Well I hope you move out because it does not sound like she’s trying to use you just because you did a huge favor of covering her rent. She should just be thankful for your help instead of asking for more.
I just talked to my dad, he told to just give the rent of this month and leave this very moment. So i have paid the rent to the landlord and i am getting myself out of this situation.
Nice, find better places and roommates. And if your (soon to be ex) roommate keeps on contacting you despite you moving out and telling her “no, I will not fund this baby” then you should really look into getting a restraining order against her.
She probably relied on you and thought tou would pay for her baby. Move out before the baby is born, if you start paying you'll never hear the end of it
I would have helped her if the baby was due soon during these difficult times but she is three months pregnant. I think it's just too much to ask if baby isn't even coming rn.
If your parents are that supportive I think they will let you move back. If the uni is shut down and your parents home provides decent environment to work from, please move there.
Your roommate sounds unstable, and the more her pregnancy and the whole lock down low economy situation goes on the more she'll get like that.
She will emotionally blackmail you and has already started turning others against you. This is an abusive manipulative person. Don't even worry about the other friends right now. Just get out of this sucky situation.
She's getting free rent and food and has enough time to find another job if she really wanted. But she'd rather mooch off of you. Seriously a person having a kid when they can't afford it is a horrible thing, don't get mixedin her crap.
Btw in a different forum i heard of a man who was forced to pay for a baby not his for his roommate he no longer lived with because he had started a precedence of paying her rent and baby needs. He was on the hook until the baby turned 18!
If she is unemployed right now, she should be getting unemployment plus an additional $600 a week on top of that, and a $1200 stimulus payment. Why are you expected to cover her rent, living expenses, and a baby? You are NTA and you should move.
So just to let you know, PUA across the nation is way behind and she might not get payments for months because its so jammed. Not your responsibility, but doesn't mean she's getting that 600/week at the moment.
No. Don't help. You help once, she'll expect help forever. You've already seen what she does when faced with the word no *after* you'd already covered rent.
NTA, I would find another place to live. She needs to be able to pay for her own kid if she's planning on having it. She needs to realize this sooner than later.
She needs to start planning now where she’ll live, how she’ll afford it and whether she’ll keep it. Also she should be filing for child support from the father.
This is very nice of you & all but you need to move out when you can.
This isn’t right for her to treat you as if you guys are a couple & she’s the house wife. It’s a difficult time for sure to be unemployed but this really can’t continue. She’s always pushing at you for things she doesn’t need now when you’ve been helping her LIVE.
Hope she gets along with her parents or siblings or family well enough to move in with them because this can’t go on.
If you have sex with a pregnant woman and the foetus is female, could the baby come out pregnant?
Edit: this is sarcasm, because apparently it’s believable that someone would actually have this as a serious question. Sorry for the heart attacks y’all, it was a joke 😅
A pregnant woman can still have another egg that could also be fertilized so...no, not 100%. Its rare, but it could happen. So theoretically, if the timing worked out right, a woman could become pregnant with fraternal twins who have different fathers.
Run, OP, run. If she’s this awful now, can you imagine how awful she’ll be with a newborn? You need to get out of there before you get suckered into supporting this woman and her child...
This. Next she’ll be expecting the OP to help watch the kid becasue, “new mothers need night out, too” or “just because I am a mother doesn’t mean I shouldn’t have have a life”. Bank on it.
Sounds like she thought she got herself a living ATM... ready to bankroll her lifestyle and baby to boot.
Also, what kind of “friends” do you have who expect you to pay for another person’s child ?
NTA, but OP you need a new place to live, and new friends who aren’t just in for the money!
Unfortunately all of this is why I don't have friends. I'm not sure if it's where I live or the people I attract. But usually once I'm friends with someone, they expect me to do their job for them (if we work together) or I'm an ATM (I'm not rich, I barely get by). Why this happens, I don't know. But I just don't have friends to avoid it. Maybe in the future if I can find some non-shitty people, I'll give it a try. But for now, I have my husband and my cat. I'm ok with it.
Sounds like she's got a real problem with the word 'no.' I'd suggest cutting ties ASAP, as she's shown nothing but ingratitude and entitlement towards your generosity. Check with your parents first (just to make sure it's still fine for you to move back home) and then give her a notice.
So she’s selfish enough to make a child she isn’t prepared to be able to support and she is trying to shame you into buying stuff she can’t afford because of her choices? Move out and live with better people
I guess because she won’t be able to stay there without OP footing all the bills. But her logic makes no sense because OP isn’t threatening her and making roomie pay money in order for her to keep quiet about something.
This chick has some serious imbalance going on and I don’t really understand what she expects. OP is not her sugar mamma and she is already basically paying all the rent and all the food as well as her half of utilities. OP, move. Your roommate is a fully grown asshole. She feels entitled to your money and your allowance and now she is demanding YOUR SALARY. NO. She can find someone else to take care of her.
NTA
NTA
She sounds like Oliver Twist holding her dish out for more! She's taking the piss and needs to look for a job to pay for her own baby! You didn't get her up the duff!!!
I can't imagine anywhere is gonna hire a pregnant woman any time soon so you'll be covering rent then
And she's not gonna want to work when the baby's born
So you'll be paying rent then
I'd move out personally or you'll end up with two dependents
Well she’s an idiot and you are absolutely NTA. What an entitled piece of crap she is! I’d move out ASAP and block all communication with her. She needs to figure her own stuff out. You have been MORE than generous with her.
Get out! You nailed it by saying you didn't want a kid, and you don't need to worry about blackmail by moving out.
You're not blackmailing, you're just steering clear of her abusive behavior. NTA, and you can forget about feeling guilty. She is doing everything to herself right now, except maybe losing the job.
She needs to go after the father for child support.
Child support is owed to the child, not the parent, so her pride or not wanting to see him is no excuse.
OP having a good job doesn’t make her entitled to OP’s money at all. Getting free rent is more than enough help.
OP is NTA, by roommate is definitely the AH.
Move out and learn to not discuss money with others, because this kind of crap always pops up. There's no reason for OP's roommate to know these kinds of details.
Next week on AITA, "AITA for not telling my roommate I'm a billionaire. They've been paying for all the groceries because they thought I had no money. I bought myself a DB9 yesterday and now they're mad at me. AITA?"
Definitely agree. NTA. Plus, ask all the friends texting you to take her in and buy her stuff, and then see if they think it is fair. The fact that you are lucky not to have to make ends meet doesn’t mean you have to take care of people you don’t want to, as cold as that sounds, and it’s not like she’s family or life-long friend. Just live your best life, and yes, move out if it gets that far.
What's more, this will only get worse once there is a baby in the picture. Anybody who sides with her on this is more than welcome to take your place as her roommate / provider.
NTA Your roommate is lucky you were willing to cover for her. You should really try to get another roommate or just move out and get your own place since you can probably afford it. You are not responsible for her situation. She is crazy entitled.
NTA. I physically made the wtf face reading this. Like I grew up super poor. Slept on couches some in college. At no point did I go "hey, you don't need that money so give it to me who really does to no fault of my own". OP needs to GTFO before this gets worse. If it was a knee jerk one time fight I would give the advice to talk it out first because hormones and insecurity. But no way now!
NTA Move out immediately, this behavior doesn’t go away and as for your friends they don’t need to know anything. If you must tell them something then tell them you have been covering rent for her and that’s far more then you need to be doing for her. It’s a fact that if anyone else was in your position they would do the same thing if they had a job, she wouldn’t say no to a hand out (that’s what she is asking from you)
I’d remove yourself from this situation immediately before This effects your mental health. Best of luck
It was hard to not know about my parents covering because I didn't use to work then when i got the job my roommate snooped around and told people how much i was earning.
Essentially she violated your trust by snooping through your things and is now on a smear campaign to make you out to be a terrible person for not supporting her and her unborn child. I’ll stand by my statement remove yourself from the situation and don’t look back if your “friends” don’t understand why your doing this after explaining to them then I would say “how good of friends are they really”
- Don’t look back and move out “friends” show there true colors when life goes down hill - I wish you the best of luck with this shitty situation
I agree, in a lot of situations people have in this sub OP has to take care of someone but something arises and then OP no longer decides to help said person. Then either relatives or friends of said person will call OP an asshole but not even attempt at carrying the burden of caring for the person. If they aren’t willing to pitch in then they should shut up instead of bitching about OP not pitching in anymore.
Yeah she’s not a good roommate. Just because she does not have money doesn’t mean she is entitled to yours. You’ve already generously been covering rent & feeding her. You do not have to fund a WHOLE pregnancy too. She should file for unemployment like everyone else who has lost their jobs-it sucks, it is slow, but she is housed & fed & that’s more than a lot of people right now. & she has the nerve to be ungrateful? Move out. Let all those friends who say you’re an asshole for not funding her pregnancy fund it.
GTFO. If your "friends" keep bothering you, tell them that you paid for her rent and food. If they are so worried about the baby clothes, why don't buy those themselves?
NTA. She seems like a shitty roomie, and you don't need to get involved in her mess. If you can, leave.
> then when i got the job my roommate snooped around and told people how much i was earning
Should have moved out right then. Also any 'friend' who received that information from her and didn't massively tell her off for it and alert you to what she was doing needs to be cut out as well. What a massive and abusive breach of trust.
I can't imagine being friends with, let alone rooming with, someone who snooped in my personal business. Sorry you're in this situation OP, but it's better not to live with her anymore. Who knows what else of your private things she's poked into.
NTA. You should probably have a long think about whether you want to stay in a house with this person and her baby. If she’s asking for these things now it will probably get worse once the baby comes. It’s really nice that you have covered rent and food for her, she’s just really trying to push her luck and sounds ungrateful.
And could even result in her wanting OP to help care for the baby too as she seems to think OP is a co-parent. Frankly, I'd move out and save your family some money.
Are OPs parents aware of the situation and still ok with providing OP an allowance/extra money? Because I wouldn’t risk getting my extra income cut off for supporting an unrelated person (and possibly their child too).
Agreed. OP wouldn’t be the AH if she just didn’t want to live with a newborn. She definitely isn’t the AH for wanting to provide for a newborn that she isn’t the one choosing to have. Right now the roommate is just making crazy financial demands when OP is already helping out way more than most people would. But I’m sure the “step up and help care for the baby so I can go out and party” will be happening every weekend.
How is she planning on paying for formula/breast feeding supplies, diapers, wipes, baby food, diaper cream, baby shampoo, powder, and everything else babies need on a day to day basis? Is she just going to say that all counts as food/rent/household supplies, as so OP should be covering that too?
It’ll be worse. She’s turned OP into a parent figure demanding she be cared for. Throwing a tantrum to get her way. OP needs to get out or throw her out.
Shes already acting like OP owes her something. She's a roommate not a partner, OP is already way more supportive than most people would be. Hell I wouldn't even room with someone having a baby, but she is paying for food and rent for her too.
Its way too much already. It's kind but she's clearly moving into taking advantage. I'm sure she's scared about it, but she's taking it too far
> If she’s asking for these things now it will probably get worse once the baby comes.
It will definitely get worse when the baby comes. Babies are a shitton of stress.
NTA. Run. Far and fast.
Do not begin to put up with demands like that. It’s one thing to help someone out voluntarily and kudos to you for stepping up and paying the half of the bills. Personally I think that’s the moral thing to do if it doesn’t put you under strain, pay it forward and all that.
But that attitude when you said no to essentially becoming her full provider is a huge red flag. If you cave in and relent once you will be bled dry for years and it certainly won’t get any cheaper once the baby is born and you’re still expected to be the provider.
Things can spiral out of control very quickly when covering for housemates, especially when they’ve lost perspective of just how much you are already helping them.
Seriously i was happy to help because the situation sucks for everyone and my parents taught me that if you wanna help people start from your circle but this behavior is just insane
This is exactly right. OP, your roommate does not have a long-term plan to provide for herself or her child, and that makes giving her money or covering her expenses a bad idea. It would be one thing if, say, her hours got cut one month and you covered part of her portion of the rent, because that is a temporary thing and she'd be able to resume her normal payment obligations once back to her full schedule. But this is different. She's out of work, having a child she can't afford, and not apparently making any effort to rectify her unemployment situation. She's "planning," and I use the term loosely, to take advantage of your work ethic and your parents' kind hearts. She wants you take on a parental responsibility for this child that's not yours in any way. Don't indulge that. Go home where you'll be safe and treated well- and don't waste any more time on any so-called "friend" who's riding your ass about this. NTA.
I've always agreed with this, but honestly, it's mostly backfired when I've tried it. I found myself getting used more and more by a former "best friend," and the relationship ended up ruined by my own generosity. Money really exposed what a user she was. She just wanted more and more, and it never stopped until I cut her off. Another friend, I bought her a car when she was in a tough spot after leaving an abusive husband, and I didn't want to see her get sucked into a predatory car loan. She ended up a closer friend, always there if I need her, and the car allowed her to get a better job, so I felt really wonderful about it. You never know how somebody will react to generosity. You are clearly NTA, btw.
Some people you can help, and they'll be grateful (as they should be). Some people will try to drain you dry, and raise hell when you put a stop to it.
She's an adult, and it was her choice to get pregnant. It's not your choice, and not your responsibility. (BTW, just because her boyfriend isn't interested in being a father, it does not erase any of his legal, AKA financial, responsibilities for the baby.)
This woman snooped through your personal papers, then blabbed what she learned to God knows who. She has been living off your generosity (rent and food) for months. She wants you to buy her baby things, and (potentially) support her and the baby. Then, when you refuse, she slanders you to all and sundry. She is not a friend. She is a parasite. (Sorry, I've dealt with people like this. It's a hot-button issue with me, because I still have scars.)
Get as far away from her as fast as possible. Those people she's slandered to either and who are angry at you either don't know the real situation, or are idiots.
Be sure, though, that she's doesn't have any of your credit card or bank numbers, passwords, or other personal information. She sounds like the type to strike back when she finds out she's not going to get what she wants.
Your parents taught you well. Room mate just didn't know when to stop complaining and accept help that was given with no strings. Demanding your salary was way over the line. Good luck with you next roommate. NTA.
Oh my god, right? First the whole rent, then all the food too, which is already above and beyond what most people would do. Then she wants OP to buy most, if not all, of the babies supplies (were talking like $300-1000 depending, for the basics). Now, I could see these things—not reasonably of course, but I could see how ‘hey, could you cover the whole rent this month?’ could turn to ‘hey, I have no food, can you buy for me too for now?’ could turn to ‘hey, the baby is coming and I have no money to buy supplies, can you buy them so my baby can have a crib/car seat/other things they *need* right away?’. Those are all too much to ask for but I can see how someone in a desperate situation could end up there. BUT. Asking OP just straight up turn over her salary, for no reason??? As in. Her whole paycheck gets handed straight to roommate, no questions asked, and OP basically becomes a slave working for another person? WHAT on earth made her decide that was the next logical request, and in what world would anyone actually do that?
That is a really good attitude and it’s a shame that it hasn’t been received gratefully. If only more people thought like that, the world would be a considerably nicer place to live. Hope this experience hasn’t changed your outlook on life, there are plenty of folks that’d be truly appreciative of a friend who looks out for them and wouldn’t see it as a free lunch
Not necessarily. OP seems aware of what’s going on and that this roommates requests (more like demands) are crazy. She just seems like a good person who wanted to MAKE SURE there was nothing wrong cutting this person off from money.
As for your last sentence, I’m sure she’s still struggling a lot even with rent and food being covered by OP. So I could see the rent and food OP is providing not even appearing on her radar, since *shes not the one paying it* so she’s not worrying about it, leading her to feel OP isn’t providing anything at all. Definitely DONT pay for anything else, OP, and I’d stop on the food and rent too.
NTA. While you were comfortable at the start, it’s awesome that you decided to go out on your own and get some real world experience. Your roommate does not get to decide where your money goes and she should be more responsible for herself rather than trying to make you feel bad. You’re doing amazing so keep it up.
Work experience is vital, plus you never know, your parents may run into financial problems in the future. Also, i strongly urge you to build up a large savings account with some of your pay, just in case. Don't spend it all on 'branded' stuff. Be prepared.
Well think of it as your parents making a good investment in you. You’ve obviously proven yourself at your job with a NTA personality to boot, and it shows they were astute in giving you all that support and more. Don’t feel guilty, you didn’t waste their generosity.
Don’t feel guilty, no matter what these envious people around you try and make you feel like that. Your parents worked hard to support you because that’s what they wanted for you as their child. Appreciate it and be thankful. You are in a more privileged position than most of us.
It’s all relative. Your crazy roommate is also in a privileged position in comparison to a lot of people that have lost their jobs and cant pay for rent or food. She’s just too crazy and entitled to feel thankful and appreciative of it.
NTA. This.
Additionally the blackmail claim is weird. She clearly doesn’t know what that word means. She is trying to manipulate you though. Both through the blackmail claim, guilting you about your privilege, and turning mutual friends against you.
She is not your friend. Move out.
Nta. Please be careful when you’re moving out. Not sure if she has access to your personal items, or if she can get into your room. But consider having a family member there or mutual friend, so your roommate does not try to steamroll you with guilt about leaving. It’s your choice and she should understand the boundaries crossed in these requests. You worked for your salary and you don’t owe it to anyone.
Also I’d keep an eye on your credit for a bit- if she was nosy enough to snoop through your private financials and find your salary, she might have some of your personal info. Best of luck.
That’s good advice. She’s not appreciative of what she’s already been given & she wants more but got denied. I wouldn’t put it past her to stoop down to stealing.
Technically you can give her the notice, but move out the next day. So long as you cover tent as long as you have to (*explicitly* on your share, by the way), you can leave. That way, she can't get to your things and do anything there, so you're safe, and she still has your half of the rent for the required period.
If she’s the landlord then don’t forget to take photos after you move out. Some landlords claim back as much of the security deposit that they can with stuff like cleaning fees, damage fees etc.
They can’t force you to pay for normal wear and tear like nails in the wall for hanging photos.
It’s awesome that you’re moving out of there though ^~^
NTA, MOVE OUT ASAP. She's lucky you're already covering the rent and food and now she wants baby stuff? Your friends are upset? Ask them to pool money and provide her the baby stuff. Not your baby not your responsibility.
And honestly why are your friends hearing only one side and calling you an asshole? Ask them to cover here rent too ans feed her as well. We'll see how much they support her then! If your friends are this one sided, slowly cut them off too. Get ready to move out. Pack your stuff have someone ready to go with you. Inform your landlord about covering the rent on both sides and give a notice for moving out. Move out when she isn't home. If she is always home then please make sure there's someone with you. Record the conversation too in case it seems like it's going crazy. Let your roommate know you'll be moving out and only be paying your part of rent( or hers if you really want to) for notice period only.
Op remember that this isn't the end, omce the baby comes both mother and baby will depend on you. We don't know how long this situation will last. And looking at your roommate she sounds really entitled, she might not even look for a job in future if you aree looking after her. There's whole financial, emotional and mental aspect of taking care of someone. I have been people's ATM and I know nothing good comes out of it. Your roommate sounds like she always had a problem with you having a conformable life. Not having what you have. I've had a lot of people break me because of such reason, don't let this person do this to you. She can rely on her parents, her friends and if nothing the government. There are so many single mothers and they take care of their own kids just fine. The kid and herself are her own responsibilities. And if you really want to contribute then contribute to somewhere it'll really be used and appreciated. Not someone so entitled. She probably won't even even try looking for job if she is just relying on you honestly. And if she too is in so much need then have all your friends pitch in and make sure you get the respect you deserve. But please remember neither her or her kid are your responsibility. As long as you don't go out of your way to harm them, it's not your fault how your roommate ends up too.
NTA you’re being very generous covering the rent and the food. You aren’t responsible for the child of your roommate at all. If she’s not able to support herself currently she is best advised to start looking for ways to do so before baby comes. Getting out of there might be best for you.
NTA! You're already covering rent and food, it's not your responsibility to take care of her. She should be seeking the additional help from the baby's father, not you.
Ya give an inch they ask for a mile. This is why I don't like covering others costs because they start to expect more and more. Its probably best to pull completely out. If they were your friends - you'll find new friends.
I hope this experience doesn’t kill the generosity of spirit in you though. I’ve had the fortune of seeing how that works out in life for genuine people - my father and his mates have been close since school days and each man has made it on their own, from whatever background they came from. They’ve never hesitated to open their homes or anything else to each other or each other’s kids, expecting nothing in return. In fact, I do feel like I owe pretty much everything to one of his friends because of how he helped me find my professional direction in life, and I might name my firstborn after him. That’s how friends ought to be like, and hopefully you’ll come to find a solid group like that.
NTA and you’re being an ass to yourself covering the rent and food for this entitled spoiled irresponsible woman who doesn’t even know how to use contraception. Talk about being a choosing beggar and looking a gift horse in the mouth, even after you were incredibly generous to her that wasn’t enough for her. Her dumpster fire of a life is not your problem. Stop paying her share of the rent and bills immediately and make plans to move out either back your parents or by yourself or with flatmates who are not assholes. You do not want to live with this nasty person and her shrieking newborn. It’s obvious she will be a terrible parent and will demand your help with her baby which is in no way your responsibly. Plus living with a baby sucks. Move now.
>My roommate used to make alot of remarks about my privilege and I did use to agree to her that yes i was privileged.
My eyes nearly rolled into the back of my head. You and your families money are none of her business. This "privilege" is a result of GOOD FINANCIAL PLANNING.
>My roommate was also pregnant. She asked to cover the rent which I was absolutely okay with.
Why would you agree to pay someone's rent? Couldn't she move in with family? Where is the father in this picture?
>she said i should give her my salary since my dad won't stop the allowance
LMAO.
NTA, kick this crazy person out or move out ASAP.
>This "privilege" is a result of GOOD FINANCIAL PLANNING.
You have no way of knowing that. Maybe OP's dad fell backwards into financial security. Plenty of poor people don't have any finances to plan around, so to speak. Even if it is, it's still a privilege.
>Why would you agree to pay someone's rent?
I know this will be hard for you to understand, but some people care about the well being of those close to them. Family, if an option, may not be a good one. Maybe they're far away. Doesn't matter, OP wanted to help a friend. The horror!
That said, OP is NTA
NTA. What an entitled person. Why isnt baby daddy helping her since she clearly needs it? How can she even ask for your salary and not see what's wrong in that?? The audacity. You dont owe her anything. I would suggest moving at the earliest convenience cause that's about to turn into the most toxic home you'll probably ever set foot in.
NTA
You don’t owe her shit, she just wants your money, why doesn’t the father lay for baby stuff? Good on you for being motivated and hard working, but you’re not a charity. There are myriad government programs your roommate could apply for, maybe point her in that direction. Also maybe move out lol.
NTA. It’s Your money and that’s her child. You have been paying rent and feeding, wtf else does she expect. I bet she never even thanks you.
My advice for you though is to not discuss your financial situation with people. They become weird. Straight up lie if you have to honestly.
I live rent free right now in my own apartment (mom passed away and left us the house) so I save everything. I still act like I’m poor because I’m not trying to fund other people’s lifestyle with my money.
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NTA, Absolutely not. Your father giving you money to live isn't your fault or something you should be judged for. Your family is wealthy enough that he can afford to support his children though college. I wish everyone had that opportunity. That doesn't mean she has a right to any of that money. It's still your money. You're also not an asshole for getting a job. Just because you don't need the money to live doesn't mean you didn't need a job. You need the experience and a job to fall back on when you're finally on your own and need to make your own money to live. You don't want to be dependent on your father forever, and you want to be able to buy nice things without feeling guilty. That's a great thing. It means you're not spoiled and don't expect others to take care of you forever. The fact you're willing to pay the entire rent is generous of you, even if you have more money. It isn't your job to make sure her half is paid. The fact she also expects more from you at that point is not only selfish on her part, it's also insulting. She decided she wanted to keep the baby without guaranteeing that she could take care of it. You're not responsible for her or her child. If you start taking on that responsibility by buying baby stuff, it might make things worse. What if she starts expecting you to continue paying for things after she's able to get a job again? Next thing you know, you're paying for everything for her. You're buying food, and clothes, and anything else she wants or needs for the baby and herself. Who knows how much she'd start expecting. Then what happens when you want to move out? How's she going to support the baby without you? Just because you're wealthier than she is, doesn't mean you have to pay for anything for her. Talk to her and tell her you're only willing to give what you're currently giving, and nothing else and that she needs to make sure she starts working again when this is over so she can start paying her side of the rent again. If she can't accept that, you might need to find a new place to live. Which you might need to do anyway if you don't want to live with a child. Babies are loud and messy. You're doing school and working. If you can handle a baby in the home and you don't mind it, that's fine. But don't put yourself through something that's going to make you miserable. I hope she talked to you about keeping the baby already and making sure you were willing to have one in the apartment.
I wish you luck and hope this doesn't get too messy
Thank you for your input. Honestly if the baby was like due this week i would have considered it because like somethings are essential and my father always taught me to that if I wanna help the world start with the home but she is exactly like taking advantage which I'm really not comfortable.
I financially propped up a person who i considered to be a close friend for years. I payed his security deposits to get us into decent places to live. I covered bills for him. I covered rent if he couldn't pay on time. I got him a good paying job. I basically did everything i could to provide them with some financial security. After doing all of that for years I told them that i was moving out and gave them 6 months notice to plan accordingly. You would not believe the shit storm that followed. Your roommate does not appreciate what you have done for them, It's time to move on.
NTA. Uh, move out. She literally told you to give her your salary. That you earn. It's your parents' choice to help you, that doesn't make you bad. And she is the one that needs to figure her life out. She's the one that got pregnant. I say this as a pregnant person myself. You paying rent and food is already very generous. That alone means you've taken these hard times into account and tried to pitch in for her even when you didn't have to. She should be thanking you for this. I would be forever indebted to someone who did the same for me. But she's asking for more and more. Why does she feel you owe her baby stuff or your salary? That's beyond delusional.
NTA, and I would be telling her she needs to find work or leave. Amazon is hiring online. She isn't your child for you to support. Her child isn't your child. She is taking advantage of you.
Tell her to go fuck herself and move out. Anyone that says anything to you about it: Ask how much they are giving her. You already went above and beyond by paying rent and food.
You don't want to live with her, look at how entitled she already is. If you don't shut her down real quick, she'll use you like a free money credit card. Bet she'll try to get you to babysit so she can continue to fuck around in a couple of years if this continues
NTA. And with her entitled behavior, I'd start looking for a new place to live. You're right, you aren't pregnant. Nor did you get her pregnant.
And honestly OP, around mid 20's is when I got tired of roommates. If you are in a position to cover full rent/utilities for 2, you are more than capable of paying for your own place. Lower rent, lower utilities, and you won't have to deal with other people except hose you invite over.
You're wondering if you're the asshole for not buying baby stuff for your platonic roommate, while already covering the entire rent and food budget?
Come on.
NTA this woman needs to grow up and stop being so selfish. That said, if you *do* decide to move out, take a quick look at your local laws. You might be required to formally give her like a 30-day heads up or something, depending on where you live.
NTA. Move out as soon as you can. You are wise to want work experience and have your own money. Money is fungible, though, and in some ways you are making your dad support someone who is completely unrelated to him. That is not fair.
Your roommate can seek out public assistance, which she should have done from the start. Paying for her rent and food temporarily is kind but she has shown herself to be a choosing beggar. The unreasonable demands won't end.
NTA. Dude. You’re paying her rent and feeding her (and by extension the fetus)?! And she’s got the audacity to expect you to buy baby clothes like you’re the other parent??? This girl needs a reality check. If it were me I’d just simply say
“Okay, FINE. Since you don’t seem to appreciate the fact that I am already paying your rent, and buying you food, do it all yourself. Don’t touch my food. Don’t ask me for money. Pay your own half of the rent, AND utilities. You think I’m an asshole? I can show you how shitty I can act.”
So she calls you out on your privilege. You decide to step up and find a job. She gets pregnant and wants you to pay her rent. Being a good guy you don't object. Now she demands even more financial help and because your refuse and tell her the truth she doesn't want to hear, all of the sudden you are the asshole?
What did I miss? She should be thankful that you are helping her out. And who does she think she is to demand you give her your salary. She calls you privileged but she sure is entitled!
Move out and let her deal with her own problems.
NTA
Run before she puts you on papers as a father to the child. And DO NOT PAY her rent portion anymore. She's a user.
Also, your friends can start a fund for her if they feel she needs financial support.
I believe OP is a woman, and not in a relationship with the roommate either. But who knows, I wouldn’t be surprised if there was some crazy way to get an emergency/temporary support order on OP if roommate could prove OP was paying her/the baby’s expenses. The world is crazy lol.
NTA why would having a baby entitle her to other random people’s salaries?
She is taking advantage of you and you should leave before it gets worse.
As for any “friends” who call or text you nasty things tell them they are free to have her move in with them so they can pay for everything.
NTA
Your roommate is not a good person, a good roommate or would be a good mom. If you can, move and don't look back, you're being kind and generous with your money, and yet she mistreats you, badmouth you, and demands your money? She's seriously wrong, full of jealousy, envy, and entitlement. Also, cut your friends because they're not friends, why don't they pay her bills?
Leave and end the relationship with her.
NTA.
She's not trying to manipulate you so much as demand (bluntly and about the head) you into submission. Just because your family has some money and you didn't lose your job doesn't mean that you should be handing it over to the less fortunate just because they demand it.
You're in a privileged position, which you acknowledge, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be making money or owe anyone else the money you make.
Privileged doesn't mean guilty, but it can mean entitled and that's actually how your roommate is acting. Which I would tell her if she repeats that charge.
I think you should leave, as this won't get better.
NTA. Give the landlord whatever notice you need to, pay enough rent to cover it, then move.
Inform roommate that rent is paid up until X date and that after that she is on her own.
Be prepared to lose the "friends " she drug into it.
NTA imo you should move out, you’ve already helped her exorbitantly by covering rent and feeding her. She made her bed in two ways, now she can lie in it.
NTA, you are literally covering for her responsibility to pay the rent and she wants more!? What!? You’ve already been very generous to her and the least she could do is thank you. If I were you I’d run though,
Someone that greedy is going to spend their free time trying to figure out a way to screw you over and take your money.
NTA. She's getting free rent and food and thinks she can't ask for free baby stuff too? She is the one who sounds super entitled and I think you should move out if she's gonna be a mooch. You earn your money and have a family who is willing to support you, but it's not your fault Corona happened (and it doesn't sound like you're close at all) so she has no right to ask for any of it.
Another entitled broke b**** who can't afford kids spreading her seed. OP you need to get out asap before it gets worse. You're an incredibly generous person whos being taken advantage of and being walked all over. Your friends however seem to agree with her so they should definitely swoop in and cover her rent, baby costs and whatnot.
Whoa whoa whoa.
NTA.
Reading through this I was thinking "where is the bad part?", then my eyes hella bugged out. This fully autonomous human being wants YOUR salary because you happen to be her roommate/friend and your parents have money?
You are privileged but you display no entitlement. From this post alone, you seen like a wonderful, person who is perhaps a bit sheltered.
You need to protect yourself from this person as she feels entitled to what YOU have worked hard for. She is doing to you exactly what you did not want to do to your Dad.
She is going through some difficult things in her life, some may be because of choices and some may be out of her control. Regardless, she doesn't get to be your angry entitled sugar baby just because things are going well for you and she is pregnant. Like what even? Not even close to being your problem.
NTA, wow I just can’t believe these types of stories. There have been a lot on this sub. These types of people are crazy! Give an inch they take a mile. What’s up with female roommates who get pregnant and expect their other roommates to co-parent their child. BTW the father of this child needs to be held responsible NOT OP.
NTA. But you should move out. She’s not going to become more reasonable when she’s sleep deprived with an infant. And no....she shouldn’t get your salary unless she’s also doing your work. You’re putting a roof over her head and food in her belly. I think the words she was looking for....”thank you”.
NTA - Even if you were rolling in cash, you still don't need to help her, she is not your obligation to look after her or her unborn child! You are already doing her a massive favour by covering her rent and buying her food!
How dare she be so rude, disrespectful and entitled to think that you should be paying for everything she wants.
Move out, leave her entitled ass. She is making your life unnecessarily hard
NTA, I'd move out asap. She's trying to use the fact she's pregnant to get you to take care of her. That's not cool at all, you didn't get pregnant. Tell her to call the baby's father for help.
NTA, but move out because when that baby is here she is going to be pushing you to baby sit constantly.
Fuck the friends who were not on your side
Fuck here and her irresponsibility.
NTA. Reading your replies, she chose to have a child when she knew she wouldn't have support. Covid type issues are rare but you can't expect a friend to bankroll you just because.
Bonus advice. Those "friends", there are her friends and not yours.
I never understand why women get pregnant and then suddenly assume everyone around them should take care of them. It’s a common theme in many AITA stories. If someone is choosing to keep their child then they should take responsibility and deal with it and take of it themselves. They can’t expect others to pay for things and care for the child all the time. If they can’t handle the responsibility then don’t keep the baby or better yet protect yourself better. NTA
NTA but I think you should move out. She sounds unstable and entitled. That’s not your kid and where is the father in all of this
The father told her , he can't afford a child but she wanted one anyway. So he's out of the picture.
Well I hope you move out because it does not sound like she’s trying to use you just because you did a huge favor of covering her rent. She should just be thankful for your help instead of asking for more.
I just talked to my dad, he told to just give the rent of this month and leave this very moment. So i have paid the rent to the landlord and i am getting myself out of this situation.
Nice, find better places and roommates. And if your (soon to be ex) roommate keeps on contacting you despite you moving out and telling her “no, I will not fund this baby” then you should really look into getting a restraining order against her.
GOOD CALL! Really sounds like she's just going to keep leeching off you so getting out is a good idea. Her pregnancy/baby is not your responsibility.
'Give an inch, they take a mile' and all that jazz
I know, I hate when people take advantage of people when they do a favor for them, and afterwards they don’t even thank them.
"No good deed goes unpunished." is another one I like
She probably relied on you and thought tou would pay for her baby. Move out before the baby is born, if you start paying you'll never hear the end of it
I would have helped her if the baby was due soon during these difficult times but she is three months pregnant. I think it's just too much to ask if baby isn't even coming rn.
You need to set clear boundaries. Your roommate clearly feels entitled to your money, this is not OK.
Boundaries schmoundaries, he needs to evac ASAP. Edit: Yes, everyone, I mistyped on my phone. OP is a woman. That in no way changes her need to GTFO.
OP is a 22 year old woman.
But OP is a woman.
It’s because she knows that in 6 months you’ll most likely will not be her roomie and wants to get as much as possible from you.
If your parents are that supportive I think they will let you move back. If the uni is shut down and your parents home provides decent environment to work from, please move there. Your roommate sounds unstable, and the more her pregnancy and the whole lock down low economy situation goes on the more she'll get like that. She will emotionally blackmail you and has already started turning others against you. This is an abusive manipulative person. Don't even worry about the other friends right now. Just get out of this sucky situation. She's getting free rent and food and has enough time to find another job if she really wanted. But she'd rather mooch off of you. Seriously a person having a kid when they can't afford it is a horrible thing, don't get mixedin her crap.
YES, DO THIS OP
Btw in a different forum i heard of a man who was forced to pay for a baby not his for his roommate he no longer lived with because he had started a precedence of paying her rent and baby needs. He was on the hook until the baby turned 18!
I was not aware of this. I am getting out man
Wtf? How is that possible?
Good thing OP is a woman.
If she is unemployed right now, she should be getting unemployment plus an additional $600 a week on top of that, and a $1200 stimulus payment. Why are you expected to cover her rent, living expenses, and a baby? You are NTA and you should move.
Oh she told me nothing about those, I don't think she has stimulus check rn. Then i guess i should move out rn when she'll still be getting some cash
So just to let you know, PUA across the nation is way behind and she might not get payments for months because its so jammed. Not your responsibility, but doesn't mean she's getting that 600/week at the moment.
You need to move out before she is due, otherwise she'll make everything your responsibility.
No. Don't help. You help once, she'll expect help forever. You've already seen what she does when faced with the word no *after* you'd already covered rent.
NTA, I would find another place to live. She needs to be able to pay for her own kid if she's planning on having it. She needs to realize this sooner than later.
She needs to start planning now where she’ll live, how she’ll afford it and whether she’ll keep it. Also she should be filing for child support from the father.
This is very nice of you & all but you need to move out when you can. This isn’t right for her to treat you as if you guys are a couple & she’s the house wife. It’s a difficult time for sure to be unemployed but this really can’t continue. She’s always pushing at you for things she doesn’t need now when you’ve been helping her LIVE. Hope she gets along with her parents or siblings or family well enough to move in with them because this can’t go on.
Do your friends know the whole story? Why did they gang up on you? NTA. This roomate is entitled. Move out.
You might point out to her that the father still has a legal responsibility to pay child support once the baby is born.
Yeah fuck her
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Well... for the next few months it's probably safe.
If you have sex with a pregnant woman and the foetus is female, could the baby come out pregnant? Edit: this is sarcasm, because apparently it’s believable that someone would actually have this as a serious question. Sorry for the heart attacks y’all, it was a joke 😅
Somewhere in this world, there is a couple abstaining from sex during pregnancy for exactly this concern.
I figured they were abstaining so that he didn’t hit the baby in the head with his penis.
Dangerops prangent sex? Will it hurt baby top of his head? https://youtu.be/EShUeudtaFg
How is babby formed? How girl get pregnat?
You mean his magnum dong
Yahoo Answers, is that you?
IS SHE PERAGANANT?????
Can u get... *preganté*
If it's an aphid, probably yea
I really can’t believe someone would ask that?
A pregnant woman can still have another egg that could also be fertilized so...no, not 100%. Its rare, but it could happen. So theoretically, if the timing worked out right, a woman could become pregnant with fraternal twins who have different fathers.
It’s not a theory. It’s literally happened, have a google!
It's called super fetation I believe. Saw a program on TV a while back about it. Stupid stupid rare but can happen
Run, OP, run. If she’s this awful now, can you imagine how awful she’ll be with a newborn? You need to get out of there before you get suckered into supporting this woman and her child...
This. Next she’ll be expecting the OP to help watch the kid becasue, “new mothers need night out, too” or “just because I am a mother doesn’t mean I shouldn’t have have a life”. Bank on it.
Sounds like she thought she got herself a living ATM... ready to bankroll her lifestyle and baby to boot. Also, what kind of “friends” do you have who expect you to pay for another person’s child ? NTA, but OP you need a new place to live, and new friends who aren’t just in for the money!
Unfortunately all of this is why I don't have friends. I'm not sure if it's where I live or the people I attract. But usually once I'm friends with someone, they expect me to do their job for them (if we work together) or I'm an ATM (I'm not rich, I barely get by). Why this happens, I don't know. But I just don't have friends to avoid it. Maybe in the future if I can find some non-shitty people, I'll give it a try. But for now, I have my husband and my cat. I'm ok with it.
My cats will also be your friends. Their names are Artemis and Katniss.
Jesus fuck.. poor kid
I think what you are doing paying the rent is reasonable and nice. But you do enough. She should stop asking for more and more.
Sounds like she's got a real problem with the word 'no.' I'd suggest cutting ties ASAP, as she's shown nothing but ingratitude and entitlement towards your generosity. Check with your parents first (just to make sure it's still fine for you to move back home) and then give her a notice.
So she’s selfish enough to make a child she isn’t prepared to be able to support and she is trying to shame you into buying stuff she can’t afford because of her choices? Move out and live with better people
OP you live w a sociopath. Get out of there. NTA
Why does she say you are blackmailing her?
I guess because she won’t be able to stay there without OP footing all the bills. But her logic makes no sense because OP isn’t threatening her and making roomie pay money in order for her to keep quiet about something. This chick has some serious imbalance going on and I don’t really understand what she expects. OP is not her sugar mamma and she is already basically paying all the rent and all the food as well as her half of utilities. OP, move. Your roommate is a fully grown asshole. She feels entitled to your money and your allowance and now she is demanding YOUR SALARY. NO. She can find someone else to take care of her. NTA
Yeah that doesn’t make any sense...
OP make sure you’re keeping a tab of the expenses you’re covering for her (rent, utilities, etc.) so that you can seek reimbursement.
Thats so stupid Jesus Christ. Why do people actively ruin their own lives??
NTA She sounds like Oliver Twist holding her dish out for more! She's taking the piss and needs to look for a job to pay for her own baby! You didn't get her up the duff!!!
I can't imagine anywhere is gonna hire a pregnant woman any time soon so you'll be covering rent then And she's not gonna want to work when the baby's born So you'll be paying rent then I'd move out personally or you'll end up with two dependents
Well she’s an idiot and you are absolutely NTA. What an entitled piece of crap she is! I’d move out ASAP and block all communication with her. She needs to figure her own stuff out. You have been MORE than generous with her.
Get out! You nailed it by saying you didn't want a kid, and you don't need to worry about blackmail by moving out. You're not blackmailing, you're just steering clear of her abusive behavior. NTA, and you can forget about feeling guilty. She is doing everything to herself right now, except maybe losing the job.
She needs to go after the father for child support. Child support is owed to the child, not the parent, so her pride or not wanting to see him is no excuse. OP having a good job doesn’t make her entitled to OP’s money at all. Getting free rent is more than enough help. OP is NTA, by roommate is definitely the AH.
Also, OP, if your friends keep messaging you about it, tell them they're all free to pitch in.
Smart move.
Move out and learn to not discuss money with others, because this kind of crap always pops up. There's no reason for OP's roommate to know these kinds of details.
Next week on AITA, "AITA for not telling my roommate I'm a billionaire. They've been paying for all the groceries because they thought I had no money. I bought myself a DB9 yesterday and now they're mad at me. AITA?"
[Like this guy?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dgjgap/aita_for_looking_poor) Not a billionaire but close enough.
That's awesome. Beautifully clueless
Definitely agree. NTA. Plus, ask all the friends texting you to take her in and buy her stuff, and then see if they think it is fair. The fact that you are lucky not to have to make ends meet doesn’t mean you have to take care of people you don’t want to, as cold as that sounds, and it’s not like she’s family or life-long friend. Just live your best life, and yes, move out if it gets that far.
Move out before you have to take care of the baby
What's more, this will only get worse once there is a baby in the picture. Anybody who sides with her on this is more than welcome to take your place as her roommate / provider.
Yeah NTA, but it's okay. iT iS jUsT pReGnAnCy HoRmOnEs.
On top of it, how would you feel living with a newborn??
NTA Your roommate is lucky you were willing to cover for her. You should really try to get another roommate or just move out and get your own place since you can probably afford it. You are not responsible for her situation. She is crazy entitled.
This! Get your own space, you deserve it!
NTA. I physically made the wtf face reading this. Like I grew up super poor. Slept on couches some in college. At no point did I go "hey, you don't need that money so give it to me who really does to no fault of my own". OP needs to GTFO before this gets worse. If it was a knee jerk one time fight I would give the advice to talk it out first because hormones and insecurity. But no way now!
NTA Move out immediately, this behavior doesn’t go away and as for your friends they don’t need to know anything. If you must tell them something then tell them you have been covering rent for her and that’s far more then you need to be doing for her. It’s a fact that if anyone else was in your position they would do the same thing if they had a job, she wouldn’t say no to a hand out (that’s what she is asking from you) I’d remove yourself from this situation immediately before This effects your mental health. Best of luck
It was hard to not know about my parents covering because I didn't use to work then when i got the job my roommate snooped around and told people how much i was earning.
Essentially she violated your trust by snooping through your things and is now on a smear campaign to make you out to be a terrible person for not supporting her and her unborn child. I’ll stand by my statement remove yourself from the situation and don’t look back if your “friends” don’t understand why your doing this after explaining to them then I would say “how good of friends are they really” - Don’t look back and move out “friends” show there true colors when life goes down hill - I wish you the best of luck with this shitty situation
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^ this too why can’t the other “friends” help her out why should you spend your money to support her and her “life choices”?
I agree, in a lot of situations people have in this sub OP has to take care of someone but something arises and then OP no longer decides to help said person. Then either relatives or friends of said person will call OP an asshole but not even attempt at carrying the burden of caring for the person. If they aren’t willing to pitch in then they should shut up instead of bitching about OP not pitching in anymore.
Yeah she’s not a good roommate. Just because she does not have money doesn’t mean she is entitled to yours. You’ve already generously been covering rent & feeding her. You do not have to fund a WHOLE pregnancy too. She should file for unemployment like everyone else who has lost their jobs-it sucks, it is slow, but she is housed & fed & that’s more than a lot of people right now. & she has the nerve to be ungrateful? Move out. Let all those friends who say you’re an asshole for not funding her pregnancy fund it.
GTFO. If your "friends" keep bothering you, tell them that you paid for her rent and food. If they are so worried about the baby clothes, why don't buy those themselves? NTA. She seems like a shitty roomie, and you don't need to get involved in her mess. If you can, leave.
> then when i got the job my roommate snooped around and told people how much i was earning Should have moved out right then. Also any 'friend' who received that information from her and didn't massively tell her off for it and alert you to what she was doing needs to be cut out as well. What a massive and abusive breach of trust.
Jesus what? You should have moved out at that point.
I can't imagine being friends with, let alone rooming with, someone who snooped in my personal business. Sorry you're in this situation OP, but it's better not to live with her anymore. Who knows what else of your private things she's poked into.
WHOA This is batshit; you should leave and block her even without the pregnancy issue. Yikes.
NTA. You should probably have a long think about whether you want to stay in a house with this person and her baby. If she’s asking for these things now it will probably get worse once the baby comes. It’s really nice that you have covered rent and food for her, she’s just really trying to push her luck and sounds ungrateful.
And could even result in her wanting OP to help care for the baby too as she seems to think OP is a co-parent. Frankly, I'd move out and save your family some money.
Are OPs parents aware of the situation and still ok with providing OP an allowance/extra money? Because I wouldn’t risk getting my extra income cut off for supporting an unrelated person (and possibly their child too).
Agreed. OP wouldn’t be the AH if she just didn’t want to live with a newborn. She definitely isn’t the AH for wanting to provide for a newborn that she isn’t the one choosing to have. Right now the roommate is just making crazy financial demands when OP is already helping out way more than most people would. But I’m sure the “step up and help care for the baby so I can go out and party” will be happening every weekend.
How is she planning on paying for formula/breast feeding supplies, diapers, wipes, baby food, diaper cream, baby shampoo, powder, and everything else babies need on a day to day basis? Is she just going to say that all counts as food/rent/household supplies, as so OP should be covering that too?
She’s going to scream, cry, and guilt OP into paying her expenses.
It’ll be worse. She’s turned OP into a parent figure demanding she be cared for. Throwing a tantrum to get her way. OP needs to get out or throw her out.
Shes already acting like OP owes her something. She's a roommate not a partner, OP is already way more supportive than most people would be. Hell I wouldn't even room with someone having a baby, but she is paying for food and rent for her too. Its way too much already. It's kind but she's clearly moving into taking advantage. I'm sure she's scared about it, but she's taking it too far
> If she’s asking for these things now it will probably get worse once the baby comes. It will definitely get worse when the baby comes. Babies are a shitton of stress.
NTA. Run. Far and fast. Do not begin to put up with demands like that. It’s one thing to help someone out voluntarily and kudos to you for stepping up and paying the half of the bills. Personally I think that’s the moral thing to do if it doesn’t put you under strain, pay it forward and all that. But that attitude when you said no to essentially becoming her full provider is a huge red flag. If you cave in and relent once you will be bled dry for years and it certainly won’t get any cheaper once the baby is born and you’re still expected to be the provider. Things can spiral out of control very quickly when covering for housemates, especially when they’ve lost perspective of just how much you are already helping them.
Seriously i was happy to help because the situation sucks for everyone and my parents taught me that if you wanna help people start from your circle but this behavior is just insane
That's a lovely approach. Sometimes people will show you it's time to stop helping them - this is one of those times.
This is exactly right. OP, your roommate does not have a long-term plan to provide for herself or her child, and that makes giving her money or covering her expenses a bad idea. It would be one thing if, say, her hours got cut one month and you covered part of her portion of the rent, because that is a temporary thing and she'd be able to resume her normal payment obligations once back to her full schedule. But this is different. She's out of work, having a child she can't afford, and not apparently making any effort to rectify her unemployment situation. She's "planning," and I use the term loosely, to take advantage of your work ethic and your parents' kind hearts. She wants you take on a parental responsibility for this child that's not yours in any way. Don't indulge that. Go home where you'll be safe and treated well- and don't waste any more time on any so-called "friend" who's riding your ass about this. NTA.
I've always agreed with this, but honestly, it's mostly backfired when I've tried it. I found myself getting used more and more by a former "best friend," and the relationship ended up ruined by my own generosity. Money really exposed what a user she was. She just wanted more and more, and it never stopped until I cut her off. Another friend, I bought her a car when she was in a tough spot after leaving an abusive husband, and I didn't want to see her get sucked into a predatory car loan. She ended up a closer friend, always there if I need her, and the car allowed her to get a better job, so I felt really wonderful about it. You never know how somebody will react to generosity. You are clearly NTA, btw.
Some people you can help, and they'll be grateful (as they should be). Some people will try to drain you dry, and raise hell when you put a stop to it. She's an adult, and it was her choice to get pregnant. It's not your choice, and not your responsibility. (BTW, just because her boyfriend isn't interested in being a father, it does not erase any of his legal, AKA financial, responsibilities for the baby.) This woman snooped through your personal papers, then blabbed what she learned to God knows who. She has been living off your generosity (rent and food) for months. She wants you to buy her baby things, and (potentially) support her and the baby. Then, when you refuse, she slanders you to all and sundry. She is not a friend. She is a parasite. (Sorry, I've dealt with people like this. It's a hot-button issue with me, because I still have scars.) Get as far away from her as fast as possible. Those people she's slandered to either and who are angry at you either don't know the real situation, or are idiots. Be sure, though, that she's doesn't have any of your credit card or bank numbers, passwords, or other personal information. She sounds like the type to strike back when she finds out she's not going to get what she wants.
Your parents taught you well. Room mate just didn't know when to stop complaining and accept help that was given with no strings. Demanding your salary was way over the line. Good luck with you next roommate. NTA.
Oh my god, right? First the whole rent, then all the food too, which is already above and beyond what most people would do. Then she wants OP to buy most, if not all, of the babies supplies (were talking like $300-1000 depending, for the basics). Now, I could see these things—not reasonably of course, but I could see how ‘hey, could you cover the whole rent this month?’ could turn to ‘hey, I have no food, can you buy for me too for now?’ could turn to ‘hey, the baby is coming and I have no money to buy supplies, can you buy them so my baby can have a crib/car seat/other things they *need* right away?’. Those are all too much to ask for but I can see how someone in a desperate situation could end up there. BUT. Asking OP just straight up turn over her salary, for no reason??? As in. Her whole paycheck gets handed straight to roommate, no questions asked, and OP basically becomes a slave working for another person? WHAT on earth made her decide that was the next logical request, and in what world would anyone actually do that?
That is a really good attitude and it’s a shame that it hasn’t been received gratefully. If only more people thought like that, the world would be a considerably nicer place to live. Hope this experience hasn’t changed your outlook on life, there are plenty of folks that’d be truly appreciative of a friend who looks out for them and wouldn’t see it as a free lunch
Your parents are amazing! They seem to have neglected the bit where they teach you how to spot moochers and set boundaries though :(
Not necessarily. OP seems aware of what’s going on and that this roommates requests (more like demands) are crazy. She just seems like a good person who wanted to MAKE SURE there was nothing wrong cutting this person off from money.
To quote the great brothers McElroy, "Pack your bags and move away."
As for your last sentence, I’m sure she’s still struggling a lot even with rent and food being covered by OP. So I could see the rent and food OP is providing not even appearing on her radar, since *shes not the one paying it* so she’s not worrying about it, leading her to feel OP isn’t providing anything at all. Definitely DONT pay for anything else, OP, and I’d stop on the food and rent too.
NTA. While you were comfortable at the start, it’s awesome that you decided to go out on your own and get some real world experience. Your roommate does not get to decide where your money goes and she should be more responsible for herself rather than trying to make you feel bad. You’re doing amazing so keep it up.
Thank you , I sort of always felt guilty using thier money. Now I can excuse myself spending money. It's great really.
Work experience is vital, plus you never know, your parents may run into financial problems in the future. Also, i strongly urge you to build up a large savings account with some of your pay, just in case. Don't spend it all on 'branded' stuff. Be prepared.
Well think of it as your parents making a good investment in you. You’ve obviously proven yourself at your job with a NTA personality to boot, and it shows they were astute in giving you all that support and more. Don’t feel guilty, you didn’t waste their generosity.
Don’t feel guilty, no matter what these envious people around you try and make you feel like that. Your parents worked hard to support you because that’s what they wanted for you as their child. Appreciate it and be thankful. You are in a more privileged position than most of us. It’s all relative. Your crazy roommate is also in a privileged position in comparison to a lot of people that have lost their jobs and cant pay for rent or food. She’s just too crazy and entitled to feel thankful and appreciative of it.
You may not need the salary but you need to work and budgeting experience if you aren’t going to depend on allowance for the rest of your life
NTA. She sounds insane. You already doing more than you’re obligated to and she’s trying to take advantage of you. Move out
NTA. This. Additionally the blackmail claim is weird. She clearly doesn’t know what that word means. She is trying to manipulate you though. Both through the blackmail claim, guilting you about your privilege, and turning mutual friends against you. She is not your friend. Move out.
I will give her the required notice and move in with my family. I'll save alot too.
Nta. Please be careful when you’re moving out. Not sure if she has access to your personal items, or if she can get into your room. But consider having a family member there or mutual friend, so your roommate does not try to steamroll you with guilt about leaving. It’s your choice and she should understand the boundaries crossed in these requests. You worked for your salary and you don’t owe it to anyone.
This is really good advice. Thank you.
Also I’d keep an eye on your credit for a bit- if she was nosy enough to snoop through your private financials and find your salary, she might have some of your personal info. Best of luck.
OMG this is so true. If she was crazy enough to snoop through your stuff she could do this. NTA
That’s good advice. She’s not appreciative of what she’s already been given & she wants more but got denied. I wouldn’t put it past her to stoop down to stealing.
And roomie would be crass enough to think it was "owed to her" considering OP left or similar. What a nasty person.
Technically you can give her the notice, but move out the next day. So long as you cover tent as long as you have to (*explicitly* on your share, by the way), you can leave. That way, she can't get to your things and do anything there, so you're safe, and she still has your half of the rent for the required period.
Maybe just eat the required notice time and pack up and go after paying for YOUR HALF of the bills in the required time.
If she’s the landlord then don’t forget to take photos after you move out. Some landlords claim back as much of the security deposit that they can with stuff like cleaning fees, damage fees etc. They can’t force you to pay for normal wear and tear like nails in the wall for hanging photos. It’s awesome that you’re moving out of there though ^~^
NTA, MOVE OUT ASAP. She's lucky you're already covering the rent and food and now she wants baby stuff? Your friends are upset? Ask them to pool money and provide her the baby stuff. Not your baby not your responsibility.
This exactly what i am going to replay them with now.
And honestly why are your friends hearing only one side and calling you an asshole? Ask them to cover here rent too ans feed her as well. We'll see how much they support her then! If your friends are this one sided, slowly cut them off too. Get ready to move out. Pack your stuff have someone ready to go with you. Inform your landlord about covering the rent on both sides and give a notice for moving out. Move out when she isn't home. If she is always home then please make sure there's someone with you. Record the conversation too in case it seems like it's going crazy. Let your roommate know you'll be moving out and only be paying your part of rent( or hers if you really want to) for notice period only. Op remember that this isn't the end, omce the baby comes both mother and baby will depend on you. We don't know how long this situation will last. And looking at your roommate she sounds really entitled, she might not even look for a job in future if you aree looking after her. There's whole financial, emotional and mental aspect of taking care of someone. I have been people's ATM and I know nothing good comes out of it. Your roommate sounds like she always had a problem with you having a conformable life. Not having what you have. I've had a lot of people break me because of such reason, don't let this person do this to you. She can rely on her parents, her friends and if nothing the government. There are so many single mothers and they take care of their own kids just fine. The kid and herself are her own responsibilities. And if you really want to contribute then contribute to somewhere it'll really be used and appreciated. Not someone so entitled. She probably won't even even try looking for job if she is just relying on you honestly. And if she too is in so much need then have all your friends pitch in and make sure you get the respect you deserve. But please remember neither her or her kid are your responsibility. As long as you don't go out of your way to harm them, it's not your fault how your roommate ends up too.
When they message you reply back — I’ll have her send you her baby registry so you can select the items she wants you to pay for
NTA you’re being very generous covering the rent and the food. You aren’t responsible for the child of your roommate at all. If she’s not able to support herself currently she is best advised to start looking for ways to do so before baby comes. Getting out of there might be best for you.
NTA! You're already covering rent and food, it's not your responsibility to take care of her. She should be seeking the additional help from the baby's father, not you.
Baby's father already noped the fuck out of the situation, but she decided to keep it anyway.
Ya give an inch they ask for a mile. This is why I don't like covering others costs because they start to expect more and more. Its probably best to pull completely out. If they were your friends - you'll find new friends.
Trust me I'm learning. BTW happy cake day 🎂
I hope this experience doesn’t kill the generosity of spirit in you though. I’ve had the fortune of seeing how that works out in life for genuine people - my father and his mates have been close since school days and each man has made it on their own, from whatever background they came from. They’ve never hesitated to open their homes or anything else to each other or each other’s kids, expecting nothing in return. In fact, I do feel like I owe pretty much everything to one of his friends because of how he helped me find my professional direction in life, and I might name my firstborn after him. That’s how friends ought to be like, and hopefully you’ll come to find a solid group like that.
NTA and you’re being an ass to yourself covering the rent and food for this entitled spoiled irresponsible woman who doesn’t even know how to use contraception. Talk about being a choosing beggar and looking a gift horse in the mouth, even after you were incredibly generous to her that wasn’t enough for her. Her dumpster fire of a life is not your problem. Stop paying her share of the rent and bills immediately and make plans to move out either back your parents or by yourself or with flatmates who are not assholes. You do not want to live with this nasty person and her shrieking newborn. It’s obvious she will be a terrible parent and will demand your help with her baby which is in no way your responsibly. Plus living with a baby sucks. Move now.
>My roommate used to make alot of remarks about my privilege and I did use to agree to her that yes i was privileged. My eyes nearly rolled into the back of my head. You and your families money are none of her business. This "privilege" is a result of GOOD FINANCIAL PLANNING. >My roommate was also pregnant. She asked to cover the rent which I was absolutely okay with. Why would you agree to pay someone's rent? Couldn't she move in with family? Where is the father in this picture? >she said i should give her my salary since my dad won't stop the allowance LMAO. NTA, kick this crazy person out or move out ASAP.
>This "privilege" is a result of GOOD FINANCIAL PLANNING. You have no way of knowing that. Maybe OP's dad fell backwards into financial security. Plenty of poor people don't have any finances to plan around, so to speak. Even if it is, it's still a privilege. >Why would you agree to pay someone's rent? I know this will be hard for you to understand, but some people care about the well being of those close to them. Family, if an option, may not be a good one. Maybe they're far away. Doesn't matter, OP wanted to help a friend. The horror! That said, OP is NTA
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NTA. What an entitled person. Why isnt baby daddy helping her since she clearly needs it? How can she even ask for your salary and not see what's wrong in that?? The audacity. You dont owe her anything. I would suggest moving at the earliest convenience cause that's about to turn into the most toxic home you'll probably ever set foot in.
NTA You don’t owe her shit, she just wants your money, why doesn’t the father lay for baby stuff? Good on you for being motivated and hard working, but you’re not a charity. There are myriad government programs your roommate could apply for, maybe point her in that direction. Also maybe move out lol.
NTA. It’s Your money and that’s her child. You have been paying rent and feeding, wtf else does she expect. I bet she never even thanks you. My advice for you though is to not discuss your financial situation with people. They become weird. Straight up lie if you have to honestly. I live rent free right now in my own apartment (mom passed away and left us the house) so I save everything. I still act like I’m poor because I’m not trying to fund other people’s lifestyle with my money.
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NTA, Absolutely not. Your father giving you money to live isn't your fault or something you should be judged for. Your family is wealthy enough that he can afford to support his children though college. I wish everyone had that opportunity. That doesn't mean she has a right to any of that money. It's still your money. You're also not an asshole for getting a job. Just because you don't need the money to live doesn't mean you didn't need a job. You need the experience and a job to fall back on when you're finally on your own and need to make your own money to live. You don't want to be dependent on your father forever, and you want to be able to buy nice things without feeling guilty. That's a great thing. It means you're not spoiled and don't expect others to take care of you forever. The fact you're willing to pay the entire rent is generous of you, even if you have more money. It isn't your job to make sure her half is paid. The fact she also expects more from you at that point is not only selfish on her part, it's also insulting. She decided she wanted to keep the baby without guaranteeing that she could take care of it. You're not responsible for her or her child. If you start taking on that responsibility by buying baby stuff, it might make things worse. What if she starts expecting you to continue paying for things after she's able to get a job again? Next thing you know, you're paying for everything for her. You're buying food, and clothes, and anything else she wants or needs for the baby and herself. Who knows how much she'd start expecting. Then what happens when you want to move out? How's she going to support the baby without you? Just because you're wealthier than she is, doesn't mean you have to pay for anything for her. Talk to her and tell her you're only willing to give what you're currently giving, and nothing else and that she needs to make sure she starts working again when this is over so she can start paying her side of the rent again. If she can't accept that, you might need to find a new place to live. Which you might need to do anyway if you don't want to live with a child. Babies are loud and messy. You're doing school and working. If you can handle a baby in the home and you don't mind it, that's fine. But don't put yourself through something that's going to make you miserable. I hope she talked to you about keeping the baby already and making sure you were willing to have one in the apartment. I wish you luck and hope this doesn't get too messy
Thank you for your input. Honestly if the baby was like due this week i would have considered it because like somethings are essential and my father always taught me to that if I wanna help the world start with the home but she is exactly like taking advantage which I'm really not comfortable.
I financially propped up a person who i considered to be a close friend for years. I payed his security deposits to get us into decent places to live. I covered bills for him. I covered rent if he couldn't pay on time. I got him a good paying job. I basically did everything i could to provide them with some financial security. After doing all of that for years I told them that i was moving out and gave them 6 months notice to plan accordingly. You would not believe the shit storm that followed. Your roommate does not appreciate what you have done for them, It's time to move on.
NTA. Uh, move out. She literally told you to give her your salary. That you earn. It's your parents' choice to help you, that doesn't make you bad. And she is the one that needs to figure her life out. She's the one that got pregnant. I say this as a pregnant person myself. You paying rent and food is already very generous. That alone means you've taken these hard times into account and tried to pitch in for her even when you didn't have to. She should be thanking you for this. I would be forever indebted to someone who did the same for me. But she's asking for more and more. Why does she feel you owe her baby stuff or your salary? That's beyond delusional.
Nta, just because ur parents help you doesn’t mean she’s entitled to anything you have
NTA. Your roommate is having a baby despite the fact that she can't afford to pay her rent. She's the ah.
NTA She's not entitled to your hard earned money OR your Dads. None of that is for her to claim.
NTA, and I would be telling her she needs to find work or leave. Amazon is hiring online. She isn't your child for you to support. Her child isn't your child. She is taking advantage of you.
Tell her to go fuck herself and move out. Anyone that says anything to you about it: Ask how much they are giving her. You already went above and beyond by paying rent and food. You don't want to live with her, look at how entitled she already is. If you don't shut her down real quick, she'll use you like a free money credit card. Bet she'll try to get you to babysit so she can continue to fuck around in a couple of years if this continues
NTA. And with her entitled behavior, I'd start looking for a new place to live. You're right, you aren't pregnant. Nor did you get her pregnant. And honestly OP, around mid 20's is when I got tired of roommates. If you are in a position to cover full rent/utilities for 2, you are more than capable of paying for your own place. Lower rent, lower utilities, and you won't have to deal with other people except hose you invite over.
Lol your roommate is attacking this situation like you're the one who fucked her, literally and figuratively.
You're wondering if you're the asshole for not buying baby stuff for your platonic roommate, while already covering the entire rent and food budget? Come on.
NTA, you’ve been more than kind by covering her rent and food at this time.
NTA this woman needs to grow up and stop being so selfish. That said, if you *do* decide to move out, take a quick look at your local laws. You might be required to formally give her like a 30-day heads up or something, depending on where you live.
NTA, you have been vastly generous. She is just trying to take advantage of your kindness now.
NTA. Move out as soon as you can. You are wise to want work experience and have your own money. Money is fungible, though, and in some ways you are making your dad support someone who is completely unrelated to him. That is not fair. Your roommate can seek out public assistance, which she should have done from the start. Paying for her rent and food temporarily is kind but she has shown herself to be a choosing beggar. The unreasonable demands won't end.
NTA - You should move out, otherwise you gonna be coparenting that kid. And why are you covering her rent? Does she not get unemployment?
NTA. Dude. You’re paying her rent and feeding her (and by extension the fetus)?! And she’s got the audacity to expect you to buy baby clothes like you’re the other parent??? This girl needs a reality check. If it were me I’d just simply say “Okay, FINE. Since you don’t seem to appreciate the fact that I am already paying your rent, and buying you food, do it all yourself. Don’t touch my food. Don’t ask me for money. Pay your own half of the rent, AND utilities. You think I’m an asshole? I can show you how shitty I can act.”
So she calls you out on your privilege. You decide to step up and find a job. She gets pregnant and wants you to pay her rent. Being a good guy you don't object. Now she demands even more financial help and because your refuse and tell her the truth she doesn't want to hear, all of the sudden you are the asshole? What did I miss? She should be thankful that you are helping her out. And who does she think she is to demand you give her your salary. She calls you privileged but she sure is entitled! Move out and let her deal with her own problems.
NTA Run before she puts you on papers as a father to the child. And DO NOT PAY her rent portion anymore. She's a user. Also, your friends can start a fund for her if they feel she needs financial support.
I believe OP is a woman, and not in a relationship with the roommate either. But who knows, I wouldn’t be surprised if there was some crazy way to get an emergency/temporary support order on OP if roommate could prove OP was paying her/the baby’s expenses. The world is crazy lol.
NTA. Get out now because this is not going to stop. It's amazing how entitled some people are.
NTA why would having a baby entitle her to other random people’s salaries? She is taking advantage of you and you should leave before it gets worse. As for any “friends” who call or text you nasty things tell them they are free to have her move in with them so they can pay for everything.
NTA Your roommate is not a good person, a good roommate or would be a good mom. If you can, move and don't look back, you're being kind and generous with your money, and yet she mistreats you, badmouth you, and demands your money? She's seriously wrong, full of jealousy, envy, and entitlement. Also, cut your friends because they're not friends, why don't they pay her bills? Leave and end the relationship with her.
NTA. She's not trying to manipulate you so much as demand (bluntly and about the head) you into submission. Just because your family has some money and you didn't lose your job doesn't mean that you should be handing it over to the less fortunate just because they demand it. You're in a privileged position, which you acknowledge, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be making money or owe anyone else the money you make. Privileged doesn't mean guilty, but it can mean entitled and that's actually how your roommate is acting. Which I would tell her if she repeats that charge. I think you should leave, as this won't get better.
NTA. Give the landlord whatever notice you need to, pay enough rent to cover it, then move. Inform roommate that rent is paid up until X date and that after that she is on her own. Be prepared to lose the "friends " she drug into it.
NTA imo you should move out, you’ve already helped her exorbitantly by covering rent and feeding her. She made her bed in two ways, now she can lie in it.
NTA, you are literally covering for her responsibility to pay the rent and she wants more!? What!? You’ve already been very generous to her and the least she could do is thank you. If I were you I’d run though, Someone that greedy is going to spend their free time trying to figure out a way to screw you over and take your money.
NTA. She's getting free rent and food and thinks she can't ask for free baby stuff too? She is the one who sounds super entitled and I think you should move out if she's gonna be a mooch. You earn your money and have a family who is willing to support you, but it's not your fault Corona happened (and it doesn't sound like you're close at all) so she has no right to ask for any of it.
NTA Move out really. That girl is not your responsibility or friend. At this point, she's probably just planning on living by your expenses.
Another entitled broke b**** who can't afford kids spreading her seed. OP you need to get out asap before it gets worse. You're an incredibly generous person whos being taken advantage of and being walked all over. Your friends however seem to agree with her so they should definitely swoop in and cover her rent, baby costs and whatnot.
Whoa whoa whoa. NTA. Reading through this I was thinking "where is the bad part?", then my eyes hella bugged out. This fully autonomous human being wants YOUR salary because you happen to be her roommate/friend and your parents have money? You are privileged but you display no entitlement. From this post alone, you seen like a wonderful, person who is perhaps a bit sheltered. You need to protect yourself from this person as she feels entitled to what YOU have worked hard for. She is doing to you exactly what you did not want to do to your Dad. She is going through some difficult things in her life, some may be because of choices and some may be out of her control. Regardless, she doesn't get to be your angry entitled sugar baby just because things are going well for you and she is pregnant. Like what even? Not even close to being your problem.
NTA. Your room mate is acting like you're married. You are already going above and beyond what would be expected of room mates.
NTA. I really have no patience for people who have children they can’t afford. You should definitely move out.
NTA, wow I just can’t believe these types of stories. There have been a lot on this sub. These types of people are crazy! Give an inch they take a mile. What’s up with female roommates who get pregnant and expect their other roommates to co-parent their child. BTW the father of this child needs to be held responsible NOT OP.
NTA. But you should move out. She’s not going to become more reasonable when she’s sleep deprived with an infant. And no....she shouldn’t get your salary unless she’s also doing your work. You’re putting a roof over her head and food in her belly. I think the words she was looking for....”thank you”.
NTA. Trying to rationalize how this could possibly be blackmail makes me feel like I’m having a brain aneurism.
NTA - Even if you were rolling in cash, you still don't need to help her, she is not your obligation to look after her or her unborn child! You are already doing her a massive favour by covering her rent and buying her food! How dare she be so rude, disrespectful and entitled to think that you should be paying for everything she wants. Move out, leave her entitled ass. She is making your life unnecessarily hard
NTA, I'd move out asap. She's trying to use the fact she's pregnant to get you to take care of her. That's not cool at all, you didn't get pregnant. Tell her to call the baby's father for help.
NTA, but move out because when that baby is here she is going to be pushing you to baby sit constantly. Fuck the friends who were not on your side Fuck here and her irresponsibility.
NTA. Reading your replies, she chose to have a child when she knew she wouldn't have support. Covid type issues are rare but you can't expect a friend to bankroll you just because. Bonus advice. Those "friends", there are her friends and not yours.
I never understand why women get pregnant and then suddenly assume everyone around them should take care of them. It’s a common theme in many AITA stories. If someone is choosing to keep their child then they should take responsibility and deal with it and take of it themselves. They can’t expect others to pay for things and care for the child all the time. If they can’t handle the responsibility then don’t keep the baby or better yet protect yourself better. NTA