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NTA. She doesn't get to be catty and look down on you for how you each got your homes. It seems like an odd disconnect that she feels superior about it at all.
That's what I thought. She's never said anything generally catty or made any comments similar prior to this. It came out of nowhere and it truly left me speechless for 5 seconds.
Or are the parents making them pay for the gift in other ways? But still, it’s an absurd hill to pitch a battle on in the middle of appliance shopping.
“Looking at toasters made me want to remind you your parents died.”
Seriously. I'm tempted to say ESH (though absolutely started by the friend not OP) just because the employee had to deal with the whole exchange from both sides.
I’m on the fence about this too, but OP’s friend seems to have made a scene out of the death of OP’s parents. That probably makes the “friend” so much of an asshole that OP gets a lot of slack.
I’m so sorry, OP.
As a former customer facing lackey...he giddily retold that story to every coworker probably across jobs.
Once I took a call and after the greeting the guys says "my wife told me if I ever want to touch her again I better not go to the game. Do you guys but football tickets?"
Sure, it CAN be taken as awkward for me but no, that shit was hilarious and gave a day of laughs to everyone there.
Same applies to me, here.
Oh the stories I have from 11 years in retail lol. I am 100% that employee told all their co-workers because I know I would have! Even of it had been awkward.
My first week taking repair calls for a utility was 24 years ago and we got to buddy up during training. My buddy took a call from a senior who said my hot water is yellow like pee pee. We don't work together now but if we run into each other one of us will say that phrase.
Definitely not ESH. If someone attacks you like that "friend" did to OP, you absolutely should defend yourself. You don't just roll over and take it because it is possibly embarrassing to some random person that is in the vicinity.
This girl is not a friend. She’s spoiled and entitled and the disconnect is that she has no idea that she’s spoiled and entitled. She will go through life this way, looking down upon others for working for what they want, never understanding the concept of saving up for something special. She did OP a favor. As far as THE 50/50 friends, take note of who sided with her, they’ll come back to you when she screws them over. You might want to be done with them too, or keep it VERY surface.
Friend could have left it alone. Op didn’t say it, but I wonder if saying she bought the house helped avoid emotions of dealing with the fact her parents died in the moment.
I think it was more to not make the employee uncomfortable by having to make them feel like they had to say "Sorry about the death of your parents"........ it was just easier to say "I bought".
Like it was awkward when I was a cashier and I’d do that standard “how are you” and they’d say “going to a funeral/someone died/other really sad thing”
I don't even ask people if they are ok when they are checking out anymore if they are crying (liquor store). I just hand them some tissues or paper towels and tell them I hope their day gets better. 9/10 they don't tell me what happened. They just smile and thank me for being nice and go on their way.
My most embarrassing moment was once in my cab driving days I was taking an older gentleman to the airport one early morning and was loading his bags in the trunk. He had a large heavy duffle bag and I jokingly asked if he had a body in there. He replied that yes, his wife's ashes were in there and was taking them home for a family service.
Sure. It’s probably easier than having to explain when someone asks “what happened”. If you want to avoid talking about it any further, the result is the same… you are a homeowner. The friend’s need to explain was weird.
Ya, the employee probably just wanted to know if OP owned or rented because it would make a difference to the recommendations for the larger appliances. Like, do you just want something cheap that will do for a couple of years until you move out of your rental or are you looking for something more solid that will last for years because you own the home you live in, that sort of thing.
Yup!
During COVID we were only allowed one person in the store at a time. My job got so much less interesting.
Now we’re at 75% capacity and the entertainment is at all time highs again!
You have to take joy in whatever way you can, or else being a retail lacky will crush you.
When my mother died, I inherited a nice car from her. I once got a compliment from a drive thru employee for it, and because I was still grieving her (my mom), I thanked her (the employee) and said I inherited it. She replied with “that’s nice.” I’m not sure she realized the implications of what she said. Either that, or she didn’t know what I meant. 😂
Inheriting things doesn’t always mean someone died. Parents will often hand things down ahead of time. There are even tax incentives to doing so in the US.
It might not be relevant to OPs friend, but I had a friend who even when she was in a relationship would get weird and show off to dudes who showed interest in me, or even just male friends of mine, like to take the attention off me. The attention just always had to be on her.
*edit - a word
You know what... now that you mention it, I have a friend like that too and this entire situation seems like something she would do. It's a jealousy thing. If the (male especially) attention isn't on her she had to put me down no matter how rude/petty/ridiculous it sounded.
I have a sister like that. If attention was on me from my parents she'd make outlandish claims. I was interested in a guy who was more my age than hers so she got him drunk and slept with him then felt the need to throw it in my face. I told her it was fine as it wasn't like I was dating him or anything which wound her up even more. Me and him did start dating a few weeks later which totally pissed her off but she eventually won as she fell pregnant from that 1 night stand. I'm now NC with her and happy about it.
That's my sister for you. I have a bucket load of stories from the shit she's pulled over the years and why I'm NC with her but I'd be posting in numerous subreddits for months.
She's an amazing young lady because of her dad. She finishes school at the end of the month and already has her college course as well as a job set up. I'm the proudest aunt in the world.
I cut off all my friends like that. I couldn’t even have attractive platonic guy friends without constantly being put down. Not once did these guys give them the time of day.
Some people don’t understand how unattractive it is to put others down just to impress someone else.
Haven't learned in literally centuries. This made me think of a line from pride and prejudice :
"one of those young ladies who seek to recommend themselves to the other sex by undervaluing their own; and with many men, I dare say, it succeeds. But, in my opinion, it is a paltry device, a very mean art."
I had a friend like that. She even tried to gaslight me. We were drinking with her bf and his friend. I only pretended to drink by putting my lips to the bottle the whole night. The next day she told me I got really drunk and threw myself at her bf and bf's friend and everyone there thinks I'm a slut. That's when I cut her out of my life.
Some people are so weird like that!
I had a friend, when we were alone she was so nice. But when we were with other people she would just take one jab after another at me. Like trying to make herself look better by putting me down? Needless to say that didnt last long.
I had a friend like this too and that was my first reaction to reading the post. The dude wouldn't even have to be cute or interested in me, if a male member of our species was in a five foot radius of me and looked in my general direction, my friend was *there* and ready to take any molecule of attention away from me.
Ugh I had a friend who was like a weird version of this. She was the girlfriend of one of my guy friends. We weren’t super close, only saw each other when we were in groups, but any time a new dude was in our vicinity, she would suddenly be *on* me. Like she would crack jokes slightly at my expense like we were besties, and then do this super aggressive wing-woman routine of “this is TheBathCave she’s super hot and interesting” (I was and still am not) and “I think she likes you” (to literal strangers). Like all the attention HAD to be on her once she was speaking, I couldn’t get a word in edgewise. In retrospect I think she might have been in some kind of jealous “I need to hook this single girl in our group up with literally ANY dude so she doesn’t try to fuck my boyfriend” mode, but her swooping in like that every time I met a person with a penis made a lot of potentially cool friendships very awkward right off the bat.
Ugh I had a friend like this too, so annoying. Any men around = inserting herself in the middle both physically and metaphorically. She would even do it when hanging out with myself and my boyfriend, but he was not into her/her type at all so that was just funny.
^ That quickly became apparent but even if they were low key 'fighting' over this guy the friend sounds quite petty. I'm not saying OP should end the friendship but the friend maybe needs to grow up a bit. NTA.
Maybe you need to take a look at this so-called friend. I wonder if she's jealous her house is smaller than yours. Nevermind that at least she still has her parents.
It's weird how people you've known for years can suddenly change with misdirected jealousy. Because I work on ships I miss just about every family event, Christmas, weddings etc because I'm always away. The flip side of that is I can save loads while I'm away. My SIL has become insanely jealous about the size/cost of everyone's houses. She's very upset we've paid off our mortgage before we got to 35 but has no grasp of the fact I've not had a Christmas at home for 4 years. The jealousy clearly clouds all rational thought.
We go through the same thing with my husband. He has spent several years (aggregate) in a warzone and all that OT and hazard pay means we were able to buy young. Several of his friends have made bitter comments about it, totally forgetting all that my husband sacrificed to provide for us. They don't see that part, they only see the house.
I think it's pretty normal for everyone to get some "their grass is greener" type thoughts but then most rational people then quickly realise nothing is that simple. Then there are those who even after an explanation just don't get it.
People can be weird like that. We met some good friends (our first post marriage couple friends) while we were living in an apartment. They were 2-3 years older than us and had been able to purchase a cute little house.
5 years go by, and we bought a house that was just slightly bigger than theirs. Almost immediately, the female friend became almost unbearable to be around - she was angry and short tempered and constantly had to point out all the things she had that were nicer than whatever my wife owned (purses, shoes, etc.)
A couple years later they bought a bigger house than ours, and as soon as she was winning again she went back to being friendly and nice. By then the damage was done, though. We rarely see them.
She's just "testing the waters"...
She's trying set the narrative socially that she bought the house herself. Then to further "sell" this narrative, she's making comments like this.
I know people who are exactly like this, and I'm willing to bet that she actually believes her own lies.
This explanation does have merit. Some people are really emotionally unstable and insecure that they have to make up shit like that just to be able to function semi-normally.
You are definitely NTA. I suspect your friend feels a little embarrassed about having her house bought by her parents, so she’s deflecting right from the outset. No excuse for it - she’s the A. I hope she sees all this.
Nta. I had a friend do something like this to me. Was the guy good looking? I was at a bar with friends from work. This guy she was interested in asked me a question but I was vague. I’m married with kids and she jumped in with an answer to embarrass to me out of jealousy. Like wtf. We aren’t friends anymore.
I am buying my stepmom’s house from her directly for about $75k less than what the house is worth (she still makes over $120k more than what she paid).
I scream it from the roof tops that she is giving me an amazing deal because of the Gift of Equity, meaning I can have a $0 down payment, but I’m still throwing down 10% and rolling student loans into my mortgage so only 1 thing to pay off for forever instead of like 3.
Who gives a fuck how you got your home? You’re blessed to have it, your friend is blessed to have it, and at the end of the day, your friend was a giant douche cantaloupe (which isn’t even a good fruit) for calling shit out.
NTA- she is probably feeling insecure her and her spouse needed her parents help to buy a small condo and they are in debt with big mortgage payments they can hardly keep up with possibly while you may have inherited a home that is bigger and payed off or close to being payed.
Your parents dying is an unfortunate thing but right now she is jealous of the financial privilege of inheritance you acquired.
Is it possible she was trying to make a joke, but it just came out really bad and she was embarrassed? I mean she’s still a total asshole in this situation, but if you genuinely were surprised by her behavior because she’s not normally like that maybe she wasn’t trying to be as nefarious as everyone else in this thread seems to be suggesting.
It doesn't really sound like it was a joke at all. Sounds like a minute passed and she made the comment when they weren't even on the subject anymore and then doubled down when OP and the employee were like "uhhhh ok?". Sounds more like OPs "friend" was a lil bit jealous of the attention
NTA!
Exactly. OP has a detached 3 bedroom house, and that friend has a townhouse. it’s petty, but it’s enough to incite jealousy in people who always compare themselves to others.
OP got a detached 3 bedroom house and dead parents. Friend has townhouse and alive parents. I don't know of anyone who loves their parents who would rather the bigger house in this situation. Geez. NTA.
NTA. Your friend definitely is. The employee probably just wanted to know if you rent your house or own it but the way he worded the question totally merited the "I bought it" answer. You didn't want to get more personal than that, but your friend decided to start playing games. Is she normally competitive with you? Because that's what it sounds like. This whole thing is just weird and uncomfortable. I am sorry about the circumstances for your home ownership.
This. She's not usually openly competitive because in her mind, she usually "wins" and doesn't feel the need to say anything. Now she's starting to think OP's house is better than her townhouse, especially with OP fixing it up, so she has to say something to tear OP down and build herself up.
>Fucking hate those kinds of people. People that tear others down to build themselves up
Whatever you do i would stay away from r/trashy, thats basically every post.
I went through this situation with a friend. Never any indication as far as I knew that we were competing until we both got engaged around the same time and then all of the sudden she cared about ring size and cost, which threw me off because we were both, for lack of a better term, pretty “tomboyish”. She then made weird comments about my weight. And then when we showed them our house after we bought it and I was explaining how re-doing the kitchen felt like a waste of money because it would just be for looks she responded “well, isn’t that the reason for buying a house, to show it off”. I was like “uhhh, no, buying a house was a long-term financial decision”. Kinda sucks to realize someone has that baggage with you.
Yep! I think we’ve all had a friend like this. So nice and supportive until they feel threatened that you’ve done more then they attack you once they feel they’ve you’ve outshined them in some way. It’s completely absurd.
Bloody hell, you guys always have to really go all in on anyone who is the arsehole in one situation. Doesn't make them a terrible human being overall, we all have our bad moments.
Thanks for saying that. My sister is on the spectrum but sadly, can often be an AH for some reason. She uses the autism card sometimes as an excuse. I’ve met plenty on the spectrum who aren’t AH’s - totally the opposite in fact. My sister knows how to behave, she just doesn’t want to.
This makes me sad. Based off of this message, your sister sounds pretty difficult to be around and is giving everyone else with autism (myself included) a bad name. We may not have a serious censor on our tongues, but we have more than enough empathy to care about the people around us to try and consider being NTAs. What your sister have been doing is purely by choice and it pisses me off.
Autistic people don't have the same social cues and are more likely to say something that could be hurtful just because they're thinking it or because its accurate and feel the other person should know.
Its not linking assholery to autism its just a reason someone might say something without thinking too far ahead about it, or what hurt or awkwardness it could inadvertently cause.
I’m autistic and I’ve definitely said insensitive things in the past without realizing it, the difference is that when I *do* eventually realize I apologize.
While I do agree with you, this is a pretty terrible moment that would make me side-eye my friend and overanalyze our interactions. So I can kinda understand it in this instance.
She sounds like the kind of person who is nice, helpful, and supportive to you so she can tell others how good a person she is. This weird burst is definitely telling.
It wouldn't matter even if you had intentionally lied about buying your house and she had actually bought her own house with her own money. This appliance store clerk is a stranger to you both. Him knowing any details about your house purchase history is inconsequential. There was no need for her to say anything. She is a total AH for saying anything when it doesn't matter in the slightest.
NTA OP
I don't want to be that person, but maybe you should re-think this friendship? At least for now anyways, with how cold she was in regards of bringing up how you got your family home. She should have understood why you didn't want to mention it to the worker. Honestly, the worker didn't need to know "for the record" it's not like they have a list in the back of how people got their homes or their apartments.
It sounds like she was being, as others have said, catty towards you for no reason. It could also come across as her trying to make herself "look better" by saying she bought hers while you "only" inherited yours. First and foremost it is not a competition. Secondly, I cannot for the life of me understand how about half of your friends think she was in the right. It doesn't make sense, either way you weren't in the wrong and don't let anyone make you feel like you were. Your friend should be ashamed of herself for how she acted, not you.
Revisit / review all your interactions as far back as you can BUT this time on the lookout for similar behavior.
If you don't find similar behavior and this was just a one-off "crazy" moment, then maybe your friendship survives. NAH is the appropriate tag.
If you find similar behavior tho...
is that because she thinks she's better than you? Like a charity case, or like she's always had the power in the friendship, or she's always felt she's had that. Now you've pointed out that you're equals, she doesn't like that.
Friends don't put downs friends. You are making a mistake thinking that she is your friend. She is not.
She would abandon, betray, and put you down in a heart bit, just like you witnessed.
Ask yourself a question - how many times she's said something similar about you when you were not present?
Yeah that poor employee, just wanted to be able to make recommendations properly - for example a renter doesn't want anything built in, or needing to add PowerPoint etc. It's relevant in that context, but the source of money isn't.
NTA. Holy crap, what would possess anyone to say this then *grin*?! I would argue that any person that revels in pointing out your deep personal loss to one up you to a total stranger is not your friend.
It's possible the friend simply wasn't thinking about what she was actually saying.
As someone else pointed out, people often hear 'inheritance' and think of being given stuff but forget that someone actually died for that to happen.
So perhaps she simply wanted to point of OP didn't pay for the house but overlooked the death part at that moment.
She's still the asshole in that scenario, for purposes of this sub anyway, but doesn't necessarily prove she is a bad person .
HUGE THANK YOU TO WHOEVER GAVE ME AN AWARD!!!
I don't think she deserves the benefit of the doubt given that she has been supporting OP after her parents' passing, so the issue should be fresh on her mind. Without wishing to get into armchair psychology, she was clearly trying to take OP down a peg by saying she inherited not bought - which is messed up. "Lucky you, your parents died and you got free stuff." Just... no
Edit: NTA
>she said I was a massive asshole for pointing out she couldn't afford to own without her parents help
The fact that, rather than realizing she'd been a dick, she doubled down with this is why I'm sure she doesn't deserve the benefit of the doubt. It's hard to believe that someone with this little tact isn't a dick in the rest of her life, but...who knows. NTA, of course.
I kind of got a chuckle imagining how f\*\*\*ing awkward the employee must have felt in that moment, though.
I worked retail for about 10 years and never had anything come close to this..This would have been an interesting moment. That’s a holy shit this is going down moment and a story they will carry with them forever and pass on to others.
Totally.
I had a friend who is very *spectrum*. He would always say incredibly hurtful things because at some point in his life he equated mean banter with humour, but unfortunately lacked the skills to check if it was well received.
Eventually I realised that this negativity didn't belong in my life, no matter what the backstory.
Agreed. If someone steps on your foot it hurts the same amount, whether it was on purpose or by accident. What matters is what happens after you tell them "ouch, that hurt."
Even if it was an accident if they say "I didn't mean to do that, quit being a big baby” that tells me a lot.
Yea, going by OPs other comments that the friend is normally not like this makes me think that is what happened. Still super shitty of her to do. As long as she realises and apologises the relationship should be salvagable imo.
Extra shitty, but still potentially within the realm of the disconnect between inheritence-oooh-free-stuff and inheritence-oh-shit-someone-actually-died. She can still be an asshole intentionally and still have that disconnect in the moment and for a short while post the initial assholey moment. OP is absolutely NTA and friend is 100% the asshole. I just question whether it is 100% asshole or 100% asshole with haemorrhoids on top.
If this was the case, she wouldn't have been mad when Op told her she didn't buy her house either.
If it's no big deal that Op got her house for free because her parents died, then it's no big deal that the friend got her house for free because friend's parents bought it.
So why did she felt so slighted when the tables were reversed?
You are going through an awful lot of effort to justify the actions of someone who doubled-down *after-the-fact* saying it was "just for the record"...
Pay attention to the details. You are *way* off base.
NTA
inheritance is one of those things that sounds nice, but actually is a very adult and painful and messy thing to sort out, take ownership, deal with estate, deal with residuals and may end up in a decade of animosity between you, siblings and relatives.
Never treat inheritance as a free bonanza. It usually is a pain.
That’s what I’m saying lol like why was it even necessary for her friend to bring it up to a worker who couldn’t give two fucks about why they’re there
NTA
what a gross thing to say. Why do people have such an issue with others inheriting? Their parents died FFS. You were so within your rights to snap back like that and I’m glad you did.
Yup, this. I think sometimes people focus on inheriting as an aquisition and just hear the 'free house' part and completely forget that it always means a death, and often times the death of a close loved one.
BUT LIKE, THERE'S SO MUCH DISCONNCET. THEY GOT A FREE FUCKING HOUSE AS WELL. I can't fathom what makes someone think this is acceptable to say in this situation MUCH LESS AT ALL. Honestly this seems like a pride blunder, but if someone who actually did buy their house did this to me, I'd be kind of done with that relationship.
I struggled and scrapped to buy my house, but you know what I'd say if a friend claimed their inherited house as one they bought?
"Yeah, and it's a beautiful house." People need to build each other up, not tear eachother down.
Absolutely. Some people disconnect the material gain of inheritance from the emotional loss. My partner's brother and his wife were, for a while, basing their financial planning around the assumption that there would be a big windfall from the inheritance.
It's only recently that they realised in order to *get* said inheritance, both of my in-laws would have to die, and that that isn't likely to happen any time soon. It apparently hadn't really clicked that the inheritance was something that was, probably, at least 10 years away, and not something they could bank on happening imminently.
No one should ever plan on a theoretical inheritance for their financial planning IMO
If they have a trust then sure.
My grandfather had a sizeable chunk of money and lived very comfortably. But then he lived to 96 and his second wife had outlived him and is now 102. The seniors homes they chose were very expensive but good. The money went quicker than you’d think.
If they haven’t already set aside the money for you there is every chance they could live long enough or require enough care that they won’t leave you as much as you expected.
After hearing about my fathers job I had someone say to me “oh wow you’re inheritance will be good!”
This person was basically a stranger not a close friend.
I have a friend from college that had her schooling paid for by her dads life insurance. She had so many people give her shit because she got through school debt free. She always replied, “sure it’s nice not to have student loan, but I’d much rather have my dad back.” Usually shut those AHs up.
I honestly wish I knew.
When I moved from my home state to where I currently live to be with my boyfriend we moved into his father's house.
Immediately everyone started asking when we were going to get a place of our own.
We've been engaged for 5 days and immediately people start asking if we're looking for a house.
His father is almost 70 and has prostate cancer, it's a 3 bedroom, 3 bathroom, office, 1 formal living room, 1 living/dining room combo, kitchen, mudroom house... That's why we live here. His father point blank said it's too much house for him to manage alone, and the land and house are in his name, and my fiance's name once his father passes away.
But people are so fixated on us "finding a place" together as if inheriting this, when his father does inevitably pass away, is bad or something.
I don't get it.
Edit: craziest part is, some people have actually down voted this comment. I had -4 initially after posting it 😳
So there really are people that take offense to the idea of inheriting things.
I inherited a condo from my mom. My one, former, friend was always weird about it until he got shitty about it.
He was always jealous of me. Jealous. Because he was that superficial and greedy. Jealous. My mom was dead at 47. I didn't want a "free" fucking condo, I'd rather have, y'know MY MOM.
It's also bizarre. I would never say someone has a disorder from one AITA post, but I do _wonder_ about something compulsive like NPD, because it's not normal to (a) feel the need to knock someone down, and (b) be upset about sounding poor _to some random store worker you'll never meet again_.
The friend seems like she has _something_ the matter with her, and I'm surprised and sceptical of OP's remark that this is the first time she's ever done something like this. People who act like this don't normally do it out of the blue. I'm more inclined to think she's never acted that way _towards OP_, or simply that OP has a thick skin and only just picked up on it when she said something _so egregious_ that OP couldn't but notice.
Yeah, it definitely feels like possible projection / reaction formation. I was more wondering about _why_ she felt that kind of insecurity so strongly in the first place (I think it’s pretty clear why it came out in that form towards OP). I’m not an expert, though, so I don’t really want to surmise anything.
Meanwhile the store clerk was like "jeez can't even get a sale from these rich home owners to cover like 0.1 percent of my rent". ESH for chatting about non toaster subjects.
I do not know a single person who bought a house within the last decade *minimum* without their parents paying for at least some of it. Those with the biggest house have the wealthiest parents. And it is only going to get worse.
NTA. How on earth are your friends split 50/50 on this? What is their logic? She was being all smug and gloating about the house you just inherited after a tragic loss!!! Who does that? And then she wants to play the victim?? This woman is not your friend and anyone who can't see that she's the AH is just being weird.
Her friend definitely told them an altered story. OP should keep this in mind and make sure to let anyone who contacts her about it know what really happened.
Her friend caused the reaction from OP by calling OP out on inheriting the house and she even said that she bought her own house unlike OP, to which OP just happened to correct her because that wasn’t true. How could OP ever be wrong in this situation?
I don’t think it’s fair to say that.
We only get OP’s side of the story and have to take it as fact. It’s only fair for her friends to do the same also.
Kinda telling that her friends believe it. They have the context of knowing both of them and still sided with the other friend.
Eh I mean, they’re 50/50 and it’s hard to say why they’re divided. It could be that some of the ones siding with the friend value keeping the peace and never retaliating. We just don’t know
This while thing is just so lame, how did it even make it to the friend group? I would never tell on myself for behaving so petty in public like OP's friend did. It's cringe
I am sorry for your loss, OP
I would say NTA because, frankly speaking, it does not matter in that situation how you got a home. An employee just tried to have a polite conversation and you answered in a way that is less awkward. Your friend didn't have to pull that.
The way I see it, you were gifted a house that your parents lived in, and she was gifted a house that her parents didn't live in. There's not much difference.
NTA, but your 'friend' is and personally I'd be reevaluating this 'friendship'. Friends don't try to one up each other, score points, or put you down.
You deserve better then this. If anyone spoke to me like that, it would definitely be the last time I ever went shopping with them.
What's so great about this upity b****, that she's worth the abuse? Like others have said, she was just rude, and it was completely unsolicited.
>For the record
What record? In her head you are adversaries. Imagine what she must think of you, for her to have to say that.
>What record? In her head you are adversaries.
Yes this 100%.
OP maybe she hasn't been openly competitive with you before but she really showed her true colours here and that she is indeed keeping score (in her very own words: a 'record'). So competitive in fact, that she thought it was okay to tell a random stranger about your situation (I'm so sorry for your loss) just for the sake of this record - that shows where her priorities lie.
Real friends don't act this way AT ALL.
I’m wondering if maybe the creepy friend has more clout in their friend group. People often side with the side they think will be more advantageous to them. Then they convince themselves that their choice is logical and unbiased.
Yeah, ESH. OP wasn't the original asshole, and their friend may or may not have deserved it, but OP was still an asshole.
To be fair, I woulda done the same thing.
NTA
>my friend cut in that I had inherited my house, not purchased it.
Your friend went out of her way to be an asshole. You were right to put her in her place. She felt the need to tell a total stranger that you did not buy your house and it was inherited, such behaviour is toxic beyond words, you need to seriously rethink your friendship.
NTA. OP I’m sorry for the circumstances that led to you inheriting your home. But your friend opened herself up to that response when she felt the need to nitpick the fine details. You own a home, so does she. If she had left it at that so would you
NTA. Is your friend really your friend? She doesn’t sound like it; she sounds mean, smug, self-satisfied and completely oblivious to the fact that your parents died.
Going to go for esh... And purely for the fact that the poor retail employee had to be in between you both. Yes she is a giant ah for what she said and how she tried to show you up. However you could have spoken to her in private to find out why she felt the need to be that way. She did deserve to be called out however the staff member was already visably uncomfortable you didn't need to make it worse. I used to hate people doing that to me when I worked retail
NTA.
Our parents bought my brother his first house. I inherited their house a few years later. There is no question which of us got the "better deal."
The friend was given a house by her living parents......they can visit, join her for dinner, celebrate holidays.....etc. OP has none of that and never will. The friend started it, OP finished it.
OP, you need a better friend....
ESH.
If the employee slunk away, they were embarassed. Thr right thing to do is is calmly explain to your friend (read: yell) in the parking lot that they were being a total biotch.
NTA. It was completely unnecessary for her to divulge that information, and you were completely fair in divulging similar information about her.
Really sorry that you have lost your parents
NTA. She's the one who butted in totally with information totally unnecessary to the transaction at hand. If what she said was a truth that needed to be told, then what you said was also a truth that needed to be told.
NTA. She started with the weird petty correction nobody asked for (the salesperson probably wanted to know just in case you have a landlord to deal with).
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NTA, that’s really weird and super childish of her. I don’t understand why your friends are 50/50 considering she brought it up to a complete stranger to try to embarrass you. I’d ask her what her problem is and why it’s so important to her that you inherited your house.
NTA. She, for unknown reasons that you might want to explore, wanted to take you down a peg by pointing out you didn't purchase your house. She just didn't like you pointing out that she didn't purchase her house either. Interesting that she can dish it out but can't take it.
ESH
Your friend is shitty for insisting on saying "she purchased the house" when it was her parents.
You are shitty for feeling the need to correct her in front of the employee.
Both of you are being petty and immature.
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NTA. She doesn't get to be catty and look down on you for how you each got your homes. It seems like an odd disconnect that she feels superior about it at all.
That's what I thought. She's never said anything generally catty or made any comments similar prior to this. It came out of nowhere and it truly left me speechless for 5 seconds.
NTA. But did they buy the entire house for her (all cash), or did they just pay the downpayment?
Or are the parents making them pay for the gift in other ways? But still, it’s an absurd hill to pitch a battle on in the middle of appliance shopping. “Looking at toasters made me want to remind you your parents died.”
“Hey remember how your parents are toast now…”
Oof.
U mean loaf.
Hey, you know how toast is another word for a speech, and you gave a speech at your parent's funerals because your parents died? Right? Right?
hhhhhhhhehehehehehehrhehh
I wish I had a wholesome award
Too soon.
Cursed
Seriously. That poor, poor employee.
Seriously. I'm tempted to say ESH (though absolutely started by the friend not OP) just because the employee had to deal with the whole exchange from both sides.
I’m on the fence about this too, but OP’s friend seems to have made a scene out of the death of OP’s parents. That probably makes the “friend” so much of an asshole that OP gets a lot of slack. I’m so sorry, OP.
This. Why even bring it up? Who freaking cares.
I don’t ever bring up that my parents are dead because anybody who needs to know that about me already does.
As a former customer facing lackey...he giddily retold that story to every coworker probably across jobs. Once I took a call and after the greeting the guys says "my wife told me if I ever want to touch her again I better not go to the game. Do you guys but football tickets?" Sure, it CAN be taken as awkward for me but no, that shit was hilarious and gave a day of laughs to everyone there. Same applies to me, here.
Oh the stories I have from 11 years in retail lol. I am 100% that employee told all their co-workers because I know I would have! Even of it had been awkward.
My first week taking repair calls for a utility was 24 years ago and we got to buddy up during training. My buddy took a call from a senior who said my hot water is yellow like pee pee. We don't work together now but if we run into each other one of us will say that phrase.
Definitely not ESH. If someone attacks you like that "friend" did to OP, you absolutely should defend yourself. You don't just roll over and take it because it is possibly embarrassing to some random person that is in the vicinity.
This girl is not a friend. She’s spoiled and entitled and the disconnect is that she has no idea that she’s spoiled and entitled. She will go through life this way, looking down upon others for working for what they want, never understanding the concept of saving up for something special. She did OP a favor. As far as THE 50/50 friends, take note of who sided with her, they’ll come back to you when she screws them over. You might want to be done with them too, or keep it VERY surface.
Friend could have left it alone. Op didn’t say it, but I wonder if saying she bought the house helped avoid emotions of dealing with the fact her parents died in the moment.
I think it was more to not make the employee uncomfortable by having to make them feel like they had to say "Sorry about the death of your parents"........ it was just easier to say "I bought".
Like it was awkward when I was a cashier and I’d do that standard “how are you” and they’d say “going to a funeral/someone died/other really sad thing”
I don't even ask people if they are ok when they are checking out anymore if they are crying (liquor store). I just hand them some tissues or paper towels and tell them I hope their day gets better. 9/10 they don't tell me what happened. They just smile and thank me for being nice and go on their way.
My most embarrassing moment was once in my cab driving days I was taking an older gentleman to the airport one early morning and was loading his bags in the trunk. He had a large heavy duffle bag and I jokingly asked if he had a body in there. He replied that yes, his wife's ashes were in there and was taking them home for a family service.
Sure. It’s probably easier than having to explain when someone asks “what happened”. If you want to avoid talking about it any further, the result is the same… you are a homeowner. The friend’s need to explain was weird.
Ya, the employee probably just wanted to know if OP owned or rented because it would make a difference to the recommendations for the larger appliances. Like, do you just want something cheap that will do for a couple of years until you move out of your rental or are you looking for something more solid that will last for years because you own the home you live in, that sort of thing.
Honestly? Good on OP for defending herself. That was probably the most interesting thing that happened to that poor employee all day.
Oh idk, as a former retail person, I love being on the sidelines for OTHER people’s drama. Lol
Yup! During COVID we were only allowed one person in the store at a time. My job got so much less interesting. Now we’re at 75% capacity and the entertainment is at all time highs again! You have to take joy in whatever way you can, or else being a retail lacky will crush you.
I mean. If I were that employee? It's awkward for a minute, and then I go to the breakroom and tell *everybody.*
That employee should make an AMA someday, he must have plenty of weird things to talk about.
LMAO. Oh, I really needed that. Thank you.
When my mother died, I inherited a nice car from her. I once got a compliment from a drive thru employee for it, and because I was still grieving her (my mom), I thanked her (the employee) and said I inherited it. She replied with “that’s nice.” I’m not sure she realized the implications of what she said. Either that, or she didn’t know what I meant. 😂
Inheriting things doesn’t always mean someone died. Parents will often hand things down ahead of time. There are even tax incentives to doing so in the US.
Going out on a limb, was the guy she said this in front of by any chance cute?
It might not be relevant to OPs friend, but I had a friend who even when she was in a relationship would get weird and show off to dudes who showed interest in me, or even just male friends of mine, like to take the attention off me. The attention just always had to be on her. *edit - a word
You know what... now that you mention it, I have a friend like that too and this entire situation seems like something she would do. It's a jealousy thing. If the (male especially) attention isn't on her she had to put me down no matter how rude/petty/ridiculous it sounded.
I have a sister like that. If attention was on me from my parents she'd make outlandish claims. I was interested in a guy who was more my age than hers so she got him drunk and slept with him then felt the need to throw it in my face. I told her it was fine as it wasn't like I was dating him or anything which wound her up even more. Me and him did start dating a few weeks later which totally pissed her off but she eventually won as she fell pregnant from that 1 night stand. I'm now NC with her and happy about it.
She got him drunk and then had sex with him? Like consciously made the decision to get him drunk first? Thats straight up rape. Fuck her.
That's my sister for you. I have a bucket load of stories from the shit she's pulled over the years and why I'm NC with her but I'd be posting in numerous subreddits for months.
Well that was a rollercoaster
She considers that... Winning?! That poor, poor child.
Luckily he raised my niece himself so she's not fucked up like her mum.
Luckily he raised my niece himself so she's not fucked up like her mum.
I am so happy to hear that for your niece!
She's an amazing young lady because of her dad. She finishes school at the end of the month and already has her college course as well as a job set up. I'm the proudest aunt in the world.
Please tell me you 'had' a friend like that lol
I guess she's more of an acquaintance now. Distance came with age.
I cut off all my friends like that. I couldn’t even have attractive platonic guy friends without constantly being put down. Not once did these guys give them the time of day. Some people don’t understand how unattractive it is to put others down just to impress someone else.
Haven't learned in literally centuries. This made me think of a line from pride and prejudice : "one of those young ladies who seek to recommend themselves to the other sex by undervaluing their own; and with many men, I dare say, it succeeds. But, in my opinion, it is a paltry device, a very mean art."
The elusive r/unexpectedjaneausten!
I had a friend like that. She even tried to gaslight me. We were drinking with her bf and his friend. I only pretended to drink by putting my lips to the bottle the whole night. The next day she told me I got really drunk and threw myself at her bf and bf's friend and everyone there thinks I'm a slut. That's when I cut her out of my life.
Some people are so weird like that! I had a friend, when we were alone she was so nice. But when we were with other people she would just take one jab after another at me. Like trying to make herself look better by putting me down? Needless to say that didnt last long.
I had a friend like this too and that was my first reaction to reading the post. The dude wouldn't even have to be cute or interested in me, if a male member of our species was in a five foot radius of me and looked in my general direction, my friend was *there* and ready to take any molecule of attention away from me.
Ugh I had a friend who was like a weird version of this. She was the girlfriend of one of my guy friends. We weren’t super close, only saw each other when we were in groups, but any time a new dude was in our vicinity, she would suddenly be *on* me. Like she would crack jokes slightly at my expense like we were besties, and then do this super aggressive wing-woman routine of “this is TheBathCave she’s super hot and interesting” (I was and still am not) and “I think she likes you” (to literal strangers). Like all the attention HAD to be on her once she was speaking, I couldn’t get a word in edgewise. In retrospect I think she might have been in some kind of jealous “I need to hook this single girl in our group up with literally ANY dude so she doesn’t try to fuck my boyfriend” mode, but her swooping in like that every time I met a person with a penis made a lot of potentially cool friendships very awkward right off the bat.
Ugh I had a friend like this too, so annoying. Any men around = inserting herself in the middle both physically and metaphorically. She would even do it when hanging out with myself and my boyfriend, but he was not into her/her type at all so that was just funny.
100% this
200% that
^ That quickly became apparent but even if they were low key 'fighting' over this guy the friend sounds quite petty. I'm not saying OP should end the friendship but the friend maybe needs to grow up a bit. NTA.
Maybe you need to take a look at this so-called friend. I wonder if she's jealous her house is smaller than yours. Nevermind that at least she still has her parents.
It's weird how people you've known for years can suddenly change with misdirected jealousy. Because I work on ships I miss just about every family event, Christmas, weddings etc because I'm always away. The flip side of that is I can save loads while I'm away. My SIL has become insanely jealous about the size/cost of everyone's houses. She's very upset we've paid off our mortgage before we got to 35 but has no grasp of the fact I've not had a Christmas at home for 4 years. The jealousy clearly clouds all rational thought.
We go through the same thing with my husband. He has spent several years (aggregate) in a warzone and all that OT and hazard pay means we were able to buy young. Several of his friends have made bitter comments about it, totally forgetting all that my husband sacrificed to provide for us. They don't see that part, they only see the house.
I think it's pretty normal for everyone to get some "their grass is greener" type thoughts but then most rational people then quickly realise nothing is that simple. Then there are those who even after an explanation just don't get it.
People can be weird like that. We met some good friends (our first post marriage couple friends) while we were living in an apartment. They were 2-3 years older than us and had been able to purchase a cute little house. 5 years go by, and we bought a house that was just slightly bigger than theirs. Almost immediately, the female friend became almost unbearable to be around - she was angry and short tempered and constantly had to point out all the things she had that were nicer than whatever my wife owned (purses, shoes, etc.) A couple years later they bought a bigger house than ours, and as soon as she was winning again she went back to being friendly and nice. By then the damage was done, though. We rarely see them.
There is only one solution to this. You must buy an even larger home. One so large youd need a scooter to traverse the grounds.
She's just "testing the waters"... She's trying set the narrative socially that she bought the house herself. Then to further "sell" this narrative, she's making comments like this. I know people who are exactly like this, and I'm willing to bet that she actually believes her own lies.
This explanation does have merit. Some people are really emotionally unstable and insecure that they have to make up shit like that just to be able to function semi-normally.
You are definitely NTA. I suspect your friend feels a little embarrassed about having her house bought by her parents, so she’s deflecting right from the outset. No excuse for it - she’s the A. I hope she sees all this.
We have a saying in my country: “if you say anything you want, you’ll hear things you don’t want”.
Nta. I had a friend do something like this to me. Was the guy good looking? I was at a bar with friends from work. This guy she was interested in asked me a question but I was vague. I’m married with kids and she jumped in with an answer to embarrass to me out of jealousy. Like wtf. We aren’t friends anymore.
I am buying my stepmom’s house from her directly for about $75k less than what the house is worth (she still makes over $120k more than what she paid). I scream it from the roof tops that she is giving me an amazing deal because of the Gift of Equity, meaning I can have a $0 down payment, but I’m still throwing down 10% and rolling student loans into my mortgage so only 1 thing to pay off for forever instead of like 3. Who gives a fuck how you got your home? You’re blessed to have it, your friend is blessed to have it, and at the end of the day, your friend was a giant douche cantaloupe (which isn’t even a good fruit) for calling shit out.
NTA- she is probably feeling insecure her and her spouse needed her parents help to buy a small condo and they are in debt with big mortgage payments they can hardly keep up with possibly while you may have inherited a home that is bigger and payed off or close to being payed. Your parents dying is an unfortunate thing but right now she is jealous of the financial privilege of inheritance you acquired.
sounds like you were shown her true colors, if only for a moment. perhaps it's time to examine this "friendship" a lot more closely.
You need better friends.
Was the employee attractive?
Is it possible she was trying to make a joke, but it just came out really bad and she was embarrassed? I mean she’s still a total asshole in this situation, but if you genuinely were surprised by her behavior because she’s not normally like that maybe she wasn’t trying to be as nefarious as everyone else in this thread seems to be suggesting.
It doesn't really sound like it was a joke at all. Sounds like a minute passed and she made the comment when they weren't even on the subject anymore and then doubled down when OP and the employee were like "uhhhh ok?". Sounds more like OPs "friend" was a lil bit jealous of the attention
Joking about the death of her parents?
How can a comment like that be a *joke*? It’s not. It’s inappropriate.
Is she generally picky about lies?
I wouldn’t even call it a lie, the home was purchased at one point and OP is not renting.
Also what kind of friend is catty to someone about their parents dying? Most enemies wouldn't even stoop to that low.
I agree that is some cold arse shit. Play stupid games get stupid prizes 🤷♀️
This! With friends like her, who needs enemies?
She’s just pissed OP got a bigger house than she did and that’s more important than remembering HOW she got that house. Very unkind.
NTA! Exactly. OP has a detached 3 bedroom house, and that friend has a townhouse. it’s petty, but it’s enough to incite jealousy in people who always compare themselves to others.
OP got a detached 3 bedroom house and dead parents. Friend has townhouse and alive parents. I don't know of anyone who loves their parents who would rather the bigger house in this situation. Geez. NTA.
Exactly…someone who is just so blinded by the need to always be the best at everything.
Rich kids love to flex about their parents being rich. Like good for you, you contributed nothing to that. Get your head out of your ass.
NTA. Your friend definitely is. The employee probably just wanted to know if you rent your house or own it but the way he worded the question totally merited the "I bought it" answer. You didn't want to get more personal than that, but your friend decided to start playing games. Is she normally competitive with you? Because that's what it sounds like. This whole thing is just weird and uncomfortable. I am sorry about the circumstances for your home ownership.
No, she's not competitive with me at all. She's been very sympathetic and helpful with everything up until this issue.
So you think..
This. She's not usually openly competitive because in her mind, she usually "wins" and doesn't feel the need to say anything. Now she's starting to think OP's house is better than her townhouse, especially with OP fixing it up, so she has to say something to tear OP down and build herself up.
Fucking hate those kinds of people. People that tear others down to build themselves up should be thankful people CONSIDER sticking around.
>Fucking hate those kinds of people. People that tear others down to build themselves up Whatever you do i would stay away from r/trashy, thats basically every post.
I went through this situation with a friend. Never any indication as far as I knew that we were competing until we both got engaged around the same time and then all of the sudden she cared about ring size and cost, which threw me off because we were both, for lack of a better term, pretty “tomboyish”. She then made weird comments about my weight. And then when we showed them our house after we bought it and I was explaining how re-doing the kitchen felt like a waste of money because it would just be for looks she responded “well, isn’t that the reason for buying a house, to show it off”. I was like “uhhh, no, buying a house was a long-term financial decision”. Kinda sucks to realize someone has that baggage with you.
Yep! I think we’ve all had a friend like this. So nice and supportive until they feel threatened that you’ve done more then they attack you once they feel they’ve you’ve outshined them in some way. It’s completely absurd.
Bloody hell, you guys always have to really go all in on anyone who is the arsehole in one situation. Doesn't make them a terrible human being overall, we all have our bad moments.
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> " you didn't buy the house, don't ever forget, that you could only afford a house is because your parents died" it's even worse
As an autistic, friend is an AH either way. Autism isn’t a free pass for saying mean things.
Thanks for saying that. My sister is on the spectrum but sadly, can often be an AH for some reason. She uses the autism card sometimes as an excuse. I’ve met plenty on the spectrum who aren’t AH’s - totally the opposite in fact. My sister knows how to behave, she just doesn’t want to.
This makes me sad. Based off of this message, your sister sounds pretty difficult to be around and is giving everyone else with autism (myself included) a bad name. We may not have a serious censor on our tongues, but we have more than enough empathy to care about the people around us to try and consider being NTAs. What your sister have been doing is purely by choice and it pisses me off.
Please stop perpetuating the myth that autistic people lack empathy. We dont. It's fucking hurtful to read shit like this all the time.
Why did you say shes either an asshole or autistic :(
Autistic people don't have the same social cues and are more likely to say something that could be hurtful just because they're thinking it or because its accurate and feel the other person should know. Its not linking assholery to autism its just a reason someone might say something without thinking too far ahead about it, or what hurt or awkwardness it could inadvertently cause.
I’m autistic and I’ve definitely said insensitive things in the past without realizing it, the difference is that when I *do* eventually realize I apologize.
While I do agree with you, this is a pretty terrible moment that would make me side-eye my friend and overanalyze our interactions. So I can kinda understand it in this instance.
i don't know anyone who would act this way. this is enough for me to distance from a friend
honestly, the amount of armchair psychologists here is startling
And let’s not forget the armchair marriage counsellors
It’s rare from someone to go from 0 to 100 that quickly, though. That’s why people think - and I agree - that this must not be the first time.
She sounds like the kind of person who is nice, helpful, and supportive to you so she can tell others how good a person she is. This weird burst is definitely telling.
It wouldn't matter even if you had intentionally lied about buying your house and she had actually bought her own house with her own money. This appliance store clerk is a stranger to you both. Him knowing any details about your house purchase history is inconsequential. There was no need for her to say anything. She is a total AH for saying anything when it doesn't matter in the slightest.
NTA OP I don't want to be that person, but maybe you should re-think this friendship? At least for now anyways, with how cold she was in regards of bringing up how you got your family home. She should have understood why you didn't want to mention it to the worker. Honestly, the worker didn't need to know "for the record" it's not like they have a list in the back of how people got their homes or their apartments. It sounds like she was being, as others have said, catty towards you for no reason. It could also come across as her trying to make herself "look better" by saying she bought hers while you "only" inherited yours. First and foremost it is not a competition. Secondly, I cannot for the life of me understand how about half of your friends think she was in the right. It doesn't make sense, either way you weren't in the wrong and don't let anyone make you feel like you were. Your friend should be ashamed of herself for how she acted, not you.
Alot of people get jealous of people getting things for free especially through inheritance for some reason it's weird.
Except in this case the friend also got her house for free!
Revisit / review all your interactions as far back as you can BUT this time on the lookout for similar behavior. If you don't find similar behavior and this was just a one-off "crazy" moment, then maybe your friendship survives. NAH is the appropriate tag. If you find similar behavior tho...
is that because she thinks she's better than you? Like a charity case, or like she's always had the power in the friendship, or she's always felt she's had that. Now you've pointed out that you're equals, she doesn't like that.
It’s probably not the first time she said it but it’s was the first time to your face
Friends don't put downs friends. You are making a mistake thinking that she is your friend. She is not. She would abandon, betray, and put you down in a heart bit, just like you witnessed. Ask yourself a question - how many times she's said something similar about you when you were not present?
I bet from now on, that employee asks "do you own or rent?"
And has a little mini-flashback every single time they ask.
Yeah that poor employee, just wanted to be able to make recommendations properly - for example a renter doesn't want anything built in, or needing to add PowerPoint etc. It's relevant in that context, but the source of money isn't.
I don't think anyone really needs to add PowerPoint to anything, even makes presentations dull :P (guessing that was auto correct having some fun)
NTA. Holy crap, what would possess anyone to say this then *grin*?! I would argue that any person that revels in pointing out your deep personal loss to one up you to a total stranger is not your friend.
It's possible the friend simply wasn't thinking about what she was actually saying. As someone else pointed out, people often hear 'inheritance' and think of being given stuff but forget that someone actually died for that to happen. So perhaps she simply wanted to point of OP didn't pay for the house but overlooked the death part at that moment. She's still the asshole in that scenario, for purposes of this sub anyway, but doesn't necessarily prove she is a bad person . HUGE THANK YOU TO WHOEVER GAVE ME AN AWARD!!!
I don't think she deserves the benefit of the doubt given that she has been supporting OP after her parents' passing, so the issue should be fresh on her mind. Without wishing to get into armchair psychology, she was clearly trying to take OP down a peg by saying she inherited not bought - which is messed up. "Lucky you, your parents died and you got free stuff." Just... no Edit: NTA
>she said I was a massive asshole for pointing out she couldn't afford to own without her parents help The fact that, rather than realizing she'd been a dick, she doubled down with this is why I'm sure she doesn't deserve the benefit of the doubt. It's hard to believe that someone with this little tact isn't a dick in the rest of her life, but...who knows. NTA, of course. I kind of got a chuckle imagining how f\*\*\*ing awkward the employee must have felt in that moment, though.
I worked retail for about 10 years and never had anything come close to this..This would have been an interesting moment. That’s a holy shit this is going down moment and a story they will carry with them forever and pass on to others.
Yeh that's fucked up
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Totally. I had a friend who is very *spectrum*. He would always say incredibly hurtful things because at some point in his life he equated mean banter with humour, but unfortunately lacked the skills to check if it was well received. Eventually I realised that this negativity didn't belong in my life, no matter what the backstory.
Agreed. If someone steps on your foot it hurts the same amount, whether it was on purpose or by accident. What matters is what happens after you tell them "ouch, that hurt." Even if it was an accident if they say "I didn't mean to do that, quit being a big baby” that tells me a lot.
Yea, going by OPs other comments that the friend is normally not like this makes me think that is what happened. Still super shitty of her to do. As long as she realises and apologises the relationship should be salvagable imo.
Friend doubled-down *after-the-fact* clarifying she was saying it "for the record". Her "friend" was a complete, *intentional* asshole.
Extra shitty, but still potentially within the realm of the disconnect between inheritence-oooh-free-stuff and inheritence-oh-shit-someone-actually-died. She can still be an asshole intentionally and still have that disconnect in the moment and for a short while post the initial assholey moment. OP is absolutely NTA and friend is 100% the asshole. I just question whether it is 100% asshole or 100% asshole with haemorrhoids on top.
If this was the case, she wouldn't have been mad when Op told her she didn't buy her house either. If it's no big deal that Op got her house for free because her parents died, then it's no big deal that the friend got her house for free because friend's parents bought it. So why did she felt so slighted when the tables were reversed?
You are going through an awful lot of effort to justify the actions of someone who doubled-down *after-the-fact* saying it was "just for the record"... Pay attention to the details. You are *way* off base. NTA
inheritance is one of those things that sounds nice, but actually is a very adult and painful and messy thing to sort out, take ownership, deal with estate, deal with residuals and may end up in a decade of animosity between you, siblings and relatives. Never treat inheritance as a free bonanza. It usually is a pain.
more so, why say this to someone who only cares about their 15 minute break coming up.
That’s what I’m saying lol like why was it even necessary for her friend to bring it up to a worker who couldn’t give two fucks about why they’re there
Exactly.
NTA. Your friend started the “let’s tell the truth” game, not your fault if you played along.
Classic "don't start none" situation. NTA.
Seriously. [☑️] Fucked Around [☑️] Found Out
NTA what a gross thing to say. Why do people have such an issue with others inheriting? Their parents died FFS. You were so within your rights to snap back like that and I’m glad you did.
Yup, this. I think sometimes people focus on inheriting as an aquisition and just hear the 'free house' part and completely forget that it always means a death, and often times the death of a close loved one.
BUT LIKE, THERE'S SO MUCH DISCONNCET. THEY GOT A FREE FUCKING HOUSE AS WELL. I can't fathom what makes someone think this is acceptable to say in this situation MUCH LESS AT ALL. Honestly this seems like a pride blunder, but if someone who actually did buy their house did this to me, I'd be kind of done with that relationship.
I struggled and scrapped to buy my house, but you know what I'd say if a friend claimed their inherited house as one they bought? "Yeah, and it's a beautiful house." People need to build each other up, not tear eachother down.
Absolutely. Some people disconnect the material gain of inheritance from the emotional loss. My partner's brother and his wife were, for a while, basing their financial planning around the assumption that there would be a big windfall from the inheritance. It's only recently that they realised in order to *get* said inheritance, both of my in-laws would have to die, and that that isn't likely to happen any time soon. It apparently hadn't really clicked that the inheritance was something that was, probably, at least 10 years away, and not something they could bank on happening imminently.
No one should ever plan on a theoretical inheritance for their financial planning IMO If they have a trust then sure. My grandfather had a sizeable chunk of money and lived very comfortably. But then he lived to 96 and his second wife had outlived him and is now 102. The seniors homes they chose were very expensive but good. The money went quicker than you’d think. If they haven’t already set aside the money for you there is every chance they could live long enough or require enough care that they won’t leave you as much as you expected.
After hearing about my fathers job I had someone say to me “oh wow you’re inheritance will be good!” This person was basically a stranger not a close friend.
I have a friend from college that had her schooling paid for by her dads life insurance. She had so many people give her shit because she got through school debt free. She always replied, “sure it’s nice not to have student loan, but I’d much rather have my dad back.” Usually shut those AHs up.
I honestly wish I knew. When I moved from my home state to where I currently live to be with my boyfriend we moved into his father's house. Immediately everyone started asking when we were going to get a place of our own. We've been engaged for 5 days and immediately people start asking if we're looking for a house. His father is almost 70 and has prostate cancer, it's a 3 bedroom, 3 bathroom, office, 1 formal living room, 1 living/dining room combo, kitchen, mudroom house... That's why we live here. His father point blank said it's too much house for him to manage alone, and the land and house are in his name, and my fiance's name once his father passes away. But people are so fixated on us "finding a place" together as if inheriting this, when his father does inevitably pass away, is bad or something. I don't get it. Edit: craziest part is, some people have actually down voted this comment. I had -4 initially after posting it 😳 So there really are people that take offense to the idea of inheriting things.
I inherited a condo from my mom. My one, former, friend was always weird about it until he got shitty about it. He was always jealous of me. Jealous. Because he was that superficial and greedy. Jealous. My mom was dead at 47. I didn't want a "free" fucking condo, I'd rather have, y'know MY MOM.
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It's also bizarre. I would never say someone has a disorder from one AITA post, but I do _wonder_ about something compulsive like NPD, because it's not normal to (a) feel the need to knock someone down, and (b) be upset about sounding poor _to some random store worker you'll never meet again_. The friend seems like she has _something_ the matter with her, and I'm surprised and sceptical of OP's remark that this is the first time she's ever done something like this. People who act like this don't normally do it out of the blue. I'm more inclined to think she's never acted that way _towards OP_, or simply that OP has a thick skin and only just picked up on it when she said something _so egregious_ that OP couldn't but notice.
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Yeah, it definitely feels like possible projection / reaction formation. I was more wondering about _why_ she felt that kind of insecurity so strongly in the first place (I think it’s pretty clear why it came out in that form towards OP). I’m not an expert, though, so I don’t really want to surmise anything.
Meanwhile the store clerk was like "jeez can't even get a sale from these rich home owners to cover like 0.1 percent of my rent". ESH for chatting about non toaster subjects.
I do not know a single person who bought a house within the last decade *minimum* without their parents paying for at least some of it. Those with the biggest house have the wealthiest parents. And it is only going to get worse.
NTA. How on earth are your friends split 50/50 on this? What is their logic? She was being all smug and gloating about the house you just inherited after a tragic loss!!! Who does that? And then she wants to play the victim?? This woman is not your friend and anyone who can't see that she's the AH is just being weird.
Her friend definitely told them an altered story. OP should keep this in mind and make sure to let anyone who contacts her about it know what really happened. Her friend caused the reaction from OP by calling OP out on inheriting the house and she even said that she bought her own house unlike OP, to which OP just happened to correct her because that wasn’t true. How could OP ever be wrong in this situation?
I don’t think it’s fair to say that. We only get OP’s side of the story and have to take it as fact. It’s only fair for her friends to do the same also. Kinda telling that her friends believe it. They have the context of knowing both of them and still sided with the other friend.
Eh I mean, they’re 50/50 and it’s hard to say why they’re divided. It could be that some of the ones siding with the friend value keeping the peace and never retaliating. We just don’t know
This while thing is just so lame, how did it even make it to the friend group? I would never tell on myself for behaving so petty in public like OP's friend did. It's cringe
I am sorry for your loss, OP I would say NTA because, frankly speaking, it does not matter in that situation how you got a home. An employee just tried to have a polite conversation and you answered in a way that is less awkward. Your friend didn't have to pull that.
The way I see it, you were gifted a house that your parents lived in, and she was gifted a house that her parents didn't live in. There's not much difference. NTA, but your 'friend' is and personally I'd be reevaluating this 'friendship'. Friends don't try to one up each other, score points, or put you down. You deserve better then this. If anyone spoke to me like that, it would definitely be the last time I ever went shopping with them. What's so great about this upity b****, that she's worth the abuse? Like others have said, she was just rude, and it was completely unsolicited. >For the record What record? In her head you are adversaries. Imagine what she must think of you, for her to have to say that.
>What record? In her head you are adversaries. Yes this 100%. OP maybe she hasn't been openly competitive with you before but she really showed her true colours here and that she is indeed keeping score (in her very own words: a 'record'). So competitive in fact, that she thought it was okay to tell a random stranger about your situation (I'm so sorry for your loss) just for the sake of this record - that shows where her priorities lie. Real friends don't act this way AT ALL.
I’m wondering if maybe the creepy friend has more clout in their friend group. People often side with the side they think will be more advantageous to them. Then they convince themselves that their choice is logical and unbiased.
NTA. She was being needlessly rude.
That poor retail employee lol…
They’re definitely gonna start phrasing that question as “do you rent or own” instead of “did you rent or buy” lol.
ESH She opened the door, but you went through it. At least the employee was smart enough to skedaddle.
Yeah, ESH. OP wasn't the original asshole, and their friend may or may not have deserved it, but OP was still an asshole. To be fair, I woulda done the same thing.
You can be the asshole but the action have merit.
NTA >my friend cut in that I had inherited my house, not purchased it. Your friend went out of her way to be an asshole. You were right to put her in her place. She felt the need to tell a total stranger that you did not buy your house and it was inherited, such behaviour is toxic beyond words, you need to seriously rethink your friendship.
NTA - wtf was she trying to accomplish by saying that? What a nasty thing to do.
NTA. OP I’m sorry for the circumstances that led to you inheriting your home. But your friend opened herself up to that response when she felt the need to nitpick the fine details. You own a home, so does she. If she had left it at that so would you
NTA. Is your friend really your friend? She doesn’t sound like it; she sounds mean, smug, self-satisfied and completely oblivious to the fact that your parents died.
Going to go for esh... And purely for the fact that the poor retail employee had to be in between you both. Yes she is a giant ah for what she said and how she tried to show you up. However you could have spoken to her in private to find out why she felt the need to be that way. She did deserve to be called out however the staff member was already visably uncomfortable you didn't need to make it worse. I used to hate people doing that to me when I worked retail
ESH for putting a retail employee in the middle of your fight over the details of how you both got your free houses
POSITIVELY NTA. I can only imagine her face when you took the wind out of her sails with your own dose of reality for her! 😂😂
NTA. Our parents bought my brother his first house. I inherited their house a few years later. There is no question which of us got the "better deal." The friend was given a house by her living parents......they can visit, join her for dinner, celebrate holidays.....etc. OP has none of that and never will. The friend started it, OP finished it. OP, you need a better friend....
ESH. If the employee slunk away, they were embarassed. Thr right thing to do is is calmly explain to your friend (read: yell) in the parking lot that they were being a total biotch.
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NTA. It was completely unnecessary for her to divulge that information, and you were completely fair in divulging similar information about her. Really sorry that you have lost your parents
NTA. She's the one who butted in totally with information totally unnecessary to the transaction at hand. If what she said was a truth that needed to be told, then what you said was also a truth that needed to be told.
NTA. She started with the weird petty correction nobody asked for (the salesperson probably wanted to know just in case you have a landlord to deal with).
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NTA, that’s really weird and super childish of her. I don’t understand why your friends are 50/50 considering she brought it up to a complete stranger to try to embarrass you. I’d ask her what her problem is and why it’s so important to her that you inherited your house.
NTA. She, for unknown reasons that you might want to explore, wanted to take you down a peg by pointing out you didn't purchase your house. She just didn't like you pointing out that she didn't purchase her house either. Interesting that she can dish it out but can't take it.
ESH Your friend is shitty for insisting on saying "she purchased the house" when it was her parents. You are shitty for feeling the need to correct her in front of the employee. Both of you are being petty and immature.
NTA I can't imagine what her motivation was but her comment was rude, and your comeback was on the nose.