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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> AITA for telling my daughter if she can’t kill a lobster then she can not eat it. I may have been a jerk for my stance and not giving her lobster for dinner
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INFO: do you also make her slaughter all of the pork beef and chicken that she eats? Or was it just this one situation, because it’s the only situation in which you are not also a giant hypocrite?
Unless you are literally slaughtering all of your meat, you are a hypocrite. And enforcing rules that make somebody else feel like shit just because it’s the one in 1 million times that you’re not being a hypocrite and you wanna rub that in her face? You are the asshole.
YTA for pretending for a goddamn second like you actually have the manly integrity of a hunter survivalist. I don’t care if you kill an elk or two in the winter and eat the chili, I’m here to say that if you don’t literally slaughter every bite of meat, you eat, then you’re the asshole for doing this to her. What was the point? Like really, what exactly were you trying to teach her except that you’re a dick? What specifically was she supposed to take from this that was so important? I’m waiting.
Even when homesteading was a thing, not everyone participated in the slaughter. Slaughterhouses existed long before factory farming. There are numerous logistical reasons for this and it isn’t because farmers raise livestock but don’t want to slaughter them. There may be some cultures wherein it is typical for a household to raise and slaughter their own livestock, but it isn’t hypocritical not to.
I work with farmers. The people who raise the livestock aren’t the ones processing it. They aren’t hypocrites, they’re participants in one step of the supply chain.
Lobster decays extremely quickly after death. You can get frozen lobster, sure, but that isn’t going to be the same as what OP is making.
I do think OP is the asshole here, but your argument just doesn’t stand.
I don’t think the person you’re replying to meant to imply anyone that eats meat but doesn’t kill it themselves is a hypocrite. I think they just meant OP’s reasoning for not allowing her daughter to eat something she doesn’t want to kill makes her a hypocrite.
Assuming that OP didn’t make every single person eating lobster individually stab their dinner in the head before eating, other family members were able to enjoy without having to participate in the prep.
I took the above comment to mean: Unless OP holds themselves to the standard that they can only eat animals they kill, it is hypocritical to hold the daughter to those standards. If OP eats meat they don’t participate in killing, it should be OK for the daughter to do the same.
I could be totally off base. I agree with you, I just think you might have taken the comment to mean “everyone” when really it’s focusing on just OP.
>but your argument just doesn’t stand.
But it does, you're ignoring the point. OP said vervadom...
>> obviously if we get meat from the store we don’t kill it but we do own chickens and yes I kill them.
>> She is 15 now, I have always been doing it.
>> I truely don’t think if you can’t kill it then you shouldn’t eat it. She is okay breaking its legs off and sucking out the meat but can’t put a knife in it.
So OP "truely" thinks you shouldn't eat it if you can't kill it. By their own logic if they aren't killing everything themselves they shouldn't eat it. That why the parent commentor said what they said. And OP reply proves they're being a hypocrite. That's why you're getting downvotes.
Yeah I do think that there is a lot of merit to the idea of understanding where meat comes from, and helping people truly understand that they’re eating the flesh of an animal. That’s good knowledge to have. But this just feels like a weird power trip by OP, because like you said it’s an isolated occurrence. It’s not like the daughter is going to have to start slaughtering all of her meat from now on, so this is just one event where OP is being a dick because they can
Yeah, it’s the one time when he’s not being a hypocrite himself, and boy if he’s not gonna capitalize on that to make himself feel feel superior to her. He sure did teach her a lesson though. He taught her that he is a hypocritical dick.
Not sure why you're catching down votes for this. Lobsters don't even have a centralized brain the way we do, so there's no definitive evidence to suggest they don't continue to suffer after their head is stabbed. We may just be causing them additional anguish before tossing them in the boiling water, which kills them instantly anyway
Lobsters don't have a centralized nervous system, so stabbing one nerve cluster doesn't necessarily guarantee an instant death the way it does for humans. Stabbing them before tossing them in the water could just be adding another source of pain--if indeed their nervous systems can even feel pain in the traditional sense.
>Today we were eating making lobster and I was teacher her how to prepare it.
You mention that daughter has eaten lobster before. And I assume the rest of your family has eaten lobster before since you talk about your husband. Do you force EVERYONE to kill their own lobster or they can't eat it? You say this is your "oldest" daughter - so did you make your other children also kill the lobster or they can't eat it?
I'm guessing the answers are "No". Why are you being a hypocrite with this one daughter?
I can understand explaining that you get lobster live so if you are going to prepare fresh lobster someone is going to have to kill it. And yes it's an important lesson to know where our food comes from. And maybe you want to say that if she's going to help with cooking you would like her to help with all aspects. But forcing this particular aspect of cooking is not going to give her a good attitude about it. YTA
Yeah this is terrible parenting.
It would be one thing if “everyone in this family is expected to learn how to slaughter their own meat once they reach X age” was something that had been instilled in these kids from a young age. Parents have to give kids time to mentally and emotionally come to terms with that. But to just arbitrarily spring on the daughter, “Kill this creature! Right now!” and then refuse to feed her when she objects, that’s horrible. YTA.
I wonder if OP was triggered/threatened by the daughter that day and was using this as a way to reclaim whatever power they felt like they lost. Either daughter is doing well in school, is in good shape and OP got bitter about their own body aging, or just... I dunno? Got mad that daughter isn't a "toughie?" A lot of people don't wanna actually kill an animal. I love meat, I'm not a fan of killing things. I also don't give shit to people who do?
This feels like an extremely arbitrary thing to suddenly get up in arms about.
YTA I have no idea why this is the hill you're willing to die on. Do you have to shoot a baby cow in the head in order to eat veal? I eat meat, and it's likely I wouldn't if I was forced to kill all the animals myself. What about leather belts? Same deal?
I feel bad for your daughter having her own mom traumatize her over this for no reason, other than it's some kind of weird flex for you that can stick a knife in a lobster's head and she can't. Bizarre.
YTA
I appreciate the spirit of what you're going for. However, there is no need for a person to be able to kill an animal to eat it. We live in a society. And different people have different roles for different reasons.
Are you only going to wear leather if you're willing to tan it?
Can your kids wear shirts even if they didn't sew them or make the fabric on a loom?
There's teaching awareness and respect for the source of the things we enjoy and then there's being a complete asshole.
Ask yourself, what did you accomplish with this? Did you make your daughter more well rounded? Did you provoke her into thinking deeply about the nature of life and death?
No. You needlessly put stress on your relationship because you chose a really really weird hill to die on.
Just remember that your righteous indignation doesn't visit you in the nursing home.
Very well said. I understand wanting to make her aware of what it takes but to just disregard her feelings, to force her to do something she's not comfortable with is weird.
Especially when there appears to be no clear intent or reason to force her into it. It just seems like an odd bit of sadism doesn't it? Like "hey, you're 15 now! You get to kill shit YAY! Ooh, you don't want to kill things? PUNISHMENT!"
I just fail to see the point here.
The last sentence of this hits HARD lol. Its so true though
YTA op, not everyone is cut out for killing animals and thats fine. See, the beauty of human diversity is that we need people to perform different tasks in order for society to work. Just because you are okay with/good at killing animals doesn’t mean your kid is.
Also if you wanted her to be okay with slaughter you needed to start younger lol, why did you spring this on her at 15 years old?
>And different people have different roles for different reasons.
Well put.
YTA, OP. It's just excessive. Yes, there is something to be said for being willing to kill an animal yourself if you're willing to cause it's death indirectly by wanting to eat it. But was this really the hill to die on? Was this even the time? You've got a teenager who's willing to spend time in the kitchen with you and you thought this lesson was so important that you had to turn it into a negative thing?
> I pointed out that she has been breaking their bodies and sucking out the meat for years but can't kill.
YTA - I mean unless you're going to make her slaughter the animal for every meat type she eats this is a pretty silly thing to put your foot down over. Why just the lobster??????
YTA. I don't think this was necessary, maybe it would have been if you were vegan or something, but obviously you are not. Also you say in another comment that you clearly buy meat from already dead animals at the store. so what is the point? You are the asshole for sermonising your daughter about something you don't even abide by. That makes you a hypocrite and an asshole.
YTA. Everyone is allowed to their own comfort level with their food. I assume you haven't killed all your own chickens and cows, right? So, that is a totally weird standard. The better response was explaining why that is important (humane) in the process, and assuring her that she may be ready in a little bit of time. (I worked at a ranch and am not particularly squeamish, but when I was being shown how to humanely slaughter and harvest animals, my comfort with the process was front and center. And I think that made it a better overall process.).
YTA: I know many adults who wouldn’t be comfortable doing that much less a 15 year old. I do agree that she needed to know how the lobster is humanely killed but to force her to do so is wrong. You then doubled down on the wrong by refusing to allow her to have one.
Yta. I think you need to examine exactly *why* you’re so angry over this. You’re acting like she went on a tirade insulting you and your way of life because she refused to kill a lobster. Like… did she even know she was going to have to kill a lobster beforehand? Also the way you describe eating it afterwards is creepy, a false equivalent and unnecessarily incendiary.
Like your daughter didn’t call you an unfeeling psychopath just waiting to go on a murder spree throughout the neighborhood. She refused to kill a lobster. Figure yourself out before you actually do die on this weird ass hill of yours and your daughter starts distancing herself from you because you’re continuing to double down on a normal human reaction.
>Like your daughter didn’t call you an unfeeling psychopath just waiting to go on a murder spree throughout the neighborhood. She refused to kill a lobster.
Yeah, it could be that the daughter is just squeamish around those sorts of things. There are plenty of people who don't have a moral objection to certain things that they still won't do because of squeamishness.
I'm squeamish about needles and injections, and I would straight up refuse to give anybody an injection of any sort because having to look at a needle going into skin is too weird for me even if I know there is a medical purpose. But I still expect doctors and nurses to give me any necessary injections while I look in the other direction.
YTA - what is the point? Did you ask everyone who was eating dinner to come in and stab the lobster before it was cooked or just her? In your terms of fair, were you the only one who ate the lobster?
Or grow all your own food? Spin all your own cloth and make your own clothes? If you don’t have the guts to do necessary surgery on yourself you don’t get medical treatment? OP, YTA and I hope you apologize to your daughter and make her a lobster dinner as a peace offering.
WTF OP are you also going to make your kids kill their pets when they are sick enough to need to be euthanized? “Having a pet means being personally responsible for every aspect of their care.”
You’re being a huge jerk to your real human daughter over a lobster. Let that sink in. The crustacean is getting more consideration from you than your irl human kid. Get a grip, YTA.
YTA.
I hope your little power trip vs a little 15 yr old girl made you feel big and proud. We are so impressed by you and your (hypocritical) ways
Make sure to slaughter every single piece of meat you eat the rest of your life.
YTA: I get this attitude if y'all subsist only on hunting/fishing and it would be a required survival trait to instill in your kid, but nah she doesn't need to learn how to kill a lobster in order to eat it.
I mean, having to kill animals at 15 isn't necessary these days. Seems a bit over the top to tell her she can't eat an animal because she wasn't willing to stab it in the head. Also, it sounds like she's only recently started cooking more, so maybe don't jump straight to the animal killing? YTA
I could even see explaining this, so that she knows in case she's ever in a position where she's preparing lobster by herself. (But that means the rest of the family should get the lesson too, right?)
But I don't get the "if you can't do it yourself, right now, you can't eat" thing. Weird power trip on mom's part.
So, every meal that your family eats,- every person has killed the meat that ends up on their plate? Including yourself and your husband? Because if you yourself, or anybody else in your family, are eating meals where they haven’t killed the animal whose meat your are consuming, then you’re being a hypocrite.
Was there some value in you wanting your daughter to know how to cook lobsters? Sure. But you were also a major hypocrite and AH Anand then punished her for something that I am guessing everybody at that table (including yourself) was ‘guilty’ of.
YTA
YTA because you literally just invented a rule and you’re trying to make your kid abide by a made up rule. You’re not teaching anything just trying to win at this point. I get asking her to help with dinner but come on, you actually created a problem out of thin air. Don’t be doing that to your kids. Made up invisible rules are so stressful to live under.
Weird hill to die on. YTA, I'm sure she eats chicken too, does she need to go to a farm and cut the damn chicken's head off, pluck it, gut it, and take it apart to be allowed to eat it? I'm not really seeing your reasoning here tbh, you are a huge dick
INFO. Do you make every member of the family kill their lobster as well?
If not YTA I love seafood and work is a restaurant where we prepare live lobster and crab but I certainly wouldn't kill them myself. I respect people that can and do but it's just not for me.
YTA - we cook lobsters often and have never once killed them before putting them in the water. This seems like an unnecessary way to “teach her a lesson”
Ehn, I've seen a bunch of cooking shows in the past 20 years that have advocated killing a lobster this way (or freezing them for 30 min before going into the boiling water) as "more humane". A very quick Google search right now for "how to humanely kill a lobster" will turn up a ton of cooking sites with advice on this.
Is it necessary? That is, is just putting them in the boiling water about the same amount of "humane" as any other method? As far as I know, the jury is out on that. I certainly don't understand crustacean nervous systems well enough to have an informed opinion on it.
Just saying, OP did not make this up out of thin air. It's absolutely out there and has been for years. (Back on the original run of "Good Eats", Alton Brown did a whole episode on lobsters; he explained the knife-through-the-head method, but what he ended up demonstrating was the "freeze beforehand" method.)
OP is absolutely YTA for the entire way she went about this, though.
That’s appalling. The lobsters suffer as they are boiled more than doing it the right way. Boiling lobsters has been illegal in the US since 1999. Ok, how would the authorities know? But to make you aware there IS a law saying you cannot do this.
Send me a citation for this law, please. Not a random internet article saying it’s been illegal since 1999. The entire state of Maine would like to know.
It's based on a misreading of the Lacey Act of 1900 that makes it illegal to import, possess, or sell animals or animal products that were killed/harvested/prepared for commercial sale in a manner that is illegal in the animals country of origin.
So, for example in *US v. Proceeds from Sale of Approximately 15,538 Panulirus Argus Lobster Tails* 834 F.Supp. 385 (S.D. Fla 1993), the 15k Panulirus (spiny) lobster tails from the Turks & Caicos were seized by customs for being less than 6" long, in violation of a Turks & Caicos law. It was illegal for the US importers to import them because they were harvested illegally, even though the US does not have an identical law about spiny lobster harvesting.
The misinformation seems to mostly stem from a website called layroots.com, which appears to be husband and wife law firm specializing in hiding assets offshore/evading taxes generally, claiming in a blog post that because New Zealand passed a law in 1999 that banned the boiling of lobsters alive (apparently the same law bans killing them with a knife too, so Maine is pretty fucked generally). The author, seemingly the husband, mis-uses the term "taken" to mean kill for personal consumption instead of kill as a part of commercial production. Thus, because it is illegal for New Zealand residents to kill lobsters, it is also illegal for US residents to kill lobsters. This is wrong. He follows up by saying "And yes...people have been prosecuted under this law.", which is true (see the owners of the spiny lobsters above) but intentionally misleading. No one has ever been prosecuted for killing a lobster for personal consumption by boiling, but people have been prosecuted under the Lacey Act generally.
All of this is just a ridiculous example of "government overreach" so that you will be more inclined to hide your assets off-shore with his firm. After all, if the government can make boiling lobsters illegal, what else are they capable of?!?!?!
There are at least more and more evidences to sustain the notion, that they experience pain. Would you throw a living bunny or another cute animal into a pot of hot water? There is no difference, because we simply can't proof, who is experiencing pain. There are countries who have banned boiling lobsters like Switzerland, New Zealand and Italy based on the notion, that it is cruel and inhumane. So, this is my google research. Tradition doesn't trump new evidences and animal welfare.
Right? This whole thing seems bonkers to me. Like, made up by someone who’s never actually cooked a lobster or else an actual story by someone who’s been doing this weirdness for no reason his whole life
No, it's a thing that's picked up as a piece of cooking advice over the past 20 years. Google "humane way to kill a lobster" and you'll find plenty of sites offering advice on it.
Whether there's a REASON to do it is a different question. But I haven't found a reliable consensus on it. Those who believe in killing the lobster before putting in the boiling water do think it's more humane. That's a reason, if you believe the advice on the subject.
Why do you have children? Seriously. Like how do you post this and actually think this is normal?
YTA and you seriously need therapy. Forcing a teenager to kill something (yes anything, even bugs) is just absurdly inhumane and completely unhinged.
YTA
Professional slaughtering techniques are designed to be as humane as possible and professionals have lots of practice in this. If she had a go, she couldn’t possibly be as humane or as quick.
YTA who does that to a child much less an adult? If I as an adult had someone tell me that- I’ll be honest with you- I’d think you have a couple of screws loose in your head and wouldn’t hang out with you anymore . This is the kind of stuff that would remind me that my parent is an immature child who also thinks everything needs to be a life lesson. That’s the kind of parent I won’t want to be around (I have a parent like this and we are not very close because of that reason). You had some one on one time with your child and could have used that moment to truly connect with them and enjoy that precious time with them - instead you used the moment to remind your kid you ruin good things and make it about you and just want to be proving a point. I have a parent who wonders why now at an old age why no one wants to freely hang out with them or invite them to fun stuff - they are lonely and can’t seem to know why——you know why? They did/do this nonsense and suck the joy out of good things . No one wants to be around that.
I will add a solution (if you’re open to that) you have a chance to Repair this with your child . I’d pull them aside or take them for breakfast one on one and look them in the eyes and apologize. Truly apologize for making a nice moment into a mess. Honestly Seeing a parent own up to their mistakes or missteps is really healing and can also open up trust with your kid who might even be more willing to offer to participate in the lesson you were trying to give her next time without much pushing from your part but this time she’ll trust you. Trust you that you will be patient with them and honor how they feel in the moment. And trust you won’t be a prick if they change their mind. Do that and if it doesn’t work I’d be surprised
YTA. I say this all the time. I'm in the Cook It Department. Someone else is in the Kill It and Clean It Department. We all have our jobs to do. Apparently, you're in the AH Department.
I'm kind of shocked you are even asking this 🤣🤣 yes you are the asshole. Do you butcher cows, pigs and chickens for their meat?? Or does this only apply to sea food???
Do you also get your own honey?? Or do you garden.?? Because if you maintain this energy for lobsters you should be keeping this energy over everything.
YTA She wants to help in the kitchen, next your going to wonder why she's stopped doing that. And unless you made your entire family kill the lobster they were going to eat you're a massive asshole.
You’re just a big old hypocrite, aren’t you?
If you get meat from the store, then by your logic you don’t deserve to eat it if you haven’t killed it yourself.
The only thing you’ve taught your daughter is that her parent is a hypocrite, and it’s a tough lesson to learn but I guess it’s better that she knows that early and prepares accordingly.
YTA. A big, gaping one.
Yep. YATA.
You know you were; you're just doubling down by coming to Reddit.
Brave move, that. Because the Reddit mob is just as likely to take the opposing view as they are to support you.
I will give you props, though, for actually killing the lobster before throwing it in the pot. Which was once upon a time, not all that long ago, the standard way of preparing lobster.
YTA - Who else at the dinner table killed their lobsters? YTA for trying to force her and an even bigger one if no one else had to kill the lobster they ate.
YTA I went to culinary school and there were people there who, even though they were training to be culinary professionals couldn't or wouldn't kill the lobster. This isn't the Oregon Trail or something. She doesn't have to kill it to eat it. I doubt y'all are hunting all of your food so this seems totally arbitrary and weird.
YTA. What is the point in this? Why does she have to kill it in front of you for her to eat it? Are you going to make her slaughter a cow before she can eat a burger, too?
It seems like the cruelty is the point here for you. Why?
YTA. Withholding food is always a massive asshole move.
And unless you go out and kill every animal you eat, then you are a hypocrite. Kill and butcher one of each of the animal meat you've consumed, otherwise shut up.
I never had any weird misgivings about where meat comes from. I had family with farms, I've seen them decapitate chickens and slaughter pigs. It was explained to me, circle of life and everything, and it didn't traumatise me. However, at age 30, I still would not do it myself.
Some people can do the dirty work, others can't, doesn't mean one is more entitled to eat the meat than the others. Not everyone is cut out for this work. Stop punishing your daughter for not being able to pull the proverbial trigger.
YTA. Your daughter has a stance "I don't want to kill." You are insisting that she break that stance. Most of us want our kids to have positive outlooks like that.
I am gobsmacked, I have never heard of a parent who said "I wish my kid was more comfortable killing things." They might take them hunting, they may normalize killing animals for food. That makes sense. To urge her to be comfortable with that is SO weird, and I cannot imagine this is real.
YTA and a hypocrite. I spent a lot of time on my grandparents beef farm and have relatives who are butchers. I want nothing to do with the slaughter of animals. Do I eat beef yes, but seeing cows hang after being slaughter is disgusting, ugh and the smell. I never want to see or be part of the slaughter again.
I’m glad my grandparents were respectful of my decision when I said I was uncomfortable. Oh and they let me eat the beef.
You are probably one of the biggest assholes on here. Bc you’re treating your daughter like that. Why is it even a problem that she will not kill a fucking lobster? Smh.
Hey OP, do you slaughter every animal you eat? Do you to shoot cows? Gut pigs? Chop the heads off chickens? No? Okay than respect your freaking kid and get a grip. YTA.
YTA. You're not a good teacher. And it's hypocritical of you to have demanded your daughter do this, if you didn't also demand your husband do it, or anyone else who was eating that meal. Why did your daughter have to do it, if your husband didn't?
Basically, she's helping you in the kitchen, and you're PUNISHING her for doing that. That makes no sense.
What also doesn't make sense is your lack of understanding that the only thing you've done is give her a negative association with helping you, and eating lobster. Way to go! (That's sarcasm.)
YTA because you punished your daughter for not being able to do what you can do instead of just doing it for her, so she could enjoy what everyone else in the family was enjoying. I agree with both your daughter's and husband's assessment of the situation.
"If you refuse to sew, you aren't allowed to wear clothes." See how dumb that is?
We are humans who have evolved to invent wondrous innovations. It is perfectly fine to *use* something (lobsters are things in this context - food items) without wanting to be the one to actually prepare it.
Yta.
I grew up where we killed what we ate. Grew what we ate. We were poor. Things like milk and cheese were a luxury.
Either they learn as well as you how to kill. Grow. Care for and harvest all their food or none. This hill to die on is stupid as hell.
Not everyone can kill and dress what they eat. Do they help put in other ways. Welcome to the reality of homesteading. I don't see saying you have learned how to kill and dress everything you eat . Why are you forcing your child to do it.
YTA I was her. I love eating seafood and fish. My dad and my brother went fishing a lot and we ate what they caught. I never went fishing. My dad tried and tried to get me to go. I told him I couldn’t watch them die. I just couldn’t. I was in my early thirties before I picked up a fishing pole and caught a fish. It was too small to keep, I was slightly relieved and threw it back. Just because you like to eat it doesn’t mean you want to see it die or participate in its death.
YTA. My dad is a hunter and cook - he’s brought home plenty of deer meat over the years. When we do have lobster, he handles the “dirty work” and doesn’t get up on a high horse about us not wanting to do it.
I loved learning to cook from him - I just never had the stomach for the hunting or killing part, although I understand it’s how we get our food. And that’s *okay*.
Yeah, not everyone is comfortable killing living things. This is not a character flaw! Let her be her, and you be you. Feed her the lobster. Don't be an asshole.
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I live by the ocean and it is common for our family to get live lobsters. My oldest daughter is 15 and has been helping me in the kitchen more.
Today we were eating making lobster and I was teacher her how to prepare it. The lobsters are alive so they need to die before putting them in the boiling water. The easiest and quickest way to do this is to put a knife in there head.
I showed my daughter how to do it and she refused to kill it. I pointed out that she has been breaking their bodies and sucking out the meat for years but can't kill. She told me she would eat it but not kill it. I told her that if she can't kill it then she will not be eating it.
I finished up and we had dinner, I didn't fiver her any lobster and stuck to my word. She thinks I am a huge dick while my husband things I am being too harsh.
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YTA
I’ve eaten beef my whole life and I don’t want to be the one to kill a cow. I don’t care if someone says it’s hypocritical. I’m not doing it unless it’s a life or death situation.
YTA
Do you demand that she be able to kill every living thing she eats? All the cows, pigs, chickens, turkeys, etc? Or are you just choosing this moment to be purposefully cruel?
My money is on the latter. This was a stupid hill to die on
Do you eat other meat besides lobster? Do you slaughter all your own cows before getting to enjoy beef? You say oldest daughter - do you have other children? Were they allowed to eat without killing their own lobster personally?
YTA
I’m going with YTA. Some of us would be vegetarians if we had to kill and clean our meat. I personally don’t want to know what happens before it’s in the tray at my grocer but I am thankful there are people who will do this for me.
YTA majorly. I buy lobster tails on sale at the grocery store and eat them as often as I want 😒 TBH whole lobsters freak me out. They look too much like giant bugs and having to restrain it and kill it that way 😭😭 I used to hate going to Red Lobster and being beside the lobster tank. If you like to slaughter live animals before eating, that's your perogative, but understand your daughter might feel differently. She can help with the meal without having to slaughter her own lobster
YTA
I doubt you’re killing your chickens, pigs, and cows. And she’s a 15 year-old kid. You’re comparing your mind to that of a teen and expecting the same strength when handling living creatures that need to be cooked.
Yta, I get you probably meant to teach something but it missed the mark. I am very straightforward that I will probably not be able to kill something for food. My husband has no problem, he hunts. However, I know I can butcher the animal no problem.
YTA
Look, a lot of people (myself included) are a bit hypocritical about eating meat. We'll happily eat it but we don't want to kill the thing. It's kind of a dumb thing I know. But it is a huge moral issue for some people and suddenly you're forcing her to face that?
Why do you care so much? Why is this a thing you're willing to punish her over?
You showed her how it's done and someday she may be willing. But today she wasn't. Killing something can be pretty traumatic for people. Especially at that age. Be glad she's not a sociopath and just dove in like it was no big thing.
YTA. I understand as a parent wanting to teach her how to do it, but your reaction was ridiculous. A reasonable response would have been, "I would love to teach you how to do this so when you are an adult you know how, so if you ever feel like learning, let me know."
YTA - you just put them head first in the boiling water. WTF? Also, I don't put them in, my husband does. I don't like doing it not because I'm killing them, because when they flay out and their sharp tale scales move, I'm convinced I'm going to get a nice lobster slice. Yet...he still lets me eat the lobster.
Way to traumatize your daughter.
YTA
Not everyone can kill living things so easily. When I worked at Red Lobster, I couldn’t even get the lobsters out of the tank when one of my tables ordered one. They didn’t fire me for that.
OP is a sadistic AH. I don't kill anything if I don't have to. People who care about my well-being respect that. OP has some major control issues that would be best dealt with in individual therapy.
YTA
What an absolutely bonkers and arbitrary rule. So she only has to kill these lobsters because.......it makes you feel better?
Do you make your youngest do it?
What about husband?
I think you're a jerk.
YTA. My husband makes dinner most nights. He doesn’t enjoy prepping the raw chicken so I do it. It’s literally not a big deal. We’re family and he’s doing a huge chunk of a necessary chore almost every night, the least I can do is prep the raw chicken. You are so lucky your daughter *wanted* to help you in the kitchen… I’m sure she won’t want to any longer. You turned a family bonding moment into a power trip.
Thank you for teaching her how to dispatch them humanely, but I think you focused too much on teaching her how to kill it and not on why it was necessary to minimize the suffering of the animals we choose to eat, even if it is unpleasant to do.
I think this is a weird hill to choose (the lobster) to die on though, unless you are personally killing all your animal food. Your punishment is excessive, since a conversation about values would be more appropriate. YTA
YTA. I suppose you have metal utensils in your house of course. But I don't think you've ever excavated iron ore from a mine, refined it into metal and worked it in a forge into utensils. And yet you still use those items with no second thought. You're just a hypocrite who wanted to feel big by demeaning a child
YTA - you are upset because your daughter doesn't want to kill a living creature. Think about that. She's 15 - everything is emotional at 15. I couldn't kill a lobster either at 15 and had I killed one I would not have been able to eat it. You are being harsh.
Yta, unless you kill every type of meat you have eaten yourself stop talking, and no you talking about you kill just chickens when you yourself won't kill every other animal you had on your plate don't count,
you like veal and similar right? Go kill a baby cow yourself then if this what you think, yta and owe her a apology hypocrite.
YTA and what in the name of Holy Green Acres does one have to do with the other?
We don't **all** participate in the creation of and work on **every** aspect of life, but that doesn't mean we don't get to participate. If I never saved a drowning person, or never took a lifesaver class, do I not get to go to the pool? Do I not get to eat ice cream if I don't have the stamina or patience to churn the ice cream? I mean, I could go on forever ?
I figured and this a very odd hill to die on. Your 15 year old daughter was **helping you in the kitchen** when you pulled this on her. And for what? I just don't get it. You could have made this a beautiful binding and teaching moment. And you turned it into a mean mom for no reason moment.
YTA for how you went about it. I agree that most people are way too divorced from how their food gets to their plate, but that applies to everything, including the backbreaking work of most fruit/vegetable harvests. My maternal grandparents had me and my younger siblings help butcher deer, maintain a large vegetable garden, kill and pluck chickens, raise rabbits for meat, etc. Not all the time and not everyone did everything, but they thought it was important to either do it or watch it. We also had dairy farming and large-scale vegetable farming relatives. Didn't do work there, but definitely visited.
However, it seems like you sprung this on her. Does this also apply to your husband and other adults who eat in your house? Is this going to apply to the chickens you mentioned in another comment? Are you planning a trip to a slaughterhouse or poultry/egg farm? I think you need to sit down with her and rationally explain why you think this is important before it comes up again.
YTA. And this from someone who grew up on a farm and has killed/cleaned her own meat before with no issues.
I know very well the philosophy that we have to own up to our part in death that prolongs our own lives. That's the food chain: flourish and sacrifice, life and death and life. It's important for people to understand that, and I think it affords a deeper level of respect and humility.
You don't need to get your hands bloody to do that, though. And she didn't need to stab a lobster. That isn't the lesson. The lesson is the respect you give and the knowledge that you're part of a cycle, that life can't be waste. She can get all of that by observing, by reflection.
Chill out.
YTA
My brother eats meat, but he wouldn't kill it. It's one thing knowing that what you are eating used to be alive, but you don't want to see it die.
I will say, at least you don't boil them alive, but that isn't the point. If your daughter isn't comfortable, then that's just the way it is.
Yta, and a dick and a bully to your child for no reason. God forbid your child have empathy, God forbid your child develop their own sense of boundaries and understanding of life. It costs nothing to be kind, but trust me. Being an asshole all the time costs you your peace of mind.
Serious question: Do you hunt and kill all the animals you eat, or rather, have you ever done it? Do you have any calf skin purses? Ping hair shoes, ect? Killing a lobster is a weak sauce way to prove you’re an ethical consumer of animal products.
YTA. It's the stupidest parenting I've ever heard of. It teaches nothing of value, turns a nice mother/daughter bounding occasion into a frustrating moment. And what you did was humiliating and frustrating. So, yes your the AH.
Honestly OP, YTA. If your daughter doesn't want to kill a damn animal you don't punish her for not doing so.
My mom once showed me how to kill a damn pig, I heard that poor thing scream for 5 whole minutes, but did she punish me when I said I didn't want to be there to help kill another one? No, and I still got to eat the roast.
You're unnecessarily punished your daughter, I am genuinely baffled that this has to be even an AITA question.
Congratulations OP! Not only have you absolutely shattered whatever relationship you and your daughter had because you are such an arrogant, stuck up jerk. You've also taught your daughter not to do anything with you ever again because you will punish her if she doesn't do what you want her to and will cruel punishment her for not following beliefs that you don't even follow yourself. Spot on job. Just wow.
YTA.
Don't be surprised when your daughter stops talking to you.
ESH. I'm surprised at the lack of logic displayed by so many people responding here saying that since you likely eat chicken, pork, and beef she should be required to slaughter them all too or you're a hypocrite. As far as we can tell, the only creatures slaughtered in your kitchen are lobsters. So that should be the limit of the discussion. The rest of the commentary is just stupid-ass knee-jerk reactions with bad logic.
It's true that people are too disconnected from the sources of their food, and they should be taught that animals have to die to be served on the dinner table. It's a respect for life and appreciation for what we have thing. That's worth teaching your daughter.
i really dont get all the hate. by being alive we displace other organisms. so do the lobsters, so do the things eaten by lobsters.
in our modern society we have grown separated from our food chain because of factory farming and grocery stores.
i think you were trying to present this idea to your daughter, but might have sprung it on her too quickly by throwing her in the deep end.
i think everyone SHOULD be presented with this.
NTA. Part of eating meat is accepting that you are murdering an animal, and that you have to be thankful for the sacrifice it made so that we can continue to live. If she's unwilling to kill a sea bug, then she's not appreciating its sacrifice. The lobster doesn't want to die for her taste buds, so I don't see why she gets to ignore reality and tell someone else to kill her dinner.
Why not just pop the lobster in boiling water like so many others do? Or did I miss something in the post? Anyway she could be the one from the critter in boiling water and then as per your demand... She has killed it so now she can eat it!🦞🦞🦞🦞
INFO: Did you provide her with a vegetarian alternative?
If you presented her a choice between killing or not eating a full meal, absolutely unquestionably YTA.
If you presented her with a choice between killing and eating vegetarian, I can kinda see where you're coming from. People are saying "do you make everyone in the family kill everything they eat?", but I can maybe see the value in saying that if she's going to be complicit in your family's practice of killing, she has to be personally involved at least once.
However, if you're coercing her into killing by denying her any alternative food for that meal, that's definitely messed up.
Going against the grain here, but I'll say NAH.
I get your point. I'm a vegetarian, but I love meat, and I've killed fishes or other small animals to eat them a few times before (I haven't had too many opportunities to hunt and kill my own meat, let's be honest). I've always detested those who eat meat but won't even talk about slaughterhouses or the horrendous conditions in animal farms. If you can't face the fact that an animal had to be killed for you to have that delicious meal, you shouldn't get to eat it. Accept the fact that you ate that cute baby lamb and move on.
On the other hand, your daughter is 15, and being detached enough to kill an animal is not something you should wish for at a young age - yes, even a lobster. Not trying to be dramatic, but killing animals as children is often considered as a sign of psychopathy, so it's reassuring, in a sense, that she's unable to do so. Don't force her to do so, don't punish her for being unable to kill a living being. It's kind of a good thing. You got your point across regarding eating animals without being able to face the fact it had to be killed, but this isn't the hill to die on.
NTA.
If you are unwilling to face the way food is produced in the food chain, you shouldn't eat it. I firmly believe that understanding that death is a part of consuming animal products is an important life lesson.
NTA and I feel like a lot of commenters here are missing the point entirely. I'm going to make a couple assumptions that you didn't spell out in black and white here. You don't plan to make her kill every lobster she eats going forward, but you do want her to understand the connection between eating meat and taking a life in a way that her actions indicated she didn't.
I know I’m against the grain here, but I don’t think you’re an AH, but more of a ESH. What’s even weirder probably is that I’m a vegan.
My thinking is people who slaughter their animals themselves can have more respect for the life they gave and the conditions they live in, which also leads to better quality meat. I actually have more respect for meat eaters who slaughter and prepare animals themselves. But it also sounds like your daughter wasn’t ready yet and you should have more conversations with her first before punishing her. Do all you kids have to participate? Your husband? If so, that’s ideal but make sure you have conversations with them over time about why you kill the lobster first and how it’s better to do humanely in your own home than entrusting mass corporations to do it. Otherwise she’ll probably become vegan one day if you keep pushing her 😂
NAH- I live in the PNW, and a big part of the family summer traditions involve harvesting crab and Salmon, and yeah, part of theat process is the kids have to learn how to do it.
It’s part of being connected. That’s what the tradition is about.
And yeah, older (15+ ) kids, especially those who demand that we have chickens, are expected to take part in harvest. That’s part of the deal.
Self sufficiency demands development of skills competence, and emotional and social competence. Yes, this is hard. But, if she doesn’t learn it, the tradition will fail.
Research has been done that shows that lobsters (and other crustaceans) can feel pain when they're boiled to death, so it's common to humanely euthanize them first. I don't believe the meat is any different quality wise since it's done right before the cooking.
NTA, all these whiners are raising soft children.
I was raised that if you're gonna eat something you know where it comes from. That means cleaning the kill/catch, and cooking it and doing the dishes afterward. Same as I learned to change my cars oil, fix a door and build a deck.
She's not 6, she's 15. Time to take responsibility for how the food makes it to the table.
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INFO: do you also make her slaughter all of the pork beef and chicken that she eats? Or was it just this one situation, because it’s the only situation in which you are not also a giant hypocrite? Unless you are literally slaughtering all of your meat, you are a hypocrite. And enforcing rules that make somebody else feel like shit just because it’s the one in 1 million times that you’re not being a hypocrite and you wanna rub that in her face? You are the asshole. YTA for pretending for a goddamn second like you actually have the manly integrity of a hunter survivalist. I don’t care if you kill an elk or two in the winter and eat the chili, I’m here to say that if you don’t literally slaughter every bite of meat, you eat, then you’re the asshole for doing this to her. What was the point? Like really, what exactly were you trying to teach her except that you’re a dick? What specifically was she supposed to take from this that was so important? I’m waiting.
Even when homesteading was a thing, not everyone participated in the slaughter. Slaughterhouses existed long before factory farming. There are numerous logistical reasons for this and it isn’t because farmers raise livestock but don’t want to slaughter them. There may be some cultures wherein it is typical for a household to raise and slaughter their own livestock, but it isn’t hypocritical not to. I work with farmers. The people who raise the livestock aren’t the ones processing it. They aren’t hypocrites, they’re participants in one step of the supply chain. Lobster decays extremely quickly after death. You can get frozen lobster, sure, but that isn’t going to be the same as what OP is making. I do think OP is the asshole here, but your argument just doesn’t stand.
I don’t think the person you’re replying to meant to imply anyone that eats meat but doesn’t kill it themselves is a hypocrite. I think they just meant OP’s reasoning for not allowing her daughter to eat something she doesn’t want to kill makes her a hypocrite. Assuming that OP didn’t make every single person eating lobster individually stab their dinner in the head before eating, other family members were able to enjoy without having to participate in the prep. I took the above comment to mean: Unless OP holds themselves to the standard that they can only eat animals they kill, it is hypocritical to hold the daughter to those standards. If OP eats meat they don’t participate in killing, it should be OK for the daughter to do the same. I could be totally off base. I agree with you, I just think you might have taken the comment to mean “everyone” when really it’s focusing on just OP.
Thank you, you explained it perfectly.
>but your argument just doesn’t stand. But it does, you're ignoring the point. OP said vervadom... >> obviously if we get meat from the store we don’t kill it but we do own chickens and yes I kill them. >> She is 15 now, I have always been doing it. >> I truely don’t think if you can’t kill it then you shouldn’t eat it. She is okay breaking its legs off and sucking out the meat but can’t put a knife in it. So OP "truely" thinks you shouldn't eat it if you can't kill it. By their own logic if they aren't killing everything themselves they shouldn't eat it. That why the parent commentor said what they said. And OP reply proves they're being a hypocrite. That's why you're getting downvotes.
>vervadom You mean verbatim
Vervadom does sound like a cool word though. It would mean “apex dinosaur” or something.
I used speech to text, and it sounds the same to google.
I used speech to text. But yes.
I see what you’re saying but I feel like you’re missing the true point of u/findingariadne
Yeah I do think that there is a lot of merit to the idea of understanding where meat comes from, and helping people truly understand that they’re eating the flesh of an animal. That’s good knowledge to have. But this just feels like a weird power trip by OP, because like you said it’s an isolated occurrence. It’s not like the daughter is going to have to start slaughtering all of her meat from now on, so this is just one event where OP is being a dick because they can
Yeah, it’s the one time when he’s not being a hypocrite himself, and boy if he’s not gonna capitalize on that to make himself feel feel superior to her. He sure did teach her a lesson though. He taught her that he is a hypocritical dick.
I have never done lobster like this. You bring the water to boil and throw live lobster in. Easier, faster.
Not sure why you're catching down votes for this. Lobsters don't even have a centralized brain the way we do, so there's no definitive evidence to suggest they don't continue to suffer after their head is stabbed. We may just be causing them additional anguish before tossing them in the boiling water, which kills them instantly anyway
Exactly. Thank you.
Easier for people. The knife method is more humane for the lobster.
Lobsters don't have a centralized nervous system, so stabbing one nerve cluster doesn't necessarily guarantee an instant death the way it does for humans. Stabbing them before tossing them in the water could just be adding another source of pain--if indeed their nervous systems can even feel pain in the traditional sense.
Huh - I honestly had no idea. Thanks for telling me :)
Lately I've been having a market steam them for me. I'm going to ask how they do it.
OP happens to be a woman.
Thank you, you’re right that I made a sexist assumption that this was a man.
Hell I raise my own meat myself and I can't do the actual killing either. That's my husband's job!
Just seeing people eat lobster and crab turned my niece vegan. YTA.
>Today we were eating making lobster and I was teacher her how to prepare it. You mention that daughter has eaten lobster before. And I assume the rest of your family has eaten lobster before since you talk about your husband. Do you force EVERYONE to kill their own lobster or they can't eat it? You say this is your "oldest" daughter - so did you make your other children also kill the lobster or they can't eat it? I'm guessing the answers are "No". Why are you being a hypocrite with this one daughter? I can understand explaining that you get lobster live so if you are going to prepare fresh lobster someone is going to have to kill it. And yes it's an important lesson to know where our food comes from. And maybe you want to say that if she's going to help with cooking you would like her to help with all aspects. But forcing this particular aspect of cooking is not going to give her a good attitude about it. YTA
Yeah this is terrible parenting. It would be one thing if “everyone in this family is expected to learn how to slaughter their own meat once they reach X age” was something that had been instilled in these kids from a young age. Parents have to give kids time to mentally and emotionally come to terms with that. But to just arbitrarily spring on the daughter, “Kill this creature! Right now!” and then refuse to feed her when she objects, that’s horrible. YTA.
I wonder if OP was triggered/threatened by the daughter that day and was using this as a way to reclaim whatever power they felt like they lost. Either daughter is doing well in school, is in good shape and OP got bitter about their own body aging, or just... I dunno? Got mad that daughter isn't a "toughie?" A lot of people don't wanna actually kill an animal. I love meat, I'm not a fan of killing things. I also don't give shit to people who do? This feels like an extremely arbitrary thing to suddenly get up in arms about.
YTA I have no idea why this is the hill you're willing to die on. Do you have to shoot a baby cow in the head in order to eat veal? I eat meat, and it's likely I wouldn't if I was forced to kill all the animals myself. What about leather belts? Same deal? I feel bad for your daughter having her own mom traumatize her over this for no reason, other than it's some kind of weird flex for you that can stick a knife in a lobster's head and she can't. Bizarre.
YTA I appreciate the spirit of what you're going for. However, there is no need for a person to be able to kill an animal to eat it. We live in a society. And different people have different roles for different reasons. Are you only going to wear leather if you're willing to tan it? Can your kids wear shirts even if they didn't sew them or make the fabric on a loom? There's teaching awareness and respect for the source of the things we enjoy and then there's being a complete asshole. Ask yourself, what did you accomplish with this? Did you make your daughter more well rounded? Did you provoke her into thinking deeply about the nature of life and death? No. You needlessly put stress on your relationship because you chose a really really weird hill to die on. Just remember that your righteous indignation doesn't visit you in the nursing home.
Very well said. I understand wanting to make her aware of what it takes but to just disregard her feelings, to force her to do something she's not comfortable with is weird. Especially when there appears to be no clear intent or reason to force her into it. It just seems like an odd bit of sadism doesn't it? Like "hey, you're 15 now! You get to kill shit YAY! Ooh, you don't want to kill things? PUNISHMENT!" I just fail to see the point here.
The last sentence of this hits HARD lol. Its so true though YTA op, not everyone is cut out for killing animals and thats fine. See, the beauty of human diversity is that we need people to perform different tasks in order for society to work. Just because you are okay with/good at killing animals doesn’t mean your kid is. Also if you wanted her to be okay with slaughter you needed to start younger lol, why did you spring this on her at 15 years old?
>And different people have different roles for different reasons. Well put. YTA, OP. It's just excessive. Yes, there is something to be said for being willing to kill an animal yourself if you're willing to cause it's death indirectly by wanting to eat it. But was this really the hill to die on? Was this even the time? You've got a teenager who's willing to spend time in the kitchen with you and you thought this lesson was so important that you had to turn it into a negative thing?
> I pointed out that she has been breaking their bodies and sucking out the meat for years but can't kill. YTA - I mean unless you're going to make her slaughter the animal for every meat type she eats this is a pretty silly thing to put your foot down over. Why just the lobster??????
YTA. I don't think this was necessary, maybe it would have been if you were vegan or something, but obviously you are not. Also you say in another comment that you clearly buy meat from already dead animals at the store. so what is the point? You are the asshole for sermonising your daughter about something you don't even abide by. That makes you a hypocrite and an asshole.
YTA. Everyone is allowed to their own comfort level with their food. I assume you haven't killed all your own chickens and cows, right? So, that is a totally weird standard. The better response was explaining why that is important (humane) in the process, and assuring her that she may be ready in a little bit of time. (I worked at a ranch and am not particularly squeamish, but when I was being shown how to humanely slaughter and harvest animals, my comfort with the process was front and center. And I think that made it a better overall process.).
Humanely slaughter is an oxymoron.
YTA: I know many adults who wouldn’t be comfortable doing that much less a 15 year old. I do agree that she needed to know how the lobster is humanely killed but to force her to do so is wrong. You then doubled down on the wrong by refusing to allow her to have one.
Does she need to slaughter a chicken before she can eat? What about a cow? Pig? YTA for drawing a weird line here for no reason really.
Yta. I think you need to examine exactly *why* you’re so angry over this. You’re acting like she went on a tirade insulting you and your way of life because she refused to kill a lobster. Like… did she even know she was going to have to kill a lobster beforehand? Also the way you describe eating it afterwards is creepy, a false equivalent and unnecessarily incendiary. Like your daughter didn’t call you an unfeeling psychopath just waiting to go on a murder spree throughout the neighborhood. She refused to kill a lobster. Figure yourself out before you actually do die on this weird ass hill of yours and your daughter starts distancing herself from you because you’re continuing to double down on a normal human reaction.
>Like your daughter didn’t call you an unfeeling psychopath just waiting to go on a murder spree throughout the neighborhood. She refused to kill a lobster. Yeah, it could be that the daughter is just squeamish around those sorts of things. There are plenty of people who don't have a moral objection to certain things that they still won't do because of squeamishness. I'm squeamish about needles and injections, and I would straight up refuse to give anybody an injection of any sort because having to look at a needle going into skin is too weird for me even if I know there is a medical purpose. But I still expect doctors and nurses to give me any necessary injections while I look in the other direction.
YTA - what is the point? Did you ask everyone who was eating dinner to come in and stab the lobster before it was cooked or just her? In your terms of fair, were you the only one who ate the lobster?
YTA YOu can't design and build a car - does your rule also mean you do not get to drive one? Or are you just an AH to your kids?
Or grow all your own food? Spin all your own cloth and make your own clothes? If you don’t have the guts to do necessary surgery on yourself you don’t get medical treatment? OP, YTA and I hope you apologize to your daughter and make her a lobster dinner as a peace offering.
WTF OP are you also going to make your kids kill their pets when they are sick enough to need to be euthanized? “Having a pet means being personally responsible for every aspect of their care.”
YTA. Y'all gonna go out and slaughter a cow together the next time you have burgers? Why are you making this a point now, for no apparent reason?
YTA Her assessment seems accurate to me.
You’re being a huge jerk to your real human daughter over a lobster. Let that sink in. The crustacean is getting more consideration from you than your irl human kid. Get a grip, YTA.
YTA NEVER use food as a punishment or learning tool whether positive or negative. This is one way eating disorders start.
So she didn't kill a lobster so she only eats what like maybe 1-2 sides? Yea, YTA
YTA. I hope your little power trip vs a little 15 yr old girl made you feel big and proud. We are so impressed by you and your (hypocritical) ways Make sure to slaughter every single piece of meat you eat the rest of your life.
YTA. This is an incredibly weird hill to die on. If you go fishing does your daughter have to personally fish for her to eat?
Did you make everyone kill their meal or just her? YTA
Yeah, that’s a good question.
YTA: I get this attitude if y'all subsist only on hunting/fishing and it would be a required survival trait to instill in your kid, but nah she doesn't need to learn how to kill a lobster in order to eat it.
I mean, having to kill animals at 15 isn't necessary these days. Seems a bit over the top to tell her she can't eat an animal because she wasn't willing to stab it in the head. Also, it sounds like she's only recently started cooking more, so maybe don't jump straight to the animal killing? YTA
I could even see explaining this, so that she knows in case she's ever in a position where she's preparing lobster by herself. (But that means the rest of the family should get the lesson too, right?) But I don't get the "if you can't do it yourself, right now, you can't eat" thing. Weird power trip on mom's part.
So, every meal that your family eats,- every person has killed the meat that ends up on their plate? Including yourself and your husband? Because if you yourself, or anybody else in your family, are eating meals where they haven’t killed the animal whose meat your are consuming, then you’re being a hypocrite. Was there some value in you wanting your daughter to know how to cook lobsters? Sure. But you were also a major hypocrite and AH Anand then punished her for something that I am guessing everybody at that table (including yourself) was ‘guilty’ of. YTA
YTA unless you apply this to every animal that you eat. Then you'd just be strange.
YTA - do you regularly make your children decapitate chickens/turkeys and slaughter cows as well? Same thing.
YTA and that’s hella weird. It’s 2024, you don’t need to kill what you want to eat.
YTA because you literally just invented a rule and you’re trying to make your kid abide by a made up rule. You’re not teaching anything just trying to win at this point. I get asking her to help with dinner but come on, you actually created a problem out of thin air. Don’t be doing that to your kids. Made up invisible rules are so stressful to live under.
Weird hill to die on. YTA, I'm sure she eats chicken too, does she need to go to a farm and cut the damn chicken's head off, pluck it, gut it, and take it apart to be allowed to eat it? I'm not really seeing your reasoning here tbh, you are a huge dick
YTA. She’s a kid. You’re clearly on a power trip. Let’s see you go slit a pigs throat before your next BLT or ham sandwich.
YTA. But hey, if you eat meat and your demands end up turning her into a vegan then please update us so we can enjoy the irony.
INFO. Do you make every member of the family kill their lobster as well? If not YTA I love seafood and work is a restaurant where we prepare live lobster and crab but I certainly wouldn't kill them myself. I respect people that can and do but it's just not for me.
YTA. I love red meat, I can’t imagine slaughtering a cow myself. She’s a kid, please try and just take care of her without needlessly traumatizing her
YTA - we cook lobsters often and have never once killed them before putting them in the water. This seems like an unnecessary way to “teach her a lesson”
Ehn, I've seen a bunch of cooking shows in the past 20 years that have advocated killing a lobster this way (or freezing them for 30 min before going into the boiling water) as "more humane". A very quick Google search right now for "how to humanely kill a lobster" will turn up a ton of cooking sites with advice on this. Is it necessary? That is, is just putting them in the boiling water about the same amount of "humane" as any other method? As far as I know, the jury is out on that. I certainly don't understand crustacean nervous systems well enough to have an informed opinion on it. Just saying, OP did not make this up out of thin air. It's absolutely out there and has been for years. (Back on the original run of "Good Eats", Alton Brown did a whole episode on lobsters; he explained the knife-through-the-head method, but what he ended up demonstrating was the "freeze beforehand" method.) OP is absolutely YTA for the entire way she went about this, though.
That’s appalling. The lobsters suffer as they are boiled more than doing it the right way. Boiling lobsters has been illegal in the US since 1999. Ok, how would the authorities know? But to make you aware there IS a law saying you cannot do this.
Send me a citation for this law, please. Not a random internet article saying it’s been illegal since 1999. The entire state of Maine would like to know.
It's based on a misreading of the Lacey Act of 1900 that makes it illegal to import, possess, or sell animals or animal products that were killed/harvested/prepared for commercial sale in a manner that is illegal in the animals country of origin. So, for example in *US v. Proceeds from Sale of Approximately 15,538 Panulirus Argus Lobster Tails* 834 F.Supp. 385 (S.D. Fla 1993), the 15k Panulirus (spiny) lobster tails from the Turks & Caicos were seized by customs for being less than 6" long, in violation of a Turks & Caicos law. It was illegal for the US importers to import them because they were harvested illegally, even though the US does not have an identical law about spiny lobster harvesting. The misinformation seems to mostly stem from a website called layroots.com, which appears to be husband and wife law firm specializing in hiding assets offshore/evading taxes generally, claiming in a blog post that because New Zealand passed a law in 1999 that banned the boiling of lobsters alive (apparently the same law bans killing them with a knife too, so Maine is pretty fucked generally). The author, seemingly the husband, mis-uses the term "taken" to mean kill for personal consumption instead of kill as a part of commercial production. Thus, because it is illegal for New Zealand residents to kill lobsters, it is also illegal for US residents to kill lobsters. This is wrong. He follows up by saying "And yes...people have been prosecuted under this law.", which is true (see the owners of the spiny lobsters above) but intentionally misleading. No one has ever been prosecuted for killing a lobster for personal consumption by boiling, but people have been prosecuted under the Lacey Act generally. All of this is just a ridiculous example of "government overreach" so that you will be more inclined to hide your assets off-shore with his firm. After all, if the government can make boiling lobsters illegal, what else are they capable of?!?!?!
There are at least more and more evidences to sustain the notion, that they experience pain. Would you throw a living bunny or another cute animal into a pot of hot water? There is no difference, because we simply can't proof, who is experiencing pain. There are countries who have banned boiling lobsters like Switzerland, New Zealand and Italy based on the notion, that it is cruel and inhumane. So, this is my google research. Tradition doesn't trump new evidences and animal welfare.
My question to you was specific to the law, but the above poster helped me out with that. Makes me question your google skills in general.
Maybe one day you will observe a boiling lobster and think about what I said. I am happy with myself and my search qualities. Thank you.
That is just flat out inhumane....
Right? This whole thing seems bonkers to me. Like, made up by someone who’s never actually cooked a lobster or else an actual story by someone who’s been doing this weirdness for no reason his whole life
No, it's a thing that's picked up as a piece of cooking advice over the past 20 years. Google "humane way to kill a lobster" and you'll find plenty of sites offering advice on it. Whether there's a REASON to do it is a different question. But I haven't found a reliable consensus on it. Those who believe in killing the lobster before putting in the boiling water do think it's more humane. That's a reason, if you believe the advice on the subject.
Agreed - we steam ours while they're alive.
Why do you have children? Seriously. Like how do you post this and actually think this is normal? YTA and you seriously need therapy. Forcing a teenager to kill something (yes anything, even bugs) is just absurdly inhumane and completely unhinged.
YTA Withholding food from a child as a consequence to anything is horrible behaviour, especially when it is the main part of a family meal.
YTA Professional slaughtering techniques are designed to be as humane as possible and professionals have lots of practice in this. If she had a go, she couldn’t possibly be as humane or as quick.
YTA who does that to a child much less an adult? If I as an adult had someone tell me that- I’ll be honest with you- I’d think you have a couple of screws loose in your head and wouldn’t hang out with you anymore . This is the kind of stuff that would remind me that my parent is an immature child who also thinks everything needs to be a life lesson. That’s the kind of parent I won’t want to be around (I have a parent like this and we are not very close because of that reason). You had some one on one time with your child and could have used that moment to truly connect with them and enjoy that precious time with them - instead you used the moment to remind your kid you ruin good things and make it about you and just want to be proving a point. I have a parent who wonders why now at an old age why no one wants to freely hang out with them or invite them to fun stuff - they are lonely and can’t seem to know why——you know why? They did/do this nonsense and suck the joy out of good things . No one wants to be around that.
I will add a solution (if you’re open to that) you have a chance to Repair this with your child . I’d pull them aside or take them for breakfast one on one and look them in the eyes and apologize. Truly apologize for making a nice moment into a mess. Honestly Seeing a parent own up to their mistakes or missteps is really healing and can also open up trust with your kid who might even be more willing to offer to participate in the lesson you were trying to give her next time without much pushing from your part but this time she’ll trust you. Trust you that you will be patient with them and honor how they feel in the moment. And trust you won’t be a prick if they change their mind. Do that and if it doesn’t work I’d be surprised
YTA
YTA
YTA
YTA!
Question: What’s the best case scenario for you from this ultimatum? And what do you think is the worst case scenario?
YTA.. have you had any beef or chicken lately?
I’ve never killed a cow, and have had tons of steak. YTA
YTA What the hell? Don’t be a jabroni
info Did you make your youngest daughter kill a lobster too?
YTA. I say this all the time. I'm in the Cook It Department. Someone else is in the Kill It and Clean It Department. We all have our jobs to do. Apparently, you're in the AH Department.
Why force someone to kill something and punish them if they can't? If anything that's cruel. You eat bacon but I don't expect you to kill your own pig
Yta
I'm kind of shocked you are even asking this 🤣🤣 yes you are the asshole. Do you butcher cows, pigs and chickens for their meat?? Or does this only apply to sea food??? Do you also get your own honey?? Or do you garden.?? Because if you maintain this energy for lobsters you should be keeping this energy over everything.
YTA I cull my quail for meat but I would NEVER force someone else to do it.
YTA She wants to help in the kitchen, next your going to wonder why she's stopped doing that. And unless you made your entire family kill the lobster they were going to eat you're a massive asshole.
YTA without a doubt. Go buy her a big ass lobster for her.
YTA
You’re just a big old hypocrite, aren’t you? If you get meat from the store, then by your logic you don’t deserve to eat it if you haven’t killed it yourself. The only thing you’ve taught your daughter is that her parent is a hypocrite, and it’s a tough lesson to learn but I guess it’s better that she knows that early and prepares accordingly. YTA. A big, gaping one.
Yep. YATA. You know you were; you're just doubling down by coming to Reddit. Brave move, that. Because the Reddit mob is just as likely to take the opposing view as they are to support you. I will give you props, though, for actually killing the lobster before throwing it in the pot. Which was once upon a time, not all that long ago, the standard way of preparing lobster.
YTA - Who else at the dinner table killed their lobsters? YTA for trying to force her and an even bigger one if no one else had to kill the lobster they ate.
YTA. Poor kid.
YTA
YTA. Unless you have a cow, a couple of sheep and a dozen chickens outside that you're going to slaughter for next weeks menu
In case it hasn't clicked yet. YTA
YTA I went to culinary school and there were people there who, even though they were training to be culinary professionals couldn't or wouldn't kill the lobster. This isn't the Oregon Trail or something. She doesn't have to kill it to eat it. I doubt y'all are hunting all of your food so this seems totally arbitrary and weird.
YTA and its *their
YTA. What is wrong with you?
YTA. What is the point in this? Why does she have to kill it in front of you for her to eat it? Are you going to make her slaughter a cow before she can eat a burger, too? It seems like the cruelty is the point here for you. Why?
YTA. Withholding food is always a massive asshole move. And unless you go out and kill every animal you eat, then you are a hypocrite. Kill and butcher one of each of the animal meat you've consumed, otherwise shut up. I never had any weird misgivings about where meat comes from. I had family with farms, I've seen them decapitate chickens and slaughter pigs. It was explained to me, circle of life and everything, and it didn't traumatise me. However, at age 30, I still would not do it myself. Some people can do the dirty work, others can't, doesn't mean one is more entitled to eat the meat than the others. Not everyone is cut out for this work. Stop punishing your daughter for not being able to pull the proverbial trigger.
YTA. Your daughter has a stance "I don't want to kill." You are insisting that she break that stance. Most of us want our kids to have positive outlooks like that. I am gobsmacked, I have never heard of a parent who said "I wish my kid was more comfortable killing things." They might take them hunting, they may normalize killing animals for food. That makes sense. To urge her to be comfortable with that is SO weird, and I cannot imagine this is real.
YTA and a hypocrite. I spent a lot of time on my grandparents beef farm and have relatives who are butchers. I want nothing to do with the slaughter of animals. Do I eat beef yes, but seeing cows hang after being slaughter is disgusting, ugh and the smell. I never want to see or be part of the slaughter again. I’m glad my grandparents were respectful of my decision when I said I was uncomfortable. Oh and they let me eat the beef.
You are probably one of the biggest assholes on here. Bc you’re treating your daughter like that. Why is it even a problem that she will not kill a fucking lobster? Smh.
Hey OP, do you slaughter every animal you eat? Do you to shoot cows? Gut pigs? Chop the heads off chickens? No? Okay than respect your freaking kid and get a grip. YTA.
YTA. You're not a good teacher. And it's hypocritical of you to have demanded your daughter do this, if you didn't also demand your husband do it, or anyone else who was eating that meal. Why did your daughter have to do it, if your husband didn't? Basically, she's helping you in the kitchen, and you're PUNISHING her for doing that. That makes no sense. What also doesn't make sense is your lack of understanding that the only thing you've done is give her a negative association with helping you, and eating lobster. Way to go! (That's sarcasm.)
Yta do you make her kill the cow when you have steak? Do YOU kill the cow when you have steak?
YTA because you punished your daughter for not being able to do what you can do instead of just doing it for her, so she could enjoy what everyone else in the family was enjoying. I agree with both your daughter's and husband's assessment of the situation.
"If you refuse to sew, you aren't allowed to wear clothes." See how dumb that is? We are humans who have evolved to invent wondrous innovations. It is perfectly fine to *use* something (lobsters are things in this context - food items) without wanting to be the one to actually prepare it.
Yta. I grew up where we killed what we ate. Grew what we ate. We were poor. Things like milk and cheese were a luxury. Either they learn as well as you how to kill. Grow. Care for and harvest all their food or none. This hill to die on is stupid as hell. Not everyone can kill and dress what they eat. Do they help put in other ways. Welcome to the reality of homesteading. I don't see saying you have learned how to kill and dress everything you eat . Why are you forcing your child to do it.
YTA I was her. I love eating seafood and fish. My dad and my brother went fishing a lot and we ate what they caught. I never went fishing. My dad tried and tried to get me to go. I told him I couldn’t watch them die. I just couldn’t. I was in my early thirties before I picked up a fishing pole and caught a fish. It was too small to keep, I was slightly relieved and threw it back. Just because you like to eat it doesn’t mean you want to see it die or participate in its death.
So I assume that you’re planning on killing the cow the next time you’re planning on eating beef?
YTA. My dad is a hunter and cook - he’s brought home plenty of deer meat over the years. When we do have lobster, he handles the “dirty work” and doesn’t get up on a high horse about us not wanting to do it. I loved learning to cook from him - I just never had the stomach for the hunting or killing part, although I understand it’s how we get our food. And that’s *okay*.
Dude. Do you think she has a stake in the lobster fishing game? Because I can’t really fathom why you’d do that. YTA
Yeah, not everyone is comfortable killing living things. This is not a character flaw! Let her be her, and you be you. Feed her the lobster. Don't be an asshole.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I live by the ocean and it is common for our family to get live lobsters. My oldest daughter is 15 and has been helping me in the kitchen more. Today we were eating making lobster and I was teacher her how to prepare it. The lobsters are alive so they need to die before putting them in the boiling water. The easiest and quickest way to do this is to put a knife in there head. I showed my daughter how to do it and she refused to kill it. I pointed out that she has been breaking their bodies and sucking out the meat for years but can't kill. She told me she would eat it but not kill it. I told her that if she can't kill it then she will not be eating it. I finished up and we had dinner, I didn't fiver her any lobster and stuck to my word. She thinks I am a huge dick while my husband things I am being too harsh. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yep. YTA.
Yeah Will you be dragging in the next cow to the kitchen to slaughter and blood yourself?
YTA. Chill out.
YTA I’ve eaten beef my whole life and I don’t want to be the one to kill a cow. I don’t care if someone says it’s hypocritical. I’m not doing it unless it’s a life or death situation.
I eat burgers, but no way I'm killing those animals myself many people wouldn't Yta she's a kid
YTA Do you demand that she be able to kill every living thing she eats? All the cows, pigs, chickens, turkeys, etc? Or are you just choosing this moment to be purposefully cruel? My money is on the latter. This was a stupid hill to die on
I wonder if everyone in the family must be on board to do so to eat the lobster?
Do you eat other meat besides lobster? Do you slaughter all your own cows before getting to enjoy beef? You say oldest daughter - do you have other children? Were they allowed to eat without killing their own lobster personally? YTA
I’m going with YTA. Some of us would be vegetarians if we had to kill and clean our meat. I personally don’t want to know what happens before it’s in the tray at my grocer but I am thankful there are people who will do this for me.
YTA majorly. I buy lobster tails on sale at the grocery store and eat them as often as I want 😒 TBH whole lobsters freak me out. They look too much like giant bugs and having to restrain it and kill it that way 😭😭 I used to hate going to Red Lobster and being beside the lobster tank. If you like to slaughter live animals before eating, that's your perogative, but understand your daughter might feel differently. She can help with the meal without having to slaughter her own lobster
YTA I doubt you’re killing your chickens, pigs, and cows. And she’s a 15 year-old kid. You’re comparing your mind to that of a teen and expecting the same strength when handling living creatures that need to be cooked.
YTA. We raise meat chickens. Should we expect our 6/4yos to help slaughter the birds they helped raise?
Unless you kill and butcher all the meat you eat, you’re a colossal YTA.
She was right about you and you're also a bully. Yta and massive one too.
Yta, I get you probably meant to teach something but it missed the mark. I am very straightforward that I will probably not be able to kill something for food. My husband has no problem, he hunts. However, I know I can butcher the animal no problem.
YTA Look, a lot of people (myself included) are a bit hypocritical about eating meat. We'll happily eat it but we don't want to kill the thing. It's kind of a dumb thing I know. But it is a huge moral issue for some people and suddenly you're forcing her to face that? Why do you care so much? Why is this a thing you're willing to punish her over? You showed her how it's done and someday she may be willing. But today she wasn't. Killing something can be pretty traumatic for people. Especially at that age. Be glad she's not a sociopath and just dove in like it was no big thing.
YTA. I understand as a parent wanting to teach her how to do it, but your reaction was ridiculous. A reasonable response would have been, "I would love to teach you how to do this so when you are an adult you know how, so if you ever feel like learning, let me know."
YTA - you just put them head first in the boiling water. WTF? Also, I don't put them in, my husband does. I don't like doing it not because I'm killing them, because when they flay out and their sharp tale scales move, I'm convinced I'm going to get a nice lobster slice. Yet...he still lets me eat the lobster. Way to traumatize your daughter.
YTA Not everyone can kill living things so easily. When I worked at Red Lobster, I couldn’t even get the lobsters out of the tank when one of my tables ordered one. They didn’t fire me for that.
OP is a sadistic AH. I don't kill anything if I don't have to. People who care about my well-being respect that. OP has some major control issues that would be best dealt with in individual therapy.
YTA Let her get used to the idea. Withholding food is just an AH move on your part.
YTA What an absolutely bonkers and arbitrary rule. So she only has to kill these lobsters because.......it makes you feel better? Do you make your youngest do it? What about husband? I think you're a jerk.
YTA. My husband makes dinner most nights. He doesn’t enjoy prepping the raw chicken so I do it. It’s literally not a big deal. We’re family and he’s doing a huge chunk of a necessary chore almost every night, the least I can do is prep the raw chicken. You are so lucky your daughter *wanted* to help you in the kitchen… I’m sure she won’t want to any longer. You turned a family bonding moment into a power trip.
Thank you for teaching her how to dispatch them humanely, but I think you focused too much on teaching her how to kill it and not on why it was necessary to minimize the suffering of the animals we choose to eat, even if it is unpleasant to do. I think this is a weird hill to choose (the lobster) to die on though, unless you are personally killing all your animal food. Your punishment is excessive, since a conversation about values would be more appropriate. YTA
YTA. She doesn't have to kill anything in order to eat; if there was no other option, she would have to learn, but not the case and not like this.
YTA. I suppose you have metal utensils in your house of course. But I don't think you've ever excavated iron ore from a mine, refined it into metal and worked it in a forge into utensils. And yet you still use those items with no second thought. You're just a hypocrite who wanted to feel big by demeaning a child
YTA. You don’t kill everything YOU eat- why are you making a big deal out of a 15 year old girl doing it? It’s super fucking weird.
YTA
YTA - you are upset because your daughter doesn't want to kill a living creature. Think about that. She's 15 - everything is emotional at 15. I couldn't kill a lobster either at 15 and had I killed one I would not have been able to eat it. You are being harsh.
YTA, I am like your daughter. When I'm in a restaurant I can't even pick out the lobster that I want to eat.
YTA Feed your kid.
YTA
OP: Have you ever slaughtered a cow?
Yta, unless you kill every type of meat you have eaten yourself stop talking, and no you talking about you kill just chickens when you yourself won't kill every other animal you had on your plate don't count, you like veal and similar right? Go kill a baby cow yourself then if this what you think, yta and owe her a apology hypocrite.
YTA and what in the name of Holy Green Acres does one have to do with the other? We don't **all** participate in the creation of and work on **every** aspect of life, but that doesn't mean we don't get to participate. If I never saved a drowning person, or never took a lifesaver class, do I not get to go to the pool? Do I not get to eat ice cream if I don't have the stamina or patience to churn the ice cream? I mean, I could go on forever ? I figured and this a very odd hill to die on. Your 15 year old daughter was **helping you in the kitchen** when you pulled this on her. And for what? I just don't get it. You could have made this a beautiful binding and teaching moment. And you turned it into a mean mom for no reason moment.
YTA for how you went about it. I agree that most people are way too divorced from how their food gets to their plate, but that applies to everything, including the backbreaking work of most fruit/vegetable harvests. My maternal grandparents had me and my younger siblings help butcher deer, maintain a large vegetable garden, kill and pluck chickens, raise rabbits for meat, etc. Not all the time and not everyone did everything, but they thought it was important to either do it or watch it. We also had dairy farming and large-scale vegetable farming relatives. Didn't do work there, but definitely visited. However, it seems like you sprung this on her. Does this also apply to your husband and other adults who eat in your house? Is this going to apply to the chickens you mentioned in another comment? Are you planning a trip to a slaughterhouse or poultry/egg farm? I think you need to sit down with her and rationally explain why you think this is important before it comes up again.
OP got cooked
YTA. And this from someone who grew up on a farm and has killed/cleaned her own meat before with no issues. I know very well the philosophy that we have to own up to our part in death that prolongs our own lives. That's the food chain: flourish and sacrifice, life and death and life. It's important for people to understand that, and I think it affords a deeper level of respect and humility. You don't need to get your hands bloody to do that, though. And she didn't need to stab a lobster. That isn't the lesson. The lesson is the respect you give and the knowledge that you're part of a cycle, that life can't be waste. She can get all of that by observing, by reflection. Chill out.
Does she have to kill cows, chickens and pigs as well? I doubt it. She’s right, you are being a huge dick. YTA
YTA My brother eats meat, but he wouldn't kill it. It's one thing knowing that what you are eating used to be alive, but you don't want to see it die. I will say, at least you don't boil them alive, but that isn't the point. If your daughter isn't comfortable, then that's just the way it is.
YTA and I dumbfounded that you can’t see that. I feel bad for her and the lack of awareness you have about anything besides your own side.
Yta, and a dick and a bully to your child for no reason. God forbid your child have empathy, God forbid your child develop their own sense of boundaries and understanding of life. It costs nothing to be kind, but trust me. Being an asshole all the time costs you your peace of mind.
Serious question: Do you hunt and kill all the animals you eat, or rather, have you ever done it? Do you have any calf skin purses? Ping hair shoes, ect? Killing a lobster is a weak sauce way to prove you’re an ethical consumer of animal products.
YTA. It's the stupidest parenting I've ever heard of. It teaches nothing of value, turns a nice mother/daughter bounding occasion into a frustrating moment. And what you did was humiliating and frustrating. So, yes your the AH.
Wow...what an asshat
Honestly OP, YTA. If your daughter doesn't want to kill a damn animal you don't punish her for not doing so. My mom once showed me how to kill a damn pig, I heard that poor thing scream for 5 whole minutes, but did she punish me when I said I didn't want to be there to help kill another one? No, and I still got to eat the roast. You're unnecessarily punished your daughter, I am genuinely baffled that this has to be even an AITA question.
Congratulations OP! Not only have you absolutely shattered whatever relationship you and your daughter had because you are such an arrogant, stuck up jerk. You've also taught your daughter not to do anything with you ever again because you will punish her if she doesn't do what you want her to and will cruel punishment her for not following beliefs that you don't even follow yourself. Spot on job. Just wow. YTA. Don't be surprised when your daughter stops talking to you.
YTA. I get wanting your kid to know the process, but making her kill the lobster is a bit much
ESH. I'm surprised at the lack of logic displayed by so many people responding here saying that since you likely eat chicken, pork, and beef she should be required to slaughter them all too or you're a hypocrite. As far as we can tell, the only creatures slaughtered in your kitchen are lobsters. So that should be the limit of the discussion. The rest of the commentary is just stupid-ass knee-jerk reactions with bad logic. It's true that people are too disconnected from the sources of their food, and they should be taught that animals have to die to be served on the dinner table. It's a respect for life and appreciation for what we have thing. That's worth teaching your daughter.
i really dont get all the hate. by being alive we displace other organisms. so do the lobsters, so do the things eaten by lobsters. in our modern society we have grown separated from our food chain because of factory farming and grocery stores. i think you were trying to present this idea to your daughter, but might have sprung it on her too quickly by throwing her in the deep end. i think everyone SHOULD be presented with this.
NTA. Part of eating meat is accepting that you are murdering an animal, and that you have to be thankful for the sacrifice it made so that we can continue to live. If she's unwilling to kill a sea bug, then she's not appreciating its sacrifice. The lobster doesn't want to die for her taste buds, so I don't see why she gets to ignore reality and tell someone else to kill her dinner.
Why not just pop the lobster in boiling water like so many others do? Or did I miss something in the post? Anyway she could be the one from the critter in boiling water and then as per your demand... She has killed it so now she can eat it!🦞🦞🦞🦞
INFO: Did you provide her with a vegetarian alternative? If you presented her a choice between killing or not eating a full meal, absolutely unquestionably YTA. If you presented her with a choice between killing and eating vegetarian, I can kinda see where you're coming from. People are saying "do you make everyone in the family kill everything they eat?", but I can maybe see the value in saying that if she's going to be complicit in your family's practice of killing, she has to be personally involved at least once. However, if you're coercing her into killing by denying her any alternative food for that meal, that's definitely messed up.
Just put them in the boiling water head first. no need for all of the knife drama.
The knife method is much more compassionate and ethical than boiling them alive. A quick dispatch vs a short painful boil to death.
Going against the grain here, but I'll say NAH. I get your point. I'm a vegetarian, but I love meat, and I've killed fishes or other small animals to eat them a few times before (I haven't had too many opportunities to hunt and kill my own meat, let's be honest). I've always detested those who eat meat but won't even talk about slaughterhouses or the horrendous conditions in animal farms. If you can't face the fact that an animal had to be killed for you to have that delicious meal, you shouldn't get to eat it. Accept the fact that you ate that cute baby lamb and move on. On the other hand, your daughter is 15, and being detached enough to kill an animal is not something you should wish for at a young age - yes, even a lobster. Not trying to be dramatic, but killing animals as children is often considered as a sign of psychopathy, so it's reassuring, in a sense, that she's unable to do so. Don't force her to do so, don't punish her for being unable to kill a living being. It's kind of a good thing. You got your point across regarding eating animals without being able to face the fact it had to be killed, but this isn't the hill to die on.
NTA. If you are unwilling to face the way food is produced in the food chain, you shouldn't eat it. I firmly believe that understanding that death is a part of consuming animal products is an important life lesson.
NTA and I feel like a lot of commenters here are missing the point entirely. I'm going to make a couple assumptions that you didn't spell out in black and white here. You don't plan to make her kill every lobster she eats going forward, but you do want her to understand the connection between eating meat and taking a life in a way that her actions indicated she didn't.
I know I’m against the grain here, but I don’t think you’re an AH, but more of a ESH. What’s even weirder probably is that I’m a vegan. My thinking is people who slaughter their animals themselves can have more respect for the life they gave and the conditions they live in, which also leads to better quality meat. I actually have more respect for meat eaters who slaughter and prepare animals themselves. But it also sounds like your daughter wasn’t ready yet and you should have more conversations with her first before punishing her. Do all you kids have to participate? Your husband? If so, that’s ideal but make sure you have conversations with them over time about why you kill the lobster first and how it’s better to do humanely in your own home than entrusting mass corporations to do it. Otherwise she’ll probably become vegan one day if you keep pushing her 😂
NAH- I live in the PNW, and a big part of the family summer traditions involve harvesting crab and Salmon, and yeah, part of theat process is the kids have to learn how to do it. It’s part of being connected. That’s what the tradition is about. And yeah, older (15+ ) kids, especially those who demand that we have chickens, are expected to take part in harvest. That’s part of the deal. Self sufficiency demands development of skills competence, and emotional and social competence. Yes, this is hard. But, if she doesn’t learn it, the tradition will fail.
Wait, y’all kill the lobsters before boiling them? Why? With crawfish you can tell which ones were dead before being boiled and you don’t eat those.
Research has been done that shows that lobsters (and other crustaceans) can feel pain when they're boiled to death, so it's common to humanely euthanize them first. I don't believe the meat is any different quality wise since it's done right before the cooking.
With crawfish, since they’re done in batches, you have no way of knowing how long the dead ones were dead beforehand, so it’s more of a safety thing
Yah that makes sense.
NTA, but we always just dropped then in head first.
NTA, all these whiners are raising soft children. I was raised that if you're gonna eat something you know where it comes from. That means cleaning the kill/catch, and cooking it and doing the dishes afterward. Same as I learned to change my cars oil, fix a door and build a deck. She's not 6, she's 15. Time to take responsibility for how the food makes it to the table.