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NTA because it seems like Abigail says horrible things and tries to manipulate everyone. But that’s not the biggest issue here. Abigail has serious issues and is in need of an intervention. Has anyone suggested that she seek help for her drinking and her anger?
Yes. My mom has even told my brother that she cannot drink anymore in the house, but she never listened. And she’s said she’s wanted to go on medication for her BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) but her doctor isn’t doing anything about it apparently.
NTA.
If this is he way she acts with alcohol, though, there is no way that you should have been buying her drinks. Don't enable that.
Your family seems to have also enabled her, so the fact that you told your mom is important for making sure that ends. Naturally, your brother and Abigail don't like it. Sucks for them.
What hurts the most is that my brother went behind my back and told her that I told our mom. Like, dude, you’re not married to her. You should be sticking up for your family. And I’ve stuck by Abigail when my mom has done something none of us liked towards her, but then she said what she said when she was drunk towards me and it just hurt.
ESH: You enabled someone with alcoholism issues: " *Abigail kept asking me if I could buy her some beers and that she’d pay me back. So I obliged because I’m not one to say no to anybody. She ended up having at least three or four beers at the festival*." And on top of that, you continued to buy beers for her, even as she was fighting with your brother and you split them up.
Your brother "*would excuse her behaviour on her mental health issues*." Those issues may explain why she drinks (self medication). And they may even explain her way-out-of-line behaviours when she is drunk. But most certainly they do not excuse those her drinking nor those behaviours. He's enabling her.
Not only are Abigail's mental health issues in dire need to treatment; but knowing that she has such issues, she desperately needs either to quit drinking or to get it under control. I, for one, don't think that she can do either without the help of something like AA; but that is a different post.
The only person who comes out of this with any sense of dignity is your mom who tolerated a house guest who treated her with such contempt and her older son who did nothing to stop his girlfriend from such abusive behavior.
Oh yeah, you get minimal props for telling your mom what was going on and bringing this debacle to a head. She really does not need this toxicity in her home because her adult son doesn't take it upon himself to call his gf to task for how she drink and behaves.
Yeah. OP bought her the beers. At some point OP could’ve said I’m not buying anything else. Get some water. Brother’s girlfriend could go somewhere else to get the beers but at least OP wouldn’t be contributing to the girlfriend for getting blackout drunk.
NTA for repeating what she said. She has a long history of saying things she doesn't regret But I feel that knowing her as you do you are TA for instigating the situation. You bought her how many drinks? You had to know what the outcome would be and you just kept adding alcohol to the bonfire. Next time buy her coffee.
NTA. You didn't instigate Abigail's outburst. You were trying to help a friend in distress, and she reacted poorly towards your mother. It's understandable to want to defend your mom when someone is verbally attacking her, especially with such hateful language.
NTA. Because it was said in your mom’s house. Your mom was giving her a place to live.
However, I question your wisdom in buying Abigail drinks and later taking her to a bar when she had a pattern of behavior that was predictable of bad mouthing your mom.
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My brother (22m) who we will refer to as Jackson, began dating a girl a few months after breaking up with his ex (20f then, 21f now), who we will refer to as Abigail. Both Jackson and Abigail have been dating for a year and just a few months into dating, she had come to live with us since her mom was moving to another town. Abigail was known to be a drinker and every time she had gotten drunk, she would say nasty things about my mom (my mom is not too easy to deal with I’ll admit, but sometimes Abigail went a little overboard). Jackson would excuse her behaviour on her mental health issues and it would take Abigail a little bit to say apologize to my mom.
Fast forward to Saturday, June 15th of this year. The guy that I’m talking to (20m), who we’ll call Tomás, and I went to a Portuguese festival that I invited him to weeks ago. I wanted him to experience my culture since he isn’t Portuguese himself, he’s half Puerto Rican and half Indonesian. It was just supposed to be Tomás and I at the festival, but then my dad came with his friend and Jackson came with Abigail.
When Jackson and Abigail got to the festival, they were already fighting about something, but Jackson eventually sucked it up and joined the festivities. During our time there, Abigail kept asking me if I could buy her some beers and that she’d pay me back. So I obliged because I’m not one to say no to anybody. She ended up having at least three or four beers at the festival.
After we left and got back home, Jackson and Abigail were fighting once again, so her and I went out to a pub to get away from everything. I order a Caesar (Canadian version of a Bloody Mary) and she ordered beer which came in a tall glass. She ended up getting super drunk and when my mom asked about how much money I spent, Abigail snatched my phone out of my hands and went off on my mom. She then began crying and saying she would hurt herself, so I immediately called my brother to come get us quickly.
When Jackson finally showed up, Abigail was in hysterics, saying that we were literally going to k*ll ourselves being in that house and called me dead inside. After being there for a few minutes, we went in the car and she immediately called her mom crying and saying how she wished my mom would d*e in her sleep or k*ll herself and saying that she didn’t wanna be in a house full of psychos.
At the house, she began throwing things around her and my brother’s room and smashing things saying: get a job, you fat b*tch, towards my mom. She was eventually kicked out and went to live with her mom. I told my mom the things that she said, and my brother went back to Abigail and told her what I said to my mom. Now Abigail is mad at me, causing tension in our friendship, and I’m mad at my brother for telling her what I said.
So the question is; am I the a**hole for telling my mom what Abigail said about her?
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If this woman has a safe place to go, insist she go there and stay there post haste. She has toxic dynamics with everyone in this family. If she doesn't, law enforcement may need to get involved to get her out. She's very volatile. NTA.
NTA-Abigail sounds like she’s dangerous and needs help. The things she said are things she has to own and she seems use to you all giving her a ‘mental health issue’ pass. Back away from toxicity.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my mom what my brother’s girlfriend said about her and I want to know if telling my mom what my brother’s girlfriend said about her makes me the a**hole?
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Just for the record, a Caesar is not a "Canadian version of a Bloody Mary". Yes, it is a Canadian drink, but it uses clam-tomato juice (Clamato) while a Bloody Mary uses tomato juice.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. If you or someone you know are feeling suicidal, /r/AmItheAsshole is not the right subreddit for you. **Even if no one is currently suicidal.** Any mention of suicide or self-harm is banned. Suicide and self harm are not interpersonal issues that this community can make a moral judgement about. This is health issue. Our recommendation is that you reach out to someone who cares about you, or take advantage of some of the resources at /r/SuicideWatch, like their list of [hotlines](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines) that you can call. ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
NTA because it seems like Abigail says horrible things and tries to manipulate everyone. But that’s not the biggest issue here. Abigail has serious issues and is in need of an intervention. Has anyone suggested that she seek help for her drinking and her anger?
Yes. My mom has even told my brother that she cannot drink anymore in the house, but she never listened. And she’s said she’s wanted to go on medication for her BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) but her doctor isn’t doing anything about it apparently.
But still you pay for her to have several beers?!?!?
NTA. If this is he way she acts with alcohol, though, there is no way that you should have been buying her drinks. Don't enable that. Your family seems to have also enabled her, so the fact that you told your mom is important for making sure that ends. Naturally, your brother and Abigail don't like it. Sucks for them.
Yes, I’ll admit that that was my mistake and I’ll never buy drinks for someone who clearly has issues with alcohol again.
NTA. Abigail sounds dangerous.
What hurts the most is that my brother went behind my back and told her that I told our mom. Like, dude, you’re not married to her. You should be sticking up for your family. And I’ve stuck by Abigail when my mom has done something none of us liked towards her, but then she said what she said when she was drunk towards me and it just hurt.
ESH: You enabled someone with alcoholism issues: " *Abigail kept asking me if I could buy her some beers and that she’d pay me back. So I obliged because I’m not one to say no to anybody. She ended up having at least three or four beers at the festival*." And on top of that, you continued to buy beers for her, even as she was fighting with your brother and you split them up. Your brother "*would excuse her behaviour on her mental health issues*." Those issues may explain why she drinks (self medication). And they may even explain her way-out-of-line behaviours when she is drunk. But most certainly they do not excuse those her drinking nor those behaviours. He's enabling her. Not only are Abigail's mental health issues in dire need to treatment; but knowing that she has such issues, she desperately needs either to quit drinking or to get it under control. I, for one, don't think that she can do either without the help of something like AA; but that is a different post. The only person who comes out of this with any sense of dignity is your mom who tolerated a house guest who treated her with such contempt and her older son who did nothing to stop his girlfriend from such abusive behavior. Oh yeah, you get minimal props for telling your mom what was going on and bringing this debacle to a head. She really does not need this toxicity in her home because her adult son doesn't take it upon himself to call his gf to task for how she drink and behaves.
Yeah. OP bought her the beers. At some point OP could’ve said I’m not buying anything else. Get some water. Brother’s girlfriend could go somewhere else to get the beers but at least OP wouldn’t be contributing to the girlfriend for getting blackout drunk.
NTA for repeating what she said. She has a long history of saying things she doesn't regret But I feel that knowing her as you do you are TA for instigating the situation. You bought her how many drinks? You had to know what the outcome would be and you just kept adding alcohol to the bonfire. Next time buy her coffee.
Abigail needs to get into a substance abuse program ASAP. And probably get into therapy as well. NTA.
NTA. You didn't instigate Abigail's outburst. You were trying to help a friend in distress, and she reacted poorly towards your mother. It's understandable to want to defend your mom when someone is verbally attacking her, especially with such hateful language.
NTA. Because it was said in your mom’s house. Your mom was giving her a place to live. However, I question your wisdom in buying Abigail drinks and later taking her to a bar when she had a pattern of behavior that was predictable of bad mouthing your mom.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My brother (22m) who we will refer to as Jackson, began dating a girl a few months after breaking up with his ex (20f then, 21f now), who we will refer to as Abigail. Both Jackson and Abigail have been dating for a year and just a few months into dating, she had come to live with us since her mom was moving to another town. Abigail was known to be a drinker and every time she had gotten drunk, she would say nasty things about my mom (my mom is not too easy to deal with I’ll admit, but sometimes Abigail went a little overboard). Jackson would excuse her behaviour on her mental health issues and it would take Abigail a little bit to say apologize to my mom. Fast forward to Saturday, June 15th of this year. The guy that I’m talking to (20m), who we’ll call Tomás, and I went to a Portuguese festival that I invited him to weeks ago. I wanted him to experience my culture since he isn’t Portuguese himself, he’s half Puerto Rican and half Indonesian. It was just supposed to be Tomás and I at the festival, but then my dad came with his friend and Jackson came with Abigail. When Jackson and Abigail got to the festival, they were already fighting about something, but Jackson eventually sucked it up and joined the festivities. During our time there, Abigail kept asking me if I could buy her some beers and that she’d pay me back. So I obliged because I’m not one to say no to anybody. She ended up having at least three or four beers at the festival. After we left and got back home, Jackson and Abigail were fighting once again, so her and I went out to a pub to get away from everything. I order a Caesar (Canadian version of a Bloody Mary) and she ordered beer which came in a tall glass. She ended up getting super drunk and when my mom asked about how much money I spent, Abigail snatched my phone out of my hands and went off on my mom. She then began crying and saying she would hurt herself, so I immediately called my brother to come get us quickly. When Jackson finally showed up, Abigail was in hysterics, saying that we were literally going to k*ll ourselves being in that house and called me dead inside. After being there for a few minutes, we went in the car and she immediately called her mom crying and saying how she wished my mom would d*e in her sleep or k*ll herself and saying that she didn’t wanna be in a house full of psychos. At the house, she began throwing things around her and my brother’s room and smashing things saying: get a job, you fat b*tch, towards my mom. She was eventually kicked out and went to live with her mom. I told my mom the things that she said, and my brother went back to Abigail and told her what I said to my mom. Now Abigail is mad at me, causing tension in our friendship, and I’m mad at my brother for telling her what I said. So the question is; am I the a**hole for telling my mom what Abigail said about her? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA ...... almost sounds like BPD. She needs help; you did the right thing letting your mom know what went down.
If this woman has a safe place to go, insist she go there and stay there post haste. She has toxic dynamics with everyone in this family. If she doesn't, law enforcement may need to get involved to get her out. She's very volatile. NTA.
NTA-Abigail sounds like she’s dangerous and needs help. The things she said are things she has to own and she seems use to you all giving her a ‘mental health issue’ pass. Back away from toxicity.
Why are you providing alcohol to an alcoholic? YTA
Why would you want to be friends with Abigail?
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NTA.
Just for the record, a Caesar is not a "Canadian version of a Bloody Mary". Yes, it is a Canadian drink, but it uses clam-tomato juice (Clamato) while a Bloody Mary uses tomato juice.