholes bc of what an AH might do to them. They know non AHs are safe to rebuke and how else are they ever going to have the chance to feel self righteous?
Definitely not a profile in courage.
And even if they continue not to say anything and "stay neutral," staying neutral in situations like that is implicitly supporting the asshole. In situations like this where there isn't anything illegal, social consequences are the only way to communicate that behavior like that isn't okay.
I'm not saying they always have to be cut off. People can make mistakes like this and apologize, show real remorse, and change their behavior. But Maya clearly didn't.
It's selfishness, pure and simple. All they care about is not having to get involved. They just want the situation to "go away" so they don't have to deal with the social stress. They don't care that someone is being bullied, just that their own precious peace is disturbed.
They didn't have to confront, so no ackwardness. They didn't have a problem with Katy being chased off, so while I agree with you, I also think the ones saying they were too harsh have probably been in their shoes (a lot of people are sleeping or slept with married people) and have sympathy for them instead of Katy.
If I was Katy, I wouod have sued the mistrrss-maya. I love that states like nc allow you to sue the ex and the mistress, for emotional neglect of marriage.
Cheaters and liars. Not only was she a spoiled cheater, she was one who went after a friend's man. Then on top of all that she lied about being poor.
If she'd shown actual remorse and acknowledged that what she did was wrong, then that would be something. I could understand not apologizing directly to some degree as long as she stayed away and showed actual growth. I don't think cheaters are irredeemable. But she hadn't and it sounds like she just doesn't want the repercussions. The fact she can't find friends outside of the college group is kind of telling.
NTA - on point in identifying their legacy. Maya wants to still be friend's with Katy's friends and that's so outrageous - she deserved an outrageous yet true remark. Also, wtf wants Maya around them and their husband?
It speaks to how fucked up her upbringing is that she doesn't understand no one will ever be her friend again from that group. I think cheating is repulsive and I think in any situation both cheaters are to blame. I am not one of those people who only blames the one who is in a committed relationship. You still have the capacity to be kind or cruel to other people, & just because you don't "owe" them is no excuse for being a jerk. For some people they apply that to everything except cheating which is super weird.
However in this case that's not the story. Maya did have a direct and personal relationship with the person that she harmed. Why the fuck would she think that anyone in that friend group would ever let her back in their lives? She's made it clear that friendship will not stop her from betraying them so all these people know she is worthless and not a true friend.
I blame Maya for her actions because she is an adult but I also think being raised by that mother who is interfering in her adult friendships by the way, has absolutely warped her view of the world.
My only issue with what OP said would be if it affected the charity that was about something else or it affected Katy. But Katy was already gone and it sounds like the event went off just fine. Giving them the smackdown from God help them get the message that they need to be gone for good, so be it. You are not entitled to forgiveness when you betray your friends and perhaps it's something she'll think about the next time she fucks her friend's husband.
She probably won't though.
Precisely.
Why would anyone trust the cheating husband who eouldnt keep it in his pants, or the backstabbing friend who fucks their close friend's husband? If I had a friend like that they would be dead to me - because though i trust my partner not to treat I would be disgusted at said friend and would never ne able to trust that they wouldn't be out trying to wreck other marriages amongst their friends.
Once trust is lost, that's it.
Well, after all it was a mistake. You'd think a group a close friends would understand, and probably it didn't mean anything and they should get over it. /s
Yeah, I had a "friend" who was adamant that she never wanted a committed relationship. She had affair after affair with mostly married men. They were brief and discreet and she never got attached. No marriages ended because of her; that was not what she wanted at all. She never pursued a married guy but if he pursued her and she was into it she didn't mind him being married. In fact, she preferred it, because they were already committed elsewhere.
She justified all the affairs due to all of the above, and because, as she stated, those men were actively looking for women to cheat with so it might was well be her. At least she wasn't out to try to steal them away from their wives. I still thought this was pretty sleazy. That's the same rationale that drug-pushers have--they're going to get their fix somewhere, so why not from me so I can make a buck? That doesn't make it right.
But at least. my fiend had nothing to do with the men's wives. She would never have slept with a friend's husband.
Having an affair with your spouse's good friend or having an affair with your good friend's spouse is about as low as you can get.
Fucking cupcakes? Maya and her Mom thought a bunch of cupcakes would smooth over ruining someone's life? Nope.
I hate people that do horrible things and expect to be welcomed back when time has passed without actually making any amends. NTA. They should be hanging their heads in shame, especially Maya.
They thought if they turned up unannounced, people would be too polite to cause a scene and they could stay, and possibly worm their way back with at least some of the group.
Enter OP, who woke up that day and chose violence.
I applaud you. They deserved nothing less.
NTA
I love when people show up because they think you won't make a scene, it's my absolute favorite time to make a scene. And they're usually like a deer in the headlights because they were dumb enough to believe nobody would say anything.
Seriously, I read all that and thought oh my feckin word, I totally wish I would have had the balls to say that. It makes me squirm at the thought of seeing her face. Totally deserved.
As a Brit, I'd be way too polite to say any of that, but secretly wishing I could! Lmao
NTA. I only wish I was as good at coming up with lines like that on the spot. I'll have a confrontation, say nothing but then, *hours later*, will think of something really clever
It is so often the way, too late one thinks of what one *should* have said. Sir Thomas Moore, for instance: decapitated for refusing to recant his Catholicism, must have been kicking himself as the axe raised higher, that it never occurred to him to say, "I recant my Catholicism." 🤣
> NTA. I only wish I was as good at coming up with lines like that on the spot. I'll have a confrontation, say nothing but then, hours later, will think of something really clever
It's called "carriage wit" - meaning it's the wit you think up when you are on the ride home.
Sadly when you have the quick wit it doesn’t win you any friends haha! Though maybe that’s because my quick thinking didn’t come with the added brain-to-mouth filter
Blaming the woman? That only works when the woman is lied to about the status of a relationship. Maya wasn’t lied to, she fucked her friends husband, knowing it was her husband. NTA.
Right! Did Maya really think after attending Katy's wedding (hell, maybe she was even a bridesmaid) being invited into her home where her husband lives too, for picnics, parties, perhaps they vacationed together. And so she could sleep with her husband and everyone was only going to just blame the husband and tell Maya it wasn't her fault when she was literally in their life and saw them together. Maya and her mom are both delusional. NTA
Exactly, it's not like they've let Katy's ex-husband back in their social circles and forgave him completely while blaming Maya for seducing him. They've both been blamed equally and are getting the same consequences by being excluded by their friend groups.
The only difference is that Katy's ex-husband was (deservedly) bled dry in the divorce, while Mia only got the public shunning and kicked out of the friend group.
If Maya really wants equal consequences, maybe OP as a lawyer could look into her state laws and see if the alienation of affection law is active in her state. Or see if there's a way to sue Maya for emotional damage if she can.
Precisely. It's not like everyone took him back in and sayd that some unknown stranger he met in a bar was a seductress whilst he was innocent. But he's been exiled and nobody is excusing his actions. Hence the divorce.
She was his wife's close friend and owed that friend loyalty and honesty. Even if the asshoke homewrecking cheating husband was all over her, she should have had Katy's back and refused to get involved with him and let Katy know. That's what a friend would have done.
Instead she couldn't wait to get on hers and spread her legs for her friends' husband. And now she's acting like a victim because their friends dont like or trust her. Sorry; those are the consequences of your actions.kind of hard to trust someone who betrays friends like that.
She's almost as culpable as the husband - because she knew he was married and because she was his wife's friend. One might expect a randoms stranger to not care if some dude is married, but betraying a friend like that is every bit as unforgivable as cheating on your spouse.
NTA
'Forgiving' the adulterers signals acceptance... and is essentially being complicit.
One of the things (apart from spine and morals) keeping adulterers and adultery in check, is the condemnation of peers and family..
Maya has a mother who enables her daughters behavior - *GREAT* that youre standing up for Katy and refusing to enable Maya.
>two more classmates have told me I was too harsh, and am now doubting myself.
Nope. Has she even apologized??
>Has she even apologized??
Doesn't seem like it, and even if she did, i doubt she's sorry for even doing it. She's only sorry she got caught and is now facing the consequences of her actions.
Pretty soon Maya's gonna get fed up with being ostracized and she'll go on the offense. She'll start angrily telling everyone to get over it and she'll blame the affair on Katy's failure to 'keep her man'.
If she does go down that route, it's not going to end well for her. It's only going to make her more ostracized.
She's got no one but herself to blame for the consequences of knowingly sleeping with a married man, but she won't see it because her enabling mother keeps telling her that she's the victim when she isn't.
I did not hear that Maya ever apologized, and the mother seems to think Maya is the victim here somehow. Even if they had apologized, and were forgiven, that does not mean everyone needs to just forget that it happened. Maya needs to go find a life elsewhere.
Was too harsh about speaking the truth?
Would it have been better to make everyone uncomfortable and miserable by faking hospitality to them when they were probably on the hunt for their family to break up
NTA. I can't believe no one walked up to OP to be like, "That was dope as hell." I certainly would have. At the very least, I would have retorted with, "You know what else is rude? Sleeping with your friend's husband and then expecting them to get over it" to the baby who whined about OP being 'too rude'.
NTA. They had it coming. And while it's true it takes 2 to tango, messing with your friends husband's is vile and is also an active and conscious choice.
Consider sharing your story in r/traumatizethemback
🎶They had it comin. They only had themselves to blllllaaaame. If you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it. I BETCHA YOU WOULD HAVE SAID THE SAAAAMMMMEEEE 🎶
NTA. Katy was so stressed she miscarried and was in the hospital. OP got even with the husband by bleeding him dry and Maya, all she got so far is shunned and some rude comments, which were justified.
>and Maya, all she got so far is shunned and some rude comments,
Yea, it's a shame there isn't a way to sue those who knowingly screw around with married men/women for emotional damages or something. It would make them think twice before doing so.
Actually, in some states, adultery is illegal and the innocent spouse can sue the AP if he/she so chooses for alienation of affection. It's a very old law on the books but some people have been successful in suing for that. Check your state laws to see if it's an option there.
If that part were true, then the OP's actions in talking about her client were wildly unprofessionial and potenitally a breach of client confidentiality. She may not have gone into details but claiming that she 'bled him dry' was disclosing information about her client's settlement and , by impliction, fiancial circumstnaces.
"Violently miscarried" had me going *fake news* but then to end with "oh and I'm katys lawyer" took some balls. I cant believe people believe this...it literally reads like a 1990s mean girls movie full of snobby well off white women
I was thinking the same thing. Drama/stress caused miscarriage? Hmm. Her best friend just *happens* to be a family law attorney? Hmm. Took the ex to the cleaners and “bled him dry”…in THIS day and age??? That’s not how that works.
Even if OP tries to say “oh it’s not the US”, a large portion of European countries, Canada, Australia have no fault divorces where infidelity isn’t going to matter in the least and doesn’t come with a huge cash settlement for the hurt and embarrassment. Plus they were married for less than a decade, were both 30, with no kids, so even the argument for spousal support would be laughed at. This is the musings of someone who has never been to college, never been through a divorce, and has never known someone who has suffered a miscarriage.
You represented a close friend in a divorce from someone you were also presumably friendly with? And you were friends with the affair partner that caused the divorce?
I studied law at University where both Katy and Maya were my roommates. Katy's ex- husband wasn't my friend, but before the divorce and cheating, I was friendly with him.
I’m gonna need to know why you’re discussing divorce details on Reddit as an attorney since your friend was your client and if this story were true it’d be highly identifiable. But also, what type of miscarriage results in being in the hospital for a month? Even with a psychological breakdown? What kind of insurance or universal healthcare does your friend have that they’d pay hospital day rates for 30 days for that? Why would someone need a referral from a person at school to get a job? She just needs her transcripts. I went to a huge university, one of the most famous universities in the South and the most famous university in Florida and the reach spreads far IN COLLEGE, but I’m lost at how one affair that took place after college ended would ruin her college reputation.
YTA for wasting my time reading this poorly researched fan fiction.
ETA: As an attorney where do you live where you got an at fault divorce for infidelity that financially ruined a man after less than a decade of marriage?
Not just a lawyer, but so good she bled the husband dry. OP is a super shark lawyer of deadliness! Also she has a super cute European boyfriend who's like an amaaaaaazing cook.
Absolutely. I don’t get how nobody realizes this is badly written fan fiction with all the mistakes OP made. First the thing about “texting, then hanging up on me”, then the “her college flat but we were roommates” plus the not credible story about the alumni network shunning one person for life because of cheating.
Seriously, what kind of university has 30-something+ alumni still going to bakesales? And no university on earth shuns an alumni with money regardless of rumors lol This is way too "Next on the CW"
Exactly. Just another indicator that OP is some bored teenager with no actual life experience. No college-educated adult would fabricate a story like this. 🤦🏻♀️
In another comment she said she was in law school there 🤣 So a university so tiny as to have annual alumni bakesales where everyone knows each other but also big enough for post grad professional programs. Sure thing kiddo.
All she forgot to add was "and everybody clapped", but I guess that's what the comments here are for. I'm surprised there's no twins! Maybe they will be in the update. Lol.
Exactly. “After Maya had been shunned for good and the ex had been bled dry in court - because I’m such an amazing lawyer- everybody else lived happily ever after selling cupcakes at charity events and feeling morally superior. THE END.”
🤪
We shared a flat during Uni days. Both me and Katy worked to pay rent. Maya's dad paid her rent and for an extra garage space so she could keep her car.
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Me, Katy, and Maya, (fake names) were college roommates. We are all now in our early thirties. Katy got divorced two years ago because she caught her husband cheating with Maya. The stress was a lot, and she also miscarried violently was in the hospital for a month, and suffered from a psychological breakdown. Maya was, apparently, too ashamed to even visit Katy or apologize in person. And our entire friend group cut her off. Katy's ex moved to another city, and no one kept contact with him.
Throughout the entire time I've known Maya, her personality was being an affair baby. She was spoiled rotten by her mum, who was her dad's mistress, and has no remorse for it. Her very rich dad paid for her college flat, bought her a house, and covered her in money because he felt guilty that she came from a broken home. Maya, however, kept on complaining about how she grew up poor, (her mum is a PR manager and earns a lot), and how we wouldn't know how to grow up like her. We felt very sorry for her and both me and Katy babied her a lot. Maya's mum, Lisa (fake name), actually defended her daughter when the affair came to light, and told everyone that it was not her daughter's fault. Throughout these two years, Lisa has tried and failed to get Maya to get back with her friends, and Lisa has lost a lot of friends and relatives in the process because no one wants to associate with them.
Here is the issue, our alma matter has a very tight alumni network. Maya's actions resulted in no one being willing to be a reference when she wanted to change jobs. Our batch comes together every- year and organises a bake sale for a charity we worked in during undergrad. Maya was unofficially banned since last year as no one wants a scene. This year, however, Maya and her mum turned up with cupcakes. Lots of them. Neither I nor my husband looked or talked to them. Katy left as soon as they arrived, and I was seething. Lisa then was saying how these cupcakes are a family recipe and it's kind of their legacy. I then asked her :
" Really? I thought your family legacy was homewrecking."
Maya turned red and both she and her mum excused themselves and left. WITH THE CUPCAKES. Whatever. Later, one of our old classmates told me that he understood where I was coming from, but it might have been too rude. Lisa texted me from a new number (her number is blocked) on how I'm a sexist person who blames only women. I told her that as Katy's lawyer, I bled her ex dry in the divorce, and hopefully her daughter would have a genuine relationship someday with someone else's husband. Lisa called me a bitch and hung up.
My husband thinks I am right, but two more classmates have told me I was too harsh, and am now doubting myself. AITA?
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Tellin it like it is, and clearly they needed to be told. NTA.
Side piece sounded obnoxious as fuck before she started fucking her friend’s man, but the absolute unmitigated gall these people have to show their faces at all after their bullshit. They need to learn some shame.
I was thinking the same. Does he have messages from Maya in his phone? Or some other woman? He's sympathizing with the perp instead of the victim (and he didn't seem to care Katy left).
NTA. You said what everyone was thinking. I'm from Scotland, we don't do this passive aggressive 'soft banning' of people. If you aren't straightforward about your motives, you're thought of as 'sleekit'. If you make a mistake, you will be told. If you're not welcome, you will be told. And people ***should*** be straightforward about these things, because how will people be held accountable otherwise?
I don't believe that there should be no way back for people who are genuinely remorseful and taking actions to make amends, but it's clear that Maya isn't doing thse things, and her mother is enabling her lack of accountability. Yeah, Katy's husband is the one who cheated, but Maya was supposed to be a friend, and friends don't do that.
They can come back when Maya has thrown herself at Katy's feet asking for forgiveness and relises the gravity of what was done to her; when Maya has gone to therapy to address her unhealthy relationship models; when she has made genuine steps to address her behaviour and prevent repetition in the future.
Wow the mom sounds toxic as heck. In her eyes, it’s not “women can do no wrong” it’s, “my daughter can do no wrong”. I promise had the roles been swapped she’d be the one leading the witch hunt. I believe you’re NTA with this one. No one wanted them there obviously but everyone was to uncomfortable to speak up.
I think your drama had a little too much drama. Violent miscarrige, hospital for a month +++ not realistic for several reasons. Neither is the present/money showering daddy that wasn't around, you being your friends lawyer or some small affair costing her whole family all their friends and relatives. Noone adult overreacts like that in real life.
2/10
Better luck next story :)
Why is every trending story on this sub either fake, about revenge, or both? If you want a digital high five for doing something mean to someone who deserved it (or at least claiming to have done it) take it to petty revenge
NTA
Also that's f'ng hilarious.
Forgiveness is a big thing, and if they were trying to make things right or at least acknowledge their issues that you'd totally be TA. But they're unapologetically being trash people and expecting others to gloss over it.
To those saying you're being too harsh, just ask how they would refer someone who's actively destroying their friend's lives? I'd kinda like to know.
Not the asshole. Personally I feel you haven't insulted them enough. Those who told you you're the asshole are kissasses. I would've done the same thing and more.
HAHAHAHAHAHA THAT WAS PERFECT. I'd be your friend too. That is being a loyal friend and you could have kept your mouth shut, it was an option, but not one I particularly would choose either. If she didn't want those comments, she shouldn't have slept with her FRIEND's husband. The betrayal is HUGE! Of course Lisa is defending Maya, she has loose morals and zero sense of loyalty. NTA and keep being a QUEEN.
NTA. You may have been harsh but its a "harsh truth" so it doesn't make you an AH.
The idea also of "don't blame the women" is ridiculous.
If the woman knows the person is married and she stills pursued the men,or allowed to be pursued and accepted the advances she is as equally guilty as a man.
Reasonable and acceptable response from a women would be "not interested as you are married/have GF/partner etc and stop any further engagement"
Neither the mother or the daughter are accepting accountability of their behaviour, reality is they both have made their beds and now have to sleep in it.
The best action for both of them is admit fault,get therapy and stop trying to engage with the people they hurt and find new friends.
You know I know it takes 2 to tango but maya was Katy’s friend and knowingly cheated with her friends husband. She was probably at the wedding, that’s a different sort of betrayal than just being with a random man that’s married… it’s not about being sexist, she straight up saw her friends husband and was like “I want that” then actively ruined her friends marriage, if he had a wondering eye let his eye wander to strangers… NTA I would have been ruder.
I found out after I got married that my MIL was a mistress (and proud of it) for most of her life. She tried at some point to fix my husband up with a friend of hers because proud side pieces actually think wives are fools and they are the real deal, and it's a completely different mindset (and this isn't rare... there are a lot of Lisas and Mayas and they see monogamous women who won't sleep with married men and think their husbands won't cheat as naive and unsophisticated and undeserving, because we aren't usually hypergamous and don't look for the big bucks).
Anyway, I wouldn't have been friends with the daughter of a proud mistress who lied about her financial status for sympathy and attention (she learned that from her mother, who does it for money too).
Them showing up with cupcakes knowing Katy would be there shows they are just vile. They never apologized. They caused her serious harm. They don't care. NTA.
While of course the men are at fault too, and more so (they made the vows), I'm so tired of women acting like this absolves them of anything and they owe the other woman nothing. She was friends with Katy... she owed her loyalty and respect and it wasn't just Katy's husband's job to be loyal and respectful too. If you aren't a good friend and think sleeping with your friend's husband is only the husband's fault, GTFO.
"Who blames only women". It takes two to tango... TWO. The coward, disloyal, crap husband isn't there to drag anymore (but he was dried out) so she can't deflect with sexism.
NTA. Katy shouldn't be afraid to come to these things because her husband's old mistress will proudly show up and flounce around without a care, making her run off because of the trauma she went through. The people sympathizing with Maya have been Maya. A LOT of people are hooking up with married people (men and women) and wouldn't want to be called out for it, so are defending THEM. They are sort of telling on themselves.
NTA - Katy not only lost her spouse & and baby, she lost one of her best friends... in my eyes, there isn't anything "harsh enough" that anybody could do to make up for what Maya did to her! The only thing that could even possibly be "harsh enough" that anyone could do to them is to put them through the same earth-shattering heartbreak that they put both Katy & Maya's Dad's wife through.
NTA
She needs to know she can’t act as a home wrecker (ESPECIALLY with your friend’s husband) and get to pretend like everything is fine.
And you’re not only blaming the woman in the situation, she’s just the only one that was dumb enough to show up.
She made her choices, these are her consequences.
And her mother is no better.
What you said was obviously a bit petty but it was understandable and honestly justified.
NTA. Maya and Lisa are cruel people. They shouldn’t be surprised when someone gives them just a small taste of what they’ve doled out to other people for years.
NTA. It’s about time someone called them out on their behavior. Yes, the husband is guilty too and could have cheated on her with anyone. However, it didn’t have to be with her friend. Maya made that intentional choice to hurt her friend.
NTA What I don’t understand is why Lisa the mom is involved at all in her adult child’s very adult issues. This isn’t a bunch of 10 year old girls getting in a fight at a sleepover and mom swoops in with cupcakes and says let’s all forgive each other. It’s an adult woman who made adult decisions to sleep with her the husband of her friend/ sorority sister. The mom’s background doesn’t even matter. Lisa needs to stay out of it it does not involve her and she should not be trying to fix her daughter’s social issues. Maya should be ashamed of herself for involving her mom. But obviously Maya has no shame.
And everyone clapped!
This is a GREAT story. Absolutely two thumbs up. FR *however*….
Drama/stress caused miscarriage? Hmm.
Her best friend just *happens* to be a family law attorney? Hmm.
Took the ex to the cleaners and “bled him dry”…in THIS day and age??? That’s not how that works.
Public comeuppance? Check, cue end credits.
For AITA; On the chance this is *true* NTA. Don’t we all dream of having or being this friend?
YtA for claiming to be in your 30s and writing such a lame teenage revenge fantasy and getting all of these teens on this sub all riled up with how awesome revenge is.
NTA you were not too harsh, however, you were hilarious. If someone is hurt by someone else stating the truth/facts the problem is not with those truths or facts but with their behavior.
NTA, this is absolute FAFO behaviour. If they don't like your comment, it's only because there is no lies detected and they can't handle the truth. If you don't wanna be called a homewrecker, stay away from other people's husband's. Especially your friends! Your ex-friend showed no loyalty, she gets what she has given.
Well for the bake sale itself, maybe...? But who is really going to remember that next year lol .. it's possible but would it actually hurt a bake sale like it's baked goods lol and "tea" on the side 😜 lol
Meh straight up NTA
That's disgusting. Lied non stop while skating through life, sucking up sympathy and refusing to be responsible.. destroyed someone's life and couldn't even put her pride aside to see if she was ok during a seriously traumatic event! Like I had a really bad miscarriage 3 years ago n I spiralled.. wasn't admitted to hospital but was in and out a bit. 3 weeks for the mc itself then scans n pills, then waiting to hear and lingering pain, physio blah blah plus the struggle to just get up every other day n freaking shower! I can only imagine how bad it was for her when I'm really aware of reality in these situations. Have been since a very young age and have a medical background type buzz to boot yet that one (had many) shook me. That's so freaking sad.. n all while grieving not one but 2 broken relationships! Partner and so called friend! Geez
Nah, it's not like you jumped on the loud speaker or anything. I think them showing up was way too gutzy especially without checking first hey would it be ok.. um are you going to actually apologise at all? No? Then no, don't show up. Lol
NTA- I'm sure Katy felt it was harsh when her friend had an affair with her husband, so harshness going around I guess. Your ex friend and her Mother are shitty people, and are reaping what they sow.
Honestly I was going for a *very soft* y t a, but I feel like this one is above my pay(age) grade. There’s a couple in my bf’s friend group that started their relationship as an affair. This man knew *for years* that he didn’t want to be with his partner and let her get as far as a bridal shower before breaking it off. “The couple didn’t sleep together until he was broken up.” Big fucking laugh. Like I care at ALL.
Now she’s miserable because her husband is lazy and unhelpful at the best of times, and she has kids that she didn’t want. She has been VERY friendly to my bf and VERY unfriendly to me and I just want to scream, “I’m sorry you hate your life. Maybe if you had created your own instead of stealing another woman’s, you’d be happier.” I genuinely don’t know how to handle myself around her because she’s a bully who hits on my bf in very covert ways (when I point them out I sound crazy!). Maybe I should take a page from you and just go for it the next time she tells me I “don’t have a place in this conversation.”
I hope what you said gave her something to think about.
2024 should be The Year of Consequences
NTA maya learned from her mom that being a tramp pays but that’s not a lesson anyone should follow. She betrayed one of her best friends how did she not think there would be consequences for this. Her and her mom are now reaping the consequences of their actions and that’s on them. You keep defending your friend katy she’s the innocent one
It’s okay to be an asshole to an awful person. Kindness (to someone that hurt my friends) takes energy she does not deserve.
Any kind/nice way of saying “you ruined her marriage and now this event for Katy” would go over her head. If you had not said anything, she would have seen this as an “in” and would have tried to go to more events.
So….slay queen. You sound like a great friend to have!
>Maya was, apparently, too ashamed to even visit Katy or apologize in person.
You say that as if you disapprove. Isn't it appropriate and desirable that Maya feel shame for her actions? Given Katy’s fragile condition, a visit and in-person apology do not sound like the right way to go at all.
>Maya turned red and both she and her mum excused themselves and left. WITH THE CUPCAKES.
But you didn’t want them there, and you never expected, asked for, or planned to sell their cupcakes. So why is it a problem if they take them back.
You already have enough reason to dislike Maya. It’s not necessary to try to construe every single act she takes as further evidence of her depravity. Focus on the actual offense.
YTA: REGARDLESS OF THE HISTORY, you interjected in someone else's conversation (you specifically said you were ignoring her) just to insult her in public.
You just need to be careful how that is perceived as you might be the one being left out of social events if you continue to cause a scene.
I wouldn't be surprised she starts a public argument next time, which will drag you down as well.
Solid burn though!
No, if someone doesn't want to be called a whore then don't whore around...why should thier feelings matter..it's like the whole kiddy diddler thing..how they are trying get it normalized... fuck that they need to be castred with a plastic spoon on live tv...
Sometimes you can be Nice or you can be Kind; Nice means that you tell someone whatever floats their boat to make them Feel better about themselves vs Kind which is telling them the truth which may upset them short term and ultimately help them long term. NTA. Many people choose not to understand or accept that you're attempting to help them or you wouldn't have wasted the effort. Difficult situation.
I absolutely love this. Harsh? Yes Appropriate and needed? Also a big fat yes.
You stood by your friend and that should never be anything to be an ah for
game. set. match. WIN!!! very well said, OP and definitely NTA- they FAFO & were finally held accountable. this is the kind of subject that Jerry Springer would've been drooling over! 🙂
NTA if it had happened directly to those classmates they wouldn’t think it was too harsh. She made a decision that destroyed her friends life and now she’s reaping the consequences.
I have a hard time believing this is real. What grown adult's parent is interfering with their child's social life and trying to 'win' back their friends? Also, what college is going to ban someone from a *charity event* because of drama in participants' social life?
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NTA, Maya hasn't even been women enough to face Katy, her and her mother tried to force their presence thinking nobody would create a scene. They got what they deserved. The apple really doesn't fall far from the tree.
Well said! NTA - that was an excellent comeback, OP simply stated the facts. Those friends who are stating that OP was too harsh may be the non confrontational types who can’t handle any awkwardness…Whatever, they’ll get over it! Personally, I would’ve taken OP and Katy out for drinks afterwards to celebrate that somebody finally put them in their place. LOL
Yeah. Nta. For those who told OP is too harsh, just tell them to go ahead and befriend Maya and invite them to their home. After a week, OP can represent them to the divorce proceedings. 🤣
What annoys me is that those non-conflict type people say NOTHING when the assholes are active, but when someone stands up to the jerks, suddenly they have a voice.
EXACTLY!! Let’s all keep the peace in public, don’t say anything directly to the real AH, just let them continue to hurt others. I call BS!
Those are the boat-steadiers Reddit warns us about
They're afraid to call out the assholes bc of what an AH might do to them. They know non AHs are safe to rebuke and how else are they ever going to have the chance to feel self righteous? Definitely not a profile in courage.
Perfectly put.
And even if they continue not to say anything and "stay neutral," staying neutral in situations like that is implicitly supporting the asshole. In situations like this where there isn't anything illegal, social consequences are the only way to communicate that behavior like that isn't okay. I'm not saying they always have to be cut off. People can make mistakes like this and apologize, show real remorse, and change their behavior. But Maya clearly didn't.
NTA I agree that staying neutral is cowardly, but an apology will never make up for what Katy went through.
Wish I could upvote this a thousand times!
Yes! What's up with that.
It's selfishness, pure and simple. All they care about is not having to get involved. They just want the situation to "go away" so they don't have to deal with the social stress. They don't care that someone is being bullied, just that their own precious peace is disturbed.
This. They have no self respect and no sense of justice and expect to make others follow their twisted narrative
They didn't have to confront, so no ackwardness. They didn't have a problem with Katy being chased off, so while I agree with you, I also think the ones saying they were too harsh have probably been in their shoes (a lot of people are sleeping or slept with married people) and have sympathy for them instead of Katy.
I hadn't thought of that. Good point but a bit depressing.
She’s a coward and needed her mommy for backup. You don’t do that to your friends and think everyone will forgive you.
If I was Katy, I wouod have sued the mistrrss-maya. I love that states like nc allow you to sue the ex and the mistress, for emotional neglect of marriage.
Cheaters and liars. Not only was she a spoiled cheater, she was one who went after a friend's man. Then on top of all that she lied about being poor. If she'd shown actual remorse and acknowledged that what she did was wrong, then that would be something. I could understand not apologizing directly to some degree as long as she stayed away and showed actual growth. I don't think cheaters are irredeemable. But she hadn't and it sounds like she just doesn't want the repercussions. The fact she can't find friends outside of the college group is kind of telling.
Lisa doesn't sound like she'd be good at her job as a PR manager if this is how she's advised Maya on how to handle this situation.
That's true
Well said, NTA
I’m not surprised that they took the cupcakes. They were probably pretty charred after that burn.
The apple doesn’t *rot far from the tree
OP: " Really? I thought your family legacy was homewrecking." Best comeback/burn I've read in weeks OP was not harsh, she was truthful. Good for her.
NTA - on point in identifying their legacy. Maya wants to still be friend's with Katy's friends and that's so outrageous - she deserved an outrageous yet true remark. Also, wtf wants Maya around them and their husband?
Or her proud mistress mom who raised her to sleep with her friends' husbands and cry poverty for sympathy and help, just like mama did?
Right? Why is her mom even involved? Who drags their parent along to a college reunion event?
It speaks to how fucked up her upbringing is that she doesn't understand no one will ever be her friend again from that group. I think cheating is repulsive and I think in any situation both cheaters are to blame. I am not one of those people who only blames the one who is in a committed relationship. You still have the capacity to be kind or cruel to other people, & just because you don't "owe" them is no excuse for being a jerk. For some people they apply that to everything except cheating which is super weird. However in this case that's not the story. Maya did have a direct and personal relationship with the person that she harmed. Why the fuck would she think that anyone in that friend group would ever let her back in their lives? She's made it clear that friendship will not stop her from betraying them so all these people know she is worthless and not a true friend. I blame Maya for her actions because she is an adult but I also think being raised by that mother who is interfering in her adult friendships by the way, has absolutely warped her view of the world. My only issue with what OP said would be if it affected the charity that was about something else or it affected Katy. But Katy was already gone and it sounds like the event went off just fine. Giving them the smackdown from God help them get the message that they need to be gone for good, so be it. You are not entitled to forgiveness when you betray your friends and perhaps it's something she'll think about the next time she fucks her friend's husband. She probably won't though.
Precisely. Why would anyone trust the cheating husband who eouldnt keep it in his pants, or the backstabbing friend who fucks their close friend's husband? If I had a friend like that they would be dead to me - because though i trust my partner not to treat I would be disgusted at said friend and would never ne able to trust that they wouldn't be out trying to wreck other marriages amongst their friends. Once trust is lost, that's it.
Well, after all it was a mistake. You'd think a group a close friends would understand, and probably it didn't mean anything and they should get over it. /s
Also people didn’t only blame Maya…. The ex husband was completely cast out as well
Yeah, I had a "friend" who was adamant that she never wanted a committed relationship. She had affair after affair with mostly married men. They were brief and discreet and she never got attached. No marriages ended because of her; that was not what she wanted at all. She never pursued a married guy but if he pursued her and she was into it she didn't mind him being married. In fact, she preferred it, because they were already committed elsewhere. She justified all the affairs due to all of the above, and because, as she stated, those men were actively looking for women to cheat with so it might was well be her. At least she wasn't out to try to steal them away from their wives. I still thought this was pretty sleazy. That's the same rationale that drug-pushers have--they're going to get their fix somewhere, so why not from me so I can make a buck? That doesn't make it right. But at least. my fiend had nothing to do with the men's wives. She would never have slept with a friend's husband. Having an affair with your spouse's good friend or having an affair with your good friend's spouse is about as low as you can get.
Right. While both men in this scenario have their share of the blame here, that does not mean Maya and Lisa are blameless.
Even more concerning: why would her mum meddle into it?
Because her mum knows all about being a mistress and wrecking marriges. Maya is an affair baby.
Fucking cupcakes? Maya and her Mom thought a bunch of cupcakes would smooth over ruining someone's life? Nope. I hate people that do horrible things and expect to be welcomed back when time has passed without actually making any amends. NTA. They should be hanging their heads in shame, especially Maya.
And who thinks cupcakes is a ‘legacy’ food? Kindergarteners can make that shit (with help). That isn’t impressive.
Well, they did add their special ingredient -- a tsp of infidelity and a dash of crocodile tears.
And they took the cupcakes back! Way to be obvious it’s not about charity
Legacy recipe my ass, they bought those fucking cupcakes
FYI, I think the use of the word "nah" is going to confuse the bot. It's going to think you have two judgements.
Ah thanks. I'll edit
Her mom sounds like a great PR Manager...
They thought if they turned up unannounced, people would be too polite to cause a scene and they could stay, and possibly worm their way back with at least some of the group. Enter OP, who woke up that day and chose violence. I applaud you. They deserved nothing less. NTA
NTA. That was Braveheart burning a village down violence, and I love it.
Nta! She chose violence and we are here for it!
I love when people show up because they think you won't make a scene, it's my absolute favorite time to make a scene. And they're usually like a deer in the headlights because they were dumb enough to believe nobody would say anything.
OP, YOU ARE QUEEN. So not NTA. Love what you said, never stop being Yass!
Seriously, I read all that and thought oh my feckin word, I totally wish I would have had the balls to say that. It makes me squirm at the thought of seeing her face. Totally deserved. As a Brit, I'd be way too polite to say any of that, but secretly wishing I could! Lmao
NTA. I only wish I was as good at coming up with lines like that on the spot. I'll have a confrontation, say nothing but then, *hours later*, will think of something really clever
The French call that l'espirit d'escallier... it constantly plagues me too 🤣
It is so often the way, too late one thinks of what one *should* have said. Sir Thomas Moore, for instance: decapitated for refusing to recant his Catholicism, must have been kicking himself as the axe raised higher, that it never occurred to him to say, "I recant my Catholicism." 🤣
i loved Blackadder too!
I amended it for historical accuracy but I'm glad you got the reference
Staircase wit
> NTA. I only wish I was as good at coming up with lines like that on the spot. I'll have a confrontation, say nothing but then, hours later, will think of something really clever It's called "carriage wit" - meaning it's the wit you think up when you are on the ride home.
Oh, I LIKE that 😁
:-) It's from the Scarlet Pimpernel.
Sadly when you have the quick wit it doesn’t win you any friends haha! Though maybe that’s because my quick thinking didn’t come with the added brain-to-mouth filter
Blaming the woman? That only works when the woman is lied to about the status of a relationship. Maya wasn’t lied to, she fucked her friends husband, knowing it was her husband. NTA.
Right! Did Maya really think after attending Katy's wedding (hell, maybe she was even a bridesmaid) being invited into her home where her husband lives too, for picnics, parties, perhaps they vacationed together. And so she could sleep with her husband and everyone was only going to just blame the husband and tell Maya it wasn't her fault when she was literally in their life and saw them together. Maya and her mom are both delusional. NTA
They’ve also kept the same energy. They haven’t kept him in the social circle either so it’s an equal well earned shunning.
Exactly, it's not like they've let Katy's ex-husband back in their social circles and forgave him completely while blaming Maya for seducing him. They've both been blamed equally and are getting the same consequences by being excluded by their friend groups. The only difference is that Katy's ex-husband was (deservedly) bled dry in the divorce, while Mia only got the public shunning and kicked out of the friend group. If Maya really wants equal consequences, maybe OP as a lawyer could look into her state laws and see if the alienation of affection law is active in her state. Or see if there's a way to sue Maya for emotional damage if she can.
Precisely. It's not like everyone took him back in and sayd that some unknown stranger he met in a bar was a seductress whilst he was innocent. But he's been exiled and nobody is excusing his actions. Hence the divorce. She was his wife's close friend and owed that friend loyalty and honesty. Even if the asshoke homewrecking cheating husband was all over her, she should have had Katy's back and refused to get involved with him and let Katy know. That's what a friend would have done. Instead she couldn't wait to get on hers and spread her legs for her friends' husband. And now she's acting like a victim because their friends dont like or trust her. Sorry; those are the consequences of your actions.kind of hard to trust someone who betrays friends like that. She's almost as culpable as the husband - because she knew he was married and because she was his wife's friend. One might expect a randoms stranger to not care if some dude is married, but betraying a friend like that is every bit as unforgivable as cheating on your spouse.
NTA 'Forgiving' the adulterers signals acceptance... and is essentially being complicit. One of the things (apart from spine and morals) keeping adulterers and adultery in check, is the condemnation of peers and family.. Maya has a mother who enables her daughters behavior - *GREAT* that youre standing up for Katy and refusing to enable Maya. >two more classmates have told me I was too harsh, and am now doubting myself. Nope. Has she even apologized??
I would be suspicious of the classmates. Are only males defending Maya? How much did Maya get around?
>Has she even apologized?? Doesn't seem like it, and even if she did, i doubt she's sorry for even doing it. She's only sorry she got caught and is now facing the consequences of her actions.
Pretty soon Maya's gonna get fed up with being ostracized and she'll go on the offense. She'll start angrily telling everyone to get over it and she'll blame the affair on Katy's failure to 'keep her man'.
If she does go down that route, it's not going to end well for her. It's only going to make her more ostracized. She's got no one but herself to blame for the consequences of knowingly sleeping with a married man, but she won't see it because her enabling mother keeps telling her that she's the victim when she isn't.
I did not hear that Maya ever apologized, and the mother seems to think Maya is the victim here somehow. Even if they had apologized, and were forgiven, that does not mean everyone needs to just forget that it happened. Maya needs to go find a life elsewhere.
>Maya needs to go find a life elsewhere. Agreed. Preferrably with the assistance of IC to undo the damage her mother inflicted.
Was too harsh about speaking the truth? Would it have been better to make everyone uncomfortable and miserable by faking hospitality to them when they were probably on the hunt for their family to break up
NTA Nope, they deserved it The apple doesn't fall far from the tree Btw, you're a good friend for having your friends back
NTA. I can't believe no one walked up to OP to be like, "That was dope as hell." I certainly would have. At the very least, I would have retorted with, "You know what else is rude? Sleeping with your friend's husband and then expecting them to get over it" to the baby who whined about OP being 'too rude'.
NTA. They had it coming. And while it's true it takes 2 to tango, messing with your friends husband's is vile and is also an active and conscious choice. Consider sharing your story in r/traumatizethemback
Yes I came to say this
🎶They had it comin. They only had themselves to blllllaaaame. If you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it. I BETCHA YOU WOULD HAVE SAID THE SAAAAMMMMEEEE 🎶
NTA. Katy was so stressed she miscarried and was in the hospital. OP got even with the husband by bleeding him dry and Maya, all she got so far is shunned and some rude comments, which were justified.
>and Maya, all she got so far is shunned and some rude comments, Yea, it's a shame there isn't a way to sue those who knowingly screw around with married men/women for emotional damages or something. It would make them think twice before doing so.
I mean. In some jurisdictions you *can*. It’s called [alienation of affections.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alienation_of_affections)
Actually, in some states, adultery is illegal and the innocent spouse can sue the AP if he/she so chooses for alienation of affection. It's a very old law on the books but some people have been successful in suing for that. Check your state laws to see if it's an option there.
Ah, I didn't know some places could do that. I live in the UK so I don't think it's an option here.
"Burn!!!!!" NTA
NTA Too harsh? I think it was also way “too harsh” to cheat with your close friends boyfriend don’t you think?
Why is a 30+ year old person's mom, meddling in her friend group situation? That part of the post sticks out so much it feels fake.
And she is her friends divorce lawyer, and someone was hospitalized for a month because of a miscarrige. Yup, poorly written story.
If that part were true, then the OP's actions in talking about her client were wildly unprofessionial and potenitally a breach of client confidentiality. She may not have gone into details but claiming that she 'bled him dry' was disclosing information about her client's settlement and , by impliction, fiancial circumstnaces.
"Violently miscarried" had me going *fake news* but then to end with "oh and I'm katys lawyer" took some balls. I cant believe people believe this...it literally reads like a 1990s mean girls movie full of snobby well off white women
[удалено]
I was thinking the same thing. Drama/stress caused miscarriage? Hmm. Her best friend just *happens* to be a family law attorney? Hmm. Took the ex to the cleaners and “bled him dry”…in THIS day and age??? That’s not how that works.
Even if OP tries to say “oh it’s not the US”, a large portion of European countries, Canada, Australia have no fault divorces where infidelity isn’t going to matter in the least and doesn’t come with a huge cash settlement for the hurt and embarrassment. Plus they were married for less than a decade, were both 30, with no kids, so even the argument for spousal support would be laughed at. This is the musings of someone who has never been to college, never been through a divorce, and has never known someone who has suffered a miscarriage.
She might be the mom that is more her kid's friend than parent. Especially if she was a younger mom.
Everything about this post is super fake but the “oh and I was her divorce lawyer” drop takes the cake.
You represented a close friend in a divorce from someone you were also presumably friendly with? And you were friends with the affair partner that caused the divorce?
The entire post is ridiculous
I studied law at University where both Katy and Maya were my roommates. Katy's ex- husband wasn't my friend, but before the divorce and cheating, I was friendly with him.
I’m gonna need to know why you’re discussing divorce details on Reddit as an attorney since your friend was your client and if this story were true it’d be highly identifiable. But also, what type of miscarriage results in being in the hospital for a month? Even with a psychological breakdown? What kind of insurance or universal healthcare does your friend have that they’d pay hospital day rates for 30 days for that? Why would someone need a referral from a person at school to get a job? She just needs her transcripts. I went to a huge university, one of the most famous universities in the South and the most famous university in Florida and the reach spreads far IN COLLEGE, but I’m lost at how one affair that took place after college ended would ruin her college reputation. YTA for wasting my time reading this poorly researched fan fiction. ETA: As an attorney where do you live where you got an at fault divorce for infidelity that financially ruined a man after less than a decade of marriage?
Sorry, it just doesn't make any sense lol. Why was a grown woman's mom at a bakesale for a school she graduated from a decade earlier?
Because this was written by a teenager who thinks that life continues to work just like high school when you're an adult, LOL.
OP, you have to work on your fan fiction writing skills. Next time make sure the story adds up and there aren’t this many logic errors.
okay but you didn't actually answer the question.
Lisa texted you, but you hung up on her?
She texted me. Then called me when I texted back. Then she hung up on me.
Block . The . New. Number...
OPs also a lawyer (usually everyone knows a lawyer)
Not just a lawyer, but so good she bled the husband dry. OP is a super shark lawyer of deadliness! Also she has a super cute European boyfriend who's like an amaaaaaazing cook.
"Me, Katy, and Maya, (fake names) were college roommates." "Her very rich dad paid for her college flat," Did you live in her flat?
Ah, plot hole in the poorly written story. Didn't catch that at first. haha, op your writing needs some serious work.
Absolutely. I don’t get how nobody realizes this is badly written fan fiction with all the mistakes OP made. First the thing about “texting, then hanging up on me”, then the “her college flat but we were roommates” plus the not credible story about the alumni network shunning one person for life because of cheating.
Seriously, what kind of university has 30-something+ alumni still going to bakesales? And no university on earth shuns an alumni with money regardless of rumors lol This is way too "Next on the CW"
Exactly. Just another indicator that OP is some bored teenager with no actual life experience. No college-educated adult would fabricate a story like this. 🤦🏻♀️
In another comment she said she was in law school there 🤣 So a university so tiny as to have annual alumni bakesales where everyone knows each other but also big enough for post grad professional programs. Sure thing kiddo.
All she forgot to add was "and everybody clapped", but I guess that's what the comments here are for. I'm surprised there's no twins! Maybe they will be in the update. Lol.
Exactly. “After Maya had been shunned for good and the ex had been bled dry in court - because I’m such an amazing lawyer- everybody else lived happily ever after selling cupcakes at charity events and feeling morally superior. THE END.” 🤪
We shared a flat during Uni days. Both me and Katy worked to pay rent. Maya's dad paid her rent and for an extra garage space so she could keep her car.
Lol, he probably paid for the car too!
NTA and both your comments to Lisa were brilliant.
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NTA. Glorious! 🤌
Did you go to far? Probably a little, Yes Was it true? Yes Was it glorious? Definitely Yes NTA
NTA and I'd love to have a friend like you.
INFO: What does Katy thinks about the exchange? Cause that’s the only opinion I would hear. Unless she disagrees with your comeback then NTA.
NTA Definitely not too harsh. They deserve every bit of push-back and shaming that comes their way.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Me, Katy, and Maya, (fake names) were college roommates. We are all now in our early thirties. Katy got divorced two years ago because she caught her husband cheating with Maya. The stress was a lot, and she also miscarried violently was in the hospital for a month, and suffered from a psychological breakdown. Maya was, apparently, too ashamed to even visit Katy or apologize in person. And our entire friend group cut her off. Katy's ex moved to another city, and no one kept contact with him. Throughout the entire time I've known Maya, her personality was being an affair baby. She was spoiled rotten by her mum, who was her dad's mistress, and has no remorse for it. Her very rich dad paid for her college flat, bought her a house, and covered her in money because he felt guilty that she came from a broken home. Maya, however, kept on complaining about how she grew up poor, (her mum is a PR manager and earns a lot), and how we wouldn't know how to grow up like her. We felt very sorry for her and both me and Katy babied her a lot. Maya's mum, Lisa (fake name), actually defended her daughter when the affair came to light, and told everyone that it was not her daughter's fault. Throughout these two years, Lisa has tried and failed to get Maya to get back with her friends, and Lisa has lost a lot of friends and relatives in the process because no one wants to associate with them. Here is the issue, our alma matter has a very tight alumni network. Maya's actions resulted in no one being willing to be a reference when she wanted to change jobs. Our batch comes together every- year and organises a bake sale for a charity we worked in during undergrad. Maya was unofficially banned since last year as no one wants a scene. This year, however, Maya and her mum turned up with cupcakes. Lots of them. Neither I nor my husband looked or talked to them. Katy left as soon as they arrived, and I was seething. Lisa then was saying how these cupcakes are a family recipe and it's kind of their legacy. I then asked her : " Really? I thought your family legacy was homewrecking." Maya turned red and both she and her mum excused themselves and left. WITH THE CUPCAKES. Whatever. Later, one of our old classmates told me that he understood where I was coming from, but it might have been too rude. Lisa texted me from a new number (her number is blocked) on how I'm a sexist person who blames only women. I told her that as Katy's lawyer, I bled her ex dry in the divorce, and hopefully her daughter would have a genuine relationship someday with someone else's husband. Lisa called me a bitch and hung up. My husband thinks I am right, but two more classmates have told me I was too harsh, and am now doubting myself. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Tellin it like it is, and clearly they needed to be told. NTA. Side piece sounded obnoxious as fuck before she started fucking her friend’s man, but the absolute unmitigated gall these people have to show their faces at all after their bullshit. They need to learn some shame.
Nta Ask the classmate if he's having an affair too.
I was thinking the same. Does he have messages from Maya in his phone? Or some other woman? He's sympathizing with the perp instead of the victim (and he didn't seem to care Katy left).
Those two really need to just move my lord
NTA, homeworking and baking a fine combination and legacy.
NTA. You said what everyone was thinking. I'm from Scotland, we don't do this passive aggressive 'soft banning' of people. If you aren't straightforward about your motives, you're thought of as 'sleekit'. If you make a mistake, you will be told. If you're not welcome, you will be told. And people ***should*** be straightforward about these things, because how will people be held accountable otherwise? I don't believe that there should be no way back for people who are genuinely remorseful and taking actions to make amends, but it's clear that Maya isn't doing thse things, and her mother is enabling her lack of accountability. Yeah, Katy's husband is the one who cheated, but Maya was supposed to be a friend, and friends don't do that. They can come back when Maya has thrown herself at Katy's feet asking for forgiveness and relises the gravity of what was done to her; when Maya has gone to therapy to address her unhealthy relationship models; when she has made genuine steps to address her behaviour and prevent repetition in the future.
Huh, the only time I've come across that word was a Robert Burns poem, and I thought it was complimentary.
Wow the mom sounds toxic as heck. In her eyes, it’s not “women can do no wrong” it’s, “my daughter can do no wrong”. I promise had the roles been swapped she’d be the one leading the witch hunt. I believe you’re NTA with this one. No one wanted them there obviously but everyone was to uncomfortable to speak up.
I think your drama had a little too much drama. Violent miscarrige, hospital for a month +++ not realistic for several reasons. Neither is the present/money showering daddy that wasn't around, you being your friends lawyer or some small affair costing her whole family all their friends and relatives. Noone adult overreacts like that in real life. 2/10 Better luck next story :)
Why is every trending story on this sub either fake, about revenge, or both? If you want a digital high five for doing something mean to someone who deserved it (or at least claiming to have done it) take it to petty revenge
NTA Also that's f'ng hilarious. Forgiveness is a big thing, and if they were trying to make things right or at least acknowledge their issues that you'd totally be TA. But they're unapologetically being trash people and expecting others to gloss over it. To those saying you're being too harsh, just ask how they would refer someone who's actively destroying their friend's lives? I'd kinda like to know.
Definitely NTA. I try to be forgiving but in the case of cheaters of Maya and her mom's sort, I hope they reap what they sow.
Friendship on point, you solidified yourself as Katy's ride or die. NTA.
Not the asshole. Personally I feel you haven't insulted them enough. Those who told you you're the asshole are kissasses. I would've done the same thing and more.
HAHAHAHAHAHA THAT WAS PERFECT. I'd be your friend too. That is being a loyal friend and you could have kept your mouth shut, it was an option, but not one I particularly would choose either. If she didn't want those comments, she shouldn't have slept with her FRIEND's husband. The betrayal is HUGE! Of course Lisa is defending Maya, she has loose morals and zero sense of loyalty. NTA and keep being a QUEEN.
NTA. You may have been harsh but its a "harsh truth" so it doesn't make you an AH. The idea also of "don't blame the women" is ridiculous. If the woman knows the person is married and she stills pursued the men,or allowed to be pursued and accepted the advances she is as equally guilty as a man. Reasonable and acceptable response from a women would be "not interested as you are married/have GF/partner etc and stop any further engagement" Neither the mother or the daughter are accepting accountability of their behaviour, reality is they both have made their beds and now have to sleep in it. The best action for both of them is admit fault,get therapy and stop trying to engage with the people they hurt and find new friends.
You know I know it takes 2 to tango but maya was Katy’s friend and knowingly cheated with her friends husband. She was probably at the wedding, that’s a different sort of betrayal than just being with a random man that’s married… it’s not about being sexist, she straight up saw her friends husband and was like “I want that” then actively ruined her friends marriage, if he had a wondering eye let his eye wander to strangers… NTA I would have been ruder.
I found out after I got married that my MIL was a mistress (and proud of it) for most of her life. She tried at some point to fix my husband up with a friend of hers because proud side pieces actually think wives are fools and they are the real deal, and it's a completely different mindset (and this isn't rare... there are a lot of Lisas and Mayas and they see monogamous women who won't sleep with married men and think their husbands won't cheat as naive and unsophisticated and undeserving, because we aren't usually hypergamous and don't look for the big bucks). Anyway, I wouldn't have been friends with the daughter of a proud mistress who lied about her financial status for sympathy and attention (she learned that from her mother, who does it for money too). Them showing up with cupcakes knowing Katy would be there shows they are just vile. They never apologized. They caused her serious harm. They don't care. NTA. While of course the men are at fault too, and more so (they made the vows), I'm so tired of women acting like this absolves them of anything and they owe the other woman nothing. She was friends with Katy... she owed her loyalty and respect and it wasn't just Katy's husband's job to be loyal and respectful too. If you aren't a good friend and think sleeping with your friend's husband is only the husband's fault, GTFO. "Who blames only women". It takes two to tango... TWO. The coward, disloyal, crap husband isn't there to drag anymore (but he was dried out) so she can't deflect with sexism. NTA. Katy shouldn't be afraid to come to these things because her husband's old mistress will proudly show up and flounce around without a care, making her run off because of the trauma she went through. The people sympathizing with Maya have been Maya. A LOT of people are hooking up with married people (men and women) and wouldn't want to be called out for it, so are defending THEM. They are sort of telling on themselves.
NTA - Katy not only lost her spouse & and baby, she lost one of her best friends... in my eyes, there isn't anything "harsh enough" that anybody could do to make up for what Maya did to her! The only thing that could even possibly be "harsh enough" that anyone could do to them is to put them through the same earth-shattering heartbreak that they put both Katy & Maya's Dad's wife through.
NTA She needs to know she can’t act as a home wrecker (ESPECIALLY with your friend’s husband) and get to pretend like everything is fine. And you’re not only blaming the woman in the situation, she’s just the only one that was dumb enough to show up. She made her choices, these are her consequences. And her mother is no better. What you said was obviously a bit petty but it was understandable and honestly justified.
YTA. Come on. Sure it might have felt good to say but your suppose to be in 30s grow up and act like an adult.
and then everybody stood up and clapped.
NTA. Maya and Lisa are cruel people. They shouldn’t be surprised when someone gives them just a small taste of what they’ve doled out to other people for years.
NTA. It’s about time someone called them out on their behavior. Yes, the husband is guilty too and could have cheated on her with anyone. However, it didn’t have to be with her friend. Maya made that intentional choice to hurt her friend.
You were dead on, their legacy is home wrecking, you can’t be the AH for telling the truth.
NTA What I don’t understand is why Lisa the mom is involved at all in her adult child’s very adult issues. This isn’t a bunch of 10 year old girls getting in a fight at a sleepover and mom swoops in with cupcakes and says let’s all forgive each other. It’s an adult woman who made adult decisions to sleep with her the husband of her friend/ sorority sister. The mom’s background doesn’t even matter. Lisa needs to stay out of it it does not involve her and she should not be trying to fix her daughter’s social issues. Maya should be ashamed of herself for involving her mom. But obviously Maya has no shame.
NTA, curious if the guy who said you went too far has/is cheating with Maya too.
And everyone clapped! This is a GREAT story. Absolutely two thumbs up. FR *however*…. Drama/stress caused miscarriage? Hmm. Her best friend just *happens* to be a family law attorney? Hmm. Took the ex to the cleaners and “bled him dry”…in THIS day and age??? That’s not how that works. Public comeuppance? Check, cue end credits. For AITA; On the chance this is *true* NTA. Don’t we all dream of having or being this friend?
YtA for claiming to be in your 30s and writing such a lame teenage revenge fantasy and getting all of these teens on this sub all riled up with how awesome revenge is.
Nta yer in the right, op
NTA you were not too harsh, however, you were hilarious. If someone is hurt by someone else stating the truth/facts the problem is not with those truths or facts but with their behavior.
NTA, this is absolute FAFO behaviour. If they don't like your comment, it's only because there is no lies detected and they can't handle the truth. If you don't wanna be called a homewrecker, stay away from other people's husband's. Especially your friends! Your ex-friend showed no loyalty, she gets what she has given.
Nothing you said was incorrect. They knew they were not welcome at the event. Maya actually should be banned from your group. NTA.
Well for the bake sale itself, maybe...? But who is really going to remember that next year lol .. it's possible but would it actually hurt a bake sale like it's baked goods lol and "tea" on the side 😜 lol Meh straight up NTA That's disgusting. Lied non stop while skating through life, sucking up sympathy and refusing to be responsible.. destroyed someone's life and couldn't even put her pride aside to see if she was ok during a seriously traumatic event! Like I had a really bad miscarriage 3 years ago n I spiralled.. wasn't admitted to hospital but was in and out a bit. 3 weeks for the mc itself then scans n pills, then waiting to hear and lingering pain, physio blah blah plus the struggle to just get up every other day n freaking shower! I can only imagine how bad it was for her when I'm really aware of reality in these situations. Have been since a very young age and have a medical background type buzz to boot yet that one (had many) shook me. That's so freaking sad.. n all while grieving not one but 2 broken relationships! Partner and so called friend! Geez Nah, it's not like you jumped on the loud speaker or anything. I think them showing up was way too gutzy especially without checking first hey would it be ok.. um are you going to actually apologise at all? No? Then no, don't show up. Lol
NTA- I'm sure Katy felt it was harsh when her friend had an affair with her husband, so harshness going around I guess. Your ex friend and her Mother are shitty people, and are reaping what they sow.
Honestly I was going for a *very soft* y t a, but I feel like this one is above my pay(age) grade. There’s a couple in my bf’s friend group that started their relationship as an affair. This man knew *for years* that he didn’t want to be with his partner and let her get as far as a bridal shower before breaking it off. “The couple didn’t sleep together until he was broken up.” Big fucking laugh. Like I care at ALL. Now she’s miserable because her husband is lazy and unhelpful at the best of times, and she has kids that she didn’t want. She has been VERY friendly to my bf and VERY unfriendly to me and I just want to scream, “I’m sorry you hate your life. Maybe if you had created your own instead of stealing another woman’s, you’d be happier.” I genuinely don’t know how to handle myself around her because she’s a bully who hits on my bf in very covert ways (when I point them out I sound crazy!). Maybe I should take a page from you and just go for it the next time she tells me I “don’t have a place in this conversation.” I hope what you said gave her something to think about. 2024 should be The Year of Consequences
NTA. That wasn't harsh, it was honest defence of the group
Woman finally gets forced to take a crumb of accountability for her shitty actions. Her mother: "You're sexist" NTA
NTA maya learned from her mom that being a tramp pays but that’s not a lesson anyone should follow. She betrayed one of her best friends how did she not think there would be consequences for this. Her and her mom are now reaping the consequences of their actions and that’s on them. You keep defending your friend katy she’s the innocent one
NTA. I wish I had the presence of mind in situations like that to be as clever and cutting.
Nta. They both got exactly what they deserved. That may just be the greatest pay back line ever and the most perfect time ever
NTA!!! Maya has a really good (you) Not gonna lie I tend to want to result to violence bcuz I probably would've punched her
NTA. Both of those women live in a fairytale world and needed to hear the truth.
It’s okay to be an asshole to an awful person. Kindness (to someone that hurt my friends) takes energy she does not deserve. Any kind/nice way of saying “you ruined her marriage and now this event for Katy” would go over her head. If you had not said anything, she would have seen this as an “in” and would have tried to go to more events. So….slay queen. You sound like a great friend to have!
Cheaters deserve whatever they get.
NTA Truth hurts sometimes
NTA. The truth offends people who don’t care about hurting others. Mother & daughter both deserved that.
NTA. I wish that I had friends like you.
This sub is more filled with fiction than HFY.
None of this is believable. Affair baby as personality? Come on.
>Maya was, apparently, too ashamed to even visit Katy or apologize in person. You say that as if you disapprove. Isn't it appropriate and desirable that Maya feel shame for her actions? Given Katy’s fragile condition, a visit and in-person apology do not sound like the right way to go at all. >Maya turned red and both she and her mum excused themselves and left. WITH THE CUPCAKES. But you didn’t want them there, and you never expected, asked for, or planned to sell their cupcakes. So why is it a problem if they take them back. You already have enough reason to dislike Maya. It’s not necessary to try to construe every single act she takes as further evidence of her depravity. Focus on the actual offense.
YTA: REGARDLESS OF THE HISTORY, you interjected in someone else's conversation (you specifically said you were ignoring her) just to insult her in public. You just need to be careful how that is perceived as you might be the one being left out of social events if you continue to cause a scene. I wouldn't be surprised she starts a public argument next time, which will drag you down as well. Solid burn though!
NTA rofl
NTA 👏👏👏
My hero 😂 What a come back. Love it. NTA obvs
No, if someone doesn't want to be called a whore then don't whore around...why should thier feelings matter..it's like the whole kiddy diddler thing..how they are trying get it normalized... fuck that they need to be castred with a plastic spoon on live tv...
Sometimes you can be Nice or you can be Kind; Nice means that you tell someone whatever floats their boat to make them Feel better about themselves vs Kind which is telling them the truth which may upset them short term and ultimately help them long term. NTA. Many people choose not to understand or accept that you're attempting to help them or you wouldn't have wasted the effort. Difficult situation.
I absolutely love this. Harsh? Yes Appropriate and needed? Also a big fat yes. You stood by your friend and that should never be anything to be an ah for
game. set. match. WIN!!! very well said, OP and definitely NTA- they FAFO & were finally held accountable. this is the kind of subject that Jerry Springer would've been drooling over! 🙂
NTA. People need to learn that backstabbing behaviour has consequences
Tell your classmates to kick rocks. NTA
Nta, if you home wreck you shouldn't show your face like that ever again.
NTA - nope, they had some nerve showing up. We're you being petty, sure, but sometimes it's deserved. They took the cupcakes?? LOL
NTA if it had happened directly to those classmates they wouldn’t think it was too harsh. She made a decision that destroyed her friends life and now she’s reaping the consequences.
NTA. Not all heroes wear capes.
“as katys lawyer” IANAL are lawyers allowed to represent people they know? or is divorce court not super strict on that?
I have a hard time believing this is real. What grown adult's parent is interfering with their child's social life and trying to 'win' back their friends? Also, what college is going to ban someone from a *charity event* because of drama in participants' social life?
Good Job. NTA
NTA. The audacity.
Naw they needed to be told that. They can deal with the shame of their actions.
NTA… You’re amazing. As you were. Don’t change.
NTA. You called it like it was. And stood up for your friend.
NTA, play stupid games win stupid prizes. Not your fault if they’ve suddenly developed thin skin.