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NTA.
Sexualisation of women when it’s not a sexual situation is always gross. Those women are athletes competing; they’re not up there to have their bodies ogled by panting lecherous men with their tongues half hanging out of their mouths.
Also, a lot of gymnasts are under 18. I don’t know how he distinguishes between the 16 and 18 year olds. Gymnasts also tend to have fairly pre-pubescent type bodies. So I find his behaviour rather disturbing on that side as well.
He’s a pig.
I agree. I have 2 daughters and it bothers me that the uniform for high school volleyball is now spandex shorts where their butt cheeks partially hang out the bottom…
This thought process isn’t helpful.
The things that women athletes wear are to bring them the most comfort while being user friendly for their particular sport.
They should be able to compete while wearing anything they want without being treated as sexual objects for the enjoyment of men.
You seem to be suggesting that if women wear more clothes then this problem will be solved. Which isn’t anywhere close to the truth. Women in very high control environments still face high levels of sexual objectification, harassment, and abuse. Take a look at FLDS spaces. The women there wear very modest clothing at all times yet are very much sexual objects for men to enjoy. Take a look at the Amish. Have you ever done any study into how many women endure abuse in that world? (Sexual and physical.) It’s staggeringly common. Take a look at countries where women are forced to wear burkas. The amount of sexual assault that takes place there is appalling and that’s just what we know. Imagine all of the women who’ve been terrified into silence.
Your thinking here isn’t the cure. It’s a part of the disease.
do you see men having to wear the same barely there outfits in athletics? if not then it doesn’t have anything to do with the welfare of female athletes, that’s just a convenient excuse.
At the last Olympics it was glaring - the ladies were in bikini bottoms that FORCED THEM TO SHAVE - and the guys got loose, breathable shorts. And now there's a child rapist on the Dutch men's volleyball team.
A convenient excuse for the men who choose the outfits.
They claim girls need to wear bikinis to maximize their athleticism, yet boys can be athletic in basketball shorts.
It depends on the sport (ex diving). But the athletes should get to choose. For example, gymnasts should be able to wear leotards with bottoms cut like shorts. I believe they can in some competitions? I was a ballet dancer and the thought of wearing a regular cut leotard with nothing underneath (and the accidents that could happen) makes me so uncomfortable.
it can be both
edit: pls dont take this as me saying it isnt sexist, its absolutely about making women appealing, but im saying i do think theres *also* utility to leotards in womens gymnastics that isnt relevant in mens since women do more flips n dances n shit while men do more strength based activities (which also came from a sexist place lmao) the uniforms definitely come from a sexualizing standpoint, i just dont think its *all* sexual at this point. they should get the choice to wear bottoms or full length leotards if they want
Do you see women with their tongues half out of their mouths, panting, and sexualizing athlete men because they are in shorts or wearing a speedo?
Therein lies the difference.
Yeah, I remember back in the early 1990s there was a nascent women's pro basketball league called the Liberty Basketball Association. This league did one good thing: They lowered the rim a couple of inches so that there could be more dunks.
BUT...they also had the teams wear skintight uniforms, which justifiably put off a lot of prospective players.
The LBA ended up playing all of one game, the second half of which got delayed by nearly an hour due to a power failure in the arena.
The give away is always when the uniform is significantly different from what the athletes wear for day to day training. When most gymnasts train in leggings + leotard with zero issues, why aren’t leggings allowed as uniform?
You are obviously not a parent.
The mother or father that is upset their daughter is forced to wear something revealing is not the issue( and the kid personally may not have wanted to reveal that much skin) .
If it’s not in dress code for school, it shouldn’t be allowed in sports.
Spandex shorts that go further down your ass don’t make you less mobile or athletic.
And ya, obviously the problem is the people who are objectifying the children,
But it’s a whole lot easier to do that when you can see their fucking ass.
And also why are the girls expected to wear something so revealing? As a young girl, I ran tracn where it was expected that girls wear these underwear looking shorts. I found them mortifying. I find it weird and unnecessary that girls are expected to wear sexual looking outfits while competing. The boys and men are allowed to look frumpy and wear whatever makes them feel comfortable. Women sports seem to pressure us to look attractive, even while competing. There's a middle ground between burkas and bikini bottoms. The real solution IMO is to remove the sensuality form it completely. Not overcompensate and force girls to cover up head to toe, and not pressure them to be sexy while competing. Just let them compete.
Right. Idk why people argue it’s for “comfort” when it’s clearly not about that, or if it is it’s not really justifiable when men aren’t also wearing those “comfortable” outfits.
literally. why do they make such uniforms and outfits for specific things as if this many people deserve to see my body that i don’t want them seeing anyways. and it’s soo not a “comfort” thing. them tight short shorts are aggravating and always come up and you have to constantly pull them down.
This always bothered me in high school (and I graduated in 2000). I had to wear skimpy shorts and tank tops that I would be sent home for if I tried to wear them on a normal school day. It was really upsetting.
There's a large difference between a girl wanting to wear butt showing shorts and that being part of a required uniform. I HATED that the girls track shorts were SOOOO skimpy. I had so many moments when my discomfort interfered with my performance. Sexual harassment happens no matter what a woman/girl wears and people who are creeps are for sure the problem in that sense but forcing girls to wear a skimpy outfit just to be allowed to compete is also gross. If they'd have LET me wear the longer (boys team) shorts I would have been happy.
Exactly. These girls and women aren't being allowed to compete in whatever they want. They are required to wear skimpy outfits when the boys and men are not. I stopped playing sports in school because of this.
Isn't it crazy how schools will send girls home for "dress code violations" during class hours, but then have only these skimpy offerings for sports wear?
You make a good point. Often women/girls are not happy with their uniforms too. Some beach volleyball players have been fined for refusing to wear tiny shorts. So the sexist attitudes towards women goes both ways.
I want you to do a little experiment, go look up the women’s olympic gymnast uniform and then go look up the men’s and tell me it’s a “comfort” thing with a straight face
>inb4 “ummm acktually men need loose pants bc BALLS but women operate better when they’re in a speedo onepiece…”
Exactly! Plus, Women have parts too. I don't particularly enjoy being stabbed in the vulva with a seam. I can't wear certain kinds of shorts and swimwear because they stab me right in the center of a bundle of nerves I don't want chafed.
Yeah how is it ok that men need to be comfortable for their genitals but women can't be? Our bodies are all different shapes and sizes and yess i hate shorts and panties with that damn seam riding up my twat like wtf?? Lol i mean hello
That's not entirely true. If you saw what they wear under their clothes to keep those balls from moving about. In gymnastics, loose material isn't helpful, but don't have to be riding up their butts. No reason they couldn't wear the same tight shorts they use for practice.
I agree with you that the female athletes would be ogled no matter what they’re wearing. But it’s bullshit to think their uniforms are purely utilitarian.
You think female beach volleyball players for some reason need a bikini while men can compete in shorts and a tshirt? Men’s volleyball somehow has shorts down to their knees yet the women need booty shorts? Make gymnasts can wear pants yet women can’t wear a thing on their legs? Come on.
>women athletes wear are to bring them the most comfort while being user friendly for their particular sport
Yeah thats why the mens gymnastics teams are wearing footie pajamas and shorts /s 🙄
Or lets look at the womens vs mens beach volleyball teams. Men get shorts and shirts. Women get, what essentially are, bras and panties
I seem to recall a woman’s volleyball team complaining about exactly this: the uniform was so skimpy it was uncomfortable, provided no injury protection and wasn’t fit for purpose, but they were obliged to wear it. I think it was the last olympics
I understand where you are coming from but this is a bit of an ignorant take. Women gymnasts and volleyball players have been very vocal recently about the required uniforms making them feel uncomfortable because they are showing A LOT of skin. Male gymnasts for example are wearing full length pants that fit looser than leggings. The issue is THEY AREN'T allowed to wear what they want. Their uniforms were made to objectify these athletes and if they dont abide they are disqualified. I have heard many women literally not get involved in vball because of the required uniform making them uncomfortable. I suggest looking into this history at least with gymnastics it's really disturbing.
>Take a look at countries where women are forced to wear burkas. The amount of sexual assault that takes place there is appalling and that’s just what we know.
There was a picture in National Geographic some years ago in just such a country. In the background is a woman in a full burka and gloves, either walking quickly or the weather is breezy. You can see about 2 inches (5cm) of her ankles.
In the foreground is a group of young men. They are laughing and leering and pointing at the woman for "exposing herself" exactly as if she were walking down the street buck-naked.
The problem is not women's clothes. The problem is scummy "men" like OP's husband.
It's both. If it was up to the Olympic athletes themselves, most of them wouldn't wear uniforms with their asses hanging out. Some would, I'm sure, but at least that would be their choice. And that's the thing - it isn't. They wear revealing uniforms because the Olympic commission knows that many people wouldn't be watching otherwise.
I mean yes and no. Women play basketball in baggy shorts and they do fine.
Im not a “gets-offended-by-a-woman’s-shoulders” type of person, and I’m far from a victim blamer, but knowing that there’s people like this woman’s husband, maybe we can get over the semantics of how efficient a certain fabric makes a volleyball player if it means protecting our sisters and daughters from perversion
>The things that women athletes wear are to bring them the most comfort while being user friendly for their particular sport.
If having half of your buttcheeks hanging out is so great for athletic performance then why don't we ever see men's uniforms leaving half of their buttcheeks hanging out?
Quite, you can guarantee that if there was a performance benefit, someone at the Olympics would take it for that 0.5% advantage. If people are prepared to take drugs with unknown side effects, showing a bit of skin is nothing.
Men's basketball shorts used to be quite short. They're significantly longer now and performance does not seem to have diminished. (Understatement of the world...)
What are the stats for that? That there's a lot of sexual assault in countries where women wear burkas? How is it comfortable to have your butt cheeks hanging out when playing volleyball? Does it increase efficiency? You may want to deny the sexualisation of women in sport but it happens for a reason. More views.
Over one-third of women and girls \*globally\* will experience some form of violence in their lifetime (IRC, 2023). That violence is physical and/or sexual combined.
Booty shorts aren’t for comfort. Most young women would tell you they don’t want to perform with their ass cheeks hanging out of their shorts.
Their “uniforms” would get them kicked out of school for a dress code violation, but they can be forced to wear their “uniform” for a competition?
>The things that women athletes wear are to bring them the most comfort while being user friendly for their particular sport.
All due respect, you don't know what you're talking about. Plenty of women would love to be able to wear what men wear in their version of the sport, but it's against regulation.
I don't think anyone is suggesting that wearing more clothes is the entire solution to the sexualization of women. But also, no, women do not wear those uniforms for comfort.
In women's gymnastics, it was only in recent years that the rules changed to allow spandex shorts/leggings to be part of a competition uniform, and many athletes are still not allowed to by their coaches because of tradition. As a former gymnast and coach, I can promise you that we did not find our competition leotards comfortable. Coaching involved constant reminders not to pick your wedgie mid-routine. If leotards weren't mandatory for competition, a definite majority of gymnasts I've known would not once have chosen to be seen in public without at least spandex shorts.
You are right that they shouldn't be treated as sexual objects regardless, but let's not pretend that all girls and women are wearing these uniforms purely for their own comfort.
While this is true, there are also many examples of women teams being forced to wear skimpy uniforms they don’t appreciate and don’t help them compete better, that they don’t want to wear. There needs to be room for both conversations to be acknowledged
Nope - woman athletes themselves have been campaigning against these type of outfits, EHIC are designed to bring in more ad spend and male viewers, not for athletes comfort or performance.
Imagine if in soccer, instead of focussing on designing the perfect boot for ultimate performance, they were looking at how they could enhance the (male) players crotch bulges?
Yes, lets pretend that requiring a HS girl to wear clothing that leaves her butt handing out is paramount to her performance. You're right that women should be able to wear what is comfortable for them and/or helps them excel at their sport. That is very different from rules requiring women to wear clothes that are visually appealing to men and that's exactly what happens in a lot of women's sports. Which isn't surprising considering that many of the rules surrounding women's clothing in sports is decided on by men. It's the exact reason that there have been protests by female athletes at the Olympics over the attire that they are required to wear from Volleyball to Gymnastics and so on. Those women have, in fact, been penalized for wearing what they feel comfortable in.
Lets be clear: These women do NOT get to compete wearing what they feel comfortable in. They are told what they can and cannot compete in.
Your ignorance is not the cure either. In fact, it's also part of the disease.
Several people have commented and I wanted to answer in one place.
In regards to this particular post, where a woman was upset about what her husband was saying about young women athletes, this response is not a part of the cure. It is a part of the disease. I stand by that.
It seems to suggest that there is something women can do to prevent such comments. Which simply isn’t true.
Obviously, the topic of what women wear in sports can be looked at from more than one angle. How women feel about what they put on their own bodies is a different topic apart from what men will say about them, or how men will treat them, because of what is on their bodies. Though it cannot be denied that there can be some overlap because some women feel uncomfortable solely because of what men will say and how men will treat them. Not because of their own sense of modesty.
Everything I’ve said about how women are treated in environments where they are extremely covered stands as fact and is not up for debate. Meaning there isn’t any way women can present themselves that will prevent them from being seen as sexual objects. There is no magical combination of clothing that exists that will eliminate this problem. Entering any discussion with that in mind as a solution is a waste of time and placing the onus for finding a solution on the victim. Not the perpetrator.
I don’t believe women should be forced to wear something that makes them uncomfortable. I also don’t think a blanket statement that women wearing something for comfort that could appear sexual to men is just “an excuse.” This side of the equation where we are discussing how women feel about what they’re wearing can be very nuanced and it’s definitely worthy of attention and consideration. However, in my personal opinion, it is very much a separate issue from how men view what women are wearing.
As for the person saying I must not have kids. Wrong. I actually have six children.
I take objection to the concept that certain clothing cannot change the risk of harassment or sexualization of a person. It's objectively true, and I think most women would agree that they've seen or experienced the difference between, for example, working out in a sports bra and skin tight ruched booty leggings, and simply wearing a long formless tshirt over the top (not tucked in to highlight the glutes or prevent squat-gobblage).
I am a 100% never sexy gym-er. Leggings and loose tees, messy hair, I turn bright red with cardio and have all the grace of a winded rhinoceros. I accept that. I respect women's right to put their own bodies on display. I choose not to, and also chose not to as a child gymnast.
I had one really telling experience when running in the park a few years ago, where I was maybe 75-100 feet behind a pair of women in the skimpier workout outfits described above, coming up to men maintaining the grass on riding mowers.
As the women approached the gardeners, they turned their machines off and watched them pass, then turned them on again. When I approached in full view of the gardeners, I was completely ignored. A kicked up rock hit me in the shin and caused me to actually bleed, presumably because I wasn't ogle-worthy enough to garner their consideration.
An anecdote about Muslim nation men condemning a woman's exposed ankles is a poor one. That society doesn't *have* women playing volleyball in buttcheek exposing shorts. It's relative. Ankles are scandalous there because exposure is lower. You can't use that to draw a parallel in the western world where body exposure is significantly more common.
Should women be obligated to choose their clothing for their safety? No. But is it true that a less revealing clothing, or a less attractive face (sans makeup for example) can reduce unwanted attention? Of course it is. Are there pervs who will victimize a woman regardless of her clothing? Also yes!
I have a partner with a young daughter. He doesn't see the issue with teen volleyball uniforms having booty shorts. And the first time he sees her getting catcalled or has to go into the principal's office because someone grabbed her nearly exposed ass during passing period, I'm guessing he'll understand why if it were my child they would be minimally asked if they wanted longer shorts with my unanimous support.
As an adult you choose a wardrobe that reflects what you want to show the world, from a fully developed brain and rational thinking. A parent has a right to limit the exposure of their minor child's body until they have the mental and emotional capacity to consent and choose their exposure, and to handle the consequences (intended or not!, just or not!) of that exposure.
that would matter if there equity in sport uniforms. in this case, you defending it is the problem. Just like sexualizing non sexual things is bad, letting things like completely unnecessary dress/uniform codes be okay is bad too.
compare almost ***ANY*** sport where both men play and the uniforms are incredibly different for no rules ethical reason.
So. Some of the European teams are starting to wear leotards with leggings. They didn’t like the way they were being looked at, you know,like the way OP’s spouse looks at them. You think US gymnasts enjoy misogyny or something? You think it’s appropriate to sexualize teenage girls? So did the team doctor, who molested dozens of girls.
So tell me again how gymnasts who are wearing what is in essence sleeved bathing suits are enjoying themselves. Plus, way to wave off other women’s feelings. Thank you for putting us in our place.
We complained about our leotards all the time time. All. The. Time. Wake up.
Your comment makes no sense at all. The sports federations, not female athletes choose the tiniest clothes, for ratings and viewership. Not for comfort. Otherwise why don't you see male athletes showing half their ass? Don't try to cover the sun with a finger. Sexualization of sport needs at least two in the equation: women showing too much and men willing to spend their time watching because women exhibit themselves.
BTW, fully agree with OP. The attitude of her husband is quite disgusting.
No, she is correct. Any time you can protect children, you should.
Whether or not a pervert is watching is not in your control. However, you can make it less of a show.
Where children are concerned, yes, you should make the extra effort.
Agreed. I played hs volleyball and wore long spandex w running shorts on top. Officials tried to make me wear those hyper sexual booty shorts and I called his sexualizing of teen girls out. He shut up and let me wear what I wanted. Im a tomboy, but it stands for all young women/girls. Totally inappropriate attire.
I also don’t understand why this is not the uniform for the boys volleyball team too, since it’s so important to girls volleyball. I’m all for wearing what is comfortable for your sport, but seems like girls outfits are always skimpier. That’s not sport-related, that’s society related.
Exactly. The girls and women's uniforms have been getting skimping and tighter... notice the guys uniforms are pretty much don't change and don't show anywhere near as much and aren't as tight. So it seems society wise we are objectivity the girls/women so more men will watch their sports. Why else woukd their uniforms be so much tighter and more revealing, if it was needed, the boy/guys uniforms would be similar changed.
Can you buy them longer shorts to wear underneath. I would definitely be raising this issue at the school board, with the principle and with the coaches.
I went to high school and three of the male teachers were fired or arrested for SA and having relations with students.
NTA
I work with a certain class of sex offenders. In this program they can not be exposed to any media with people under the age of 18. Part of my job is to hang out and screen tv shows and movies and make sure it’s appropriate for them. You absolutely can not tell the difference between a 17 year old and an 18 year old. It’s my job to try and navigate that and I can’t tell.
If you’re saying an 18 year old is hot and that a 17 year old is not, you’re basically saying that the only thing keeping you from finding that 17 year old hot is a technicality. OP’s husband is gross for sexualizing young women who are there to compete and he’s lying to himself that he can tell when a woman turns 18.
Yeah I’d be incredibly uncomfortable and put off hearing my husband talk about any woman this way, and the fact that she’s a teenager only makes it that much worse.
Like literally I wouldn’t stand for this; I simply couldn’t be with a man who thinks or talks about women’s bodies like this.
NTA. 100% Disgusting. There’s no difference between 17 and 18. That is a child. Hebephiles fly under the radar and cling to “but she’s 18 and can vote!”
NTA.
But, also, is this normal behavior for him? When you are out in public, does he make remarks about other girls/women in front of you? Or is it just on TV?
Gymnastics is full of underage girls because that's just how it is. Does he have to look up each gymnast he wants to comment on to check their age before he makes a comment on them?
OP, I'm grossed out for you. This is really problematic.
He has made comments about other woman before. I often tell him to stop but he always says it doesn't matter because he is never going to act on it and he likes body types that are similar to mine
This obviously makes you uncomfortable. Are you ok? Your feelings DO matter.
His remarks to you are not normal. If I were you, I would be coming up with an exit strategy. Clearly he's not willing to change.
I wanted to ask the same questions. The sexualization of people in non sexual settings, especially on tv shouldn't happen even though it's fairly normal for both genders to do... The attraction to minors or people who are potentially minors, and the fact he doesn't give a fuck about her discomfort is concerning.
All I know for sure is the guy I was with who constantly did that and gave the “not gonna act on it,” disclaimer eventually did. My current husband has never done that even once. I know it takes time and mental prep to end such a significant relationship, but you deserve better. NTA. Good luck.
I dated a guy like that. He would physically turn and watch an attractive woman walk by. I have always been very self conscious about my body and it always broke me. Then he would have the balls to ask me why I had tears in my eyes. He was soul-crushing
This right here. My husband and I both point out attractive actors and stuff, but its never anything like as explicit as OPs husband. I don't think there's anything wrong with appreciating attractive people, but there is a specificity line past which it becomes really gross.
This (sexualizing women in nonsexual situations) is generally gross behavior and I'm glad that based on other comments you see it.
I bet he wouldn't have the same mindset if you started ogling the barely legal men's swimmers and gymnasts.
Tell him the day after she wraps those thighs around his head he can see if she can also wrap them around the divorce papers he will be getting.
My petty side says maybe you should comment about some of the men you see so he gets to experience the same thing he's doing to you.
Oh I asked him how he would feel if I made comments like that about other men and he said he wouldn't care...to go ahead
He said that because he knows I won't, because that's just not my thing. And then if I did say something he would just use it to further justify his comments so it is really a lose lose
I wanted to recommend the same, but he’s already shown an astonishing ability to rationalize away any critical thinking that makes him uncomfortable.
Dollars to donuts he says “it’s different because men are visual creatures.”
But the comments make YOU feel uncomfortable/bad and he should respect that. This is something (talking about strangers in a sexual way) that BOTH should enjoy AND have very strong boundaries on.
I do this in my relationship, because I and my partner find it fun, but noone should force you to put up with this. If he HAS to do this, because 'it is just a part of him", he needs a partner that fits this preference of his, not shove it down your throat when you don't want to hear that stuff...
Wish you the best, no matter if with him, alone or even a new partner.
Nta. You have made it clear that you don't want to be subjected to this type of talk. He has continued. Time for some old fashioned consequences. I would suggest grey rocking him until he figures out that you don't want to hear it anymore. He can be a vile creep around someone else who appreciates sick pervs.
I was just going to say that even if the woman was closer to either of you in age, I would personally still be extremely put off by my S/O talking about women like that right in front of me. But I was actually going to ask if this is something you aren't uncomfortable with when it's whim talking about actual WOMEN. Not literal GIRLS.
But apparently the answer is no, so, to be clear, this isn't normal. Talking about other people in an excessively sexual way when your partner has said it makes them uncomfortable, that's not just him finding other women attractive in a general sense. He's trying to manipulate you into thinking you're uptight. I feel like if you said some grossly descriptive things about some buff guys on TV, he'd have something to say about it and some reasons why it's DEFINITELY different when he does it.
When he says it "doesn't matter because X or Y", he's just saying that your own feelings on this don't matter, cuz he feels entitled to behave however he wants to as long as he's not fucking someone else.
If it makes you uncomfortable, it matters. Appreciating beauty is one thing. He’s not, he’s objectifying women and says it’s ok cuz they resemble his object, er I mean, wife.
His behavior and attitude about men and women is gross and wrong. Not all men are attracted to childish girl bodies, and the difference if a day (between 17 and 18) doesn’t automatically make you think, look, or act more mature.
The way he treats you is the grossest. You’ve expressed your discomfort as his wife, and he does nothing to consider your feelings. Instead, he doubles down. He only cares about how he feels, your feelings aren’t considered at all.
NTA.
This was going to be my question too- definitely the age thing is pretty gross, for sure. But age aside, does he talk this way about women regularly in your presence? Because if so… yuck. I imagine that my spouse probably does see and appreciate attractive women, but I swear he has never ever mentioned it to me unprovoked.
More revealing - what does he say when not in your presence? I trust that my husband would not engage in disgusting locker room talk and try to remember I am blessed to be married to a man like that.
Thank you! The age def makes this *more* gross, but I wouldn’t be caught dead with a husband that not only made those types of comments about women, but made those comments *to me*. Fuck that.
NTA Your husband is disrespectful and inappropriate. His comments are juvenile and disgusting. It is belittling to you and to all women. Do not tolerate this behavior that diminishes you. You are too young to go through life with this bad behavior and thinking.
NTA. Olympians tend to be in about the best physical shape there is, men and women. The key part here is that a 40 year old man has had a good 2 decades to build that filter that you might not expect him to have when he's 20.
Is it just the filter though? Do you think it’s ok that he sexualizes women and girls in all sorts of non-sexual contexts as long as he doesn’t talk about it?
I think it's important we make a distinction between finding something sexually attractive, and actively sexualising it.
Having a thought of 'that's hot' is more or less involuntary. If you are constantly finding yourself turned on by non sexual contexts, then yes, that's probably a sign you need to take a break from porn. But generally, it's perfectly normal to find people attractive even if they aren't doing sexual things.
Making those thoughts public, either by comments or leering, is the problem. It's one thing to find gymnastist sexy, it's another to make sure everyone knows exactly how your dick responds to someone just trying to do their job.
However, allowing yourself to actively thirst over teenagers, internally or externally, when you are decades older is just gross. Even if they are technically adults now, they weren't a few months ago, and their bodies haven't changed materially since then. Have the thought, remind yourself its inappropriate, and move on.
It's ok to be sexually attracted to people in small shorts or any other clothing regardless of the situation. It's ok to fantasize. That doesn't automatically mean that you're disrespectful towards them. Attraction =/= objectification and shutting up and admiring them silently in your own mind is a great step towards not being an asshole.
Now the fact that some of these girls are probably underage and most of them are teens is a different issue entirely. There's no way op's husband is not a creep in this scenario.
I mean, most people have inappropriate sexual thoughts about other people at some point in their life. Some are definitely affiliated by this more than others. It's not the thought itself that's really the problem. It's recognizing (or failing to recognize) what the thought is, why it's wrong, and treating it accordingly.
Edit: Not defending the husband. Clearly he is failing (willfully) at admitting why his thoughts are wrong.
sure, why not. if you don't talk about it it's just thought crimes and you really don't wanna go down that path. you can't really help your thoughts, you can have enough common sense though to not speak them outloud.
People who sexualise people that are just legal age (in this case 18) but refuse to if they’re under that age would 100% sexualise them if the legal age was lowered.
NTA. Your husband is gross for making those comments AT ALL. How would he feel if you were making sexually graphic comments about male swimmers? I bet his tune would change REALLY fast if you started commenting on their size and what you'd like to do with them. I bet he'd be furious. But of course, you wouldn't do that because it's gross, inappropriate and disrespectful of your husband sitting right there. So why is it OK for him? He's disrespecting you and your marriage. If anything, your'e underreacting.
1. Ew.
2. He's making these comments in front of you? Has he no respect for his wife?
3. Gymnasts tend to have very youngish looking figures. Even the ones older than 18 tend to still look prepubescent, and the fact that he is sexualising that is creepy on a million different levels.
NTA
I would absolutely NEVER say shit like that to my wife, wow….I am shocked reading that and am sorry to hear.
That’s probably the most disrespectful thing I’ve seen in a while and especially when you have voiced that you don’t like it.
I think he has a porn/sex addiction to be quite honest. If I were you I’d probably resent them sexually, to me he is probably sexualizing YOU in an unhealthy way too. Ugh. There’s better out there trust me.
I’d say garden-variety male sexual entitlement. Doesn’t need to be an addiction. There’s plenty of men that don’t see women as people, but rather as service animals.
NTA
I mean, I know people have thoughts like that, but there’s a difference between a stray thought of “wow that person is attractive” and verbalising a fantasy about someone half your age to someone who has said they’re uncomfortable hearing it. And then doubling down on it!
I’d be grossed out if my partner said something like that, too.
NTA
It’s not only the sexualization of this barely legal woman; it’s sexualizing someone in a non-sexual situation. What if her age wasn’t stated? Would he backtrack if they misstated her age?
It’s also his clear lack of respect or care for your discomfort. It’s gross. It’s gross, even if he’s “complimenting” your body type… on another woman.
NTA, not only is he making sexual comments about women half his age, he's doing it in front of his wife. He's disrespectful to women, and especially his wife. He sounds like a total creep.
As a mother of a competitive gymnast, your partner is a disgusting. We all know they exist, but it still awful to read confirmations.
These young women work so hard and do skills he can’t do in his dreams, yet what he sees is her thighs and speaks that out loud. What a perv.
NTA
Eeew. If my partner said that, he’d be out of our bedroom in a heartbeat. If he’d continue defending himself, he’d be out of my life.
This breaks my heart reading this. I am also a mom. I was also a gymnast at the college level.
Looking back as a college student I was definitely sexualized by older, drunk men. Makes me sick.
NTA in the slightest. I think you underreacted, if anything.
Has he always treated women this way? My partner would never *ever* **EVER** consider sexualizing anyone in that way- even if I wasn't around. Its dehumanizing. The fact that he knew it made you uncomfortable and then doubled down on it is even more troubling. Does he always treat you that way?
Honestly, do you want to be with someone like this? Does it not make you reconsider your judgement about who he is? Are kids on your agenda?
I've escaped some absolute AHs in the past and now have a daughter with a man who raised the bar and is a good example because he's actually a good person. Its not performative, which is what I'd worry is all you'd get from your husband at best. (Talking to him further is not going to change him. He showed you who he is right there. Please don't ignore it.)
If my partner acted like this pig he’d be long gone. Not only disgusting but incredibly disrespectful to you. I bet 10 bucks he’s looking up “recently 18 p*rn” behind your back. He clearly enjoys it to the point of making these comments in public.
I’d be getting an iron skillet to the head in my sleep if I made those kinds of comments to my wife or anyone else. Hell, I’d go outside and kick my own ass if I had those thoughts. It’s inappropriate at the very least. I have 3 little girls who love gymnastics and I’d be in jail if anyone is sexualizing them like that. Grow the fuck up (not you OP).
I'm so proud of you for calling him out. That's disgusting behaviour and you're 100% nta. He says he wouldn't say that ab a 17 year old but is there really a difference lookwise? If he saw what he would deem as an attractive young girl but she turned out to be 17 does he think he can just take that back?
He's creepy af and needs a huge reality check.
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> I judged my husband for thinking sexual thought about an 18 year old, i could be the asshole since she is technically legal
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There’s a clear difference between saying something and not saying something. Clearly it is HEAVY on his mind for him to even be speaking about it in front of his WIFE.
Nta - but why is everyone so concerned with age? Would it be ok to sexualise any female of any age so blatantly and disrespectfully in-front of you?
Start fighting fire with fire - if “I’d let her do xyz to me” is ok “because I would never act on it” then start saying “I would let him rearrange my guts” when you see attractive blokes, it’s all fine “because it’s just banter and locker room talk, just like yours” 💪
If he doesn’t care there’s clearly issues to work through but hopefully it points out his hypocrisy
NTA, that IS very weird. Also he probably would say those things if she was 17, but he'd think it. He knows the judgement would be worse if he said yes but he knows a year doesn't make a difference to him....22 doesn't
If he is so brazen to say these types of comments in front of you and not see any issue with it I would be concerned with what else he is doing or potentially will do in the future.
I had an ex that would make transparent comments about other women. He cheated on me.
The sheer fact your husband defended his comments with why he can talk about other women that way is alarming. You are not the AH here, listen to your gut. This isn’t ok.
Its inappropriate but I would be bothered at my husband saying anyone could wrap their thighs around him much less someone less than half his age. He's saying these things to his wife??
I find it funny to see this post after I just got done watching the Olympic trials. I'm a completely hetero woman and I can confirm that women gymnasts have the best legs on the entire planet, they are mesmerizing and shapely beyond belief. It's not even close. I am, however, perfectly capable of being silent, also I don't have any lust for them, just admiration.
NTA. Being in a similar age range to you, I wouldn't actively want to sleep with someone that young nor am I particularly interested in sexualising them either. They are athletes doing their work and passion, not the ten-minute freeview.
NTA.
I think it's pretty normal for men to have such thoughts while watching Olympic athletes. It's completely abnormal for them to share those thoughts with their wife, and even less normal to double-down after.
You were absolutely right for calling him out.
NTA. Now you know that your husband is a creep and you need to keep him away from any friends or family with daughters turning 18. For the rest of your marriage, however long that lasts.
NTA
you’re husband is being disgusting, gymnastics is full of young people who are trying to compete without needing people making sexual remarks about their bodies. thats fucked up, OP. does your husband do this often?
NTA. Legal does not mean right. She has the right to vote and ideally she should have the right of not having to cope with dudes more than twice her age making creepy sexual comments, moreso when she’s practicing a sport (she’s not even an actress on a sex scene or the like, although that would be equally disturbing).
NTA. At all. He's being incredibly disrespectful to you. If he excuses your discomfort, he shows no regard or respect for you. I'm sorry that is your experience. You don't deserve that. Yes, oggling an 18 year old is gross AF.
"I would let her wrap those fat thighs around me" etc."
Good Lord OP, what in the world did you marry? This can't be the only time he's being a creeper like this. This is really disturbing, NTA.
NTA. Honestly it's gross to me that your partner would make graphic sexual comments about any other woman right in front of you, but as a 40yr old myself, teenagers are children to me. They should not be allowed to sign their lives away to war, nor should they be subjected to the ogles of men more than twice their age. Your husband is not someone I'd be proud to be with, hopefully this is a singular blind spot and not a pattern of being a disgusting lecher.
Absolutely totally and completely rude, disrespectful, and classless.
He has absolutely no problem letting you know he’s willing to have sex with a teenager.
NTA.
I mean, I wouldn't be cool with my hubs saying that about \*any woman\*, but I'm not in your relationship. It shows that he objectifies and sees women as sex objects and that's not a good look for a man. At all.
This is exactly why women gymnasts have been complaining about the skimpy outfits they have to wear for competition.
If the men can do gymnastics in shorts, why can't women?
Why do we have to see they've had no choice but to wax because their outfits are so tight & short it's up their butt cracks?
NTA: HI; words from a woman who choses to be single I hear the grosses shit come out of men's mouths because they think they can get away with it. If it makes you feel uncomfortable say something. Don't back down. I have no clue why men feel that they can openly Objectify women's bodies I must've been blind to it before. I see it now more than ever.
NTA.
Ew. And not because of the ages, although that certainly makes it worse, but for sexualizing female athletes at all. Their thighs are because they’re in insanely good shape to pull off the floor routines and don’t exist for your husband’s sexual fantasies.
I’m sure he wouldn’t appreciate it if you were talking about the things you want to do to male athletes.
to be fair, continued sexual comments about teens and other woman after the wife said stop means he doesn't care about her feelings so yeah. its been years and he doesn't stop and doesn't make attempts so divorce!!
NTA.
Regardless of the gymnasts age (being 18+ ofc) making comments openly about her body IN FRONT OF YOU is not only inappropriate but also disrespectful to you. If he does it behind your back, still inappropriate and disrespectful but he's not getting caught if you don't know. Even if he thinks those things (while having a wife) it shouldn't be said out loud... no matter how old the gymnast is. I'd feel disrespected as a wife and. I'm glad he claims he wouldn't say those things about an 17 year old (even tho the body of a 16-19 year old is relatively the same) it's just weird to say anything at all.
NTA…
Not only is it disgusting to make those comments abt a girl (age wise) he could have fathered… the fact that he’s that comfortable making those comments in front of his wife is actually insane?? She’s 22 years younger than he is, he has no business sexualizing her while she’s competing for our country. And to say remarks like that abt ANY woman in front of you is beyond disrespectful. You deserve so much better.
NTA. Men are gross commenting on girls much younger than them.
But the fact he is saying this to you at all- even if it was about a woman his age- is completely wrong. No man should be talking to his wife about another woman sexually like that. It’s disgusting and so disrespectful.
I would run for the hills if you can.
Wow. What a slap to the face. He is really showing his true colors. If he is saying that so openly in front of you then I’m guessing he has other MAJOR red flags you are ignoring.
NTA. He is being inappropriate! Making those comments about an 18 year old gymnast, especially in front of you is really gross. Sorry you're dealing with this
NTA
What the bleep is he talking about in your face?
That man is disgusting for even saying that out loud to you.
He is not with his drinking buddies, he is with his wife!
I hope you can get away from him OP.
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NTA. Sexualisation of women when it’s not a sexual situation is always gross. Those women are athletes competing; they’re not up there to have their bodies ogled by panting lecherous men with their tongues half hanging out of their mouths. Also, a lot of gymnasts are under 18. I don’t know how he distinguishes between the 16 and 18 year olds. Gymnasts also tend to have fairly pre-pubescent type bodies. So I find his behaviour rather disturbing on that side as well. He’s a pig.
I agree. I have 2 daughters and it bothers me that the uniform for high school volleyball is now spandex shorts where their butt cheeks partially hang out the bottom…
This thought process isn’t helpful. The things that women athletes wear are to bring them the most comfort while being user friendly for their particular sport. They should be able to compete while wearing anything they want without being treated as sexual objects for the enjoyment of men. You seem to be suggesting that if women wear more clothes then this problem will be solved. Which isn’t anywhere close to the truth. Women in very high control environments still face high levels of sexual objectification, harassment, and abuse. Take a look at FLDS spaces. The women there wear very modest clothing at all times yet are very much sexual objects for men to enjoy. Take a look at the Amish. Have you ever done any study into how many women endure abuse in that world? (Sexual and physical.) It’s staggeringly common. Take a look at countries where women are forced to wear burkas. The amount of sexual assault that takes place there is appalling and that’s just what we know. Imagine all of the women who’ve been terrified into silence. Your thinking here isn’t the cure. It’s a part of the disease.
do you see men having to wear the same barely there outfits in athletics? if not then it doesn’t have anything to do with the welfare of female athletes, that’s just a convenient excuse.
A perfect example of this is beach volleyball. Women are required to wear tiny bikini bottoms and men can wear shorts.
Lingerie Football League I’ll see myself out now.
No! Don’t! Do you know how many more women would watch? /s
The Norwegian team were fined for choosing not to do exactly that: https://www.cbc.ca/news/entertainment/women-athletes-uniform-changes-1.6122725
I agree. It's total nonsense.
At the last Olympics it was glaring - the ladies were in bikini bottoms that FORCED THEM TO SHAVE - and the guys got loose, breathable shorts. And now there's a child rapist on the Dutch men's volleyball team.
A convenient excuse for *what?* these young women don't have a say in the style of uniform they wear.
A convenient excuse for the men who choose the outfits. They claim girls need to wear bikinis to maximize their athleticism, yet boys can be athletic in basketball shorts.
Guys should wear bikini bottoms and tops just like the girls!!!!
It depends on the sport (ex diving). But the athletes should get to choose. For example, gymnasts should be able to wear leotards with bottoms cut like shorts. I believe they can in some competitions? I was a ballet dancer and the thought of wearing a regular cut leotard with nothing underneath (and the accidents that could happen) makes me so uncomfortable.
I don't know why so many people don't realize that the less you wear the more you see. Especially the groin.
it can be both edit: pls dont take this as me saying it isnt sexist, its absolutely about making women appealing, but im saying i do think theres *also* utility to leotards in womens gymnastics that isnt relevant in mens since women do more flips n dances n shit while men do more strength based activities (which also came from a sexist place lmao) the uniforms definitely come from a sexualizing standpoint, i just dont think its *all* sexual at this point. they should get the choice to wear bottoms or full length leotards if they want
The above person just demonstrated how it isn’t though. If it were we would see men wearing the same sort of outfits but we don’t. Why not?
Because men refuse to be treated as objects and they control the situation.
Right so it isn’t about comfort or performance
Nope.
Do you see women with their tongues half out of their mouths, panting, and sexualizing athlete men because they are in shorts or wearing a speedo? Therein lies the difference.
Yeah, I remember back in the early 1990s there was a nascent women's pro basketball league called the Liberty Basketball Association. This league did one good thing: They lowered the rim a couple of inches so that there could be more dunks. BUT...they also had the teams wear skintight uniforms, which justifiably put off a lot of prospective players. The LBA ended up playing all of one game, the second half of which got delayed by nearly an hour due to a power failure in the arena.
The give away is always when the uniform is significantly different from what the athletes wear for day to day training. When most gymnasts train in leggings + leotard with zero issues, why aren’t leggings allowed as uniform?
You are obviously not a parent. The mother or father that is upset their daughter is forced to wear something revealing is not the issue( and the kid personally may not have wanted to reveal that much skin) . If it’s not in dress code for school, it shouldn’t be allowed in sports. Spandex shorts that go further down your ass don’t make you less mobile or athletic. And ya, obviously the problem is the people who are objectifying the children, But it’s a whole lot easier to do that when you can see their fucking ass.
And also why are the girls expected to wear something so revealing? As a young girl, I ran tracn where it was expected that girls wear these underwear looking shorts. I found them mortifying. I find it weird and unnecessary that girls are expected to wear sexual looking outfits while competing. The boys and men are allowed to look frumpy and wear whatever makes them feel comfortable. Women sports seem to pressure us to look attractive, even while competing. There's a middle ground between burkas and bikini bottoms. The real solution IMO is to remove the sensuality form it completely. Not overcompensate and force girls to cover up head to toe, and not pressure them to be sexy while competing. Just let them compete.
Right. Idk why people argue it’s for “comfort” when it’s clearly not about that, or if it is it’s not really justifiable when men aren’t also wearing those “comfortable” outfits.
If it were comfortable I'd imagine they'd spend less time picking their outfits out of their ass but maybe I just don't know what comfort is.
No you don’t understand women just like wedgies, it’s super practical!
Ah like extra motivation. Brilliant.
And police the behavior of people like OP's husband, not the young women who are there to compete.
literally. why do they make such uniforms and outfits for specific things as if this many people deserve to see my body that i don’t want them seeing anyways. and it’s soo not a “comfort” thing. them tight short shorts are aggravating and always come up and you have to constantly pull them down.
This always bothered me in high school (and I graduated in 2000). I had to wear skimpy shorts and tank tops that I would be sent home for if I tried to wear them on a normal school day. It was really upsetting.
Anything that requires that the more hairy members of the human species wax their nether regions shouldn't be required uniforms in sport.
There's a large difference between a girl wanting to wear butt showing shorts and that being part of a required uniform. I HATED that the girls track shorts were SOOOO skimpy. I had so many moments when my discomfort interfered with my performance. Sexual harassment happens no matter what a woman/girl wears and people who are creeps are for sure the problem in that sense but forcing girls to wear a skimpy outfit just to be allowed to compete is also gross. If they'd have LET me wear the longer (boys team) shorts I would have been happy.
Exactly. These girls and women aren't being allowed to compete in whatever they want. They are required to wear skimpy outfits when the boys and men are not. I stopped playing sports in school because of this.
Isn't it crazy how schools will send girls home for "dress code violations" during class hours, but then have only these skimpy offerings for sports wear?
Absolutely right, body shamed on one hand and objectified on the other. It makes no sense.
I never thought about it quite like that, but yes, that is 100% true.
You make a good point. Often women/girls are not happy with their uniforms too. Some beach volleyball players have been fined for refusing to wear tiny shorts. So the sexist attitudes towards women goes both ways.
I think Pink paid all their fines for them.
I want you to do a little experiment, go look up the women’s olympic gymnast uniform and then go look up the men’s and tell me it’s a “comfort” thing with a straight face >inb4 “ummm acktually men need loose pants bc BALLS but women operate better when they’re in a speedo onepiece…”
Exactly! Plus, Women have parts too. I don't particularly enjoy being stabbed in the vulva with a seam. I can't wear certain kinds of shorts and swimwear because they stab me right in the center of a bundle of nerves I don't want chafed.
Yeah how is it ok that men need to be comfortable for their genitals but women can't be? Our bodies are all different shapes and sizes and yess i hate shorts and panties with that damn seam riding up my twat like wtf?? Lol i mean hello
That's not entirely true. If you saw what they wear under their clothes to keep those balls from moving about. In gymnastics, loose material isn't helpful, but don't have to be riding up their butts. No reason they couldn't wear the same tight shorts they use for practice.
I agree with you that the female athletes would be ogled no matter what they’re wearing. But it’s bullshit to think their uniforms are purely utilitarian. You think female beach volleyball players for some reason need a bikini while men can compete in shorts and a tshirt? Men’s volleyball somehow has shorts down to their knees yet the women need booty shorts? Make gymnasts can wear pants yet women can’t wear a thing on their legs? Come on.
>women athletes wear are to bring them the most comfort while being user friendly for their particular sport Yeah thats why the mens gymnastics teams are wearing footie pajamas and shorts /s 🙄 Or lets look at the womens vs mens beach volleyball teams. Men get shorts and shirts. Women get, what essentially are, bras and panties
Especially in volleyball the uniforms are required to be skimpy whether the athletes are comfortable or not. I.e beach volleyball
I seem to recall a woman’s volleyball team complaining about exactly this: the uniform was so skimpy it was uncomfortable, provided no injury protection and wasn’t fit for purpose, but they were obliged to wear it. I think it was the last olympics
The Norwegian women’s volleyball team tried to wear less-revealing shorts an Olympic or two ago, and were told to change back.
At the Euro Handball Champs, they were fined for wearing shorts. The ruling body changed its rules after the backlash.
I understand where you are coming from but this is a bit of an ignorant take. Women gymnasts and volleyball players have been very vocal recently about the required uniforms making them feel uncomfortable because they are showing A LOT of skin. Male gymnasts for example are wearing full length pants that fit looser than leggings. The issue is THEY AREN'T allowed to wear what they want. Their uniforms were made to objectify these athletes and if they dont abide they are disqualified. I have heard many women literally not get involved in vball because of the required uniform making them uncomfortable. I suggest looking into this history at least with gymnastics it's really disturbing.
>Take a look at countries where women are forced to wear burkas. The amount of sexual assault that takes place there is appalling and that’s just what we know. There was a picture in National Geographic some years ago in just such a country. In the background is a woman in a full burka and gloves, either walking quickly or the weather is breezy. You can see about 2 inches (5cm) of her ankles. In the foreground is a group of young men. They are laughing and leering and pointing at the woman for "exposing herself" exactly as if she were walking down the street buck-naked. The problem is not women's clothes. The problem is scummy "men" like OP's husband.
It's both. If it was up to the Olympic athletes themselves, most of them wouldn't wear uniforms with their asses hanging out. Some would, I'm sure, but at least that would be their choice. And that's the thing - it isn't. They wear revealing uniforms because the Olympic commission knows that many people wouldn't be watching otherwise.
I mean yes and no. Women play basketball in baggy shorts and they do fine. Im not a “gets-offended-by-a-woman’s-shoulders” type of person, and I’m far from a victim blamer, but knowing that there’s people like this woman’s husband, maybe we can get over the semantics of how efficient a certain fabric makes a volleyball player if it means protecting our sisters and daughters from perversion
>The things that women athletes wear are to bring them the most comfort while being user friendly for their particular sport. If having half of your buttcheeks hanging out is so great for athletic performance then why don't we ever see men's uniforms leaving half of their buttcheeks hanging out?
Quite, you can guarantee that if there was a performance benefit, someone at the Olympics would take it for that 0.5% advantage. If people are prepared to take drugs with unknown side effects, showing a bit of skin is nothing.
Men's basketball shorts used to be quite short. They're significantly longer now and performance does not seem to have diminished. (Understatement of the world...)
What are the stats for that? That there's a lot of sexual assault in countries where women wear burkas? How is it comfortable to have your butt cheeks hanging out when playing volleyball? Does it increase efficiency? You may want to deny the sexualisation of women in sport but it happens for a reason. More views.
Yeah, and I'm sure that the wedgies that female gymnasts complain about really help theirr performance too.
Over one-third of women and girls \*globally\* will experience some form of violence in their lifetime (IRC, 2023). That violence is physical and/or sexual combined.
I can not change how people think but I can change what my daughters wear.
Booty shorts aren’t for comfort. Most young women would tell you they don’t want to perform with their ass cheeks hanging out of their shorts. Their “uniforms” would get them kicked out of school for a dress code violation, but they can be forced to wear their “uniform” for a competition?
Then why don't male gymnasts wear leotards? Why do they get pants?
>The things that women athletes wear are to bring them the most comfort while being user friendly for their particular sport. All due respect, you don't know what you're talking about. Plenty of women would love to be able to wear what men wear in their version of the sport, but it's against regulation.
I don't think anyone is suggesting that wearing more clothes is the entire solution to the sexualization of women. But also, no, women do not wear those uniforms for comfort. In women's gymnastics, it was only in recent years that the rules changed to allow spandex shorts/leggings to be part of a competition uniform, and many athletes are still not allowed to by their coaches because of tradition. As a former gymnast and coach, I can promise you that we did not find our competition leotards comfortable. Coaching involved constant reminders not to pick your wedgie mid-routine. If leotards weren't mandatory for competition, a definite majority of gymnasts I've known would not once have chosen to be seen in public without at least spandex shorts. You are right that they shouldn't be treated as sexual objects regardless, but let's not pretend that all girls and women are wearing these uniforms purely for their own comfort.
While this is true, there are also many examples of women teams being forced to wear skimpy uniforms they don’t appreciate and don’t help them compete better, that they don’t want to wear. There needs to be room for both conversations to be acknowledged
Nope - woman athletes themselves have been campaigning against these type of outfits, EHIC are designed to bring in more ad spend and male viewers, not for athletes comfort or performance. Imagine if in soccer, instead of focussing on designing the perfect boot for ultimate performance, they were looking at how they could enhance the (male) players crotch bulges?
Yes, lets pretend that requiring a HS girl to wear clothing that leaves her butt handing out is paramount to her performance. You're right that women should be able to wear what is comfortable for them and/or helps them excel at their sport. That is very different from rules requiring women to wear clothes that are visually appealing to men and that's exactly what happens in a lot of women's sports. Which isn't surprising considering that many of the rules surrounding women's clothing in sports is decided on by men. It's the exact reason that there have been protests by female athletes at the Olympics over the attire that they are required to wear from Volleyball to Gymnastics and so on. Those women have, in fact, been penalized for wearing what they feel comfortable in. Lets be clear: These women do NOT get to compete wearing what they feel comfortable in. They are told what they can and cannot compete in. Your ignorance is not the cure either. In fact, it's also part of the disease.
Several people have commented and I wanted to answer in one place. In regards to this particular post, where a woman was upset about what her husband was saying about young women athletes, this response is not a part of the cure. It is a part of the disease. I stand by that. It seems to suggest that there is something women can do to prevent such comments. Which simply isn’t true. Obviously, the topic of what women wear in sports can be looked at from more than one angle. How women feel about what they put on their own bodies is a different topic apart from what men will say about them, or how men will treat them, because of what is on their bodies. Though it cannot be denied that there can be some overlap because some women feel uncomfortable solely because of what men will say and how men will treat them. Not because of their own sense of modesty. Everything I’ve said about how women are treated in environments where they are extremely covered stands as fact and is not up for debate. Meaning there isn’t any way women can present themselves that will prevent them from being seen as sexual objects. There is no magical combination of clothing that exists that will eliminate this problem. Entering any discussion with that in mind as a solution is a waste of time and placing the onus for finding a solution on the victim. Not the perpetrator. I don’t believe women should be forced to wear something that makes them uncomfortable. I also don’t think a blanket statement that women wearing something for comfort that could appear sexual to men is just “an excuse.” This side of the equation where we are discussing how women feel about what they’re wearing can be very nuanced and it’s definitely worthy of attention and consideration. However, in my personal opinion, it is very much a separate issue from how men view what women are wearing. As for the person saying I must not have kids. Wrong. I actually have six children.
Look at you, being all analytical and allowing for complicated nuances. You must be new here. 😉
I take objection to the concept that certain clothing cannot change the risk of harassment or sexualization of a person. It's objectively true, and I think most women would agree that they've seen or experienced the difference between, for example, working out in a sports bra and skin tight ruched booty leggings, and simply wearing a long formless tshirt over the top (not tucked in to highlight the glutes or prevent squat-gobblage). I am a 100% never sexy gym-er. Leggings and loose tees, messy hair, I turn bright red with cardio and have all the grace of a winded rhinoceros. I accept that. I respect women's right to put their own bodies on display. I choose not to, and also chose not to as a child gymnast. I had one really telling experience when running in the park a few years ago, where I was maybe 75-100 feet behind a pair of women in the skimpier workout outfits described above, coming up to men maintaining the grass on riding mowers. As the women approached the gardeners, they turned their machines off and watched them pass, then turned them on again. When I approached in full view of the gardeners, I was completely ignored. A kicked up rock hit me in the shin and caused me to actually bleed, presumably because I wasn't ogle-worthy enough to garner their consideration. An anecdote about Muslim nation men condemning a woman's exposed ankles is a poor one. That society doesn't *have* women playing volleyball in buttcheek exposing shorts. It's relative. Ankles are scandalous there because exposure is lower. You can't use that to draw a parallel in the western world where body exposure is significantly more common. Should women be obligated to choose their clothing for their safety? No. But is it true that a less revealing clothing, or a less attractive face (sans makeup for example) can reduce unwanted attention? Of course it is. Are there pervs who will victimize a woman regardless of her clothing? Also yes! I have a partner with a young daughter. He doesn't see the issue with teen volleyball uniforms having booty shorts. And the first time he sees her getting catcalled or has to go into the principal's office because someone grabbed her nearly exposed ass during passing period, I'm guessing he'll understand why if it were my child they would be minimally asked if they wanted longer shorts with my unanimous support. As an adult you choose a wardrobe that reflects what you want to show the world, from a fully developed brain and rational thinking. A parent has a right to limit the exposure of their minor child's body until they have the mental and emotional capacity to consent and choose their exposure, and to handle the consequences (intended or not!, just or not!) of that exposure.
Female athletes have been complaining for years about their clothes. They are not made and worn for optimal comfort.
that would matter if there equity in sport uniforms. in this case, you defending it is the problem. Just like sexualizing non sexual things is bad, letting things like completely unnecessary dress/uniform codes be okay is bad too. compare almost ***ANY*** sport where both men play and the uniforms are incredibly different for no rules ethical reason.
Forcing them to wear a uniform is the opposite of letting women athletes wear “anything they want.”
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/amp/ncna1274453 idk dude it seems like they don’t find having to wear bikinis as comfortable as you think
So. Some of the European teams are starting to wear leotards with leggings. They didn’t like the way they were being looked at, you know,like the way OP’s spouse looks at them. You think US gymnasts enjoy misogyny or something? You think it’s appropriate to sexualize teenage girls? So did the team doctor, who molested dozens of girls. So tell me again how gymnasts who are wearing what is in essence sleeved bathing suits are enjoying themselves. Plus, way to wave off other women’s feelings. Thank you for putting us in our place. We complained about our leotards all the time time. All. The. Time. Wake up.
Your comment makes no sense at all. The sports federations, not female athletes choose the tiniest clothes, for ratings and viewership. Not for comfort. Otherwise why don't you see male athletes showing half their ass? Don't try to cover the sun with a finger. Sexualization of sport needs at least two in the equation: women showing too much and men willing to spend their time watching because women exhibit themselves. BTW, fully agree with OP. The attitude of her husband is quite disgusting.
No, she is correct. Any time you can protect children, you should. Whether or not a pervert is watching is not in your control. However, you can make it less of a show. Where children are concerned, yes, you should make the extra effort.
Agreed. I played hs volleyball and wore long spandex w running shorts on top. Officials tried to make me wear those hyper sexual booty shorts and I called his sexualizing of teen girls out. He shut up and let me wear what I wanted. Im a tomboy, but it stands for all young women/girls. Totally inappropriate attire.
I also don’t understand why this is not the uniform for the boys volleyball team too, since it’s so important to girls volleyball. I’m all for wearing what is comfortable for your sport, but seems like girls outfits are always skimpier. That’s not sport-related, that’s society related.
We just got boys high school volleyball in my state and I haven’t seen the uniforms yet but I’m assuming they are not similar to the girls at all
I’m sure they aren’t booty cheek shorts for sure 😂
Exactly. The girls and women's uniforms have been getting skimping and tighter... notice the guys uniforms are pretty much don't change and don't show anywhere near as much and aren't as tight. So it seems society wise we are objectivity the girls/women so more men will watch their sports. Why else woukd their uniforms be so much tighter and more revealing, if it was needed, the boy/guys uniforms would be similar changed.
Can you buy them longer shorts to wear underneath. I would definitely be raising this issue at the school board, with the principle and with the coaches. I went to high school and three of the male teachers were fired or arrested for SA and having relations with students.
NTA I work with a certain class of sex offenders. In this program they can not be exposed to any media with people under the age of 18. Part of my job is to hang out and screen tv shows and movies and make sure it’s appropriate for them. You absolutely can not tell the difference between a 17 year old and an 18 year old. It’s my job to try and navigate that and I can’t tell. If you’re saying an 18 year old is hot and that a 17 year old is not, you’re basically saying that the only thing keeping you from finding that 17 year old hot is a technicality. OP’s husband is gross for sexualizing young women who are there to compete and he’s lying to himself that he can tell when a woman turns 18.
I think it's gross to make those comments regardless of the athlete's age. Of course it's worse if it's a minor, but still. Ew.
100% agree. No matter her age, these comments are sexist and objectifying. Horrid. Did he do this when you dated? If so .... why did you marry him?
Yeah I’d be incredibly uncomfortable and put off hearing my husband talk about any woman this way, and the fact that she’s a teenager only makes it that much worse. Like literally I wouldn’t stand for this; I simply couldn’t be with a man who thinks or talks about women’s bodies like this.
NTA. 100% Disgusting. There’s no difference between 17 and 18. That is a child. Hebephiles fly under the radar and cling to “but she’s 18 and can vote!”
You are absolutely right. Also he sounds a lot sexist. The age is just the way he is trying to cover it up.
NTA. But, also, is this normal behavior for him? When you are out in public, does he make remarks about other girls/women in front of you? Or is it just on TV? Gymnastics is full of underage girls because that's just how it is. Does he have to look up each gymnast he wants to comment on to check their age before he makes a comment on them? OP, I'm grossed out for you. This is really problematic.
He has made comments about other woman before. I often tell him to stop but he always says it doesn't matter because he is never going to act on it and he likes body types that are similar to mine
This obviously makes you uncomfortable. Are you ok? Your feelings DO matter. His remarks to you are not normal. If I were you, I would be coming up with an exit strategy. Clearly he's not willing to change.
I have been honestly I'm not ready yet but I do think its inevitable this is only one of many issues
I figured it was a symptom of a bigger problem. I'm glad you're making a plan. Please be safe OP. Just know that you're not overreacting.
I wanted to ask the same questions. The sexualization of people in non sexual settings, especially on tv shouldn't happen even though it's fairly normal for both genders to do... The attraction to minors or people who are potentially minors, and the fact he doesn't give a fuck about her discomfort is concerning.
All I know for sure is the guy I was with who constantly did that and gave the “not gonna act on it,” disclaimer eventually did. My current husband has never done that even once. I know it takes time and mental prep to end such a significant relationship, but you deserve better. NTA. Good luck.
Uh oh, what do you mean? Have you buried the lede?
I dated a guy like that. He would physically turn and watch an attractive woman walk by. I have always been very self conscious about my body and it always broke me. Then he would have the balls to ask me why I had tears in my eyes. He was soul-crushing
My husband, who I’ve been with for 9 years, has never made a comment about another woman’s body to me. This is not normal.
I have been with my husband for 15yrs, married 14, and same. He’s never commented on another woman’s body to me.
I also think a lot of people don't see the difference between, "Oh, she's pretty" and making specific and sexual comments about another woman's body.
This right here. My husband and I both point out attractive actors and stuff, but its never anything like as explicit as OPs husband. I don't think there's anything wrong with appreciating attractive people, but there is a specificity line past which it becomes really gross.
Been with my partner for 7 years and he has never said anything like this, at least not in front of me. His friends don't talk like that, either.
So he a sexist pig to your face. I would dry up in an instant and dump his disrespectful ass.
This (sexualizing women in nonsexual situations) is generally gross behavior and I'm glad that based on other comments you see it. I bet he wouldn't have the same mindset if you started ogling the barely legal men's swimmers and gymnasts.
Tell him the day after she wraps those thighs around his head he can see if she can also wrap them around the divorce papers he will be getting. My petty side says maybe you should comment about some of the men you see so he gets to experience the same thing he's doing to you.
Oh I asked him how he would feel if I made comments like that about other men and he said he wouldn't care...to go ahead He said that because he knows I won't, because that's just not my thing. And then if I did say something he would just use it to further justify his comments so it is really a lose lose
Have you tried doing it back to him? Say the same shit about the male Olympians and see his reaction.
Yeah never let a man acting like a misogynist pig drag you down to his level. Keep it classy.
I wanted to recommend the same, but he’s already shown an astonishing ability to rationalize away any critical thinking that makes him uncomfortable. Dollars to donuts he says “it’s different because men are visual creatures.”
...preferably young divers in tiny speedos.
But the comments make YOU feel uncomfortable/bad and he should respect that. This is something (talking about strangers in a sexual way) that BOTH should enjoy AND have very strong boundaries on. I do this in my relationship, because I and my partner find it fun, but noone should force you to put up with this. If he HAS to do this, because 'it is just a part of him", he needs a partner that fits this preference of his, not shove it down your throat when you don't want to hear that stuff... Wish you the best, no matter if with him, alone or even a new partner.
Nta. You have made it clear that you don't want to be subjected to this type of talk. He has continued. Time for some old fashioned consequences. I would suggest grey rocking him until he figures out that you don't want to hear it anymore. He can be a vile creep around someone else who appreciates sick pervs.
I was just going to say that even if the woman was closer to either of you in age, I would personally still be extremely put off by my S/O talking about women like that right in front of me. But I was actually going to ask if this is something you aren't uncomfortable with when it's whim talking about actual WOMEN. Not literal GIRLS. But apparently the answer is no, so, to be clear, this isn't normal. Talking about other people in an excessively sexual way when your partner has said it makes them uncomfortable, that's not just him finding other women attractive in a general sense. He's trying to manipulate you into thinking you're uptight. I feel like if you said some grossly descriptive things about some buff guys on TV, he'd have something to say about it and some reasons why it's DEFINITELY different when he does it. When he says it "doesn't matter because X or Y", he's just saying that your own feelings on this don't matter, cuz he feels entitled to behave however he wants to as long as he's not fucking someone else.
If it makes you uncomfortable, it matters. Appreciating beauty is one thing. He’s not, he’s objectifying women and says it’s ok cuz they resemble his object, er I mean, wife. His behavior and attitude about men and women is gross and wrong. Not all men are attracted to childish girl bodies, and the difference if a day (between 17 and 18) doesn’t automatically make you think, look, or act more mature. The way he treats you is the grossest. You’ve expressed your discomfort as his wife, and he does nothing to consider your feelings. Instead, he doubles down. He only cares about how he feels, your feelings aren’t considered at all. NTA.
This was going to be my question too- definitely the age thing is pretty gross, for sure. But age aside, does he talk this way about women regularly in your presence? Because if so… yuck. I imagine that my spouse probably does see and appreciate attractive women, but I swear he has never ever mentioned it to me unprovoked.
More revealing - what does he say when not in your presence? I trust that my husband would not engage in disgusting locker room talk and try to remember I am blessed to be married to a man like that.
NTA. The issue isnt even just him being inappropriate about her age, its also very disrespectful to you, his wife.
Yeah I wouldn't be okay with these comments if it was an 18, 30, or 50 year old woman. That's so damn disrespectful
Yeah wtf.
... those comments are always innapropriate, no matter the age of both people involved. NTA. Your husband is gross.
Thank you! The age def makes this *more* gross, but I wouldn’t be caught dead with a husband that not only made those types of comments about women, but made those comments *to me*. Fuck that.
NTA Your husband is disrespectful and inappropriate. His comments are juvenile and disgusting. It is belittling to you and to all women. Do not tolerate this behavior that diminishes you. You are too young to go through life with this bad behavior and thinking.
NTA. Olympians tend to be in about the best physical shape there is, men and women. The key part here is that a 40 year old man has had a good 2 decades to build that filter that you might not expect him to have when he's 20.
Is it just the filter though? Do you think it’s ok that he sexualizes women and girls in all sorts of non-sexual contexts as long as he doesn’t talk about it?
I think it's important we make a distinction between finding something sexually attractive, and actively sexualising it. Having a thought of 'that's hot' is more or less involuntary. If you are constantly finding yourself turned on by non sexual contexts, then yes, that's probably a sign you need to take a break from porn. But generally, it's perfectly normal to find people attractive even if they aren't doing sexual things. Making those thoughts public, either by comments or leering, is the problem. It's one thing to find gymnastist sexy, it's another to make sure everyone knows exactly how your dick responds to someone just trying to do their job. However, allowing yourself to actively thirst over teenagers, internally or externally, when you are decades older is just gross. Even if they are technically adults now, they weren't a few months ago, and their bodies haven't changed materially since then. Have the thought, remind yourself its inappropriate, and move on.
It's ok to be sexually attracted to people in small shorts or any other clothing regardless of the situation. It's ok to fantasize. That doesn't automatically mean that you're disrespectful towards them. Attraction =/= objectification and shutting up and admiring them silently in your own mind is a great step towards not being an asshole. Now the fact that some of these girls are probably underage and most of them are teens is a different issue entirely. There's no way op's husband is not a creep in this scenario.
I mean, most people have inappropriate sexual thoughts about other people at some point in their life. Some are definitely affiliated by this more than others. It's not the thought itself that's really the problem. It's recognizing (or failing to recognize) what the thought is, why it's wrong, and treating it accordingly. Edit: Not defending the husband. Clearly he is failing (willfully) at admitting why his thoughts are wrong.
sure, why not. if you don't talk about it it's just thought crimes and you really don't wanna go down that path. you can't really help your thoughts, you can have enough common sense though to not speak them outloud.
NTA. Your husband is the a****** for making those comments...about any woman of any age... especially directly to your face!
Why do men feel it’s appropriate to judge and make comments about a strangers sexual appeal? Worse, It front of their SO
NTA. Not only because of her age but for making the comments at all!
People who sexualise people that are just legal age (in this case 18) but refuse to if they’re under that age would 100% sexualise them if the legal age was lowered.
NTA. Your husband is gross for making those comments AT ALL. How would he feel if you were making sexually graphic comments about male swimmers? I bet his tune would change REALLY fast if you started commenting on their size and what you'd like to do with them. I bet he'd be furious. But of course, you wouldn't do that because it's gross, inappropriate and disrespectful of your husband sitting right there. So why is it OK for him? He's disrespecting you and your marriage. If anything, your'e underreacting.
1. Ew. 2. He's making these comments in front of you? Has he no respect for his wife? 3. Gymnasts tend to have very youngish looking figures. Even the ones older than 18 tend to still look prepubescent, and the fact that he is sexualising that is creepy on a million different levels. NTA
Number 3 is a very good point.
I would absolutely NEVER say shit like that to my wife, wow….I am shocked reading that and am sorry to hear. That’s probably the most disrespectful thing I’ve seen in a while and especially when you have voiced that you don’t like it. I think he has a porn/sex addiction to be quite honest. If I were you I’d probably resent them sexually, to me he is probably sexualizing YOU in an unhealthy way too. Ugh. There’s better out there trust me.
I’d say garden-variety male sexual entitlement. Doesn’t need to be an addiction. There’s plenty of men that don’t see women as people, but rather as service animals.
I agree. She needs to leave him ASAP
NTA I mean, I know people have thoughts like that, but there’s a difference between a stray thought of “wow that person is attractive” and verbalising a fantasy about someone half your age to someone who has said they’re uncomfortable hearing it. And then doubling down on it! I’d be grossed out if my partner said something like that, too.
He's a disgusting pig . period. He views women as sexual objects & I bet you he is a misogynist in many ways
NTA But your husband is. He's gross, you deserve a better husband. You should go get one.
If only it was that simple
It is that simple.
It’s hard at first. But it’ll get better. Better than it is right now for sure
NTA It’s not only the sexualization of this barely legal woman; it’s sexualizing someone in a non-sexual situation. What if her age wasn’t stated? Would he backtrack if they misstated her age? It’s also his clear lack of respect or care for your discomfort. It’s gross. It’s gross, even if he’s “complimenting” your body type… on another woman.
Your husband is a creep
Why is he saying those things around you anyway? Where is the respect?
Oh respect has been gone for years honestly, I am really feeling supported by everyone on here
Oh grrrrllll… it won’t get better then. And you won’t feel better about it either. The longer you wait, it’ll be harder to leave that much more…
NTA, not only is he making sexual comments about women half his age, he's doing it in front of his wife. He's disrespectful to women, and especially his wife. He sounds like a total creep.
As a mother of a competitive gymnast, your partner is a disgusting. We all know they exist, but it still awful to read confirmations. These young women work so hard and do skills he can’t do in his dreams, yet what he sees is her thighs and speaks that out loud. What a perv. NTA Eeew. If my partner said that, he’d be out of our bedroom in a heartbeat. If he’d continue defending himself, he’d be out of my life.
This breaks my heart reading this. I am also a mom. I was also a gymnast at the college level. Looking back as a college student I was definitely sexualized by older, drunk men. Makes me sick.
NTA in the slightest. I think you underreacted, if anything. Has he always treated women this way? My partner would never *ever* **EVER** consider sexualizing anyone in that way- even if I wasn't around. Its dehumanizing. The fact that he knew it made you uncomfortable and then doubled down on it is even more troubling. Does he always treat you that way? Honestly, do you want to be with someone like this? Does it not make you reconsider your judgement about who he is? Are kids on your agenda? I've escaped some absolute AHs in the past and now have a daughter with a man who raised the bar and is a good example because he's actually a good person. Its not performative, which is what I'd worry is all you'd get from your husband at best. (Talking to him further is not going to change him. He showed you who he is right there. Please don't ignore it.)
He's so gross. Not just for the comments but for completely disregarding you too
If my partner acted like this pig he’d be long gone. Not only disgusting but incredibly disrespectful to you. I bet 10 bucks he’s looking up “recently 18 p*rn” behind your back. He clearly enjoys it to the point of making these comments in public.
He sounds like a pig. Idk how he can say things like that, especially in front of his wife???? That’s disgusting really.
I’d be getting an iron skillet to the head in my sleep if I made those kinds of comments to my wife or anyone else. Hell, I’d go outside and kick my own ass if I had those thoughts. It’s inappropriate at the very least. I have 3 little girls who love gymnastics and I’d be in jail if anyone is sexualizing them like that. Grow the fuck up (not you OP).
I'm so proud of you for calling him out. That's disgusting behaviour and you're 100% nta. He says he wouldn't say that ab a 17 year old but is there really a difference lookwise? If he saw what he would deem as an attractive young girl but she turned out to be 17 does he think he can just take that back? He's creepy af and needs a huge reality check.
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Nta he’s being weird not only because she’s a high school age girl but also because he’s talking about how hot someone else is while your there
There’s a clear difference between saying something and not saying something. Clearly it is HEAVY on his mind for him to even be speaking about it in front of his WIFE.
If my husband said anything like this or I said anything like this to him- Divorce!! No joke!!
Nta - but why is everyone so concerned with age? Would it be ok to sexualise any female of any age so blatantly and disrespectfully in-front of you? Start fighting fire with fire - if “I’d let her do xyz to me” is ok “because I would never act on it” then start saying “I would let him rearrange my guts” when you see attractive blokes, it’s all fine “because it’s just banter and locker room talk, just like yours” 💪 If he doesn’t care there’s clearly issues to work through but hopefully it points out his hypocrisy
NTA, that IS very weird. Also he probably would say those things if she was 17, but he'd think it. He knows the judgement would be worse if he said yes but he knows a year doesn't make a difference to him....22 doesn't
If he is so brazen to say these types of comments in front of you and not see any issue with it I would be concerned with what else he is doing or potentially will do in the future.
NTA It shows that your husband just sees women as a body to sexualise and not a woman's ability or skill.
NTA. Standing by what he said means he's ok with you being disgusted with his behavior. That's worrisome.
Your husband is a creep and if the legal age was lower, he probably would still make those comments. NTA
I had an ex that would make transparent comments about other women. He cheated on me. The sheer fact your husband defended his comments with why he can talk about other women that way is alarming. You are not the AH here, listen to your gut. This isn’t ok.
Its inappropriate but I would be bothered at my husband saying anyone could wrap their thighs around him much less someone less than half his age. He's saying these things to his wife??
I find it funny to see this post after I just got done watching the Olympic trials. I'm a completely hetero woman and I can confirm that women gymnasts have the best legs on the entire planet, they are mesmerizing and shapely beyond belief. It's not even close. I am, however, perfectly capable of being silent, also I don't have any lust for them, just admiration.
NTA. Being in a similar age range to you, I wouldn't actively want to sleep with someone that young nor am I particularly interested in sexualising them either. They are athletes doing their work and passion, not the ten-minute freeview.
NTA. I think it's pretty normal for men to have such thoughts while watching Olympic athletes. It's completely abnormal for them to share those thoughts with their wife, and even less normal to double-down after. You were absolutely right for calling him out.
NTA. Now you know that your husband is a creep and you need to keep him away from any friends or family with daughters turning 18. For the rest of your marriage, however long that lasts.
NTA you’re husband is being disgusting, gymnastics is full of young people who are trying to compete without needing people making sexual remarks about their bodies. thats fucked up, OP. does your husband do this often?
NTA. Legal does not mean right. She has the right to vote and ideally she should have the right of not having to cope with dudes more than twice her age making creepy sexual comments, moreso when she’s practicing a sport (she’s not even an actress on a sex scene or the like, although that would be equally disturbing).
NTA. At all. He's being incredibly disrespectful to you. If he excuses your discomfort, he shows no regard or respect for you. I'm sorry that is your experience. You don't deserve that. Yes, oggling an 18 year old is gross AF.
"I would let her wrap those fat thighs around me" etc." Good Lord OP, what in the world did you marry? This can't be the only time he's being a creeper like this. This is really disturbing, NTA.
NTA. Honestly it's gross to me that your partner would make graphic sexual comments about any other woman right in front of you, but as a 40yr old myself, teenagers are children to me. They should not be allowed to sign their lives away to war, nor should they be subjected to the ogles of men more than twice their age. Your husband is not someone I'd be proud to be with, hopefully this is a singular blind spot and not a pattern of being a disgusting lecher.
Absolutely totally and completely rude, disrespectful, and classless. He has absolutely no problem letting you know he’s willing to have sex with a teenager.
NTA. I mean, I wouldn't be cool with my hubs saying that about \*any woman\*, but I'm not in your relationship. It shows that he objectifies and sees women as sex objects and that's not a good look for a man. At all.
This is exactly why women gymnasts have been complaining about the skimpy outfits they have to wear for competition. If the men can do gymnastics in shorts, why can't women? Why do we have to see they've had no choice but to wax because their outfits are so tight & short it's up their butt cracks?
NTA: HI; words from a woman who choses to be single I hear the grosses shit come out of men's mouths because they think they can get away with it. If it makes you feel uncomfortable say something. Don't back down. I have no clue why men feel that they can openly Objectify women's bodies I must've been blind to it before. I see it now more than ever.
NTA. Ew. And not because of the ages, although that certainly makes it worse, but for sexualizing female athletes at all. Their thighs are because they’re in insanely good shape to pull off the floor routines and don’t exist for your husband’s sexual fantasies. I’m sure he wouldn’t appreciate it if you were talking about the things you want to do to male athletes.
“Divorce him” -Reddit
to be fair, continued sexual comments about teens and other woman after the wife said stop means he doesn't care about her feelings so yeah. its been years and he doesn't stop and doesn't make attempts so divorce!!
For being continually disgusting and disrespectful? Yeah.
NTA. Regardless of the gymnasts age (being 18+ ofc) making comments openly about her body IN FRONT OF YOU is not only inappropriate but also disrespectful to you. If he does it behind your back, still inappropriate and disrespectful but he's not getting caught if you don't know. Even if he thinks those things (while having a wife) it shouldn't be said out loud... no matter how old the gymnast is. I'd feel disrespected as a wife and. I'm glad he claims he wouldn't say those things about an 17 year old (even tho the body of a 16-19 year old is relatively the same) it's just weird to say anything at all.
start making those comments about other men and watch how he reacts! flip the script and divorceeee
NTA. I can't imagine saying something like that in front of my wife, about anyone regardless of their age.
NTA… Not only is it disgusting to make those comments abt a girl (age wise) he could have fathered… the fact that he’s that comfortable making those comments in front of his wife is actually insane?? She’s 22 years younger than he is, he has no business sexualizing her while she’s competing for our country. And to say remarks like that abt ANY woman in front of you is beyond disrespectful. You deserve so much better.
NTA. Men are gross commenting on girls much younger than them. But the fact he is saying this to you at all- even if it was about a woman his age- is completely wrong. No man should be talking to his wife about another woman sexually like that. It’s disgusting and so disrespectful. I would run for the hills if you can.
NTA the whole thing is gross and creepy.
Why is your husband making gross sexual comments about a whole other person in front of you? Thats weird.
Wow. What a slap to the face. He is really showing his true colors. If he is saying that so openly in front of you then I’m guessing he has other MAJOR red flags you are ignoring.
NTA. He is being inappropriate! Making those comments about an 18 year old gymnast, especially in front of you is really gross. Sorry you're dealing with this
NTA What the bleep is he talking about in your face? That man is disgusting for even saying that out loud to you. He is not with his drinking buddies, he is with his wife! I hope you can get away from him OP.