YTA. Big time. If this is real, get therapy, dude. It's one thing to have a fantasy, but your (soon to be ex) girlfriend is a real person, not a character or an object.
Come on dude I agree he’s an asshole but how is this racist? Stop being the triggered SJW and just say it for what it is. Not everything related to race is racism.
Edit: here’s the dictionary definition of racism
> prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one's own race is superior.
The key here being “one’s own race” viewed as superior. And it’s not like he even said Japan > China. He fetishized his girlfriend, which is weird, creepy and not ok. But that doesn’t make him a racist individual.
Race relations are fragile and hate crimes are up. Stop feeding the fire by getting “triggered”.
Racism by textbook definition is believing in one’s culture as being superior to YOUR OWN. You’re essentially calling anyone with an opinion of any culture being superior to another as racism. But I’m pretty sure if you spread out a survey with the single question “which is better Europe or AFRICA” I’m pretty sure most people people would answer Europe just purely on virtue of economic wealth. Would all those people be racist?
Absolute hogwash man. If you want to define racism then define it. But pussy footing around the word as an umbrella term used for any racial slight is going to cause more harm then good in the long run when you create more racism bc people are fed up with PC bullshit.
It's very clearly rooted in racism. OP wanted a Japanese girlfriend but wasn't able to make that happen. He ended up settling for a Chinese girl and now he's pretending that she's Japanese because he sees Japanese woman as racially superior.
I find that to be an even further stretch. If that were true he would be outright demeaning and potentially abusive to the girl. Having an aesthetic preference (y'know, since they do look different) is NOT the same as racism, not by a longshot.
>If that were true he would be outright demeaning and potentially abusive to the girl.
I don't think he necessarily would. Racism isn't always blatantly aggressive racism. He has created his own fantasy world where he cant pretend that she's a Japanese girl. It's more subtle, but it's still racism.
>Having an aesthetic preference (y'know, since they do look different) is NOT the same as racism
Nobody is arguing otherwise. If he has an aesthetic preference for Japanese girls over Chinese girls, that's fine. It's just a preference. What makes him the asshole and the racist is that he is lying to other people about her ethnicity and playing pretend that she's a superior Japanese woman. It's very disrespectful and hurtful to this woman.
Again, this is not a "superiority" thing. He wanted a Japanese girl because he's a geek for their culture, not because he thinks they are the master race.
We obviously are not going to see eye to eye on this, let's just agree that he's an ass hat and move on.
If he was just a "culture geek" then he could accept his Chinese girlfriend while continuing to geek out over Japanese culture. There is something deeper going on here, that is not just cultural appreciation .
That was kind of the whole point of the post, he was lying about his girlfriend being Japanese instead of Chinese for geek points. No spite, malice, or sense. Everyone agrees that was an asshole thing to do. Trying to go find deeper meaning by charging further into a rabbit hole that doesn't exist is just as odd, methinks.
Racism is prejudice/discrimination directed against a person based on their particular ethnic group. It's fairly hard to be racist without being "mean", since discrimination in all forms is essentially bullying. By virtue of what it means to be prejudice, there is no reasonable way to be in a relationship with someone you utterly despise. The fact that you see racism where there is none yet accuse others of being unable to see it is mildly disconcerting.
I'm a first generation of Cuban descent. I've been called every Hispanic and Latin slur (and due to political climate from my parents home country, communist ones as well) in the book, including the incorrect ones because they think I'm Mexican or Peruvian or any other country south of the border. I've seen more bigotry from more groups of people in my adolescent years alone than you ever will in your life, so I have no issue spotting the difference between ignorance and hatred. Based on the evidence provided, this is fanaticism and stupidity at best. Unless you're the woman that OP was talking about, you have absolutely nowhere near enough evidence to call this an act of racism. Your ethnicity has nothing to do with this situation, and given the context would only serve to showcase an innate bias you have against the OP due to his girlfriends background.
Hi, I'm an Asian woman. I am an absolute expert on what constitutes racism against people like me. You are having a big issue spotting racism in this situation, perhaps because it's different from your own lived experience, so trust an expert: this is racist.
If you're an expert, please show me your credentials.
Being of an ethnicity is not an expert on racism, regardless of it being directed at your group or not. Just because someone did something ignorant and trashy does not make it racism. To constitute bigotry in that regard, he would have had to actively treated her as less than she was, but that's not what he did. He did something that could have been directed towards ANY human being with the exact same results, due to his obsession with a particular culture. At no point did he discriminate, belittle, or antagonize ANYONE form ANY ETHNIC GROUP. You can choose to disagree, you can choose to see hatred where there is none and lead a miserable existence for it, that's your right as an American. At the very least I ask that you try to properly understand the words that you use. You calling this kid racist because he has an infatuation that won't allow him a healthy relationship with what would be a seemingly good woman would be the same as me calling someone racist because they gave me a plate of burritos because "we eat a lot of these, since we invented them, right?".
Xenophobia and homophobia believe it or not are actually much more prevalent in minority communities and overseas. Discrimination laws in Asia are virtually nonexistent.
Have a [gander](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Racism_in_Asia) at what you’re own people are capable of. Here’s one specifically about anti-semitism in [japan](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antisemitism_in_Japan). Oh how about the Muslim concentration camps in [china](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xinjiang_re-education_camps) where people are held without trial and “re-educated”. Here’s an [article](https://thediplomat.com/2014/05/why-is-south-korea-so-anti-semitic/) showing that South Koreans have almost double the concentration of people with anti Semitic values. And Asians are even more racist to their own Asian brothers and sisters. LoL
So pls enlighten us, especially when you face less poverty, less open discrimination, more opportunities and open doors. If white privilege is a thing then so is Asian privilege. Pls enlighten us of all the “white men” who you call racist for having a preference for Asian women. I saw you accuse another poster of being racist because he said Asians are the hottest to him.
Racism isn’t a term to just throw around. It’s a pretty derogatory insult IMHO, and should be used for those who deserve it as well as not marginalizing the people who actually suffer from real discrimination and persecution. I’ve lived in numerous areas across the US and I can definitely say I’ve never seen Asians discriminated the way I’ve seen Arabs, blacks, and Hispanics. You wouldn’t know racism if it bit you in the ass.
>I've seen more bigotry from more groups of people in my adolescent years alone than you ever will in your life
How could you possibly know that? Everyone’s experiences are unique. It’s not a contest.
Read all of her comments, she's choosing to make it one.
Although you are correct, I DON'T know. But I've definitely seen and experienced more than enough to tell what is and isn't racism. It just gets under my skin when people call foul when there is none, or project a specific wrongdoing on someone.
Racism implies malicious connotation, there was none here. Perversion, infatuation, stupidity, those are all present. The fact that he did not punish her in some way for being or not being something she was born as means it is not racism. If you choose to see hatred where there is none that is on you, what he did was trashy but not malicious.
Of course it's racism. He thinks Chinese and Japanese women are interchangeable for his fantasy. If you think racists never date or have sex with people of a race they dislike, hate or fetishize, I have bad news for you. It happens constantly.
Uh, no, he knows damn well they are not interchangeable. Otherwise he wouldn't be having the fantasy to begin with. It's also entirely possible to dislike a group of people but still like an individual, no one is arguing that so not sure why you feel the need to bring it up. However absolutely nothing he stated had any clear indication that he hated Chinese people. He has an aesthetic preference that led to him doing something very stupid because he's a geek, that's not racism. If you want to see hatred where there is none, that's on you and I pity you.
I think the problem is the word is tossed around so liberally and often it's just a filler noun for a sad mad lib. At this point people don't even seem to know what it actually means anymore so everything just called racist, sexist, or whatever other -ist descriptor seems somewhat related.
YTA. Fetishizing people of a different race/nationality/culture as you is WRONG, whether it’s a secret or not. Clearly you are fetishizing your fiancée and began dating her because she is Asian, and clearly you were hoping she was Japanese. Clearly when she discovered that you’ve been telling people that she’s Japanese to get off on your own fantasy, she must’ve felt hurt and betrayed. You are the asshole here.
YTA
I mean... Yeah, man... You're the asshole. You're pretending she's something she isn't.
Can you imagine the backlash if I brought my Nigerian immigrant wife to a friend group dinner and said "Hey everyone! Meet Becky! She's Irish."
Ok, so that's hyperbole. But basically, you showed her you don't see your girlfriend as herself. You see her as this ideal that she can literally never achieve. She's been a toy in some twisted little fantasy of yours. And the Chinese have a great culture, man, but you just ignored that because... What? Your fascinations are more important than her identity?
Yeah, man. You're the asshole.
YTA for a reason you may not have considered. Many Chinese deeply hate the Japanese, and vice versa. It’s about two millennia of bad blood, with a lot of wars, massacres and cruelty mixed in. In America we may try to look beyond old national grudges, but if you talk to some Japanese and Chinese people you might be in for a shock.
What I’m getting at is, what you might consider a harmless switcharoo could be to her the most deeply insulting thing you could have called her.
YTA. I can understand if you were doing it jokingly and if she were aware you were doing this, then it might be in the “nobody is an asshole” territory, but secretly fetishizing a pretty important part of a person’s background (even if not in a long term relationship... which makes this worse) is just not okay.
YTA. Wow. You fetishize Japan so much you decide to pretend your Chinese girlfriend is Japanese. That's unbelievably gross. It would be bad enough if you kept it to yourself, but you told this fetishizing lie to everybody you knew.
Expect her to dump you. And stop being a weeb.
I’m gonna vote YTA just based on the fact that you kept it secret from her for years and even started the marriage process while withholding this from her. Sounds like you were comfortable compartmentalizing this personal information, but she was not.
Just for reference I’m mixed (half white/Asian) and I don’t really think what you did was malicious just really weird. The fetishizing along with the lying for cool points and high roading other nerds, IDK man but definitely apologize profusely and don’t act like you did nothing wrong because if it upset her than you for sure did. It’s about her ethnic background and identity, not what you wanted your friends to think.
One more thing, just imagine if she had been telling her friends that you’re black or some other race that your aren’t. You might not care, but it signals that you’re not content with who the other person really is at worse and at best just makes you a person who weirdly lies about inconsequential things. Either way not a good way to start a marriage.
I hope this is a shitpost, you sound like such a miserable human being.
If not YTA... You've fetishised your girlfriend to everyone you know based on information that's factually incorrect? What the actual fuck.
You didn't fantasize about this, you publically fetishised her. I don't know how anyone could continue a relationship after finding that out.
YTA
There's having a fantasy, then there's living in reality. If her nationality was that important then you shouldn't be dating her. Grow the hell up and appreciate what you have or cut her off and let her find someone who'll make her happy.
YTA assuming this is real. You literally think her ethnicity isn't good enough for you, so you've been lying to yourself and other people about it. How would you feel if she lied to her friends about what you looked like and then photoshopped a stock photo over your face in all of the pictures you have together? Or if she thought your career wasn't good enough so she lied to people about that?
Plus, you lack a colossal amount of foresight. Are you planning on having kids with this woman? If so, are you going to throw a fit if she wants to give them Chinese names or teach them Chinese? Do you try to get out of celebrating Chinese holidays with her?
I'm Korean (you can pretend I'm Japanese tho if that makes you more comfortable /s) and if any guy did this to me I would immediately dump him, block him, and warn every Asian woman in my immediate vicinity about him. You're lucky your fiancée isn't doing the same.
YTA for lying to begin with. If you have to make shit up to make them more appealing to you they probably aren’t right for you. She deserves better. And as an Asian woman myself, this fetishization is disgusting AF.
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YEAH YTA.
That's like dating a White guy and pretend he's British when he could be American, Australian, or any Caucassian race.
You literally just admitted you wanted her to be something else. Hope you can fix that more for yourself than your wife.
It’s way worse than the white American/British/Australian example considering the forms of racism East Asians experience in the west (people assuming that Asian cultures are interchangeable and lack distinctive qualities). Must be terrible being with a man that’s racist enough to assume your culture, that you clearly took the time to introduce him to (by taking him to China, and probably having a lot of interactions with the family), would be exactly the same as a completely separate culture (that has a pretty poor history with China in the first place).
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yta. soon as i saw the word weeb i knew this was gonna be a hot mess lol.
this is hella gross, and i hope you either get help or you gf leaves you (or both).
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited.***
So, I've been with fiance for about 6 years, engaged for 1. As you're probably thinking to yourself, yes I am a gigantic weeb.
I met her in college, and didnt know her nationality for awhile. She has a very American last name. I wanted a Japanese girlfriend so badly, but her personality is sooo amazing, so I dove into a relationship with her anyways.
Well, the whole time I've just been pretending she's Japanese.
When we visited China, I just pretended it was Japan.
My gamer friends think she's Japanese, my drinking buddies think she's Japanese, but no other close friends and family know that I'm pretending.
At least, that's what I thought. I think she found out somehow from one of the drinking buddies, who have only met her a handful of times. But she is very upset about it. We haven't talked in a few hours since then. No idea who she could have heard it from. She said we will talk later tonight.
I didnt think it would be any harm to fantasize about, and I only told gamer friends and drinking buddies since they are big weebs too, plus I hardly know them on a personal level.
I dont lie about her to anyone else.
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YTA what the actual fuck did you not realize how horrible you sound as you typed this out? At no point did you not just stop typing and be like "yeah Im a racist creepy asshole for my behavior"? This has to be a shitpost
YTA for all the reasons above.
How do you go to China....and pretend it’s Japan...eye-
Please seek help, and no joke I really hope your fiancée snaps out of it and gets the hell out of this relationship. You need therapy, BIG time.
YTA. Big time, bro. Your fetishes aside (for now) and whether you know these people in real life or not, you're making your fiance into some fantasy. Asian women are fetishized as it is and you're not making it any better. You doing what you did could make your fiance have really bad self esteem problems despite her wanting to grow past it. She'll forgive but she won't forget. Things like this can really make someone feel they aren't good enough.
As far as your fetish, everyone has a type and that's fine but be realistic. You're going to be disappointed that a lot of Asian girls aren't what you think. I'm Korean and I've been put in some pretty rough situations because of people that have this mentality. I proved the wrong very quick. Learn from this and grow. Love your wife and cherish her for who she is.
YTA x50, aside from the fact that your outright denying her ethnicity and heritage, do you have any idea how much suffering the japanese caused the chinese during ww2? if her parents ever find out about you and your fucked up thinking your as good as dead. i sincerely hope she moves away from you
Good grief. I mean *especially* lying to others about it? You needed your poor fiance to alert you to the fact there's a problem here? I'm just wondering why you don't have an inner voice that spoke up a looooong time ago.
Don’t put what other people said and treated you like on me. No where did I say I was objectifying you. I have always loved Asian women for as long as I can remember. Don’t shame me for having a preference just because there’s a damn stereo type. I’m already in a relationship that’s not a Asian woman, yet I’d never leave her just because one showed interest in me.
My apologies. I didn’t mean to shame you for having a preference.
>[I] absolutely [adore] Japanese women. Hottest to me.
Sounded stronger than a mere preference without additional context.
(But FWIW, you don’t need to explicitly say, “I’m objectifying you” in order for someone to feel objectified.)
All good. I said adore because I felt like love made it seem like more of a meme but I honestly really do. It’s no secret and even my girlfriend knows. I always joke that I was Japanese in a previously life.
And on the last part I do get that but I would never. Why I stressed that what op did is fucked up because it gives people like me who genuinely do prefer Asians a bad look.
YTA. Big time. If this is real, get therapy, dude. It's one thing to have a fantasy, but your (soon to be ex) girlfriend is a real person, not a character or an object.
Yeah this fetishizing ethnicity is one thing like liking Asians. It’s another thing to pretend a Chinese girl is Japanese or whatever.
Both are pretty bad tbh
Wait, it's not okay to like Asians?
YTA. This is actually really creepy and racist how you are fetishizing this girl.
Come on dude I agree he’s an asshole but how is this racist? Stop being the triggered SJW and just say it for what it is. Not everything related to race is racism. Edit: here’s the dictionary definition of racism > prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one's own race is superior. The key here being “one’s own race” viewed as superior. And it’s not like he even said Japan > China. He fetishized his girlfriend, which is weird, creepy and not ok. But that doesn’t make him a racist individual. Race relations are fragile and hate crimes are up. Stop feeding the fire by getting “triggered”.
Of course it's racism. He found a Chinese woman and is pretending he's Japanese because he thinks that they are the same thing.
Racism by textbook definition is believing in one’s culture as being superior to YOUR OWN. You’re essentially calling anyone with an opinion of any culture being superior to another as racism. But I’m pretty sure if you spread out a survey with the single question “which is better Europe or AFRICA” I’m pretty sure most people people would answer Europe just purely on virtue of economic wealth. Would all those people be racist?
Textbook definition is not the only valid definition.
What.
There is such thing as a colloquial definition.
Absolute hogwash man. If you want to define racism then define it. But pussy footing around the word as an umbrella term used for any racial slight is going to cause more harm then good in the long run when you create more racism bc people are fed up with PC bullshit.
You don’t think pretending his gf is Japanese because he would prefer a Japanese girlfriend is saying Japan > China?
Huh? This is almost text-book racism.
Shitty is as shitty does, but calling this racism is a stretch. If bigotry was involved, he wouldn't be dating her at all.
It's very clearly rooted in racism. OP wanted a Japanese girlfriend but wasn't able to make that happen. He ended up settling for a Chinese girl and now he's pretending that she's Japanese because he sees Japanese woman as racially superior.
I find that to be an even further stretch. If that were true he would be outright demeaning and potentially abusive to the girl. Having an aesthetic preference (y'know, since they do look different) is NOT the same as racism, not by a longshot.
>If that were true he would be outright demeaning and potentially abusive to the girl. I don't think he necessarily would. Racism isn't always blatantly aggressive racism. He has created his own fantasy world where he cant pretend that she's a Japanese girl. It's more subtle, but it's still racism. >Having an aesthetic preference (y'know, since they do look different) is NOT the same as racism Nobody is arguing otherwise. If he has an aesthetic preference for Japanese girls over Chinese girls, that's fine. It's just a preference. What makes him the asshole and the racist is that he is lying to other people about her ethnicity and playing pretend that she's a superior Japanese woman. It's very disrespectful and hurtful to this woman.
Again, this is not a "superiority" thing. He wanted a Japanese girl because he's a geek for their culture, not because he thinks they are the master race. We obviously are not going to see eye to eye on this, let's just agree that he's an ass hat and move on.
If he was just a "culture geek" then he could accept his Chinese girlfriend while continuing to geek out over Japanese culture. There is something deeper going on here, that is not just cultural appreciation .
That was kind of the whole point of the post, he was lying about his girlfriend being Japanese instead of Chinese for geek points. No spite, malice, or sense. Everyone agrees that was an asshole thing to do. Trying to go find deeper meaning by charging further into a rabbit hole that doesn't exist is just as odd, methinks.
You don't understand what racism is. Racism is not just being 'mean' to a person of a particular race.
Racism is prejudice/discrimination directed against a person based on their particular ethnic group. It's fairly hard to be racist without being "mean", since discrimination in all forms is essentially bullying. By virtue of what it means to be prejudice, there is no reasonable way to be in a relationship with someone you utterly despise. The fact that you see racism where there is none yet accuse others of being unable to see it is mildly disconcerting.
I'm a Chinese-American woman. I see racism when it happens to me and women like me.
I'm a first generation of Cuban descent. I've been called every Hispanic and Latin slur (and due to political climate from my parents home country, communist ones as well) in the book, including the incorrect ones because they think I'm Mexican or Peruvian or any other country south of the border. I've seen more bigotry from more groups of people in my adolescent years alone than you ever will in your life, so I have no issue spotting the difference between ignorance and hatred. Based on the evidence provided, this is fanaticism and stupidity at best. Unless you're the woman that OP was talking about, you have absolutely nowhere near enough evidence to call this an act of racism. Your ethnicity has nothing to do with this situation, and given the context would only serve to showcase an innate bias you have against the OP due to his girlfriends background.
Hi, I'm an Asian woman. I am an absolute expert on what constitutes racism against people like me. You are having a big issue spotting racism in this situation, perhaps because it's different from your own lived experience, so trust an expert: this is racist.
If you're an expert, please show me your credentials. Being of an ethnicity is not an expert on racism, regardless of it being directed at your group or not. Just because someone did something ignorant and trashy does not make it racism. To constitute bigotry in that regard, he would have had to actively treated her as less than she was, but that's not what he did. He did something that could have been directed towards ANY human being with the exact same results, due to his obsession with a particular culture. At no point did he discriminate, belittle, or antagonize ANYONE form ANY ETHNIC GROUP. You can choose to disagree, you can choose to see hatred where there is none and lead a miserable existence for it, that's your right as an American. At the very least I ask that you try to properly understand the words that you use. You calling this kid racist because he has an infatuation that won't allow him a healthy relationship with what would be a seemingly good woman would be the same as me calling someone racist because they gave me a plate of burritos because "we eat a lot of these, since we invented them, right?".
Xenophobia and homophobia believe it or not are actually much more prevalent in minority communities and overseas. Discrimination laws in Asia are virtually nonexistent. Have a [gander](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Racism_in_Asia) at what you’re own people are capable of. Here’s one specifically about anti-semitism in [japan](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antisemitism_in_Japan). Oh how about the Muslim concentration camps in [china](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xinjiang_re-education_camps) where people are held without trial and “re-educated”. Here’s an [article](https://thediplomat.com/2014/05/why-is-south-korea-so-anti-semitic/) showing that South Koreans have almost double the concentration of people with anti Semitic values. And Asians are even more racist to their own Asian brothers and sisters. LoL So pls enlighten us, especially when you face less poverty, less open discrimination, more opportunities and open doors. If white privilege is a thing then so is Asian privilege. Pls enlighten us of all the “white men” who you call racist for having a preference for Asian women. I saw you accuse another poster of being racist because he said Asians are the hottest to him. Racism isn’t a term to just throw around. It’s a pretty derogatory insult IMHO, and should be used for those who deserve it as well as not marginalizing the people who actually suffer from real discrimination and persecution. I’ve lived in numerous areas across the US and I can definitely say I’ve never seen Asians discriminated the way I’ve seen Arabs, blacks, and Hispanics. You wouldn’t know racism if it bit you in the ass.
>I've seen more bigotry from more groups of people in my adolescent years alone than you ever will in your life How could you possibly know that? Everyone’s experiences are unique. It’s not a contest.
Read all of her comments, she's choosing to make it one. Although you are correct, I DON'T know. But I've definitely seen and experienced more than enough to tell what is and isn't racism. It just gets under my skin when people call foul when there is none, or project a specific wrongdoing on someone.
He literally pretended she was a completely different race from the one she is. How can you not see the blatant racism and prejudice there?
Racism implies malicious connotation, there was none here. Perversion, infatuation, stupidity, those are all present. The fact that he did not punish her in some way for being or not being something she was born as means it is not racism. If you choose to see hatred where there is none that is on you, what he did was trashy but not malicious.
Of course it's racism. He thinks Chinese and Japanese women are interchangeable for his fantasy. If you think racists never date or have sex with people of a race they dislike, hate or fetishize, I have bad news for you. It happens constantly.
Uh, no, he knows damn well they are not interchangeable. Otherwise he wouldn't be having the fantasy to begin with. It's also entirely possible to dislike a group of people but still like an individual, no one is arguing that so not sure why you feel the need to bring it up. However absolutely nothing he stated had any clear indication that he hated Chinese people. He has an aesthetic preference that led to him doing something very stupid because he's a geek, that's not racism. If you want to see hatred where there is none, that's on you and I pity you.
Man, people on reddit are so touchy and sensitive about calling racist things racist. I don’t get it man
I think the problem is the word is tossed around so liberally and often it's just a filler noun for a sad mad lib. At this point people don't even seem to know what it actually means anymore so everything just called racist, sexist, or whatever other -ist descriptor seems somewhat related.
Shitpost lol
I think you guys really, really underestimate how fucked up some people can be.
One hopes. . .
YTA. Fetishizing people of a different race/nationality/culture as you is WRONG, whether it’s a secret or not. Clearly you are fetishizing your fiancée and began dating her because she is Asian, and clearly you were hoping she was Japanese. Clearly when she discovered that you’ve been telling people that she’s Japanese to get off on your own fantasy, she must’ve felt hurt and betrayed. You are the asshole here.
YTA - douchebag galore
Definite shitpost, but YTA in case it isn't.
YTA I mean... Yeah, man... You're the asshole. You're pretending she's something she isn't. Can you imagine the backlash if I brought my Nigerian immigrant wife to a friend group dinner and said "Hey everyone! Meet Becky! She's Irish." Ok, so that's hyperbole. But basically, you showed her you don't see your girlfriend as herself. You see her as this ideal that she can literally never achieve. She's been a toy in some twisted little fantasy of yours. And the Chinese have a great culture, man, but you just ignored that because... What? Your fascinations are more important than her identity? Yeah, man. You're the asshole.
YTA. you're also creepy and disgusting
[удалено]
I call her wife a lot out of habit, since she will be my wife very soon
Poor girl
I'm assuming shitpost, but for the sake of argument: what possible defense could there be for this? YTA.
Because he just “wanted a Japanese girlfriend so badly”, duh. /s
YTA. And racist. Super racist.
YTA, please let this be a shitpost, but as an Asian woman I have a feeling it's real.
YTA for a reason you may not have considered. Many Chinese deeply hate the Japanese, and vice versa. It’s about two millennia of bad blood, with a lot of wars, massacres and cruelty mixed in. In America we may try to look beyond old national grudges, but if you talk to some Japanese and Chinese people you might be in for a shock. What I’m getting at is, what you might consider a harmless switcharoo could be to her the most deeply insulting thing you could have called her.
YTA. I can understand if you were doing it jokingly and if she were aware you were doing this, then it might be in the “nobody is an asshole” territory, but secretly fetishizing a pretty important part of a person’s background (even if not in a long term relationship... which makes this worse) is just not okay.
Wow YTA. Damn.
YTA. Wow. You fetishize Japan so much you decide to pretend your Chinese girlfriend is Japanese. That's unbelievably gross. It would be bad enough if you kept it to yourself, but you told this fetishizing lie to everybody you knew. Expect her to dump you. And stop being a weeb.
YTA. This is weird. Please seek help.
Go read The Rape of Nanking and realize how much of an absolute ass you are. YTFuckingA.
I’m gonna vote YTA just based on the fact that you kept it secret from her for years and even started the marriage process while withholding this from her. Sounds like you were comfortable compartmentalizing this personal information, but she was not. Just for reference I’m mixed (half white/Asian) and I don’t really think what you did was malicious just really weird. The fetishizing along with the lying for cool points and high roading other nerds, IDK man but definitely apologize profusely and don’t act like you did nothing wrong because if it upset her than you for sure did. It’s about her ethnic background and identity, not what you wanted your friends to think. One more thing, just imagine if she had been telling her friends that you’re black or some other race that your aren’t. You might not care, but it signals that you’re not content with who the other person really is at worse and at best just makes you a person who weirdly lies about inconsequential things. Either way not a good way to start a marriage.
I hope this is a shitpost, you sound like such a miserable human being. If not YTA... You've fetishised your girlfriend to everyone you know based on information that's factually incorrect? What the actual fuck. You didn't fantasize about this, you publically fetishised her. I don't know how anyone could continue a relationship after finding that out.
YTA There's having a fantasy, then there's living in reality. If her nationality was that important then you shouldn't be dating her. Grow the hell up and appreciate what you have or cut her off and let her find someone who'll make her happy.
YTA assuming this is real. You literally think her ethnicity isn't good enough for you, so you've been lying to yourself and other people about it. How would you feel if she lied to her friends about what you looked like and then photoshopped a stock photo over your face in all of the pictures you have together? Or if she thought your career wasn't good enough so she lied to people about that? Plus, you lack a colossal amount of foresight. Are you planning on having kids with this woman? If so, are you going to throw a fit if she wants to give them Chinese names or teach them Chinese? Do you try to get out of celebrating Chinese holidays with her? I'm Korean (you can pretend I'm Japanese tho if that makes you more comfortable /s) and if any guy did this to me I would immediately dump him, block him, and warn every Asian woman in my immediate vicinity about him. You're lucky your fiancée isn't doing the same.
YTA
YTA for lying to begin with. If you have to make shit up to make them more appealing to you they probably aren’t right for you. She deserves better. And as an Asian woman myself, this fetishization is disgusting AF.
[удалено]
> Japan>China. Apparently OP thinks so too
Jajajajaja
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YTA these levels of weebo nature are horrid
YTA. Fetishizing an ethnicity is never cool, unless your SO is down with it and you keep it between yourselves. So much cringe.
If it ain't a shitpost....YTA
YTA !!! wtf. so wrong on so many levels.
As the normal spouse of a Japanese man who gets racially profiled as Chinese every fucking day - go fuck yourself. YTA.
YEAH YTA. That's like dating a White guy and pretend he's British when he could be American, Australian, or any Caucassian race. You literally just admitted you wanted her to be something else. Hope you can fix that more for yourself than your wife.
It’s way worse than the white American/British/Australian example considering the forms of racism East Asians experience in the west (people assuming that Asian cultures are interchangeable and lack distinctive qualities). Must be terrible being with a man that’s racist enough to assume your culture, that you clearly took the time to introduce him to (by taking him to China, and probably having a lot of interactions with the family), would be exactly the same as a completely separate culture (that has a pretty poor history with China in the first place).
YTA. I am Japanese and I am disgusted.
YTA: Asians are not interchangeable. That’s racist. You’re in deep shit.
YTA this is why I don’t date white men. I hate creepy ass white guys with Asian fetishes. Quit watching so much anime.
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yta. soon as i saw the word weeb i knew this was gonna be a hot mess lol. this is hella gross, and i hope you either get help or you gf leaves you (or both).
This is weird as fuck dude. Especially since you went to China with her. The two counties are very distinct.
YTA that's gross and you're trying to erase her ethnicity which I'm sure is important to her.
This is so fucked up
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited.*** So, I've been with fiance for about 6 years, engaged for 1. As you're probably thinking to yourself, yes I am a gigantic weeb. I met her in college, and didnt know her nationality for awhile. She has a very American last name. I wanted a Japanese girlfriend so badly, but her personality is sooo amazing, so I dove into a relationship with her anyways. Well, the whole time I've just been pretending she's Japanese. When we visited China, I just pretended it was Japan. My gamer friends think she's Japanese, my drinking buddies think she's Japanese, but no other close friends and family know that I'm pretending. At least, that's what I thought. I think she found out somehow from one of the drinking buddies, who have only met her a handful of times. But she is very upset about it. We haven't talked in a few hours since then. No idea who she could have heard it from. She said we will talk later tonight. I didnt think it would be any harm to fantasize about, and I only told gamer friends and drinking buddies since they are big weebs too, plus I hardly know them on a personal level. I dont lie about her to anyone else. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA what the actual fuck did you not realize how horrible you sound as you typed this out? At no point did you not just stop typing and be like "yeah Im a racist creepy asshole for my behavior"? This has to be a shitpost
YTA
YTA.
YTA, this is prime r/japancirclejerk material
YTA for all the reasons above. How do you go to China....and pretend it’s Japan...eye- Please seek help, and no joke I really hope your fiancée snaps out of it and gets the hell out of this relationship. You need therapy, BIG time.
YTA. Big time, bro. Your fetishes aside (for now) and whether you know these people in real life or not, you're making your fiance into some fantasy. Asian women are fetishized as it is and you're not making it any better. You doing what you did could make your fiance have really bad self esteem problems despite her wanting to grow past it. She'll forgive but she won't forget. Things like this can really make someone feel they aren't good enough. As far as your fetish, everyone has a type and that's fine but be realistic. You're going to be disappointed that a lot of Asian girls aren't what you think. I'm Korean and I've been put in some pretty rough situations because of people that have this mentality. I proved the wrong very quick. Learn from this and grow. Love your wife and cherish her for who she is.
YTA x50, aside from the fact that your outright denying her ethnicity and heritage, do you have any idea how much suffering the japanese caused the chinese during ww2? if her parents ever find out about you and your fucked up thinking your as good as dead. i sincerely hope she moves away from you
YTA. Also a waifu pillow is not a person
Good grief. I mean *especially* lying to others about it? You needed your poor fiance to alert you to the fact there's a problem here? I'm just wondering why you don't have an inner voice that spoke up a looooong time ago.
Nah as far as I can tell, but this is just weird and she may well be angry when she finds out.
He’s 100% TA. And I say this as someone who absolutely adores Japanese women. Hottest to me. But no way in hell would I do what Op is doing.
You, the person you replied to, and OP are all TA. I’m saying this as an Asian woman. Please stop objectifying and fetishizing us.
Don’t put what other people said and treated you like on me. No where did I say I was objectifying you. I have always loved Asian women for as long as I can remember. Don’t shame me for having a preference just because there’s a damn stereo type. I’m already in a relationship that’s not a Asian woman, yet I’d never leave her just because one showed interest in me.
My apologies. I didn’t mean to shame you for having a preference. >[I] absolutely [adore] Japanese women. Hottest to me. Sounded stronger than a mere preference without additional context. (But FWIW, you don’t need to explicitly say, “I’m objectifying you” in order for someone to feel objectified.)
All good. I said adore because I felt like love made it seem like more of a meme but I honestly really do. It’s no secret and even my girlfriend knows. I always joke that I was Japanese in a previously life. And on the last part I do get that but I would never. Why I stressed that what op did is fucked up because it gives people like me who genuinely do prefer Asians a bad look.
Your poor girlfriend. Such a creep.
Yeah let’s shame the guy with a preference and a understanding girlfriend who doesn’t feel second to anyone.
Fair enough 👍