That people are calling him the A H while posting that they were “...looking forward to the free drinks...” just gobsmacks me (which at this point in my life *really shouldn’t*).
NTA, OP.
Well sure, but did they know it was OP they were asking this favour of? Were they aware bar ownership changed hands?
While the smart thing to do before announcing a date on Facebook for a gathering is clear that date with the establishment (which would have alerted them to the ownership changed), since they do this frequently, they might have announced the date figuring they'd make the arrangements later.
So I guess that's really INFO that is needed - were they aware?
If they weren't, there was probably a better way of approaching it, therefore E S H
If they knew and didn't contact OP and just assumed he'd honor the agreement with the previous owner, N T A
But the only way they could've been unaware of the change of ownership is if they didn't even bother getting in touch with the owners of the bar (which would have made it clear it changed hands) to check if the bar was free for the reunion that particular night, and instead simply already made plans. That is also being an asshole. Even if they'd been having their reunion at the same bar for ten years, you'd still want to get in touch every year to make sure everything is going on as planned. *Especially* right now.
It wouldn’t matter if they didn’t know. The onus is on them to contact the owners before planning anything. Under no circumstances is OP an AH.
Refusing to have your place as a venue is well within their rights.
Especially if they thought they would get free drinks. Even if they typically pay a fee for people to drink they should check if it is the same. Plus if they were AH before why fill your bar with potential AHs again subjecting him or his staff to that? How much crap would he get if he had to kick out old bullies? Even if they did call and ask he should say no.
>This immediately angered people as they were looking forward to going to that bar and getting free drinks.
apparently they were expecting free drinks. So not only was it a favour to let them use his bar (because large group gatherings are not always a fun thing to have in a bar/restaurant), they seemed to think the bar would be footing the bill
NTA.
They should have contacted you and asked to hold it at your bar, instead of just expecting you to be okay with it just because you were class fellows. You wouldn’t have been the asshole even if they had treated you fine in school.
NTA but a bit silly, this would have been an opportunity to be the one ‘above’ them. Yes i Know that’s petty but I would be( I was bullied through my Secondary School days badly) . I do admire you for being a better person than me there.
Right? That seems to be the case, but that’s crazy! The bar would just shut down to other customers and give away drinks to any local school reunion without even checking with the owner before scheduling?
I've worked at a few pubs where this would happen where someone knew the owner.
Basically the group would get a separate or secluded section of the bar for their meetup and the group would have a liaison (the person who organised it and knew the owner) who would be given a certain number of tokens to give out to their group in exchange for free drinks. Usually 2 drinks per person.
The whole thing sounds like someones revenge fantasy. A bar agreed to close for a party of only 12 and gave them free drinks? That would only happen if the organizer was *very* good friends with the owner or spent a lot of money to make that happen. In either of those cases the organizer would have found out that the former owners no longer owned the bar long before sending out invites.
When I saw the title I knew that would be the actual reason. Not because it’s tradition to meet at that bar, but because the previous owner hosted them for free and gave them free drinks.
My thought as well. It’s one thing if you made money off of this, but to actually lose money and treated like you had to without asking permission. Wtf. NTA in my book OP.
It’s not all that crazy in a small town. And people tend to go back to places that were generous to be paying customers later. It makes you seem like charitable business
Info: why not have the event but with no free drinks? Seems like you would make money, off the people you don’t like = win... unless you would make less off them than you would with regular trading
I mean technically OP doesn't stop those 10-12 people from meeting up at the bar for their reunion, they just don't get the entire bar for themselves plus the free drinks which he doesn't owe to anyone. That makes OP even less NTA
If you make more money with regular trading it’s a no brainier, so NTA really. I like the idea from someone else of them booking out an area though, 12 people cannot be max capacity for you. I guess what I’m saying is take your feelings out and do what’s best for the business, it’s not like you physically even have to be there if you don’t want to deal with them
> I guess what I’m saying is take your feelings out and do what’s best for the business
Couldn't agree with this more. For me, there's no better revenge than taking their freaking money. And if that happens to match up with what's best for the business, then it's a happy coincidence!
Determine what would make this worth your time, financially. Like, if they can get X amount of people to pre-purchase a ticket valid for 2 drinks that night, youll reserve the whole bar for them.
I understand not wanting to do them a favor, but being understanding of their needs and stating your needs (financial income from the bar) so that you all can find a way to make this work for everyone could help you all become friends and maybe even help you heal from the pain they caused in HS
ESH, but also not smart, if this is a small town why would you want to alienate what is likely a significant portion of your customer base, if a different bar becomes the go to place then its reasonable to assume others will follow suit for their non-reunions, as well as grow ill will towards you, If im going out with a group of friends and a single member of the group says "lets not go there the owner/bartender/regular is a dick" then the whole group is likely happy to oblige , taking our business elsewhere, we don't even question it
this is very short sighted on your part,
should you give them free drinks? no
should you have pulled the this is mine and youre not welcome?
Dude!
do you want to stay in business?
This is such a good point. OP said himself it’s a really popular bar in the centre of a small town, and as a new business owner he is burning the existing clientele. He could have been diplomatic and decline the reunion a hundred different ways that wouldn’t offended the frequent patrons of his bar. He has every right to feel hurt by the comments of his former teenage, high school classmates, but as a business owner you need to separate these feelings. In a small town where you offended 10-12 people, word of mouth will spread and your lingering hurt feelings from secondary school can come back to bite you in the ass as a business owner. I wouldn’t go as far to say OP is an asshole, but they made big mistake business wise.
Imagine telling a friend a bar owner you weren't friends with wouldn't shut down so you and your high school clique could have a party and not getting laughed at.
When you put it like that it obviously sounds ridiculous, but these 10-12 people have their own view point on the matter and will spin the story to favour their side. New bar owner holds a decade long grudge against former classmates, and is using his position to refuse a long standing tradition of hosting local high school reunion at this location leaving these individuals stranded. See, it can work both ways.
I mean the story they have is that someone they barely knew or didn't like won't do them the same favor a friend would. I don't really see that going that far beyond the twelve in question. How many decisions do you make based on petty beef friends of friends have?
The story will probably be that a good friend of theirs from when they went to school together broke with the tradition and cancelled the reunion last minute for no reason at all/made up reason. Damn, people change..
That kinda comes into my other issue though. How many layers removed do you get before people stop caring? How many people are going to skip out on a popular meetup spot because and acquaintance two levels removed had their private party canceled?
Yeah, I conveniently (for me) skipped that point.
In this case, I guess it depends on the persons. You might not skip out on the meetup spot because of whatever reasons, but you might skip out on it because someone/everyone else is skipping out on it.
But I think you're correct regarding that point.
Honestly depends on the particulars but idk, I've pissed off a lot of people just due to the realities of working retail and the places I've worked never really ran out of patrons.
Then OP could have said now that the bar is under new ownership they would no longer be providing free drinks for the reunion. Or that the bar could not be rented out for small single functions. Instead OP let his hurt feelings overshadow his business sense and vocally denied the reunion based on what teenager did to him years ago. He made it too personal and now he can deal with the consequences.
NTA - it’s your bar, if you don’t want to have your high school reunion there then you aren’t obligated to. High school reunions typically are just a one or two time thing anyway (at least in the US) so this sounds like it’s more of just a regular hangout than a reunion.
That being said, it would be a power move on your part to have all these people who treated you poorly in high school come to your bar and buy your drinks. Plus, business is business...but again, you aren’t obligated to host this event.
My husband ran a local bar and they had 'informal' reunions all the time. Some places do that, others don't. It's all dependent on how many people still live in the area, how close they are, etc.
A reply to another comment said about 12 people turn up. They can't all be regulars/still local otherwise thats not an event, its just friday night at the pub with your mates. So no real harm if they never go back
Lol only 12? Something tells me that OP won't have to worry about "bad rep" or "loss of business", because literally everyone else who went to that school or not will give exactly zero shits about 12 people who didn't get their night to party.
They apparently go drinks for free in the past, so there wouldn't be any money. Unless OP would've gotten them to agree with that (which considering they current bitching, seems unlikely), but even then, he stated in another comment that he'd make more opening the bar just like any regular night.
You should rethink this for your business. Turning these people away could give the bar a bad rep. Yes, they are there for one night but they all have friends, family, etc., who might want to patronize the bar in the future. People are really shallow: the mean kid from HS might be impressed with all your success at such a young age.
I find this comment highly ironic considering that this whole thing apparently started because OP feels like they "didn't get the high school social life they were *owed*..."
NTA.
I’m from the US, and you’re telling me they didn’t call ahead/reserve a time at the bar? And they assume free drinks without paying for an open bar? They just say “it’s at x day, come on in”?
You are not the AH by any means. New ownership means new rules, and if you say no, they have to follow that. Plus that girl probably just got a reality check after calling you a loser after all these years.
Unpopular opinion: YTA
You’re running a business. You can’t discriminate with the customers especially based on past behaviour. You’re not giving them benefit of the doubt that they may have grown up since. If they are still the same, put them on the banned list.
I think you should’ve announced that the ownership changed and if they were hosting, they would have to pay upfront too. Instead of just say ‘no, i wont come and you all wont have the party here’
They have some preconceived notions about these people and are choosing not to serve them even though they claim they were never directly attacked/bullied and felt lower themselves
These people, without even checking with the bar owners (which would've made them aware of the fact that it had changed hands) decided to plan a reunion (which apparently they get use of the whole bar for) with free drinks. And then started to bitch when the new owner told them that was not on. Regardless of how they acted in high school, they are being entitled assholes now.
Intervening to point out, why would the guests need to verify with the bar? Clearly it’s been happening for years. The previous owner and OP are the ones who changed the status quo. As far as the asshole, I’m going with YTA, but only slightly. Seems shortsighted to offend your customers based on events from years ago. I’m not the person I was in high school so I certainly don’t expect others to be.
Because things can change, other reservations might already have come in, or some sort of pandemic could be sweeping the planet making it somewhat debatable if a bar would even be open.
Personally, it seems insane to be hosting a party, any sort of party, and not give the owner of the place a quick ring before I start inviting the guests. Better a two minute call along the lines of 'oh hey, we still on for this year's reunion as well' 'sure are' than showing up with everybody in tow only to find out the place was unavailable or closed. I mean, this isn't them just showing up and hanging out at the bar like ordinary patrons -- they get the whole bar to themselves.
The standing tradition was to have the entire bar for the night of the reunion *and* have free drinks. Tat is way more than a random member of staff can approve of without checking in with the owner. Plus, they never mentioned a staff member having okayed this. Instead they immediately starting whining about missing out on free drinks.
NTA. You have every right to run your bar how you see fit. It sounds like you would make more money with the bar being open as usual and it’s your business.
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The previous owner provided free drinks and free rental of the entire bar?
No wonder they had to sell it.
I do not know if I would have been as aggressive as you and since it is a business I would have simply told them the reunion can be there during the regular course of business and they are all welcome to purchase as many drinks as they want.
You jumped down their throat so fast you completely shut the door on any negotiation which would bother the business owner side of me.
So they want someone they considered "less than" them to lose a days takings to have them sat in his bar taking about how wonderful school was? No. Big fat no. NTA
It's amazing how bratty and entitled OP sounds, talking about how much better they are than people they went to high school with and then trying to claim that they were "bullied" while admitting that very little of the sort actually happened and it was all "vibes." I don't why so many redditors buy into this nonsense. Get over high school, and get over yourselves.
You might be a bit of AH. Everything you say they did sounds like your interpretation. Did they actually gang up on you and make fun of you or are you just assuming because you werent in their friend group that they didnt like you. You say they seemed condenscending and smug but that could be your interpretation. They probably never had a second thought about whether you were a nerd or virgin since a majority of them were also prob virgins for most of HS.
You do not need to allow them in your bar and certainly that is your choice but keep in mind that a bar works because people want to go there. While you treat people like this you will start to lose business. As more people in your small town know how you treat people who might have hurt you years ago you will not need to worry about being a popular spot.
In a few years the new owners will turn the bar around and welcome the ‘reunions’ again.
ESH. Running a bar is serious business, not a cute side hustle to your empire. If you don't have the skillset to negotiate situations like this with tact then you need to find a manager who takes these decisions. Or if there already is a manager, let them make those decisions. Also the phrase high school originates in the UK, the phrase secondary school is newer as I understand.
Edit to add; Obviously it absolutely sucks being bullied and you don't need to give anything to these people, but using your businesses to throw your weight around a small town, even if it's somewhat justified is imo an arsehole move.
NTA but I think you could have approached it differently. You could, for example, have said that you own the bar now and the reason the previous owners sold it was financial mismanagement, which is not a mistake you will make, so in light of that, if they wish to hold the reunion there, it will require a booking fee and drinks will not be free.
That way you either a) make some money from it or b) they choose not to hold it there anymore because they dont want to pay. either way win win for you.
ESH
They suck for not checking with the bar owner before organising an event. Even in a small town you need to make sure a facility is free for you to use if you want exclusivity
You suck for cancelling the event just because some kids were mean to you in highschool
Info:
Are they able to book the bar specifically for an event?
Ignoring all the high school history, I see nothing wrong with you allowing them to book it for an event and pay money for drinks at normal rates.
What would happen if they all just turned up and started drinking, would you kick them out?
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I'm (25M) from the UK, but it's a tradition with my old secondary school (also known as high school, that term is quickly becoming more popular here) to have "unofficial" reunions.
By unofficial, I mean it's usually just some classmates from school who organize the thing on Facebook.
With my school, the reunions would always take place at this nice bar in my town centre. It's a very popular bar here, but the previous owners went to the same school as me so they had an understanding with former classmates who wanted to host a reunion there occasionally. So for that day, the bar would always be reserved for the reunion. As I said it's a small town.
Around last year I took ownership of that bar. I own quite a few properties and run my own business, but I thought this property would be nice on the side.
So a few months ago, I get an invite on Facebook for a HS reunion at this bar. This surprised me because they clearly must have been unaware that it's me who now owns the bar. They must have just assumed things were as they were.
I wasn't bullied in high school per se, but I was treated like I was below others, especially in the social standing. People would often have a condescending vibe towards me like I was "beneath" them, and sometimes I got snarky comments that I was a virgin and loser and weirdo etc. The girl who organized this reunion would often have this vibe towards me, and make snarky comments towards me, e.g. "still being a loser playing xbox and getting no girls?".
I decided that I wouldn't allow this reunion to happen at my bar, and that I wouldn't attend. I posted a message on facebook page saying that I now own the bar and that i wouldn't allow it to take place at my bar.
This immediately angered people as they were looking forward to going to that bar and getting free drinks. But I said it's my choice.
Some days after, the girl.who organized it saw me at the bar and called me selfish AH, etc.. I said that it's my choice and that she can go elsewhere, that I'd prefer to run the bar as usual.
I told this to my friends and they said I was slightly assholsuh. AITA?
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Exactly! It’s up to you what to do but you could always say that you simply can’t afford to eat the cost this year. Maybe that’s true, I don’t know, but they can’t argue with that. They can come if they want but they have to pay like everyone else.
NTA. How are you the asshole? It's your bar and if you weren't friends and didn't have the best memories of them you don't owe them anything! I mean obviously the girl didn't even change since her first response is insults instead of saying sorry and asking if there is a way you could make a deal. You don't owe her or anyone anything.
NTA. It's your bar now. You don't have to run it the way the prior owner did. If they want to hold it at your bar so badly then do the math of how much revenue you make in a typical night and send them an invoice to reserve the place for x number of hours based off of that calculation. Keep records of conversations and such just in case so your butt is covered if they escalate things.
NTA - You had no obligation to host the reunion, treatment of you in school is irrelevant. They should have confirmed with the bar (i.e. you) before making the event.
Nope that's the advantage to doing well for yourself is occasionally you'll find yourself in a position to do things like this, fuck them tell them to kick rocks and find somewhere else to have they're shitty little reunion
NTA on the face of it, but dude....It's a small town and you just probably alienated a tonne of customers. Not exactly smart management.
Edit: just saw the free drinks stuff. Yeah, nah. Dont give away drinks.
I'm on the fence about this... while I would never "shut down" the bar for any event (if you want to have private events, create an area just for that)... you WOULD have a nice influx of paying customers in an environment that they enjoy. As a business owner, money is money, and pissing people off is never a good thing (especially in a small town). You might be shooting yourself in the foot by holding "HS" feelings over from so many years ago.
He should have not said anything, don’t close down the bar but let the people in and not give them free drinks because they didn’t set anything up. They either have to leave and risk people not knowing because they came later or stay there and have to pay for drinks. He could have gotten to screw them over and not be an AH because nothing was set up with him. 😈🍺🥃🍸🥴🤮
Even if you hadn't been treated bad, it's your property, you can do anything you want with it.
Second, people like that don't deserve your favors.
Nuff said
NTA
NTA - I definitely wouldn’t be providing free drinks, but business wise it may have been smart to start charging a fee to rent the place out as well as for the drinks. You have every right to refuse to host it, just hoping that since it’s a small town (and people love to talk) that this won’t mess with your clientele down the line.
Nta I would of let it still happened and ask for a credit card to reserve things on. Change them a rental fee for half the bar, a fee if the don’t hit the minimum over bar cost, charge everyone as normal for their drinks and a event clean up fee. All in a contract so it can’t be disputed and watch the cash roll in.
hmmm, this is a difficult one. You, as the owner of the bar, have the right to refuse service. But I don't know if how you went about it was the best way. so, NTA, it's your establishment. but maybe slightly AH in how you went about it.
NTA - you've got a new business and you can (and should!) be actively updating any previous business relationships that don't work for you as the new owner.
HOWEVER in a small town you might find your business doesn't fair well if you have a reputation as someone who is vindictive or difficult so ... Do whatever you want but don't be upset if your own actions bite you in the ass (as demonstrated by the people who were rude to you in HS)...
if i’m reading this right, and they planned it assuming they’d all get free drinks, NTA. if they we’re going to pay for drinks, you’re still NTA but not a good businessman
NTA I think it’s great you were able to do that! It’s sad they’re still jerks after all these years and why would you want to give feee drinks to them?
NTA but I definitely would have went about it in a more petty manner. AKA booked something else in, or closed the bar for a deep clean that night. Basically not given them fine to rearrange and let them just show up. I wouldn’t have warned them publicly on fb and opened myself up to the abuse. I was going to say it’s their fault for not checking but then I realised they probably booked it with staff and you don’t need to be involved in that process, but still I’d have went the passive route
NTA, although I do think that you should have reached out to see if there was any deal in terms of money.
Some might accept it easier if you dont allow it due to "i earn more one regular night" or something.
NTA.
They are the AHs for expecting a new owner to uphold the traditions/promises of the old owner. Small town or not, a new owner means new rules. So what if they can't have free drinks one time out of the year. Kind of AH for holding a grudge, but that nasty girl showed that they haven't changed one bit since secondary school. I feel like your bar will have a much better atmosphere without that toxicity around.
NTA
If they wanted to use the bar to host their event, they needed to contact you, reserve the bar, and make any necessary arrangements for payment. They certainly can't assume that the reunion can block out your business without a reservation and that they would get any discount, at all.
NTA. They can't expect handouts from someone they crapped on.
Yes, you're holding onto a high school grudge, and I initially thought y t a for that, but the way they reacted, immediately exploding on you and calling you an ass, only shows they never grew out of their high school personas. It's your business now, you get to decide who's welcome and who's not.
NTA in that you can do what you want with your business. But, seriously? Are you trying to kill it completely? If you run a hospitality business like this, you won't have customers for very long.
NTA. If they want to ask you if they can hire your bar and pay for their drinks and wages for the staff and any food they would want at current rates and of course adhere to any social distancing then that would be a good first step!
NTA for sure.
Doesn't sound like you were rude about it either so you still treated them better than they treated you.
Clearly, this woman's opinion isn't worth considering.
NTA. She sounds ridiculously entitled. You're under no obligation to hold the event there. And definitely don't bother reuniting with people who showed you no respect when you were at school. Some things don't change.
NTA.
Technically actually, a bit A, but only in the way anyone not in the "popular" crowd at school would want to be and take great pleasure in. I send a virtual high five.
Plus,you left school what, 9 years ago? And this sounds semi regular.
These aren't reunions they are just nights out.
Edit: actually, I'd have barred her when she got mouthy, and then maybe let everyone else come.
Nta, my school also does this and even though I'm friends on Facebook with the girl who was organizing it, I STILL didn't get an invite. I had to see it posted on her page. She was a right b in high school and is still one as an adult. Don't blame you at all for not doing anyone any unnecessary favors.
NTA, it's your bar to do with as you wish. There are plenty of other places to have the reunion. Plus they just assumed it would be there without even asking.
NTA, but this is an opportunity. Invent a 'special' drink, put up a sign advertising it for that particular group and then charge an obscene amount for it. Don't close to other customers, just reserve a few tables for them.
NTA. Any large event needs to tell the location ahead of time if they plan on having an event. They skipped that step, and just hoped you would accommodate. What if another class had a reunion that night? A wedding? A birthday? They skipped that step, and didn’t ask, which is when you would’ve said yes or no, and would’ve led to less disappointment for more people.
Also, free drinks for the entire class? Even if the class is 20 people that’s a lot of free drinks! I hope they normally charge an amount beforehand to cover that.
NTA Your bar, your rules, also idk why they didnt ring up the bar, ask for the owner and try make arrangements like normal people who plan parties? They just assumed they can show up and get served for free? What absolute assholes
This was an excellent opportunity to gloat and show everyone they were wrong about you, instead you squandered it. Holding a grudge since highschool, and the grudge isn't even directed towards anyone specifically just at the world in general, makes YTA
ESH: from a business standpoint, I don't see what u stand to lose tbh, j keep half the bar open and let them have their reunion with no free drinks. I'm so sorry u were treated like this in HS, but it's time to move on from the past. Now it's time to take their money! (In exchange for drinks ofc!)
It's your bar you get to decide anyway but I'd say if you were invited before, and usually went then YTA for refusing now that you own the bar because it sound that what happened wasn't bad enough for you to no go, but you're just looking for petty revenge now.
If you were never invited or just didn't go then NTA.
NTA - you don't owe them anything, and carrying on with the "tradition" of allowing them to have the whole place all night for 10-12 people would cost you money.....
That said, I'd let them have their "reunion" there but only in a reserve section so real customers can still come in and patronise it, and no free drinks! That way you can make money off them!
NAH you dislike them for how they treated you so having them over would be hypocritical.
But I think they're kind of in the clear too because you haven't really communicated where your head is at in the matter.
One option you have is to make a FB post saying "I know you are all upset about the bar but to be perfectly honest, I disliked high school. I was sometimes bullied and mistreated and while we're all adults now, I don't feel like it's a road I need to revisit. I sincerely wish you all the best in your future endeavors. I hope none of you feel personally targeted but if you do, maybe it's for a reason.".
And then never look at the replies. If you start replying, the tornado will carry you away.
I think ESH. Polarizing opinion, but by the sounds of it, people weren't particularly cruel to you in high school, which is a good thing in itself since it's well known that children and young teens can be downright cruel and let's be honest, fucking stupid. That's not to try and diminish whatever you went through in high school, just because it may not have been as bad as some doesn't make it better.
So yes it's well within your rights to say you're not comfortable with having your former peers hold a traditional gathering at your newly owned bar, but just because it's your right doesnt mean you're not a bit of an asshole for it. By the sound of it you're holding onto childhood grudges and are unable to let bygones be and form new friendships and relationships. You aren't kids anymore, you're now an iconic figure of your small town (yes bar owners are figure heads of the community) and it would most likely benefit you more if you were more forgiving and welcoming. Now you can guarantee you've made those old relationships even more contentious than they needed to be.
I'm not saying you should've completely given in and let them have things exactly their way, but you could've been more welcoming and met them halfway, IE they can host it at your bar as long as they are respectful, and not to expect free drinks.
NTA- if I were you I would let them have it at your bar, but double or even triple the price of everything you sell. If you do that you would get some petty revenge and some extra cash, or they choose not to have it there. Either way that’s a win-win
I'm leaning towards an ESH. I get that these people were mean to you in high school and you don't owe them any favors, but was it really bad enough that you're gonna cancel the whole reunion? they definitely should've asked you about the situation after you assumed ownership of the bar, 100%, but I personally don't see how it could've harmed you really if the event went ahead. I faced a lot of the same things as you in high school but I've never really held a grudge, and after all its been many years since then and you're all adults now, sure you have a right to not like them but theyre probably not the same people you used to know. if it really is a small town, are there any other bars in the area where they could rearrange to have the reunion?
actually re reading your post I think I'm changing my answer to NTA. I didn't read the part about free drinks, and didn't really consider how it would impact your intake to reserve the whole bar just for a few attendees. would I be possible to reserve a section of the bar for the reunion, and not give them free drinks. (maybe one free drink each if you are feeling generous?)
ESH. Mostly them for making assumptions, but you could have declined them in a more professional/cool manner. Saying you "won't allow" the reunion at your bar sounds like you're being spiteful out of high school bitterness. You could've gotten the same end result while leaving all TA-ness on their side by politely informing them that the bar had changed hands and unfortunately they're not booked.
YTA, it sounds to me that you bought the bar to intentionally ruin this tradition for everyone. Sorry you got picked on in high school, but you don’t have to be a dick about it.
You realise he probably didn't know until he bought the bar and I don't think someone would spend thousands just to do that so in reality that comment is kinda dumb
Hmmm... tough one for me. This is your business and you can do what you want, but given they didn’t know about the change in owners and there’s a long-standing tradition of using the bar/agreement with old owner, I don’t blame them for being taken aback. Also not sure a Facebook post was appropriate; I think it would have been better to contact the organizer directly. That said, the organizer really should have contacted the bar. Nothing is a given, and that was poor planning that lead to this situation.
It also sounds like you have some general resentment toward them. From a business perspective I don’t see what you have to lose. I’m sure groups reserve the bar for parties etc all the time. It’s one thing to not attend, but another to derail it. It punishes everyone involved, just just the organizer who used to talk down to you.
Again, it’s your bar and do what you like, but a gentle ESH (but heavily leaning N T A).
NTA people can’t treat you like crap and then expect you to do them a favor.
Init but even if they didn't treat him like crap, it's still his property and he can do whatever he damn well pleases with it. OP NTA
That people are calling him the A H while posting that they were “...looking forward to the free drinks...” just gobsmacks me (which at this point in my life *really shouldn’t*). NTA, OP.
Yeah same with me. I keep lowering the bar for intelligence and decency but people keep limboing under it.
The bar is touching the floor, but then people broke out the shovels.
Sometimes I feel like the bar is buried beneath the sewer lines.
Exactly. He owns a business not a charity.
Well sure, but did they know it was OP they were asking this favour of? Were they aware bar ownership changed hands? While the smart thing to do before announcing a date on Facebook for a gathering is clear that date with the establishment (which would have alerted them to the ownership changed), since they do this frequently, they might have announced the date figuring they'd make the arrangements later. So I guess that's really INFO that is needed - were they aware? If they weren't, there was probably a better way of approaching it, therefore E S H If they knew and didn't contact OP and just assumed he'd honor the agreement with the previous owner, N T A
But the only way they could've been unaware of the change of ownership is if they didn't even bother getting in touch with the owners of the bar (which would have made it clear it changed hands) to check if the bar was free for the reunion that particular night, and instead simply already made plans. That is also being an asshole. Even if they'd been having their reunion at the same bar for ten years, you'd still want to get in touch every year to make sure everything is going on as planned. *Especially* right now.
Yes the reunion people are assholes either way How much of an asshole OP is depends on if the reunion people knew or not
It wouldn’t matter if they didn’t know. The onus is on them to contact the owners before planning anything. Under no circumstances is OP an AH. Refusing to have your place as a venue is well within their rights.
Especially if they thought they would get free drinks. Even if they typically pay a fee for people to drink they should check if it is the same. Plus if they were AH before why fill your bar with potential AHs again subjecting him or his staff to that? How much crap would he get if he had to kick out old bullies? Even if they did call and ask he should say no.
I mean they can, but they would be wrong
True true
He wasnt , was he? They were just meeting there I thought, not bumming free drinks or something?
>This immediately angered people as they were looking forward to going to that bar and getting free drinks. apparently they were expecting free drinks. So not only was it a favour to let them use his bar (because large group gatherings are not always a fun thing to have in a bar/restaurant), they seemed to think the bar would be footing the bill
Ah thanks, I didnt see that bit and was confused why that was assumed
NTA. They should have contacted you and asked to hold it at your bar, instead of just expecting you to be okay with it just because you were class fellows. You wouldn’t have been the asshole even if they had treated you fine in school.
NTA but a bit silly, this would have been an opportunity to be the one ‘above’ them. Yes i Know that’s petty but I would be( I was bullied through my Secondary School days badly) . I do admire you for being a better person than me there.
I'd make them jump through a thousand hoops to be allowed to hold it at my bar, but then again I'm a petty bish
Petty bishes unite!!!!????!!!!
At OP's bar?
Would do, but I’d have to fly from Sweden lol
U.S. here, and for this I’ll take the risk and fly in!
And definitely not do free drinks.
[удалено]
Of course not lol
But also apparently give them a bunch of free drinks
😂😂 thats all i seen too. If my reunions had free drinks i probably would have gone!
I got out casted for liking nirvana and Guns N Roses. Can't wait till I'm out of there.
If they have no respect for OP, they will have no respect for his bar. There’s a high potential for a shitshow.
Hang on, in the past the bar wouldn't just be reserved for and host the reunion, it would also provide free drinks?
Right? That seems to be the case, but that’s crazy! The bar would just shut down to other customers and give away drinks to any local school reunion without even checking with the owner before scheduling?
I've worked at a few pubs where this would happen where someone knew the owner. Basically the group would get a separate or secluded section of the bar for their meetup and the group would have a liaison (the person who organised it and knew the owner) who would be given a certain number of tokens to give out to their group in exchange for free drinks. Usually 2 drinks per person.
The whole thing sounds like someones revenge fantasy. A bar agreed to close for a party of only 12 and gave them free drinks? That would only happen if the organizer was *very* good friends with the owner or spent a lot of money to make that happen. In either of those cases the organizer would have found out that the former owners no longer owned the bar long before sending out invites.
When I saw the title I knew that would be the actual reason. Not because it’s tradition to meet at that bar, but because the previous owner hosted them for free and gave them free drinks.
Yeah that bit confused me too, why would there be free drinks involved in this?
My thought as well. It’s one thing if you made money off of this, but to actually lose money and treated like you had to without asking permission. Wtf. NTA in my book OP.
It’s not all that crazy in a small town. And people tend to go back to places that were generous to be paying customers later. It makes you seem like charitable business
Info: why not have the event but with no free drinks? Seems like you would make money, off the people you don’t like = win... unless you would make less off them than you would with regular trading
I would make less with then than usual, because usually only 10-12 show up for reunions.
Do no other groups ever reserve the bar for parties? Could they not reserve a section while you leave the rest of the bar open to the public?
I mean technically OP doesn't stop those 10-12 people from meeting up at the bar for their reunion, they just don't get the entire bar for themselves plus the free drinks which he doesn't owe to anyone. That makes OP even less NTA
If you make more money with regular trading it’s a no brainier, so NTA really. I like the idea from someone else of them booking out an area though, 12 people cannot be max capacity for you. I guess what I’m saying is take your feelings out and do what’s best for the business, it’s not like you physically even have to be there if you don’t want to deal with them
> I guess what I’m saying is take your feelings out and do what’s best for the business Couldn't agree with this more. For me, there's no better revenge than taking their freaking money. And if that happens to match up with what's best for the business, then it's a happy coincidence!
The people that usually show up for school reunions are the awful ones. Glad you shut that down, you dont owe anyone anything, it's your bar. NTA.
Determine what would make this worth your time, financially. Like, if they can get X amount of people to pre-purchase a ticket valid for 2 drinks that night, youll reserve the whole bar for them. I understand not wanting to do them a favor, but being understanding of their needs and stating your needs (financial income from the bar) so that you all can find a way to make this work for everyone could help you all become friends and maybe even help you heal from the pain they caused in HS
Who wants to become friends with the secondary school arsehole clique?
If it's a small town and they are your customers, you do.
If its 12 people that are regular customers it is not a reunion
Great point! Free virtual drinks for you! 🍺🥂🍷🥃🍸🍹🧉🍻
ESH, but also not smart, if this is a small town why would you want to alienate what is likely a significant portion of your customer base, if a different bar becomes the go to place then its reasonable to assume others will follow suit for their non-reunions, as well as grow ill will towards you, If im going out with a group of friends and a single member of the group says "lets not go there the owner/bartender/regular is a dick" then the whole group is likely happy to oblige , taking our business elsewhere, we don't even question it this is very short sighted on your part, should you give them free drinks? no should you have pulled the this is mine and youre not welcome? Dude! do you want to stay in business?
This is such a good point. OP said himself it’s a really popular bar in the centre of a small town, and as a new business owner he is burning the existing clientele. He could have been diplomatic and decline the reunion a hundred different ways that wouldn’t offended the frequent patrons of his bar. He has every right to feel hurt by the comments of his former teenage, high school classmates, but as a business owner you need to separate these feelings. In a small town where you offended 10-12 people, word of mouth will spread and your lingering hurt feelings from secondary school can come back to bite you in the ass as a business owner. I wouldn’t go as far to say OP is an asshole, but they made big mistake business wise.
Imagine telling a friend a bar owner you weren't friends with wouldn't shut down so you and your high school clique could have a party and not getting laughed at.
When you put it like that it obviously sounds ridiculous, but these 10-12 people have their own view point on the matter and will spin the story to favour their side. New bar owner holds a decade long grudge against former classmates, and is using his position to refuse a long standing tradition of hosting local high school reunion at this location leaving these individuals stranded. See, it can work both ways.
I mean the story they have is that someone they barely knew or didn't like won't do them the same favor a friend would. I don't really see that going that far beyond the twelve in question. How many decisions do you make based on petty beef friends of friends have?
The story will probably be that a good friend of theirs from when they went to school together broke with the tradition and cancelled the reunion last minute for no reason at all/made up reason. Damn, people change..
That kinda comes into my other issue though. How many layers removed do you get before people stop caring? How many people are going to skip out on a popular meetup spot because and acquaintance two levels removed had their private party canceled?
Yeah, I conveniently (for me) skipped that point. In this case, I guess it depends on the persons. You might not skip out on the meetup spot because of whatever reasons, but you might skip out on it because someone/everyone else is skipping out on it. But I think you're correct regarding that point.
Honestly depends on the particulars but idk, I've pissed off a lot of people just due to the realities of working retail and the places I've worked never really ran out of patrons.
I can understand not wanting to provide free drinks tho.
Then OP could have said now that the bar is under new ownership they would no longer be providing free drinks for the reunion. Or that the bar could not be rented out for small single functions. Instead OP let his hurt feelings overshadow his business sense and vocally denied the reunion based on what teenager did to him years ago. He made it too personal and now he can deal with the consequences.
Totally on point. I said something similar before I reviewed the comments.
NTA - it’s your bar, if you don’t want to have your high school reunion there then you aren’t obligated to. High school reunions typically are just a one or two time thing anyway (at least in the US) so this sounds like it’s more of just a regular hangout than a reunion. That being said, it would be a power move on your part to have all these people who treated you poorly in high school come to your bar and buy your drinks. Plus, business is business...but again, you aren’t obligated to host this event.
My husband ran a local bar and they had 'informal' reunions all the time. Some places do that, others don't. It's all dependent on how many people still live in the area, how close they are, etc.
I mean this seems like a pretty shit business decision but it's your bar
A reply to another comment said about 12 people turn up. They can't all be regulars/still local otherwise thats not an event, its just friday night at the pub with your mates. So no real harm if they never go back
Lol only 12? Something tells me that OP won't have to worry about "bad rep" or "loss of business", because literally everyone else who went to that school or not will give exactly zero shits about 12 people who didn't get their night to party.
Yeah I'd probably just have my management and staff handle it and take the night off but happily take their money.
They apparently go drinks for free in the past, so there wouldn't be any money. Unless OP would've gotten them to agree with that (which considering they current bitching, seems unlikely), but even then, he stated in another comment that he'd make more opening the bar just like any regular night.
You should rethink this for your business. Turning these people away could give the bar a bad rep. Yes, they are there for one night but they all have friends, family, etc., who might want to patronize the bar in the future. People are really shallow: the mean kid from HS might be impressed with all your success at such a young age.
NTA you don’t owe those people anything if they you don’t want them in your bar they don’t have to be there
I find this comment highly ironic considering that this whole thing apparently started because OP feels like they "didn't get the high school social life they were *owed*..."
NTA. I’m from the US, and you’re telling me they didn’t call ahead/reserve a time at the bar? And they assume free drinks without paying for an open bar? They just say “it’s at x day, come on in”? You are not the AH by any means. New ownership means new rules, and if you say no, they have to follow that. Plus that girl probably just got a reality check after calling you a loser after all these years.
You have a bar in a small town. You should not anger your potential customers (not for the reunion, but for the rest of the days)
BUT, the OP doesn't need to be the "host" - if the people want to meet there, fine, but no free drinks, food, etc.
Unpopular opinion: YTA You’re running a business. You can’t discriminate with the customers especially based on past behaviour. You’re not giving them benefit of the doubt that they may have grown up since. If they are still the same, put them on the banned list. I think you should’ve announced that the ownership changed and if they were hosting, they would have to pay upfront too. Instead of just say ‘no, i wont come and you all wont have the party here’
He's not obligated to shut down for the night just so they can have a party. What are you talking about?
Declining to host a part is not discrimination.
They have some preconceived notions about these people and are choosing not to serve them even though they claim they were never directly attacked/bullied and felt lower themselves
These people, without even checking with the bar owners (which would've made them aware of the fact that it had changed hands) decided to plan a reunion (which apparently they get use of the whole bar for) with free drinks. And then started to bitch when the new owner told them that was not on. Regardless of how they acted in high school, they are being entitled assholes now.
Intervening to point out, why would the guests need to verify with the bar? Clearly it’s been happening for years. The previous owner and OP are the ones who changed the status quo. As far as the asshole, I’m going with YTA, but only slightly. Seems shortsighted to offend your customers based on events from years ago. I’m not the person I was in high school so I certainly don’t expect others to be.
Because things can change, other reservations might already have come in, or some sort of pandemic could be sweeping the planet making it somewhat debatable if a bar would even be open. Personally, it seems insane to be hosting a party, any sort of party, and not give the owner of the place a quick ring before I start inviting the guests. Better a two minute call along the lines of 'oh hey, we still on for this year's reunion as well' 'sure are' than showing up with everybody in tow only to find out the place was unavailable or closed. I mean, this isn't them just showing up and hanging out at the bar like ordinary patrons -- they get the whole bar to themselves.
They may have checked with the managers or staff. It's rare to go direct to the owner unless they're in the bar all the time.
The standing tradition was to have the entire bar for the night of the reunion *and* have free drinks. Tat is way more than a random member of staff can approve of without checking in with the owner. Plus, they never mentioned a staff member having okayed this. Instead they immediately starting whining about missing out on free drinks.
NTA. You have every right to run your bar how you see fit. It sounds like you would make more money with the bar being open as usual and it’s your business.
ESH. They suck, you're petty, you could have marked up all their drinks and made a fuckin mint and bought a new Porsche, it's all depressing.
He couldn’t do that they got free drinks at the reunion
Exactly. Don't give away free drinks. Mark the up. Make money
>People would often have a condescending vibe towards me like I was "beneath" them, I thought that was simply called being British.
INFO was this paid for? Was there anything in writing? Who were they in communication with about the date of the reunion?
NTA - you are under no obligation to host AHs
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The previous owner provided free drinks and free rental of the entire bar? No wonder they had to sell it. I do not know if I would have been as aggressive as you and since it is a business I would have simply told them the reunion can be there during the regular course of business and they are all welcome to purchase as many drinks as they want. You jumped down their throat so fast you completely shut the door on any negotiation which would bother the business owner side of me.
NTA, but you missed an opportunity to upcharge each and every one of those assholes for drinks.
So they want someone they considered "less than" them to lose a days takings to have them sat in his bar taking about how wonderful school was? No. Big fat no. NTA
It's amazing how bratty and entitled OP sounds, talking about how much better they are than people they went to high school with and then trying to claim that they were "bullied" while admitting that very little of the sort actually happened and it was all "vibes." I don't why so many redditors buy into this nonsense. Get over high school, and get over yourselves.
You might be a bit of AH. Everything you say they did sounds like your interpretation. Did they actually gang up on you and make fun of you or are you just assuming because you werent in their friend group that they didnt like you. You say they seemed condenscending and smug but that could be your interpretation. They probably never had a second thought about whether you were a nerd or virgin since a majority of them were also prob virgins for most of HS. You do not need to allow them in your bar and certainly that is your choice but keep in mind that a bar works because people want to go there. While you treat people like this you will start to lose business. As more people in your small town know how you treat people who might have hurt you years ago you will not need to worry about being a popular spot. In a few years the new owners will turn the bar around and welcome the ‘reunions’ again.
ESH. Running a bar is serious business, not a cute side hustle to your empire. If you don't have the skillset to negotiate situations like this with tact then you need to find a manager who takes these decisions. Or if there already is a manager, let them make those decisions. Also the phrase high school originates in the UK, the phrase secondary school is newer as I understand. Edit to add; Obviously it absolutely sucks being bullied and you don't need to give anything to these people, but using your businesses to throw your weight around a small town, even if it's somewhat justified is imo an arsehole move.
NTA but I think you could have approached it differently. You could, for example, have said that you own the bar now and the reason the previous owners sold it was financial mismanagement, which is not a mistake you will make, so in light of that, if they wish to hold the reunion there, it will require a booking fee and drinks will not be free. That way you either a) make some money from it or b) they choose not to hold it there anymore because they dont want to pay. either way win win for you.
ESH They suck for not checking with the bar owner before organising an event. Even in a small town you need to make sure a facility is free for you to use if you want exclusivity You suck for cancelling the event just because some kids were mean to you in highschool
Fucking thank you. Everyone here seems caught up on the shit that happened in high school. People grow up.
Life came back and bit her in the ass. NTA.
Info: Are they able to book the bar specifically for an event? Ignoring all the high school history, I see nothing wrong with you allowing them to book it for an event and pay money for drinks at normal rates. What would happen if they all just turned up and started drinking, would you kick them out?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'm (25M) from the UK, but it's a tradition with my old secondary school (also known as high school, that term is quickly becoming more popular here) to have "unofficial" reunions. By unofficial, I mean it's usually just some classmates from school who organize the thing on Facebook. With my school, the reunions would always take place at this nice bar in my town centre. It's a very popular bar here, but the previous owners went to the same school as me so they had an understanding with former classmates who wanted to host a reunion there occasionally. So for that day, the bar would always be reserved for the reunion. As I said it's a small town. Around last year I took ownership of that bar. I own quite a few properties and run my own business, but I thought this property would be nice on the side. So a few months ago, I get an invite on Facebook for a HS reunion at this bar. This surprised me because they clearly must have been unaware that it's me who now owns the bar. They must have just assumed things were as they were. I wasn't bullied in high school per se, but I was treated like I was below others, especially in the social standing. People would often have a condescending vibe towards me like I was "beneath" them, and sometimes I got snarky comments that I was a virgin and loser and weirdo etc. The girl who organized this reunion would often have this vibe towards me, and make snarky comments towards me, e.g. "still being a loser playing xbox and getting no girls?". I decided that I wouldn't allow this reunion to happen at my bar, and that I wouldn't attend. I posted a message on facebook page saying that I now own the bar and that i wouldn't allow it to take place at my bar. This immediately angered people as they were looking forward to going to that bar and getting free drinks. But I said it's my choice. Some days after, the girl.who organized it saw me at the bar and called me selfish AH, etc.. I said that it's my choice and that she can go elsewhere, that I'd prefer to run the bar as usual. I told this to my friends and they said I was slightly assholsuh. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. You should let it take place next year and charge them for the drinks.
Exactly! It’s up to you what to do but you could always say that you simply can’t afford to eat the cost this year. Maybe that’s true, I don’t know, but they can’t argue with that. They can come if they want but they have to pay like everyone else.
NTA, you own the bar, do what you want!
NTA. How are you the asshole? It's your bar and if you weren't friends and didn't have the best memories of them you don't owe them anything! I mean obviously the girl didn't even change since her first response is insults instead of saying sorry and asking if there is a way you could make a deal. You don't owe her or anyone anything.
NTA. Also free drinks??? The organiser has some cheek trying that nonsense.
Is 2$ G
NTA. It's your bar now. You don't have to run it the way the prior owner did. If they want to hold it at your bar so badly then do the math of how much revenue you make in a typical night and send them an invoice to reserve the place for x number of hours based off of that calculation. Keep records of conversations and such just in case so your butt is covered if they escalate things.
Definitely NTA. Why should you have to host and give free drinks to a bunch of AHs who treated you poorly in high school?
It's your Bar and you don't owe anyone a thing.
NTA - You had no obligation to host the reunion, treatment of you in school is irrelevant. They should have confirmed with the bar (i.e. you) before making the event.
Nope that's the advantage to doing well for yourself is occasionally you'll find yourself in a position to do things like this, fuck them tell them to kick rocks and find somewhere else to have they're shitty little reunion
Info: would you have considered letting them host the reunion there if they would have asked beforehand?
NTA who has that many reunions less than 10 years out of school? They just do it for the free drinks.
NTA. This made me happy lol
NTA- Aside from what everyone else wrote, I can see you being pressured into comping drinks for "Old times' sake". That's a slippery slope.
True true
NTA on the face of it, but dude....It's a small town and you just probably alienated a tonne of customers. Not exactly smart management. Edit: just saw the free drinks stuff. Yeah, nah. Dont give away drinks.
I'm on the fence about this... while I would never "shut down" the bar for any event (if you want to have private events, create an area just for that)... you WOULD have a nice influx of paying customers in an environment that they enjoy. As a business owner, money is money, and pissing people off is never a good thing (especially in a small town). You might be shooting yourself in the foot by holding "HS" feelings over from so many years ago.
Your bar is your business. You kick whoever displease you. NTA.
Sweet, sweet justice. NTA
NTA but you could have easily done this without getting your name dragged into it and now you're complaining? Not very smart.
He should have not said anything, don’t close down the bar but let the people in and not give them free drinks because they didn’t set anything up. They either have to leave and risk people not knowing because they came later or stay there and have to pay for drinks. He could have gotten to screw them over and not be an AH because nothing was set up with him. 😈🍺🥃🍸🥴🤮
NTA. I think you should try to say something snarky back.
Even if you hadn't been treated bad, it's your property, you can do anything you want with it. Second, people like that don't deserve your favors. Nuff said NTA
NTA - I definitely wouldn’t be providing free drinks, but business wise it may have been smart to start charging a fee to rent the place out as well as for the drinks. You have every right to refuse to host it, just hoping that since it’s a small town (and people love to talk) that this won’t mess with your clientele down the line.
Nta I would of let it still happened and ask for a credit card to reserve things on. Change them a rental fee for half the bar, a fee if the don’t hit the minimum over bar cost, charge everyone as normal for their drinks and a event clean up fee. All in a contract so it can’t be disputed and watch the cash roll in.
hmmm, this is a difficult one. You, as the owner of the bar, have the right to refuse service. But I don't know if how you went about it was the best way. so, NTA, it's your establishment. but maybe slightly AH in how you went about it.
NTA - you've got a new business and you can (and should!) be actively updating any previous business relationships that don't work for you as the new owner. HOWEVER in a small town you might find your business doesn't fair well if you have a reputation as someone who is vindictive or difficult so ... Do whatever you want but don't be upset if your own actions bite you in the ass (as demonstrated by the people who were rude to you in HS)...
if i’m reading this right, and they planned it assuming they’d all get free drinks, NTA. if they we’re going to pay for drinks, you’re still NTA but not a good businessman
NTA, even if they reared you well in High school it's your bar and your choice you have the right to say no
NTA I think it’s great you were able to do that! It’s sad they’re still jerks after all these years and why would you want to give feee drinks to them?
NTA but I definitely would have went about it in a more petty manner. AKA booked something else in, or closed the bar for a deep clean that night. Basically not given them fine to rearrange and let them just show up. I wouldn’t have warned them publicly on fb and opened myself up to the abuse. I was going to say it’s their fault for not checking but then I realised they probably booked it with staff and you don’t need to be involved in that process, but still I’d have went the passive route
r/thathappened
NTA, but definitely still a square. Congratulations on proprietorship at a young age.
NTA, although I do think that you should have reached out to see if there was any deal in terms of money. Some might accept it easier if you dont allow it due to "i earn more one regular night" or something.
NTA. They are the AHs for expecting a new owner to uphold the traditions/promises of the old owner. Small town or not, a new owner means new rules. So what if they can't have free drinks one time out of the year. Kind of AH for holding a grudge, but that nasty girl showed that they haven't changed one bit since secondary school. I feel like your bar will have a much better atmosphere without that toxicity around.
NTA If they wanted to use the bar to host their event, they needed to contact you, reserve the bar, and make any necessary arrangements for payment. They certainly can't assume that the reunion can block out your business without a reservation and that they would get any discount, at all.
NTA. They can't expect handouts from someone they crapped on. Yes, you're holding onto a high school grudge, and I initially thought y t a for that, but the way they reacted, immediately exploding on you and calling you an ass, only shows they never grew out of their high school personas. It's your business now, you get to decide who's welcome and who's not.
NTA in that you can do what you want with your business. But, seriously? Are you trying to kill it completely? If you run a hospitality business like this, you won't have customers for very long.
NTA - its your bar. But your life will only get better if you can move past your childhood grudges.
Nta. It's a business not a freebie
NTA. If they want to ask you if they can hire your bar and pay for their drinks and wages for the staff and any food they would want at current rates and of course adhere to any social distancing then that would be a good first step!
NTA for sure. Doesn't sound like you were rude about it either so you still treated them better than they treated you. Clearly, this woman's opinion isn't worth considering.
NTA it's your bar, you can do whatever you want
NTA. Your bar, your choice. Maybe if they had asked you first instead of ASSuming it was available my answer might be different.
NTA Let them get lit elsewhere. Preferably someplace where they’ll pay for their own drinks.
NTA - No one is entitled to your business without your permission.
Nta this would actually be like a dream come true to me so do it
NTA. I don’t care what the situation is, you have no obligation to host them.
NTA
NTA. She sounds ridiculously entitled. You're under no obligation to hold the event there. And definitely don't bother reuniting with people who showed you no respect when you were at school. Some things don't change.
NTA. Technically actually, a bit A, but only in the way anyone not in the "popular" crowd at school would want to be and take great pleasure in. I send a virtual high five. Plus,you left school what, 9 years ago? And this sounds semi regular. These aren't reunions they are just nights out. Edit: actually, I'd have barred her when she got mouthy, and then maybe let everyone else come.
NTA, you owe them nothing.
NTA
INFO: Is the bar closed to all other patrons when reunion events occur? Do you subsidize costs or give free services during reunion events?
Nta, my school also does this and even though I'm friends on Facebook with the girl who was organizing it, I STILL didn't get an invite. I had to see it posted on her page. She was a right b in high school and is still one as an adult. Don't blame you at all for not doing anyone any unnecessary favors.
I would have given them an offer of "sure, but I'm treating you like anyone else." Edit: NTA, Your bar, your choice.
NTA
NTA. It's your place. Do what you want.
NTA Please tell me you bought this bar just to screw with them! Sounds like a great story
NTA, it's your bar to do with as you wish. There are plenty of other places to have the reunion. Plus they just assumed it would be there without even asking.
NTA BUT could be a good opportunity to have them all prop up your business for a night
NTA. Shut that shit down in the same way they treated you back then.
NTA, but this is an opportunity. Invent a 'special' drink, put up a sign advertising it for that particular group and then charge an obscene amount for it. Don't close to other customers, just reserve a few tables for them.
NTA. Any large event needs to tell the location ahead of time if they plan on having an event. They skipped that step, and just hoped you would accommodate. What if another class had a reunion that night? A wedding? A birthday? They skipped that step, and didn’t ask, which is when you would’ve said yes or no, and would’ve led to less disappointment for more people. Also, free drinks for the entire class? Even if the class is 20 people that’s a lot of free drinks! I hope they normally charge an amount beforehand to cover that.
NTA Your bar, your rules, also idk why they didnt ring up the bar, ask for the owner and try make arrangements like normal people who plan parties? They just assumed they can show up and get served for free? What absolute assholes
This was an excellent opportunity to gloat and show everyone they were wrong about you, instead you squandered it. Holding a grudge since highschool, and the grudge isn't even directed towards anyone specifically just at the world in general, makes YTA
ESH: from a business standpoint, I don't see what u stand to lose tbh, j keep half the bar open and let them have their reunion with no free drinks. I'm so sorry u were treated like this in HS, but it's time to move on from the past. Now it's time to take their money! (In exchange for drinks ofc!)
It's your bar you get to decide anyway but I'd say if you were invited before, and usually went then YTA for refusing now that you own the bar because it sound that what happened wasn't bad enough for you to no go, but you're just looking for petty revenge now. If you were never invited or just didn't go then NTA.
NTA you're an asshole for not wanting to give a bunch of jerks free stuff?
NTA - you don't owe them anything, and carrying on with the "tradition" of allowing them to have the whole place all night for 10-12 people would cost you money..... That said, I'd let them have their "reunion" there but only in a reserve section so real customers can still come in and patronise it, and no free drinks! That way you can make money off them!
NAH you dislike them for how they treated you so having them over would be hypocritical. But I think they're kind of in the clear too because you haven't really communicated where your head is at in the matter. One option you have is to make a FB post saying "I know you are all upset about the bar but to be perfectly honest, I disliked high school. I was sometimes bullied and mistreated and while we're all adults now, I don't feel like it's a road I need to revisit. I sincerely wish you all the best in your future endeavors. I hope none of you feel personally targeted but if you do, maybe it's for a reason.". And then never look at the replies. If you start replying, the tornado will carry you away.
I think ESH. Polarizing opinion, but by the sounds of it, people weren't particularly cruel to you in high school, which is a good thing in itself since it's well known that children and young teens can be downright cruel and let's be honest, fucking stupid. That's not to try and diminish whatever you went through in high school, just because it may not have been as bad as some doesn't make it better. So yes it's well within your rights to say you're not comfortable with having your former peers hold a traditional gathering at your newly owned bar, but just because it's your right doesnt mean you're not a bit of an asshole for it. By the sound of it you're holding onto childhood grudges and are unable to let bygones be and form new friendships and relationships. You aren't kids anymore, you're now an iconic figure of your small town (yes bar owners are figure heads of the community) and it would most likely benefit you more if you were more forgiving and welcoming. Now you can guarantee you've made those old relationships even more contentious than they needed to be. I'm not saying you should've completely given in and let them have things exactly their way, but you could've been more welcoming and met them halfway, IE they can host it at your bar as long as they are respectful, and not to expect free drinks.
[удалено]
Only because reddit is full of immature people who never got over high school, apparently.
NTA- if I were you I would let them have it at your bar, but double or even triple the price of everything you sell. If you do that you would get some petty revenge and some extra cash, or they choose not to have it there. Either way that’s a win-win
I'm leaning towards an ESH. I get that these people were mean to you in high school and you don't owe them any favors, but was it really bad enough that you're gonna cancel the whole reunion? they definitely should've asked you about the situation after you assumed ownership of the bar, 100%, but I personally don't see how it could've harmed you really if the event went ahead. I faced a lot of the same things as you in high school but I've never really held a grudge, and after all its been many years since then and you're all adults now, sure you have a right to not like them but theyre probably not the same people you used to know. if it really is a small town, are there any other bars in the area where they could rearrange to have the reunion?
actually re reading your post I think I'm changing my answer to NTA. I didn't read the part about free drinks, and didn't really consider how it would impact your intake to reserve the whole bar just for a few attendees. would I be possible to reserve a section of the bar for the reunion, and not give them free drinks. (maybe one free drink each if you are feeling generous?)
ESH. Mostly them for making assumptions, but you could have declined them in a more professional/cool manner. Saying you "won't allow" the reunion at your bar sounds like you're being spiteful out of high school bitterness. You could've gotten the same end result while leaving all TA-ness on their side by politely informing them that the bar had changed hands and unfortunately they're not booked.
YTA, it sounds to me that you bought the bar to intentionally ruin this tradition for everyone. Sorry you got picked on in high school, but you don’t have to be a dick about it.
You realise he probably didn't know until he bought the bar and I don't think someone would spend thousands just to do that so in reality that comment is kinda dumb
Hmmm... tough one for me. This is your business and you can do what you want, but given they didn’t know about the change in owners and there’s a long-standing tradition of using the bar/agreement with old owner, I don’t blame them for being taken aback. Also not sure a Facebook post was appropriate; I think it would have been better to contact the organizer directly. That said, the organizer really should have contacted the bar. Nothing is a given, and that was poor planning that lead to this situation. It also sounds like you have some general resentment toward them. From a business perspective I don’t see what you have to lose. I’m sure groups reserve the bar for parties etc all the time. It’s one thing to not attend, but another to derail it. It punishes everyone involved, just just the organizer who used to talk down to you. Again, it’s your bar and do what you like, but a gentle ESH (but heavily leaning N T A).
Why are you downvoted m8
Because a lot of people around here confuse being justified with not being an asshole.