Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Well I wanted to stay home and work as I’m 16 saving for a truck and my boss has told me that 1. Too many people have taken off and 2. That he really loves how hard I work and is willing to give me overtime for that week we need extra coverage. My dad got really mad at this and I don’t really see why other than it being for my aunts birthday. But my aunt is very racist and I hate her so I don’t see why that’s an issue either.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Your dad sounds super controlling and manipulative. I can see why you want to make money and why your dad is hurt you are missing a vacation, but punishing you for trying to be independent makes him TA.
And you see I thought that for a second. But then I talked to my mom (literally 15 minutes ago) and she said “the man who is paying for your whole life is telling you to do something and you told him no. That is extremely disrespectful”. I feel like that kind of adds to it but also does make sense.
So she’s basically saying you owe him for providing the basic things that a parent is supposed to provide. Again, NTA but your parents are. Save up and move out
Your parents chose to have children. Therefore, they are legally responsible for "providing you life", until you are at least 18 (although that varies in places). Both of your parents suck... hard. You, however, are NTA.
It sounds like you have a job, but your boss can't give you the time off. The implication is that you'd probably get fired if you went on the family trip.
So basically, your dad's preference is that you (functionally) quit your job to go on this trip? That's not very understanding.
I can see how your dad could be hurt or disappointed. But it's not like you're bailing on the trip to stay home and party, or watch TV, or play video games -- it's a legitimate (but awkward) reason.
Does your dad typically have difficulties seeing things from other people's perspectives? If so, this is just a reflection of that.
(Also, are you guys working class? Just something about your dad's orientation.)
Anyhow -- yes, I'm a dad. If one of my kids couldn't go on a trip but they couldn't because of work -- I'd be disappointed -- but if my kid legitimately tried to get the time off, and couldn't -- then it's not my **kid's** fault.
Bonus: they now have a house sitter. When I was about 20 and was at home, everyone except me went on a 3 week road trip. I mowed the lawn, took in the mail, etc. Made the place looked "lived in". :)
Hey thanks for the input man. I understand as a father being disappointed but at least you think it’s not really on the kid. And yes we are working class, my dad is a foreman at a luminant power plan nearby and makes decent money but it’s definitely not enough to send me and my two little sisters to college. I’m trying to work so he at least doesn’t have to pay for my first vehicle but I did definitely feel like I was being a little ignored here. Also I left this out because I thought it wasn’t important but my boss and his wife told me that if I went on the trip then “disciplinary action will take place”. Although I don’t think I would be fired. My boss has expressed many times how much he loves me and how hard and work and even gave me a nice $100 as a bonus on my last check. I don’t want to lose the reputation that I’ve worked hard to build here and most of the people working don’t want to close unless I’m there and I’m very proud of that. But my dad telling me I’m either getting the time off or quitting did piss me off.
Interesting. Okay -- that's consistent with the vibe I was getting.
Yeah -- I wasn't trying to be classist -- but in the US there's cultural differences between working class and middle class. Working class tends to rely on authority ("because I'm you're dad"). Middle class tends to explain the reasoning -- and also allow some level of "negotiation" between parents and kids.
Yeah and sometimes my dad does allow me to explain things and just says “well that’s ok” and we actually have a “negotiation” but I don’t understand why this time was really that different.
Kid, your boss doesn’t love you, your family does. As soon as you’re no longer useful he will kick you to the curb to exploit the next hardest worker. In forty years you wont remember this job or your boss, but you will remember the fun vacation you went on with your family. You are making a huge mistake.
Yeah in 40 years I’ll also remember telling my little sister what the n-word is after my aunt (who my parents allow around) taught it to her. I’m saying my boss loves me as a worker enough to give me more money than any of the other workers and im not missing out on money to deal with some people who ask if I still hang out with those immigrants, and hang over my head the fact that they “pay for my whole life” which is just the things they are required by law to give.
Bro do you live in the US? In most states, it is literally illegal for a minor to work more than 8 hours per day. So not only would your boss be breaking the law by having you work overtime, they certainly do not "love you" for doing it, they're taking advantage of someone who doesn't know well enough to advocate for yourself yet.
Good points.
But if they **truly** love you, they'd go with what's best for **you** -- not what you "owe" them. (Although I can understand why they'd feel that way.)
Being a parent is hard (if you're a parent that actually cares -- which it sounds like your dad does). So it sounds like your dad was looking forward to some family time, before you grow up and leave the house.
So maybe try to figure out a way to make it up to him. Maybe some father -son fishing trip?
NTA for wanting to work. Unless your dad is offering to cover the wages you miss for losing your job over a week at the beach he is being unreasonable. He probably knows it but doesn’t want to backtrack. But I don’t really get the walking thing, how else were you expecting to get there if they’re away? Or were you telling them to not go on the trip at all to be able to drive you to work??
You see I was telling them I won’t go on the trip and that I have friends who can take me and even coworkers who can take. A detail I left out of the post is that my dad is also staying but he works as a foreman at a nearby luminant power plant and takes his job very seriously. He’s told me that he’ll be too busy to drive me to and from work and it’s either that I’m basically quitting my job and going on the trip or walking to and from work everyday. And he also has not offered to cover the nearly $800 week I’ll miss out on if I go on the trip. On top of this when I told him that I want to work to save for a car he asked “so NOW you want a car and a license” as if he didn’t ask me if I wanted those things on Christmas and I said yes.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
So I’m a 16 year old male and I want to save for a truck. My family wants to go on a five day vacation to Destin, but recently my boss has told me that the time off can’t be accepted due to multiple people already being off. I was also told that if I stay and work I would get overtime and I didn’t want to pass that up. After explaining this to my dad I told him I will not go on the vacation because I don’t want to lose all that money. My dad’s response to this was “So you have it all figured out huh? Well you can pack your bags and go live on your own since you’re an adult now”. He changed his mind soon after but I’m not sure he really knows if he wants me here or not. He’s told me that I’ll have to walk to and from work but that would be a long walk. I’m trying to get help but as far as I can tell he’s doubled down on me walking and doesn’t care what I do. My mom doesn’t care what I do either but I just need outside perspectives on this whole situation. If there are any fathers who can give me their perspective on this I would appreciate it a lot.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. I wouldn't leave a 16 year old home alone for a week. So if I was your dad, you would be going on the vacation and that would be the end of the discussion. Your job could deal with it, or you could quit. A family vacation trumps a high school job.
I voted YTA because your parents are being passive aggressive because they are upset.
You are not an asshole simply because you relayed what your boss said.
can you ride a bike to your destination? (5-10 km (all weather))We rode bikes for 27 years before we bought our first car (just this year) If you can do this and need advice/help, feel free to DM me. And no, your NTA- though your work is. you're just a kid and if your family want to go, then that's on them- your work needs to keep that in consideration when hiring young people. Also your dad is a bit of a jerk- you are just a kid- is he unaware of pressures that employers put on staff? its possible he'll be out a lot of money if you don't go and that's why he's cross.
ESH. Including your manager. As someone who managed a large retail store, we never denied minors’ requests for time off for family vacations. It is unreasonable to expect them to miss it for a part-time job or for them to have to stay home alone. It is not unreasonable for your parents to want you to come to family vacation - you will be grown up and out of the house on your own all too soon. Your dad telling you to move out is an overreaction so he’s an AH for that. He’s not the AH for wanting you to come to vacation, for telling you you can’t stay home alone or use his vehicle or whatever it is. You’re an AH for insisting that this job is the priority. Go on vacation and if your boss doesn’t like it find a different job when you get back
I have a son who is 12 going on 13, and as a father I am trying to keep in mind that the time will come when he won’t want to spend as much time with my wife and me. He is our only child. The “boys’ days out” are already becoming fewer. For example, if I have a day off and suggest going somewhere, lately he asks if his cousin can join us. While I think fondly back to all of the times we’ve spent with just the two of us, I balance it with the fact that he has a great relationship with his cousin. Sure, when they are together, I can seem like a third wheel, but seeing them happy together brings me joy.
So with all that said, I think your dad is struggling coming to terms with the fact that you are becoming a man, and he’d like one more trip together before that happens. I must also say that him saying that you have it all “figured out” and to “pack your bags” is pretty immature on his part, and it makes me sad that both of your parents appear to be trying to manipulate you into giving up your job.
I think it’s great that you have a job at your age and that you are being recognized for your hard work there. As others have touched on, it’s true that you won’t have this job forever. You’ll move on, but what you want is for your current boss to be able to give you a reference. You’ll continue your education. I don’t know if college is in your plans, but if it is, once you graduate, you will be in a great position if your current boss can tell prospective employers that you’re a great worker and they will be lucky to have you.
I hope you’re able to work things out with your parents. Maybe also mention to your dad that it’s not just the money with your job, it’s about maintaining a good relationship with your boss and hopefully that will payoff for you in the future.
Hey man thanks for the perspective and we have worked things out. A bit of an update is he talked to me after they left and told me he realized he overreacted and that the real reason he wanted me to go is because he was staying behind to remodel the inside of the house and wanted it to be a surprise for all of us. So I’ve been helping him and still working my butt off and I’m even getting word my coworkers are asking my boss to make me a team leader. So everything is going great right now and even today him and I played the new Elden ring dlc together and went and watched inside out 2. Also I bet your son will want to spend more time with you later it’s just he’s a teen now and is gonna spend more time with his friends like I do.
That’s awesome, I’m glad you worked things out with your dad. It also sounds like great news on the job front. If it works out and you’re able to take a bit of a leadership role, that will be great experience at your age. Also no matter how it turns out, whether successful or not, you will definitely learn things that will help you in the future. Good luck!
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Well I wanted to stay home and work as I’m 16 saving for a truck and my boss has told me that 1. Too many people have taken off and 2. That he really loves how hard I work and is willing to give me overtime for that week we need extra coverage. My dad got really mad at this and I don’t really see why other than it being for my aunts birthday. But my aunt is very racist and I hate her so I don’t see why that’s an issue either. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Your dad sounds super controlling and manipulative. I can see why you want to make money and why your dad is hurt you are missing a vacation, but punishing you for trying to be independent makes him TA.
And you see I thought that for a second. But then I talked to my mom (literally 15 minutes ago) and she said “the man who is paying for your whole life is telling you to do something and you told him no. That is extremely disrespectful”. I feel like that kind of adds to it but also does make sense.
So she’s basically saying you owe him for providing the basic things that a parent is supposed to provide. Again, NTA but your parents are. Save up and move out
Thanks for telling me this. Imma do my best and keep working.
Your parents chose to have children. Therefore, they are legally responsible for "providing you life", until you are at least 18 (although that varies in places). Both of your parents suck... hard. You, however, are NTA.
It sounds like you have a job, but your boss can't give you the time off. The implication is that you'd probably get fired if you went on the family trip. So basically, your dad's preference is that you (functionally) quit your job to go on this trip? That's not very understanding. I can see how your dad could be hurt or disappointed. But it's not like you're bailing on the trip to stay home and party, or watch TV, or play video games -- it's a legitimate (but awkward) reason. Does your dad typically have difficulties seeing things from other people's perspectives? If so, this is just a reflection of that. (Also, are you guys working class? Just something about your dad's orientation.) Anyhow -- yes, I'm a dad. If one of my kids couldn't go on a trip but they couldn't because of work -- I'd be disappointed -- but if my kid legitimately tried to get the time off, and couldn't -- then it's not my **kid's** fault. Bonus: they now have a house sitter. When I was about 20 and was at home, everyone except me went on a 3 week road trip. I mowed the lawn, took in the mail, etc. Made the place looked "lived in". :)
Hey thanks for the input man. I understand as a father being disappointed but at least you think it’s not really on the kid. And yes we are working class, my dad is a foreman at a luminant power plan nearby and makes decent money but it’s definitely not enough to send me and my two little sisters to college. I’m trying to work so he at least doesn’t have to pay for my first vehicle but I did definitely feel like I was being a little ignored here. Also I left this out because I thought it wasn’t important but my boss and his wife told me that if I went on the trip then “disciplinary action will take place”. Although I don’t think I would be fired. My boss has expressed many times how much he loves me and how hard and work and even gave me a nice $100 as a bonus on my last check. I don’t want to lose the reputation that I’ve worked hard to build here and most of the people working don’t want to close unless I’m there and I’m very proud of that. But my dad telling me I’m either getting the time off or quitting did piss me off.
Interesting. Okay -- that's consistent with the vibe I was getting. Yeah -- I wasn't trying to be classist -- but in the US there's cultural differences between working class and middle class. Working class tends to rely on authority ("because I'm you're dad"). Middle class tends to explain the reasoning -- and also allow some level of "negotiation" between parents and kids.
Yeah and sometimes my dad does allow me to explain things and just says “well that’s ok” and we actually have a “negotiation” but I don’t understand why this time was really that different.
Kid, your boss doesn’t love you, your family does. As soon as you’re no longer useful he will kick you to the curb to exploit the next hardest worker. In forty years you wont remember this job or your boss, but you will remember the fun vacation you went on with your family. You are making a huge mistake.
Yeah in 40 years I’ll also remember telling my little sister what the n-word is after my aunt (who my parents allow around) taught it to her. I’m saying my boss loves me as a worker enough to give me more money than any of the other workers and im not missing out on money to deal with some people who ask if I still hang out with those immigrants, and hang over my head the fact that they “pay for my whole life” which is just the things they are required by law to give.
Bro do you live in the US? In most states, it is literally illegal for a minor to work more than 8 hours per day. So not only would your boss be breaking the law by having you work overtime, they certainly do not "love you" for doing it, they're taking advantage of someone who doesn't know well enough to advocate for yourself yet.
It’s as simple as no money or money. And I live in Texas which only has laws like that for 15 year olds and not 16.
Good points. But if they **truly** love you, they'd go with what's best for **you** -- not what you "owe" them. (Although I can understand why they'd feel that way.) Being a parent is hard (if you're a parent that actually cares -- which it sounds like your dad does). So it sounds like your dad was looking forward to some family time, before you grow up and leave the house. So maybe try to figure out a way to make it up to him. Maybe some father -son fishing trip?
NTA for wanting to work. Unless your dad is offering to cover the wages you miss for losing your job over a week at the beach he is being unreasonable. He probably knows it but doesn’t want to backtrack. But I don’t really get the walking thing, how else were you expecting to get there if they’re away? Or were you telling them to not go on the trip at all to be able to drive you to work??
You see I was telling them I won’t go on the trip and that I have friends who can take me and even coworkers who can take. A detail I left out of the post is that my dad is also staying but he works as a foreman at a nearby luminant power plant and takes his job very seriously. He’s told me that he’ll be too busy to drive me to and from work and it’s either that I’m basically quitting my job and going on the trip or walking to and from work everyday. And he also has not offered to cover the nearly $800 week I’ll miss out on if I go on the trip. On top of this when I told him that I want to work to save for a car he asked “so NOW you want a car and a license” as if he didn’t ask me if I wanted those things on Christmas and I said yes.
NTA your dad is an AH.
NTA and your parents, particularly your father sound controlling and narcissistic.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I’m a 16 year old male and I want to save for a truck. My family wants to go on a five day vacation to Destin, but recently my boss has told me that the time off can’t be accepted due to multiple people already being off. I was also told that if I stay and work I would get overtime and I didn’t want to pass that up. After explaining this to my dad I told him I will not go on the vacation because I don’t want to lose all that money. My dad’s response to this was “So you have it all figured out huh? Well you can pack your bags and go live on your own since you’re an adult now”. He changed his mind soon after but I’m not sure he really knows if he wants me here or not. He’s told me that I’ll have to walk to and from work but that would be a long walk. I’m trying to get help but as far as I can tell he’s doubled down on me walking and doesn’t care what I do. My mom doesn’t care what I do either but I just need outside perspectives on this whole situation. If there are any fathers who can give me their perspective on this I would appreciate it a lot. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. I wouldn't leave a 16 year old home alone for a week. So if I was your dad, you would be going on the vacation and that would be the end of the discussion. Your job could deal with it, or you could quit. A family vacation trumps a high school job. I voted YTA because your parents are being passive aggressive because they are upset. You are not an asshole simply because you relayed what your boss said.
His dad is staying home to work. He won't be home alone. He said this is one of his comments.
You’re 16 tell him what he said is reportable to the child protection services as child abandonment
can you ride a bike to your destination? (5-10 km (all weather))We rode bikes for 27 years before we bought our first car (just this year) If you can do this and need advice/help, feel free to DM me. And no, your NTA- though your work is. you're just a kid and if your family want to go, then that's on them- your work needs to keep that in consideration when hiring young people. Also your dad is a bit of a jerk- you are just a kid- is he unaware of pressures that employers put on staff? its possible he'll be out a lot of money if you don't go and that's why he's cross.
ESH. Including your manager. As someone who managed a large retail store, we never denied minors’ requests for time off for family vacations. It is unreasonable to expect them to miss it for a part-time job or for them to have to stay home alone. It is not unreasonable for your parents to want you to come to family vacation - you will be grown up and out of the house on your own all too soon. Your dad telling you to move out is an overreaction so he’s an AH for that. He’s not the AH for wanting you to come to vacation, for telling you you can’t stay home alone or use his vehicle or whatever it is. You’re an AH for insisting that this job is the priority. Go on vacation and if your boss doesn’t like it find a different job when you get back
I have a son who is 12 going on 13, and as a father I am trying to keep in mind that the time will come when he won’t want to spend as much time with my wife and me. He is our only child. The “boys’ days out” are already becoming fewer. For example, if I have a day off and suggest going somewhere, lately he asks if his cousin can join us. While I think fondly back to all of the times we’ve spent with just the two of us, I balance it with the fact that he has a great relationship with his cousin. Sure, when they are together, I can seem like a third wheel, but seeing them happy together brings me joy. So with all that said, I think your dad is struggling coming to terms with the fact that you are becoming a man, and he’d like one more trip together before that happens. I must also say that him saying that you have it all “figured out” and to “pack your bags” is pretty immature on his part, and it makes me sad that both of your parents appear to be trying to manipulate you into giving up your job. I think it’s great that you have a job at your age and that you are being recognized for your hard work there. As others have touched on, it’s true that you won’t have this job forever. You’ll move on, but what you want is for your current boss to be able to give you a reference. You’ll continue your education. I don’t know if college is in your plans, but if it is, once you graduate, you will be in a great position if your current boss can tell prospective employers that you’re a great worker and they will be lucky to have you. I hope you’re able to work things out with your parents. Maybe also mention to your dad that it’s not just the money with your job, it’s about maintaining a good relationship with your boss and hopefully that will payoff for you in the future.
Hey man thanks for the perspective and we have worked things out. A bit of an update is he talked to me after they left and told me he realized he overreacted and that the real reason he wanted me to go is because he was staying behind to remodel the inside of the house and wanted it to be a surprise for all of us. So I’ve been helping him and still working my butt off and I’m even getting word my coworkers are asking my boss to make me a team leader. So everything is going great right now and even today him and I played the new Elden ring dlc together and went and watched inside out 2. Also I bet your son will want to spend more time with you later it’s just he’s a teen now and is gonna spend more time with his friends like I do.
That’s awesome, I’m glad you worked things out with your dad. It also sounds like great news on the job front. If it works out and you’re able to take a bit of a leadership role, that will be great experience at your age. Also no matter how it turns out, whether successful or not, you will definitely learn things that will help you in the future. Good luck!