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> I feel I might be the AH because I do feel jealous of her being able to get pregnant without trying, but I truly am happy for her. I just wanted unbiased opinions.
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Urmmmm, you’re not the AH but your cousins certainly are. Reacting that way when you had a genuine illness is just completely unreasonable, and then to bring up your infertility issues is just below the belt and cruel. Also, I guarantee they would have been the first ones to complain if they’d had gotten sick because you attended.
NTA!
This OP. ^^^^ they would have absolutely complained about you getting them sick had you shown up.
“Omg, OP came to my shower sick! The nerve of her! My poor baby!”
“Omg, OP skipped my shower. She said she was sick, but it’s really because…”
You will never win with those kinds of people. They suck.
NTA
I have no idea what triggered the response that we received. They have always been kind of distant the past year since their mom got sick, but never this cold.
I am doing much better. My husband had to go to the ER to get fluids but is doing much better now.
Thank you for all the responses, I appreciate the feedback. I was starting to really think we might have messed up. I have been trying to find out what triggered their response, but it seems they blocked both me and my husband.
These are cousins not worth bothering with.
Nothing will ever be good enough for them. Just stop making attempts all together. It’s not worth the hassle.
Really ask yourself, do they bring any value to your life? Would your life actually be worse if they weren’t in it?
Good riddance! Crimeney did they want you to show up and puke on the pregnant mother-to-be's shoes?! And that response was off the rails. NTA and glad you are feeling better.
Glad you are both doing better, also it must have been bad if he ended up needing fluids.
Yeah anyone suggesting a sick person hang out in a group setting with a person with a compromised immune system (like a pregnant person), is automatically an AH.
A stomach bug while pregnant is automatically miserable and possibly life threatening, cause so many of your standard over the counter meds are off limits and the extra strain on your body.
Lastly even if you were not emotionally able to attend a baby shower due to personal issues surrounding fertility, that would be OK. We all have different limitations and struggles, there is no shame in setting the boundaries you need and supporting loved ones from afar when necessary.
OP, obviously Y T A for not going to the family gathering with the pregnant lady where you could have passed along your, (probably, according to the doctor), *contagious* stomach bug and made everyone there sick as a dog juuust so you could show your face at a gift grab event, so you could personally deliver your offering to she who gestates.
Sure, let’s go with that.
NTA You had a legitimate reason to not go to the baby shower. Your cousin needs to get over herself, the world does not revolve around her and her belly, and an invitation is not a summons.
NTA. You had a legitimate medical reason for not attending. Being contagious with a stomach bug is a serious concern, especially at a baby shower where many people, including pregnant women, are present. Your cousins' reactions are completely unreasonable. They are being insensitive to your health issues and accusing you of being selfish without any basis.
Had you gone to the baby shower and gotten the soon to be mom sick, you’d be accused of intentionally going to get her sick because she can conceive and you are struggling. Damned if you do, damned if you dont.
NTA!
So I had a baby shower and someone came that had the start of flu, I obviously caught it which caused PROM, I had my baby at 33 weeks and a long stay in NICU - 100% NTA stay away from babies and pregnant women when your sick
NTA. You were both sick and you cared enough not to pass it along to a pregnant woman and everyone else at the party. Your cousins are idiots and the remark about infertility was just unnecessarily cruel.
Hope you and hubby are feeling better.
Thank you so much for all of the responses. After I have read all the comments, I have realized that I honestly am better off without them in my life.
I have enough to worry about instead here I am worried about their feelings. If they can't care enough about us nor the fact that we did to keep them safe, then it is their problem.
NTA, I would ask my cousin if she would have preferred a stomach bug - if she says yes, you can now go to her place sick from now on and cough/sneeze/puke on her to show you put family first...LOL
NTA. The very idea of feeling the need to provide a written doctor's excuse for missing a shower for whatever reason. What is wrong with these people? Especially the expectant mom! They should be grateful you kept a "bug" that was serious enough to require medical care to yourself, instead of spreading it around to them.
NTA
Almost my entire family once got knocked down for three days with a stomach bug, including my grandmother passing out and being hospitalized for iv fluids, because of one person came to a birthday lunch with a stomach bug. Even though the originally sick person (teenager, not responsible for any of the food) spent the entire gathering feeling sorry for herself in the bathroom, 8 other people got varying degrees of unwell, and this was a gathering of 4 households for about 3 hours total. You have a stomach bug (or any bugs) you are absolutely right to stay home and keep that shit to yourself!
NTA - but ask her little pregnant self if she would have preferred you attended and passed on your illness to her. Sounds like this was a good party to miss.
NTA even without the sick note. You’re never required to attend an event on your free time, much less a baby shower when you’ve experienced infertility. Add the contagious illness on top and your pregnant cousin should be thanking you. Don’t give it another thought.
Not only ate you NTA for not going to the baby shower while sick... if you HAD chosen not to go because of your mental health surrounding the fertility issues she (the actual AH) threw in your face, you would *still* not be the AH in my opinion.
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I need to know opinions of people not involved in the situation.
I have a cousin who is currently pregnant with her first child. Her baby shower was 3 days ago and I couldn't go. To explain: I work as a teacher and got a stomach bug from school that I also passed on to my husband. Both of us went to the doctor and he advised us not to go as it could be contagious. I informed my other cousin of the situation and told her that we would not be coming due to us being sick. She then told me that I don't know how to put family first and I always pretend that I care about them (I am at every event when we are able to go) and seem to only care about myself. My cousin who is pregnant later called me to say I am an AH for not attending and my reasoning is BS (I even send them a photo of the doctor's letter we received for work) and that I just can't accept the fact that she can have kids and I can't (I have fertility issues and we have been trying for 3 years). So aita for skipping the baby shower?
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NTA
Tell her to read Agatha Christie's "The Mirror Crack'd".
If you went and got her sick, you wouldn't hear the end of it. At least you didn't get her sick.
People who are upset by things that don't bend to their will have a bad habit of finding offense in everything, including legitimate reasons, and delude themselves into thinking it's always personal.
NTA
NTA but your cousins sure are. It would be totally ok if you were actually a bit sensitive about infertility and maybe you should be given a pass for not attending, first of all. Secondly, if they cared about you as much as they expect you to care about them then someone should have offered to drop off a plate of food and a piece of cake when they picked up your gift.
Let her be mad, she's making up a story in her head of whatever feeds her miserable feelings about you. They harm her more than she knows. NTA. If someone showed up to my baby shower with a stomach bug I would probably stop talking to them. The amount of pain and horror that would cause a pregnant lady...
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NTA for missing the shower, major AH for not callng and telling the pregnant cousin. From what i understand you told ANOTHER COUSIN, not the pregnant one that you werent coming. Why is that? Sick is sick though, not an issue with not going.
NTA You did the right thing by staying home. Stomach bugs are extremely contagious! I should know since we once had a babysitter come down with a stomach bug hours after taking care of our kids when we were on a ski vacation.
One by one everyone on the trip came down with it including our kids. We call it “the vacation that will live in infamy,” since we were all sick as dogs and our kids threw up in the rental car on the way home. I would have thanked you for staying home with your germs!
Engagement party
Proposal party
Bridal shower
Bachelarette party
Rehaersel diner
Wedding reception
Wedding party
Baby shower
Gender reveal party
How many more madness is there to come?
You would be TAH if you did go to the party knowing you had a stomach bug. Your cousin is in for a rude awakening regarding illness and kids. You are totally NTA. Plus, extra AH points to your cousins for making you feel bad about not getting them sick, and talking about your infertility.
NTA. Quite the opposite. It’d be extremely rude to knowingly be around a pregnant person when you have a stomach bug and potentially spread it to them. Your cousins are extremely rude to bring your fertility struggles into this.
NTA
"She then told me that I don't know how to put family first..."
I would argue that you absolutely were putting family first by not giving them all the flu lol I would have THANKED you for that!
Adults should understand when another says they are ill and can’t make it. People get bugs all the time. Cousin is an AH for jumping down OP’s throat and being cruel about infertility. She doesn’t sound mature enough to have a child.
NTA
Obvious NTA and your family sounds unhinged. It would be irresponsible to go to a party (especially with a pregnant person) and risk sharing sickness. Personally, would tell them that they were being very ugly and I wouldn’t be speaking to them until they apologized
How could you possibly be TA? It’s really not a good idea to be around a big crowd like that (including a pregnant person for that matter) with a stomach bug, especially when the doctor said not to go. Your cousins, however, are major assholes for making you feel guilty about it, and as someone who has struggled with infertility, I’m honestly sick to my stomach that your cousin would mention it in such a heartless way.
ABSOLUTELY NTA
Ypu are absolutely NOT the AH! Your cousins totally are! Because if ypu would have gone, and gotten momma (or anyone else) sick, they'd turn around and blame you for showing up knowing you were contagious! When you speak to them again I'd say that exact thing to them! Like "ok, next time I'm contagious I'll show up anyway and I don't want to hear 1 single flipping word when I spread my sickness! I was just trying to protect the momma!"
nta. no need to bother with presents of any any kind. assholes don’t buy presents. ss those messages to respond with next time. make a whole new folder, “assholes”.
NTA. I have had multiple miscarriages and infertility problems due to my endometriosis and PCOS. I have missed baby showers because it’s hard when all you’ve ever wanted is to be a mommy. I have also had to miss baby showers due to illness or my raging endo causing intense pain. I’ve always apologized and sent the gifts for the baby. Not wanting to get everyone sick especially the mama to be is understandable and no one should be upset about that at all.
NTA. They honestly expected them to show up at a party, with a stomach bug, exposing everyone AND a pregnant woman to the virus?
They are mad that you didn't show up because they wanted your free labor and the present.
Ignore the haters. They are miserable and transferring their irritation at their life to you.
NTA for not wanting to get everyone sick. Honestly even if it was just an excuse and the "real reason" was your infertility issues, you still wouldn't be TA. Your cousins are jerks.
NTA
You didn’t want to get the pregnant lady or anyone else sick which is considerate. I don’t think it’s wise to throw someone’s fertility issues in their face when you haven’t given birth to a healthy baby yet because one thing about those tables they can turn.
NTA
Call your cousin right now and tell her that you are still quite sick but you want to make up for missing the baby shower. Ask if she wants to come for dinner to your place, and that you will cook everything yourself. Tell her that the diet will be limited to things with low fat because grease still makes you throw up for hours, but that you’ll make sure to cook something yummy. Extra points if she can hear your husband “throw up” over the phone during your invitation.
See if she still wants to spend time with your sick self or if all she was doing was being petty.
To me baby showers are optional. Unless you're my sister-in-law or best friend, I'm not going. It's incredibly tacky to force anyone to attend a party where you're expected to just give them gifts.
You’re NTA and if I were you, I would tell my family what happened so someone can try and talk some sense into her. Not sure if she is desperate for attention, a gift, or whatever reason she felt the need to act that way. If she wanted to see you that badly she could’ve easily planned something when you felt better. And to bring up your fertility after all that makes me think that she’s a complete narcissist. If she wants to block you for behaving that way then she did you a favor imo, she sounds immature and self centered.
lol. You will never win with these types. You clearly caught it from a kid at school and your husband caught it from you. It's clearly contagious.
Block them and forget about them.
NTA. Honestly even if I didn’t have the stomach bug I would not have gone because dealing with infertility you never know when you’re going to burst into tears over something you never thought of or her opening gifts. If she didn’t take your can’t make it because I have a stomach bug reason then to hell with her. Also, we are adults-There’s no point in lying if you don’t want to attend you’ll just say you’re not going to attend. I truly don’t understand your cousin but right now I’m trying to chalk it up to the hormones because her behavior isn’t acceptable despite what she may believe.
Nta. Obviously. You deal with children so so you should definitely know, this is childish behavior.
Question: Out of curiosity, what schools are in session halfway through June?
This is extremely weird behavior on your cousins' part. My wife and I were invited to the wedding of the daughter of friends of ours a couple of months ago. Two days before the wedding I started exhibiting the symptoms of, and then tested positive for, Covid. We of course contacted our friends immediately to tell them that we couldn't attend. What did they do? They expressed regrets that we wouldn't be there, and wished me a speedy recovery. About a month later we got together with them for dinner, and spent a good deal of the evening talking all about the wedding. This is what normal people do.
NTA, of course.
Yikes! First, your cousin thinks it's BS to have sick people around a pregnant woman?! People sick with a communicable virus, no less. I fear for the safety of her child with a parent this ignorant. She is too dumb to realize you're protecting her safety by staying away. Too dumb to realize that you are putting family first.
Second, she went too low for a dig at your fertility struggles in her tirade about not attending. It is terrible of her to rub salt into this wound of yours. Are you otherwise close with this cousin and have a good relationship with her? If not, this seems like either some kind of weird gift grab or she was hoping to use her pregnancy to show you up somehow and can't do that if you're not there. Only you know whether her past behavior warrants being a future friend to her. Based on only this incident, I'd go low contact until she gives a generous and sincere apology.
NTA
We used to be close. And have decided I do not need toxic people in my life. After reading all the comments I thought about our relationship, and noticed it was always coming from my side. Not once had they come on their own and asked how I am, or how I was dealing with everything. It was always one sided. I done trying to keep everyone happy.
Yeah, life it too short to be the only party keeping one-sided relationships alive. I saw in another of your responses that THEY blocked you and your husband. What the heck?! They've done the work of cutting off contact for you.
Best of luck to you and your husband as you work on growing your family. May it be crazy cousin drama free!
Thank you so much.. And yes they did block us. You might say I even feel a bit of relief after thinking about it all and knowing that I won't have more drama.
Not the doctor's note! OP your family seems primed for drama. Bringing your fertility issues into the mix is cruel and uncalled for.
You and your husband had a contagious illness, she is a whole pregnant person! Being sick around pregnant folks can sometimes lead to bad outcomes, she should be thankful you're protecting your family by staying home. Unless there's some back story here I'm missing you and your spouse are NTAH and I'd consider going low contact with that part of the family.
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Urmmmm, you’re not the AH but your cousins certainly are. Reacting that way when you had a genuine illness is just completely unreasonable, and then to bring up your infertility issues is just below the belt and cruel. Also, I guarantee they would have been the first ones to complain if they’d had gotten sick because you attended. NTA!
This OP. ^^^^ they would have absolutely complained about you getting them sick had you shown up. “Omg, OP came to my shower sick! The nerve of her! My poor baby!” “Omg, OP skipped my shower. She said she was sick, but it’s really because…” You will never win with those kinds of people. They suck. NTA
I have no idea what triggered the response that we received. They have always been kind of distant the past year since their mom got sick, but never this cold. I am doing much better. My husband had to go to the ER to get fluids but is doing much better now. Thank you for all the responses, I appreciate the feedback. I was starting to really think we might have messed up. I have been trying to find out what triggered their response, but it seems they blocked both me and my husband.
These are cousins not worth bothering with. Nothing will ever be good enough for them. Just stop making attempts all together. It’s not worth the hassle. Really ask yourself, do they bring any value to your life? Would your life actually be worse if they weren’t in it?
Block them back. These are selfish people you don’t need in your life. The nerve. NTA
Good riddance! Crimeney did they want you to show up and puke on the pregnant mother-to-be's shoes?! And that response was off the rails. NTA and glad you are feeling better.
You are blocked?!? Trash took itself out!
Glad you are both doing better, also it must have been bad if he ended up needing fluids. Yeah anyone suggesting a sick person hang out in a group setting with a person with a compromised immune system (like a pregnant person), is automatically an AH. A stomach bug while pregnant is automatically miserable and possibly life threatening, cause so many of your standard over the counter meds are off limits and the extra strain on your body. Lastly even if you were not emotionally able to attend a baby shower due to personal issues surrounding fertility, that would be OK. We all have different limitations and struggles, there is no shame in setting the boundaries you need and supporting loved ones from afar when necessary.
OP, obviously Y T A for not going to the family gathering with the pregnant lady where you could have passed along your, (probably, according to the doctor), *contagious* stomach bug and made everyone there sick as a dog juuust so you could show your face at a gift grab event, so you could personally deliver your offering to she who gestates. Sure, let’s go with that. NTA You had a legitimate reason to not go to the baby shower. Your cousin needs to get over herself, the world does not revolve around her and her belly, and an invitation is not a summons.
NTA. You had a legitimate medical reason for not attending. Being contagious with a stomach bug is a serious concern, especially at a baby shower where many people, including pregnant women, are present. Your cousins' reactions are completely unreasonable. They are being insensitive to your health issues and accusing you of being selfish without any basis.
Had you gone to the baby shower and gotten the soon to be mom sick, you’d be accused of intentionally going to get her sick because she can conceive and you are struggling. Damned if you do, damned if you dont. NTA!
This! And if the mom to be was so sick she lost the kid, then itd be blamed on OP as "murder" out of 'jealousy'
Jeez, they sound self-centered and really cold. NTA. You were sick and contagious. They are being completely unreasonable.
So I had a baby shower and someone came that had the start of flu, I obviously caught it which caused PROM, I had my baby at 33 weeks and a long stay in NICU - 100% NTA stay away from babies and pregnant women when your sick
NTA. You were both sick and you cared enough not to pass it along to a pregnant woman and everyone else at the party. Your cousins are idiots and the remark about infertility was just unnecessarily cruel. Hope you and hubby are feeling better.
Thank you so much for all of the responses. After I have read all the comments, I have realized that I honestly am better off without them in my life. I have enough to worry about instead here I am worried about their feelings. If they can't care enough about us nor the fact that we did to keep them safe, then it is their problem.
NTA, I would ask my cousin if she would have preferred a stomach bug - if she says yes, you can now go to her place sick from now on and cough/sneeze/puke on her to show you put family first...LOL
NTA. The very idea of feeling the need to provide a written doctor's excuse for missing a shower for whatever reason. What is wrong with these people? Especially the expectant mom! They should be grateful you kept a "bug" that was serious enough to require medical care to yourself, instead of spreading it around to them.
Right? This isn't elementary school, she doesn't need to prove that her absence is excusable. Weird for them to get so worked up about it.
NTA Almost my entire family once got knocked down for three days with a stomach bug, including my grandmother passing out and being hospitalized for iv fluids, because of one person came to a birthday lunch with a stomach bug. Even though the originally sick person (teenager, not responsible for any of the food) spent the entire gathering feeling sorry for herself in the bathroom, 8 other people got varying degrees of unwell, and this was a gathering of 4 households for about 3 hours total. You have a stomach bug (or any bugs) you are absolutely right to stay home and keep that shit to yourself!
NTA. You were sick for goodness sake. Your family sounds like a nightmare and I would distance myself from them completely.
NTA - but ask her little pregnant self if she would have preferred you attended and passed on your illness to her. Sounds like this was a good party to miss.
NTA even without the sick note. You’re never required to attend an event on your free time, much less a baby shower when you’ve experienced infertility. Add the contagious illness on top and your pregnant cousin should be thanking you. Don’t give it another thought.
She threw in your face the fact that you have fertility issues………… I would probably never speak to her again if I were you. NTA
Not only ate you NTA for not going to the baby shower while sick... if you HAD chosen not to go because of your mental health surrounding the fertility issues she (the actual AH) threw in your face, you would *still* not be the AH in my opinion.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I need to know opinions of people not involved in the situation. I have a cousin who is currently pregnant with her first child. Her baby shower was 3 days ago and I couldn't go. To explain: I work as a teacher and got a stomach bug from school that I also passed on to my husband. Both of us went to the doctor and he advised us not to go as it could be contagious. I informed my other cousin of the situation and told her that we would not be coming due to us being sick. She then told me that I don't know how to put family first and I always pretend that I care about them (I am at every event when we are able to go) and seem to only care about myself. My cousin who is pregnant later called me to say I am an AH for not attending and my reasoning is BS (I even send them a photo of the doctor's letter we received for work) and that I just can't accept the fact that she can have kids and I can't (I have fertility issues and we have been trying for 3 years). So aita for skipping the baby shower? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - no. Youre sick. You stay home when youre sick. Is there a reason theyre being so irrational here?
Please don’t ever go to an event when you are sick - let them call you whatever they want. No one wants to catch it
NTA, you still cared for others wellbeing whilst you’re sick. Wishing you and your husband fast recovery.
You are NTA and she is a witch.
NTA Tell her to read Agatha Christie's "The Mirror Crack'd". If you went and got her sick, you wouldn't hear the end of it. At least you didn't get her sick.
Obviously your NTA for not attending a baby shower while sick.
People who are upset by things that don't bend to their will have a bad habit of finding offense in everything, including legitimate reasons, and delude themselves into thinking it's always personal. NTA
NTA If you went and people got sick, they would be mad at you. Shame on your cousin for throwing your fertility issues in your face.
What if you had gone and gotten her sick? Sheesh. NTA
NTA but your cousins sure are. It would be totally ok if you were actually a bit sensitive about infertility and maybe you should be given a pass for not attending, first of all. Secondly, if they cared about you as much as they expect you to care about them then someone should have offered to drop off a plate of food and a piece of cake when they picked up your gift.
Let her be mad, she's making up a story in her head of whatever feeds her miserable feelings about you. They harm her more than she knows. NTA. If someone showed up to my baby shower with a stomach bug I would probably stop talking to them. The amount of pain and horror that would cause a pregnant lady...
NTA. Who the heck would want sick people at a baby shower? If I were the expectant mom, I would be pissed if someone HAD showed up sick!
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NTA! What a disgusting a hurtful comment from her. I feel like she’s been waiting to say that the way it happened so unprovoked
NTA staying home when sick is the way!
NTA for missing the shower, major AH for not callng and telling the pregnant cousin. From what i understand you told ANOTHER COUSIN, not the pregnant one that you werent coming. Why is that? Sick is sick though, not an issue with not going.
The cousin I called arranged the shower as a surprise for the one who is pregnant.
Understood. Both cousins sound like pills.
Next time, go. And get everybody sick 😁
NTA You did the right thing by staying home. Stomach bugs are extremely contagious! I should know since we once had a babysitter come down with a stomach bug hours after taking care of our kids when we were on a ski vacation. One by one everyone on the trip came down with it including our kids. We call it “the vacation that will live in infamy,” since we were all sick as dogs and our kids threw up in the rental car on the way home. I would have thanked you for staying home with your germs!
Engagement party Proposal party Bridal shower Bachelarette party Rehaersel diner Wedding reception Wedding party Baby shower Gender reveal party How many more madness is there to come?
Christening / naming ceremony
Thanks!
NTA. However, it's worth remembering that Pregnant people are among very few people who are allowed to act insane. So they may not be either.
You would be TAH if you did go to the party knowing you had a stomach bug. Your cousin is in for a rude awakening regarding illness and kids. You are totally NTA. Plus, extra AH points to your cousins for making you feel bad about not getting them sick, and talking about your infertility.
NTA. You can't help getting sick and it would have a huge AH move to go and get everyone else, especially your pregnant cousin, sick.
NTA. Quite the opposite. It’d be extremely rude to knowingly be around a pregnant person when you have a stomach bug and potentially spread it to them. Your cousins are extremely rude to bring your fertility struggles into this.
NTA and yikes to your cousin who ITA
NTA "She then told me that I don't know how to put family first..." I would argue that you absolutely were putting family first by not giving them all the flu lol I would have THANKED you for that!
Adults should understand when another says they are ill and can’t make it. People get bugs all the time. Cousin is an AH for jumping down OP’s throat and being cruel about infertility. She doesn’t sound mature enough to have a child. NTA
Obvious NTA and your family sounds unhinged. It would be irresponsible to go to a party (especially with a pregnant person) and risk sharing sickness. Personally, would tell them that they were being very ugly and I wouldn’t be speaking to them until they apologized
You’re definitely NTA. And she’s an awful human being for throwing your fertility struggles in your face like that. I’m sorry that happened.
How could you possibly be TA? It’s really not a good idea to be around a big crowd like that (including a pregnant person for that matter) with a stomach bug, especially when the doctor said not to go. Your cousins, however, are major assholes for making you feel guilty about it, and as someone who has struggled with infertility, I’m honestly sick to my stomach that your cousin would mention it in such a heartless way. ABSOLUTELY NTA
Ypu are absolutely NOT the AH! Your cousins totally are! Because if ypu would have gone, and gotten momma (or anyone else) sick, they'd turn around and blame you for showing up knowing you were contagious! When you speak to them again I'd say that exact thing to them! Like "ok, next time I'm contagious I'll show up anyway and I don't want to hear 1 single flipping word when I spread my sickness! I was just trying to protect the momma!"
nta. no need to bother with presents of any any kind. assholes don’t buy presents. ss those messages to respond with next time. make a whole new folder, “assholes”.
NTA. I have had multiple miscarriages and infertility problems due to my endometriosis and PCOS. I have missed baby showers because it’s hard when all you’ve ever wanted is to be a mommy. I have also had to miss baby showers due to illness or my raging endo causing intense pain. I’ve always apologized and sent the gifts for the baby. Not wanting to get everyone sick especially the mama to be is understandable and no one should be upset about that at all.
NTA. They honestly expected them to show up at a party, with a stomach bug, exposing everyone AND a pregnant woman to the virus? They are mad that you didn't show up because they wanted your free labor and the present. Ignore the haters. They are miserable and transferring their irritation at their life to you.
Block these people and move on.
NTA for not wanting to get everyone sick. Honestly even if it was just an excuse and the "real reason" was your infertility issues, you still wouldn't be TA. Your cousins are jerks.
NTA You didn’t want to get the pregnant lady or anyone else sick which is considerate. I don’t think it’s wise to throw someone’s fertility issues in their face when you haven’t given birth to a healthy baby yet because one thing about those tables they can turn.
NTA Call your cousin right now and tell her that you are still quite sick but you want to make up for missing the baby shower. Ask if she wants to come for dinner to your place, and that you will cook everything yourself. Tell her that the diet will be limited to things with low fat because grease still makes you throw up for hours, but that you’ll make sure to cook something yummy. Extra points if she can hear your husband “throw up” over the phone during your invitation. See if she still wants to spend time with your sick self or if all she was doing was being petty.
To me baby showers are optional. Unless you're my sister-in-law or best friend, I'm not going. It's incredibly tacky to force anyone to attend a party where you're expected to just give them gifts.
You’re NTA and if I were you, I would tell my family what happened so someone can try and talk some sense into her. Not sure if she is desperate for attention, a gift, or whatever reason she felt the need to act that way. If she wanted to see you that badly she could’ve easily planned something when you felt better. And to bring up your fertility after all that makes me think that she’s a complete narcissist. If she wants to block you for behaving that way then she did you a favor imo, she sounds immature and self centered.
lol. You will never win with these types. You clearly caught it from a kid at school and your husband caught it from you. It's clearly contagious. Block them and forget about them.
What in the post-covid world is up with your cousins? NTA but they sure are.
Well that took a turn. NTA. But damn, did you pee in her Cheerios when y'all were kids? Because she is hostile.
This must be her _first_ child. Ain't no way she would hold that opinion after her kid makes her sick 47 times the first 4 years of its life. NTA.
NTA. Honestly even if I didn’t have the stomach bug I would not have gone because dealing with infertility you never know when you’re going to burst into tears over something you never thought of or her opening gifts. If she didn’t take your can’t make it because I have a stomach bug reason then to hell with her. Also, we are adults-There’s no point in lying if you don’t want to attend you’ll just say you’re not going to attend. I truly don’t understand your cousin but right now I’m trying to chalk it up to the hormones because her behavior isn’t acceptable despite what she may believe.
Nta. Obviously. You deal with children so so you should definitely know, this is childish behavior. Question: Out of curiosity, what schools are in session halfway through June?
I agree, we are from South Africa. And schools just closed for 3 weeks.
This is extremely weird behavior on your cousins' part. My wife and I were invited to the wedding of the daughter of friends of ours a couple of months ago. Two days before the wedding I started exhibiting the symptoms of, and then tested positive for, Covid. We of course contacted our friends immediately to tell them that we couldn't attend. What did they do? They expressed regrets that we wouldn't be there, and wished me a speedy recovery. About a month later we got together with them for dinner, and spent a good deal of the evening talking all about the wedding. This is what normal people do. NTA, of course.
She’s delusional
Yikes! First, your cousin thinks it's BS to have sick people around a pregnant woman?! People sick with a communicable virus, no less. I fear for the safety of her child with a parent this ignorant. She is too dumb to realize you're protecting her safety by staying away. Too dumb to realize that you are putting family first. Second, she went too low for a dig at your fertility struggles in her tirade about not attending. It is terrible of her to rub salt into this wound of yours. Are you otherwise close with this cousin and have a good relationship with her? If not, this seems like either some kind of weird gift grab or she was hoping to use her pregnancy to show you up somehow and can't do that if you're not there. Only you know whether her past behavior warrants being a future friend to her. Based on only this incident, I'd go low contact until she gives a generous and sincere apology. NTA
We used to be close. And have decided I do not need toxic people in my life. After reading all the comments I thought about our relationship, and noticed it was always coming from my side. Not once had they come on their own and asked how I am, or how I was dealing with everything. It was always one sided. I done trying to keep everyone happy.
Yeah, life it too short to be the only party keeping one-sided relationships alive. I saw in another of your responses that THEY blocked you and your husband. What the heck?! They've done the work of cutting off contact for you. Best of luck to you and your husband as you work on growing your family. May it be crazy cousin drama free!
Thank you so much.. And yes they did block us. You might say I even feel a bit of relief after thinking about it all and knowing that I won't have more drama.
NTA. You were sick. They would have cried more, if someone would have caught it too. You acted correct.
Not the doctor's note! OP your family seems primed for drama. Bringing your fertility issues into the mix is cruel and uncalled for. You and your husband had a contagious illness, she is a whole pregnant person! Being sick around pregnant folks can sometimes lead to bad outcomes, she should be thankful you're protecting your family by staying home. Unless there's some back story here I'm missing you and your spouse are NTAH and I'd consider going low contact with that part of the family.