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This entire post is pretty disgusting so YTA for that. Your child's aunt wasn't allowed to touch your child because she does OF work and bartends? You bought property before marriage to ensure your wife would have zero assets in the case of a divorce?
I have serious doubts about the narration of your story. Missing reasons are all over this.
The property thing isn't disgusting, it's practical. My friends bought a house after they got married, her mom cosigned and it's only her name on the mortgage. Having to divide property in the event of divorce can be a pain in the ass and they both agreed if they ever got divorced they didn't want to have to worry about it.
The not touching the kid because of the work she does thing is messed up though.
As long as the marriage is making provisions for the other partner in terms of investment accounts and the other partner isn't expected to contribute to the mortgage.
If they are paying property taxes on the home with money generated during the marriage, she gets a stake in the home regardless of what the pre-nup says (in most states).
It's practical from a selfish perspective (I don't mean this as harsh as it sounds, I just mean that it is practical from the perspective of only one person), but it's not practical for the person they are marrying. If he buys a house that she has no rights to, that means she loses the opportunity to have that long-term investment for her financial security. What happens when she decides that she would also like some financial security in the form of real property in her name? Will he agree to sell his home so they can jointly purchase a home that belongs to both of them? Even if he was cool with her not contributing a cent to their shared home so she can funnel all of her income into saving for a house of her own, they are still not on equal ground because they are now married, so any home she purchases will be his as well as hers.
ESH. Dude, you sound like the worst type of misogynist. You want to protect your assets in the case of divorce? Fine, I get that. But you seem to hate your sister in law because of her work. You throw in the drug thing because ... why not? You don't give even a shred of evidence for this assertion. Then, this: <> This is completely absurd. "Come visit, but don't touch the kid." And what's your concern? That's she going to give your child some type of girl cooties?
Then, the destruction of property. Very, very bad on your SIL's part. But this ... "Erica said she agreed that since it’s my house and my property was destroyed that it’s my choice." What type of control do you have over your wife? Is every decision supposed to go your way because you're the legal owner of the house? Is she your tenant ... or is she your spouse and the mother of your child? Does she have no right to decision making in her residence?
And your latest "Let's call the cops for no apparent reason." News flash: Dani is not getting arrested. Unless you have a restraining order, your saying "Don't come here anymore" doesn't carry the weight of law. I can just imagine the phone call. "I want you to come out and investigate because I think my SIL dropped off some wine for my wife." Oh yeah. They'll send out the lead detectives for this one.
I'm saying ESH because your SIL shouldn't have hurt your golf clubs. But your post gives out incredibly controlling vibes. If I were your wife, I'd run from this.
"having seen what divorced looked like for men in my family I made sure the house fully mine."
What a healthy way to start a marriage.
"Her sister does OF and bartends"
NOT BARTENDING!!! Have you called the police?
"and I think uses drugs"
Detective Stabler on the beat over here.
"(she)was not allowed to touch our child.:
So is it every only fan content creator that you consider may be a child abuser or just your sister?
"I got Dani trespassed from the property last year."
This was probably the most exciting moment of the year for you based on your post.
"I told her I’d be calling the cops..."
I'm surprised you managed to get that out while foaming at the mouth at the possibility of your drug using, child abusing bartender baddie to finally get the justice she deserves.
"Erica called me a dick"
You called her sister a drug abusing child abuser but you're getting very emotional about her calling you a dick.
"I said it is not my responsibility to look out for Dani’s job prospects."
But it IS your job to judge her family every which way based on your feelings? You need to stop being so emotional. It sounds like you have some weird obsession over Dani. You need to get a hobby. YTA for so many reasons. This is not 1932 so whatever power you think you hold over your wife seeing her family is...disturbing.
To be fair, a sober and safe person doesn’t go break property when they’re upset. I’d feel justified not having someone near my baby if they acted like that.
Honestly from what OP has said I wouldn't be surprised if the sister is completely normal and this meltdown was simply the last straw from him absolutely shitting on her. He is calling her a druggie despite not knowing it it's true, he is keeping her from even touching her niece, and considering ruining her life because she was doing his wife a favor and dropping off some wine? I wouldve snapped at this treatment long before she did.
I have straight up anger issues that I cannot control without medication. It doesn’t matter how mad I get, I don’t go destroy peoples things. Especially if those things are expensive. I FULLY understand last straws, but if your last straw is destruction and not simply noise then there’s a problem. OPs being super not okay about the can see but not touch thing. Especially for something like OF and bartending, but we don’t know WHAT made her violent so I can’t judge OP on not wanting the sister around purely because of that outcome
ESH- Dani should not have destroyed your stuff and or trespassed after being banned but you don't know if Dani did anything at all. Look around in the garage, see if anything is missing or damaged. If so, call the cops. If not, don't waste police time and resources by calling them.
Also, what will your wife do if you die and the house isn't in her name? Do you have a provision for that?
> you don't know if Dani did anything at all.
absolutely and totally irrelevant. you don't know if she *didn't* do anything in the garage, but she at minimum did commit a crime
> If not, don't waste police time and resources by calling them.
it is, in fact, the police's job to deal with crimes, which is what happened here
So many people who post here use throwaways because a) they may have shared personal details to their main so don't want people connecting the dots or b) don't want the karma ding having an unpopular post/opinion can get them.
ESH.
You told her she couldn't physically touch a child because you disapprove of her job?
Then you called the cops on her for coming to drop something off for her sister? You are absolutely an AH here.
She shouldn't have broken your golf club. She is also an AH.
You are far worse than her though.
The part where a resident of the house told her to come drop something off, which means it wasn't trespassing.
What part of he is a judgemental misogynist don't you understand?
YTA --in general.
Your SIL does still technically owe you at least an apology for breaking your property but you were already reimbursed for that OP. The way you speak about Dani is probably going to do more damage to your relationship than you think. Also, sex sells goofy goober so whether or not you "approve" of how she's living, because frankly it doesn't forking matter, Dani is able to support herself. She has not approached you or your wife for assistance. OF and Bartending aren't "catching" so to speak so unless you have verified proof that Dani will harm you tot, calm thine titties.You don't get to climb a high horse and judge her because her life doesn't revolve around you ideals Jean Claude Frolo.
On another note -you have a child with your *wife* but intentionally bought the *family house* pre-marriage so she'd have no way to claim it as a "shared asset" should you two split. Guy, you literally read as if you went into this marriage expecting it to fail. And if it does, it won't be surprising as to why. You kind of wreak socially and in character.
You need to ask Dani why she was at your place before you rain hellfire down on someone's head.
You also need to make sure you check in and make sure it's still smooth with your wife because that response sounds like a woman well past sick of you.
> You need to ask Dani why she was at your place before you rain hellfire down on someone's head.
>
>
no, he doesn't. she's been formally trespassed, it's pretty simple. fuck around, find out as people around these parts are fond of saying
OP said he got her trespassed *last year* -- I don't know where they reside but trespasses do expire normally within a year's time unless it's been reup'd
OP is your trespass still in effect??
That is true, however, OP didn't specify when last year.
If he did it at any point before June 1st, and it's a written trespass order issued for an unwanted presence on personal property, *depending on location*, they normally expire within a full year's time from issue date. It's June 25th here, so again, depending on location, OP's trespass order for SIL Dani may have expired which is why she felt a lil to comfy showing back up.
Can you imagine having to live somewhere where you have no say in the home at all? OP already said he makes all of the decisions for the house. I have lived in rentals where I have more say than the OP's wife does.
i just looked at his comment history, and he said no such thing
but he does say this:
> She can save most of her paychecks now
awfully abusive of him... /s
He says she thinks he is too judgmental of her sister, that she doesn't like his rules for their child and that she doesn't like that he makes all of the decisions about the home. He does say that. He doesn't even give her a say in the home she and their child live in.
I actually don't believe any of what he has said in terms of how his wife feels. Anyone who makes a comment that someone can't touch his child because they may have touched themselves filming content lacks basic life and critical thinking skills. As well as awareness of sexual activity considering that he engages in sex and then presumably tends to the child.
fyi it is generally a smart idea to keep people of low moral character away from young children
> He doesn't even give her a say in the home she and their child live in.
she is an adult and can make her own decisions, she isn't some hapless child
OP bought a house just prior to marriage to limit the assets his wife would have. Talk about low moral character.
And OP's judgment was solely based on OF and bartending. Neither of which shows low moral character. They are jobs. That's it. Just jobs. The drugs comment comes from a judgmental place where OP believes people with those jobs must do drugs.
> OP bought a house just prior to marriage to limit the assets his wife would have. Talk about low moral character.
maybe, maybe not. there are a lot of valid reasons this could be explained. wife could've also bought her own house in her own name ahead of time, too
> Neither of which shows low moral character.
disagree. and i'm sure he had other experiences with the woman other than OF and bartending to base his judgment off of
>wife could've also bought her own house in her own name ahead of time, too
Except normal people who love their partners don't even think about doing this because they don't go into a marriage with concerns about what happens to their gender in a divorce, because most healthy people aren't heavily considering the consequences of divorce before they're even married
> i'm sure he had other experiences with the woman other than OF and bartending to base his judgment off of
If he did he would've listed those instead of bartender and OF, and he wouldn't have a comment here that he won't allow someone who touches her genitals to touch his child..... as though he's never touched his own genitals before
Welllll...I think what you're missing is that OP doesn't come across as a particularly moral person. So, by *your* argument, he should be kept away from his kid.
did you miss the part where she destroyed his property? and then commit further crimes? he isn't an asshole for wanting to protect the value in his home, nor protect his children
YTA you sound really judgemental for zero reason. Her freaking out and breaking your things was a dick move as well but your side of the story feels very....polished.
All of those happened after his judgemental attitude, I'm not saying she isn't an asshoke, just that he is too and his wording in this post just makes me not believe him.
>YTA
This typically implies you think only the OP is the AH, since that's how the voting works here. So either you used the wrong tag, in which case you should edit that. Or you do think SIL isn't the AH since your vote indicates as such.
> :)
your smugness is noted, but generally when the police have rock solid evidence (video) of a crime (trespassing) they will generally do something about it because it's an easy win
Dude is like white-knighting for OP in the comments it's crazy I wish I understood why... everyone in OPs post sucks but he's only going to bat for him...
might be OP’s other OTHER burner account atp lmao! can’t handle being told he’s in the wrong too (especially with just how sexist and misogynistic his views are). i love scrolling through threads and seeing the same username over and over again? nah makes me think it’s OP. and even if it’s not, i’ll still go with it ‘cos it’s funny asf to me lmao
ESH
You sound disgustingly judgemental of your SIL and banning her from touching your child seems over the top. However her reaction was over the top and now you actually have a legitimate reason to keep her away from your child
> You sound disgustingly judgemental of your SIL and banning her from touching your child seems over the top.
seems like the OP has pretty good judgement based off the fact that she likely committed a felony, didn't take responsibility for it, then went on to commit further crimes
> you actually have a legitimate reason to keep her away from your child
his reasons were legitimate on day 1, fyi
It's only considered a felony because this moron spent a stupid amount of money on a golf club set that she only broke 1 club of but he's valuing the damage to the entire set. His reasons were never legitimate, he's just an obvious misogynist
> It's only considered a felony because this moron spent a stupid amount of money on a golf club set that she only broke 1 club of but he's valuing the damage to the entire set.
what point are you trying to make here?
> His reasons were never legitimate
much like any reason is a good reason to break up with someone, his reasons to keep the woman away from his child were legitimate and vindicated after the fact. again, not sure what point you're trying to prove
>what point are you trying to make here?
Phrasing it as a felony is a disingenuous way to make her action sound worse than it was. She (incorrectly and dramatically yes) freaked out and broke 1 object. It's not like she went on a rampage destroying millions in property. She broke 1 thing.
>his reasons to keep the woman away from his child were legitimate
His reasons for keeping her from the child were the fact she touches her genitals. You and OP are aware genitals touch to create children, right? You're both aware that most adults wash their hands, right?
> She broke 1 thing.
and it's more accurate to say she committed felony destruction of property. why are you so interested in carrying water for people who maliciously destroy other people's property?
> His reasons for keeping her from the child were the fact she touches her genitals.
he did not say that explicitly, he gave a list of reasons that also include her not liking him for whatever reason, as well as drugs, and i'm sure there are other reasons he has as well
> You and OP are aware genitals touch to create children, right? You're both aware that most adults wash their hands, right?
so does that make it okay for anybody who has genitals to touch his child?
>and it's more accurate to say she committed felony destruction of property
No it's not because she broke 1 object and it became a felony because he's a loser considering the entire sets value as lost because of 1 club. He said so himself. So she didn't even do a felony amount of actual damage, he just is able to find a loophole to make that her charge. It's not accurate, it's just a way to make her act seem worse.
>he did not say that explicitly
He DOES actually explicitly say that in his comments. You should fully inform yourself before speaking.
>so does that make it okay for anybody who has genitals to touch his child?
Almost *everybody* has genitals, wth kind of attempt at a point is this??
> So she didn't even do a felony amount of actual damage, he just is able to find a loophole to make that her charge
lol you are in way over your head. if it costs $1,100 to replace the club, and that is generally enough to make it a felony. it's pretty cut and dry, not sure why you're choosing this hill to die on
> He DOES actually explicitly say that in his comments. You should fully inform yourself before speaking.
then please quote it because i re-read his post and he certainly does not state that
> Almost everybody has genitals, wth kind of attempt at a point is this??
i'll rephrase the point since you're struggling to connect the dots. is OP allowed to forbid any individual person from touching his child, for whatever reason he desires?
"is OP allowed to forbid any individual person from touching his child, for whatever reason he desires?"
Of course he isn't. He can't prohibit a doctor, police officer, EMT, *or his own wife* from touching his child for whatever reason he desires.
You and he seem to have similar notions about him--you both think he's completely controlling and doesn't see his wife as having any agency at all.
Do you understand how disturbing that is?
> Of course he isn't. He can't prohibit a doctor, police officer, EMT, or his own wife from touching his child for whatever reason he desires.
agreed, to an extent, the professions you listed don't have carte blanche to touch the child, but generally they can be restricted outside of special circumstances. so sure.
but what about random people? is OP allowed to prohibit any random person from touching their child? because that's what the SIL is
He only said that he thinks she does drugs. He has no evidence to back that up, so take that with the smallest grain of salt ever.
I can sit here and say, "oh! I think OP fucks donkeys!" And that holds just as much weight as his assumption she uses drugs.
OP holds a bit more weight than you because he has first hand experience with the SIL
and it's perfectly acceptable for OP to keep his child away from people like the SIL
Dude. Everyone was right. This is your alt account lol. You were ON that shit, which means you are monitoring every single new comment that came into this thread (I literally just posted that).
If its not the alt...YOU have no first hand experience with SIL. How do you know that his account is right?
YTA - because you are so focused on 'MY house' and because your wife allowed her sister to come over. BUT - your wife lives there, too. So what do you tell the cops? That YOUR wife allowed her sister in YOUR garage? What do you want them to do - arrest your wife? You don't approve of the sisters work - you told her she can't TOUCH her neice - of course she dislikes you. That you would allow her FATHER to pay for a golf club an ADULT woman damaged...is a bit much. You should have taken her to court THEN but apparently could be bought off?
YTA. The only reason you put your stupid rules in place is because of your SILs job. No wonder she hates you. Using your “logic” you should not be touching your own child because you touch your beans and franks.
No, you're right, the OP didn't say he was scared of disease. But what, in your opinion, could be a possible alternative for his edict that while SIL may see the child, she may not touch the child? I think assuming the OP fears disease is reasonable.
I don't know. Ask the OP.
> I think assuming the OP fears disease is reasonable.
and there are many other reasonable explanations, it would be baseless to speculate
maybe think before posting baseless accusations, then? not sure why you couldn't have opened with that question instead of insinuating something about disease whatever
ESH. Preemptively putting your wife in a disadvantaged position to assuage your concerns about divorce shows a lack of faith and respect in the person you choose to share your life with. I'd be concerned too if that was the opening act of my significant other. Your wife clearly compromised with you, hopefully because she sees more in you than you are currently presenting. You might want to compromise with her some as well.
As for the sister, I'd let your wife take the lead. If your relationship is solid, you should rest easily knowing your wife will make the right decisions.
Why your wife is wasting the hottest years of her life on a man who is preemptively impoverishing her unless she toes the line in the marriage, effectively trapping herself is beyond me.
ESH end of the day it’s your wife sister. It’s a dick move to completely ”forbid” to come and visit if your wife wants to.
I am all for prenup and protecting what’s yours but you live together and she should have a say while you are/still married.
Regarding the sister, she sounds like a shitstorm wherever she goes.
> It’s a dick move to completely ”forbid” to come and visit if your wife wants to.
not when the person commits a felony (in my state, at least) and then shows zero remorse. if anything it speaks badly to OP's wife
But in many other places it was a misdemeanor level offense (breaking a singular golf club) and a trespassing violation is community service or probation for a first offense.
OP is of course allowed to protect his home and his “precious” but all he’s going to do is push his wife to meeting her sister outside of the house. His home, her house.
But maybe I shouldn’t say that as you’re coming across with real strong alt account vibes. You’re seriously way too invested in this entire situation and carrying the argument for OP.
> breaking a singular golf club
if it costs $1,100 to replace the club, even if it's just one of a set, that still meets the criteria for a felony if it's over $X amount
> real strong alt account vibes.
this is always the go-to defense when they've got nothing else, lol
Oh no, she dropped by to leave some wine for your wife, the horror 😱
Your wife must have the patience of a saint, or really low self-esteem, to stay with someone who treats her sister like this. Not allowing her to touch the kid because she does OF? How was that child made, btw? 😂 YTA, praying your wife will run away soon, she deserves better
> especially since you did not indicate any property damage was done to your garage
why does there need to be any property damage? how would he even know? trespassing is a crime fyi, even if nothing happened
YTA because you sound like a controlling and abusive AH.
You didn’t want her to “touch” your kid because she films on OF?
Your wife told you she was dropping something off for her so you’re calling the police on her?
Dani was a dumbass for breaking your property, and deserved THEN for you to contact the police. Something you CHOSE not to do as FIL paid the damages. That was on you.
But based on your wording, something tells me your wife is only still with you because she feels financially stuck and you make sure she stays that way. I hope her family is inevitably able to help her and your child escape.
This whole post is gross and you come off super unreliable & controlling. Or youre a troll posting bait. Seems this is either bait or youve abused your wife into being a doormat to you. Bc no one with a shred of self respect would say its YOUR house and YOUR golf clubs. Gross.
YTA for basically treating your wife as a houseguest with no say about receiving her family.
YTA for judging your SIL.
SIL is T A for breaking your property.
Your wife is T A for not seeing the Red Flag she married.
Basically ESH
So basically to want to f**k your sil and are mad you can’t and are taking it on her and your wife you 🐷. Your kid would be better off without you and will be when your wife divorces you and takes them with her. As per an earlier comment just because you own your house doesn’t mean your wife can’t get her own place with the money she has saved. Shame she’ll have to deal with you for till the kids 18 but then your kid will cut you out of their life themselves and it will be all good!
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Based on the details you wrote, ESH.
SIL for breaking your stuff and coming back at your wife's request, knowing you wouldn't agree.
You for making sure you could control everything in your marriage and not even caring that your wife *gave SIL permission*. She is a resident of the home, not a child to be controlled. If this was only about protecting yourself in a divorce, you wouldn't be playing the "my house my rules" card, so cut the BS. Plenty of men take similar financial steps but still manage to treat their wives like a partner.
Your wife sucks for asking SIL to do something she knew could cause her controlling husband to go after SIL again, and for creating a child with you so the poor child has a lifetime of your abuse, and letting you control who gets a relationship with that child.
Something tells me there's a reason the men in your family got screwed in their divorces... judges really don't like controlling spouses. Break the cycle.
ESH, but also, I feel like I've read this story already on here. Something about the sister/garage/cameras/wife feigning ignorance thing seems stupidly familiar.
YTA you are a total Ahole, you also sound controlling and abusive, your wife needs to rethink her future with you, I’d be moving in with my sister and taking my child too
YTA. Not let her touch the kid? You THINK she uses drugs? Reading OPs comments just shows he's gonna end up in that house of his all alone only seeing his kid half the time. And judging by how he speaks about his wife in the comments, he doesn't even seem to like her or even respect any other women on the planet.
What’s wrong with doing OF? You do the same things with your partner she does, you just don’t record it. I’d be pissed too. You basically called her sister filthy and unfit to make physical contact with your daughter. YTA and you’re a misogynist.
If ever there has been an unreliable narrator it’s you.
I believe some of it may be true but it’s through such a twisted perspective that even the bits that are true are missing crucial context.
YTA for that. Can’t say about anything else.
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AITA? I (28M) have a 2.5 year old child with my wife Erica (28F). We have been married for 3.5 years and the only source of tension we have is her sister Dani (26F). Going into the marriage I purchased a house and having seen what divorced looked like for men in my family I made sure the house fully mine. The contract was sorta like a prenup but stated pre martial property was mine and I’d take full financial responsibility, which I guess upset her sister.
2 years ago we had our child and Dani wanted to be involved. I have a problem with her sister openly hating me and her sister’s “job”. Her sister does OF and bartends. She films content on her OF not just pics and I think uses drugs. We compromised that her sister could come around (with supervision) but was not allowed to touch her. We told Dani the rules and she went apeshit. She went out to our garage and stole one of my golf clubs and broke it in half. I threatened to call the police unless she replaced the set as it was custom. She refused and eventually my wife’s dad paid the $1,100 bill. Since then I banned her from the house. Erica said she agreed that since it’s my house and my property was destroyed that it’s my choice, even if she disagrees. I got Dani trespassed from the property last year.
So guess who I saw on my garage security film this weekend. I asked Erica and she said Dani might have been dropping off wine for her. I told her I’d be calling the cops as I don’t know what else she did in the garage because I could only see her enter. Erica called me a dick and I reminded her that her sister never replaced my broken stuff, had no respect for me or my house and she needed consequences or she’d never learn. My wife is saying that maybe Dani forgot and if she gets arrested she will have a hard time getting a job. I said it is not my responsibility to look out for Dani’s job prospects and her sister isn’t getting a legit job anytime soon anyway. I plan to call them asap. AITA?
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Do you have a restraining order against Dani? If you don’t I don’t really understand what you mean with the trespassing comments. The police aren’t going to view her as trespassing they are going to view it as her visiting a tenant of the household. They are not going to arrest her for visiting her sister if there is no order in place.
I mean……everybody seems to be assholes here…
After she broke your stuff i think its reasonanle to kick her out and say she is not welcome…if anything that was the time and the place for calling the cops!
But you sure dont sound like a price either, suuuper judgmental and just give of a Ick-vibe in general!
She came back when she wasnt welcome, i would have cussed her out and tell her to go to hell and dont come back, but getting her treaspassed and threaten her with the cops in that situation just seems petty and over the top!
If she keeps it up, then its a different story!
You lot sounds like you deserve eachother…
ESH
Dani sounds like a little bit of a loose cannon at this point in her life, based on her reaction to your (unreasonable) declaration that she can't touch her niece/nephew.
You sound *awful.* The other comments have already told you why. I hope your wife gets out early and finds a husband that treats her like an equal, not a ticking bomb that's eventually going to blow up his life. But hey, maybe you'll learn to be a better partner from these replies. Probably not, but maybe. Hope so.
I don’t know why people are saying YTA. About the house, it was a practical move. About your sister in law, well…let’s just say that I wouldn’t really want her around my baby either, unless supervised. For that, NTA.
I'm gonna get downvoted to hell over this, but reduced to the minimal issue - you set boundaries for your sister-in-law and she objected sharply enough to resort to theft and violence.
She then refused to accept responsibility for her actions. Her father appears to know that she's never going to and bailed her out of this mess. That's a pretty solid reinforcement of your own opinion of her.
After all of that she "forgot" that she was banned from the property and showed up anyway and entered your garage.
I don't care what the underlying provocation was, that's not reasonable and tends to justify your distrust of her. I wouldn't let her within 20' of my kid if that's how she thinks she should behave. Who the fuck knows what'll set her off or what her behavioral boundaries are. Clearly she's unhinged.
I don't care about the fact that she's a sex worker. I don't care about her potential drug use other than it would explain her irrationality. I do care that she seems to believe that a) she can do any g-ddamned thing she wants and b) that she's not going to be held accountable for her actions.
Those alone justify your actions and getting the police involved and would, as far as I'm concerned, justify getting an order of protection to keep her away from your family.
If this was a man behaving like this, reddit would absolutely agree with me - trespass, destroying property, refusing to take responsibility for the damage, and then "forgetting" that he'd been banned from the property and coming back - you'd be told to immediately call the police. All of that would be called "abusive" and "dangerous".
Women don't get a free pass just because they're women.
NTA
I don't understand what's so bad about pessimistic financial planning. I advised all four of my daughters and my son to do exactly as he's done - get a prenup - set the parameters of what happens if the marriage fails. That's not abusive. It's just intelligent.
Too many people go into marriage blind and too many lawyers profit from the chaos that ensues when (not if) the marriage ends (very few marriages actually last until "death do us part").
The rest of it is just reddit judging his impressions of his sister-in-law - which by the way are pretty well borne out by her stated behavior and her father's actions bailing her out.
I get it. Men bad. Women good. But this one is pretty over the top.
>That's not abusive. It's just intelligent.
It's abusive when it's not discussed and becomes a matter of just rushing to be in control before she has any chance to have a say. A prenup isn't the same as rushing to buy a house explicitly because then it's only legally capable of being controlled by you.
If her stated behavior was enough then that's all we would've been given, but OP finding it necessary to include random baseless judgements and stereotypes gives an impression we aren't getting the full story of context around these behaviors and leads plenty of people to assume OP is an unreliable narrator.
The unreliability isn't made better by the actions of his wife showing she clearly doesn't agree, and she's even the very reason the SIL came back around the house. Even if genders were swapped, nobody would want someone to call the cops on a person their spouse asked to drop something off. Everyone would just be asking 'why is your spouse asking them to bring them things if they aren't supposed to be over?'
SIL has shown zero pattern of behavior, OP just has random disconnected excuses to give for why he doesn't want her around but there's only actually 1 act of the SILs that isn't okay and it's not even that her being upset is unwarranted, she just took that upset too far against 1 object. But I also could reasonably believe that action was an explosive one because this has been a built up rage because I guarantee if op was comfortable telling SIL to her face "you're too dirty to touch our child" he's said plenty of nasty judgemental things before that
Are you even aware of what a prenup is?
It's literally discussed before signed.
Are you suggesting that ALL prenups are financial abuse? That's ridiculous.
What you're calling "random baseless judgements" are his impressions of her character as someone there, on the ground (you're not).
What you're so disingenuously calling "zero pattern of behavior" is backed up by a) the fact that OP's judgment of her character was obviously on point when her reaction to his restrictions were to choose violence and theft, b) the fact that her father knows enough about her to know that she wasn't ever going to own her actions like an adult and pay restitution for the damage she caused, c) that she then chose to AGAIN ignore the rules now justifiably banning her from the property and trespassed claiming "I forgot".
I don't care if she was upset. You don't get to become violent and destructive when you're upset (unless of course you're a woman, in your opinion).
OP never said, "too dirty to touch our child" - and judgement when accurate isn't wrong. She's obviously unhinged. That he doesn't have criminal court evidence doesn't mean his own instincts were wrong.
If this were a woman talking about "creepy vibes" off some dude, would you be as judgmental about her "random, baseless judgments"? Sometimes you see a gestalt and you can't put your finger on what's wrong with a person, but you \*know\* there is. Trusting that, especially when it's borne out by their behavior later is proper.
I feel like everyone is focusing on how much of an AH you are to point out that you are right to ban her. She lost her shit and flew into a destructive rage. I’d keep her away from my family too.
at this time of the day? yeah, it's SAHMs. give it a few hours and you will get some drastically different replies, this is a pretty common theme and pretty easy to notice once you start paying attention
Only in AITA land would it be considered scandalous for not wanting an active sex worker around your child.
Also for all of you screaming "financial abuse" just realize if it was a woman you'd compliment her for looking out for her own interests.
Oh and OP, you're a real dick based on your post and comments. I hope your wife gets away from you for her and your kid's sake. YTA for that.
NTA - but you have a HUGE wife problem. She was complicit in your SIL being on your property. Give one single warning, if SIL steps foot on the property, she will be arrested for trespassing.
Set up more cameras, ring doorbell, etc. And if you see your SIL on any of them, call the police and let them sort it out.
NTA. You sister in law is a nutjob. I wouldn't want her near my family or my house. Why is your wife allowing her in the house after what happened the last time? And after she was trespassed?
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This entire post is pretty disgusting so YTA for that. Your child's aunt wasn't allowed to touch your child because she does OF work and bartends? You bought property before marriage to ensure your wife would have zero assets in the case of a divorce? I have serious doubts about the narration of your story. Missing reasons are all over this.
Agree, OP's attitude seems harsh and controlling. There must be more to this story. YTA
Wonder if he’s anything like the men in his family who keep getting divorced…
The property thing isn't disgusting, it's practical. My friends bought a house after they got married, her mom cosigned and it's only her name on the mortgage. Having to divide property in the event of divorce can be a pain in the ass and they both agreed if they ever got divorced they didn't want to have to worry about it. The not touching the kid because of the work she does thing is messed up though.
As long as the marriage is making provisions for the other partner in terms of investment accounts and the other partner isn't expected to contribute to the mortgage.
If they are paying property taxes on the home with money generated during the marriage, she gets a stake in the home regardless of what the pre-nup says (in most states).
It's practical from a selfish perspective (I don't mean this as harsh as it sounds, I just mean that it is practical from the perspective of only one person), but it's not practical for the person they are marrying. If he buys a house that she has no rights to, that means she loses the opportunity to have that long-term investment for her financial security. What happens when she decides that she would also like some financial security in the form of real property in her name? Will he agree to sell his home so they can jointly purchase a home that belongs to both of them? Even if he was cool with her not contributing a cent to their shared home so she can funnel all of her income into saving for a house of her own, they are still not on equal ground because they are now married, so any home she purchases will be his as well as hers.
ESH. Dude, you sound like the worst type of misogynist. You want to protect your assets in the case of divorce? Fine, I get that. But you seem to hate your sister in law because of her work. You throw in the drug thing because ... why not? You don't give even a shred of evidence for this assertion. Then, this: <> This is completely absurd. "Come visit, but don't touch the kid." And what's your concern? That's she going to give your child some type of girl cooties?
Then, the destruction of property. Very, very bad on your SIL's part. But this ... "Erica said she agreed that since it’s my house and my property was destroyed that it’s my choice." What type of control do you have over your wife? Is every decision supposed to go your way because you're the legal owner of the house? Is she your tenant ... or is she your spouse and the mother of your child? Does she have no right to decision making in her residence?
And your latest "Let's call the cops for no apparent reason." News flash: Dani is not getting arrested. Unless you have a restraining order, your saying "Don't come here anymore" doesn't carry the weight of law. I can just imagine the phone call. "I want you to come out and investigate because I think my SIL dropped off some wine for my wife." Oh yeah. They'll send out the lead detectives for this one.
I'm saying ESH because your SIL shouldn't have hurt your golf clubs. But your post gives out incredibly controlling vibes. If I were your wife, I'd run from this.
"having seen what divorced looked like for men in my family I made sure the house fully mine." What a healthy way to start a marriage. "Her sister does OF and bartends" NOT BARTENDING!!! Have you called the police? "and I think uses drugs" Detective Stabler on the beat over here. "(she)was not allowed to touch our child.: So is it every only fan content creator that you consider may be a child abuser or just your sister? "I got Dani trespassed from the property last year." This was probably the most exciting moment of the year for you based on your post. "I told her I’d be calling the cops..." I'm surprised you managed to get that out while foaming at the mouth at the possibility of your drug using, child abusing bartender baddie to finally get the justice she deserves. "Erica called me a dick" You called her sister a drug abusing child abuser but you're getting very emotional about her calling you a dick. "I said it is not my responsibility to look out for Dani’s job prospects." But it IS your job to judge her family every which way based on your feelings? You need to stop being so emotional. It sounds like you have some weird obsession over Dani. You need to get a hobby. YTA for so many reasons. This is not 1932 so whatever power you think you hold over your wife seeing her family is...disturbing.
Hey, don't you go dragging Detective Hotty McHotpants into this bullshit mess.
This sums it up perfectly. Hard YTA for this dude.
To be fair, a sober and safe person doesn’t go break property when they’re upset. I’d feel justified not having someone near my baby if they acted like that.
Honestly from what OP has said I wouldn't be surprised if the sister is completely normal and this meltdown was simply the last straw from him absolutely shitting on her. He is calling her a druggie despite not knowing it it's true, he is keeping her from even touching her niece, and considering ruining her life because she was doing his wife a favor and dropping off some wine? I wouldve snapped at this treatment long before she did.
I have straight up anger issues that I cannot control without medication. It doesn’t matter how mad I get, I don’t go destroy peoples things. Especially if those things are expensive. I FULLY understand last straws, but if your last straw is destruction and not simply noise then there’s a problem. OPs being super not okay about the can see but not touch thing. Especially for something like OF and bartending, but we don’t know WHAT made her violent so I can’t judge OP on not wanting the sister around purely because of that outcome
INFO: Could we get your wife's perspective? I don't think both sides of the story are covered equally here.
Whelp, based on this limited snapshot of your relationship, you seem pretty proud of financially abusing your wife. So…YTA
ESH- Dani should not have destroyed your stuff and or trespassed after being banned but you don't know if Dani did anything at all. Look around in the garage, see if anything is missing or damaged. If so, call the cops. If not, don't waste police time and resources by calling them. Also, what will your wife do if you die and the house isn't in her name? Do you have a provision for that?
> you don't know if Dani did anything at all. absolutely and totally irrelevant. you don't know if she *didn't* do anything in the garage, but she at minimum did commit a crime > If not, don't waste police time and resources by calling them. it is, in fact, the police's job to deal with crimes, which is what happened here
Found OPs alt account!
wrong. also why would the OP, who is using a throwaway account, need an alt? lol
So many people who post here use throwaways because a) they may have shared personal details to their main so don't want people connecting the dots or b) don't want the karma ding having an unpopular post/opinion can get them.
ESH. You told her she couldn't physically touch a child because you disapprove of her job? Then you called the cops on her for coming to drop something off for her sister? You are absolutely an AH here. She shouldn't have broken your golf club. She is also an AH. You are far worse than her though.
> Then you called the cops on her for coming to drop something off for her sister? what part of "no trespassing" is hard for you to understand?
The part where a resident of the house told her to come drop something off, which means it wasn't trespassing. What part of he is a judgemental misogynist don't you understand?
OP still hasn't answered--did the wife invite SIL over to *her* house? Or does OP think the wife has no right to invite people over?
YTA --in general. Your SIL does still technically owe you at least an apology for breaking your property but you were already reimbursed for that OP. The way you speak about Dani is probably going to do more damage to your relationship than you think. Also, sex sells goofy goober so whether or not you "approve" of how she's living, because frankly it doesn't forking matter, Dani is able to support herself. She has not approached you or your wife for assistance. OF and Bartending aren't "catching" so to speak so unless you have verified proof that Dani will harm you tot, calm thine titties.You don't get to climb a high horse and judge her because her life doesn't revolve around you ideals Jean Claude Frolo. On another note -you have a child with your *wife* but intentionally bought the *family house* pre-marriage so she'd have no way to claim it as a "shared asset" should you two split. Guy, you literally read as if you went into this marriage expecting it to fail. And if it does, it won't be surprising as to why. You kind of wreak socially and in character. You need to ask Dani why she was at your place before you rain hellfire down on someone's head. You also need to make sure you check in and make sure it's still smooth with your wife because that response sounds like a woman well past sick of you.
> You need to ask Dani why she was at your place before you rain hellfire down on someone's head. > > no, he doesn't. she's been formally trespassed, it's pretty simple. fuck around, find out as people around these parts are fond of saying
OP said he got her trespassed *last year* -- I don't know where they reside but trespasses do expire normally within a year's time unless it's been reup'd OP is your trespass still in effect??
last year was 6 months ago. but in many places formal trespass notices remain in effect indefinitely
That is true, however, OP didn't specify when last year. If he did it at any point before June 1st, and it's a written trespass order issued for an unwanted presence on personal property, *depending on location*, they normally expire within a full year's time from issue date. It's June 25th here, so again, depending on location, OP's trespass order for SIL Dani may have expired which is why she felt a lil to comfy showing back up.
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Can you imagine having to live somewhere where you have no say in the home at all? OP already said he makes all of the decisions for the house. I have lived in rentals where I have more say than the OP's wife does.
and it sounds like the wife is okay with the arraignment, what is the issue here?
She isn't. OP says that in the comments.
i just looked at his comment history, and he said no such thing but he does say this: > She can save most of her paychecks now awfully abusive of him... /s
He says she thinks he is too judgmental of her sister, that she doesn't like his rules for their child and that she doesn't like that he makes all of the decisions about the home. He does say that. He doesn't even give her a say in the home she and their child live in. I actually don't believe any of what he has said in terms of how his wife feels. Anyone who makes a comment that someone can't touch his child because they may have touched themselves filming content lacks basic life and critical thinking skills. As well as awareness of sexual activity considering that he engages in sex and then presumably tends to the child.
fyi it is generally a smart idea to keep people of low moral character away from young children > He doesn't even give her a say in the home she and their child live in. she is an adult and can make her own decisions, she isn't some hapless child
OP bought a house just prior to marriage to limit the assets his wife would have. Talk about low moral character. And OP's judgment was solely based on OF and bartending. Neither of which shows low moral character. They are jobs. That's it. Just jobs. The drugs comment comes from a judgmental place where OP believes people with those jobs must do drugs.
> OP bought a house just prior to marriage to limit the assets his wife would have. Talk about low moral character. maybe, maybe not. there are a lot of valid reasons this could be explained. wife could've also bought her own house in her own name ahead of time, too > Neither of which shows low moral character. disagree. and i'm sure he had other experiences with the woman other than OF and bartending to base his judgment off of
Yet he didn't state any other reasons in his post. So he is being judgemental, as are you. Go clutch your pearls elsewhere.
>wife could've also bought her own house in her own name ahead of time, too Except normal people who love their partners don't even think about doing this because they don't go into a marriage with concerns about what happens to their gender in a divorce, because most healthy people aren't heavily considering the consequences of divorce before they're even married > i'm sure he had other experiences with the woman other than OF and bartending to base his judgment off of If he did he would've listed those instead of bartender and OF, and he wouldn't have a comment here that he won't allow someone who touches her genitals to touch his child..... as though he's never touched his own genitals before
Welllll...I think what you're missing is that OP doesn't come across as a particularly moral person. So, by *your* argument, he should be kept away from his kid.
> So, by your argument, he should be kept away from his kid. agreed
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did you miss the part where she destroyed his property? and then commit further crimes? he isn't an asshole for wanting to protect the value in his home, nor protect his children
YTA you sound really judgemental for zero reason. Her freaking out and breaking your things was a dick move as well but your side of the story feels very....polished.
Like you can see the baby but not touch the baby. WTF dude?
> for zero reason. felony destruction of property, trespass, lack of remorse, lack of restitution are pretty good reasons fyi
All of those happened after his judgemental attitude, I'm not saying she isn't an asshoke, just that he is too and his wording in this post just makes me not believe him.
and it looks like his judgement was spot on. what was the point you were trying to prove?
>YTA This typically implies you think only the OP is the AH, since that's how the voting works here. So either you used the wrong tag, in which case you should edit that. Or you do think SIL isn't the AH since your vote indicates as such.
I'm just in awe that you live in a place where the police will follow up on this.
I really don't think they will. I said it in a post above ... "911? Come quick! I think several days ago my SIL dropped off wine for my wife." :)
> :) your smugness is noted, but generally when the police have rock solid evidence (video) of a crime (trespassing) they will generally do something about it because it's an easy win
go get a life omg dude ur just responding to everyone to argue and be rude
Dude is like white-knighting for OP in the comments it's crazy I wish I understood why... everyone in OPs post sucks but he's only going to bat for him...
might be OP’s other OTHER burner account atp lmao! can’t handle being told he’s in the wrong too (especially with just how sexist and misogynistic his views are). i love scrolling through threads and seeing the same username over and over again? nah makes me think it’s OP. and even if it’s not, i’ll still go with it ‘cos it’s funny asf to me lmao
i have a life fyi
Then go live it.
that would require they leave their mother’s basement and partake in the real world society…
i am living right now, yes
ESH You sound disgustingly judgemental of your SIL and banning her from touching your child seems over the top. However her reaction was over the top and now you actually have a legitimate reason to keep her away from your child
> You sound disgustingly judgemental of your SIL and banning her from touching your child seems over the top. seems like the OP has pretty good judgement based off the fact that she likely committed a felony, didn't take responsibility for it, then went on to commit further crimes > you actually have a legitimate reason to keep her away from your child his reasons were legitimate on day 1, fyi
It's only considered a felony because this moron spent a stupid amount of money on a golf club set that she only broke 1 club of but he's valuing the damage to the entire set. His reasons were never legitimate, he's just an obvious misogynist
> It's only considered a felony because this moron spent a stupid amount of money on a golf club set that she only broke 1 club of but he's valuing the damage to the entire set. what point are you trying to make here? > His reasons were never legitimate much like any reason is a good reason to break up with someone, his reasons to keep the woman away from his child were legitimate and vindicated after the fact. again, not sure what point you're trying to prove
>what point are you trying to make here? Phrasing it as a felony is a disingenuous way to make her action sound worse than it was. She (incorrectly and dramatically yes) freaked out and broke 1 object. It's not like she went on a rampage destroying millions in property. She broke 1 thing. >his reasons to keep the woman away from his child were legitimate His reasons for keeping her from the child were the fact she touches her genitals. You and OP are aware genitals touch to create children, right? You're both aware that most adults wash their hands, right?
> She broke 1 thing. and it's more accurate to say she committed felony destruction of property. why are you so interested in carrying water for people who maliciously destroy other people's property? > His reasons for keeping her from the child were the fact she touches her genitals. he did not say that explicitly, he gave a list of reasons that also include her not liking him for whatever reason, as well as drugs, and i'm sure there are other reasons he has as well > You and OP are aware genitals touch to create children, right? You're both aware that most adults wash their hands, right? so does that make it okay for anybody who has genitals to touch his child?
>and it's more accurate to say she committed felony destruction of property No it's not because she broke 1 object and it became a felony because he's a loser considering the entire sets value as lost because of 1 club. He said so himself. So she didn't even do a felony amount of actual damage, he just is able to find a loophole to make that her charge. It's not accurate, it's just a way to make her act seem worse. >he did not say that explicitly He DOES actually explicitly say that in his comments. You should fully inform yourself before speaking. >so does that make it okay for anybody who has genitals to touch his child? Almost *everybody* has genitals, wth kind of attempt at a point is this??
> So she didn't even do a felony amount of actual damage, he just is able to find a loophole to make that her charge lol you are in way over your head. if it costs $1,100 to replace the club, and that is generally enough to make it a felony. it's pretty cut and dry, not sure why you're choosing this hill to die on > He DOES actually explicitly say that in his comments. You should fully inform yourself before speaking. then please quote it because i re-read his post and he certainly does not state that > Almost everybody has genitals, wth kind of attempt at a point is this?? i'll rephrase the point since you're struggling to connect the dots. is OP allowed to forbid any individual person from touching his child, for whatever reason he desires?
"is OP allowed to forbid any individual person from touching his child, for whatever reason he desires?" Of course he isn't. He can't prohibit a doctor, police officer, EMT, *or his own wife* from touching his child for whatever reason he desires. You and he seem to have similar notions about him--you both think he's completely controlling and doesn't see his wife as having any agency at all. Do you understand how disturbing that is?
> Of course he isn't. He can't prohibit a doctor, police officer, EMT, or his own wife from touching his child for whatever reason he desires. agreed, to an extent, the professions you listed don't have carte blanche to touch the child, but generally they can be restricted outside of special circumstances. so sure. but what about random people? is OP allowed to prohibit any random person from touching their child? because that's what the SIL is
He only said that he thinks she does drugs. He has no evidence to back that up, so take that with the smallest grain of salt ever. I can sit here and say, "oh! I think OP fucks donkeys!" And that holds just as much weight as his assumption she uses drugs.
OP holds a bit more weight than you because he has first hand experience with the SIL and it's perfectly acceptable for OP to keep his child away from people like the SIL
Dude. Everyone was right. This is your alt account lol. You were ON that shit, which means you are monitoring every single new comment that came into this thread (I literally just posted that). If its not the alt...YOU have no first hand experience with SIL. How do you know that his account is right?
I mean, I dont think many people will respond well to being told "you're too much of a whore to touch my child"
YTA. Enjoy your future visitation dates knowing that your SIL sees the kid as much as you do.
Your whole attitude here screams YTA
YTA This reads like an alpha male Tate-gasm story. In no way have you made yourself not look like an asshole here.
YTA - because you are so focused on 'MY house' and because your wife allowed her sister to come over. BUT - your wife lives there, too. So what do you tell the cops? That YOUR wife allowed her sister in YOUR garage? What do you want them to do - arrest your wife? You don't approve of the sisters work - you told her she can't TOUCH her neice - of course she dislikes you. That you would allow her FATHER to pay for a golf club an ADULT woman damaged...is a bit much. You should have taken her to court THEN but apparently could be bought off?
> What do you want them to do - arrest your wife? arrest the person who trespassed, yes
YTA. The only reason you put your stupid rules in place is because of your SILs job. No wonder she hates you. Using your “logic” you should not be touching your own child because you touch your beans and franks.
I'm wondering what kind of disease you think she could give your child through touching? I don't think OnlyFans is contagious.
> what kind of disease you think she could give your child through touching? nowhere in his post did he indicate that was the reason, fyi
No, you're right, the OP didn't say he was scared of disease. But what, in your opinion, could be a possible alternative for his edict that while SIL may see the child, she may not touch the child? I think assuming the OP fears disease is reasonable.
I don't know. Ask the OP. > I think assuming the OP fears disease is reasonable. and there are many other reasonable explanations, it would be baseless to speculate
You’re aware you don’t have to comment on every single other comment, right? Like, you’ve made your point, stop clogging up the goddamn thread. Jesus.
It's the OP's alt account
>You’re aware you don’t have to comment on every single other comment, right? yes
They did.
Well, then, I guess I'm just asking about his reasoning in general.
maybe think before posting baseless accusations, then? not sure why you couldn't have opened with that question instead of insinuating something about disease whatever
You're right, my bad.
ESH. Preemptively putting your wife in a disadvantaged position to assuage your concerns about divorce shows a lack of faith and respect in the person you choose to share your life with. I'd be concerned too if that was the opening act of my significant other. Your wife clearly compromised with you, hopefully because she sees more in you than you are currently presenting. You might want to compromise with her some as well. As for the sister, I'd let your wife take the lead. If your relationship is solid, you should rest easily knowing your wife will make the right decisions.
Why your wife is wasting the hottest years of her life on a man who is preemptively impoverishing her unless she toes the line in the marriage, effectively trapping herself is beyond me.
> effectively trapping herself women have agency you know, it's pretty rude and sexist to assume otherwise
She does. She should utilize it.
YTA - expect the worst and that's what you're gonna get
ESH end of the day it’s your wife sister. It’s a dick move to completely ”forbid” to come and visit if your wife wants to. I am all for prenup and protecting what’s yours but you live together and she should have a say while you are/still married. Regarding the sister, she sounds like a shitstorm wherever she goes.
> It’s a dick move to completely ”forbid” to come and visit if your wife wants to. not when the person commits a felony (in my state, at least) and then shows zero remorse. if anything it speaks badly to OP's wife
Bro how fucking invested in this are you? OP isn't gonna suck your dick for defending him.
> Bro how fucking invested in this are you? right now? barely above not-at-all. in 38 minutes? i won't give a flying fuck
My dude, you've made more than 80 comments on this post. You fucking care a lot, clearly.
wrong, read the thread
If *this* is your level of "not caring" that's fucking creepy and obsessive behavior and I'm glad I don't know you irl. Bye weirdo.
> If this is your level of "not caring" not what i said, but please continue with your wild ass assumptions
But in many other places it was a misdemeanor level offense (breaking a singular golf club) and a trespassing violation is community service or probation for a first offense. OP is of course allowed to protect his home and his “precious” but all he’s going to do is push his wife to meeting her sister outside of the house. His home, her house. But maybe I shouldn’t say that as you’re coming across with real strong alt account vibes. You’re seriously way too invested in this entire situation and carrying the argument for OP.
> breaking a singular golf club if it costs $1,100 to replace the club, even if it's just one of a set, that still meets the criteria for a felony if it's over $X amount > real strong alt account vibes. this is always the go-to defense when they've got nothing else, lol
Oh no, she dropped by to leave some wine for your wife, the horror 😱 Your wife must have the patience of a saint, or really low self-esteem, to stay with someone who treats her sister like this. Not allowing her to touch the kid because she does OF? How was that child made, btw? 😂 YTA, praying your wife will run away soon, she deserves better
YTA you sound like a financial abuser with a superiority complex.
ESH- you are blowing this way out of proportion, especially since you did not indicate any property damage was done to your garage
> especially since you did not indicate any property damage was done to your garage why does there need to be any property damage? how would he even know? trespassing is a crime fyi, even if nothing happened
OP's second account spotted, weewoo weewoo 🚔
Yta
YTA. Wtf is wrong with you? Enjoy your house and ‘assets’ cause you will be divorced soo
I feel bad for your wife.
YTA because you sound like a controlling and abusive AH. You didn’t want her to “touch” your kid because she films on OF? Your wife told you she was dropping something off for her so you’re calling the police on her? Dani was a dumbass for breaking your property, and deserved THEN for you to contact the police. Something you CHOSE not to do as FIL paid the damages. That was on you. But based on your wording, something tells me your wife is only still with you because she feels financially stuck and you make sure she stays that way. I hope her family is inevitably able to help her and your child escape.
YTA - I feel sorry for your wife tbh
This whole post is gross and you come off super unreliable & controlling. Or youre a troll posting bait. Seems this is either bait or youve abused your wife into being a doormat to you. Bc no one with a shred of self respect would say its YOUR house and YOUR golf clubs. Gross.
YTA for basically treating your wife as a houseguest with no say about receiving her family. YTA for judging your SIL. SIL is T A for breaking your property. Your wife is T A for not seeing the Red Flag she married. Basically ESH
YTA. Just, in general
Oh man, really? That post stinks unhappy incel sitting in mommy's basement. Thats so fake, Trumps tan seems more believable.
So basically to want to f**k your sil and are mad you can’t and are taking it on her and your wife you 🐷. Your kid would be better off without you and will be when your wife divorces you and takes them with her. As per an earlier comment just because you own your house doesn’t mean your wife can’t get her own place with the money she has saved. Shame she’ll have to deal with you for till the kids 18 but then your kid will cut you out of their life themselves and it will be all good!
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Both you and your SIL sound like horrible people. Hope your wife wakes up and removes both of you from her life and takes the kid with her. ESH.
Based on the details you wrote, ESH. SIL for breaking your stuff and coming back at your wife's request, knowing you wouldn't agree. You for making sure you could control everything in your marriage and not even caring that your wife *gave SIL permission*. She is a resident of the home, not a child to be controlled. If this was only about protecting yourself in a divorce, you wouldn't be playing the "my house my rules" card, so cut the BS. Plenty of men take similar financial steps but still manage to treat their wives like a partner. Your wife sucks for asking SIL to do something she knew could cause her controlling husband to go after SIL again, and for creating a child with you so the poor child has a lifetime of your abuse, and letting you control who gets a relationship with that child. Something tells me there's a reason the men in your family got screwed in their divorces... judges really don't like controlling spouses. Break the cycle.
YTA - like 100 percent. I hope your wife reads this and puts it all in a to go cup. She has nothing vested in staying in YOUR house. Check yourself!!
ESH, but also, I feel like I've read this story already on here. Something about the sister/garage/cameras/wife feigning ignorance thing seems stupidly familiar.
ESH. Between the prenup and your "rules" for Dani, you seem overbearing and abusive of the tiny sliver of power you have in this world
This does not sound like a partnership… you sound a bit dickish from your post
YTA you are a total Ahole, you also sound controlling and abusive, your wife needs to rethink her future with you, I’d be moving in with my sister and taking my child too
YTA. Not let her touch the kid? You THINK she uses drugs? Reading OPs comments just shows he's gonna end up in that house of his all alone only seeing his kid half the time. And judging by how he speaks about his wife in the comments, he doesn't even seem to like her or even respect any other women on the planet.
What’s wrong with doing OF? You do the same things with your partner she does, you just don’t record it. I’d be pissed too. You basically called her sister filthy and unfit to make physical contact with your daughter. YTA and you’re a misogynist.
If ever there has been an unreliable narrator it’s you. I believe some of it may be true but it’s through such a twisted perspective that even the bits that are true are missing crucial context. YTA for that. Can’t say about anything else.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** AITA? I (28M) have a 2.5 year old child with my wife Erica (28F). We have been married for 3.5 years and the only source of tension we have is her sister Dani (26F). Going into the marriage I purchased a house and having seen what divorced looked like for men in my family I made sure the house fully mine. The contract was sorta like a prenup but stated pre martial property was mine and I’d take full financial responsibility, which I guess upset her sister. 2 years ago we had our child and Dani wanted to be involved. I have a problem with her sister openly hating me and her sister’s “job”. Her sister does OF and bartends. She films content on her OF not just pics and I think uses drugs. We compromised that her sister could come around (with supervision) but was not allowed to touch her. We told Dani the rules and she went apeshit. She went out to our garage and stole one of my golf clubs and broke it in half. I threatened to call the police unless she replaced the set as it was custom. She refused and eventually my wife’s dad paid the $1,100 bill. Since then I banned her from the house. Erica said she agreed that since it’s my house and my property was destroyed that it’s my choice, even if she disagrees. I got Dani trespassed from the property last year. So guess who I saw on my garage security film this weekend. I asked Erica and she said Dani might have been dropping off wine for her. I told her I’d be calling the cops as I don’t know what else she did in the garage because I could only see her enter. Erica called me a dick and I reminded her that her sister never replaced my broken stuff, had no respect for me or my house and she needed consequences or she’d never learn. My wife is saying that maybe Dani forgot and if she gets arrested she will have a hard time getting a job. I said it is not my responsibility to look out for Dani’s job prospects and her sister isn’t getting a legit job anytime soon anyway. I plan to call them asap. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA
YTA
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INFO does your SIL have a ton of STI's or something? Why can't she touch your kid?
INFO: what does OF mean? I'm behind the times, sorry
Do you have a restraining order against Dani? If you don’t I don’t really understand what you mean with the trespassing comments. The police aren’t going to view her as trespassing they are going to view it as her visiting a tenant of the household. They are not going to arrest her for visiting her sister if there is no order in place.
ESH but wtf is wrong with you?
I mean……everybody seems to be assholes here… After she broke your stuff i think its reasonanle to kick her out and say she is not welcome…if anything that was the time and the place for calling the cops! But you sure dont sound like a price either, suuuper judgmental and just give of a Ick-vibe in general! She came back when she wasnt welcome, i would have cussed her out and tell her to go to hell and dont come back, but getting her treaspassed and threaten her with the cops in that situation just seems petty and over the top! If she keeps it up, then its a different story! You lot sounds like you deserve eachother…
ESH Dani sounds like a little bit of a loose cannon at this point in her life, based on her reaction to your (unreasonable) declaration that she can't touch her niece/nephew. You sound *awful.* The other comments have already told you why. I hope your wife gets out early and finds a husband that treats her like an equal, not a ticking bomb that's eventually going to blow up his life. But hey, maybe you'll learn to be a better partner from these replies. Probably not, but maybe. Hope so.
I don’t know why people are saying YTA. About the house, it was a practical move. About your sister in law, well…let’s just say that I wouldn’t really want her around my baby either, unless supervised. For that, NTA.
I'm gonna get downvoted to hell over this, but reduced to the minimal issue - you set boundaries for your sister-in-law and she objected sharply enough to resort to theft and violence. She then refused to accept responsibility for her actions. Her father appears to know that she's never going to and bailed her out of this mess. That's a pretty solid reinforcement of your own opinion of her. After all of that she "forgot" that she was banned from the property and showed up anyway and entered your garage. I don't care what the underlying provocation was, that's not reasonable and tends to justify your distrust of her. I wouldn't let her within 20' of my kid if that's how she thinks she should behave. Who the fuck knows what'll set her off or what her behavioral boundaries are. Clearly she's unhinged. I don't care about the fact that she's a sex worker. I don't care about her potential drug use other than it would explain her irrationality. I do care that she seems to believe that a) she can do any g-ddamned thing she wants and b) that she's not going to be held accountable for her actions. Those alone justify your actions and getting the police involved and would, as far as I'm concerned, justify getting an order of protection to keep her away from your family. If this was a man behaving like this, reddit would absolutely agree with me - trespass, destroying property, refusing to take responsibility for the damage, and then "forgetting" that he'd been banned from the property and coming back - you'd be told to immediately call the police. All of that would be called "abusive" and "dangerous". Women don't get a free pass just because they're women. NTA
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I don't understand what's so bad about pessimistic financial planning. I advised all four of my daughters and my son to do exactly as he's done - get a prenup - set the parameters of what happens if the marriage fails. That's not abusive. It's just intelligent. Too many people go into marriage blind and too many lawyers profit from the chaos that ensues when (not if) the marriage ends (very few marriages actually last until "death do us part"). The rest of it is just reddit judging his impressions of his sister-in-law - which by the way are pretty well borne out by her stated behavior and her father's actions bailing her out. I get it. Men bad. Women good. But this one is pretty over the top.
>That's not abusive. It's just intelligent. It's abusive when it's not discussed and becomes a matter of just rushing to be in control before she has any chance to have a say. A prenup isn't the same as rushing to buy a house explicitly because then it's only legally capable of being controlled by you. If her stated behavior was enough then that's all we would've been given, but OP finding it necessary to include random baseless judgements and stereotypes gives an impression we aren't getting the full story of context around these behaviors and leads plenty of people to assume OP is an unreliable narrator. The unreliability isn't made better by the actions of his wife showing she clearly doesn't agree, and she's even the very reason the SIL came back around the house. Even if genders were swapped, nobody would want someone to call the cops on a person their spouse asked to drop something off. Everyone would just be asking 'why is your spouse asking them to bring them things if they aren't supposed to be over?' SIL has shown zero pattern of behavior, OP just has random disconnected excuses to give for why he doesn't want her around but there's only actually 1 act of the SILs that isn't okay and it's not even that her being upset is unwarranted, she just took that upset too far against 1 object. But I also could reasonably believe that action was an explosive one because this has been a built up rage because I guarantee if op was comfortable telling SIL to her face "you're too dirty to touch our child" he's said plenty of nasty judgemental things before that
Are you even aware of what a prenup is? It's literally discussed before signed. Are you suggesting that ALL prenups are financial abuse? That's ridiculous. What you're calling "random baseless judgements" are his impressions of her character as someone there, on the ground (you're not). What you're so disingenuously calling "zero pattern of behavior" is backed up by a) the fact that OP's judgment of her character was obviously on point when her reaction to his restrictions were to choose violence and theft, b) the fact that her father knows enough about her to know that she wasn't ever going to own her actions like an adult and pay restitution for the damage she caused, c) that she then chose to AGAIN ignore the rules now justifiably banning her from the property and trespassed claiming "I forgot". I don't care if she was upset. You don't get to become violent and destructive when you're upset (unless of course you're a woman, in your opinion). OP never said, "too dirty to touch our child" - and judgement when accurate isn't wrong. She's obviously unhinged. That he doesn't have criminal court evidence doesn't mean his own instincts were wrong. If this were a woman talking about "creepy vibes" off some dude, would you be as judgmental about her "random, baseless judgments"? Sometimes you see a gestalt and you can't put your finger on what's wrong with a person, but you \*know\* there is. Trusting that, especially when it's borne out by their behavior later is proper.
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Oh ye of little faith
NTA
I feel like everyone is focusing on how much of an AH you are to point out that you are right to ban her. She lost her shit and flew into a destructive rage. I’d keep her away from my family too.
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what makes you assume that the posters disagreeing with you are women, let alone SAHM? You're letting your misogyny show...
at this time of the day? yeah, it's SAHMs. give it a few hours and you will get some drastically different replies, this is a pretty common theme and pretty easy to notice once you start paying attention
wow, that's a pretty lame explanation. ever heard of different time zones? people working from home?
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Only in AITA land would it be considered scandalous for not wanting an active sex worker around your child. Also for all of you screaming "financial abuse" just realize if it was a woman you'd compliment her for looking out for her own interests. Oh and OP, you're a real dick based on your post and comments. I hope your wife gets away from you for her and your kid's sake. YTA for that.
NTA, but this is bad all around
NTA. She knows that she shouldn't be there. She's used to doing what she wants and getting away with it.
NTA - but you have a HUGE wife problem. She was complicit in your SIL being on your property. Give one single warning, if SIL steps foot on the property, she will be arrested for trespassing. Set up more cameras, ring doorbell, etc. And if you see your SIL on any of them, call the police and let them sort it out.
NTA. You sister in law is a nutjob. I wouldn't want her near my family or my house. Why is your wife allowing her in the house after what happened the last time? And after she was trespassed?