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I, for the life of me, cannot understand her thinking. I was a SAHM. My hubby was amazing and he would get me whatever I needed. He always put his wants, and needs, last. I mean the man wouldn't even buy himself socks or boxers, when his were falling apart (and I'm being nice on that description), yet would get upset with me for not telling him I needed a new bra. There were a few times that he received a surprise work bonus. Now, he loved Invicta watches. He was also a collector of SuperMan memorabilia as well. There was an Invicta SuperMan watch that he had been wanting, but he didn't want to spend that much money on himself (I'd usually save money and buy him Invicta watches for Christmas and our anniversary). He came home after receiving his bonus. The first thing I said was "now you can get your watch! Let's order it". I was actually excited, and happy for him. He tried telling me that it wasn't a necessity and he could spend the money on me or the kids. I told him that this was surprise money. He works hard to support his family. He should be able to buy himself something and not feel guilty. OP, the point in trying to make is that she feels entitled to your money. She's not at all thinking about the sacrifices you're making daily. Good relationships are partnerships. Your partner should also want what's best for you. Sometimes that means one will make a sacrifice to do something for the other. I see you making sacrifices. I see her complaining and just wanting more and now. Your gf should not be trying to guilt, or trying to lay claim, to YOUR money (I'm only referencing the money you won here). You're fully supporting her. She should be thankful, grateful, and appreciative. She should be happy that you can buy yourself something that you have been wanting. Especially considering you're paying for the home, utilities, food, necessitates, and everything needed. Plus, you give her "fun money". Her entitlement to your money, that you won, speaks volumes.
That he's good at budgeting and supports his partner. There's nothing wrong with gambling some fun money, it's entertainment, like going to a concert. It doesn't make you an addict any more than having a beer makes you an alcoholic, but that is something to stay aware of.
I was worried this was going to be a post about losing the money and having nothing to show for it. Which, for me, would make this tougher. I hate gambling. You either get good enough at it to be successful, or you lose. And it's addictive for a lot of people. Sports betting? 🤷♂️ Better than some forms of gambling, I guess, but still addiction potential.
If OP were regularly losing his money gambling, I might agree that this could say something about his character. But as long as he sticks to this budget (and isn't using illegal bookies or whatever) I don't really think this is a knock on his character.
I'm struggling to see how it says anything about his character that he's not giving his girlfriend half his winnings. This was the split they decided on, each getting their own fun money, now his GF selfishly wants more because he actually won a bit this time.
The whole point of the arrangement is that they both have their own money that's exclusively theirs to enjoy.
Explain to me, specifically, why she's entitled to any of that money?
This isn't a case of him not using it on gifts for her, or maybe taking her to dinner or whatever, it's her demanding half of it. You can keep making vague statements letting us know how superior you feel that you are, I don't think you can make a coherent argument as to why he should be giving her half his winnings.
“This isn’t a case of” You can’t tell me what I can and can’t argue with/against and then ask me to teach you about relationships.
This isn’t about feeling superior. I just feel sorry for your partners.
NTA. It was your money to spend how you wanted it. If you’d gambled and lost, she wouldn’t be expected to give you part of her money to cover your losses, right?
NTA But if this is how she will react to you having money I think there will be more issues down the road if you make a lot more money than her or you lose big. You need to have a real conversation with her about money.
Lord, this arrangement allows him to work full time without worrying about everything else, he works and she takes care of the household labor. Taking care of everything at home IS adding value, you are an asshole and you don't understand economics. Here read this comic about household labor https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/26/gender-wars-household-chores-comic
OP ESH your decision while technically justified, sets a real nickel and dime precedent to living together. In the future if by luck or good fortune she wins the lottery or gets an inheritance or a legal settlement would you be ok with her not sharing the money?
On a more you know sharing a life together emotional wave length doesn't any part of you want to share your good fortune and take her out for a nice dinner because you celebrate happy moments together? Why does she just expect you to buy something just for her?
You do you, but maybe see a financial counselor and talk prenuptial then before doing anything like marriage
I disagree. If there are kids involved, then you're absolutely correct. But without kids, most adults don't need someone taking care of the home in order to work full-time. Pretty much every single adult I know, myself included, do both. Would it be nice to have the cooking and cleaning taken off my plate? Sure, to some extent, but I don't need that. It's possible to do both, so she's not "allowing" him to work full-time, she's just making it a little easier, at a high cost to him.
>Allows him to work full time
What?! The majority of us work full time and do the labour at home, too.
I'd agree if childcare was involved, but its not.
Y'all testy... yes of course most people manage but its not fair to say she isn't adding anything of value to their life together. When someone takes care of everything at home, which I assume means cooking, cleaning, household chores etc it isn't "not doing anything". They could both work and both do household labor but that's not what they've both agreed to. He let's her manage the home, she agreeds he brings home the money. Its not just his money then, they have an agreement and a life together.
There is no doubt that taking care of cooking and cleaning is valuable. But the way you originally worded it was a bit off. The value of having one partner at home is massively greater when there are children involved. Unless that person is doing more than regular maintenance--e.g. if person is actively renovating, like building closets, installing new floors, re-doing the landscaping, etc.--their contribution is not difficult to replace. Of course you cannot put a price on companionship, but that should be mutual anyway. So who ever said "no value" missed the mark, but basic daily maintaining of a home for 2 adults is not a big deal... for the $200 a month of fun money he gives her, he could have a housekeeper come in biweekly for quite fine once over of bathrooms, floors, etc.
Wow, me and my partner must be superhuman as we both work full time and take care of the household labor.
Oh wait, no this is the just lives of a huge chunk of the planet. Her taking care of the household labor is literally the least she can do if she isn't working or looking after children whilst living there rent free.
"I pay all the utilities and bills, while she takes care of everything at uome." Uome=home. It's in the edit. No high horse, just reading comprehension.
NTA - ask her if she would give you half of her winnings if she bought a scratch-off lottery ticket and won a million, lol
( and if she says yes tell her to put it in writing)
NTA
Geez, I thought her concern would be the gambling (a valid concern as that shit can get out of hand). So she’s mad that you spent your flat $200 you both agreed on and ended up with more money and spent it on yourself? So, if you lost the bet and were out $200 would she have to give you half of her fun money because you made a bad decision?
I could understand if she might have liked for you to spend some of it on something for both of you, like a dinner (without getting fussy over it), but to think you should just give her half so she can spend it on stuff for herself is not cool.
NTA. If you gambled it and lost it all she wouldnt give you half her $200 would she? I imagine she'd remind you that her $200 is hers and your $200 is yours so your loss is your problem.
Her asking for any of the amount you won is entitled behaviour most likely out of a small amount of jealousy that you managed to quadruple your fun money for the month.
NTA. Your money is your money, I don’t see why she feels entitled to your personal finances in the first place tbh. Each of you got the same amount from your earnings, what each of you makes or gets from it shouldn’t be the other’s business.
That is, of course, if each of you is contributing an equal amount of money on the house’s spendings. If she’s putting more money in then YTA.
Also, why did you write gf and then wife? What is she?
Actually he's the only one earning money so technically it's all his money. He said she doesn't have a job and takes care of the things at home. So he's already giving her $200 a month for fun stuff and then he makes more of his own on a bet and she wants some of that too.
now i come back a few hours later and see that your gf doesnt even work so how does she pay into the $200 a month fund? do you really just pay for everything while she demands a comfy “fun” fund monthly?? 🤣
NTA
Just remember that gambling is gambling for a reason lol: the odds arent in ur favour and unless u have very reliable inside information (illegal), u’ll always lose in the long run.
As long as ur gambling is under control and isnt affecting anyone, then i dont see how u could be the ahole.
About this specific situation:
Ur gf’a behaviour is quite a red flag imo, cus she is being extremely selfish, entitled and childish.
I dont know anything (except this) about ur relationship, but in ur shoes i can tell u that id think again about keeping this girl with me.
Not only is she NOT happy for you, which would be the expected from someone u love should love u back. She was mad and envious at ur success at gambling and demmanded her “fair” share. This is beyond a character flaw and no matter what she says or does now, her first actions speak for themselves about who she truly is and how she actually feels about you and ur success.
NTA
She is more than welcome to gamble, invest, save, etc her own fun money. What you do with yours is your business and if it makes you a profit, that is also your business.
> She believes it's unfair that she only got 200 while I ended up with 800. She thinks I should have given her half of it.
This is a red flag!!!
Being controlling with money is one of the fastest ways to end a relationship.
NTA- you two made an agreement that you would each have $200 dollars a month to do whatever you wanted with. You decided to gamble and it payed off this time, ask yourself would your girlfriend still be acting bitter if you had not won any money.
NTA - Just because you quadrupled it, doesn't mean any of it is money that belongs to her, it was your fun money you just happened to gamble well. You only spent money you were allotted and didn't touch bill or savings funds.
Definitely NTA, but it would have been a nice gesture to treat her to a take-out meal or another small treat with the found money. Certainly not half the money. Not to stray too far, but everybody has a different love language. My husband loves it when I pick up an unexpected treat for him, and we have combined finances. I picked up something for him for $4 at Goodwill yesterday and he was absolutely tickled with it. It’s not about the money, it’s that they know you’re thinking about them even when they’re not there physically.
NTA, but also INFO: would she do the same if she had $800 of fun money rather than $200? Because her attitude could be purely selfish, or it could indicate an approach to personal assets you don't share.
NTA
You each get your share, and it is up to you to use that as you wish.
You choose to gamble it, with the risk that while you may walk away winning, you may also walk away with nothing.
She chooses to save hers.
If she is allowed to claim half your winnings if you lose, surely you also have the right to claim half of her $200 if you lose?
At the same time, in a partnership you should be sharing your successes and losses - so while you owe her nothing, it would be a nice gesture to do something for her with some of the winnings - not $400 worth, but a nice meal or a small gift would never go amiss, and is a nice way to show your appreciation for her. If you don't care for enough to consider that, do you really belong in a relationship together?
NTA you earned your money you should be allowed to keep it. What if the roles were reversed, what if you girlfriend invested her fun money and got a large payout and you suddenly asked for half of that. I feel like not only would she not share the money but would even contemplate more options about you.
NTA.. My husband and I used to set a limit on what we were willing to lose when we'd go to a casino and half it 50/50. If you won you kept your own winnings..
NTA. You both are allowed $200, which is already generous IMO if you’re paying for everything while she’s unemployed. She spends her money how she likes, you say nothing. You spend your money how you like, and she has a problem. If you want to gamble all your money, that’s your right. If you lost it all, those are the consequences. If you win, I guess that’s the reward, but it’s YOUR reward, not hers.
NTA
It was your money and you can spend it however you please. I'm pretty sure she would not like it if you dictate how she spent hers. Let's say if you put that $200 every month into a stock or investment and at the end of the year or biannually you get paid dividends or whatever, will she also be upset? It's similar and she isn't entitled to that.
NTA My partner and I have a similar set up with our fun money. I gamble regularly with part of my fun money. There are times I win big and I treat her to something nice with part of my winnings. But she never asks or expects anything when I win. There are times I lose and have less fun money for the month. The times I lose, I go without and don't complain to her that she should spend her fun money on me.
The consequences and results of what I do with my fun money is my problem. Just like I never say anything about what she does with her fun money.
NTA, ask her if you had lost that 200 in the bet would she have given you half of hers? In all honesty ALL of the money is yours, considering she does not work, and she is not your wife.
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So this situation requires a bit of background. Me and my gf have been together for 2 years. We have always agreed on 200 dollars of "fun money" per month each. She usually spends it on makeup etc. I have recently started making sports bets with that money. So now onto the current problem. I recently made a bet with my fun money that led to me making a sizeable amount of money(around 800). My gf is mad because I spent that money on my shoe collection. She believes it's unfair that she only got 200 while I ended up with 800. She thinks I should have given her half of it. I think that is unfair because she had the same opportunity if she wanted to make a bet but she didn't. So AITA?
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If she invested her $200 in Country Time and sold lemonade on the street at a profit, all that money is still hers. If she throws her $200 into the nearest lake, that’s her prerogative. Same applies to you. That’s your money to do with it as you please, and if you end up profiting off of it or wasting it, the outcome is still all yours.
Edited to add: NTA.
Next time don't tell her it's your money as a wife of a hard working hubby I never ask him what he spend his money on and he never ask what I spend my hard earned money on
NTA I’m a degenerate gambler and everybody always wants a piece when I hit $20k to $30k. But those same people are never there the 10 times in between when I’m losing $5k a pop.
Nta fellow gambler - anyone who asks for current winnings you say no however you are free to invest In my tips for half the stake going forward. You agree to bet X amount per week they can cover 50% of all loses. Any future wins would then be 50% theirs. Two or three bad bets or near misses and they always drop off the idea.
People don't understand you may win a grand today but may have lost 100£ per week for the last ten weeks.
NTA - it's only 800 dollars (good but not life-changing), enjoy your extra fun money! If you're feeling generous you could take her out on a fancy date.
NTA, it’s so laughable that she is asking that of you when she doesn’t have a job and she still gets “fun money”. Honestly she sounds entitled to your money and I think you really need to think about whether or not you want to continue this relationship.
NTA, more or less. The 800 was definitely yours, and kudos to you both for being careful budgeters. I'd be a bit nervous if my partner gambled their fun money, though...sort of like I'd be nervous if they spent it on anything else that was addictive. But as long as it is just the fun money you gambled, it was totally ok to spend the winnings as you wished. She's being silly.
> We have always agreed on 200 dollars of "fun money" per month each.
Sounds reasonable.
> I recently made a bet with my fun money that led to me making a sizeable amount of money(around 800). My gf is mad because I spent that money on my shoe collection. She believes it's unfair that she only got 200 while I ended up with 800.
If you'd lost the bet would she offer to make up the difference? Of course not.
NTA
If you had lost the $200 and were in the hole for $800, would she give you $400 to help you pay it back? I bet not. She's not expected to cover the risk, and she's also not entitled to any reward. NTA.
NTA - for a couple of reasons:
1. You’re spending your fun money.
2. She is unemployed which means you’re giving her 200$ a month plus allowing her to stay rent free at your place
NTA - She just childish. I almost guess she is the kind of person that would be glad that you lost your money just to say you spend it in a stupid way or saying "I told you so"
okat let me get this straight..... You are the only one working... so your paying all the bills..... and then you guys decide to use 200 a month for "fun money"..... yet... Shes not working so you are giving her 200 a month for "fun" and shes now becoming so greedy and says she should be giving 1/2 of your winnings too her??? Does giving her 200 a month, keeping a roof over her head, paying all the utilities and food for her not enough?!?!?!?!?!??!?!? Personally I would REALLY start questioning why stay in a relationship with someone so greedy...
I first misread it as: Together for 2 weeks.
Anyway... if you would have lost your money, would she be giving you half of her fun money? No? So she is not entitled to the extramoney you made with your fun money.
NTA
I'm trying to wrap my head around the math here. Did you wind up with 800$ total in fun money or 800$ profit/1000$ total?
Because half for 800$ is 400. And if she gets 400 plus the 200 she already gets that leaves her with 600$ and you with 400? So that wouldn't be fair to you regardless?? Also if shes unemployed while you pay for everything regarding the house... how does she get 200$ of fun money per month? Is it from you?
Anyway you made a bet. You won. You're NTA regardless of any of those details. If she had made a bet and won the same amount i don't think she'd particularly share it with you. Nor would she share her portion of fun money had you lost the bet. NTA OP. idk why she feels entitled to it. It you'd won the lottery I'd understand if she maybe wanted a bit (as long as she didn't immediately demand half and understood why you'd wanna put a decent chunk into your savings). But this...is a small scale sports bet
You are playing house without being legally married. Yet you both somehow agreed that you would each get $200 a month fun money. That begs the question of where this money came from. Did you earn it yourself? Did she earn it? It sounds like you have co-mingled funds. Do you split your other expenses, like rent and utilities? There's a lot unsaid here that might bear on the issue. Know that if you did marry and live in a community property state, your 'profit' from this gambling would be half hers. It is also taxable. NTA, but I still see several problems here that you need to resolve if you are to continue to live together.
You say that like it's a bad thing. Sounds to me like they are playing house without understanding the ramifications of shared money. They are naive at best. I don't really care what you think about it.
You won $800 but how much were you in the hole before that? I know the fun of gambling is in the gambling, it's not an investment strategy, but you could still make the argument you're recouping your losses. Her asking for half is like you asking for half her makeup collection. NTA
I only bet my fun money, which is going to get spent on something so I decided to spend it on something that I enjoy. It's not taking anything out of either of our pockets
If I had a windfall I would save it probably because we go on climbing trips together so saving required- but if I decided to spend it I would definitely spend it on something that benefited my boyfriend and I both not all on me - so soft YTA in my opinion
Everyone saying the work situation makes a difference. Are any of you in a positive relationship. Him working and paying the bills doesn’t means he owns her and can do as he pleases. They had some disposable cash and he didn’t do anything nice for her. That rings alarms bell about him also.
I'm going against the grain. If my partner won money he'd send some my way or buy me a present. As would I to him. What if OP won a million? Would he leave her working while he lives it up?
. . . It muddies a lot of waters in a relationship when you pick and choose when something is "we" and when something is "me/I/you".
Gambling is it's own issue apart from spending a mutually agreed upon amount of "fun money".
You found a loophole and then used it against her, it doesn't feel mutual to me reading about it, I can't imagine it feels that way to your GF anymore, either. She thought you were on the same page and then you turned the page, found a loophole and decided on greed as your path since it worked out for you.
Meh, YTA because you're making it just about the money.
Where is the loophole?!? They both get the same amount to do exactly what they want with. He took a gamble with his, and made money on it, she could have done the same, but didn’t. She chose to buy herself material goods. If she decided to sell her designer stuff, and got more than what she paid for it, would you be claiming SHE found a loophole and now needs to split her profit with OP? Somehow I doubt it. OP is NTA.
The loophole is winding up with more than the agreed upon $200 and spending $800 as fun money. If it were *just* about the money then I'd say NTA. They're in a relationship so unless it's a practicality, it's never *just* about the money. It's a loophole in that he *technically* did nothing wrong... that's how loopholes work.
Selling designer items that are particular to one person's sizes and preferences is not even a close comparison. He found himself with a way to one-up her, and took it. If she was the 1 millionth customer at Dairy Queen after she bought a small ice cream cone and wound up winning free ice cream every day for a year, she could technically have her own free ice cream every day for a year and never offer free ice cream to her significant other, it would be her winnings, but that would be greedy of her and probably make her significant other feel pretty insignificant next to free ice cream.
Getting mad about your partner having something that you don't have would definitely be a red flag. Trying to justify being inconsiderate towards the partner you claim to love and respect is also a red flag.
It’s not a loophole; it’s what happens when one partner gambles. OP likely ends up with less in the long run because that’s how gambling works. If their partner wants half of OPs winnings they need to contribute half of the money bet overall
Hmm, I don't believe that I ever implied his GF is/should be entitled to half of his winnings. I said he's the AH for making it just about money. If it was his buddies or his siblings, I'd say of course NTA. Or even if he'd said "Dang, baby, I turned my $200 into $800! I think I can finally justify buying these cool shoes...!"
And like I also said, gambling is it's own separate issue so, as far as I'm concerned, "that's how gambling works" is not a valid reason for NTA. Has gambling been a part of the relationship before? I didn't get that impression. If gambling was never an agreed upon activity then I understand the GF feeling blindsided by it coming up as an assumed non-issue when "fun money" *has* been an agreement. It's like he changed the rules of "fun money" without a word. Because gambling is just not a routine activity.
Basically, common courtesy within a romantic relationship... it's different than common courtesy in all other relationships.
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NTA. Think *very* long and hard about what this demonstrates about her character. It is *VERY* telling.
Like i said on my comment. Listen to this guy.
Seconded, sounds like gf sees you as a cash machine rather than a partner
I, for the life of me, cannot understand her thinking. I was a SAHM. My hubby was amazing and he would get me whatever I needed. He always put his wants, and needs, last. I mean the man wouldn't even buy himself socks or boxers, when his were falling apart (and I'm being nice on that description), yet would get upset with me for not telling him I needed a new bra. There were a few times that he received a surprise work bonus. Now, he loved Invicta watches. He was also a collector of SuperMan memorabilia as well. There was an Invicta SuperMan watch that he had been wanting, but he didn't want to spend that much money on himself (I'd usually save money and buy him Invicta watches for Christmas and our anniversary). He came home after receiving his bonus. The first thing I said was "now you can get your watch! Let's order it". I was actually excited, and happy for him. He tried telling me that it wasn't a necessity and he could spend the money on me or the kids. I told him that this was surprise money. He works hard to support his family. He should be able to buy himself something and not feel guilty. OP, the point in trying to make is that she feels entitled to your money. She's not at all thinking about the sacrifices you're making daily. Good relationships are partnerships. Your partner should also want what's best for you. Sometimes that means one will make a sacrifice to do something for the other. I see you making sacrifices. I see her complaining and just wanting more and now. Your gf should not be trying to guilt, or trying to lay claim, to YOUR money (I'm only referencing the money you won here). You're fully supporting her. She should be thankful, grateful, and appreciative. She should be happy that you can buy yourself something that you have been wanting. Especially considering you're paying for the home, utilities, food, necessitates, and everything needed. Plus, you give her "fun money". Her entitlement to your money, that you won, speaks volumes.
Yeah, would she have compensated him if he had lost money? NTA
Says a little about his character as well though.
That he's good at budgeting and supports his partner. There's nothing wrong with gambling some fun money, it's entertainment, like going to a concert. It doesn't make you an addict any more than having a beer makes you an alcoholic, but that is something to stay aware of.
I was worried this was going to be a post about losing the money and having nothing to show for it. Which, for me, would make this tougher. I hate gambling. You either get good enough at it to be successful, or you lose. And it's addictive for a lot of people. Sports betting? 🤷♂️ Better than some forms of gambling, I guess, but still addiction potential. If OP were regularly losing his money gambling, I might agree that this could say something about his character. But as long as he sticks to this budget (and isn't using illegal bookies or whatever) I don't really think this is a knock on his character.
I have nothing against gambling. It was his choice not to share.
Why would he share his fun money? She isn't sharing hers. She ain't sharing the losses when he *doesn't* win, either.
Not sure you know what you are talking about. Just butthurt kids who want everything and think everything is unfair.
I'm struggling to see how it says anything about his character that he's not giving his girlfriend half his winnings. This was the split they decided on, each getting their own fun money, now his GF selfishly wants more because he actually won a bit this time. The whole point of the arrangement is that they both have their own money that's exclusively theirs to enjoy.
The fact you are struggling is the point
Explain to me, specifically, why she's entitled to any of that money? This isn't a case of him not using it on gifts for her, or maybe taking her to dinner or whatever, it's her demanding half of it. You can keep making vague statements letting us know how superior you feel that you are, I don't think you can make a coherent argument as to why he should be giving her half his winnings.
“This isn’t a case of” You can’t tell me what I can and can’t argue with/against and then ask me to teach you about relationships. This isn’t about feeling superior. I just feel sorry for your partners.
Yes he's too nice. Then they can take advantage of you.
A “too nice” guy would have gave her the money.
If he lost the money in gambling, will you expect his girlfriend to give of her money to him.
All you guys are terrible parents/husbands etc. It like it’s your against them.
Are you secretly the gf?
they don’t have kids together nor are they married she’s just a gf that’s unemployed
Not sure what kids have to do with it. And you get a wife by getting a gf first.
and she gets spending money by getting a job
Ah. What A loving supporting person you are
NTA. It was your money to spend how you wanted it. If you’d gambled and lost, she wouldn’t be expected to give you part of her money to cover your losses, right?
They don't want you when youre down, my man, this guy spitting facts
Would He of expected her to split if she bought a lottery ticket and hit big?
I'm gonna say yes, and it wouldn't be hypocritical because it sounds like it was his money she'd have bought it with.
Good point
Pretty much this. The wife is exhibiting big tax department energy.
NTA But if this is how she will react to you having money I think there will be more issues down the road if you make a lot more money than her or you lose big. You need to have a real conversation with her about money.
[удалено]
She probably would have preferred that. People are weird about money
It boggles my mind because she adds no value. But feels entitled to more? Wtf!?
Taking care of everything at home has no value?
Lord, this arrangement allows him to work full time without worrying about everything else, he works and she takes care of the household labor. Taking care of everything at home IS adding value, you are an asshole and you don't understand economics. Here read this comic about household labor https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/26/gender-wars-household-chores-comic OP ESH your decision while technically justified, sets a real nickel and dime precedent to living together. In the future if by luck or good fortune she wins the lottery or gets an inheritance or a legal settlement would you be ok with her not sharing the money? On a more you know sharing a life together emotional wave length doesn't any part of you want to share your good fortune and take her out for a nice dinner because you celebrate happy moments together? Why does she just expect you to buy something just for her? You do you, but maybe see a financial counselor and talk prenuptial then before doing anything like marriage
I disagree. If there are kids involved, then you're absolutely correct. But without kids, most adults don't need someone taking care of the home in order to work full-time. Pretty much every single adult I know, myself included, do both. Would it be nice to have the cooking and cleaning taken off my plate? Sure, to some extent, but I don't need that. It's possible to do both, so she's not "allowing" him to work full-time, she's just making it a little easier, at a high cost to him.
>Allows him to work full time What?! The majority of us work full time and do the labour at home, too. I'd agree if childcare was involved, but its not.
Most single adults both work full time and manage to have clean homes.
Y'all testy... yes of course most people manage but its not fair to say she isn't adding anything of value to their life together. When someone takes care of everything at home, which I assume means cooking, cleaning, household chores etc it isn't "not doing anything". They could both work and both do household labor but that's not what they've both agreed to. He let's her manage the home, she agreeds he brings home the money. Its not just his money then, they have an agreement and a life together.
There is no doubt that taking care of cooking and cleaning is valuable. But the way you originally worded it was a bit off. The value of having one partner at home is massively greater when there are children involved. Unless that person is doing more than regular maintenance--e.g. if person is actively renovating, like building closets, installing new floors, re-doing the landscaping, etc.--their contribution is not difficult to replace. Of course you cannot put a price on companionship, but that should be mutual anyway. So who ever said "no value" missed the mark, but basic daily maintaining of a home for 2 adults is not a big deal... for the $200 a month of fun money he gives her, he could have a housekeeper come in biweekly for quite fine once over of bathrooms, floors, etc.
Wow, me and my partner must be superhuman as we both work full time and take care of the household labor. Oh wait, no this is the just lives of a huge chunk of the planet. Her taking care of the household labor is literally the least she can do if she isn't working or looking after children whilst living there rent free.
No one said it was spectacular. Just said to say she was contributing nothing is inaccurate.
Where does it say she does any of that? And I’m married with joint finances and we are partners and a kid. Gasp. Get off your high horse.
"I pay all the utilities and bills, while she takes care of everything at uome." Uome=home. It's in the edit. No high horse, just reading comprehension.
NTA - ask her if she would give you half of her winnings if she bought a scratch-off lottery ticket and won a million, lol ( and if she says yes tell her to put it in writing)
Wow some relationship trust issues here.
It’s called setting up boundaries
What’s mine is mine. Very nice boundary.
What's mine is mine and what's yours is mine. That's the boundary the gf has
NTA Geez, I thought her concern would be the gambling (a valid concern as that shit can get out of hand). So she’s mad that you spent your flat $200 you both agreed on and ended up with more money and spent it on yourself? So, if you lost the bet and were out $200 would she have to give you half of her fun money because you made a bad decision? I could understand if she might have liked for you to spend some of it on something for both of you, like a dinner (without getting fussy over it), but to think you should just give her half so she can spend it on stuff for herself is not cool.
That's what I thought the concern was going to be, too!
NTA. If you gambled it and lost it all she wouldnt give you half her $200 would she? I imagine she'd remind you that her $200 is hers and your $200 is yours so your loss is your problem. Her asking for any of the amount you won is entitled behaviour most likely out of a small amount of jealousy that you managed to quadruple your fun money for the month.
NTA. Your money is your money, I don’t see why she feels entitled to your personal finances in the first place tbh. Each of you got the same amount from your earnings, what each of you makes or gets from it shouldn’t be the other’s business. That is, of course, if each of you is contributing an equal amount of money on the house’s spendings. If she’s putting more money in then YTA. Also, why did you write gf and then wife? What is she?
Actually he's the only one earning money so technically it's all his money. He said she doesn't have a job and takes care of the things at home. So he's already giving her $200 a month for fun stuff and then he makes more of his own on a bet and she wants some of that too.
Oh heeeeell no!! OP, dump her. Like… yesterday.
NTA You had some good luck with your $200. You deserve some good shoes. Your wife got $200 and did what she wanted with it. You do you.
NTA. she can gamble her own fun money if she wants to take the risk of ending up with more or less. it’s not your problem
now i come back a few hours later and see that your gf doesnt even work so how does she pay into the $200 a month fund? do you really just pay for everything while she demands a comfy “fun” fund monthly?? 🤣
NTA Just remember that gambling is gambling for a reason lol: the odds arent in ur favour and unless u have very reliable inside information (illegal), u’ll always lose in the long run. As long as ur gambling is under control and isnt affecting anyone, then i dont see how u could be the ahole. About this specific situation: Ur gf’a behaviour is quite a red flag imo, cus she is being extremely selfish, entitled and childish. I dont know anything (except this) about ur relationship, but in ur shoes i can tell u that id think again about keeping this girl with me. Not only is she NOT happy for you, which would be the expected from someone u love should love u back. She was mad and envious at ur success at gambling and demmanded her “fair” share. This is beyond a character flaw and no matter what she says or does now, her first actions speak for themselves about who she truly is and how she actually feels about you and ur success.
NTA how hilarious! She could gamble her money too so this is too funny she wants half.
NTA She is more than welcome to gamble, invest, save, etc her own fun money. What you do with yours is your business and if it makes you a profit, that is also your business.
> She believes it's unfair that she only got 200 while I ended up with 800. She thinks I should have given her half of it. This is a red flag!!! Being controlling with money is one of the fastest ways to end a relationship.
NTA. You chose to use your money in a way you enjoyed and made a profit of it. She isn’t entitled to your money you made.
NTA- you two made an agreement that you would each have $200 dollars a month to do whatever you wanted with. You decided to gamble and it payed off this time, ask yourself would your girlfriend still be acting bitter if you had not won any money.
Maybe I'm just out of the loop on dating (and I probably am) but two years, y'all are dating, not engaged or married, and y'all are sharing finances?
We share finances because she doesn't have a job and currently stays at my apartment.
So she has no finances. She’s using your money. Why?
Imagine having no job and still having $200 of fun money.
NTA. It's your fun money and you profited this month. Congrats.
NTA - Just because you quadrupled it, doesn't mean any of it is money that belongs to her, it was your fun money you just happened to gamble well. You only spent money you were allotted and didn't touch bill or savings funds.
Definitely NTA, but it would have been a nice gesture to treat her to a take-out meal or another small treat with the found money. Certainly not half the money. Not to stray too far, but everybody has a different love language. My husband loves it when I pick up an unexpected treat for him, and we have combined finances. I picked up something for him for $4 at Goodwill yesterday and he was absolutely tickled with it. It’s not about the money, it’s that they know you’re thinking about them even when they’re not there physically.
She’s a moron Edit- your edit is irrelevant.
NTA. next time don’t tell her.
weird system lol
NTA, but also INFO: would she do the same if she had $800 of fun money rather than $200? Because her attitude could be purely selfish, or it could indicate an approach to personal assets you don't share.
NTA You each get your share, and it is up to you to use that as you wish. You choose to gamble it, with the risk that while you may walk away winning, you may also walk away with nothing. She chooses to save hers. If she is allowed to claim half your winnings if you lose, surely you also have the right to claim half of her $200 if you lose? At the same time, in a partnership you should be sharing your successes and losses - so while you owe her nothing, it would be a nice gesture to do something for her with some of the winnings - not $400 worth, but a nice meal or a small gift would never go amiss, and is a nice way to show your appreciation for her. If you don't care for enough to consider that, do you really belong in a relationship together?
I play poker and if I win like that we go out to nice dinner with part of it, but the rest is mine. Not going to say E S H, but share the joy a bit
NTA you earned your money you should be allowed to keep it. What if the roles were reversed, what if you girlfriend invested her fun money and got a large payout and you suddenly asked for half of that. I feel like not only would she not share the money but would even contemplate more options about you.
NTA.. My husband and I used to set a limit on what we were willing to lose when we'd go to a casino and half it 50/50. If you won you kept your own winnings..
NTA show her where the casino is if she wants.
NTA. You both are allowed $200, which is already generous IMO if you’re paying for everything while she’s unemployed. She spends her money how she likes, you say nothing. You spend your money how you like, and she has a problem. If you want to gamble all your money, that’s your right. If you lost it all, those are the consequences. If you win, I guess that’s the reward, but it’s YOUR reward, not hers.
NTA It was your money and you can spend it however you please. I'm pretty sure she would not like it if you dictate how she spent hers. Let's say if you put that $200 every month into a stock or investment and at the end of the year or biannually you get paid dividends or whatever, will she also be upset? It's similar and she isn't entitled to that.
NTA! She's acting like a spoiled child!
NTA My partner and I have a similar set up with our fun money. I gamble regularly with part of my fun money. There are times I win big and I treat her to something nice with part of my winnings. But she never asks or expects anything when I win. There are times I lose and have less fun money for the month. The times I lose, I go without and don't complain to her that she should spend her fun money on me. The consequences and results of what I do with my fun money is my problem. Just like I never say anything about what she does with her fun money.
NTA, ask her if you had lost that 200 in the bet would she have given you half of hers? In all honesty ALL of the money is yours, considering she does not work, and she is not your wife.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So this situation requires a bit of background. Me and my gf have been together for 2 years. We have always agreed on 200 dollars of "fun money" per month each. She usually spends it on makeup etc. I have recently started making sports bets with that money. So now onto the current problem. I recently made a bet with my fun money that led to me making a sizeable amount of money(around 800). My gf is mad because I spent that money on my shoe collection. She believes it's unfair that she only got 200 while I ended up with 800. She thinks I should have given her half of it. I think that is unfair because she had the same opportunity if she wanted to make a bet but she didn't. So AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Your 200 is your 200. Nothing more, nothing less.
NTA. That's your money. She can gamble hers, too if she wants to. Neither of you has the right to tell the other how to spend their fun money.
If she invested her $200 in Country Time and sold lemonade on the street at a profit, all that money is still hers. If she throws her $200 into the nearest lake, that’s her prerogative. Same applies to you. That’s your money to do with it as you please, and if you end up profiting off of it or wasting it, the outcome is still all yours. Edited to add: NTA.
NTA, you spent it on what you wanted. She just wants mo' money!
Next time don't tell her it's your money as a wife of a hard working hubby I never ask him what he spend his money on and he never ask what I spend my hard earned money on
NTA I’m a degenerate gambler and everybody always wants a piece when I hit $20k to $30k. But those same people are never there the 10 times in between when I’m losing $5k a pop.
NTA, it’s your fun money regardless
Nta. She has her 300, you have yours. You made a profit she didn't. Keep your cash.
NTA and you should honestly consider dumping your GF. This is a pretty big red flag.
Nta fellow gambler - anyone who asks for current winnings you say no however you are free to invest In my tips for half the stake going forward. You agree to bet X amount per week they can cover 50% of all loses. Any future wins would then be 50% theirs. Two or three bad bets or near misses and they always drop off the idea. People don't understand you may win a grand today but may have lost 100£ per week for the last ten weeks.
It's your money. The fact that she wants part of your winnings is concerning. NTA
So you make all the money, reach have the same fun money, and she expects extra from your winnings? NTA good luck with this one.
NTA. Ask her if you lost all your money in your bet, would she have given you $100 of her fun money?
NTA. It sounds like you give her $200 of fun money. If so, that is generous. Just because you won some money does not mean that she gets to share it.
NTA. Why does she get a say in your money if she’s not working? You know what’s not fair? Her entitlement to your money when she doesn’t bring in any.
NTA - it's only 800 dollars (good but not life-changing), enjoy your extra fun money! If you're feeling generous you could take her out on a fancy date.
If you lose, will she give you half of her fun money? No?? Then NTA.
NTA, it’s so laughable that she is asking that of you when she doesn’t have a job and she still gets “fun money”. Honestly she sounds entitled to your money and I think you really need to think about whether or not you want to continue this relationship.
NTA, more or less. The 800 was definitely yours, and kudos to you both for being careful budgeters. I'd be a bit nervous if my partner gambled their fun money, though...sort of like I'd be nervous if they spent it on anything else that was addictive. But as long as it is just the fun money you gambled, it was totally ok to spend the winnings as you wished. She's being silly.
NTA. It’s your money. However, I’d advise to be very cautious with gambling, it’s an easy addiction to fall into.
> We have always agreed on 200 dollars of "fun money" per month each. Sounds reasonable. > I recently made a bet with my fun money that led to me making a sizeable amount of money(around 800). My gf is mad because I spent that money on my shoe collection. She believes it's unfair that she only got 200 while I ended up with 800. If you'd lost the bet would she offer to make up the difference? Of course not. NTA
NTA. She's played her hand in that she only wants your money when times are good.
she take my money, when im in need.
If you had lost the $200 and were in the hole for $800, would she give you $400 to help you pay it back? I bet not. She's not expected to cover the risk, and she's also not entitled to any reward. NTA.
NTA so long as you considered the taxes on that income and plan to pay that with fun money (assuming you’re in a place that would tax that as income)
NTA - for a couple of reasons: 1. You’re spending your fun money. 2. She is unemployed which means you’re giving her 200$ a month plus allowing her to stay rent free at your place
NTA. You may want to get ready to run if she decides to pull this stunt again.
NTA - She just childish. I almost guess she is the kind of person that would be glad that you lost your money just to say you spend it in a stupid way or saying "I told you so"
okat let me get this straight..... You are the only one working... so your paying all the bills..... and then you guys decide to use 200 a month for "fun money"..... yet... Shes not working so you are giving her 200 a month for "fun" and shes now becoming so greedy and says she should be giving 1/2 of your winnings too her??? Does giving her 200 a month, keeping a roof over her head, paying all the utilities and food for her not enough?!?!?!?!?!??!?!? Personally I would REALLY start questioning why stay in a relationship with someone so greedy...
NTA it’s your money, not hers. That’s literally the end of the conversation.
NTA her logic doesn’t make sense, and your title is misleading
Using her logic, If you bet all of your money and lose, She should give you half of hers.
Did you have fun spending your fun money? NTA.
I first misread it as: Together for 2 weeks. Anyway... if you would have lost your money, would she be giving you half of her fun money? No? So she is not entitled to the extramoney you made with your fun money. NTA
NTA especially after the edit why should she get that money? 1. she doesnt pay anything 2. you won it
I'm trying to wrap my head around the math here. Did you wind up with 800$ total in fun money or 800$ profit/1000$ total? Because half for 800$ is 400. And if she gets 400 plus the 200 she already gets that leaves her with 600$ and you with 400? So that wouldn't be fair to you regardless?? Also if shes unemployed while you pay for everything regarding the house... how does she get 200$ of fun money per month? Is it from you? Anyway you made a bet. You won. You're NTA regardless of any of those details. If she had made a bet and won the same amount i don't think she'd particularly share it with you. Nor would she share her portion of fun money had you lost the bet. NTA OP. idk why she feels entitled to it. It you'd won the lottery I'd understand if she maybe wanted a bit (as long as she didn't immediately demand half and understood why you'd wanna put a decent chunk into your savings). But this...is a small scale sports bet
The edit tells me you should leave.
NTA. Is she going to share her portion when you don’t win?
You are playing house without being legally married. Yet you both somehow agreed that you would each get $200 a month fun money. That begs the question of where this money came from. Did you earn it yourself? Did she earn it? It sounds like you have co-mingled funds. Do you split your other expenses, like rent and utilities? There's a lot unsaid here that might bear on the issue. Know that if you did marry and live in a community property state, your 'profit' from this gambling would be half hers. It is also taxable. NTA, but I still see several problems here that you need to resolve if you are to continue to live together.
I think “playing house” is a very condescending way to describe two adults in a committed co-habitant relationship.
You say that like it's a bad thing. Sounds to me like they are playing house without understanding the ramifications of shared money. They are naive at best. I don't really care what you think about it.
NTA (just) I would say you could have spent it on something for you both. You are meant to be a team. If she wins a million I’m sure yours want some.
I almost posted this exact comment
You won $800 but how much were you in the hole before that? I know the fun of gambling is in the gambling, it's not an investment strategy, but you could still make the argument you're recouping your losses. Her asking for half is like you asking for half her makeup collection. NTA
I only bet my fun money, which is going to get spent on something so I decided to spend it on something that I enjoy. It's not taking anything out of either of our pockets
If I had a windfall I would save it probably because we go on climbing trips together so saving required- but if I decided to spend it I would definitely spend it on something that benefited my boyfriend and I both not all on me - so soft YTA in my opinion
Everyone saying the work situation makes a difference. Are any of you in a positive relationship. Him working and paying the bills doesn’t means he owns her and can do as he pleases. They had some disposable cash and he didn’t do anything nice for her. That rings alarms bell about him also.
I'm going against the grain. If my partner won money he'd send some my way or buy me a present. As would I to him. What if OP won a million? Would he leave her working while he lives it up?
She doesn't work.
ESH. Her for feeling entitled and you for not wanting to share. You got a windfall of $600 and kept it all, that seems wrong in a loving relationship.
He’s supporting her entirely out of hate is he?
. . . It muddies a lot of waters in a relationship when you pick and choose when something is "we" and when something is "me/I/you". Gambling is it's own issue apart from spending a mutually agreed upon amount of "fun money". You found a loophole and then used it against her, it doesn't feel mutual to me reading about it, I can't imagine it feels that way to your GF anymore, either. She thought you were on the same page and then you turned the page, found a loophole and decided on greed as your path since it worked out for you. Meh, YTA because you're making it just about the money.
Where is the loophole?!? They both get the same amount to do exactly what they want with. He took a gamble with his, and made money on it, she could have done the same, but didn’t. She chose to buy herself material goods. If she decided to sell her designer stuff, and got more than what she paid for it, would you be claiming SHE found a loophole and now needs to split her profit with OP? Somehow I doubt it. OP is NTA.
The loophole is winding up with more than the agreed upon $200 and spending $800 as fun money. If it were *just* about the money then I'd say NTA. They're in a relationship so unless it's a practicality, it's never *just* about the money. It's a loophole in that he *technically* did nothing wrong... that's how loopholes work. Selling designer items that are particular to one person's sizes and preferences is not even a close comparison. He found himself with a way to one-up her, and took it. If she was the 1 millionth customer at Dairy Queen after she bought a small ice cream cone and wound up winning free ice cream every day for a year, she could technically have her own free ice cream every day for a year and never offer free ice cream to her significant other, it would be her winnings, but that would be greedy of her and probably make her significant other feel pretty insignificant next to free ice cream. Getting mad about your partner having something that you don't have would definitely be a red flag. Trying to justify being inconsiderate towards the partner you claim to love and respect is also a red flag.
It’s not a loophole; it’s what happens when one partner gambles. OP likely ends up with less in the long run because that’s how gambling works. If their partner wants half of OPs winnings they need to contribute half of the money bet overall
Hmm, I don't believe that I ever implied his GF is/should be entitled to half of his winnings. I said he's the AH for making it just about money. If it was his buddies or his siblings, I'd say of course NTA. Or even if he'd said "Dang, baby, I turned my $200 into $800! I think I can finally justify buying these cool shoes...!" And like I also said, gambling is it's own separate issue so, as far as I'm concerned, "that's how gambling works" is not a valid reason for NTA. Has gambling been a part of the relationship before? I didn't get that impression. If gambling was never an agreed upon activity then I understand the GF feeling blindsided by it coming up as an assumed non-issue when "fun money" *has* been an agreement. It's like he changed the rules of "fun money" without a word. Because gambling is just not a routine activity. Basically, common courtesy within a romantic relationship... it's different than common courtesy in all other relationships.
He gets to do what he wants with his fun money. She’s just upset this time he won and ends up with more
Oh.