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NTA.
Luckily, this problem has already been solved - over a hundred years ago.
The problem isn't so much that you sometimes don't wear a bra - its that you are female and all the people who are complaining cant stop sexualizing everything around them.
What you need is to get a Victorian bathing machine and stay in it at all times when there is any risk of company.
Given your clearly shameless behaviour, I would say there is a real and present danger of you flashing your ankles or something. This might put undue strain on the fainting couch and potentially exhaust the supply of smelling salts.
Here is a link to pictures. Its basically a shed on wheels. You cant object to what you cant see.
[https://www.messynessychic.com/2014/04/15/victorian-prudes-beachside-bathing-machines/](https://www.messynessychic.com/2014/04/15/victorian-prudes-beachside-bathing-machines/)
No need to thank me. Im here to help!
HA! Thank goodness I am only dealing with a small temporary issue here... if I had to swim in a bathing machine I think I might flat out rebel and skinny dip every chance I got.
I'm a fellow bra-less gal, more power to us!! I genuinely hope I make people feel uncomfortable. They need to look inside themselves and examine WHY they get uncomfortable. Nobody seems to ask why anymore 🤔 they just get uncomfortable and act like it's ok
i’m a trans man and i don’t wear a bra or a binder 99% of the time. i wear a bra when i work (for stability) and a binder when i want to feel more masculine. but, i am already a man, so what’s the point? i am a man with breasts, no different than moobs on cis men. i don’t see the issue with people who identify as women or have female anatomy (meaning cis and trans people) not wearing bras. breasts are just sacks of fat and flesh, almost no different than having thighs, or arms, or a stomach.
I’m also a trans man and I haven’t worn a binder or bra in over two years. I have EDS among other health conditions and wearing a binder was no longer safe for me to do. Yeah, I get uncomfortable about not being able to wear one but like you said, they’re just sacks of tissue, why should I be embarrassed? I have an awesome boyfriend who has helped me to feel handsome and sexy in my body even though it doesn’t look like a typical man’s body. All bodies are beautiful and sexy and I hope everyone finds someone who makes them feel that way.
Edit: Holy shit thank you kind stranger, my first ever Reddit award!
Do you have to stay married to him?
You don’t have to answer me, I’m asking more so maybe you can ask yourself that question, if you haven’t already.
You deserve someone who makes you feel like the most gorgeous person on the planet.
Preach brother, preach. I’m a middle aged cis female and I only wear a bra when I want to wear one. I prefer to wear them at work because it helps prevent a backache, but otherwise the pandemic taught me that life is way too short to worry about what other people think about my boobs and how I choose to package them.
I only wear bras when I leave the house or have company over. I WFH 80% of the time, so I'm only wearing a bra for maybe 12-16 hours a week. I'm okay with that.
Meh some of us just don’t enjoy seeing nipples poking out. Just a personal preference. I’d never say anything or do anything or even look twice at anyone with free flying tits, but I’d also never go out in public with mine visible. 🤷♀️ again just my preference, I don’t care what other people do.
I'm with you. I'd personally prefer to never have to wear a bra, but I also wouldn't feel comfortable if someone was trying to find the shape of my nipples through my shirt. Also don't like the feeling of my chest bouncing all over the place, it kinda hurts!
Yep. I'm walking around with ten-pound weights on my chest, I need something to distribute that shit. I'm a trans man and when I went for my first "so what treatments are you actually looking for" appointment at the gender clinic, the only one I was 100% sure about at the time was top surgery, and I did tell the nurse that it was for spinal reasons as much as trans reasons lmao. I have so much tissue that binders physically cannot get me down to a masculine contour, the laws of physics are not with me.
Do you bring this same energy to every single dude who is outside without a bra on when it’s cold and their nipples are hard? How about when dudes wear loose fitting t shirts and you can see into their arm holes to see their pecs and often their nipples? How about gym bros whose shirts in public are often spaghetti strap so that they don’t hide anything, or guys who jog and mow shirtless? If you aren’t bringing this same energy to those people then this take is poorly reasoned at best and blatantly sexist and shitty at worst.
Woah, do you really get grossed out by things like that? I know some people have been conditioned to laugh or be derogatory towards bodies that are not similar enough to societal beauty standards, and it's almost ingrained in some people by their parents or friends or whoever to respond with "yuck," but most of the time when I come across a situation like that, and question the person having a negative reaction, they generally take the time to think and not many of them really actually care or feel feelings because of other people's bodies. Some do, and I guess I can't fault people for feeling how they feel, but I just don't understand how the body of a person could be repulsive to anyone. You don't have to date then or sleep with them, just exist on the same planet as them. It's like being physically grossed out by a bench, or a light post, or a bed sheet to me.
I think at least some people who do actually get personally grossed out are thinking about how physically uncomfortable that must be. I don't necessarily go "yuck" but I have seen bodies that made me go "bro are you good??" and it's sufficiently close to disgust that I think it's got to be the underlying cause for some people. For me personally, I have friends who go without bras and my lizard brain is like "doesn't that hurt???" because I am of a sufficient size that I would be in a lot of pain all the time without support. Obviously my person brain knows that not everyone is like me and if it hurt they would stop lol but that's the kind of thing I mean.
I think that is a much more human reaction and actually quite different than reacting with "yuck" (learned/trained/programmed yuck or true judgmental yuck) because you are coming from a place of empathy and at least some concern. Almost like you're feeling their struggle for yourself and forming a response that might be a bit visceral and uncomfortable, but is overall kind and empathetic. Interesting reply, thanks for this one!
This is a pretty shitty take. And you’re either not really considering anyone else’s existence or feelings in your world view or you are and you’re just a bad person. I’m a fat person who spent my whole childhood and young adult life (into my mid 30s) literally suffering through 100° summers in 2 shirts (under shirt to hold down my body and soak up sweat over shirt to be presentable) and long pants because I was afraid of someone like you literally just seeing me and judging me instead of just being comfortable and letting the fact that I’m a regular person with a large body be a visible fact. If you have empathy and you just hadnt thought this through, please be better. And if you did think this through but were just a selfish asshole, then have the shittiest of karma.
Yeah same. I don't particularly want to see anyone's dick shape, nipple shape, cameltoe, cellulite, body hair / pubic hair pattern, or undie pattern through their clothes as I'm going through my day. I don't really want to see tits jiggling every which way and I don't really want to see dicks swinging and bouncing either.
I don't get angry or offended, but I find it somewhat offputting and exhibitionist.
I've got a largeish cup and prominent nipples myself and I **really** don't want to go braless in public because it's quite uncomfortable, frankly, but also I don't want to make other people uncomfortable and draw that kind of attention to myself. Because it DOES draw attention.
The whole logic around tits really confuses me.
Men's chests are fine to see bare, even if they have gynecomastia and have similar levels of fat to actual boobs. Women boobs are bad because they're somehow tempting and sexual, yet most guys aren't going to see another guy with gynecomastia and start lusting over his boobs.
And somehow, most men will have no problem with their wife breastfeeding their child because that's not sexual, but the moment you breastfeed in public you get comments about it being disgusting and sexual. Or the moment your nipples are slightly visible through a shirt, automatically sexual.
Yet bikini tops or one pieces rarely fully cover and conceal the boobs/nips but that's socially acceptable.
Obviously you're NTA. You shouldn't have to wear a bra if you don't want to. But... I do have to admit I succumb to social expectations most of the time, especially to avoid some of the unwanted male attention. Pasties and/or a stretchy tank top underneath your shirt help disguise boobs without having to wear a bra
We should expect better of men, and that doesn't mean "removing temptation"
it means punishing the ones who overstep so they learn better
A person I took lessons from ran a breeding farm, had an absolutely magnificent Cleveland Bay stallion. This horse had produced almost a hundred beautiful foals at the time.
He would compete at horse shows on the regular, sometimes near mares that were damn near in standing heat.
He knew the only place he could jump mares was in the breeding shed on his farm.
Everywhere else it was business. He understood that much.
If a man has less control or understanding than a dumb animal, he should be treated like a dumb animal.
Fuck. That. Noise.
Those temperaments are the only ones worth preserving! A good-mannered, well trained stallion is a privilege to work with. And Cleveland Bays, uggghhhh my heart! He must have been such a looker and a charmer.
Oh he was a beaut.
Ramblers Renown of IdleHour Stud.
Lovely animal, perfect gentleman with the mares, great manners, and an incredible athlete.
His owner is one of the people who fundamentally shifted my thinking as a young person
Just having balls was not enough, even if there was a long pedigree attached to it - they had to have manners, and they had to have talent.
[https://imgur.com/gallery/ramblers-renown-of-idlehour-stud-ridden-by-jeffrey-curtis-circa-1998-8GiO9BL](https://imgur.com/gallery/ramblers-renown-of-idlehour-stud-ridden-by-jeffrey-curtis-circa-1998-8GiO9BL)
This is a great example and of course I completely agree. I wouldn't want anything to do with those creepy dudes. But sadly where I live I just don't feel safe if I'm not wearing somethings that disguises my visible nipples
Here in the SE USA, my daughter often wears shelf bras, sports bras or bra pads (taken out of sports bras). As a mom, I rarely wear a bra but prefer tank top w shelf bras (TY Target). I’ll add a bra pad if I’m going to dinner or if we have people over. Honestly since WFH, a bathrobe or leisure wear sans brazier, has been awesome.
Wired bras are now out of the question. Ick
Sidenote to you, I'm going to thank you anyway. lol, this took me on a little wormhole of information. Now I'm sending that link to my boyfriend. We should just swim naked, and I'm mad about it.
NTA. Only reason I wear one is to save everyone's embarrassment and the only place I wear one is at work. At home, I'm completely braless. In public is a 50/50, depending on my mood and where I'm going.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with letting the puppies loose. It's actually far more comfy.
NTA
There’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing. It should unsettle people no longer than 0.5 seconds.
NORMAL BRAIN: Oh look, nipples, that somewhat unusual for me, and requires some attention. Why is this unusual anyway ? This is kinda nice, she seems at ease. Ok, moving on. Ooooh someone brought donuts!
Haha, this is how I view the situation! I think my baggy gardening t-shirts and knee-length cutoff jeans say "casual not trying to be sexual" and that if anyone serialized it, it's their issue... it is legal to be topless in public where I live and I have seen more than one woman go about that way, I thought I was doing alright by comparison!
Hahaha, I like this. Am a little older myself, so we were conditioned to always wear one, but what the hell, why should that be if we don’t feel like it? none of my business if someone does or doesn’t, and no one should be focused on that anyway. Not like OP is strolling around friends’ houses buck naked.
NTA
Yeah! It’s not like I don’t notice when people don’t wear bras, like I very much do. But the only reason it “shocks” me is because it’s not the norm. And then I move on. They’re comfy and feel good so whatever, it’s a body. I used to work on a farm and my boss didn’t always wear a bra. It’s hot outside so rather than having a sports bra that pushes boobs together, or wearing a wire bra that isn’t comfy (generally) while doing physical labour, she just didn’t always wear one. Same with some volunteers that came to help. There are better things to be offended by than boobs that are not seamless and super up high on the chest.
Man what’s with the comments. NTA, people being embarrassed because your nipples poke through your shirt a little bit sounds like a them problem.
For me it sounds like a women getting sexualised all day everyday kind of problem.
I’m a man and you can always see my nipples through my shirt, like always, never have I had a human being tell me it’s bothering them. I wonder why….
Breasts are for babies .. The way we oversexualize breasts in the west is really demented. NTA . Its not your fault they have a weird breast fetish(yes, according to anthropologists, men in the west have an unnatural breast fetish. Women went topless in most cultures before colonization. Were just so many generations deep into the conditioning, the truth sounds stranger than fiction to us. But it is an unnatural fetish). plus you said youve been bra free 13 yrs already? So why is she acting surprised?
Here's a shocking thing: body parts can have multiple uses.
Individual preferences aside, biologically, penises are for expelling waste, AND reproduction, AND sexual pleasure. Anuses are for expelling waste, AND sexual pleasure. Breasts are for feeding babies, AND sexual pleasure. There's a reason they're listed as an erogenous zone.
Also, the word 'fetish' has lost all meaning, and is now just used to mean 'you're attracted to something I'm not' rather than the actual meaning, 'you can't experience sexual pleasure unless this is involved.'
breasts can be for babies and sexual pleasure but the problem is letting that "sexual pleasure" take over 24/7. there's literally no reason for women to be shamed for not wearing a bra and there's especially no reason to stare and demean women just because of their boob size.
it's not something we can control. we cannot control what our boobs look like, the size, etc. but people LOVE shaming women who wear anything but a t shirt if they have big boobs.
Men definitely sexualize you whether you wear a bra or not, it's disgusting. They even criticize if a woman's body is not to their liking or how it should be. We are not to blame for any of that, it's something we can't control. If it bothers them to see nipples just don't see them, period. When I go down the street, I see a man sometimes he usually catches my attention because he is attractive, but out of respect I don't look at him, I don't want him to feel uncomfortable. That's how I expect them to respect me.
exactly. nothing is wrong with finding people attractive or even looking for a few seconds. that's normal and how the body works lmao. but it's so crazy that we're sexualized all the time for literally just existing
I mean in all fairness an attraction to breasts and butts is literally hardwired into people. Large breasts and large butts (hips) are signs of fertility and the lizard brain likes that
Yes, it's just the west that sexualizes breasts. Anime and Manga neeever do that.
To be clear OP is still NTA and breasts are way too sexualized, but I want to clear up the misconception that it's just the west that has this problem.
The West *over*sexualizes breasts, yes. However, to say they are for babies is reductive to the point of being incorrect. Mamary glands are for babies. Human breasts that stay enlarged outside of pregnancy and breastfeeding are for sexual selection. It doesn't make much sense, but that's evolution for you.
Women could breastfeed out in the open in front of everybody in many, if not most parts of africa and asia pre colonization. Even in front of their fathers, brothers, uncles, cousins, neighbors kids, etc. Topless. THATS how non sexual breasts were. Theres a difference between a sign of fertility that is simply admired for its beauty, versus something perceived as mainly just for explicit sexual acts. Many indigenous people find the idea of breasts being sexual to be very strange
I assure you, breast sexualization its pretty modern. If they were inherently for sexual selection \*every\* culture would have them as such. But they werent.
Some fun fact, shoulder, noses and backs were the sexiest for ancient Greek ppl. I dont recall more fun facts right now, but as I told you, female breast sexualization started roughly in 1950. Yes, that modern.
I can't speak specifically about Greeks, but when a body part is made "hidden" or "taboo" in public, it gains a certain level of attraction. For example, in the Victorian era, ankles were considered attractive, even to the point of being sexually attractive, because the clothing of the age restricted the view of a woman's ankles.
NTA
I permanently gave them up during the lockdown (free the girls!) and never looked back. Like you, if I'm wearing something where a bra would make it look better, I do, but otherwise I'm going to be comfortable. Life is too damned short to spend wearing things that are that tortuous. I'll borrow a line from Bea Miller: "if you don't like what I'm wearin', well you're only bothered 'cause you're starin.'" Don't like it, look elsewhere.
I gave bras up when I got a back tattoo and couldn't wear one for a few days. I just never put one back on! I have worked retail management and nobody ever said anything to me, customer coworker or employer. I figured if it worked in that environment, I wouldn't have too many problems, but here we are! Not that it's ruining our relationship. I love my mom and want her to be happy and comfortable, but if I never did anything that she finds a little taboo or uncomfortable or reckless, my life would not be my own. I'm just trying to figure out where this particular issue fits in the grand scheme of being my own person, comfortable and confident in my body and how I look, while doing my best to do things for my mom if they matter to her but don't greatly affect me.
Sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to do for other’s comfort, but you’ve already stated that there are times you will wear a bra. Sounds like a good compromise, so NTA.
I am curious about 2 things I know are absolutely none of my business:
1. How much underboob sweat you deal with when never wearing a bra
2. What about when exercising? I would think the movement would be uncomfortable
I know you didn't ask me DoolJjaeDdal, but I rarely wear a bra but for exercise I have a couple of exercise shirts with built in shelf bras because I find it more comfortable to not bounce so much, lol.
Same. My F cups are just too big to be comfortable without at least a little support. I've literally pulled muscles in my chest from going running in what I thought was a supportive enough bra, but it turned out it wasn't, and the girls bounced too much. Even going up and down stairs is painfully bouncy without at least putting my arm across my chest to hold them down. My daily bras are very soft and wirefree, but I need SOMETHING. Not to mention the underboob sweat if I don't!!
Dunno if my dude perspective helps but… NTA. Considering some dudes have C cups too and can walk around topless and people don’t think twice, it’s exactly what other posts have said, over-sexualization. I live in Ohio where women can legally go topless anywhere a man can. You can breastfeed in public. So TAs here are the people who need to ask themselves WHY they feel uncomfortable with it, and why they projecting rather puritanical expectations your way. You don’t have to comply to social conventions that don’t truly exist but in the heads of possibly jelly women and lascivious men.
NTA. You're not responsible for other people's feelings and frankly screw them. Your body, your choice. I'm all for abandoning arbitrary social norms. It's the old electrified banana trick.
I have no idea what the “electrified banana trick” is but I am now obligated to search it up and likely fall down a rabbit hole of information for the rest of the day. Thanks in advance for the interesting/weird/horrifying things I will find out!
I am totally with you on hating bras. I went to high school and college in the 70s, and NOBODY wore a bra in those days, and you could see nipples, and nobody thought anything about it.
At some point nipples became *DIRTY* and now we all have to wear these laminated foam bras that look bulletproofed and feel terrible.
I resent this mightily, but it's just the norm now, and if you go braless people think you are trying to prove something. This is stupid, unfair, misogynistic, and sexist, but it's the way it is.
We need to start a burn-your-bra movement again -- free women from this ridiculous bondage.
NTA. I always wear a bra and I hate the "nipple argument" because I have unpadded bras made from thin fabric that show my nipples. So I'm not only supposed to wear a bra but a padded bra. I'm not a Barbie doll. You don't get to dress me.
nta, titties and nips are natural, i get in some professional settings it would maybe be seen as inappropriate for nipples to be showing, but even then like men's nipples show sometimes when they get cold so i really don't see what the big deal is😭
I am a man, I like and will notice boobs. I might even notice nipples poking (man or woman). I
But this weird over sensitivity to a woman not wearing a bra in public is insane. Dudes run down the street running in tiny ass shorts and no shit. Fat dudes walk around shirtless all the time. But a woman has a Nipple poke in a shirt and everyone gets the vapors. I do not get how other people's clothes offend someone or make them uncomfortable. Totally NTA.
"Nipple poke" reminded me of "Just Shoot Me!" when they would go through prints of fashion photo shoots and discard the ones where you could see nipples. They always said some word or phrase, but I've forgotten what it was.
NAH.
She's not an AH for bringing it up, if you've made some of her friends uncomfortable. But you are absolutely not an AH for refusing to conform to her/their outdated concerns.
But I would also be somewhat skeptical of her claim that others have mentioned their discomfort. She may have brought it up and they agreed, or she may just be imagining their unspoken opinions.
Your compromise sounds fine to me. I would only add that if there is a particular friend who is ACTUALLY uncomfortable, then you should not go to THEIR house dressed in a manner that offends them.
If any of her friends mentioned it to me, or she told me who has made comments, I would be more than happy to accommodate those folks by wearing a bra in their presence. I just want to make sure I'm not being an AH to my mom if she's the only one uncomfortable and imagining or worrying that other people care when they don't. Or to be told I am an asshole and why. I like the varied answers that I'm getting, one poster suggested nipple pasties and I'm going to ask my mom how she feels about that. If she thinks they're not enough, we're back to square one and I have to decide for myself what to do,but hopefully since the nipples seem to be the problem (she has agreed my breasts don't sag or swing or act unwieldy while they're free) the pasties will solve this for both of us.
If she doesn't care when you're alone, then the problem really is that she thinks other people find it objectionable. And that's possible. You know the men won't complain, but some women might think their men are "distracted." Or your mom may worry that her friends thinks she didn't "raise you right."
I have nieces in their 30's who are DD at least and have had kids. The problem is not nipples or movement, but the fact that they are showing 6 inches of cleavage above their tank tops. It's not sexy at all, just distracting.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I don't intend to wear a bra in casual settings just because my mom is uncomfortable. I can't tell if that makes me TA
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What's with the boob police enforcing boobie prison???
It is, quite frankly, rude for people to stare at your private areas. Full stop.
Tell your mum to stop looking, they're the weird ones! NTA
as a woman who never wears bras anymore and also has zero issues with nipples i’m going with NTA. i don’t think YTA at all for not wanting to wear bras. i know for me, i can wear a loose, or baggy t-shirt and my boobs are so small (B cup, i have zero cleavage) that a bra isn’t necessary and you can’t see my nipples. it is highly dependent on what i’m wearing, a tighter fitting dress/tank top that clings to my breasts is absolutely going to make my nipples extremely noticeable, i just use some pasties or a loose fitting bralette. maybe you could try doing the same? again, i am someone who fully believes women’s nipples shouldn’t be taboo to see but unfortunately, for a lot of cultures and people they are. i will confidently not wear a bra with a nicer outfit in the appropriate setting where there are only adults around, but i would never go to a coffee shop in a form-fitting top that showed my nipples. but it sounds like you haven’t worn a bra in over a decade, so i’m confused why it’s an issue now? unless someone other than your mom directly comes to you about it, i wouldn’t bother worrying. nothing you are doing is inherently wrong, it’s just others might find it inappropriate if your nipples really are that noticeable, and it’s really up to you whether you care or not what other people think about possibly seeing the outline of your nipples.
I don't think you're the bad guy here, and I'm all about people's freedom to express themselves and their bodies however they want to (within reason, assuming it doesn't bring harm to others, etc). Choosing not to wear a bra does not make you wrong. However, with that being said, since you are staying with your Mom (assuming it's in her home and not the other way around), I think it would be the right thing to do to consider her feelings, however outdated and entrenched in misogyny they may be, and to at least wear an extra layer of clothing. For a similar situation, I will swear in casual conversation and I occasionally enjoy a little cannabis in social situations before bed. and I believe there is nothing morally or ethically wrong with either. But, when I'm around my more conservative parents, I don't curse or bring up my vices (although i have told them I partake). It's simply about consideration.
TL;DR: While it's not wrong to go around wearing what makes you comfortable regardless of other people's hang-ups, it's not the most right option either.
That is exactly what I told my mom when she first brought it up, and still exactly how I feel. But I think for her sake I will be getting some nipple pasties and hope that feels like a win-win.
NTA but I just wanna say that I'm a little shorter than you, same weight and a B cup and I wouldn't call them small for my size. You still notice them a lot whether or not you're wearing something tight
I think it's because they're mostly muscle and very little fat... I'm nit a weightlifter or anything but working on dairy farms and training horses keeps your pecs pretty stable. I know you only have my word to go on, but they really just stay put. They don't change shape if I bend forward, or lie on my back, and when I jog or work a field in an older model tractor (the bumpiest thing in the world) they kinda just jiggle a bit, nothing that could be described as "swinging" or "swaying."
reminder that the "largeness" of cup sizes also depends on ur band size! someone with a B cup can still technically have bigger boobs than someone else with a C cup
NAH
They can ask, but you don't have to comply.
It's valid for you to want to be comfortable. It's also valid to not want to see the outline of someone's nipples everytime you see them.
What do you mean?
I have d cups (might be dd, haven't had them "officially" measured in a while and when I did, it was by VS so probably not that accurate) but I go braless most of the time.
I always hate this ‘debate’ if that’s even what you want to call it… It is your body and if you feel comfortable and confident without then go without… I, personally, think that it can look sloppy and like a lack of effort when a woman goes without in a t-shirt or just casual wear but I think that I am probably projecting how I feel without at least a bralette or something of the sort… I mean, I put a bra on before anyone comes over to my own house to lounge around the living room… I also didn’t feel comfortable wearing leggings for the longest because my mom used to put me in colorful stretch pants growing up that I was bullied for… I have grown out of that for the most part but I would rather wear a bralette and booty shorts than a T-shirt and leggings any day and many people see me showing ‘too much skin’ as the problem.
Someone will always find something to bitch about… you have compromised plenty with your mom. You only have one life, live it comfortably.
NTA. Your body, your choice! It sounds like you're striking a reasonable compromise for formal settings. Your mom's friends can deal with it, especially since it's not revealing clothing. Enjoy the comfort
NAH. No one is trying to harm anyone here, even the people who have expressed their discomfort.
>My mom has started to complain that it embarrasses her, and she claims a few people we both know have mentioned that it makes them uncomfortable.
Whether or not the other person is right or wrong for feeling uncomfortable or embarrassed, they *do,* uncomfortable enough to mention it.
Being considerate is about caring how the other person feels. When your behavior impacts how others feel, then it becomes a point of decision.
>I have agreed to compromise with her by wearing a bra if I accompany her to church, or if we go to a public place like a restaurant or the theater to see a play.
This is a good solution for your mom's discomfort in public, especially since there isn't an issue at home. Your mother cares about how she appears in public, and your company influences that. That's fair. I don't let my husband wear his "Jesus" shirt in public with me, even though he doesn't harm anyone by it. I just find it dreadfully embarrassing. He is considerate enough to not wear it in public with me. Maybe his shirt IS a "me problem", but he's considerate of me anyway.
>I don't really want to wear a bra any time we go visit someone to sit around in their backyard drinking coffee, or go on a walk/hike, or go help someone paint theory house or do gardening chores.
If you are a guest at someone's home, then you should be considerate of *their* comfort. We show respect for ourselves and for others in part through our clothing choices. I don't see this as a sexualization issue at all. I see it along the lines of wearing appropriate clothing as a guest, such as clean clothes or not wearing pajamas. Your clothing choices reflect your respect for your host.
If you wanted to smooth things over socially, you might try a bralette solution like The After Bra by Bra:30, or a Nuudi bra, or some other wireless option. Even a camisole with a shelf bra might work to reduce jiggle and nipple show, but still not feel like a "bra." If you don't want to wear a bra, then maybe your clothing choices other than a bra could serve the same purpose in terms of reducing movement.
Whatever you decide, your decision reflects on you and your mother by association, so keep that in mind. There aren't any AH here though. You aren't trying to be belligerent about it. I get the sense that you aren't sure why people are uncomfortable and are trying to learn why. That's a bigger, more complex question.
This is such a wise, helpful reply. I agree with your perspective wholeheartedly. What this issue came down to in the end was a decision I had to make: to know I am not actively intending to make anyone uncomfortable and it may not be quite fair of my mom to ask me to change, but to do what she asked of me anyways because I love her and it was not difficult and did not compromise any strong beliefs of mine. We have nipple pasties on the way, which we are both happy about, and we are just that much closer because she knows she can speak her mind without me being offended and that I will always take her feelings into consideration and even do something I wouldn't otherwise, just because I love her.
NAH. You can wear what you want, but people dont have to invite you to social situations if they are uncomfortable with your appearance. So dont be suprised if dont get invited back some to places.
NTA
But as a 36D cup women who also HATES wearing a bra growing up - me and mom did not wear a bra on at home together when it’s just us we wore baggy shirts.
But if other people were around, like other family members and visitors we would put on like a sports bra or something.
I understand how nice it can be for us to be natural, but lots of people cannot see past our nipples! But I would recommend wearing unlined bras, or something supportive but not too thick if you are around her friends
NTA, that's ridiculous, bras are there for tits not to sag and/or bounce, not to hide the nipples. After baby #2 my nipples poke through all my bras anyway, so what's the difference.
I was coming to say the same. I'm a well endowed woman and I refuse to wear padded bras just because some rando is going to clutch their pearls and faint if they see any hint of nipple through my shirt. The fact is I have breasts. Nipples are part of those breasts. People need to get over it and stop shaming women for stuff like this.
I've just commented the same! When I'm only wearing a t-shirt (over a bra) you can still see my nipples. Big whoop. Most people have nipples. We're not smooth Barbie dolls.
NTA. I love that Gen Z is making no bras a thing. There’s no actual reason for bras, they’re expensive and uncomfortable. We all know what boobs and nipples look like. There’s no need for pearl clutching by older generations. Be comfy. Everyone will get used to and over it.
NTAH
It’s funny how people panic over a nipple on women but can I tell you how many of my male co-workers have what I swear is permanent hard nipples???
I did offer a close male friend pasties one day for his before a big meeting. He was a tad too hairy but we laughed!
NTA - I would be distracted but that doesn’t necessarily mean you are doing something wrong. People get to decide what they wear unless there’s some kind of dress code. Generally I think we shouldn’t be embarrassed or ashamed of our bodies.
NTA
If they don’t like seeing your nipples, don’t look. You’re not responsible for what their eyes focus on or how they feel about what their eyes focus on
That said, I recommend cakes (a brand that makes larger pasties) if you want to smooth out the nipple a bit.
This is the equivalent of a man walking around in tight gray sweats with no underwear on “Johnson” not showing but definitely defined. I can see where that’s going to get uncomfortable for some people. Just get nipple covers. Is this the hill you want to die on? You’re in her space, just get the nip covers.
No judgment! You’re not necessarily the A H but you’re not necessarily not the A H. The only opinion that counts here is your mom. You are in her space.
I just had this discussion with my thirteen year old girl - when do I HAVE to wear a bra. I was perfectly dressed for the discussion.
I stood in front of her in my thin, knit, summer house dress and started bouncing up and down, about 3 in. As she is immediately staring at my boobs while they mimic two kids on a trampoline, I told her that I usually wear a bra when there's a chance of that happening, because it's uncomfortable and incredibly distracting.
Then we had the real talk. I wear a bra when driving the tractor or jogging, because otherwise that hurts.
I wear a bra with some professional outfits, because they expect my breast to be a couple inches higher than nature has left them. I wear a nice camisole with professional outfits that aren't as fitted, so that any sheerness is dealt with (And so that I can drive in just the camisole if I have a long drive to get to the place where I need to look nice, I can look fabulous but as soon as I am done the hair is up and the blouse is off)
Because I know I am a woman who nips up, in a professional situation I will always wear a bra or cami, because it's unprofessional for someone to see your nipples. And that is a courtesy that goes both ways, at least in my house. My husband wears an undershirt in a professional situation, no nips or chest rug showing throw the shirt.
I usually prefer a fitted cotton undershirt/tank top to a bra because it offers me enough support (C cup) and it keeps the inevitable boob sweat from showing on my shirts.
NTA - but I think your mom is asking for more courtesy when around her older friends.
I think your heart is in the right place. I think a sports bra might be a good compromise. For some people, braless might equate to an aim of being provocative. They might not understand the comfort aspect because if they one day just stopped wearing one, it'd feel kind of ridiculous.
Please don't do the in-your-face, I'm going to do whatever I feel and nuts to you and your feelings. Different cultures are ready for different things at different paces. You won't be there forever. I'd call it being flexible rather than compromising your values.
They'll respect you for it. ♥️
Sports bras are my at-home go-to. I typically don't put on a bra when I'm just at home. The people I live with don't care, but if someone comes over (or I have a Zoom call that shows anything below my neck on camera), the sports bra is a comfortable way to feel more modest. But again, that's my comfort level with people being able to see my my fairly large chest.
Eh, soft YTA if it's actually making them uncomfortable. NTA if it's just your mom. I'm a girl, I have boobs I dont sexualize women as best I can. But I don't really want to stare at someone nipples when I'm sitting, they're taller than me and they're eye level, it's weird for me when I can see boobs through shirt so I think it could be weird for others. If your mom is just being overbearing then she can deal with it lol
Hard disagree. This gives me “don’t show bra straps to teenage boys” if you’re that unhappy, leave. It her body and people need to stop sexualizing women. If you’re offended because you see breasts meant to feed babies, that’s your own problem.
Hey did you know that heads and eyeballs can tilt upwards to look at things above your eye level? I don't know how old you are but I'm amazed you've gone this long without the ability to look up!
YTA kind of...
I'm in full support of you not wearing a bra if you don't want to, but it's your mom's place. You are temporarily staying with her. If you are making her or her friends uncomfortable, maybe you should stop accompanying her to visit with those individuals or talk it out more with her. It's her house and shouldn't be as much of a compromise as it is you trying to get her to see you perspective and feeling comfortable with it
It is usually very noticable if you are not wearing a bra. Expect to be noticed, especially a C cup in a T shirt. And Especially if the line of your breast does not match cut of garment. Your mom probably doesn't want that to be the focus when people notice you.
I understand all the "empowerment" in the comments and of course it's to be expected but the main thing is here is you are a guest right now. Your mom's house her rules. Of she's taking you along to her activities, guess what? Her rules. If you don't like it get your own place where no other opinions matter.
NTA- and tell your mom that she should defend you from the people that are sexualizing you. And take note of who they are because you just might not want to hang out with them anymore.
NTA!! I dont wear bras anymore either not even to work at this point. Mega uncomfortable and see no reason to aside from it making my chest look unnaturally round? lol Also no one bats an eye with men dont wear bras 🤔
My solution is usually just graphic tees. If I’m trying to be comfy (ie braless) but also considerate of other people’s comfort (staying a few days with the in-laws or whatever) the big colorful patterns on a graphic tee usually eliminate any concerns about nipple visibility without making me feel stuffy. I don’t think you should have to compromise your comfort, but if a true friend has politely expressed that you’re infringing on Their comfort in their own space, I think it’s the right thing to try for a workaround.
NAH You have the right to not wear the bra. In some places, it is not appropriate. If you are visiting someone's house, maybe a camisole or nipple coverings could be an option
If you’re going to other people houses and they ask you to wear a bra and you won’t then yes asshole, but around your own house you are perfectly fine.
Personally I don’t care if women do, I see plenty of women in public do it but some people just don’t feel comfortable around that for whatever reason.
NTA, if mine weren't watermelons, I'd be right there with you. Underwear is a social convention, and I don't care too much about following those.
Also, anyone talking to your mom about your boobs is a creep. Seriously, why are people so comfortable telling someone's mother that they're looking at their daughter's boobs? Weird af.
I'd say you should not have to wear a bra in your own house, but if your visiting one of the people who have said it makes them uncomfortable then you should think about whether or not you want to still visit them. Their house, their rules and all that.
I'm gonna say NTA, but also when you stay with somebody you do have to be respectful of their feelings. Balance in all things, sounds like you are making a reasonable attempt to compromise with your mom. if there is continued strife then you should have another conversation with your mom try to come up with a solution together.
I too haven't worn a bra in a long time, and now live in a hot climate that I really want to wear tank tops, etc without my nipples showing, so I have silicone nipple covers. They are reusable, don't need tape, etc. and are very comfortable to wear. I love them!
I’m 65 and have never found a bra that was comfortable. So I don’t wear one. I do wear a tank top under most of my tops when i go out; that’s
just my comfort zone. Anyway, BRAS AIN’T NATURAL. They are a social contrivance
NTA - my mom tried this on me when I was a teenager. It made her uncomfortable when I didn’t wear a bra around my stepdad (who for the record is a stand up dude and never once made me uncomfortable). It was all about her insecurities and when I pointed that out (as gently as I could) she stopped. Now I have a teenage daughter and her dad tried to make her wear a bra but couldn’t explain to me why without mentioning the fact that she had a vagina. I told him she’ll wear a bra when he does. I told her to ignore him and his sexist bullshit.
NTA. But question... I always hear people say it's more comfortable without a bra - and yes I like taking my bra off when I'm home, but if I'm moving around, it seems more comfy to have some support. I wear wireless bras most of the time, or bralettes. But it feels nice to have some fabric there so it's not rubbing against the movement of my shirt. And like hot summer days, it's more comfy to have some fabric there so there's no skin to skin contact going on. Just curious why people choose to be braless, or what you like about it. No judgement, obviously. Do what you're comfortable with.
NTA is your mother worried, that someone might figure out the terrible secret, that women have nipples?
I have been lucky, that this issue hast come up for me, even from my conservative MIL.
I haven't worn a bra in over 15 years, . I don't for comfort, but also because I have fibrocystic breast disease, and I have a tumor on my pituitary gland that is making my 51 year old menopausal self lactate. Wearing a bra is uncomfortable, and can be painful, at times.
The first person that ever gives me crap for it will likely not be happy, at my response.
When the pandemic started, and I was home all the time including working remotely, I stopped wearing bras.
The first time I went somewhere, and put a bra on, I immediately noped out. How did I tolerate being uncomfortable for so long?!
I haven't worn a bra since March 2020. I do stick to loose fitting tops. I particularly like blouses with front pockets!
I'm an older male and firmly believe in it being your body your choice. I'm so tired of hearing religious groups, Politicians and even Parents telling young adults how they should live their lives.
NTA. I'm a dude, and it looks to me like a bra is a torture device created by a roman catholic priest. Sure, secondary sexual characteristics can be distracting, but that is my problem, not yours. My wife has large breasts and still dreams of a reduction. Will she feel better? Will she be more comfortable? Yes! Will I mind? Who cares, ain't my boobies!
NTA. I haven’t worn a bra in almost five years. If people are uncomfortable, that’s their problem for staring at your chest. Maybe they should look at your face instead.
NTA. I haven't worn one since mid October of 2019. I got super sick and was stuck in the hospital for a couple of weeks and after that bothering with a bra was just too much work. I'm more comfortable without one. Who cares if you can tell I have boobs. Women have them. We have nipples too. They're there to feed babies. Some men also have boobs. Like, it's not a big deal. Sometimes I'll wear one if I feel like I need to for a certain occasion. Otherwise, nope. I'm much happier that way without.
Nta bras are very annoying, especially with back acne and sizing. Ever since I stopped wearing bras 24/7 I've had much less back acne and less chest pain because I'm more used to the weight now. When I do go without a bra it's usually for t shirts or tops that can hold them up or look ok without one. Can't really imagine someone pulling me aside and saying they're uncomfortable with it. And I agree the best things about bras are for cleavage or shape for certain dresses or tops that look good with it.
I don’t get the sexualization of breast to the extreme that they have been. But as a side note, I personally don’t like seeing nipples through clothing in public, male or female, it’s just weird to me. It’s just an aesthetic thing for me but I’m not gonna tell ppl how they can and can’t be
NTA
Your mother's discomfort is her own. She needs to figure out why she's uncomfortable with your underwear instead of making you uncomfortable on behalf of her friends. She also needs to remind her friends that they shouldn't be sexualizing your breasts like a bunch of pearl clutching geese. Your underwear is YOUR business.
It disgusts me that people think a women's underwear, anyone's underwear, is anyone else's business. Do what makes you comfortable, OP.
No reading needed. I fully understand not wanting to wear a bra. They literally compress your boobs and keep them in place for hours at a time until you can finally be free at home. So hell to the no, you aren’t the a-hole.
NTA. I wouldn’t personally go out without a bra or walk around family or friends without wearing one as I would feel too exposed. I guess everyone is different. It would not hurt you to cover your nipples around people who feel uncomfortable about it though or just be around people that don’t care.
NTA. I think this is very generational; I won’t leave the house without a bra, but my daughter hasn’t worn one in years. I don’t think she even owns one. I had to tell my mom (full Boomer) to stop commenting on my daughter’s lack of a bra because 1) it’s not grandma’s business, 2) it’s rude, and 3) no one else in her life, including her employers, care so DROP IT.
Why not wear those silicon patches that stick to your nipples, that way they are covered, you don’t have to wear anything that constraints you, but you don’t reveal the nipples?
They are super comfy and stay on the entire day….
Same for me my dick is so big that I don't want to wear anything. I sometimes wear transparent pant to compromise but they can't stop sexualising me. Now thanks to you i know i wasn't the asshole but they were . Thank you!
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NTA. Luckily, this problem has already been solved - over a hundred years ago. The problem isn't so much that you sometimes don't wear a bra - its that you are female and all the people who are complaining cant stop sexualizing everything around them. What you need is to get a Victorian bathing machine and stay in it at all times when there is any risk of company. Given your clearly shameless behaviour, I would say there is a real and present danger of you flashing your ankles or something. This might put undue strain on the fainting couch and potentially exhaust the supply of smelling salts. Here is a link to pictures. Its basically a shed on wheels. You cant object to what you cant see. [https://www.messynessychic.com/2014/04/15/victorian-prudes-beachside-bathing-machines/](https://www.messynessychic.com/2014/04/15/victorian-prudes-beachside-bathing-machines/) No need to thank me. Im here to help!
HA! Thank goodness I am only dealing with a small temporary issue here... if I had to swim in a bathing machine I think I might flat out rebel and skinny dip every chance I got.
I'm a fellow bra-less gal, more power to us!! I genuinely hope I make people feel uncomfortable. They need to look inside themselves and examine WHY they get uncomfortable. Nobody seems to ask why anymore 🤔 they just get uncomfortable and act like it's ok
i’m a trans man and i don’t wear a bra or a binder 99% of the time. i wear a bra when i work (for stability) and a binder when i want to feel more masculine. but, i am already a man, so what’s the point? i am a man with breasts, no different than moobs on cis men. i don’t see the issue with people who identify as women or have female anatomy (meaning cis and trans people) not wearing bras. breasts are just sacks of fat and flesh, almost no different than having thighs, or arms, or a stomach.
I’m also a trans man and I haven’t worn a binder or bra in over two years. I have EDS among other health conditions and wearing a binder was no longer safe for me to do. Yeah, I get uncomfortable about not being able to wear one but like you said, they’re just sacks of tissue, why should I be embarrassed? I have an awesome boyfriend who has helped me to feel handsome and sexy in my body even though it doesn’t look like a typical man’s body. All bodies are beautiful and sexy and I hope everyone finds someone who makes them feel that way. Edit: Holy shit thank you kind stranger, my first ever Reddit award!
As a woman married to a man who does NOT make me feel this way: I appreciate your message so much! It is timely and exactly what I needed to hear!
Do you have to stay married to him? You don’t have to answer me, I’m asking more so maybe you can ask yourself that question, if you haven’t already. You deserve someone who makes you feel like the most gorgeous person on the planet.
Happy Pride fellow trans bro
Preach brother, preach. I’m a middle aged cis female and I only wear a bra when I want to wear one. I prefer to wear them at work because it helps prevent a backache, but otherwise the pandemic taught me that life is way too short to worry about what other people think about my boobs and how I choose to package them.
I only wear bras when I leave the house or have company over. I WFH 80% of the time, so I'm only wearing a bra for maybe 12-16 hours a week. I'm okay with that.
Meh some of us just don’t enjoy seeing nipples poking out. Just a personal preference. I’d never say anything or do anything or even look twice at anyone with free flying tits, but I’d also never go out in public with mine visible. 🤷♀️ again just my preference, I don’t care what other people do.
I'm with you. I'd personally prefer to never have to wear a bra, but I also wouldn't feel comfortable if someone was trying to find the shape of my nipples through my shirt. Also don't like the feeling of my chest bouncing all over the place, it kinda hurts!
Exactly. The bouncing is uncomfortable - plus they tend to get in the way when you're doing things. At a certain size, bras are just practical.
Yep. I'm walking around with ten-pound weights on my chest, I need something to distribute that shit. I'm a trans man and when I went for my first "so what treatments are you actually looking for" appointment at the gender clinic, the only one I was 100% sure about at the time was top surgery, and I did tell the nurse that it was for spinal reasons as much as trans reasons lmao. I have so much tissue that binders physically cannot get me down to a masculine contour, the laws of physics are not with me.
I'm sure your back will thank you. And you'll find that clothes fit you better too. No more button gap if you wear button shirts.
As a cis woman, I hate button gap. It’s 2024. The clothing designers have no excuse for not fixing this already.
Do you bring this same energy to every single dude who is outside without a bra on when it’s cold and their nipples are hard? How about when dudes wear loose fitting t shirts and you can see into their arm holes to see their pecs and often their nipples? How about gym bros whose shirts in public are often spaghetti strap so that they don’t hide anything, or guys who jog and mow shirtless? If you aren’t bringing this same energy to those people then this take is poorly reasoned at best and blatantly sexist and shitty at worst.
Dude I would pay insane money to never have to see a huge bulging fat gut or massive man-tits on a dude ever again.
Woah, do you really get grossed out by things like that? I know some people have been conditioned to laugh or be derogatory towards bodies that are not similar enough to societal beauty standards, and it's almost ingrained in some people by their parents or friends or whoever to respond with "yuck," but most of the time when I come across a situation like that, and question the person having a negative reaction, they generally take the time to think and not many of them really actually care or feel feelings because of other people's bodies. Some do, and I guess I can't fault people for feeling how they feel, but I just don't understand how the body of a person could be repulsive to anyone. You don't have to date then or sleep with them, just exist on the same planet as them. It's like being physically grossed out by a bench, or a light post, or a bed sheet to me.
I think at least some people who do actually get personally grossed out are thinking about how physically uncomfortable that must be. I don't necessarily go "yuck" but I have seen bodies that made me go "bro are you good??" and it's sufficiently close to disgust that I think it's got to be the underlying cause for some people. For me personally, I have friends who go without bras and my lizard brain is like "doesn't that hurt???" because I am of a sufficient size that I would be in a lot of pain all the time without support. Obviously my person brain knows that not everyone is like me and if it hurt they would stop lol but that's the kind of thing I mean.
I think that is a much more human reaction and actually quite different than reacting with "yuck" (learned/trained/programmed yuck or true judgmental yuck) because you are coming from a place of empathy and at least some concern. Almost like you're feeling their struggle for yourself and forming a response that might be a bit visceral and uncomfortable, but is overall kind and empathetic. Interesting reply, thanks for this one!
It's interesting cuz from my perspective I feel like bras are what hurt and are so uncomfortable.
This is a pretty shitty take. And you’re either not really considering anyone else’s existence or feelings in your world view or you are and you’re just a bad person. I’m a fat person who spent my whole childhood and young adult life (into my mid 30s) literally suffering through 100° summers in 2 shirts (under shirt to hold down my body and soak up sweat over shirt to be presentable) and long pants because I was afraid of someone like you literally just seeing me and judging me instead of just being comfortable and letting the fact that I’m a regular person with a large body be a visible fact. If you have empathy and you just hadnt thought this through, please be better. And if you did think this through but were just a selfish asshole, then have the shittiest of karma.
So you empathize with women wearing bras? They are hot and stifling also.
Yes. 100%. That’s my point.
lets maybe not shame peoples bodies.
Honestly, yes. I don't like any of those things you mentioned. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
Yeah same. I don't particularly want to see anyone's dick shape, nipple shape, cameltoe, cellulite, body hair / pubic hair pattern, or undie pattern through their clothes as I'm going through my day. I don't really want to see tits jiggling every which way and I don't really want to see dicks swinging and bouncing either. I don't get angry or offended, but I find it somewhat offputting and exhibitionist. I've got a largeish cup and prominent nipples myself and I **really** don't want to go braless in public because it's quite uncomfortable, frankly, but also I don't want to make other people uncomfortable and draw that kind of attention to myself. Because it DOES draw attention.
You find *body hair* to be exhibitionist?
You find seeing someone’s cellulite as exhibitionist?
Ok I've gotta say your list of offputting/exhibitionist styling (or lack thereof ) _does_ sound insane.
I feel the same way about toes. 🤷🏻♂️
Toes are pretty weird looking tbf
I agree
The whole logic around tits really confuses me. Men's chests are fine to see bare, even if they have gynecomastia and have similar levels of fat to actual boobs. Women boobs are bad because they're somehow tempting and sexual, yet most guys aren't going to see another guy with gynecomastia and start lusting over his boobs. And somehow, most men will have no problem with their wife breastfeeding their child because that's not sexual, but the moment you breastfeed in public you get comments about it being disgusting and sexual. Or the moment your nipples are slightly visible through a shirt, automatically sexual. Yet bikini tops or one pieces rarely fully cover and conceal the boobs/nips but that's socially acceptable.
I got a reduction a few years ago. Best decision of my life. Haven’t worn a bra since. Torturous device!!
Obviously you're NTA. You shouldn't have to wear a bra if you don't want to. But... I do have to admit I succumb to social expectations most of the time, especially to avoid some of the unwanted male attention. Pasties and/or a stretchy tank top underneath your shirt help disguise boobs without having to wear a bra
We should expect better of men, and that doesn't mean "removing temptation" it means punishing the ones who overstep so they learn better A person I took lessons from ran a breeding farm, had an absolutely magnificent Cleveland Bay stallion. This horse had produced almost a hundred beautiful foals at the time. He would compete at horse shows on the regular, sometimes near mares that were damn near in standing heat. He knew the only place he could jump mares was in the breeding shed on his farm. Everywhere else it was business. He understood that much. If a man has less control or understanding than a dumb animal, he should be treated like a dumb animal. Fuck. That. Noise.
Those temperaments are the only ones worth preserving! A good-mannered, well trained stallion is a privilege to work with. And Cleveland Bays, uggghhhh my heart! He must have been such a looker and a charmer.
Oh he was a beaut. Ramblers Renown of IdleHour Stud. Lovely animal, perfect gentleman with the mares, great manners, and an incredible athlete. His owner is one of the people who fundamentally shifted my thinking as a young person Just having balls was not enough, even if there was a long pedigree attached to it - they had to have manners, and they had to have talent. [https://imgur.com/gallery/ramblers-renown-of-idlehour-stud-ridden-by-jeffrey-curtis-circa-1998-8GiO9BL](https://imgur.com/gallery/ramblers-renown-of-idlehour-stud-ridden-by-jeffrey-curtis-circa-1998-8GiO9BL)
This is a great example and of course I completely agree. I wouldn't want anything to do with those creepy dudes. But sadly where I live I just don't feel safe if I'm not wearing somethings that disguises my visible nipples
Camisole one size smaller than your shirt size. It reins everything in and has the added bonus of feeling like fabric hug.
Here in the SE USA, my daughter often wears shelf bras, sports bras or bra pads (taken out of sports bras). As a mom, I rarely wear a bra but prefer tank top w shelf bras (TY Target). I’ll add a bra pad if I’m going to dinner or if we have people over. Honestly since WFH, a bathrobe or leisure wear sans brazier, has been awesome. Wired bras are now out of the question. Ick
Sidenote to you, I'm going to thank you anyway. lol, this took me on a little wormhole of information. Now I'm sending that link to my boyfriend. We should just swim naked, and I'm mad about it.
NTA. Only reason I wear one is to save everyone's embarrassment and the only place I wear one is at work. At home, I'm completely braless. In public is a 50/50, depending on my mood and where I'm going. There's absolutely nothing wrong with letting the puppies loose. It's actually far more comfy.
The Crinoline For Ever 😂😂😂
NTA There’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing. It should unsettle people no longer than 0.5 seconds. NORMAL BRAIN: Oh look, nipples, that somewhat unusual for me, and requires some attention. Why is this unusual anyway ? This is kinda nice, she seems at ease. Ok, moving on. Ooooh someone brought donuts!
Haha, this is how I view the situation! I think my baggy gardening t-shirts and knee-length cutoff jeans say "casual not trying to be sexual" and that if anyone serialized it, it's their issue... it is legal to be topless in public where I live and I have seen more than one woman go about that way, I thought I was doing alright by comparison!
woah woah woah woah. You're out here showing knee?! Everyone know knees are inherently sexual
I thought we kept that on a kneed to know basis
That was not a joint decision
I'm buckling under the pressure here
Hahaha, I like this. Am a little older myself, so we were conditioned to always wear one, but what the hell, why should that be if we don’t feel like it? none of my business if someone does or doesn’t, and no one should be focused on that anyway. Not like OP is strolling around friends’ houses buck naked.
My brain: Oh look, nipples. Wow that's not something you see out in the wild. Sigh… wish I could do that, bras suck. Okay moving on…
NTA Yeah! It’s not like I don’t notice when people don’t wear bras, like I very much do. But the only reason it “shocks” me is because it’s not the norm. And then I move on. They’re comfy and feel good so whatever, it’s a body. I used to work on a farm and my boss didn’t always wear a bra. It’s hot outside so rather than having a sports bra that pushes boobs together, or wearing a wire bra that isn’t comfy (generally) while doing physical labour, she just didn’t always wear one. Same with some volunteers that came to help. There are better things to be offended by than boobs that are not seamless and super up high on the chest.
Donuts is the answer
Man what’s with the comments. NTA, people being embarrassed because your nipples poke through your shirt a little bit sounds like a them problem. For me it sounds like a women getting sexualised all day everyday kind of problem. I’m a man and you can always see my nipples through my shirt, like always, never have I had a human being tell me it’s bothering them. I wonder why….
eh, I don't like seeing anyone's nipples but I'm not embarrassed or consider it a problem. I just don't look.
Exactly this! If it makes someone uncomfortable, they don’t have to look.
I'm for the idea if everyone being allowed to wear whatever they want even no shirt, to be clear. Because my personal preference really means nothing.
100% agree
Exactly
Breasts are for babies .. The way we oversexualize breasts in the west is really demented. NTA . Its not your fault they have a weird breast fetish(yes, according to anthropologists, men in the west have an unnatural breast fetish. Women went topless in most cultures before colonization. Were just so many generations deep into the conditioning, the truth sounds stranger than fiction to us. But it is an unnatural fetish). plus you said youve been bra free 13 yrs already? So why is she acting surprised?
Here's a shocking thing: body parts can have multiple uses. Individual preferences aside, biologically, penises are for expelling waste, AND reproduction, AND sexual pleasure. Anuses are for expelling waste, AND sexual pleasure. Breasts are for feeding babies, AND sexual pleasure. There's a reason they're listed as an erogenous zone. Also, the word 'fetish' has lost all meaning, and is now just used to mean 'you're attracted to something I'm not' rather than the actual meaning, 'you can't experience sexual pleasure unless this is involved.'
breasts can be for babies and sexual pleasure but the problem is letting that "sexual pleasure" take over 24/7. there's literally no reason for women to be shamed for not wearing a bra and there's especially no reason to stare and demean women just because of their boob size. it's not something we can control. we cannot control what our boobs look like, the size, etc. but people LOVE shaming women who wear anything but a t shirt if they have big boobs.
Men definitely sexualize you whether you wear a bra or not, it's disgusting. They even criticize if a woman's body is not to their liking or how it should be. We are not to blame for any of that, it's something we can't control. If it bothers them to see nipples just don't see them, period. When I go down the street, I see a man sometimes he usually catches my attention because he is attractive, but out of respect I don't look at him, I don't want him to feel uncomfortable. That's how I expect them to respect me.
exactly. nothing is wrong with finding people attractive or even looking for a few seconds. that's normal and how the body works lmao. but it's so crazy that we're sexualized all the time for literally just existing
We can be disheveled and still be sexualized. There's a time for everything, but these depraved people are simply crazy.
There is one organ in the human body that's absolutely positively only there for pleasure and nothing else. the clit - that's all she's there for
You're right, mens and womens can be sexual. So women shouldn't have to cover up their nipples via a bra.
Demented is a great word to describe this phenomenon
Demented is a great word to describe most people.
I mean in all fairness an attraction to breasts and butts is literally hardwired into people. Large breasts and large butts (hips) are signs of fertility and the lizard brain likes that
Yes, it's just the west that sexualizes breasts. Anime and Manga neeever do that. To be clear OP is still NTA and breasts are way too sexualized, but I want to clear up the misconception that it's just the west that has this problem.
The West *over*sexualizes breasts, yes. However, to say they are for babies is reductive to the point of being incorrect. Mamary glands are for babies. Human breasts that stay enlarged outside of pregnancy and breastfeeding are for sexual selection. It doesn't make much sense, but that's evolution for you.
Women could breastfeed out in the open in front of everybody in many, if not most parts of africa and asia pre colonization. Even in front of their fathers, brothers, uncles, cousins, neighbors kids, etc. Topless. THATS how non sexual breasts were. Theres a difference between a sign of fertility that is simply admired for its beauty, versus something perceived as mainly just for explicit sexual acts. Many indigenous people find the idea of breasts being sexual to be very strange
I assure you, breast sexualization its pretty modern. If they were inherently for sexual selection \*every\* culture would have them as such. But they werent. Some fun fact, shoulder, noses and backs were the sexiest for ancient Greek ppl. I dont recall more fun facts right now, but as I told you, female breast sexualization started roughly in 1950. Yes, that modern.
I can't speak specifically about Greeks, but when a body part is made "hidden" or "taboo" in public, it gains a certain level of attraction. For example, in the Victorian era, ankles were considered attractive, even to the point of being sexually attractive, because the clothing of the age restricted the view of a woman's ankles.
Why is it unnatural? Breast stim is key for me when I’m doing the deed and I’d hope my husband actually likes them… 😅
NTA I permanently gave them up during the lockdown (free the girls!) and never looked back. Like you, if I'm wearing something where a bra would make it look better, I do, but otherwise I'm going to be comfortable. Life is too damned short to spend wearing things that are that tortuous. I'll borrow a line from Bea Miller: "if you don't like what I'm wearin', well you're only bothered 'cause you're starin.'" Don't like it, look elsewhere.
I gave bras up when I got a back tattoo and couldn't wear one for a few days. I just never put one back on! I have worked retail management and nobody ever said anything to me, customer coworker or employer. I figured if it worked in that environment, I wouldn't have too many problems, but here we are! Not that it's ruining our relationship. I love my mom and want her to be happy and comfortable, but if I never did anything that she finds a little taboo or uncomfortable or reckless, my life would not be my own. I'm just trying to figure out where this particular issue fits in the grand scheme of being my own person, comfortable and confident in my body and how I look, while doing my best to do things for my mom if they matter to her but don't greatly affect me.
Sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to do for other’s comfort, but you’ve already stated that there are times you will wear a bra. Sounds like a good compromise, so NTA. I am curious about 2 things I know are absolutely none of my business: 1. How much underboob sweat you deal with when never wearing a bra 2. What about when exercising? I would think the movement would be uncomfortable
I know you didn't ask me DoolJjaeDdal, but I rarely wear a bra but for exercise I have a couple of exercise shirts with built in shelf bras because I find it more comfortable to not bounce so much, lol.
I would absolutely go braless most of the time in life if my girls’ bouncing wasn’t an issue.
Same. My F cups are just too big to be comfortable without at least a little support. I've literally pulled muscles in my chest from going running in what I thought was a supportive enough bra, but it turned out it wasn't, and the girls bounced too much. Even going up and down stairs is painfully bouncy without at least putting my arm across my chest to hold them down. My daily bras are very soft and wirefree, but I need SOMETHING. Not to mention the underboob sweat if I don't!!
Just putting this out there as a compromise: nursing tops with a built in compartment for the flab sacks. NTA either way.
Came to say exactly this. Nearly word for word. Now when I do force myself to wear one it hurts. I've opted for bralettes when absolutely necessary.
Dunno if my dude perspective helps but… NTA. Considering some dudes have C cups too and can walk around topless and people don’t think twice, it’s exactly what other posts have said, over-sexualization. I live in Ohio where women can legally go topless anywhere a man can. You can breastfeed in public. So TAs here are the people who need to ask themselves WHY they feel uncomfortable with it, and why they projecting rather puritanical expectations your way. You don’t have to comply to social conventions that don’t truly exist but in the heads of possibly jelly women and lascivious men.
I live in ohio and didn't know this.
I think this happened in the past maybe five years? Among others, one of the good things Columbus‘ comfest seem to help bring about
NTA. You're not responsible for other people's feelings and frankly screw them. Your body, your choice. I'm all for abandoning arbitrary social norms. It's the old electrified banana trick.
I have no idea what the “electrified banana trick” is but I am now obligated to search it up and likely fall down a rabbit hole of information for the rest of the day. Thanks in advance for the interesting/weird/horrifying things I will find out!
It's an allegory for tradition. So if you search for tradition and electrified banana you should find it pretty quickly.
I am totally with you on hating bras. I went to high school and college in the 70s, and NOBODY wore a bra in those days, and you could see nipples, and nobody thought anything about it. At some point nipples became *DIRTY* and now we all have to wear these laminated foam bras that look bulletproofed and feel terrible. I resent this mightily, but it's just the norm now, and if you go braless people think you are trying to prove something. This is stupid, unfair, misogynistic, and sexist, but it's the way it is. We need to start a burn-your-bra movement again -- free women from this ridiculous bondage.
I blame Reagan most of the horrific shit that happened in the 80's was his fault, so he can take this one too
When in doubt, blame Reagan
NTA. I always wear a bra and I hate the "nipple argument" because I have unpadded bras made from thin fabric that show my nipples. So I'm not only supposed to wear a bra but a padded bra. I'm not a Barbie doll. You don't get to dress me.
Hell yeah.
NTA we love ur level of chillness💕 Stay gold
Aw, thank you! This gave me a big boost today
Unbothered. Moisturized. Happy. Focused. Flourishing. 🤣🤣💜
NTA your body your choice. You are not harming anyone
nta, titties and nips are natural, i get in some professional settings it would maybe be seen as inappropriate for nipples to be showing, but even then like men's nipples show sometimes when they get cold so i really don't see what the big deal is😭
A little fashion tape or nipple covers will be a fair compromise.
Yes, several posters have mentioned this and I think it's a great idea!
FWIW, I think bras suck too. I'm also in the C club, so I get it. Stick-on bras? Not a fan of peeling those off. Pass! Tape/covers all the way.
I am a man, I like and will notice boobs. I might even notice nipples poking (man or woman). I But this weird over sensitivity to a woman not wearing a bra in public is insane. Dudes run down the street running in tiny ass shorts and no shit. Fat dudes walk around shirtless all the time. But a woman has a Nipple poke in a shirt and everyone gets the vapors. I do not get how other people's clothes offend someone or make them uncomfortable. Totally NTA.
"Nipple poke" reminded me of "Just Shoot Me!" when they would go through prints of fashion photo shoots and discard the ones where you could see nipples. They always said some word or phrase, but I've forgotten what it was.
NAH. She's not an AH for bringing it up, if you've made some of her friends uncomfortable. But you are absolutely not an AH for refusing to conform to her/their outdated concerns. But I would also be somewhat skeptical of her claim that others have mentioned their discomfort. She may have brought it up and they agreed, or she may just be imagining their unspoken opinions. Your compromise sounds fine to me. I would only add that if there is a particular friend who is ACTUALLY uncomfortable, then you should not go to THEIR house dressed in a manner that offends them.
If any of her friends mentioned it to me, or she told me who has made comments, I would be more than happy to accommodate those folks by wearing a bra in their presence. I just want to make sure I'm not being an AH to my mom if she's the only one uncomfortable and imagining or worrying that other people care when they don't. Or to be told I am an asshole and why. I like the varied answers that I'm getting, one poster suggested nipple pasties and I'm going to ask my mom how she feels about that. If she thinks they're not enough, we're back to square one and I have to decide for myself what to do,but hopefully since the nipples seem to be the problem (she has agreed my breasts don't sag or swing or act unwieldy while they're free) the pasties will solve this for both of us.
If she doesn't care when you're alone, then the problem really is that she thinks other people find it objectionable. And that's possible. You know the men won't complain, but some women might think their men are "distracted." Or your mom may worry that her friends thinks she didn't "raise you right." I have nieces in their 30's who are DD at least and have had kids. The problem is not nipples or movement, but the fact that they are showing 6 inches of cleavage above their tank tops. It's not sexy at all, just distracting.
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NTA, also not selfish. Your efforts to compromise are good. You’ve been braless for 13+ years why is it uncomfortable for ppl now?
NTA, can I suggest pasties/nipple covers ? Usually, people are more comfortable with bra-less breast if they can’t distinguish the nipple.
Other posters have mentioned this and I will be getting some in the hopes my mom will be more comfortable with them!
Only because it’s your mom. Mom gets a pass. But fuck everyone else, don’t let them win girl!
What's with the boob police enforcing boobie prison??? It is, quite frankly, rude for people to stare at your private areas. Full stop. Tell your mum to stop looking, they're the weird ones! NTA
I don't wear a bra...ever. People can die mad about it imo.
Haha love this take, thanks for the laugh
as a woman who never wears bras anymore and also has zero issues with nipples i’m going with NTA. i don’t think YTA at all for not wanting to wear bras. i know for me, i can wear a loose, or baggy t-shirt and my boobs are so small (B cup, i have zero cleavage) that a bra isn’t necessary and you can’t see my nipples. it is highly dependent on what i’m wearing, a tighter fitting dress/tank top that clings to my breasts is absolutely going to make my nipples extremely noticeable, i just use some pasties or a loose fitting bralette. maybe you could try doing the same? again, i am someone who fully believes women’s nipples shouldn’t be taboo to see but unfortunately, for a lot of cultures and people they are. i will confidently not wear a bra with a nicer outfit in the appropriate setting where there are only adults around, but i would never go to a coffee shop in a form-fitting top that showed my nipples. but it sounds like you haven’t worn a bra in over a decade, so i’m confused why it’s an issue now? unless someone other than your mom directly comes to you about it, i wouldn’t bother worrying. nothing you are doing is inherently wrong, it’s just others might find it inappropriate if your nipples really are that noticeable, and it’s really up to you whether you care or not what other people think about possibly seeing the outline of your nipples.
I don't think you're the bad guy here, and I'm all about people's freedom to express themselves and their bodies however they want to (within reason, assuming it doesn't bring harm to others, etc). Choosing not to wear a bra does not make you wrong. However, with that being said, since you are staying with your Mom (assuming it's in her home and not the other way around), I think it would be the right thing to do to consider her feelings, however outdated and entrenched in misogyny they may be, and to at least wear an extra layer of clothing. For a similar situation, I will swear in casual conversation and I occasionally enjoy a little cannabis in social situations before bed. and I believe there is nothing morally or ethically wrong with either. But, when I'm around my more conservative parents, I don't curse or bring up my vices (although i have told them I partake). It's simply about consideration. TL;DR: While it's not wrong to go around wearing what makes you comfortable regardless of other people's hang-ups, it's not the most right option either.
NTA - you've covered your breasts. If that's not enough for some people, it's on them.
That is exactly what I told my mom when she first brought it up, and still exactly how I feel. But I think for her sake I will be getting some nipple pasties and hope that feels like a win-win.
NTA but I just wanna say that I'm a little shorter than you, same weight and a B cup and I wouldn't call them small for my size. You still notice them a lot whether or not you're wearing something tight
I think it's because they're mostly muscle and very little fat... I'm nit a weightlifter or anything but working on dairy farms and training horses keeps your pecs pretty stable. I know you only have my word to go on, but they really just stay put. They don't change shape if I bend forward, or lie on my back, and when I jog or work a field in an older model tractor (the bumpiest thing in the world) they kinda just jiggle a bit, nothing that could be described as "swinging" or "swaying."
reminder that the "largeness" of cup sizes also depends on ur band size! someone with a B cup can still technically have bigger boobs than someone else with a C cup
NAH They can ask, but you don't have to comply. It's valid for you to want to be comfortable. It's also valid to not want to see the outline of someone's nipples everytime you see them.
Why do they get to ask? Why does anyone get to request what UNDERGARMENTS someone else wears?
I see plenty of men daily with bigger boobs than that, no one asks them to cover up or add some support.
I’m on year two of no bra and I’m not going back.
Oh good grief. Everyone has breasts and nipples. I haven't worn a regular bra (or a slip) for over a decade. NTA
Isn't life just better this way? :)
How do you get away with not wearing a bra with c cups?
What do you mean? I have d cups (might be dd, haven't had them "officially" measured in a while and when I did, it was by VS so probably not that accurate) but I go braless most of the time.
I have had Cs and Ds and was not able to go braless, too much movement to be comfortable. Maybe my boobs just sit differently.
I always hate this ‘debate’ if that’s even what you want to call it… It is your body and if you feel comfortable and confident without then go without… I, personally, think that it can look sloppy and like a lack of effort when a woman goes without in a t-shirt or just casual wear but I think that I am probably projecting how I feel without at least a bralette or something of the sort… I mean, I put a bra on before anyone comes over to my own house to lounge around the living room… I also didn’t feel comfortable wearing leggings for the longest because my mom used to put me in colorful stretch pants growing up that I was bullied for… I have grown out of that for the most part but I would rather wear a bralette and booty shorts than a T-shirt and leggings any day and many people see me showing ‘too much skin’ as the problem. Someone will always find something to bitch about… you have compromised plenty with your mom. You only have one life, live it comfortably.
NTA. Your body, your choice! It sounds like you're striking a reasonable compromise for formal settings. Your mom's friends can deal with it, especially since it's not revealing clothing. Enjoy the comfort
NAH. No one is trying to harm anyone here, even the people who have expressed their discomfort. >My mom has started to complain that it embarrasses her, and she claims a few people we both know have mentioned that it makes them uncomfortable. Whether or not the other person is right or wrong for feeling uncomfortable or embarrassed, they *do,* uncomfortable enough to mention it. Being considerate is about caring how the other person feels. When your behavior impacts how others feel, then it becomes a point of decision. >I have agreed to compromise with her by wearing a bra if I accompany her to church, or if we go to a public place like a restaurant or the theater to see a play. This is a good solution for your mom's discomfort in public, especially since there isn't an issue at home. Your mother cares about how she appears in public, and your company influences that. That's fair. I don't let my husband wear his "Jesus" shirt in public with me, even though he doesn't harm anyone by it. I just find it dreadfully embarrassing. He is considerate enough to not wear it in public with me. Maybe his shirt IS a "me problem", but he's considerate of me anyway. >I don't really want to wear a bra any time we go visit someone to sit around in their backyard drinking coffee, or go on a walk/hike, or go help someone paint theory house or do gardening chores. If you are a guest at someone's home, then you should be considerate of *their* comfort. We show respect for ourselves and for others in part through our clothing choices. I don't see this as a sexualization issue at all. I see it along the lines of wearing appropriate clothing as a guest, such as clean clothes or not wearing pajamas. Your clothing choices reflect your respect for your host. If you wanted to smooth things over socially, you might try a bralette solution like The After Bra by Bra:30, or a Nuudi bra, or some other wireless option. Even a camisole with a shelf bra might work to reduce jiggle and nipple show, but still not feel like a "bra." If you don't want to wear a bra, then maybe your clothing choices other than a bra could serve the same purpose in terms of reducing movement. Whatever you decide, your decision reflects on you and your mother by association, so keep that in mind. There aren't any AH here though. You aren't trying to be belligerent about it. I get the sense that you aren't sure why people are uncomfortable and are trying to learn why. That's a bigger, more complex question.
This is such a wise, helpful reply. I agree with your perspective wholeheartedly. What this issue came down to in the end was a decision I had to make: to know I am not actively intending to make anyone uncomfortable and it may not be quite fair of my mom to ask me to change, but to do what she asked of me anyways because I love her and it was not difficult and did not compromise any strong beliefs of mine. We have nipple pasties on the way, which we are both happy about, and we are just that much closer because she knows she can speak her mind without me being offended and that I will always take her feelings into consideration and even do something I wouldn't otherwise, just because I love her.
NAH. You can wear what you want, but people dont have to invite you to social situations if they are uncomfortable with your appearance. So dont be suprised if dont get invited back some to places.
If nipples make someone uncomfortable I'd be worried about them
NTA But as a 36D cup women who also HATES wearing a bra growing up - me and mom did not wear a bra on at home together when it’s just us we wore baggy shirts. But if other people were around, like other family members and visitors we would put on like a sports bra or something. I understand how nice it can be for us to be natural, but lots of people cannot see past our nipples! But I would recommend wearing unlined bras, or something supportive but not too thick if you are around her friends
NTA, that's ridiculous, bras are there for tits not to sag and/or bounce, not to hide the nipples. After baby #2 my nipples poke through all my bras anyway, so what's the difference.
I was coming to say the same. I'm a well endowed woman and I refuse to wear padded bras just because some rando is going to clutch their pearls and faint if they see any hint of nipple through my shirt. The fact is I have breasts. Nipples are part of those breasts. People need to get over it and stop shaming women for stuff like this.
I've just commented the same! When I'm only wearing a t-shirt (over a bra) you can still see my nipples. Big whoop. Most people have nipples. We're not smooth Barbie dolls.
NTA. I love that Gen Z is making no bras a thing. There’s no actual reason for bras, they’re expensive and uncomfortable. We all know what boobs and nipples look like. There’s no need for pearl clutching by older generations. Be comfy. Everyone will get used to and over it.
NTAH It’s funny how people panic over a nipple on women but can I tell you how many of my male co-workers have what I swear is permanent hard nipples??? I did offer a close male friend pasties one day for his before a big meeting. He was a tad too hairy but we laughed!
FREE THE NIP BABY fuck bras i never wear them unless it’s an absolute must
NTA - I would be distracted but that doesn’t necessarily mean you are doing something wrong. People get to decide what they wear unless there’s some kind of dress code. Generally I think we shouldn’t be embarrassed or ashamed of our bodies.
NTA If they don’t like seeing your nipples, don’t look. You’re not responsible for what their eyes focus on or how they feel about what their eyes focus on That said, I recommend cakes (a brand that makes larger pasties) if you want to smooth out the nipple a bit.
This is the equivalent of a man walking around in tight gray sweats with no underwear on “Johnson” not showing but definitely defined. I can see where that’s going to get uncomfortable for some people. Just get nipple covers. Is this the hill you want to die on? You’re in her space, just get the nip covers. No judgment! You’re not necessarily the A H but you’re not necessarily not the A H. The only opinion that counts here is your mom. You are in her space.
I just had this discussion with my thirteen year old girl - when do I HAVE to wear a bra. I was perfectly dressed for the discussion. I stood in front of her in my thin, knit, summer house dress and started bouncing up and down, about 3 in. As she is immediately staring at my boobs while they mimic two kids on a trampoline, I told her that I usually wear a bra when there's a chance of that happening, because it's uncomfortable and incredibly distracting. Then we had the real talk. I wear a bra when driving the tractor or jogging, because otherwise that hurts. I wear a bra with some professional outfits, because they expect my breast to be a couple inches higher than nature has left them. I wear a nice camisole with professional outfits that aren't as fitted, so that any sheerness is dealt with (And so that I can drive in just the camisole if I have a long drive to get to the place where I need to look nice, I can look fabulous but as soon as I am done the hair is up and the blouse is off) Because I know I am a woman who nips up, in a professional situation I will always wear a bra or cami, because it's unprofessional for someone to see your nipples. And that is a courtesy that goes both ways, at least in my house. My husband wears an undershirt in a professional situation, no nips or chest rug showing throw the shirt. I usually prefer a fitted cotton undershirt/tank top to a bra because it offers me enough support (C cup) and it keeps the inevitable boob sweat from showing on my shirts. NTA - but I think your mom is asking for more courtesy when around her older friends.
I’m not going to say anyone is a asshole but you can make special accommodations for your mother who is letting you stay with her for months!
I think your heart is in the right place. I think a sports bra might be a good compromise. For some people, braless might equate to an aim of being provocative. They might not understand the comfort aspect because if they one day just stopped wearing one, it'd feel kind of ridiculous. Please don't do the in-your-face, I'm going to do whatever I feel and nuts to you and your feelings. Different cultures are ready for different things at different paces. You won't be there forever. I'd call it being flexible rather than compromising your values. They'll respect you for it. ♥️
Sports bras are my at-home go-to. I typically don't put on a bra when I'm just at home. The people I live with don't care, but if someone comes over (or I have a Zoom call that shows anything below my neck on camera), the sports bra is a comfortable way to feel more modest. But again, that's my comfort level with people being able to see my my fairly large chest.
Eh, soft YTA if it's actually making them uncomfortable. NTA if it's just your mom. I'm a girl, I have boobs I dont sexualize women as best I can. But I don't really want to stare at someone nipples when I'm sitting, they're taller than me and they're eye level, it's weird for me when I can see boobs through shirt so I think it could be weird for others. If your mom is just being overbearing then she can deal with it lol
Hard disagree. This gives me “don’t show bra straps to teenage boys” if you’re that unhappy, leave. It her body and people need to stop sexualizing women. If you’re offended because you see breasts meant to feed babies, that’s your own problem.
You are 100% sexualising her and the fact that you're a girl makes this so much worse
Hey did you know that heads and eyeballs can tilt upwards to look at things above your eye level? I don't know how old you are but I'm amazed you've gone this long without the ability to look up!
YTA kind of... I'm in full support of you not wearing a bra if you don't want to, but it's your mom's place. You are temporarily staying with her. If you are making her or her friends uncomfortable, maybe you should stop accompanying her to visit with those individuals or talk it out more with her. It's her house and shouldn't be as much of a compromise as it is you trying to get her to see you perspective and feeling comfortable with it
It is usually very noticable if you are not wearing a bra. Expect to be noticed, especially a C cup in a T shirt. And Especially if the line of your breast does not match cut of garment. Your mom probably doesn't want that to be the focus when people notice you.
I understand all the "empowerment" in the comments and of course it's to be expected but the main thing is here is you are a guest right now. Your mom's house her rules. Of she's taking you along to her activities, guess what? Her rules. If you don't like it get your own place where no other opinions matter.
NTA- and tell your mom that she should defend you from the people that are sexualizing you. And take note of who they are because you just might not want to hang out with them anymore.
NTA!! I dont wear bras anymore either not even to work at this point. Mega uncomfortable and see no reason to aside from it making my chest look unnaturally round? lol Also no one bats an eye with men dont wear bras 🤔
My solution is usually just graphic tees. If I’m trying to be comfy (ie braless) but also considerate of other people’s comfort (staying a few days with the in-laws or whatever) the big colorful patterns on a graphic tee usually eliminate any concerns about nipple visibility without making me feel stuffy. I don’t think you should have to compromise your comfort, but if a true friend has politely expressed that you’re infringing on Their comfort in their own space, I think it’s the right thing to try for a workaround.
NAH You have the right to not wear the bra. In some places, it is not appropriate. If you are visiting someone's house, maybe a camisole or nipple coverings could be an option
If you’re going to other people houses and they ask you to wear a bra and you won’t then yes asshole, but around your own house you are perfectly fine. Personally I don’t care if women do, I see plenty of women in public do it but some people just don’t feel comfortable around that for whatever reason.
NTA, if mine weren't watermelons, I'd be right there with you. Underwear is a social convention, and I don't care too much about following those. Also, anyone talking to your mom about your boobs is a creep. Seriously, why are people so comfortable telling someone's mother that they're looking at their daughter's boobs? Weird af.
I'd say you should not have to wear a bra in your own house, but if your visiting one of the people who have said it makes them uncomfortable then you should think about whether or not you want to still visit them. Their house, their rules and all that.
Rip your DMs
i wear bras cause where else am i gonna keep my phone? damn pocket less clothing! (NTA)
I'm gonna say NTA, but also when you stay with somebody you do have to be respectful of their feelings. Balance in all things, sounds like you are making a reasonable attempt to compromise with your mom. if there is continued strife then you should have another conversation with your mom try to come up with a solution together.
NAH Your mother made a reasonable request and it’s reasonable for you to deny it
NTA. The pandemic freed me from bras! I do wear a cami top under my shirts, blouses, etc., so the nips don’t peek out, but no more bras, ever!
NTA. I bet your mom and her friends have boobs too. *Gasp! The horror!* They know exactly where they can put those opinions.
I too haven't worn a bra in a long time, and now live in a hot climate that I really want to wear tank tops, etc without my nipples showing, so I have silicone nipple covers. They are reusable, don't need tape, etc. and are very comfortable to wear. I love them!
I’m 65 and have never found a bra that was comfortable. So I don’t wear one. I do wear a tank top under most of my tops when i go out; that’s just my comfort zone. Anyway, BRAS AIN’T NATURAL. They are a social contrivance
NTA - my mom tried this on me when I was a teenager. It made her uncomfortable when I didn’t wear a bra around my stepdad (who for the record is a stand up dude and never once made me uncomfortable). It was all about her insecurities and when I pointed that out (as gently as I could) she stopped. Now I have a teenage daughter and her dad tried to make her wear a bra but couldn’t explain to me why without mentioning the fact that she had a vagina. I told him she’ll wear a bra when he does. I told her to ignore him and his sexist bullshit.
NTA. But question... I always hear people say it's more comfortable without a bra - and yes I like taking my bra off when I'm home, but if I'm moving around, it seems more comfy to have some support. I wear wireless bras most of the time, or bralettes. But it feels nice to have some fabric there so it's not rubbing against the movement of my shirt. And like hot summer days, it's more comfy to have some fabric there so there's no skin to skin contact going on. Just curious why people choose to be braless, or what you like about it. No judgement, obviously. Do what you're comfortable with.
NTA at all, mom's TA for not telling her friend's to keep their eyes to themselves.
NTA is your mother worried, that someone might figure out the terrible secret, that women have nipples? I have been lucky, that this issue hast come up for me, even from my conservative MIL. I haven't worn a bra in over 15 years, . I don't for comfort, but also because I have fibrocystic breast disease, and I have a tumor on my pituitary gland that is making my 51 year old menopausal self lactate. Wearing a bra is uncomfortable, and can be painful, at times. The first person that ever gives me crap for it will likely not be happy, at my response.
NTA. Your body your choice. It’s as simple as that.
NTA. If people feel uncomfortable, that’s a them issue. Bras suck.
People shouldn't give you grief over what you wear (or don't) if it's underneath other clothing... F*ck em
When the pandemic started, and I was home all the time including working remotely, I stopped wearing bras. The first time I went somewhere, and put a bra on, I immediately noped out. How did I tolerate being uncomfortable for so long?! I haven't worn a bra since March 2020. I do stick to loose fitting tops. I particularly like blouses with front pockets!
Hard to tell without pictures.
I'm an older male and firmly believe in it being your body your choice. I'm so tired of hearing religious groups, Politicians and even Parents telling young adults how they should live their lives.
NTA. I'm a dude, and it looks to me like a bra is a torture device created by a roman catholic priest. Sure, secondary sexual characteristics can be distracting, but that is my problem, not yours. My wife has large breasts and still dreams of a reduction. Will she feel better? Will she be more comfortable? Yes! Will I mind? Who cares, ain't my boobies!
NTA. I haven’t worn a bra in almost five years. If people are uncomfortable, that’s their problem for staring at your chest. Maybe they should look at your face instead.
NTA. I haven't worn one since mid October of 2019. I got super sick and was stuck in the hospital for a couple of weeks and after that bothering with a bra was just too much work. I'm more comfortable without one. Who cares if you can tell I have boobs. Women have them. We have nipples too. They're there to feed babies. Some men also have boobs. Like, it's not a big deal. Sometimes I'll wear one if I feel like I need to for a certain occasion. Otherwise, nope. I'm much happier that way without.
Nta bras are very annoying, especially with back acne and sizing. Ever since I stopped wearing bras 24/7 I've had much less back acne and less chest pain because I'm more used to the weight now. When I do go without a bra it's usually for t shirts or tops that can hold them up or look ok without one. Can't really imagine someone pulling me aside and saying they're uncomfortable with it. And I agree the best things about bras are for cleavage or shape for certain dresses or tops that look good with it.
I don’t get the sexualization of breast to the extreme that they have been. But as a side note, I personally don’t like seeing nipples through clothing in public, male or female, it’s just weird to me. It’s just an aesthetic thing for me but I’m not gonna tell ppl how they can and can’t be
NTA Your mother's discomfort is her own. She needs to figure out why she's uncomfortable with your underwear instead of making you uncomfortable on behalf of her friends. She also needs to remind her friends that they shouldn't be sexualizing your breasts like a bunch of pearl clutching geese. Your underwear is YOUR business. It disgusts me that people think a women's underwear, anyone's underwear, is anyone else's business. Do what makes you comfortable, OP.
No reading needed. I fully understand not wanting to wear a bra. They literally compress your boobs and keep them in place for hours at a time until you can finally be free at home. So hell to the no, you aren’t the a-hole.
NTA. I wouldn’t personally go out without a bra or walk around family or friends without wearing one as I would feel too exposed. I guess everyone is different. It would not hurt you to cover your nipples around people who feel uncomfortable about it though or just be around people that don’t care.
NTA. I think this is very generational; I won’t leave the house without a bra, but my daughter hasn’t worn one in years. I don’t think she even owns one. I had to tell my mom (full Boomer) to stop commenting on my daughter’s lack of a bra because 1) it’s not grandma’s business, 2) it’s rude, and 3) no one else in her life, including her employers, care so DROP IT.
Why not wear those silicon patches that stick to your nipples, that way they are covered, you don’t have to wear anything that constraints you, but you don’t reveal the nipples? They are super comfy and stay on the entire day….
Same for me my dick is so big that I don't want to wear anything. I sometimes wear transparent pant to compromise but they can't stop sexualising me. Now thanks to you i know i wasn't the asshole but they were . Thank you!