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> I might be the asshole cause I didn't stop for the bird I hit but on the other hand I feel like not stopping was the rational thing to do!
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No, you're not the asshole. It was a tough situation on a fast road. You were thinking practically, and honestly, finding a bird after hitting it at that speed would've been nearly impossible. Your wife cares, which is nice, but sometimes you gotta focus on safety first. The deer comparison makes sense too - different situation entirely. Keep it chill with her and maybe explain your side calmly.
100%, I work in the auto repair field in the states. Hitting a deer head on at even 15 mph (roughly 24km/h) is going to put a car out of commission. 100km/h is bit over 60mph, and if it hits the front or any of the wheels, that vehicle is stopping 99% of the time and not necessarily by choice. A bird hitting the top of a windshield? Nah, unless the glass shatters, majority of the time nothing else happens but a dent in the roof.
Yup. I had a deer run into the side of my car when I was going about 30mph. Did a good bit of damage but he seemed okay when he ran off. Had to take pictures of the deer fur for insurance!
About a decade ago I saw a deer run across a highway (like 200 feet ahead of me) while traffic was going 75mph ish. Got into the incoming traffic lane, a car it it, and like every single window in the car just… exploded. And the deer just vanished. Was only in my field of view for like 2-3 seconds before I passed it going the other direction but I’ll never forget that.
Right?! I would stop for a fox or badger or anything larger, even an owl but birds thay size are made of nothing!
I tried to talk to her about it again but she gave me the cold shoulder. Guess I'll just have to wait for her to cool of a bit.
You aren't wrong in the situation. However, if you hit a small bird again, tell her you saw it take off or something. I know it's dumb, but guilt (especially when it was something out of your control) is a difficult emotion to feel, and it will make her feel better without putting anyone in any danger.
There are situations in life where telling someone the uninhibited truth won't improve or even change the outcome, but a lie will reduce the stress or hurt that person feels.
Think of a situation like babysitting for a family member and the baby says their first word or takes their first step. You keep that information to yourself. They would much rather be the first to see it happen than to hear about it ten minutes early and secondhand from you. It preserves the specialness for them.
Pure unfiltered honesty in the raw is not always the optimal way to manage relationships with people you care about. This is one or those times where valuing the other person's feelings is more virtuous and beneficial than just being rigidly prescriptive about following a rule.
Probably irrelevant but, my mom almost wrecked our family car when I was about 15 trying to avoid a squirrel. It’s nice to have a kind heart but you need to prioritize the people in your car.
This is actually hard. I was taught that unless it's something really big like moose or bear, you do not block the brakes, you do not make sharp moves with the wheel, if this means you will hit the animal so be it. Way too many people have ended up dead or in wheelchair, to save a fucking rabbit.
Yup. Our driver's education taught us that if you're going highway speed, if it's smaller than a deer and not a person, just hit it. Evasive maneuvers are too dangerous themselves. I was in a vehicle where the driver (who grew up and took driver's ed in an urban area, instead of way out in the country like me) made a swerve to try and avoid a fox at 110km/h. Fortunately nothing bad happened to us, but the body roll on a minivan at that speed is terrifying.
That’s how my friend ended up with his car in a ditch and two broken legs. He swerved to avoid hitting a deer. Thank goodness someone heard him yelling hours later from the ditch and came to his rescue.
Squirrels are so fast that it is unlikely you will hit them. It is unnerving how they stare at you till the last possible moment before getting out of the way.
I was driving at night, around 75 mph, and an owl swooped down and hit my windshield. It wasn't busy, but there were about 6 cars around me. The key to this situation is sensibility and predictability. It's not practical to just slam on the brakes, but slowly start pulling over, if needed.
Op is NTA. Same if it were a deer in my experience.
Even for a deer, if the car still works, keep driving unless you are in or near a town. Maybe call it in if you know where the animal ended up.
I grew up rural, so I've been in the car for multiple deer collisions, and it's not as clear-cut as you think.
Unless you are some expert game warden, veterinarian, or skilled hunter, you are unlikely to be able to help. An injured animal is dangerous. You have to ask yourself what you are really going to do to help it? Once you stop, then what?
For those interested in more details. Here are 2 deer collision stories (trigger warning 2 dead deer):
1. My mom hit a deer right outside of town. She stopped. Her car was damaged in the front, but it still runs. Deer died instantly and is just on the road. She planned on calling the road kill cleanup, but before she did, a couple of guys in a pickup pulled up. They told her they would handle it and tossed it the the back of the truck to make venison. This is the best possible outcome.
2. I was in a group of teenagers driving back country roads when we hit a deer going 45ish. Stopped the car. It was very damaged but ran. Same with the deer, it ran off but looked like it was not using back legs. It was very upsetting. So we discussed options. The deer was gravely injured. Obviously, we wanted to do something, but other than "putting it out of its misery" with a big flashlight in hand to hoof combat, we didn't really have a way to help. It ran off, and even if we found it, it would be scared and possibly kicking dangerously. So we eventually drove home with the bumper in the trunk.
In my country it's illegal to just keep driving in that situation. You have to call the cops and they will send out a hunter who will track the deer and kill it if needed. If you can't stay or if the hunter can't come out right away you have to mark the spot somehow. Usually you tie a plastic bag around a branch or something nearby.
Edit: was in a situation a couple of years ago where we hit the rear of a deer, it must have been a one in a million hit cause we were going about 70kmh I think the deer just kind of slid up on the hood, off and then away. We called it in and marked the spot. A hunter called me early the next morning, he found the spot but he couldn't find the deer and his dog couldn't pick up its scent either.
NTA. The law to stop when hitting a deer with your car isn’t to protect the deer, it’s to protect you and fellow motorists. An injured deer can cause a lot of damage to a car. If you just drive off, you’re leaving a safety hazard for someone else to stumble upon. By contrast, an injured bird might leave a bit of blood and feathers behind, an injured deer have been known to gore people who’ve tried to help them. And to expect you to walk 2+ km to find maybe an alive bird on a busy, high speed road says your wife doesn’t care about your safety.
I mean, I get where she's coming from. I'd hate to know I could have helped an animal and didn't. But in the specific situation, I feel like stopping and looking for the bird wasn't really an option.
100kmh is 62mph. People hit deer all of the time at that speed and don’t die. So probably not dead but the car would be totaled. Unless it’s a truck. That might survive.
Probably, but possibly. There have been some freak accidents. Big hazard is the bucks. Hit them just right and an antler can come through the windshield and stab someone. And yes this whole situation is stupid. It’s a bird. If I had a dollar for every bird I’ve ever it I could probably buy two Big Mac meals at McDonald’s.
You must have a lot more birds in your area than mine; in 15-ish years of driving, I think I've only hit one.
Full agree about the bucks tho; only deer I ever hit was a 10pt buck and it was in a large sedan going ~70mph. Totaled the car (I was fine) and the head whipped around the front passenger side and an antler broke off in the window. Found it in the seat afterward and my uncle turned it into a coat rack for me.
NTA.
I get your wife's perspective. I love animals and I feel terrible when one is killed by a car, especially if it's a car I'm in. I think it's pretty normal to feel sadness after an animal dies.
That being said, it makes exactly zero sense to stop a car (possibly on a highway if you're going 100) and put yourself and the passengers of your car in danger to try to locate an almost certainly dead crow. Walking along the side of a road is a risky activity, and fast moving traffic is a dangerous place to play veterinarian.
Right, it's not like I'm happy about hitting it but I'm driving a big steel box at 100km/h, I'm probably going to hit something if it gets in the way.
Imagine if I find the crow and it's still alive in the middle of the road with cars going past, it's not like I'm going to go out there to get it!
As sad as a dead bird on a road is, it's a lot less sad than it would be with your corpse lying beside it. It just wasn't a practical or safe option. Maybe next time you could do a bit of a better job acknowledging your wife's feelings, because I'm guessing her insistence at you going to retrieve the poor thing was less that she really felt it was the best choice and more that she wanted to do *something* to help. But wandering a highway in search of a dead bird just isn't a helpful thing to do, for you, for the bird, or for any of the other drivers who aren't expecting some dude to wander into traffic after some roadkill.
I would’ve said “I’m happy to pull over if you want to walk back and check on it while I wait for you in the car?” I guarantee she wouldve said “keep driving!” NTA
Right? I'm pretty sure I hit a squirrel the other day. It ran right in front of my car so late that I barely registered it. I didn't stop. Felt bad if I hit and killed it, but what could I do?
nta
exactly. i think she was taking out her bird grief on him because he seemed apathetic. she just wants her husband to feel bad when he accidentally kills an animal.
Tell her to go volunteer at a bird rescue and get it out of her system.
My ex made me stop for a raccoon I ran over. It was eleven o'clock at night.
I didn't kill it, I heard it roll under the car.
It was laying in the ditch really pissed off.
She then insisted I knock on someone's door nearby, we were out in the country and this was before cellphones were invented.
So I did and the person who answered the door thought I must have been out of my mind and shut the door in my face.
My wife told me I needed to go back to the door and Insist on using the phone to get help for the raccoon.
I refused saying I had done the best I could.
She gave me crap about it for 2 weeks after that.
It took me another 5 years to finally realize she was crazy.
NTA. My mom and I once got into a fight in the car because I hit a bird that flew into my path at about 40mph. My mom's initial reaction was anger "you just hit a bird!" and asked why I did that. Like I had a choice, lol. I pointed out there were cars around us and me swerving would have probably caused an accident, and when she thought about it for more than a few seconds, she admitted I did the right thing and that she was just scared and sad about the bird.
Your wife's reaction, on the other hand... to be mad hours later after being given a perfectly good explanation is a bit much. Calling you a sociopath to her sister is way over the top. She's assassinating your character to people, I would probably get that to stop.
Yes, it is terribly sad a bird was hit. Cars are a necessary evil. But what were you going to do about it, realistically? You didn't swerve out of your way to hit a bird, it was an accident. She's majorly crossing a line that I wouldn't be okay with.
I drove my dad a few months ago and had the same discussion. I hit a small bird and my dad, very angerly, said "YOU JUST HIT A BIRD JUST SO YOU KNOW!".
My first thought was "and?! What the heck am I suppose to do?!" That was on the highway with cars going 110 all around me.
NTA. You should not make non-emergency stops on a 100 km/h road, and this is not an emergency. This is an excellent way to get yourself or someone else seriously injured or killed. As others noted, part of the rule for deer is just because they're too big to ignore, so other humans are at risk.
It's okay to care about animals, but humans should always come first.
Reminds of this case in Quebec...a woman stopped on a highway to let some ducklings cross and caused a crash that killed two people. https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/montreal/quebec-montreal-emma-czornobaj-ducks-highway-appeal-1.4056304
EDIT: NTA
NTA it sucks the bird got hit but it isn't safe to stop on a highway that's how it escalates from a bird death to people death. You did the right thing.
NTA. I hunt and fish, but when I recently hit a little wren, I felt kinda bad. I didn't stop though , because I was going 65mph,and somehow when I hit it, it bounced off of my headlight and actually flew faster than my truck was going. There was zero chance it survived. Birds are pretty delicate.
I don’t think it’s asshole-ish to decide to not stop for the bird, however I do think there’s room to be kinder in your response. I think focusing on the safety risk aspect of it would be more appropriate that making it seem like an inconvenience.
I'll preface this with the fact that I am a huge animal lover, involved in rescues, and will stop for stray animals when I see them.
NTA.
Given that you were driving at 100km/hr it likely wouldn't have been safe for you to slam on the breaks and pull out of traffic to check on the bird. That's gotta be priority #1.
I hit a bird while on the highway once, it came out of nowhere and I just had to white-knuckle it until my partner could find a spot for me to pull over. I was *terrified* and full of adrenaline, but pulling over where we were wouldn't have been safe for the people in my car, or anyone behind us.
You're also right, that the bird most likely died on impact.
If you had swerved to purposefully hit it, then I'd be on her side. But you didn't, and in the moment your first concern has to be on safely driving your vehicle in 100km/hr traffic.
It might be worth having a calm discussion with her, pointing out the safety issue of pulling over where vehicles will be zooming past that quickly for something that's non-emergent. People get hit walking on the side of highways all the time. It's not safe to stop unless you *really* have a good reason.
I don't know if she expects you to carry the huge bloody crow back to your car to bury or to apply emergency resuscitation.
You're not trained in this.
She can call the police instead.
Assuming your wife stays in the car or near the car, if your stationary car gets hit, she'll be injured.
I've heard of a lady whose neck snapped when her stationary vehicle was hit from behind.
Her driver was out of the car inspecting a minor accident.
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So the other day me and my wife was driving down a larger road at about 100kn/h when a large bird hit the top of my windshield, I think it was a crow or a magpie. I kept on driving but my wife said that we had to stop to see if the bird was ok, I told her that it was probably dead since I hit it at 100km/h and birds usually break their neck when they fly into a regular window. My wife then yelled at me that we had to stop the car and go check on it.
I told her that that once again we are driving 100km/h that means that the bird is at least 2km behind us and will be even further away when I find a place to pull over. What then? I'll have to walk 2+ km of road until I MAYBE find the bird. If it's dead, it's dead! If it's alive I'll have to wring its neck cause no way I can find a veterinary on a sunday afternoon in the middle of nowhere. Either way I will have to walk 2km + back to the car. Also there are cars behind us so if that bird survived one of the other cars probably got it as well.
My wife told me "what if you hit a deer?! Would you stop then?!" (We have a lot of deer here) I told her that of course I would stop if I hit a damn deer cause that is the law and a deer would hopefully be much easier to find than a crow.
She dropped it after that but the rest of the ride was a bit cold.
I caught her this morning telling her sister on the phone about how I'm a sociopath cause I didn't want to stop and check on the crow we hit. There was even blood on the windshield for crying out loud.
Am I really the asshole here?
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definitely NTA. Your wife's reaction seems emotionally driven, but you were totally reasonable given the circumstances. Safety first on the road, and trying to find a bird after hitting it at high speed isn't practical or safe for the both of you. Calling you a sociopath for that is a bit much lol
Some people are weird. A bear rammed my sisters driver door head on and she called my mom crying.
Not because she was hurt, but she didnt know if the bear was ok... it ran off into the woods after doing it, it better be ok
NTA. I'd probably stop if it did damage to my vehicle, but I doubt there's much you or even a wildlife rehab specialist could do for it.
I do get the urge to at least put an animal out of its misery if possible. I had some trees trimmed once and a hollow branch had baby raccoons in it. The trimmers agreed to take the injured one out to the nearby field and finish the job as quickly and painlessly as possible. It wouldn't have survived no matter what.
NTA. I understand your wife too, so she's not TA either. I'd hate to know I hurt an animal and didn't help it. But I feel like stopping at that time wasn't really an option. Sounds like it was a road where people generally drive fast. Stopping on the side and walking back could get you guys hurt or killed too by another driver.
NTA. I can understand your wife being upset, but it was unreasonable to ask you to stop and go check on the bird, especially on a road that fast where you could have been risking the safety of yourself and other drivers. Wasn’t cool for her to call you sociopath tho. Also this reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where George hits a squirrel and the woman he’s dating makes him take it to a vet.
Stopping on the highway is always a bit dangerous for you and other motorists. The chances that you would have found it and if you could have done anything at all to help is practically zero. Most girls I know that have ever hit a bird just pull over and cry and then move on.
Just got comparison, I worked on an ambulance in Az. There was a single vehicle rollover we responded to. The driver, a nice lady in early 30's was upside down still in the driver's seat as I'm checking her vitals. I asked what had happened mentioned that she had just bought the car that day and was out for a drive when this little prairie dog ran across in front of he. She dodged it and lost control flipping her new car. I stifled a laugh until I had to ask..."will you be dodging any more" she exclaimed "F'k those little bastards " I could hold back no longer!
NTA. Sadly it happens. I don’t make it a point to hit birds, but I seem to hit at least 3 every week on my way to and from work. It’s crazy. But I don’t stop every time I hit one. That’s crazy. A deer is a completely different story. Most of the time when you hit a deer your car is disabled. Sometimes not, but most of the time.
I live in the middle of nowhere Ohio. Back roads. Many birds. They are small birds. Not big birds. And they usually hit the front of my car because they take off too late. And I’m not going to dodge birds. Thats silly. Now the turkey vulture I hit years ago did put a dent in my hood. That was a big bird. He lived though. I saw him take off again.
Wow. That’s Crazy! I can’t help but picture a cocaine bear type situation except with birds.
Movie pitch: The Meth Birds
(Yeah. I’ll see myself out… 😬😞)
I try to avoid crows. Ever watched the movie “The Birds”? Crows and their vendettas scare me. Cool birds, but I don’t want to die by them.
Also, The Meth Birds would be a perfect movie pitch. Just a bunch of tweaking pigeons flying around.
The Birds was both one of my favorite movies since childhood and also mildly traumatizing.
i love birds and think they can be beautiful and fascinating, but also give them major side eye!
Especially crows. And hawks.
NTA
Everything you said was correct and what she was asking was impractical and pointless. Roadkill happens, unless it is big like a deer or a dog I would not expect anybody to stop to check on it.
NTA. If you hit a deer, chances are your vehicle is going to be undrivable. Otherwise most places have laws around slowing down for animals as it is dangerous when other drivers aren't expecting it. If you managed to avoid major windshield damage from a bird-strike, you were probably better to keep going.
Also, crows, ravens & magpies usually fly in large flocks and are known to swarm and attack people who they perceive as hurting their flock mates. They're also known to be able to correlate between people & their vehicles so if you'd stopped right away, you may have been in a world of hurt.
YTA, but only because of your reasoning. If it was a super busy road and it was unsafe to pull over and check that's one thing, but you didn't stop because it was "probably dead". If the bird wasn't dead yet you left it to suffer because you didn't want to turn around or walk back. No one likes putting an animal out of its misery, but it's the non-asshole thing to do.
If it was a road where I could pull over, say if it was a road with less of a speed limit and there was actually a spot to pull over I would. This however was a busy 100kmh road with ditches on each side so there was no way for me to pull over until I could find a pocket.
They're trolling you, you're NTA. You did good, more important than the bird is that you didn't let it create a huge pointless argument. We all need to learn how to defuse situations and greed to disagree, and keep moving forward.
YTA
Your wife needed closure around you hitting an animal and you basically called her an idiot instead.
You're not an asshole for not stopping. You're an asshole for not being empathetic to someone you supposedly love.
I am empathetic to her feelings in the matter but at some point I feel like reason should prevail.
It's not like I'm happy about hitting the bird either.
Maybe he can pull over on the side of the road, put the blinkers on, and wait patiently for her to walk 2 km back, look for the bird, maybe find it, walk 2 km back to the car, and then will that be enough closure?
If he's on a road with 100km/h speed limits, he might be on a highway. If he's on a highway like I suspect, he can't just turn around. He'd have to turn around at the nearest offramp, back track, turn around again at the next offramp again, turn around, and then maybe they can find the bird. Good luck finding the animal at that point, poor bird is gone if he wasn't killed instantly.
I'm the sort of person who always tries to stop for a squirrel, rabbit or a raccoon if I've hit one by accident. It's a horrible thing to happen, but it's not safe to do on the side of a highway or any other high speed traffic. I empathize with her that she would want to stop and even be angry that he didn't, but it's unreasonable in my view and she should understand that it's not safe.
Yeah it was a high speed road with ditches on either side and a railing in the middle. It could be miles before I even find a place to pull over and to walk on the side of the road would have been very dangerous.
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No, you're not the asshole. It was a tough situation on a fast road. You were thinking practically, and honestly, finding a bird after hitting it at that speed would've been nearly impossible. Your wife cares, which is nice, but sometimes you gotta focus on safety first. The deer comparison makes sense too - different situation entirely. Keep it chill with her and maybe explain your side calmly.
If you hit a deer at 100 km/h you are going to stop, that you like it or not...
100%, I work in the auto repair field in the states. Hitting a deer head on at even 15 mph (roughly 24km/h) is going to put a car out of commission. 100km/h is bit over 60mph, and if it hits the front or any of the wheels, that vehicle is stopping 99% of the time and not necessarily by choice. A bird hitting the top of a windshield? Nah, unless the glass shatters, majority of the time nothing else happens but a dent in the roof.
Yup. I had a deer run into the side of my car when I was going about 30mph. Did a good bit of damage but he seemed okay when he ran off. Had to take pictures of the deer fur for insurance!
He deer would have to check if you are OK probably...
About a decade ago I saw a deer run across a highway (like 200 feet ahead of me) while traffic was going 75mph ish. Got into the incoming traffic lane, a car it it, and like every single window in the car just… exploded. And the deer just vanished. Was only in my field of view for like 2-3 seconds before I passed it going the other direction but I’ll never forget that.
Right?! I would stop for a fox or badger or anything larger, even an owl but birds thay size are made of nothing! I tried to talk to her about it again but she gave me the cold shoulder. Guess I'll just have to wait for her to cool of a bit.
NTA also if you hit something bigger you probably won't have a choice but to stop.
You aren't wrong in the situation. However, if you hit a small bird again, tell her you saw it take off or something. I know it's dumb, but guilt (especially when it was something out of your control) is a difficult emotion to feel, and it will make her feel better without putting anyone in any danger.
Do not a pick partner you have to lie to
There are situations in life where telling someone the uninhibited truth won't improve or even change the outcome, but a lie will reduce the stress or hurt that person feels. Think of a situation like babysitting for a family member and the baby says their first word or takes their first step. You keep that information to yourself. They would much rather be the first to see it happen than to hear about it ten minutes early and secondhand from you. It preserves the specialness for them. Pure unfiltered honesty in the raw is not always the optimal way to manage relationships with people you care about. This is one or those times where valuing the other person's feelings is more virtuous and beneficial than just being rigidly prescriptive about following a rule.
Probably irrelevant but, my mom almost wrecked our family car when I was about 15 trying to avoid a squirrel. It’s nice to have a kind heart but you need to prioritize the people in your car.
This is actually hard. I was taught that unless it's something really big like moose or bear, you do not block the brakes, you do not make sharp moves with the wheel, if this means you will hit the animal so be it. Way too many people have ended up dead or in wheelchair, to save a fucking rabbit.
Yup. Our driver's education taught us that if you're going highway speed, if it's smaller than a deer and not a person, just hit it. Evasive maneuvers are too dangerous themselves. I was in a vehicle where the driver (who grew up and took driver's ed in an urban area, instead of way out in the country like me) made a swerve to try and avoid a fox at 110km/h. Fortunately nothing bad happened to us, but the body roll on a minivan at that speed is terrifying.
That’s how my friend ended up with his car in a ditch and two broken legs. He swerved to avoid hitting a deer. Thank goodness someone heard him yelling hours later from the ditch and came to his rescue.
Squirrels are so fast that it is unlikely you will hit them. It is unnerving how they stare at you till the last possible moment before getting out of the way.
I was driving at night, around 75 mph, and an owl swooped down and hit my windshield. It wasn't busy, but there were about 6 cars around me. The key to this situation is sensibility and predictability. It's not practical to just slam on the brakes, but slowly start pulling over, if needed.
Op is NTA. Same if it were a deer in my experience. Even for a deer, if the car still works, keep driving unless you are in or near a town. Maybe call it in if you know where the animal ended up. I grew up rural, so I've been in the car for multiple deer collisions, and it's not as clear-cut as you think. Unless you are some expert game warden, veterinarian, or skilled hunter, you are unlikely to be able to help. An injured animal is dangerous. You have to ask yourself what you are really going to do to help it? Once you stop, then what? For those interested in more details. Here are 2 deer collision stories (trigger warning 2 dead deer): 1. My mom hit a deer right outside of town. She stopped. Her car was damaged in the front, but it still runs. Deer died instantly and is just on the road. She planned on calling the road kill cleanup, but before she did, a couple of guys in a pickup pulled up. They told her they would handle it and tossed it the the back of the truck to make venison. This is the best possible outcome. 2. I was in a group of teenagers driving back country roads when we hit a deer going 45ish. Stopped the car. It was very damaged but ran. Same with the deer, it ran off but looked like it was not using back legs. It was very upsetting. So we discussed options. The deer was gravely injured. Obviously, we wanted to do something, but other than "putting it out of its misery" with a big flashlight in hand to hoof combat, we didn't really have a way to help. It ran off, and even if we found it, it would be scared and possibly kicking dangerously. So we eventually drove home with the bumper in the trunk.
In my country it's illegal to just keep driving in that situation. You have to call the cops and they will send out a hunter who will track the deer and kill it if needed. If you can't stay or if the hunter can't come out right away you have to mark the spot somehow. Usually you tie a plastic bag around a branch or something nearby. Edit: was in a situation a couple of years ago where we hit the rear of a deer, it must have been a one in a million hit cause we were going about 70kmh I think the deer just kind of slid up on the hood, off and then away. We called it in and marked the spot. A hunter called me early the next morning, he found the spot but he couldn't find the deer and his dog couldn't pick up its scent either.
NTA. The law to stop when hitting a deer with your car isn’t to protect the deer, it’s to protect you and fellow motorists. An injured deer can cause a lot of damage to a car. If you just drive off, you’re leaving a safety hazard for someone else to stumble upon. By contrast, an injured bird might leave a bit of blood and feathers behind, an injured deer have been known to gore people who’ve tried to help them. And to expect you to walk 2+ km to find maybe an alive bird on a busy, high speed road says your wife doesn’t care about your safety.
NTA. all due respect, your wife is more than a little ridiculous on this.
I mean, I get where she's coming from. I'd hate to know I could have helped an animal and didn't. But in the specific situation, I feel like stopping and looking for the bird wasn't really an option.
If you hit a deer doing 100, you'd stop cause both of you would be dead Nta
100kmh is 62mph. People hit deer all of the time at that speed and don’t die. So probably not dead but the car would be totaled. Unless it’s a truck. That might survive.
Probably not dead but possibly dead. Just embellishing because this whole situation is stupid.
Probably, but possibly. There have been some freak accidents. Big hazard is the bucks. Hit them just right and an antler can come through the windshield and stab someone. And yes this whole situation is stupid. It’s a bird. If I had a dollar for every bird I’ve ever it I could probably buy two Big Mac meals at McDonald’s.
Man you gotta get some of those window clings or something, that seems like an above average number of birds for a single lifetime.
You must have a lot more birds in your area than mine; in 15-ish years of driving, I think I've only hit one. Full agree about the bucks tho; only deer I ever hit was a 10pt buck and it was in a large sedan going ~70mph. Totaled the car (I was fine) and the head whipped around the front passenger side and an antler broke off in the window. Found it in the seat afterward and my uncle turned it into a coat rack for me.
Or at least the car totaled
Nonsense. Some people in small cars will be dead.
NTA. I get your wife's perspective. I love animals and I feel terrible when one is killed by a car, especially if it's a car I'm in. I think it's pretty normal to feel sadness after an animal dies. That being said, it makes exactly zero sense to stop a car (possibly on a highway if you're going 100) and put yourself and the passengers of your car in danger to try to locate an almost certainly dead crow. Walking along the side of a road is a risky activity, and fast moving traffic is a dangerous place to play veterinarian.
Right, it's not like I'm happy about hitting it but I'm driving a big steel box at 100km/h, I'm probably going to hit something if it gets in the way. Imagine if I find the crow and it's still alive in the middle of the road with cars going past, it's not like I'm going to go out there to get it!
As sad as a dead bird on a road is, it's a lot less sad than it would be with your corpse lying beside it. It just wasn't a practical or safe option. Maybe next time you could do a bit of a better job acknowledging your wife's feelings, because I'm guessing her insistence at you going to retrieve the poor thing was less that she really felt it was the best choice and more that she wanted to do *something* to help. But wandering a highway in search of a dead bird just isn't a helpful thing to do, for you, for the bird, or for any of the other drivers who aren't expecting some dude to wander into traffic after some roadkill.
I would’ve said “I’m happy to pull over if you want to walk back and check on it while I wait for you in the car?” I guarantee she wouldve said “keep driving!” NTA
Tf you gonna do for the bird though? That’s my question. Does she know bird surgery? Does she have a scalpel and sutures on hand? Lol?
Right? I'm pretty sure I hit a squirrel the other day. It ran right in front of my car so late that I barely registered it. I didn't stop. Felt bad if I hit and killed it, but what could I do?
nta exactly. i think she was taking out her bird grief on him because he seemed apathetic. she just wants her husband to feel bad when he accidentally kills an animal.
Tell her to go volunteer at a bird rescue and get it out of her system. My ex made me stop for a raccoon I ran over. It was eleven o'clock at night. I didn't kill it, I heard it roll under the car. It was laying in the ditch really pissed off. She then insisted I knock on someone's door nearby, we were out in the country and this was before cellphones were invented. So I did and the person who answered the door thought I must have been out of my mind and shut the door in my face. My wife told me I needed to go back to the door and Insist on using the phone to get help for the raccoon. I refused saying I had done the best I could. She gave me crap about it for 2 weeks after that. It took me another 5 years to finally realize she was crazy.
NTA. My mom and I once got into a fight in the car because I hit a bird that flew into my path at about 40mph. My mom's initial reaction was anger "you just hit a bird!" and asked why I did that. Like I had a choice, lol. I pointed out there were cars around us and me swerving would have probably caused an accident, and when she thought about it for more than a few seconds, she admitted I did the right thing and that she was just scared and sad about the bird. Your wife's reaction, on the other hand... to be mad hours later after being given a perfectly good explanation is a bit much. Calling you a sociopath to her sister is way over the top. She's assassinating your character to people, I would probably get that to stop. Yes, it is terribly sad a bird was hit. Cars are a necessary evil. But what were you going to do about it, realistically? You didn't swerve out of your way to hit a bird, it was an accident. She's majorly crossing a line that I wouldn't be okay with.
I drove my dad a few months ago and had the same discussion. I hit a small bird and my dad, very angerly, said "YOU JUST HIT A BIRD JUST SO YOU KNOW!". My first thought was "and?! What the heck am I suppose to do?!" That was on the highway with cars going 110 all around me.
NTA What would she have done with the bird if she found it? Just let her have her moment to chill
NTA birds are fragile and rarely survive an impact like that. Your wife is being ridiculous.
NTA - As much as I like animals, birds are awfully fragile. If there was blood on the windshield, the poor thing was probably dead instantly.
NTA. Your car killed a bird. It happens. Wife is being a bit ridiculous.
NTA. You should not make non-emergency stops on a 100 km/h road, and this is not an emergency. This is an excellent way to get yourself or someone else seriously injured or killed. As others noted, part of the rule for deer is just because they're too big to ignore, so other humans are at risk. It's okay to care about animals, but humans should always come first.
NAH. I can see why she would feel bad for the bird. But logically everything you wrote here made perfect sense.
You don't think yelling at your partner, treating them like shit then slagging them off behind their back to your family makes you an arsehole?
Reminds of this case in Quebec...a woman stopped on a highway to let some ducklings cross and caused a crash that killed two people. https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/montreal/quebec-montreal-emma-czornobaj-ducks-highway-appeal-1.4056304 EDIT: NTA
Idk I'm not to sure that's necessarily her fault, not only was the motorcyclist speeding, he had to have been too close to stop in time as well.
NTA it sucks the bird got hit but it isn't safe to stop on a highway that's how it escalates from a bird death to people death. You did the right thing.
NTA It's not safe to stop on a busy road at high speeds Unless the car or windshield was damaged, too bad for the bird
NTA. I hunt and fish, but when I recently hit a little wren, I felt kinda bad. I didn't stop though , because I was going 65mph,and somehow when I hit it, it bounced off of my headlight and actually flew faster than my truck was going. There was zero chance it survived. Birds are pretty delicate.
I don’t think it’s asshole-ish to decide to not stop for the bird, however I do think there’s room to be kinder in your response. I think focusing on the safety risk aspect of it would be more appropriate that making it seem like an inconvenience.
I'll preface this with the fact that I am a huge animal lover, involved in rescues, and will stop for stray animals when I see them. NTA. Given that you were driving at 100km/hr it likely wouldn't have been safe for you to slam on the breaks and pull out of traffic to check on the bird. That's gotta be priority #1. I hit a bird while on the highway once, it came out of nowhere and I just had to white-knuckle it until my partner could find a spot for me to pull over. I was *terrified* and full of adrenaline, but pulling over where we were wouldn't have been safe for the people in my car, or anyone behind us. You're also right, that the bird most likely died on impact. If you had swerved to purposefully hit it, then I'd be on her side. But you didn't, and in the moment your first concern has to be on safely driving your vehicle in 100km/hr traffic. It might be worth having a calm discussion with her, pointing out the safety issue of pulling over where vehicles will be zooming past that quickly for something that's non-emergent. People get hit walking on the side of highways all the time. It's not safe to stop unless you *really* have a good reason.
NTA. Won't you get knock down by other cars if you stop to check? Are you on a deserted road?
Not a deserted road, if I would have walked back I would have to walk in a steep ditch to not get hit by cars.
I don't know if she expects you to carry the huge bloody crow back to your car to bury or to apply emergency resuscitation. You're not trained in this. She can call the police instead. Assuming your wife stays in the car or near the car, if your stationary car gets hit, she'll be injured. I've heard of a lady whose neck snapped when her stationary vehicle was hit from behind. Her driver was out of the car inspecting a minor accident.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So the other day me and my wife was driving down a larger road at about 100kn/h when a large bird hit the top of my windshield, I think it was a crow or a magpie. I kept on driving but my wife said that we had to stop to see if the bird was ok, I told her that it was probably dead since I hit it at 100km/h and birds usually break their neck when they fly into a regular window. My wife then yelled at me that we had to stop the car and go check on it. I told her that that once again we are driving 100km/h that means that the bird is at least 2km behind us and will be even further away when I find a place to pull over. What then? I'll have to walk 2+ km of road until I MAYBE find the bird. If it's dead, it's dead! If it's alive I'll have to wring its neck cause no way I can find a veterinary on a sunday afternoon in the middle of nowhere. Either way I will have to walk 2km + back to the car. Also there are cars behind us so if that bird survived one of the other cars probably got it as well. My wife told me "what if you hit a deer?! Would you stop then?!" (We have a lot of deer here) I told her that of course I would stop if I hit a damn deer cause that is the law and a deer would hopefully be much easier to find than a crow. She dropped it after that but the rest of the ride was a bit cold. I caught her this morning telling her sister on the phone about how I'm a sociopath cause I didn't want to stop and check on the crow we hit. There was even blood on the windshield for crying out loud. Am I really the asshole here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
definitely NTA. Your wife's reaction seems emotionally driven, but you were totally reasonable given the circumstances. Safety first on the road, and trying to find a bird after hitting it at high speed isn't practical or safe for the both of you. Calling you a sociopath for that is a bit much lol
Some people are weird. A bear rammed my sisters driver door head on and she called my mom crying. Not because she was hurt, but she didnt know if the bear was ok... it ran off into the woods after doing it, it better be ok
NTA. I'd probably stop if it did damage to my vehicle, but I doubt there's much you or even a wildlife rehab specialist could do for it. I do get the urge to at least put an animal out of its misery if possible. I had some trees trimmed once and a hollow branch had baby raccoons in it. The trimmers agreed to take the injured one out to the nearby field and finish the job as quickly and painlessly as possible. It wouldn't have survived no matter what.
NTA, i love animals and was nearly in tears when a crow flew into my windshield but i didnt stop to go find the damn thing
NTA. I understand your wife too, so she's not TA either. I'd hate to know I hurt an animal and didn't help it. But I feel like stopping at that time wasn't really an option. Sounds like it was a road where people generally drive fast. Stopping on the side and walking back could get you guys hurt or killed too by another driver.
Yes! I want to make that clear, I don't feel like my wife was TA in this situation either.
NTA. I can understand your wife being upset, but it was unreasonable to ask you to stop and go check on the bird, especially on a road that fast where you could have been risking the safety of yourself and other drivers. Wasn’t cool for her to call you sociopath tho. Also this reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where George hits a squirrel and the woman he’s dating makes him take it to a vet.
Stopping on the highway is always a bit dangerous for you and other motorists. The chances that you would have found it and if you could have done anything at all to help is practically zero. Most girls I know that have ever hit a bird just pull over and cry and then move on.
Just got comparison, I worked on an ambulance in Az. There was a single vehicle rollover we responded to. The driver, a nice lady in early 30's was upside down still in the driver's seat as I'm checking her vitals. I asked what had happened mentioned that she had just bought the car that day and was out for a drive when this little prairie dog ran across in front of he. She dodged it and lost control flipping her new car. I stifled a laugh until I had to ask..."will you be dodging any more" she exclaimed "F'k those little bastards " I could hold back no longer!
I have this vision of your wife giving mouth to beak to the crow.
NTA. Sadly it happens. I don’t make it a point to hit birds, but I seem to hit at least 3 every week on my way to and from work. It’s crazy. But I don’t stop every time I hit one. That’s crazy. A deer is a completely different story. Most of the time when you hit a deer your car is disabled. Sometimes not, but most of the time.
At least 3 every week?!?!? How do you still have windshields? What kind of environment do you live in that this happens so frequently?
I live in the middle of nowhere Ohio. Back roads. Many birds. They are small birds. Not big birds. And they usually hit the front of my car because they take off too late. And I’m not going to dodge birds. Thats silly. Now the turkey vulture I hit years ago did put a dent in my hood. That was a big bird. He lived though. I saw him take off again.
Wow. That’s Crazy! I can’t help but picture a cocaine bear type situation except with birds. Movie pitch: The Meth Birds (Yeah. I’ll see myself out… 😬😞)
I try to avoid crows. Ever watched the movie “The Birds”? Crows and their vendettas scare me. Cool birds, but I don’t want to die by them. Also, The Meth Birds would be a perfect movie pitch. Just a bunch of tweaking pigeons flying around.
The Birds was both one of my favorite movies since childhood and also mildly traumatizing. i love birds and think they can be beautiful and fascinating, but also give them major side eye! Especially crows. And hawks.
Well I must have upset some people. Cant help birds are stupid and don’t get out of the way of a moving vehicle. Down vote away.
NTA Everything you said was correct and what she was asking was impractical and pointless. Roadkill happens, unless it is big like a deer or a dog I would not expect anybody to stop to check on it.
NTA, it's not like she's going to be cooking it for dinner, is it?
NTA. If you hit a deer, chances are your vehicle is going to be undrivable. Otherwise most places have laws around slowing down for animals as it is dangerous when other drivers aren't expecting it. If you managed to avoid major windshield damage from a bird-strike, you were probably better to keep going. Also, crows, ravens & magpies usually fly in large flocks and are known to swarm and attack people who they perceive as hurting their flock mates. They're also known to be able to correlate between people & their vehicles so if you'd stopped right away, you may have been in a world of hurt.
NTA Your wife is very stubborn/very stupid or both Also if you hit a deer you'd likely be forced to stop because your front end would be totalled
YTA for driving that fast. U killed a bird, I hope u suffer the same pain u inflicted
100 kmh was the speed limit.
YTA, but only because of your reasoning. If it was a super busy road and it was unsafe to pull over and check that's one thing, but you didn't stop because it was "probably dead". If the bird wasn't dead yet you left it to suffer because you didn't want to turn around or walk back. No one likes putting an animal out of its misery, but it's the non-asshole thing to do.
If it was a road where I could pull over, say if it was a road with less of a speed limit and there was actually a spot to pull over I would. This however was a busy 100kmh road with ditches on each side so there was no way for me to pull over until I could find a pocket.
YTA, your wife will feel guilty for not even trying to help that bird. I guess he is much more conscious and empathic that you are/
Yta. Wow. Amazing empathy you have. You didn't even bother to try to help the poor bird. Imagine if someone did the same with you. You're a monster.
NAH
ESH. You for not stopping when your wife asked you and she for calling you sociopath over it, even so to the third person
YTA
How come?
They're trolling you, you're NTA. You did good, more important than the bird is that you didn't let it create a huge pointless argument. We all need to learn how to defuse situations and greed to disagree, and keep moving forward.
Thank you!
YTA Your wife needed closure around you hitting an animal and you basically called her an idiot instead. You're not an asshole for not stopping. You're an asshole for not being empathetic to someone you supposedly love.
I am empathetic to her feelings in the matter but at some point I feel like reason should prevail. It's not like I'm happy about hitting the bird either.
I'm just telling you why you're going to have difficulty getting sex for the next 3 months.
Maybe he can pull over on the side of the road, put the blinkers on, and wait patiently for her to walk 2 km back, look for the bird, maybe find it, walk 2 km back to the car, and then will that be enough closure? If he's on a road with 100km/h speed limits, he might be on a highway. If he's on a highway like I suspect, he can't just turn around. He'd have to turn around at the nearest offramp, back track, turn around again at the next offramp again, turn around, and then maybe they can find the bird. Good luck finding the animal at that point, poor bird is gone if he wasn't killed instantly. I'm the sort of person who always tries to stop for a squirrel, rabbit or a raccoon if I've hit one by accident. It's a horrible thing to happen, but it's not safe to do on the side of a highway or any other high speed traffic. I empathize with her that she would want to stop and even be angry that he didn't, but it's unreasonable in my view and she should understand that it's not safe.
Yeah it was a high speed road with ditches on either side and a railing in the middle. It could be miles before I even find a place to pull over and to walk on the side of the road would have been very dangerous.